"Boyfriend/girlfiend" versus "partner"

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Assuming you have an S.O. to whom you are not married do you refer to them as yr bf/gf or as your partner?

And do you think there is an age (40, say) or a circumstance ( e.g. co-habiting, owning one's own house) when partner automatically becomes the more sensible word?

― MarkH (MarkH), Sunday, 5 June 2005 10:43 (twenty-one years ago)

oh I just noticed I typed "girlfiend" - a useful term for an ex, possibly!

― MarkH (MarkH), Sunday, 5 June 2005 10:44 (twenty-one years ago)

"partner" sounds businesslike and impersonal, but "girlfriend" can often come across as a little childish. it's a tricky one. i'm happy to be my gf's "boyfriend" when introduced - it even makes me feel kinda special for some daft reason - and i talk about "my girlfriend" more than "my other half" or "the lady" or whatever.

"partner", though - ugh.

― CharlieNo4 (Charlie), Sunday, 5 June 2005 10:48 (twenty-one years ago)

"partner" is ambiguous particularly when used by strngers or ppl you don't know too well. I can think of several times when have been left wondering "Are they referring to their business partner, sexual partner...or both?"

― MarkH (MarkH), Sunday, 5 June 2005 10:51 (twenty-one years ago)

i prefer the man whose cock has been in my mouth

― anthony easton (anthony), Sunday, 5 June 2005 10:55 (twenty-one years ago)

TMWCHBIMM? Not much of an acronym.

― MarkH (MarkH), Sunday, 5 June 2005 10:57 (twenty-one years ago)

"Partner" implies something much more permanent than "Boyfriend/Girlfriend"*, I think.

*Just handle it
(I can't handle it)

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Sunday, 5 June 2005 11:04 (twenty-one years ago)

Sexcomplice.

― Sociah T Azzahole (blueski), Sunday, 5 June 2005 11:11 (twenty-one years ago)

Sexcomplice?

TS: Prostitute vs. Porn Star vs. Sex Professional

― The plastic yoghurt guns of Ian Riese-Moraine! (Eastern Mantra), Sunday, 5 June 2005 11:17 (twenty-one years ago)

FUCK-BUDDY

― CharlieNo4 (Charlie), Sunday, 5 June 2005 11:35 (twenty-one years ago)

But that's sth entirely else, no, Charlie?

I usually just use his name. But if I need to *label*, then I just say my husband (which translates to "mijn man" in Dutch). :-)

― nathalie's baby (stevie nixed), Sunday, 5 June 2005 11:53 (twenty-one years ago)

I really don't like the term "partner". That said, "girlfriend" makes you sound like you are a teenager. I have taken to referring to Irene as my beloved, but haven't quite managed to do this unironically in verbal communication yet.

Maybe we should just get married to avoid all these problems.

― DV (dirtyvicar), Sunday, 5 June 2005 12:17 (twenty-one years ago)

I prefer girlfriend, at least currently - in these PoMo days, and at the age of 45, it is a sweet enough term to carry affection, but so obviously inappropriate that it carries almost no very specific meaning. I like it. It says far too little if a relationship moves beyond a certain point, however, and there isn't one I like then.

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Sunday, 5 June 2005 13:05 (twenty-one years ago)

Partner isn't bad. It can sound a little impersonal, but I appreciate the ambiguity of it, and it seems to acknowledge a deeper, more complicated relationship than 'boyfriend' or 'girlfriend' without involving marriage, strict monogamy, or heterosexuality.

― Matthew C Perpetua (inca), Sunday, 5 June 2005 13:25 (twenty-one years ago)

Partner's just too sterile and unaffectionate for me to use. People who share a law firm use it. I stumble between girlfriend, girl I'm seeing, "um, yeah, we're seeing each other," I need to throw in "ladyfriend" sometime. Maybe "Gal Du Jour"

― miccio (miccio), Sunday, 5 June 2005 13:37 (twenty-one years ago)

Partner is incredibly lame, sorry. Fussy, PC-sounding.

― shookout (shookout), Sunday, 5 June 2005 13:42 (twenty-one years ago)

"This is an entity I know Biblically."

"Mmm."

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Sunday, 5 June 2005 13:42 (twenty-one years ago)

for ages i thought partner is only used when you're gay

― ken c (ken c), Sunday, 5 June 2005 13:48 (twenty-one years ago)

anyway the correct term is 'er indoors

― ken c (ken c), Sunday, 5 June 2005 13:49 (twenty-one years ago)

What if it's a 'im?

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Sunday, 5 June 2005 13:49 (twenty-one years ago)

how about "my missing rib" if you're man referring to your girlfriend/wife?

― nathalie's baby (stevie nixed), Sunday, 5 June 2005 13:51 (twenty-one years ago)

my mate refers to his other half of 15 years (to whom he has two teenage children) as his partner. i think after that length of time that term has passed over from businesslike to downright insulting. i think he should call her his wife even though they are not married.

― jed_ (jed), Sunday, 5 June 2005 13:55 (twenty-one years ago)

If I ever am with someone for years and not married we will use the terms "gatekeeper" and "keymaster."

― miccio (miccio), Sunday, 5 June 2005 13:57 (twenty-one years ago)

I like boyfriend/girlfriend. One of my bandmates introduced us to his 80 + yr old grandmother's new boyfriend yesterday. He had a pink sweater tied around his neck.

― Jordan (Jordan), Sunday, 5 June 2005 13:58 (twenty-one years ago)

heterosexuals who use 'partner' sound ashamed to be in a relationship.

I guess it's supposed to imply some kind of (smug) equality, but it's like protesting too much.

― shookout (shookout), Sunday, 5 June 2005 14:00 (twenty-one years ago)

I don't want to be your baby
I don't want to have to call for you
It's not my fault that lately
I won't be crawling around anymore
You wrap me up
Poor Chinese feet
The clothes I wear
They make me weak
I'm not trying to run, to run
I'm not trying to run, to run, before I can
The pillows talk
(Talk, talk)
They talk to me
(Me)
Poor Chinese feet
(Feet)
They tell me to walk
Talk, talk, talk
Say something
Talk, talk, talk
Say something
Talk, talk, talk
Say something
Talk, talk, talk
Say anything

Baby
Baby
Baby
Baby
Baby
Baby
(I don't want to be your)
Baby
Baby
(I don't want to be your)
Baby
Baby
(I don't want to be your)
Baby
Baby

― Ian Riese-Moraine forever! (Eastern Mantra), Sunday, 5 June 2005 14:04 (twenty-one years ago)

I used to use 'the other half' a lot before we got married. Mind you, I still find it strange refering to him as 'my husband' over a year later!

― Vicky (Vicky), Sunday, 5 June 2005 14:05 (twenty-one years ago)

The first time the phrase "my husband" ever passed my lips, it sounded totally weird, like something grownups said, not something I would say at all. I'm kinda used to it now. I always referred to him as "my boyfriend" till it became "my fiance" till it became "my husband". Only in situations where I needed to qualify what our relationship is, that is, otherwise he gets introduced/mentioned just by his name.

I don't think I've ever referred to him as my "partner" ever. Anyone asks if he's my "partner", they get the "no, he's my husband" response.

― ailsa (ailsa), Sunday, 5 June 2005 14:10 (twenty-one years ago)

"HOWDY, PARTNER!"

― Ian Riese-Moraine forever! (Eastern Mantra), Sunday, 5 June 2005 14:20 (twenty-one years ago)

If I ever am with someone for years and not married we will use the terms "gatekeeper" and "keymaster."

I think I love you.

― marianna lcl (marianna lcl), Sunday, 5 June 2005 14:30 (twenty-one years ago)

not crazy about "partner." but i don't like the frivolity and co-dependent emo-ness of "boyfriend"/"girlfriend" -- it just has all this weird social baggage that comes with it.

― to let - flats (Jody Beth Rosen), Sunday, 5 June 2005 14:43 (twenty-one years ago)

it just has all this weird social baggage that comes with it.

-- to let - flats (theundergroundhom...), June 5th, 2005.

like what?

― shookout (shookout), Sunday, 5 June 2005 14:59 (twenty-one years ago)

Surely it sounds less co-dependent than "partner"?

― ailsa (ailsa), Sunday, 5 June 2005 15:03 (twenty-one years ago)

While I would try to avoid giving someone a title in the first place, outside some sort of institutional relationship, I find the more honorific 'partner' far more meaningful than the highly conventional, almost apologetic, 'girlfriend/boyfriend'.

People who share a law firm (among other types of associations) use 'partner' when they are bound together in an entity that imposes mutual obligations upon them. However, when you refer to an other half, rather than a professional colleague, as a partner, you are not implicitly referring to one of several or hundreds of people.

― gabbneb (gabbneb), Sunday, 5 June 2005 15:10 (twenty-one years ago)

xp: yes, that's how i see it. bf/gf is far more casual. which may be appropriate much of the time.

― gabbneb (gabbneb), Sunday, 5 June 2005 15:10 (twenty-one years ago)

partner sounds more adult, despite any assumptions that come with it.

like what?

like if you introduce someone as your bf/gf, maybe the person you're introducing them to will see the relationship as "teehee! we just can't wait to get out of here and have SEX! because we can't stand to spend more than two minutes not physically involved! until two months from now, when we break up."

― to let - flats (Jody Beth Rosen), Sunday, 5 June 2005 15:11 (twenty-one years ago)

if people want to assume that I'm having loads of sex they're more than welcome to

― miccio (miccio), Sunday, 5 June 2005 15:12 (twenty-one years ago)

touche.

― to let - flats (Jody Beth Rosen), Sunday, 5 June 2005 15:14 (twenty-one years ago)

As opposed to "this is my partner" translating as "we're CLEVER! And defiant of social conventions! and we're having lots of sex but we don't want you to think it because we think we're BETTER than that!" ?

― ailsa (ailsa), Sunday, 5 June 2005 15:18 (twenty-one years ago)

"girlfriend", definitely. i hate and loathe the word "partner". but i agree that "girlfriend" does sound a bit teenaged ... hence my "mrs fiendish" coinage round these parts. if only i could use that in the real world too :)

― grimly fiendish (grimlord), Sunday, 5 June 2005 15:19 (twenty-one years ago)

DUDE I'm not a--ah, fuck it, just stay away from my fucking lady friend, man.

DA FINO Hey hey, I'm not messing with your special lady--

DUDE She's not my special lady, she's my fucking lady friend. I'm just helping her conceive, man!

― jaymc (jaymc), Sunday, 5 June 2005 15:19 (twenty-one years ago)

babydaddy!

― to let - flats (Jody Beth Rosen), Sunday, 5 June 2005 15:22 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm just used to the word boyfriend meaning "the male person you are in a relationship with" and don't extrapolate any further inference of sexual activity, transience, permanence or anything else.

I think, if we hadn't got married, I would still refer to the mister as my boyfriend. And people could take that as they liked.

but like I said, i tend not to refer to him like that anyway, i just introduce him by name unless someone actually wants or needs to know the nature of our relationship. I only call him the mister or mr ailsa round these parts because he doesn't post here and I don't like using his name without his say-so.

― ailsa (ailsa), Sunday, 5 June 2005 15:24 (twenty-one years ago)

"I would like to introduce my associate, Dr. Johnson."

"This is Alex. We straight fuckin', ya heard?"

― gabbneb (gabbneb), Sunday, 5 June 2005 15:45 (twenty-one years ago)

"Partner" just seems more formal, and more workplace-y. Most jobs I've had it's been just an easy catchall for HR types to use: "All employees and their partners are invited to this year's tedious awards banquet...."

Socially, I can never remember who's done the ceremony thing and who hasn't--even if I attended it--so it's usually just "Trisha's sweetheart" or "Daniel's guy" or whatever.

― Stephen X (Stephen X), Sunday, 5 June 2005 15:54 (twenty-one years ago)

I've tried introducing myself as my girlfriend's "reason for living", but that hasn't gone over well.

― Stephen X (Stephen X), Sunday, 5 June 2005 15:55 (twenty-one years ago)

I used to refer to my ex as my "boyf," because I was convinved that using the complete term "boyfriend" would jinx the relationship. It should be noted that 1) that relationship came to an end, and 2) I am a superstitious little f***, so my examples are probably worthless.

― j.lu (j.lu), Sunday, 5 June 2005 16:44 (twenty-one years ago)

See, I believe that when I did start referring to my last boyfriend as my boyfriend, it *did* jinx the relationship, because we did break up shortly afterwards.

― caitlin (caitlin), Sunday, 5 June 2005 17:06 (twenty-one years ago)

I just call Martin my boyfriend, even after twelve years. It's fine with me. But he is 40 years old, so he's not exactly a little boy. I just find "partner" kind of weird when I say it- other people can use it, but it comes out like "associate" or something if I try to use it. I suppose the ominous thing about "boyfriend" and "girlfriend" is that it reinforces the homophobic notion of queerness as some kind of permanent adolescent holdover/arrested development thing on the part of people who aren't mature enough for the real marriage committment which we are legally banned from having anyway. Ah, the circularity of it all . . .

― Drew Daniel (Drew Daniel), Sunday, 5 June 2005 18:02 (twenty-one years ago)

I read the first half dozen words there and thought "well thanks, but that does seem just a little presumptuous..."

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Sunday, 5 June 2005 18:14 (twenty-one years ago)

i was just talking about this with n.a. and sarah mcl. yesterday! i think "partner" sounds silly.

― Amateur(ist) (Amateur(ist)), Sunday, 5 June 2005 18:38 (twenty-one years ago)

how about my own personal buckaroo

― anthony easton (anthony), Sunday, 5 June 2005 18:39 (twenty-one years ago)

heterosexuals who use 'partner' sound ashamed to be in a relationship.

this is vaguely my impression as well...

― Amateur(ist) (Amateur(ist)), Sunday, 5 June 2005 18:40 (twenty-one years ago)

MISTRESS!

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Sunday, 5 June 2005 18:45 (twenty-one years ago)

One of my lecturers refers to her significant other as her partner and I can tell she feels weird saying it. They're not married but they have kids together, and I guess if she had said "my boyfriend", that would have seemed weirder.

I prefer boyfriend/girlfriend myself but that somehow seems to imply that the relationship, though serious, is transient rather than permanent.

― Roz (Roz), Sunday, 5 June 2005 18:49 (twenty-one years ago)

i think partner makes it sound like you're using the buddy system or working on projects

― caitlin oh no (caitxa1), Sunday, 5 June 2005 18:51 (twenty-one years ago)

j.lu did you actually say "boyf" to people? People could have misheard and thought you were saying "boff".

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Sunday, 5 June 2005 18:54 (twenty-one years ago)

boychik

― gabbneb (gabbneb), Sunday, 5 June 2005 19:06 (twenty-one years ago)

What wrong with "This is _______; we're together"?

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Sunday, 5 June 2005 19:17 (twenty-one years ago)

nothing

― shookout (shookout), Sunday, 5 June 2005 19:28 (twenty-one years ago)

"my man"
"my woman"

― ssssss, Sunday, 5 June 2005 19:37 (twenty-one years ago)

"party of two"

― gabbneb (gabbneb), Sunday, 5 June 2005 19:44 (twenty-one years ago)

The funniest for me is when people, guys and ladies, too, agonize over whether to grant their intimate relation the magnificent title of "boyfriend" or "girlfriend," like it implies some irrevocable life-changing designation. Like, people have been together for five months and they're still leery of the term, I mean double you tee eff

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Sunday, 5 June 2005 19:47 (twenty-one years ago)

my LUVVAH

― carrie bradshaw (Jody Beth Rosen), Sunday, 5 June 2005 20:02 (twenty-one years ago)

i always thought the term partner came about as a pc term (read: making it easier for the straight peeps to handle) for gay relationships sometime in the 90s. i find it kind of stupid and offensive. why cant a boy refer to his 'boyfriend'? or a girl her 'girlfriend'? and now its spread to everyone and it just sounds really meaningless to me. i like 'boyfriend/girlfriend' not only because it has strong romantic overtones but it sounds like being with the person is an active choice and not a done business deal of some sort. i always swore that when i got married id still refer to my husband as my boyfriend if only to let him know i was still choosing him, as it were, but now i am married i find 'husband' to be just as sweet and romantic.

― sunny successor (katharine), Sunday, 5 June 2005 20:16 (twenty-one years ago)

do women still refer to their platonic female friends as "girlfriends"? like, my grandma (happily married) says stuff like "i went with my girlfriend to the beauty parlor."

― to let - flats (Jody Beth Rosen), Sunday, 5 June 2005 20:19 (twenty-one years ago)

(you have to say that in a cartoonish depression-era noo yawk accent.)

― to let - flats (Jody Beth Rosen), Sunday, 5 June 2005 20:21 (twenty-one years ago)

i think it basically means you still get to sleep with other folks without being guilty of it being known as cheating.

― ken c (ken c), Sunday, 5 June 2005 20:24 (twenty-one years ago)

the sentence didn't quite work there but you know what i mean

― ken c (ken c), Sunday, 5 June 2005 20:25 (twenty-one years ago)

My mother in law is the only person I know who refers to her female friends as her girl friends. She's in her early sixties and is decidedly not from New York. It's not common in this country, I don't think.

― ailsa (ailsa), Sunday, 5 June 2005 20:34 (twenty-one years ago)

I think from now on I'll say 'girlfriend,' 'boyfriend,' and 'partner' and have them all mean different things.

― youn, Sunday, 5 June 2005 20:40 (twenty-one years ago)

This may be confusing, so I'll have to follow it up with 'they're just friends.'

― youn, Sunday, 5 June 2005 20:43 (twenty-one years ago)

Loads of women at my work talk about their girlfriends, Ailsa. They are all of a Certain Age, though, which might be where your M-I-L fits in.

― Mädchen (Madchen), Sunday, 5 June 2005 20:59 (twenty-one years ago)

Fair enough. I talk to very few women anyway, so I'm not really qualified to comment.

― ailsa (ailsa), Sunday, 5 June 2005 21:03 (twenty-one years ago)

"my bitch"

― milozauckerman (miloaukerman), Sunday, 5 June 2005 21:04 (twenty-one years ago)

Are you all assuming that these older women aren't shagging their girlfriends? I mean, it does happen, even among older women.

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Sunday, 5 June 2005 21:22 (twenty-one years ago)

it seems more comforting to assume your mother in law to not be shagging every friend of hers who is female.

― ken c (ken c), Sunday, 5 June 2005 21:28 (twenty-one years ago)

There was a big family reunion in 1988 (my dad is one of 12 kids), and it was the first time for several aunts and uncles to meet Judy. She happened to be six or seven months pregnant at the time, too. I jokingly introduced her to one of my uncles as "my girlfriend" and he spent the next few hours thinking I'd left my wife at home and brought my pregnant girlfriend to the reunion instead.

― Rock Hardy (Rock Hardy), Sunday, 5 June 2005 21:34 (twenty-one years ago)

I think it depends on what the relationship is. If the people are pretty conventional, dating-on-the-path to marriage b/f g/f seems fine.

If the relationship is more ambiguous, I like the ambiguity of just saying "my friend, X". It's classier than "partner" which sounds like a clinical way of saying "this the person whose genitals touch mine regularly".

― Orbit (Orbit), Sunday, 5 June 2005 22:08 (twenty-one years ago)

I usually say "my bloke" or like um... "Nick". They do have names you know =)

― Trayce (trayce), Sunday, 5 June 2005 23:10 (twenty-one years ago)

My mum introduced Nick to all my family as "Trayces friend Nick" the other week, much to my chagrin. Ive been living with him for 2 years! Yeesh.

― Trayce (trayce), Sunday, 5 June 2005 23:10 (twenty-one years ago)

I think the problem that a lot of you are having is that partner really does not ever mean the same thing as boyfriend/girlfriend. It implies the seriousness, weight, and history of marriage while not being marriage (the sacrament and/or the legal contract). So yeah, the girl that Miccio is seeing right now - yeah, definitely not a partner (though it could be someday, that's not my point.)

Can we at least agree that partner >>> lover? I don't know why, but I really hate the word lover.

― Matthew C Perpetua (inca), Sunday, 5 June 2005 23:53 (twenty-one years ago)

How you call your lover, lover boy?

― gabbneb (gabbneb), Sunday, 5 June 2005 23:54 (twenty-one years ago)

I like the word "lover" a lot! Also "beloved." But it doesn't really serve the purpose, I think maybe if you introduced someone as your lover people would immediately think "SEX SEX THEY HAVE LOTS OF SEX."

― Maria (Maria), Sunday, 5 June 2005 23:59 (twenty-one years ago)

yeah, lover is icky... "i'm going to take my lear jet to fly my lover back to my pied-a-terre."

― to let - flats (Jody Beth Rosen), Monday, 6 June 2005 00:01 (twenty-one years ago)

"This here's my booty call, Andrea."

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Monday, 6 June 2005 00:02 (twenty-one years ago)

"Oh her? I call her 'titties'. But that's Amy to you."

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Monday, 6 June 2005 00:03 (twenty-one years ago)

"This is my companion, Monique."

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Monday, 6 June 2005 00:04 (twenty-one years ago)

I don't know, it's sort of like saying "hi, I am a person, Tracer Hand. Nice to meet you."

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Monday, 6 June 2005 00:04 (twenty-one years ago)

"This is Shoshanna, we bang."

― miccio (miccio), Monday, 6 June 2005 00:08 (twenty-one years ago)

"This is Nancy, she's, well, 'girlfriend' is a little strong, she's more like somebody I'm seeing, we're dating I guess. You know, every now and then. I'm not sure where it's all.. wait a minute, where are you going?"

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Monday, 6 June 2005 00:12 (twenty-one years ago)

"NANCY!!"

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Monday, 6 June 2005 00:12 (twenty-one years ago)

The classiest way I ever saw this handled was once when my lover was renting a car for me, the guy behind the counter was filling out a form, and asked, without looking up "Relationship?" to which my lover matter of factly repled "Very close". No further questioning.

― Orbit (Orbit), Monday, 6 June 2005 00:14 (twenty-one years ago)

This is Lindsay - you know how we do

― gabbneb (gabbneb), Monday, 6 June 2005 00:27 (twenty-one years ago)

"Hi this is my minion, who will now go and GET ME A DRINK YA LAZY SOD"

― Trayce (trayce), Monday, 6 June 2005 00:28 (twenty-one years ago)

I usually say "my bloke" or like um... "Nick". They do have names you know =)

-- Trayce (spamspanke...) (webmail), June 5th, 2005 7:10 PM. (trayce) (later)

beautiful

― sunny successor (katharine), Monday, 6 June 2005 00:31 (twenty-one years ago)

Have any of you ever had a paramour?

How about suitors? Gentleman callers?

― Matthew C Perpetua (inca), Monday, 6 June 2005 00:38 (twenty-one years ago)

lickin' sticks?

― miccio (miccio), Monday, 6 June 2005 00:39 (twenty-one years ago)

gentleman caller sort of has overtones of stalker now though, don't you think? poor tennessee williams.

― gem (trisk), Monday, 6 June 2005 00:39 (twenty-one years ago)

I wouldn't mind having a paramour. Or a gentleman caller.

― Orbit (Orbit), Monday, 6 June 2005 00:40 (twenty-one years ago)

i'd definitely like a gentleman caller. i'd introduce him as "this is joe bloggs. we're courtin'."

― gem (trisk), Monday, 6 June 2005 00:42 (twenty-one years ago)

haha! I want a 40s style gentleman caller, a clear euphemism for the fact that we're going to listen to some forbidden jazz and spoon a little.

― Orbit (Orbit), Monday, 6 June 2005 00:49 (twenty-one years ago)

i like to call exes "an old flame" if i was never sure we were bf/gf

― caitlin oh no (caitxa1), Monday, 6 June 2005 00:55 (twenty-one years ago)

http://www.sclibrary.ab.ca/images/gallery/cooncts.jpg

― miccio (miccio), Monday, 6 June 2005 00:59 (twenty-one years ago)

NO GURLZ ALLOWED

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Monday, 6 June 2005 01:00 (twenty-one years ago)

Are those Yale boys or Harvard men?

― Orbit (Orbit), Monday, 6 June 2005 01:00 (twenty-one years ago)

and are they wearing beaver?

(sorry)

― sgs (sgs), Monday, 6 June 2005 01:26 (twenty-one years ago)

M'lady

― gabbneb (gabbneb), Monday, 6 June 2005 02:00 (twenty-one years ago)

I dated a girl once for only a month or two, and it was decided we were "partners in crime."

― jaymc (jaymc), Monday, 6 June 2005 02:13 (twenty-one years ago)

why do i feel like i've heard that before?

― gabbneb (gabbneb), Monday, 6 June 2005 02:19 (twenty-one years ago)

What? From me?

― jaymc (jaymc), Monday, 6 June 2005 02:20 (twenty-one years ago)

I refer to my wife as my partner. The number of people who take a step back and go "omg you're gay??" is phenomenal though.

― Crankypants (Autumn Almanac), Monday, 6 June 2005 02:27 (twenty-one years ago)

xpost in Coupland's "Shampoo Planet" one of the characters used "fighting crime" as a euphemism for sexin' it.

― sgs (sgs), Monday, 6 June 2005 02:34 (twenty-one years ago)

my last one i actually called swain

― anthony easton (anthony), Monday, 6 June 2005 02:35 (twenty-one years ago)

Have any of you ever heard the word "partner" used to mean simply "friend"? I knew a guy from Chicago who used it in this way. I think it's kind of old school.

As far as the main question, I prefer bf/gf to partner, because for me the latter evokes two PC Sprockets-attending Germans sporting der Partnerlook.

― k/l (Ken L), Monday, 6 June 2005 02:37 (twenty-one years ago)

Oh yeah, but that's pretty serious.. you have to be really tight

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Monday, 6 June 2005 02:39 (twenty-one years ago)

Yeah I've heard truckers and construction workers talk about their "partner" meaning non-gay male friend. I think it's a Midwestern thing though as I only heard it there.

― Orbit (Orbit), Monday, 6 June 2005 02:41 (twenty-one years ago)

My impression was that it meant they were best friends. We were listening to the Sade song "Maureen" (this was 1987) and he said "I had that happen to me, I had a partner who died."

― k/l (Ken L), Monday, 6 June 2005 02:43 (twenty-one years ago)

That just reminds me that I really don't like the word "buddy" when referring to a friend. It seems really frat-boy-ish or something. "Cool, cool, I've got a buddy comin' down this weekend, should be good times."

― jaymc (jaymc), Monday, 6 June 2005 02:46 (twenty-one years ago)

mostly i say "partner" cos theres something a bit high school about "boyfriend" and "girlfriend". when i'm talking to a hot girl i absolutely say "partner" cos i don't want her to assume that just cos i have a boyfriend i'm not interested in girls. its bad enough she'll likely presume i'm in a monogamous relationship.

― di, Monday, 6 June 2005 04:49 (twenty-one years ago)

howdy pardner

― to let - flats (Jody Beth Rosen), Monday, 6 June 2005 06:02 (twenty-one years ago)

I sometimes refer to my women friends as girlfriends. I would refer to a man I was dating as my boyfriend. (Or woman/girlfriend, should that be the case).

― luna (luna.c), Monday, 6 June 2005 06:03 (twenty-one years ago)

but what if you'd been dating for years, y'all lived together etc, and were basically married without the paper saying so, wouldn't you want to refer to him as something with more weight to it than boyfriend?

― oops (Oops), Monday, 6 June 2005 06:06 (twenty-one years ago)

I always used S.O. in those circumstances.

― Orbit (Orbit), Monday, 6 June 2005 06:08 (twenty-one years ago)

Nope, doesn't bother me. Partner is too business-like and I could's say lover more than once with a straight face unless I was trying to scandalize my mom's old lady friends, and that's only fun the first twelve times...

― luna (luna.c), Monday, 6 June 2005 06:08 (twenty-one years ago)

Wrt public significance, I think underspecification is fine. Wrt private significance, I think it is often not a matter of choice (i.e., it is something that you can never really make transparent) and this is what I meant on the Eric Rohmer thread about the expression 'to love in vain.' It is 'in vain' if deception is involved, but if not that, then how could it be since love is charity?

― youn, Monday, 6 June 2005 07:27 (twenty-one years ago)

i fkn HATE 'pardner'.

"it seems to acknowledge a deeper, more complicated relationship than 'boyfriend' or 'girlfriend' without involving marriage, strict monogamy, or heterosexuality."

no, it doesn't. the hetero/homosexuality is usually fairly clear from context, ie "this *female* 'partner' o'mine" implies a hetero relationship. boyfriend/girlfriend also fails to imply marriage, i would have thought, and as for 'strict monogamy' (is there any other kind?) who says _____friend implies this any more than 'partner'. as for "deeper and more complicated," (whateverthefuck *that*'s supposed to mean) again, i don't think partner says it any louder than anything else. "partner" makes me think of very SERIOUS people in SERIOUS clothes.

― N_Rq, Monday, 6 June 2005 08:59 (twenty-one years ago)

when someone mentions their partner i always imagine they'd then start talking about how their shared paradigm will actuate their shared vision of their merger and how they'd leverage their tools in order to create the end-product of a baby.

― ken c (ken c), Monday, 6 June 2005 09:27 (twenty-one years ago)

how about "teammates"?

― ken c (ken c), Monday, 6 June 2005 09:28 (twenty-one years ago)

do people really introduce their SOs as "lovers"!? like, "this is my lover". fucking hell. i'd rather say "this is my associate".

― N_RQ, Monday, 6 June 2005 09:32 (twenty-one years ago)

I love the scene in first-season 'Six Feet Under' where Brenda introduces herself to David as Nate's "fuckpuppet".

I would like to introduce Mrs the Nipper as "my Nemesis".

― Jerry the Nipper (Jerrynipper), Monday, 6 June 2005 09:33 (twenty-one years ago)

(xpost)

What about "this is my fancy man/this is my fancy woman"?

― Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Monday, 6 June 2005 09:36 (twenty-one years ago)

"line manager"

xpost to Ken

I vary between 'boyfriend' and 'bloke' or 'chap' depending on to whom I'm introducing the concept of me having a boffing cohabitee. Generally I refer to Robster by his name.

― Liz :x (Liz :x), Monday, 6 June 2005 09:40 (twenty-one years ago)

I thought that went out with The Loneliness Of The Long Distance Runner, Marcello.

― k/l (Ken L), Monday, 6 June 2005 09:48 (twenty-one years ago)

I suppose the ominous thing about "boyfriend" and "girlfriend" is that it reinforces the homophobic notion of queerness as some kind of permanent adolescent holdover/arrested development thing

This caught my eye - it had never occurred to me - is it really an issue considering heterosexual couples overwhelmingly use the same words?

― Markelby (Mark C), Monday, 6 June 2005 10:04 (twenty-one years ago)

(xpost)

They still use it on Coronation Street! "Oh no Jack, I know what you've been up to, you've been seeing your fancy woman heck as like!" etc.

― Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Monday, 6 June 2005 11:24 (twenty-one years ago)

I wish i could use "lover" but you're so so right.

― AaronK (AaronK), Monday, 6 June 2005 12:39 (twenty-one years ago)

How you call your lover, lover boy?

Come 'ere loverboy!!

― AaronK (AaronK), Monday, 6 June 2005 12:41 (twenty-one years ago)

Ha ha. Yeah, I thought amateurist started this thread.

A coworker last week tried to ask me something about Nick. She started off saying, "So, does your husband... I mean, boyfriend... I mean, fiancee... I mean... what is he? Your live-in lover?" Ha ha. I'm just going to refer to him as my lover for now on.

― Sarah McLusky (coco), Monday, 6 June 2005 12:45 (twenty-one years ago)

What about "companion"?

― Alfred Soto (Alfred Soto), Monday, 6 June 2005 12:46 (twenty-one years ago)

SHACKIN' UP

― miccio (miccio), Monday, 6 June 2005 12:46 (twenty-one years ago)

the ol' ball and chain.

― teeny (teeny), Monday, 6 June 2005 13:30 (twenty-one years ago)

"Special Friend" was the euphemism my mother used for non-married cohabitators.

― The Sensational Sulk (sexyDancer), Monday, 6 June 2005 15:43 (twenty-one years ago)

all this stuff is even more confusing in french, so take heart

― Amateur(ist) (Amateur(ist)), Monday, 6 June 2005 16:52 (twenty-one years ago)

Could you describe how it's different?

― Pangolino 2, Monday, 6 June 2005 17:16 (twenty-one years ago)

"my old lady"

― oops (Oops), Monday, 6 June 2005 17:17 (twenty-one years ago)

They still use it on Coronation Street! "Oh no Jack, I know what you've been up to, you've been seeing your fancy woman heck as like!" etc.
Apparently people are still saying "I'm the daddy now" as well.

― k/l (Ken L), Monday, 6 June 2005 17:26 (twenty-one years ago)

We are Concubine and Sex Butler.

― M. White (Miguelito), Monday, 6 June 2005 17:35 (twenty-one years ago)

My sister got made fun of mercilessly by a lifeguard in Nice for confusing the word for washroom with the word for toilet, so I imagine they're very picky in France about their terminology.

― Allyzay flies casual (allyzay), Monday, 6 June 2005 19:31 (twenty-one years ago)

shit in a bidet

― The Sensational Sulk (sexyDancer), Monday, 6 June 2005 19:32 (twenty-one years ago)

i think one of the french ilxors should probably answer the question about how the french deal with this, but in my limited knowledge basically their words for (the english rough-equivalents) "friend" and "boyfriend"/"girlfriend" alternate depending on what generation/milieu you're a part of. in different contexts, spoken by different persons, "ami"/"amie"/"copain"/"copaine"/"des copains"/etc. etc. have very different, exclusive connotations which i could never quite nail down. (although i'm sure a native speaker would have no trouble really.)

next time i go to france i'll just say "paramour"...

― Amateur(ist) (Amateur(ist)), Monday, 6 June 2005 19:33 (twenty-one years ago)

"Blokey". Boyfriend seems a bit immature now, he's not a boy and we've been together 9 years.
I hate the term Partner, it's so distant and formal. However I have been known to use it in serious situations, like when arranging the mortgage, I don't think the bank manager would have seen us in the same light had I put "Blokey" on the forms.

― Celeste (Celeste), Monday, 6 June 2005 19:36 (twenty-one years ago)

"bilbao" and "bilbaolette"

― Amateur(ist) (Amateur(ist)), Monday, 6 June 2005 19:37 (twenty-one years ago)

A friend first introduced his girlfriend to another friend of ours like so: "This is Kelly. She fucks me."

― Jordan (Jordan), Monday, 6 June 2005 19:42 (twenty-one years ago)

"copaine"

I think you mean copine and to be very specific, they say 'petit/e ami/e'

I do use paramour frequently 'cause gf sounds childish and significant other sounds insufficient, humorless, and clinical, like partner. Other times I call myslef her cicisbeo.

― M. White (Miguelito), Monday, 6 June 2005 19:52 (twenty-one years ago)

everyone told me "petit(e) ami(e)" was just for teenagers!!

and yes i mean copine, sorry for typo.

― Amateur(ist) (Amateur(ist)), Monday, 6 June 2005 20:06 (twenty-one years ago)

petit ami sounds gross anyway.

"as-tu recontre mon petit ami?" [opens trenchcoat to reveal naked flesh underneath]

― Amateur(ist) (Amateur(ist)), Monday, 6 June 2005 20:07 (twenty-one years ago)

What about pote, Amateurist?

― k/l (Ken L), Monday, 6 June 2005 20:28 (twenty-one years ago)

petit ami sounds gross anyway.

I would not be so presumptuous as to vote on their language. ;) I find it just as deficient as boy/girl friend.

Pote means buddy or pal. Wordreference.com also has it as 'homeboy'.

― M. White (Miguelito), Monday, 6 June 2005 20:31 (twenty-one years ago)

ha luna's right about "lover" - i tried using that term once and cracked the fuck up.

― di, Monday, 6 June 2005 23:29 (twenty-one years ago)

Remember the "touche pas mon pote" campaign?

― k/l (Ken L), Monday, 6 June 2005 23:30 (twenty-one years ago)

it's impossible for me to not say it "looo-VERRRRRRR", with exaggerated tongue movement and a slight, indistinct foreign accent.

― oops (Oops), Monday, 6 June 2005 23:37 (twenty-one years ago)

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