Someone's attempt at hitting on you that spectacularly failed

xpost

OTM. Except for a few gay/unattractive attempts. As someone that doesn't hit on much myself, I'm usually pretty welcome to getting hit on.

I am, of course, the World's Biggest Ball-Dropper and have totally blown off unnoticed hit-on attempts.

10 minutes later
"so what's your major?"
"math."
"ughhhhh, math. you must be really smart."
"yup. excuse me." [i walk across room to talk to someone else]

i am one cold-hearted bitch. :((((

This was because she was hot and smart and I liked her => she couldn't be interested in someone like me*. Some weeks later she basically said "I really want to go out with you, but I get the impression you aren't interested." I had to rather pick my jaw up off the floor before saying I was, and she explained the not so subtle hints I'd been missing (there were others, but the highlight is above). I felt a fool, but was pleased she had persisted. Especially as the relationship lasted more than 23 years.

* This is still what my brain believes, and I know I have missed hints nearly as blatant in times since then.

Favourite subtle cue that I did pick up, more recently: "Why don't you come back to my place and fuck me?" So I am getting better at it.

If anyone's attempt to pick up me has been truly spectularly bad, I probably didn't even know it was happening, and by definition, can't remember.. then again, I may be that horribly clueless. In fact, I think it's probably the latter.
Same with me, and it's not really because I can't pick up on subtleties, but it's that, like Martin, my brain refuses to believe anyone would ever want me, although I have become increasingly aware of why someone would.

hi u r gross!

see... i've offered massages to girls IN PERFECT INNOCENCE, i swear. although immediately after i'm like, "oh duh, she probably thinks you're totally after her." when actually i just wanted a back rub because my back hurt and figured offering to exchange back rubs was the best way to deal with this. (context was that we were tourists and had just walked around for 8 hours straight and were all sore.) granted i didn't suggest any baby oil, i.e. i wasn't asking anyone to take their shirt off.

this strikes me as kinda mean, although i wasn't there. would "i'm not really interested, sorry" have been too difficult?

I think the implication was I could have scored some action if I wanted to. I didn't want to.

Whoa!

She was cute, and buying my drink, how could I resist? So there we were, chatting, drinking, having fun. Then a while later some guy came over and introduced himself as her boyfriend and got a drink too. Unm... okay. But they were interesting, so we continued to talk and eventually the friends that I had driven over with came to the bar and said "hey, let's go." I started to say goodbye to the girl, but she interjected before I could get my words out and said "that's okay, he's coming home with us."

Whoa!

Am I totally naïve? I totally wasn't expecting that. Anyways, I said err, thanks, and ran off before I turned into a pumpkin.

hasnt been one for a while, unless you count that crazed intense girl in leeds, though i think she was attempting in all directions, i dunno.

Funnily enough, my last date did the claw to Stevem's camera in March. Pattern?

This explains why I am currently unattached.

"Me?" I said, "Eh, I'm with him? The one wrapped round me? Thanks goodbye."

Do you have a girlfriend?
You're looking real cool
Can I have your number?

My girlfriend and I, and another friend who was with us, all stared at her, speechless, and she bounded off.

i am generally pretty crap at picking up female signals. usually i won't reciprocate until i am positive i won't strike out (ie. she has her left breast in my drink).

I have intentionally killed femme advances by shaking their hands and walking off. If they're great dancers, they get the "benefit" of my conversation too.

I must say, though, this is the best thread I've contributed so far to ilX.

White Guy: Hey
Me: Hi!
White Guy: Hey you look really familiar. I think we met last week at The Cock.
Me: Ummm, I dunno, I haven't been to The Cock in years.
White Guy: Oh, maybe it was at The Slide?
Me: I've never been to The Slide
White Guy: The Hole?
Me: I'm pretty sure we've never met. Anyhow, can I see your apartment?
White Guy: (surprised) What? Yeah, sure, definitely! Wow.
Me: Wait, are you the guy from Craigslist?
White Guy: Huh?
Me: Oh, uhh, never mind, I thought you were someone else. I'm waiting here to look at an apartment... to move into. to live in.
White Guy: I'm really into Asian guys. Do you still want to come upstairs?
Me: Sorry, I have to look at an apartment.

I should go back sometime soon. It's perfect because it's a block away from Popeyes, so I can get some spicy thighs and biscuits before drinking.

if i were gay i'd do rather well i suspect. it's a bit of a shame!

Last time I was hit on I was DJing and this girl stared me and smiled for the duration of my set (or at least from after I played that NANANANA Tiga thing anyway.). Anyway after a while she began freaking me out so I frowned at her and she went away.

- grabbed my "front bottom" whenever she would walk behind me through the crowd
- I offered her a piece of gum and she grabbed my hand and took the piece of gum into her mouth along with several of my fingers
- put her hand down the back of my pants on multiple occasions

I had planned on getting so drunk that I would just crash on my friend's couch and go home the next day. I decided instead to get a cab home, lest I get molested in my sleep by this maniac, which seemed like a distinct possibility at the time.

Another time a big fat truck-driver type was chatting to myself and a coworker, young hippe girl- he's talking about delivering beer or something and out of nowhere he asks the girl "want me to come behind the counter and give you a backrub?" Err not the smoothest. She always dressed very frumpy-style for work because of all those goings-on. Once, while handing out change, the customer guy grabbed her hand and started kissing it and wouldn't let go. Good thing there was always a big stick behind the counter.

It's kind of funny, I probably could have quit smoking years earlier if I hadn't made a promise to myself that day to ALWAYS have cigarettes on hand for situations like that.

Jesus Christ. Do I win?

one night i bumped into her at a club and she told me a weird and untrue-sounding story about being on an archeological dig in Egypt and having some kind of bedoin nomad enter her tent and strip her naked. then she tried to jump on me. i was horrified as all the signs retrospectively began to make sense, and i left the club. i felt very bad for her, and generally embarassed, although this was mitigated as i made a tit of myself a few weeks later trying to pull her cute friend.

I do look pretty good today though.

Friend climbs into bed, as does Madchen.

Friend: are you going to sleep with all your clothes on?
Madchen: (oblivious) Well, I suppose it's a bit stupid. OK, I'll take off my skirt.
Friend: ooh, Madchen, you're wearing a thong!
Madchen: (still oblivious) To avoid VPL, innit.
Friend: Goodnight.
Madchen: Goodnight.
Friend: Can I have a goodnight kiss?
Madchen: (STILL OBLIVIOUS, look, I thought it was a friend thing and she is furrin with strange ways) Alright.

Friend holds Madchen's face and commences snogging.

Madchen: (no longer oblivious) Um no, thanks, but I don't really want to do that.
Friend: Oh, OK then. Goodnight.
Madchen: Goodnight.

We're still friends, but neither of us has mentioned it since.

All I could think of to say in reply was "please don't ever do that, ever again" before hiding in the kitchen.

good NIGHT

* This is still what my brain believes, and I know I have missed hints nearly as blatant in times since then.

-- Martin Skidmore

This is the sweetest story ever.

HER: You know why I like pop music? Because it's fun and you can sing along to it.
ME: Yeah, pretty much.
HER: I like music that's fun.
ME: Uh, yeah, me too.
HER: Like what do you like? Like what poppy fun radio music?
ME: Uh, I kinda like that Kelly Clarkson song -
HER: OHMYGOD METOOOOOOOOOOOOO! OHMYGOD IT'S SO FUN! The new one? I love that one! It's so fun!
ME: Wait, new one? The only one I know is "Since U Been" -
HER: Yeah, that one! Hey, you should sleep here tonight instead of driving back to LA.

I did not. It didn't sound like a lot of fun.

It took me a good couple years to remember this incident and fully grasp what was going on.

TELL IT TELL IT
Seconded.

with later girl i was a bit dazed by her intensity, which probably came off as diffidence, which probably worked in my favor, until the limp handshake anyway. BAD BAD BAD.

WT*F*!!!! Luckily (?) he didn't say "sit on you." ;-)

random girl:"can you play something by Tiga"

me (in usual flustered going mental because I find concentrating while playing difficult): "yeah I probably will, I think".

Later and more slurringly, after I played "Washing Up" (Tiga Remix).

"did you play Tiga because you like me"

"No. Because I like Tiga".

HER: My room is really dirty, I don't want you to see it...
ME: Ok. Seeya.

I walk home thinking "what the hell did I just do??!?"

Next time I saw her was at a bar with an uberhot-Asian-hipster dude, and she ignored my attempts to say hi. Quite embarrassing.

"Oh. You look like someone who would have a pen," said he.

Um? It occurred to me a moment or two later that we were in the hotel lobby, so I said "excuse me, they probably have a pen at the front desk."

He looked at me with disdain and said "hold up now sunshine, you don't need to get all up in my business, I'm trying to chat to my lady," and I replied "your 'business' is the last thing I want to be up in, trust me, but since you asked me for a pen, I thought I'd mention it."

Oh, he says, and goes off in search of the pen.

I looked at the girl he was with and said, "RUN."

She did.

When he came back and realized she was gone, he sat down next to me and started asking me if I was dating someone, and I lied and said "I'm married and I'm talking to my husband on the phone right now" and he looked really offended and said "okay now girl, no need to get het up, I was just tryin' to get wit' yo big ass...."

Oh Prince Charming, THERE you are.

-- luna's cee (lunace...), March 5th, 2005.

Something similar happened to me last week. I was in no mood to chat with anyone, yet had showed up to the Tribeca Grand to see a couple of DJs. I didn't have my glasses on me and there was a girl standing near the back that looked -- through the ill-lit room -- like someone I used to know, and have a huge crush on. I tried to get a better look. Of course it wasn't her, so I moved off to the bar, set my drink down, and stood facing the music, with my back to the bar. She showed up right beside me. She looked at me. "Do you know who this DJ is?" she asked. Now, how many times have I fantasized about this exact situation? Yet, once we got talking, it turned out that we had nothing to say to each other. We shook hands (guys, gals: this is the sign that the hitting-on has not caught hold, will never catch hold again) and she said "bye!" Ten minutes later I saw her getting into a cab alone. For a moment I rued how fruitless our exchanges had been but -- it obviously just wasn't happening, so thank god for that!

Haha god Ronan you jerk.

xp!

i was sort of fascinated by her, but i think she'd end up hating me. unless she's more mellow when not tipsy, which is likely.

1. Of, relating to, or suggestive of the preternatural or supernatural.
2. Of a strikingly odd or unusual character; strange.
3. Archaic. Of or relating to fate or the Fates.

http://differnet.com/experience/atlarge/vedder-thefates.jpg

(haha i love that one of the spinners of the web of fate is called CLOTHO)

OHHHKAYYYY. I guess we were supposed to be interested after that.

anyway, mary, it was just a friend's bbq/party.

If it was a friend's party, couldn't you find out her name/number?

Copied from another thread because it's pretty appropriate here:

i remember my (really fat) ex-housemate telling somebody on the phone about a guy who'd tried to pick her up by telling her that he'd had sex with a fat girl before

― ❉❉❉❉❉❉❉❉Plaxico❉❉❉❉❉❉❉❉❉ (I know, right?), Monday, June 8, 2009 4:27 PM (1 hour ago) Bookmark

I was about 20 pounds heavier than I am now when I was in college. The night before graduation I was at a bar with friends and some OLD BALD GUY came over to me and said, "You know why I came over here? You're the prettiest girl in this bar. I mean, you're a little overweight but that's nothing a good exercise routine can't fix."

He did not succeed.

Oh I am not kidding. My roommate was in the bathroom at the time. When she came out I was like "Hey L, meet George. He just tried to pick me up by telling me I was fat." She looked at him and deadpanned, "You thought that was going to get you laid?"

― sloth say hi to me (ENBB), Monday, June 8, 2009 6:46 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark

It's a good thing roommate was so quick to say something because if I remember correctly I was so shocked (and drunk) that I just stared at him and started to tear up a little.

Last year I met this guy's father, and he was like, "if things don't work out with my son...or you have a sister or something...i could really use a young woman to take care of me." nod and smile! nod and smile! aaaah!

wow

x-post - ew

Two Fridays ago I was hit on by a black man in his late Thirties/early Forties while riding the city bus.

I was fairly recently groped in a pretty forceful way by a girl at a party, accompanied by a "how about it, eh?", which was so direct it freaked me out and in an effort to get away I fell down a full flight of stairs. Good times.

omg

pics?

u sure it wasnt louis in his party frock

A couple years ago I was waiting outside a movie theater for RS and a really young kid (maybe around 18) came over to me and sorta leaned against the wall with one arm and said, "Sup, how you doin' beautiful?" I said, "Fine, just waiting for my husband." He said, "Aw shit, you got a husband?!" and then literally ran away while yelling to his group of friends "Shit man, she has a husband."

shit, you have a husband?

23, waiting for a band to start in a bar/club mostly containing 18-20y/os, and a 50-something guy with a moustache (not yet experiencing ironic hipster revival) does a slo-mo waltz up to me, says that it is nice to see someone older there, and invites me to dance with him to the CD someone's put on between the bands

beardy giant lifted me bodily up by the hips from behind (blue oyster ballet style), held me 2-3 feet off the ground while leaning in and telling my girlfriend that i was beautiful.

uh wut? also, lol.

i didn't even know our hick town had gay nights, but there you go. i bought him a drink to soften the rejection blow.

Matt, please don't hate me for loling at your story

i have some examples that are the opposite of this. Someone's attempt at hitting on you that your response to them spectacularly failed.

Darragh I wish you hadn't included the word 'beardy' there so I could have gone 'Jol out' :(

har de har

this girl in law school and i were kinda obviously into each other and no one ever did anything about it until something like matt's story one halloween when I was dressed up like Slash or something and i basically ignored her because i'm an idiot

i have some examples that are the opposite of this. Someone's attempt at hitting on you that your response to them spectacularly failed.

god yes. when i was a lot younger, and wasted on god knows what pills, i was approached by a 'mature' lady at a disco asking for a dance. all i can remember is being on the dance floor with her and saying something like "it's okay, i'm used to sleeping with older women".

lol

Your most spectacular failed pulling attempts, talk about them here

16 year old me is at a house party one New Year and was talking to an older girl I knew. Party finishes and we're still talking so we walk together until we get to my house. She says something about hanging out a bit more, but I say no, I've got a family dinner in a few hours (I guess this was about 5am) so I need to get some sleep and with that she goes home.

Next day, during said meal, I remember she lives round the corner from where the party was and had walked 2 miles up a steep hill in the middle of the night. I don't think we spoke much after that.

About 5 years ago I was seemingly the only white girl in a predominantly black/hispanic neighbourhood. I got blatantly hit on ALL THE TIME (meanwhile I've never been approached by a stranger before or since). The one I remember most, if only for the pure creep factor, was the well-dressed dude in his mid-30s who sidled up to me as I was walking home with groceries and said hi, and then straight away asked me to come back to his place. When I said no thanks his enticing rejoinder was "Why not? I got a big dick."

Oh man. Such class.

Oh damn I forgot that once someone said to me, "I wanna put a baby in you".

yeah, there just isn't a female equivalent of these great lines

I used to live in the North Park neighborhood of San Diego, which has a lot of overflow from their more bumpin' gay district, Hillcrest.

One night, in the early 2000s, I was walking to the grocery store in a new pair of jeans. They were my first post-raver pair of jeans, by which I mean they actually fit and maybe a little bit too well.

A nice-looking middle-aged black man came up to me in the middle of a dark residential block right off of the main strip. He asked me if I knew of any bars around there.

KKVGZ: Oh yeah, there are some bars up on University. Right up the street, there's Bacchus House...I've never been there. Sometimes I head over to [some "irish" bar]. That's a pretty good place to drink.
NLMABM: Do you like to party?
KKVGZ: Sometimes, but tonight I'm just going to the grocery store.
NLMABM: No, but do you like to party?
KKVGZ: Not as much as I used to, really.

It went back and forth like that for a while, me gradually realizing that his definition of "party" was something other than "smoke marijuana".

xp Yeah, those are typical! I've posted the high points before, but to repeat here: "Your ass looks like steak on a plate", "I would drink your bathwater", and "I could eat you up like hot food". All of these failed spectacularly, btw.

"I wanna put a baby in you" is the most likely line to make me ACTUALLY run away screaming.

It's so...Alien-esque.

It's going to hatch right through your lungs and sternum.

These days I only seem to get hit on at ATPs (although I didn't this year).

Last year (might have been Dirty Three) a girl (and her bf) turned up in our chalet on the Sunday night at the end of our singstarring. They hung about for a bit with me and the gf then we decided it really was time to turn in and we had to be out the next morning. Her: "Oh, right, well I guess I'll see you round then." Me: "Yeah, I guess there's next year." Her: "Oh." We then discovered she had left her jumper, which may have been why she insisted on telling me what chalet she was in. The gf took it down to her.

The last year we were at Camber a pair of Irish sisters got talking to us by the fried chicken stand. Them: "You've got a lovely voice, why don't you come back to our chalet and talk to us?" my gf: "I thought we were watching <insert whatever film was on>" Them: "Well, your chalet does have a television you know, we're not stopping you."

But my favourite;

It's about 2am in the Queen Vic at Camber, I am wasted.
GIRL (similarly wasted): "Psycho is on the tv in half an hour. Do you want to come back to my chalet and stab me?"
I was lost for words.

x-posts - LOL at steak ass.

Yeah "I wanna put a baby in you" just sounds so forceful and gross. Blech.

are you sure that wasn't tracy morgan?

"i want to put a baby in you"

"thanks, but i don't want a crepey baby"

ENBB, It's one of those things that I object to b/c it denies female agency in reproduction, ditto things like "give (her) a baby" (really? like, for free?), "make (her) pregnant", etc. But, as previously mentioned, they could be not totally un-hot under the right circumstances. Those circumstances just don't involve strange men and public places.

Yes, exactly. Agreed 100%.

Cause under the right circumstances and said in the right way etc. the sentiment (even if only in theory) could actually be one of the hottest things ever etc.

The scary thing is thinking that sometime, somewhere one of these lines must have worked.

This all sounds like an endorsement for the turn of phrase "go halves on a bastard" to me

Then I'm all like "Yes, let's merge our haploid cells into a single diploid cell called a zygote."

― kingkongvsgodzilla, Tuesday, September 23, 2008 2:41 PM (8 months ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

How romantic. Was an xp but works either way.

I don't think it's an indication that the lines every worked, jvc. I think men say it for other men to hear, to make themselves seem powerful. Obv pretty bullshit.

Seriously I can't ever imagine any woman being like, OK, sounds good to me. Put that babby in me RIGHT NOW!

tired of never being ineptly hit on

x-post Seriously I can't ever imagine any woman being like, OK, sounds good to me. Put that babby in me RIGHT NOW!

I was kidding, of course, but I often wonder why guys keep trying this out. I actually witnessed a dude successfully pick up a chick in a public park with the "I have a big dick" line, so little surprises me.

you must've been pretty close to them

standing on it by mistake, perhaps

guys in saying awkward things shocker. what would girls say, if they had to say something?

what your interests are, who you be with, things to make you smile, what numbers to dial, whether you will be there for while, arrangements for both parties crews to rendezvous...i forget the rest

i was out at a club wearing a dress a few weeks back (was for a laugh innit) and this guy totally walked up to me and was like "hi.. you're xxx's friend aren't you?" i was, and so i was like in my deepest man voice "YEAH HELLO! I'M KEN NICE TO MEET YOU" and he was like hi shook hands and kind of made his excuses and ran off.

looooooooooooooooooooooooooooool

Maybe 6 years ago at my wife's conference in San Antonio, at a bar full of taxidermy and free booze from a book publisher. I was sitting at a table with one of her fellow grad students, a woman probably in her late 40s or early 50s, who was really drunk and guarding another grad student's baby in a stroller. She kept staring at me and before finally saying "YOU ARE SO HOT" all slurry, then eventually went back to making faces at the baby.

middle-aged gay dude on the staten island ferry: excuse me, do you take in the ass?

me: no

how did you know he was gay?

gaydar obv

pretty sure "I want to put a baby in you" has never worked for anyone anywhere

surrogate dad interview

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cAPMgrxnaOc

o_O

God and the Virgin Mary xp

he sent his mate gabriel to ask, the hound

Last night I had to push a chubby nearly-blind-drunk girl out of my Dj booth. She was using the pretext that she was really curious to learn anything and everything about the Bathory record I was spinning while trying to sneak a hand around my waist and onto my ass. I had to gently push her out and explain that it wasn't going to happen and that we'd only known each for about 1 minute so that was inappropriate behavior.

middle-aged gay dude on the staten island ferry: excuse me, do you take in the ass?

me: no

haha would actually have been better if you'd said "me? no"

wnkiw any of these "geeks": http://twitter.com/#search?q=%23geekpickuplines

i do n't actually think i've ever been hit on

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NHOf3s70w-c