A whole new thread for worst adverts

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I can't find the old thread.

The two ads I hate most at the moment are:

The Benecol ad where the smug looking blue guy sadly escorts the yellow cholesterol guy away. I hate those smug Benecol guys.

I also hate that Ready Brek ad where the food police robots are apparently getting rid of all the junk food, yet when they come into contact with the healthiness of Ready Brek they all explode and that somehow saves the world? It is some of the laziest ad-making I've ever seen. How does it save the world if the dudes who are getting rid of the unhealthy food blow up?

― accentmonkey (accentmonkey), Monday, 15 January 2007 16:54 (eighteen years ago)

Firemen. Made of Gaviscon. In my throat.

― Jarlr'mai (jarlrmai), Monday, 15 January 2007 17:07 (eighteen years ago)

and yes Ready Brek paradox ad is logically flawed.

― Jarlr'mai (jarlrmai), Monday, 15 January 2007 17:08 (eighteen years ago)

Coke Zero has been headling my poll for a good four months now

― Feargal Hixxy (DJ Mencap), Monday, 15 January 2007 17:09 (eighteen years ago)

An American ad that makes me want to stab and maim: The Kia commercial with the salesmen doing a number from The Sound of Music. Bad idea, dudes.

― there to preserve disorder (kenan), Monday, 15 January 2007 17:11 (eighteen years ago)

The latest Vauxhall Zafira "kids acting like parents" ad is as annoying as its predecessors.

― onimo (onimo), Monday, 15 January 2007 17:13 (eighteen years ago)

the Burger King 'Angus' one.

― vita susicivus (blueski), Monday, 15 January 2007 17:17 (eighteen years ago)

tho not as bad as the 'i'll admit i've been fed quiche' one.

― vita susicivus (blueski), Monday, 15 January 2007 17:17 (eighteen years ago)

Oh, oh... the Dunkin Donuts commercial with the people complaining about how they can't pronounce the names of the coffee at those OTHER places. Because, you know, Dunkin Donuts is salt of the earth like that.

― there to preserve disorder (kenan), Monday, 15 January 2007 17:19 (eighteen years ago)

The latest Vauxhall Zafira "kids acting like parents" ad is as annoying as its predecessors.

It is annoying, very, but it somehow does kind of work so I sort of admire it at the same time as getting really pissed off.

I hope you've all noticed that Michael Winner's back? If you're going to shoehorn the expression "calm down, dear" into a commercial you really need even the slightest hint of woman-getting-annoyed or it just falls flat(ter).

US ads - the jazzed-up weird-time-signature version of "My Favourite Things" used in a Toyota ad (could be the same ad/series as Kenan mentions?) - it's the least suitable tune they could have chosen, it just doesn't work.

― === temporary username === (Mark C), Monday, 15 January 2007 17:20 (eighteen years ago)

Expedia! They used to have a nice little cartoon man, and now they have someone, and I really can't type or describe adequately how annoying the sort of half breathy, entirely wet, mimpy "leeeet yourself gooooo" phrase at the end is, but I have to press mute before she 'sings' it else I have been known to gesticulate. Wildly!

Used to hate the Activia advert with the OBVIOUS trannies but am now inured to it.

And they're STILL showing the oil of olay advert with the twee ladieth thinging a line each of "woo are my sunshine, my only sunshine" "you make me happy" "when skies are grey" ARGH ISOBEL CAMPBELL'S VOICE SHOULD NOT BE THE VISION BEHIND YR AD CAMPAIGN. I am being unfair to someone here but I can't TELL WHO!

xpost (I like the Vauxhall zafira adverts WHAT OF IT)

― Bhumibol Adulyadej (Lucretia My Reflection), Monday, 15 January 2007 17:21 (eighteen years ago)

Nothing wrong with those kids being adults car adverts. I will defend all 'Phones 4 U' adverts to the hilt as well (not that anyone has complained about them yet).

― Sir Tehrance HoBB (the pirate king), Monday, 15 January 2007 17:24 (eighteen years ago)

i don't like the Zafria ads. the kids already look like Peter Kay.

― vita susicivus (blueski), Monday, 15 January 2007 17:26 (eighteen years ago)

I will defend all 'Phones 4 U' adverts to the hilt as well (not that anyone has complained about them yet).

oh god that 'yeah! yeah!' thing.

― vita susicivus (blueski), Monday, 15 January 2007 17:26 (eighteen years ago)

How does this thread feel re the new Quorn adverts.

I think that it generally goes quite well, until the close up of the 30yr old "schoolgirl" where she says "touch my food - feel my fork", and it all feels overdone, as if you've been... cheated? And then you remember that quorn is a wierd artificial yackfest which might as well be marketed as "vom chunks" and go harpoon the kitchen mouse and roast it over the burning corpses of dead pigeons.

― Bhumibol Adulyadej (Lucretia My Reflection), Monday, 15 January 2007 17:27 (eighteen years ago)

precoisely

― vita susicivus (blueski), Monday, 15 January 2007 17:28 (eighteen years ago)

why can't Dr C's Beryl (as she is affectionately known) be doing adverts?

― vita susicivus (blueski), Monday, 15 January 2007 17:28 (eighteen years ago)

Didn't she already do that one - for Ski yoghurt drink? With the bad animation? That I haven't seen for a while and was another one that caused a speedy dash to the 'mute' button?

― Bhumibol Adulyadej (Lucretia My Reflection), Monday, 15 January 2007 17:29 (eighteen years ago)

"The Loo, you know, Bowel stuff"

(they edited out the woman that goes "WHAT, YOU MEAN SHIT???")

― mark grout (mark grout), Monday, 15 January 2007 17:34 (eighteen years ago)

for Ski yoghurt drink? With the bad animation?

oh yeh Kathy Burke wasn't it.

― vita susicivus (blueski), Monday, 15 January 2007 17:35 (eighteen years ago)

i think the ready brek robots is all about the cereal labelling wars that's going on at the moment. see also ray winston and his 'i'm not going to tell you what you should be eating thing'.

i keep seeing adverts during kids' programs for shitting-dog barbie. which is odd.

marks and sparks food adverts.

benecol advert annoys me because they've revoiced and reedited it and it's still poor.

― My Koogy Weighs A Ton (koogs), Monday, 15 January 2007 17:35 (eighteen years ago)

Re: M&S, I did like the way that, faced with copycat adverts from boots & superdrug and all sorts of people, they just went, "fuck this", hired shirley bassey and proceded to make the most over the top advert possible for xmas, essentially saying, "copy that, you fuckers"

― you win again, gravity! (tissp), Monday, 15 January 2007 17:37 (eighteen years ago)

proceeded, even

― you win again, gravity! (tissp), Monday, 15 January 2007 17:38 (eighteen years ago)

I wish this thread had started earlier! I love talking about adverts so it seems.

I really, really like the music on the adverts for Lemsip Ultra Maxi Pull-Up Strength (with wings) or whatever it's called. It's my own problem, I know. And it's not even a proper song! AUGH.

xpost: dunno Steve, I tht it was one from Birds Of A Fevver. They all sound the same to me. M&S adverts also blergh.

HAHA just remembered the kleenex adverts - all you need is a sofa, a person, a kleenex and you will start spontaneously weeping - life sucks, cry about it and buy our product you pathetic worms. ~~You can use 'em for w**ing too~~. That's *writing*.

― Bhumibol Adulyadej (Lucretia My Reflection), Monday, 15 January 2007 17:39 (eighteen years ago)

I do like the way that the producers of Adez still insist on calling it "Ah-DEZ" instead of it's real, not so great name. Also, the song on that ad is called "El Bum Bum". I'm sure they're being deliberately provocative :(

― Bhumibol Adulyadej (Lucretia My Reflection), Monday, 15 January 2007 17:43 (eighteen years ago)

"Great to get together with the lads last night, but thank heavens for my Nivea For Men moisturiser"

― Bidfurd (Bidfurd), Monday, 15 January 2007 17:56 (eighteen years ago)

"now there's a bit of a nanny culture around food at the moment..."

― acrobat (elwisty), Monday, 15 January 2007 17:58 (eighteen years ago)

THIIIIIIIIS IS OOOOOOUUUUUR COOOOOOOOUUUUUUNTRY STILL PWNS THE THREAD PEOPLE

― jhoshea (scoopsnoodle), Monday, 15 January 2007 18:00 (eighteen years ago)

oh yes, I hate that Kleenex one too - "here sit on this bench and let a creepy man harangue you til you start crying"

ditto that vodafone (?) ad where they play people EMO music also with aim of making them cry

― Mark Co (Markco), Monday, 15 January 2007 18:01 (eighteen years ago)

Oh - the 20% of people said "I love you"... "but only 10% said it back, AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH"? I think that's Nokia. Now, I did want to swap back to a Nokia phone (go Finland! etc) but blergh @ adz.n

― Bhumibol Adulyadej (Lucretia My Reflection), Monday, 15 January 2007 18:05 (eighteen years ago)

OH OH OH The Gilette one where the guy's dad looks like a complete douche with the cheesiest grin in the world.

― you win again, gravity! (tissp), Monday, 15 January 2007 18:05 (eighteen years ago)

How does this thread feel re the new Quorn adverts.

I officially like that Quorn ad. At least it tries to get it right. I also like the new ad for some washing powder or other where the guys are playing mud fights with the kids. I like it because at no stage does a disapproving woman get all annoyed about the state of their clothes, nor does the man fuck up washing the clothes. I really hate it when men are portrayed as unable to do simple household tasks like cleaning and washing and cooking. I also like the line "you call that covering me?" to his mate.

― accentmonkey (accentmonkey), Monday, 15 January 2007 18:16 (eighteen years ago)

The Gilette one where the guy's dad looks like a complete douche

That's not his dad they are ghey loverrs!! (at least the ad is 3000x more fun if you imagine this...)

― Mark Co (Markco), Monday, 15 January 2007 18:18 (eighteen years ago)

benecol advert annoys me because they've revoiced and reedited it and it's still poor

It annoys me because it is clearly a very expensive ad, and it is rubbish, and the product is also very expensive, so I wonder, when you pay twice the price for Benecol cheese-in-a-tub because you don't want to buy a Kraft product, are you paying over the odds so they can hire shitty ad agencies? Nonsense.

― accentmonkey (accentmonkey), Monday, 15 January 2007 18:22 (eighteen years ago)

I hate all those Wkd Vodka adverts. Some sort of relic from the Lads Mag Age.

― jel -- (jel), Monday, 15 January 2007 18:24 (eighteen years ago)

Did Wkd do the gay bukkake ad? That was quite clever, assuming it was intentional.

― === temporary username === (Mark C), Monday, 15 January 2007 18:47 (eighteen years ago)

i doubt if this one shows outside of Canada, but the ad for the Cheetah Power Surge energy drink, starring Ben Johnson, is truly embarrassing.

― pauls00 (pauls00), Monday, 15 January 2007 18:52 (eighteen years ago)

Did Wkd do the gay bukkake ad?

Hmmm, don't remember that one! What have you been watching?

― jel -- (jel), Monday, 15 January 2007 18:54 (eighteen years ago)

THIIIIIIIIS IS OOOOOOUUUUUR COOOOOOOOUUUUUUNTRY STILL PWNS THE THREAD PEOPLE

I think that could be trumped by Toby Keith's "I'm a Ford truck man" commercials in the "over-testosteroned macho man attempt to make up for what obviously must be a serious deficit down there" category of Commercials From Hell. Unfortunately, most vehicle commercials shown here in the Great State Of are like that.

― Phoenix Dancing (krushsister), Monday, 15 January 2007 19:38 (eighteen years ago)

I'd like to share the pain with you:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5qCGL8qK7aE

― Phoenix Dancing (krushsister), Monday, 15 January 2007 19:38 (eighteen years ago)

Oh God, another entry for the automotive category of Commercials From Hell, this time a local one (is it just over here or are all local commercials everywhere totally painful to sit through?):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wc7Y9aqBf0g

― Phoenix Dancing (krushsister), Monday, 15 January 2007 19:42 (eighteen years ago)

DR SCHOLL'S

"Are you gellin'?"

"This is my wife, Helen McMellen"

"I'm so happy, my eyes are wellin'!"

― franny (frannyglass), Tuesday, 16 January 2007 03:21 (eighteen years ago)

haha! "are you gellin" OWNS this thread

― m@p (plosive), Tuesday, 16 January 2007 03:39 (eighteen years ago)

The thing I don't get with the Kleenex ads, is that's it's Sgt Boyden, the bent copper from The Bill, that these people are pouring their hearts out to.

Also, how come that Aquafresh 3 advert has suddenly reappeared? That advert has got to be, like, 25 years old. Seriously. I'm 34, and I was at least 10 when it was first on telly.

― nate woolls (napawo), Tuesday, 16 January 2007 09:39 (eighteen years ago)

"good things happen when you turn off your phone"

I really can't type or describe adequately how annoying the sort of half breathy, entirely wet, mimpy "leeeet yourself gooooo" phrase at the end is, but I have to press mute before she 'sings' it else I have been known to gesticulate. Wildly!

SO OTM

― the original hauntology blogging crew (Enrique), Tuesday, 16 January 2007 09:44 (eighteen years ago)

The kids' voices in the latest Zafira car advert are breaking now!

I'm irritated by the advert for the New York bagels, in which a woman makes a lovely looking ham and tomato bagel and then puts it straight into a pink fluffy rucksack WITHOUT WRAPPING IT UP. Imagine the mess! It's insane.

― C J (C J), Tuesday, 16 January 2007 09:47 (eighteen years ago)

I know! I saw that! (this morning..)

Especially as I do get involved in making those damn pack lunches, or at least washing the dam tiny tupperware boxes they go into...

― mark grout (mark grout), Tuesday, 16 January 2007 09:48 (eighteen years ago)

Hrwargh! The opticians one that isn't specsavers! Where she's lying asleep in a boat, and then it turns into BARAD DUR with orcs and running and screaming and BARE CHESTS - then she wakes UP and she's still in the boat and merrily clunks glasses with her luvver with SEXXXY RESULTS - wtf d00d it's GLASSES! See also the advert with the couple who go to a club where the lady is on the swing looking INCREDIBLY gormless in the way the beautiful and the slack-jawed often do. Since when did glasses adverts take their model from perfume ads?!

Apart from Specsavers ov course.

― Bhumibol Adulyadej (Lucretia My Reflection), Tuesday, 16 January 2007 09:59 (eighteen years ago)

None of you, NONE OF YOU understands the pain of the Pat the Baker ads we have over here. Here is a link to the worst one:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SfJ3z2SqRqk

It makes me ashamed to be Irish.

― accentmonkey (accentmonkey), Tuesday, 16 January 2007 10:02 (eighteen years ago)

OMG.

― === temporary username === (Mark C), Tuesday, 16 January 2007 11:25 (eighteen years ago)

I know. Frightening, isn't it?

― accentmonkey (accentmonkey), Tuesday, 16 January 2007 11:30 (eighteen years ago)

Begob.

― Bhumibol Adulyadej (Lucretia My Reflection), Tuesday, 16 January 2007 11:32 (eighteen years ago)

That redefines everything.

― Alba (Alba), Tuesday, 16 January 2007 12:03 (eighteen years ago)

I thought that *was* Specsavers? I thought they'd gone for a radical new direction. It's still not a great advert, but if it makes people think 'I can be a sexy model in a boat with those glasses' you'd have thought it would shift more glasses than the campaign which seems to suggest "buy these glasses and you will become some Colin Hunt-type smugly saying'should've gone to specsavers' to all your colleagues".

― Sir Tehrance HoBB (the pirate king), Tuesday, 16 January 2007 18:48 (eighteen years ago)

That Pat The Baker ad wasn't as bad as I expected it to be based on comments here.

― vita susicivus (blueski), Tuesday, 16 January 2007 18:51 (eighteen years ago)

how come tommy's always going out in costume?

― jhoshea (scoopsnoodle), Tuesday, 16 January 2007 18:56 (eighteen years ago)

I thought I would post this here:

http://www.youtube.com/profile?user=adarchive

A huge and still growing Youtube account with loads of VHS rips of old UK TV ad breaks from 1987 to 1995 (though the guy doing it is only up to Christmas 1988 at the moment). There's 61 different videos, all about 9 mins long. They are all excellent. Though this one needs special singling out, I think:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WKaDt4DNDLA

...One of the ads in that one, almost right at the start, is a bit off. It's for Pretty Polly tights. That's a really weird way to sell tights, isn't it? And the Sinutab ad with the horrible weird x-ray is somewhat unsettling.

Going back to the matter in hand, there's a US ad I've seen recently on YouTube for "Head-On". I mean, what the hell? "HEAD-ON! Apply directly to forehead! HEAD-ON! Apply directly to forehead! HEAD-ON! Apply directly to forehead! HEAD-ON! Apply directly to forehead! HEAD-ON!" Just those words over someone, well, applying it directly to their forehead. For a variant ad they just change the background colour to green. Whoever thought that up is some sort of madman.

― Chriddof (Chriddof), Wednesday, 17 January 2007 00:59 (eighteen years ago)

Lynx ads are beyond irritating, mostly for gurning man on beach's lack of shock at being assaulted by a million attractive women in bikinis. This is clearly not a normal reaction. Ready Brek doesn't bear scrutiny for reasons explained above, worst robots ever, particularly as they are surely supposed to be on our side? Coke Zero clearly beyond a joke, I suspect the young berk at the bus stop is not listening to "great tunes" but is only wearing headphones in the hope that a girl will ask him if he's listening to Muse and he can reply "Yes. I am listening to Muse. Or maybe Hard-Fi". However the Andrex ad where the rik mayall voiced puppy expresses dismay at not being consulted about "spiky here" is my least favourite ad extant. It makes me wonder if I should be consulting a small dog before buying a pot plant, and even more distressingly finishes with mayall saying "yeah" for no readily apparent reason. It unnerves me.

― Matt (Matt), Wednesday, 17 January 2007 01:17 (eighteen years ago)

Trish, you win. No one else needs to post another commercial, because that one? You guys should be earning battle pay for having to sit through it.

The Head On ads have gotten better now that they're actually poking fun at themselves now. "Head On, I hate your commercials, but your product is amazing." I kid you not, there's a commercial that goes like that.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RJZlGF6_WQM

― Phoenix Dancing (krushsister), Wednesday, 17 January 2007 01:32 (eighteen years ago)

You're right though, Chriddof. That Pretty Polly ad is just plain wrong.

― Matt (Matt), Wednesday, 17 January 2007 01:44 (eighteen years ago)

None of you, NONE OF YOU understands the pain of the Pat the Baker ads we have over here.

In fairness, I do, but I imagine you were talking to preexisting claimants rather than someone who just wandered over because he felt a disturbance in the force.

Is that National Treasure Pat Shortt? He really should be given something for his efforts in the advertising industry over the years. A clout on the back of the head, for example.

― Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Wednesday, 17 January 2007 08:33 (eighteen years ago)

No, no, it's the other one. Pat Shortt is sometimes funny. Jon Kenny is never, ever funny.

― accentmonkey (accentmonkey), Wednesday, 17 January 2007 09:30 (eighteen years ago)

Local adverts (Scottish TV variety):

1. Jane Seymour reduced to advertising Reid Furniture.
2. "Ye should huv seen the state of her on Saturday."
3. The Jesus Magazine ARGH NUCLEAR HOLOCAUST IN TWO POINT SIX SECONDS

― Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Wednesday, 17 January 2007 09:40 (eighteen years ago)

1. Jane Seymour reduced to advertising Reid Furniture.

We also have this one.

― accentmonkey (accentmonkey), Wednesday, 17 January 2007 09:42 (eighteen years ago)

Ah, it's a Martin Kemp "That's half price!" type franchise, that makes sense.

― Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Wednesday, 17 January 2007 09:43 (eighteen years ago)

> "good things happen when you turn off your phone"

similarly "who will you be without that cigarette in your hand?"

― My Koogy Weighs A Ton (koogs), Wednesday, 17 January 2007 09:48 (eighteen years ago)

I'm assuming that Confused.Com is taken as a given on this thread.

― Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Wednesday, 17 January 2007 09:48 (eighteen years ago)

Lawyers 4 yoo..

"We spend all our time (biff)" IN THE GYM!!!
"fighting (baff)" IN THE RUDDY GYM!!!
"you get all the settlement" AND YOU CHARGE SEPARATELY FOR YR COSTS!!!

― mark grout (mark grout), Wednesday, 17 January 2007 09:55 (eighteen years ago)

2. "Ye should huv seen the state of her on Saturday."

But that one's brilliant! I love the way Scotland cares about its yoof. See also the fags girl.

― Mädchen (Madchen), Wednesday, 17 January 2007 10:29 (eighteen years ago)

I can't find the drink girl or the fags girl on YouTube, but I did find STINX!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DcJy5m36n4o

― Mädchen (Madchen), Wednesday, 17 January 2007 10:38 (eighteen years ago)

The latest Vauxhall Zafira "kids acting like parents" ad is as annoying as its predecessors.

Yes this ad is so annoying! The kids are so stage school.

― Ronan (Ronan), Wednesday, 17 January 2007 10:40 (eighteen years ago)

See, all those crappy insurance and crappy furniture ads don't bug me so much, partly because I have Sky Plus, hooray, and partly because I don't expect them to be any good. It's when companies like Coca Cola and so on can't do any better than that really annoying fantasy-world-in-a-Coke-machine things that I get annoyed. You have all the money in the world! And this is the best you can do?

― accentmonkey (accentmonkey), Wednesday, 17 January 2007 11:14 (eighteen years ago)

Has Martin Kemp actually done any paid work in the last two years other than the sofa shop adverts?

― Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Wednesday, 17 January 2007 11:16 (eighteen years ago)

Marcello, leave poor Martin alone. The man just loves a comfy sofa. It's not his fault!

― accentmonkey (accentmonkey), Wednesday, 17 January 2007 11:17 (eighteen years ago)

# Rogue (2007/II) (post-production)
# Back in Business (2007) (completed) .... Will Spencer
# Love Lies Bleeding (2006) (TV) .... Mark Terry
# Marple: Sleeping Murder (2005) (TV) .... Jackie Afflick

― onimo (onimo), Wednesday, 17 January 2007 11:17 (eighteen years ago)

They're all of a kind, aren't they?

No, it's just that my mum feels sorry for him. "Couldn't they give him back his job on EastEnders?" "But mum his character got blown to smithereens!" "Long-lost twin brother?" "Erm..."

― Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Wednesday, 17 January 2007 11:19 (eighteen years ago)

Your mam's right. They should bring him back on EastEnders, no matter what laws of biology they have to twist to do it.

― accentmonkey (accentmonkey), Wednesday, 17 January 2007 11:21 (eighteen years ago)

I am curious as to why in all sofa warehouse ads not featuring Martin Kemp all women are required to go barefoot. Is this to ensure they don't stray too far from the sofa whilst the sensibly shod men go hunt and gather?

― Matt (Matt), Wednesday, 17 January 2007 11:31 (eighteen years ago)

Because you can't afford shoes and a lovely sofa, and those women know what's more important.

― accentmonkey (accentmonkey), Wednesday, 17 January 2007 11:37 (eighteen years ago)

I was looking for information about perhaps the saddest advertising campaign of all, Woolworths' Mr Wooly and Mr Worth sheep and dog and came across this. Too true. I hadn't come across this awful last throw of the dice until late last year. They have a catalogue now, and the internet! Poor Woolworths.

― Alba (Alba), Wednesday, 17 January 2007 11:39 (eighteen years ago)

In the seventies that Shirley Bassey M&S ad would have been a Woolies ad.

― Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Wednesday, 17 January 2007 11:46 (eighteen years ago)

"Maybe It's Maybelline"

WELL IS IT, OR ISN'T IT? MAKE UP YOUR FUCKING MINDS!

― Dr. C (Dr. C), Wednesday, 17 January 2007 11:51 (eighteen years ago)

the furniture thread has reminded me of another one:

who the fuck keeps a bowling ball on their mantelpiece?

― My Koogy Weighs A Ton (koogs), Wednesday, 17 January 2007 12:22 (eighteen years ago)

I'm waiting for the BT advert where he finally cracks, dons a Mohican and storms around the house with his chainsaw.

― Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Wednesday, 17 January 2007 12:25 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Dulco-Ease Manufacturers : women do not sit around their girly-lunch tables discussing their bowel movements (at least, my girl friends and I don't)

― C J (C J), Wednesday, 17 January 2007 12:27 (eighteen years ago)

The latest Vauxhall Zafira "kids acting like parents" ad is as annoying as its predecessors.

God I hate this whole series so much. They're like awful aliens. It's against nature. They make me feel really really ill. I can't watch it. Unfortunatley my flatmates have picked up on this and wind me up with the small creatures' horrible falt suburban phrases. Make it stop.

― Anna (Anna), Wednesday, 17 January 2007 12:29 (eighteen years ago)

It's not quite as creepy as that advert for loo roll which used to feature a baby chairing the board meetings, though.

― C J (C J), Wednesday, 17 January 2007 12:30 (eighteen years ago)

O lordy, Senakot. That woman with her smug just-had-a-crap smile.

― Mädchen (Madchen), Wednesday, 17 January 2007 12:31 (eighteen years ago)

An oldie...but a baddie: I really fucking hate the Coco Pops ads and music...

― Ronan (Ronan), Wednesday, 17 January 2007 12:37 (eighteen years ago)

**Has Martin Kemp actually done any paid work in the last two years other than the sofa shop adverts?**

One of my friends was in a one-off drama (on ITV I think) with him a couple of years ago. M.Kemp was a market gardener IIRC and my friend was a policeman investigating him about a disappeared child or something. It wasn't good.

― Dr. C (Dr. C), Wednesday, 17 January 2007 12:38 (eighteen years ago)

**why can't Dr C's Beryl (as she is affectionately known) be doing adverts?**

Oh I'd LOVE to, pwecious, I weally would, but I ain't got the TIME at the mo'. Sorry, darlin'.

― Dr. C (Dr. C), Wednesday, 17 January 2007 12:49 (eighteen years ago)

It's not quite as creepy as that advert for loo roll which used to feature a baby chairing the board meetings, though.

They even put him on the bloody packaging! Walls of him in the supermarket! Creepy beyond measure.

― accentmonkey (accentmonkey), Wednesday, 17 January 2007 13:41 (eighteen years ago)

"Maybe It's Maybelline"

See, you're forgetting the "Maybe she's born with it" part. That's the general conundrum that cosmetics manufacturer wants to have happen with people who encounter its consumers, i.e. "makeup so good it looks like you don't have any on". Um, it's a girl thing.

Is this Martin Kemp the same one who used to be in Spandau Ballet?

And I'd like the Orange Glo/Oxyclean guy to stop shouting, please. Continue to be enthusiastic about the product, sure, but the yelling's giving me a headache.

― Phoenix Dancing (krushsister), Wednesday, 17 January 2007 17:36 (eighteen years ago)

You know that new M&S ad with the lovingly seared tuna? Isn't it really bad to put raw meat/fish in the same pan as cooked? Aren't they committing some sort of health code violation there?

― accentmonkey (accentmonkey), Thursday, 18 January 2007 15:38 (eighteen years ago)

Has Martin Kemp actually done any paid work in the last two years other than the sofa shop adverts?

Has Andy McDowell done any work in the last FIFTY CENTURIES other than l'oreal adverts? Christ I hate her bony face.

― ledge (ledge), Thursday, 18 January 2007 15:41 (eighteen years ago)

Oh yes - I'd forgotten the 'maybe she's born with it' bit.

M.Kemp - yes Spandau bassman.

― Dave Clark (Dr.C), Thursday, 18 January 2007 15:41 (eighteen years ago)

The fact I still fancy him, even after the sofa ads, depresses me a bit.

― Anna (Anna), Thursday, 18 January 2007 15:42 (eighteen years ago)

I hate all those Wkd Vodka adverts. Some sort of relic from the Lads Mag Age.

Yeah, they really need to change the slogan to "ARE YOU A COMPLETE FUCKING IDIOT?"

All mobile phone/similar adverts where some haircutted bowlhead bends the entire universe to his will in an expensive looking way, because the sheer force of his fucking individuality and consumer power is causing buildings to change shape and shit.

1500 songs, one will cause you to murder a prostitute in wakefield with a clawhammer etc

Mobile phone adverts that imply you're neglecting your family and friends if you're not calling them on their network four times a minute to tell them how very much you appreciate them. There was one in the cinema a few months ago with somebody underneath the wreckage of a car calling their family to tell them they were still alive for fuck's sake (possibly similar to the ol "Disney World: Because One Day, Your Kids Will Be In Jail or Dead, and Then What? ")

― Michael Philip Philip Philip Philip Annoyman (Ferg), Thursday, 18 January 2007 15:54 (eighteen years ago)

yes esp. the one with that awful acoustic song (not the Vashti Bunyan)

― vita susicivus (blueski), Thursday, 18 January 2007 15:56 (eighteen years ago)

No, no, cholesterol, you cannot dive into this beautiful pool. Here, come with me for calm ejection from the body.

FUCK OFF!

― accentmonkey (accentmonkey), Thursday, 18 January 2007 16:03 (eighteen years ago)

Also in the 1999 FHM throwback category: that Domino's hot pizza skit that was sponsoring Simpsons for ages, where the Lad is taunting his mate over the hot pizza in such a ridiculously wacky voice you can't hear a word he's fucking saying

― Michael Philip Philip Philip Philip Annoyman (Ferg), Thursday, 18 January 2007 16:08 (eighteen years ago)

the cholesterol ejecting man has a really annoying expression on his face like "I'm not angry, I'm just disappointed and I think it would be best if you just had a little sit down over here"

also the ryvita ads now have a shitty strapline like "Britton's favourite" or something because it is Fern BRITTON in BRITAIN omg, do you see etc etc

― Mark Co (Markco), Thursday, 18 January 2007 16:11 (eighteen years ago)

the cholesterol ejecting man has a really annoying expression on his face like "I'm not angry, I'm just disappointed and I think it would be best if you just had a little sit down over here"

Yes! I hate him.

― accentmonkey (accentmonkey), Thursday, 18 January 2007 16:13 (eighteen years ago)

Have just remembered 3 mobile advert - where man disappears off on bus, lady reclines back on bed, exhales and a huge purple stream that looks fabricy spews out from her throat and towards the guy, who then exhales another stream back - makes me feel like my throat's being stuffed full of tissue paper, GAG. Not been on for a while, i think.

― Bhumibol Adulyadej (Lucretia My Reflection), Thursday, 18 January 2007 16:13 (eighteen years ago)

Oh I loved that ad starry! "oooh kissy kissy" "mmm" lots of sexy snuggle noises, very sweet!

― Rumpsy Pumpsy (Rumpie), Thursday, 18 January 2007 21:36 (eighteen years ago)

OH MY GOD. The fact that Martin Kemp of Spandau Ballet is regularly doing commercials for a "sofa shop" now is making my head spin. Is Tony Hadley doing commercials for a competing furniture store?

― Phoenix Dancing (krushsister), Friday, 19 January 2007 02:29 (eighteen years ago)

that kidzclaimz advert is a new low, event for ambulance chasing lawyers.

― My Koogy Weighs A Ton (koogs), Friday, 19 January 2007 09:55 (eighteen years ago)

s/event/even/

― My Koogy Weighs A Ton (koogs), Friday, 19 January 2007 09:56 (eighteen years ago)

The Andi MacDowell advert for the L'oreal hair colour makes me laugh. She says it covers up every single grey hair, "even those wiry little ones" and I just presume she's talking about her pubes.

― C J (C J), Friday, 19 January 2007 10:00 (eighteen years ago)

Injury Lawyers 4 You, with that scary eye-linered woman who FIGHTS for you all day in the office and illustrates this by pummelling a punchbag during her lunch hour.

― Hello Sunshine (Hello Sunshine), Friday, 19 January 2007 10:14 (eighteen years ago)

The Andi MacDowell advert for the L'oreal hair colour makes me laugh. She says it covers up every single grey hair, "even those wiry little ones" and I just presume she's talking about her pubes.

I really wish you hadn't said that. Now I'm imagining the horrible noise of her saying "pubes". Yeuch.

― accentmonkey (accentmonkey), Friday, 19 January 2007 13:19 (eighteen years ago)

"because they're worth it"

― mark grout (mark grout), Saturday, 20 January 2007 01:53 (eighteen years ago)

"When? Who? How? What? When? Why? How? When? What? Why? How? Who? When? What? When? Why? Who? Why? How?"

― Cressida Breem (neruokruokruokne?), Wednesday, 24 January 2007 19:50 (eighteen years ago)

I really dislike those Comfort patchwork characters.

― Mädchen (Madchen), Thursday, 25 January 2007 14:30 (eighteen years ago)

I don't know if there's a thread for best adverts but my favorite one now is the Horlicks one, with the parking cop ("meter maid") standing next to parked vehicle, pen poised above citation pad, eye fixed on the meter's timer, the tension mounts, the timer runs out, she tears off the citation and slaps it onder the windshield wiper, smirking as she walks away. Then it's her on her couch, hat off, face suddenly kinder, getting into a big mug of Horlick's! "Even people like her need to unwind" or something. Marvelous.

― Euai Kapaui (tracerhand), Thursday, 25 January 2007 14:34 (eighteen years ago)

"how does she sleep at night?"

― RJG (RJG), Thursday, 25 January 2007 14:35 (eighteen years ago)

or maybe that's the baggage handlers or another one

― RJG (RJG), Thursday, 25 January 2007 14:36 (eighteen years ago)

No, that's the one.

― Euai Kapaui (tracerhand), Thursday, 25 January 2007 14:37 (eighteen years ago)

What's that ad with the Bootsy-Collins-like dude in a silver jumpsuit and his band of annoying converts/choristers invading someone's house and shout-singing at the woman about something? Like: "You've gotta change! You've gotta change!" Or something.

― g00blar (gooblar), Thursday, 25 January 2007 14:40 (eighteen years ago)

some website that compares ISP/phone/gas etc prices

probably have a "4" instead of "for" in its name/URL

― RJG (RJG), Thursday, 25 January 2007 14:45 (eighteen years ago)

or "U" instead of "you", at the very least

― RJG (RJG), Thursday, 25 January 2007 14:46 (eighteen years ago)

It's for U-Switch, and it's really annoying.

― Rumpsy Pumpsy (Rumpie), Thursday, 25 January 2007 14:46 (eighteen years ago)

That's the one! Oh, man!

― g00blar (gooblar), Thursday, 25 January 2007 14:48 (eighteen years ago)

The couple in that website ad where they compare prices and it all goes a bit matrix and then the woman smugly says "we need to go to Barcelona - right now" because that's the sort of thing people like us do HATE HATE HATE, in previous ads I think she was talking about having to insure her fucking Mini.

― Matt (Matt), Thursday, 25 January 2007 14:54 (eighteen years ago)

I really hate the one for some loans company, picture or some such, where the woman is on the phone to arrange a loan but talking to her kids at the same time "I think Dads found your skooter!" as if!

― Rumpsy Pumpsy (Rumpie), Thursday, 25 January 2007 14:59 (eighteen years ago)

The thing I hate about those (that one, and the "they'd better not cancel football" one) is when the person on the phone, despite allegedly being the one in charge, has to ask their partner to confirm how much it is they want to borrow before they say it over the phone.

― aldo_cowpat (aldo_cowpat), Thursday, 25 January 2007 15:08 (eighteen years ago)

What's your secret for younger looking skin?

Nivea a l'amore!!!

SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!!!!!!!

― wogan lenin (dog latin), Thursday, 25 January 2007 15:09 (eighteen years ago)

what the f is the deal with this current e4... ad? which is possibly a spoof of the 'debt consolidation'-type ads you get? what's it for? it's as depressing as the real thing.

― the original hauntology blogging crew (Enrique), Thursday, 25 January 2007 15:13 (eighteen years ago)

"Give Ocean finance a go. Go, on, give it a go, that's what I say."

Please don't tell me you got into debt to buy *that* sofa. Please.

― Anna (Anna), Thursday, 25 January 2007 15:17 (eighteen years ago)

I wish Harry Hastings would get that rope twisted around his annoying little cartoon neck and throttle himself as he abseils off the hall table.

― C J (C J), Thursday, 25 January 2007 15:19 (eighteen years ago)

> in previous ads I think she was talking about having to insure her fucking Mini.

"Fully Comp". yes, i hate the voice she puts on for the 'barcelona' line.

the u-switch advert is another in the increasingly long line of deliberately crappy looking adverts (i blame 118 for starting this, phones 4 u for continuing it)

tracer, care to comment on the us / uk advert disparity? how are you finding it?

― Koogy Bloogies (koogs), Thursday, 25 January 2007 15:19 (eighteen years ago)

But the Phones 4 You ones are actually quite good in a deeply odd way. I can see David Lynch getting into Phones 4 You.

― Anna (Anna), Thursday, 25 January 2007 15:23 (eighteen years ago)

Anyone seen that loan ad with the Essex woman "My debts was cwipplin' me...."

It's on E4, dunno about terrestrial.

― Dr. C (Dr. C), Thursday, 25 January 2007 15:26 (eighteen years ago)

"Your skin is amazing. Keep it that way".

Lots of horrible naked people PRETENDING TO BE SKIN in various circumstances, ie in water, in the desert, folding "gracefully" over each other and it's so GCSE drama class that it makes me feel nauseous! Am assuming it is for body lotion but don't ACTUALLY KNOW, all I know is that it makes me feel yucked out by my own skin (and I don't quite know WHY)!

― Bhumibol Adulyadej (Lucretia My Reflection), Thursday, 25 January 2007 15:26 (eighteen years ago)

What's that one where some bird turns up for an ad and she has such perfect skin already that they don't need to do the ad.... or something?

― Dr. C (Dr. C), Thursday, 25 January 2007 15:29 (eighteen years ago)

I don't even understand that one. They didn't have to do the ad? So what am I watching?

― ledge (ledge), Thursday, 25 January 2007 15:30 (eighteen years ago)

Viel schlaf. UND NIVEA Q-ZEHN DEATH JUICE. yes yes hate that advert - which is good seeing as I am in the market for a new moisturiser and now know wot to avoid.

Dr C - Dove, i think.

― DIE-a-monds (Lucretia My Reflection), Thursday, 25 January 2007 15:30 (eighteen years ago)

When I was over in the States their ads were so much more wittier than uk's. imho

― Ste (Fuzzy), Thursday, 25 January 2007 15:31 (eighteen years ago)

woah, high praise.

― the original hauntology blogging crew (Enrique), Thursday, 25 January 2007 15:32 (eighteen years ago)

Dove, yes.

The first time I saw a Dove product (shower gel I think) I noticed it said 'over 80 uses' on it. I could only think of about 5.

― Dr. C (Dr. C), Thursday, 25 January 2007 15:34 (eighteen years ago)

Maybe it's like WD-40.

― C J (C J), Thursday, 25 January 2007 15:37 (eighteen years ago)

I seriously thought it meant 'over 80 ways that you can use it'!

WD-40 is the king of all useful things.

― Dr. C (Dr. C), Thursday, 25 January 2007 15:39 (eighteen years ago)

I'm sure there must be over 80 ways you can use Dove though. I will ponder it.

― C J (C J), Thursday, 25 January 2007 15:40 (eighteen years ago)

Icing a cake, foam sculptures, washing pets.....

― Dr. C (Dr. C), Thursday, 25 January 2007 15:41 (eighteen years ago)

Emetic, enema, floor cleaner ....

― C J (C J), Thursday, 25 January 2007 15:45 (eighteen years ago)

wash hands, wash face, wash bits...

― ledge (ledge), Thursday, 25 January 2007 15:46 (eighteen years ago)

Wrap in a towel and beat someone

― === temporary username === (Mark C), Thursday, 25 January 2007 15:47 (eighteen years ago)

Lubricant?

― C J (C J), Thursday, 25 January 2007 15:48 (eighteen years ago)

wash out mouth of sweary child

those ads where people who want a fag have a giant fish hook go in their mouth really creep me out

― Mark Co (Markco), Thursday, 25 January 2007 15:54 (eighteen years ago)

In a school.

Headmaster turns corner sees child eating cheese string, says "What's That?"

ITS CHEESE FOR GODS SAKE! IT'S NOT EXCITING!!

― mark grout (mark grout), Thursday, 25 January 2007 15:56 (eighteen years ago)

That kid's facial expression...ugh.

― Matt (Matt), Thursday, 25 January 2007 15:59 (eighteen years ago)

Yeah, smug little git.

― C J (C J), Thursday, 25 January 2007 16:07 (eighteen years ago)

I didn't much like the advert for T-mobile in which all the buildings collapsed so that all the friends could meet up with each other. It was a bit twin towers-y, I thought. (But it's not on any more).

― C J (C J), Thursday, 25 January 2007 16:09 (eighteen years ago)

I get genuinely quite sad that this amazing CHEESE comes from a factory woohah look at this awesome PROCESSING that happens to food with machines that look like torture devices that your miserable mother then picks up in neon overglare supermarket hell is held up is being TOTAL ROCK but then again I guess that yoga class must have gotten to me.

― Bhumibol Adulyadej (Lucretia My Reflection), Thursday, 25 January 2007 16:17 (eighteen years ago)

"When? Who? How? What? When? Why? How? When? What? Why? How? Who? When? What? When? Why? Who? Why? How?"

Oh Jesus, I just saw this! They could use it in Guantanamo.

― accentmonkey (accentmonkey), Thursday, 25 January 2007 17:02 (eighteen years ago)

That Beechams ad with the postman wearing chilis round his face and onions all round his ankles - there's something deeply disturbing and Cthulhuesque about it.

― ledge (ledge), Thursday, 25 January 2007 17:48 (eighteen years ago)

I'm not fond of that self-assessment tax ad, where Adam Hart-Davies is sucked up in sand, I assume going to his death, as he is standing in a giant egg timer.

Also, has anyone noticed that former Blue Peter presenter Katy Hill is in a tooth paste advert, but I'm pretty sure they don't put "TV's Katy Hill" up at any time - meaning we're not supposed to know who she is. I feel sorry for her.

― jel -- (jel), Thursday, 25 January 2007 19:02 (eighteen years ago)

Jel, I hate that ad for a very simple reason. Adam Hart-Davis stands on some sand and teeters and says in a scaredy voice that if you don't send in your tax return on time you will end up being sucked into a similar sand pit and it will be terrifying, and then on comes the stupid strapline "self-assessment doesn't have to be taxing". You've just scared the shit out of people! What's not taxing about that?

― accentmonkey (accentmonkey), Thursday, 25 January 2007 19:28 (eighteen years ago)

that swiffer easy vac thing where someone spills something at a party then they bust out the swiffers and start dancing around the apartment knocking shit over just so they can sweep it up really blows.

― chicago kevin (chicago kevin), Thursday, 25 January 2007 19:48 (eighteen years ago)

Oh God, that Swiffer commercial reminds me in a roundabout way of that "Jimmy, what's wrong with you??" commercial for some kind of paper towel where the little bratling shakes that 2-liter bottle of soda up, then opens it to spray its contents all over the kitchen, and then his mom joins him by squirting water from the faucet attachment!! I hope no one out there is really like that....

― Phoenix Dancing (krushsister), Friday, 26 January 2007 04:04 (eighteen years ago)

Haven't seen that, but I have seen Big Brother 3's Jonny Regan flogging British Gas in a similar manner (i.e. as a jobbing actor unable to get real work rather than having him there as someone who once came second in a v popular TV show).

Anyways, I saw an advert on the telly tonight for horrible microwaveable burgers wherein our hero imagined his prim buttoned-up date to be turned, like his burger, from cold to tasty in 70 seconds via the magic of a microwave. Black lace underwear and removal of specs/letting down of hair was significant in the portrayal of "tasty". It made the Lynx adverts look tasteful.

― ailsa (ailsa), Friday, 2 February 2007 00:39 (eighteen years ago)

six years pass...

not a good day to be in Hyundai's adverts dept

http://www.hyundaipressoffice.co.uk/release/400/#

actual ad is here http://www.slate.com/blogs/browbeat/2013/04/25/hyundai_suicide_ad_an_ad_exec_responds_with_memories_of_her_father.html

― piscesx, Friday, 26 April 2013 11:57 (twelve years ago)

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