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in every star trek ever

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1. "it's a long shot captain, but if i re-route the warp core through this old star trek jock strap, we may just hit warp 7 and escape". plan works, titles roll.

― Ronan (Ronan), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:14 (nineteen years ago)

2. engage lol

― ken c (ken c), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:16 (nineteen years ago)

3. There is a rift in the Spacetime Continuum.

4. It is somehow resolved by Jordy's visor.

― Three In A Bed Socks Romp (kate), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:17 (nineteen years ago)

3. crew encounter primitive race on faraway planet, cave girl falls in love with primitive lothario crewmember of the series. "your ship is.....amazing. are you people gods???"

― Ronan (Ronan), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:19 (nineteen years ago)

5. "tachyon particles" in newer series vs

6. quite detailed knowledge of mid-20th century american culture & politics from an alien in the older series.

― kingfish prætor (kingfish 2.0), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:19 (nineteen years ago)

7. guy with red shirt goes on new planet

8. guy with red shirt dies in a horrendous fashion

(does "every star trek ever" has to be non-series/show specific? e.g. jordy's only in like next generation and red shirt guys don't die in the one that isn't the original series )

― ken c (ken c), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:20 (nineteen years ago)

4. miserable cretin race claim they need star fleet assistance in fighting evil sadistic overlords, however it soon transpires all is not as it seems; miserable cretin family's daughter actually controls the orbit of the planet with her mind, and they have lured the enterprise to its doom...

― Ronan (Ronan), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:20 (nineteen years ago)

3a or a subspace anomaly

― sleep (sleep), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:21 (nineteen years ago)

11. fight scenes with the double-fist/fingers-interlaced overhand clobber move

― kingfish prætor (kingfish 2.0), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:21 (nineteen years ago)

oops make mine 9

x-post maybe it should be series specific! tho certain themes are universal enough...some big differences tho! I guess I'm thinking next generation onward..

― Ronan (Ronan), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:21 (nineteen years ago)

12. "stop toying with us!!!" to invariably camp alien imprisoner

― Ronan (Ronan), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:22 (nineteen years ago)

13. ship's officers smirking at primitive alien cultures

― got yourself a fish biscuit! (nickalicious), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:23 (nineteen years ago)

14. Enterprise only ever has to fly straight forward

― stet (stet), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:24 (nineteen years ago)

14. Comic relief as Bones and Kirk explain an illogical human nuance to Spock.

― Onimo (GerryNemo), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:24 (nineteen years ago)

14. control panel short circuit blowing up killing/injuring operator (BAD health and safety design)

― ken c (ken c), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:24 (nineteen years ago)

15. Thinly veiled class or racial conflicts of 20th Century earth reenacted by aliens with weirdly lumpy foreheads.

― Three In A Bed Socks Romp (kate), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:24 (nineteen years ago)

16 sparks from consoles, lights flash, crew hurled from seats
xpost w/ken c

― sleep (sleep), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:24 (nineteen years ago)

19. "What is this thing you call... kissing?" (prob. not in TNG)

― ledge (ledge), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:24 (nineteen years ago)

20? Bridge shakes as the shields take a big hit, someone falls off a chair or against a wall.

― Onimo (GerryNemo), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:25 (nineteen years ago)

22 Machinery driven beyond specified safe operating limits, despite protestations of senior engineering officers.

― stet (stet), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:25 (nineteen years ago)

20. They make the Enterprise go TOO FAST, but miraculously, she does not fall apart! (this is Shatner/Nimoy era. I am old)

― Beth Parker (Beth Parker), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:25 (nineteen years ago)

21. centuries old being dispenses wisdom

― got yourself a fish biscuit! (nickalicious), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:25 (nineteen years ago)

bah xposts!

― Onimo (GerryNemo), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:25 (nineteen years ago)

23 Power is re-routed

― stet (stet), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:25 (nineteen years ago)

24. Whoopi Goldberg gettin her drink on

― chakra khan chakra khan (sanskrit), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:26 (nineteen years ago)

24 Bones runs beepy thing over injured party.

― Onimo (GerryNemo), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:26 (nineteen years ago)

14. Comic relief as Bones and Kirk explain an illogical human nuance to Spock.

Cue quirky music and end scene with Spock raising quizzical eyebrow

― Mike Giggler (Dada), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:27 (nineteen years ago)

26. Spock uses beepy thing to detect life forms on planet.

― Onimo (GerryNemo), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:27 (nineteen years ago)

26?. a time traveling older version of a regular appears suddenly and mysteriously on the bridge with an important message from the future (usually the fate of the entire universe depends on the outcome)

― got yourself a fish biscuit! (nickalicious), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:27 (nineteen years ago)

28 geordi reconfigures plasma conduit

― sleep (sleep), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:27 (nineteen years ago)

22. Techological solution to predicament needs approximately 10% more time than is available, whether the amount of time is as small as 15 seconds, or as large as two weeks.

22a. Technological solution to predicament is accomplished in 1% less time than is available, to the relief of the incredulous crew.

― schwantz (schwantz), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:27 (nineteen years ago)

27 Psychiatrist senses hostility from heavily-armed race in passing battleship

― stet (stet), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:27 (nineteen years ago)

28. All females will be wearing minidresses and/or form fitting jumpsuits.

― Three In A Bed Socks Romp (kate), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:28 (nineteen years ago)

29. Jordie is stranded somewhere without his visor

― got yourself a fish biscuit! (nickalicious), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:28 (nineteen years ago)

29. "Set phasers to stun"

― Onimo (GerryNemo), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:28 (nineteen years ago)

31. Reliance on scarce and apparently unsynthesisable element only obtainable from extremely dangerous location.

― ledge (ledge), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:28 (nineteen years ago)

30. Picard patiently/patronizingly explains to Data that "humans drive like THIS"

― Jordan (Jordan), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:29 (nineteen years ago)

33. Enterprise must not enter neutral zone. Enterprise enters neutral zone.

― ledge (ledge), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:29 (nineteen years ago)

32. doctor examines crew member...."captain I think you'd better come and have a look at this". "yes that's right genital warts..."

― Ronan (Ronan), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:29 (nineteen years ago)

31. Data tries to emulate human behaviour and fail to hilarious effects

― ken c (ken c), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:29 (nineteen years ago)

34. one of the Enterprise aliens (Spock/Worf/Tuvok/etc) is horny

― got yourself a fish biscuit! (nickalicious), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:29 (nineteen years ago)

32 People do not use holodeck for sexxin

― stet (stet), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:29 (nineteen years ago)

35. sexual tension between female crewmember in jumpsuit and Riker's beard

― Jordan (Jordan), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:30 (nineteen years ago)

37. Tea, Earl Grey, Hot

― stet (stet), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:30 (nineteen years ago)

36. Q arouses suppressed homosexuality of captain, followed by rage

― Ronan (Ronan), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:30 (nineteen years ago)

Roffle, this thread has the most ridiculous numbering ever!

― ledge (ledge), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:30 (nineteen years ago)

38 tricorder solves everything

― sleep (sleep), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:31 (nineteen years ago)

32 People do not use holodeck for sexxin

Not true. Brockley or whatever his name was, was neglecting his job because he was using it, essentially, for Dianna Troi slash fic.

― Three In A Bed Socks Romp (kate), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:31 (nineteen years ago)

39. Enterprise crew spread highbrow European culture throughout galaxy (classical music, Shakespeare, and tea)

― Jordan (Jordan), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:31 (nineteen years ago)

40. Alien food always edible by humans, despite vastly different constitutions and chemistries.

― Three In A Bed Socks Romp (kate), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:32 (nineteen years ago)

41. Landing party fades out then fades back in again as the transporter's got a loose wire.

― Onimo (GerryNemo), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:33 (nineteen years ago)

41. Worf gets to prove that he is REAL KLINGON even though he hangs out with white dudes

― Jordan (Jordan), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:33 (nineteen years ago)

42 Enterprise crew obsessed with history but only up to late 20th Century.

― ledge (ledge), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:33 (nineteen years ago)

42 data cocks head quizzically

― sleep (sleep), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:33 (nineteen years ago)

42. scary alien/mysterious being turns out just to be ickle baby alien that is looking for its mummy. In the end the mummy alien takes it away and everyone on the bridge goes "aaaaahhh!"

― Mark Co (Markco), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:33 (nineteen years ago)

37. prime directive is upheld despite grave risk to safety to all crew

haha space time continuum has been ruptured in this thread

― ken c (ken c), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:33 (nineteen years ago)

44. things go awry with shuttlecraft, usually keeping key officers away from ship as important (diplomatic/militaristic/sexual) crisis looms

― kingfish prætor (kingfish 2.0), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:34 (nineteen years ago)

45. crewmembers talk affectionately and nostalgically of planets with extremely futuristic names.."ah....good old raijilicus 78, you haven't lived until you've sampled their quantrillian ale"

― Ronan (Ronan), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:34 (nineteen years ago)

46. Vulcans. Being illogically logical.

― Three In A Bed Socks Romp (kate), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:34 (nineteen years ago)

47. scary space-cloud turns out to be baby space-cloud that is looking for its mummy.

― Jordan (Jordan), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:34 (nineteen years ago)

xxxpost tuvok totally boned a hologram of his wife in one episdoe

― ken c (ken c), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:35 (nineteen years ago)

48. Bones getting exasperated by Spock and making some species-ist remark like, "Why you green blooded monster!"

― Mike Giggler (Dada), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:35 (nineteen years ago)

48. no-one ever says "cat" it has to be "rigelian space cat"

― Mark Co (Markco), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:36 (nineteen years ago)

40whatever there is always another class M planet just around the space-corner

― got yourself a fish biscuit! (nickalicious), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:36 (nineteen years ago)

49. Uhura turns around with a finger in her ear!
(look!)

― Onimo (GerryNemo), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:36 (nineteen years ago)

50. There is a rift in the spacetime continuum.

― Three In A Bed Socks Romp (kate), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:36 (nineteen years ago)

CAPTAIN'S LOG

― got yourself a fish biscuit! (nickalicious), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:36 (nineteen years ago)

50. Bad dudes beam themselves onto the bridge, Worf charges ahead first and gets his ass kicked, then goes back to his quarters to take it out on his kid

― Jordan (Jordan), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:36 (nineteen years ago)

51 Riker plays with his "bone"

― ledge (ledge), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:36 (nineteen years ago)

READY ROOM

― got yourself a fish biscuit! (nickalicious), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:37 (nineteen years ago)

53 in space, drinks are either blue or green

― sleep (sleep), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:37 (nineteen years ago)

Roffle, this thread has the most ridiculous numbering ever!

3.1415134 -- fanboys note anachronistic problems in script, quiz castmembers endlessly at conventions, eventually die.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:37 (nineteen years ago)

54. Ship is rocked by enemy fire; crew are thrown about by impact yet their individual staggerings are queerly out of sync.

― === temporary username === (Mark C), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:37 (nineteen years ago)

ON SCREEN

― sleep (sleep), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:37 (nineteen years ago)

55. Picard and Crusher do not bone

― Jordan (Jordan), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:37 (nineteen years ago)

55. "Yes, Captain, I am 200 in your earth years"

― Mike Giggler (Dada), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:37 (nineteen years ago)

55, or 54 or 56 -- Worf does tai chi while claiming it's some sort of warrior yoga.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:37 (nineteen years ago)

56. There is a rift in the spacetime continuum.

"there is the theory of the Moebius, where time becomes a loop"

― Three In A Bed Socks Romp (kate), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:38 (nineteen years ago)

56. There is a rift in the spacetime continuum.

"there is the theory of the Mo

― Three In A Bed Socks Romp (kate), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:38 (nineteen years ago)

where time becomes a loop"

― Three In A Bed Socks Romp (kate), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:38 (nineteen years ago)

A loop.

― Three In A Bed Socks Romp (kate), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:38 (nineteen years ago)

57. picard is jesus figure victim of some kind of electroshock treatment. "gahaah NO....NNGGGGGG"

― Ronan (Ronan), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:38 (nineteen years ago)

56 #3. Whoopi Goldberg smugly knows all

― ledge (ledge), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:38 (nineteen years ago)

A loop.

― Three In A Bed Socks Romp (kate), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:38 (nineteen years ago)

I watched one the other day with a colony of humans who had been lost on some planet for centuries, and they all spoke with Lucky Charms commercial "Irish" accents

― got yourself a fish biscuit! (nickalicious), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:38 (nineteen years ago)

57. aliens have Irish/British/Italian accents

― got yourself a fish biscuit! (nickalicious), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:39 (nineteen years ago)

No wait, RUSSIAN accents.

― got yourself a fish biscuit! (nickalicious), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:39 (nineteen years ago)

5* Omnipotent being makes the ship freeze so it can ask a load of stupid questions. Captain persuades it to let them go using powers of human moxie or something.

― Mark Co (Markco), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:39 (nineteen years ago)

58. kirk is infected by magic beans, turns him into something akin to a hippy

― Ronan (Ronan), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:39 (nineteen years ago)

54. crew member talks to captain in a meeting at the end of show to apologise for an earlier display of character weakness that has since been overcome in an act of bravery that saves the whole crew, captain forgives crew member

― ken c (ken c), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:39 (nineteen years ago)

NYUCLEAR WESSEL

― got yourself a fish biscuit! (nickalicious), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:39 (nineteen years ago)

57. picard is jesus figure victim of some kind of electroshock treatment. "gahaah NO....NNGGGGGG"

lol I just saw that one again

"torture...not...an effective way of interrogation...NRRRGGGGGGGG"

― Jordan (Jordan), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:39 (nineteen years ago)

60. Supercilious super-brained alien baddie making supercilious super-brained remarks on the violent history of the Earth and "you humans"

― Mike Giggler (Dada), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:40 (nineteen years ago)

59. ensign wesley crusher receives sexual advances from galactic senator via instant messenger

― chakra khan chakra khan (sanskrit), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:41 (nineteen years ago)

56. Where time becomes a loop.

― Three In A Bed Socks Romp (kate), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:41 (nineteen years ago)

xxxpost -- No, there was an Irish one too. They wanted whiskey or something.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:41 (nineteen years ago)

61. "Computer, what is the location of *special guest star*?" "Dude is not on board the Enterprise."

― Jordan (Jordan), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:42 (nineteen years ago)

you mean SYNTHOHOL

xpost

― ken c (ken c), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:42 (nineteen years ago)

63. Crew land on utopian planet that has a Dark Secret

― Mark Co (Markco), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:42 (nineteen years ago)

61. jerryrigging of photon torpedo to do something other than photon blow something up

― got yourself a fish biscuit! (nickalicious), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:43 (nineteen years ago)

64. re-discovery that photon torpedos does fuck-all

― ken c (ken c), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:43 (nineteen years ago)

xpost

you mean RIGELIAN SPACE SYNTHOHOL

― Mark Co (Markco), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:44 (nineteen years ago)

you mean SYNTHOHOL

Ken you should patent Syntho-ho

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:44 (nineteen years ago)

My favorite are the very special "Picard lets down his hair, gets his bone on" episodes.

― Jordan (Jordan), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:44 (nineteen years ago)

65. engineer invents crazy new modulation on phaser that destroys ship instead

― ken c (ken c), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:44 (nineteen years ago)

66 Important decision made following discussion in turbolift

― ledge (ledge), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:45 (nineteen years ago)

100+ posts in a half hour? Jeez, you guys are nerds.

― jaymc (jaymc), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:45 (nineteen years ago)

67. taking turbolift to the transporter room for an away mission (why bother??!?!)

― ken c (ken c), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:45 (nineteen years ago)

65. "Commander Cisco, there's an unknown craft coming through the wormhole."

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:46 (nineteen years ago)

ensign wesley crusher receives sexual advances from galactic senator via instant messenger

roffle.

67. star fleet ambassador turns out to have hiv, attempts to infect crew "this is the way forward picard..."

― Ronan (Ronan), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:46 (nineteen years ago)

48. superbeing is petulant child

― -- (688), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:46 (nineteen years ago)

haha

xpost

― Jordan (Jordan), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:47 (nineteen years ago)

68. "I am just a hologram and cannot leave sick bay."

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:47 (nineteen years ago)

69. wesley crusher doens't understand why other people aren't like him

70. wesley crusher sees girl, smiles

― -- (688), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:48 (nineteen years ago)

69 Troi flaunts cleavage

― Mark Co (Markco), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:48 (nineteen years ago)

71. crew member alien, to self, "i'll never understand you humans"

― -- (688), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:49 (nineteen years ago)

72. Crawling through ducts - er, "Jeffries tubes"

― ledge (ledge), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:49 (nineteen years ago)

69. energy signatures are saved on computer but when people die they can't just be re-created by the replicator

― ken c (ken c), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:49 (nineteen years ago)

72. aliens are never 200ft tall

― -- (688), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:50 (nineteen years ago)

73. Troi pretends not to notice other crewmember's thoughts about her ass

― Jordan (Jordan), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:50 (nineteen years ago)

70-something: hot hot HOT ass alien space chick, who captain either bones or flirts with(or her mother flirts with captain)

71. wesley tries to get bone on with cute (possibly underage) alient space chick, fails, runs back to his room all-a-crying, takes out frustrations after secretly reprogramming holodeck to pagan orgy sequence program number fifty two.

― kingfish prætor (kingfish 2.0), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:50 (nineteen years ago)

74. troi shudders at thought of being human, "you must feel so...alone"

― -- (688), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:50 (nineteen years ago)

75. "If we can just get to know this one Borg we can disrupt their entire social structure!"

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:51 (nineteen years ago)

76. Q materializes in Picard's teacup.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:51 (nineteen years ago)

77. "Take her away Mr. Chekhov/Sulu" "Aye aye captain!"

― Mike Giggler (Dada), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:52 (nineteen years ago)

78. in the bar, crew member looks out at planet they are orbiting, "you know, citok, it almost reminds me of being back home on magalan ix"

― -- (688), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:54 (nineteen years ago)

79. Medical tricorder used for evil deeds

― got yourself a fish biscuit! (nickalicious), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:54 (nineteen years ago)

78+. episode ends with captain staring solemnly out window of his quarters/ready room, pondering the import of adventure just completed (this is the deep ending)

79+. episode ends with bridge officers exchanging a wry smile and chuckling (this is the happy ending)

― kingfish prætor (kingfish 2.0), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:54 (nineteen years ago)

Robot, I command you to disobey me!

(shower of sparks, day saved)

― It's the lazy and immoral way to become super hip. (Austin, Still), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:55 (nineteen years ago)

78a, talks about how he misses the pink oceans

― -- (688), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:55 (nineteen years ago)

82. someone is playing that 3-tiered chess game

― got yourself a fish biscuit! (nickalicious), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:55 (nineteen years ago)

jaymc you can distinguish the 1st and 2nd tier nerds on this thread by those who only know OG/TNG vs those who also know DS9/Voyager/etc

― got yourself a fish biscuit! (nickalicious), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:56 (nineteen years ago)

You know, for the file.

― got yourself a fish biscuit! (nickalicious), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:56 (nineteen years ago)

83. robot/computer character wants to be "more human" , even though human colleagues are all dicks

― Mark Co (Markco), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:57 (nineteen years ago)

83. a group of aliens are being taken across the galaxy in the enterprise, they are trading aliens, and part of the ship becomes like a turkish bazaar

― -- (688), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:57 (nineteen years ago)

80-something: Holodeck used for historical genre adventure, either set in mid-20th century america or earlier britain

81-something: holodeck fucks up/is fucked with, controls shit on other parts of ship

― kingfish prætor (kingfish 2.0), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:57 (nineteen years ago)

...and to out myself...

85. Neelix is enthusiastic about having just prepared something that looks like vomit

― got yourself a fish biscuit! (nickalicious), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:57 (nineteen years ago)

86. alien foods are just big onions/potatoes/etc painted green

― got yourself a fish biscuit! (nickalicious), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:57 (nineteen years ago)

87. 10 forward

― got yourself a fish biscuit! (nickalicious), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:58 (nineteen years ago)

88. Other alien species impressed by irrepressiblity of humans

― ledge (ledge), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:58 (nineteen years ago)

88. a group of intelligent and important aliens are in the enterprise, being taken to some kind of conference. their habits are disgusting to the crew, picard reminds them it is not their place to judge

― -- (688), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:58 (nineteen years ago)

89: later series make unspoken or overt references to previous series, even if series are set decades apart

― kingfish prætor (kingfish 2.0), Friday, 6 October 2006 14:59 (nineteen years ago)

89a, later series mention "the great kirk"

― -- (688), Friday, 6 October 2006 15:00 (nineteen years ago)

'87: Transparent Aluminum

― stet (stet), Friday, 6 October 2006 15:00 (nineteen years ago)

92: ship discovers alien planet/ship stocked with humans from past

― kingfish prætor (kingfish 2.0), Friday, 6 October 2006 15:00 (nineteen years ago)

89b, or someone goes to the james t kirk academy

― -- (688), Friday, 6 October 2006 15:00 (nineteen years ago)

TRANSPORTER BEAM

― It's the lazy and immoral way to become super hip. (Austin, Still), Friday, 6 October 2006 15:01 (nineteen years ago)

90 Crew goes to parallel universe and meets evil, sexy, leather clad versions of selves

― Mark Co (Markco), Friday, 6 October 2006 15:02 (nineteen years ago)

ATOMICS! No wait, that's something else.

― got yourself a fish biscuit! (nickalicious), Friday, 6 October 2006 15:02 (nineteen years ago)

91. a seemingly apparently lack of a standard counter measure to the tractor beam

― ken c (ken c), Friday, 6 October 2006 15:03 (nineteen years ago)

93. special padded jacket versions of uniform for admirals

― Ronan (Ronan), Friday, 6 October 2006 15:03 (nineteen years ago)

94. their shields can't take much more of something

― got yourself a fish biscuit! (nickalicious), Friday, 6 October 2006 15:04 (nineteen years ago)

Somehow this is 3x as funny as the cop show thread

100. “ONSCREEN!”

― Raymond Cummings (Raymond Cummings), Friday, 6 October 2006 15:04 (nineteen years ago)

Out of uniform, everyone wears silky tunics.

― It's the lazy and immoral way to become super hip. (Austin, Still), Friday, 6 October 2006 15:04 (nineteen years ago)

96. Life support lost on decks 13, 15, and 20-28.

― ledge (ledge), Friday, 6 October 2006 15:05 (nineteen years ago)

97. "was top of his class at star fleet academy"

― Ronan (Ronan), Friday, 6 October 2006 15:05 (nineteen years ago)

pointy sideburns

― It's the lazy and immoral way to become super hip. (Austin, Still), Friday, 6 October 2006 15:06 (nineteen years ago)

There is no religion in outer space.

― It's the lazy and immoral way to become super hip. (Austin, Still), Friday, 6 October 2006 15:06 (nineteen years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/33580

― Raymond Cummings (Raymond Cummings), Friday, 6 October 2006 15:07 (nineteen years ago)

98. Delta Quadrant...? Not really THAT much different from other Quadrants.

― Three In A Bed Socks Romp (kate), Friday, 6 October 2006 15:07 (nineteen years ago)

99. Holodeck malfunction, must complete ridiculous holodeckization of classic 17-20th century literature.

― got yourself a fish biscuit! (nickalicious), Friday, 6 October 2006 15:09 (nineteen years ago)

101. Class M planet with atmosphere similar to Earth

― Shakey Mo Collier (Shakey Mo Collier), Friday, 6 October 2006 15:10 (nineteen years ago)

102. Historical figure from Earth's past inexplicably appears, compelled to participate in ludicrous fight scene

― Shakey Mo Collier (Shakey Mo Collier), Friday, 6 October 2006 15:11 (nineteen years ago)

103. Entire planet devoted to leisure activities = favourite holiday destination for all.

― ledge (ledge), Friday, 6 October 2006 15:12 (nineteen years ago)

103. Spock mind-melds with alien/crewmember/energy field

― Shakey Mo Collier (Shakey Mo Collier), Friday, 6 October 2006 15:12 (nineteen years ago)

Space aliens' traditional weapons are ridiculously impractical (a double ended sabre? giant q-tips?)

― It's the lazy and immoral way to become super hip. (Austin, Still), Friday, 6 October 2006 15:13 (nineteen years ago)

105. Scotty gets drunk, randy

― Shakey Mo Collier (Shakey Mo Collier), Friday, 6 October 2006 15:13 (nineteen years ago)

106. Planetary leaders always deign to personally speak to visiting spacecraft.

― ledge (ledge), Friday, 6 October 2006 15:14 (nineteen years ago)

http://img58.imageshack.us/img58/1332/ssssja0.gif

― roc u like a § (ex machina), Friday, 6 October 2006 15:14 (nineteen years ago)

107. Overly smarmy alien who will later turn out to be a baddie, welcomes Kirk, Spock and expendable "security" crewmen to his castle/mansion/tent/cave and then says, "But Captain, how remiss of me, I have not introduced you to my daughter Aurora..." *cue wobbly space music and tons of soft focus*

― Mike Giggler (Dada), Friday, 6 October 2006 15:14 (nineteen years ago)

104. holodeck adventures of historical earth.

― ken c (ken c), Friday, 6 October 2006 15:14 (nineteen years ago)

106. Prime directive blithely violated without discussion; no serious consequences

― Shakey Mo Collier (Shakey Mo Collier), Friday, 6 October 2006 15:16 (nineteen years ago)

108. 60s alien space babe to Kirk: "What is... love?"

― Mike Giggler (Dada), Friday, 6 October 2006 15:17 (nineteen years ago)

109 crew are tricked into gladatorial combat

― Mark Co (Markco), Friday, 6 October 2006 15:18 (nineteen years ago)

110. Chakote uses some spooky, intuitive Native American/Mah Qui method which totally PWNS prim, proper Star Fleet protocol. Gets away with it.

― Three In A Bed Socks Romp (kate), Friday, 6 October 2006 15:18 (nineteen years ago)

111. Kirk's tunic torn from left-shoulder to mid-riff in the heat of combat

― Shakey Mo Collier (Shakey Mo Collier), Friday, 6 October 2006 15:19 (nineteen years ago)

can't resist
I AM LOLCUETEST OF BORG!
Star Trek: Classic or Dud?

― Jordan (Jordan), Friday, 6 October 2006 15:20 (nineteen years ago)

112. Alien life-force sneaks aboard ship, makes everyone act crazy.

― Shakey Mo Collier (Shakey Mo Collier), Friday, 6 October 2006 15:20 (nineteen years ago)

I see Nickalicious and Kate are also of the Elite.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 6 October 2006 15:20 (nineteen years ago)

113. Beautiful space babe, who Kirk had only just been canoodling with, is revealed as either:

a) 236 year old (cue crappy ageing special effects)

b) Not so beautiful space monster

― Mike Giggler (Dada), Friday, 6 October 2006 15:21 (nineteen years ago)

I like how so far not a single entry has referred to the Enterprise show.

― Shakey Mo Collier (Shakey Mo Collier), Friday, 6 October 2006 15:23 (nineteen years ago)

114. Ship is hijacked by baddies, crew sneak around in jeffries tubes.

― roc u like a § (ex machina), Friday, 6 October 2006 15:24 (nineteen years ago)

115. Harry Kim gets dragged along in pursuit of the Delaney twins

― NERD (nickalicious), Friday, 6 October 2006 15:25 (nineteen years ago)

(ie 114. Capt Bakula squints, speaks Dubya-esque nonsense)

― Shakey Mo Collier (Shakey Mo Collier), Friday, 6 October 2006 15:25 (nineteen years ago)

117. important prop/macguffin for that particular episode is obviously a repainted modern toy/machine part

― kingfish prætor (kingfish 2.0), Friday, 6 October 2006 15:25 (nineteen years ago)

When I build my self-sufficient hobbit-hole-style house, it is going to have JEFFRIES TUBES

― got yourself a fish biscuit! (nickalicious), Friday, 6 October 2006 15:25 (nineteen years ago)

10 to 9 sez Peter Jackson's already done just that.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 6 October 2006 15:28 (nineteen years ago)

118. "we have evolved to become pure thought, thus saving on the special effects budget, hahaha"

― jel -- (jel), Friday, 6 October 2006 15:32 (nineteen years ago)

119. other bridge officers and/or random crew exchange weird/amused expressions when otherwise placid & stoic officer removes stick from ass to actually indulge in frivolity and/or non-serious business.

― kingfish prætor (kingfish 2.0), Friday, 6 October 2006 15:33 (nineteen years ago)

119. "Oh, you humans and your compassion!"

― jel -- (jel), Friday, 6 October 2006 15:33 (nineteen years ago)

121. Captain Archer looks worried, someone else has to feed the dog.

― jel -- (jel), Friday, 6 October 2006 15:35 (nineteen years ago)

122. Ship is en route to rendezvous with other Starfleet vessel, Captain to other member of bridge crew "You served with Captain Mcgillicutty on the Excelsior...." Bridge crew tells of a brilliant captain with a character flaw. Mcgillicutty serves as a foil and learns An Important Lesson before the episode is over.

― roc u like a § (ex machina), Friday, 6 October 2006 15:38 (nineteen years ago)

where did 120 go?

― roc u like a § (ex machina), Friday, 6 October 2006 15:38 (nineteen years ago)

there were two 119s! It may have affected the chronological continuim to not acknowledge this.

― jel -- (jel), Friday, 6 October 2006 15:40 (nineteen years ago)

123. We've not seen this person before, but he/she's an officer! He's gone insane by the end of the show, and she's decided to stay behind with some weirdo at an observation post.

― jel -- (jel), Friday, 6 October 2006 15:41 (nineteen years ago)

There really was an Excelsior.

― got yourself a fish biscuit! (nickalicious), Friday, 6 October 2006 15:43 (nineteen years ago)

124. crewmember goes thru radical transformation in first 10 mins of ep, either reverts back or dies by end of ep.

125. annoying castmember is massively scorned by fans and replaced w/in 1-2 seasons(unless they're captain)

― kingfish prætor (kingfish 2.0), Friday, 6 October 2006 15:51 (nineteen years ago)

haha, 124...what did they call Neelix/Tuvok when they merged!?? I forgot, and I know it's not Tulix.

― got yourself a fish biscuit! (nickalicious), Friday, 6 October 2006 15:53 (nineteen years ago)

what did they call Neelix/Tuvok when they merged!??

Good grief. Reason 431541 to be glad I gave up on Trek in the mid-nineties.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 6 October 2006 15:55 (nineteen years ago)

125. during "romantic dinner" in someone's quarters, "oh, you like it? It's a gruellian omelette, I replicated it myself."

― Jordan (Jordan), Friday, 6 October 2006 15:55 (nineteen years ago)

126. Tuvok does Spock impersonation

― Shakey Mo Collier (Shakey Mo Collier), Friday, 6 October 2006 15:56 (nineteen years ago)

127. Inexplicable change in behaviour of a crew member is caused by alien possession (not time of the month/nervous breakdown).

128. Chief engineer impresses on captain that x can't be done; x is then done.

129. Replicators are never out of order. (Would everyone starve?)

― Archel (Archel), Friday, 6 October 2006 16:32 (nineteen years ago)

They had to ration replicator usage in Voyager, during which time they harvested alien foods from the surfaces of planets.

― got yourself a fish biscuit! (nickalicious), Friday, 6 October 2006 16:34 (nineteen years ago)

Phew.

130. Unemotional Vulcan surprises all by acting in an emotional way. Again.

― Archel (Archel), Friday, 6 October 2006 16:37 (nineteen years ago)

131. That new character suspiciously looks a lot like Yar ...

― zaxxon25 (zaxxon25), Friday, 6 October 2006 16:53 (nineteen years ago)

132. Annoying actor is actually Roddenberry relative

― zaxxon25 (zaxxon25), Friday, 6 October 2006 16:54 (nineteen years ago)

133. special guest star either provides all teh comic relief or all the gravitas for the ep

― kingfish prætor (kingfish 2.0), Friday, 6 October 2006 17:03 (nineteen years ago)

134. Ferengi refuses to cooperate.
135. Human woman contemptuously tickles Ferengi's ears.
136. Pathetic Ferengi cooperates due to apparent non-existence of Ferengi women.
137. Non-human creature (robot, hologram, de-Borgified chick) is far more interested in and self-aware about goal-oriented human development than any of the actual humans on board, who behave more like robots, more or less just doing their jobs and only occasionally indulging in a replicator dish that reminds them of wherever they came from.

(Question regarding "set phasers on stun" -- what were they set on before? Were they all walking around the Enterprise with their phasers set on "kill?" But now that they're down on the alien planet, time to take it down a notch?)

― nabisco (nabisco), Friday, 6 October 2006 17:33 (nineteen years ago)

(Or possibly on the ship they keep them set on "tickle" and amuse one another by phasing Uhura when she bends over to pick something up?)

― nabisco (nabisco), Friday, 6 October 2006 17:34 (nineteen years ago)

what were they set on before?

Um, 'off'?

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 6 October 2006 17:34 (nineteen years ago)

But that's horrible tactics, Ned! They beam down to the planet, do an assessment, and then turn on their weapons? That's just begging for an ambush. Plus they're totally unprotected while on the ship. Plus show me any piece of technology on Star Trek that ever turned off!

― nabisco (nabisco), Friday, 6 October 2006 18:59 (nineteen years ago)

the holodeck, the transporter...?

― Shakey Mo Collier (Shakey Mo Collier), Friday, 6 October 2006 19:00 (nineteen years ago)

WTF, Shakey, when was the last time someone was like "Beam me up" and the dude at the transporter was all like "Hold on a second, lemme turn this thing on ... just a sec while it boots?"

― nabisco (nabisco), Friday, 6 October 2006 19:09 (nineteen years ago)

meanwhile

NEW YORK (Reuters) - Bidders, at least one them costumed, paid top dollar for Star Trek items on Thursday at the start of Christie's auction of memorabilia from the seminal television and movie franchise...

― kingfish prætor (kingfish 2.0), Friday, 6 October 2006 19:10 (nineteen years ago)

nitsuh usually im with you on the didja-ever-notice stuff but yeah this seems like a no-brainer

― and what (ooo), Friday, 6 October 2006 19:10 (nineteen years ago)

'didja ever notice there's TWO PHONEBOOKS? a white one and a yellow one? whats the deal with that!' 'one's residential and the other is business...' 'well... i guess that makes sense... ha, whatll they think of next- blue pages?!' 'those are government listings'

― and what (ooo), Friday, 6 October 2006 19:12 (nineteen years ago)

'so i walk into a bakery and see sugar-free cookies - who's THAT for?' 'its for diabetics you idiot!'

― and what (ooo), Friday, 6 October 2006 19:14 (nineteen years ago)

hahaha

― Young Fresh Danny D (Dan Perry), Friday, 6 October 2006 19:17 (nineteen years ago)

:-D

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 6 October 2006 19:18 (nineteen years ago)

The transporter runs WinXP?

― J (Jay), Friday, 6 October 2006 19:21 (nineteen years ago)

138. Some dying person is revived with "cortical stimulators."

― J (Jay), Friday, 6 October 2006 19:22 (nineteen years ago)

REAL HOLOGRAPHIC SIMULATED EVIL LINCOLN IS BACK!!!

― got yourself a fish biscuit! (nickalicious), Friday, 6 October 2006 19:22 (nineteen years ago)

Plus they're totally unprotected while on the ship. Plus show me any piece of technology on Star Trek that ever turned off!

*sigh* God help me for remembering this -- should you ever see First Contact again, plz to note that when the Enterprise arrives to help Starfleet fight the Borg ship, they arrive in the middle of a huge battle scene, things blowing up everywhere, etc. etc. Picard goes onto the bridge, they all say the usual hoohah to each other, and then they cut to the forward view.

The screen is blank. And then it is turned on.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 6 October 2006 19:24 (nineteen years ago)

139. Archer and co. end up on some desert planet which usually has a black market of some sort.

140. Never sure whether or not to trust this seemingly changed Cardassian

141. Somebody puts oatmeal in Odo's bucket...or did that only happen the once?

― The Ultimate Conclusion (lokar), Friday, 6 October 2006 19:25 (nineteen years ago)

142. After confronting the baddie/insane crew member, and saying 'it's over', the baddie/insane crew member continues. The captain cries, "no, wait..." and the baddie/insane crew member dies.

― Giant Banana Reacting (lokar), Friday, 6 October 2006 19:27 (nineteen years ago)

143. Challenged by a clueless guest character, Data demonstrates his superhuman (er, superandroid) strength/agility/card-playing skills to comical effect.

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Friday, 6 October 2006 19:34 (nineteen years ago)

Ned, don't be ashamed to know about Star Trek. You are among friends here.

― got yourself a fish biscuit! (nickalicious), Friday, 6 October 2006 19:35 (nineteen years ago)

should i repost the legendary ronan/trife IM conversation again, since it addresses pretty much everything on here (at least pertaining to TNG)?

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Friday, 6 October 2006 19:39 (nineteen years ago)

yes, i was wondering about that

― -- (688), Friday, 6 October 2006 19:44 (nineteen years ago)

Actually I think Jess just revived a close competitor.

Ned, don't be ashamed to know about Star Trek. You are among friends here.

I'm ashamed I know that detail all too well!

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 6 October 2006 19:44 (nineteen years ago)

SIMONTRIFE: kirk would make a good rapper
Ronan909: NO JOKES
SIMONTRIFE: i bet he refuses to go down on girls
SIMONTRIFE: bcz hes james t fucking kirk

― shabba ranks (dubplatestyle), Friday, 6 October 2006 19:54 (nineteen years ago)

haha

― Jordan (Jordan), Friday, 6 October 2006 19:56 (nineteen years ago)

That conversation justifies ILX's existence.

― Jordan (Jordan), Friday, 6 October 2006 19:56 (nineteen years ago)

Shatner raps at the end of "Free Enterprise" (note: movie otherwise unwatchable)

― Shakey Mo Collier (Shakey Mo Collier), Friday, 6 October 2006 19:58 (nineteen years ago)

Ronan909: RAJON 5
Ronan909: what was with the dumb names of planets too
Ronan909: they sounded like washing up powders
Ronan909: LUSTRE 7
SIMONTRIFE: hard-on 12
Ronan909: haha
Ronan909: BALDHEAD 1
Ronan909: captains log, supplemental
SIMONTRIFE: STRONGO 14

― shabba ranks (dubplatestyle), Friday, 6 October 2006 19:59 (nineteen years ago)

That conversation justifies ILX's existence.

Yup.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 6 October 2006 20:00 (nineteen years ago)

SIMONTRIFE: in retrospect his klingon sex doesnt sound very hardcore at all
Ronan909: no some girls make it seem tame
Ronan909: "there is slobbering and awful masturbation technique"
Ronan909: haha
Ronan909:
SIMONTRIFE: haha
SIMONTRIFE: calum is like ryker
Ronan909: "there is.......grabbing of pubic hair by mistake"
SIMONTRIFE: haha
Ronan909: ryker thinks life begins and ends with white men
SIMONTRIFE: 'sometimes...the condom gets stuck in your pubes, and you have to stop for a moment... it is very stressful'
Ronan909: haha

― Jordan (Jordan), Friday, 6 October 2006 20:15 (nineteen years ago)

SIMONTRIFE: haha ferengi
Ronan909: FERENGI
SIMONTRIFE: space-jews
SIMONTRIFE: they were the bad space-jews, vulcans were the good space-jews
SIMONTRIFE: vulcans have thousands of years of culture and arts and are very solemn and wise
SIMONTRIFE: the ferengi control all the money and will screw you over for it

― Jordan (Jordan), Friday, 6 October 2006 20:15 (nineteen years ago)

144. Worf doesn't want to get on the ship after an away mission, and someone drugs his milk, and oh right.

― Jordan (Jordan), Friday, 6 October 2006 20:25 (nineteen years ago)

Wait isn't that BA Baracus?

― Onimo (GerryNemo), Friday, 6 October 2006 20:34 (nineteen years ago)

both deeply touched by dwight schultz

― kingfish prætor (kingfish 2.0), Friday, 6 October 2006 20:36 (nineteen years ago)

Did they ever do a holodeck ep without letting the audience know it was a holodeck ep? You could do whatever the fuck you wanted with the characters that way - kill off all sorts of people and have trekkie going nuts for 20 minutes every week before the final "it was all a dream" pay off.

― Onimo (GerryNemo), Friday, 6 October 2006 20:36 (nineteen years ago)

Did they ever do a holodeck ep without letting the audience know it was a holodeck ep?

there was that Voyager ep set in WWII, right?

― kingfish prætor (kingfish 2.0), Friday, 6 October 2006 20:38 (nineteen years ago)

Yeah but then you know it's holodeck as it's back in time. I mean doing one where the holodeck is a mock up of the Enterprise and everyone thinks it's a real ep and you're like "WTF they killed off Data and Riker and Troi's making out with Crusher!" then someone says "holodeck off" just as the credits roll.

― Onimo (GerryNemo), Friday, 6 October 2006 20:42 (nineteen years ago)

Did they ever do a holodeck ep without letting the audience know it was a holodeck ep? You could do whatever the fuck you wanted with the characters that way - kill off all sorts of people and have trekkie going nuts for 20 minutes every week before the final "it was all a dream" pay off.

WHAT ABOUT THE ONE WHERE THEY TRICK MORIARTY INTO THINKING HE MADE HIMSELF BECOME REAL?

― roc u like a § (ex machina), Friday, 6 October 2006 21:03 (nineteen years ago)

there's also the 1st season private eye one, with laurence tierney as the big bad guy who wanders out of the holodeck with a goon, then slowly evaporates into holoparticles or some shit

― kingfish prætor (kingfish 2.0), Friday, 6 October 2006 21:16 (nineteen years ago)

150? SOMETHING REAL BAD UNCLOAKING OFF STARBOARD BOW.

― sublime frequency (sublime frequency), Saturday, 7 October 2006 02:34 (nineteen years ago)

damn it jim i'm a doctor not a whatever the fuck you think i am

― Butt Dickass (Dick Butkus), Saturday, 7 October 2006 02:46 (nineteen years ago)

14. Comic relief as Bones and Kirk explain an illogical human nuance to Spock.

Incidentally, this is my favorite part of the show.

― Butt Dickass (Dick Butkus), Saturday, 7 October 2006 02:47 (nineteen years ago)

?> Yeah but then you know it's holodeck as it's back in time. I mean doing one where the holodeck is a mock up of the Enterprise and everyone thinks it's a real ep and you're like "WTF they killed off Data and Riker and Troi's making out with Crusher!" then someone says "holodeck off" just as the credits roll.

God help ME for knowing this, but yes they did. It was on Voyager, and it turned out to be Tuvok's simulation of a Maquis mutiny. Actually not a bad episode of a pretty bad series.

― It's the lazy and immoral way to become super hip. (Austin, Still), Saturday, 7 October 2006 02:52 (nineteen years ago)

was that the one where harry kim dies at the beginning?

― sublime frequency (sublime frequency), Saturday, 7 October 2006 03:07 (nineteen years ago)

hey while i'm in the best of company here, does anyone remember an episode (i think it was either Voyager or TNG) where they are all in a como or something crazy, but are in this dream world, and they get executed french-revolution style in the dream and you're like, oh but it's just a dream BUT THEN they die of a heart attack in real life? and the doctor's like GAH WHAT'S HAPPENING!?

― sublime frequency (sublime frequency), Saturday, 7 October 2006 03:09 (nineteen years ago)

uh, a coma...

― sublime frequency (sublime frequency), Saturday, 7 October 2006 03:10 (nineteen years ago)

Jeez, I don't remember if Harry died in it or not. It wasn't that great, you know, just better than most of the shit on that series. I think it was pre-Bimborg, if that helps.

For your other question, that doesn't sound familiar to me at all.

― It's the lazy and immoral way to become super hip. (Austin, Still), Saturday, 7 October 2006 03:14 (nineteen years ago)

Shit, yeah, the more I think about it, the more I think that Kim does get killed fairly early on. Parris shoots him on the bridge, right?

It was such a fucking cocktease of an episode: "Yeah, we'll actually be doing something interesting! There will be conflict between the characters and we'll examine the premise of the show a little! PSYCHE IT'S ONLY MAKE BELIEVE! We'd never do something non-boring for real on this show."

― It's the lazy and immoral way to become super hip. (Austin, Still), Saturday, 7 October 2006 03:17 (nineteen years ago)

http://memory-alpha.org/en/wiki/Worst_Case_Scenario

Good god, I'm googling Voyager synopses ain the middle of Friday night. Please shoot me know. In the gut. I don't deserve a merciful death.

― It's the lazy and immoral way to become super hip. (Austin, Still), Saturday, 7 October 2006 04:08 (nineteen years ago)

Wasn't that basically the opening scene of Star Trek II?

― The Yellow Kid (The Yellow Kid), Saturday, 7 October 2006 05:44 (nineteen years ago)

151. Kirk gets split in two.

― DV (dirtyvicar), Saturday, 7 October 2006 13:17 (nineteen years ago)


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