American Idol 5:

I'd like to see them let people play instruments on the show and maybe write their own songs. I mean, in a pop world with John Mayer and Jack Johnson in it, why can't an American Idol have some chops?

http://www.usanetwork.com/series/nashvillestar/

Contestants have to be able to sing, play an instrument, and write.

http://www.apple.com/trailers/universal/americandreamz/
-- mark p (mark.p****...), January 6th, 2006 10:54 AM. (Mark P) (later) (link)

O. M. G.
Is that real? Why is it designed so badly? Seriously, I was excited because I thought it was going to be some horrible indie documentary about American Idol.

-Seacrest's t-shirt, vomit
-"contestants" whose greatest hope lies in pimping their drama in between-audition segments. what is there to possibly gain? a few seconds of documented evidence confirming that you are a nut cake?
-"i can sing three pitches, bass, medium, and semi-high" ???
- medley closer, man screaming "It's NIGEL!! It's NIGEL!!!" paula and simon visible fear; "that's an XTC song from back in the days" OMG
- simon: "can you just sing something normal" to Humpty Dance girl. Can't think of a single other song on earth besides Humpty Dance, gets attitudinal, gets dissed and dismissed.
-"beyond the sea"/"i would do anything for love" medley, simon very immediate about saying no.
-we've had ruben and we won't have another ruben.
-so sick of "system jammers" instead of genuinely bad people
-twins - Darryl and...TARRYL?! I frankly do not get twins auditioning together. You come into Idol alone and you leave the same way. Right?
-"you're so crusty today" Randy to Cowell
-Celine-singing asskisser, ok
-"Blue Moon". Why? Why do people do this?
-Mandisa. Really good singer, does Alicia Keys "I Keep on Fallin'" (which last year didn't Simon say he would blow his brains out if he heard once more or something?) Simon makes 1st fat joke of the season by asking if we were having a bigger stage this year.
-Kevin. Son, run a quick untuck. We've had Clay Aiken, right? Paula says some dumbass remark about him singing on Rugrats that is meant to be a compliment, and Simon really lays into her, for the next couple of contestants even. It is already on.
-Some guy who has auditioned 3 years running sings a song about American Idol including the lyrics "The American Idol is just what I want to be/to have a voice to sing a song (??)/You can't say no, I will not go" at which point Simon tells him he should become a female impersonator instead of trying out for Idol anymore. Paula lays into him and he tells her it is no worse than calling someone a rat.
-A cop in uniform, very poor showing of "I Shot the Sherriff" wherein he does the first 2 lines. 8 times. Randy gives us the first "dawg" of the season.
-Seacrest takes Derek ("it's nigel") on a BS exploitative trip around Chicago. Some passerby says "I love your show!" Seacrest: "Want to be on it?" Passerby: "not neccessarily"
-"Is this what you wear to prom...people in America?" - Simon. weak-voiced girl in bride gown. paula tells her to try in another city and simon informs her that she should save the airfare.
-What fresh hell -- "Blake from New York." Dressed as lady liberty, begins singing NYNY and only gets through "start spreading..." Simon says no and he just walks out aghast. Simon not having the kooks this year.
-Derek returns with...something. "Constance on the bathroom wall" is a lyric. He is singing in what appears to be semi-high range. Randy asks what the hell that was, Derek responds that he is not sure of the title.
-Threatening white trash grandmother of gay tenor states that if said boy does not go to Hollywood that she will "hurt Simon's body." He chooses to sing Daniel Beddingfield which Simon exclaims over how great that is, then the kid sucks ass. Simon states "you sing like an Auntie" which is the first resounding OTM of the season.
-Seacrest gets Simon involved in some to-do with the white trash grandma while the gay grandson looks on in embarassed horror
-Two sisters, not even twins, both get to go to Hollywood inexplicably
-Yvette Gomez, green chiffon penis, horrific
-"I'm in da mood for love", Paula's clit-on vote of the episode. If Constantine went to Abercrombie then got a crap haircut.
-dramarama blonde chick, requisite "i am better than anyone else hear" post-audition into-camera bitch fest, she is TRULY HORRIBLE and has sailor's mouth to boot, even saying "fuck" in her audition song...?
-best moment yet: girl in waiting room bitching hilariously about how there is no diversity in AI, especially in the top 32. Girl comes out with ticket to Hollywood, and original girl states that this is a prime example, she has heard this girl and she is not that good. They fight hilariously. I hope they both get to go and the drama continues.
-Seacrest does a recap calling Simon short.
-Guy who wants to be Sinatra. Amazingly, everyone but Paula says yes. She tells him his package is great and finally relents but makes the guy promise that he will learn how to "be...pop" while doing robot gestures.
-Simon disses a girl's horrible tan and she is too dumb to notice until he says it 4 or 5 times. She affects face-mic hand gesture and does lots of grunting and crap. She literally begs. Simon makes fun of her outfit and demands to meet her mother. She actually brings in the mother, who is dressed even younger than the girl herself. Simon dismisses them and the girl gets attitudinal.
-in the hall, Seacrest shockingly tells the girls to get over her superior attitude because American Idol was her dream and she blew it
-Are we really having a "hats" recap?
-A guy in traditional Assyrian clothing? Simon sarcastically declares his song catchy. Randy asks what the song was about. He says "a girl leaving me and i am begging her to stay." Randy: "were you wearing the outfit when she left?" Paula presumptuously asks if she can have the hat. He leaves briskly and without words.
-Ukrainian Rhapsody. This is apparently the "foreign people r funny" part of the episode.
-more twins. one or none, surely. nope, they both make it.
a guy called crazy dave who jumps instead of walking makes it to hollywood on the merit of randy thinking he will "talk to the animals for me." they honestly just go right ahead and let him through. phoning it in this year, guys
-"aint no mountain high enough" guy with circular arm motion surely this year's william hung if he gets enough exposure
-we close with "lady marmalade" medley which is fake but fantastic, closing with fake tan girl really going with gusto and simon telling her she is the worst human specimen ever

The judges have made it clear that the gimmicky costumes don't cut it, yet people insist on doing them. I thought Simon did the right thing.

-Derek returns with...something. "Constance on the bathroom wall" is a lyric. He is singing in what appears to be semi-high range. Randy asks what the hell that was, Derek responds that he is not sure of the title.

This season's Mary Roach???

Her and her mother were both so dumb and disgusting.

This season's Mary Roach???

That's exactly what I was thinking. They are gonna exploit this guy to the fullest.

And God, don't get me wrong, I was thrilled that Simon dismissed the gimmicky kids with immediacy. I hate that shit.

http://adweek.blogs.com/photos/uncategorized/pop_tarts_2.jpg

A 16 year old guy decided to "sing the world" in 68 seconds for his audition in Norwegian Idol. Highly impressive!

It sure didn't help her though!

I don't know why her and her mother repulsed me so much, but it seemed like they were a good representation of everything wrong with the world.

"I'm too good for that in there."
"Oh, so you didn't want to be on American Idol?"
"No, it's not important to me."
"Well, why did you come here?"
etc

HE'S REAL, Y'ALL.

Also tansley tanno tannity tan could work in a "juice bar" when she turns 18 (not sure how strippy laws work in other states, but that's the case here in family-friendly Idaho). She said she loved "the entertainment world," Fuck, it's coming, right? Strippers are "entertainers." She's got the look down.

you guys are getting the show an hour earlier than yours truly.

Paula was even hinting at that when she talked to the Ukrainian girl, I thought -- "You ARE very sexy...you have that kind of appeal [at least]."

*We are in Denver, lots of crap about being a mile above sea-level, including an enormous crowd of people singing "Ain't No Mountain High Enough".
*Simon makes fun of a girl on the way into the studio, they call her "Simon's fanclub", he asks her if she is auditioning and tells her she is through.
*A very sweet gay boy does "Fallin'" REALLY badly with lots of Mariah fingers. Simon apologizes, but tells him there is nothing they can do about his shitty voice. He says he came a long way, they ask from where, he says "from Denver", which is where we are.
*Karen O-sounding insano
*Some Hawaiian shirted, bandanaed acid casualty doing "Run With Me". Randy simply tells him "nah"
*A beautiful willowy 16 year old girl does "One Moment in Time" and is definitely the best singer so far that we have seen this season by a zillion miles. Judges tell her she is the best 16 year old they have EVER seen, and Simon says that he usually hates them.
*We have a recap of "special skills" being exhibited in the waiting room incuding gymnastics, some type of breakdancing, and GEOGRAPHY (some guy hand draws a map of America. Jesus Christ. FOr some reason I always feel like Seacrest is *in charge* of these segments, like comes up with them and everything instead of just presenting them.)
*A redheaded girl sings that "Can't Fight the Moonlight" song real badly and kind of stands there shaking her head back and forth in a bizarre way. Simon asks her to mark herself out of 10. She says "6", and he tells her to go ahead and subtract 5 and a half.
*Some Scott Stapp lookalike named Ace Young, breathy, tan and annoying shirt. Simon expresses great disbelief that Randy really likes his singing at all, tells him he is likeable enough as a human though. He gets to Hollywood.
*a group of people spell ROCHELLE ELAINE with their shirts, one letter on each shirt, and a cute girl says "that's me!" Then they spell it again without an H (accident I assume) so that it just says ROHELLE. She tells a Fantasia-esque story and then sings Chain of Fools (which has got to be one of the most overdone AI songs ever, right?). She is great.
*Seacrest talks about how Bo and Constantine opened the door for rockers and how it is a door that should have stayed closed.
*A montage of bad rock guys including a metalcore screaming guy in a My Chemical Romance shirt to whom Simon simply says "You are boring."
*A guy on crutches sings "Jump, Jive and Wail"
*A rock guy comes in to save the world of rock guys and there is a big buildup and backstory, a seemingly constantly tearful wife. He states that he was inspired by Bo last season. They let him sing his entire song and he says thank you. He actually has a really good voice, and everyone loves it but Simon tells him he has no personlity which was kinda true. It shows him leaving the audition area and joining his wife, empty handed at first but then producing the yellow paper from his cowboy hat as a surprise. Very cute.
*a girl does "Rush, Rush" horrendously and Simon states that it is rare that he hears a version so much better than the original. Paula beats him up and the girl is really confused.
*Bald guy in glasses and Fred Perry-esque shirt is bad, they look at him silently for what seems like hours until he finally says "Should I go?" They seemingly do not even answer him and he leaves.
*A family of cowboys introduces themselves in the waiting area, a young boy saying what sounds like "Elaine." Garrett, the one auditiong, can't think of name of song and is precious. They tell him its ok, to just sing and he states that he has only ever performed the song for a turkey. He sings "Can you feel the love tonight" and says "it's enough for this rel-eyed wanderer", confusion, Simon tells him there is a good voice in there somewhere in a gentle way. He tells him he could benefit from lessons. Garrett states "I need to sing for PEOPLE" and that this is the first time he has been out in public and only wanted to ride a plane (or something). Simon gives him the go-ahead to Hollywood based on this backstory (is this a 1st?) and tells him "seriously, though, get some lessons." His family nearly dies of excitement.
*I realize that the larger-than-life Ruben in the background looks like a giant Burl Ives looming over Randy.
*Day 2 begins. A freak show who calls himself "Flawless" parades 100 matching plaid outfits and spouts nonsense. Exploitation continues for a long ass time. He states he is an "entrepreteur" (yes, teur) and says he has a thing called Paradise Cleaners whose motto is "You come home with your home and your home and food it will smell like paradise." Nice.
*Some freak who says he doesn't like to discuss his intelligence because it intimidates people. Says he has 5 patents and shows us some dumb hovering coaster he has invented.
*Flawless sings "Your Song" real badly, natch, with cracking voice, and states "I am trying to bring TALENT in" as his explanation.
*the inventer asshole comes in and PUTS THE COASTER ON THE TABLE, URGING RANDY AND PAULA TO PUT THEIR GIANT COKE GLASSES ON IT. (btw, does the reflective table not make these cups look like bongs?) He sings "If i only had a brain" and then berates the judges for not letting him get to the good part. Simon: "You're a terrible singer, the invention isn't great, and that's it." Randy: "You should have invented something to help you sing, bro."
*A chubby girl in a cute outfit does Bjork's "It's Oh So Quiet" real cutely. They amazingly like it and send her to Hollywood where she will get ripped to shreds for being fat.
*A guy who looks exactly like a girl sings "Queen of the Night" horribly, they dismiss him and express surprise that he is a male, etc. He says they are racist and bigoted and don't want a guy who sings girl songs (uhhh, happen to catch Federov last season, bro??)
*more crap about Denver

That actually kinda pissed me off. Ooh, oh-so-bizarre, a kid looks and dresses like a girl.

Anyway, it wasn't so much bizarre as it was confusing - he seemed insulted to be mistaken for a girl yet clearly chose to look/dress like one and singing "Queen of the Night", at that.

I think if he got a bit more confident, Rocker Dude could go far but otherwise, he's just a poor man's Bo Bice. 16-year-old babe will probably make top 5.

Also, an otm statement from TWOP:

Crystal Parizanski (16, Palatine IL) is the Paris Hilton-looking moron the color of fake walnut paneling who can't sing, but we spend 100 years on her and her disgusting mother anyway. Yuliya Matus (24, Ukraine via Naperville IL) does a Pussycat Dolls rendition of "Bohemian Rhapsody," and then we basically fast-forward to when they find her bones in a shallow desert grave in Vegas or the Valley.

I'm STILL laughing about this guy and imagine that I won't be able to stop for years and years -- thet should stop the audition shows right now because nothing will top Flawless for sheer...whatever. Who the heck would hire a dude to clean their house when he can't even remember his own sales pitch? He'd come to your crib and just wander around in a stupor and when you got back 8 hours later he'd STILL be wandering and he'd say "Just give me a couple minutes and I'll get started."

Plaid "enterpreteur" guy was perhaps the most painful. I thought he might have been mildly, er, mentally challenged. I'm starting to wonder if this is the case with a lot of people. In the world. Not enough oxygen at birth, fell down a few flights of stairs at a young age, something, I don't know. The least we can do is take care of them by not letting them audition for AI.

The awesome 16 year old pretty girl (who they mentioned was written up in Variety, haha) is obv going far.

xpost

Yeah, Flawless was obviously of very low intelligence.

I didn't think Zachary was shocked that people thought he was a girl -- he said it happened all the time as his "interesting fact" about himself, and said it made him laugh!

I was not even remotely ready for the making plans for Nigel guy. I am imagining the members of XTC sitting together watching American Idol and going "wait, what?"

The only one I really loved from the first two episodes was the granddaughter of the woman from Sounds of Blackness who has such an excellent early 60's Dionne Warwick vibe to her that I replayed her clip on Tivo before junking the episode. She's too old school to win, but I hope she goes far into the competition.

All of the crooners annoyed me greatly, especially the one with his shirt half open. I eagerly await the crushing of their hopes and dreams in the weeks to come.

I loved the cravat wearing twins, and was sad to hear that one is in jail, maybe Fox will find a way to sweep that under the rug.

Episode deuce and already a scandal!!

Just to go back to Crystal McTansalot for a sec: watching her segment, I couldn't help but think "my God, it's not just that she's a bad singer, she's a bad person" - the kind of over-tarted, willfully ignorant, upper-middle-class skank who thinks nothing of taking cellphone calls in the middle of restaurants & movies, or browbeating the poor Starbucks girl when the frappucino isn't precisely up to spec.

I wonder, do any of the Idol Meltdown (tm) kids glean one iota of self-awareness from their public humiliation?

http://www.idolonfox.com/recaps/jaded/20060118.htm

Gay Rights Group: "'American Idol' Is Homophobic"

Bosses at America's leading gay rights group are demanding a summit meeting with the producers of TV talent show American Idol after claiming the program is "increasingly homophobic." Officials at the Gay And Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation (GLAAD) were appalled by homophobic remarks made by judges Simon Cowell and Randy Jackson on the first show of the new season, which aired in America on Tuesday. On the program, Brit Cowell told one effeminate wannabe to "shave off your beard and wear a dress," while Jackson asked another audition hopeful, "Are you a girl?" Both contestants were rejected. Now GLAAD bosses are fighting back, demanding an audience with Idol bosses. A spokesman tells entertainment news website TMZ.com, "GLAAD is reaching out to the show's producers to discuss our concerns and the concerns of community members and allies, who have contacted us about this matter."

She's probably in the wrong competition, but if she makes the final 12 or 24 or however many constitutes the finals, I might even have to watch beyond auditions this year.

xpost

Do you mean the girl with the pink hat or the older woman with the really deep voice and red lips?

The pink hat girl had mental problems, too, I think. She was 21 and said that she wanted this more than a whole bag of gummi bears. WHAT?!? Who says that??

OTM. She was so awesome. I got giddy the same way I did when I heard Ruben sing Superstar.

Also, I have a crush on the chick who took the train down from New York. HOT.

It was perhaps the greatest moment of television since R Kelly at the MTV awards.

Definitely true.

I highly enjoyed her segment.

So my question is... at what point do the presenters ask the contestants to sing "Fame" on top of whatever they're auditioning with? Is it a precondition? Like, do they tell the contestants to learn "Fame" in addition to their audition piece? Or do they ask on the spot when they realize that a trainwreck is taking place? It all seems very dishonest and exploitative to me.

*We are in Greensboro, North Carolina for some reason which is like "Why in the hell do they go there?" Then you realize that is where practically everyone greatly-great and shittily-great in American Idol history has come from. Paula states that she has heard there is great talent in North Carolina. Randy expresses confusion about what a North Carolina is.

*Sabrina, who is really enthusiastic and describes herself sassily as The Teenage Witch. Simon flatly responds that she is not a teenager. She sings "Lean on Me" with creative lyrics such as "Lean on me, 'til you're not strong" and "Call on me brother, 'til you need a hand". Encouraging. They are busting up all over the place. Simon tells her she is better for Jerry Springer than American Idol and she argues that she has not shown her breasts once in the audition, which is true. She screams to the crowd outside about the Springer comment and the entire crowd of auditionees slowly breaks into the laughter of agreement.

*A self-proclaimed shower singer named Cashay sings "I'm Every Woman" and renders it unrecognizable. Simon advises her to soundproof her shower curtain and adds that he means it in a kind way.

*"Somewhere Over the Rainbow". Simon enters the beginning stages of emotional breakdown.

*A really cute, blonde, southern, sweet, sincere Sonic waitress gets the biggest backstory ever in which she out-Carrie Underwoods Carrie Underwood and we learn that her mother left her when she was 2 and her dad is in jail. We see her grandfather who is adorable and we learn that she routinely brings him a sandwich from Sonic when she gets home. The sound of America instantly falling in love is unmistakeably heard. She states she has never sung in front of anybody ever and then sings like Kelly Clarkson died and became an angel. Simon says "I really like you!", calls her a nice girl and says he hopes she does well.

*Some freako who wore a partial tuxedo and brought what appears to be an aluminum foil science fair display and a crack-addicted younger brother/PR person weakly sings a song with the lyric "...and I'm aflame." My mom says "You're a flame, alright" and we both laugh hysterically and I miss a few seconds of the show. Simon says he is like a singer at an unpopular restaurant. The guy balks, Simon orders a coffee and Randy inquires about the evening's prime rib. He goes out to his family and swears they rejected him because he is dressed "too nice." His 7 year old brother goes off for what seems like twelve years.

*Seacrest hosts a montage of retarded props including a horrible drawing of Simon, a sign reading "ask me about my voice" (????), and various chairs.

*A guy with a ventriloquist's dummy who ascribes to the dream logic that since ventriloquist's dummies are incredibly uncool, he should bring one "for Paula today." He puts it down and sings normally. Simon tells him he is ok, but not a star. Randy actually says "I quite enjoyed the dummy" and leaves it at that. Simon states that he finds absolutely "nothing wrong with working with a dummy" while indicating Paula.

*We are treated to Wanda, a squeaky-voiced freak in a pink hat who acts like she is 7 and is probably 27. She sings something ridiculously and Simon says "what put me off is that it sounded exactly like the original", sarcastically. She pleadingly says she wants to go to Hollywood more than she wants "a whole bag of gummi worms". Ugh. I fucking hate this type of human, really, and I think Simon does too. Seacrest hugs her.

*A guy does "Let's Get it On" and Randy and Simon force Paula to dance with him. Fun! Randy and Simon sit watching and Randy says "this is a weird show." He is otm. There is a three-way hug between Paula, the guy, and his wife. Randy: "this is the crazinest show ever."

*An awesome girl who brought 700 family members sings really energetically and greatly. Simon calls her a natural and she says that she wants to kiss him, and that she brought some plastic wrap to kiss him through. He states that he will not kiss her through plastic, but will kiss her as god intended.

*A kid insists that he did not get his talent from his mom, who is standing right there and says she has never heard him sing in her life. He completely murders "Bridge Over Troubled Water" and Simon informs him that it is a good day, because it is the start of his new career.

*A large guy sings real femininely. He compliments Paula's shoes and she gives him a free pass to Hollywood.

*A girl called Kendra who has had a horrible life sings "Ain't No Mountain High Enough" and is totally a young Whitney Houston. Randy and Paula say yes, and Simon says he is not sure. She informs him that it does not matter because she is going anyway, and he falls in love with her brilliance and charm along with the rest of the world.

*A Seacrest-produced segment of Simon saying "I'm not trying to be rude" repeatedly. Thank you for that.

*A tall girl informs Ryan Seacrest that he is not 5'9" and generally abuses him. She goes into the audition wearing some kind of colorful, fringed bra/panties set and knee-length boots. She says she got it from a lingerie shop and sings "You Bring Out the Elvis in Me". They all grudgingly say no, cause she is kinda good. Simon says that Americans have weirdo bizarre ideas of lingerie.

*A guy looking like the title character from Powder sings an Uncle Kracker song and makes a Michael Jacksonesque squeak after every line. He states he doesn't have to do this. Simon replies that of course he doesn't have to, yet he did anyway. His mom blames his dismissal on his lack of "famous clothes."

*A guy named Ryan in whisker-washed jeans does a Rascal Flatts song and Simon tells him he is the 1st Ryan with talent he has ever met.

*A guy called Cedric who is related to Fantasia Barrino sings "Chain of Fools" in one of the most bizarre voices I have ever heard. He is awesome, but horrible. Randy tells him he sang in 12 different keys.

*Randy freaks out over Anne Nesby of Sounds of Blackness being in the building, then her granddaughter auditions and is one of the greatest things ever to exist. She sings some Dixie Chicks song and is endearing and incredible and they beg her to sing more. She sheepishly states that she likes Billie Holiday and they all cheer. She sings a Billie song and sounds like Billie but not too much like an imitation and they all almost fall out of their chairs and die for how incredible she is. Her skirt is cute, too. This girl is the reason Idol is great.

*Day 2. A shot of Randy being barely able to will himself out of his car.

*Simon gets a birthday cake.

*In what has become the traditional "Day 2 really long audition segment", we get a guy called Marcus who is cute, normal, well-dressed, and sings kind of ok, but holds every note for about 12 years, with no vibrato. It is so bizarre that I can't really express it. You just have to see it. Download a clip or something. They are all laughing too hard to stop him and he just keeps on and on. Randy tells him he would have taken 2 years to complete the song. He is oblivious and sings more, worse. Simon asks him what the hell his problem is, and he states that he watched Randy and Paula's instructional singing DVD. Simon gets up and shakes his hand, thanking him for the greatest birthday present he has ever had. Paula tells him he should be a model, and Simon agrees declaring that Randy and Paula have a modeling DVD coming out soon. Marcus smashes the DVD in the parking lot with a hammer, saying "now you see it, now you don't" even though, no, we still see it, it is plainly smashed there on the pavement.

*A montage of crazy people to "Personality".

*A particularly enthusiastic guy who loves life and does not give a shit if people don't like him auditions on a "magic carpet" hilariously to "A Whole New World" from Aladdin. I like him, though he is horrible. He then does "Straight Up" and shakes his ass bizarrely. Simon is non-plussed by the guy's zeal, giving a real sarcastic "HOORAY."

*A cute-ish, plain girl says she just caught her long term BF cheating on her then sings "In The Still of the Night" pretty well. She tells Simon she is the hardest working person in the history of the world and he better choose her. We all, including Simon, believe her.

*A montage of ugly men. I'm not kidding you.

*A guy inexplicably in a fire-fighter outfit does Josh Groban's "You Raise Me Up" which is one of Simon's fave songs. He knows this because he did research. This gets him points (with me, too) and he makes it to Hollywood.

*We finally get to see Rhonetta whom they have been bigging-up from the beginning of the show as the craziest crazy person ever. She states that girls hate her cause she dresses nice. She is in a kind of sequined tube top and the shortest skirt, I think, of all time. She comes in immediately singing "Oops, I Did It Again" and they all kind of nervously giggle because she has not even introduced herself or anything. She sings part of another song and then asks if she can sing something else cause she does not really like that song much. Paula offers her water and she drinks it. Simon: "Rhonetta, everything has gone wrong today." She rips on Paula Abdul from the door, to the parking lot, to her car. Forever. She is actually pretty funny about it, stating that "Straight Up" blows as a song and that Paula is old as hell.

*The weekly fake montage of badness that I inexplicably love is to "Fame", and I inexplicably love it. Again.

Hell, yeah. This is the other reason to watch the Idol audition shows: in amongst the trainwrecks & meltdowns are some breathtakingly good first appearances. I got goosebumps when that girl sang - no joke.

Way more impressed with the Nesby g-daughter, though. And yeah, I thought she'd suck, too.

-We are in San Fran.

-Very high-bitched and bizarre interp of Gladys Knight. Shirt looks like a silk barcode. Simon: "It's almost non-human."

-Seacrest talks generally about how everyone is horrible in San Francisco.

-A bald guy in a camel blazer named Jose who goes by Sway goes to Hollywood.

-Some people get to go to Hollywood and we only get to see a fast-paced, soundless montage of them.

-A fatty called Matthew Poston compares himself to Idol alum Clay Aiken. Simon: "Why is your nickname Wolfie?" Guy: "Because I love wolves and all my friends know me as Wolfie because I love wolves." ... Horrible singing. Times like these I hate that particular brands of horribleness are difficult to put into words and must be witnessed 1sthand. Randy says "I like wolves too, though" when dismissing him. The guy states that they just didn't understand his similarity to Aiken. We get a side-by-side montage of him singing along with Clay, and it is all worth it.

-Seacrest is standing by a bay, dressed like a normal person.

-A guy called JON WILLIAMS who was a soldier in iraq sings fine, and then picks up the pace and starts stripping and doing a Michael impression. Simon expresses surprise that he has a normal look on his face when he is done. He manages to get to Hollywood. Simon tells Randy he is harsh because he told the guy he belongs in a circus or something (notes scribbled.)

-A Seacrest-narrated montage of vocal coaches in the auditionees' waiting room.

-A girl whos mom is a vocal coach gets backstory with consists entirely of her mom coaching her vocally. Her name is Katherine and she seems nervous. She is a remarkable singer - does "God Bless the Child." Randy says best voice this season (again) and she cries. Simon calls her "on the money", making this the most ILX episode of Idol possibly ever.

-Seacrest has unbuttoned his blazer-thing to reveal a retarded shirt.

-Celicia Carlisle who wrote this herself? I think? And has a GIANT flower on the side of her head. She sings, on the floor, and has removed one of her shoes Baumer-style. She starts talking..."cries, from the ghetto..." Simon asks her if she does something more upbeat. She does "Freak Life Me", cutely, but badly. Then she is like "Got some Mary J. Blige!" and sings it, laughing throughout though. Simon is all "no", and she says "but I'm very excited!" He states that the judges are not. Simon says he will call her boss and get her job back for her. He actually does it. She is thrilled. Simon is such a sweetheart this season!

-A girl of approximately age 2 in pigtails sings something annoying, then "Fallin'", which she does awesome at. Simon says he thought the first song was annoying and Randy criticizes his ears.

-A montage of rappers and dancers, kinda.

-Marcus Phillips in a shirt with a giant dragon snaking across it. He declares himself an All-Terrain Entertainer and speaks Micro Machine quickly. He sings "This Little Light of Mine" in a tiny, tiny and strange voice. He raps, which sounds exactly like his singing. He dances some. His beatboxing, which is exactly like his singing, is also poor. He shouts that he has to let it shine. They dismiss him kindly and he leaves kindly, saying "have a nice day."

-Cute Asian girl with awesome, multicolored and bizarre hair and outfit sings an Anita Baker song well. Simon says the song was too big for her. Randy suggests that Simon is having a bad day. Simon says no, he is not, and that it is ok, "Beethoven and Mozart will push you through" indicating his fellow judges.

-We see Simon tell a girl she is good when she is actually terrible. Maybe it is a bad day for him?

-Seacrest has thankfully rebuttoned his dumbass blazer.

-Deborah Dawn Tealey, a self-described "rock girl" with horrible, huge fried ass hair. She says she is 27, but looks approx. 40. She does crappy air guitar. Simon concedes that she can sing, but states that she is a mom doing Cher dor a fancy-dress party. He says she has dead eyes, and Paula accuses him of having said that to Clay. Simon tells Paula she wasn't there so shut up. Paula says that she saw it live...? They fight and it is for real. Simon leaves. Actually leaves the building and goes to his hotel.

-Randy and Paula discuss Simon's bad day, Seacrest defends him.

-A guy drinking hot sauce, doing pushups, and holding a Catholic icon is our last contestant. He prays before starting to sing. He does Stevie Wonder's "Ribbon in the Sky", pretty shittily. He is one of these people that has a strong voice but can't sing on key, or anything like it. RAndy asks him wtf, and he just immediately starts singing "You Are The Sunshine of My Life". Randy actually "time-out"s him, and he busts into fucking BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY. Randy yells "DUDE! WHOA!" He leaves dejected.

*Ryan Seacrest asks where he is and a crowd responds that he is in Vegas.

*Ok, a fake Jamaican rasta dude in a crap wig and a shirt that says "Jamaica Good Music" (I thought gimmicky crap just wasn't happening this year? Remember the New York guy?) Seacrest asks him if he is serious and he replies that he is, in a horrible fake Jamaican accent. After he introduces himself, Randy states that he has the "weirdest, fake Jamaican accent" he has ever heard. Simon laments that this is too bad, because the hair looks so real. He states that he is from Bakersfield and then does "American Idol: the Reggae", which contains mostly the lyric "American Idol 5". Simon has him remove his wig,a nd then immediately begs him to replace it. Paula says is was entertaining. Simon says it was just stupid. Paula retracts her statement about it being entertaining and states that she was lying before. In his piece-to-cam he cries and says he wishes he had just been himself. No Doy! A learning experience for all of us.

*Ryan says that at least the next auditioner was serious. A giant guy in a giant clown suit enters and they all scream NO as soon as he passes through the doorframe. He looks completely crushed.

*The horrendous psychic Bobbie May from last year is back as a vocal coach for her little sister. She comes in with the sister and Simon asks her wtf is she doing back. She explains, and we get lots of shots of her at home giving the sister vocal "training" which is basically her waving her hand and saying nay nay nay in a tuneless fashion that we are meant to believe is some sort of scale, probably. The sister sings pretty badly and Simon tells her that she is better than her sister, but not great. They say they will be back next year and Simon begs them to just watch the show instead. Bobbie states that she has predictions for season 5 that she will keep to herself.

*A belly dancing girl named Mecca (who says her name is the capital of Arabia) wears a dumb hat and necklace, sings well and goes to Hollywood. They call her a breath of fresh air. In the hall Seacrest can be heard to say that she is a breath of fresh air and Simon inquires as to whether Ryan has his own scriptwriter.

*Commercial break, I look down and have 8 text messages about the show. Obligatory shot of Seacrest by some body of water; he talks more about Vegas.

*Screamy hardcore guy in My Chemical Romance shirt that we saw in an earlier episode (Detroit? I think) does his thing real cockily and horribly. I immediately text Cody Gentry and we roffle. Simon saracastically tells him he is real frightening and the guy declares himself too hardcore for Simon.

*Backstory: girl works in a penitentiary. Simon asks her if she has handcuffs, and she replies that she has used them. Simon expresses fear, and Randy chides hiim that he has been handcuffed before. Simon says that usually he is the one that does the handcuffing, surprising no one who is at all familiar with his personality. She sings "Redneck Woman" and they all love it and deem it unique because normally a white person would sing it.

*A gondolier with a fakeass Italian accent gets too-long backstory, then sings ok and they dismiss him. Why?

*Seacrest-produced montage of people that are "back" from a previous year.

*JC - the crazy-eyed bizarro of whom last year Simon said "you make a stabbing motion when you sing" is back with a mullet (Seacrest even uses the word) and sucks. He bitches forever and there is a shot of him peeling the wrong way out of the parking lot.

*Huge fat guy with 75 pets gets massive backstory just to throw us off before he sucks it up big time and fails the audition. He is one of these people who sings enthusiastically and with vibrato but totally tunelessly. After the guy is gone Simon makes fat joke #2 of the year, saying he only said no because he feared for the lunch budget.

*Twin Asian girls, really cute, sing Cranberries song in pleasant harmony real boringly. They cry and say "It meant so much to our dad." Heartbreaking.

*A guy sings "As Long As You Love Me" with a quacking duck voice, Paula gigs uncontrollably. Randy and Paula start singing along. Randy says that he doesn't think he is right for AI but that he appreciates him putting his "own flavor on things." I join Paula in gigging uncontrollably.

*A dumb CSI-inspired segment in which we see high-pitched guy, guy miming to "Toxic", a girl horribly butchering "Lady Marmalade", a guy who is just a bad singer, a gross gyrater, a guy seemingly having a loud orgasm, and a girl doing Sir Mix-A-Lot.

*Commercial Break. We see Seacrest in a plain grey shirt, then realize that he is only wearing it self-consciously because he is doing a segment making fun of dumb shirts.

*An Eastern European guy in an American Flag button-down provides the "Foreign Peeps R Funny" segment of the show. He tells Seacrest that he has beautiful eyes and Seacrest thanks him. In his audition he produces a keychain device that I guess is supposed to give him an A. Simon declares it too low, and the guy asks Simon if he has any fresh batteries. He sings "Proud To Be An American" and it is a real spectacle. He drags the "Stand UP!" part out just a hair too long and does a standing-up motion that must be seen to be appreciated and Randy makes an omgwtf face. He seems to say "God rest the USA" at the end. They dis him and he states that "people loved me outside." He bitches a lot, states that he has perfect pitch (they all vehemently deny this), and states that this audition was "150% better than my best audition." Brett texts me to ask if he is Balki Bartokamus of Popular 80s sitcom "Perfect Strangers" and the whole audition becomes worth it.

*The next girl is called Princess and states "I am conceited and I am good." They ask her who she sings most like and she immediately responds that it is Aretha Franklin. She sings "That's What Friends Are For" with enthusiastic badness. Simon has his head in his hands, massiging his temples and begging her to stop in a very quiet voice. She slowly continues to the "Keep smiling...keep shining" part before they dismiss her.

*Seacrest-narrated revue of people coming out of the audition room doing a double thumbs down and crying and crap.

*Fake montage of bad singing to "I Will Survive"

*Simon gives a Hoorayx3 which is a definite sign that he is losing it.

*Seacrest talks about image, and we get a montage or retarded haristyles to "Hair". It's a slow day Tuesday at the Idol factory.

*A completely grey-haired guy of 24 does some Carlton Banks dancing and gives lots of backstory about being grey-haired. He sings a Sam Cooke song awesomely. He picks it up and sings something more rollicking while clapping and getting into it and being awesome. Randy and Paula love it, Simon says he loves his voice, but that it's not just about voice. He says "don't expect them to put you through LATER when it counts" and indicates Paula and Randy. He is right, as usual, but I am glad he gets through, along with every other human in America.

*Preview of tomorrow: "Texas messes with Simon". A girl knocks Ryan Seacrest to the ground.

I know what I'm doing in a couple hours.

apparently tonight's video of people singing for the judges was actually shot in San Fran. Apparentlly katrina prevented them from doing callbacks in Austin.

I can't be bothered to read every comment though, so I am just wondering if everyone hates Seacrest as much as I do? Was this discussed 5 years ago ad nauseaum and now no one wants to discuss it anymore?

If I auditioned for Idol, I am telling you I would have to bring a shovel with me to smash his little face in. Now that I think about it, bar 1, I don't like Ryans. (Sorry to all you Ryans I don't know out there, but generally Ryans are pompous little gits.)

I like that in the Canadian version, they have Mulroney Junior doing the show. Is there some sort of rule that the host of this show has to be as annoying and stupid as humanly possible? To make the bad singers look good? I would not be able to hide my disdain.

Though I certainly am aware that I do not have a good singing voice, when I watch this show I am tempted to go and try out all the same. I guess that's what all the other people are doing there hunh? I could harass the shit out of the host, and I wouldn't fucking cry when they told me I suck though. I would start laughing and say, "You guessed right! Congratulations!"

otm, incidentally

I found the cowboys bit entertaining (with the exception of the BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN part of it; the actual clips were pretty funny) but a bit too long...

The girls seem like a really talented bunch this year. The guys look completely forgettable -- except for Taylor, we've seen all these guys on AI a million times already.

We haven't watched last night's yet, just catching up with the tivo.

She obviously wont win but I hope the public will let her stay on for a few weeks.

All the boys are horribly boring this year. Is there anyone who is remotely likeable? No. I agree with Simon when it comes to Taylor Hicks. He makes me cringe whenever he's on camera.

Brainwasher: If you have any spares please send some of them to Europe!

several standouts:

Lisa Tucker (beautiful willowy 16 year old girl from EmilySue's recap above)
Katharine McPhee (the camera LOVES her!)
Paris Bennett (Ann Nesby's granddaughter)
Ayla Brown (made me forget I don't like that "Reflection" song...)

on the looks/personality front, I found Kellie Pickler adorable...
sorry to see Stevie Scott perform so weakly,
since I like the idea of a 6' 1" ethereal idol (though Ayla is about that tall too)

Class of the ladies

Paris, Mandisa, Katherine - No one else is close.

Surprisingly good this week:

Ayla

Melissa (who sang the Faith Hill song)

Neither good nor terrible this week:

Kinnik, nice song choice and well sung, but sort of boring.

Stevie, I think she'll be voted off this week, which is a shame because there's something about her that I like, I'd like to hear her sing something else.

Surprisngly terrible this week:

Lisa (I don't know what the judges were listening to, she was all over the place)

Becky (very hot, but cannot hang with the real singers)

Kelly (as much as I love her Dolly Parton accent, and I do, she was not up to that Martina song)

Unsurprisingly terrible this week:

Heather - Lame song, sung poorly

Brenna (see above)

I'd lose Brenna and Heather, but I predict it will be Becky and Stevie.

To kick off the first post-Hell Week Idol, Seacrest greets us with a pair of gross, crotchy jeans and a truly horrific red-and-white gingham shirt with a silvery blazer over it. American instantly eulogizes the halcyon days of open auditions/Hell Week wherein we never saw the 'Crest from the waist down. He promises, to cheers from the audience, that there will be no more crying cowboys and no more Brittenum twins.

-All the girls come out individually and do something (they were probably told to "dance") for a couple seconds while Seacrest calls out each name. Then he is like "and then there were some guys, too" and the camera shows a crowd of dudes waving for a nanosecond.

-Crest asks Simon how he puts up with criticism. Simon replies that he has received none, and goes right ahead and tells him that "people think you are obnoxious" and (aside) "his mum can't be TOO proud." He is a little too otm for Seacrest's comfort.

-Crest asks Randy if he thinks it is a boy's or girl's game this year, and Randy replies that he thinks "It's a boy's thing...to lose this year."

-We see a pointless montage of crap we have seen before. Welcome to the rest of the season, America. The only new thing, to me, is a shot of Paris getting sonned in the head by a swinging door.

-Commercial break. Mandisa is wearing some kind of red chiffon thing and a heart necklace (which she will deny she did on purpose later) and singing Heart's "We Can't Go On". She is kind of generally awesome, as a human, but hits loads of shitty notes. Randy applauds song choice but says she had a few sharp moments. Paula references Carrie Underwood's version of "Alone" (nope, no comparison) and states that she thinks Mandisa has "broken the record for magnificent." In the Cresterview she states that her relationship with Simon has improved so much that "we are practically dating". Seacrest states that he will discuss Simon's respect problems with her at a later time.

-It's Kellie Pickler and I get really excited. She looks fantastic and is a real sweetheart and everyone loves her and she gets up there and sings Martina McBride like a golden-throated seraph and is immediately crowned Idol by an over-emotional Cowell, making Fox network history books. OH WAIT. In reality, she actually gets up there and LAMES IT UP ALL KINDS OF WAYS. The Pickler has GOT to get a handle on the nerves shit or she will not even be top ten. NOT EVEN TOP TEN, PEOPLE. It was that kind of bad. All the judges talk about how they really like her as a human and Simon reiterates that she is a nice girl. Her Cresterview, however, only redeems her: Remember Clyde, her grandpa from her audition episode? The one she brought home a Sonic chicken sandwich for? She spends the entire Cresterview talking about how he is now a local celebrity and about how his single line "I'd like a sandwich" has become a kind of local meme (!!!) She goes on (Crest actually checks his watch) to say that women have been offering seductively to make sandwiches for him. Way to go, grandpa!

-The Bizarro Twin that I hate does her piece-to-cam saying that she is choosing to sing "Because The Night" because it was on the first cd she ever got as a Christmas gift. Um, I'm gonna go ahead and say that I'm failing to follow your logic here? She pulls a total botch job, and you know what she looks like? Medical people will be with me on this one. She looks like a patient who comes in for a minor procedure and starts talking "Vikes" and "Hydros", an image only intensified by the fact that she seemingly forgot to actually learn the words to the song, despite having purportedly owned the cd since childhood. The horror continues as Randy goes right ahead and refers to the entire bank of boy contestants as the Dog Pound and they woof and rotate their fists in the air. For a moment I sense that there will be some kind of horrible gang rape or something. Paula says pretty much nothing, as per use, and Simon tells her that quite good is simply not good enough anymore, then they just kinda start playing the theme song over the Cresterview.

-Ayla looks like a man, goes ahead and discusses Disney's Mulan for her entire piece-to-cam and seems to have confused it with Demi Moore film GI Jane. It's an interesting performance, mainly because while belting a Xtina classic she simultaneously packs a suitcase for home, live on stage. She informs Seacrest that after singing she "feels complete" and America vomits. Simon expresses surprise that she briefly ditched the robotics to display "a glimmer of humanity".

-We got Paris. She does Gladys's "Midnight Train to Georgia" and is moving, adorable, flawless and original, natch. Paula notes that she even handled a wardrobe malfunction while so totally bringing it.

-Stevie, in her piece-to-cam, looks like Anna Paquin and says something about since they don't want her to sing opera that she thinks it's a good idea to go ahead and sing opera. Then she sings a pop song. About 1/3 of the way through, I think for a moment that has lost her breath, but then she sings like that for the rest of the song. It's just the kind of weak, powerless, breathless singing you'd expect FROM A FUCKING OPERA SINGER WTF. Randy pauses and then declares "that was definitely different" and "I found myself daydreaming." I imagine a potential comedic flashback in which a hamburger appears over Randy's head while Stevie silently gesticulates. Paula calls it both "intimate" and "in and out", and 14-year-olds across America laugh hysterically. Simon likens her performance to "a horrible Sunday lunch...with some child...getting up to sing...out of tune!". Whoa. That totally doesn't happen at Litton's. She repeatedly states "I will bring it!" but in her educated, poised, clipped-words thing, it is equivalent in mood to her saying "I will place the object on the shelf!" Most people kinda do a "brengit" pronunciation, but she bites off the words in this really humilating way, and I feel a little sorry for her. Cresterview consists of her telling 'Crest he "might have a chance with" her and her face registering instant regret to the camera. A very complete picture of "blowing it."

-Brenna does a hilarious piece-to-cam about how her mother gave her "the ridiculous middle name of Meemaw" as an intro to "You Are the Sunshine of My Life". She fouls it completely up and hits more wrong notes than anyone else, but does so with extreme gusto and showmanship (natch). They all remark that it was a safe song and could she please stop showing more than one personality trait and stick to being the real her. Simon likens her to a cat with gloves on. Randy: "And a coat." Simon: "And a HAT!" He tells her it was something you would hear in a "ghastly hotel" and she retorts lovably that it was "NOT a ghastly hotel performance." She spends her Cresterview not giving a damn and gyrating and stuff.

-Heather Cox dresses stupid, looks trashy, and sings "When You Tell Me That You Love Me" horrendously, which don't even get me started on the song choice, because HELLO, VONZELL TURNED IT OUT LAST YEAR AND YOU MY FRIEND ARE NO VONZELL. Simon basically tells her she only got through to the current round because they were under the impression that she had laryngitis. He also interrupts her Cresterview with the statement "she needs an excuse." The 'Crest replies, "And I would have worn a t-shirt under that sweater, but we all make mistakes." Touche, but we all know it would have been a crappily silk-screened, ill-fitting t-shirt, which takes a lot of the oomph out of the insult.

-After commercial break, 'Crest states that there is no need to turn over to the Olympics because Randy has secured a bottle of baby oil and will be luging across the stage presently.

-Melissa McSomething, from the red couch, states that all the Idol girls are exactly like a family because they are all lodging on the same floor of a hotel. 'Crest asks her what's more conducive to cattiness, a beauty pageant or Idol, and America wonders what she would know about a beauty pageant (there, I said it). She states that her song is about "breaking down who you are at the end of the day". She sings boringly and could use a throat-clearing (it only takes a second!), and for some reason the judges like it, I think, I lost interest. Simon calls her lifeless.

-Lisa Tucker is beautiful, uses mic stand. She makes it obvious that she has a wicked-ass voice, but fouls some notes and obviously picked the wrong song. The judges love it anyway and her mom cries bucketloads (She's my pick for Mom of the Season, although obviously for different reasons than Constantine's Mom from Idol IV [sheeeeesh. Remember her?]).

-Kinnik (28) sings "Get Here" pretty well, and Randy criticizes her performance with these exact words: "You didn't make a doo dee doo." Simon calls her old and says she is being overshadowed by the young pretenders. Randy tells her she is a 6 out of 10, and in her Cresterview she goes ahead and quotes him as saying 6 1/2.

-Katharine McPhee sings "Since I Fell For You" and enthuses about Babs in her piece-to-cam. She looks totally beautiful. There is a particularly hideous shot of Paula, who by the way has her hair piled up on her head in a kind of pseudo-pompadour which only serves to accentuate an already-burgeoning Frankenstein look. They all tell her she is great and a natural. She turns around and expresses horror that half the audience was looking at her ass the whole time. She makes some reference to smooching Crest and American is like STOP KISSING EVERYBODY, YOU CAN NOT AFFORD A COLD RIGHT NOW, OR A REP.

-We go to the recaps. During Kinnik's, we can see Brenna in the balcony making a face like she has opened a dormitory refrigerator.

http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendID=53610&blogID=90596209&MyToken=abb425b6-eb18-4133-bd53-e8a5e051404a

And that Becky girl only got to the top 12 because she's gorgeous. This is just her latest reality tv show exploit...I know she was on Fear Factor with her sis before. Trashy.

I know I say this every season but it always bears repeating: why do people decide to show "a different side of themselves" during the first week? We don't know anything about you, dumbass, sing to your strength and save the diverse, adaptable artiste stuff for the final 12. This strategy NEVER works, and yet every season two or three people insist on trying it during week one. It's not as stupid as the days when you got only one performance, with the top three (out of each group of eight) moving on + everyone else getting to compete for the remaining wildcard spots, but it's still dumb.

Roxy's OTM about Stevie (Anna Paquin! Yes! OMG.) but I think she'll last one more week. She's different, there's more room for error under this (great) 2-2-2 elimination format they've used the past couple of years, I think she'll get one more chance. Kinnik is screwed -- I think last season showed that older female singers don't have much of a chance unless they impress right from the start. I also have a thing for tall girls.

I agree with those who are saying that Lisa Tucker is waaay overrated, judging by what we've seen thus far.

It was "make it do what it do." A reference to Ray. Otherwise, your recap is OTM.

I didn't see any of this week but you can consider the "stay away from your shitty falsetto, douchebags!" hammer to be on permanant drop.

The only real standouts for me are Paris for the girls and Taylor for the boys. I can barely even put names to faces otherwise (Mandisa is the hefty woman, Kelly is the Underwood-a-like, Sway is the bald Asian guy... other than that, no idea).

Jennifer Hudson might yet become one though, she's going to be in Dreamgirls with Beyonce.

Ace Young (amazing - and not even in full-on mode yet!)
Taylor Hicks (already a great performer - needs a little bit of breath work - jogging? yoga?)
Gedeon McKinney (charming throwback style meets ultra-rude Simon responses)

of the rest:
Elliott Yamin (terrible beginning/nerves but good voice buried under crooked-teeth (=self-conscious?) Hassidic-Amish hip hop look)
Chris Daughtry (good vocal tone but boring as hell)
Bucky Covington (gruff as hell but interesting, likeable guy)

admittedly Katharine and Paris had a more-relaxed tone/groove

2 of these:
Brenda Gethers
Stevie Scott
Heather Cox

I'd save Stevie cos she's bizarro. Gethers' tude has worn thin...

and 2 of these:
Jose 'Sway' Penala
Kevin Covais
Bobby Bennett
Will Makar
David Radford

save a boy? nah, I'd send em all packing
(even though Kevin & Will have the earnest thing and Bobby & David are entertainers)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Vk1NJfzPuA

I'm right inside their heads.

The guys were, to my ear, much better than the girls in that there were three excellent girls of 12 (Paris, Katherine, Mandisa) and at least 5 excellent guys.

I would break it down like this

Class of the guys:

Elliot - really surprisingly good. My best of the evening, though he did say he sings that song a lot in his karaoke exploits so let's see if he can keep it up.

Chris - I still pick him to win the whole thing (deservedly or no), provided he picks good songs.

Sway - How can you people hate on Reasons by EWF? That was high quality Phil Bailey the man was putting down! To say nothing of the pimp hat red velvet blazer combination.

Ace - I already hate him and his savage eyefucking of all of the 12 year old girls who will vote him to the finals (right out of Ye Olde Constantine handbook). That said, he can sing rings around Constantine and dammit I love the Faith album, there I said it.

Taylor - How do you not love this man and his Jay Lenoesque facial expresisons, his epileptic anti-dancing and his soul man vocals? Also, I *love* Levon. Brilliant song choice.

Not quite as good, but still good

Kevin - Am I alone picturing Brian McKnight on his couch giggling like a fool at little Kevin singing his song? I thought he did a nice job with it.

Gideon - I'm reserving judgement on Gideon til he sings something else. That said, I am very sad he didn't "gator." If you are going to sing Shout, you must Gator, those are the rules.

Will - OK, he kind of sucks, but who doesn't love I Want You Back? His song choices and his David Cassidy/Peter Brady/John Mayer thing will carry him far.

Not so good

Bucky - Understatement of the decade was Randy saying he went "a little sharp" he wasn't anywhere near the notes. Still, Skynyrd nation will carry him through at least the next couple of weeks.

Patrick - Come to my Window? Seriously? This is the classic case of poor song choice dooming someone who can sing.

Just *Awful*

Bobby - He didn't look like he belonged up there, the fork was stuck in him about 10 seconds in.

David - Death...to...crooners. Why can't Frank and Deano rise from the grave and just pistol whip these untalented fucks? That would be good television.

it's because I LOVE "Reasons" that I'm hating on Sway. dude missed many of the lyrics, tried to substitute mumbling feel... it was a mess
yeah he can hit some of the falsetto parts, but I'd give him about a quarter of the song sung OK and the bits in between were off

actually I hate it when America puts singers through based on song choice - "oh I know/like this one". should be how well they sung it.

having said that, I hated on Kelly Clarkson early in first season for doing "Respect"
but by the time she did "Natural Woman" had to admit she was even takin' on Aretha...!

And is it just me, or does Kevin sort of look like W around the eyes? I couldn't stop laughing at the idea of W singing Brian McKnight.

I can't get over how fucking cute and beautiful Katherine is. Her cuteness is bordering on being annoying. I just wanna strangle her and go "WHY ARE YOU SO FUCKING CUTE?!?! ARGH!!"

I hope either she or Paris wins.

I can't stand:

Chris. He just reminds of Rob Thomas and all those awful American mainstream rock dudes that I despise.

Taylor. This guy has pastiche written all over his face. Spastic asshole.

Lisa Tucker. Is she actually a human being? She comes of as a robotic, souless little stage child who imitate "the stars". Sadly she will make it far. But she resembles Aaliyah so she isn't all bad.

I love this show.

who is the first girl singing? I think I remember her from boston public...

Too bad Katherine's performance sucked.

what did she sing and how did mandisa do? was there any banter between brenna and the judges?

i won't be able to watch this until tomorrow morning when i've downloaded it

Everybody sucks tonight. You're asking for trouble when you take on revered vocalists like Mariah Carey and Donna Summer. I can't recall the judges ever harping on that (OBVIOUS!!) point like they have tonight.

Who's leaving: Brenna and Heather.

Basically this week there were two god awful performances and a bunch of B's and C pluses from the rest, with a few solid B+'s.

I'd rank them thusly, looking at last night only.

B/B+

Ayla - My opinion could well be colored by her height, and her legs, but she is doing quite well for herself. (Note: I went to BC, *no one* looked like that BC while I was there.)

Katherine - I don't know why they got on her, I love "All In Love Is Fair" and she sang it well. Not quite as good as last week, but still better than most.

B

Kinnik - I enjoyed her Gretchen, and why were the judges beating on her for singing a country song? All they usually do is beat on people for safe choices. I don't think she'll make the top 6, but should be ok this week.

Paris - I hate Wind Beneath My Wings, but I still love her. Her pretaped video was one of the cutest things ever committed to tape.

Melissa - Not bad, not great. I've always liked that song and I do like her tone. That said, my "American Idol is fixed as wrestling" predictions have her and Kinnik going out next week.

C+

Lisa - Meh.

Kelly - Double Meh. (please sing a Dolly Parton song Kelly, your public demands it)

Mandisa - I still love her, but she was sort of all over the place last night.

So again, Heather is all done. Brenna should be, but if she skates by on attitude, it will probably be Melissa or Kinnik who goes.

Gedeon needs to die because his mother couldn't spell his name.

What is wrong with this picture?

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I guess this strategy worked for Carrie Underwood. I'm not into Bucky's voice though. And he's no oil painting.

OTfuckingM. That song is so out of his league the English language does not have the capacity to express it.

And here's a question: has there ever been a free song choice night on AI where there HASN'T been a Stevie Wonder song done? I love AI but it's come to the point where every time I hear a Stevie song I think of some former contestant who butchered it at one point or another.

It should have been Gedeon doing "All Night Long" and Taylor doing "Another Saturday Night". I think he's gotta slow play the Joe Cocker -- save it for the final five or six.

Three Stevie songs in two nights is definitely overkill.

"aaiiight, yo yo yo, listen up. Keepin it real dawg. We got a HOT one. Right Dawg pound? (pause for whoops and hollars)
Okay, check it out, check it out. I like that you did your thing. It started out a little pitchy, but towards the middle you got into it and you brought it out in the end. Not your best performance, or song choice. But I like that you did your thing and kept it real. It was aaight for me."

Elliott (at last, relaxed! easily the best this week)
Chris (blank emo-metal sound - but has the pipes)
Gedeon
Taylor
Bucky
= Sway (totally disagree with the judges - sounded much better to me this time...!)
Will (Fred Savage meets Bobby Brady comparisons inevitable)
Ace (where'd the magic go? not a strong voice tonight)
----------------------------------------------- (below here should get cut Thursday night)
David
Kevin

Ayla! (surprised to find I enjoyed her performance the most)
Paris
Mandisa
Lisa
Kinnick (dramatic improvement in stage presence!)
= Melissa
Katharine (what happened?!)
--------------------------
Kellie
Brenda
Heather

Except he didn't -- Gedeon sang it. I forgot that Taylor sang it in his audition though.

Exactly the right people went home tonight, IMHO.

On American Idol "crooner" just means "man who cannot sing" Death to them. Death I say.

also THANK GOD HEATHER COX IS OUT OF THERE.

not sorry to see Brenna go (at least I finally noticed how to spell her first name, so I can point out KathArine, too).

The other crooner, Will, is a completle jack ass! The guy has some serious attitude problems and his arent tongue in cheek like Brenna.

Does anyone else love how Ryan out-wits Simon all the time? Whenever Ryan confronts him Simon doesn't really have any good comebacks and whatever he replies back with Ryan totally squashes him. I really like Ryan!

http://www.truthaboutscientology.com/stats/by-name/k/katharine-mcphee.html

I personally don't understand the adulation of Vedder duder's perf -- I can see, objectively, how he nails that certain post-grunge "yarl" style, and yes I can also see how he might sell bargefuls of records with his relaxed and humble way and his enormous, ripped torso rippling beneath his plain, humble t-shirt. But his constipated, self-important style of singing has just always turned me off. I guess the goal of it is to convey the sheer difficulty of even squeezing out the pains and horrors that apparently torture his soul; the throat clenches; the sound is distorted; the messy triumph of one's will to express oneself in the face of alienation and emotional repression. But if it's that hard for you dude, try something besides singing. Because you sound like a strangled chicken. Strangely, Cowell loved it. He usually goes for the big, open pipes, the raw, slightly dumb talent. But I guess he sees the dollar signs. (Does anybody know if he gets a cut of 19 Entertainment's take on the albums? Paul and I were wondering about that the other night)

Personal fave of the ladies is Paris by a long shot. Personal fave of the men is Bucky "I'll Take a Biscuit" Covington. His voice is just solid gold and he completely nailed his song. I guess we'll need to see if he can stretch -- have there ever been any previous Idol winners whose style is that genre-specific?

p.s. I have seen exactly one episode, plus snippets. I am already heavily, heavily addicted.

xpost!

And you're spot on about Chris. He's the one I hate the most and I'm glad someone else can explain why he sucks so much better than I ever could.

I am already heavily, heavily addicted.

This is the first season I've watched American Idol, and I'm surprised at how emotionally invested I am in it. We watch the episodes days later, so it's not like I even vote for anyone. But I must watch it. And Simon Cowell, as cruel as he seems at times, does say things that need to be said to these people, where Randy and Paula will just give a stunned "No, that didn't do it for me; not your best performance".

Their weird relationship is one of the only reasons to watch, the contestants are so dull this year.

Katharine was amazing ... was that her mom in the audience? She looks like 25!

never post when drunk again

I think Mandisa might have just eliminated Ayla. How obvious were Ayla's limitations with Mandisa showing her up two minutes later?

Katherine really came out of her shell tonight, all her previous performances had seemed labored to me. I think Lisa and Paris both have the ammo for numerous showstoppers but we just haven't seen them yet. Mandisa was a bit overrated by the judges.

"I'm a mink"

*Mandisa (specific moments towards the end)
Lisa (my doubts about her vocal strength - see 4th last week - are gone)
= Kellie Pickler (holy shit! equal ranked because for entertainment this was the best)
Katharine (back in biz ...and totally bonkers)
*Mandisa (overall)
Ayla
Paris (what a week, when Paris is 3rd worst...!)
----------------
Melissa
Kinnik

Paris - Honestly, I don't think she has matched her audition performance. That gave me chills, dig. If I hadn't seen that audition I probably wouldn't think that highly of her. But I know she can pull something off, so I keep on rooting for her.

Lisa - It's odd, when the judges were creaming themselves about her I found myself bored, and now that the judges are losing their spirit about her I'm finally enjoying her. She doesn't excite me like some of the other girls do, though.

(dunno if this is in order)

Kinnik - She's okay but yawn.

Melissa - I really like her voice, but she did shout the song a lot. I would like for her to stay for at least the top 12.

Ayla - She is so boring too. Just plain. Just go play some basketball and leave us alone!

Katherine - I love her! Great voice, always with great song choices, and she is just fun to watch. Unfortunately though she is leaving AI as she is pregnant with Kevin's baby. A shame.

Mandisa - She fuckin rocked it. One of my new favorite all-time AI performances. Man, when the boys and girls meet up for the finals it is going to be HARSH.

Kellie - jfnsfnsdkfnsdakfm;sdkmf;ksald

She looks weird when she sings, her hair is always in her face and it bugs me, and the "I'm so dumb I don't know things and what I do know I can't pronounce" gimmick is getting old. A big problem I noticed is that Kellie picks songs that are SO MUCH BETTER than she is. If anyone should have sung "Something To Talk About" or "Am I the Only One" it should have been Melissa, who at least has the right voice (husky and sexy!) for it.

Better than Carrie Underwood? If we're talking voice, absolutely not. If we're talking about anything else, no either. Isn't CU doing incredibly well right now? I can't imagine Kellie matching any of her achievments. She definitely (read: please God) won't make it to the overall top 6.

If we're talking voice, ABSOLUTELY! Carrie Underwood cannot sing in tune to save her life; she is far and away the least talented of the winners and it was a fucking travesty that she even made it to the top twelve. Her ass would have been booted in the first round of "Nashville Star".

If we're talking voice, ABSOLUTELY! Carrie Underwood cannot sing in tune to save her life; she is far and away the least talented of the winners and it was a fucking travesty that she even made it to the top twelve. Her ass would have been booted in the first round of "Nashville Star".

I agree that Kellie's schtick is pretty grating, but who else would be able to make the most out of the kind of push she's getting? Chris? Not without a band. Mandisa and Paris? Maybe. Ace, sure, but he hasn't been very good at all.

I'll be interested to see what happens to Elliott if he has a bad night, because they haven't done much for him in terms of his personality, and I feel like he's singing better than any of the other men; all it took for somebody like Patrick to get kicked off was one lousy song choice.

And ya, Jesus Take the Wheel just about sums up everything wrong with religious wack-jobs.

PS: RoxyMuzak©, Clay didn't win, he got second. Although he did get a winner's amount of publicity out of it (especially compared to someone like Justin Guarini).

A) did not make a supershitty R&B album, and
B) use his advance to fund a misguided attempt to eat every pie in America.

That's why I said "haw"

I've just about had it with Gedeon. His voice isn't all that great and every week he takes on songs that are way above his abilities.

This is shaping up like last season -- the best talent tends to lie with the younger girls and the older guys.

Will (!!! - don't know how to explain this... found his voice, now be INTERESTING too please?)
Bucky (almost equals Will's better vocal on pure vibe)
Elliott (always a pleasure to hear - whether he has a great night or ordinary)
Ace
Kevin (!!! so earnest and heartfelt, it worked despite his vocal lisp limitations*)
Taylor
= Gedeon (he has the chops, but emotional resonance? Percy Sledge is not losing sleep)
Chris (not reaching me AT ALL. nice original hair in the clip though)

*but Chris and Kevin would be my picks to go (though neither Gedeon or Taylor are essential - I'd keep Taylor for sheer showmanship).
although I like him, Taylor is the epitome of bar band singer, lots of energy - zero vocal originality (zany dancing though).
Ace's was the most interesting/promising/out-there performance of the night
if he'd nailed it, would have been spectacular.

Gedeon - I think he did well, he can really sing but he has not WOWED me yet. Besides his first week, he has always chosen pretty good songs for himself. He should stay.

Chris - He sounds like all the random alt rock bands I hear on the radio, and I mean that in a good way. Very commercial voice! No matter how far he goes I think he'll do well, although I think he might be better suited to be a frontman for a band than a solo artist...he just doesn't have a ton of personality IMO.

Kevin - He looks so ridiculous singing it's just...ridiculous. He would probably do well at his elementary school's talent show but the fact that he's on AI is unbelievable. Of all those who applied, he was in the top 24? Inconceivable. It's 20 minutes after the show finished and I already forgot what he sang. Whatever. He needs to leave.

Bucky - He is fug but he has a great tone to his voice (the more I watch AI the more I adopt their vocab too). But does he have much range? He's done country all three week IIRC. I hope he stays because honestly I like his voice a lot.

Will - I think I can sum up his performance AND how I feel like him by reminding you fair ILXors that he sang "How Sweet It Is" by JAMES TAYLOR. I think he'll go this week.

Taylor - For some reason I really enjoy him. I mean, American Idol is an island unto itself. I watch the show religiously but have never purchased an album or even a single by any of the contestants, and I think lots of viewers are the same way. So I think Taylor Hicks qualifies as someone I will adore on the show but forget about a month after the finale, like how I really dug Clay during season 2. But I just like Taylor because he's original, funny and just a ball of energy. It's nice to have a non-Brian McKnight crooning facsimile on the show.

Elliot - I don't think I like him as much as the judges do, but Simon was OTM-even I noticed this was not his best night. He's succeeded at being pleasent but he hasn't grabbed me, yet. I'll still give him time. Interesting how the judges think he's one of the best, and yet he got no face time during the audition episodes. I guess that's what you get for not being obnoxious and making an ass out of yourself (read: Brittenham twins).

Ace - I like Ace but what's important for him is that teenage girls LOVE him. Doesn't he look like some OC/Dawson's Creek-type star? I thought he did pretty well, although when I heard he was doing MJ "Butterflies" was hardly the song I guessed he would do. He sounds like Justin Timberlake to me, especially tonight since Justin Timberlake always tries to sound like Michael Jackson. Huh? Anyway, I thought the falsetto was okay. I think he's one of the better vocalists, so that coupled with the fact that he is SUCH A HAWTIE PPL OMG will help him sail through for a while.

Who should go: Will and Kevin. Please.

Who will go: A combination of Will, Bucky or Kevin.

RoxyMuzak: That's why I said "haw"

Forgive me, I thought was just yet another "haw" thrown Clay's way.

can't knock the song: Holland-Dozier-Holland Motown classic originally a hit for Marvin Gaye:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/How_Sweet_It_Is_(To_Be_Loved_By_You)

Also I think some of you are allowing the fact that Gedeon is a conceited moron to bypass the fact that he can REALLY sing.

(Ha, so really I'm talking about Paul.)

No one was worse than Will, though. Even Ace saved himself (although anyone who thinks doing nu-Michael is a good idea needs to be beaten).

Kevin and Will to go.

On the girls' side, it's NO CONTEST: Kinnik and Melissa.

YES

No need to educate me about Marvin, dude, I'm just about his biggest fan. That's why I put the "James Taylor" in caps...it was so safe of him to do _his_ version of the song instead of the Marvin version. He may as well have worn a t-shirt that said "Hi, I'm Completely Boring". Or maybe I'm just looking for reasons to hate him. Well, I found one.

Makar, Bucky, Heart Mama (Melissa?), and Kinnik.

I'm surprised we don't see more full-on post-elimination baul jobs, particularly on the live broadcasts.

Holy shit, the Brittenham Twins! I thought they were in jail?

Aww, these montages are sad.

oops

also: Bo Bice got the 3 Minute Miracle memo!! Finally!! O how I cheered.

also: god, the montages at the end made me TEAR UP. I don't even LIKE any of these people.

http://gallery.phillyburbs.com/photos/117/11.aspx

http://img.timeinc.net/teenpeople/images/2005/saywhat/042905_simon_seacrest240.jpg

http://www.daveheinzel.com/seacrest/seacrest_astronaut.jpg

http://www.ruggedelegantliving.com/sf/a/images/Ryan.Seacrest.Randy.Jackson.Hawaii.jpg

The supercilious level of the forum posters make me look like Pollyanna.

See also: A Top 12 that contains no African-American men but DOES contain Kevin Fucking Covais. So we get treated next week to six white guys and three white girls -- plus three black girls -- singing Steve Wonder. The mind boggles.

Elliott, it appears, can sing some Stevie, so OK. (My vote: "Sir Duke." Anyone who does "Isn't She Lovely?" gets one (1) punch in the nose. It'll probably be Taylor Hicks) Still, who here is looking forward to hearing Bucky sing Stevie Wonder? Or hearing Kellie Pickler do so? Or Kevin? Or Melissa?

As shitty as Taylor is, I love that he's made it this far. It's like seeing one of your dad's friends accidentally cast on the O.C.

Kevin has GOT to go. I hate that fuck.

Ayla, robbed. But she wasn't going to win the whole thing and I'm pleased Melissa is still around.

Gideon, robbed. Bucky is not good enough to be in the top 12. Kevin, while also not good enough, is entertaining as all get out. Whatever Stevie Wonder song he sings is going to be the comedy highlight of the week (If anyone other than Kevin or Kelly Pickler goes out next week it will be a stone shock)

Other notes:

Ace, not as bad as everyone said. Still think he needs to tone down the eyefucking.

Lisa, I don't know about the gold strat (cheesy), but she has raised herself immeasurably in my estimation by revealing herself as a devotee of the electric guitar. Good for her.

Elliot, I still like him but I HATE Bryan Adams. He better come back strong.

Taylor, Takin it to the Streets! Michael McDonald = Lord. Taylor's version wasn't on par with the original, but god I love that song.

My first comment upon hearing next week is Stevie Wonder week on American Idol: Isn't EVERY WEEK Stevie Wonder week on American Idol?

Is it too much to hope that someone sings Part Time Lover, I just Called To Say I Love You or anything else from the shameful shameful 80s?

This is OTM. I really like Taylor, but even I don't want to see him win. Yeah, I find him immensely entertaining but the whole point of AI is to find a real-life marketable pop star -- someone I'd look forward to hearing on the radio -- and Taylor's not it. Once it comes down to the final five or six (something like Mandisa, Kellie, Elliot, Katharine, Taylor, Chris) then he'll be up against a bunch of more obvious potential pop stars and I think he'll be done for.

Not only that, but Taylor is terminally uncool. Everything from his goofy dancing, to the way he always musses the other guys' hair, to the pervy way he was standing with his arm around Lisa Tucker (IIRC) at the end of last night's show. He's like the bachelor-for-life wierdo older brother of one of your friends.

"McKinney is a textbook example of a contestant who would have stood a much better chance had the producers chosen to tell more of his backstory. He was supposed to audition in Memphis in September, but the auditions were canceled because of Hurricane Katrina. The teenager then went to Chicago, after raising the money by holding a concert at the Yo! Memphis Academy of Visual and Performing Arts and getting a donation from a local police association.

He earned his ticket to Hollywood, but in December, before the semifinals, his father died. McKinney chose to stay in the competition anyway, and sang well each week. Perhaps had he gotten the airtime that Chris Daughtry and Taylor Hicks received before the semifinals started, that would have given him a fan base that would have carried him to the finals"

I agree with Simon that this kid was growing on me! I was really sad to see him go. Great singer.

Taylor, at worst, is a 2nd rate Ray Charles and you are in danger of coming across as a 4th rate Simon Cowell. (And I'm not being rude)

It's too early to tell if Taylor is a just 3rd rate Joe Cocker or Ray Charles. The difficulty for anyone with real soul going on AI is that they get to sing for just 2 minutes a week. It's not surprising under these circumstances that they rely on gimmicks to stand out and survive, especially if they don't have the benefit of being cute. I must say, even though Taylor has been one of my favourites since his audition, his Ray Charles impression (whoo!, yeah!, alright!) was starting to irritate, but he did seem to tone it down a little this week. That said, how can you really judge how interesting he is in real life from the approx 15 minutes of airtime he's had?

We won't really know if Taylor is a unique artist until he releases some original material after AI - and we don't know if he's a songwriter or just a talented interpreter of others' songs. The same goes for all the rest. Only Kelly Clarkson has managed to truly succeeded with her own songs, and she needed 3 years to do that.

As for Paris, I had high hopes after her audition too, but The Conga!!? - I hope the wheels don't come off her chances, 'cos she is talented and is getting sidetracked into trying to show her range.

first impressions and boy is this a tough one (having to compare quality of voice vs quality of expression vs entertainment factor):

Paris (best vocal moments by far)
Taylor (most entertaining plus consistent vocals)
Chris (strong voice but zero expression...!)
= Katharine (wild & crazy oversinging)
= Bucky (nails the vibe with limited vocal resource / would rather hear this than Chris)
Lisa (not spectacular - get in the groove & relax voice instead of waiting for showcase moments)
Mandisa (messy but with moments)
Elliott (sweet but untogether)
Kellie (sometimes weak, sometimes lovely but dull)
Kevin (his confidence/obliviousness? far exceeds his abilities, but confidence is a component...)
--------------------------- v --- painful --- v ---
Melissa (ow! ow! ow!)
Ace (weak, sorry dude)

Melissa was indeed painful to watch. The judges were way off.

Lisa = WTF? She's utterly unspectacular. If we're comparing the two youngest female vocalists on AI, what is she bringing to the table that Paris isn't? What can Lisa do that Paris isn't doing 1000 times better?

Bucky is lucky that "Superstition" 1) isn't as hard to sing as a lot of other Stevie songs (including almost every other song that was performed tonight), 2) is one of the greatest songs ever, so even an average performance will seem a lot better than it really is.

Taylor was awesome, again. I thought Kellie was the weakest by far this week, but of course she's not going to get voted off yet. It'll probably be Melissa.

Ace - He's good looking but very average. Not a superstar at all.

Melissa - Good performance, but I haven't been totally knocked out by her yet. I'll give her time though bc I love her voice.

Mandisa - I thought she was all right; maybe it's b/c she sang one of my favorite Stevie songs EVER, but I think she's done better.

Kevin - Why is he still here? Actually, I thought this week was his best, but that's like saying I'd rather have my pinky cut off than my thumb. He really, really, really needs to go. I am super-offended on behalf of the many actually talented people who didn't get this far. *Plus*, one of the cardinal rules for going far on American Idol (I've been watching it long enough to know these things) is that you NEVER act like an asshole towards any of the judges. You always take criticism in stride, even if it's nasty.

Kellie - I've changed my mind now, and I think Kellie is really _that_ much of an airhead. She actually made me laugh tonight, so props. Her song was incredibly boring, and I'm glad she finally got some well-deserved criticism.

Elliott - I haven't connected with him yet, and I didn't tonight. I don't know where Simon's head was when he said Elliott's the best male vocalist in the competition.

Lisa - I consider "Signed, Sealed, Delivered" to be the greatest song of ALL TIME so I'm a little difficult to please when others sing it. But even if I try to be objective, I was totally underwhelmed by her performance. I guess I just don't see what the judges see. And not just with this performance, but overall. Other than her "Who's Loving You" performance, she's done nothing to make me think she has the star potential of Kelly Clarkson or other pop icons.

Bucky - I've been rooting for him as the dark horse candidate, and I've enjoyed him a lot so far, but again with a disconnect with the judges; I thought this was his weakest week by a mile, and they all seemed to dig it.

Paris - Her best performance so far by a mile. Finally, I remember why I have been rooting for her since I saw her audition. She's definitely cocky, but she's great and

Taylor - When Taylor said "Nice to see you" to Stevie, I lolled. I admit it. Personally I thought the dancing was a little incongruous with the song (poverty! hunger! dancing!), but he did well. Love the song, but duh.

Katherine- I love her, and she did incredibly well. She should be in the top 3 if she's consistent.

Chris - Higher Ground = Chili Peppers' song? C'mon man, that is LAME. Even if you didn't know at least PRETEND you did. And that whole lifting the mic stand thing is so Bo-I know it's silly to think he patented it or anything, but whatever. Chris is a great vocalist but he's so stoic-looking.

Anyway, I think this is a great group, and I'm really looking forward to the rest of the season.

Good

Katherine (I don't think she oversang at all, she's very controlled, very polished and can sing her ass off. She'll be around til the end)

Paris (I just love her, especially when she gets that little bit of Dionne/Billie in her long notes. Very good tonight)

Chris (Is he a tool for not knowing who write Higher Ground? Of course he is, but he sang the song fine and if you are tracking the comments from the judges they are similar to what Carrie Underwood was hearing all last year, he still looks like the producers' earmarked champion to me)

Taylor (I was hoping he was going to get something from the 60s, I was Made To Love Her for example, but he did a nice job with living for the city. His dancing is meserizing.)

Meh

Eliot (He was right in his wheelhouse here, his version was spot on but lacked energy)

Mandisa (Don't You Worry Bout a Thing is one of my favorite songs of all time. She didn't do a great job with it, but I think she's safe)

Melissa (I really like her tone, she sang Lately pretty well, I still think she's dead in the water because she lacks a tribe of americans to call in and protect her)

Lisa (Great song, boring version, looks much nicer with her hair straight)

Ace (Great song, boring version, he will be protected by 11 year old female america)

Awful

Kelly (Not her week, I can't imagine her being voted off though)

Kevin (Part time lover baby! As much as I admire his guts to pick something from the shameful 80s, he moved the key down so low even the high notes in the bridge were boring)

Bucky (I was praying they wouldn't let him sing Superstition. Superstition amounts to a free pass with most of America. That said, I thought his version was pedestrian and lame, and he lacks the vocal chops to hit the high note in the break. Bucky is a lame version of Bob Seger)

Since I think all three of the awful singers are protected by their niche fan bases, Melissa or Lisa, who were both quite good last night, will probably be voted off.

DELETE AMERICA

Anyway, I, too, have the McPheever. Paris was excellent, as was (yikes) Taylor. Chris did really well and Bucky, as always, fucking sucks. And guys, Kellie Pickler is so lovable it's imPOSSible to vote her shit off. Seriously.

Do you REALLY want this thread on I Love Baseball?

It seems that Seacrest, who has had a much bigger stick up his ass this season when it comes to his exchanges with Simon, is trying harder to make this behaviour more acceptable this season. As if we needed another reason to want to punch Seacrest in the nuts.

Every time he does this I scream that he is "pulling a Bice"!

Ok, Lisa's performance was whatever this week, but wtf was with that part where she leaned over to belt and sounded like she was just in pain? Weak sauce there, lady.

I respect Chris for owning that he doesn't know shit about Stevie Wonder. We wouldn't believe him anyway.

Paris can't credibly pull off "sultry". In a few years, definitely, but not right now.

Lisa's run is rapidly coming to an end.

OMG YES

That was Kevin's best performance of the season, easily. He still sucks, but tonight he was only 2nd or 3rd worst of the bunch.

This was Elliot's chance to bust out some rock and roll but instead he stuck to his usual lounge singer zzzzz. Great voice as usual, but he could have killed with something like Richie Valens' "Come On Let's Go".

Chris: What's up?

AIP: We have a problem this week. It's 50's week.

Chris: So?

AIP: Mopey Angst rock hadn't been invented in the 1950's. Bands didn't start playing in minor keys until the early 60's.

Chris: Willikers! Whatever will I do? You know I have absolutely no ability to sing in any genre but minor key angsty mope rock!

AIP: Well, our current thinking is to take a beloved classic Johnny Cash song and throw out the chord structure, melody, tempo and key changes, Basically everything but the lyrics, and turn it into a minor key angsty mope rock song.

Chris: Brilliant!

I still think AI is fixed and Chris has been earmarked to win the whole thing. I don't think he's bad, but last night was offensive. Why doesn't anyone else get to completely rearrange songs into their wheelhouse genre?

The real question is why some contestants are excoriated for being "safe" and not "taking risks" and others (Chris) are lauded for essentially singing the same song every week?

As far as playing it "safe", the judges keep remarking how they would buy his single today, or listen to him on the radio, so I think as they think he sounds commercial and marketable, they're happy to hear him bring more of the same every week.

God, those AI forums make my brain bleed.

And who totally called Bobby being there? Me, sort of.

Does anyone think Simon went "hmm, it seems that whenever I insult Kevin he stays? Maybe America needs a little reverse psychology..."

YESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYES

Some of what I would like to see (but usually won't happen):
Either Katharine or Paris - "Maps"
Mandisa - "Hope There's Someone"
Elliot - "Ordinary People"
Chris - Step it up and do "Yeah" by Usher (but Puddle of Mudd style)
Lisa - slow down "Ignition (Remix)" and show off range

At least this gives the contestants license to ask him, in return, about the sock he stuffs down his pants.

If I have to hear Ace's "falsetto" one more time, I will hunt the man down.

Pickler's "WATSA 'BALLSY'?" comment seemed completely forced. Nobody is that stupid, she's just hamming it up for the cameras now.

Can anyone answer this? Besides the fact that we all know Pickler is loco, I mean?? She was freaking the judges' desk, too, which I thought was awesome. (I sort of like how she totally ignored Barry Manilow's adminishment to remember that it's a song about being desperate and heartbroken. She sang it like a brush-off, which doesn't really work in the end, but I'll take that kind of "making it your own" over Chris's bathetic making-it-your-own-via-direct-copycatting-of-contemporary-cover-versions schtick. Plus I was distracted by the FRENCH ACCENT WTF.)

Everyone slobbed Chris's knob again but you know, the first eight bars or so of his song were the worst singing of the entire week, including Ace and Lisa.

Long view: an enormous improvement over last week, when they were contending with hard-to-sing Stevie Wonder songs and a big, unfamiliar auditorium.

Nutshelled: Katharine and Mandisa just smoked everybody else.

Yeah, that was definitely overkill.

I was really surprised when she didn't pull down her pants and give Simon a lap dance.

Is this Pickler girl actually retarded or something?

Do Paula Abdul's private parts influence her tastes as a judge? Here's what the “American Idol” panelist said when Rolling Stone asked her if she's ever tempted to rip into contestants: “It's not my role. Why should I, when the guys to the right and left of me [Simon Cowell] will crush them? And that's on top of the fact that I have a vagina. Though I do check between my legs to see if something else is sprouting down there.”

1) Lisa
2) Bucky
3) Ace
4) Kelly
5) Taylor
6) Elliot
7) Paris
8) Chris
9) Mandissa
10) Katherine - winner. I hope Mandissa wins, but I'm afraid she won't.

I wonder who's going to get to sing "Respect"?

-- musically (emxbe...), March 24th, 2006.

Bo Bice sang "(I Can't Get No) Satisfaction" last season.

If it is 00s performances, then again it'll be Chris's week. I don't know the names of whatever current bands he'll rip of in an oh-so-original fashion, but he'll definitely do well at it.

-- Tape Store (theducttapeme...), March 23rd, 2006

Oh, and something tells me Bucky will do "Save a Horse (Ride a Cowboy)" by Big & Rich.

http://www.mtv.com/news/articles/1526988/20060324/index.jhtml?headlines=true

Likewise, Bucky's song -- if the g*ddamn sound mix had been right -- could be sold as a cassingle tomorrow, and you could tell that he luv luv luvved singin it.

Amazing how precipitous the drop for Mandisa and Katharine was this week.

Elliot needs to communicate with someone besides his inner jazz dude.

Simon deliciously tweaking Paula's scandalous past, live on national television ... just lovely. She is an outrageous flirt, it's pretty crazy.

Who were the two women they kept cutting to during Pickler's thing? Was Debbie Gibson one of them? They never ID'd them.

Also, NICE on picking George Huff out of the crowd at one point.

Kellie - I really don't like the "twang" in her voice, it just seems thin and tinny. At least we didn't have to deal with any of her oh-so-charming malapropisms tonight.

Lisa - She probably has absolutely no idea what she's doing wrong. She seems like a nice kid, but there's nothing interesting about her. Probably going home tomorrow.

Ace - Oh Paula, have we learned nothing? He's so incredibly average. He won't make it to the top 5.

Mandisa - I loved the expression on her face when Paula proclaimed the "Church of Mandisa"...hah. There is only ONE TRUE CHURCH, Paula, die heretic scum! [Insert some "worship of false idols" comment here please because I can't think of one] She was okay. She has a great voice but she didn't wow me tonight.

Taylor - He bores me. His voice is solid but he seems to me just a creepy old man. I enjoyed him before but now I'm tiring of it.

Paris - Simon was right...a bit precocious, but still a lot of fun. Her ass-shaking kinda grossed me out though-she comes off as a 12-year old to me. And her mom was in the audience...if I did that my mom would walk up to the stage and slap me. She'll definitely go far in the competition though.

Elliott - Meh. I like the song but his bopping distracted me. He's the type of person who NEEDS this show. Ain't nobody gonna sign him to a contract without this show. The judges always talk about how great his voice is but I've never really sensed anything amazing about him.

Katharine - She didn't really take the song anywhere but her half-assed job is still better than just about everyone else's best.

Bucky - His enunciation isn't great but this show has really had a problem with the music/background singers drowning out the singer. That happened with Bucky tonight. But he picked a perfect song for himself and I enjoyed it. He even looked pretty good(!) tonight too.

Chris - THANK YOU SIMON! OTM! He was so right. About everything. And what an awful song! I always make fun of Creed because Scott Stapp is an idiot, but I had no idea they were THAT bad. Anyway, I am not a huge fan of his, and I am looking forward to him being held to the same standards as the other contestants re: originality and variety.

Paris was tops this week, Lisa or Ace crapped the bed as usual.

Ergh. I'm sorry, but no. She was consistently sharp throughout the song for starters, plus I know that song, and she did NOT sell it at all. Plus she looked like she was mentally a zillion miles away from what she was singing. Just terrible.

I actually get the idea that Simon was trying to help Chris, but Chris was not picking up the coded message: "If you win, which is a distinct possibility, you are going to have to be able to do different kinds of songs on your record, so start showing some range."

Still, to tell Seacrest that he could have some surprises up his sleeve in the future, then bust out some Creed (which is one of three bands I predicted he would do along with Staind and Nickelback) doesn't speak to his ability to figure out the bigger picture here.

There is a giant fork sticking out of Lisa's back.

Bucky saved himself for another week by donning the questionable embroidered shirts of country/western

Ace is terrible, more importantly Train does not now and will never have a "hard rock edge."

I love Paris, she was one of the better ones last night, but my friend astutely pointed out that her performance would have seemed less like a Beyonce impersonation with a different hairstyle.

My gf (costume designer) on Katherine McPhee. "Jesus it looks like she came late from the Ren Faire and hacked off her skirt."

I liked Taylor's and Eliott's arrangements more than the judges did.

I was thinking about writing out another installment of "House of Daughtry" after Simon's stunning reversal, but I think I'll wait til next week to see if he actually sings something in a different style or decides to remain "uncompromised."

also, I've figured it out: lisa was spawned by ashford & simpson, and is being groomed to host the new Solid Gold

Re: Taylor's performance - I'm really not a huge fan of that album, but his performance disappointed me. Then again, anything Taylor does seems worse to me because i generally dislike him. Also, Randy said he didn't think the song was a good pick because it didn't allow Taylor to show off his range; I totally disagree. That song allows you to show off range, especially near the end.

I hate to admit that I've heard the song that Kellie performed, but I have. I honestly didn't appreciate her performance because she just seemed bored and uninspired.

I'm sad that Lisa left, and I don't know why she fell flat the past three weeks. Is she nervous because of the large crowd? She seems composed on stage, especially when she is in the bottom three. Is it bad song choice? Last week, I thought she had a good choice, but she just didn't 'work it out.'

although Lisa and Ace were early faves of mine (based on a couple of their performances - though not without reservations) they've been consistently underwhelming (occasionally painful, especially Ace) the past few weeks, so it wouldn't be a big deal to lose both.
the standouts in this group of finalists have been so up and down though, it's anyone's game.

of the girls: Katharine, Mandisa and Paris have all proven they can sing - though Paris has yet to lay down that breakout/defining performance we know she's capable of.

of the guys: Elliott, Chris and Taylor have good voices - but Elliott fails to nail parts of his songs or to connect - sweet as his tone can be, he often seems to strain. Chris, well, annoying unless you're into posing, karaoke Creed. if Taylor can continue to show actual solid vocals instead of or as well as punchy rave-up performances, he may have a shot - this week was encouraging and the second half of his performance was among the best this season.

Bucky and Kellie aren't in the first league of singers, but they have more charisma than some of the top vocalists. I chuckled when Ryan said: "next week ...COUNTRY!"

Me thinks Bucky or Ace will get axed next. Bucky blew chunks in his own genre.

Kenny Rodgers has had some weird shit done to his eyes.

Taylor - Absolutely sucked. In serious danger of being eliminated, if he scrapes by, he needs Michael McDonald week to rejuvenate him. Actually, America needs Michael McDonald week, if only to observe that while Kenny Rogers has slowly morphed into a self tanning oompa loompa, Michael McDonald is slowly morphing into early 80s Kenny Rogers.

Mandisa - Not bad, not great. I like actual country Shania far more than Celine Dion knockoff Shania.

Ace - Better than he's been. Still annoying.

Paris - I have always hated that song. I hate the song so much that I can't be objective about the vocal. Also, it's barely country.

Pickler - Kellie in particular came strong by picking "Fancy" the touching tale of a white trash girl being turned out by her momma because "your pa's run'd off and I'm real sick and the baby's gonna starve to death." Her performance was fine. My only objection was that if you pick a song that has the words "run'd off" in it, you have to sing that part. It's a moral imperative.

Elliot - Boooorrrrriinnnng

Daughtry - I was hoping and praying for the Daughtry treatment on some poor unsuspecting Alan Jackson song, but after last week you know he was going to bring out the stool and the sensitive looks. Drat.

Katherine - She's really very good.

Bucky - This was, to me, an unbelievable dropping of the ball. He was closing the show on country week, he had every opportunity to sing a barnburner, and he goes with a midtemmpo gary allan song? Baffling.

Bottom 3: Taylor, Elliot, Bucky - I'd guess Elliot goes. But we'll see.

Apparently, you offer a half-assed take on traditional country while trying to aimlessly shoehorn the song into your usual vocal style.

The correct answer: there are YEARS of contemporary pop-country songs to choose from! Songs that AI's viewing audience would know! It seemed like only Paris (who sang Shania) understood this. If you want to do something older, sing some Johnny Cash -- capitalize on the fact that there was a widely-seen biopic about him last year. Sure, Chris sang "I Walk The Line" two weeks ago, but there are 389 Stevie Wonder songs sung on AI every season, so why not Johnny Cash as well?

I was really dissapointed that Taylor couldn't find the natural bridge between soul/blues and country.

Kellie - It was going to be her week; despite her sad attempt at being cute via stupidity, she has a good voice, especially with Missouri mall country music.
Elliott - This was pretty boring, but he still has the best voice of the males.
Paris - Ok, this was pretty good, but it could have been a little bit better if she had gotten into the song (you know...put more emotion into it).
Katharine - What was so amazing about this? Oh yeah! One line--Besides 'You're bringing out the Elvis in me,' this wasn't that good...
Mandisa - This was a little bit better than last week, but it was far from mindblowing. She still is great when she hits the powerful parts of songs.
Chris - His voice was a little bit better than I though, but I still didn't find this interesting (in other words, he still is bad).
Ace - See Chris.
Bucky - Ha! He didn't do that well on the night of his genre. It just wasn't that impressive
Taylor - What a boring performance; he didn't show off his voice and was straight. I actually prefer him boring, though, but his lack of 'Yippee!'-spirit is going to lead to a downfall.

Mandisa should not be gone. Hopefully, Bucky, Chris or Ace will be gone next week. Oh, and the theme for next week is Queen.

Taylor has been bleh for two straight weeks but hasn't been anywhere near the bottom three. He's starting to look bulletproof.

If Bucky does not do "Fat Bottomed Girls," and Ace does not do "Another One Bites The Dust," and Katherine does not do "Killer Queen," I will punch a kitten.

Then, on Tuesday, April 11th, the Top 8 Contestants will take on the music of the legendary Rock Band, QUEEN. Will someone be able to top Constantine's performance of Bohemian Rhapsody? Tune in to find out! Then, come back on Wednesday for a special hour episode, when the Top 8 will also perform a QUEEN song or medley!

Isn't Queen getting ready to tour or something? I figure this is another typical cross-promotion thing.

Queen week is the greatest thing to happen to American Idol yet.

Trainwreck? Accident rubber-necking? That's how I'm starting to feel about it.

Pickler will sing the song from Flash Gordon or there is no God.

I wonder if Chris will try to duplicate Constantine's "Bohemian Rhapsody" magic?

Taylor needs to get back on track and if he's smart he'll choose to do it with "Somebody to Love".

Daughtry must he hopping up and down to do We Will Rock You, Tie Your Mother Down (my favorite Queen song) or Stone Cold Crazy, I'd like to hear Seven Seas of Rhye out of him. Just to hear the pre song clip where he tries to pronounce "Zororastrian"

Ace will, if he's smart, do Somebody to love. Big falsetto at the end, uplifting choir section, etc.

Taylor - Fat Bottomed Girls. This must happen.

Paris - Bohemian Rhapsody, Love of my Life

Eliott - Killer Queen? Good Old Fashioned Loverboy?

Katherine - Who Wants to Live Forever? We Are The Champions?

Bucky - I can't think of a single Queen song he would souind good doing, ESPECIALLY not Crazy Little Thing called love. Maybe I'm In Love With My Car?

Pickler - I Want to Break Free (Actually I don't think she'd be great on this one, but dammit someone has to sing I Want to Break Free, I love that song)

I don't think anyone will do Flash, and more's the pity. "Dispatch War Rocket Ajax! To Bring Back His Body!"

Haha... this might even make me not loathe Taylor for one week, but I picture him spazzing around the stage to "Don't Stop Me Now."

!!!

"We only have 1 minute and 30 seconds, and the song is really long. Having to cut so many pieces is really hard to memorize, because I'm not singing the song as it's originally played."

Oh dear sweet merciful jeebus...

I hope Ace ends up with some more permanent scars.

Queen didn't look too thrilled to be on the show, even if it was only in rehearsal. Ace's terrible singing had nothing on his asinine attempt to get Queen to play new arrangements of songs they haven't touched in 30 years. I can't believe they would even broadcast that exhange, unless the AI powers that be are trying to influence the vote.

Taylor was great! Switching songs at the last minute was a smart move.

Seacrest's season highlight was the exhange with Bucky: "How did u feel about it?" "BHMHM HRMWHM TDJSMM Freddy Mercury THRYEM WRBSMSHM" "You can say that again." Sadly, I think it was Bucky's season highlight as well.

My former opinion of Chris: decent voice, committed performer, wildly overrated. My current opinion of Chris: douchebag. I AM SO UNDERGROUND, I WILL NOW PERFORM UNKNOWN ALBUM TRACK. He missed the whole point of Queen week.

Elliot was the best this week, Ace was the worst as always, but I think Bucky is going home.

Ace or Bucky are packing tonight... unless Pickler has already blown Simon (and if that's the case all bets are off.)

There won't be a Prince week. He didn't want to perform or interact with the conestants.

A wise choice.

Ace really, really needs to go. It's getting ridiculous.

Taylor: I enjoyed his abortive mic stand kick, and as sick as I am of that song, he did OK

Bucky: Not bad, not good either. Like everyone in the competition except Paris and Elliot, he lowered the song about a fourth down from where Freddie was.

Elliott: I was underwhelmed, but it's not Elliott's fault, I love that song.

Daughtry: I am one of the 25 people in the US who has heard Innuendo, I thought he was pretty good actually (though his mascara was confusing). I still would have liked to hear Seven Seas of Rhye, in fact I'm going to listen to it now.

Katherine: I would have preferred Don't Stop Me Now out of her, but she was OK. (Obligatory costume designer gf comment about her outfit "Oh Lord! She looks like Bea Arthur on a pirate ship!")

Paris: I still love her, but I didn't love her take. She was strong and mostly on pitch, but I didn't buy it.

Pickler: She wasn't awful (despite a horribly missed note near the end) but all I kept thinking while watching her was how much she looked like Samantha Fox, and that was not a good thing.

Note, next week is NOT Rod Fucking Stewart week. Next week is Rod Fucking Stewart guides the final 7 through the magical world of "The American Songbook" (i.e. show tunes and standards from the 40s)

This is right in the wheelhouse of some (Katherine, Elliott) while others will struggle mightily (Pickler, Daughtry). For those of us who hate Rod Stewart with an intense passion. It's going to be a rough week.

"Rod Fucking Stewart" = the leather-skinned organ bag groaning his way through songs even my grandparents thought were played out.

But I'm tired today, so maybe I'm being mean. Also, his haircut makes him look like a tool.

Grace Slick also came to mind, and it was HOTT. Now that Bucky is gone, Pickler will now monopolize the bumpkin vote and ride that shit to the top three.

I think we are discounting the "Elliot's face resembles an incontinent duck's ass" factor here.

A face made for radio, to be sure (he can always go back to his previous job). And besides Prince, midgets have a poor record of becoming sex symbols.

It's too bad that they won't be doing proper Rod Stewart songs next week because Taylor is probably dying to do "Maggie May".

Rob Lowe? Tom Cruise?

Exceptions, no? Not to mention how they go out of their way to conceal their shortness (short background singers, co-stars, etc.)

Now compare that to Paris ... O.M.G. She can sing ANYTHING convincingly.

Elliot was really good, but it wasn't too different from what we're used to hearing from him. He's still a dorky dude with big ears and I think that'll finally catch up with him this week.

Implied C on T's on AI -- never thought I'd see the day!

Bottom three: Ace, Elliott and Taylor. Going home: Ace. Who, by the way, looked freakishly like the dude who starred on the TV version of "Highlander" tonight.

Kellie - partly flubs a vocal: still a victory for the people's sweetheart

I am also stunned that Ace didn't completely suck!

Katherine did kind of completely walk away with this week though, which is not surprising since she went to school to learn how to sing exactly this style.

Taylor's playback was OUTSTANDING. I kind of don't care, dude's sort of a genius.

Paris: My love for her is well documented, and she was rocking her Billie/Dionne impression all the way out. Easily the best of the night, yes including Katherine.

Taylor: I didn't love it as much as the judges did, but it would be a shame if he went home this week. Michael McDonald week has to be coming up soon.

Elliott: Boring. The harmonies in the backround were the worst sort of radio callsign cheese. I think he's been earmarked to go home tonight, but I would give him one more week.

Ace: I had the exact same reaction Simon did about 30 seconds before Simon had the chance to (i.e. That wasn't bad, who knew?) I still don't like him and wouldn't cry if he went home.

Pickler: What I enjoy is that she did the exact opposite of what Rod Stewart suggested. She was clearly nervous and clearly blew it at the end. However she seems completely immune from these votes so I'd be surprised if she was even in the bottom 3.

Katherine: Looked beautiful, sang beautiful. Not as good as Paris, but very good.

As for the bottom three. It SHOULD be Ace, Elliott and Pickler with Ace going. However, since American Idol is as fixed as wrestling, it's fairly certain that will not be the case. Either Paris or Katherine will be in the bottom three, possibly both. This will lead to yet another eyeball-gouging Ryan Seacrest speech (Are you surpised America? Well did you pick up the phone and vote? Did you? DID YOU, YOU MISERABLE INGRATES!?!?!) But neither will go home.

I've never bought that argument -- I think you're overestimating the taste of the American public.

Exceptions, no? Not to mention how they go out of their way to conceal their shortness (short background singers, co-stars, etc.)

Ever since the early days of the movies, most male stars have been short (Douglas Fairbanks, Clark Gable, Bogart, Cagney, etc). Why? Because short people with big heads look better on camera. Don't ask me why. x-post

I don't think so...to me, she sounded really off and terrible tonight. Possibly worse than Kellie.

Paris (best but not rhythmically convincing)
Katharine
Elliott
---------
Chris
Taylor
Kellie

not nearly as good as last week
also, so he didn't have the worst vocal? Chris still needs to go - at least a third of his performance was pure comedy
get that stick outta yo butt boy!

I didn't think Paris was very good tonight. I hated the arrangement. In fact, I'm picking her to go home tomorrow.

Elliot was far and away the best singer tonight.

If this wasn't the week for Taylor to sing "You Are So Beautiful", then when is it?

.

Kat - Nowhere near as bad as they said. She gets a solid B+ on the vocal (The Bocelli duet was far nicer than the Whitney actually) and, questionable frock or not, a solid A on the body (Rowr). As for the judges, they are building momentum to get rid of her before the final two. Call it seed criticism.

Elliott - Let's do this Viz comics style

Producer 1: We have another problem?

Producer 2: What now?

1: We have to get rid of Elliott this week, but its love week and you just know he's going to pull some Donny Hathaway or Stevie Wonder out. It's going to make it very implausible that America would vote him out.

2. No you fool, that's EXACTLY what we want. When unlikely candidates are eliminated, it makes the show seem less fixed than it really is.

1: Ah, brilliant!

2: In fact, I say we really play it up. All of the judges should absolutely *fellate* him when he finishes. That will make Ryan's "Why didn't you vote for him if you liked him so much?" speech on Wednesday that much more effective.

1: Yes I see it now. Do you think it would be too much if Paula started crying? Would it be too transparent to play like she was moved to tears by a 1:30 second version of a song done on a singing competition?

2: No that's genius! While he's singing, I'll go punch her in the face or something.

1: Excellent

All: Muhahahahahahhaha

Hey, maybe I'm crazy, maybe it's not fixed and maybe Eliott saved himself with what was admittedly a very good performance. I don't think so though.

Taylor: If this wasn't the week for Taylor to sing "You Are So Beautiful", then when is it?

Profoundly OTM.

Pickler: So, SO bad. The fixers keep her out of the bottom three to drive people like me crazy. I would dance a jig if I was wrong and she goes home tonight.

Paris: I hate Babs, but I love her, so I was conflicted. My friend bet me 5 dollars that she goes home tonight. It's possible, ytou could redo that Viz comic script I did for Elliott for Paris and it would make just as much sense. I am blinded by my love for Paris though. I hope my 5 bucks is safe.

Chris: He is so CODDLED by the show. Never criticized, usually, towards the end, or first. Always praised. I will be flabbergasted if he doesn't win.

My bottom three would be Pickler, Elliott and...Not Chris (really it could be anyone at this point). I would send Pickler, I think the evil producers will send Elliott to keep America on their toes. Paris is more likely to go home than Pickler, and then I would be out 5 bucks. Depressing.

Chris flatly admits that Bo inspired him to try out for the show, and I don't think he's in Bo's league. If he makes it to the finale then it implies that most people think he's as good as Bo, doesn't it?

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

No, way. Paris sings okay most of the time, but her diction is horrible. If the songs weren't already well-known, you wouldn't have a clue what she was singing. And the phony little-girl "thank you" voice? Don't get me started . . .

Chris, Paris and Taylor is more likely.

That's odd, her diction seems fine to me.

I agree, absolutely. Chris, Kat and Taylor are probably the three (of the ones left) who have the best commercial potential.

dude I'm on your side

like Chris or Kat tease meanings? I think Chris and Kat tease something, but it's more the audience than the meaning of the songs - which is to say, Paris isn't more attractive to the voters because she basically looks and speaks like a kid, no matter what she sings.

I mean, I love Kat's voice, and really, I think she's hot, but I wouldn't go so far to say she's bringing out the intrinsic beauty of her songs any more than Paris is.

Physicians refer to this as "Vonzell Syndrome."

Chris is locked into the grunge era loop of "now I'm singing softly OH NOW I'M SCREAMING FEEL THE EMOTION!!" Too bad he won't get voted off this week.

Paris is still lacking something in my book, and I'll freely admit that I'm being swayed by ageism.

The judges were way too hard on Elliot's version of "On Broadway".

Taylor's "Something" was shockingly great (best performance of the night?), whereas with "Play That Funky Music", I felt like I was watching the karaoke party scene happening midway through an 80's teen movie.

Paris
Katharine
Elliott
Taylor
Chris

thought everyone's second song better than first, except Elliott where I liked both roughly equally. great vocal on "Something" by Taylor, partly ruined by the godawful drummer (nice CRASH cymbals dude) and string arrangement (get one polyphony).

and found the judges erratic...

I'm glad Elliott's still in, I was afeared for him. He seems to have gotten the eye thing under better control and a lot of his jazz phrasing has fallen by the wayside.

i liked singing along to 'suspicious minds' though.

Canadian Idol on in 3 weeks! oh noes!

Taylor's "In the Ghetto" was good, but unfortunately I can't take that song seriously because of the chicken pox episode of South Park.

She shouldn't worry because Tommy Mattola was all over her in the clips shown last night -- she's exactly the sort of singer that he likes to work with.

Chris WAS the worst of the four last night -- I can't believe the voters realized it.

If you're sayin' this like I think you're sayin' this then you're thinkin' what I was thinkin'. I'm just sayin'.

That was strange -- it also took away some of the suspense because you knew they wouldn't ask Taylor to sing and then immediately throw him into the bottom two.

I've been rooting for a Taylor-Kat final, so I've got no complaints. But more than in any other year, the voters are rewarding great performances and deserving singers. In past years, we'd still have one or both of Kevin Covais and Ace Young assing up the top five. Now we have Elliot sitting on the bubble for weeks, coming through with a couple of huge weeks, and making the top two. If he blows Kat away next week like he did this week then he'll make the final, even though I don't think anyone really views him as a potential Idol. It's Taylor's to lose right now.

If you're sayin' this like I think you're sayin' this then you're thinkin' what I was thinkin'. I'm just sayin'.

I decided to let my ambiguity stand on its own :)

IMO that seems like something they would totally do.

ex-Paris voters wrecked some shit this week - ha!
Paula is devastated...

I wish I'd watched it just to see the look on Chris' face. man oh man.