I know it's probably bad to post on an internet board. i know i don't post here much but i've lurked around for years and i have no-one with me, i just woke a friend up and he's going to come round but not fr a while.
Some people might know her, she was a*ymkins from sinister. I feel numb. my friend is here now, that's nice of him.
― jeffrey (johnson), Thursday, 3 November 2005 01:18 (nineteen years ago)
My god.
Words are useless. Just: my deepest condolences.
― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 3 November 2005 01:34 (nineteen years ago)
― jeffrey (johnson), Thursday, 3 November 2005 01:38 (nineteen years ago)
― jeffrey (johnson), Thursday, 3 November 2005 01:39 (nineteen years ago)
― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 3 November 2005 01:40 (nineteen years ago)
― Barnaby (Barnaby), Thursday, 3 November 2005 01:40 (nineteen years ago)
― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Thursday, 3 November 2005 01:42 (nineteen years ago)
― s1ocki (slutsky), Thursday, 3 November 2005 01:42 (nineteen years ago)
― This Field Left Blank (Dee the Lurker), Thursday, 3 November 2005 01:48 (nineteen years ago)
― Curt1s St3ph3ns, Thursday, 3 November 2005 01:48 (nineteen years ago)
― Alex in NYC (vassifer), Thursday, 3 November 2005 01:53 (nineteen years ago)
― MindInRewind (Barry Bruner), Thursday, 3 November 2005 01:58 (nineteen years ago)
― jed_ (jed), Thursday, 3 November 2005 02:00 (nineteen years ago)
― Beth Parker (Beth Parker), Thursday, 3 November 2005 02:03 (nineteen years ago)
she was at the hospital a week ago with really bad chest pains and they told her it was only acid reflux but not to worry, people get confused like that all the time but it was only acid reflux.
i can't get out my head telling her how good that was since acid reflux just involves a bland diet and some gaviscon every day. i kinda of want to kill the bastards at the hospital.
― jeffrey (johnson), Thursday, 3 November 2005 02:05 (nineteen years ago)
― Beth Parker (Beth Parker), Thursday, 3 November 2005 02:08 (nineteen years ago)
― General Doinel (Charles McCain), Thursday, 3 November 2005 02:12 (nineteen years ago)
― salexander / sofia (salexander), Thursday, 3 November 2005 02:13 (nineteen years ago)
― William (Rock Hardy), Thursday, 3 November 2005 02:24 (nineteen years ago)
― gypsy mothra (gypsy mothra), Thursday, 3 November 2005 02:30 (nineteen years ago)
But you're entitled to whatever you feel. Let it out.
― Dave2xxx (dave225.3), Thursday, 3 November 2005 02:31 (nineteen years ago)
my sincere condolences to you and her family.
― Eisbär (llamasfur), Thursday, 3 November 2005 02:40 (nineteen years ago)
we are a long distance apart, we were going to get married and she was going to move over next march though. i am flying over tommorow to be with her parents and other.
thanks for everyones kind words. they are greatly appreciated.
― jeffrey (johnson), Thursday, 3 November 2005 02:42 (nineteen years ago)
― Jaq (Jaq), Thursday, 3 November 2005 02:48 (nineteen years ago)
― rrrobyn (rrrobyn), Thursday, 3 November 2005 02:48 (nineteen years ago)
― tokyo nursery school: afternoon session (rosemary), Thursday, 3 November 2005 03:13 (nineteen years ago)
― Homosexual II (Homosexual II), Thursday, 3 November 2005 04:03 (nineteen years ago)
The funeral is on friday and they may be able to hold of till saturday at the latest so i'm not sure if i'll make it over in time. i really hope i can.
― jeffrey (johnson), Thursday, 3 November 2005 04:19 (nineteen years ago)
― Matthew C Perpetua (inca), Thursday, 3 November 2005 04:23 (nineteen years ago)
― Maria :D (Maria D.), Thursday, 3 November 2005 04:33 (nineteen years ago)
― jeffrey (johnson), Thursday, 3 November 2005 04:36 (nineteen years ago)
― Super Cub (Debito), Thursday, 3 November 2005 04:38 (nineteen years ago)
xpost
Yeah, Super Cub is right. If you explain why you're flying, you should get thru very quickly and cheaply.
― kingfish orange creamsicle (kingfish 2.0), Thursday, 3 November 2005 04:40 (nineteen years ago)
― Super Cub (Debito), Thursday, 3 November 2005 04:44 (nineteen years ago)
― jeffrey (johnson), Thursday, 3 November 2005 04:45 (nineteen years ago)
― Gravel Puzzleworth (Gregory Henry), Thursday, 3 November 2005 05:21 (nineteen years ago)
― ath (ath), Thursday, 3 November 2005 05:56 (nineteen years ago)
― Forest Pines (ForestPines), Thursday, 3 November 2005 07:47 (nineteen years ago)
― marianna lcl (marianna lcl), Thursday, 3 November 2005 08:51 (nineteen years ago)
― Panther Pink (Pinkpanther), Thursday, 3 November 2005 08:54 (nineteen years ago)
― StrangeDays (StrangeDays), Thursday, 3 November 2005 09:06 (nineteen years ago)
i feel absolutely horrible about this... i'm at a loss for words. i believe the list is no longer inactive, but if there's anything you would need to see -- like an archive or what not -- I'll see what I can do to find any. but this is entirely up to you. in the meantime, please find some time for peace and companionship with close friends if at all possible.
― iDonut B4 x86 (donut), Thursday, 3 November 2005 09:21 (nineteen years ago)
― beanz (beanz), Thursday, 3 November 2005 09:22 (nineteen years ago)
― Madeleine (Madeleine), Thursday, 3 November 2005 09:36 (nineteen years ago)
― Archel (Archel), Thursday, 3 November 2005 09:40 (nineteen years ago)
― Nathalie, the Queen of Frock 'n' Fall (stevie nixed), Thursday, 3 November 2005 09:48 (nineteen years ago)
― Sick Mouthy (Nick Southall), Thursday, 3 November 2005 09:51 (nineteen years ago)
Please email me at rob underscore brennan at yahoo dot co dot uk if you ever want to talk about anything.
― robster (robster), Thursday, 3 November 2005 09:53 (nineteen years ago)
― Mädchen (Madchen), Thursday, 3 November 2005 10:44 (nineteen years ago)
― Matt DC (Matt DC), Thursday, 3 November 2005 10:47 (nineteen years ago)
― Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Thursday, 3 November 2005 10:52 (nineteen years ago)
― Markelby (Mark C), Thursday, 3 November 2005 10:55 (nineteen years ago)
― ken c (ken c), Thursday, 3 November 2005 11:22 (nineteen years ago)
― Matt (Matt), Thursday, 3 November 2005 11:38 (nineteen years ago)
― PJ Miller (PJ Miller 68), Thursday, 3 November 2005 11:48 (nineteen years ago)
― misshajim (strand), Thursday, 3 November 2005 12:03 (nineteen years ago)
― sgs (sgs), Thursday, 3 November 2005 12:08 (nineteen years ago)
― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 3 November 2005 13:02 (nineteen years ago)
― Honey Too (honeytoo), Thursday, 3 November 2005 13:05 (nineteen years ago)
― M. White (Miguelito), Thursday, 3 November 2005 14:38 (nineteen years ago)
Forest pines: I'm glad you got to meet her, sorry we were so out of it that day. i remember i might have been a bit of a dick but it's just because i hadn't slept in abt 3 days, i remember i had to keep getting up in the restaurant to go fr a little walk just to stay awake and feeling really bad abt it but thinking it was better than passing out in a bowl of soup.
Sinister Ppl: thanks for all yr kind words abt amy. I'm sure she'd be glad you all remember her and think kindly of her. I was Danny on sinister, when i came to ilx i decided i wanted some annonymity because i disliked a lot of the person i was then. Seems really irrelevant now.
Everyone: just thank you.
I never posted to anyones threads about loss/bereavement. I always felt really bad and wanted to type something, sometimes i would even write a message but it always seemed so 'something' and i wld inevitably delete it. I wish i hadn't.
― jeffrey (johnson), Thursday, 3 November 2005 14:58 (nineteen years ago)
― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 3 November 2005 15:01 (nineteen years ago)
― Laurel (Laurel), Thursday, 3 November 2005 15:08 (nineteen years ago)
― DV (dirtyvicar), Thursday, 3 November 2005 15:16 (nineteen years ago)
― Lucretia My Reflection (Lucretia My Reflection), Thursday, 3 November 2005 15:32 (nineteen years ago)
― hstencil (hstencil), Thursday, 3 November 2005 15:32 (nineteen years ago)
― w1llp1e (willpie), Thursday, 3 November 2005 15:57 (nineteen years ago)
― w1llp1e (willpie), Thursday, 3 November 2005 16:07 (nineteen years ago)
― Tom (Groke), Thursday, 3 November 2005 16:21 (nineteen years ago)
― ailsa (ailsa), Thursday, 3 November 2005 16:34 (nineteen years ago)
my best wishes, danny
― RJG (RJG), Thursday, 3 November 2005 16:34 (nineteen years ago)
― Theorry Henry (Enrique), Thursday, 3 November 2005 16:45 (nineteen years ago)
― firstworldman (firstworldman), Thursday, 3 November 2005 16:52 (nineteen years ago)
― ai lien (kold_krush), Thursday, 3 November 2005 17:25 (nineteen years ago)
― luna (luna.c), Thursday, 3 November 2005 17:27 (nineteen years ago)
― Juulia (julesbdules), Thursday, 3 November 2005 17:46 (nineteen years ago)
― jeffrey (johnson), Thursday, 3 November 2005 18:11 (nineteen years ago)
― J.D. (Justyn Dillingham), Thursday, 3 November 2005 18:14 (nineteen years ago)
― kelsey (kelstarry), Thursday, 3 November 2005 18:24 (nineteen years ago)
― iDonut B4 x86 (donut), Thursday, 3 November 2005 18:27 (nineteen years ago)
― M. White (Miguelito), Thursday, 3 November 2005 18:27 (nineteen years ago)
this is your thread, jeffrey. talk as much as you want on here--anything that helps you get through this as well as you can.
― Juulia (julesbdules), Thursday, 3 November 2005 18:45 (nineteen years ago)
― melton mowbray (adr), Thursday, 3 November 2005 19:04 (nineteen years ago)
They are wrong, and I will leave it at that.
― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 3 November 2005 19:20 (nineteen years ago)
― Kittens Licking Cakes (coco), Thursday, 3 November 2005 19:34 (nineteen years ago)
― iDonut B4 x86 (donut), Thursday, 3 November 2005 19:38 (nineteen years ago)
― estela (estela), Thursday, 3 November 2005 19:46 (nineteen years ago)
I spent a lot of the night with my family, they kept talking about things like wreaths and what kind of clothes i have to take with me. it just all seemed so unreal.
I keep getting this little tingle of excitement like i am going over to visit and stay with her again. I'm really hating my brain just now.
― jeffrey (johnson), Thursday, 3 November 2005 23:50 (nineteen years ago)
― Beth Parker (Beth Parker), Friday, 4 November 2005 00:02 (nineteen years ago)
x
― Alba (Alba), Friday, 4 November 2005 00:47 (nineteen years ago)
― Rickey Wright (Rrrickey), Friday, 4 November 2005 03:08 (nineteen years ago)
― jaymc (jaymc), Friday, 4 November 2005 03:12 (nineteen years ago)
― Fetchboy (Felcher), Friday, 4 November 2005 03:24 (nineteen years ago)
― jim wentworth (wench), Friday, 4 November 2005 03:53 (nineteen years ago)
― petullant (petullant), Friday, 4 November 2005 04:40 (nineteen years ago)
― jeffrey (johnson), Friday, 4 November 2005 05:58 (nineteen years ago)
― maura (maura), Friday, 4 November 2005 06:03 (nineteen years ago)
― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 4 November 2005 06:04 (nineteen years ago)
― J-rock (Julien Sandiford), Friday, 4 November 2005 06:42 (nineteen years ago)
lynsxxx
― lynsey callaghan (lynsey), Saturday, 5 November 2005 00:25 (nineteen years ago)
my thoughts are with you and her family
― Gavin Dunbar (kingofpartick), Saturday, 5 November 2005 00:27 (nineteen years ago)
― M@tt He1geson (Matt Helgeson), Saturday, 5 November 2005 01:25 (nineteen years ago)
take care,mc xx
― Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Saturday, 5 November 2005 10:17 (nineteen years ago)
― weasel diesel (K1l14n), Saturday, 5 November 2005 13:32 (nineteen years ago)
― Sundar (sundar), Saturday, 5 November 2005 15:10 (nineteen years ago)
Her dad gave me an engagement ring to put in her casket since we never got round to anything like that. Our secular asses just never saw the point in declaring a bunch of things before God that we already knew were true, it was just something we were going to do to make immigration easier and because we never had anything against it just didn't really see a huge reason for it. It seems more important now.
Her friends and little brother were incredible, they took me to all the places we went together when i visited last year, just a bunch of cafes and country trails, and told me stories of amy in her younger years. I think i am going to go back in spring and and stay with her parents for a while, they were taking it really really badly and i was going to stay longer but i didn't have sick leave or money or anything so i told them i'd go back in spring.
Her death certificate said she died of arterial atherosclerosis which is basically hardening of the arteries. Normally that leads to something else like a heart attack but this time it was it was just the atherosclerosis itself. I still don't understand why they didn't diagnose it when she went in with chest pains a few days before and it makes me really fucking angry. i don't know if that's just because i need to be angry at something or if it's actually legitimate, i am still too upset to look it up in depth on the net to see how easy it is to detect and learn more about it.
this is only really relevant to s*nisiter people but i plan on putting up a website with photo's of her, mostly from her time with me, for her friends and family. If anyone wants to see just email me and i'll send you the website address when i've finished.
It feels too odd using my ilx name since she never knew me by it. Thanks again for your kind words and support.
― d@nny (johnson), Wednesday, 9 November 2005 14:14 (nineteen years ago)
― Kv_nol (Kv_nol), Wednesday, 9 November 2005 14:26 (nineteen years ago)
i'm so sorry. m.
― msp (mspa), Monday, 14 November 2005 15:06 (nineteen years ago)
thinking good thoughts for you
― cozen (Cozen), Monday, 14 November 2005 15:15 (nineteen years ago)
Ronan.
― Ronan (Ronan), Monday, 14 November 2005 15:20 (nineteen years ago)
Anyway, I'm thinking of you.
― Archel (Archel), Monday, 14 November 2005 15:29 (nineteen years ago)
― grimly fiendish (grimlord), Monday, 14 November 2005 15:30 (nineteen years ago)
I thought about Amy today while listening to a Stereolab tape of b-sides she sent me back in the 1990s. People who never had the fortune of having her in their lives are missing something, even if they're not aware of it.
I miss you, dots.
― Johnny Fever, Monday, 3 September 2007 07:04 (seventeen years ago)
:-( How hard it must be to go through life with such a loss.
― nathalie, Monday, 3 September 2007 08:25 (seventeen years ago)
yes.
― Surmounter, Monday, 3 September 2007 08:47 (seventeen years ago)
I often think of her when listening to the Velvet Underground.
― The Real Dirty Vicar, Monday, 3 September 2007 08:52 (seventeen years ago)
I think of her when listening to "Nothing Matters when you're Dancing" by the Magnetic Fields.
― Mark C, Monday, 3 September 2007 09:27 (seventeen years ago)
Like I said the first time, I simply don't know what to say, as I don't know how it feels and also because I realize that my words are so trivial and meaningless. :-(
― nathalie, Monday, 3 September 2007 09:32 (seventeen years ago)