What is the worst you have ever treated an ex-boyfriend/girlfriend?

Oh, and make fun of my current boyfriend for having THE POX!!! but, I mean, really... it's THE POX for fucks sake!

Worst?...let's just say that there's an hour of my life back in 1995 with somebody completely breaking down in my room that I want to avoid ever repeating.

But, yes - executed that maneuver many, many times over the course of six months. Now I want nothing to do with that person in the slightest (in no small part because I was doing her dirty work). Coincidence? Nah.

I could never cheat on anyone, by the way, or betray a confidence.

A few weeks later, evil emotional vampire friend came up with the "perfect revenge" (it really *scares* me at this point, how much I went along with everything she told me to do) - I called in sick for a few days. When I came back, every time I saw him, I started crying. Finally, he asked me what was wrong. I told him that I had got pregnant by him, and that during the days I'd been off, I'd had an abortion. Of course, being a fundie Xtian, this was equivalent to telling him we'd committed murder.

He got up and walked out of the office and never came back. Quit his job and everything, I never knew what happened to him.

Of course it was all a lie that Evil Emotional Vampire Bitch had come up with. I really feel stupid and awful and terrible about it now. It's one of the few things in my life I really do feel ashamed about, and actually regret having done.

Another bad thing I did was to just pretend that a member of my family had died, and then pretty much leave town, to avoid dating a particular girl. She was the one with the hairy buttocks mentioned in another thread though, so I felt justified in some respects. Was still damn mean though.

FWIW, don't worry about The Situation Discussed Above too much -- I'm not out to either be a conduit for messages or to try and decide who I'm friends with more or anything!

I didn't mean the holding my tongue thing to mean that I thought you would carry gossip or anything, but more like, I respect you, and don't *want* to put you in an uncomfortable situation with regards to loyalties. :-)

Actually, if I wanted to have some evil fun, I could dig up Paul's old messages on lipgloss from 1995 or 1996 or so talking about hanging around with Thom Yorke and Isabel from Drugstore backstage and having them attack Paul's Pulp shirt and then rip through every other band in existence and...

Hey yeah, since I DID found lipgloss, that ultimately through a random series of events means that both Paul and Kate are where they are today because of me. I CONTROL EVERYTHING. Maybe?

Who says your past doesn't follow you?

I was never on it, but enough people I know were that I really truly now believe that you control the other half of the internet that Chris Barrus does not control.

Fnord, indeed! Lizards! Everywhere! Stop waving your tentacles about, I'm finding it hard to think!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Circumstances of breakup: We were supposed to fly to California together for a week but things were dicey (there was another guy), so we canceled her ticket (cost:300ish) and I went alone. She planned to go home to her family and think about things. Instead, she takes this other boy home with her. And that was that.

A year later, I acted in a play that a friend of mine wrote. The plot involved a bored housewife who takes a lover while her husband is away on a business trip and when he returns they strangle him. Aforementioned ex-GF sees play and completely FREAKS OUT. What none of us realized while preparing the show: the names of the two lovers were the russianized names of the ex-GF and the guy she cheated with (katerina, alexei). So the Ex left halfway through and wrote me an email accusing me of putting on the whole show just to make her feel guilty.

I wrote her a terribly condescending, caustic reply in which I pointed out that a) I had played the role of the lover the heroine cheats with, b) my friend had updated/plagiarised lady macbeth of mitsensk by shostakovich for the plot and most of the names and c) she was pathetic to think i'd devote a month of my life to such a nutty scheme. One of the more satisfying letters I've written. And it made it so much better that it was completely unplanned.

In the end, we realised the far more weird thing was how we didn't meet *sooner*.

And yes, I founded lipgloss. Indeed, within about three days of each other I had founded the Suede, Oasis and Pulp mailing lists in September 1995 and immediately became the Britpop guru. To make it even more tangled, one of the guys who founded the Blur list (as mentioned in _The Great Escape_ liner notes!) was the ex of Karen, who you know from the Secret Channels, and who was the guy who ended up meeting Prophet J. Pearce with me in early 1995 at that promo dinner. And even more odd, at one point I was about to run the Blur list as well! Insane!

I also started up the Go-Betweens, Young Gods, Sparks, T. Rex, Kitchens of Distinction and two other lists, I think. Oh yeah, the Boo Radleys, that's what I remember. Good friend Brian started up the Stereolab, Krautrock, Flaming Lips, Unwound, Negativland, Rocket From the Crypt and other lists around that time as well. Between the two of us I think we owned music. ;-)

The Thom Yorke thing was very funny though. I was at a Drugstore show in Oxford, and Thom was in the audience. So they did a Radiohead cover and Thom got up on stage and sang with them. Anyway, later on I was back stage, and Thom and Isobel were schmoozing. I asked Isobel to sign my Drugstore record, and Thom snatched it off me and immediately wrote, in very bad handwriting, 'THoM' on it. Gee, thanks Thom. And then Isobel and Thom started slagging off loads of bands of the moment, in a really catty way, until I just got bored and left!

I have been shat on in the past and the revenge fantasies jeez, nasty. Unfortunately the guilt complex kicked in again and I didn't do anything, which is why I'm not accompanying friend Archer in Chokey right now probably.

Ned, there have been so many Blur lists, tho... which one, Advert? Most of them were hellholes that split off into factions and splintered and went off to form other lists. It was a nightmare!

But it's weird how the internet fan community seems to be even smaller than the regular fan community- like, the same 3 or 4 people run almost *all* of the lists on the web. Or, at least the original lists, not the million and one newer eGroups lists that have sprung up.

Anyway, Lipgloss got really awful long after Ned left it, if I remember correctly. It's still horrible, if it still exists... Really catty. For a while, in 95/96 it was just like this message board, talking about anything and being *generally* nice.

OK, I'll get me coat...

I really don't think I've treated anyone too badly, aside from being very snotty and bossy to my boyfriend back in high school. But I think that may just be the nature of teenagers to begin with.

Anyway, Ollie was being a fool that night. Before I knew you or Ollie I remember thinking he was treating you like a jerk. So there.

It terrifies me how sometimes my Lipgloss past follows me. Can't listen to 'Pencil Skirt' anymore. I remember going to see Pulp in 1998/9, and bumping into someone there. I introduced myself as Paul and their reaction was 'Omigod - you're not Paul Haswell are you?!'. Oh joy. I'm not on any Pulp lists anymore...

Seriously though, I still don't know why I came to that party. I remember sitting on the tube going across town from Kentish Town to Hammersmith, thinking: 'it's midnight... why the hell am I going to a party where I don't know anyone?'

To this day, I don't know what made me turn up. I could've just booked you over e-mail...

Probably because I spent the first half of that party sitting round boozing with a bunch of dirty dronerock boys from Rugby... but that's another story.

Or maybe that's why...

dammit when I can't see what picture garnered the "oh my" it just really bugs me a LOT

predicatably I am sorry I axed

that said, all of the above have been done to me and that's perhaps why I am currently escatic and vilagent about being alone.

For the record, I don't think we could find a person that the male poster in question has treated WELL so this entire thread was kind of made for him.

Oh god, now I'm going to be in a shit mood for the rest of the day. :-(

good thread

O_o

hmmf

what happened with you and paul in the end, Kate?
-- Ian SPACK (Ian SPACK), Thursday, March 6, 2003 4:54 PM (4 years ago) Bookmark Link

what happned to ian spack

what happened with you and paul in the end, Kate?
-- Ian SPACK (Ian SPACK), Thursday, 6 March 2003 21:54 (4 years ago) Bookmark Link

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A very long story, Ian.
-- Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 6 March 2003 22:05 (4 years ago) Bookmark Link

Not that long, dude pretended to have known a bunch of dudes who died on 9/11, put on benefit gigs for them, was found out to be bullshitting. End of.

WAIT...WHAT!!?

Come on, we've all done it.

Does no one remember the former ILX regular who, after his girlfriend turned up alive in NYC a few days post 9/11, ended up entirely making up the story of the deaths of his two friends in the WTC, getting time off work to "grieve" for them, even going so far as to throw "benefit gigs" in London in their honour?

-- Klaus M. Flanger, Friday, 28 September 2007 15:49 (1 month ago) Bookmark Link

Really?!

(xx-post)

WOAH!

Jeez, I guess the Luna thing was small beans compared to that!

Really?!

(xx-post)

-- Tuomas

NOT SO POINTLESS NOW, TUOMOR!!

ooh faced

Yes, clearly you knew what would happen when you revived the thread, Mr. Nostradamus.

(x-post)

randomness is good, remember when we had the "random" function?

I liked the random function too, but your revivals seem to be more about making fun of certain ILXors who don't even post here anymore, which is hardly random.

YOU ARE RONG

this is history

http://fotos.hondaclub.com.ar/data/501/legendary-thread.jpg

How was he found out to have been bullshitting, I wonder?

who was nick and how was he being made fun of?

good revive

it is the thread that needed to be revived

http://www.donotdisturbtheatre.com/revival/revival_main.gif

Giggled when he showed me he'd self-harmed. In my defence, I hated him at that point and FFS he'd written 4 REAL on his arm Richie Manic stylee.

Wau.

haha!

your revivals seem to be more about making fun of certain ILXors who don't even post here anymore

good revive

both true

marianna why u broked heart?

http://www.lolrider.com/halloween/orly.jpg

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! KEN-DOLL YOU SO CUET <3

As a proud thread revivaler, this is a great advert for the game.

look and learn

I wonder if anyone here has ever mistreated* an ex by reviving a load of their threads purely to make fun of them?

*FSVO 'mistreated'

Only one, and that was really more to go "lol that flyboy dude who used to post here" instead.

HUMPH JUSTINE THAT WAS MY PAIN! IT WAS NOT "CUET"!! IT WAS LIKE ALL.. FEELINGS AND STUFF!

fsvo?

that's what matt carved onto his arm when his ex revived all his threads :(

i did write 'i am gay' on Matt once but luckily we never dated

"formarm slashed, vein opened"

you wrote it on his facebook wall, natch

luckily we never dated

That's not what the Pinefox thinks.

FSVO = 'for some value of'. It's a way of going, well, it's not mistreating REALLY, is it?

It's a bit like going 'Carter USM waited until like 10 before they played any of the good stuff (FSVO 'good').'

facebook wall: euphemism for penis shaft

Never seen that before!

USM?

i once drew a smiley face on my ex's cock and it gave him a weird rash - does that count as 'mistreatment'?

mistweetment

please say you used the opening of the urethra as the mouth of the smiley face?

i always thought it'd be awesome to one day get a smiley clown face tattooed to the cock that will turn into a scary sinister clown face when erect.

I once was having sex with an ex, heard a "snap" (no other way to describe it), and disengaged to find his penis rapidly turning purple. We went to the ER.

I guess this is back on topic.

but going into the ER was what caused it in the first place?

Way to go Roxy! What did the doctors say?

"EWWW!"

I once was having sex with an ex, heard a "snap" (no other way to describe it), and disengaged to find his penis rapidly turning purple. We went to the ER.

Did you find out what was it that snapped? Cause human penis doesn't have bones in it.

Maybe the "snap" was Roxy's vagina dentata attacking the intruder?

Worst post ever.

Er, sorry about that, Roxy. Should think before typing.

^^^OTM

are you trying to say roxy's ex may have been non-human?

maybe it was Angel or Spike?

please say you used the opening of the urethra as the mouth of the smiley face?

-- ken c,

YES. that's what inspired the smiley face.

I don't really know, it was some kind of burst blood vessel/sprain combination or something. The doctor hilariously wrote a prescription reading "no sex for two weeks." That's my main memory of the event.

And that the guy, when asked at the ER front desk what the trouble was, replied "TRAUMA!!"

twooooo weeeeeeeks

this is so much better than American Pie

If I wasn't in the library right now I'd be lolling with purpose. All hail Tuomas.

I did lol with all purpose. hard to pass it off as being the product of a work-related stimulus. my work is not funny.

i lolled aimlessly :(

"Patients usually present complaining of trauma during sexual arousal and often relate experiencing a sudden "snapping" sound or sensation, pain, and deformity, which is caused by a tearing of the tunica albuginea. The shaft of the penis is swollen and often angulated at the fracture site . . . Fracture of the penis can occur from excessive bending of an erect penis. Pain and swelling from damage to the structures that control the erection and difficulty with intercourse or urination follow. Fractures of the penis usually occur during vigorous sexual intercourse. Emergency surgery is usually necessary to repair such a fracture to prevent abnormal curvature of the penis or permanent erectile dysfunction (impotence). The penis can also be partially or fully severed. Reattachment of a severed penis is sometimes possible, but full sensation and function are rarely recovered."

Ouch.

this thread was awesome until roxy's boy broke his banjo string

It can be *severed* during intercourse? Right, that's it, I'm never having, er, actually, fuck it, I'll take the risk.

oh good lord no

Isn't penis rupturing the major risk of donkey-punching? Other than killing your wife, I mean.

major risk of donkey-punching = being a complete cunt/assault charges

how come nobody raised an eyebrow at kate's VAMPIRE FRIEND?

There's a _lot_ to raise eyebrows at in this thread, shit got lost in the mix

Yeah I'm out of eyebrows.

Anyway, I think the worst I've been to exes is to realize that they are/were terrible people not worth my time, once I get some perspective on my emotional involvement apart from the moment, and to think of them as little, and in as drab terms, as possible, from then on. This probably only hurts them if they give a shit, but it makes me feel a lot better about getting on with life.

I think the worst I've ever done is turn up at their house after a few months of non-contact, persuaded them to dump their new boyfriend, and then a week later turn up three hours late for their birthday because I'd been watching the FA Cup Final, and then decide to split up again.

Admittedly in that time I discovered she'd not told me about a tiny coke habit of hers, and she also vomited on me while I was asleep, so I didn't feel like as much of a cunt as I should have.

since when were spurs in the FA Cup final

sometimes people watch football matches that their teams don't feature in

1992?

to watch a FA cup final that your team does not feature makes it even meaner to the ex.

i wonder which final it was. there hasn't been a proper exciting one for a while

In my case, I think the worst I've done is acting very rudely towards the person I was dating, because she was being a jerk to me, even though I knew the reason she was such a jerk was mostly beyond her control, so I should've just remained calm and understanding. It's just, when this sort of thing goes on too long, sometimes you just snap.

sometimes people watch football matches that their teams don't feature in

-- blueski, Wednesday, 21 November 2007 15:32 (4 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

Yeah, but the tactical accumen LouJag shows gives the impression that he must watch seven or eight football matches a day from across the globe.

The human penis doesn't have bones in it, Tuomas

Er, that's what I said.

It's just, when this sort of thing goes on too long, sometimes you just snap.

Ah, that post. I meant "snap" in the metaphorical sense.

Look, I have basic tactical acumen, but I'm not afraid to make calls from outside the obvious. Lampard up front in the absence of Owen, Rooney and Heskey is a mere postulation, but an experiment few would dare risk. I know it sounds silly, but then if nobody risked mockery we'd never get any debating done.

omg but then why do people say 'boner'?

because you use it to bone her.

xxpost but if nobody mocked there would be no risk to mockery

What's the dialling code when you are calling from outside the obvious?

Spurs would have required it to have been a Worthington Cup Final, and even I wouldn't be that much of a bastard.

if nobody risked mockery we'd never get any debating done.

-- Just got offed, Wednesday, 21 November 2007 15:42 (5 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

^^^ILEPITAPH

What's the dialling code when you are calling from outside the obvious?

08o_0

Spurs would have required it to have been a Worthington Cup Final, and even I wouldn't be that much of a bastard.

only because you know they'd lose it

which FA cup final was it matt?

1957.

Or was that sepia?

2003, Arse vs Southampton.

Threatening to have an ex-girlfriend deported was pretty nasty. As was making sure her visa couldn't be renewed for her to stay in the country. That was pretty nasty too. But I was in a relationship that I *really* had to get out of that seemed to have trapped me, which is why I did it.
-- Paul Strange, Wednesday, July 18, 2001 7:00 PM (6 years ago) Bookmark Link

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Considering what she put you through, I think that nastiness towards that particular ex-girlfriend was not only justified, but completely NECESSARY. /meow
-- Kate the Saint, Wednesday, July 18, 2001 7:00 PM (6 years ago) Bookmark Link

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sorry, that sounded really catty and personally jealous. What I was trying to say is that if a relationship is abusive, then really, any means neccessary are justified to get out of it. Except maybe murder, but I'd even condone that in Burning Bed type situations.
-- Kate the Saint, Wednesday, July 18, 2001 7:00 PM (6 years ago) Bookmark Link

holy crap. couldnt this guy just say "we're not a couple anymore"?!?

I *think* Kate the Saint was a woman, not a guy.

But Paul Strange was probably male.

is 'fake 9/11 victim' thing real? i dunno

9/11 was more than a "burning bed" type situation

i've always been a total sweetheart

roxy is the second chick on ilx to post about breaking a dude's dick!

why u brake dick?

how come nobody raised an eyebrow at kate's VAMPIRE FRIEND?

she's not talking about an ACTUAL VAMPIRE

and because it was hilarious.

the vampire is luna

this thread is fantastic

see I kind of skimmed her post and only saw vampire friend jump out at me. didnt realize it was EMOTIONAL VAMPIRE friend. whoopsie. DANG I WAS HOPING FOR REAL VAMPIRE FRIEND.

Between "giggled when he showed me he'd self-harmed" and the dick-breaking, this thread is just ... tears, man, tears.

i have cheated on girlfirends but only when they were being whiney.
-- junichiro, Wednesday, July 18, 2001 5:00 PM (6 years ago) Bookmark Link

^^^
my fave

i wonder if that was me

junichiro was nicole posting under a fake name

ethan.xls

i remember because she used that name to talk shit about me & tom ewing told me who it was!

haha

nicole who?