Den of Dragons

I like this prog, when I catch it

the ad for its return was amusing, too

Of course, yes it is Dragons Den, "Den of Dragons" would be good too tho.

http://www.myvip.co.uk/datafiles/enterprise/rachelelnaugh2.jpg

Where on earth did the "Ev@n D@vis is into being pissed on and playraped in S&M dungeons" rumour come from? Today marks the third time I've heard this story passed around in about two months.

wb

Things you find out about in the Metro - some lolindie band is going to be on it tonight. Called Hamfatter or something but probably should be called Hamfisted amirite?

I saw the trailer, yes.

Some people nodding in chairs, with piles of money next to them.

Indie band does the business on 'Dragons' Den'

Called Hamfatter or something but probably should be called Hamfisted amirite?

Spamfritter!

"Hamfatter, a Cambridge quintet, whose music has been compared to Belle and Sebastian and The Divine Comedy"

I can't wait.

spoiler alert!

Today sees the launch one of the more unusual partnerships in British business when Peter Jones, the Dragons' Den entrepreneur, invests £75,000 of his own money into marketing an aspiring pop band.

Until recently Hamfatter, a Cambridge quintet, whose music has been compared to Belle and Sebastian and The Divine Comedy, were a struggling indie band toiling away on the "toilet circuit". They had received a couple of offers from record labels but were put off by the draconian terms and conditions they would have to sign.

Den Of Sharks more like (jumping the shark!)

Man, James Caan is shit.

Hamfatter sound like a beer advert from 1997.

Until 5 minutes ago I thought Hoobastank was a really fucking stupid name for a band.

The other don't take James Caan seriously do they? Or is it that they still see him as the new boy?

It's because he's the hot-headed one who won't take advice from the conciliere which will inevitably lead to his messy death.

http://ichlugebullets.wordpress.com/2008/07/21/in-review-hamfatter/

^here

Peter Jones just wants to mack on Indie Chix amirite?

"I know all the guys at Sony"

OMG IT'S SONYBMG U R SO FULL OF SHIT JONES

And you are a mug.

Much more fun to have the slapstick circus back in afterwards with Bert and Ernie here.

75, 000 grand up in smoke - that band sounded generic crap on the radio snippet i heard earlier today, crap name and they will be an utter joke associated with a TV business celebrity show

But they could get Levi Roots in to drop a guest vocal and BAM! number one for 2 months.

Nah, Levi's sitting pretty on all that Subway cash right now

OK, what the fuck is this shit?

£50,000 for a bedsheet with a line down the middle.

Those Subway Reggae Reggae samwiches are some bullshit. Not enough sauce.

is this part of the business plan ?

Hire a branding consultancy to choose a new band name
Pay a Radio Plugging company willing to promote generic crap as long they get money

£50,000 for a bedsheet with a line down the middle

Okay think Mrs Vague would buy one of those.

the "lay" line. HO HO HO.

will sell literally... several in new age druid mongers throughout glastonbury.

Noodle crosses the line too much.

I'm just saying what we're all thinking, innit?

I don't watch this programme - but is this potentially one of the worst investment decisions in the programme's history?

"In a Den first, Theo Paphitis has been getting business information from a talking tree"

"I don't watch this programme - but is this potentially one of the worst investment decisions in the programme's history?"

fixed.

Paphitis needs to ease off on the khat.

No, Theo signed Ulver last series and lost 100k!

xp

djmartian should go on and try and get funding for his blog

- Free Peace Sweet!, - do i know this cheeky monkey ?

He certainly knows how to push your buttons!

duroeno1 (4 months ago) Show Hide
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I was at the New Den the other week and they played this track just before Millwall came onto the pitch. Half the crowd left just after kick off and we lost 2 nil. All I'll say to you Mr Ulver is this - don't dare show you're face round Bermondsey for a while. There's a few Millwall not very pleased with you, in the slightest.

EggBagg26 (4 months ago) Show Hide
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I was at the Millwall match mentioned below and I know for a fact that there are some chibs and mallets with your name on Ulver my son. South London will be like a fucking minefield for you. Be warned.

grans (4 months ago) Show Hide
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Stupid fucking hooligans. Why don't you read a book for a change?

Don't threaten to beat up a band just because one of their tracks got played before the faggots you cheer on gets owned in a sport that revolves around sweaty homos jogging around on a grassy field to kick a ball into a net.

duroeno1 (4 months ago) Show Hide
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I'm just giving them a polite warning, that's all. I remember when a Depeche Mode track got played in the 80's. Their next gig in London was a bloodbath. And Ultravox took a proper kicking when 'Vienna' was played, on the day West Ham put us out of the cup. And when they played The Thompson Twins, at half time, in 1985, the next day, the lead singer was found on the Old Kent Road. He was naked, tied to a lamp post, with a tin of luncheon meat stuffed up his arse.

Yeh, those Millwall lads 'll fuck up Jørn H. Sværen if he shows his face round there again.

It's weird how it's different just a little bit across ldn though, Cass Pennant has a Sleepytime Gorilla Museum tattoo on his arm.

HalfDeadCow were on GMTVthis morning with Peter Jones (he was on a linkline)

All talking about how to get PUBLICITY!!!

I think Hamfatter need (a) a new name; (b) to fire their PR people and possibly sue them for misrepresentation; and (c) pursue alternative careers such as landscape gardening.

Lolz also to the new-look watercooler with added rabbit droppings content.

HalfDeadCow were on GMTVthis morning with Peter Jones (he was on a linkline)

yeah he's got very eclectic taste he says, likes everything from coldplay to snow patrol

The talking tree...

"Weird and wonderful" intoned in a robotic West Midlands voice which was neither weird nor wonderful.

Is it Peter Jones who's been downloading "Chasing Cars" 9000 times a day and keeping it in the charts?

when he's not downloading lily allen! that peter jones eh

I've heard he also likes "weird and wonderful" music like the Scissor Sisters and Mika.

this won't look so good in a couple of weeks when hattifattener (or whatever they're called) have sold a million billion records

like when Rachael wins Big Brother 2008?

I doubt they will be the Reggae Reggae Sauce of corporate indie rock.

Although the word "Subway" also looms large in their future...

I think Hamfatter need (a) a new name

Yeah how did none of the rich successful people not think to point out what a massively terrible name that is

we all went to university with a guy like that creepy rodent motherfucker with the ponytail

"I wish you no luck. I hope your product fails. I hope it doesn't take off."

Duncan on demon don't try it form this week.

Blimey, did they shoot his dog or something?

Peter Jones wasn't far off either. "I think it's not a bad idea (actorly pause). I think it's a STINKING, GODAWFUL idea!"

"You want mentoring? This is your mentoring. GET OUT!"

its clear that they are acting up the evil dragons role a la promos.
panto season has started early.

I'm not sure that I approve of the gradual conversion of the programme into yet another X-Factor clone; i.e. aw shucks sob story see we're not monsters really closer which has got zero to do with IRL world of cold rationalist investor financing.

Well, some time ago I asked our MD what he thought, "Ah, they're just pissing about with tiny amounts of money"...

aye.
tis just a chunk of hard cash loving self promotion for the dragons. something that at first was not that obvious when the programme was hidden away in the schedule. i fully expect a crimbo special featuring the other hero of 2008, gok wan.

Jeezus, what they just did to that lol 26 year-old computer company nerd is one of the most painful beatings I've ever seen on DD.

he deserved it with that beard

hey i should talk

beaten down by the man who had just invested 40k in luminous clear plastic landfill.

Peter Jones has been turning up drunk this series, I swear.

the shoe woman was nice - just about the right side of bubbly

I wasn't convinced by "people are crying out for colourful shoes" tho, surely high street shops would be stocking that shit if there were lots of people who wanted to buy them?

Why do all the Dragons seemingly have six children?

I like that they turned down the roadkill toys on ethical grounds, straight after seriously considering doing trade in leather shoes. Real life eviscerated animals are okay, cuddly representations of such are deeply upsetting.

Squashed badgers were a bit creepy though TBF.

Re. the luminous clear plastic landfill - Peter J: "I don't have these issues" i.e. I'm SO DAMN HARD

"I don't have these issues" = I could make a decent bit of cash out of this before effective WEEE legislation kicks in

"Kooky Cookies" = nuclear holocaust in six seconds

Dragon's Den was less 'strange' yesterday, more actual business ideas and Dragons not going for things out of their immediate comfort zone.

The kids were both debating the sale possibilities of food websites and Wii music packages, and three year sales projection tables. Whether or not this is a good thing, I cannot say.

lolz at their turning down Wii music man because he "doesn't look like a businessman - not yet" since as we all know all businessmen look like Raef.

The daft thing is, as Nintendo are in progress with their own Wii Music package, the best that the investor could hope for is getting an early bunch of sales before the 'official' version leaves it dead in the water.

But, they did not say that on the programme, did they?

They said it about iFood and iFoods though.

that seemed a bit strange, surely every product in the world has a similarly named domain name squatter lurking right beside them.

again: 'phishing' should have been explained to the dumb dragons as being nothing new, it's just a matter of being 1) more visible 2) distinct from the other place. They mentioned having a different website name only.

xpost exactly.

i think the problem wasn't that they were a squatter but a direct competitor.

sorry, 1 and 2 there are much the same. I did mean being a higher quality operation than the other, which is how it 'seemed', without looking comparitively between both sites.

xpost my terminology is off, yes. but, as I say, either competing directly, or even, hell, going into co-operation with them!

YEAH LETS LIVEBLOG THIS SHIT

Results 1 - 1 of 1 for "theo paphitis is a twat". (0.52 seconds)
Results 1 - 1 of 1 for "duncan bannatyne is a twat". (0.66 seconds)
Results 1 - 2 of 2 for "peter jones is a twat". (0.27 seconds)

THE PEOPLE HAVE SPOKEN

Camerman just did an upskirt angle shot on Deborah Meaden.

Steptoe and Son are up first trying to sell a toolbox for ladders.

Dunc' just said "Rob Rob Rob Rob Rob" and sounded like Hamburgular.

Dada Ladderbox looks like Alan Johnson's unemployed brother. Son Ladderbox just said their business plan is to "sell as many as possible"

bannantyne is the biggest twat

"i don't understand computers, so i'm out"

Bannatyne's entire existence just reminds me of Dave Chappelle as Rick James shouting "They shoulda never given you n*ggaz money"

James Caan "absolutely gets it on the ladder". I refuse to believe James Caan has climbed a ladder in the past 20 years.

Check out the accent on Captain £1million for Nu Rave Luggage Labels

Oh shit it's Andrea Bocelli!

"Amy Winehouse: my goddess of excess"

http://www.portelli-popicon.co.uk/images/page_pictures/amy_winehouse.jpg

10/10, looks exactly like her

Great shit-eating grin fron Bannatyne there. If he strains that smile too hard his hair transplant will fall out.

BLOW ME

Duncan Bannatyne hates single mothers

"Languages, yoga, and lying down"

lol at stuttering widow

"Hello Caroline I'm James I'm bored and I'm out."

"Aye see me takin money from the state it's disgustin they shid cut aw yir money off an make you pay it a' back wi' 2000 pir cint interest and ye kin eat blades of grass firra next 20 year until ye pay it a' aff!"

"But Duncan she declared it..."

"Aye she's declurrin it tae us but no tae the buroo!"

thus spake Duncan who if the story's correct was signing on and working on the side for like all of the seventies.

It's official - Dragons' Den is now a sob story show to rehabilitate failed DJs.

I was at the pub, was Mark Ronson on or something?

It was an ex-Kiss DJ who'd gone into rehab and in tandem with an extremely scary woman was trying to blag some cash to set up a recycled packaging business. His real name was Christian something or other but I was on to him right away; on Kiss he called himself "Robin Banks" see what he did there?

the recycled packaging entepreneur previously known as Robin Banks to fund a drug habbit boye.

Both of them looked seriously stoned and if Theo and Peter fell for that then someone should ask them how they feel squandering their children's inheritance.

(if I hear the words "children" and "inheritance" in close proximity once more on DD why I oughta...)

In other news: Tiny Deol got no deal for her slimmers' curry largely because (a) she seemed more interested in putting her picture on the jar labels than actual proper names and info and (b) she was another dodgy case of company gone bust/set up new one to skip paying the debts incurred by the old one.

and (c) they taste revolting.

I still a jar in the cupboard. Will it become a collector's item?

Who would think it was a good idea to put their own face on a food product? Unless you're, say, Loyd Grossman I guess...

... and that's a good idea? (LGross, I mean)

(if I hear the words "children" and "inheritance" in close proximity once more on DD why I oughta...)

Apparently, the other dragons got bored of that one two series' ago....

x-post

Not for the unwitting consumer scanning the shelves and seeing his bald head grinning back at you, but it seems to have worked okay for LGross!

Tiny Deol's been flogging this schtick for years. Back in 2003 she was a "personal trainer" with a dvd to flog.
http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/417TNQNR9DL._SL500_AA240_.jpg
Get a new idea woman!

Not to mention Paul Newman.

But really, even Cowell (from what I gather) has put his foot down and got rid of the sob stories from The X-Factor so they should avoid the tendency here.

(note also that the dreaded "J" word appeared in last night's episode)

Jesus?

Deol described herself as a "health and fitness expert" which always rings alarm bells, a la Dr Gillian McKeith PhD.

Much, MUCH worse than "Jesus"...

http://www.kennyrogers.biz/store/images/uploads/journey.jpg

Haha, also mentioned on a very old episode of rm101 I saw (last night on virgin1) with S Fry who said that he had watched a critic (possibly Tom Paulin?) talk about a film for 25 minutes without mentioning the word 'film'.

Ah, I remember when Robin Banks used to be on XFM many years ago. He was rubbish.

Did he not once break into Kiss, switch off the sustaining service and start broadcasting?

I wouldn't have put it past him.

Also: Theo's "he's a bit too clever for me" re. skirting board radiator man, subtext: I'm loaded and he's sad.

Have double checked this - he broke in, drunk, switched off the pre-recorded programme and apparently spent the next hour ranting drunkenly and swearing on air.

Like Chris Moyles but more coherent then.

"The future's bright - the future's Hamfatter."

I was rendered speechless.

It was between that and "I may have committed large-scale fraud but I did have a stroke, so..." for moment of the episode.

Hamfatter's single charted at a magnificent #71, by the way.

She still didn't get any money, though, so good on the Tory cunts for not falling for Cowell-style faux-sob stories.

The Enfield/Whitehouse Dragons' Den sketch suggests there may be a case for euthanasia in extreme circumstances.

I am confident that Hamfatter will be odds-on favourite for Mercury 2009 together with Glasvegas.

It was an ex-Kiss DJ who'd gone into rehab and in tandem with an extremely scary woman was trying to blag some cash to set up a recycled packaging business. His real name was Christian something or other but I was on to him right away; on Kiss he called himself "Robin Banks" see what he did there?

― Marcello Carlin, Tuesday, 2 September 2008 09:08 (1 week ago) Bookmark

I didn't realise this was Robin Banks at the time... he used to be on Virgin Radio around 97/98, and he may have been the worst national DJ alive at that time. Jonathan Ross described his show as "one of the most unpleasant things I've ever heard". And when you consider what noises Jane Goldman probably makes during le petit mort, that has to be horrible.

'probably' = go and sit on the stairs...

Hope it's not considered egregiously sexist to say, damn this new dragon looks like she's stepped straight off the set of The Witches. the makeup! The hair! The shoulderpads! Dear Lord the shoulderpads!

Bloke trying to sell the ab-sculpting tanning template tonight was the best value I've seen. Do they have a selection process? Did he just stroll in off the street?

THE HAULAGE INDUSTRY

drill down into the figures

I WISH YOU LUCK BUT I'M HAVING A HARD TIME FINDING REASONS TO INVEST IN YOUR BUSINESS

Deborah and Theo never having gone near an oven in their lives vs. Banachek being all "I cook a chicken every week without covering it and it's delicous. This is a stupid invention. I'm oot."

he's always oot and always in a really obnoxious unfunny manner the worst

damn this new dragon looks like she's stepped straight off the set of The Witches. the makeup! The hair! The shoulderpads!

This is the thing: This new dragon has been pre-sold on the 'scary' aspect, but she seems so far to be one of the nicest. And I think it was last week she mentioned about being a post-stroke recoverer. Which is why...