picking up this waitress

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every time i come here she beams at me, even when she's not serving me! other people have pointed this out to me as well -- i used to maintain she was just being friendly, but now i don't know. anyway, can this even be done? am i fool for contemplating it? doesn't the fact that she's in the service industry complicate the flirting radar by like a gillion? am i drunk right now? i think i am. should i order more wine? i have to bike home! why do i feel like scott seward? i love that guy!

― mark p (Mark P), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 03:11 (twenty years ago)

i regret this thread already. do your worst, ilx.

― mark p (Mark P), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 03:11 (twenty years ago)

ilx.craigslist.org folks!

― Open your eyes; you can fly! (ex machina), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 03:12 (twenty years ago)

POT KETTLE BLACK

― mark p (Mark P), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 03:13 (twenty years ago)

Waitresses are easy. Go for it.

― milozauckerman (miloaukerman), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 03:19 (twenty years ago)

they know what boys like

― shine headlights on me (electricsound), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 03:22 (twenty years ago)

Where are you? I'll be there in ten minutes and I'll help you out.

― MindInRewind (Barry Bruner), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 03:25 (twenty years ago)

order a hot lunch and wink at her.

― Manny, Wednesday, 27 April 2005 03:26 (twenty years ago)

eww

― shine headlights on me (electricsound), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 03:27 (twenty years ago)

you never go home with the help

― hstencil (hstencil), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 03:27 (twenty years ago)

what is a 'hot lunch'?

― mark p (Mark P), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 03:28 (twenty years ago)

doesn't the fact that she's in the service industry complicate the flirting radar by like a gillion?

This is the key point. Therefore, all advice we might give you on the subject is nearly worthless.

― MindInRewind (Barry Bruner), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 03:29 (twenty years ago)

my life is complicated.

― mark p (Mark P), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 03:31 (twenty years ago)

She's not waiting on you, so no problems there. Waitresses only work the fake flirting when it has a direct economic benefit.

Hit it, man!

― milozauckerman (miloaukerman), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 03:33 (twenty years ago)

do it

― 57 7th (calstars), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 03:34 (twenty years ago)

hey, let me take the ferry and i will help.... hang on

― Open your eyes; you can fly! (ex machina), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 03:35 (twenty years ago)

what is a 'hot lunch'?

it's worse than a hot karl

― shine headlights on me (electricsound), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 03:35 (twenty years ago)

you sound like LTCM

(lonely toronto comma man)

― cutty (mcutt), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 03:36 (twenty years ago)

not a waitress but i think the girl in the looks-like-a-first-date couple across from me and phil two at chai in williamsburg (thanks for dinner phil! soooo good!) was peepin' me the whole time. her date looked like another richie hawtin dweeb, so no wonder. i ain't no spring chicken but i got HAIR and i'm not afraid of showing my BABY BLUE EYES instead of keeping them locked behind nerdburgular glasses.

― hstencil (hstencil), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 03:36 (twenty years ago)

cutty]]]]]]]dont

― mark p (Mark P), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 03:37 (twenty years ago)

,,,oh my god joel,,, did you really just type that,,,???!!

― cutty (mcutt), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 03:37 (twenty years ago)

what? like you think richie hawtin dweebs are cool?

― hstencil (hstencil), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 03:37 (twenty years ago)

i regret this thread already.

― mark p (Mark P), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 03:38 (twenty years ago)

instead of keeping them locked behind nerdburgular glasses.

Hey!

― Trayce (trayce), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 03:38 (twenty years ago)

no the second part!

xxpost

― cutty (mcutt), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 03:38 (twenty years ago)

dinner was on phil since i helped him move today. wtf is wrong with that?

xpost - je ne regrette rien

― hstencil (hstencil), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 03:38 (twenty years ago)

what, dude? people compliment me on my hair and my eyes all the time. i admit my eyes aren't as bambi-ish as yours, but whatevs.

not all glasses are nerdy, but the richie hawtin model has got to go. SORRY KENAN.

― hstencil (hstencil), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 03:39 (twenty years ago)

i just ordered morr booooze.

― mark p (Mark P), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 03:39 (twenty years ago)

put em on the glass jorel

― shit think, shit think, shit quick (deangulberry), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 03:40 (twenty years ago)

come on meatloaf, let's see some tit

― shit think, shit think, shit quick (deangulberry), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 03:40 (twenty years ago)

http://www.bremertonrockyhorror.com/images/rh_meatloaf.jpg

― Open your eyes; you can fly! (ex machina), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 03:40 (twenty years ago)

no, i don't hang out at the same gay bars as you, deaner.

― hstencil (hstencil), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 03:41 (twenty years ago)

really awesome for a guy who used to write about PROFESSIONAL WRESTLING and who has never posted a picture of himself to bag on my appearance. good one, MAN WHO LIKES MEN IN TIGHTS.

― hstencil (hstencil), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 03:42 (twenty years ago)

(i like wrasslin' too)

― hstencil (hstencil), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 03:42 (twenty years ago)

XPOST!!! (xpost)

― Open your eyes; you can fly! (ex machina), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 03:42 (twenty years ago)

oh, just show it already

― shit think, shit think, shit quick (deangulberry), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 03:44 (twenty years ago)

so you are gay? what are you doing on this str8 thread?

― hstencil (hstencil), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 03:45 (twenty years ago)

give up the mams yo

― shit think, shit think, shit quick (deangulberry), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 03:45 (twenty years ago)

http://www.svcn.com/archives/wgresident/02.11.98/Wrestling1.GIF http://www.svcn.com/archives/wgresident/02.11.98/Wrestling1.GIF http://www.svcn.com/archives/wgresident/02.11.98/Wrestling1.GIF

― cutty (mcutt), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 03:46 (twenty years ago)

only for the hos, not the bros.

― hstencil (hstencil), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 03:46 (twenty years ago)

Okay this is usually a totally bad idea, BUT on the off chance that you are not one of the millions of people who mistake normal friendliness for flirtiness (this is not meant as an insult, really) my advice is to invite her to something that's totally innocent enough (a friend's art show or band or movie screening or your own if you are lucky enough or whatever) like you were just asking anyone just cuz you thought it would be a cool thing to get the word out and have people who seem cool show up. If she actually does shows up then you can treat the situation like you would any other cool person you just met at an event thing (without the creepy picking up on you at work vibe) with the added bonus of knowing that she thought enough of your advice to come to the thing in the first place.

― Alex in SF (Alex in SF), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 03:46 (twenty years ago)

no-one can save us but kim the waitress

― shine headlights on me (electricsound), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 03:46 (twenty years ago)

come on man let's see that HAIR i've heard so much about

― rogers broseph (deangulberry), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 03:47 (twenty years ago)

someone just imed me this:

i think you win
dean must be the mexican elephant man

― hstencil (hstencil), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 03:47 (twenty years ago)

(jon)

― cutty (mcutt), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 03:48 (twenty years ago)

someone just imed me this:

surely writing one article for the wwf when you're 18
is not the same as watching wwf every week when you're 32
and hair? who brags about having hair? seriously

― rogers broseph (deangulberry), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 03:49 (twenty years ago)

Joel has pretty nice LOX. xpost

― Open your eyes; you can fly! (ex machina), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 03:49 (twenty years ago)

who brags about having hair?

robert plant, apparently

― shine headlights on me (electricsound), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 03:49 (twenty years ago)

Dean, you seem to put a lot of stock in hair judging from your criticisms of me!

― Open your eyes; you can fly! (ex machina), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 03:50 (twenty years ago)

this thread is no longer about me and the hot waitress. it's about wrestling, and hair, and noizefights. i am totally okay with this turn of events.

― mark p (Mark P), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 03:50 (twenty years ago)

dean learn to count i am 29. and i don't watch it every week, just every once in a while SO I CAN CHAT WITH YOU ABOUT IT. and having hair at any age is better than being a bald-ass bitch.

― hstencil (hstencil), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 03:50 (twenty years ago)

what's the matter anyway dean? why you so grumpy? your hair fall out and your girl dump ya or somethin'?

― hstencil (hstencil), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 03:51 (twenty years ago)

oh, we're not on the noize board?

― cutty (mcutt), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 03:52 (twenty years ago)

whoops!

― hstencil (hstencil), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 03:53 (twenty years ago)

i think its time to go home.

― mark p (Mark P), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 03:55 (twenty years ago)

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=hot+lunch&r=f

1. hot lunch
the act of shitting in clingfilm stretched over someones open mouth then fucking the mouth and at the point of ejaculation bursting through the clingfilm giving the recipiant a mouthful of shit and spunk

got any food wrap dear ?i fancy giving a hot lunch
Source: sideshow bob, May 13, 2004

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2. hot lunch

to shit in a brown paper bag and then slap it across your partner's face

pack it. send it.
ooooo i'm gonna hot lunch you so hard when i get home!
Source: marvy, Mar 21, 2004

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3. hot lunch
taking a super massive dump in someones waiting and eager mouth

My friend joey was clammering for a steamy hot lunch courtesy of our friend chris.
Source: Johnny_TeaBags, Apr 4, 2005

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Funniest t-shirts on the web. Great specials.

4. hot lunch
to deficate in another persons (ie. partner) mouth.
"Sandy and Fred like to experiment on each other by giving each other large steamy hot lunches"
Source: Joe King, Mar 5, 2004

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5. hot lunch
When a hot and bothered male pinches a loaf off into the gaping mouth of his degraded female counterpart. This is normaly washed down with a few worm shots of the males "duck butter"
hot lunch
Source: Radi, Jun 18, 2004

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6. Hot Lunch
The act of placing cellophane over your partner's mouth, then deficating on the celophane. Your partner then takes your feces into his/her mouth and tongues it through the celophane.
Source: anonymous, Feb 3, 2003

― kingfish maximum overdrunk (Kingfish), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 03:56 (twenty years ago)

...

― mark p (Mark P), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 03:57 (twenty years ago)

nononono those are all cleveland steamers. or is that a wrasslin' move? dean?

― hstencil (hstencil), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 03:57 (twenty years ago)

"duck butter"?

― Allyzay do not obtain to make download of yours MP3 (allyzay), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 03:59 (twenty years ago)

no no no. a cleveland steamer is to shit upon the chest of your partner. hot lunch goes directly into the mouf, it seems. or cling-wrap.

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=cleveland+steamer&r=f

― kingfish maximum overdrunk (Kingfish), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 03:59 (twenty years ago)

check, please.

― cutty (mcutt), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 03:59 (twenty years ago)

thanks for the, uh, clarification.

xpost - roffles!

― hstencil (hstencil), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:00 (twenty years ago)

― j blount (papa la bas), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:00 (twenty years ago)

"...uh, change my order to the soup!"

"good idea."

― kingfish maximum overdrunk (Kingfish), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:00 (twenty years ago)

http://www.nexi.com/catbear/fb3/images/Check%20Please!%20-%20I0302532.jpg

― cutty (mcutt), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:01 (twenty years ago)

isn't the clingwrap one a 'packed lunch'?

― shine headlights on me (electricsound), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:01 (twenty years ago)

i know i said "do your worst" but christ guys.

― mark p (Mark P), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:01 (twenty years ago)

i "picked up" a waitress once. you just have to start some inoccuous smiley conversion, introduce yourself AND THEN DO NOTHING ELSE. then, maybe the next time, you can be like 'oh hello again, listen...'

it ended badly, but that was months down the line. fuckin waitresses.

― g e o f f (gcannon), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:01 (twenty years ago)

oh wow theres actually an entry for this

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=duck+butter&r=f

― kingfish maximum overdrunk (Kingfish), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:01 (twenty years ago)

geoff, i'd say do nothing else 2 times. then on the third time...

― cutty (mcutt), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:02 (twenty years ago)

mark buy the restaurant and tell her if she doesn't sleep with you you'll fire her. foolproof.

― j blount (papa la bas), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:02 (twenty years ago)

mark, tell her about this message board you've posted about her and then show her this funny thread!

she'll love it!

― cutty (mcutt), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:03 (twenty years ago)

see i knew i'd done it wrong.

um xpost

― g e o f f (gcannon), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:03 (twenty years ago)

i hate you all with a drunklike intensity.

― mark p (Mark P), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:03 (twenty years ago)

blount has the right idea

also serve good grilled cheese sammiches

coz no place serves em good anymore

― kingfish maximum overdrunk (Kingfish), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:03 (twenty years ago)

"haha hey nice to see you again seriously! totally busy in here i know. ok listen i totally AM NOT going to shit in your mouth. i'll have a reuben."

― g e o f f (gcannon), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:04 (twenty years ago)

i've gone custosoid sorry

― g e o f f (gcannon), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:04 (twenty years ago)

hahahaha oh my god

― shine headlights on me (electricsound), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:05 (twenty years ago)

SHIT I WAS BEING HELPFUL (before). and it's all true.

― g e o f f (gcannon), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:06 (twenty years ago)

mark, tell her about this message board you've posted about her and then show her this funny thread!
she'll love it!

-- cutty

worked for ian johnsoning!

― hstencil (hstencil), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:08 (twenty years ago)

― mark p (Mark P), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:09 (twenty years ago)

i doubt this waitress would find the humor in this thread in any way amusing. if she did, mark would have to marry her.

― cutty (mcutt), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:09 (twenty years ago)

yes, i'd have to.

― mark p (Mark P), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:10 (twenty years ago)

yeah that would be like the raddest girl ever. but:

girls = far away from this thread

― hstencil (hstencil), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:10 (twenty years ago)

ask her if ebaumsworld or collegehumor.com is more her speed...

― kingfish maximum overdrunk (Kingfish), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:10 (twenty years ago)

blurgh "internet humor sites"

― hstencil (hstencil), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:11 (twenty years ago)

i am single, not retarded

― mark p (Mark P), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:12 (twenty years ago)

or if she's the type to go for something like jaypinkerton.com...

― kingfish maximum overdrunk (Kingfish), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:12 (twenty years ago)

there's a personal ad right there! xpost

― shine headlights on me (electricsound), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:12 (twenty years ago)

kingfish, she's hot. so.... no.

― mark p (Mark P), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:13 (twenty years ago)

"would you like another drink--hey, what are you laughing at on that computer?"

― cutty (mcutt), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:13 (twenty years ago)

kingfish, she's hot. so.... no.

right then. hot lunch it is.

― kingfish maximum overdrunk (Kingfish), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:14 (twenty years ago)

hot pockets?

― hstencil (hstencil), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:15 (twenty years ago)

i don't think i have ever felt worse about myself. clearly i should order another drink?

― mark p (Mark P), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:15 (twenty years ago)

somehow i seriously doubt a waitress would be impressed by a dude on a laptop at her restaurant. HANG OUT AT ONE STARBUCKS, HAWTIN.

― hstencil (hstencil), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:16 (twenty years ago)

do you have to drive?

― kingfish maximum overdrunk (Kingfish), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:16 (twenty years ago)

collegehumor.com is run by douchebags from my fucking doucheaversity

― Open your eyes; you can fly! (ex machina), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:17 (twenty years ago)

oh wait no. you can bike.

drink up then, homie

― kingfish maximum overdrunk (Kingfish), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:17 (twenty years ago)

this thread rocks

― gem (trisk), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:17 (twenty years ago)

mark i think yr doin fine. noizboiz ain't pick up shit.

― g e o f f (gcannon), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:18 (twenty years ago)

http://www.hawking.org.uk/about/images/swh.jpg

MAY I HAVE THE TUNA MELT?

― hstencil (hstencil), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:18 (twenty years ago)

GIRLS ARE NOT FAR AWAY FROM THIS THREAD, JOEL

I WOULD LIKE TO THINK THAT I AM MORE HO THAN BRO, DUDER.

― Allyzay do not obtain to make download of yours MP3 (allyzay), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:18 (twenty years ago)

put your ~~duck butter~~phone number on the check, stupid!!!

― Dave M. (rotten03), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:18 (twenty years ago)

HAWKING vs. HAWTIN - at least steven's got an excuse!

xpost you are spoken

― hstencil (hstencil), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:19 (twenty years ago)

(obviously i don't have an excuse)

― hstencil (hstencil), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:19 (twenty years ago)

hawking looks kinda bashful there

― j blount (papa la bas), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:20 (twenty years ago)

the bashful approach never works

― hstencil (hstencil), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:21 (twenty years ago)

he's vicious, don't be fooled

― Dave M. (rotten03), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:21 (twenty years ago)

he looks kinda sunburned there, too. out in the garden too long?

― hstencil (hstencil), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:21 (twenty years ago)

true fact: stephen hawking was on the computer when he met his future wife

― mark p (Mark P), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:22 (twenty years ago)

he's ALWAYS ON THE COMPUTER.

― cutty (mcutt), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:22 (twenty years ago)

his head's kinda off, too

they musta not put him all back together again right the last time his assistant pushed him down the stairs for being "mouthy"

― kingfish maximum overdrunk (Kingfish), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:22 (twenty years ago)

i wish i'd have thought of that when i made that joke.

― mark p (Mark P), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:23 (twenty years ago)

fuck all that noize look at that HAIR and those EYES

*SWOON*

― rogers broseph (deangulberry), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:24 (twenty years ago)

(xpost)

― mark p (Mark P), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:24 (twenty years ago)

Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto,
Mata ah-oo hima de
Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto,
Himitsu wo shiri tai

You're wondering who I am-machine or mannequin
With parts made in Japan, I am the mod-ren man

I've got a secret I've been hiding under my skin
My heart is human, my blood is boiling, my brain I.B.M.
So if you see me acting strangely, don't be surprised
I'm just a man who needed someone, and somewhere to hide
To keep me alive-just keep me alive
Somewhere to hide to keep me alive

I'm not a robot without emotions-I'm not what you see
I've come to help you with your problems, so we can be free
I'm not a hero, I'm not a saviour, forget what you know
I'm just a man whose circumstances went beyond his control
Beyond my control-we all need control
I need control-we all need control

I am the modren man, who hides behind a mask
So no one else can see my true identity

Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto, domo...domo
Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto, domo...domo
Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto, domo...domo
Thank you very much, Mr. Roboto
For doing the jobs that nobody wants to
And thank you very much, Mr. Roboto
For helping me escape just when I needed to
Thank you-thank you, thank you
I want to thank you, please, thank you

The problem's plain to see: too much technology
Machines to save our lives. Machines dehumanize.

The time has come at last
To throw away this mask
So everyone can see
My true identity...
I'm Kilroy! Kilroy! Kilroy! Kilroy!

http://www.jeffbots.com/styxkilroy.jpg

this web site needs to be more extensive: http://www.jeffbots.com/musicbots.html

― hstencil (hstencil), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:25 (twenty years ago)

picking up this waitress (115 new answers)

― kingfish maximum overdrunk (Kingfish), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:25 (twenty years ago)

dean, moveon.org buddy

― hstencil (hstencil), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:25 (twenty years ago)

okay wait i think she's flirting here. game on!

― mark p (Mark P), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:26 (twenty years ago)

how to pick up girls, for real, a primer:

1) act v. polite for approximately 1hr 45min
2) then get incredibly, incredibly drunk and start telling "jokes" that make no sense and have no punchline
3) sit on girl's lap, uninvited. when someone insists on taking a picture--and they will--suddenly slur "KISS ME!" and plant one on her (closed lips). Confusion tactics are your best offence
4) then grab all of your empty glasses and throw them on the floor, breaking them
5) grab girl's tits, blatantly and out of the blue. Like tune in tokyo/honk honk style
6) vomit in the vicinity of Jams Murphy and be hurled forcefully into a cab

if she's anything like me, she'll find this intriguing and eventually will agree to MARRY you. if she doesn't, well she's a fucking cunt and you shouldn't even bother. JUST TRUST ME OK?

― Allyzay do not obtain to make download of yours MP3 (allyzay), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:26 (twenty years ago)

we're all coming to your wedding.

― g e o f f (gcannon), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:26 (twenty years ago)

set up one webcam

xpost

― MindInRewind (Barry Bruner), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:26 (twenty years ago)

i started with five, is that okay? i like to mix it up.

― mark p (Mark P), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:27 (twenty years ago)

roffles, allyzay

― hstencil (hstencil), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:27 (twenty years ago)

xpost, not yours

― g e o f f (gcannon), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:27 (twenty years ago)

http://www.cutty.org/swh.jpg

― cutty (mcutt), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:29 (twenty years ago)

mixing it up is ok as long as you eventually get to step 6, yanc3y likes vomit!

― Allyzay do not obtain to make download of yours MP3 (allyzay), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:29 (twenty years ago)

i ordered more wine. different waitress. that makes seven glasses of wine. the ride home will be something.

― mark p (Mark P), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:29 (twenty years ago)

http://www.hawking.org.uk/about/images/swh.jpg http://www.jeffbots.com/styxkilroy.jpg http://www.ibiza-voice.com/djs/images/Richie%20Hawtin.jpg

― hstencil (hstencil), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:30 (twenty years ago)

do you at least have her NAME?

― kingfish maximum overdrunk (Kingfish), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:30 (twenty years ago)

boyz and their toyz and their noize

― hstencil (hstencil), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:31 (twenty years ago)

pickle bored up this waitress

― hstencil (hstencil), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:31 (twenty years ago)

i do not.

― mark p (Mark P), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:31 (twenty years ago)

but waffle house waitresses are supposed to have nametags!

― hstencil (hstencil), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:32 (twenty years ago)

easy way to pick up waffle house waitress: play the theme song on the jukebox. they love that. also, no tipping.

― hstencil (hstencil), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:33 (twenty years ago)

This is CANADIAN Waffle House, dude!!!

― Open your eyes; you can fly! (ex machina), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:34 (twenty years ago)

make a pun about 'covered and smothered' and then jokingly ask her if she wants you to choke her. foolproof.

― j blount (papa la bas), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:34 (twenty years ago)

your waffles = zero roffles

― mark p (Mark P), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:35 (twenty years ago)

but DO NOT go out Hutchence style

― hstencil (hstencil), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:35 (twenty years ago)

dude mark YOU ARE THE ONE WAFFLING HERE.

― hstencil (hstencil), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:35 (twenty years ago)

although admittedly my ears perk up anytime blount says 'foolproof'.

― mark p (Mark P), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:36 (twenty years ago)

i'd be far too smashed to ride a bike after 7 glasses of wine

― gem (trisk), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:36 (twenty years ago)

and thusly we are ROFFLING.

― hstencil (hstencil), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:36 (twenty years ago)

yes well the jury's still out on that one gem.

― mark p (Mark P), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:36 (twenty years ago)

rohyffles

― shine headlights on me (electricsound), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:36 (twenty years ago)

why don't we make the WELL HOW MUCH DOES SHE WEIGH joke, jesus.

― g e o f f (gcannon), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:37 (twenty years ago)

http://www.geocities.com/dmorris.geo/swh2.jpg

I AM THE NERDBURGLAR OF LOVE

― Dave M. (rotten03), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:37 (twenty years ago)

Let me get this straight, you've been typing away furiously at your PowerBook and ordering glass after glass of wine and nothing else?

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:38 (twenty years ago)

I am the king or riding my bike drunk. My tire is flat because of this. I AM GOING TO MISS HOTTIES@CRITICAL MASS ON FRIDAY!!

― Open your eyes; you can fly! (ex machina), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:38 (twenty years ago)

some japanese band just spammed me with this:

yasumi　okano
to me
3:50 pm (6 hours ago)
hello,

We released free online new single "Zouave`s Blue" at (
http://xinlisupreme.fc2web.com/index.html ).
Please listen when it is good.

― kingfish maximum overdrunk (Kingfish), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:39 (twenty years ago)

not furiously, ned, bemusedly. you'd approve!

― mark p (Mark P), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:40 (twenty years ago)

some call me the space cowboy
some call me the nerdburglar of love...

― hstencil (hstencil), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:43 (twenty years ago)

half a glass of wine, then i go home.

― mark p (Mark P), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:43 (twenty years ago)

gotta get enough liquid courage in ya, lad, then go get her name at least

― kingfish maximum overdrunk (Kingfish), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:45 (twenty years ago)

if you don't show her this thread, all is lost.

― Dave M. (rotten03), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:45 (twenty years ago)

SOME LIKE TO CALL ME MAURICE *guitar lick!*

― hstencil (hstencil), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:46 (twenty years ago)

basically, sing her some steve miller. guaranteed.

― hstencil (hstencil), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:46 (twenty years ago)

write the url on a napkin and give it to her!!!!!!

― Dave M. (rotten03), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:47 (twenty years ago)

make sure she's watching as you wobble off on your bike, that'll really impress her too!

― gem (trisk), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:47 (twenty years ago)

gem otm

― mark p (Mark P), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:48 (twenty years ago)

ignore her, she's a girl - what do THEY know about picking up?!?!?

― Dave M. (rotten03), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:48 (twenty years ago)

speak to her of the pompatus of love

― shine headlights on me (electricsound), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:48 (twenty years ago)

use your bike to drive over all the other bikes outside the shop, Smokey & the Bandit-style

― kingfish maximum overdrunk (Kingfish), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:49 (twenty years ago)

or just have Jerry Reed around for laffs

― kingfish maximum overdrunk (Kingfish), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:49 (twenty years ago)

this thread is the classic example of = you get what you pay for

― mark p (Mark P), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:50 (twenty years ago)

i like that url idea "it's my personal web site"

― hstencil (hstencil), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:50 (twenty years ago)

haha i'm so picturing mark p doing some crazy tipsy zigzag cycling all over the road and running into a bin or something and popping up all dishevelled but uninjured and the girl waving out of the door after him with a lacy hanky

― gem (trisk), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:50 (twenty years ago)

hey when i was in fifth grade i sang "the power of love" to a girl. foolproof.

― j blount (papa la bas), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:51 (twenty years ago)

Is she really going out with him?
Well, there she is. Let's ask her
Betty, is that Jimmy's ring you're wearing?
Mm-hmm
Gee, it must be great riding with him
Is he picking you up after school today?
Uh-uh
By the way, where'd you meet him?

I met him at the candy store
He turned around and smiled at me
You get the picture? (yes, we see)
That's when I fell for (the leader of the pack)

My folks were always putting him down (down, down)
They said he came from the wrong side of town
(whatcha mean when ya say that he came from the wrong side of town?)
They told me he was bad
But I knew he was sad
That's why I fell for (the leader of the pack)

One day my dad said, find someone new
I had to tell my Jimmy we're through
(whatcha mean when ya say that ya better go find somebody new?)
He stood there and asked me why
But all I could do was cry
I'm sorry I hurt you (the leader of the pack)

[spoken]
He sort of smiled and kissed me goodbye
The tears were beginning to show
As he drove away on that rainy night
I begged him to go slow
But whether he heard, I'll never know

Look out! Look out! Look out! Look out!

I felt so helpless, what could I do?
Remembering all the things we'd been through
In school they all stop and stare
I can't hide the tears, but I don't care
I'll never forget him (the leader of the pack)

The leader of the pack - now he's gone
The leader of the pack - now he's gone
The leader of the pack - now he's gone
The leader of the pack - now he's gone

― Allyzay do not obtain to make download of yours MP3 (allyzay), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:52 (twenty years ago)

blount, earlier today i thought at length about "hip to be square". would that work?

― mark p (Mark P), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:52 (twenty years ago)

guys if i don't check in when i get home, call the authorities. i'm starting to worry.

― mark p (Mark P), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:53 (twenty years ago)

perhaps you could ask the girl to look after your bike for the night as you're too pissed to ride it, get the bus home and you have an excuse to go say g'day tomorrow?

― gem (trisk), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:55 (twenty years ago)

blount, you don't need money, you don't need fame, don't need no credit card to ride this train.

c'mon ride the train, it's a choo choo, ride it*

*is that wtf they are singing?

― hstencil (hstencil), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:55 (twenty years ago)

ooooh gem has snazzy idea.

― hstencil (hstencil), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:55 (twenty years ago)

no i see her all the time, im a quasi regular here. i'm going to get the bill and ride home now, wish me luck.

― mark p (Mark P), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 04:56 (twenty years ago)

watch out for large objects mark! ride safe!!

― gem (trisk), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 05:00 (twenty years ago)

...and that was the last post mark p ever made

― kingfish maximum overdrunk (Kingfish), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 05:01 (twenty years ago)

dude, if you're a regular, forget it.

― hstencil (hstencil), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 05:01 (twenty years ago)

I SHOULD KNOW. I AM A MEDICAL DOCTOR. I OWN A MANSION AND A YACHT AND HAIR AND BABY BLUE EYES.

― hstencil (hstencil), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 05:03 (twenty years ago)

odds are you're already 'that nerdburglar what comes in with a laptop and stares at me for a few hours'

― j blount (papa la bas), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 05:04 (twenty years ago)

xpost is that your chat up line when picking up waitresses hstencil?

― gem (trisk), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 05:04 (twenty years ago)

YOU SHOULD QUIT. YOU SHOULD QUIT. YOU SHOULD QUIT. YOU SHOULD QUIT TRAMAUTIZING WOMEN WITH YOUR SEXUALITY.

I SHOULD KNOW. I AM A MEDICAL DOCTOR. I OWN A MANSION AND A YACHT AND HAIR AND BABY BLUE EYES.

― hstencil (hstencil), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 05:07 (twenty years ago)

(any woman who buys me the slacker criterion dvd has me for life! efil4zaggin!)

― hstencil (hstencil), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 05:07 (twenty years ago)

now i feel like Ally's having posted Leader Of The Pack on this thread was a very bad omen.

― Dave M. (rotten03), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 05:09 (twenty years ago)

yeah dude wtf I didn't know he was gonna like actually leave or anything.

― Allyzay do not obtain to make download of yours MP3 (allyzay), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 05:09 (twenty years ago)

Is she really gunna TAKE HIM HOME toNIGHT..?

in short, no.

― kingfish maximum overdrunk (Kingfish), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 05:36 (twenty years ago)

ok, so.

― mark p (Mark P), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 05:37 (twenty years ago)

turns out i was too 'engrossed' in ilx to realize that it wz raining sheets in toronto, so after i pack up my stuff i hesitate cause its at least a 10 minute bikeride home. said waitress starts conversation, tells me its cool for me to hang out there, asks me what i was working on (uhhhhh), and then laments the fact that she has to come back in to work at 11am the next morning. its raining like a motherfucker so i decide to leave my bike there and call a cab home, waitress and i talk some more and i realize she lives close enough to me to warrant splitting a cab. she's all "yes i would love to if my boss will let me leave", but then the cab arrives and her boss is otherwise occupied, so she gives me a sad face and says to go without her. anyway i know it goes against everything the internet stands for, but now that the ice has been broken, i really think i'm in there! sorry ilx.

― mark p (Mark P), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 05:46 (twenty years ago)

woohoo!

― shine headlights on me (electricsound), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 05:47 (twenty years ago)

yay! a success story!! my heart is warmed

― gem (trisk), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 05:48 (twenty years ago)

The gold road's sure a long road
Winds on through the hills for fifteen days
The pack on my back is aching
The straps seem to cut me like a knife
The gold road's sure a long road
Winds on through the hills for fifteen days
The pack on my back is aching
The straps seem to cut me like a knife

I'm no clown I won't back down
I don't need you to tell me what's going down
Down down down down da down down down
Down down down down da down down down

I'm standing alone
I'm watching you all
I'm seeing you sinking
I'm standing alone
You're weighing the gold
I'm watching you sinking
Fool's gold

These boots were made for walking
The Marquis de Sade don't wear no boots like these
Gold's just around the corner
Breakdown's coming up round the bend

Sometimes you have to try to get along dear
I know the truth and I know what you're thinking

Down down down down da down down down

I'm standing alone
I'm watching you all
I'm seeing you sinking
I'm standing alone
You're weighing the gold
I'm watching you sinking
Fool's gold

Fool's gold

I'm standing alone
I'm watching you all
I'm seeing you sinking
I'm standing alone
You're weighing the gold
I'm watching you sinking
Fool's gold

― j blount (papa la bas), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 05:50 (twenty years ago)

you got bailed out by the rain.

surely any girl would question the sexual competency of a guy whose pick up line was just "oh i'm too drunk to ride this bike."

― rogers broseph (deangulberry), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 06:06 (twenty years ago)

SORRY, i should have introduced myself as mark, aka DINGLEBERRY on the internet

― mark p (Mark P), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 06:09 (twenty years ago)

omg i never got that til now

― j blount (papa la bas), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 06:10 (twenty years ago)

i ride bikes with the best of them, my man

― rogers broseph (deangulberry), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 06:11 (twenty years ago)

dude, couldn't you have just waited until she got an answer from her boss before calling the cab? DUH.

ps take "fool's gold" to the i love camping thread, blount

pps dean nobody rides bikes in la - they drive down wilshire blvd (WE LOVE IT) in their convertibles

― hstencil (hstencil), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 06:12 (twenty years ago)

is your "ride bikes" like cutty's "bang"?

― mark p (Mark P), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 06:12 (twenty years ago)

yes ;(

― rogers broseph (deangulberry), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 06:18 (twenty years ago)

http://www3.telus.net/rogerhelliwell/IPX/rogerin.jpg

― Amateur(ist) (Amateur(ist)), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 06:19 (twenty years ago)

ams you are kicking all kinds of ass lately

― mark p (Mark P), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 06:20 (twenty years ago)

message 200 seems the right time to go to bed, goodnight internet

― mark p (Mark P), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 06:21 (twenty years ago)

PLZ LOCK THREAD!

― cutty (mcutt), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 12:06 (twenty years ago)

Speaking as a shaven-headed, bespectacled nerd:

DIE, HAWTIN, DIE.

YOU SPOIL IT FOR THE REST OF US.

― Tantrum The Cat (Tantrum The Cat), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 13:33 (twenty years ago)

Damn, it's too late for me to suggest that you ask her out to have "box lunch at the Y."

― Ian Riese-Moraine has a grenade, that pineapple's not just a toy! (Eastern Mantr, Wednesday, 27 April 2005 14:16 (twenty years ago)

(u nice smile lady waitressing)

― Leon Jones Reynolds (Ex Leon), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 14:20 (twenty years ago)

u asked if i wanted order, i too shy, i should have,,, said something but i ]] was busy reading. u had pretty hair for,,, smelling]] if you like to[[[ call me[[ on my bike sometime

― mark p (Mark P), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 14:23 (twenty years ago)

Tantrum, Hawtin's out of the picture! He's had hair for years now! And he wears contacts!

― MindInRewind (Barry Bruner), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 14:25 (twenty years ago)

Tantrum, Hawtin's out of the picture! He's had hair for years now! And he wears contacts!

Yeah, but his old look has become an archetype that I get lumped in with all the fucking time.

― Tantrum The Cat (Tantrum The Cat), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 14:30 (twenty years ago)

http://www1.keyboards.de/magazine/m0205/502044_hawtin.jpg

― cutty (mcutt), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 14:38 (twenty years ago)

Despite his Aryan Youth makeover of recent years, most people still think "bald guy with glasses" when they think Hawtin.

I'm just saying, is all.

― Tantrum The Cat (Tantrum The Cat), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 14:41 (twenty years ago)

imagine hanging around detroit DJs for 2000-2003. guess what they looked like.

― kingfish, Wednesday, 27 April 2005 15:13 (twenty years ago)

who MAKES themselves bald when they aren't really bald? or is that blond swath of hair a combover?

― cutty (mcutt), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 15:34 (twenty years ago)

imagine hanging around detroit DJs for 2000-2003. guess what they looked like.

My point exactly.

― Tantrum The Cat (Tantrum The Cat), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 15:42 (twenty years ago)

who MAKES themselves bald when they aren't really bald?

http://img258.echo.cx/img258/5080/jddj5ti.jpg

so i wanted to try something new, big deal.

― kingfish maximum overdrunk (Kingfish), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 15:51 (twenty years ago)

my thread! my beautiful thread.

― mark p (Mark P), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 15:55 (twenty years ago)

So, do you fancy the waitress?

― jel -- (jel), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 15:57 (twenty years ago)

xpost revel in it

― kingfish maximum overdrunk (Kingfish), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 15:58 (twenty years ago)

Do her pupils get bigger?

― jel -- (jel), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 16:00 (twenty years ago)

Back on topic:

You may actually have a shot with this woman. I was frequenting a bar for months before I realized that this one (rather yummy) waitress was not, in fact, just being friendly. Sadly, it was too late by then, as I'd already got back with an ex of mine. Ergo, DO NOT WALK THE PATH I HAVE LAID.

― Tantrum The Cat (Tantrum The Cat), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 16:11 (twenty years ago)

Invite her to have future coffee with you!

― Leon Jones Reynolds (Ex Leon), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 16:12 (twenty years ago)

Sit at various places throughout the place, and see if her eyes follow you around the room, like a scary old painting.

(disclaimer: she may think you are slightly odd if you keep changing your place every five minutes, but it's the only way to be sure)

― jel -- (jel), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 16:15 (twenty years ago)

I'd try to summon up the guts to ask her out, clearly, politely and hopefully without seeming like an idiot. The signs do look good.

― Markelby (Mark C), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 16:33 (twenty years ago)

wasn't this a jess thread? what with the rain even. if mark p somehow gets an inexplicable slap out of this girl, i will be convinced that ile is nothing more than an elaborate 'choose your own adventure' novel.

― Kim (Kim), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 22:19 (twenty years ago)

jess thread would involve grossout food, a skin injury, and at least one totally ill-advised revelation

― Amateur(ist) (Amateur(ist)), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 22:21 (twenty years ago)

if i recall correctly, jess got more than a slap.

― mark p (Mark P), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 22:56 (twenty years ago)

Rhymes with...

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 22:57 (twenty years ago)

http://www.calamusbooks.com/newsletters/3/18/Escape200.jpg

― Kim (Kim), Wednesday, 27 April 2005 23:20 (twenty years ago)

HAHA! HOLY FUCK i'm watching fame and they're in the cafeteria and they just started improv singing 'HOT LUNCH!!'

it's an omen

― [that bastard] jaxon (jaxon), Thursday, 28 April 2005 00:01 (twenty years ago)

waitresses are alright! i am quasi-dating one right now. you can get free food out of the deal, though it's sometimes stale. and depending on their shift(s) you may end up having sex at weird hours. i think that covers it.

― strng hlkngtn, Thursday, 28 April 2005 00:09 (twenty years ago)

oh, yeah. i cut myself shaving today.

― strng hlkngtn, Thursday, 28 April 2005 00:10 (twenty years ago)

waitresses are alright! i am quasi-dating one right now.

this is like a message from my future.

― mark p (Mark P), Thursday, 28 April 2005 00:14 (twenty years ago)

i can't wait for "picking up the waitress, part two" where mark finds himself trapped in a closet, cell phone ringing, etc.

― cutty (mcutt), Thursday, 28 April 2005 00:18 (twenty years ago)

GET ONE BARETTA

― rogers broseph (deangulberry), Thursday, 28 April 2005 00:21 (twenty years ago)

shit/drink

― mark p (Mark P), Thursday, 28 April 2005 00:21 (twenty years ago)

shit drink shit drink shit quick where is my laptop

― cutty (mcutt), Thursday, 28 April 2005 00:22 (twenty years ago)

dudhdudh closet
dududh closet
ddudhdhdudh closet
stuhsusdhd closet

― rogers broseph (deangulberry), Thursday, 28 April 2005 00:24 (twenty years ago)

ddudhdhdudh stuhsusdhd krrrayzee ass dududh closet

― mark p (Mark P), Thursday, 28 April 2005 00:26 (twenty years ago)

P. MARKY

PICKING UP THIS WAITRESS (PARTS 1-5)
b/w
SEX IN THE RESTAURANT (REMIX)

― cutty (mcutt), Thursday, 28 April 2005 00:28 (twenty years ago)

i will return tomorrow, wearing this:

http://www.tampabaylive.com/images/entertainment/stories/0411/1101kelly.jpg

― mark p (Mark P), Thursday, 28 April 2005 00:34 (twenty years ago)

foolproof.

― mark p (Mark P), Thursday, 28 April 2005 00:34 (twenty years ago)

i'm back! she just apologized for her boss, called him a power tripper. we then preceded to have a completely ludicrous conversation, chock full of ridiculous questions. (me: "did you get home okay that night?" her: "was your bike here when you came back to pick it up?")

am i in there, ilx?

― mark p (Mark P), Sunday, 1 May 2005 21:26 (twenty years ago)

You have a table and your order is on the way, my friend.

― moley, Sunday, 1 May 2005 21:33 (twenty years ago)

You're in there. Close the deal already, or she'll start getting the notion you're not that into her. Which to be fair we don't actually know that you are. Maybe you just like that she seems to like you... But all that soul-searching will just distract you from your mission.

Which is to hook up and report every detail to the thread.

― rogermexico (rogermexico), Sunday, 1 May 2005 21:35 (twenty years ago)

So you now have 7h of wine drinking ahead of you while waiting for her to finish work?

― MindInRewind (Barry Bruner), Sunday, 1 May 2005 21:40 (twenty years ago)

ive already had three glasses. this may end... sloppily.

― mark p (Mark P), Sunday, 1 May 2005 21:40 (twenty years ago)

rock it, dude.

― s1ocki (slutsky), Sunday, 1 May 2005 22:01 (twenty years ago)

Be sure to order the fish.

― moley, Sunday, 1 May 2005 22:10 (twenty years ago)

ask her "what's for dessert?"

― s1ocki (slutsky), Sunday, 1 May 2005 22:10 (twenty years ago)

MARK JUST BE CONFIDENT. CUTTY KNOWS YOU GOT THE GOODS.

― cutty (mcutt), Sunday, 1 May 2005 22:11 (twenty years ago)

NO! Don't order the fish ... remember "Airplane!", order anything but the fish.

― MindInRewind (Barry Bruner), Sunday, 1 May 2005 22:11 (twenty years ago)

ask her if she reads pitchforkmedia.com, then show her your vitalic review!

― cutty (mcutt), Sunday, 1 May 2005 22:12 (twenty years ago)

haha!

― s1ocki (slutsky), Sunday, 1 May 2005 22:13 (twenty years ago)

tell her there's a present for her in the back and then run around to the back really quickly and be there wearing only a big red ribbon!

― s1ocki (slutsky), Sunday, 1 May 2005 22:13 (twenty years ago)

take of picture of her with your cell phone and please post.jpg!

― cutty (mcutt), Sunday, 1 May 2005 22:14 (twenty years ago)

TAKE A PICTURE :(

― cutty (mcutt), Sunday, 1 May 2005 22:15 (twenty years ago)

i bet they're totally kissing RIGHT NOW!!!!

― s1ocki (slutsky), Sunday, 1 May 2005 22:23 (twenty years ago)

http://img124.exs.cx/img124/1940/jemrioslapa5ea.jpg

MARK WAITRESS

― cutty (mcutt), Sunday, 1 May 2005 22:26 (twenty years ago)

(l-r)

― cutty (mcutt), Sunday, 1 May 2005 22:26 (twenty years ago)

oh yeah!!!

― s1ocki (slutsky), Sunday, 1 May 2005 22:27 (twenty years ago)

mark totally has that shirt.

― cutty (mcutt), Sunday, 1 May 2005 22:28 (twenty years ago)

barriers to entry:

1. she is not technically my waitress.

2. i am drunk again.

― mark p (Mark P), Sunday, 1 May 2005 22:39 (twenty years ago)

Tell her you have a big tip for her and IT'S IN YOUR PANTS!!!

― tokyo nursery school: afternoon session (rosemary), Sunday, 1 May 2005 22:43 (twenty years ago)

"entry"

― cutty (mcutt), Sunday, 1 May 2005 22:44 (twenty years ago)

I'll show up in a suit and pretend I'm your rich and influential cousin. She'll be so impressed by your family pedigree, you'll be in the pantry and in her pants within minutes. I guarantee it.

― MindInRewind (Barry Bruner), Sunday, 1 May 2005 22:46 (twenty years ago)

well that was kinda ridiculous. we made googly eyes and small talk for a bit but that was all. my heart wasn't into it today.

― mark p (Mark P), Sunday, 1 May 2005 23:50 (twenty years ago)

i like my courtships to be prolonged and ridiculous, that way they're like a sneak preview of the relationship.

― mark p (Mark P), Sunday, 1 May 2005 23:53 (twenty years ago)

Try saying "yo, where's the bars at?"

(Disclaimer - might not work if you are in the same room as an actual bar)

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Monday, 2 May 2005 00:05 (twenty years ago)

Never ever fuck with industry bitches on a relationship level, ever ... bunch of selfish cokeheads with similar roommates except for the really nice, normal pretty one that has a boyfriend.

― L3CoQ, Monday, 2 May 2005 01:28 (twenty years ago)

Dear mark p,

Don't be a pussy.

Signed,

ILX

― Jimmy Mod Knows You Eat Your Own Farts (ModJ), Monday, 2 May 2005 01:40 (twenty years ago)

order the fish

and then, wink

then, point at her crotch

wink again

― Andre Dawson (deangulberry), Monday, 2 May 2005 01:45 (twenty years ago)

Dear mark p,

Seriously.

Signed,

ILX

― Jimmy Mod Knows You Eat Your Own Farts (ModJ), Monday, 2 May 2005 01:46 (twenty years ago)

hi ilx!

― one glass down (Mark P), Wednesday, 11 May 2005 01:51 (twenty years ago)

have you asked her name yet mark p?

― gem (trisk), Wednesday, 11 May 2005 01:55 (twenty years ago)

i have a name.

― mark p (Mark P), Wednesday, 11 May 2005 01:56 (twenty years ago)

excellent news. ilx awaits further progress/booziness.

― gem (trisk), Wednesday, 11 May 2005 01:58 (twenty years ago)

bump!

no news is boot-knocking news?

― MindInRewind (Barry Bruner), Wednesday, 11 May 2005 04:26 (twenty years ago)

or maybe it's a repeat of the jess & coffee shop girl episode

― shine headlights on me (electricsound), Wednesday, 11 May 2005 04:30 (twenty years ago)

or one of Ed's many might-have-beens...

― moley (moley), Wednesday, 11 May 2005 05:53 (twenty years ago)

Mark have you pre-emptively padded your crotch?

― kit brash (kit brash), Wednesday, 11 May 2005 06:04 (twenty years ago)

ouch, kit that's mean.

― moley (moley), Wednesday, 11 May 2005 06:12 (twenty years ago)

Kit's a waitress?

― The Irrelevant Man (Negativa) (Barima), Wednesday, 11 May 2005 10:06 (twenty years ago)

no need to pad my crotch pre-emptively as i do it routinely.

there was light flirting and more googly eying, but it was hamstrung by the fact that she was stuck behind the bar for the night and i was preoccupied with a very real mother of a deadline. nonetheless she did dispatch one of the more mobile waitresses to come to my table and ask me questions on her behalf (ie. she needed a second opinion as to whether mr. handlebar at the other table wz the dude from dfa1979 -- he wasn't).

but somehow this thread has moved from mildly creepy (which i am, by virtue of being an ilxor, totally comfortable with) to mediumly creepy, so i think i'm done with the updates! dean, i will never forget your advice re: her crotch. foolproof.

― mark p (Mark P), Wednesday, 11 May 2005 15:21 (twenty years ago)

We demand an update, June 16th.

― mark grout (mark grout), Wednesday, 11 May 2005 15:34 (twenty years ago)

I only meant for protection re: jess repeats...

― kit brash (kit brash), Thursday, 12 May 2005 11:08 (twenty years ago)

two weeks pass...

oh guys this is fucked.

― mark p (Mark P), Tuesday, 31 May 2005 01:24 (twenty years ago)

what what what? details pls.

― Dave M. (rotten03), Tuesday, 31 May 2005 01:30 (twenty years ago)

oh mark!

― jaymc (jaymc), Tuesday, 31 May 2005 01:31 (twenty years ago)

dean, i will never forget your advice re: her crotch.

*wink*

― Community Cornerstone (deangulberry), Tuesday, 31 May 2005 01:33 (twenty years ago)

Do you have AIDS now?

― Jimmy Mod Is Great At Getting Us Into Trouble (ModJ), Tuesday, 31 May 2005 01:39 (twenty years ago)

darrin fletcher's sloppy seconds dude - you gotta wrap up

― j blount (papa la bas), Tuesday, 31 May 2005 01:40 (twenty years ago)

Only hostesses get the major STDs.

― milozauckerman (miloaukerman), Tuesday, 31 May 2005 01:41 (twenty years ago)

HOW DO YOUR BALLS FEEL?

haha clusterfuck of xposts

― strng hlkngtn, Tuesday, 31 May 2005 01:42 (twenty years ago)

this is not how it was supposed to go. a different waitress just asked me out! she is younger than the other ones but she is sort of the take-charge, alpha dog-type and i think she is kind of muscling in. she and the original waitress came and sat with me last night but alpha dominated the conversation and then, when original left, alpha started mildly badmouthing her! it was a bad scene. she is v. high drama i think. anyway alpha totally caught me by surprise last night and got all "maybe we should go out for coffee sometime, BUT NOT HERE" and i just kinda went "oh yeah, cool" but now that i think about it, i'm fucked! you can't just date a bunch of waitresses from the same place, you have to choose ONE and choose wisely. but how do i back out of this and still move on original, especially now that alpha is all knives out? i'm not jack tripper, those kinds of complicated moves are beyond my skill level.

anyway i'm back tonight (it's press week) and alpha's here but original's not. guys it specifically says THIS waitress, not THAT one.

(holy fucking xposts)

― mark p (Mark P), Tuesday, 31 May 2005 01:42 (twenty years ago)

what a trial this all must be for you

― strng hlkngtn, Tuesday, 31 May 2005 01:44 (twenty years ago)

poor jess.

― jaymc (jaymc), Tuesday, 31 May 2005 01:46 (twenty years ago)

cripes. this was unforeseen.

― gem (trisk), Tuesday, 31 May 2005 01:46 (twenty years ago)

you can't just date a bunch of waitresses from the same place, you have to choose ONE and choose wisely.
This is completely untrue.

― milozauckerman (miloaukerman), Tuesday, 31 May 2005 01:47 (twenty years ago)

Threesome, dude. It's easy.

― Jimmy Mod Is Great At Getting Us Into Trouble (ModJ), Tuesday, 31 May 2005 01:48 (twenty years ago)

finagle your way into after-work staff drinking, (try to) wind up in the company of a different waitress each time.

Actually, don't do this, it's mondo creepy when guys do this to my friends.

― milozauckerman (miloaukerman), Tuesday, 31 May 2005 01:49 (twenty years ago)

its over, im fucked! i lost at waitresses.

― mark p (Mark P), Tuesday, 31 May 2005 01:54 (twenty years ago)

how's the drama! say you're only interested in being friends with the pushy one, wait a decent amount of time (i can't define decent sorry) and then ask the one you like out. once you and she are dating start frequenting another cafe so's to avoid any glares or crankiness from pushy-waitress.

― gem (trisk), Tuesday, 31 May 2005 01:57 (twenty years ago)

what you clearly need is a skilful wingman to distract alpha while you approach beta. i nominate jess.

― Dave M. (rotten03), Tuesday, 31 May 2005 01:59 (twenty years ago)

oh wait so what happened now?

― hstencil (hstencil), Tuesday, 31 May 2005 02:00 (twenty years ago)

It is his Male Duty to accept wingman status.

― Jimmy Mod Is Great At Getting Us Into Trouble (ModJ), Tuesday, 31 May 2005 02:01 (twenty years ago)

what you clearly need is a skilful wingman to distract alpha while you approach beta. i nominate jess.

Totally. Don't let Alpha fuck things over with O.W. Just wait for a night when Aleph isn't in there and take her up on the coffee/pint offer. Let her deal with any fallout with her co-workers. Not your problem.

― giboyeux (skowly), Tuesday, 31 May 2005 02:01 (twenty years ago)

problem: alpha is apparently working every night, whereas original has been giving away shifts! the averages are against me, but i will persevere. the key i think is to lay low with alpha and avoiding actually dating her. fortunately i have tons of experience with not dating girls.

― mark p (Mark P), Tuesday, 31 May 2005 02:08 (twenty years ago)

also, jess is too tall for alpha.

― mark p (Mark P), Tuesday, 31 May 2005 02:09 (twenty years ago)

Threesome, dude. It's easy.

-- Jimmy Mod Is Great At Getting Us Into Trouble (Mod...) (webmail), May 31st, 2005.

I think this is the type of thing that I admit on the internet and later regret it, but OH WELL

ok, so I'm a waiter (male) and I work with another waiter (male). I have a girl friend. the two of us had a threesome with her. she didn't have to choose, she did us both! it can happen!

― fdafdafda (modestmickey), Tuesday, 31 May 2005 02:12 (twenty years ago)

go on a date with alpha but all through the date quiz her about original waitress

― tokyo nursery school: afternoon session (rosemary), Tuesday, 31 May 2005 02:13 (twenty years ago)

you're not logged out, dude. (xpost)

― jaymc (jaymc), Tuesday, 31 May 2005 02:14 (twenty years ago)

'do you think original waitress likes me? do you think she would go out with me?' etc, etc

― tokyo nursery school: afternoon session (rosemary), Tuesday, 31 May 2005 02:14 (twenty years ago)

yeah tokyo is on a winner.

― gem (trisk), Tuesday, 31 May 2005 02:15 (twenty years ago)

'do you think original waitress likes me? do you think she would go out with me?' etc, etc

So obnoxious. DO IT.

― giboyeux (skowly), Tuesday, 31 May 2005 02:15 (twenty years ago)

i'm canadian

― mark p (Mark P), Tuesday, 31 May 2005 02:16 (twenty years ago)

WE KNOW

― tokyo nursery school: afternoon session (rosemary), Tuesday, 31 May 2005 02:17 (twenty years ago)

..ask her in a really NICE and EARNEST way.

― giboyeux (skowly), Tuesday, 31 May 2005 02:18 (twenty years ago)

jaymc, I know, I just don't want someone googling my email address or something

― fdafada (modestmickey), Tuesday, 31 May 2005 02:18 (twenty years ago)

Because you're just so SMITTEN.

― giboyeux (skowly), Tuesday, 31 May 2005 02:18 (twenty years ago)

mark p:

http://img5.allocine.fr/acmedia/medias/nmedia/18/35/19/08/18404422.jpg

― jaymc (jaymc), Tuesday, 31 May 2005 02:20 (twenty years ago)

I was thinking
http://img.coxnewsweb.com/C/09/28/60/image_560289.jpg

― milozauckerman (miloaukerman), Tuesday, 31 May 2005 02:22 (twenty years ago)

fellow canadians.

― jaymc (jaymc), Tuesday, 31 May 2005 02:25 (twenty years ago)

Oh that is SO the ticket! Just trick the Alpha into erasing you from her memory! (after you guys do it!)

― giboyeux (skowly), Tuesday, 31 May 2005 02:26 (twenty years ago)

fuck you both.

(sorry)

― mark p (Mark P), Tuesday, 31 May 2005 02:26 (twenty years ago)

use the Alpha's advance towards you to win over waitress! since Alpha was semi-shit talking, there must be at least the hint of a problem between the two. so, talk to waitress and be all, "oh man, alpha asked me out, but I'm totally not interested in her! blahblahblahblah"

it'll give you more reason to talk to her, and if you're good, you can even drop in hints that you're interested in her instead! don't ask me how to do that though, I suck.

― Mickey (modestmickey), Tuesday, 31 May 2005 02:30 (twenty years ago)

yeah the difficulty is to avoid offending alpha and either (a) making o.w.'s worklife awkward or (b) alpha bagging you out to the gal you like. what a conundrum.

― gem (trisk), Tuesday, 31 May 2005 02:32 (twenty years ago)

barriers to entry:
1. she is not technically my waitress.
2. i am drunk again.

I can empathize with these two points so much it hurts.

― mike h. (mike h.), Tuesday, 31 May 2005 02:52 (twenty years ago)

mark you have to get in there like SOON and ask out o-dubs!!

― s1ocki (slutsky), Tuesday, 31 May 2005 02:56 (twenty years ago)

do not delay! the moment has come to its crisis!

― s1ocki (slutsky), Tuesday, 31 May 2005 02:56 (twenty years ago)

dude?

― s1ocki (slutsky), Tuesday, 31 May 2005 04:36 (twenty years ago)

he's doing alpha waitress in the alley and wondering how it came to this

― kit brash (kit brash), Tuesday, 31 May 2005 08:40 (twenty years ago)

ask them if they've ever watched Dismissed.

― Sociah T Azzahole (blueski), Tuesday, 31 May 2005 08:43 (twenty years ago)

ask them both if they like makin' bacon on the beach.

― Sociah T Azzahole (blueski), Tuesday, 31 May 2005 08:43 (twenty years ago)

update: i was in there today and original was there but alpha wasn't, so i took the plunge and i got her number! we're going out when i get back from my europeon vacation!

― mark p (Mark P), Thursday, 9 June 2005 17:33 (twenty years ago)

rock on!

I always sing this thread title like in that one kids in the hall sketch:
doo dee doo dee doo dee doo,
pickin' up this WAIT-RESS!

― teeny (teeny), Thursday, 9 June 2005 17:38 (twenty years ago)

awesome!! i told you to go for o-dubs!!

― s1ocki (slutsky), Thursday, 9 June 2005 17:38 (twenty years ago)

if alpha finds this thread you're fucked though.

― s1ocki (slutsky), Thursday, 9 June 2005 17:39 (twenty years ago)

(sorry i guess that should've been "4lph4")

― s1ocki (slutsky), Thursday, 9 June 2005 17:39 (twenty years ago)

here's to one-and-a-half months of effort

i can't wait until this thread is bumped in 8 months in anticipation of the first date

― America's #1 Shaded Biblical Mini-Golf (deangulberry), Thursday, 9 June 2005 17:39 (twenty years ago)

there was never any doubt! it was just the semantics of getting around alpha's pick to get to original! i think we should lock this thread now!

― mark p (Mark P), Thursday, 9 June 2005 17:41 (twenty years ago)

it's only just begun dude!

― s1ocki (slutsky), Thursday, 9 June 2005 17:42 (twenty years ago)

suck it, gulberry! it's been five weeks and i've dated a whole other girl in between.

― mark p (Mark P), Thursday, 9 June 2005 17:42 (twenty years ago)

As opposed to part of another girl?

― M. White (Miguelito), Thursday, 9 June 2005 17:45 (twenty years ago)

actually, that might be closer to the truth

― mark p (Mark P), Thursday, 9 June 2005 17:46 (twenty years ago)

Which part of a girl is closer to the truth?

― M. White (Miguelito), Thursday, 9 June 2005 17:48 (twenty years ago)

TEH BOOBS

― n/a (Nick A.), Thursday, 9 June 2005 17:55 (twenty years ago)

you misspelled "the"

― oops (Oops), Thursday, 9 June 2005 17:57 (twenty years ago)

oops!

― n/a (Nick A.), Thursday, 9 June 2005 17:58 (twenty years ago)

n/a, here's an experiment (way to get slapped really). Approach pulchritudinous lass, ogle her bosom, and declare your willingness to 'set her truth free'.

― M. White (Miguelito), Thursday, 9 June 2005 18:00 (twenty years ago)

well done!

― Yakuza Ghost Six (nordicskilla), Thursday, 9 June 2005 18:01 (twenty years ago)

there was never any doubt! it was just the semantics of getting around alpha's pick to get to original! i think we should lock this thread now!

YOU WERE AFRAID OF A GIRL

― America's #1 Shaded Biblical Mini-Golf (deangulberry), Thursday, 9 June 2005 19:00 (twenty years ago)

"Dean's" guide to "picking up" "chicks"

― Yakuza Ghost Six (nordicskilla), Thursday, 9 June 2005 19:02 (twenty years ago)

What were the exact words used to obtain the number?!!!!

― Spencer Chow (spencermfi), Thursday, 9 June 2005 19:03 (twenty years ago)

You had me from hello.

― Yakuza Ghost Six (nordicskilla), Thursday, 9 June 2005 19:04 (twenty years ago)

"Look, I've been posting about you on the internet for almost two months and I've finally decided to stop being intimidated by your coworker. I would now like to obtain all seven digits of your phone number. Ten, if you're nasty."

― America's #1 Shaded Biblical Mini-Golf (deangulberry), Thursday, 9 June 2005 19:36 (twenty years ago)

Oh wait, this is Canada. I have no idea what you guys are up to up there. Do you have phones?

― America's #1 Shaded Biblical Mini-Golf (deangulberry), Thursday, 9 June 2005 19:45 (twenty years ago)

they have teletext, i think

― Amateur(ist) (Amateur(ist)), Thursday, 9 June 2005 19:47 (twenty years ago)

they have minitel, surely!

― Yakuza Ghost Six (nordicskilla), Thursday, 9 June 2005 19:47 (twenty years ago)

Semaphore.

― n/a (Nick A.), Thursday, 9 June 2005 19:48 (twenty years ago)

WE'RE TOTALLY ZINGING THOSE CANADIANS!

― n/a (Nick A.), Thursday, 9 June 2005 19:48 (twenty years ago)

DON'T MENTION THE WAR!

― Yakuza Ghost Six (nordicskilla), Thursday, 9 June 2005 20:00 (twenty years ago)

I have to apologize to Mark, but I've never read this thread. It sounds intriguing and I will rectify this now!

― Yakuza Ghost Six (nordicskilla), Thursday, 9 June 2005 20:01 (twenty years ago)

hooray! this thread is like "Trapped In The Closet" only more satisfying.

― Dave M. (rotten03), Thursday, 9 June 2005 20:16 (twenty years ago)

Okay I read it. It was good!

― Yakuza Ghost Six (nordicskilla), Thursday, 9 June 2005 20:32 (twenty years ago)

I think it should now be "MACK p"

― Yakuza Ghost Six (nordicskilla), Thursday, 9 June 2005 20:33 (twenty years ago)

"Canuck Whackjob"

― Spencer Chow (spencermfi), Thursday, 9 June 2005 20:36 (twenty years ago)

I love this thread.

― Forksclovetofu (Forksclovetofu), Thursday, 9 June 2005 20:43 (twenty years ago)

i love mark's manhood.

― cutty (mcutt), Thursday, 9 June 2005 21:07 (twenty years ago)

No, just the thread; thanks.

― Forksclovetofu (Forksclovetofu), Thursday, 9 June 2005 21:10 (twenty years ago)

So I was down in Orlando on Tuesday with my friend Ciara and crew and we went up International Drive (where all the amusement parks are) to Denny's, where we were served by this absolutely adorable blonde woman named Jennifer who looked like Juliana Hatfield when she played a lunch lady on Pete and Pete -- almost deadpan like that, except for the outfit and hairnet. Anyway, so I'm down to my last three dollars after having splurged on a whole bunch of shenanigans and I only order one drink. She asks me if I want anything else, and I bashfully respond, "No, that's all I can manage..." (It's hard to say "no" to someone that adorable even when you're broke.) A few minutes later she returns and wordlessly sets down a refill before retresting into the kitchen. I ask everyone I was with whose refill it is and they say it's mine. I thought it very sweet of her -- and she came back again and asked if there was anything at all I wanted, and I said, "No, I can't afford anything else."

After the waitress disappears, Ciara's best friend Carolyn asks me, "Is she flirting with you?" I figured she was, so it was very nice to have my suspicions confirmed. I was already writing on a napkin and then I decided to tear off a piece of it and be daring enough to write a message to Jennifer. I started off: "Darling Jennifer, excuse me for being terribly post-modern but I find you devastatingly attractive. That's honesty, not flirting. No, wait, it is flirting -- it'd be lying if I said otherwise!"

As I'm writing, Jennifer (the waitress) comes back and serves me a huge piece of chocolate cake! I blush intensely and thank her and ask if it has to be paid for, and she responded, "No, it's on me!"

So I continue writing: "Awww, bless your heart, you just gave me a slice of cake as I was penning this down!"

She returns and sees that I haven't nibbled a bit of it, and I apologise and inform her that I was in the midst of writing something and that I shall partake of it shortly after.

I resumed writing: "I feel terrible for not having had a bit of this cake when you returned to see if I was eating it! I shall finish this and do so now! Love and kisses, Ian."

I finished the cake, and when Jennifer returned with the bill and to pick up trays, I handed her the napkin and informed her, "It's not a dirty napkin, don't worry!" which was very funny incidental word choice there on my part.

After a few minutes of table-side discussion with my very amused acquaintances, Jennifer passes by the kitchen. She was beaming at me -- and didn't break her smile or expression when I smiled back and kept on walking into the kitchen as she was smiling and making eyes with me! The rest of the crew I was with walked outside as I finished up free refill, and she came up to me smiling and blushing furiously and we started chatting for a bit, talking about what I was doing in Orlando and how she ended up in up in the city and whatnot. I learned that she had only been in Orlando for two months and moved there after graduating from a college in El Paso. Luckily for her, I don't live too far from her nowadays, so we quickly exchanged e-mail addresses and promised to communicate. As I got up from my seat, we almost shook hands but then spontaneously opted to embrace each other and it was a wonderful and comforting hug, an absolutely perfect embrace. We wished each other farewell (for now) and kept looking and smiling at each other as I left the restaurant. Shortly after I joined up with the crew (who were walking back toward the resort we were staying at) I became giddy and burst into a mile-long run down International Drive in excitement back to the resort. I returned home yesterday and a few hours ago I e-mailed her and await her response. Score!

― Ian Riese-Moraine eats nation-states for breakfast! (Eastern Mantra), Thursday, 23 June 2005 20:14 (twenty years ago)

Wow!

― n/a (Nick A.), Thursday, 23 June 2005 20:16 (twenty years ago)

I wasn't aware that romance was possible in Orlando!

― n/a (Nick A.), Thursday, 23 June 2005 20:18 (twenty years ago)

Me neither. Especially not at a Denny's. Or on International Drive.

― Ian Riese-Moraine eats nation-states for breakfast! (Eastern Mantra), Thursday, 23 June 2005 20:22 (twenty years ago)

awesome!

― s1ocki (slutsky), Thursday, 23 June 2005 20:31 (twenty years ago)

i wonder if mark got a warm welcome on his return home!! DO tell!!

― s1ocki (slutsky), Thursday, 23 June 2005 20:31 (twenty years ago)

I don't get what's "post-modern" about telling someone they're attractive. Or why you felt the need to add that.

― jaymc (jaymc), Thursday, 23 June 2005 20:32 (twenty years ago)

good luck, mark!

― cozen (Cozen), Thursday, 23 June 2005 20:33 (twenty years ago)

I don't get what's "post-modern" about telling someone they're attractive. Or why you felt the need to add that.
Well, I admitted straight away that I was flirting instead of being coy and cautious about it.

― Ian Riese-Moraine eats nation-states for breakfast! (Eastern Mantra), Thursday, 23 June 2005 20:47 (twenty years ago)

http://images-eu.amazon.com/images/P/B000063T0P.02.LZZZZZZZ.jpg

― s1ocki (slutsky), Thursday, 23 June 2005 20:48 (twenty years ago)

Exactly.

― Ian Riese-Moraine eats nation-states for breakfast! (Eastern Mantra), Thursday, 23 June 2005 20:50 (twenty years ago)

two months pass...

on a related note

― kingfish superman ice cream (kingfish 2.0), Saturday, 17 September 2005 04:40 (nineteen years ago)

six months pass...

NEED IAN AND MARK UPDATES

― amateurist0, Friday, 17 March 2006 02:42 (nineteen years ago)

wow what a thread! except I skipped a lot of it, but the Ian story above is like out of a one hot teen summer movie where the good guy finally gets the girl

― Dominique (dleone), Friday, 17 March 2006 21:14 (nineteen years ago)

Good luck getting an update from Ian.

― jaymc (jaymc), Friday, 17 March 2006 21:19 (nineteen years ago)

i gave a snaggletoothed waitress my number on the check once

― pssst - badass revolutionary art! (plsmith), Friday, 17 March 2006 21:35 (nineteen years ago)

update: i found out like a year later she was gay

― pssst - badass revolutionary art! (plsmith), Friday, 17 March 2006 21:35 (nineteen years ago)

Slut

― Jimmy Mod: GRILL ENSPEKTOR (The Famous Jimmy Mod), Friday, 17 March 2006 21:44 (nineteen years ago)

I still love this thread.

― Forksclovetofu (Forksclovetofu), Friday, 17 March 2006 21:53 (nineteen years ago)

Ian, I'm surprised you passed up the opportunity to make a joke about having your cake and eating it too. No, I don't have any success with waitresses, thanks for asking.

― ratty, Friday, 17 March 2006 22:52 (nineteen years ago)

one year passes...

Back in my college days I lived in a dorm room with a roommate and my gf, a waitress, lived in the next town over. She came over a lot, but my roommate never left the dorm room. One night we were cuddling watching TV under the blankets, and he had his back to us, surfing the internet, his headphones on. She started rubbing her ass cheeks in a circular motion against me as we spooned. I reached around and slowly began rubbing her clit as she kept on grinding with her pants on. We both knew how it would eventually turn out, so we continued rubbing each other quietly under the covers. When I couldn't take it anymore, we quietly unzipped our pants...

and then I let one go.

― Cassius Wiener, Sunday, 8 April 2007 23:58 (eighteen years ago)

great story.

― deeznuts, Monday, 9 April 2007 01:10 (eighteen years ago)

hey troll, never noticed this thread til you revived it.

10/10
and the I-RM anecdote at the end is just icing.

so Mark P, what happened?

― sanskrit, Monday, 9 April 2007 01:22 (eighteen years ago)

i started dating a third girl (herein referred to as 'crazytown') soon after. crazytown wasn't a waitress, but she did happen to know some of these particular ones, and she told me some harrowing-ass stories about them. i stopped dating crazytown (population = her, etc) after about five weeks and moved out of the neighbourhood about a month later. i never saw any of these characters again.

― ^@^, Monday, 9 April 2007 01:49 (eighteen years ago)

i am now living in england, where i am destined to die alone, probably at a table for one as a result of a heart attack left undiagnosed by a hot and slightly put-out waitress who merely thought i was gesticulating wildly in her direction on account of some more wine, please?

― ^@^, Monday, 9 April 2007 01:54 (eighteen years ago)

wow i'd forgotten all about this thread. it was a goody

― gem, Monday, 9 April 2007 03:55 (eighteen years ago)

Cassius = LJ FROM THE FUTURE

― Curt1s Stephens, Monday, 9 April 2007 05:10 (eighteen years ago)

hoverboard jagger

― JW, Monday, 9 April 2007 05:15 (eighteen years ago)

that reminds me of the thread where the dude was credited as speedboat on imdb

― JW, Monday, 9 April 2007 05:37 (eighteen years ago)

15. Snake Eater II: The Drug Buster (1991) .... Speedboat

― JW, Monday, 9 April 2007 05:47 (eighteen years ago)

why no updates from mark or ian?

― amateurist, Monday, 9 April 2007 05:48 (eighteen years ago)

stuff like this does not lead to "updates":

Darling Jennifer, excuse me for being terribly post-modern but I find you devastatingly attractive.

― Curt1s Stephens, Monday, 9 April 2007 06:15 (eighteen years ago)

there was just an update from mark!

― s1ocki, Monday, 9 April 2007 06:30 (eighteen years ago)

oh whoops. god i'm dying for some good ilx romance threads right now. but the new search engine stinks.

― amateurist, Monday, 9 April 2007 06:33 (eighteen years ago)

i am now living in england, where i am destined to die alone, probably at a table for one as a result of a heart attack left undiagnosed by a hot and slightly put-out waitress who merely thought i was gesticulating wildly in her direction on account of some more wine, please?

Come to the pub, I can introduce you to the secret knowledge of where hot waitresses can be found in London, but not the hottests one, who wil be mine, if I'm ever in London long enough to get back to her cafe.

― Ed, Monday, 9 April 2007 06:35 (eighteen years ago)

I will pay for this knowledge, Ed.

― mitya, Monday, 9 April 2007 07:52 (eighteen years ago)

love this thread. it was one of the first 'personal' ones i really got into and followed every twist and turn. thanks for the update!

― jergïns, Monday, 9 April 2007 08:22 (eighteen years ago)

one year passes...

order the fish

and then, wink

then, point at her crotch

wink again

― Andre Dawson (deangulberry), Monday, 2 May 2005 11:45 (3 years ago)

― resident advice whore (haitch), Tuesday, 3 February 2009 04:51 (sixteen years ago)

qual

― BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Tuesday, 3 February 2009 05:04 (sixteen years ago)

They love subtlety.

― Millsner, Tuesday, 3 February 2009 05:51 (sixteen years ago)

and then I let one go.

― velko, Tuesday, 3 February 2009 06:12 (sixteen years ago)

eight years pass...

this is just so creepy

http://blog.wfmu.org/freeform/2007/11/365-days-307---.html

― Violet Jynx, Tuesday, 23 May 2017 15:49 (eight years ago)

the amount of times waitresses get notes/napkins/serviettes with a man's name and his number is probably too many to count

― i n f i n i t y (∞), Tuesday, 23 May 2017 17:09 (eight years ago)

let's keep old ilx old

― imago, Tuesday, 23 May 2017 17:12 (eight years ago)

o is this when mr mod locks the thread

― i n f i n i t y (∞), Tuesday, 23 May 2017 17:14 (eight years ago)

I guess I better get somethign done today (gets up to make a cuppa tea)

― Violet Jax (Violet Jynx), Tuesday, 23 May 2017 17:46 (eight years ago)

jeez, guys. it is good to remember that waitresses often depend on good tips from customers and more than a few of them discover that flirting a bit helps. this doesn't necessarily mean she wants to go down on you. it could just as easily mean she's single mom with a three year old waiting at home and her wringing a few extra bucks in tips out of her customers is worth encouraging yr fantasies if it buys her kid a new pair of shoes.

― A is for (Aimless), Tuesday, 23 May 2017 17:51 (eight years ago)

Hit on waitresses life's short who cares

― sleepingbag, Tuesday, 23 May 2017 18:01 (eight years ago)

chị ấy
Cô ấy
Cô ấy cô ấy
Cô ấy cô ấy cô ấy cô ấy

Old Vietnamese saying

― Violet Jax (Violet Jynx), Tuesday, 23 May 2017 18:04 (eight years ago)

this doesn't necessarily mean she wants to go down on you. it could just as easily mean she's single mom with a three year old waiting at home

if these are just as likely.... DEFINITELY hit on teh waitress

― sleepingbag, Tuesday, 23 May 2017 18:11 (eight years ago)

http://www.misterkitty.org/extras/stupidcovers/stupidcomics429.html

― Violet Jax (Violet Jynx), Tuesday, 23 May 2017 18:13 (eight years ago)

sleepingbag and Violet Jax, raising the tone of the place

― A is for (Aimless), Wednesday, 24 May 2017 04:35 (eight years ago)

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