http://www.guardian.co.uk/g2/story/0,3604,1498046,00.html
I think depresssingly that it's true, and this drives me up the wall. Who in their right *mind* is put off someone because they are not arrogant enough? Who isn't attracted to nice people? What's the MATTER with everyone?
Is being 'Too Nice' not getting you dates? Is being a b*stard getting you loads? Can anyone who hates Too Nice-ness explain why?
― Niceguys, Friday, 3 June 2005 08:32 (twenty years ago)
― N_RQ, Friday, 3 June 2005 08:35 (twenty years ago)
― Sociah T Azzahole (blueski), Friday, 3 June 2005 08:38 (twenty years ago)
― ken c (ken c), Friday, 3 June 2005 08:39 (twenty years ago)
― The Lex (The Lex), Friday, 3 June 2005 08:42 (twenty years ago)
― leigh (leigh), Friday, 3 June 2005 08:44 (twenty years ago)
― Sociah T Azzahole (blueski), Friday, 3 June 2005 08:44 (twenty years ago)
― gem (trisk), Friday, 3 June 2005 08:45 (twenty years ago)
xpost
― The Lex (The Lex), Friday, 3 June 2005 08:45 (twenty years ago)
― N_RQ, Friday, 3 June 2005 08:48 (twenty years ago)
(NB this is probably not generalisable)
― edward o (edwardo), Friday, 3 June 2005 08:52 (twenty years ago)
Yeah not like he had any control over the matter...!
― Sociah T Azzahole (blueski), Friday, 3 June 2005 08:54 (twenty years ago)
― gem (trisk), Friday, 3 June 2005 08:56 (twenty years ago)
― Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Friday, 3 June 2005 08:56 (twenty years ago)
oh come now, that's not a very nice thing to say about britney spears!
― to let - flats (Jody Beth Rosen), Friday, 3 June 2005 08:56 (twenty years ago)
There are lots of guys out there who do act like bastards towards girls, and lots of girls who behave appallingly towards guys. But there are also lots of really nice people out there, so if you are one of those then I think you should just carry on being yourself because in time you'll attract someone with similar qualities, rather that trying to attract just anyone based on presenting a false image of yourself simply to get tail.
― C J (C J), Friday, 3 June 2005 08:58 (twenty years ago)
― to let - flats (Jody Beth Rosen), Friday, 3 June 2005 09:00 (twenty years ago)
― C J (C J), Friday, 3 June 2005 09:01 (twenty years ago)
― to let - flats (Jody Beth Rosen), Friday, 3 June 2005 09:02 (twenty years ago)
― Sociah T Azzahole (blueski), Friday, 3 June 2005 09:02 (twenty years ago)
i'm a bad boy, with a lotta hoesdrive my own carand wear my own clothes
― N_Rq, Friday, 3 June 2005 09:02 (twenty years ago)
― C J (C J), Friday, 3 June 2005 09:05 (twenty years ago)
― to let - flats (Jody Beth Rosen), Friday, 3 June 2005 09:05 (twenty years ago)
― N_RQ, Friday, 3 June 2005 09:06 (twenty years ago)
As I said on another thread somewhere recently, I did have several opportunities/offers, but I usually rejected these on the grounds that, because I didn't consider myself "attractive," I invariably thought that they were simply taking the piss.
― Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Friday, 3 June 2005 09:07 (twenty years ago)
― to let - flats (Jody Beth Rosen), Friday, 3 June 2005 09:10 (twenty years ago)
― C J (C J), Friday, 3 June 2005 09:13 (twenty years ago)
― Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Friday, 3 June 2005 09:13 (twenty years ago)
― mullygrubbr (bulbs), Friday, 3 June 2005 09:13 (twenty years ago)
one would hope.
― to let - flats (Jody Beth Rosen), Friday, 3 June 2005 09:14 (twenty years ago)
― charltonlido (gareth), Friday, 3 June 2005 09:14 (twenty years ago)
― to let - flats (Jody Beth Rosen), Friday, 3 June 2005 09:15 (twenty years ago)
― Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Friday, 3 June 2005 09:16 (twenty years ago)
― to let - flats (Jody Beth Rosen), Friday, 3 June 2005 09:17 (twenty years ago)
I’ve been on dates where I’ve been nice & it’s never worked.
Just be yourself, if they don’t like you, so what no one dies.
― not-goodwin (not-goodwin), Friday, 3 June 2005 09:18 (twenty years ago)
― Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Friday, 3 June 2005 09:20 (twenty years ago)
― to let - flats (Jody Beth Rosen), Friday, 3 June 2005 09:21 (twenty years ago)
― ken c (ken c), Friday, 3 June 2005 09:26 (twenty years ago)
― Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Friday, 3 June 2005 09:26 (twenty years ago)
― Sociah T Azzahole (blueski), Friday, 3 June 2005 09:26 (twenty years ago)
― Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Friday, 3 June 2005 09:27 (twenty years ago)
― ken c (ken c), Friday, 3 June 2005 09:27 (twenty years ago)
― N_RQ, Friday, 3 June 2005 09:29 (twenty years ago)
I went on a date with a girl I met at a party; I thought it was going ok, but I was wrong. She didn’t want to see me again. On my ten-minute walk home, I thought so what, yeah she was nice looking and seemed like a nice girl but I (the nice nervous guy) wasn’t her type. That’s it.
Ever since I’ve been myself on dates, and I do fine.
I’m still alive to tell the tale, so hey no one dies!
― not-goodwin (not-goodwin), Friday, 3 June 2005 09:31 (twenty years ago)
― to let - flats (Jody Beth Rosen), Friday, 3 June 2005 09:31 (twenty years ago)
That's it, really. I'm boring. A boring bastard. Sums it up succinctly.
― Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Friday, 3 June 2005 09:35 (twenty years ago)
― not-goodwin (not-goodwin), Friday, 3 June 2005 09:37 (twenty years ago)
― Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Friday, 3 June 2005 09:37 (twenty years ago)
― Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Friday, 3 June 2005 09:38 (twenty years ago)
great!
― piscesboy, Friday, 3 June 2005 09:39 (twenty years ago)
Err... never fucking worked for me.
― Chewshabadoo (Chewshabadoo), Friday, 3 June 2005 09:39 (twenty years ago)
― to let - flats (Jody Beth Rosen), Friday, 3 June 2005 09:40 (twenty years ago)
what is 'yourself'. are you the same with every single person you know, or are you slightly different. do you treat you boss, your mum, your housemate, your friends, your dealer, the same? or do they all see a slightly different you. which one of those 'yous' is you being yourself?
― charltonlido (gareth), Friday, 3 June 2005 09:40 (twenty years ago)
― charltonlido (gareth), Friday, 3 June 2005 09:41 (twenty years ago)
― ken c (ken c), Friday, 3 June 2005 09:42 (twenty years ago)
ken c: "if a tree falls" etc.
― to let - flats (Jody Beth Rosen), Friday, 3 June 2005 09:43 (twenty years ago)
if this were even remotely true i'd be up to my neck in it.
― N_RQ, Friday, 3 June 2005 09:43 (twenty years ago)
er... works for me.
ps how do you do the italic thing???
― not-goodwin (not-goodwin), Friday, 3 June 2005 09:44 (twenty years ago)
― ken c (ken c), Friday, 3 June 2005 09:45 (twenty years ago)
Err, no. The one that picks its nose, sprawls inelegantly and generally relaxes thoroughly is not a side that is fit for public consumption. 'Be entertaining' is more a more valid piece of advice. If only entertaining to yourself.
― Liz :x (Liz :x), Friday, 3 June 2005 09:46 (twenty years ago)
― to let - flats (Jody Beth Rosen), Friday, 3 June 2005 09:47 (twenty years ago)
― ken c (ken c), Friday, 3 June 2005 09:47 (twenty years ago)
― to let - flats (Jody Beth Rosen), Friday, 3 June 2005 09:48 (twenty years ago)
oh but i don't do that.
― ken c (ken c), Friday, 3 June 2005 09:48 (twenty years ago)
― Liz :x (Liz :x), Friday, 3 June 2005 09:49 (twenty years ago)
― ken c (ken c), Friday, 3 June 2005 09:49 (twenty years ago)
What makes you think I have a dealer?
― Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Friday, 3 June 2005 09:52 (twenty years ago)
― not-goodwin (not-goodwin), Friday, 3 June 2005 09:54 (twenty years ago)
― Sociah T Azzahole (blueski), Friday, 3 June 2005 09:56 (twenty years ago)
― to let - flats (Jody Beth Rosen), Friday, 3 June 2005 09:56 (twenty years ago)
― Sociah T Azzahole (blueski), Friday, 3 June 2005 09:57 (twenty years ago)
der
― not-goodwin (not-goodwin), Friday, 3 June 2005 09:58 (twenty years ago)
'but only because by then you'll have given up completely'
ha ha
(sobs)
― koogs (koogs), Friday, 3 June 2005 09:59 (twenty years ago)
― not-goodwin (not-goodwin), Friday, 3 June 2005 10:11 (twenty years ago)
― N_RQ, Friday, 3 June 2005 10:14 (twenty years ago)
<i>by typing this</i>
― caitlin (caitlin), Friday, 3 June 2005 10:16 (twenty years ago)
― ken c (ken c), Friday, 3 June 2005 10:22 (twenty years ago)
― Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Friday, 3 June 2005 10:34 (twenty years ago)
― caitlin (caitlin), Friday, 3 June 2005 10:37 (twenty years ago)
― Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Friday, 3 June 2005 10:38 (twenty years ago)
― caitlin oh no (caitxa1), Friday, 3 June 2005 11:04 (twenty years ago)
― Tuomas (Tuomas), Friday, 3 June 2005 11:16 (twenty years ago)
― Tuomas (Tuomas), Friday, 3 June 2005 11:19 (twenty years ago)
― caitlin oh no (caitxa1), Friday, 3 June 2005 11:25 (twenty years ago)
― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 3 June 2005 11:36 (twenty years ago)
― Tuomas (Tuomas), Friday, 3 June 2005 11:45 (twenty years ago)
― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Friday, 3 June 2005 11:48 (twenty years ago)
Her advice on this one really pissed me off big time.
http://observer.guardian.co.uk/magazine/story/0,,1384572,00.html
― Bob Six (bobbysix), Friday, 3 June 2005 11:50 (twenty years ago)
― not-goodwin (not-goodwin), Friday, 3 June 2005 11:51 (twenty years ago)
― caitlin oh no (caitxa1), Friday, 3 June 2005 11:55 (twenty years ago)
Yeah, from what I hear carrying a guitar in your back is the surest way to get girls. If you can't play it though, prepare a good explanation just in case you're asked to ("My muse has left me, and I simply cannot touch the strings until someone will fill the void. Could it be you?").
― Tuomas (Tuomas), Friday, 3 June 2005 11:55 (twenty years ago)
― Homosexual II (Homosexual II), Friday, 3 June 2005 12:14 (twenty years ago)
― Tuomas (Tuomas), Friday, 3 June 2005 12:22 (twenty years ago)
― Tuomas (Tuomas), Friday, 3 June 2005 12:24 (twenty years ago)
exactly martin! being an insecure geek/shy is not the same as being nice. being forward isn't being a bastard!
― ken c (ken c), Friday, 3 June 2005 12:29 (twenty years ago)
Maybe she will then date you when you have been discharged from jail.
― DV (dirtyvicar), Friday, 3 June 2005 12:40 (twenty years ago)
― BARMS, Friday, 3 June 2005 13:00 (twenty years ago)
i should know, i tried (zits and all), and it didnt work. my current girlfriend (thank god almighty im not in the dating system) is actually turned OFF by guitar slinging guys. so go figure.
― AaronK (AaronK), Friday, 3 June 2005 13:09 (twenty years ago)
My Whine On The Subject. Sigh.
Anyway, carry on. The cycle of repetitions of this thread subject is starting to worry me.
― The Square Root Of Negative Two (kate), Friday, 3 June 2005 13:12 (twenty years ago)
― ken c (ken c), Friday, 3 June 2005 13:25 (twenty years ago)
― Tuomas (Tuomas), Friday, 3 June 2005 13:29 (twenty years ago)
― Ian Riese-Moraine's all but an ark-lark! (Eastern Mantra), Friday, 3 June 2005 13:30 (twenty years ago)
― Ian Riese-Moraine's all but an ark-lark! (Eastern Mantra), Friday, 3 June 2005 13:32 (twenty years ago)
― The Sensational Sulk (sexyDancer), Friday, 3 June 2005 13:33 (twenty years ago)
― BARMS, Friday, 3 June 2005 13:50 (twenty years ago)
worked for billy corgan!
― to let - flats (Jody Beth Rosen), Friday, 3 June 2005 14:18 (twenty years ago)
― teeny (teeny), Friday, 3 June 2005 14:20 (twenty years ago)
― Onimo (GerryNemo), Friday, 3 June 2005 14:21 (twenty years ago)
― BARMS, Friday, 3 June 2005 14:23 (twenty years ago)
OTM.
― AdrianB (AdrianB), Friday, 3 June 2005 14:28 (twenty years ago)
― AdrianB (AdrianB), Friday, 3 June 2005 14:30 (twenty years ago)
It's like riding a bicycle. It all comes back to you really easy.
instead of being yourself, you should try and be your dad. see you have the same genes and whatever he did got him a wife. -- ken c (pykachu10...) (webmail), June 3rd, 2005 3:26 AM. (ken c) (later)
Great advice... if you want to date your mother.
― M. White (Miguelito), Friday, 3 June 2005 14:33 (twenty years ago)
Please be so kind as to excuse me for being so frank, but this is utter rubbish.
― M. White (Miguelito), Friday, 3 June 2005 14:34 (twenty years ago)
― Tantrum The Cat (Tantrum The Cat), Friday, 3 June 2005 14:36 (twenty years ago)
― AdrianB (AdrianB), Friday, 3 June 2005 14:36 (twenty years ago)
VERY OTM.
― Ian Riese-Moraine's all but an ark-lark! (Eastern Mantra), Friday, 3 June 2005 14:40 (twenty years ago)
but that's certainly not the way to be "nice" in adult life when it's in your role kind of to do things and help others give voice etc.
― ken c (ken c), Friday, 3 June 2005 14:42 (twenty years ago)
I agree about the 'too nice' designation but it's inexact. When you call a very passive person 'too nice' you're just being too nice to spell out the fact that they're boring, dependant, and predictable.
― M. White (Miguelito), Friday, 3 June 2005 14:43 (twenty years ago)
My point was, some of those who are "too nice", the reason they appear to lack a personality is because they let events control them, rather than deciding what to do - it is their lack of forcefulness, the very factor you identify as being helpful and useful, which is their downfall. Hence one reason for their self-perceived romantic woes.
― AdrianB (AdrianB), Friday, 3 June 2005 14:47 (twenty years ago)
― to let - flats (Jody Beth Rosen), Friday, 3 June 2005 14:56 (twenty years ago)
http://www.blacktable.com/elder040212.htm
I don't agree with everything in this article, but it's very easy for men to fall into a self-fulfilling, nice-guys-finish-last mindtrap.
― Tantrum The Cat (Tantrum The Cat), Friday, 3 June 2005 14:58 (twenty years ago)
― Je4nne ƒur¥ (Je4nne Fury), Friday, 3 June 2005 15:04 (twenty years ago)
― to let - flats (Jody Beth Rosen), Friday, 3 June 2005 15:07 (twenty years ago)
Man, you should see the rain here!
― jel -- (jel), Friday, 3 June 2005 15:15 (twenty years ago)
― koogs (koogs), Friday, 3 June 2005 15:23 (twenty years ago)
Actually, I'm probably just too mute and unassuming to get dates, nevermind, hey!
― jel -- (jel), Friday, 3 June 2005 15:29 (twenty years ago)
or more generally, accomplishing something that people generally admire on some level.
being in a shit band is probably not completely there either.
i've gotten the too nice tag intermittently in the past. i think then i finally realized that some of these girls were specifically into total assholes. that's their problem not mine. often it's a cop out/code word for a lack of magic. and again, if they don't feel it, that's their deal.
if you're consistently having this problem, you may want to be forthright with the ladies and try to get advice... "what didn't work? really. honestly. no cop outs. i can take it. no hard feelings."
you may learn that you have a few things to fix. you may also learn that she just is actually pretty damned incompatible but you were too busy staring at her boobs to care. at very least, i find the good will ending a better place to be. better friends than estranged. you never know, she may try to hook you up with a friend... m.
― msp (mspa), Friday, 3 June 2005 16:13 (twenty years ago)
There are certainly some females who are attracted to assholes but this "nice guys finish last" nonsense is a myth anyway cos a rather shocking proportion of the "nice guys" I know, or guys who were "nice guys not getting laid" but no longer fall into that category, were not getting laid because they were A) closet misogynists with not a single nice thing to say about the females of the species due to abject bitterness about lack of laying B) not actually bothering to HIT ON ANYONE EVER, thus defeating any chance of the getting laid or C) acted really desperate and nervous around any females. So, I mean, it's pretty possible to consider yourself a "nice guy", have your friends think of you as a "nice guy" but come off as a completely useless tosser around females of interest.
Doesn't apply to all people all places all times etc etc disclaimers here.
― Allyzay flies casual (allyzay), Friday, 3 June 2005 16:47 (twenty years ago)
That was an exact description of me for a few years of high school / college. Then I realized what I was doing, and decided it was a stupid way to act!
people like confidence shocker
OTM
Why can so few people get their heads around the fact that 'being an evil bastard' and 'being a pathetically insecure geek who is scared to ask anyone out' are not antonyms, and that there are other possibilities?
― sleep (sleep), Friday, 3 June 2005 16:48 (twenty years ago)
― M. White (Miguelito), Friday, 3 June 2005 16:51 (twenty years ago)
― ryan (ryan), Friday, 3 June 2005 16:51 (twenty years ago)
― ryan (ryan), Friday, 3 June 2005 16:55 (twenty years ago)
― Tantrum The Cat (Tantrum The Cat), Friday, 3 June 2005 17:18 (twenty years ago)
― jel -- (jel), Friday, 3 June 2005 17:22 (twenty years ago)
(er, the first post, not the one about he gorillas)
― sleep (sleep), Friday, 3 June 2005 17:24 (twenty years ago)
i see people with self-doubt, neediness, pushover-ness, no self-awareness or identity, or self-absorbed focus on getting someone/anyone rather than being drawn to someone for their uniqueness... call themselves 'nice' thereby denying they have any flaws (i can't get laid cuz chicks only like assholes).
― lolita corpus (lolitacorpus), Friday, 3 June 2005 17:27 (twenty years ago)
― jel -- (jel), Friday, 3 June 2005 17:29 (twenty years ago)
because i was so self-consciously trying to not be one of those guys i would somehow unconsciously think NOT hittting on someone made me seem cooler and more attractive. "hey im the guy NOT paying attention to you! you should want to go out with me!"
it's pretty fucked up really--but i'd bet a lot of money something similar goes on in the minds of lots of shy guys.
― ryan (ryan), Friday, 3 June 2005 17:32 (twenty years ago)
― AdrianB (AdrianB), Friday, 3 June 2005 17:35 (twenty years ago)
x-post: exactly!
― ryan (ryan), Friday, 3 June 2005 17:35 (twenty years ago)
yeah, when i had the nice guy woes, i was B with a chance of C. but i can relate to the, "not wanting to be a creep" syndrome. also, feeling shallow for hitting on girls at bars solely based on their looks/presence. actually, i still never got past that very well. and the times i forced myself to, i was sorely disappointed anyway. attractive doesn't mean dateable.
thanks to school, clubs, orgs, church, etc etc for a connection beyond just attraction. plus, it's an easy in towards conversation. "hi, i'm blah. so, why are you interested blahblah?" i could be shallow with an excuse!m.
― msp (mspa), Friday, 3 June 2005 17:38 (twenty years ago)
― jel -- (jel), Friday, 3 June 2005 17:38 (twenty years ago)
― jaymc (jaymc), Friday, 3 June 2005 17:45 (twenty years ago)
All I could think was "If you took half the time that you wasted on this laboured and thoroughly unfunny routine & put it into being less of a badly dressed, wisecracking, whiney milquetoast, then maybe you'd get laid and the world would be spared another shitty standup, 'cause you'd be out with your girlfriend."
I really should've yelled that out at him.
― Tantrum The Cat (Tantrum The Cat), Friday, 3 June 2005 17:49 (twenty years ago)
xpost to jaymc
― sleep (sleep), Friday, 3 June 2005 17:51 (twenty years ago)
― nickalicious (nickalicious), Friday, 3 June 2005 17:52 (twenty years ago)
― n/a (Nick A.), Friday, 3 June 2005 17:54 (twenty years ago)
― M. White (Miguelito), Friday, 3 June 2005 17:56 (twenty years ago)
― nickalicious (nickalicious), Friday, 3 June 2005 17:57 (twenty years ago)
― Homosexual II (Homosexual II), Friday, 3 June 2005 17:57 (twenty years ago)
― n/a (Nick A.), Friday, 3 June 2005 17:58 (twenty years ago)
― n/a (Nick A.), Friday, 3 June 2005 17:59 (twenty years ago)
― jaymc (jaymc), Friday, 3 June 2005 17:59 (twenty years ago)
― jaymc (jaymc), Friday, 3 June 2005 18:00 (twenty years ago)
― M. White (Miguelito), Friday, 3 June 2005 18:02 (twenty years ago)
― n/a (Nick A.), Friday, 3 June 2005 18:03 (twenty years ago)
― jaymc (jaymc), Friday, 3 June 2005 18:04 (twenty years ago)
― n/a (Nick A.), Friday, 3 June 2005 18:07 (twenty years ago)
― "waterfalls of poontang" by n. coleman & m. wright (nickalicious), Friday, 3 June 2005 18:09 (twenty years ago)
― Homosexual II (Homosexual II), Friday, 3 June 2005 18:28 (twenty years ago)
― no name given, Friday, 3 June 2005 21:26 (twenty years ago)
― no name given, Friday, 3 June 2005 21:31 (twenty years ago)
Guilty as charged. I'll stick my neck out here and say that I've made every mistake a guy can possibly make in a relationship. I've been "too nice", I've been the proverbial asshole, I've been distant, I've been clingy... it seems like the closest thing to a balance I've ever had is the relationship I'm in right now, and even that has seen its share of problems. I guess all that one can do is a) be realistic about desires and b) learn from past mistakes.
― Tantrum The Cat (Tantrum The Cat), Friday, 3 June 2005 21:42 (twenty years ago)
I don't know, I always found coyness more charming. But then again, most of this thread's about males not getting dates, no females.
― Ian Riese-Moraine's all but an ark-lark! (Eastern Mantra), Friday, 3 June 2005 21:48 (twenty years ago)
― Homosexual II (Homosexual II), Friday, 3 June 2005 22:04 (twenty years ago)
― AdrianB (AdrianB), Friday, 3 June 2005 22:45 (twenty years ago)
now off to the bar!
― strng hlkngtn, Friday, 3 June 2005 22:47 (twenty years ago)
I think Ally is OTM about the B) guys who never hit on anyone, ever scenario as well. I've had this situation a couple of times lately, with blokes who I think are great, and attracted enough to them that I probably would date and/or sleep with them. But they never make a move! Which leads me to think that they aren't actually attracted to me, and just being "nice". I think there might be some truth to the idea ... not that women like to be "told what to do" - but that many women are insecure beasts, and would just like to feel *wanted*. Quite frankly, I'm sick of always having to make the first move (and often getting rebuffed and hurt in the process) so call it laziness or call it what you like, but he who *asks* gets.
Anyway, this is just turning into a self pity party for me, so I'll take it elsewhere.
― The Square Root Of Negative Two (kate), Saturday, 4 June 2005 12:25 (twenty years ago)
― Ian Riese-Moraine's all but an ark-lark! (Eastern Mantra), Saturday, 4 June 2005 12:35 (twenty years ago)
― caitlin (caitlin), Saturday, 4 June 2005 12:36 (twenty years ago)
* I'm not sure if that second comma should stay.
― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Saturday, 4 June 2005 12:40 (twenty years ago)
Never mind, I'm all torn up inside right now.
― The Square Root Of Negative Two (kate), Saturday, 4 June 2005 12:45 (twenty years ago)
people spend a lot of time presuming. they wont like me, i dont have a chance, etc. 2 people do that, and you aren't going anywhere. its that simple really, get the ball into the penalty box and see what happens. no harm in a speculative lob
― charltonlido (gareth), Saturday, 4 June 2005 13:15 (twenty years ago)
― caitlin (caitlin), Saturday, 4 June 2005 13:21 (twenty years ago)
― ppp, Saturday, 4 June 2005 13:29 (twenty years ago)
this entire thread, i think, can be summed up with that one word, 'confidence', and peoples misunderstanding of what confidence actually is (the confusion with arrogance, which is something else entirely)
― charltonlido (gareth), Saturday, 4 June 2005 14:10 (twenty years ago)
― therapise, Saturday, 4 June 2005 14:18 (twenty years ago)
― Ian Riese-Moraine's all but an ark-lark! (Eastern Mantra), Saturday, 4 June 2005 14:51 (twenty years ago)
― jel -- (jel), Saturday, 4 June 2005 14:54 (twenty years ago)
Sometimes, I think, rejection can actually be a confidence builder. Not if you're rejected by someone you've got some long-term crazy crush on, I admit. But just asking someone out, and getting a simple "No, thanks", isn't as devastating as you might think. And, as with anything, it's easier to sleep knowing you did something than wishing you'd had the guts to. Rejection just takes a bit of practice.
Also, I wonder whether some 'nice guys' feel a kind of post-feminist shame about admitting to finding the women they meet sexually attractive that is greater even than the shame of possible refusal.
― Eyeball Kicks (Eyeball Kicks), Saturday, 4 June 2005 16:24 (twenty years ago)
― to let - flats (Jody Beth Rosen), Saturday, 4 June 2005 18:29 (twenty years ago)
― to let - flats (Jody Beth Rosen), Saturday, 4 June 2005 18:30 (twenty years ago)
I've come to the conclusion that the solitary life is the best option for me. I don't spend weekends in London any more; instead I just travel to different places, wander about on my own, take some pictures, soak up the atmosphere of whichever town or city or village I'm in. It does make a big psychological difference from the horrible bustle of you-don't-ask-you-don't-get-show-me-job-description-and-bank-statement-before-I-allow-you-to-talk-to-me London. I don't have to worry about acting the part of someone I'm not, or watching every word I say for fear it will be misinterpreted by any Potential Other in view of totally unknown grievous past personal history like I'm a mind-reader or something.
The life of a Rechabite, a total abstainer, awaits me.
― Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Monday, 6 June 2005 05:32 (twenty years ago)
― Orbit (Orbit), Monday, 6 June 2005 05:36 (twenty years ago)