the most brilliant gag on any simpsons episode ever, hands down

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is from the episode where bart goes to work for the gangsters, and at the end they're watching a sleazy made-for-tv version of the story ("blood on the blackboard: the bart simpson story! starring richard chamberlain as principal skinner, joe mantegna as fat tony, jane seymour as the woman he loved, and tv's doogie howser, neil patrick harris, as bart simpson!").

homer: so when do we get the check for this?
marge: well...they said they changed it just enough so they don't have to pay us.
homer: awww, you know who the real crooks are? those sleazy hollywood producers!!

and instantly the PRODUCERS credit comes on.

this moment is seriously one of the handful of things that makes me glad i'm alive.

― J.D. (Justyn Dillingham), Wednesday, 15 March 2006 09:56 (twenty years ago)

Naah, there's better than that.

― mark grout (mark grout), Wednesday, 15 March 2006 10:00 (twenty years ago)

everything involving Rod & Todd is funnier than that

― nate woolls (napawo), Wednesday, 15 March 2006 10:06 (twenty years ago)

Like when ROd and Todd are poking a hungover/passed-out Krusty on their front lawn with sticks curiously?

― Mr Jones (Mr Jones), Wednesday, 15 March 2006 13:12 (twenty years ago)

that producers gag isn't even top 300

― ty, Wednesday, 15 March 2006 13:15 (twenty years ago)

Not necess. the best but just remembered "Hey I'm seein' double here, four Krusties!"

― Konal Doddz (blueski), Wednesday, 15 March 2006 13:15 (twenty years ago)

Barney as Krusty: "I am so Chunky the Clown!" is funnier. That whole Kamp Krusty episode is funnier.

― nate woolls (napawo), Wednesday, 15 March 2006 13:27 (twenty years ago)

Bart to Krusty: "The Krusty I know didn't get where he is today by giving up!"

Krusty: "No, I got where I am today by naming names in the fifties."

― chap who would dare to be completely sober on the internet (chap), Wednesday, 15 March 2006 13:41 (twenty years ago)

that producers gag isn't even top 300

Seriously.

― gbx (skowly), Wednesday, 15 March 2006 13:58 (twenty years ago)

srsly u guyz

― the kit! (g-kit), Wednesday, 15 March 2006 13:59 (twenty years ago)

You are obviously stoned.

― Drunken Lurker, Wednesday, 15 March 2006 14:03 (twenty years ago)

Two words: Mr. Sparkle.

― mike a, Wednesday, 15 March 2006 14:06 (twenty years ago)

Funniest Simpsons anything is hard but the dogs or the bees or the dogs with bees in their mouth so when they bark etc etc is up there.

― adam (adam), Wednesday, 15 March 2006 14:08 (twenty years ago)

marge to the computer geek bill gatesy guy "do you realise why nobody likes you?"
geek guy "erm.. anti-semitism?"

― ken c (ken c), Wednesday, 15 March 2006 14:11 (twenty years ago)

Sideshow Bob stepping on all those rakes. The first time you see it, you're at risk of death by laughing.

― Hello Sunshine (Hello Sunshine), Wednesday, 15 March 2006 14:23 (twenty years ago)

The best recurring gag (ok, "a" recurring gag, because I'm not really remembering any others) - everything was crashing, rolling down a hill and exploding into flames for awhile there....

― Dave NSFW (dave225.3), Wednesday, 15 March 2006 14:23 (twenty years ago)

"Hello! My name is Mr. Burns! I believe you have a letter for me..."

― steal compass, drive north, disappear (tissp), Wednesday, 15 March 2006 14:24 (twenty years ago)

The best gag was the one where Homer fails to cross the ravine, gets loaded into an ambulance, ambulance crashes into a tree, Homer falls out the back and down the ravine again.

I felt Roadrunner and Wile E watching and marvelling at the new way to fall down a ravine that they hadn't thought of themselves.

― mark grout (mark grout), Wednesday, 15 March 2006 14:26 (twenty years ago)

Mark Grout, that is far from the funniest "gag" televised during the almost two decade long rapidly proceed of The Simpsons. Do you lack a sophisticated thought process, Mr. Grout? Please explain this conclusion.

― Ron Dennis, Wednesday, 15 March 2006 14:30 (twenty years ago)

the most brilliant gag on any simpsons episode ever is clearly

"why you little" *arr arrrr arrrrra arrrrrr*

although i guess not hands down

― ken c (ken c), Wednesday, 15 March 2006 14:33 (twenty years ago)

Possibly Best Simple Reaction To Visual Spectacle:

"Can't they get a pole for that sign?"

― Konal Doddz (blueski), Wednesday, 15 March 2006 14:33 (twenty years ago)

Talking about simpsons gags seems to be a bit overdone nowadays, though.

― steal compass, drive north, disappear (tissp), Wednesday, 15 March 2006 14:35 (twenty years ago)

No no no, it's when Bart does this funny thing to Homer, and Homer says 'D'oh!' and then Bart says, 'Don't have a cow, man!!!!!' Aahhh, I could watch that over and over.

― beanz (beanz), Wednesday, 15 March 2006 14:37 (twenty years ago)

eat my shorts

― Konal Doddz (blueski), Wednesday, 15 March 2006 14:38 (twenty years ago)

Alternatively, it could be when Homer's time-travelling, finds the perfect life, except nobody's heard of doughnuts, then he leaves and it starts raining doughnuts outside.

― beanz (beanz), Wednesday, 15 March 2006 14:38 (twenty years ago)

aye carumba

― steal compass, drive north, disappear (tissp), Wednesday, 15 March 2006 14:38 (twenty years ago)

Or when he puts mothballs in the beef stew hahahahahaaaa

― beanz (beanz), Wednesday, 15 March 2006 14:39 (twenty years ago)

I refer the hon gent to the answer I gave earlier.

― mark grout (mark grout), Wednesday, 15 March 2006 14:39 (twenty years ago)

i like it when he says 'B'oh!'

― Konal Doddz (blueski), Wednesday, 15 March 2006 14:39 (twenty years ago)

"doh!"
"a deer!!!"
"a female deer!!!!!"

― ken c (ken c), Wednesday, 15 March 2006 14:42 (twenty years ago)

good but cheesy

― Konal Doddz (blueski), Wednesday, 15 March 2006 14:42 (twenty years ago)

the one where Marge asks for 'fork handles'

― Konal Doddz (blueski), Wednesday, 15 March 2006 14:43 (twenty years ago)

"Hello! My name is Mr. Burns! I believe you have a letter for me..."
-- steal compass, drive north, disappear (tiss...), March 15th, 2006.

hahaha! yeah totally.

although also:

"eat-the-pudding-eat-the-pudding-eat-the-pudding-eat-the-pudding..."

― piscesboy, Wednesday, 15 March 2006 14:43 (twenty years ago)

the whole 'Joey Joe Joe Shabadoo' thing would be in my top ten

― Konal Doddz (blueski), Wednesday, 15 March 2006 14:44 (twenty years ago)

"PAINLESS DENTISTRY (formerly PAINFUL DENTISTRY)"

― phil d. (Phil D.), Wednesday, 15 March 2006 14:47 (twenty years ago)

"VHS VILLAGE (formerly BETA BARN)"

― steal compass, drive north, disappear (tissp), Wednesday, 15 March 2006 14:48 (twenty years ago)

Springfield Penitentiary
If you're a murderer you'd be home by now

― ken c (ken c), Wednesday, 15 March 2006 14:49 (twenty years ago)

TONIGHT-
Fourth Grade Talent Show
TOMORROW-
Closed to repair gas leak

― Dave NSFW (dave225.3), Wednesday, 15 March 2006 14:50 (twenty years ago)

I am Evil Ho-MER

― kingfish da notorious teletabby (kingfish 2.0), Wednesday, 15 March 2006 14:50 (twenty years ago)

I am disappointed in myself for proclaiming this kind of thing overdone, then gleefully taking part. I repent.

― steal compass, drive north, disappear (tissp), Wednesday, 15 March 2006 14:51 (twenty years ago)

The best gag is still that Eastern European cat & mouse team... WORKER AND PARASITE

― The Equator Lounge (Chris Barrus), Wednesday, 15 March 2006 14:58 (twenty years ago)

Haha I'd forgotton that one. There was also the gag about "you have cats now" "I had a dog" "Is cat now".

― steal compass, drive north, disappear (tissp), Wednesday, 15 March 2006 14:59 (twenty years ago)

"So she was made of monkeys..."

― chap who would dare to be completely sober on the internet (chap), Wednesday, 15 March 2006 15:01 (twenty years ago)

Bovine University

― beanz (beanz), Wednesday, 15 March 2006 15:07 (twenty years ago)

I am disappointed in myself for proclaiming this kind of thing overdone, then gleefully taking part. I repent.

Yes. I also complained about co-workers reciting sketches before

― beanz (beanz), Wednesday, 15 March 2006 15:08 (twenty years ago)

"Homer, you had the gun set on whore."

― Onimo (GerryNemo), Wednesday, 15 March 2006 15:10 (twenty years ago)

"Nobody ruins my vacation but me! And maybe the boy!"

― phil d. (Phil D.), Wednesday, 15 March 2006 15:20 (twenty years ago)

that episode is top 20 not least for:

"Ok throw 'er in da hole"
"See all that stuff in there Homer? That's why your robot never worked."
"With a dry cool wit like that I could be (*interrupted by Bart*)"
"Are you referring to me?" "No, my son is also named Bort."

etc.

― Konal Doddz (blueski), Wednesday, 15 March 2006 15:29 (twenty years ago)

"Nazi supermen are our superiors"

― chap who would dare to be completely sober on the internet (chap), Wednesday, 15 March 2006 15:29 (twenty years ago)

"HAIL ANTS"

― steal compass, drive north, disappear (tissp), Wednesday, 15 March 2006 15:31 (twenty years ago)

Homer's mum playing Bob Dylan song, "how many roads must a man walk down?"

Homer: "Seven."

― Mikey G (Mikey G), Wednesday, 15 March 2006 15:41 (twenty years ago)

I pine for the days when they used to show what the characters were thinking:

"Hostage Negotiater"

or

"Bart, are you thinking what I'm thinking?"
"Probably not."
(Bart holds up Santa with a tommy gun, then drives the sleigh away cackling)

"It used to be all about the music, but you've CHANGED, man!"
"SLAG off!"
....
"Cooool."

― kingfish da notorious teletabby (kingfish 2.0), Wednesday, 15 March 2006 15:43 (twenty years ago)

i was hoping this would be about the actual construct of gags - like 'especially lisa... but ESPECIALLY bart' - not just clever one-liners & references

― ,,,,,,,,,,,,, Wednesday, 15 March 2006 15:43 (twenty years ago)

i guess thats too much to ask tho

― ,,,,,,,,,,,,, Wednesday, 15 March 2006 15:44 (twenty years ago)

the Burns Falls in Love ep, where Homer helps him woo a cop. The bit with the "Hormones from the pocket of a pocket fox" that Homer shoots himself up with, ending with Ned's amused expression "Woooow."

― kingfish da notorious teletabby (kingfish 2.0), Wednesday, 15 March 2006 15:45 (twenty years ago)

hey have we ever done a simpsons vs family guy thread

― ,,,,,,,,,,,,, Wednesday, 15 March 2006 15:46 (twenty years ago)

guys what do yall think - macs vs pcs??

― ,,,,,,,,,,,,, Wednesday, 15 March 2006 15:46 (twenty years ago)

hha funneee,,

anyway: when Lisa's message-rocket breaks into Mr. Burns's office and lands in his suit, "Smithers! There's a rocket in my pocket!"

Made all the better as I'd just been listening to the excellent Lana Pellay song of the same (well, similar) name.

― Affectian (Affectian), Wednesday, 15 March 2006 15:57 (twenty years ago)

My fav is the April fools episode - after Bart takes one of Homers beers and puts it in a paint shaker - that whole scene with the ensuing explosion, classic.

― Thermo Thinwall (Thermo Thinwall), Wednesday, 15 March 2006 16:03 (twenty years ago)

B:You're going down, Homer. I'm gonna fool you!
H:You talk better than you fool.
B:I'll fool you up real nice.
H:You couldn't fool your mother on the foolingest day of your life if you had an electrified fooling machine.

― Black Arkestra (Black Arkestra), Wednesday, 15 March 2006 16:14 (twenty years ago)

Sideshow Bob stepping on all those rakes. The first time you see it, you're at risk of death by laughing.

-- Hello Sunshine (fiver_the_bunn...), March 15th, 2006.

this is the first thing that occurred to me, although everything that everyone is saying also is correct.

― pssst - badass revolutionary art! (plsmith), Wednesday, 15 March 2006 16:17 (twenty years ago)

tissp otm. its prob not the funniest joke in the whole programme but
"whats yr first name sir?"
"i.....dont....know!"

cracks me up all the time whnei think about it. which is a lot. and i dont really like that simpsons all that much.

― ambrose (ambrose), Wednesday, 15 March 2006 16:21 (twenty years ago)

ok, I think this one is in my top 20 - the scene when Homer and Bart sit down to talk about love/sex, and Homer begins with "a woman is a lot like a refrigerator. 6 feet tall, 300 pounds, they.. make ice", then switches to "a woman is like a beer. they smell good, they look good, you'd step over your own mother just to get one. but you can't stop at one - you wanna drink another woman!"

and then cut to a drunken homer saying "so I says yeah, if you want that money - come and find it, cause I don't know where it is, you baloney!" etc.

― Guy Incognito (Guy Incognito), Wednesday, 15 March 2006 17:26 (twenty years ago)

also "batman's a scientist?"

― Guy Incognito (Guy Incognito), Wednesday, 15 March 2006 17:28 (twenty years ago)

"Can't talk; coming down."

― Pork Cheops (willpie), Wednesday, 15 March 2006 17:28 (twenty years ago)

http://www.theminorthirds.com/ilx/simpsons-classy.jpg

― Casuistry (Chris P), Wednesday, 15 March 2006 17:38 (twenty years ago)

Model: After Chernobyl, my penis ... is falling off.
Moe: And "penis" is Russian for ... ?

― Masked Gazza, Wednesday, 15 March 2006 18:07 (twenty years ago)

when bart's class has a trip to the police station, bart lines up the megaphones, the resulting shock wave eminating from the station, the octopus in the pet store, and the high pitched squeel over everything. (then bart riding away on a power mower, then the cops chasing him down)

my description isn't funny, but the real version is. hee.

― AaronK (AaronK), Wednesday, 15 March 2006 18:27 (twenty years ago)

Other great Moe lines:

Homer: So that mail order bride didn't work out for you?
Moe: No, she decided she preffered her old life diving for coins in a Micronesian swamp.
Homer: Career got in the way, huh?

(After Homer has asked everyone in the bar if they're his soulmate)
I'm more of a well-wisher, in that I don't wish you any specific harm.

― chap who would dare to be a stone cold thug (chap), Wednesday, 15 March 2006 18:31 (twenty years ago)

principal skinner, trapped in a dodgeball bag, to the school's pet hamster: "all right, nibbles--now chew through my ball sack"

― mookieproof (mookieproof), Wednesday, 15 March 2006 18:40 (twenty years ago)

Homer: Now we need code names. I'll be Cue-Ball, Skinner can be Eight-Ball, Barney will be Twelve-Ball, and Moe, you can be Cue-Ball.
Moe: You're an idiot.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 15 March 2006 18:55 (twenty years ago)

http://www.globalhermit.com/ilx/hotdogs.jpg

― Sean Carruthers (SeanC), Wednesday, 15 March 2006 18:59 (twenty years ago)

"Homer, did you stay up all night eating processed cheese?"
"I think I'm blind."

And:

"You gotta do it, Billy! For me, McGarnigle!"
"Okay . . . for you, McGarnigle."
Later:
"WELL, McGarnigle. Little Billy's dead! I slit his throat from ear to ear."
"Please. I'm tryin' to eat my lunch here."

― clotpoll (Clotpoll), Wednesday, 15 March 2006 20:13 (twenty years ago)

"You don't make friends with salad" gets me every time when Marge joins in

― chrisco (chrisco), Wednesday, 15 March 2006 20:17 (twenty years ago)

"I'd like a coffee"
"Beer it is"
"No, coffee"
"Beer"
"Cof-fee"
"Be-er"
"C-O"
"B-E"

― Erick Dampier is better than Shaq (miloaukerman), Wednesday, 15 March 2006 20:20 (twenty years ago)

Marge- Quick! Someone perform CPR!
Homer- (embarrassed, sings in a mumble) 'I see a bad moon rising'

― snotty moore, Thursday, 16 March 2006 00:06 (twenty years ago)

guys this thread was SUPPOSED to be about how brilliant the producers gag is!!

― J.D. (Justyn Dillingham), Thursday, 16 March 2006 00:27 (twenty years ago)

oh well, the moment is lost.

― J.D. (Justyn Dillingham), Thursday, 16 March 2006 00:27 (twenty years ago)

Marge- Quick! Someone perform CPR!
Homer- (embarrassed, sings in a mumble) 'I see a bad moon rising'

hahahahahahahahahahahaha!!

― PRIVATE HELL 36 (Jody Beth Rosen), Thursday, 16 March 2006 00:46 (twenty years ago)

"bart, do you want to play john wilkes booth, or do you want to act like a maniac?"

― J.D. (Justyn Dillingham), Thursday, 16 March 2006 00:49 (twenty years ago)

Bart: "Lisa, I am familiar with the work of Pablo Neruda"

― Abbadavid Berman (Hurting), Thursday, 16 March 2006 01:20 (twenty years ago)

HAHAHAHA

― Should've Never Give Jimmy Mod Money (The Famous Jimmy Mod), Thursday, 16 March 2006 01:20 (twenty years ago)

"You can run, but you can't GLIDE!"

"USA! USA!"

― musically (musically), Thursday, 16 March 2006 01:30 (twenty years ago)

Steven Tyler (at Flaming Moe's): "Are you ready to rock Saint Lou-eee?"
Joe Perry (whispering to Steve): "Springfield."

― Abbadavid Berman (Hurting), Thursday, 16 March 2006 01:40 (twenty years ago)

Oh yeah, that reminds me

Spinal Tap: "Are you ready to rock?!"
Audience Member: "Wait, Bob's tying his shoe ...Ok!"

― Abbadavid Berman (Hurting), Thursday, 16 March 2006 01:41 (twenty years ago)

"oh WOUUUUUUU-ldn't it be adequate..."

― PRIVATE HELL 36 (Jody Beth Rosen), Thursday, 16 March 2006 01:43 (twenty years ago)

Ooh, perhaps my favorite, actually:

Germans (now in charge of plant): Is there anything you would like to see changed?"

Homer: "...uh...well...You could have chocolate in the vending machines"

Germans: "Of course Homer, we understand. We come from the land of chocolate"

Homer: "huuuuhhhhghghhgh, land of chocolate..." (land of chocolate sequence ensues: "Mmm, Chocolate, half price" etc.)

― Abbadavid Berman (Hurting), Thursday, 16 March 2006 01:44 (twenty years ago)

WORST GAG = Sideshowbob Rake gag. That whole Cape Fear episode was the beginning of the end.

― chaki (chaki), Thursday, 16 March 2006 01:46 (twenty years ago)

burns: "have the rolling stones killed."
smithers: "but sir, those aren't..."
burns: "do as i say!"

― PRIVATE HELL 36 (Jody Beth Rosen), Thursday, 16 March 2006 01:46 (twenty years ago)

worst simpsons line = "bart's right, let's none of us have a cow."

― J.D. (Justyn Dillingham), Thursday, 16 March 2006 01:48 (twenty years ago)

Homer to Carl: "A dream deferred is a dream denied!"

(I cant recall for the life of me what the context of the quote was - his parking spot stolen or something? - but it cracked me up)

― Trayce (trayce), Thursday, 16 March 2006 01:49 (twenty years ago)

GRIMES
What's this? (reads sign) "Extremely High Voltage"? Well, I don't need safety gloves, because I'm Homer Simp--

Grimes grabs the wires and is electrocuted. The scene cuts to Grimes' tombstone - it is his funeral. Reverend Lovejoy delivers the eulogy.

LOVEJOY
Frank Grimes, or "Grimey," as he liked to be called, taught us that a man can triumph over adversity. And even though Frank's agonizing struggle through life was tragically cut short, I'm sure he's looking down on this right now...

Lovejoy's voice fades as the camera pans to a sleeping Homer.

HOMER
(snores) Change the channel, Marge!

The mourners laugh.

LENNY
That's our Homer!

Everybody laughs as Grimes' coffin is lowered into the ground. Fade to credits.

― Heath Pardoe (badg), Thursday, 16 March 2006 01:58 (twenty years ago)

It's definitely the Lisa Vs. Malibu Stacy Episode.

Marge: "Let's all forget our troubles with a big bowl of strawberry ice cream."

Malibu Stacy: "Let's all forget our troubles with a big bowl of strawberry ice cream."

― Austin Still (Austin, Still), Thursday, 16 March 2006 02:01 (twenty years ago)

"Ew, you kissed a girl! That is so GAY!"

and

"Prove it, assbutt!"

― musically (musically), Thursday, 16 March 2006 02:04 (twenty years ago)

my favorite was this one where i think someone asked homer if he was paying attention, and he claimed he was, but was actually daydreaming of an old scratchy black and white cartoon with farm animals playing bluegrass or something.

― gear (gear), Thursday, 16 March 2006 02:10 (twenty years ago)

Grimes saying something like "you live in a mansion while I live above a bowling alley, and below another bowling alley."

― Dan Selzer (Dan Selzer), Thursday, 16 March 2006 02:57 (twenty years ago)

"Huh, I thought Muddy Waters wrote that song."

― The Yellow Kid, Thursday, 16 March 2006 06:35 (twenty years ago)

"DUH, STAY OUTTA RIVERDALE!"

"Stuck-up Riverdale punks...think they're too good for me!"

― ESTEBAN BUTTEZ~!!! (ESTEBAN BUTTEZ~!!!), Thursday, 16 March 2006 06:44 (twenty years ago)

Lisa: "Miss Tan, I loved "The Joy Luck Club". It really showed me how the mother-daughter bond can triumph over adversity."
Amy Tan: "No, that's not what I meant at all. You couldn't have gotten it more wrong."
Lisa: "But--"
Amy Tan: "Please just sit down. I'm embarrassed for both of us."

+ the Tom Wolfe white suit gag!

― etc, Thursday, 16 March 2006 06:47 (twenty years ago)

"Hey, everybody! Look at this - it's that boy who laughs at everyone. Let's laugh at him!"

― ESTEBAN BUTTEZ~!!! (ESTEBAN BUTTEZ~!!!), Thursday, 16 March 2006 06:48 (twenty years ago)

"my old man can't get a beer because his old man won't give a bear to another old man! let's get him!"
"wait! ... WHY are we gettin' him?"

― J.D. (Justyn Dillingham), Thursday, 16 March 2006 07:49 (twenty years ago)

I remembered a brilliant gag yesterday, but it's gone now. It was a long the lines of the "Dad, nothing lasts forever" "Everything lasts forever!" one.

― Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Thursday, 16 March 2006 10:10 (twenty years ago)

The King Kong spoof when Burns, Marge and Smithers take a boat to Skull Island.

Smithers: I've said it before, women and seamen don't mix.
Burns: We all know what you think.

― Pete W (peterw), Thursday, 16 March 2006 10:18 (twenty years ago)

"i hear we're going to ape island!"
"yeah. i wish we were going to candy apple island."
"candy apple island? what've they got there?"
"apes. but they're not so big."

― J.D. (Justyn Dillingham), Thursday, 16 March 2006 10:37 (twenty years ago)

Hank: Uh, hi, Homer. What can I do for you?
Homer: Sir, I need to know where I can get some business hammocks.
Hank: Hammocks? My goodness, what an idea. Why didn't I think of that?
Hammocks! Homer, there's four places. There's the Hammock Hut,
that's on third.
Homer: Uh-huh.
Hank: There's Hammocks-R-Us, that's on third too. You got
Put-Your-Butt-There?
Homer: Mm-Hmm.
Hank: That's on third. Swing Low, Sweet Chariot... Matter of fact,
they're all in the same complex; it's the hammock complex on
third.
Homer: Oh, the hammock district.

In the best ever episode - 3F23

"We don't have bums in our town, Marge, and if we did they wouldn't rush; they'd be allowed to go at their own pace."

― Ned T.Rifle (nedtrifle), Thursday, 16 March 2006 11:33 (twenty years ago)

seriously, and i think you'll ALL agree with me..

when Homer decides to setup his own automative telephone ringing service. The phone repeatedly rings Flanders house up in the middle of the night, Ned is so polite that he keeps answering and replacing the handset. Eventually Homer leans out of his windows and bellows at Ned that some people are trying to get some sleep.

Seriously, that is funniest Simpsons scene ever.

oh wait, what about the clown school. Homer picturing his burning colleagues as acrobatic clowns. that could be it?

― Ste (Fuzzy), Thursday, 16 March 2006 12:06 (twenty years ago)

I often find myself saying "Can't talk now Flanders, I've got a class to teach!" when I'm running late.

― Abbadavid Berman (Hurting), Thursday, 16 March 2006 14:10 (twenty years ago)

thread predictably proves that you can pick any scene from the show and someone somewhere will think it's the funniest of the lot.

― Konal Doddz (blueski), Thursday, 16 March 2006 14:12 (twenty years ago)

I once wrote "Let your frown be your umbrella" they changed it to smile. A frown is a much better umbrella than a smile.

― Dave NSFW (dave225.3), Thursday, 16 March 2006 14:16 (twenty years ago)

Just remembered this one. It's the kind of linguistic tomfoolery I love from classic Simpsons:

At the Mt. Useful Visitors Center, the kids are looking for something
to pass time. Bart tries a Smokey the Bear robot.

Smokey: Only who can prevent forest fires?
[Bart chooses the "You" button over the "Me"]
You pressed "you," referring to me. That is incorrect. The
correct answer is "you".

― phil d. (Phil D.), Thursday, 16 March 2006 14:17 (twenty years ago)

I quote "Mr. Simpsons, the tar fumes are making me dizzy" far too much

― kingfish da notorious teletabby (kingfish 2.0), Thursday, 16 March 2006 16:12 (twenty years ago)

"You've ruined a perfectly good jacket"
"Correction: TWO perfectly good jackets"

― steal compass, drive north, disappear (tissp), Thursday, 16 March 2006 16:15 (twenty years ago)

jacket humor!

"These monsters are destroying everything and everyone we hold dear! And you kids should have jackets on."

― phil d. (Phil D.), Thursday, 16 March 2006 16:24 (twenty years ago)

"I have tickets to see Kraftwerk in Dusseldorf"/"Hey Funboys, get a room"

― steal compass, drive north, disappear (tissp), Thursday, 16 March 2006 16:36 (twenty years ago)

Isn't it 'I have tickets to see kraftwrk at dancentren in stuttgarrt'?

― Should've Never Give Jimmy Mod Money (The Famous Jimmy Mod), Thursday, 16 March 2006 16:38 (twenty years ago)

either way, we could well have a winner

― Ste (Fuzzy), Thursday, 16 March 2006 16:44 (twenty years ago)

Oh, it could be. I'm going from memory

― steal compass, drive north, disappear (tissp), Thursday, 16 March 2006 16:49 (twenty years ago)

Homer: "Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!"

― musically (musically), Thursday, 16 March 2006 17:08 (twenty years ago)

Moe: Hey, Barney! What'll it be?
Barney: I'd like a beer, Moe!
Yoko Ono: I'd like a single plum floating in perfume served in a man's
hat.
Moe: [reaching under bar] Here you go.

― Special Agent Gene Krupa (orion), Thursday, 16 March 2006 17:08 (twenty years ago)

"We're here, we're queer, we don't want any more bears"

― Markelby (Mark C), Thursday, 16 March 2006 17:28 (twenty years ago)

DJ 3000: Those clowns in congress did it again. What a bunch of clowns.
Bill: [laughs] How does it keep up with the news like that?!

― Konal Doddz (blueski), Thursday, 16 March 2006 17:36 (twenty years ago)

Don't blame me - I voted for Kodos

― autovac (autovac), Thursday, 16 March 2006 19:44 (twenty years ago)

i cant pick a best simpsons gag but surely ralph must be involved.

Bart Simpson (spelling "Impervious" in a spelling B): I...M...P
Nelson: Bart is pee!
Ralph Wiggum: I made Bart in my pants!

― sunny successor (katharine), Thursday, 16 March 2006 19:58 (twenty years ago)

Super Nintendo Chalmers

― sunny successor (katharine), Thursday, 16 March 2006 20:01 (twenty years ago)

" ... the competent drumming of Mel Brewer."

I googled "competent drumming of" to make sure I had the drummer's name right, and apparently that phrase has been adopted by smart-ass critics the world over, because I saw it used many times for many different bands.

― nickn (nickn), Thursday, 16 March 2006 20:02 (twenty years ago)

Super Nintendo Chalmers

OMG I've changed my choice!

― Ste (Fuzzy), Thursday, 16 March 2006 20:17 (twenty years ago)

"in this house, we obey the laws of thermodynamics!"

― Yawn (Wintermute), Thursday, 16 March 2006 20:23 (twenty years ago)

Carl: Lenny - sending some outgoing mail?
Lenny: You know it!
Carl: Yeah, I think I'll send some tomorrow.
Lenny: I hear that!

not brilliant per se....DEF ROFLY

― ddb (ddb), Thursday, 16 March 2006 20:26 (twenty years ago)

Ralph: I ate the blue ones ... they taste like burning.

― kickitcricket (kickitcricket), Thursday, 16 March 2006 22:56 (twenty years ago)

I know posting more than once in this thread is self-defeating, but I also loved it when one kid was singing "My Ding-A-Ling" at Springfield Elementary's talent show and Skinner freaks out and drags him off the stage. I don't really do it justice.

― musically (musically), Thursday, 16 March 2006 23:30 (twenty years ago)

"Super Nintendo Chalmers" is probably in my top ten.

― Curt1s St3ph3ns, Thursday, 16 March 2006 23:47 (twenty years ago)

Skinner: "Brandishing your buttocks is only making me angrier!"
Mrs. Skinner: "I WANNA SEE WHAT'S GOING ON!"
Skinner: "NO, MOTHER, DON'T LOOK OUT THE WINDOW!"
Mrs. Skinner: "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH"

― Curt1s St3ph3ns, Thursday, 16 March 2006 23:51 (twenty years ago)

if that horse doesn't win, we're taking a trip to the glue factory...and he won't get to come.

― whenuweremine (whenuweremine), Thursday, 16 March 2006 23:51 (twenty years ago)

The best gag was the one where Homer fails to cross the ravine, gets loaded into an ambulance, ambulance crashes into a tree, Homer falls out the back and down the ravine again.

mark, i agree. it's the minuscule distance the ambulance travels before hitting the tree that really makes it. i've seen it about 20 times and i still laugh myself silly at it.

on a similar physical-comedy note: the repeated gag with hans moleman getting hit in the bolls in the "film festival" episode makes me cry tears of blood. especially with nelson's laugh off-camera. actually, that whole episode is a thing of genius.

― grimly fiendish (grimlord), Friday, 17 March 2006 00:02 (twenty years ago)

Skinner: Homer this bachelor party seems to have peaked. Could you please return my pants, and or underpants so I can go home.
Homer: Come on, it's your last night of freedom. You gotta have some fun!
Skinner: Who are all of you people?
Carl: We're your buddies! Come on Homer's kid's principal, have a beer.

Carl's line cracks me up everytime (nowhere near as funny written down, you need Carl's drunk slurring voice and lolling eyes along with it).

― Affectian (Affectian), Friday, 17 March 2006 00:25 (twenty years ago)

I don't know about best gag, but my favorite Moe line is--

"Alright, don't eat nothin' for the next three days, 'cause I'm takin' you out for a steak the size of a toilet seat!"

― Jordan Fish, Friday, 17 March 2006 02:30 (twenty years ago)

Im partial to the episode where they finally figure out what "Malk" is.

(Fat Tony and the mafia guys are selling the school rat milk)

― Spink, Friday, 17 March 2006 06:19 (twenty years ago)

How could you mention the berries that taste like burning episode without this bit?

As "Under the Sea" plays, a fantasy sequence is imagined with the kids living in a wonderful tree settlement. Martin takes a shower. Wendell uses a water slide. Sherri and Terri drive a bamboo and grass car. Ralph pigs out on food and a monkey butler brings Nelson a drink. Back to reality.
BART: And every night the monkey butlers will regale us with jungle stories.
NELSON: How many monkey butlers will there be?
BART: One at first. But he'll train others.
BART: Good, let's get to work! Me and Nelson will build the treehouse. Martin, draw up plans for a coconut radio, and if possible, a coconut Nintendo system.
LISA: What about the rest of us?
BART: You guys gather food for the big feast tonight! And maybe a little wine for the older kids.
NELSON: Delicious wine?
BART: Exactly.

The same episode where Homer sets up CompuGlobalHyperMegaNet.

Marge takes notice of Homer's pencil holder, the butter and butter dish.
MARGE: Is that my good butter?
HOMER: Can't discuss that now, Marge! I have to write another delicious memo!
Homer takes a pencil from the butter and licks it.
HOMER: Mmm... memo.

Internet, eh?

― Ned T.Rifle (nedtrifle), Friday, 17 March 2006 11:30 (twenty years ago)

God the Simpsons used to be so excellent. I have to say that Ned T. Rifle is OTM:

In the best ever episode - 3F23

The Scorpio episode is so brilliant, particularly this bit:

(Scorpio has just blown up the 59th St. bridge (right outside the United Nations in Manhattan))

British UN Delegate: Good Lord, the 59th Street Bridge!

Indian UN Delegate: It could have collapsed on its own.

British UN Delegate: We can't take that chance.

Indian UN Delegate: You always say that! I want to take a chance!

And, for all my beloved friends to the north

"We just moved here from CAN-ah-dah and they think I'm SLOW eh."

― Ash (ashbyman), Friday, 17 March 2006 19:00 (twenty years ago)

Marge: I'm worried about Bart, I'd talk to him but I don't want to smother him.

Homer: Yeah. Then we'd get the chair.

Marge:Homer that's not what I meant!

Homer: It is Marge admit it.....

Also the entirety of the George Bush episode.

― Ronan (Ronan), Friday, 17 March 2006 19:04 (twenty years ago)

"And that is why I will continue to oppose teen drinking in all its forms"

― Ronan (Ronan), Friday, 17 March 2006 19:04 (twenty years ago)

The best gag was the one where Homer fails to cross the ravine, gets loaded into an ambulance, ambulance crashes into a tree, Homer falls out the back and down the ravine again.
mark, i agree. it's the minuscule distance the ambulance travels before hitting the tree that really makes it. i've seen it about 20 times and i still laugh myself silly at it.
on a similar physical-comedy note: the repeated gag with hans moleman getting hit in the bolls in the "film festival" episode makes me cry tears of blood. especially with nelson's laugh off-camera. actually, that whole episode is a thing of genius.
-- grimly fiendish (simonmai...) (webmail), Today 12:02 AM. (later) (link)

Classic: You Saying something two days ago, someone replying to you by name, and you actually seeing it! Dud: Same thing happening, and you not seeing it. Nothing to do with the Simpsons, but never mind and carry on.

― mark grout (mark grout), Friday, 17 March 2006 19:06 (twenty years ago)

"It's all in the Bible, son. It's the prankster's Bible."

― pyjamagrama (teenagequiet), Friday, 17 March 2006 19:07 (twenty years ago)

"Sex Cauldron? I thought they closed that place down."

― bangelo (bangelo), Friday, 17 March 2006 20:09 (twenty years ago)

"That's why, whenever I see the Stars and Stripes, I will always be reminded of that wonderful word: Flag!"

― Dave AKA Dave (dave225.3), Friday, 17 March 2006 20:20 (twenty years ago)

That's it! The most brilliant joke is "Brevity is... wit".

― Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Friday, 17 March 2006 20:55 (twenty years ago)

I always forget to watch this show ! !

― gunther heartymeal (keckles), Friday, 17 March 2006 20:59 (twenty years ago)

Marge: I'm worried about Bart, I'd talk to him but I don't want to smother him.

Missing the "Probably misses his glasses" section but this is right up there.

10 that haven't been mentioned.

Jasper: Stay above the Equator.

The Sarcastic Middle-Aged Man: I've got a film for you fatty, A fridge too far!

Welfare Guy: Stupid babies need the most attention

Homer: If you really want something in life you have to work for it. Now quiet, they're about to announce the lottery numbers.

Burns: This anonymous clan of slack-jawed troglodytes has cost me the election, and yet if I were to have them killed, I would be the one to go jail. That's democracy for you.

Smithers: I'm afraid we have a bad image, Sir. Market research shows people see you as something of an ogre.
Burns: I ought to club them and eat their bones!

Homer: I call the big one bitey (When repeated in Marge's head the final time, Homer waits slightly too long to say this.)

Homer: I never apologize, Lisa. I'm sorry, but that's just the way I am.

Ralph: Me fail English? That's unpossible!

The best one though is..

Lisa: Is that what we do in this family? When someone becomes an
inconvenience, we just get rid of them?
[camera pans rapidly to the Springfield Retirement Castle]
Abe: [picking up phone] Hello? Is anybody there? Aw...[hangs up]

― MitchellStirling (MitchellStirling), Friday, 17 March 2006 21:26 (twenty years ago)

Visually stuff

http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/1476/2333/1600/biyscoutz3.jpg

http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/1476/2333/200/lemonoftroy3.jpg

http://i3.photobucket.com/albums/y71/MitchellStirling/100th4.jpg

― MitchellStirling (MitchellStirling), Friday, 17 March 2006 21:33 (twenty years ago)

Final two from me.

Burns: It was the best of times it was the blurst of times?!?!

and

http://i3.photobucket.com/albums/y71/MitchellStirling/Beatles.jpg

― MitchellStirling (MitchellStirling), Friday, 17 March 2006 21:36 (twenty years ago)

nineteen years pass...

Godd post by a former writer on the show who looks at some of the obscure gags.

Simpsons references can be obscure

For this we actually had to do research - in pre-internet days - to write the joke (& find delightfully obscure sounding civilization that in some way prized hydro engineering)

What's a Simpsons joke that sent you down a reference rabbit hole? pic.twitter.com/uMNX4TyQ02
— Josh Weinstein (@Joshstrangehill) July 11, 2025

― xyzzzz__, Saturday, 12 July 2025 06:46 (ten months ago)

Reading the thread ppl are coming up with some good things.

― xyzzzz__, Saturday, 12 July 2025 06:46 (ten months ago)

Ironically there's a bunch of civilisations where hydro engineering was centrally important

― ding us a dong, you're the gamelan (Noodle Vague), Saturday, 12 July 2025 06:51 (ten months ago)

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