Getting to know someone a Hole lot better....

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Okay, here's this weeks dilemma. Made an appointment for the dreaded smear test - it's soooo hard to get an appointment at my surgery. Been waiting weeks. Finally got one with the nurse.

Then Mr R reminded me who the nurse is... it's his mum and dads neighbour and I know her quite well. She's pretty young, in her thirties and we see her all the time when we're at his parents or in the town or whatever. I've been out socialising in her company at least twice.

Should I wait donkies for another appointment or should I get over it and let Marj see my fanny??????

― Rumpie (lil drummer girl parumpumpumpu), Wednesday, 30 November 2005 11:27 (nineteen years ago)

show her the goods, yo

― Sailor Kitten (g-kit), Wednesday, 30 November 2005 11:29 (nineteen years ago)

"a Hole lot"

― I see what you did there., Wednesday, 30 November 2005 11:31 (nineteen years ago)

If she's a nurse, she's seen a hundred twats, why should yours be any different? It's her job, just be professional about it.

And TBH I hate the dreaded smear SO MUCH that I would almost rather it was someone I knew/trusted because then they'd be more likely to warm the spoon, and/or less likely to yank the speculum open hard. Ouch!

― Control your ponies, children! (kate), Wednesday, 30 November 2005 11:33 (nineteen years ago)

i don't belong here.

― Sailor Kitten (g-kit), Wednesday, 30 November 2005 11:34 (nineteen years ago)

cue Radiohead.

― mark grout (mark grout), Wednesday, 30 November 2005 11:35 (nineteen years ago)

I'm a little worried that everytime I bump into her after the event she'll remember my lady-garden, or make small talk during the test, "Sooo, going on holiday next year? What are your plans for Christmas?"

You know, I've always scoffed at guys who are too embarrassed to show their doctor their bits if they suspect a problem, I know I'm essentially doing the same thing and I'm kicking myself for it. I'd hate her to think I'd made the appointment with her specifically because I do know her.

Or is that just paranoid?

― Rumpie (lil drummer girl parumpumpumpu), Wednesday, 30 November 2005 11:37 (nineteen years ago)

Oh God, you've reminded me - I'm way over due for a smear. Kate's right, I'm sure she won't think anything of seeing your lady bits. If you do feel uncomfortable, could you call your doctor and request a different nurse?

― Anna (Anna), Wednesday, 30 November 2005 11:38 (nineteen years ago)

i've got my cock out for teh dox0r twice. don't sweat it. she might feel the same way next time you meet. i doubt she'll ask "so, how's the mimsy?"

― Sailor Kitten (g-kit), Wednesday, 30 November 2005 11:38 (nineteen years ago)

are you worried it's not big enough? if not, it's not the same as the guy thing!

― CharlieNo4 (Charlie), Wednesday, 30 November 2005 11:39 (nineteen years ago)

She's a nurse! To be honest, I'd be surprised if she remembered your ladygarden as any different from the next!

I mean, if you suspect that you have some kind of plumbing problem, then I understand your hesitation, if you're worried about her saying "So how's your CERVICAL POLYPS?!?!?" at the next Christmas party. But if it's just a regular checkup, then don't be shy.

― Control your ponies, children! (kate), Wednesday, 30 November 2005 11:40 (nineteen years ago)

Roffles at 'mimsy'.

Yeah Kate, it's just a regular check up, all looks normal down there as far as I know.

I'm pretty sure there's just one nurse at the clinic Anna, and it's her. I hope I'm wrong, I could be putting myself through all this worry for nothing.

― Rumpie (lil drummer girl parumpumpumpu), Wednesday, 30 November 2005 11:46 (nineteen years ago)

Groaning at that pun, Rumpie, argh.

― Pashmina (Pashmina), Wednesday, 30 November 2005 11:48 (nineteen years ago)

How are we supposed to decide if we haven't seen it?

Find a scanner & when come back show pie.

― StanM (StanM), Wednesday, 30 November 2005 11:49 (nineteen years ago)

Just DO IT. You're putting yourself more at risk through putting off the checkup to spare yourself 30 seconds of embarrassment.

And that goes for you, too, Anna! Get thee to the twat doctor, post haste!

― Control your ponies, children! (kate), Wednesday, 30 November 2005 11:49 (nineteen years ago)

Yeah, I'm stuck in a nightmarish appointment cycle too. I had one booked and then my periods went mad (morning after pill) and I managed to bleed through three appointments.

― Anna (Anna), Wednesday, 30 November 2005 11:51 (nineteen years ago)

try not to let one go in her face though.

― Sailor Kitten (g-kit), Wednesday, 30 November 2005 11:51 (nineteen years ago)

*FINGERS IN EARS*

laaaa laaaa laaaaaaa la-la-la-laaaa!

i love being a boy. sometimes.

― CharlieNo4 (Charlie), Wednesday, 30 November 2005 11:52 (nineteen years ago)

I'd imagine it'd be more awkward at your next meeting if she knew you'd asked to see someone else.

― Markelby (Mark C), Wednesday, 30 November 2005 11:54 (nineteen years ago)

ladygarden

― beanz (beanz), Wednesday, 30 November 2005 11:55 (nineteen years ago)

Oh, god, that's the worst! I hate getting the bleeds unexpectedly when you're due to go to the twat doctor (sorry, that sounds so much better in an American accent because it rhymes).

My cervix is peachy keen and I do not have to be smeared for ANOTHER THREE YEARS!!! hurrah! It's a relief that you don't have to face the evil speculum for a long time.

I mean, honestly - is there anything more uncomfortable? It's not bad enough that they stick this HORRIBLE COLD METAL THING up inside you, but then they CRANK IT OPEN until you feel like you're going to split in two. Ugh.

― Control your ponies, children! (kate), Wednesday, 30 November 2005 11:56 (nineteen years ago)

I cannot believe there are still men on this thread.

― Control your ponies, children! (kate), Wednesday, 30 November 2005 11:56 (nineteen years ago)

aint nobody here but us chickens.

― mark grout (mark grout), Wednesday, 30 November 2005 11:58 (nineteen years ago)

Honestly, is there a more fear-inspiring word in the English language than SPECULUM?!?!? It even sounds painful. SPEC-U-LUM.

― Control your ponies, children! (kate), Wednesday, 30 November 2005 11:59 (nineteen years ago)

I once had a brief fling with a Doctor who had immense problems doing smears...She said the fact tat she knew how it felt herself put her off doing it to others...

― Stone Monkey (Stone Monkey), Wednesday, 30 November 2005 12:02 (nineteen years ago)

Well, I think it's important for a doctor to have had a smear to take a smear! It's a much nicer experience when a woman does it, because she 1) explains exactly what will happen, and talks you through the uncomfortable bit and 2) tends to be a HECK OF A LOT MORE GENTLE

Sure, the cunt can take a lot more abuse when you're having sex, but that's because your endorphins are raised by the whole lovesexyhorn experience so you feel less pain fullstop.

― Control your ponies, children! (kate), Wednesday, 30 November 2005 12:05 (nineteen years ago)

Sorry, I had one a couple of months ago, and I'm still crossing my legs in wincement at the thought.

― Control your ponies, children! (kate), Wednesday, 30 November 2005 12:05 (nineteen years ago)

god damn. i thought this was going to be a thread about shagging courtney love. i'm off again now. bye.

― grimly fiendish (grimlord), Wednesday, 30 November 2005 12:10 (nineteen years ago)

Someone was selling a set of three ('S', 'M' and 'holy shit look at the size of that twat', presumably) used speculums on eBay recently.

Who in hell buys used speculums on eBay?!?!

(No, I have no idea why I'm here either)

― Onimo (GerryNemo), Wednesday, 30 November 2005 12:12 (nineteen years ago)

'Twat doctor!!!!!' ha ha ha, smeartastic!

― Rumpie (lil drummer girl parumpumpumpu), Wednesday, 30 November 2005 12:15 (nineteen years ago)

i thought this thread was titled "getting to know someones asshole a lot better."

― bingo (Chris V), Wednesday, 30 November 2005 12:40 (nineteen years ago)

Might as well be.

― Rumpie (lil drummer girl parumpumpumpu), Wednesday, 30 November 2005 12:43 (nineteen years ago)

Who in the hell _searches_ for used speculums on Ebay?

― mei (mei), Wednesday, 30 November 2005 12:43 (nineteen years ago)

Gynecology fetishists? In this strange and beautiful world, surely such a group exists?

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Wednesday, 30 November 2005 12:47 (nineteen years ago)

There was that horrible horror film about gynocologists and gynocological instruments fetishes... though I've never seen it because it would creep me out too much.

― Control your ponies, children! (kate), Wednesday, 30 November 2005 12:49 (nineteen years ago)

Was it "Dead Ringers" by Cronenberg?

I've never been afraid to show my male thingy to the doctor, but then again I've never been afraid to show it, period. I haven't had anyone who'd I know to examine me, though.

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Wednesday, 30 November 2005 12:50 (nineteen years ago)

Rumpie! What have I told you about using that word! ming pot.

― smee (smee), Wednesday, 30 November 2005 12:52 (nineteen years ago)

Someone linked to a fetish store on another thread, and among the products they sold were speculums, urethral dilators etc.

Do a google image search for "sigmoidoscope". There's worse things out there.

― Pashmina (Pashmina), Wednesday, 30 November 2005 12:55 (nineteen years ago)

(this in answer to onimo & mei's question - "Who searches ebay for/buys used speculums")

― Pashmina (Pashmina), Wednesday, 30 November 2005 13:06 (nineteen years ago)

Ha, I have had a sigmoidoscopy and believe me, it's a lot less pleasant than a smear test!

― Mog, Wednesday, 30 November 2005 13:13 (nineteen years ago)

I concur

― smee (smee), Wednesday, 30 November 2005 13:14 (nineteen years ago)

I'm not even going to ask what that is.

― Speculonimo (GerryNemo), Wednesday, 30 November 2005 13:14 (nineteen years ago)

Imagine doing that for fun

― Rumpie (lil drummer girl parumpumpumpu), Wednesday, 30 November 2005 13:37 (nineteen years ago)

Honestly, is there a more fear-inspiring word in the English language than SPECULUM?!?!?

"prolapse"

― Dan (Just Saying) Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 30 November 2005 14:16 (nineteen years ago)

They're just a hardcore band, aren't they?

― Control your ponies, children! (kate), Wednesday, 30 November 2005 14:20 (nineteen years ago)

Main Entry: pro·lapse
Pronunciation: prO-'laps, 'prO-"
Function: noun
Etymology: New Latin prolapsus, from Late Latin, fall, from Latin prolabi to fall or slide forward, from pro- forward + labi to slide -- more at PRO-, SLEEP
: the falling down or slipping of a body part from its usual position or relations

― Dan (Ew Ew Ew) Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 30 November 2005 14:23 (nineteen years ago)

(PS: Have a good appointment, Rumpie!)

― Dan (Possibly Not The Best Thread On Which To Bring Up "Prolapse") Perry (Dan Pe, Wednesday, 30 November 2005 14:25 (nineteen years ago)

Aaarghhhh!!!!

My workmate is heavily pregnant and says that her inner bits are hanging down an awful lot more. Any formerly pregnant folk know if this is normal? Anything to stop her surfing these nasty sites with their nasty pictures before she sees her midwife tomorrow...

― Rumpie (lil drummer girl parumpumpumpu), Wednesday, 30 November 2005 14:25 (nineteen years ago)

All those saggy-baggy prolapsey things are quite common, and then with age gravity asserts itself even more! It's a guaranteed Laff Riot!
My gynecologist is my friend and neighbor. Doctors compartmentalize. That said, I am extremely noncompliant with the well-body check-ups. Now that I'm not cycling, I don't have to submit to pap smears in order to get new cervical caps. I used to keep the same ones going FOREVER. They'd get pretty grody. And sometimes meet bad ends. When my kids were little they got hold of one and pierced it all over with toothpicks so it looked like a sea-urchin. Another one they drew on with a Sharpie marker. Not even spermicidal jelly will get that ink out. I used that one for years.
My reluctance to get the pap smear had nothing to do with the practitioner being my friend, though. It's just part of my general cussedness.

― Beth Parker (Beth Parker), Wednesday, 30 November 2005 14:42 (nineteen years ago)

Ewww! Hanging down? Ewwww! I am soooooo adopting...

― smee (smee), Wednesday, 30 November 2005 14:44 (nineteen years ago)

Hey, in some parts of the world that's considered beautiful!

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Wednesday, 30 November 2005 14:52 (nineteen years ago)

dude, just say "finland"

― Sailor Kitten (g-kit), Wednesday, 30 November 2005 14:55 (nineteen years ago)

Haha!
Which parts of the world Tuomas?

― Panther Pink (Pinkpanther), Wednesday, 30 November 2005 14:57 (nineteen years ago)

dude, just say "my head"

― Onimo (GerryNemo), Wednesday, 30 November 2005 14:59 (nineteen years ago)

Our cervical cancer rates are well high - a bloke in the work was at his ex-girlfriends funeral a few weeks back, she died of cervical cancer at 35. I'm really unwilling to take those kind of risks when it's so preventable.

― Rumpie (lil drummer girl parumpumpumpu), Wednesday, 30 November 2005 15:02 (nineteen years ago)

your bits do get larger (and darker!) when you're pregnant, it's a good thing though! It's because of all the increased blood flow in the area, it makes sex super awesome!

― teeny (teeny), Wednesday, 30 November 2005 15:10 (nineteen years ago)

Teeny - you are selling it so well to me! :-)

― Panther Pink (Pinkpanther), Wednesday, 30 November 2005 15:12 (nineteen years ago)

Ewwwww!

― smee (smee), Wednesday, 30 November 2005 15:13 (nineteen years ago)

Excellent, hopefully this will put her mind at ease - she's working herself up a bit and the sites she's looking at ain't helping. BARF.

― Rumpie (lil drummer girl parumpumpumpu), Wednesday, 30 November 2005 15:14 (nineteen years ago)

Barf-o-rama!!!! Don't look, you'll go blind!!

― smee (smee), Wednesday, 30 November 2005 15:16 (nineteen years ago)

Dear Dan Perry,

It may interest you to know that, this past winter, I was employed as a "tissue technician" (read: "roadie") for a medical supply company. My team and I would hold surgical training demonstrations that showcased the tools we had developed for the very same gynecological "malfunction" you describe above. However, since you can't very well practice cutting/sewing/re-vaulting on living people, we had to use the recently deceased. Or, more specifically, most of the recently deceased -- viz. their torsoes and a bit of stumpy leg. It fell on me to see that the specimens were properly thawed, cleaned, situated neatly into the makeshift stirrups (made from PVC piping), and that their assholes were sewn up so that they didn't leak any poop on the doctors.

Where there's muck, there's brass.

Love,

gbx.

― giboyeux (skowly), Wednesday, 30 November 2005 15:20 (nineteen years ago)

You worked for Marilyn Manson?????

― Dan (Bitchin' Afterparties) Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 30 November 2005 15:21 (nineteen years ago)

zOMG i never click here again

― Sailor Kitten (g-kit), Wednesday, 30 November 2005 15:22 (nineteen years ago)

oh wow

― tokyo nursery school: afternoon session (rosemary), Wednesday, 30 November 2005 15:23 (nineteen years ago)

Were there ever times where you would "forget" to sew up the asshole if certain doctors were going to be doing the demonstration?

― Dan (Wacky Hijinks Ensued) Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 30 November 2005 15:24 (nineteen years ago)

Dr Gunther von Haagens

― Rumpie (lil drummer girl parumpumpumpu), Wednesday, 30 November 2005 15:27 (nineteen years ago)

...Marilyn "Medical" Manson paid REALLY well, tho.

You know what's weird? I'll tell you: flirting with someone while you're hefting a 70% of a dead person onto a hotel conference table. If you can laugh and joke and savor the sexual tension while you're putting a purse-string suture into a very dead butthole, then it's gotta be real, right? Or am I right?

xpost: "Looks like it's Dr. Mulkin, huh? Here, use the dissolving suture. HAHAHAHAHAHA"

― giboyeux (skowly), Wednesday, 30 November 2005 15:29 (nineteen years ago)

flirting with someone while you're hefting a 70% of a dead person onto a hotel conference table

flirting with the living person, obv

― giboyeux (skowly), Wednesday, 30 November 2005 15:30 (nineteen years ago)

Truly, and I'm not kidding when I say this, you are THE MACK.

(xpost: Oh. Nevermind.)

― Dan (Americans: Ruining Girlbits Threads Since 1996) Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 30 November 2005 15:32 (nineteen years ago)

― giboyeux (skowly), Wednesday, 30 November 2005 15:34 (nineteen years ago)

The thread that keeps on giving.

― sigmoidosconimo (GerryNemo), Wednesday, 30 November 2005 15:35 (nineteen years ago)

Anyway.

The Horror of the Smear. I dread it so much. I remember my very first - I almost fainted. The nurse had transferred my 'cells' onto a glass slide and was gesturing with it whilst talking to me. That image will stick with me forever.

Even more cringeworthy was being called back a weeks later for another one as there had been 'too much discharge' to get an accurate result.

― Rumpie (lil drummer girl parumpumpumpu), Wednesday, 30 November 2005 15:40 (nineteen years ago)

A loser told you about that shit all over myself when i was gona run but i decided not be cool and stuff so i know you got a remote control fart machine.

― 'you' vs. 'radio gnome invisible 3' FITE (ex machina), Wednesday, 30 November 2005 15:42 (nineteen years ago)

i don't know if someone said this already but what the fuck is the big deal? nurses do many of these things per day and won't be thinking oh my god i'm looking at your cervix this is so embarassing! also i don't get what is so dreaded about tests anyway, they just stick a thing in you and take it out, doesn't hurt. wtf is wrong with you ladies?

― caitlin oh no (caitxa1), Wednesday, 30 November 2005 15:50 (nineteen years ago)

xxx post You fainted during your smear test?!? I did a fertility test which basically meant pumping contrast fluids in ovaries (?). I puked afterwards because it hurt so much. I felt as though my belly was going to explode.

So what if the person gets to know your *ladygarden*, I doubt she'll remember it two minutes after exposure. ;-)

― Nathalie (stevie nixed), Wednesday, 30 November 2005 15:51 (nineteen years ago)

they don't like mimsy intrusion. pretty understandable from my (rather male) point of view. xpost

― Sailor Kitten (g-kit), Wednesday, 30 November 2005 15:51 (nineteen years ago)

it's not mimsy intrusion, it takes one minute and it's useful in case you have cancer or hpv or something! pretty fair, i think.

― caitlin oh no (caitxa1), Wednesday, 30 November 2005 15:53 (nineteen years ago)

"mimsy intrusion"

― Dan (Track 4 On "American Life") Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 30 November 2005 16:00 (nineteen years ago)

I almost fainted. I don't find it painful, pain I can handle, but there's a definite scraping sensation that sets my teeth on edge more than nails on a blackboard. It makes me feel sick to my stomach.

― Rumpie (lil drummer girl parumpumpumpu), Wednesday, 30 November 2005 16:00 (nineteen years ago)

go on...

― gear (gear), Wednesday, 30 November 2005 16:43 (nineteen years ago)

surely it takes one minute and it's useful in case you have cancer or hpv or something AND it's mimsy intrusion. these things aren't mutaully exclusive.

― Sailor Kitten (g-kit), Wednesday, 30 November 2005 16:48 (nineteen years ago)

Yep, it's the scraping....and the surgical instruments that look like torture devices!

Rumpie - if you got to the family planning clinic and not your local nurse they have a special chair which makes it less sore and uncomfortable., and they do it more often so are better at it.

caitlin - perhaps you are just blessed with a vagina that lends itself easily to large things being inserted?

― smee (smee), Wednesday, 30 November 2005 16:49 (nineteen years ago)

... fancy a pint later?

― Sailor Kitten (g-kit), Wednesday, 30 November 2005 16:49 (nineteen years ago)

http://img474.imageshack.us/img474/1383/threadrocksfatguy6pv.jpg

― Gabe Newell, Wednesday, 30 November 2005 16:50 (nineteen years ago)

Giboyeux, at least your job gets you out of the great north woods and away from those rampaging herds of deer. I always picture you in a remote log cabin, beaming posts out through a satellite connection. You're doing valuable work, though for gynecology students learning nonsurgical procedures, live pelvic-exam models are used. I used to have a housemate who worked her way through college that way. She had a horrible grating voice and a bad complexion, so I suspect it was the only attention her girlbits ever got.
Why are more revaultings not done? So many elderly women in my family have dealt with prolapse either by hysterectomy or use of a pessary (for you horrified premenopausals, a ring device somewhat like a rigid diaphragm that keeps the uterus in position). The former seems like overkill, and the latter requires removal and cleaning by a gynecologist—more medicalization of life. Seems like a surgical patch job would be preferable.

― Beth Parker (Beth Parker), Wednesday, 30 November 2005 16:53 (nineteen years ago)

I'm confused...I have greater issues with the loss-of-modesty thing than with the physical discomfort of GYN exams...and I've never even noticed any scraping or related unpleasantness for P!A!P! smears. Maybe it depends on where your cycle is when you go...?

― Laurel (Laurel), Wednesday, 30 November 2005 16:56 (nineteen years ago)

Ew Ew Ew Ew!!!! Adoption is the only way....oh and I'm doing plevic floor exercises as we speak - this thread gives me the fear...

― smee (smee), Wednesday, 30 November 2005 16:56 (nineteen years ago)

pelvic floor exercises...

fancy a pint later?

― Sailor Kitten (g-kit), Wednesday, 30 November 2005 16:57 (nineteen years ago)

Laurel - some women have very sensitive parts and suffer great discomfort during pelvic exams - also, the technique of the person doing it and their level of experience (oo-er) do play a part. And the scraping, if not done right is 'orrible!!

Which is why I say go to the family planning, they are great :0)

― smee (smee), Wednesday, 30 November 2005 16:59 (nineteen years ago)

http://www.kgrams.org/gym/pics/gym_floorJenny.jpg

― Dan ('08 Beijing) Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 30 November 2005 16:59 (nineteen years ago)

Dude, compared to the dentist? The GYN is a fooking picnic.

― Laurel (Laurel), Wednesday, 30 November 2005 17:00 (nineteen years ago)

I've never actually felt the scraping sensation. That's more like a dull tickle. Maybe I have a supertight cunt or something, but it's the BEING WRENCHED OPEN sensation like you're going to split like a ripe melon that is so uncomfortable and painful. Compared to that, the tickle of scraping is nothing.

― Control your ponies, children! (kate), Wednesday, 30 November 2005 17:03 (nineteen years ago)

your bits do get larger (and darker!) when you're pregnant, it's a good thing though! It's because of all the increased blood flow in the area, it makes sex super awesome!

Wait til you see the bruising afterward...

Rumps, just go. Bits are bits, and better you be embarrassed for 10 minutes than die of some horrible disease.

― luna (luna.c), Wednesday, 30 November 2005 17:05 (nineteen years ago)

Rumps, just go. Bits are bits, and better you be embarrassed for 10 minutes than die of some horrible disease.

^ OTM!!

― Pashmina (Pashmina), Wednesday, 30 November 2005 17:07 (nineteen years ago)

I admit that I am about a year overdue for a pap myself and because of this thread have just made an appointment. Thank you.

― luna (luna.c), Wednesday, 30 November 2005 17:09 (nineteen years ago)

Maybe we could all print it out and stick on the wall of our doctors surgeries?

― Archel (Archel), Wednesday, 30 November 2005 17:10 (nineteen years ago)

Some gynecologists just don't have the touch. Most family-planning clinic practitioners are very good. Those people mostly have a real sense of mission rather than the career ambition that motivates some private practice docs. I had a lousy experience with my second pregnancy. The guy never failed to hurt me, and when my water broke two weeks early I SWEAR it was because of a rough pelvic exam. He really poked around hard, told me he was feeling for the sagittal suture!!! WTF?? He was probably going to give me a c section if the baby was face-up. When I got to the delivery ward, three other women were there, ALL because their water had broken. He was impatient with the delivery and gave me pitocin. I think he had somewhere to go that weekend and wanted to clear the agenda. Fucker. There weren't any other options here back then. It's an island. Now there are some nurse-midwives.

― Beth Parker (Beth Parker), Wednesday, 30 November 2005 17:11 (nineteen years ago)

At my last smear the nurse kept saying impatiently 'just RELAX!' which was incredibly unhelpful as I'd been perfectly relaxed until she started inflicting agony and shouting at me. Embarrassingly I think I cried a bit. Usually I barely feel it, but I think it does depend on the time in the cycle.

― Archel (Archel), Wednesday, 30 November 2005 17:17 (nineteen years ago)

You ladies are describing these exams as if the people giving them are doing impromptu Neil Peart imitations during them.

― Dan (Hi Hat) Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 30 November 2005 17:19 (nineteen years ago)

Archel! Tell me who this brutish nurse is! I will go BEAT HER UP!!!!!

― Beth Parker (Beth Parker), Wednesday, 30 November 2005 17:20 (nineteen years ago)

Huh. I wonder if the nurse-practitioners at my chosen clinic are just really good; I wouldn't say it's ENJOYABLE but it's pretty uneventful -- no wrenching, no scraping, definitely no agony!!

― Laurel (Laurel), Wednesday, 30 November 2005 17:20 (nineteen years ago)

That's a horrible story Beth. A friend of mine said that her internal examinations during labour hurt worse than the actual labour pains. Everytime the doctor came into the room she scooted up the bed in tears!

I need to bite the bullet. I know it's a neccesary evil, it's just made all the worse by the idea of Marj in at my flower.

― Rumpie (lil drummer girl parumpumpumpu), Wednesday, 30 November 2005 17:21 (nineteen years ago)

Sometimes I wish I did know the person doing it, just so I could catch their eye and have a laugh at the undignified adsurdity of it (I do often want to laugh) instead of it being a bored stranger.

― Archel (Archel), Wednesday, 30 November 2005 17:22 (nineteen years ago)

Perhaps they should serve cocktails at these places.
I'd like to thank Dan and the rest of the guys for their input. Now I don't feel so weird about hanging out on that tighty-whitey thread.

― Beth Parker (Beth Parker), Wednesday, 30 November 2005 17:23 (nineteen years ago)

My doctor performs his various machinations, and if I wince or make a face says "I"m not hurting you! I'm not hurting you!"

I'm not sure which of us he's trying to convince.

― luna (luna.c), Wednesday, 30 November 2005 17:25 (nineteen years ago)

I'm gonna perform it myself and send the sample through in an envelope.

― Rumpie (lil drummer girl parumpumpumpu), Wednesday, 30 November 2005 17:27 (nineteen years ago)

They make special sandpaper tampons with self-addressed mailers for this purpose.

― Beth Parker (Beth Parker), Wednesday, 30 November 2005 17:42 (nineteen years ago)

YYYEEEEEEEEEEKS!!!!!

― giboyeux (skowly), Wednesday, 30 November 2005 17:42 (nineteen years ago)

They make special sandpaper tampons with self-addressed mailers for this purpose.

Among others.

― Dan (ILX Secret Santa) Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 30 November 2005 17:44 (nineteen years ago)

After my first baby was born, when I was ready to timidly resume activity, my mate, all excited, went out and bought RIBBED CONDOMS.

― Beth Parker (Beth Parker), Wednesday, 30 November 2005 17:57 (nineteen years ago)

I'd like to say that that was the beginning of the end, but actually, the BEGINNING was the beginning of the end.

― Beth Parker (Beth Parker), Wednesday, 30 November 2005 17:58 (nineteen years ago)

He put it in backwards?

― Dan (Ow) Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 30 November 2005 17:59 (nineteen years ago)

I'd like to run the tape backwards.

― Beth Parker (Beth Parker), Wednesday, 30 November 2005 18:04 (nineteen years ago)

Not as far as this thread's concerned, I don't care about that. Compulsive spewer. The tape of LIFE is what I'm talking about, as in "Hi, my name is Beth and I have no interest in having a doomed relationship with you for the next eight years, but give me a DNA sample so I can have two kids and a bunch of unpleasant obstetric experiences!"
Many moons free, actually. Tales of ob/gyn woes shot me back there.

― Beth Parker (Beth Parker), Wednesday, 30 November 2005 18:32 (nineteen years ago)

I feel that this thread weirdly converged with the men's underwear thread, and they both died together, like Romeo and Juliet.

― Beth Parker (Beth Parker), Wednesday, 30 November 2005 23:03 (nineteen years ago)

Morning! So, I went yesterday afternoon and as expected it was Marj. She was totally professional though, things were going great until she told me I had this:

http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/article/001492.htm

She said I shouldn't worry until I get my results through - that will take up to four weeks, so in the meantime I'm going to worry myself silly and imagine the worst aren't I?

― Rumpie (lil drummer girl parumpumpumpu), Tuesday, 6 December 2005 09:29 (nineteen years ago)

"Jen, you've got a link to a government website. Don't worry until you get your results though."

― StanM (StanM), Tuesday, 6 December 2005 09:37 (nineteen years ago)

Soz, isn't this allowed? (I'm UK, a bit foggy on these issues)

Can a mod delete please?

― Rumpie (lil drummer girl parumpumpumpu), Tuesday, 6 December 2005 09:39 (nineteen years ago)

(ignore, it was a VERY stupid joke. sorry.)

― StanM (StanM), Tuesday, 6 December 2005 09:43 (nineteen years ago)

Yep, it's the scraping....and the surgical instruments that look like torture devices!

Torture devices? They only do it with a large q-tip here.

― Nathalie (stevie nixed), Tuesday, 6 December 2005 09:49 (nineteen years ago)

Stop worrying, though. It sounds really innocent and friends of mine have told me a lot worse things they had in their... eh, anyway.

― StanM (StanM), Tuesday, 6 December 2005 10:11 (nineteen years ago)

Aw thanks, that article looks ten times less worrying. Why do I always find the worst one possible? My eyes were drawn immediately to 'cancer', 'biopsy' and 'hysterectomy'.

I'm not really keen on cauterisation either though. Eeek!!

― Rumpie (lil drummer girl parumpumpumpu), Tuesday, 6 December 2005 10:21 (nineteen years ago)

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