Why Aren't You A Writer?

I have, however, since I learned to write, wanted to be a novelist. But, despite having written several novels, I'm scared of the competition (everyone in the world wants to be a novelist, and most of them are better writers than me anyway), I'm scared of the whole publishing industry, I'm scared of the idea of literary agents and publishers and all that malarchy. So I'm not. Despite that fact that practically every English teacher from 4th Grade has told me that I would be.

I save my vitriol for my lyrics. It's easier to not be ashamed of your writing abilities when you can hide your words behind big, loud, loverly guitars.

The first time I was published I was about five, and I was one of those psychos offered a book deal at 16 by a friend of my uncle's. I didn't do it because I'd just learned how not to be a total freak and didn't relish the idea of going to a normalish job after college and being The Girl Who Wrote The Book. Didn't much fancy nepotism either, BTW. I feel right about this because one of the most detestable people I know accepted one of these Teen Book Deals, became insufferable and arrogant because of it, and then became downright VILE (dishonesty, dirty tricks, becoming Town Bike to men twice her age in the greater London area, all because of superiority issues) when Fame and Martin Amis-style contracts didn't fly her way as a matter of course. Like all truly detestable people, this girl was a good friend once. Maybe being a nice person was the real phase she was going through.

Now I'm writing a book of short stories for an editor who has Booker Prize-winning charges, which is flattering, working on another idea for an art book publisher, collecting others' stories for an anthology project (I've already published one of those) and being a literary editor, but might bin that because reading others' stuff is depriving me of writing time. There's always a chance that I might get sorted with a nice publishing job as a commissioning editor; I look into it every so often. I'm also second-drafting a novel but that's for after the SS collezione. So when it comes to stuff like this you can imagine it was very hard for me not to beseech the 'I'm a real Writer, Me!' Doom Troll to suck my left one.

Still want to write my novel. If I ever get a year to myself... Seems that so many of my aspirations are thwarted by real life. :(

Of course, if you want to subscribe to it, just let me know.

I can't even get most people I know to even *read* the things that I've written because they're too fan fiction to be intellectual Writing, and they're too intellectual to be real fan fiction. ("Why do you waste so much time making your character *talk* to that damned artist that you fancy? Can't you just get to the shagging?")

I should be honest. I did get offered a job as a music journalist, but I never followed it up, because, well, apart from all the other crap going on in my life at the time, I was just siezed with the fear.

I am "Yes, but..."-ing. I will stop now.

Why I'm Not a Professional Writer: See James' answer, up above. Fear of failure weighs heavily on my mind, though I'm slowly coming to grips with this. Actually, it's not so much failure as rejection that scares me - being told I'm no good, being mocked & ridiculed. Ah, but who gives a shit? If I can get paid to do it, I'll give it a shot. If no one wants to pay me, whatever. And if no one likes it - well, that'd suck, but I'd rather be happy for myself than bend over for the Mutual Appreciation Cock. It used to be paramount that I become A Writer (even though I was so full of myself - I was a teenager, for the luvva) and Share My Gift, but now I'll be happy just doing some scribbling occasionally, on the side, and getting my necessary monies doing something else. (Like being a rawk stah. Oh yeah.)

Writing just happened for me -- whatever creative writing classes or the like I ever took (not many) didn't really do anything much, whatever happens does so on its own. Case in point -- only a few nights ago did I finally settle on a new article to write for FT (coming out on Tuesday, oh yes), and when I did, perfect, it just flowed from there. Now, this is as distinct from my AMG work -- much more programmatic, but also much more easy, I have that down to a science. It's when you have all the space you want and no restrained on how to write something (as opposed to the understandable stylistic focus of the AMG) that you have to wait for inspiration to strike.

Like Dan, I am frustrated by long pieces. Fiction in particular just can't happen. I am great for creating *scenes*, but not for full narratives. Also, frankly, I am impatient. I see what scenarios are in my head as already-edited free-flowing movies (which often makes me wonder how the pre-cinematic writer envisaged their work -- no close-ups? no dramatic lighting? no background music? etc.), and that moves a lot more quickly than having to type everything out (and even if I tried them as screenplays, I'd probably give up in frustration). But who knows what the future may hold?

As a start-out writer I was very lucky to be unaware how BAD I sometimes actually was.

Writing fiction... gosh, the fun part is writing it down. I get an overarching story arch in my head, but it doesn't really start to flow until I start writing dialogue and filling description in around it, that's the good stuff to me. It's like a love affair as the whole story comes out. The first idea you have for the scene is like meeting someone you really like, then as you flesh them out with dialogue, that's like dating, and then when they're done, it's like having a child. Scenes just take shape and take on lives of their own, they are supposed to be only a few paragraphs, and end up being an entire chapter. I have a really hard time writing short pieces, I don't know how to do them.

Damn... this just reminds me of how long it's been since I actually wrote something. Like... gosh, over six months. I really should take a day off ILE and sit down and try to write again. If Paul doesn't stay home tomorrow, I'll write tomorrow. Though more likely it will probably be Monday. If you catch me online, YELL AT ME and tell me to go and write. Seriously.

Maybe not good kid's material. Wish I was writing now, actually. Not at the office at 8.45 waiting for work to come in. I've been here almost 12 hours now. They've switched off the air conditioning.

My wife is a report writing machine! She turns out perfect, official looking documents with virtually no effort, its amazes me. it aint fiction, but it certainly pays the bills.

God, that's pathetic, isn't it?

When I was a kid ("small Josh" as mark s would say) I knew I either wanted to be an artist or a scientist, totally unsure which one - had crazy dream of being both. Even though I read voraciously for some reason it never occurred to me to want to be a writer (did occur to me to want to be paid to read though). I still basically thought that by the time I was in high school, though through that time I realized I wasn't interested enough in improving technically to be an artist - I liked the ideas. Luckily, for some reason I had developed an interest in writing. Around my freshman year I even published, edited, and wrote the bulk of a little fanzine. I really don't recall my intent, other than that I had to do it. I didn't write much in high school after that, except for classes - took some fiction classes through college while in high school, liked them, fancied myself a fiction writer. By the time I got to college I was leaning mostly toward scientist (mathematician) but I also added an English major, and tried to write in my spare time. Eventually though I realized that I wasn't a very good liar and didn't really have any material for my novel. I thought I would just wait, think some, etc., and see what I thought after a while. But I ended up moving from English to philosophy, and liking that a hell of a lot more, in terms of writing - so putting fiction stuff further off. When I graduated I thought I would go to graduate school for math because I was good at both, but math is easier to get a job in and I could still write in my spare time. Less than one semester in, decided that was bunk, I did not like math enough, I wanted to be a philosopher instead. Luckily it's only taken me a year and I get a master's in a field different from my phd, which will be in philosophy. Through the whole thing still the main reason I write is that I feel like I have to. Second, that, for philosophy and criticism type stuff, which is mostly what I'm interested in now, writing helps me understand things better. And also because for some things I think people are just wrong and I want to try and fix it. I try not to let that reason get too uppity though.

Oh also, one other thing that kept slowly pushing me through all the above stuff: slowly realizing and accepting that of the brane-using things I'm good at, writing seems to be the one I'm best at. I don't want to do something I'm not my best at.

I have writen ridiuclous amounts of stuff and put such a half hearted effort into both polishing and sending off said work that it scares me.

And you wonder why I want to be an artist!

There might be some philosophy of mind types hanging around AI-research places.

STUDENT #1 (after blowing each other session): "Nice. But what else are we supposed to with these things?"

STUDENT #2: "Not sure."

Why aren't YOU a writer?

Reading is a drag too, awful, doesn't matter what it is, zero pleasure. I still read, but half the time my eyes will just kind of drift around the page until I'm staring at the book in blank contempt.

And eating. Getting 3 square a day is a total pain the ass.

but I still would like to do the odd bit if i have time.

I have no shame.

I have also written another novel since this thread was started. But I still haven't finished it. Which is odd for me. It's almost like... finishing the novel would crystallise it into being, and then I'd have to do something with it, and I don't want to do that.

I did have a vague offer from a friend of a friend of someone who said that they would pay me for a short story. But I never followed it up. Like a dumbass. Because I was too afraid of rejection. I really should kick my ass into putting something together for it. I don't even know if the offer is still open, after all, but I should do *something*. Even if just to become a published "Fiction Writer" - that would be a great Fuck You to ILX and IRL naysayers.

This == truer than Spandau Ballet.

Ba-ba-ba-baaaaaa-ba...

*cries*

My problems are I tend to want to achieve more than the things I write can achieve and then become disillusioned and explode, also tendency to be provocative and then whinge when people get irritated while simultaneously enjoying every second of it. College paper a particular problem with this.

I feel a book would be the catharsis, and I could go and do TV and even better radio and then write as a side project and cos I'd written a book people would sit up and listen.

How do you get to being one of those smartass types they might ask to go on the Dance Years 2002? I can see it now, me and Joey fucking Negro waxing lyrical about how "all bloody so much love to give did was go so much love to give, but you loved it didn't you".

I can think of some folks around here that should be paid large advances *not* to write novels... ba-dum-bum-bump.

I cannot write anything else.

*sobs uncontrollably*

you too Ally!

*punches his lights out*
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Ed, have you ever thought about getting a cello? Takes up less space and can be played like a bass--sounds cool that way actually. (IDKWTFITA)

Reading may be a drag, but it's not as bad as Slough.

Reading and writing well has always come naturally to me so I've found that teaching it is like trying to teach someone how to walk. I just end up screaming a lot and they end up hating it more.

Maybe I should teach walking...

Booshit.

I'm not a writer because NO ONE LOVES ME!

It's not really true, but it sounds good.

My fears were somewhat misplaced.