Do I need to call an exorcist for my girlfriend?

Your girlfriend is possibly having a simple linguistic interplay which may have to do with previous experiences during her nightly astral sojourns ("dreams") which are taking her to a part of her akashic memory she's unconscious of when awake (as most of us are - and for good reason!).

-- Paul in Santa Cruz (pauls...), May 13th, 2005.

He usually is.

That's some fucked up shit.

"What?" I asked "Do what?"

"You rearranged the room!"

"What? No I didn't" At this point she started to actually wake up. When she was conscious, she explained to me that she thought I had "rearranged the room according to the fibonacci sequence."

-- Alex in NYC (vassife...), May 13th, 2005 4:59 PM. (later)

...

When she was conscious, she explained to me that she thought I had "rearranged the room according to the fibonacci sequence."

-- Hurting (Hurtingchie...), May 13th, 2005 5:08 PM. (later)

No, THAT'S some fucked up shit. Like, I can't even get my head around the concept.

-- Hurting (Hurtingchie...), May 13th, 2005 5:08 PM. (later)

No, THAT'S some fucked up shit. Like, I can't even get my head around the concept.

-- Sasha

No, you're both wrong. It's unbelievably sexy. Hurting, you should marry her.

She sounds cool.

Kat: whats wrong what hurts?
Me: my ear hurts
kat: why does it hurt?
me: cause i poured washing up liquid into it, dont worry its lemon fresh.

what?

when she told me the next day i couldnt stop laughing.

"CHARLIE!! CHARLIE!! WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING!!!???"
Me: "What? What?"
"THE GOLD! THE BLOODY GOLD! IT'S WORTH MONEY! WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?!"

and then sleep.

Hurting, is this the same girl as in this thread? Dating Someone Who Suffers Panic Attacks

Vichitravirya XI, what about an entity VOLUNTARILY remaining in a person's causal body? You can't exorcise that shit?

-- rattanman (webcorp...), May 13th, 2005.

I apologize for my writing being so unclear, as usual (when I don't edit and think too rashly). In reference to volition, I meant to say that it applies in regards to the occupant's will as well: a voluntary "visit" is indicative of mediumship, in which the occupant "invites" a spirit to come inhabit the occupant's conscious mind. From what I've read, this visit is almost always voluntary on behalf of the spirit's will as well (and when it isn't, you're in for some trouble). It is termed "avishkara" in Sanskrit, and was a frequent practice in many Tantric circles, and probably a few Vedic ones too.

An involuntary "occupancy" used to be termed "possession," with the occupant's regular mind and personality becoming submerged into the subconscious (as if in a deep sleep), with the spirit (or demon - Jinn in Arabic civilizations, which we should remember could be "good or evil") regaining the control of the physical and causal/ etheric bodies. This is rare, but it's in such cases that an exorcism would be necessary: when you can test and tell that the person or individuality you know is not there any longer, and in his or her place is someone or something else identifying with that particular body (which allows it to exercise control over its functions). The question then boils down to not only if one believes in souls, spirits, demons, disembodied beings and the like, but also what one thinks of the limits of con-con-consciousness, the nature of the individual mind and Personality/Identity (and the limits of their individualities) and the very ontological existence of any unimpeachable "objective" perception that is able to measure or denote these factors in the first place. (Who are _you_ to decide what's "real"...can't you and your world be relatively unreal to these entities as well?)

To follow that, from wikipedia, on exorcism:

In recent times, Exorcism has diminished in importance and use. This is due mainly to a greater understanding of psychology and the functioning and structure of the human mind. Many of the cases that in the past might have been candidates for exorcism have been found to be the products of mental illness . These cases are treated through medical means instead of exorcism, although some religious persons believe that certain psychological disorders are actually spiritual problems - generally the more severe types such as Dissociative Identity Disorder and Schizophrenia.

A slight digression here, but in my opinion, Schizophrenia is a very complex issue that is not at all understood in any level of "depth" by our precious modern-western scien-psychologists (I have to keep bringing up that cultural bias label when discussing any spiritual issues on ILX, forgive me). I don't think it's a full on "spiritual problem," as opposed to a mental one...I believe all - every single one! - of our mental illnesses are of course "spiritual problems" at their root, as they are caused by some imbalance (as described in, say, Ayurveda) between our souls, minds and bodies.

But this does not mean that I think every "schizophrenic" or those diagnosed as such are being possessed by evil demons - hardly. I think they are genuinely "mentally ill," but that the base of their strange perceptions which we'd like to term hallucinations is what I'd like to describe as an "astral rupture," or some sort of painful and sever break on an astral level of functioning, that is breaking off the "filter" regular people have between astral (dreamlike) images and experiences, and the waking, sensual perception of objects and the external world that us "sane" folk behold. Meaning that those demonic green cats they see walking up and down the wall may very well be real to them and completely individual to their perception, as they are experiencing such entities (I don't like using the term "phenomena") in a visual and auditory manner that you or I might experience objects and persons in a dream: wholly individualistically, independent of the "outer" and "waking" world of sensory stimuli. (Only in a few prophetic myths from antiquity do two different characters have the same exact dream...usually pertaining to an imminent war, drought, flood or some such calamity!)

From this conjecture, we can hypothesize that some deep "psychic" (used in the "deep recesses of the mind" definition of the word, not the predictive) malfunctioning is taking place. Obviously, for example, the people who are locked up for years claiming to truly be Napoleon are not (as we know there was already a figure as such in this external, wakeful reality who lived and died some two centuries ago), and it is very, very, very, very unlikely that in their crisis of astral processing and astral stagnation that they have managed to channel Napoleon Bonaparte's spirit into their severly weakened etheric bodies, to communicate with the rest of us.

But I am interested in these issues for other reasons. To further draw upon the conjecture of an individual consciousness functioning on an independent astral plane... does this mean that every or even any what-we-term-schizophrenic is beholding an independent reality, a relative reality that is unrelated to the external "objective" world-reality that all of us are communally experiencing? To change direction now: when we all have individualistic dreams and experience such dream-worlds every night, how are we to prove that any "objective" reality is our one and supreme, and not the temporary meaningless plane of existence we label the former on the basis of Little Time Spent There? Is Time not relative in and of itself? If consciousness is so highly mutable as to be affected grealy by chemical substances, its "standarization," if I can term it that, is a bit of a problematic issue. Especially in regards to those who claim to have "experiences" [(I hate re-using the same words, but I blame the redundancy of this limited Engrish language...it's been said ((can you guess where?)) that for every mental, psychological and spiritual term in English there are at least 20-40 in Sanskrit, but I believe such a claim to be a bit lofty)] in which they've left not only their temporary minds but also their temporary personality-identities, and experienced an alternative state of being in which "consciousness" as communally experienced, has a vastly different meaning, and in which "individuality," as we define it, does not necessarily exist! Heavens! Someone should revive some of those yoga-samadhi threads from last year that I never got to; a bit of Jung could be referenced here as well (and if someone else does the former, I vow to do the latter).

At this point, I don't know how I feel anymore about any state of one Absolute Objective Reality, despite typing to a message board that is ostensibly connected to a "world wide web" spun around it, and despite the inadvertent mention of "drugz" four sentences ago, which I am pretty sure I'm not on any. The question of indivualistic astral realities may be difficult to fathom by itself, but not anymore so than the notion of infinitesmal micro-worlds, universes, or other such theoretical conjectures in the field of quantum physics. What such conclusions would mean for the Question of Identity - which as far as I'm concerned is a mutable construct anyway, dependent as it is on the environments produced by successive lifetimes of the soul's "jouney" - is unimaginable, as it destroys the concept of any particular identity to become defined by one's temporary consciousness. Hell, even Baudrillard's points on Postmodernist Identity could be referenced here in a "spirit" of indulgent and generous admiration, ([and admiration would be all I'm willing to grant them, as I loathe most western and particularly french philosophy of the past three cetnuries when the ironically "Enlightenment" began to render any metaphysical conjecture absolutely-obsolete]) making a good case of the relativism of Identity in a most hollow intellectual manner, but such references are unnecessary when it comes to articulating my world view. For it's more indicative of a theoretical _integrity_ if I invoke the fact that in the Vedas, Identity was already proclaimed to be a constant _inconstant_, dependent as it is on reincarnation, and that the notion of a "split mind" would, perhaps perversely to modern individuals, not bother some of those ancient sages as much as it does us - precisely because we're living in an inarguably more "individualistic" society.

And that mention of the Vedas brings up another request, that the issue of dreams be not instantaneously shrugged off in the culture-specific and arrogant, modernist view of "Science has already explained them!!" manner that couldn't be further from the truth, for in the Vedantic teachings of the Upanishads the very question of "is the dream wurld REEL or the is REAL wurld REEL" was already being rigorously examined millenniums ago, and no blinking evidence from merely the last _century_ is going to indefinitely answer the quandary of consciousness to, well, some of us who dream of different things. If we can't even agree on a synthesized definition on the parameters, functions and attributes of the Subconscious, we're most _definitely_ not defining the Superconscious, or precluding its very existence evremore.

At the very least, at this moment in Ti...er, Existence, all I fell comfortable in saying is that when it comes to the matter of consciousness, I can only accept the premise of temorally-and-spatially-independent Relative Realities, each one simultaneously (?) playing out in their own spheres or cosmic planes. Our dreams are astral sojourns that remain independent of the temporal or spatial parameters we place on our sensory existence (for we've all had dreams where the dream-world lasted days or even weeks but we were only sleeping for an hour, for one example), but how much each dream is a component of subconscious "residual" psychological projection and conscious astral movement is as subjective and differentiated as the state of waking is for each one of our highly-individualized 6 billion worlds down here, every one quite, QUITE different from the rest!

[[[ I am already quite aware that a few major points I made in this post are predicated on strongly held _assumptions_ of a metaphysical nature, and that if I don't define the term "astral" right here - which I probably cannot without reviving some other thread and launching further into highly idiosyncratic (on Godless, soulless ILX) views on... philosophy and, yes...astral-o-logy that I know by now no one would want me to do - I'd be descending into an even steeper tautology. So I hope to refrain from getting further into such semantic issues with those who have such divergent world-views from me that they cannot converse sans condescension, as I have before. ]]]

And I don't even know why I modified this monster post halfway thru with that "request" at the top for any sort of serious answerz since I'm going to be gone at work all day and won;'t even be able to really read this shit.

So just...carry on. Ignore all that I guezz

Posting for an hour starting at 3 something AM and getting lost in your own ILXed head: dream or nightmare?

In this dream play, as in his former dream play "To Damascus," the Author has sought to reproduce the disconnected but apparently logical form of a dream. Anything can happen; everything is possible and probable. Time and space do not exist; on a slight groundwork of reality, the imagination spins and weaves new patterns made up of memories, experiences, unfettered fancies, absurdities and improvisations.
The characters are split, double and multiply; they evaporate, crystallise, scatter and converge. But a single consciousness holds sway over them all- that of the dreamer. For him there are no secrets, no incongruities, no scruples and no law. He neither condemns nor acquits, but only relates, and since on the whole, there is more pain than pleasure in the dream, a tone of melancholy, and of compassion for all living things, runs through the swaying narrative. Sleep, the liberator, often appears as a torturer, but when pain is at its worst, the sufferer awakes- and is thus reconciled with reality. For however agonising real life may be, at this moment, compared with the tormenting dream, it is a joy.

No wait. I'm just summarizing Unfaithful.

I suggest some DMT. *shrug*

hurting, your girlfriend sounds cool.

...or wait, i mean to say that i have hairy nipples!! don't mock or denigrate me!!

I hate reading virtually everything I've written in the past - except, for some reason, ILE posts.

Haha, I'm in the kitchen, and I hear her calling out something that sounds like a question. I walk into the bedroom, and, appearing to be fully awake she asks "The P is poofy?" and I say "What?" and she says, grinning, "The P is poofy again?" and I say "What does that mean?" and she says "It's poofy!" looking like a happy toddler and goes back to sleep.

what the hell ever happened to Vichitravirya XI anyway

Got taken by aliens for having too much knowledge.

I still think the fibonacci furniture rearrangement thing is really damn awesome :D

i used to sleep walk/talk on a nightly basis when i was a kid, mostly (i think) due to stress. one time, my mum came into my room and found me at the foot of my bed and when she asked me what i was doing, i told her i was "trying to find the pictures for the tv". another time, i was sharing a room with my older bro and he had come home late one night only to find me sitting up in bed with my eyes wide open. he started talking to me but i didn't respond. he thought i was just being a goof but quickly realised something wasn't right. he went and got my parents, and they couldn't wake me up - i just sat there staring straight ahead and apparently not blinking (altho i think that's probably a gross exaggeration) for about 15mins. my parents thought i was possessed. eventually i just lay back down and closed my eyes.

another time, when i was a bit older, i woke up, standing naked under a cold shower with my mother screaming in my face. pretty traumatic. stupid woman never learned after all those years that you should NEVER try to wake someone while they'll sleepwalking - it's incredibly frightening. especially if you're in a cold shower.

I've always wanted to do the Linda Blair routine. Wouldn't that be utterly cool? Just y'know, go up 'n' down on the bed. Not necessarily spin my head or anything like that.

When she was conscious, she explained to me that she thought I had "rearranged the room according to the fibonacci sequence."
-- Hurting (Hurtingchie...), May 13th, 2005 5:08 PM. (later)

No, THAT'S some fucked up shit. Like, I can't even get my head around the concept.
-- Sasha

No, you're both wrong. It's unbelievably sexy. Hurting, you should marry her.

-- moley

hurting 2 - you DID end up marrying her, right?

Sod the exorcism, record her rambles and use 'em as samples in some wikkid choons man!
-- Trayce (trayce), Friday, May 13, 2005 3:43 AM (2 years ago) Bookmark Link

yes i love this

Fuck yeah I married her ; )

awesome :)

moley to thread: tell me who i'm gonna end up married to!

this thread is so cute. your wife sounds rad, hurting!

I can totally understand the concept now. What a difference two years makes.

Ha, I used to do something like this. My dad would sometimes pass room at night and find me sitting up in bed, eyes open with a crazed grin on my face. He'd tell me to lie down and go back to sleep and I would.

I also had a habit of laughing in my sleep. I guess it runs in the family because I've heard my little brother do it. It's both adorable and creepy.

I am glad there's a witness to the poofiness! P was getting overlooked for real.

Oh yeah, I forgot to add that a couple of weeks ago she woke up and said, "Mar Mar Mar...SHMAR!" She then told me, "That's what the kids say."

Well, didn't really *wake up* obv

Har Mar Supershmar?

Mar Mar Mar...SHMAR!" She then told me, "That's what the kids say."

"Cloning. Lots of it."

awesome

never let this woman go

For a minute I really thought that her Bronx first graders had started saying "mar mar mar...shmar!"

Haha I'm gonna get killed for this if he reads it, but my bf is a notorious sleep talker (and sleep um.. other things but lets not go there). The other night we'd dozed off while Aphex was still on the stereo in the other room and, thinking he was still half awake, I mumbled we should maybe turn it off and sleep properly.

He then proceeded to grab his shirt and try to put his feet through it like it was a pair of pants. He kept at it for some time while I giggled and said "wtf are you doing, thats a shirt not your pants", and he just got frustrated and kept trying. Eventually he gave up and put the shirt on properly, but then told me it was like a metaphor, or something equally nonsensical as an explanation. When I said I still didnt get wtf he was on about he goes "oh this is so frustrating! *sigh!*" and went back to sleep. Tee hee.

omg abbott to thread.

i have also done weird shit in my sleep, but i don't think i hold a candle to my friend jeff, who is a sometime ilxor, so i'll let him tell you himself if he wants to.

This sounds like the beginning of a Twilight Zone episode about a record producer with an uncanny ability to uncover new sounds that the kids will like.
(multi xpost)

jackballs.

I don't think I can compete with the crocfarmer/hogbutcher tmi/cio tag team so I'm out.

oh god i'm going to MISS HIM!

Hahaha kenan I have woken my boyfriend up by SCREAMING random shit and jumping out of bed. As you know. But I don't think I ever mentioned the v endearing thing he did once in his sleep: he started by doing this rapid air smooching, like kissing the air ultra fast 30 times in as many seconds. Then he started making these sweet, satisfied sounding descending pitches: "Hu-um, hah-hum, ha-hum, hmm-um," and then the same thing an octave higher: he did like a whole scale of them & started over!

i want to watch a youtube video of that so bad

I ran really fast out of bed once at 3 am or so, expecting to see a Christmas tree and stockings and gifts. But there weren't any. I was so baffled. Where did they all go? What were we going to do for Christmas morning?

It turns out it was MARCH. I was 22 at the time.

one of the reasons you rock: you go TOTALLY FUCKING NUTS every night in your sleep.

YOU'RE ON THE LOOSE WIG!

Me? Or the generic "you" as in 'you guys' or 'the human race'?

My dad has a lot of dreams about Saved By The Bell! Seriously, talking about dreams with him is like getting crap fanfic read out loud.

the loose wig

That is the best fucking thing I've ever heard!

a friend of mine from work takes zombie movies too seriously and has had dreams that her mom tried to eat her...

nowhere near as cool as what you guys are talking about but blah....

That is the best fucking thing I've ever heard!

There's a whole record. Del Close. Allegedly one of Brian Wilson's favorites. I'll sendspace it to you.

I only go nuts if I fall asleep sitting up

abbott, check yr email

I got woken up the other night by some sleep talk, the end of which which went like this:

He: (impatiently) "What if we have to wait an HOUR for him to play?!"

Me: "Who?"

He: "Rivers Cuomo!"

My ex-boyfriend slept through alarms all the time. Once ours went off and he said "Are they serving breakfast?" "Who?" I replied. "The Rice Krispy company." "I doubt it," I said. "Well, why did they wake me up so early?"

BAHAHAHA wow!

They are the only two guys I've dated who talk in their sleep. A good way to encourage it is to ask them nonsense questions while they're drifting off. If they catch you, you can pretend you're talking in your sleep yourself. I love sleep talk!

The guy I am currently with spouted once off a long string of unrelated words (earlier that same Rivers Cuomo night, actually!), and he acted really adamant about whatever he thought he was saying, and grabbed my arm really firmly. It was complete nonsense, definitely not a sentence. All nouns.

My youngest sister always talks in her sleep (and sometimes sleepwalks). When she was very young they all sounded like The Incredible Journey-style adventures:

"We have to get the rabbits over the mountain"

"We can't let the cookies fight with the onion"

"I can't put that many squirrels in my backpack. I can't help feed them all."

omg leave the poor squirrels alone, abbiesister, i'm sure they'll be fine

but lord knows maybe they were on mars and there were no trees

I talk in my sleep. I also once, allegedly, had loud sex dream about female friend my then gf DESPISED.

I really wouldn't recommend that to anyone in a relationship. "What did I say? Oh....right. Yeah I'd be annoyed too. I didn't mean to though. I mean I was asleep. I don't actually like her in that way".

I had a girlfriend who was pissed at me for a whole day because apparently she had a dream in which I was mean to her..

It's YOUR dream psycho...

my ex used to have loads of dreams that i was cheating on him, and dreams about being forced to watch me have orgies with like 5 guys. he'd wake up really upset and be weird with me the whole day.

talk about projection - it turned out he'd actually cheated on me.

like kissing the air ultra fast 30 times in as many seconds

Apparently (according to my ex-girlfriend) I did things like this quite a bit. Once I also sat up in bed yelling "BEARS! BEARS! BEARS! BEARS! BEARS! BEARS! BEARS! BEARS! BEARS! BEARS! BEARS! BEARS! BEARS! BEARS! BEARS! ... eric ... vellum."

So I wonder what causes the rapid repetition thing.

God, my dreams are SOOOOO boring recently. Is it a sign of getting old? I haven't even had sex in a dream for about two years. I'm usually shopping or something. I wish I woke up babbling or something.

I've been known to sit up with a start yelling "--aaaat the fuck!"

I famously woke my gf up one night with by groping around the bed. She wakes up and asks what I'm looking for: "Dammit Niki, it's the Cinnabons, isn't it?"

ruby's last post = whoa nelly, call the head doctor on this dude

i dumped his ass (eventually) instead. believe me - the crazy dreams were just the tip of his insane iceberg!

xpost to myself unless you were somehow dropping hints that you were unhappy with him and what you REALLY wanted was a 5-dude gangbang while he was strapped into a clockwork-orange-like apparatus. That seems a whole lot less likely than him just having MASSIVE issues that not even years of therapy have taught me handy names for.

xpost good girl, that's bad news, right there

i mean, the words for that kind of nuts you don't hear in therapy, you hear on episodes of Law & Order and CSI, know what I mean?

oh yes, i do know what you mean.

OMG, I can't believe I never posted about the time she sat up and said

"BLIMPS...with the EYES"

She's entered a hellish realm and has met some now deceased Australian National Party politicians.

awesome :)

moley to thread: tell me who i'm gonna end up married to!

-- Rubyredd

Ruby, I missed this. Are you still unmarried?

yeah but not for long...

i still love that 'poofy' post - that just cracks me up :)

Yeah, that became one of our cute memes. I will slightly embarassedly share that the newest cute meme in our life is something she made up while awake - singing "Kiss and a head-tilt...for you!" to the tune of "Shave and a Haircut" and simultaneously blowing a kiss and tilting her head to the side in the pause.

so you should just think about this stuff when you get sad about the stuff on that other thread.

http://onesorryblog.files.wordpress.com/2007/06/fursomcover.jpg

Link please Maria:D?

Tell us about this lucky man ruby - or, spookily, perhaps you'd like me to tell you about him?????

we'll be getting married primarily for the purpose of a visa, but he's the whole reason i want the visa in the first place. in brief: he's the most awesome person i've ever met in my whole life, in pretty much every way. also: he is a total babe (bonus).

www.myspace.com/dionmcgregor

The other night she urgently called me into the room to ask me, quite cheerfully, "Did the envelope pengalope?"

well did it?

my wife does this, too. encourage it, nighttime lulz are hard to come by.

It's true. Nighttime roffles are scarce indeed. There was one time that I told myself a joke in my sleep that made me laugh so hard I woke up.

But that was an isolated incident.

My husband says some seriously funny shit sometimes, cracking me up. I always think, "I've GOT to remember this in the morning" but never do.

Alas, I never understand my husband's jokes. He finds'em hilarious though.

Your poor husband. Or poor you, I'm not certain which.

Last night:

Anguished cry from bedroom.

Me, running in: "What's wrong?"

Wife: "Is there bingling?"

...

An hour later:

Call from bedroom.

I go in.

My wife, eyes half open, repeatedly rubs the bridge of her nose with her index finger and puts her finger to her mouth as though tasting something and says "Mmmm"

she's cheating on you

So????

Was there bingling!?!????

[Cue guitar riff from "Scorpio" and LL Cool J]

has she seen this thread?

either you stop pengaloping envelopes or there'll be trouble

Every time I have arranged to exorcise a girlfirend it has ruined our sex. You were wise to resist the temptation.

perhaps you mistakenly had them sexorcised instead?

hahahaa

Recent works:

Her: "Cow."
Me: "Cow?"
Her: "Meow."

---

Her (agitated): "I have to go to the shoe!"
Me: "The what?"
Her: "The long shoe!"
Me: (laughing) "What?!"
Her: "The shoe list!"

---

Just now: a simple, sung "Ah"

You got a good one.

"The long shoe" sounds like something casinos have to discourage card counting.

Wife: "Is there bingling?"

big or small?

They're bingling, baby.

This thread restores my faith in humanity.

wife is asleep on the couch

her cell phone rings -- it reads "Parents"

She raises her head, looks at it and says "Parents?! What the fuck is Parents?!"

As long as you're together, you'll never be bored. Congratulations :)

Two nights ago, her head pops out the bedroom doorway -- "The rush Michael tree!"

Tonight - I find out I got a couple of job interviews, I go in to tell her, hoping she might be awake.

Me: "I've got good news!"

Her: "Why does love need news?"

It's a fair question.

On her way to the bathroom, she just informed me that "Shaman definitely wanted to stay at Leparla (?) home"

Man, all I ever got was a girl who occasionally sat bolt upright in bed and stared at me in UNBLINKING FEAR AND HORROR until I stroked her head and laid her back down for a cuddle. It wasn't funny at all! As has been said, but it's v true, YOU ARE V LUCKY dude

Mrs. H. napping. I think I hear her call out to me and I come in.

Me: Did you make a noise?
Her: (suddenly opening her eyes and looking upset) What?!
Me: I thought you made a noise
Her: WHAT????!!! I bought the sea pie-pen! What's so bad about that?
Me: (laughing)
Her: Everything is bad!
Me: (still laughing) I have no idea what you're talking about! I think you're half asleep!
Her: So?!
Me: It's ok, you can buy whatever you want.
Her: (calming down) ok

d'ya reckon she's doing it deliberately by now

no it's very real

Her: "Why does love need news?"

this is all-time cutecelsior fwiw

i sleep-talk, too, and if someone points out that i am asleep i have sometimes argued and said "i am not asleep!" indignantly

hahaha, I totally forgot about "Parents?! What the fuck is Parents?!"

This is the most classic thread.

This thread is awesome.

I once saw a girl who talked and sang in her sleep. Nothing as good as some of Mrs h's stuff on this thread but she did once nestle in to me and lay her head on my chest and say "fuck off, jamie" :/

hahahahahaaaaa

it simply wasn't to be

hahaha, great thread. My SO last night, mid-slumber apropos of nothing: "There's always somebody above you." When prodded for more: "You know, the man. Always someone trying to push you down." She NEVER talks like this so I started laughing and then she started sleep-giggling and then stopped, deadpan: "There's nothing funny about this." Then I started LAWLLIN and she kept giggling, then back to dreamland.

one time I apparently sleep-told my gf that I needed my glasses so I could see my dreams properly. I'm not so twee in waking life, I swear.

Woke up being punched in the face by a girlfriend once, not the best wake up i've ever had.

I kneed a bf in the back once in my sleep. Lucky he wasnt facing me. In my dream I really was trying to knee someone in the nuts.

why does love need news so good

I come in to bed (not talking).

Her: "Will you please stop talking in a Mexican accent! It's really annoying!"

I just walked in with some groceries and she was napping. She opens her eyes looking very upset:

"Son of a gorilla! EW!"
"Who's a son of a gorilla, me?"
"NO!"

After finally getting K to sleep, I climb into bed next to her.

"Mmm"
"Hi there"
"Are you an ice cream?"
For a second I think she's hinting at something... Nope, she's asleep and thinks I'm a walking, talking ice cream.

(*her = my wife, obv, not K)

I slept over on a sofa at a friend's house and when they came in the room, apparently I blurted out "OF MICE AND MEN!"

Took me ages to find this thread. I keep thinking about it now I've discovered I have a rampantly florid sleeptalker for a partner.
This morning I sat up and sneezed and muttered that it might be hayfever. He informed me "no, its catbus." Five minutes later he sat up, looked confused and said "aw - catbus just left the bed!". Then he told me he was having sausages.

He frequently hums tunes, and once blurted out "BABY COME BACK" (as in, the Player song). He often goes on about numbers, or levels, and if I ever ask him what he said he retorts "I dont KNOWWW!" in this grumpy voice. It is hilarious.

omg

catbus just left the bed :'''(

He has bad sleep apnoea so i think that adds to it, as it semi-wakes him constantly. I've been recording him, its gold.

xpost hahah yes he was so sad!

the one time I had my sleeptalking reported to me, I had been to an anarchist demonstration over the weekend. I was talking about how flexi-discs make much better roadblocks

when mine has bad dreams he yells out wordlessly, a friend named it the "hilltop holler".

Yeah my guy has done that too, silent screams... very disconcerting.

Fascinating, weirdly funny thread. Tempted to start a parallel "Do I Need to Get a Girlfriend for My Exorcist?" thread.

i don't really talk but i laugh a lot in my sleep, sometimes i wake myself up. my sister has always talked streams of absolute guddle in an adamant tone, her partner can't believe his sensible ears.

wish vic XI still posted tbh

My boyfriend woke up and started talking to me in Polish last week. Also this, from months ago:

C, asleep in a chair: "What did you do with the sticks?"
Me: "The sticks?"
C: "The sticks I gave you."
M: "What sticks?"
C: "The sticks I made you, for the fence."
M: "What fence?"

We never figured out what fence.

Ha!

My bf seems obsessed with cats in his sleep haha.

I accidentally semi woke him the other day to be greeted with this frightening grin, and then he said "did you see it? The cat? How cool is the cat!?"

When he woke properly he was all "it was a big ginger tabby!"

I haven't had new material for this in a while - I guess she's mellowing. However, I realized I never posted one of my favorites, which I think may actually have been the first instance of this in our relationship, back when she was about to finish her degree:

H (very agitated): I'm worried about my boobipoo!
Me: Your what?!
H: My diploma!
Me: Why are you worried about your diploma?
H: I'm worried it doesn't say my name! I think it says something else!
Me: What do you think it says?
H: Boobipoo!

irl lol

lolled for 30 seconds straight

Ah my fave thread. I posted this one on FB the other day but bf said whinily in sleep "I dont WANNA be the king of Moomba!".

Another recent one:
"Why is everything a thing? 90 degrees, zero degrees, straight up and down!"

i woke jordan up last night by pulling the covers off him, then sleepily said 'oh sorry, i was looking for the birds in my dream'. no recollection what i was dreaming about, or why they would be on top of my husband, under the covers...

Last night:

Her: No!
Me: No?
Her: No. Don't do anything with the capitalists.

***
later:

Her: Tights! Tights!

Just got: "It's just a warm hole, stick it in there."

lol

Damned if u do,etc

B (in his sleep): ....I dont believe you!
Me: Huh?
B: I'm sorry, I'm very confused now...which side should I be on... your side probly... fuck them! You did the right thing.
Me: uh.... thank you?

B: ... I came out of that alright I thought!

way to go B

I wonder what he thinks he got away with, haha.

A Catholic friend today is to undergo an exorcism at 3:30 Eastern. She has been through all the psychiatric diagnostics the Church requires. This is real. This is a horrifying situation, like something out of the movies. Her husband asked me to beg your prayers.

— Rod Dreher (@roddreher) November 15, 2018

Wow, that IS like something out of the movies.

http://www.joblo.com/newsimages1/333923-full11.jpg

do non catholics ever need catholic exorcisms do they

It is a well-known fact that solely Orthodox exorcisms are effective post-Great Schism.

whats a sizzum?

to answer that, you need to know the pizzarts

lizzol

how long does an exorcism take? should we be checking back at 3:45 eastern or will it last through supper?

anyone got the link to the Twitch livestream

why are converts always getting mixed up in weird shit like exorcism?

maybe because of weird shit like exorcism

schism flizzum exorcism

[rod dreher voice] Chelsea Manning is deluded, as there’s no such thing as “being trans”. now plz excuse me, I need to go cast some Harry Potter spells on my friend’s wife so she will poop out the fearsome demon Belphegor pic.twitter.com/1IbTzzmlLV

— KT NELSON (@KrangTNelson) November 15, 2018

krang otm as ever

how long does an exorcism take?

http://imgur.com/BBzdsiNl.png

The book Hostage to the Devil is crammed with useful info. How can you tell if you have a demon? "Violent physical transformations seem sometimes to make the lives of the possessed a
kind of hell on earth. Their normal processes of secretion and elimination are saturated with inexplicable wrackings and exaggeration."

sounds like my teenage years

Actually thinking about how fucked this exorcism shit is. This is most likely a woman with schizophrenia or some other mental condition that leads to her not sharing consensus reality, shall we say, and they're telling her "it's because you're possessed by a malevolent supernatural force", should be criminalized tbh.

to be fair exorcisims are exceedingly rare, plus how the fuck do you know

dreher seems to have recounted the story of the couple in question before:

https://www.theamericanconservative.com/dreher/nathan-story-occult-sabrina/

a sick, sick man

Mind you, Nathan is one of the least woo-woo friends I have. Again, he works as what you might call a “symbolic analyst” in a very worldly occupation, and lives in one of the biggest and most secular cities in America. He’s been a faithful Catholic for as long as I’ve known him, but not especially interested in that mystical side of the faith.

“Once you’ve seen reality through the eyes of spiritual warfare,” he told me yesterday, “you can’t go back. It’s everywhere.”

He told me other detailed stories, including accounts of bizarre, poltergeisty things happening in their apartment, and his wife being unable to stand the presence of blessed objects (a classic sign of possession). Again, readers: if you knew these people, Nathan and his wife, you would be even more shocked by all this than you are now. This is the kind of family that takes European vacations, and lives a sophisticated cosmopolitan life. And yet this horror has overtaken them. The wife goes through periods in which she hears foul blasphemies, and feels compelled to commit suicide. In the exorcism sessions, Nathan says the demons, under compulsion from the exorcist, speak of these things — in particular, how they intend to destroy Nathan’s wife, and her family life.

Kronsteen1963 says:
October 3, 2018 at 2:00 pm
In the summer of 2000, my father-in law passed away. He was a devout Christian and spent the last 6 weeks of his life at his home under Hospice care. The day after we brought him home, he began to see things. He would look out his bedroom window and complain that he saw 3 men standing in his garden. They weren’t doing anything except staring at his house. We looked out the window and saw nothing. He insisted that they were there and asked us to chase them away because they frightened him.

Later that day, we had some friends over to his house to visit him. During dinner, he pointed towards a friend and asked, “Who is he? I don’t recognize him.” We replied, “That’s our friend Kyle, you know him.” He replied, “Yes, I know Kyle. But who is standing next to him?” There was no one there. We told Dad that we couldn’t see anyone. I asked Dad if this person frightened like the three in the garden. He replied, “No, he doesn’t frighten me at all.”

What did my father-in-law see? I’m sure rationalists have an easy explanation – a dying old man who is having hallucinations. But, he wasn’t drugged up or losing his mind. Until the last two weeks, he was a lucid as you or I, and we had numerous conversations about all sorts of issues.

As a Christian, I have my own ideas of what my father-in-law saw. I believe this stuff is real. The Bible says it is. Jesus, his disciples, and Paul all cast out demons. I fully understand why an atheist would think this is nonsense, but have a tough time understanding why a Christian would.

[NFR: It is common for people in the last days of life to see figures who are invisible to the rest of us — usually people they knew in life, who have since died. Talk to hospice nurses. It’s also in the literature. I don’t think there is necessarily anything sinister about this stuff. Though my father’s hospice nurse did tell me that once she had a patient who screamed in his final moments that demons were dragging him to Hell. It unnerved her. He was an Episcopal priest, she said. — RD]

Mind you, Nathan is one of the least woo-woo friends I have. Again, he works as what you might call a “symbolic analyst” in a very worldly occupation, and lives in one of the biggest and most secular cities in America.

love these bits he always puts as a preamble that are implicitly saying "this person isn't a bumbling rube from buttfuck nowhere therefore this deeply superstitious and irrational behaviour of his can't be put down to lack of sophistication, but must instead be grounded in fact"

fuck i shouldnt have opened this thread in the dark

u kno wut they say

This is the kind of family that takes European vacations

Probably picked up some kind of evil infection when they were over there.

Love the use of “Again, readers” there — it really adds to the atmosphere and sense that this is an insane man who believes he’s privy to insider occult intel.

Did I never outline the time B sleepwalked into the kitchen one morning (there had, to be fair, been a LOT of drinking the night before) and proceed to ramble to me in a flawless Irish accent about how he had to be sure they'd cut the RED wire, and not the BLUE wire, or else the whole thing would blow up, and we had to hurry or the others'd be after us.

It was like he was channeling someone else and was reaaaally disconcerting.

Did he pee on the rug right after that?

Thankfully no.

before, then

Probably my favourite ILX thread, the phrases "did the envelope pengalope" and "is there bingling", will never leave me.

the fibonacci sequence is my fav

Days when i wonder whether i need to summon a demon for my wife but that's another thread

ive a couple sleep-talking stories i hadn't recounted itt

my ex-wife, still sleeping, once woke me up at about 6am to ask me "can i taunt (sic) you to a chicken pizza?"

my friend jonny, sleeping in a travel lodge while the rest of us were still awake from all the drugs, turned over in bed, sat up, and shouted "Kelly Clarkson".

didn't sleep talk, and i never have night terrors, but a few times in dreams where it appears i'm going to get stung, bitten, etc by an animal (which happens a lot), i've actually thrown myself out of bed.

one of these times i was dreaming I was fleeing a shitload of bees (enough to kill me) and I was jumping into the water to escape them and in the process I actually rolled out of my bed and faceplanted my cheek onto the oak dresser next to me, woke up bleeding.

I'd forgotten about B being sad about catbus leaving the bed, hahahaa.

B, in his sleep: “I think I’m going to go lie down now”.