Ewan McGregor Wants Off ... THE ISLAND!

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A synopsis of the trailer:

Ewan: blah blah ISLAND?
Sean Bean: blah blah scientific blah blah
Scarlett Johnansen: I AM PRETTY WHEN I DON'T TALK LOOK AT MY BEESTUNG LIPS
Ewan: blah blah blah ISLAND! blah blah
Bean: wha?
Scarlett: I AM GOING TO THE ISLAND BECAUSE I AM SPECIAL AND DON'T TALK
Ewan: blah blah ISLAND = DEATH! blah blah
Bean: ha ha pwned
Random Guy: blah blah CLONES!
Bean: ha ha 2x pwnage
Scarlett: KISS ME BECAUSE I WANT YOUR BODY OBI WAN AND I ONLY TALK WHEN I AM READY FOR THE SEX
Ewan: blah blah SEX? blah blah
Scarlett: MWAH!
Ewan: blah blah HANG ON blah blah KILL ISLAND! blah blah blah blah

― David R. (popshots75`), Thursday, 9 June 2005 17:19 (twenty years ago)

Random Guy: blah blah CLONES!

Does he attack them?

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 9 June 2005 17:20 (twenty years ago)

Ewan: YOU WERE THE CHOSEN ONE!
Scarlett: MWAH!

― Huk-L, Thursday, 9 June 2005 17:21 (twenty years ago)

Cloning for parts? (note the "island" motif)
http://www.ipasifika.com/images/48brown.gif

― Huk-L, Thursday, 9 June 2005 17:24 (twenty years ago)

Guy on left: Heh, heh, I got arms.
Guy on right: Not for long, you cocky clone!

― Huk-L, Thursday, 9 June 2005 17:29 (twenty years ago)

Sean Bean is in this? Cool!

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Thursday, 9 June 2005 17:29 (twenty years ago)

ONE DOES NOT SIMPLY WALK INTO MORD...THE ISLAND.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Thursday, 9 June 2005 17:30 (twenty years ago)

potatoes

― jaymc (jaymc), Thursday, 9 June 2005 17:30 (twenty years ago)

Have we ever had a thread where we list people who's names look like they should rhyme, but when spoken aloud, really don't?

― Huk-L, Thursday, 9 June 2005 17:31 (twenty years ago)

What's wrong with Scarlett's voice? I think it's great.

― jocelyn (Jocelyn), Thursday, 9 June 2005 17:35 (twenty years ago)

http://www.threemoviebuffs.com/miscreview/scott_spongebobsquarepants1.jpg

― Huk-L, Thursday, 9 June 2005 17:38 (twenty years ago)

i for one think this looks pretty good.

― g e o f f (gcannon), Thursday, 9 June 2005 18:23 (twenty years ago)

my friend asked if this was a perfume commercial when we saw the preview last week, it totally looks like one!

― Homosexual II (Homosexual II), Thursday, 9 June 2005 18:26 (twenty years ago)

Calvin Klein's Island

― Leon C. (Ex Leon), Thursday, 9 June 2005 18:28 (twenty years ago)

I WANT YOUR GENES!

― jocelyn (Jocelyn), Thursday, 9 June 2005 18:33 (twenty years ago)

No, no, Jocelyn - I have no prob @ all w/ SJ's voice! It's just that SHE SAYS ALMOST NOTHING IN THE TRAILER. It's like that commercial w/ her and the French GHB-spiking dude from The West Wing, except worse because blah blah ISLAND!

― David R. (popshots75`), Thursday, 9 June 2005 18:33 (twenty years ago)

Blah Blah Island vs. Horse vs. Elephant

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 9 June 2005 18:34 (twenty years ago)

i for one think this looks pretty good.

Me too, completely. I think the marketing genius whose idea it was to air commercials for this during the LOST season finale was...you know...a...genius.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Thursday, 9 June 2005 18:35 (twenty years ago)

this is just a remake of the vastly superior PARTS: THE CLONUS HORROR.

― latebloomer: Pain Don't Hurt (latebloomer), Thursday, 9 June 2005 18:43 (twenty years ago)

"vastly superior"

(Now if you're talking about the MST version, by all means.)

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 9 June 2005 18:45 (twenty years ago)

I predict that the movie will reveal the rest of the world has no idea that these clones are thinking adult humans and the clones get saved.

In my version, I'd end with the "clone harvest" ceremony during which the clone is harvested of all usable organs then eaten by the original person, completing the cycle.

― mike h. (mike h.), Thursday, 9 June 2005 19:24 (twenty years ago)

So this is not actually a Logan's Run remake?

― Jordan (Jordan), Thursday, 9 June 2005 19:31 (twenty years ago)

"vastly superior"

(Now if you're talking about the MST version, by all means.)

-- Ned Raggett (ne...), June 9th, 2005.

well, were talking about michael bay here.

― latebloomer: Pain Don't Hurt (latebloomer), Thursday, 9 June 2005 19:47 (twenty years ago)

my friend asked if this was a perfume commercial when we saw the preview last week, it totally looks like one!

-- Homosexual II (mandeewrigh...), June 9th, 2005.

otfm!

― latebloomer: Pain Don't Hurt (latebloomer), Thursday, 9 June 2005 20:01 (twenty years ago)

the Logan's Run remake comes out next year

― kf, Thursday, 9 June 2005 20:49 (twenty years ago)

three weeks pass...

NEWS FLASH STOP

MICHAEL BAY WANTED TO MAKE POPCORN MOVIE WITH THE ISLAND STOP

SCARLETT JOHANSEN HAD TO RUN A LOT STOP

HIGHWAY SCENE SHAMELESSLY RIPS OFF MATRIX SEQUEL SCENE STOP

WESLEYAN ALUM DIE AGAIN STOP STOP STOP

― David R. (popshots75`), Monday, 4 July 2005 12:49 (twenty years ago)

It has the same plot as Ishiguro's "Lever Let Me Go". I think Bay's version will be better.

― Pete (Pete), Monday, 4 July 2005 13:50 (twenty years ago)

Sean Bean is in this? Cool!

Unique.

― Huey (Huey), Monday, 4 July 2005 13:54 (twenty years ago)

Lever Let Me Go? Is it a romance about basic machinery concepts?

"Oh Inclined Plane, we could NEVER be together!"

xpost 'unique' is of course pronounced 'you-knee-cue.'

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 4 July 2005 14:22 (twenty years ago)

trailer looked good.

― N_RQ, Monday, 4 July 2005 14:22 (twenty years ago)

he wants ON the island!!

― s1ocki (slutsky), Tuesday, 5 July 2005 02:40 (twenty years ago)

HIGHWAY SCENE SHAMELESSLY RIPS OFF MATRIX SEQUEL SCENE STOP

Considering this was the only part of Matrices 2 & 3, I can't see how this is a problem.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Tuesday, 5 July 2005 11:26 (twenty years ago)

hahahaha

Considering this was the only part of Matrices 2 & 3... THAT WAS WORTH WATCHING.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Tuesday, 5 July 2005 11:26 (twenty years ago)

Parts: the Clonus Horror i tell you.

http://imdb.com/title/tt0078062/

― latebloomer: now with 20% less cetacean content (latebloomer), Tuesday, 5 July 2005 11:33 (twenty years ago)

I'm really miffed because I was hoping for a return to Michael Bay's auteur days circa Bad Boys.

― David R. (popshots75`), Tuesday, 5 July 2005 11:59 (twenty years ago)

I would pay for this movie ten times over rather than pay once to see War Of The Worlds.

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 5 July 2005 12:50 (twenty years ago)

Dan's ringing endorsement of the latest Michael Bay thriller was made possible in part by the Liberty Bell.

― David R. (popshots75`), Tuesday, 5 July 2005 12:56 (twenty years ago)

Ewan McGregor + Scarlett Johansen = DAN'S PERFECT MOVIE (version 3)

As a complete yangent, I saw "Diary Of A Mad Black Woman" and I am now more in love with Kimberly Elise than ever.

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 5 July 2005 12:58 (twenty years ago)

Dan OTM, why do so many people think this is going to be bad? Did you all not see Bad Boys II?* Ewan and Scarlett aren't painful to watch in the least, so I don't think arguments that this is going to tread in Armageddon territory hold up.

* To be honest, Will Smith does a lot for a movie when you don't make him wear a suit. Not sure how but it's the truth, look:

Hitch: suit. supposedly completely horrible. seems about right.
I, Robot: no suit. brilliant although it had no right to be.
Bad Boys II: no suit. another brilliant piece of summer trash.
Men in Black II: suit. unwatchable shit.
Ali: didn't see it. suit? anybody?
The Legend of Bagger Vance: kind of a suit. all movies where black men play ghosts are automatically shit though.
Wild Wild West: no suit. not really. not even piles upon piles of the purest cocaine can help explain this movie. completely brilliant non-stop wtf.
Enemy of the State: suit. stupid without being fun at all. mediocre in every respect.
Men in Black: suit. mildly entertaining once, totally unwatchable the second time around because the entire film is exposition.
Independence Day: no suit. unless you count a marine uniform. but you shouldn't, because this is the greatest film anybody in it has ever been in.
Bad Boys: haven't seen it. yet.
Six Degrees of Separation: suit. definitely suit. also: boring and dumb.

― TOMBOT, Tuesday, 5 July 2005 13:15 (twenty years ago)

Hahaha did you miss the "Bad Boys II" thread, Tom? It basically turned into this:

Side A: Wow that movie was fun!
Side B: OMG YOU SICK BASTARD THAT MOVIE WAS NONSTOP SNUFF PORN EW EW EW

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 5 July 2005 13:17 (twenty years ago)

(I might be paraphrasing and misrepresenting for comedic effect.)

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 5 July 2005 13:17 (twenty years ago)

(Although I am not opposed to porn featuring Gabrielle Union.)

― The Ghost of I Haven't Been Sleeping Lately (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 5 July 2005 13:19 (twenty years ago)

At least Scarlett and Ewan seem to know that they are in a trashy thriller, which will probably make it great, unlike War of the Worlds. But then again I saw Independence Day 3 times in the theatre.

― jocelyn (Jocelyn), Tuesday, 5 July 2005 13:20 (twenty years ago)

If The Island is exactly one-third as well-executed as Independence Day, then the casting alone will ensure it does nicely.

I remember that thread Dan! I'm not talking to the schmindie milquetoasts. I'm speaking to other people who think Behind Enemy Lines is great, or would if they saw it.

― TOMBOT, Tuesday, 5 July 2005 13:27 (twenty years ago)

I'm going to go in the corner now with a copy of George Washington and the new Film Comment and let you kids have the fun fun.

― David R. (popshots75`), Tuesday, 5 July 2005 13:32 (twenty years ago)

Actually, thinking of Bay, which scraped the barrel more, Armageddon or Pearl Harbor?

I miss you more then Michael Bay missed the mark
When he made Pearl Harbor
I miss you more than that movie missed the point
And that’s an awful lot girl
And now, now you’ve gone away
And all I’m trying to say is
Pearl Harbor sucked, and I miss you

I need you like Ben Affleck needs acting school
He was terrible in that film
I need you like Cuba Gooding needed a bigger part
He’s way better than Ben Affleck
And now all I can think about is your smile
and that shitty movie too
Pearl Harbor sucked and I miss you

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 5 July 2005 13:33 (twenty years ago)

"Pearl Harbor" was outlandishly, ridiculously stupid. I wanted to punch that movie in its nonexistent nuts. I also wanted more gratuitious shrapnel-to-the-dome shots.

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 5 July 2005 13:35 (twenty years ago)

I'm telling you people the thing that fucked up Pearl Harbor and Armageddon so bad was the casting, you could add Fran Drescher to both of those movies and they'd have been IMPROVED.

― TOMBOT, Tuesday, 5 July 2005 14:04 (twenty years ago)

Well DUH! Adding Fran Drescher to ANYTHING improves it. If you'd given "The Nanny" a big fucking gun and a body count that would have been the greatest show ever created.

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 5 July 2005 14:05 (twenty years ago)

Affleck is teh suck, that much is true.

I will probably go and see this, I like both of the actors even though the movie looks a little silly.

― Leon C. (Ex Leon), Tuesday, 5 July 2005 14:06 (twenty years ago)

Adding Fran Drescher to ANYTHING improves it

Thirty second cameo in Saturday Night Fever = instant improvement!

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 5 July 2005 14:10 (twenty years ago)

(sean.bean @ people.sean.bean.is.in.this)

Wait, hold on, did you like National Treasure?

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 5 July 2005 14:11 (twenty years ago)

No, that film looked shit. Why?

― TOMBOT, Tuesday, 5 July 2005 14:15 (twenty years ago)

Everyone I know who actually saw National Treasure said it was suprisingly awesome! I bet Fran Drescher is in it somewhere.

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 5 July 2005 14:16 (twenty years ago)

I was trying to see if you had a theory that Sean Bean could redeem anything, given he was in said film.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 5 July 2005 14:16 (twenty years ago)

Sean Bean is awesome. I bet Fran Drescher is in him somewhere.

― The Ghost of Final One, I Promise (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 5 July 2005 14:17 (twenty years ago)

Fran Drescher should play a supervillain!

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Tuesday, 5 July 2005 14:19 (twenty years ago)

Imagine her as a chief Bond villian. Beating up Clive Owen or something.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 5 July 2005 14:22 (twenty years ago)

When they finally get the technology up to speed, they should go and do a Find + Replace on Liv Tyler with Fran Drescher. Except for the music videos, just burn those.

― TOMBOT, Tuesday, 5 July 2005 15:14 (twenty years ago)

Fran Drescher as Arwen = a vision.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 5 July 2005 15:15 (twenty years ago)

After she drowns the nazgul with that cold river unicorn shit, she can do the laugh. That's the only time she can do it. But yeah.

― TOMBOT, Tuesday, 5 July 2005 15:21 (twenty years ago)

OMG.

― The Ghost of WE MUST MAKE THIS HAPPEN NOW (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 5 July 2005 16:34 (twenty years ago)

"Mithril talks and bullshit walks."

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 5 July 2005 16:37 (twenty years ago)

i saw it!! SILLY

― s1ocki (slutsky), Thursday, 14 July 2005 15:51 (twenty years ago)

HOORAY! (Wait, good "silly" or bad "silly"?)

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 14 July 2005 15:53 (twenty years ago)

a little from column A, a little from column B!!

― s1ocki (slutsky), Thursday, 14 July 2005 15:57 (twenty years ago)

How was Buscemi?

― Stuh-du-du-du-du-du-du-denka (jingleberries), Thursday, 14 July 2005 16:00 (twenty years ago)

classic bay buscemi

― s1ocki (slutsky), Thursday, 14 July 2005 16:36 (twenty years ago)

is it worth seeing for the good silly?

― latebloomer: occasionally OTM (latebloomer), Thursday, 14 July 2005 17:15 (twenty years ago)

"Classic Bay Buscemi" sounds like something you could order at a seafood restaurant.

― TOMBOT, Thursday, 14 July 2005 17:19 (twenty years ago)

it seriously cribs from 10,000 movies, in a largely entertaining but riddled-with-plot-holes, shitty-action-sequence way. yeah, the action sequences were kinda crappy, all shakey-cam wtf. some super-glossy visuals though!

movies it cribs from:

the matrix
thx 1138 (in a big big way)
minority report

uh and brave new world, and a whole bunch of other shit.

― s1ocki (slutsky), Thursday, 14 July 2005 17:30 (twenty years ago)

I'm trying to think of a way to ask "Do we get to see Scarlett's Jotitties?" that doesn't make me look like a crass idiot.

(So, um... do we?)

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 14 July 2005 17:32 (twenty years ago)

PG-13

― n/a (Nick A.), Thursday, 14 July 2005 17:35 (twenty years ago)

― s1ocki (slutsky), Thursday, 14 July 2005 17:35 (twenty years ago)

There was a story in the shitty Chicago newspaper yesterday about how there's some scene where she's in a bra, and she said something to the extent of "I don't want to wear this cheap bra, I'm just going to go naked," and the director was like "Uh, Scarlett, this is a PG-13 movie."

― n/a (Nick A.), Thursday, 14 July 2005 17:36 (twenty years ago)

slocki you forgot Parts: The Clonus Horror!

http://imdb.com/title/tt0078062/

― latebloomer: occasionally OTM (latebloomer), Thursday, 14 July 2005 17:43 (twenty years ago)

Because far be it for a movie to make money, or alter an agreed upon rating in order to allow scarlett to show nip.

― Jimmy Mod Is Sick of Being The Best At Everything (ModJ), Thursday, 14 July 2005 17:46 (twenty years ago)

I hope Ewan McG gets to yell "YOU WERE THE CHOSEN ONE!" in this movie, too!

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Thursday, 14 July 2005 17:53 (twenty years ago)

"YOUR TITTIESS WERE THE CHOSEN ONES!"

― latebloomer: occasionally OTM (latebloomer), Thursday, 14 July 2005 18:31 (twenty years ago)

I IMMEDIATELY REGRET THAT

― latebloomer: occasionally OTM (latebloomer), Thursday, 14 July 2005 18:32 (twenty years ago)

YOU SHOULDN'T

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 14 July 2005 18:37 (twenty years ago)

Dude, Logan's Run got a PG in 1976 and that movie has hell of tits in it. Ice tits, orgy tits, changing out of wet clothes tits, you name it. America sucks now. God dammit.

― TOMBOT, Thursday, 14 July 2005 18:37 (twenty years ago)

ACTUALLY I ONLY REGRET THE EXTRA 'S' ON 'TITTIES'

― latebloomer: occasionally OTM (latebloomer), Thursday, 14 July 2005 18:44 (twenty years ago)

THE EXTRA 'S' IS FOR "SMOKIN'!"

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 14 July 2005 18:46 (twenty years ago)

Logan's Run had tits in it??? They couldn't have thrown them in the first fifteen minutes of the movie, to make me not fall asleep during it? WTF. Stupid crappy Logan's Run.

― Allyzay knows a little German (allyzay), Thursday, 14 July 2005 19:10 (twenty years ago)

dude you could show cock in PG movies back in the day. and not like infant cock, but like scary-dudes-in-prison cock

― Gear! (Gear!), Thursday, 14 July 2005 19:11 (twenty years ago)

Oz cock

― milozauckerman (miloaukerman), Thursday, 14 July 2005 19:12 (twenty years ago)

We are gonna get some disappointed googlepervs on this thread.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Thursday, 14 July 2005 19:13 (twenty years ago)

whoa hey, just checking things out, no biggie. just kickin back here. what up

― Chill Bro (Gear!), Thursday, 14 July 2005 19:15 (twenty years ago)

http://giganticmag.com/images/popups/scarlett_pussycat.jpg

― Paunchy Stratego (kenan), Thursday, 14 July 2005 19:15 (twenty years ago)

BAD LIEUTENANT WAS NOT RATED PG, PEOPLE

― Allyzay knows a little German (allyzay), Thursday, 14 July 2005 19:16 (twenty years ago)

more like Nad Lieutenant

― Gear! (Gear!), Thursday, 14 July 2005 19:17 (twenty years ago)

Bless you, sir.

― Jimmy Mod Is Sick of Being The Best At Everything (ModJ), Thursday, 14 July 2005 19:18 (twenty years ago)

ALLY STOP REMINDING ME OF THE KEITEL COCK

― jocelyn (Jocelyn), Thursday, 14 July 2005 19:20 (twenty years ago)

You have ruined kettle corn forever.

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 14 July 2005 19:39 (twenty years ago)

God bless you all.

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Thursday, 14 July 2005 20:36 (twenty years ago)

still think there's an island?

― s1ocki (slutsky), Thursday, 14 July 2005 20:37 (twenty years ago)

Corey Haim and Corey Feldman should have starred in FACE/OFF. That would have been dope.

― n/a (Nick A.), Thursday, 14 July 2005 20:38 (twenty years ago)

Believe me, that's relevant to "The Island." You'll find out how...eventually.

― n/a (Nick A.), Thursday, 14 July 2005 20:42 (twenty years ago)

Someone might want to add "SPOILER ALERT" to the thread title.

― n/a (Nick A.), Thursday, 14 July 2005 20:43 (twenty years ago)

Hahaha

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 14 July 2005 22:05 (twenty years ago)

haha told y'all:

http://www.villagevoice.com/film/0529,jump,66019,20.html

― latebloomer: lazy r people (latebloomer), Wednesday, 20 July 2005 15:40 (twenty years ago)

"The Island doesn't infringe on any copyrights and anyone who suggests that it does is a non-person or a clone or something and la la la la la I can't hear you la la la"

― zebedee (zebedee), Wednesday, 20 July 2005 15:58 (twenty years ago)

haha otm

― latebloomer: lazy r people (latebloomer), Wednesday, 20 July 2005 16:19 (twenty years ago)

BUSCEMI: You're copies of PEOPLE, out here in the world!
SCARLETT: WHAT??
EWAN: NO!
SCARLETT: WHY??
EWAN: BUT BUT...
SCARLETT: NO!
EWAN: WHY!!??
SCARLETT: NO!

― Gear! (Gear!), Friday, 22 July 2005 17:27 (twenty years ago)

The trailer I saw was TOTALLY confusing wtf.

― Trayce (trayce), Saturday, 23 July 2005 08:45 (twenty years ago)

I still haven't this but I laugh at all the reviews that act like this is a really complex plot. Sure, some people won't get it, but that's because people won't get anything that isn't linear or only has one obvious twist.

It's easy, people! From my understanding:
1. People in futuristic bubble are told the outside world is screwed up except for some utopian island.
2. People in bubble are actually an organ farm for real society, which resembles today only with fancy flying cars and shit.

I want to see this film because the idea of Renton Kenobi and Charlotte Ghostitties playing retarded clones who get the truth sarcastically yelled at them by Steve Buscemi intrigues me. I could really care less about the car chases and shit.

― film monster (mike h.), Saturday, 23 July 2005 19:43 (twenty years ago)

who said it was complex?!

― s1ocki (slutsky), Saturday, 23 July 2005 20:30 (twenty years ago)

this was about 25% of a really good movie

scenes are set up around product placements, not v.v., which is always a little distracting

― andrew s (andrew s), Saturday, 23 July 2005 21:19 (twenty years ago)

I liked when he rolled those really heavy things off the truck. That was cool.

Mostly, this movie was dead obvious. Saw everything coming not just a mile, but 10 miles away. Except for

SPOILER!!!

They were growing the memories of the people they were cloned from? That's absurd. That's just bad science fiction. Perhaps if they started exhibiting the same abilities, and thus proving that they had souls, etc. Could have been interesting. But learning latin out of thin air? Completely goofy.

― Paunchy Stratego (kenan), Monday, 25 July 2005 13:55 (twenty years ago)

Also, for some reason I'm really thirsty for some AQUAFINA.

― Paunchy Stratego (kenan), Monday, 25 July 2005 13:57 (twenty years ago)

Also, I don't buy that they never figured out anything about sex. Healthy adults would soon ignore a "proximity alert" any way they could. Didn't the writers ever see The Blue Lagoon?

― Paunchy Stratego (kenan), Monday, 25 July 2005 14:00 (twenty years ago)

No, that's easy to explain away. I mean it's not exactly explained in the movie but the people weren't clones in the "We took their dna and made new people out of them" type of cloned-sheep cloning, it's future cloning. There was an entire body scanning process to replicate as many details of the original person as possible (remember the machine Ewan McGregor was supposed to get into), in order to create brand new humans that were the exact age as the person who wanted the clone made. They're completely xeroxing people, the way I figured it, they were ongoing perfecting the process which is why later versions of their clone process were developing actual memories of their "real" life while others weren't (Scarlett Johannson's character didn't exhibit the same ability, she was an "older" version). Something in the process started creating too exact a replica of the purchaser's brain. I think I just explained this bad but it's easy to understand! Ewan McGregor's character didn't learn latin, he remembered the name of his "real" self's boat--he had to ask what the word meant, remember? It was Sean Bean et al who assumed he learned Latin and didn't just remember something from his owner's past.

Anyway any film with significant amounts of scenage of not just one but TWO Ewan McGregors in the same shot is ok by me. Especially when they argued about him putting on a "silly" Scottish accent.

― Allyzay knows a little German (allyzay), Monday, 25 July 2005 14:05 (twenty years ago)

What's funny is that between Star Wars, Down With Love, and Big Fish, I've gotten so used to Ewan McGregor talking in stupid fake accents that I didn't even REALIZE he wasn't speaking in his real voice until Non-Clone Ewan McGregor showed up!

― Allyzay knows a little German (allyzay), Monday, 25 July 2005 14:08 (twenty years ago)

I have been searching all day on the web for a place to buy a Lincoln Six Echo tracksuit to no avail.

― TOMBOT, Monday, 25 July 2005 17:27 (twenty years ago)

Tom I emailed you last week but it bounced, what up with that.

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Monday, 25 July 2005 17:36 (twenty years ago)

Also, for some reason I'm really thirsty for some AQUAFINA.

i love the dystopic product placement! these mass murderers serve only aquafina!!

― s1ocki (slutsky), Monday, 25 July 2005 17:37 (twenty years ago)

Surprisingly not awful! Campy as hell and fun.

It is sooooooooooooo much of a rip off of Parts: The Clonus Horror it's not funny.

Easily the most watchable Michael Bay movie so far.

― latebloomer: You may order a puppet similar to this one (latebloomer), Monday, 25 July 2005 20:33 (twenty years ago)

Agreed on that point.

― Paunchy Stratego (kenan), Monday, 25 July 2005 20:35 (twenty years ago)

and easily the least profitable!!

― s1ocki (slutsky), Monday, 25 July 2005 20:53 (twenty years ago)

12 million opening weekend!!

― s1ocki (slutsky), Monday, 25 July 2005 20:53 (twenty years ago)

Perhaps if they started exhibiting the same abilities, and thus proving that they had souls, etc.
Like flying the air-motorcycle and driving the concept Caddy real fast?

This was surprisingly not-bad. S-Jo was kind useless throughout, but hey, what's new?

― milozauckerman (miloaukerman), Wednesday, 27 July 2005 02:21 (twenty years ago)

i really liked this. well, i liked it, in any event.

― Amateur(ist) (Amateur(ist)), Wednesday, 27 July 2005 05:19 (twenty years ago)

evil ewan mac was pretty cute.

― Amateur(ist) (Amateur(ist)), Wednesday, 27 July 2005 05:19 (twenty years ago)

although the holocaust reference was kind of in bad taste.

'kind of'

― Amateur(ist) (Amateur(ist)), Wednesday, 27 July 2005 05:26 (twenty years ago)

also wtf with mercenary guy's very-brief tale of african rebellion? like it happened so fast all we were supposed to catch was 'oh, right, he's black, some kind of rebellion, evil brutal inhumane practices among africans, ok cool.' also why does the black guy always have to end up righteous?

― Amateur(ist) (Amateur(ist)), Wednesday, 27 July 2005 05:33 (twenty years ago)

evil ewan was def'ly the best part of this movie

the worst part was how the action scenes were cut, totally made me carsick

― s1ocki (slutsky), Wednesday, 27 July 2005 14:38 (twenty years ago)

cf most summer movies. who does ilx have to fuck to get some well-edited action scenes?

― N_RQ, Wednesday, 27 July 2005 14:40 (twenty years ago)

i know... it makes me sad!!

― s1ocki (slutsky), Wednesday, 27 July 2005 14:41 (twenty years ago)

the struggle between Clone Ethan and Evil Ethan was great. "what's with all the biting!?"

― Al (sitcom), Wednesday, 27 July 2005 14:55 (twenty years ago)

my friend pointed out that, weirdly enough, in the big action scene (with the barbels being tossed off the truck) it was the bad guys who were more in danger than the good guys!

― s1ocki (slutsky), Wednesday, 27 July 2005 14:57 (twenty years ago)

I think I may have to contact one of the manufacturers listed at indianindustry.com and start my own tracksuit business

― TOMBOT, Wednesday, 27 July 2005 15:12 (twenty years ago)

Yeah, I didn't understand why the special forces dude went all righteous on the topic either. It was kind of out of the blue.

― Allyzay knows a little German (allyzay), Wednesday, 27 July 2005 15:36 (twenty years ago)

"Laurent was originally a very straight-ahead villain with no redeeming qualities," says "Island" producer Walter F. Parkes, who also worked with the 41-year-old West African actor in "Amistad" and the best-picture Oscar-winner from 2000, "Gladiator."

"When the idea of Djimon came up we suddenly we had a very interesting back story for the character as an African from the French security forces, and we had the opportunity for this kind of quiet honesty and a sense of moral integrity that Djimon brings to his work that would allow us the opportunity to redeem the character. It was really a piece of colorblind casting, but Djimon's background only enriched the part."

― TOMBOT, Wednesday, 27 July 2005 16:21 (twenty years ago)

Whether it's his powerful portrayal of Joseph Cinque, the leader of a slave rebellion in Steven Spielberg's 1997 film "Amistad," or his role as Mateo, a dying artist who befriends an Irish immigrant family in Jim Sheridan's "In America" -- which earned him an Academy Award nomination for best supporting actor in 2004 -- Hounsou brings a raw intensity to his characters with an endearing charm and believability that humanizes them.

― TOMBOT, Wednesday, 27 July 2005 16:21 (twenty years ago)

He already played both of those roles in Gladiator, though.

― Allyzay knows a little German (allyzay), Wednesday, 27 July 2005 16:23 (twenty years ago)

"I get a lot of things that have to do with slavery," says Hounsou, relaxing after a spring promotional junket.

― TOMBOT, Wednesday, 27 July 2005 16:23 (twenty years ago)

Russell Crowe does not count as an entire family.

― TOMBOT, Wednesday, 27 July 2005 16:24 (twenty years ago)

Yes, he does. He totally does.

― Allyzay knows a little German (allyzay), Wednesday, 27 July 2005 16:26 (twenty years ago)

Crowe was seen drinking Guinness in many Limerick pubs including the Charlie St George, and Nancy Blake's where a barmaid refused to serve him due to it being after hours.

― TOMBOT, Wednesday, 27 July 2005 16:29 (twenty years ago)

All stories about Russell Crowe start off with that sentence, just with different town names and pub names.

― Allyzay knows a little German (allyzay), Wednesday, 27 July 2005 16:30 (twenty years ago)

You two should get married in the tracksuits.

― Leon C. (Ex Leon), Wednesday, 27 July 2005 16:32 (twenty years ago)

I would look so not cute in that tracksuit.

― Allyzay knows a little German (allyzay), Wednesday, 27 July 2005 16:34 (twenty years ago)

i don't think this had poorly shot/edited action scenes compared do, i dunno, batman begins. this was such a better movie than batman begins.

― Amateur(ist) (Amateur(ist)), Wednesday, 27 July 2005 17:24 (twenty years ago)

also that passage above translates to "we cast a black guy and suddenly we felt guilty not giving him a heart of gold." i mean "interesting backstory" wtf? they spent all of 20 seconds on it.

― Amateur(ist) (Amateur(ist)), Wednesday, 27 July 2005 17:25 (twenty years ago)

also how does michael bay do those crazy circling-around-the-characters helicopter shots? i mean, everyone does those know, but that's totally his signature.

― Amateur(ist) (Amateur(ist)), Wednesday, 27 July 2005 17:26 (twenty years ago)

tony scott did it first!

― s1ocki (slutsky), Wednesday, 27 July 2005 17:58 (twenty years ago)

i guess the action scenes in this were a little better than batman begins but i can't see any other way the island is a better movie

― s1ocki (slutsky), Wednesday, 27 July 2005 17:59 (twenty years ago)

Mr. & Mrs. Smith had good action scenes.

― milozauckerman (miloaukerman), Wednesday, 27 July 2005 19:07 (twenty years ago)

also that passage above translates to "we cast a black guy and suddenly we felt guilty not giving him a heart of gold." i mean "interesting backstory" wtf? they spent all of 20 seconds on it.

-- Amateur(ist) (amateurist@gmail.com), July 27th, 2005.

yeah that is kinda how it reads. however I could also see how they mean more that he speaks with an accent and I guess they can't leave an accent unexplained, it has to come with a backstory, where he's from, etc. I was a little surprised to learn they added that stuff to his character as an afterthought, while watching the movie it seemed like a key turning point, paralleling the treatment of the clones with more traditional empiricist oppression. kinda funny that they fell ass backwards into making that point.

― Al (sitcom), Wednesday, 27 July 2005 19:34 (twenty years ago)

i guess i just like the silly brightly-colored action movies better than the goth action movies.

― Amateur(ist) (Amateur(ist)), Thursday, 28 July 2005 04:06 (twenty years ago)

I thought Hounsou's transformation seemed tacked-on and half-assed - oh she has a brand, I have a brand, maybe these folks are OK after all! - and badly done (ie S-Jo points a gun at him, he knocks it out of her looking like still-a-bad-guy, then mysteriously they come out gunning together). This explains (partially) why.

― milozauckerman (miloaukerman), Thursday, 28 July 2005 04:16 (twenty years ago)

how do you pronounce djomon?

― Amateur(ist) (Amateur(ist)), Thursday, 28 July 2005 04:32 (twenty years ago)

http://i.timeinc.net/ew/dynamic/imgs/030801/12557__michael_bay_l.jpg

― Amateur(ist) (Amateur(ist)), Thursday, 28 July 2005 04:34 (twenty years ago)

dj together (or silent d I guess that would be), long o (ohn).

― milozauckerman (miloaukerman), Thursday, 28 July 2005 04:34 (twenty years ago)

Digimon

― TOMBOT, Thursday, 28 July 2005 18:11 (twenty years ago)

i like how when the holograph machine breaks everyone's reaction is to know exactly where the door is and run outside joyously

― s1ocki (slutsky), Thursday, 28 July 2005 18:12 (twenty years ago)

they're following the sunlight!

― Amateur(ist) (Amateur(ist)), Thursday, 28 July 2005 19:20 (twenty years ago)

shouldn't they still think the outside is contaminated?

― s1ocki (slutsky), Thursday, 28 July 2005 19:26 (twenty years ago)

well, yeah.

― Amateur(ist) (Amateur(ist)), Thursday, 28 July 2005 19:27 (twenty years ago)

but scarlett johanssen didn't have such a hard time losing her illusions in seconds flat, so i guess it follows that the rest of them wouldn't either....

― Amateur(ist) (Amateur(ist)), Thursday, 28 July 2005 19:27 (twenty years ago)

i mean yeah, this movie basically made no sense. or no one bothered to have it make much sense. which i was pretty much able to accept.

― Amateur(ist) (Amateur(ist)), Thursday, 28 July 2005 19:28 (twenty years ago)

But man alive, can those guys ever smash up a truck.

― Paunchy Stratego (kenan), Thursday, 28 July 2005 19:45 (twenty years ago)

TRUCK SMASH! LOUD SOUNDS! THINGS GO FAST AND THEN CRASH TOGETHER!

This was an awesome movie.

― Paunchy Stratego (kenan), Thursday, 28 July 2005 19:46 (twenty years ago)

still think there's an island?

― s1ocki (slutsky), Thursday, 28 July 2005 19:47 (twenty years ago)

I liked it. The one trailer I saw gave away very little of the plot, so I wasn't expecting the whole "Logan's Run versus The Matrix" mashup, but it was good fun despite the obvious plot holes & generally loopy concept.

― Tantrum The Cat (Tantrum The Cat), Thursday, 28 July 2005 19:51 (twenty years ago)

"so I wasn't expecting the whole "Logan's Run versus The Matrix" mashup,"

plus PARTS: THE CLONUS HORROR

seriously have any of you seen that? the same plot!

― latebloomer: You may order a puppet similar to this one (latebloomer), Thursday, 28 July 2005 21:45 (twenty years ago)

http://movietab.com/2005/07/23/the-island-a-clone/

― latebloomer: You may order a puppet similar to this one (latebloomer), Thursday, 28 July 2005 21:52 (twenty years ago)

http://www.themovieblog.com/archives/2005/07/the_island_to_be_withdrawn.html

― latebloomer: You may order a puppet similar to this one (latebloomer), Thursday, 28 July 2005 21:54 (twenty years ago)

you people must've had no illusions in your life as teenagers that were smashed upon adulthood. I admire you all, and your shelethered, sheltered liv.es

― Allyzay knows a little German (allyzay), Thursday, 28 July 2005 22:48 (twenty years ago)

― latebloomer: You may order a puppet similar to this one (latebloomer), Friday, 29 July 2005 00:22 (twenty years ago)

scarlett johanssen didn't have such a hard time losing her illusions in seconds flat

― TOMBOT, Friday, 29 July 2005 00:33 (twenty years ago)

ohhhhh

― latebloomer: You may order a puppet similar to this one (latebloomer), Friday, 29 July 2005 00:34 (twenty years ago)

i was spelunking up my own ass there for a sec. my bad!

― latebloomer: You may order a puppet similar to this one (latebloomer), Friday, 29 July 2005 00:34 (twenty years ago)

breathataking stalactites, btw.

― latebloomer: You may order a puppet similar to this one (latebloomer), Friday, 29 July 2005 00:43 (twenty years ago)

ally i don't get it.

― Amateur(ist) (Amateur(ist)), Friday, 29 July 2005 00:47 (twenty years ago)

S-Jo was kind useless throughout, but hey, what's new?

She was more violent than Ewan for most of the movie! The whole nail gun scene was like WOAH.

Rather unsurprisingly, I loved this movie. It made absolutely no logical sense but it was mad mad mad mad mad mad entertaining.

The entire thing with Djimon The Greasy's character was that he had no real qualms about tracking down "product" but after his merry chase he wasn't quite sure that they weren't really people in their own right; you get the sense that he's not all that keen on fucking up civilians, what with his "we've got to get this done before the police show up and freak out" urgency through most of the chase. Also, as he said, what's the point in chopping up ScarJo Clonedimples if her owner has irreperable brain damage?

I really enjoyed how they survived falling off the side of a skyscraper. That was completely awesome. "JESUS MUST LOVE YOU!!!!!" ha haha ha ha hahaha

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Sunday, 31 July 2005 23:35 (twenty years ago)

but djomon killed like 100,000 civilians while cashing scarlett and ewan!

― Amateur(ist) (Amateur(ist)), Monday, 1 August 2005 04:52 (twenty years ago)

1. It was Djimon's men; Djimon was looking very scowly about it.
2. The most viscerally-horrifying things that happened in that chase sequence were Ewan throwing gigantic barbells onto the highway and Ewan running over people in an office building with a jet cycle. The only people you see getting directly taken out by the strike team are policemen, who aren't really civilians in the same way that poor guy who got a jet cycle to the nuts in the office building is a civilian.

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 1 August 2005 10:03 (twenty years ago)

Policemen deserve whatever they get.

― Paunchy Stratego (kenan), Monday, 1 August 2005 13:07 (twenty years ago)

http://www.resistance.org.au/resrev/symbol03/sma10.jpg

― Paunchy Stratego (kenan), Monday, 1 August 2005 13:08 (twenty years ago)

http://www.microcosmpublishing.com/catimages/cop.gif

― Paunchy Stratego (kenan), Monday, 1 August 2005 13:09 (twenty years ago)

The only ostentatiously ridiculous thing Djimon's men did was to accidentally shoot the logo off of that building and there was a good amount of "OH SHIT"-ing that went on when that happened, even before the helicopter was taken out.

My God this was the most ludicrous movie I've ever seen! So awesome.

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 1 August 2005 13:10 (twenty years ago)

The whole sign falling off the building thing was indeed awesomely improbable.

"Jesus must love you!"

― Paunchy Stratego (kenan), Monday, 1 August 2005 13:11 (twenty years ago)

"DON'T DROP ME! DON'T LET GO! Okay, whew we're safe until WE FALL ANYWAY OH NOOOOOOOO! HOLD ON TO THE SIGN, IT'S THE ONLY WAY!"

I want to be a screenwriter.

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 1 August 2005 13:14 (twenty years ago)

Can't be that hard a job.

― Paunchy Stratego (kenan), Monday, 1 August 2005 13:18 (twenty years ago)

according to imdb, the guy who wrote this a) sounds like an etonian b) has only worked on one other movie.

how do they do it? he pitched up to bay? apparently bay was in the running for 'phone booth'. it wasn't long before he asked, 'okay, how the fuck do we move this out of the phone booth?'.

― N_RQ, Monday, 1 August 2005 13:23 (twenty years ago)

[Interviewer] SFTE: I had a very ultra-orthodox film studies teacher...

Michael Bay: Like how?

SFTE: Well, to begin with, she was very snobbish. And she ragged on how cinematic codes and rules are being broken, and the usual blah-blah-blah given to film students. She also praised "Citizen Kane" day and night and said the usual stuff about it being the greatest movie of all time, etc. And how the movies have lost their true purpose, become too commercial. You know, all the stuff taught to film students here in New England.

MB: What you need to tell her from a very big director is that there are no rules in film. And any film teacher that teaches rules is wrong. "Citizen Kane," when it came out, it was very mocked film. People did not like it. It was very unrespected. It was thought of at the time as very uncool. But he wasn't the inventor of all that stuff. All that stuff had been done in other movies. through silent movies, through musicals, yadda-yadda-yadda. But it was the first movie to really put all those things together into a movie. If she would've taught Orsen Wells, he would've laughed at her.

SFTE: When some of us in film class mentioned that we liked Armageddon, she labeled us an "easily impressed minds."

MB: What you need to tell her is that Armageddon is the 8th highest grossing movie of all time worldwide.

SFTE: It's 4th in Japan right?

MB: It's 3rd I heard. I think its' "E.T.," Jurassic Park," and then Armageddon. Doesn't she like exciting movies?

― N_RQ, Monday, 1 August 2005 13:35 (twenty years ago)

If I was teaching them kids, finding out they liked Armageddon would be great. "Aha, easily influenced minds, best type for TEACHING."

Most of my film studies teachers had not seen a new film in ten years.

― Pete (Pete), Monday, 1 August 2005 13:46 (twenty years ago)

My fierce enjoyment of this movie has absolutely no bearing on my desire to punch Michael Bay in the nuts.

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 1 August 2005 13:49 (twenty years ago)

i kind of admire bay there -- he's right about citizen kane!

― N_RQ, Monday, 1 August 2005 13:52 (twenty years ago)

I have no beef with his commentary on "Citizen Kane" (which I still haven't seen) but his whole "I MAKE MONEY BOW BEFORE MY GIGANTIC COIN-ENGORGED TESTICLES" schtick at the end of the quoted segment is ripe for punching.

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 1 August 2005 13:53 (twenty years ago)

I know latebloomer has been posting about this for a while (and initially I didn't believe him) but over at agonybooth.com they updated the Parts: The Clonus Horror review while linking as well to the interview with the dude who directed it, who actually sounds like a cool dude. I admit I didn't realize that the original film was shot over only two weeks, but at the same time it does feel like it.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 1 August 2005 19:24 (twenty years ago)

Also, liking Armageddon means at least tolerating the animal cracker scene. I find such toleration to be a sign of mental deficiency.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 1 August 2005 19:27 (twenty years ago)

i went out for a smoke during that scene!

― s1ocki (slutsky), Monday, 1 August 2005 22:23 (twenty years ago)

two weeks pass...

wait, which is the interview, and which is the onion article?

― ambrose (ambrose), Wednesday, 17 August 2005 16:09 (twenty years ago)

two weeks pass...

I really really liked the joke where the original of the bland American Ewan was the shifty indie Ewan that we haven't seen since 2001.

― Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Sunday, 4 September 2005 00:22 (twenty years ago)

two months pass...

So are you guys going with the tracksuits or what?

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Wednesday, 30 November 2005 05:31 (twenty years ago)

Also, your wedding could feature two hours of confused running.

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Wednesday, 30 November 2005 15:42 (twenty years ago)

Fetishist.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 30 November 2005 15:45 (twenty years ago)

What are you two on about?

― jel -- (jel), Wednesday, 30 November 2005 15:47 (twenty years ago)

Tracer, you know damn well everything involving me involves 2 hours of confused running.

― Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyzay), Wednesday, 30 November 2005 15:53 (twenty years ago)

Toast: me, in glasses and bathrobe, disheveled: "You're not like me, see, you're not like us. You're ... different. You're not ... human."

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Wednesday, 30 November 2005 15:54 (twenty years ago)

The date's been set, right? Can I crash or would I have to get my hair cut?

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 30 November 2005 15:55 (twenty years ago)

You'd have to cut your hair. No long hairs allowed.

― Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyzay), Wednesday, 30 November 2005 15:55 (twenty years ago)

Bother.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 30 November 2005 15:56 (twenty years ago)

Oh shit, this is on DVD already?

I searched and searched and searched for the tracksuits. They don't make 'em. I think they were all just naked in the movie, bodies painted flourescent green, and they added the tracksuits with a Wacom tablet in post.

― TOMBOT, Wednesday, 30 November 2005 15:57 (twenty years ago)

You could wear a helmet ned.

― jel -- (jel), Wednesday, 30 November 2005 15:57 (twenty years ago)

Like Ewan McGregor would let anyone superimpose clothing on him.

― Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyzay), Wednesday, 30 November 2005 15:58 (twenty years ago)

I have been known to go out in public wearing only superimposed clothing, mostly because I hate doing laundry.

― TOMBOT, Wednesday, 30 November 2005 16:12 (twenty years ago)

You're not exactly Ewan McGregor, though.

― Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyzay), Wednesday, 30 November 2005 16:14 (twenty years ago)

Ned should only be allowed in if he can recite five minutes of non-contiguous dialogue from "The Wedding Crashers".

― Dan (Also Tapdancing Should Be Involved) Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 30 November 2005 16:15 (twenty years ago)

three years pass...

Ewan: blah blah ISLAND?
Sean Bean: blah blah scientific blah blah
Scarlett Johnansen: I AM PRETTY WHEN I DON'T TALK LOOK AT MY BEESTUNG LIPS
Lost version

Jack: blah blah blah ISLAND! blah blah
Hurley: wha?
Kate: I AM GOING TO THE ISLAND BECAUSE I AM SPECIAL AND DON'T TALK
John: blah blah ISLAND = DEATH! blah blah
Charlie: ha ha pwned
Sun: blah blah DHARMA!
Hurley: ha ha 2x pwnage
Kate: KISS ME BECAUSE I WANT YOUR BODY AND I ONLY TALK WHEN I AM READY FOR THE SEX
Sawyer: blah blah SEX? blah blah
Kate: MWAH!
John: blah blah HANG ON blah blah KILL ISLAND! blah blah blah blah

― calstars, Friday, 27 February 2009 22:20 (seventeen years ago)

Parts: The Clonus Horror was better, the young clones in love both die.

― what happened? I'm confused. (sarahel), Friday, 27 February 2009 22:31 (seventeen years ago)

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