UWE BOLL

DUH! they're not supposed to make money, due to weird quirks of german tax laws and what happens when such movies fail

"Towards the end of the filming of Postal the five most outspoken critics will be flown into Vancouver and supplied with hotel rooms," read Boll's press release. "As a guest of Uwe Boll they will be given the chance to be an extra/stand-in in Postal and have the opportunity to put on boxing gloves and enter a BOXING RING [emphasis in the original] to fight Uwe Boll. Each critic will have the opportunity to bring down Uwe in a 10-bout match. There will be five matches planned over the last two days of the movie. Certain scenes from these boxing matches will become part of the Postal movie. All five fights will be televised on the Internet and will be covered by international press."

Wise words indeed.

Problem was that in reality, Boll was determined to beat the shit out of these guys who ended up not getting trained or equipped. One of them was coughing up blood for an hour afterwards.

Apparently an amatuer boxer challenged Boll earlier in the week, but the mad German declined...

"Boll, I had this GREAT idea. You fight your detractors!"
"I leike zis ideea. Can vwe do zis in bellet-time from ze back of a speedy ferrari?"
"Uh... no, Mr. Boll"

an interview with Lowtax after the fight.

and the fight: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ihx8f8sKVh0

Ahahahaha.

http://i43.photobucket.com/albums/e353/Pato06/richkyanka-usa.jpg

i kind of "admire" truly shameless people.

What part of that is not awesome?

http://www.gametrailers.com/player/30630.html

Trailer for Far Cry is out. Movie features Udo Kier, an Eva Mendes clone named Emmanuelle Vaugier, Don Davis(the bald guy from the Stargate show and Twin Peaks), and ANTHONY BOURDAIN.

Movie now set in Pacific NW, as vancouver is apparently a lot cheaper to shoot than a tropical island. No mutant chimpanzees, i guess.

has he done a film that is not based on a game?

* In Production
* 2000s
* 1990s

1. BloodRayne 3 (2009) (in production)
2. Sabotage 1943 (2009) (in production)
3. Legend: Hand of God (2010) (announced)
4. Zombie Massacre (2010) (pre-production)
5. Far Cry (2008) (post-production)
6. Tunnel Rats (2008) (post-production)

7. BloodRayne II: Deliverance (2007)
... aka Bloodrayne 2: Deliverance (Germany: DVD title)
8. Postal (2007)
... aka Postal: Der Film (Germany)
... aka Postal: The Movie (USA: alternative transliteration)
9. Seed (2007)
10. In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (2007)
... aka Schwerter des Königs - Dungeon Siege (Germany)
11. BloodRayne (2005)
12. Alone in the Dark (2005)
13. House of the Dead (2003)
... aka House of the dead: Le jeu ne fait que commencer (Canada: French title)
14. Heart of America (2003)
... aka Home Room (Australia)
15. Blackwoods (2002)
16. Sanctimony (2000) (TV)

17. Erste Semester, Das (1997)
... aka The First Semester (International: English title)
18. Amoklauf (1994)
19. Barschel - Mord in Genf? (1993)
20. German Fried Movie (1991) (V)

http://www.bloody-disgusting.com/news/11468

Uwe Boll, what an interesting personality, known for his promotional stunts he has yet to deliver a film that actually "performs" in the theaters - he's quickly becoming the anti-William Castle. Today he sent an e-mail out exclaiming that he will now release his horror-comedy Postal in theaters May 23, the same day as INDIANA JONES' return. "On the Indiana Jones weekend - May 23 - we will go out and destroy Indiana Jones in the Box Office! We all know that Harrison Ford is older as my grandpa and his time is up - would Michael Moore say!" Good luck with that. Read on to see what else he had to say.

Boll wasn't finished, "Spielberg gets sloppy. We saw that with War of the Worlds (why the fuck the older brother survived?) and also in parts of Jaws, E.T., Munich etc.! My performance in Postal as 'Nazi Theme Park Owner' outperforms easily Ben Kingsley in Schindler's List!"

Does he seriously think people will take him seriously?

In POSTAL: Living on Social Security and unemployed, DUDE desperately seeks employment, but instead finds a life of violent action and adventure when he teams up with his UNCLE DAVE, a financially strapped cult leader, in an effort to rip off an amusement park, only to find that the Taliban are trying the same heist simultaneously.

Source: Uwe Boll

i am going to have to see this movie because of dave foley :/

http://www.movieset.com/postal

And if you go on May 23 to Postal you will see that I deliver a movie that nobody else delivered in the last 10 years, what is way better as all that social-critic, George Clooney bullshit what you get every fucking weekend. You have to really wake up, and you have to see me what I am: I am the only genius in the whole fucking business. Goodbye.

Boll is the Underground Man.

Him sad in his room.

The plot summary on the movie's Wikipedia page is one of the most ludicrous things I've read in really long time.

Joy!

Mr. Boll’s most recent film, “Postal,” might not be the best vehicle for winning respect. The first sequence of the film, which opens on Friday, portrays 9/11 hijackers squabbling over the precise number of virgins who will be awaiting them after their martyrdom. The scene switches to a World Trade Center’s-eye view of an oncoming jet.

As the movie’s scattershot plot rocks along, the audience gets a long full-frontal look at a nude Dave Foley, the boyish comic best known for his work in the Kids in the Hall comedy troupe and on the television show “News Radio,” who portrays a sleazy satyr of a cult leader. By the time the film’s protagonist, played by Zack Ward, uses a cat for a silencer, the boundaries of good taste have been left so far behind that the Hubble Space Telescope couldn’t spot the border signs.

Considering the gross-out and sexual-humor quotient of many recent films, “Postal” could well find an audience. The raucous crowd at a screening presented by the New York City Horror Film Festival last month erupted in laughter for every startlingly transgressive joke. As a couple left the theater, a woman told her date, “It made no sense, but it was hysterical.”

The film industry is certainly not helping Mr. Boll. Earlier this month he received an e-mail message from the chief buyer for the Regal Entertainment Group, the largest theater chain in the country, informing him that Regal would not be exhibiting “Postal”: “While I have respected your past work this film falls short of the type of product the Regal Theater Group would consider commercial.”

Mr. Boll denounced the decision as politics. (The film portrays President Bush as not only in league with Osama bin Laden but also in love with him.)

omg this sounds astounding (except for the nude Dave Foley bit)

I was going to say.

I mean, that is also astounding but for precisely the opposite reason.

"uses a cat for a silencer"

I KNOW

how do people not love life?

will always respect him for this

http://youtube.com/watch?v=ihx8f8sKVh0

Mr. Boll understands why movies were invented.

and this:

http://youtube.com/watch?v=OLcGRmbmLzU

seeing the actual movies is probably pointless

oh, but this: http://youtube.com/watch?v=Vt_tv7t79WY

omg latebloomer, that was awesome

OMG GUKBE

OMG OMG OMG OMG GUKBE

Dude seriously picked the wrong weekend to release this -- I would put it up either against that Adam Sandler thing or the new M. Night.

dave foley slummin' it lately

http://board.crewcial.org/topic/268029/&r=112

dudes it looks like i'm interviewing dude this week!!!!!

omg

i can already think of 10000 entertaining questions, but if anyone has anything they think i should ask, feel free

"Which critic did you enjoy beating up the most?"

Haha yes.

Ask after what the Postal deleted scenes will be like.

haha good qn.

i feel like i need latebloomer's input.

Ask him what he thinks of the works of Apichatpong Weeraseethakul.

No, seriously; I'd be curious to know if he plays a lot of video games and if he has any interest in acting as lead director in his own game if it paid as well as a movie.

ask him who he would cast in a megaman movie.

o_O

also if he had an unlimited budget and resources what would his dream project be and who would he cast in it

also, as he ever considered acting?

are the rights to Custer's Revenge available?

THAT is the question to ask.

o_O

tell him he is obviously considered in some ways to be a provocateur and does he feel that way and if so, what great cinematic provocateurs of the past does he feel a kinship with

Is he familiar with Boonga Boonga?

also, have we had a UWE POLL yet?

OMG YOU HAVE TO ASK HIM ABOUT BOONGA BOONGA

It's actually a good schtick: present him with the most unfilmable video games and ask him to come up with quickfire plot synopses once you explain them. Qix, DDR, Guitar Hero, Wii Sports, Custer's Revenge, Boonga Boonga and so on.

"once you explain them"

No, drop that part! Go by title alone.

ha.. not a bad idea

I for one would enjoy Uwe Boll's Yar's Revenge

ew

I wondered why I had no idea who this guy is, but it's hard to imagine why non-retards would subject themselves to shit like that.

it is

There's a certain car-wreck fascination with this dude.

Yeah I think the only reason I love the dude is because I've never watched a single one of his movies. But man he is funny.

ya i'm sure it'll be a funny interview.

Yeah I think the only reason I love the dude is because I've never watched a single one of his movies. But man he is funny.

-- Will M., Thursday, May 22, 2008 9:10 PM (1 hour ago) Bookmark Link

^

though watching his movies with the commentary might definitely be worthwhile, judging from the clips in that Alone in the Dark youtube "tribute"

More fun via the LA Times:

"I said, Look, now 'Iron Man' is blowing everything to pieces," Boll said of his pitch to Ted Cooper, the head film buyer for Regal Entertainment Group, the week that "Iron Man" had come out. "Now next week is 'Speed Racer' coming up, and then 'Narnia,' and then 'Indiana Jones.' 'Iron Man' goes down to $50 million next weekend. One week later 'Iron Man' is $25 million, and on our weekend, 'Iron Man' is history, basically. 'Speed Racer' is supposed to be crap from the beginning on. So it will not open like 'Iron Man.' On our weekend, it's down to 5, 6 million bucks."

...

The second time I met him was in New York, at a screening for "Postal" as part of the New York City Horror Festival; Randy Jones, the cowboy from the disco-era Village People, circulated during the cocktail hour. Boll, boyishly handsome if unpolished and typically dressed down, moved around the gathering wearing a sheepish grin, as if in on his own private joke.

"I don't think he cares that much about the movies for the most part, really," Foley said by phone, speaking with admiration. "He's much more interested in the back and forth with the people who hate him.

"It's almost like he's feeding a petri dish and watching what happens," Foley said. "There is a bit of a scientific quality to it.

...

Boll is coming off a flop, the tacky sword-and-sorcerers movie "In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale," which was shot in the wilds of Vancouver and based on the video game "Dungeon Siege."

It was his most ambitious shoot -- 60 days, at a cost of $60 million, Boll said. The movie -- with a cattle-call cast that included Jason Statham, Ray Liotta, Burt Reynolds and Claire Forlani -- opened in Eastern Europe before playing the January graveyard shift in the U.S.

...

"I got a letter last week from PETA, the animal organization, that I abused the monkey in 'Postal,' and I should not use any animals in movies," Boll said at the Beverly Hills cafe. "And I said, 'Verne Troyer got abused.'"

Needless to say, that last part is beyond brilliant.

oh man... can't wait.

verne troyer gets raped by a chimp in this movie btw.

he plays himself.

I met Dave Foley after the KITH portland appearance. He seemed...puffy.

wanna see his penis?

You keep it in a jar, like all good Canadians do.

poor claire forlani

http://i42.photobucket.com/albums/e313/Quest206/UBL.jpg

half hour till i bro down with oovay

"Given the abysmal quality of your work, mediocre grosses and critical revulsion, give me five reasons why you think you deserve to be taken seriously. Also, do you like pennies?"

Tell him to grab a St. Viateur bagel
...at 8pm tonight
...so I can meet him too

But seriously; ask him if he'd try his hand at low- to no-budget filmmaking; i think in the fantasia fest set, he could make back what money goes in!

plus if he was maknig no-budget shit genre, people could like it in an "ironic" way that they can't when it's based on their "favourite" game franchises (who likes bloodrayne anyway? or dungeon seige? or the other ones?)

he pretty much makes no-budget movies anyway, using a german tax loophole.

also he was at fantasia last year!

it's a phoner from the couv btw. otherwise i'd tell him to grab 1 bagel.

fairmount tho more likely.

yeah, I heard about the loophole thing. real talk: i actually want to see postal more than indy now.

you think you do, but you don't.

I actually don't want to see either of them, but if i had to choose one, it would be iron man.

I might be seeing Indy tonight!

Dun-da-dun-dun...

My weekend plans are all in a muddle, I might not be seeing Indy until Monday night.

ok that was cool

he was actually pretty likeable

Hehe, nice. Any highlights?

he ranted and raved a bunch about critics, hollywood etc. wants to be taken seriously now.

i'd need to transcribe it to find the good stuff...

http://mattzollerseitz.blogspot.com/2008/05/are-you-fing-serious-postal.html

The "public" or casual film audience was never supposed to see this movie with a gratuitous, albeit hilarious sequence of children being shot by terrorists; the public were never supposed to see caricatures of George W. Bush and Osama Bin Ladin skipping through a corn-field to "Happy Together" as mushroom clouds blossom. (Another "subtlety" to appreciate: that Boll's straight-to-video Bloodrayne 2: Deliverance uses most, if not all, of the actors from Postal and was filmed in the same time and area).

Postal is an expert film in the hands of a director who is extremely capable in crafting his public image and knows how to manipulate his favorite audience: the overtly-reactionary critics that attack his work. It is low budget, crude and intentional in every boobie shot. It is offensive, annoying and likely to make no money. But it shows the heart of a filmmaker who can accept the role he's shoe-horned himself into. In today's hack world, the modern Ed Wood is surpassing his predecessor.

So who'll play him in the Tim Burton-directed biopic?

just for fun, my fave quote so far:

"It's tough enough to finance them movies and to sell the movies and to go out there and try to get actors and distribution and if you have the whole time, like a wal1 against you, of these compl3t3ly ignorant fuckers, writing sh1t!"

!

Whenever this is bumped, I think of: http://waxidermy.com/images/035_monute_boll.jpg

pulling 700 words out of this is KILLING me.

Full transcript here plz

especially when the answer to ONE question is a five-minute (1900 word) rant about nazis, auschwitz theme parks, why nobody in chicago wanted to interview him, german oscar bait, why alone in the dark was just as good as elektra, corporate fight songs, why crash is pathetic, and how postal is an incisive indictment of everything about america, all topped with the line "and this is the thing what is pissing me off."

why alone in the dark was just as good as elektra

I don't think any sane person would disagree with him there.

But that final line!

update

Yeah, I'd like to see this.

i'll link it on thursday when it gets published.

uh assuming you're talking about the piece, not "postal."

there was too much good stuff to even make it a Q&A so i made it a "uwe boll on..." type of piece.

http://www.montrealmirror.com/2008/052908/film1.html

That almost makes me want to see his movies.

almost is such a necessary prophylactic in that sentence

Very necessary. Great stuff, S1ocki.

hahaha good work!

oh House of the Dead oh oh wow haha umg omg lol

even better, that someone called Max Wanko worked on this film

uwe loll

http://www.variety.com/article/VR1118002018.html?categoryid=13&cs=1

OMG

Furlong next appears in John Morrissey's "Tequila," indie "This Is Not a Movie," and another Boll film, "Stoic."

Not much of a videogame.

Til Schweiger IS Jack Carver

I watched "Tunnel Rats" last night. It was actually pretty good in some ways. It's clear that Boll was trying to make an art movie by his standards, but he can't resist throwing in every kind of death he can think of (Drowning a guy! Stabbed in the chest! Stabbed through the neck! Impaled on spikes! Impaled from below! Shot in the mid-forehead! Drowning when tunnel fills up with water! Hanging! Etc. etc. etc.) On the other hand, the dude has absolutely no sense for pacing; the dialogue is hilariously generic. Each member of the team is a different stereotype (Boston guy! Religious guy! Hip black guy who runs a three-card monty game. The young kid. Etc.) The costumes, sets, accents, etc. were very, very anachronistic, but some of the photography is downright nice.

Also, you do NOT want to be a black dude in Uwe Boll's Vietnam. Don't go walking into the forest with a white dude, because only one of you is not getting murdered by an impossibly strong Vietcong housewife.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VSRSoncoV4k

please tell me "rampage" is based on the video game

http://www.cinematical.com/2009/11/02/uwe-bolls-darfur-movie-trailer/

Boll explained he used actual Darfur refugees in making the film. That sounds no alarms at first, but he further explained that he had actual rape victims in his cast, victims who were asked to re-enact their rape on camera; because that kind of 'honesty' was the only way he could capture how dire the situation is.

BloodRayne 3 may become a reality

uh...NSFW

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NUB0QXscZAE

oh christ

are you kidding me

^^^ Heydrich quote iirc

is it in 3D