Toilet disasters at your workplace

Dear Gentlemen,

We currently have a serious problem with the drains which effects all of the gents toilets. They are backing-up and overflowing. Remedial action is being taken. You are advised to use the toilets in the DWB for the time being.

Thank you for your co-operation

and 90 minutes later...

Dear Gentlemen,

The problem with the toilets is now resolved. They can be used again. I will try to resolve the problems of the smell in level 1 asap.

But no leaks, so it could be worse.

I mistakenly read this as "they were held back a year and had to repeat 7th grade."

Some of the ladies had a massive problem with this though (they were seriously disgusted and shrieking and angry, which pissed me off) so the office relented and locked the toilets to be for staff use only.

He's a completely mild-mannered church-choir-member, yet was actually so distressed about a story changed by the genial old duffer who edited his section that he flounced off in a rage. Unable to fully express the depth of his feeling, he slammed the prison-grade toilet seat down weedily, and it cracked in two. The company didn't fix it for months, and there it sat, testament to tyrannical rage of an overtried sub. Ph33r us.

I know it's serious, but the "LADIES. BEWARE..." posters make me laugh.

I posted about this elsewhere once and a publisher got in touch to ask me if they could use the story in their book of worst jobs.

Who would sit on the toilet (on the seat mind you not the lid) and eat a muffin??! What was wrong with the cafe downstairs?

People do funny things when offered the privacy of a cubicle. I mean, I've never met anyone who admitted to smearing excrement over walls, but it is done.

Perhaps the muffin eater was being bullied at work and had taken to eating their insufficient lunch in the loo.

I am interested by the seat breakage story. When I saw it, I assumed it was made by an overweight employee, not a raging one.

To: Th30retical phy5ics, Oxford.

Please note the message below from McAlpines.

All of the toilets in Theoretical Physics will be out of action between 8am and 10am on Saturday 22 July.

> Please could we arrange for all the toilets to building 4 to
> be kept shut and not in use on Saturday 22 July 2006 between
> the hours of 8 am & 10 am.
>
> This will allow our plumber to make a connection to the live
> sewer down pipe at basement level.
>
> We apologise for any disruption this may cause.
>
> Regards

Dear All,

Confirmation has been received that the tender for the refurbishment of the L6 toilets is about to be sent to the nominated Contractors,this tender period will last three weeks. Once the Contract is agreed work will commence around September 25th 06 and continue for 8-10 weeks.

Today August 17th the L6 toilets will be closed for the removal of a small amount of asbestos which has been identified behind a panel which has to be removed in the refurb. This process will last approx two days and the toilets will be available again Monday.

Apologies for the inconvenience.

Asbestos? Oh my.

Ladies,

A few complaints regarding the usage and sloppiness in the bathrooms have been brought to our attention. I would like to think we have mature ladies working at [redacted].

the majority of the letter is covered by 'eagles of death metal' graffiti tho

above the urinals, meanwhile, is a sign covered with handwritten portmanteaux playing off the initial 'japanther' graf-- 'koreagle', 'laostrich', 'americanadian geese' etc

every time i pee i try to come up with one

i never can

(come up with one-- i can pee just fine thank you)

xp it was based off the 'japanther' so no it doesnt have to be a bird, just apparently birds are the easiest

I'm putting them away, and hear some sort of moaning coming out of the unisex bathroom fifteen feet away. Like, pain moaning. I assume someone is having a really constipated shit and continue to work. Although, I note, there is a strong hint of radioactive shitsmell in the air.

Whilst making shuffling noises, the person in the bathroom realizes that I am downstairs with him. He begins to yell for help. A desperate, tired, yelp for help. A begging plea.

I walk over to the door and say, "Are you okay?" At this proximity, the smell is toxic.

He says that he's fallen down and can't get up. That he is trapped because he can't get up to open the door. The door is locked so I pick it open with a credit card.

When the door swings open, I nearly faint from the smell. Then I look down at this poor old fucker, who is about 65 years old, who is has his pants at his ankles and is laying in his own excrement. There is shit all over the toilet, on the floor, and on him. He can't even roll over to cover his privates, which, I note, are also spattered with loose poo.

I retch.

He starts apologizing, but says he can't move because he hurt his hip. He tells me he had diarrhea and had to stand up to get more toilet paper, and he slipped while standing, and somehow shit himself while falling. It is tragic before it is funny, believe it or not.

I had to call the ambulance because DUDE HAD BROKEN HIS HIP. He got hauled out on a stretcher and taken to the hospital.

The ambulance workers were priceless. As was the parade of gawkers after they got the guy out of there.

Turns out there was some sort of cleansing solution on the paper towel, and he got some on his asshole. It burned him bad enough that he had to go to the doctor the next day.

But if you're interested in animal combinations: when I was ten, my dog jumped up on our kitchen table while we were out of the house and took a big shit on the centerpiece.

HI gents a problem has recently occurred in the gents toilet and unfortunately both have been blocked, visual analysis suggests that the sources of both are the same, whoever is responsible please can you resolve the issue.

Cheers

To thread: Flavor Flav re: when that girl took a crap in the middle of the floor.

There are but few delicate fibers keeping my grip on reality together and this is one of them.

:P

Same building had the sewer burst and leak out the back door. It started in the downstairs ladies room, which strangely had a super-tacky seagull painting in it (other bathrooms were unadorned). Maybe it was really an albatross?

xpost - she was seeing a shrink, yes - she was not institutionalized!

But nearly 4 years later, I still wonder how one drops a turd on the floor.

My cat does this all the time. He gets out of the box and doesn't know one is stuck on his fur.

My cat used to when he was growing up - for the first few months of being adult-sized, he didn't seem to realise just how long he was, so would accidentally aim outside the box.

I love my cat dearly but she is 9 years old, FFS, and she still does it - if she doesn't know how long she is by now, she never will.

And thanks, Beth. I dined out on the purse story all weekend! And now I can add the skiing one.

The satisfactory removal of asbestos in L6 gents took place on Saturday, unfortunately this resulted in wall panels being destroyed and therefore we have taken the decision to close these toilets until the refurbish commences.

Any money on temporary measures to bring it back to use would be a waste as new works commence September 25th.

Apologies for this inconvenience.

A friend of my sister's had to take a shit before an appointment with her psychiatrist, so she arrived early and used the bathroom off the waiting room. The toilet refused to flush, so she fished the turd out, wrapped it in toilet paper and put it in her purse. She sat through the entire hour (or lay down through it, as her shrink was a classic Freudian), with a turd in her purse.

sorry Ned and all other LA area ILXors; I would buy you all beerz if I could get out of here for a single friggin day

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v417/albaalba/ilx/DSC00361-1.jpg

(I felt a little weird taking a photo in the cubicle, but it had to be done)

it's snot

There's only one T in 'snot'. Fire whoever subbed that notice.

s'not on

I have a work-bathroom question: can anyone explain to me why so many guys go take up a whole stall to pee in when the urinals are completely free?

I would like to assume that there is something horribly wrong with their genitals that they are trying to avoid anyone seeing, but there are SO MANY of them.

I fear the facilities department subs' desk was made redundant some time ago.

I was thinking of putting a sticker up saying "Has it come to this?"

I would like to assume that there is something horribly wrong with their genitals that they are trying to avoid anyone seeing, but there are SO MANY of them.

It is my contention that this cowardly behaviour is far more prevalent in Scotland and Ireland than in England.

But this is not the thread for this.

Urinal Etiquette

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/1/1e/PeeShyDontGet.jpg/180px-PeeShyDontGet.jpg
xxpost

some us like to take our shirts off; this is inappropriate at the urinal

When one stall is properly occupied and the other two are being hogged by urinators I consider that a bona-fide Toilet Disaster, thank you very much.

When a real disaster comes you'll be like the boy who cried toilet disaster wolf.

stall urinators also be pissing all over that that seat.

What with everyone pissing in the stalls, any smeary Disaster is going to have to happen either in the sinks or the hallway, so I won't have to inform anyone about it.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v417/albaalba/ilx/toilet.jpg

I pee in the stall. I just... urinals are so medieval.

I am almost convinced that pissing in medieval times was much more fun than it is now.

(shitting was probably much worse, all things considered)

alba, which bog is that? ground floor opposite the lifts? ho *boy*.

[packs set of marker pens for work tomorrow]

If they are the individual ones which also have those big ceramic "wings" bolted to the wall then it's OK. Otherwise, no, especially those ones that are just a trough in the floor.

Grimly, no. It's the one on the side staircase, on the floor between ground and first. I was told that there was an identical sign on floor one and a half too, but toilet gossip is notoriously unreliable.

but where do you draw the line? you are still standing in a communal room waving your cock at a hole in the wall, even if the holes have nice fancy dividers between them.

xp

You draw the line where people need stalls for pooping so just fucking man up and piss where you're supposed to and if you have some big problem with it then start a fucking petition.

Perhaps you should shit in the urinals in protest.

Except these dudes wouldn't care, because they don't USE the urinals!

No wonder, if people are shitting in them.

Those individual wall-mounted urinals always remind me of child's highchairs. I feel a bit like Bernard Black pissing into those things. ("What were you thinking of, getting a wicker toilet?")

Does that make sense? That may not make sense.

No, it doesn't really make sense. They look more like giant drinking fountains, or huge ice cream scoops.

I am almost convinced that pissing in medieval times was much more fun than it is now.

Blackadder: "Well, what we are talking about in privy terms, is the very latest in front-wall fresh air orifices combined with a wide capacity gutter installation below."
Mrs. Pants: "You mean you crap out of the window?"

(not medieval, it's Elizabethan, but the general principle holds)

Not at all workplace but god I hate men who prefer to pee standing up on the seats of public toilets instead of using the available urinals. There can’t be that many pee-shy men. I can’t take a dump in a urinal!

not with that defeatist attitude you can’t

I was curious about this but if you punch in a google search, there are quite a few “shitting in urinal” stories, mostly on Reddit.

A couple of years ago at work someone dropped their ID lanyard in the toilet and instead of retrieving it they flushed the toilet instead. The toilet overflowed and would have flooded a network comms room on the floor below if not for swift action by the caretakers.

In my experience, truck drivers always have the most lunatic tales when it comes to stories about these places.

Years ago, I worked with a guy who used to like getting shit-faced drunk on a regular basis. Occasionally, if he was drunk and near to the office he'd go there to sleep it off rather than take a taxi home. Once, he woke up there on a Sunday morning and went out to the office toilets only to find that someone had taken a crap in one of the urinals. Given some of the other beer-monsters we worked with and some of the things they got up to he wasn't entirely surprised but was suitably disgusted. Until he realised that there was no-one else around and that, in his blind drunkeness, he must have been the culprit and so he guiltily cleaned it up.

I know someone died in a toilet stall in our building but the details were never divulged (privacy regulations and respect etc)

and yet we catch your drift

somehow those details were flushed

... when I was ten, my dog jumped up on our kitchen table while we were out of the house and took a big shit on the centerpiece.

― don weiner (don weiner), Friday, August 18, 2006

Dying at this.

I sometimes wee in a cubicle. It might be that I a) deserve a sit-down wee because I'm shattered or need to hide or ii) that I'm wearing light-coloured trousers and don't want to go back out into the world looking like I'm, well, covered in piss.

I've never shat in a urinal but I have seen women using them at busy nightclubs/gigs. Make yourself at home, I say.

Nb to wee in, that is.

I sometimes wee in a cubicle. It might be that I a) deserve a sit-down wee because I'm shattered or need to hide or ii) that I'm wearing light-coloured trousers and don't want to go back out into the world looking like I'm, well, covered in piss.
I read this thinking you were talking about an office cubicle

there's sometimes pee on the floor of the stalls, enough that it would leave a trail if you stepped in it. Gross

If you sit down to pee, fine, it’s the disgusting savages who stand up in a cubicle and piss all over the seat who deserve a slow painful death

I read this thinking you were talking about an office cubicle

Glad I'm not the only one. I know offices have become more sparsely populated with the advent of remote work, but fucking hell.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KUzGrzsYqH4

lol

Reminds me of seeing a cab driver open his door and dump out a gatorade bottle onto the street

Years ago, a colleague/friend was taking a crap in the men's room stall at work. Someone jiggled the door. My friend said nothing, thinking that the guy would realize the stall was occupied and move on. Not so. He kept jiggling and yanking at the door until it flew open. Suddenly, my friend found himself looking up at . . . Newt Gingrich.

History could have taken a much different turn somehow, depending.