The Apprentice (UK) 2006 Thread: You're Fired! [MOD WARNING: now includes probably fake spoiler]

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Cue: a dozen hard-looking young business people walking towards the camera with an "I'm going to kill you" look in their eyes.
Cue: Alan Sugar - "I don't like bullshitters, I don't like arse lickers, I don't like cheats."
Cue: Montage of AS pointing just past the camera at an unknown victim several times with slightly different intonation each time - "you're fired!" "you're fired!" "you're fired!"
Cue: Hating every single contestant on the show.
Cue: Hating yourself even more for not being able to switch it off.

― hejira, Wednesday, 22 February 2006 12:49 (twenty years ago)

Starts tonight!

― hejira, Wednesday, 22 February 2006 12:50 (twenty years ago)

Early favourite before I've even seen any of the contestants in action: the black guy with shoulders like a bouncer who used to play for Millwall!

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 22 February 2006 12:57 (twenty years ago)

i had an audition but didn't go

think it might be a sotry i tell in bars when i'm old and lonely

― secondhandnews (secondhandnews), Wednesday, 22 February 2006 14:04 (twenty years ago)

Is anyone going to be as brilliant as Saira from last time? That's the question.

secondhandnews, judging by what's happened in the past if you're a normal person and not a megalomaniac freak you wouldn't have got past the interview stage, so you've probably saved yourself some time not going. Unless you're a megalomaniac freak in which case you've missed the job opportunity of your life.

Apparently Tim, the winner (and the only even vaguely sensible one) from last time got given a project to do when he went to work for AS about a machine that rejuvenates skin or something? Prestigious reward indeed!

― hejira, Wednesday, 22 February 2006 14:13 (twenty years ago)

The tall skinny girl from last time (looked like Louise Wener's sister) was vaguely sensible. More so as she had way more going for her than 'possibly' winning the show.

― mark grout (mark grout), Wednesday, 22 February 2006 14:16 (twenty years ago)

Saira vs Paul was the king of all reality TV throwdowns. Insane megalomaniac vs scuzzball misogynist = TV gold.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 22 February 2006 14:17 (twenty years ago)

I very much doubt this series will have anything as great as the batshit control freak woman and the communication cards for schoolkids, or Rachel's mindmap and "kick your shoes off", but I will watch just in case. (Although I already know I am missing tonight. Bah.)

― aldo_cowpat (aldo_cowpat), Wednesday, 22 February 2006 14:20 (twenty years ago)

Best moment of last series:

Paul: I'm Roman Catholic, and I swear to you on my mother's grave....
AS: (cutting him off) I'm Jewish, mate, I don't give a shit.

ha ha ha

xpost

ha ha I forgot about those communication cards! What did they call them? Wasn't that the episode where the guys made a smashable robot thing that the toy company said they would actually manufacture if they modified it a bit, and the women were like "yeah, these are flashcards...err...they're really fun...honest..."

― hejira, Wednesday, 22 February 2006 14:22 (twenty years ago)

What was the smarmy public schoolboy one called again? Who had a permanent "I've just been goosed" expression on his face?

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 22 February 2006 14:25 (twenty years ago)

For some reason I've got it in my head that his name was Marcus, even though that's really not the case. James! That's it. He took that "Ladies, look how kind and sensitive I am - now please shag me" thing to the max. Also I seem to remember his scarf blowing out behind him at all points, even when he was inside. Maybe he starched it or something.

― hejira, Wednesday, 22 February 2006 14:29 (twenty years ago)

How Paul didn't get hoofed off weeks previously before he did amazed me.

― mark grout (mark grout), Wednesday, 22 February 2006 14:32 (twenty years ago)

Paul was far too good television to get rid of that early. I'm pretty sure Sugar new that Alan was his winner in about week 5, and just surrounded him with the most obnoxious contestants possible for the end of it.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 22 February 2006 14:34 (twenty years ago)

xpost

I agree - it was the entertainment value of someone who was pathologically incapable of admitting that they're wrong. Plus his amazing plastic Ken-doll hair.

For ages I thought James was going to win and take over Amstrad, and make them sell top flight champagne and truffle oil. Which would be a great improvement on crappy electrical merchandise, it has to be said.

― hejira, Wednesday, 22 February 2006 14:36 (twenty years ago)

Didn't the woman with the abnormally long neck actually get a job on QVC after she did such a good job of selling wolf fleeces?

― aldo_cowpat (aldo_cowpat), Wednesday, 22 February 2006 14:43 (twenty years ago)

X-post well amstrad are doing so well aint they (vhttp://media.guardian.co.uk/broadcast/story/0,,1715231,00.html)...

xxxxx-post i hadn't really got the megolomanic streek my approach was a charactature of one, when i realised quite how absurb an idea that was was when i bottled

― secondhandnews (secondhandnews), Wednesday, 22 February 2006 14:48 (twenty years ago)

I might watch this just out of sheer desperation.

Is AS really "worth £700 million"? I thought he was a flop at everything. Or is that Clive Sinclair? I wish it was him instead.

― PJ Miller (PJ Miller 68), Wednesday, 22 February 2006 14:48 (twenty years ago)

Clive Sinclair is good at poker, and apparently quite a hit with the ladies. Does he have size 11 feet?

― aldo_cowpat (aldo_cowpat), Wednesday, 22 February 2006 14:51 (twenty years ago)

I really hope she did - she was generally pretty devoid of personality apart from being a bit irritable, but put her in front of a camera with a lapis lazuli globe and she's a magician.

I appear to know way too much about the Apprentice.

xpost it always surprises me that AS has so much money, since a lot of Amstrad stuff is renowned for being crap - he probably sells a load of stuff I don't know about though.

If Sinclair did it he'd make them all drive around in his little cars and they'd always be late to meet him cos their batteries would be flat.

― hejira, Wednesday, 22 February 2006 14:51 (twenty years ago)

Did anyone else get one of those 'emailler' machines for xmas?

Did anybody read the terms and conditions and take the machine immediately back to Woolworths for a full refund?

― mark grout (mark grout), Wednesday, 22 February 2006 14:54 (twenty years ago)

ts: sinclair vs sugar

― secondhandnews (secondhandnews), Wednesday, 22 February 2006 14:55 (twenty years ago)

I think that they're now going to be having the episodes up on the website straight after transmission - http://www.bbc.co.uk/apprentice is the one. Preview clips suggest Syed may be worth keeping an eye on.

― William Bloody Swygart (mrswygart), Wednesday, 22 February 2006 15:15 (twenty years ago)

I hate them all already. "I'm a streetwise hellraiser".

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 22 February 2006 21:02 (twenty years ago)

Syed is like Paul squared.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 22 February 2006 21:10 (twenty years ago)

"Let's bring on the mindgames". WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 22 February 2006 21:10 (twenty years ago)

Paul looks like that guy from the Cuban Boys.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 22 February 2006 21:10 (twenty years ago)

Ruth will die alone and unloved.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 22 February 2006 21:11 (twenty years ago)

Jo appears to actually be Sally Gunnell.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 22 February 2006 21:11 (twenty years ago)

Please other people turn up so we can talk about Syed deserves a needle shoving in his eye.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 22 February 2006 21:14 (twenty years ago)

"I have few weaknesses, motherfuckers."

One of the ladies looks like (the female) half of the motivational speeches team from The Office.

― Hal! Jordan! HAL! JORDAN! (Barima), Wednesday, 22 February 2006 21:14 (twenty years ago)

OK, Ben appears to be human.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 22 February 2006 21:16 (twenty years ago)

I hope he plays the "I had cancer" line to death though, that'd be a good gimmick.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 22 February 2006 21:17 (twenty years ago)

It's the incidental music from The Royal Tenenbaums!

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 22 February 2006 21:25 (twenty years ago)

OMG. Syed! Makes me so angry I want to puke. Although the bouncy curly-haired blonde is very irritating too. (Funny, considering I'm a bouncy sometimes curly-haired blonde.)

I'm totally in love with one boy already. The one who said 'shame' when they were disussing the women's strategies.

― marianna lcl (marianna lcl), Wednesday, 22 February 2006 22:28 (twenty years ago)

But Mari, you're neither a closet Sally Gunnel clone or a closet feminazi.

Are you?

― Hal! Jordan! HAL! JORDAN! (Barima), Wednesday, 22 February 2006 22:34 (twenty years ago)

The boys chosing their team name was just the best thing I have seen on TV for ages:

I've got a name

What is it?

The A-Team.

― Davel (Davel), Wednesday, 22 February 2006 22:38 (twenty years ago)

Just looking at the things we have put down: Success, Vision, creative, maverik, all of that rolls into the A-Team. If you look at the A-Team they have all of these qualities.

― Davel (Davel), Wednesday, 22 February 2006 22:42 (twenty years ago)

think it might be a sotry i tell in bars when i'm old and lonely

Bars? Sotry? Typo of the year

― Matt (Matt), Wednesday, 22 February 2006 22:58 (twenty years ago)

this is great. observations so far:

- the bloke dom mentions above needs to get better specs. the ones he wears right now make him look like he has removable eyes.

- syed is the knob-end's knob-end; the chopper's chopper. he has to win, purely for comedy value.

- jo is unbearable. and mad. and started to cry while trying to make a point about strong businesswomen, which was a little unfortunate. she has to win, etc.

- was it just me, or when AS told the ladies' team: "so, tell me why you deserve to win", shouldn't they have said: "because we made something like double the profit the boys did, no matter how unorthodox our methods of acquiring rotting vegetables might have been?"

- the fact the secretary uses an amstrad e-mailer was, i'm sure, pointed out last year. but lol all the same.

― grimly fiendish (grimlord), Wednesday, 22 February 2006 23:09 (twenty years ago)

I want to watch this but haven't

― RJG (RJG), Wednesday, 22 February 2006 23:14 (twenty years ago)

You're fired.

― Hal! Jordan! HAL! JORDAN! (Barima), Wednesday, 22 February 2006 23:40 (twenty years ago)

for some reason i watched this

syed is like everyone says

the way the 3 nominees turned on each other didnt make any of them look good

the guy selling apples at £5 a go at the end was interesting

why would anyone want to spend more than one second of their life in a boardroom

people in I.T are like this

i must leave I.T

― terry lennox. (gareth), Thursday, 23 February 2006 00:18 (twenty years ago)

The would be apprentices seem much more nervous than those in the first series.

― Bob Six (bobbysix), Thursday, 23 February 2006 00:21 (twenty years ago)

"The A-Team"? Almost as good an idea as "The Ant Hill Mob".

But oh no, they all have to go for some one-word signifier of BUSINESS ACUMEN AND DYNAMISM - "Invicta", "Velocity", I ask you ...

Why not something like "Long-Term Sickie", or "Revanche"?

― Harthill Services (Neil Willett), Thursday, 23 February 2006 00:32 (twenty years ago)

your name makes me laugh sort of

― RJG (RJG), Thursday, 23 February 2006 00:37 (twenty years ago)

I did not watch - past my bedtime.

Tell us about the emailer terms and conditions!

― PJ Miller (PJ Miller 68), Thursday, 23 February 2006 07:56 (twenty years ago)

I will do, in an hour or so...

― mark grout (mark grout), Thursday, 23 February 2006 08:15 (twenty years ago)

The Ant Hill Mob

ha!

the question that needs to be asked here - and i'm sure it was asked last year too, but hey - is: if syed is such a hot-shot "entrepreneur" with his recruitment business, and karen is such a magnificent lawyer, and jo has bounced back from redundancy with her own consultancy or whatever, why do they all want to work for fucking amstrad?

― grimly fiendish (grimlord), Thursday, 23 February 2006 09:20 (twenty years ago)

i'd have more respect for someone who turned up and said: "i'm a hopeless mook running a failing business and i want out. please, sir alan, can i have a job testing the spectrum games on the e-mailer?"

― grimly fiendish (grimlord), Thursday, 23 February 2006 09:20 (twenty years ago)

the were a few minutes when one team had decided on 'Velocity' and the other team were considering 'Momentum' which made me smile.

i do like seeing alpha personalities act like idiots and come a cropper.

carl cox lookalike to win!

― koogs (koogs), Thursday, 23 February 2006 09:22 (twenty years ago)

There was a fantastic moment in yesterday's show where the contestants all met up for the first time. A guy and a girl were standing together and the guy said something bland along the lines of "Interesting crowd of people" and the woman smiled and said "Yeah..." Then a brilliantly timed sequence: awkward pause - both sip drinks - awkward pause - both look away. The timing was impeccable.

― James Ward (jamesmichaelward), Thursday, 23 February 2006 09:50 (twenty years ago)

Right, here we are.

Basically, the emailler costs approximately £50.

But, on the box is a big "read this notice first" which basically states:

That the true machine is being subsidised by this arrangement and that it is not possible to bypass it and use the machine in a 'raw state'

To send one e-mail costs 12p plus cost of call.
To "surf the internet" costs summat daft like 12p per minute, nad as you can imagine, the screen isn;t exactly flash frienlndly and/or colour wonderful.

Oh, and the other 'subsidy' is provided by receiving compulsory adverts, downloaded whenever 'they' see fit.

And even if you don't use it, it will log on to the base machine (i.e. call it up) once per day and download e-mails. Even the spam ones, I guess.

― mark grout (mark grout), Thursday, 23 February 2006 09:52 (twenty years ago)

There was a story in Metro about Amstrad saying that their profits for the second half of last year went down due to poor sales of Sky+ boxes (they make the recorder bit inside) but they didn't do too badly because of strong sales for the emailer. What sort of world do we live in?

― James Ward (jamesmichaelward), Thursday, 23 February 2006 09:56 (twenty years ago)

Does SirAlan even know what he's doing? Team Victor lost not because they didn't split up, as SA insisted, but coz Team Velocity blagged a load of over ripe fruit for nowt and managed to sell it. I mean, obviously.
The Armstrongs, which followed, was much better for laff-at-the-business-gonks entertainment.

― Merryweather (scarlet), Thursday, 23 February 2006 11:09 (twenty years ago)

(i'd seen those armstrongs before somewhere. i'm guessing this is a series based on a previous one-off (the same way the fulfords seem to have become media darlings after that one show))

yes, the a-team, even with 7 people on the one stall, all seemed to be 100% busy (4 or 5 selling, the others in support) and i can't see how splitting into groups could improve this.

― koogs (koogs), Thursday, 23 February 2006 11:19 (twenty years ago)

The A-Team also sold all of their stock so splitting into two teams would have been useless.

― Davel (Davel), Thursday, 23 February 2006 11:27 (twenty years ago)

Emailer sounds bad.

― PJ Miller (PJ Miller 68), Thursday, 23 February 2006 11:28 (twenty years ago)

x-post
tis a good point davel,

they can't sell something twice

the news night piece on the women's tactics was amusing purely for siara's its shameful when her team did something similar last year.

― secondhandnews (secondhandnews), Thursday, 23 February 2006 11:35 (twenty years ago)

but if they had split they would have sold it quicker, then they would have more time to do something else, like sell apples for £5 a pop, on the street

― terry lennox. (gareth), Thursday, 23 February 2006 11:44 (twenty years ago)

The candidates have been put on Celebdaq. Not sure why that matters, but Jo's currently the most valuable, trading at £4.32 a share. Michelle's the cheapest at £2.47.

― William Bloody Swygart (mrswygart), Thursday, 23 February 2006 11:55 (twenty years ago)

Celebdaq still going?

Wonder how my old portfolio is doing, 3 years on.

― mark grout (mark grout), Thursday, 23 February 2006 11:58 (twenty years ago)

Actually, no, Paul's £2.41.

Then again, I have absolutely no idea how this game is supposed to work... in equivalent terms, Jo is worth 4p less than Clive Owen but 32p more than James Blunt, while Paul is 12p more than Jamie Foxx but 1p less than Johnny Vegas.

― William Bloody Swygart (mrswygart), Thursday, 23 February 2006 12:00 (twenty years ago)

which one's michelle again?

― grimly fiendish (grimlord), Thursday, 23 February 2006 12:01 (twenty years ago)

I saw the repeat again, forgot this bit:

Where Alan Sugar says "I've decided to apply a valueation of the stock as the same as the boys..." i.e. the girls team wins,

All the girls sit and smile smugly, apart from the curly headed one at the back who jumps up and down, clapping and going "Yiiingg, yiinng"

― mark grout (mark grout), Wednesday, 1 March 2006 10:39 (nineteen years ago)

Also, do you know what else bugs me?

The idea that the people who take theie 'product' and sell it by 'novel' means are the ones that should 'win', i.e. when the boys got round to taking their market produce and walking the streets selling to passers-by, the lady from Alan Sugar's board was full of "Well done, but a bit late" type comments.

As if that would translate! Mind you, I can see a load of crummy emaillers turning up at car boot sales as soon as the warmer weather kicks in, yep I can.

― mark grout (mark grout), Wednesday, 1 March 2006 16:52 (nineteen years ago)

I wqatched this on Saturday and to my surprise found it dramatic, gripping, fascinating, etc.

Alan Sugar is actually quite funny.

"He's just like a fucking parrot! You're like a fucking parrot, you are!"

Anyone who wants to know who won each individual task can read all about it in a book available from WHSmiths.

Shooting yourself in the foot there, Sir Alan.

Or maybe not.

― PJ Miller (PJ Miller 68), Wednesday, 1 March 2006 16:58 (nineteen years ago)

Last years, surely?

― mark grout (mark grout), Wednesday, 1 March 2006 17:01 (nineteen years ago)

streetwise hellraiser: ten over-sexed young pretties, m and f, battle for the chance to work for top industry pinhead sir freddie krugar -- and soon the knives are coming out!

― mark s (mark s), Wednesday, 1 March 2006 17:06 (nineteen years ago)

Week 2 was something about a design studio, which looked like that calendar thing they've got lined up. I might be wrong though, cos I put it down before I got any SPOILERS. But the book is "fully updated", so I assumed it was this year's.

― PJ Miller (PJ Miller 68), Wednesday, 1 March 2006 17:07 (nineteen years ago)

I think I was wrong about it giving away this year's results.

Here is a "witty" review from Amazon:

3 of 3 people found the following review helpful:

He's not a gaamblaa, February 21, 2006
Reviewer: gaz_pacho from Ferniegair
Sweet as a nut, me old sunshine. This is an excellent book to accompany his Trump trumping TV show 'The Scorcerer's Apprentice'. Sir Alan doesn't mince his words on the telly or in the book - if you're sh-t, he'll tramp all over you and try to scrape you off with a rag and some hot soapy water. If you're good though, he might think of giving you a job in his technology empire. I speak from a little experience here myself. I used to work for Sir Alan, indirectly, in Dixons. I did pretty well for myself, thank you very much, punting some of his PC stuff and was nicely rewarded - I got a Christmas card from Amstrad with 'keep up the good work, Alan' inside. Although it was a photostat, it certainly looked like his handwriting and it's nice that he thinks of everyone. Anyway, this book is great so you also keep up the good work, Sir Alan.

Was this review helpful to you?

― PJ Miller (PJ Miller 68), Wednesday, 1 March 2006 18:01 (nineteen years ago)

OK, week two, we're on.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 1 March 2006 21:02 (nineteen years ago)

"Cute cats don't do it for me" says Sally Gunnell.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 1 March 2006 21:08 (nineteen years ago)

And now she's broken down crying. Again.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 1 March 2006 21:09 (nineteen years ago)

Is it just me, or does Samuel look like beloved cartoon mouse Arthur?

Samuel:
http://pbskids.org/arthur/friends/images/rollovers/arthur_home.gif

Arthur:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/apprentice/images/people/samuel_large.jpg

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 1 March 2006 21:12 (nineteen years ago)

Nargis is my new crush of shame as well.

"I suppose you could call them... needy"

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 1 March 2006 21:15 (nineteen years ago)

"buy some calendars to help them understand the market"?

ye gods. "to help them understand what a calendar is."

ha! "we've come up with a FANTASTIC IDEA! to BUY SOME CALENDARS!"

muppets.

― grimly fiendish (grimlord), Wednesday, 1 March 2006 21:16 (nineteen years ago)

"why are you being confrontational?"

correct answer: "BECAUSE YOU'RE A FUCKING CUNT!"

― grimly fiendish (grimlord), Wednesday, 1 March 2006 21:18 (nineteen years ago)

"We need you to lead the team". By agreeing to every suggestion I make.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 1 March 2006 21:18 (nineteen years ago)

Syed may be the worst person to have ever appeared on reality TV.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 1 March 2006 21:19 (nineteen years ago)

meanwhile, jo is crying and swearing to herself.

this is great, innit?

― grimly fiendish (grimlord), Wednesday, 1 March 2006 21:19 (nineteen years ago)

Syed may be the worst person ~~to have~~ ever ~~appeared on reality TV.~~

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 1 March 2006 21:19 (nineteen years ago)

What does Jo actually want? Four year old lung cancer sufferers coughing up their internal organs?

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 1 March 2006 21:20 (nineteen years ago)

Mani and Tuan are laughing a little too much at a picture of a small child pouring food over his head for men in their mid 30s.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 1 March 2006 21:21 (nineteen years ago)

"every child ... has, eh ... a right ... umm ... twat, that syed is ... will this do?"

HA! "i present to senior people, and they" - slight smirk - "like it that way." ooh yeh, i bet they do.

o good, the girls are back. countdown to jo going mad and killing everybody ... 9 ... 8 ...

― grimly fiendish (grimlord), Wednesday, 1 March 2006 21:23 (nineteen years ago)

mrs fiendish met someone the other day who used to work with karen, or knew her in some way. apparently she was "really lovely, but utterly ruthless." which doesn't quite compute, but hey.

― grimly fiendish (grimlord), Wednesday, 1 March 2006 21:26 (nineteen years ago)

"It's a contemporary design"
"But I can't see mah Nana's burfdee"

lol geordie

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 1 March 2006 21:26 (nineteen years ago)

O NOES COMIC SANS

― grimly fiendish (grimlord), Wednesday, 1 March 2006 21:27 (nineteen years ago)

DECISIVE ACTION FROM TUAN!

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 1 March 2006 21:28 (nineteen years ago)

If they lose and he doesn't get fired, I'm gonna :(

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 1 March 2006 21:28 (nineteen years ago)

march's picture appears to be a small naked child in a policeman's hat.

― grimly fiendish (grimlord), Wednesday, 1 March 2006 21:28 (nineteen years ago)

A red-eyed crying Tuan looks like he's posssessed by demons.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 1 March 2006 21:30 (nineteen years ago)

Naked children sell calendars!

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 1 March 2006 21:30 (nineteen years ago)

"Why does crap always come out of your mouth?"

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 1 March 2006 21:31 (nineteen years ago)

syed is an inch away from a chinning, i fear. GO ON, MANI, MY SON. KNACK 'IM IN THE PODS!

― grimly fiendish (grimlord), Wednesday, 1 March 2006 21:32 (nineteen years ago)

Ansell needs to say "Bish bash bosh" at some point in the next one-and-a-half episodes or he'll stop being my favourite candidate.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 1 March 2006 21:32 (nineteen years ago)

more tears! more tantrums! a half-naked tubby man laying down the law! best TV evah.

― grimly fiendish (grimlord), Wednesday, 1 March 2006 21:33 (nineteen years ago)

The boys are so gonna fuck this up.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 1 March 2006 21:35 (nineteen years ago)

"Six foot tall and stocky, Ansell has a substantial amount of presence and charisma. He admits to using his physicality to impose himself in business."

http://www.bbc.co.uk/apprentice/images/people/ansell_large.jpg

ie "big and fat, ansell is gonna fuckin' do you."

x-post: oh, i'm not so sure ...

― grimly fiendish (grimlord), Wednesday, 1 March 2006 21:36 (nineteen years ago)

Grimly, you know Ansell was in the same Millwall first-team as Teddy Sheringham, right?

Who's accent is more fake? Nagras or Syed?

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 1 March 2006 21:38 (nineteen years ago)

THERE ARE SIX MILLION CAT OWNERS IN THE UK ALONE! NAGRAS' FASCINATING PUB FACTS!

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 1 March 2006 21:39 (nineteen years ago)

Nagras is toast.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 1 March 2006 21:39 (nineteen years ago)

i've just discovered that fact, dom! holy shit.

nagras looks like one of those kittens. in headlights. glued to the road.

― grimly fiendish (grimlord), Wednesday, 1 March 2006 21:39 (nineteen years ago)

fucking x-posts. the "fact" being that ansell played for milwall. not, eh, nagras's shit about cats.

― grimly fiendish (grimlord), Wednesday, 1 March 2006 21:40 (nineteen years ago)

HAHAHAH MANI'S FACE! a study in utter bust-ness.

― grimly fiendish (grimlord), Wednesday, 1 March 2006 21:41 (nineteen years ago)

Nagras is still pushing her fascinating cat facts!

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 1 March 2006 21:42 (nineteen years ago)

"Ten million callendars a year"
"Wow!"

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 1 March 2006 21:42 (nineteen years ago)

bugger, x-post!

boring man: "... 10 million calendars ..."

mani, swivelling wildly in his seat: "wow! WOW!" [pause] "er, you got any tissues? i've had an accident."

― grimly fiendish (grimlord), Wednesday, 1 March 2006 21:44 (nineteen years ago)

girls: £7,500

boys: nowt so far

― grimly fiendish (grimlord), Wednesday, 1 March 2006 21:45 (nineteen years ago)

o! apart from that sneaky £10k. fucking hell!

― grimly fiendish (grimlord), Wednesday, 1 March 2006 21:45 (nineteen years ago)

Oh, like you couldn't see that coming.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 1 March 2006 21:46 (nineteen years ago)

thing is, who's gonna go? we haven't really seen anyone except nagras, and she got a muted vote of support from them all. i'm not sure there'll be quite the same vicious knife-twisting as ben got last week.

― grimly fiendish (grimlord), Wednesday, 1 March 2006 21:47 (nineteen years ago)

Nagras dying a soft death is the most likely outcome.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 1 March 2006 21:48 (nineteen years ago)

Jo: "I wanted a fun calendar".

You said you wanted dying children on it, for Christ's sake!

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 1 March 2006 21:50 (nineteen years ago)

oooh, fuck. ruth slips the knife in. jo twists it. nagras WRITHES. it's a veritable tragedy.

― grimly fiendish (grimlord), Wednesday, 1 March 2006 21:51 (nineteen years ago)

"would you like to hear my reasons?"

well, let me see. could it be because jo is a mop-headed freaker?

― grimly fiendish (grimlord), Wednesday, 1 March 2006 21:52 (nineteen years ago)

it's gonna be nagras. i'm pretty sure.

― grimly fiendish (grimlord), Wednesday, 1 March 2006 21:52 (nineteen years ago)

Hopefully Nagras' firing will be followed by her bankruptcy and having to do porn.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 1 March 2006 21:52 (nineteen years ago)

Jo Gunnell is insane. That's... no, she's actually clinically skitzo.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 1 March 2006 21:55 (nineteen years ago)

jo's not the fucking devil's advocate, no. she's the devil's spawn.

or maybe the devil's porn. eew, christ.

― grimly fiendish (grimlord), Wednesday, 1 March 2006 21:55 (nineteen years ago)

karen looks like she's wearing a comedy fake nose.

― grimly fiendish (grimlord), Wednesday, 1 March 2006 21:56 (nineteen years ago)

alan sugar looks like he's wearing a comedy fake face.

― grimly fiendish (grimlord), Wednesday, 1 March 2006 21:56 (nineteen years ago)

"Did you bring Jo in here because she's fucking thick?"

Paraphrasing.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 1 March 2006 21:57 (nineteen years ago)

Nargis- YOU'RE FIRED!

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 1 March 2006 21:57 (nineteen years ago)

knew it.

i feel bad now for getting her name wrong.

― grimly fiendish (grimlord), Wednesday, 1 March 2006 21:58 (nineteen years ago)

with respect, sir alan, jo's got "spirit" in a similar way to a jakey with a bottle of meths.

― grimly fiendish (grimlord), Wednesday, 1 March 2006 21:59 (nineteen years ago)

excellent. next week looks like a jo-and-syed-look-like-mooks special.

clip of AS calling someone a nutter and firing them. heh.

― grimly fiendish (grimlord), Wednesday, 1 March 2006 22:00 (nineteen years ago)

Except without the occasional drops into "You're my besht mate you are. You know that?"

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 1 March 2006 22:00 (nineteen years ago)

oh, hey! nargis is "reliving the whole experience" right now on BBC3 with that crumply dude from the lunchtime business programme. top.

― grimly fiendish (grimlord), Wednesday, 1 March 2006 22:00 (nineteen years ago)

That show is on BBC2 after Newsnight! See you back here then?

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 1 March 2006 22:02 (nineteen years ago)

http://www.bbc.co.uk/apprentice/column/

Saira's blog!

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 1 March 2006 22:02 (nineteen years ago)

jo = actual real cenobite (as opposed to that fake manufactured shit they put in the movies)

― mark s (mark s), Wednesday, 1 March 2006 22:04 (nineteen years ago)

the only good thing about that BBC3 programme was confirmation that jo is project manager next week.

― grimly fiendish (grimlord), Wednesday, 1 March 2006 22:28 (nineteen years ago)

Fuck me, I hate them all.

― aldo_cowpat (aldo_cowpat), Wednesday, 1 March 2006 22:41 (nineteen years ago)

I must admit that I really enjoyed Karen putting the stiletto into Nargis, who was just appalling and patronising, and worst of all didn't seem capable of thinking on the hoof and making adaptations to her presentations on account of being serious anvil-head.

― suzy (suzy), Thursday, 2 March 2006 08:36 (nineteen years ago)

Moment where she lost:

Two people had to impress her enough for her to let them do the pitch. Presumably ended with "Nope, I'm still the best!"

― mark grout (mark grout), Thursday, 2 March 2006 09:07 (nineteen years ago)

Why do they treat their tasks like GCSE projects? And why are their presentations so crappy? All their presentations were really squirmy

― beanz (beanz), Thursday, 2 March 2006 10:36 (nineteen years ago)

"I don't share your passion for pussy cats, ladies."
"Great Ormond Street treats babies, not bleedin' cats!"

Clearly Sir Alan is a Rottweiler man through and through. Or a closet poodle lover.

― Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Thursday, 2 March 2006 10:50 (nineteen years ago)

Terrier.

Hi Marcello!

― beanz (beanz), Thursday, 2 March 2006 10:57 (nineteen years ago)

('Ray.. Marc's back)

Classic: Jo coming out after not being fired, like she'd just won the boxing match. Just short of pointint at Nargis and going "hahaaaa you've been pwned!!"

― mark grout (mark grout), Thursday, 2 March 2006 11:00 (nineteen years ago)

Awful presentations: because that is how stupid all of them are, or the smart ones (see Karen) are letting the idiots take centre stage for shitcanning early by playing silent and/or dumb. This is how to get by in an office full of dorks and lunys.

― suzy (suzy), Thursday, 2 March 2006 11:03 (nineteen years ago)

That's a good point but I can't believe these people have never been in a business meeting before – it's like they're doing show&tell at school

― beanz (beanz), Thursday, 2 March 2006 11:10 (nineteen years ago)

And yet this week, to whom did Sir Alan direct his customary "I don't like people who sit there quietly and say nothing" warning? Why, Jo!

― Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Thursday, 2 March 2006 11:26 (nineteen years ago)

AS's tolerance for/liking of jo makes me wonder. i mean, i can understand the show's producers thinking she's great, but ... isn't this meant to be all about, y'know, the sharp end of business an' that?

(answer: no, is it fuck. it's about ratings, pure and simple. the more jo is indulged, the more entertaining the show is. the more entertaining the show is, the more people watch it. the more people watch it, the more exposure sugar/amstrad get. simple, innit?)

also: ey up marcello, good to see you round these parts again.

― grimly fiendish (grimlord), Thursday, 2 March 2006 11:34 (nineteen years ago)

AS can tolerate Jo for a few weeks, and has said as much. He has a much higher STICK FORKS IN YOUR EYES threshold than me, obviously.

― aldo_cowpat (aldo_cowpat), Thursday, 2 March 2006 11:57 (nineteen years ago)

Veterans of this programme - do they deliberately choose total nob-ends to be on it?

I am worried that all the cat owners have made a bee line for London.

Sugar doesn't have to put up with them much, he has "eyes and ears".

Lawyers always win, don't they?

― PJ Miller (PJ Miller 68), Thursday, 2 March 2006 12:34 (nineteen years ago)

do they deliberately choose total nob-ends to be on it

yup. i'd have thought that the ideal "apprentice" for amstrad would be a dull man or woman in a grey suit: hard-working, willing to put in the hours, and with the occasional good idea about marketing or development.

but they obviously put an ad in "wanker's weekly" saying: "WANTED: spurting helmets with big egos and attitude problems to annoy viewers on prime-time TV. silly hair and whiny voice a bonus."

― grimly fiendish (grimlord), Thursday, 2 March 2006 12:38 (nineteen years ago)

Is no one watching this anymore?

It's quite gripping and irritating in equal measure.

― Bob Six (bobbysix), Wednesday, 8 March 2006 22:39 (nineteen years ago)

This was the first time I've ever watched this all the way through. Jo is bonkers. Sharon (? - the overly-tanned Scottish one) has a really odd face. I didn't really get much of a chance to form opinions of the guys.

They do seem like a bunch of muppet-headed gonks. Why did it take three of them to go into each shop, then come out and argue over where to go next and how to get there? Surely one in shop, one doing planning ahead, one to handle the pointless and rude phonecalls from Jo (or to make pointless and rude phone calls in the case of Jo's team). Silly girls.

I'd have sacked Jo for being a cock or Alexa for being weedy. I liked Karen, especially when she was trying really hard not to laugh at Jo in the meeting at the end and gave up and just exploded into some sort of apoplectic giggles.

― ailsa (ailsa), Wednesday, 8 March 2006 23:02 (nineteen years ago)

ach, this is fucked up. no way did jo deserve to stay there.

like i said last week: i'm convinced she's being kept in as a ratings ploy. "she's stark raving mad but so am i" strikes me as a dead giveaway.

― grimly fiendish (grimlord), Thursday, 9 March 2006 00:43 (nineteen years ago)

yes - it actually made the programme a bit crap in the final moments.

― Bob Six (bobbysix), Thursday, 9 March 2006 01:13 (nineteen years ago)

they can't fire alexa because she'd stalk alan sugar and then knife him to death in the middle of the night, innit.

― ken c (ken c), Thursday, 9 March 2006 01:24 (nineteen years ago)

also, i'm going to go to the suits store round the corner tomorrow to tell the shop keeper i saw him on TV!

― ken c (ken c), Thursday, 9 March 2006 01:26 (nineteen years ago)

Hmm...all this Alexa flak makes me realise how much we're judged on appearances.

― Bob Six (bobbysix), Thursday, 9 March 2006 08:09 (nineteen years ago)

> Alexa for being weedy

you say that but i think it was her softly softly approach that got them the huge discounts on the saffron. you get more flies with honey. etc.

i wonder how good alan's eyes and ears are, especially when the teams split up, because jo was a shoe-in for the chop based on what we saw.

i also wonder how stupid these shopkeepers are given their behaviour when a tv crew suddenly appears in their shops. actually, the one bloke last night did seem to get it - 'you only need to get me one more customer and i've made back the discount i've just given you for the lobster'.

― koogs (koogs), Thursday, 9 March 2006 09:34 (nineteen years ago)

You sure that wasn't Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares the night before?

― Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Thursday, 9 March 2006 10:02 (nineteen years ago)

anyway: jo = ratings = last three at least.

― Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Thursday, 9 March 2006 10:04 (nineteen years ago)

Hmm...all this Alexa flak makes me realise how much we're judged on appearances.

or being judged on being a corny indie fuq

― ken c (ken c), Thursday, 9 March 2006 10:10 (nineteen years ago)

"Alexa, I don't need any more corny indie fuqs, you're fired."

― Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Thursday, 9 March 2006 10:12 (nineteen years ago)

Yes, it is a swizz. Not really worth watching any longer, but probably will anyway.

I loved it when they went to Camden Market for a dinner jacket.

I think they should just get Camden Market regulars for the next series.

That's not negotiating, it's being a twat.

I was wrong about lawyers always winning.

This programme is the equivalent of a "mental health" thread.

I don't Sir Alan is a nutter.

It is very funny when they use his crappy plaggy emailer.

― PJ Miller (PJ Miller 68), Thursday, 9 March 2006 10:14 (nineteen years ago)

Maybe, instead of a dinner jacket, he should have asked them to buy a promo copy of the MIA album. Always plenty of those around Camden Market... ("25p? But I've only got 20p on me!")

― Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Thursday, 9 March 2006 10:29 (nineteen years ago)

"Alexa, I don't need any more corny indie fuqs, you're fired."

yeh, this was the other thing. if he doesn't "need any more lawyers", why bother with karen in the first place? what next? "sorry ansell, i've got enough fat blokes." "sorry syed, i really don't need any more twats." i thought the idea was for them to prove themselves? but no: obviously you just have to go on and be boggly-eyed and mad and cry a lot.

It is very funny when they use his crappy plaggy emailer.

yes. on the boardroom table!

― grimly fiendish (grimlord), Thursday, 9 March 2006 12:02 (nineteen years ago)

I think he was saying "ditch your lawyers' sense of entitlement". Possibly.

― PJ Miller (PJ Miller 68), Thursday, 9 March 2006 12:08 (nineteen years ago)

"You coudn't sell a box of matches, but you're a great corporate lawyer"..

(cue face that says "thanks a bunch")

― mark grout (mark grout), Thursday, 9 March 2006 14:07 (nineteen years ago)

Mind you, I had to laugh when Alan Sugar comes in with the two of them by his side, Alice says "Oh, that's his mum and dad"

(They watch the bleeped repeat on Tuesdays, concerned folks...)

― mark grout (mark grout), Thursday, 9 March 2006 14:08 (nineteen years ago)

They should get Paul Anka to do the next American series - "Can anyone add to the confusion?"

― Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Thursday, 9 March 2006 14:13 (nineteen years ago)

does they know the song "who the *bleep* is alice?"

― ken c (ken c), Thursday, 9 March 2006 14:19 (nineteen years ago)

before their time innit

― Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Thursday, 9 March 2006 14:20 (nineteen years ago)

The world will one day know...

― mark grout (mark grout), Thursday, 9 March 2006 14:21 (nineteen years ago)

...the real story of 1995 Britpop, i.e. Roy Chubby Brown featuring Smokie outselling Pulp by ten to one, etc.

― Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Thursday, 9 March 2006 14:28 (nineteen years ago)

There was an awful lot to be bleeped last night.

― PJ Miller (PJ Miller 68), Thursday, 9 March 2006 14:59 (nineteen years ago)

well, that was predictable, wasn't it?

sugar seemed genuinely pissed off. mind you, so would i be if someone had spunked away 800 of my quids.

― grimly fiendish (grimlord), Wednesday, 15 March 2006 22:12 (nineteen years ago)

800 quids being around 0.0000001% of his personal fortune...;-)

― Hal! Jordan! HAL! JORDAN! (Barima), Wednesday, 15 March 2006 23:27 (nineteen years ago)

(by "his", barima means mine. not sir alan's.)

― grimly fiendish (grimlord), Wednesday, 15 March 2006 23:39 (nineteen years ago)

xpost, true but it's more the principle of the ting.

― mark grout (mark grout), Thursday, 16 March 2006 09:26 (nineteen years ago)

The "You're Fired" follow up show on BBC3 was insane, none of the panel seemed to think she ahould have gone.

(I agree with Sir Alan, although Syed was completely to blame for the budgeting problems, Alexa was utterly incompetent and knew she was on the spot following the week before.)

― aldo_cowpat (aldo_cowpat), Thursday, 16 March 2006 09:28 (nineteen years ago)

If Alexa hadn't been in the boardroom last week, Syed would have gone though.
(xpost exactly)

Who's going to win? Everyone who's had lots of exposure seems awful so far. Can't surely be Mani, Jo, Syed, Tuan or Sharon. So it must be someone who has hardly appeared, which is odd cos they'll seem to have come out of nowhere.Ansell? Michelle?

― beanz (beanz), Thursday, 16 March 2006 09:35 (nineteen years ago)

The "You're Fired" follow up show on BBC3 was insane, ~~none~~all of the panel seemed to think ~~she ahould have gone~~ "Sir Alan made the right decision".

Although, they all seemed to say she was too nice to have gone that time.

― mark grout (mark grout), Thursday, 16 March 2006 10:10 (nineteen years ago)

Ansell or Paul are the only two credible winners, I think. I don't think I've heard Michelle say a word since the series started.

― aldo_cowpat (aldo_cowpat), Thursday, 16 March 2006 10:11 (nineteen years ago)

gotta be ansell, though alan's already used the good pun once which mustnt bode well

― secondhandnews (secondhandnews), Thursday, 16 March 2006 10:17 (nineteen years ago)

Ansell and "Gretel", "missed the show" peeps.

― mark grout (mark grout), Thursday, 16 March 2006 10:22 (nineteen years ago)

I didn't see it last night as was out in Ye London Town talking about office intrigues IRL.

Oh please let me meet Alan Sugar so I can tell him his emailer is SHIT and is designed to nickel-dime Argos shoppers all the way to the poorhouse. I liked him much better in the last series, whereas now he is just Turd-Polisher In Charge.

― suzy (suzy), Thursday, 16 March 2006 10:23 (nineteen years ago)

He took all the girls (and Mani) up the Oxo Tower to celebrate them winning.

― aldo_cowpat (aldo_cowpat), Thursday, 16 March 2006 10:30 (nineteen years ago)

Following which the girls threw Mani off the top of the Oxo Tower for a laugh innit.

― Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Thursday, 16 March 2006 10:40 (nineteen years ago)

Oh please let me meet Alan Sugar so I can tell him his emailer is SHIT and is designed to nickel-dime Argos shoppers all the way to the poorhouse

yes, i'm sure he hasn't realised that.

i quite like mani, btw. but maybe that says a lot about my "management" "style".

― grimly fiendish (grimlord), Thursday, 16 March 2006 11:50 (nineteen years ago)

I liked it when Sir Alan came over to their table totally plastered.

Also:

"What's that? One chicken per pizza?"

That festival looks really shit, but I might go next year for the early bird specials.

― PJ Miller (PJ Miller 68), Thursday, 16 March 2006 11:57 (nineteen years ago)

I liked how Mani dealt with Sharon:

Mani: "It's no good you sitting there and saying 'I'm not happy', or saying it to people behind my back. Tell me what it is that's actually wrong, and we'll see what we can do about it."
Sharon: storms off in huff

I hate her more than everbody else put together, I think. Apart from Ruth. I might hate her more.

― aldo_cowpat (aldo_cowpat), Thursday, 16 March 2006 11:59 (nineteen years ago)

I thought it was more like

Mani: It's no good you sitting there and saying 'I'm not happy', or saying it to people behind my back. Tell me what it is that's actually wrong, and we'll see what we can do about it.
Sharon: I'm...
Mani: Go on, tell me what's wrong.
Sharon: Well...
Mani: Just tell me, go on, tell me.
Sharon: You...
Mani: Well what is it then?
etc.

I also hate Ruth.

― beanz (beanz), Thursday, 16 March 2006 12:42 (nineteen years ago)

"I am a winner, Sir Alan."

"You're not, you've just bloody lost."

"Thank you for the opportunity, Sir Alan."

"Cheeky bastard."

(I think he likes him, you know)

― PJ Miller (PJ Miller 68), Thursday, 16 March 2006 12:59 (nineteen years ago)

i dislike sharon a lot more than ruth. ruth, although she is blustering, batey and obnoxious, can be amusing. she said something last night that made me laugh out loud, although i can't remember what it was, so maybe it wasn't that good after all.

― grimly fiendish (grimlord), Thursday, 16 March 2006 13:52 (nineteen years ago)

beanz, it was more like:

Sharon - "I'm not having this conversation" x5.

― BARMS, Thursday, 16 March 2006 13:57 (nineteen years ago)

Watched this at the neighbours last night. Peanut gallery wasn't so hot, but:

My D*l**tt*-employed neighbour last night: "There's no way [Mani]'s D*l**tt* management material. Just. No. Way!"

One of my other neighbours last night, watching the behind shot of Alexa entering the kitchen: "She's got quite a big bum for such a small girl!"

Me: "Well, she's got it where it counts...and yes, I did just say that out loud."

All my next-door neighbours are female.

― BARMS, Thursday, 16 March 2006 14:03 (nineteen years ago)

From the "You're Fired" prog, apparently Matt Lucas is Alexa's cousin. So, he phoned in for a chat, and his mum was in the audience.

― mark grout (mark grout), Thursday, 16 March 2006 14:06 (nineteen years ago)

Aye, and last week I recognised Karen's "long-term boyfriend" as an extra from hundreds of BBC3 sketch shows.

― aldo_cowpat (aldo_cowpat), Thursday, 16 March 2006 14:12 (nineteen years ago)

Wow, they cast the role of her 'long term boyfriend' ?

― mark grout (mark grout), Thursday, 16 March 2006 14:14 (nineteen years ago)

Curiouser and curiouser.

Is this true, or are you pulling our collective leg?

― PJ Miller (PJ Miller 68), Thursday, 16 March 2006 14:15 (nineteen years ago)

Equity cards have to be earned one way or the other.

Last night's episode was such that I found it difficult to tell apart from Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares the previous evening; one set of bickering nincompoops could have been seamlessly traded for the other.

― Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Thursday, 16 March 2006 14:19 (nineteen years ago)

No, it's true. He was in the audience next to her dad on the BBC3 companion show. (you know the sort of guy, plays Man In Cafe in TittyBangBang)

― aldo_cowpat (aldo_cowpat), Thursday, 16 March 2006 14:26 (nineteen years ago)

Oh, I am going to tell my wife. This is bigger than cash for peerages.

― PJ Miller (PJ Miller 68), Thursday, 16 March 2006 14:51 (nineteen years ago)

Equity cards don't have to be earned anymore...

― mark grout (mark grout), Thursday, 16 March 2006 16:28 (nineteen years ago)

Oh Alan, I only fancied two of the women this year and now you've gone and fired both of them!

― JimD (JimD), Thursday, 16 March 2006 16:47 (nineteen years ago)

I'd never actually noticed Sharon before until she that huffy fit.

Would it have undermined the whole programme and its last-minute tension if Alexa had said, "I know I made a mess of it - I should go"? I'd have been tempted to say that if I were her.

I thought her worst management failing was refusing to get involved and looking the other way when a dispute flared up in the kitchen and Samuel asked who was in charge.

― Bob Six (bobbysix), Thursday, 16 March 2006 16:55 (nineteen years ago)

that chubby lass from birds of a feather annoys me. thin-lipped ol' nick and the corporate tranny are doing it, no? britains best entreprenerds, excuse me while i populate my pants - converge on this, mani! i even missed 'fat pets' to watch the Shug in action. Who'd pay £1 for a slice of pizza ????!!

― geordie racer (geordie racer), Thursday, 16 March 2006 22:53 (nineteen years ago)

I see in Next week's Heat mag, the writeup notes about some overemotional scenes, "Funnily enough, not Jo this time"

So, I guess she's not going this week then.

― mark grout (mark grout), Wednesday, 22 March 2006 11:31 (nineteen years ago)

alexa was on harry hill this week, being joshed about the chicken per pizza thing and her summing ability.

― koogs (koogs), Wednesday, 22 March 2006 12:08 (nineteen years ago)

OK, week 4, let's go live updates.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 22 March 2006 21:00 (nineteen years ago)

Considering its a bright sunny day in the opening credits, why is their rain on Syed's taxi windows? Is this pathetic fallacy?

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 22 March 2006 21:01 (nineteen years ago)

So far Syed has given 110% and 150%. What commitment. Such a shame he's a total douche.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 22 March 2006 21:06 (nineteen years ago)

I think Birds of a Feather is my new favourite, to be honest.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 22 March 2006 21:07 (nineteen years ago)

Sharon's fake tan really has something... nuclear about it.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 22 March 2006 21:10 (nineteen years ago)

Paul's fantastic plan is: cast actors, choose a location, and then shoot an advert, without actually having any ideas. Brilliant.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 22 March 2006 21:18 (nineteen years ago)

"Let's get fired up like a fuckhouse"

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 22 March 2006 21:19 (nineteen years ago)

"A rock star could write a new poem in two hours!"

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 22 March 2006 21:34 (nineteen years ago)

Mani is about to get spanked.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 22 March 2006 21:50 (nineteen years ago)

Ruth has the best puzzled face ever.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 22 March 2006 21:57 (nineteen years ago)

Mani- you're fired.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 22 March 2006 21:57 (nineteen years ago)

B, can I come and watch this with you and your neighbours next week? I can't make comments to an empty room! Also, I still think Tuan is superhott.

― marianna lcl (marianna lcl), Wednesday, 22 March 2006 22:08 (nineteen years ago)

Lumme! Ruth was all about to get "It was all my responsibility" when suddenly Mani was all "Yep, it was all her fault, I was right all along, and hray I'm great Sir Alan!"

Alan: "You're a wanker"
Mani: "Noooh, it's everyone else that's a wanker. I'm a fantastic presenter!"

He didn't need to wear a t-shirt saying "Woo woo sir Alan, Fire Me, I'm over here!"

― mark grout (mark grout), Thursday, 23 March 2006 08:53 (nineteen years ago)

"You've gone from banker to wanker." Classic.

― Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Thursday, 23 March 2006 08:58 (nineteen years ago)

what a smarmy git. his sales techniques (especially on the calendar episode) were shocking.

― jed_ (jed), Thursday, 23 March 2006 09:19 (nineteen years ago)

(it was anchor rather than banker, i thought)

best bit - the shadow of ansel on the backdrop during the saatchi presentation with lens flare where the light was shining through his 3d glasses.

naffest bit - saatchi's 'blue sky room' has a blue sky painted on the ceiling.

― koogs (koogs), Thursday, 23 March 2006 09:39 (nineteen years ago)

michelle - doesn't kontribute much but the camera lurves her. paul is really annoying.

saatchi and saatchi seemed a bit lame - 'nothing is impossible' and yes, that blue sky room.

― geordie racer (geordie racer), Thursday, 23 March 2006 19:06 (nineteen years ago)

i'm going to stop watching this and just read the dom update every week. no, really.

well, maybe.

i mean, though. what a pile of cock. they're all bell-ends. ansell should have been up for the chop as well, given that he and mani had equal hard-ons for the concierge idea. but ruth should have gone, if only because by the end of it she'd started to look like some kind of bizarre manifestation of evil. what a freaky, twisted woman.

next week, it appears, jo and syed look like spunkers all over again. shockah.

― grimly fiendish (grimlord), Thursday, 23 March 2006 23:32 (nineteen years ago)

Can we just talk about this line again?

"A rock star could write a new poem in two hours!"

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Thursday, 23 March 2006 23:36 (nineteen years ago)

Yes but *only* if a concierge was in the vicinity of that rock star throughout those two hours.

Any lessening in concierge presence would have terrible consequences for new poem quality.

― Harthill Services (Neil Willett), Friday, 24 March 2006 06:45 (nineteen years ago)

i mean, though. what a pile of cock. they're all bell-ends.

yeah OTM! Fire the lot of them! But I guess it's a TV show and maybe that is why they are all being such self-centred idiots that frustrate me. I dunno.

I like Paul because he seems to have learnt his management skills and speech delivery from david brent.

― ken c (ken c), Friday, 24 March 2006 12:22 (nineteen years ago)

But I guess it's a TV show and maybe that is why they are all being such self-centred idiots that frustrate me.

it's much more of a TV show this time round, though (cf my moans on this thread passim). and i think the producers have taken extra care to seek out champion spurters.

ian bell in the herald yesterday pointed out that, until he watched this week's show, he had no idea that alan sugar was involved in the executive aviation business. nor, he guessed, did several million viewers - but, of course, they do now. remind me how that squares with the bbc's guidelines on advertising and product placement?

i quite liked mani until he started acting the dick and getting fired and stuff. ansell or paul to win, i suppose. poetry-writing rock stars aside.

― grimly fiendish (grimlord), Friday, 24 March 2006 13:23 (nineteen years ago)

I can always tell who is going to be immediately fired:

Whoever I describe as "(s)he might actually win this" during watching the show.

Car lot in sunny slough week.

― mark grout (mark grout), Wednesday, 29 March 2006 15:46 (nineteen years ago)

B, can I come and watch this with you and your neighbours next week? I can't make comments to an empty room! Also, I still think Tuan is superhott.
-- marianna lcl (mary_goodshoe...), March 22nd, 2006.

Depends on whether I can get them to like me enough to make it a regular thing...plus, it's Str34th4m, which is miles from yours.

― BARMS, Wednesday, 29 March 2006 16:30 (nineteen years ago)

NO YOU'RE FIRED BING BONG BING

― gbx (skowly), Wednesday, 29 March 2006 16:46 (nineteen years ago)

Str34th4m

I forgot you'd moved down here - how're you finding it?

― William Bloody Swygart (mrswygart), Wednesday, 29 March 2006 17:19 (nineteen years ago)

the girls: "oh my god, look at the cars" *squeal, squawk*

Fucksake, he's a multi-squillionaire, of course he has a couple of expensive motors.

― ailsa (ailsa), Wednesday, 29 March 2006 19:09 (nineteen years ago)

http://www.sharonmcallister.com/

How come Sharon's website doesn't tell you how to get her to do whatever the fuck an "enterprise trainer" does? Not a good way to drum up new business, is it?

― ailsa (ailsa), Wednesday, 29 March 2006 19:44 (nineteen years ago)

Bye bye mentalist Jo. Begging Sugar for one more chance after he's already made his decision, haha, desperation. Such a charming attribute.

― ailsa (ailsa), Wednesday, 29 March 2006 19:58 (nineteen years ago)

"i'll tell you this, as sure as i've got a hole in my bloody arse"

― jed_ (jed), Wednesday, 29 March 2006 20:01 (nineteen years ago)

Sharon needs to take her fuckin halloween mask off. She is absolutely useless! Her website is like the rocky horror show!!!

― sasha mann, Wednesday, 29 March 2006 21:50 (nineteen years ago)

Talking of Sharon's website - it says she is only 30!!!! Yeah right oh dolly!!!

― marnie wells, Wednesday, 29 March 2006 21:52 (nineteen years ago)

From website: Sharon has a rare quality in the business world: honest integrity.

Loser.

― john clarkson, Wednesday, 29 March 2006 22:08 (nineteen years ago)

On the diary page, however..

Due to the misrepresentation of my Episode 3 diary in the press, I feel that it is no longer appropriate to share my thoughts on the Apprentice tasks. This a great shame, as there is so much to say about the tasks and the experience, but I have to consider my contractual obligations to the show's producers.

Sharon.

Surely all she has to do is slap on a 'copyright' notice. A bit like this place, right?

― mark grout (mark grout), Thursday, 30 March 2006 06:50 (nineteen years ago)

Predicted task in the final edition: the last four candidates will be sent to Coventry (ha!) to help sell double glazing for U-Fit.

― Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Thursday, 30 March 2006 06:50 (nineteen years ago)

Isn't it terrible that Dave Spikey's now reduced to running a used car showroom in Slough?

― Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Thursday, 30 March 2006 06:51 (nineteen years ago)

I forgot you'd moved down here - how're you finding it?

-- William Bloody Swygart (thingummy9...), March 29th, 2006.

It's not bad, though getting in and out of Central London - the setting of the majority of my daily life - is a lil overly taxing.

― BARMS, Thursday, 30 March 2006 07:31 (nineteen years ago)

What do you mean "overly taxing"? You take the bus! You don't have to pay any congestion charge thank you very much ladies and gentleman my name is Billy Dainty goodnight.

― Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Thursday, 30 March 2006 07:34 (nineteen years ago)

'I'm totally unemployable':
http://media.guardian.co.uk/site/story/0,,1742640,00.html

includes the phrase 'her signature cackle'.

― koogs (koogs), Thursday, 30 March 2006 07:54 (nineteen years ago)

"HelLO I'm JO your super friendly sales assistANT!"

RUN FOR YOUR LIVES THERE'S A HEAD IN HER FRIDGE!!!!!!!!!!!!

― Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Thursday, 30 March 2006 08:09 (nineteen years ago)

She tells me about a member of the public recognising her on the street the other day. "I was just meeting my dad for a coffee when this woman came up and grabbed me by the arm and went, 'Oh my God, Jo! You're not a nutter, you're just like me. It's great, we're going to have an island, and we're going to put ourselves on there. And it'll just be normal.'"

Oh yes, she is not the only one!

― mark grout (mark grout), Thursday, 30 March 2006 08:32 (nineteen years ago)

I find that strangely touching.

― Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Thursday, 30 March 2006 08:33 (nineteen years ago)

Jo has a blog:
http://www.jocameron.co.uk/theblog.asp

― mike t-diva (mike t-diva), Thursday, 30 March 2006 09:09 (nineteen years ago)

What do you mean "overly taxing"? You take the bus!

Well, the bus, the tube, the train, and all that to be made late to work by invalid London Transport employees. Up to an hour each way some days!

― BARMS, Thursday, 30 March 2006 10:37 (nineteen years ago)

The memory of him taking his first shot off the first tee on a beautifully landscaped Spanish golf course is indelibly edged on my brain.

Ah, she got hit by his golf ball, that would explain it.

― Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Thursday, 30 March 2006 11:31 (nineteen years ago)

http://www.jocameron.co.uk is very strange.

― mark grout (mark grout), Thursday, 30 March 2006 17:34 (nineteen years ago)

Syed will get fired, the very next time he's in the last three.

You know it.

― mark grout (mark grout), Friday, 31 March 2006 13:11 (nineteen years ago)

[MOD WARNING: spoiler follows, doubtless fake courtesy incompetent april fool attempt but JUST SAYIN]

Hate to spoil it for you folks but Sharon wins the apprentice.

One of her close relatives has been telling colleagues at the local hospital.

― Tallulah Smith, Friday, 31 March 2006 21:43 (nineteen years ago)

Except the results are announced as part of a live special at the end of the series rather than a pre-recorded segement, innit?

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Friday, 31 March 2006 21:49 (nineteen years ago)

thanks for spoiling it.

i find that hard to believe though.

― titchyschneider (titchyschneider), Saturday, 1 April 2006 11:35 (nineteen years ago)

Perhaps that's why her website is so devoid of, well, anything really. I don't buy it though. She's awful.

― ailsa (ailsa), Saturday, 1 April 2006 11:40 (nineteen years ago)

Ignoring that:

On Jonathan Ross, Sugsie was being quite complimentary about Syed. So who knows, maybe he pulls his own arse out the fire.

― mark grout (mark grout), Saturday, 1 April 2006 17:44 (nineteen years ago)

Warming up the thread for today's "top shop" show.

― mark grout (mark grout), Wednesday, 5 April 2006 12:16 (nineteen years ago)

I'm expecting Syed to bring some high end douchery to the table tonight, he's been a bit lax in recent weeks.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 5 April 2006 12:22 (nineteen years ago)

I've missed the past couple of weeks while I've been away, so have missed the Jo sacking, but was thinking about why she was so familiar and where I knew her face from.

10 minutes after turning the telly on back in Britain, the advert for the One credit card from Halifax/Bank of Scotland came on. Well, bugger me, if it isn't Jo on it cuddling orang utans and saying it's the best thing that's ever happened to her. Or if it's not her then it's someone who looks and sounds just like her (less the mentalness).

Quick, somebody find a Mani link to showbiz and it'll be a clean sweep so far.

― aldo_cowpat (aldo_cowpat), Wednesday, 5 April 2006 13:52 (nineteen years ago)

http://www.thestoneroses.co.uk/pressandmedia/musicpress/images/smashhits90f.jpg

― not funny. sorry (grimlord), Wednesday, 5 April 2006 17:38 (nineteen years ago)

OK, so I spent last Wednesday breaking up with my girlfriend via an eleven hour argument about private education. This week, I'm back for play by play.

First up though, Tom Parker Bowles is a cunt.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 5 April 2006 18:56 (nineteen years ago)

OK, we're on. Sugar reported "belligerent".

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 5 April 2006 19:02 (nineteen years ago)

Anyway, if you ask me, Tuan is dead man walking this week. If he's on the losing team he'll go.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 5 April 2006 19:05 (nineteen years ago)

Ruth is wearing glasses for some reason this week, and they're even worse than Ansell's.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 5 April 2006 19:06 (nineteen years ago)

Michelle and Tuan are team leaders.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 5 April 2006 19:07 (nineteen years ago)

And they're selling merchandise to "young girls". Paul smiles. Paul is creepy.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 5 April 2006 19:08 (nineteen years ago)

ALAN SUGAR KNOWS FASHION! "It changes like that". Thanks Giorgio.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 5 April 2006 19:08 (nineteen years ago)

These are some of the best fake estuary accents I have ever heard.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 5 April 2006 19:10 (nineteen years ago)

SYED KNOWS FASHION: "When I got out, I see colourful stuff, I appreciate it".

Tuan is wearing a Burton's t-shirt.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 5 April 2006 19:13 (nineteen years ago)

Syed can't abide Sharon's smugness. Comment not needed.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 5 April 2006 19:13 (nineteen years ago)

A mere 16 minutes in, Ansell talks for the first time. He says "I'm not sure".

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 5 April 2006 19:16 (nineteen years ago)

SHARON/SYED EXPLODE!

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 5 April 2006 19:19 (nineteen years ago)

Syed just nearly cried.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 5 April 2006 19:20 (nineteen years ago)

And here's some music from the last Gotan Project album.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 5 April 2006 19:21 (nineteen years ago)

Ruth looks worryingly hot as a quasi-Goth.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 5 April 2006 19:24 (nineteen years ago)

Samuel just cries out "High end yet affordable fashion"

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 5 April 2006 19:25 (nineteen years ago)

Paul looks like he runs an events management firm dressed liked that.

Syed is even more rapey than Randy Orton.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 5 April 2006 19:26 (nineteen years ago)

Alan Sugar and Philip Green- THEY KNOW WHAT'S UP.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 5 April 2006 19:29 (nineteen years ago)

Michelle's VIP suite is like a vision of hell.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 5 April 2006 19:30 (nineteen years ago)

Paul has a really hairy chest. Perhaps he should do that top button up?

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 5 April 2006 19:34 (nineteen years ago)

Syed in an Alan Partridge "er.... how do you ride a horse?" moment.

― jed_ (jed), Wednesday, 5 April 2006 19:35 (nineteen years ago)

Syed is wearing an all blue suit, and looks like a Miami Vice cast member in shadows.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 5 April 2006 19:39 (nineteen years ago)

Tuan lost the confidence of his team, Michelle faring a lot better.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 5 April 2006 19:40 (nineteen years ago)

Samuel has gotta be dead man walking now, right?

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 5 April 2006 19:41 (nineteen years ago)

Ruth seems to have saved herself.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 5 April 2006 19:41 (nineteen years ago)

sorry, i've been so taken aback by ansell's resemblance to a blancmange that i haven't been able to comment so far.

tuan wins! people like sharon!

― grimly fiendish (grimlord), Wednesday, 5 April 2006 19:42 (nineteen years ago)

i think michelle is out now. if there's any justice in the world, she'll be out. but mrs fiendish agrees with you, dom, and thinks poor wee samuel is getting his jotters.

― grimly fiendish (grimlord), Wednesday, 5 April 2006 19:43 (nineteen years ago)

For a dysfunctional team, Invicta do have a knack of pulling wins out of their arse.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 5 April 2006 19:43 (nineteen years ago)

O MY GOD SHARON IN A BIKINI. SYED IN TRUNKS. EEEEW.

― grimly fiendish (grimlord), Wednesday, 5 April 2006 19:44 (nineteen years ago)

thank fuck ansell and ruth's team didn't win, i suppose.

― grimly fiendish (grimlord), Wednesday, 5 April 2006 19:44 (nineteen years ago)

Michelle bringing the fight to Sir Alan.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 5 April 2006 19:45 (nineteen years ago)

Very badly.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 5 April 2006 19:46 (nineteen years ago)

Alan Sugar reported "unimpressed" by camaraderie.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 5 April 2006 19:47 (nineteen years ago)

Samuel crumbling like a small child, Ruth just about scrapes through but looks damaged by it.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 5 April 2006 19:48 (nineteen years ago)

AS needs to stop using that "hole in my arse" line.

― grimly fiendish (grimlord), Wednesday, 5 April 2006 19:49 (nineteen years ago)

They need a catchphrase to sell t-shirts.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 5 April 2006 19:49 (nineteen years ago)

Who's Michelle taking to the boardroom.... Sam and Ruth.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 5 April 2006 19:51 (nineteen years ago)

Ruth heel turn on Michelle!

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 5 April 2006 19:55 (nineteen years ago)

"so i took the marketing role ... and i did fuck all with it. where do i get the taxi again?"

― grimly fiendish (grimlord), Wednesday, 5 April 2006 19:56 (nineteen years ago)

OK, we're mere seconds from firing....

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 5 April 2006 19:56 (nineteen years ago)

ruth's got her evil beamer on again.

― grimly fiendish (grimlord), Wednesday, 5 April 2006 19:56 (nineteen years ago)

Michelle is tightening her own noose here.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 5 April 2006 19:56 (nineteen years ago)

Swerve!

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 5 April 2006 19:57 (nineteen years ago)

SAMUEL- YOU'RE FIRED!

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 5 April 2006 19:57 (nineteen years ago)

this has been the weakest episode by far, i must say. even the firing isn't very interesting. JUST FIRE THEM ALL. except maybe ruth.

― grimly fiendish (grimlord), Wednesday, 5 April 2006 19:57 (nineteen years ago)

it's gonna be samuel. he's spending too long with michelle. he's going to swivel round and knack him in 10 ... 9 ... 8 ...

― grimly fiendish (grimlord), Wednesday, 5 April 2006 19:58 (nineteen years ago)

... 2 ... 1 ...

― grimly fiendish (grimlord), Wednesday, 5 April 2006 19:58 (nineteen years ago)

it's samuel!

― grimly fiendish (grimlord), Wednesday, 5 April 2006 19:58 (nineteen years ago)

WHAT THE FUCK IS HE WEARING?

― grimly fiendish (grimlord), Wednesday, 5 April 2006 19:59 (nineteen years ago)

so, samuel thinks he was fired because he "didn't make enough use of the masseuse". there's a first time for everything, i suppose.

― grimly fiendish (grimlord), Wednesday, 5 April 2006 20:00 (nineteen years ago)

next week looks rather better. alan sugar vs people in their pants.

― grimly fiendish (grimlord), Wednesday, 5 April 2006 20:00 (nineteen years ago)

Alan Sugar harassing me in my jim-jams would put the fear of god in me.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 5 April 2006 20:01 (nineteen years ago)

Saira already has an opinion:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/apprentice/column/

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 5 April 2006 20:02 (nineteen years ago)

Alan Sugar harassing me in my jim-jams would put the fear of god in me.

yes, i fear my sleep tonight will be restless and punctuated by screams.

― grimly fiendish (grimlord), Wednesday, 5 April 2006 20:03 (nineteen years ago)

samuel on "you're fired" just now: "there's more to amstrad than sales, surely. like developing products that people want."

HELLO. have you ever seen an e-mailer? or a PC200?

heh, now everyone's taking the piss out of his flasher mac.

― grimly fiendish (grimlord), Wednesday, 5 April 2006 20:06 (nineteen years ago)

lest we forget:

http://www.nvg.ntnu.no/sinclair/computers/pc200/images/pc200.jpg

― grimly fiendish (grimlord), Wednesday, 5 April 2006 20:07 (nineteen years ago)

love the fact that the email phone gadget is now filling the shelves in post offices around the country for a mere tenner. profit from that.
and did people see the robo-head thing on Ross last week!? truely ghastly, thus perfect for the Amstrad brand methinks

and now The Armstrongs .. perfect TV night !

― mark e (mark e), Wednesday, 5 April 2006 20:12 (nineteen years ago)

Haha Sharon on You're Fired just now looked like the vilest Cherie Blair clone ever, even down to her 'smile' looking like an exact replication of Cherie's rictus grimace. Utterly vile person.

― aldo_cowpat (aldo_cowpat), Wednesday, 12 April 2006 20:32 (nineteen years ago)

I think you have all been a bit harsh on me. I felt I was witty and charming in my your fired interview and I'm more like Kelly Brook than Cherie Blair - lets face it.

At the end of the day I made it onto the show and you lot of jealous twits didn't.

― sharon mcallister, Wednesday, 12 April 2006 21:02 (nineteen years ago)

I would love for this to be real. I mean "lets face it", Sharon is more like Kelly Monteith than kelly Brook.

― aldo_cowpat (aldo_cowpat), Wednesday, 12 April 2006 21:26 (nineteen years ago)

Although I'm in love with the idea that the day she gets fired in real time she finds this thread within half an hour. WE ARE BEING STALKED BY THE LEAST CELEB OF APPRENTICE CANDIDATES.

― aldo_cowpat (aldo_cowpat), Wednesday, 12 April 2006 21:36 (nineteen years ago)

The you're fired show isn't live you know! And I've been monitoring this thread for a while.

Least celeb - we'll see!! I've got some really tasty offers in the pipeline.

Bye bye losers!!!

SMxxxxx

― sharon mcallister, Wednesday, 12 April 2006 21:56 (nineteen years ago)

Oh, wrinklepaws.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 12 April 2006 23:09 (nineteen years ago)

Hah, if that turns out that this is real, and that a reality TV contestant was spreading fake rumours about herself winning earlier on in this thread under a pseudonym... you don't get any of this in the American Idol threads, that's for sure.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 12 April 2006 23:12 (nineteen years ago)

I expect it's just a bog standard troll.

But last night: Sugar to Syed: "AM I TALKING TO YOU?" "SHUT UP!!!" "SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!" Classic.

― Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Thursday, 13 April 2006 07:22 (nineteen years ago)

"I'm gonna ram these fuel cans down their throats."

― Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Thursday, 13 April 2006 07:23 (nineteen years ago)

Can Syed account for his exact whereabouts at the time of the murder of Bobby "I Fought The Law" Fuller?

― Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Thursday, 13 April 2006 07:23 (nineteen years ago)

Which one was Sharon?

― Tim (Tim), Thursday, 13 April 2006 07:28 (nineteen years ago)

She was the Scottish one whom Judge Margaret deemed "the whinger" in the final trio of "the whinger, the liar and the planner."

― Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Thursday, 13 April 2006 07:30 (nineteen years ago)

It's a troll. Press officers and other similar media handlers working for the BBC would advise a "client" to stay the fuck off of messageboards or to otherwise air an unpaid opinion.

― suzy (suzy), Thursday, 13 April 2006 07:32 (nineteen years ago)

What a load of rubbish this was last night. They all set my teeth on edge.

So the spoiler was a load of crap then? I have been avoiding this thread just in case, but now I don't care much anyway.

― PJ Miller (PJ Miller 68), Thursday, 13 April 2006 08:44 (nineteen years ago)

I have seen it now, it's OK.

― PJ Miller (PJ Miller 68), Thursday, 13 April 2006 08:47 (nineteen years ago)

He achieved lower production prices by using the injection moulding plastics for hi-fi turntable covers, severely undercutting competitors who used the vacuum forming process.

Well done, Sir Alan! If it wasn't for you, etc.

― PJ Miller (PJ Miller 68), Thursday, 13 April 2006 12:45 (nineteen years ago)

Anyroad. What they doing this week?

― mark grout (mark grout), Wednesday, 19 April 2006 08:54 (nineteen years ago)

ESTATE AGENCY

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 19 April 2006 09:09 (nineteen years ago)

Kidding? Aren't they arsehloes enough?

― mark grout (mark grout), Wednesday, 19 April 2006 09:11 (nineteen years ago)

Yes. lettings.

!!!

I remember now.

I think my nerves may collapse under the strain of watching this.

Perhaps I will go to bed at nine again, like last night.

In fact, as ure as I've got a hole in my arse, I will go to bed early.

Or just watch the real time commentary here.

― PJ Miller (PJ Miller 68), Wednesday, 19 April 2006 09:24 (nineteen years ago)

sure, not ure.

― PJ Miller (PJ Miller 68), Wednesday, 19 April 2006 09:24 (nineteen years ago)

The only bad thing about Sharon getting sacked is that monstrous carbuncle Paul should have gone instead - he was far too wideboy to sell to their list of contacts and should have had the insight to modify his behaviour. Instead he just got stuck in an ego contest with a whinging schemie. Tough shit if the buyers seem effete - they're still the buyers.

― suzy (suzy), Wednesday, 19 April 2006 11:36 (nineteen years ago)

schemie

― RJG (RJG), Wednesday, 19 April 2006 11:38 (nineteen years ago)

We're back! Holes in bums, lightweights, phone-ins, etc

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 19 April 2006 19:02 (nineteen years ago)

Ruth really is a lesbian PE teacher from the 80s.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 19 April 2006 19:06 (nineteen years ago)

Paul lays down the law, chins wobbling, indignation rising.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 19 April 2006 19:06 (nineteen years ago)

Michelle and Tuan to head teams. Tuan "to be fired", like that Penfold looking Indian guy at the same point last year.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 19 April 2006 19:10 (nineteen years ago)

Interesting decision to move Ruth out, good move by Tuan be PM.

― aldo_cowpat (aldo_cowpat), Wednesday, 19 April 2006 19:10 (nineteen years ago)

Ruth vs Syed will hopefully kick off now, Paul more interested in eating a barbecue than selling.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 19 April 2006 19:12 (nineteen years ago)

Gut feeling after 15 minutes says Paul to go, although I'm not sure his team will finish bottom.

― aldo_cowpat (aldo_cowpat), Wednesday, 19 April 2006 19:14 (nineteen years ago)

Paul to go is my guess as well, he's getting an awful lot of camera time. Syed's "Nicholas? Nicholas? Nicholas!" is awfully Partridg-esque.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 19 April 2006 19:21 (nineteen years ago)

I mean, at their worst Syed, Jo, and Sharon weren't as bad as Paul. There's just something very very very unlikeable about him.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 19 April 2006 19:25 (nineteen years ago)

Syed isn't getting enough sleep.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 19 April 2006 19:31 (nineteen years ago)

RUTH SINGS WHITESNAKE!!!!!!!!

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 19 April 2006 19:32 (nineteen years ago)

REPEAT, RUTH SINGS WHITESNAKE!!!!!!!

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 19 April 2006 19:32 (nineteen years ago)

Syed has so far sold fuck all. Tuan looks nervous. Ruth is basking in the glow of singing Whitesnake.

Syed's plan is to try and sell a flat to random strangers on the street.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 19 April 2006 19:34 (nineteen years ago)

Syed's plan works.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 19 April 2006 19:36 (nineteen years ago)

Ruth is showing no sign of singing anymore Whitesnake.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 19 April 2006 19:38 (nineteen years ago)

Tuan utterly useless, but I think the quality of sales rather than volume will put him on the winning side.

― aldo_cowpat (aldo_cowpat), Wednesday, 19 April 2006 19:38 (nineteen years ago)

Tuan is the only one to have done anything *wrong*, but there's 20 minutes left so I'm predicting post firing TENSION.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 19 April 2006 19:39 (nineteen years ago)

A photo of Whitesnake to help pass the time before firing:

http://www.viviancampbellrocks.com/_derived/Whitesnake%20Photos.htm_txt_Whitesnakebus.gif

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 19 April 2006 19:40 (nineteen years ago)

Tuan to go.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 19 April 2006 19:41 (nineteen years ago)

Syed vs Sugar SMACKDOWN.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 19 April 2006 19:45 (nineteen years ago)

The love of David Coverdale appears to have maken Ruth safe.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 19 April 2006 19:49 (nineteen years ago)

Uurgh, Ruth's giant tongue. But Tuan is toast.

― aldo_cowpat (aldo_cowpat), Wednesday, 19 April 2006 19:52 (nineteen years ago)

Yeah, this is pretty much a lock.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 19 April 2006 19:53 (nineteen years ago)

Ruth brings the flaming!

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 19 April 2006 19:53 (nineteen years ago)

Ruth has the best range of "TIM REACTS" facial expressions ever.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 19 April 2006 19:56 (nineteen years ago)

TUAN YOU'RE FIRED.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 19 April 2006 19:57 (nineteen years ago)

TUAN WAS DONE- MARGARET BRINGS TEH PUN.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 19 April 2006 19:59 (nineteen years ago)

Next week: they're redcoats. Paul bitches about stuff.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 19 April 2006 20:00 (nineteen years ago)

From the previews, Syed calls Ruth VERY EARLY ON about her inability to not take over. I see Ruth Syed FITE over this topic to avoid sacking next week.

(Also, apparently no Ansell - presumably this means he's so safe it's not worth showing him)

― aldo_cowpat (aldo_cowpat), Wednesday, 19 April 2006 20:03 (nineteen years ago)

Ruth vs Syed could make for a good final two actually, it's a kinda gender reversal of Tim vs Saira.

PAUL TORRISI IS ON THE FOLLOW-UP SHOW. LOL GREASEBAG.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 19 April 2006 20:04 (nineteen years ago)

"Property millionaire" Paul Torrisi.

― aldo_cowpat (aldo_cowpat), Wednesday, 19 April 2006 20:07 (nineteen years ago)

"Property millionaire and scuzzball wop stereotype" Paul Torrisi

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 19 April 2006 20:09 (nineteen years ago)

paul: the original syed!

it would seem from the clip at the end of the main show that it's the person sitting to AS's right at the end who gets fired ;)

i thought that episode was grindingly obvious, though. from the moment tuan stepped up to the mark as PM he was gonna get the axe. still, he seems like a nice chap, and i think that's worth a lot more than being AS's lickspittle.

(paul now denying he's the original syed.)

― grimly fiendish (grimlord), Wednesday, 19 April 2006 20:27 (nineteen years ago)

also: what's with the paul hate? he's good at what he does, and doesn't fuck about. i like him.

ansell's the fucking man, though. he really is.

― grimly fiendish (grimlord), Wednesday, 19 April 2006 21:16 (nineteen years ago)

The Paul hate is that he turns nasty when things don't go his way.

― Bob Six (bobbysix), Wednesday, 19 April 2006 21:26 (nineteen years ago)

He turns on a sixpence, and starts a lot more aggrevation amongst his fellow staffers than Syed. Syed just gets picked up on it because it's more obvious.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 19 April 2006 21:29 (nineteen years ago)

hmm. i just think paul got a bit short-tempered spending time with michelle and sharon. given that i've got short-tempered watching michelle and sharon for an hour a week, i can kinda forgive him.

― grimly fiendish (grimlord), Wednesday, 19 April 2006 21:44 (nineteen years ago)

Oh I can't - total penis-on-legs headhunter type, couldn't find own unless already attached.

― suzy (suzy), Wednesday, 19 April 2006 22:05 (nineteen years ago)

I did indeed go to bed at nine o'clock. Well, ten past. I stayed up to see Tuan "taking a back seat" while the others did all the selling. This was enough to give me the best laugh of the week (so far) and send me to bed happy.

Later on, I got up again when I heard Sir Alan's post-match analysis begin. Corking in its onw way, but not as good now he has "nice" things to say about people. If Syed has "moments of briliance", there is no hole in my arse.

― PJ Miller (PJ Miller 68), Thursday, 20 April 2006 06:17 (nineteen years ago)

Top reggie/CJ moment..

Syed: "I think.."
Al: "Goodbye!!!"

― mark grout (mark grout), Thursday, 20 April 2006 07:15 (nineteen years ago)

I think he is beginning to look upon him as a wayward son.

― PJ Miller (PJ Miller 68), Thursday, 20 April 2006 07:18 (nineteen years ago)

I've noticed that Syed has blue contact lenses.

Only Syed seems to have a problem with Ruth in takeover mode as she gets positive results. The real problem seems to be of all contestants (apart from Ansell) Ruth is probably the only one who could totally smack down Syed in a firing scenario.

― suzy (suzy), Thursday, 20 April 2006 08:08 (nineteen years ago)

my problem with ruth his the way she refers to herself in the third person as badger all the time (ok, three times last night). it makes deano mad.

― koogs (koogs), Thursday, 20 April 2006 08:10 (nineteen years ago)

"the badger", in fact!

― grimly fiendish (grimlord), Thursday, 20 April 2006 22:13 (nineteen years ago)

She was lucky in this episode - she culd easily have gone.

― Bob Six (bobbysix), Wednesday, 26 April 2006 20:34 (nineteen years ago)

Nah, no way was anyone staying in ahead of Ruth. I honestly can't pick a final right now... Ruth vs Paul? Ansell vs Michelle? None of them speak to me.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 26 April 2006 20:44 (nineteen years ago)

it's interesting in it's shitness.

― michael wells (michael w.), Wednesday, 26 April 2006 21:03 (nineteen years ago)

ansell vs ruth for the final - i know, as sure as i have a hole in my bleedin arse, that paul will do badly in these interviews.

― jed_ (jed), Wednesday, 26 April 2006 21:10 (nineteen years ago)

Ruth survives to the final because the trailers for the next show had her being savaged in the interviews.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 26 April 2006 21:12 (nineteen years ago)

Paul: "Rome is incredible! It's got the Colosseum, where they filmed Gladiator."

― ledge (ledge), Wednesday, 26 April 2006 21:56 (nineteen years ago)

I see Ruth Syed FITE over this topic to avoid sacking next week.
(Also, apparently no Ansell - presumably this means he's so safe it's not worth showing him)

-- aldo_cowpat (aldo.cowpa...), April 19th, 2006. (aldo_cowpat)

Aldo brings TRUTH.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 26 April 2006 22:05 (nineteen years ago)

t-RUTH

tonight syed was a goner before the task even got started.

― ken c (ken c), Thursday, 27 April 2006 00:21 (nineteen years ago)

Alan Sugar gave Ruth a right roasting in his final sentence. Which was a good clue to her being into the 'semifinal'!

― mark grout (mark grout), Thursday, 27 April 2006 06:28 (nineteen years ago)

I enjoyed seeing Sir Alan in casual attire.

The Badger = Meat Loaf.

Good to see her bricking it so much.

Syed's interview in the post-ejection taxi sounded like he had won.

I prefer him to the Badger.

They didn't read the rules!

The interviews next week might be interesting.

― PJ Miller (PJ Miller 68), Thursday, 27 April 2006 06:38 (nineteen years ago)

The final seems to be Ruth vs Ansell.

I don't think Ansell, purely because of the "That's another fine mess you got me into" look he gave when he did badly in the car selling task, and on being told by Alan he was the worst one according to the Car sales bloke.

Paul's 'matey' act will not get him through the interviews.

Will the final be the "Two Teams" finale like last year?

― mark grout (mark grout), Thursday, 27 April 2006 12:23 (nineteen years ago)

The Badger seems exceptionally charmless to me. I can't understand her success at sales - she leaves me cold.

― Bob Six (bobbysix), Thursday, 27 April 2006 12:34 (nineteen years ago)

I'm convinced there is amateur pr0n footage to be revealed after the show is over that will finally explain why "The Badger".

― aldo_cowpat (aldo_cowpat), Thursday, 27 April 2006 12:45 (nineteen years ago)

http://www.amstrad.com/amsface/

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Friday, 28 April 2006 14:22 (nineteen years ago)

Moves and speaks just like Sir Alan

― William Bloody Swygart (mrswygart), Friday, 28 April 2006 14:33 (nineteen years ago)

The prototype is currently displayed on this site and if the response to it is positive, the product range will be put into production. Amstrad plan to approach other people with famous catchphrases and expressions. Simon Cowell, Gordon Ramsay, Catherine Tate or Matt Lucas are just a few of the potential celebrities we have in mind to approach (although no agreements have yet been made).

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Friday, 28 April 2006 14:37 (nineteen years ago)

Wow, motherfuckers got cut up like they tried to rob a Glaswegian there.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 3 May 2006 20:01 (nineteen years ago)

Ruth vs Michelle should make for a hot final, especially if Ruth teams up with Syed again for a relaunch of last year's Paul/Saira hilarity.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 3 May 2006 20:06 (nineteen years ago)

I was right upthread, I hate Ruth more than I hate Sharon (although not much, as they're both pretty despicable).

Let's work through Ruth's statement in the car logically, shall we?

"I think it's great we've got this far, and we're women."

OK, this is only notable if you acknowledge there is a glass ceiling in industry. Which is fair enough.

But for this to be notable in the context of the Apprentice, where Sir Alan has fired all the candidates and deliberately chosen the last two, it can only be notable if you believe Sir Alan somehow operates under the same general sexist criteria and you have somehow pulled the wool over his eyes.

So it's either insulting to him, or bollocks.

Given that Ruth said it, my money's on the latter.

― aldo_cowpat (aldo_cowpat), Wednesday, 3 May 2006 20:09 (nineteen years ago)

Michelle, for reasons best know to herself, picks Syed next week. RUTH PICKS JO.

Hilarity, no doubt, ensues.

― aldo_cowpat (aldo_cowpat), Wednesday, 3 May 2006 20:12 (nineteen years ago)

I'm predicting no Nargis or James. I'm going out on a limb there.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 3 May 2006 20:20 (nineteen years ago)

Fucking hell, Michelle picks Sharon, Paul and Syed. SHE DOES NOT WANT TO WIN THIS.

That said, RUTH PICKS JO.

― aldo_cowpat (aldo_cowpat), Wednesday, 3 May 2006 20:32 (nineteen years ago)

jesus christ. paul really, really dicked that up. that was nought to complete dick in record time. what a ... dick.

i can't believe ansell's gone. i fail to see any merit in michelle at all. she also has dead eyes.

and ruth's comment about "we've only got five GCSEs between us" ... hang on, that's a good thing? that's a boast?

still. the final looks tremendous.

― grimly fiendish (grimlord), Wednesday, 3 May 2006 22:29 (nineteen years ago)

Name: Ruth Badger
Age: 27
Occupation: Sales Manager
Qualifications: 7 GCSEs

Name: Michelle Dewberry
Age: 26
Occupation: Telecoms Consultant
Qualifications: GCSEs and professional qualifications

Try and add 7 to another number and come up with five.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 3 May 2006 22:48 (nineteen years ago)

no, it's true: michelle really does have -2 GCSEs.

― grimly fiendish (grimlord), Wednesday, 3 May 2006 22:56 (nineteen years ago)

ansel really hadn't done very much, i don't see how AS could have picked him over ruth. The badger is vile but she did work like fuck on almost every task. what a motley crew though. the only decent one out of the lot was that scottish lawyer woman who, inexplicably, went in week 2/3.

― jed_ (jed), Thursday, 4 May 2006 00:36 (nineteen years ago)

Michelle's the odds on favourite.

It seems to be a sign of being "in the zone" if Alan (oh OK, Sir Alan) starts talking about yr family...

― mark grout (mark grout), Thursday, 4 May 2006 05:53 (nineteen years ago)

and ruth's comment about "we've only got five GCSEs between us" ... hang on, that's a good thing? that's a boast?

Yeah, that got to me too, together with their attitude about lying on their CVs. Nice example to set for kids working their arses off to get A levels/Highers or a degree, isn't it? The message being: why bother, just sit at the back of the class sniffing your armpits, then bullshit your way through your CV, shout a lot and you'll get a six-figure salary. Work hard, be "honest" and "nice" and you end up in a bedsit with holes in your jumpers. Depressing.

― Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Thursday, 4 May 2006 06:52 (nineteen years ago)

lol at paul's 'life is more than money', 'i applied because i want more money' doublespeak. biggest shock was that he's only 25, seems much older.

(haven't actually seen the end yet, but did mistakenly switch over to the aftermath programme last night. argh.)

― koogs (koogs), Thursday, 4 May 2006 07:37 (nineteen years ago)

Today's Mirror says Syed and Michelle are going out together.

Back to the GCSE boast, though — Ruth added that "neither of us have A-levels or degrees, we're both self-made."

So if you drag yourself up from poverty, work hard, defy expectations, get to university and get a degree then get a decent job you're somehow less "self-made" than someone who gets a job without going to Uni along the way?

― Hello Sunshine (Hello Sunshine), Thursday, 4 May 2006 07:39 (nineteen years ago)

Oh, and I really liked Paul's attitude to Big Issue sellers and the way he was put down by the interviewer: "You do realise these people are homless? They're not professional salesmen, they're doing this so they can eat". Genius.

― Hello Sunshine (Hello Sunshine), Thursday, 4 May 2006 07:41 (nineteen years ago)

The sentence doesn't necessarily follow as a flow as such. Substitute a full stop for the comma and she would be saying they hadn't had benefactors 'helping them out' etc.

ALthough, she did say it like that.

― mark grout (mark grout), Thursday, 4 May 2006 07:41 (nineteen years ago)

xpost the interviewer was also called Paul wasn't he?

― mark grout (mark grout), Thursday, 4 May 2006 07:42 (nineteen years ago)

I thought Paul should have been sacked by SAS purely for the Big Issue comment, and told this encapsulated EVERYTHING that was wrong with him. Twunt. Love also the 'how come we haven't seen him in the boardroom?' discussion: because he was FLYING UNDERNEATH THE RADAR and any woman who has had to carry similar office ballast knew that from the second he opened his mouth in the first episode.

SAS is an East End geez of certain vintage, of course bootstraps backstory and FAAAIMLY is going to get him, and both girls have this. I know plenty of school leavers who have grafted their way to something beyond their 'station' as such and if they're willing to work for it, how can we say it's beyond them to achieve things? The lying on CVs-type thing was dodgy territory for the interviewers in terms of their aggression but at least Ruth's explanation for her leaving terms was honest once she got a word in edgewise to give it.

― suzy (suzy), Thursday, 4 May 2006 08:01 (nineteen years ago)

Ruth's explanation for her leaving terms was honest once she got a word in edgewise to give it.

Really? I don't remember her giving one (other than "I don't think it's fair to keep people hanging on.")

― aldo_cowpat (aldo_cowpat), Thursday, 4 May 2006 08:08 (nineteen years ago)

The bit where she had to guarantee her return to the job, basically.

― mark grout (mark grout), Thursday, 4 May 2006 08:14 (nineteen years ago)

I must have missed the bit where SAS quizzed Meat Loaf Badger in detail about the 3 million -> 13 million turnover.

MLB also has this irritating habit of screwing her entire face up when asked to explain/justify herself, as though an invisible Rhett Butler were pressing his fingers down upon her skull to eradicate Ashley Wilkes from her mind forever.

I bet MLB talks like that in the pub, as well, viz. "Drinks?" "Noomber woon, I'm ambitious..."

― Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Thursday, 4 May 2006 08:15 (nineteen years ago)

The bit where she had to guarantee her return to the job, basically.

But that was even worse! Parsing what she said, it could only be interpreted as "Even if I don't win, I'm bound to get much better offers than your shitty job now I've been on telly."

SAS quizzing MLB about the discrepancy:

"I find it hard to believe that you were the fundamental cause of this."
"Ah, no, roit, the chief executive promised me that I was a fundamental enabler in it."

Presumably her agressive-agressive stance got to him.

― aldo_cowpat (aldo_cowpat), Thursday, 4 May 2006 08:26 (nineteen years ago)

Oh, and Ansell having dropped out of school before he did any exams to play football sort of trumps MLB's GCSE claims.

― aldo_cowpat (aldo_cowpat), Thursday, 4 May 2006 08:44 (nineteen years ago)

The Badger looks like she'd have been the school bully. I can imagine her in the school playground, terrorising the juniors and forcing them to buy gum from her.

― C J (C J), Thursday, 4 May 2006 08:48 (nineteen years ago)

She is so way behind in the betting. She possibly has not recognised this.

― mark grout (mark grout), Thursday, 4 May 2006 08:57 (nineteen years ago)

To be honest, next weeks task is more than likely going to be a "one more time round the fair with the team" than a "Who does best will win" scenario. Unless Michelle screws up really badly.

― mark grout (mark grout), Thursday, 4 May 2006 09:00 (nineteen years ago)

SHE PICKS JO.

I cannot over-emphasise this.

― aldo_cowpat (aldo_cowpat), Thursday, 4 May 2006 09:02 (nineteen years ago)

Ruth vs Michelle should make for a hot final, especially if Ruth teams up with Syed again for a relaunch of last year's Paul/Saira hilarity.
-- Dom Passantino (juror...) (webmail), Yesterday 9:06 PM. (later) (link)

Ruth Picks Jo, for a relaunch of last year's Paul/Saira hilarity.

― mark grout (mark grout), Thursday, 4 May 2006 09:06 (nineteen years ago)

You cannot be the bully (successfully, anyway) if you drool and do tongue-curls whilst mouth-breathing through your bronchitis-sucking face under a runny nose. It is fact and law. She is also doing that large mousy woman dyes hair burgundy and expects us not to see the gimp underneath thing.

From the clips it looks like Ruth's team win, but whether this has bearing on the final SAS decision I have no idea.

Is Michelle the kind of girl who'd shag a boy she'd beaten in a competition she goes on to win? Hmmmm. Is Syed the kind of boy who'd go for the girl who beat him to win on some level?

I like that both women set out their store early about being prepared to look out for Numero Uno in the workplace.

― suzy (suzy), Thursday, 4 May 2006 09:21 (nineteen years ago)

Ruth 'beat' Syed, last week.

― mark grout (mark grout), Thursday, 4 May 2006 09:28 (nineteen years ago)

What, literally? Is it on YouTube? ;-)

IIRC Saira's team won the final task last year but Tim went through on an "it's not just about today's result" basis.

― Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Thursday, 4 May 2006 09:33 (nineteen years ago)

I'm thinking in terms of Syed placed fourth and Michelle has outranked him.

― suzy (suzy), Thursday, 4 May 2006 09:40 (nineteen years ago)

I thought Paul should have been sacked by SAS purely for the Big Issue comment, and told this encapsulated EVERYTHING that was wrong with him. Twunt.

ummmm. as a former big issue staffer, can i just point out that we used to have similar discussions at every single meeting? it was a simple fact: the vendors who sold the magazine as a magazine were several hundred times more successful than the rest, as you'd probably expect.

the attitude among the vendors was simple: the harder you try to sell the thing, the more cash you'll make. TBI is, after all, a very simple capitalist enterprise; there's not much charity about it.

that said, paul made the point like a wanker, and i think it's mere accident that he touched upon something that actually used to be a major point of discussion in the office ;)

and if that's the "one thing" that really annoys him, he is in fact a total and utter penis.

still.

― grimly fiendish (grimlord), Thursday, 4 May 2006 09:42 (nineteen years ago)

Outranked, yes. But Ruth 'beat' him more directly, so it may be that Syed might be more predisposed to help Michelle win, as she didn't 'dis' him directly. Or, I dunno, she may have done, I can't remember.

xpost

― mark grout (mark grout), Thursday, 4 May 2006 09:43 (nineteen years ago)

And of course:

"I'm brilliant. I'm great."

We'll be the judge of that, Mr Tulip.

― Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Thursday, 4 May 2006 10:14 (nineteen years ago)

Nancy Banks-Smith in today's theguardian:

Sir Alan Sugar, it may surprise you, has three chums - Bordon, Claude and Paul - who are privileged to address him as plain Alan. Last night on The Apprentice (BBC2) they put the last four contestants through the mangle.

I don't know if you've ever encountered a mangle, so called because it mangles? The great trick is not to feed your tie or anything else at all dangly into the rollers.

Poor old Paul, who will not recognise himself in that description, fed his tongue into the mangle. He said: "Everyone who knows me has said to me, 'I've never met anyone like you in my life!' I've never met anyone like me, and I don't think the world could cope with two like me. I want a massive stage to play on. I think I'm brilliant. I think I'm great." "Don't," said Claude, rattling his tail, "keep saying how brilliant you are." Paul's big blue eyes rounded. "I'm just a likable person that can get on with anyone."

"You're not," said Claude, "getting on with me."

Borden showed a nicely lethal line in irony. "I applaud your integrity in saying you lie and cheat every day."

And Paul took exception to his suit. "I have no idea what he's doing here. He's a door-to-door salesman. He looks like one. He dresses like one. If I went down to the pub and had a few drinks, I'm sure he could make me laugh. Would I want him running one of my businesses? Not a chance. How did he get here? I don't know. The fact that he's on 25 grand a year is about right. If you go down the road to the Peugeot office, you'll find four Pauls in there. And three of them will be wearing nicer suits."

Tips for job seekers. Knock before you go in. Only sit down when offered a seat. Get your hands on a good suit. Have some idea what the company makes.

And what does Amstrad make? Bordon quizzed the unfortunate Paul on this very point. "Computers," said Paul, confidently. "Amstrad doesn't actually make computers now," said Bordon with some satisfaction. He happens to run Viglen computers. "They distribute them," said Paul. "They don't," said Bordon. We know Amstrad makes those rather peculiar phones that the BBC gives away for readers' letters, and Smootho, an age-defying wrinkle cream, which Tim Campbell, the previous apprentice, is trying to market with, you suspect, a sinking heart. I think Amstrad makes sofas. There do seem to be rather a lot of them around at the moment.

Paul was not so much fired as launched into outer space. Ansell, generally agreed to be a really nice guy, came third, the traditional place for really nice guys. Which left Ruth ("A tough cookie") and Michelle ("A cold fish") ·

― Hello Sunshine (Hello Sunshine), Thursday, 4 May 2006 10:37 (nineteen years ago)

Yes, a bit rich coming from a "property tycoon".

God, I hate the Badger.

I think she is more likely to have been bullied than to have been a bully herself.

I do not think Michelle is a cold fish. They must be a bit thick to think that, I think.

― PJ Miller (PJ Miller 68), Thursday, 4 May 2006 12:19 (nineteen years ago)

PJM is probably right about Ruth being bullied; she has the aura of someone who's had to pull their shit together to stop it happening to them, and had Scarlett O'Hara moment about it. Which can also be said of Michelle.

― suzy (suzy), Thursday, 4 May 2006 13:08 (nineteen years ago)

Strange thing about Michelle - sometimes she appears to be thinking. This could count against her.

Possible Badger-bullying, back in the day:

"Meat Loaf! Meat Loaf! Bat Out Of Hell! Meat Loaf!"

Michelle would be wise to start softly humming Meat Loaf songs around the house. Could give her the edge.

― PJ Miller (PJ Miller 68), Thursday, 4 May 2006 13:28 (nineteen years ago)

In today's Standard there are allegations that MLB (a) has split from her husband; (b) is gay. Obviously this rules her out from everything.

― Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Thursday, 4 May 2006 13:33 (nineteen years ago)

Who is MLB? Badger?

― PJ Miller (PJ Miller 68), Thursday, 4 May 2006 13:34 (nineteen years ago)

See your previous post for explanation of the ML.

― Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Thursday, 4 May 2006 13:38 (nineteen years ago)

Ansell backs Ruth, Paul backs Michelle:

http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/tm_objectid=17029367%26method=full%26siteid=94762%26headline=the%2dblonde%2dv%2dthe%2dbadger%2d-name_page.html

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Thursday, 4 May 2006 13:42 (nineteen years ago)

And win a chance to meet The Badger:

http://www.ruthbadger.com/

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Thursday, 4 May 2006 13:43 (nineteen years ago)

Silly me re MLB.

What have they brought back Berni Inns?

Like any good entrepreneur I'm offering you the chance to win an exclusive meal for four with me, Ruth Badger, not only will you get an insight into my time spent on TV, it's also your chance to grill me on any business issues, problems, or ideas you might have. It's a first using mobile phones .... you can enter the competition by simply following these instructions, Text RUTH to 81581 for your chance to win this prize. Closing date for entries on 12:00pm 15th May 2006, when the winner will be announced on this site.

Best of Luck - Ruth

― PJ Miller (PJ Miller 68), Thursday, 4 May 2006 13:49 (nineteen years ago)

I'd almost enter the competition if I thought it actually meant I could hold her over a fire for an extended period.

― aldo_cowpat (aldo_cowpat), Thursday, 4 May 2006 13:58 (nineteen years ago)

I like big and cuddly, but MLB is big and slimy. If you touched her you'd look like Henry McGee in one of those Benny Hill sketches where he's dressed in white and sits on a newly-painted park bench.

― Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Thursday, 4 May 2006 14:10 (nineteen years ago)

Michelle will win.
Ansel - probably would do a good job as the apprentice, but a doer rather than a thinker. Not knowing Amstrad's business in depth was totally idiotic - didn't he think they'd be asked this!! (IIRC at least one of the others didn't know, so maybe I'm being a bit hard on him.
Badger - a total lightweight. The bluster is a front for not really knowing much about business except how to bully people. I am surprised that SAS and crew haven't figured that out yet. I have met dozens like her and they work like this : a)get a new job b)make life impossible for their 'team' c)fire most of 'team' d)wreck everything else e)manage exclusively upwards f)trumpet a TINY success, to which they contributed nothing, while simultaneously deflecting any problems away from them, g)get promoted h)continue process at next level. They leave a huge mess behind them which is always someone else's responsibility to clear up. The business about increasing a business from £3 to £13 and *not being able to describe how* (i.e it was nowt to do with her) was awful and along with the bullshit about the share options (if she really walked out on that many share options either a)they were so far underwater that the company was really in the shit or b) she's a liar and got fired) should have been enough for SAS to give her the bullet.

Paul - finally revealed as absolutely the worst person in the whole world ever. What a tool.

― Dr.C (Dr.C), Thursday, 4 May 2006 14:17 (nineteen years ago)

I am not sure how to react to MLB's offer to sort out my business problems if I win the competition. I mean, it's very nice of her, but I'd rather ask a fucking menk.

― PJ Miller (PJ Miller 68), Thursday, 4 May 2006 14:18 (nineteen years ago)

OTM, Dr C. OTM.

― mark grout (mark grout), Thursday, 4 May 2006 14:20 (nineteen years ago)

.. and if that wasn't bad enough...
http://www.ruthbadger.com/challenge.htm
Are you up to the mark? Just fill this in and Ruth will send you an email with her verdict!

― mark grout (mark grout), Thursday, 4 May 2006 14:21 (nineteen years ago)

I'm not sure I see what distinction PJM is making there.

― aldo_cowpat (aldo_cowpat), Thursday, 4 May 2006 14:23 (nineteen years ago)

Of course they need to keep her in for the ratings.

― Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Thursday, 4 May 2006 14:27 (nineteen years ago)

I meant increase from £3M to £13M re: Badger's 'accomplishments'.

― Dr.C (Dr.C), Thursday, 4 May 2006 14:33 (nineteen years ago)

£3 to £13 is probably nearer the mark when you think about it.

― Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Thursday, 4 May 2006 14:39 (nineteen years ago)

I wish it was £3 to £13. This week: Tuck Shop Challenge.

― PJ Miller (PJ Miller 68), Thursday, 4 May 2006 14:40 (nineteen years ago)

Is it me, or is there a bit of previously hidden wit at work here?

What intimidates you?

Sir Alan Sugar
Failing
Ruth Badger
Presenting to audiences
Nothing

― PJ Miller (PJ Miller 68), Thursday, 4 May 2006 14:43 (nineteen years ago)

Presenting nothing to audiences and failing

― Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Thursday, 4 May 2006 14:49 (nineteen years ago)

I liked Alan Sugar's quick confused glance when Ansell said he had a sponge for a brain.

― KeefW (kmw), Thursday, 4 May 2006 19:06 (nineteen years ago)

i was going to post a big screed about amstrad/SAS/the candidates. but instead i'm just going to link to my desktop picture on this thread.

― grimly fiendish (grimlord), Thursday, 4 May 2006 21:48 (nineteen years ago)

I've just thought:

Glass ceiling - Roof Badger

Coincidence?

― PJ Miller (PJ Miller 68), Friday, 5 May 2006 11:26 (nineteen years ago)

.. warming up thread for today...

There's been a lot of "Badger!" in mags (Heat, umm...)

This didn't happen so much, last year.

So she's basically been 'upping' her media presence.

Seems desperate.

― mark grout (mark grout), Wednesday, 10 May 2006 07:19 (nineteen years ago)

I hate her more than everbody else put together, I think. Apart from Ruth. I might hate her more.
-- aldo_cowpat (aldo.cowp...), March 16th, 2006 11:59 AM.
I also hate Ruth.

-- beanz (beanz...), March 16th, 2006 12:42 PM.

ILX in ahead of the rest of the country shockah!

Ansell or Paul are the only two credible winners, I think. I don't think I've heard Michelle say a word since the series started.
-- aldo_cowpat (aldo.cowp...), March 16th, 2006 10:11 AM.

Me in aldo knows fuck all shockah!

I've just re-read this thread though, and well done us, it's veh funny.

― aldo_cowpat (aldo_cowpat), Wednesday, 10 May 2006 08:31 (nineteen years ago)

It doesn't mean yr wrong, necessarily. Ansell seemed a credible winner. Paul lost cred bigtime over the past two weeks.

― mark grout (mark grout), Wednesday, 10 May 2006 08:42 (nineteen years ago)

Badger's been in the press though because she has SCANDAL. Michelle, on the other hand, has an eyebrow pencil.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 10 May 2006 08:46 (nineteen years ago)

Scandle? Wot scandle?

― mark grout (mark grout), Wednesday, 10 May 2006 08:51 (nineteen years ago)

Paul never had any cred with me to begin with. The Pauls of this world are designed to piss off the underemployed because they appear to be paid for doing fuck-all, badly.

Michelle has a RED eyebrow pencil.

― suzy (suzy), Wednesday, 10 May 2006 08:51 (nineteen years ago)

I am ~~feeling physically sick at the thought of~~intrigued by the fake lezzing photos of The Badger that will no doubt appear in Lad's Mags over the next few weeks, possibly with the first woman voted off Big Brother.

― aldo_cowpat (aldo_cowpat), Wednesday, 10 May 2006 08:52 (nineteen years ago)

Badger scandle is leaving her husband to be a full-time carpet muncher, innit?

― aldo_cowpat (aldo_cowpat), Wednesday, 10 May 2006 08:53 (nineteen years ago)

Yuh-huh.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 10 May 2006 08:55 (nineteen years ago)

From the BBC website
VOTE RESULTS
Who should win The Apprentice?
Ruth Badger
36.14%
Michelle Dewberry
63.86%
9962 Votes Cast
Results are indicative and may not reflect public opinion

Ruth has already done enough to get immediately fired, i.e. fibbing about how many o-levels she has...

― mark grout (mark grout), Wednesday, 10 May 2006 12:53 (nineteen years ago)

The Badger that will no doubt appear in Lad's Mags over the next few weeks, possibly with the first woman voted off Big Brother.
he he

― not-goodwin (not-goodwin), Wednesday, 10 May 2006 13:13 (nineteen years ago)

also, badger has moved to manchester. i hope i see her out one night.

― not-goodwin (not-goodwin), Wednesday, 10 May 2006 13:14 (nineteen years ago)

oops!

― not-goodwin (not-goodwin), Wednesday, 10 May 2006 13:14 (nineteen years ago)

Ruth has already done enough to get immediately fired, i.e. fibbing about how many o-levels she has...

That was Michelle.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 10 May 2006 13:16 (nineteen years ago)

No, The Badger claimed to have less last week - "5 O-levels between us", she's got seven herself.

― aldo_cowpat (aldo_cowpat), Wednesday, 10 May 2006 13:28 (nineteen years ago)

Seeing their gormless gawping faces all over the press has made me not want to watch it.

For instance, yesterday, Michelle went shopping.

― PJ Miller (PJ Miller 68), Wednesday, 10 May 2006 13:34 (nineteen years ago)

But Michelle was found to have lied about her GCSEs on her CV, in order to get her first job?

The picture of them on the cover of the Mirror tis morning si frankly terrifying.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 10 May 2006 13:36 (nineteen years ago)

Ah yes, I'd forgotten about that.

I've just googled the Mirror because I hadn't seen that picture. THE FAKE LEZZING SHOTS HAVE STARTED ALREADY.

― aldo_cowpat (aldo_cowpat), Wednesday, 10 May 2006 13:38 (nineteen years ago)

Oh fuck, I feel sick now.

RUTH Badger takes a moment to consider the 36DD cleavage overwhelming her low-cut top and proudly declares: "Of all the girls, I've got the biggest pair - but I didn't use them. I couldn't go to work wearing what I've got on today because if I had to discipline a team of men they'd be looking down my cleavage."

Although The Mirror tells it like it is:

With a grin on her face instead of her usual grimace, the Wolverhampton lass is very different to the sour-faced hitwoman in badly-fitted suits who sailed through every task.

― aldo_cowpat (aldo_cowpat), Wednesday, 10 May 2006 13:44 (nineteen years ago)

Anyway, I'm gonna watch this in the living room, so no play-by-play from me. See you when either Pauline Quirk or Skeletor has taken the dukes.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 10 May 2006 18:26 (nineteen years ago)

20 minutes in, and I've remembered exactly why I hate Sharon. YOU'RE NOT IN WITH A CHANCE OF WINNING LOVE, POINTLESS BITCHING ABOUT THE OTHERS ACHIEVES FUCK ALL.

(like Dom, I am watching it in another room and will only be through when I am annoyed/happy enough)

― aldo_cowpat (aldo_cowpat), Wednesday, 10 May 2006 19:25 (nineteen years ago)

i wish the last challenge had been a piss up in a brewery

― secondhandnews (secondhandnews), Wednesday, 10 May 2006 19:38 (nineteen years ago)

Ha ha - I reckon the editorial spin is leanign towards Michelle winning?

― Lara (Lara), Wednesday, 10 May 2006 19:40 (nineteen years ago)

The Badger's night being UTTERLY FUCKING AWFUL might just sway this.

― aldo_cowpat (aldo_cowpat), Wednesday, 10 May 2006 19:47 (nineteen years ago)

they both did look a bit rubbish really,

― secondhandnews (secondhandnews), Wednesday, 10 May 2006 19:47 (nineteen years ago)

Syed in being honest shockah! "We were a bit crap in sales, and could have done better for Michelle."

If she loses this it will be because of honesty in the boardroom and not making up any old crap.

― aldo_cowpat (aldo_cowpat), Wednesday, 10 May 2006 19:56 (nineteen years ago)

MICHELLE

― Hal! Jordan! HAL! JORDAN! (Barima), Wednesday, 10 May 2006 19:59 (nineteen years ago)

BADGER GOES DOWN

― Hal! Jordan! HAL! JORDAN! (Barima), Wednesday, 10 May 2006 20:00 (nineteen years ago)

JUSTICE!

― aldo_cowpat (aldo_cowpat), Wednesday, 10 May 2006 20:01 (nineteen years ago)

Same as last year: softly-spoken (read: anonymous) hard-backgroundee triumphs over charismatic (read: quite possibly homicidal) rival, despite losing the final task.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 10 May 2006 20:02 (nineteen years ago)

Hahaha, the Badger's speech there was one of the most ingracious in defeat things ever.

Plus you can almost see her minge. I feel sick.

― aldo_cowpat (aldo_cowpat), Wednesday, 10 May 2006 20:03 (nineteen years ago)

Ew. Emsk, Farrell, Ed and myself are sharing a joke about Paul being an evil Timothy Spall.

― suzy (suzy), Wednesday, 10 May 2006 20:08 (nineteen years ago)

BADGER GOES DOWN
-- Hal! Jordan! HAL! JORDAN! (b4rim4_...), May 10th, 2006.
Plus you can almost see her minge. I feel sick.

-- aldo_cowpat (aldo.cowpa...), May 10th, 2006.

Unfortunate.

― Hal! Jordan! HAL! JORDAN! (Barima), Wednesday, 10 May 2006 20:12 (nineteen years ago)

Hahaha

"When I said Sales Manager, I forgot that was a manager of salesmen and not an actual salesman."

The Badger is great value here.

― aldo_cowpat (aldo_cowpat), Wednesday, 10 May 2006 20:15 (nineteen years ago)

Chiles: "describe Ruth"
The Badger's mum: "She's a winner."

Oh how we roffled when a minute later it had Syed during the pizza task explain why he should survive because "he's a winner".

Sir Alan: "No you ain't, you just done bleedin' lost, aincha?"

― aldo_cowpat (aldo_cowpat), Wednesday, 10 May 2006 20:34 (nineteen years ago)

what a pile of wank. in some way it - the whole thing, even down to those two getting into the final over ansell - was a total fix. i'm not sure why or how yet, but ... that was baws.

hey, big brother starts soon!

i didn't finish work till after 10pm (and had to rewrite our TV review of it for second edition too 'cos somehow ... oh, never mind) so i'm just watching it now. michelle is making a strange porn face at alan sugar in front of adrian chiles. ew.

best moment of the entire series: paul's "cock". as it were.

― grimly fiendish (grimlord), Wednesday, 10 May 2006 22:26 (nineteen years ago)

You should have hired me for TV reviews, and you knows it.

― aldo_cowpat (aldo_cowpat), Wednesday, 10 May 2006 22:28 (nineteen years ago)

if it was up to me, i'd have the entire paper staffed by ILx0 ... NO NO WHAT AM I SAYING? AAAARGH.

― grimly fiendish (grimlord), Wednesday, 10 May 2006 22:48 (nineteen years ago)

if it was up to me, i'd have the entire paper staffed by ILx

I am nearly unemployed and can talk pish for Scotland. Gissajob, go on, gies wan....

(you walked past me twice in the last two days, btw, get one power of observation)

― ailsa (ailsa), Wednesday, 10 May 2006 22:51 (nineteen years ago)

What a load of rubbish, excpet for "Astin Martin" and "Cock".

Tower Bridge is one of the stupidest venues in London.

Do people really go to this kind of "event"? I would rather mow the lawn.

Meat Loaf's Ugly Sister did look better once the pressure was off though. Although these things are relative.

Michelle was pretty smart carrying on the Debbie Does Dallas theme.

I had not seen the bloke having a wank on the aeroplane before. That was good, that bit.

Adrian Chiles really needs to get his act together, he's really letting me down this year. And last year, I suppose.

Now what? No telly, except Jimmy McGovern's The Street for one more week.

― PJ Miller (PJ Miller 68), Thursday, 11 May 2006 06:50 (nineteen years ago)

grimly, you never had Ruth winning in yr original copy! You never never never!

Other: Ruth seemed to get on with Jo much better than the show made out.

fwiw, I liked Ruth more, but wasn;t upset about Michelle winning.

Oh, and they obviously filmed the 'win' long before. So what does Ruth do in the circumstances? Hire a good PA, it seems. All the papers, early morning TV, etc. Todays papers have it as "the one that wasn't Ruth won!"

Also "The team that wasn't Middlesbrough" but there you go.

― mark grout (mark grout), Thursday, 11 May 2006 07:08 (nineteen years ago)

MLB: "If you appoint me, Sir Alan, noomber woon, you won't be getting a trainee."

Er, the programme was called The Apprentice and wasn't that the, er, point?

― Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Thursday, 11 May 2006 07:17 (nineteen years ago)

Yeah, she aimed way too high with her final speech. Mind you, barring catastrophe, Michelle had won it last week.

― mark grout (mark grout), Thursday, 11 May 2006 07:25 (nineteen years ago)

The Badger's final speech concentrated too much on slagging off Michelle though - "I'm not this" means you think the other person is, and how it's a bad thing - and when she did talk about herself it was all the usual specious, unqualified bollocks. "I'll make you lots of moonai."

― aldo_cowpat (aldo_cowpat), Thursday, 11 May 2006 07:49 (nineteen years ago)

grimly, you never had Ruth winning in yr original copy! You never never never!

not as such. it was a bit ... weird. i can see what the guy was trying to do, but when the result came out, i decided it didn't work.

― grimly fiendish (grimlord), Thursday, 11 May 2006 08:26 (nineteen years ago)

meanwhile: according to the times, all was not what it seemed in the final. coo ur gosh: television in manipulation-of-the-facts shockah. "the apprentice" in not quite the most straightforward of job interviews row. pope in genuflecting probe. etc.

now, when does big brother start?

― grimly fiendish (grimlord), Thursday, 11 May 2006 08:42 (nineteen years ago)

Is Badger going to be the "mystery celebrity" in BB7?

― Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Thursday, 11 May 2006 08:49 (nineteen years ago)

Wasn't it last year that Tim and Saira were also given jobs until the final was broadcast?

― suzy (suzy), Thursday, 11 May 2006 08:51 (nineteen years ago)

Ms Badger, who has seven GCSEs, said that “money and recognition” drove her. Ms Dewberry has two GCSEs, two NVQs and an HND.

Ah, so 7GCSE + 2GCSE + 2 NVQ + 1 HND = 5 GCSE's then.

― mark grout (mark grout), Thursday, 11 May 2006 08:58 (nineteen years ago)

Maybe she felt that Michelle's two GCSEs didn't count.

― Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Thursday, 11 May 2006 09:03 (nineteen years ago)

They were in cookery and photography, so she counted them as negative numbers.

― aldo_cowpat (aldo_cowpat), Thursday, 11 May 2006 09:04 (nineteen years ago)

The Badger's final speech concentrated too much on slagging off Michelle though - "I'm not this" means you think the other person is, and how it's a bad thing - and when she did talk about herself it was all the usual specious, unqualified bollocks. "I'll make you lots of moonai."

Yeah, but Michelle speech was 100% specious unqualified bollocks. Ruth was doing some hard selling, I was amazed she lost (but then this was the first episode I saw). I'd definitely rather have her than Michelle as a boss.

Ruth has already done enough to get immediately fired, i.e. fibbing about how many o-levels she has...

This only gets you fired if people want to fire you.

Ew. Emsk, Farrell, Ed and myself are sharing a joke about Paul being an evil Timothy Spall.

Specifically from Auf Weidersehen, Pet. There's something about his puppyish "I don't quite understand what's going on" expression that really reminded me.

― Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Thursday, 11 May 2006 09:08 (nineteen years ago)

what will the apprentice actually be doing in this 6-figure-salary job?

― ken c (ken c), Thursday, 11 May 2006 09:10 (nineteen years ago)

another intrigue: if michelle as a telecoms consultant supposedly earned £100,000 a year, how can a six figure salary job be a pay-cut? (£9999.99?)

― ken c (ken c), Thursday, 11 May 2006 09:32 (nineteen years ago)

i hope the next US season will be vince mcmahon

― ken c (ken c), Thursday, 11 May 2006 09:33 (nineteen years ago)

That would be absolutely AWESOME.

― Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Thursday, 11 May 2006 09:37 (nineteen years ago)

The climax, which will be filmed on Tuesday in a TV studio that doubles as “the boardroom”

No fucking way!

― PJ Miller (PJ Miller 68), Thursday, 11 May 2006 09:37 (nineteen years ago)

Her first boyfriend, Lee Appleby, who featured in a lurid tabloid kiss’n’tell, has said: “Michelle wanted bigger and better things and was determined to get them.”

*giggles*

― ken c (ken c), Thursday, 11 May 2006 09:41 (nineteen years ago)

Actually Paul reminded me more of a slightly thinner Chris Moyles.

― Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Thursday, 11 May 2006 09:45 (nineteen years ago)

no comments on michelle and syed getting together? i cant find anything about it on google

― titchyschneider (titchyschneider), Thursday, 11 May 2006 09:58 (nineteen years ago)

i hope the next US season will be vince mcmahon

"You're a cruiserweight, you're fired"

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Thursday, 11 May 2006 09:59 (nineteen years ago)

no comments on michelle and syed getting together? i cant find anything about it on google

Michelle's saying it's bollocks, basically.

― aldo_cowpat (aldo_cowpat), Thursday, 11 May 2006 10:11 (nineteen years ago)

Fairly good definition!

― Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Thursday, 11 May 2006 10:22 (nineteen years ago)

syed: "michelle if you like bollocks i can metaphorically teabag you all night long"
michelle "take me syed!"
syed "thank you for the opportunity!"

― ken c (ken c), Thursday, 11 May 2006 10:27 (nineteen years ago)

> Yeah, but Michelle speech was 100% specious unqualified bollocks.

you mean 110%

― koogs (koogs), Thursday, 11 May 2006 10:36 (nineteen years ago)

Michelle and Syed did get it on, surely? The kiss on the cheek, Syed saying "I can't believe you did that on national television!", Syed walking into Michelle's room while she was still in bed like it was the most natural thing in the world, the whole way they spoke to each other throughout the show was flirty, Michelle couldn't help but smile at him, even when she was angry, etc etc.

I fucking hate the way Michelle speaks. Some bastard hybrid of the dregs of Hull, that disgusting backpacker 'pitch-of-my-voice-goes-up-at-the-end-of-statements-making-them-into-'comfort me'-style-questions' and every so often slipping into a five year old girl's impression of how posh people talk.

So the final was filmed recently, long after all the other tasks took place? Odd how this wasn't mentioned in the show. They tried to pass it off as the decision being in the same time frame as all the tasks. Why bother filming it so far in advance anyway? It couldn't be that difficult to have the tasks a couple of days before putting them on TV and show the final properly live. Very confused by the way they've done all this.

If the decison was oh so difficult for Alan, as he claimed then why doesn't he hire both? They both have different strengths so it makes sense to hire both. Or am I missing the point of 'IT ALL RESTS ON ALAN'S FINAL DECISION, ONE PERSON HAS EVERYTHING, THE OTHER NOTHING...' Still, seems like shitty business practice to ditch a top-quality employee because TV dictates he should.

Anyway, great series. Didn't watch it last year but this is my new number reality TV show of ever.

― Affectian (Affectian), Thursday, 11 May 2006 22:26 (nineteen years ago)

i keep being told, by people who in some cases i love and trust dearly (hello darling, if you're lurking here), that two endings were filmed: one where ruth wins and one where michelle wins.

has anyone else heard this rumour? it strikes me as utterly daft. but apparently erstwhile apprentices are on the record somewhere saying it's so.

― grimly fiendish (grimlord), Thursday, 11 May 2006 22:29 (nineteen years ago)

I am still immensely disgruntled that Karen didn't win, being the only person in the whole series who I think I'd like to work with. Michelle seemed quite rude, I think it's good manners to thank the person offering you a job. I did like Michelle in that I think she's the only candidate that displayed anything like common sense and a business brain and she was very much playing to win all the way through. Sugar totally loved her, he was grinning affectionately at her on You're Hired last night.

GF, I heard that rumour on Digital Spy. I also heard they've both been working there for a while, and that Ruth is being kept on too.

I really wished, when Michelle was told "you're hired" that she turned the job down on the grounds that she's a successful career woman and on reflection doesn't need to go and work for anyone else.

SAS: "Michelle, you're hired"
Michelle: "Nah, you're alright thanks, I think I'll stay where I am"
Badger: !!!!! *claps happily to self, bounces up and down in seat*
SAS: "Fiona, get me Ansell on line 2...Ansell, you're hired!"
Badger: *explodes in a purple-faced fit*

― ailsa (ailsa), Thursday, 11 May 2006 22:39 (nineteen years ago)

Ruth is apparently meeting with SAS this week to discuss "employment opportunities".

Syed, on the other hand, has already signed up to host a daytime TV show.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Thursday, 11 May 2006 22:43 (nineteen years ago)

lucky syed. shags michelle. daytime TV show. all whilst getting to be a cunt and piss off paul

― ken c (ken c), Thursday, 11 May 2006 23:01 (nineteen years ago)

I hope Syed's show is about being an inventor, and he gets to talk to fellow inventors about his inventions. We still don't know what they are, by the way.

Sugar is a tit.

― PJ Miller (PJ Miller 68), Friday, 12 May 2006 07:08 (nineteen years ago)

I'm pretty sure the TV studio is in the Dave Cameron bits of W10, as the CAFE ADDIS the apprentices were doing post-mortems in was a) across the street from the flat I was housesitting for three weeks just gone and b) CAFE ADDIS had shut forever, in the not too distant past, judging by the piles of mail on the floor by the door of the now-empty shop.

― suzy (suzy), Friday, 12 May 2006 07:20 (nineteen years ago)

I wish there was actually some *business* in the programme. I mean flogging tickets to a tuppence-ha'penny Bond night is hardly taxing. I'd like to see them have to analyze huge reams of company data on say, 3 potential aquisitions, with a v.tight deadline, and then present their recommendations to SAS and a team of shit-hot advisers in the form of a strategic business plan. It would involve analysis of financials, strategy, product/service portfolios, manufacturing capability, cost bases etc. It could still make for good TV, but would probably move it away from reality TV and more for the people who like Trouble at The Top and that Gerry Robinson prog. (The series of the latter which did family businesses was pretty good soap opera too!). Of course none of the halfwits from the apprentice would even know where to start a biz plan of this nature.

― Dr.C (Dr.C), Friday, 12 May 2006 07:27 (nineteen years ago)

> I hope Syed's show is about being an inventor

maybe a show where people invent things using everyday objects in order to get out of scrapes / help others. he could call it 'The A Team'.

― koogs (koogs), Friday, 12 May 2006 07:36 (nineteen years ago)

I agree with Dr C.

I also agree with Koogs.

― PJ Miller (PJ Miller 68), Friday, 12 May 2006 07:42 (nineteen years ago)

dr C, absolutely. if only to see syed's "strategic" ... well, anything, really.

michelle: "i think you should buy that company there for several million, sir alan. i've got a gut feeling."

talking of which: did anyone notice that, despite michelle getting roundly abused for talking about "gut feelings", sugar used his own gut feeling as one of his criteria for hiring her?

― grimly fiendish (grimlord), Friday, 12 May 2006 09:23 (nineteen years ago)

Yeah, but it was Sugar's bumchums who slagged her off for that.

― PJ Miller (PJ Miller 68), Friday, 12 May 2006 10:29 (nineteen years ago)

Dom Passantino, where did you hear about Syed's daytime TV show? what's it called? is there anything else you know about it?

i wanna see it! :P

paul torrisi, i think, is doing a TV show about property with some other woman. but i didn't know Syed was doing a show too. :-)

― laura sherratt (lozoplop), Saturday, 13 May 2006 12:28 (nineteen years ago)

one month passes...

http://www.bolegbros.co.uk/apprentice

I urge you to click this.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Tuesday, 4 July 2006 14:08 (nineteen years ago)

two weeks pass...

http://observer.guardian.co.uk/7days/story/0,,1826894,00.html

"A bad week for:
Alan Sugar

We were all delighted to discover that Michelle Dewberry, the winner of the Apprentice TV show, is pregnant by fellow contestant Syed Ahmed. Sir Alan, however, might not be best pleased to find his new employee off on maternity leave."

Cock!

― koogy wonderland (koogs), Monday, 24 July 2006 08:29 (nineteen years ago)

I was just going to post this news.

I am so behind the times, it's embarrassing.

― PJ Miller (PJ Miller 68), Monday, 7 August 2006 07:58 (nineteen years ago)

two weeks pass...

Only just saw this story. So much for the high-power career!

― Konal Doddz (blueski), Monday, 21 August 2006 12:07 (nineteen years ago)

.. and if you are thinking "He shouldn't have picked her then" for that reason...

ooh! you.

― mark grout (mark grout), Monday, 21 August 2006 12:21 (nineteen years ago)

Um, meanwhile...

― NickB (NickB), Monday, 21 August 2006 12:35 (nineteen years ago)

Michelle Dewberry loses baby

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 23 August 2006 20:43 (nineteen years ago)

Bad.

― mark grout (mark grout), Thursday, 24 August 2006 10:27 (nineteen years ago)

yes. i was quite shocked. poor sods.

― grimly fiendish (grimlord), Thursday, 24 August 2006 20:13 (nineteen years ago)

there's a new series of the american apprentice on bbc two. feels a bit different in that:

a) it's on later, starting at 20 to midnight some nights. used to be a bbc2 highlight, but this makes it seem like the red-headed stepchild (with apologies to red-headed stepchildren everywhere)

b) there seems to be less actual task in it, like they've re-focused it on the boardroom bitching and the game show aspects of it (the new series of Beauty And The Geek does the same)

and it's still old Trumpy Boy. i thought martha took over for one series?

― Koogy Yonderboy (koogs), Thursday, 7 September 2006 15:20 (nineteen years ago)

That bombed.

Trump may have been researching Combover Technology (ooh, the science bit!) at the time.

― suzy (suzy), Thursday, 7 September 2006 15:43 (nineteen years ago)

I love the US Apprentice as it is chock full of pointless bitchy reaction shots - even the receptionist gets the occasional pointless reaction shot.

I also like the icy blonde Trump-assistant with the hair helmut. Trump is rubbish compared to Siralan though

― Mark Co (Markco), Friday, 8 September 2006 13:46 (nineteen years ago)

three weeks pass...

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/entertainment/5391516.stm

Michelle Dewberry Limited, you reckon?

― mark grout (mark grout), Friday, 29 September 2006 09:22 (nineteen years ago)

three weeks pass...

the above american series ended last week (was on twice a night two nights running around midnight). surprised the bloke who came third came third. not surprised the woman who came second didn't win ('yes, i designed the shape! go me!')

anyway, trumpy announced that the new series would be with Martha so i guess we're further behind thatn i thought we were. (kinda hinted at by the New York Olympics 2012 bid task)

> I love the US Apprentice as it is chock full of pointless bitchy reaction shots

with accompanying bum notes in the background music.

― Koogy Yonderboy (koogs), Monday, 23 October 2006 11:42 (nineteen years ago)

sharon mcallister was in our building the other week. i passed her in a corridor; she was being shown back to the door (thank fuck) although seemed very cheerful (christ). my thought process went a bit like this:

- fucking hell, it's that irritating bloody woman [a not uncommon thought in my office; in the interests of balance i should point out that "fucking hell, it's that irritating bloody bloke" is equally common, if not more so]

- hang on, she doesn't work here. where do i know her from?

- OH CHRIST, IT'S HER OFF THE APPRENTICE! QUICK, RUN BEFORE SHE SEES ME!

- hang on, you dick, it's not like she's going to recognise you.

perhaps she'll be our new MD. i mean, compared to what we've got now [rest of post deleted by the small lawyer that lives in grimly's brane].

― grimly fiendish (grimlord), Tuesday, 24 October 2006 13:06 (nineteen years ago)

You should have asked her if it really was her on this thread.

― aldo_cowpat (aldo_cowpat), Tuesday, 24 October 2006 14:58 (nineteen years ago)

that occurred to me 10 minutes later :(

― grimly fiendish (grimlord), Tuesday, 24 October 2006 20:38 (nineteen years ago)

four months pass...

Anyone know when this is back on TV?

― NI, Monday, 12 March 2007 19:44 (eighteen years ago)

Start of next month, I think.

― Dom Passantino, Monday, 12 March 2007 19:46 (eighteen years ago)

get the FUCK IN.

― grimly fiendish, Tuesday, 13 March 2007 22:24 (eighteen years ago)

i think there are Apprentice type shenanigans as part of RND this year. yes:

"Comic Relief Does the Apprentice
Thu 15 Mar, 9:00 pm - 10:00 pm 60mins

Ten celebrities face Sir Alan in the boardroom as he sets them a tough task in this special edition of The Apprentice. Alastair Campbell, Rupert Everett, Piers Morgan, Ross Kemp and Danny Baker compete with Cheryl Cole, Trinny Woodall, Jo Brand, Karren Brady and Maureen Lipman to raise as much money as possible for Comic Relief.

To win Sir Alan challenges them to use their celebrity contacts, including Simon Cowell, Take That, John Terry, McFly, Ashley Cole, Mick Hucknall, Anne Robinson, Tracey Emin and many others. But as The Apprentice sorts the boys from the girls, Alister gets out of his depth, Cheryl can't cook and Trinny scraps with Piers. But what happened to Rupert?"

― koogs, Wednesday, 14 March 2007 08:48 (eighteen years ago)

Christ that was boring wasn't it?

― Marcello Carlin, Friday, 16 March 2007 09:03 (eighteen years ago)

cheryl texting during negotiation and cheryl's look at the camera when explained that the chick learned her breathing technique thing from a russian doctor in austria where she goes to detox were funny.

never seen an episode of the show before last night. does the 'you're fired' bit take more than a few minutes? i assume it's just part of the Big Night festivities, but it seemed odd for it 'to be continued'

― Gukbe, Friday, 16 March 2007 12:13 (eighteen years ago)

In the normal programme the "you're fired" procedure takes up the last 5-10 minutes or so. I expect he'll fire Ross Kemp since he didn't actually seem to be doing anything.

― Marcello Carlin, Friday, 16 March 2007 12:14 (eighteen years ago)

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