How do you expect/hope/fear your life will be like when you're forty?

My life never has flown by, for as long as I can remember. It has always paced by at a slow and stately gait. As a conmsequence, at 50 I now feel as if I have been alive since the dawn of time.

30 wasn't even that big a milestone, either. 33 was, but 30? No.

40 has a strange perspective in that you've been working for around 20 years, feel that you need/deserve a rest, but have another 25 years to go until you can retire.

Also if you only take one holiday a year, you only have another 25 holidays before becoming an OAP traveller.

x-post: I don't so much feel like I need a rest as a change.

You're right....I need a rest first (year long sabbatical would do) and then a change.

this is exactly what i'm hoping for (you'll notice i've cut the final rejoinder). but you never know what's going to happen. i guess all i really hope is that, whatever occurs in the intervening ten years, i find myself in a position where i'm as happy with it as i can be.

Aww, I was hoping to start an Atlanta-style panicky run on the pumps of life, so to speak.

FWIW most of the over-40 straight people w/o kids that I know (and even some of the gay folks)are somewhat conflicted if not downright unhappy about it. Obviously parenthood's not for everybody but conversely you really don't know until you try to pull it off.

Expect: Stuck in London, working more than I want to, procrastinating

Fear: Frustrated, bored, lonely

fnarr.

see, i can never grow up.

Debt-free with a painless right knee. That's my slogan for 40.

Hm, interesting perspective. I'm not very conflicted myself but at the same time I'm in a position where I would feel no conflict, not being forty for a start, but also not currently being with anyone and not being inclined to raise a kid on my own.

I've also just had my first child, which was a transformative experience. I had my doubts and anxieties about being a father before, but they quickly dissolved once my son was born and I am very happy with my new role. One thing I don't think people realise is how transformative it really is, and the things about having a child that you think are going to be a huge burden turn out not to be, because your attitude has changed so much towards them. Shit, I'm not explaining myself well, I'd better stop there.

One thing I don't think people realise is how transformative it really is, and the things about having a child that you think are going to be a huge burden turn out not to be, because your attitude has changed so much towards them.

Absolutely. The things I dreaded most (changing diapers, less disposable income, etc.) turn out to be no big deal compared to my feelings for my daughter.

-far more financially stable than i am now
-finally back in a big-time tech job
-still in Portland
-married, with kid or planning for kid
-kung fu master(seriously. i'm going to restart my martial arts training in wing chun gong fu w/in a year)

Hope: To be living reasonably comfortably on what I make in my chosen field and, if not owning property, at least in a good relationship with an understanding landlord.

Fear: Scrabbling through the wreckage, searching for the last can of food and clubbing enemies to death with an axe made from a car exhaust pipe and the jagged remains of a PS3, bound together with iPod headphones.

awww Uncle Neddy.

Heheh. It's a grand feeling. (As my sister has no inclination to kids either, it's probably the only way I will be an uncle, so why not?)

Anyway, no guessing needed: it was 1999, I was very happily married, just graduating with a 1st, starting a new job here in London soon after (I'm still in it). Things were good.

Expect: Not too far off from that. I'll be ok.

Fear: Complete mental breakdown, severe alcoholism, crippling lonliness, lingering unwillingness to do laundry.

Oh wait. I can't lose my hipness, I'm not hip. Nevermind.

Wahey! Me in 14 months time (hopefully). *pulls shirt over head and does lap of honour*

Guess I'm doing OK, but I tend to keep my expectations low anyway.

I hope to be a well regarded fashion photographer known for my edgy and theatrical style.

I fear I will probably kill myself before I hit anywhere near 40.

I expect I'll be in the same holding pattern I've been in for years.

I hope I'll pick up some more freelance clients, add web design to my skillz, have one good employee to take some of the pressure off during the busy times, and be able to travel more.

I fear I'll be a widower due to the statistical inevitabilities associated with bipolar disorder; or my wife will be a widow, due to this heart-attack gut I carry around with me and never do anything about.

Rock, my wife was bipolar too, and menopause, strangely enough, brought an end to it. Not suggesting anything here, but just sayin'.

I have 7.5 years to do this.

but still no.

past 40. the wordliness creeps up on you. people start treating you like yr over 40. like yr worldly...and you realise - in some ways you are.

i was also on acid.

some people have said they see me as a kind of granfather. which makes me think - fuck - what do i look like, or, i must be beyond adult cares.

you do know that it'll cost you double as well?

No no no! You said it very well. Then again I don't have much experience aside from an everygrowing belly. ;-) I have small panick attacks but all in all I'm looking forward to sleep deprivation and endless eating sessions. :-) After that? We'll see how it goes. ;-)

I don't really think about turning 40. I worry more about work and *stuff*. Age doesn't mean much. :-) I worry more about being able to run the shop. I hope I can still manage to do so in about 8 yrs time.

Marcello. :-( I hope you feel better.

and hoping I still have the same circle of friends.

See? Not very exciting am I.

Feel better?

I expect what I hope which is at least one masters if not more/higher degrees, a child and definitely house/property. I actually expect those things to happen before 35. Also to still be in the job I currently have which is something I would have never said before.

Longer term, my therapist and I have set a goal of ridding me of my demons by forty. We figure I had about four good years of life in the beginning to work with and we can do something with that. In conjunction with that extensive work I hope to stabalize (perchance to dream, be rid of?) my bipolar disorder and avoid the lengthy list of diabilities and chronic illnesses that plague my 52 yr old mother.

fear. . .not being able to conquer the mental illness or anger/fear/resentment that comes from childhood abuse. If I can't do those things I'll probably be dead. Or wishing I were.

This, by the way, is a good thing.

Gwenny-gwen-gwen is 36, I think.

I had hoped I would be the manager in my current office. Now I'm just hoping I have a job I like half as much as I used to like this one.

I expect I will still be married, I expect I'll still be telling the mister we'll discuss having kids "in a couple of years". I expect we'll have moved house, and I'll be sorely disappointed if we haven't got a dog by then.

I fear I'll be an alcoholic unemployed and unemployable loser and my husband will have left me. This isn't very likely, but it's the sort of thing that worries me anyway.

Although there's a good case for me being one of the most failed music artists ever, I'd say I'm a successful failure rather than a failed success (Brett Anderson and Thom Yorke spring to mind, or even someone like Madonna who fills interviews and records with woe-is-me stuff or "my drugs hell" stuff). "Fail better" is wise advice for the long term, or perhaps "fail more interestingly". Success tends to be short-lived, but if you can learn to enjoy failure, co-habit with it, it lasts forever! Co-habiting with a nice, considerate lover in her 20s doesn't hurt either, mind.

I was looking at your 'perfect pleasure scenario' from March - a great idea; everyone should think about one. http://www.livejournal.com/users/imomus/90639.html

And you say:

Then, in a room empty but for painted screens, tatami mats and scatter cushions, I've made love with my girlfriend. Once I've come, a record of Renaissance lute music begins to play, and my girlfriend gently scratches my back as I lie in a state between reverie and slumber, my head swimming with delicious imagery. There. I'm very, very happy.

Your poor girlfriend isn't mentioned again...

I like that a lot. It's soothing in its simplicity.

Rejoicing will ring around your house, I'm sure, Bob, when I tell you that we operate an "I'll scratch your back, you scratch mine" policy.

This is the perfect cover blurb for a slick-magazine quiz.

-- nathalie's pocket revolution (stevienixe...), September 2nd, 2005.

I just wish I didn't feel so empty. Friends and FAPs and Poptimisms and barbecues and Brightons are all well and good in their own way - and obviously I'd rather they were there than not there - but there's this terrible void that can't be filled.

The plan was we were going to go mainstream - kids, mortgage, car, the lot.

The general feeling was that both Laura and I had been cheated out of the second halves of our lives. I still feel that. It's a difficult hurdle to get over. I'm not sure I ever will get over it. I'm aware that with every passing day my chances of finding someone to share my life with anew diminishes that little bit more - not just because of my age and circumstances, but also because of my pre-existing problems which would make it extremely difficult for anyone else to "take me on." So it's going to be the Kenneth Williams life of a loner for me; I don't particularly savour the prospect but I suppose I'll have simply have to deal with my straitened circumstances as best I can.

I'll be producing my 2nd oceanographic documentary, but 4th film overall... the first two being accounts of my summitting the 7 highest peaks of Alaska in 2009, and establishing a temporary research facility on Berkner Island in Antarctica's Filchner-Ronne Ice Shelf in 2013.

-- Beth Parker (marthasminion...), September 6th, 2005.

Thanks for your advice, Beth! Sadly I live in London, England, where we have no such thing as a Little League. I don't like sports either. Nor any other Huey Lewis and the News album boom boom.

5 days till I hit the big 4 Zero. Considering getting my nipples pierced, buying a Harley and banging some cheerleaders.

beautiful wife, lovely kids, fatter, balder, richer, fulfilled, a smile for every old lady, a sweet for every passing dog, a warm feeling inside of knowing that yes I made mistakes but who would now say I did not succeed as I sip this brandy and run my hand through my fulsome beard.

I got the wife, kids and fatter-ness down. The beard sometimes.

if I actually feel like that at 40....wow...maybe I should get going

you will have to buy a lot of sweets!!!

Hang on, don't sweets fuck dogs up or something?

I said I'd made mistakes!

You should only give them to bad dogs.

I'm looking forward to sleep deprivation and endless eating sessions. :-)

Hope I'm a bit smarter than when I was in my thirties. Looking forward to sleep dep? KRAZY.

Crossing the threshold later this week. Looking forward to getting it out of the way now tbh, the thought of it has been hanging over me like a ghoul for months. Fuck.

If it's any consolation, it gets worse.

gonna admit i lolled at my own post just above.

Hope to be earning more money or working fewer hours but for myself, be a little slimmer (if anything), have no realistic hope of any hair remaining, w/r/t relationship status I don't actually have any preference- if I'm still with my current gf then there won't be any kids. Not sure if I'll stay in Ireland, but if I do I'll own a house.

TBH I'm still pretty vague on this kind of stuff.

40's not far away, so I'm only looking for incremental improvements. The house we're buying - I'd like it to be as good as we can make it by summer 2008, get the asbestos out of the brick outhouse and turn it into the crafting den of our dreams; my daughter - healthy, happy and as smart as we already like to think she is, perhaps with a sibling to torture; the missus - gainfully employed, with laptop and aforementioned crafting den pulling in the cash, rather than a slog into town and the little smasher(s) in daycare; work - a little less hectic, a little less month left at the end of the salary.

Debt-free with a painless right knee. That's my slogan for 40.

― Michael Jones (MichaelJ), Thursday, 1 September 2005 15:45 (4 years ago)

House - didn't move in until Feb '06. Spent all our money on it, then lots of someone else's money and it's still not "done". Brick shed is still a brick shed, full of crap and our tumble dryer.

Daughter is healthy, happy and smart and she does have that sibling (who tortures her back).

Missus is freelancing with the laptop but it's not her creative work that's pulling in the money.

I've never been more broke or more work-stressed.

Swings and roundabouts, eh?

but how's the knee?

ILX's 40 UP

On the flipside, the finitude of life definitely makes its presence felt more. Not so much the fear of death, but the fact that you only have a limited time to do the things you want to do, and you have to more sharply focus on what you want to do and not waste time with the extraneous shit.

this rings true but then again I felt the same way at 30 and btw I'm still posting here aren't I

The knee got "better" through phasing out strenuous exercise altogether (back in 2005 I was still half-jogging around the Rec and playing tennis). This was probably not what I was hoping for.

this rings true but then again I felt the same way at 30 and btw I'm still posting here aren't I

But when you're approaching 40 it's a bit easier to stay home and post on ILX than to go out with friends and worry about drinking too much and staying up too late, etc.

alright, how many of us this year?
whiney just fessed up.

I did it in 2014. It was a much better year than 41 is turning out to be.

did he really, though? xp

Last November. I was made for middle age imo.

Turned 40 in February. Feels largely like any other age, though I can detect a thin glimmer of existential dread lurking in the shadows.

Life is good, though. And terrible, too, but that's life for you.

I'm 36, I just said I wasn't a millennial!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9C4uTEEOJlM

fair warning whiney, when she declines the invite all the gen y kids cut off her arms and legs

haha I had Whiney's age guessed right

tbh you have dropping "on the road to 40" clues for years, man