I just got this in my inbox, titled "Fair"

I didn't realize Dr. Seuss was a genius until I had a kid.

> THIS IS SOMETHING WE BETTER PAY ATTENTION TO!!!!!!!!!!!
>
>
> You are aware, probably, that Barack Obama lost his bearings recently and said that he was going to campaign in all 57 states.
>
> You heard this? And everybody chalked it up to, 'Well, he's tired.'
>
> You know, this is a Dan Quayle moment. I mean, Dan Quayle goes out there and misspells 'potato,' and we still hear jokes about it.
>
> Barack Obama says he's gonna go out and campaign gn in 57 states, he was just tired, you know, it's been such a long campaign, he's been so many places, he probably thinks there are 57 states.
>
> Well, I have here a printout from a web site called the International Humanist and Ethical Union. And here is how the second paragraph of an article on that web site begins.
>
> 'Every year from 1999 to 2005 the organization of the Islamic conference representing the 57 Islamic states presented a resolution to the United Nations Commission on human rights.' (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Organisation_of_the_Islamic_Conference)
> Obama said he's going to campaign in 57 states, and it turns out that there are 57 Islamic states.
>
> So did Obama just lose his bearings, or was this a more telling slip, ladies and gentlemen?
>
> KEEP IT GOING, FOLKS!
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>

Bush wants us to cut the amount of gas we
> use. The best way to stop using so much gas is to
> deport 11 million illegal immigrants! That would be
> 11 million less people using our gas. The price of
> gas would come down. Bring our troops home from
> Iraq to guard the border. When they catch an
> illegal immigrant crossing the border, hand him a
> canteen, rifle and some ammo and ship him to Iraq .
> Tell him if he wants to come to America then he must
> serve a tour in the military. Give him a soldier's
> pay while he's there and tax him on it. After his
> tour, he will be allowed to become a citizen since
> he defended this country. He will also be
> registered to be taxed and be a legal patriot. This
> option will probably deter i llegal immigration and
> provide a solution for the troops in Iraq and the
> aliens trying to make a better life for themselves.
> If they refuse to serve, ship them to Iraq anyway,
> without the canteen, rifle or ammo. Problem solved.
> If you think this is a good solution to both the
> problems, forward it to your friends.
>
> I just did.
> George Carlin

hahahahahahaha waht

The father slowly smiled, winked

^crepy

A pilots perspective on Obama

,,,,,,,,,,DO I HAVE THIS STRAIGHT?

HIS FATHER WAS A BLACK AFRICAN MUSLIM FROM KENYA .
WE HAVE SEEN PICTURES OF HIS AFRICAN FAMILY.
HIS MOTHER WAS A WHITE AMERICAN ATHEIST FROM KANSAS .
WHERE ARE THE PICTURES OF HIS AMERICAN FAMILY?
HIS FATHER DESERTED HIS MOTHER WHEN HE WAS ONLY TWO YEARS OLD AND WENT BACK TO AFRICA BY WAY OF HARVARD UNIVERSITY . HOW? WAS HIS FATHER WEALTHY?
HIS MOTHER MARRIED AN INDONESIAN MUSLIM AND THEN MOVED TO JAKARTA WHERE HE WAS ENROLLED IN A MUSLIM SCHOOL .
WHEN HE REACHED HIGH SCHOOL AGE HIS MOTHER SENT HIM TO HAWAII TO BE WITH HIS WHITE GRANDPARENTS AND HE WAS PUT INTO AN EXPENSIVE PRIVATE SCHOOL. HE LATER WENT TO HARVARD UNIVERSITY . HOW? WERE HIS GRANDPARENTS RICH?
HE LIVES IN A $1.4 MILLION HOUSE OBTAINED THROUGH A DEAL WITH A WEALTHY FUNDRAISER. HOW?
HE 'WORKED' AS A CIVIL RIGHTS ACTIVIST IN CHICAGO . HE HAS NEVER HELD A PRODUCTIVE JOB OR RECEIVED A PAY CHECK THAT WAS NOT GOVERNMENT-FUNDED AND/OR TAYPAYER SUPPORTED.
THE PRESIDENCY IS NOT A CIVIL RIGHTS POSITION, NOR IS IT SUBJECT TO AFFIRMATIVE ACTION SET ASIDES; ON-THE-JOB TRAINING WON'T CUT IT.
HE ENTERED POLITICS AT THE STATE LEVEL AND THEN THE NATIONAL LEVEL WHERE HE HAS MINIMAL EXPERIENCE.
HE IS PROUD OF HIS 'AFRICAN HERITAGE' (A FATHER WHO GOT A WHITE GIRL PREGNANT AND DESERTED HER).
WHERE IS THE PRIDE IN HIS 'WHITE HERITAGE'? (A MOTHER WHO FLAUNTED CONVENTION AND DID NOT BELIEVE IN GOD).
SOME MIGHT THINK THERE WAS NOT MUCH TO BE PROUD OF EITHER WAY.
HE BELONGS, AND HAS BELONGED FOR OVER 20 YEARS, TO AN 'AFRO-CENTRIC' CHURCH IN CHICAGO THAT HATES WHITES, HATES JEWS, AND BLAMES AMERICA FOR ALL THE WORLD'S PERCEIVED FAULTS. (INCLUDING CREATING THE AIDs VIRUS IN ORDER TO INFLICT IT ON AFRICANS).
HE REPEATEDLY WHITEWASHES THE PASTOR, HIS CHURCH AND THE MEMBERS WHO CHEERED AFTER HEARING VITRIOLIC TIRADES AGAINST AMERICA .
HE COULD NOT CONFRONT HIS PASTOR BUT HE WANTS US TO BELIEVE HE CAN CONFRONT NORTH KOREA AND IRAN ?
YEAH RIGHT ! !
DURING HIS VERY BRIEF TIME IN THE UNITED STATES SENATE HE HAS MANAGED TO AMASS THE NUMBER ONE ULTRA LIBERAL VOTING RECORD OUT OF THE ONE HUNDRED MEMBERS.
HE HAS VOTED CONSISTENTLY FOR BIGGER GOVERNMENT AND HIGHER TAXES. HE HAS VOTED FOR BIG ENTITLEMENTS AND LEGISLATION THAT WOULD SEVERELY CURTAIL AMERICA 'S ABILITY TO FIGHT TERRORISM AND TO PROTECT OUR BORDERS AND OUR NATIONAL INTERESTS AROUND THE WORLD.
BUT, HE IS A GOOD ORATOR. ISN'T THAT A COMFORT?
YEAH, I THINK I SEE HOW WELL HE COULD UNITE THE COUNTRY.
I THINK THE TRUTH IS THAT HE HOPES NO ONE WILL PUT THE PIECES TOGETHER.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, LET ME INTRODUCE YOU TO OUR NEW CHIEF PILOT. HE HAS NEVER FLOWN AN AIRPLANE, IN FACT HE HAS NEVER EVEN SAT IN THE COCKPIT, BUT HE SAYS HE HAS RIDDEN ON PLANES BEFORE. WE ARE SURE HE WILL GUIDE US SAFELY THROUGH THE STORMS WE MAY ENCOUNTER ON THIS FLIGHT.
PEOPLE WHAT ARE YOU THINKING? HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD THE STORY ABOUT THE WOLF HIDING IN SHEEP'S CLOTHING SO HE CAN DESTROY THEM FROM WITH-IN ? THE HAND WRITING IS ON THE WALL, DO YOU NOT HAVE EYES TO SEE IT ?

THINK LONG AND HARD BEFORE YOU VOTE FOR THIS GUY! CONSIDER YOUR KIDS & GRANDKIDS
THEIR FUTURE IS IN OUR VOTING HANDS.

WHAT A SWEET, WONDERFUL PERSON THE HILDABEAST IS.

how is this not a Morbius coinage

HE IS PROUD OF HIS 'AFRICAN HERITAGE' (A FATHER WHO GOT A WHITE GIRL PREGNANT AND DESERTED HER).
WHERE IS THE PRIDE IN HIS 'WHITE HERITAGE'? (A MOTHER WHO FLAUNTED CONVENTION AND DID NOT BELIEVE IN GOD).

haha wait

> Hello,
>
>
>
> My name be Ebonies Li Herenandez, an AfricanHispanicAsiatic- American
> girl who just got an award For being the best speler in class. I got
> 67% on the speling test and 30 points for being black, 5 points for
> not bringing drugs into class, 5 points for not bringing guns into
> class, and 5 points for not getting Pregnut during the cemester.
>
>
>
> It be hard to beat a score of 120%. The white dude who sit next to me
> is McGee from the Bronx He got 94% on the test but no extra points on
> account of he have the same Skin color as the opressirs of 150 years
> ago.
>
>
>
> Granny ax me to thank all Dimocrafts and Liberals for suporting
> Afermative action. You be showing da way to true equality.
>
>
> I be gittin in medical skool nex an mabe I be yo doctor when Hillory
> take over da healtcare in dis cuntry.
>

doctors do tend to be pretty terrible at spelling

Granny ax me to thank all Dimocrafts and Liberals

no, no, i do not want that doctor to remove my melanoma, did you see the art on her walls? tacky tacky!

A Mexican, an Arab, and a redneck girl are in the same bar.

When the Mexican finishes his beer, he throws his glass in the air, pulls out his pistol, and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, ‘In Mexico , our glasses are so cheap we don’t need to drink with the same one twice.’

http://www.shelleytherepublican.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/09/mexican.jpg

The Arab, obviously impressed by this, drinks his beer, throws it into the air, pulls out his AK-47, and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, ‘In the Arab World, we have so much sand to make glasses that we don’t need to drink with the same one twice either.’

http://www.shelleytherepublican.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/09/arab.jpg

The redneck girl, cool as a cucumber, picks up her beer, downs it in one gulp, throws th e glass into the air, whips out her 45, and shoots the Mexican and the Arab. Catching her glass, setting it on the bar, and calling for a refill, she says,

‘In America we have so many illegal aliens that we don’t have to drink with the same ones twice.’

Dude, this was blown out of the water by one of Illinois' great Ryans when it was revealed that he took his Borg wife 7 of 9 to a swingers' den in Paris and he responded that it was actually an "avant-garde nightclub."

I couldn't figure out what nabisco meant by a "Borg wife" until I realized he literally meant "Jeri Ryan."

who sends stuff like that last one????

I'm a Bad American-this pretty much sums it up for me. I like big trucks, big boats, big houses, big cars, big motorcycles, and big campfires, and naturally, pretty women.

I don't think being a minority makes you a victim of anything except numbers. The only things I can think of that are truly discriminatory are things like the United Negro College Fund, Jet Magazine, Black Entertainment Television, and Miss Black America.

Try to have things like the United Caucasian College Fund, Cloud Magazine, White entertainment Television, or Miss White America and see what happens. Jesse Jackson will be knocking down your door and demanding money.

I have always thought that homosexually is a mental disorder because who in their right mind would want to be one?

I believe the money I make belongs to me and my family, not some mid level governmental functionary with a bad comb-over who wants to give it away to crack addicts squirting out babies.

I know what sex is, and there are not varying degrees of it. If I received sex from one of the subordinates in my office, it wouldn't be a private matter or my personal business. I would be "FIRED" immediately!

I don't care about appearing compassionate.

I think that if you feel homosexuality is wrong, it is not a phobia, it is an opinion.

I think playing with toy guns doesn't make you a killer. I believe ignoring your kids and giving them Prozac might.

I have the right NOT to be tolerant of others because they are different, weird, or tick me off. When 70% of the people who get arrested are black, in cities where 70% of the population is black, that is not racial profiling, it is the law of statistics.

I don't care if you call me a racist, a homophobe or a misogynist.

I think I'm doing better than the homeless.

I don't celebrate Kwanzaa. But if you want to that's fine; I just don't feel like everyone else should have to.

I don't think just because you were not born in this country, you are qualified for any special loan programs, government sponsored bank loans or tax breaks, etc., so you can open a hotel, coffee shop, trinket store, or any other business. We did not go to the aid of certain foreign countries and risk our lives in wars to defend their freedoms so that decades later they could come over here and tell us our constitution is a living document and open to their interpretations.

I didn't take the initiative in inventing the Internet. I thought the Taco Bell dog was funny.

I own a gun, you can own a gun, and any red blooded American should be allowed to own a gun, but if you use it in a crime, then you will serve the time.

I don't believe in hate crime legislation. Even suggesting it makes me mad.

You're telling me that someone who is a minority, gay, disabled, another nationality, or otherwise different from the mainstream of this country has more value as a human being that I do as a white male. If someone kills anyone, I'd say that it's a hate crime. We don't need more laws! Let's enforce the ones we already have.

I know that no matter how big Jennifer Lopez's rear end gets, I'll still want to see it.

I want to know when MTV became such crap.

I'm not in touch with my feelings and I like it that way, damn it!

I believe they are called the Boy Scouts for a reason, that is why there are no girls allowed. Girls belong in the Girl Scouts!

I don't use the excuse "Its for the children" as a shield for unpopular opinions or actions.

I want them to bring back safe and sane fireworks and should be legal on the 4th of July.

I think that being a student doesn't give you any more enlightenment than working at Blockbuster. In fact, if your parents are footing the bill to put your pansy ass through 4-7 years of college, you haven't begun to be enlightened.

I know what the definition of "Is" is.

I don't want to eat or drink anything with the words light, liteor fat-freeon the package.

I believe everyone has a right to pray to his or her God or gods, and they can do it in their schools.

I think the WNBA is cool, as is the US Woman's Soccer Team - because they kick ass.

My heroes are John Wayne, both President Bushs, Winston Churchill, Ronald Reagan, Norman Schwartzkopf, Colin Powell and whoever canceled "Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman".

I don't hate the rich. I don't pity the poor.

I've never owned, or was a slave, and a large percentage of our forefathers weren't wealthy enough to own one either. Please stop blaming me because some prior white people were idiots - and remember, tons of white, Indian, Chinese, and other races have been enslaved too - it was wrong for every one of them.

I know wrestling is fake, but so are movies and television, and that doesn't stop you from watching them.

Our soldiers did not go to some foreign country and risk their lives in vain and defend our Constitution so that decades later you can tell me its a living document ever changing and is open to interpretation. The guys who wrote it were light years ahead of anyone today, and they meant what they said - now leave the document alone, or there's going to be trouble.

I think global warming is a big lie and Chicken Little junk science. Where are all those experts now when I am freezing my ass through a long winter?

I didn't wander forty years in the desert after getting chased out of Egypt, I haven't burned any witches or been persecuted by the Turks and neither have you, so shut-the-#$%!-up already.

Rocky and Bullwinkle still makes me laugh.

I think you can respect and admire women while mentally undressing them.

I believe a self-righteous liberal or conservative with a cause is more dangerous than a Hell's Angel with an attitude.

I want to know exactly which church it is where the Rev. Je$$e Ja¢k$on preaches. And where does he get his money. And why is he always part of the problem and not the solution.

I think explosions are cool. I don't care where Ellen DeGeneres puts her tongue.

I worry about dying before I get even.

Hillary Clinton is a carpet-munching lesbian.

I like the convenience of buying oranges while I'm waiting at a stoplight, and I'm pretty sure the Latina girl selling them to me is glad she no longer lives in a refrigerator packing carton outside Ensenada.

I think turkey bacon sucks.

I hate those bastards standing in the intersections trying to sell me crap or trying to guilt me into making 'donations' to their cause. These people should be targets.

I think beef jerky could quite possibly be the perfect food.

I want somebody to explain to me exactly why it's wrong to point out that when I watch a freeway chase, I know the losers the police eventually pull out of the car are not gonna be honor roll middle-class high school kids but gang-banging losers from the wrong side of town.

It doesn't take a whole village to raise a child right, but it does take a parent to stand up to the kid and smack their little ass when necessary and say "NO."

I think tattoos and piercing are fine if you want them, but please don't pretend they are a political statement. And . . . Please stay home until that new lip ring heals, I don't want to look at your ugly infected mouth as you serve me french fries!

I like hard women, hard liquor and a hard bowel movement first thing in the morning, and don't even think about asking me if I want a rice cake.

I believe you don't have to speak with a lisp to pick out a couch for your living room.

I believe if she has her lips on your willie, it is sex, and it is sex for both of you. This even applies when you are President of the United States.

I think Bill Gates has every right to keep every penny he made and continue to make more. If it ticks you off, go and invent the next operating system that's better and put your name on the building. Ask your buddy that invented the Internet to help you.

I believe no one ever died because of something Ozzy Osbourne, Ice-T or Marilyn Manson sang, but that doesn't mean I want to listen to that crap from someone else's car when I'm stopped at a red light. But I respect your right to.

I believe that if you are selling me a Dairy Queen shake, a pack of cigarettes, or hotel room you do it in English. As of matter of fact, if you are an American citizen you should speak English. My uncles and forefathers shouldn't have had to die in vain so you can leave the countries you were born in to come disrespect ours, and make us bend to your will. Get over it.

I think the cops have every right to shoot your sorry butt if you're running from them after they tell you to stop. If you can't understand the word 'freeze' or 'stop' in English, see the previous line. I don't use the excuse "Its for the children" as a shield for unpopular opinions or actions.

I know how to count votes and I feel much safer letting a machine with no political affiliation do a recount when needed. I know what the definition of lying is, and it isn't based on the word "Is"-ever.

I think turkey bacon, turkey beef, turkey fake anything sucks. I believe that it doesn't take a village to raise a child-it takes a parent with the guts to stand up to the kid and spank his butt and say "NO!" when it's necessary to do so. I'll admit that the only movies that ever made me cry was "Sands of Iwo Jima" and "Ole Yeller". I didn't realize Dr. Seuss was a genius until I had a kid.

I do not need to define myself as "compassionate". To do so would imply that, usually, conservatives are not. My compassion is tempered by an understanding of the human condition.

I work with and around human nature, instead of suppressing and denying it, as my Liberal counterpart does.

I do not hate the elderly. But I oppose Social Security.

I do not hate children. But I do not believe it's the government's job to feed them.

I do not hate women. But I denounce the female chauvinism of the far left feminists.

I do not hate the poor. But I will not concede to them any claim on the fruits of my labor. Ever.

I do not hate immigrants. But I will fight those who come here to colonize my country, rather than assimilate into it.

I do not oppose immigration. But I oppose the mindless laws which are swamping my society and destroying my culture, rather than adding to it.

I do not hate clean water and clean air. But I oppose wasteful, inefficient, bureaucratic environmental management.

I do not hate forests. But I oppose mindless kneejerk environmentalists who would rather see them burned than managed.

I do not hate American Indians. But it's over, and they lost. There are 270 million of us here now, we're not going to go away, and I refuse to feel guilty about it.

Double that for anyone who has slaves in their family tree.

I do not hate black people. But I oppose the mindless nonsense that emanates from the civil rights crowd like a toxic gas, stinking up my society.

I do not hate Hispanics. But I do hate those who come here with the openly expressed purpose of reconquest of the Southwest for Mexico. (I am not making this up)

I DO hate terrorists.

I do not hate Arabs, or Muslims. But I will cheerfully kill anyone on the planet who wants to kill me especially an ignorant, hateful fanatic who wishes to kill me on general principle, simply because I do not subscribe to his religion.

I hate professional victims.

I hate bigots and racists. Especially nonwhite ones who insist that it is impossible for them to BE bigots.

People kill people. Guns are mere tools.

Guns do not make you a killer. I think killing makes you a killer. You can kill someone with a baseball bat or a car, but no one is trying to ban you from driving to the ball game.

Being a victim is an event, not a lifestyle.

I enjoy a melting pot society. But multiculturalism is a code word for balkanization and division, and the conservatives are the only ones with the guts to say it.

I like animals. They taste great, and their fur can keep me warm. They are not my brothers. I eat them while I am alive, and when I die, they'll get their crack at me.

Sensitivity does not trump sense.

Feelings are not more important than thoughts.

Diversity is not a virtue.

I favor a tolerant society. This does not mean I am accepting of any perverse conduct an individual can dream up.

I believe Western Civilization has contributed immensely to the betterment of mankind, and given far more than it has taken.

I believe that my country was a great one, and can be again, if we can silence the self haters in our midst.

I think each and every individual is responsible for his or her own actions. We should all reap the benefits of good choices without guilt, and bear the consequences of bad ones without tears.

I am sick of "Political Correctness" and of all the suck ups that go along with it. I know a lot of black people, and not a single one of them was born in Africa, so how can they be "African-Americans"? Besides, Africa is a continent. I don't go around saying I am a European-American because my great, great, great, great, great, great grandfather was from Europe. I am proud to be from America and nowhere else.

My father and grandfather shouldn't have to die in vain so you can leave the countries you were born in to come over and disrespect ours. I think the police should have every right to shoot your sorry ass if you threaten them after they tell you to stop. If you can't understand the word "freeze" or "stop" in English, see the above lines.

I will not be frowned upon or be looked down upon or be made to keep silent because I have these beliefs and opinions. I thought this country allowed me that right. I will not conform or compromise just to keep from hurting somebody's feelings. I'm neither angry nor disenfranchised, no matter how desperately the mainstream media would like the world to believe otherwise.

This is my life to live, and not necessarily up to others expectations.

And if you don't like my point of view, tough!

Difficult to pick one out of so many but...

If I received sex from one of the subordinates in my office, it wouldn't be a private matter or my personal business. I would be "FIRED" immediately!

Like, as in "FIRED UP!"?

Also "received".

I do not hate the elderly. But...

I do not hate children. But...

I do not hate women. But...

I do not hate the poor. But...

I do not hate immigrants. But....

I do not hate clean water and clean air. But...

I do not hate forests. But...

I do not hate American Indians. But...

I do not hate black people. But...

I do not hate Hispanics. But...

I do not hate Arabs, or Muslims. But...

I do not hate immigrants. But I will fight those who come here to colonize my country, rather than assimilate into it.

I do not hate American Indians. But it's over, and they lost. There are 270 million of us here now, we're not going to go away, and I refuse to feel guilty about it.

I do not hate the poor. But I will not concede to them any claim on the fruits of my labor. Ever.

If this guy isn't paying any taxes someone should audit him. Repeatedly...

I like the convenience of buying oranges while I'm waiting at a stoplight, and I'm pretty sure the Latina girl selling them to me is glad she no longer lives in a refrigerator packing carton outside Ensenada.

vs

I hate those bastards standing in the intersections trying to sell me crap

poor, conflicted guy. red lights must be agony for him.

I have always thought that homosexually is a mental disorder because who in their right mind would want to be one?

Oh man this is a fucking sweet new adverb.

And also apparently this guy hasn't heard anything about psychiatry since 1973. (Happy 35th anniversary!)

Rocky and Bullwinkle still makes me laugh.

IS there some other level of meaning to this outlier?

This definitely got posted before cos I think I was trying to find it when ppl were defining challops for whatever reason... I couldn't find it tho so good skills

i think that's just one of his larry king moments. also: Old Yeller makes me cry! Dr. Seuss is a genius!
xpost

There are really way to many random wtf comments in this to analyze them all.

also i like how it's all "i believe" and "i think" until it gets to hillary clinton.

"i like hard women"

I think explosions are cool. I don't care where Ellen DeGeneres puts her tongue.

^I really hope this is one challop and not merely a formatting fuckup

This dude really hates turkey bacon, and I think the turkeys are with him on this one.

I know wrestling is fake, but so are movies and television, and that doesn't stop you from watching them.

WOAH steady on there tiger!!

The left will not oppress his fat gut. xp

My heroes are John Wayne, both President Bushs, Winston Churchill, Ronald Reagan, Norman Schwartzkopf, Colin Powell and whoever canceled "Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman".

bet dude was regretting token hero choice a couple months back

I think explosions are cool. I don't care where Ellen DeGeneres puts her tongue.

^I really hope this is one challop and not merely a formatting fuckup

― Peter Andre Test Tube Babies (DJ Mencap), Thursday, February 5, 2009 12:58 PM (3 minutes ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

you son of a bitch i just cracked up on the phone at this

I don't celebrate Kwanzaa. But if you want to that's fine; I just don't feel like everyone else should have to.

thank god someone finally said this--was getting really sick of being forced to celebrate kwanzaa

He seems unhappy.

I'm a Bad American-this pretty much sums it up for me. I like big trucks, big boats, big houses, big cars, big motorcycles, and big campfires, and naturally, prettybig women.

Cloud Magazine

huh?

CLOUD MAGAZINE

http://www.lib.byu.edu/images/jerry_images/Journal%20of%20Applied%20Meteorology.jpg

DON'T EFF AROUND WITH MY CUMULO CUMULO

cloud is the white jet, see

i think this guy is just doing a warmup exercise for some really badly written Degeneres Clinton slash fic.

at the end they explode maybe?

thinking, i guess, that the jet in jet magazine is a plane... and the white version would be something else in the sky?

xps

One of the two places on the net I can find this is the Myspace of this guy:

http://c2.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/images01/128/l_3b5830ae4a6a979d07ad2dc285a7a205.jpg

woah the cloud IS the opposite of a jet. status of mind = blown.

I don't celebrate Kwanzaa. But if you want to that's fine; I just don't feel like everyone else should have to.

^^btw are these dudes ever going to stop pretending that people shove kwanzaa down your throat all the time? like i barely hear it even mentioned at all anymore. they love that holiday more than anything.

Cloud Magazine

http://www.tylerlee.net/magcovers/Time-2007/TIME070319The%20Verdict%20On%20Cheney.jpg

also i like my bowel movements to be easy

ok i have now decided that there is no reason to not read this as being written by a hardcore right wing self-hating lesbian, and it actually makes it much more enjoyable.

I don't care where Ellen DeGeneres puts her tongue.

Hillary Clinton is a carpet-munching lesbian.

I don't care about appearing compassionate.

glad he felt the need to clarify

I have decided that there is no reason to read this once you hit the line where Jet Magazine and BET are being called out as sources of discrimination.

dj mencap already flagged my favorite one. also the only otm one

xp no dan there is a reason! lols!

My father and grandfather shouldn't have to die in vain so you can leave the countries you were born in to come over and disrespect ours. I think the police should have every right to shoot your sorry ass if you threaten them after they tell you to stop. If you can't understand the word "freeze" or "stop" in English, see the above lines.

also every one of these loonies always imagines their forefathers were like freezing their ass off in valley forge or some shit instead of say being bank tellers or car salesmen

"i don't hate forests" makes me lol

what's up with his weird thing about turkey?

Dear Friends,
The following was written by Ben Stein and recited by him on CBS Sunday Morning Commentary.
My confession:
I am a Jew, and every single one of my ancestors was Jewish. And it does not bother me even a little bit when people call those beautiful lit up, bejeweled trees, Christmas trees.. I don't feel threatened. I don't feel discriminated against. That's what they are: Christmas trees.
It doesn't bother me a bit when people say, 'Merry Christmas' to me. I don't think they are slighting me or getting ready to put me in a ghetto. In fact, I kind of like it It shows that we are all brothers and sisters
celebrating this happy time of year. It doesn't bother me at all that there is a manger scene on display at a key intersection near my beach house in Malibu . If people want a creche, it's just as fine with me as is the Menorah a few hundred yards away.
I don't like getting pushed around for being a Jew, and I don't think Christians like getting pushed around for being Christians. I think people who believe in God are sick and tired of getting pushed around, period. I have no idea where the concept came from that America is an explicitly atheist country. I can't find it in the Constitution and I don't like it being shoved down my throat.
Or maybe I can put it another way: where did the idea come from that we should worship celebrities and we aren't allowed to worship God as we understand Him? I guess that's a sign that I'm getting old, too. But there are a lot of us who are wondering where these celebrities came from and where the America we knew went to.
In light of the many jokes we send to one another for a laugh, this is a little different: This is not intended to be a joke; it's not funny, it's intended to get you thinking.
Billy Graham's daughter was interviewed on the Early Show and Jane Clayson asked her 'How could God let something like this happen?' (regarding Katrina) Anne Graham gave an extremely profound and insightful response. She said, 'I believe God is deeply saddened by this, just as we are, but for years we've been telling God to get out of our schools, to get out of our government and to get out of our lives. And being the gentleman He is, I believe He has calmly backed out. How can we expect God to give us His blessing and His pro tection if we demand He leave us alone?'
In light of recent events... terrorists attack, school shootings, etc. I think it started when Madeleine Murray O'Hare (she was murdered, her body found a few years ago) complained she didn't want prayer in our schools, and we said OK. Then someone said you better not read the Bible in school. The Bible says thou shalt not kill, thou shalt not steal, and love your neighbor as yourself. And we said OK.
Then Dr. Benjamin Spock said we shouldn't spank our children when they misbehave because their little personalities would be warped and we might damage their self-esteem (Dr Spock's son committed suicide). We said an expert should know what he's talking about. And we said OK.
Now we're asking ourselves why our children have no conscience, why they don't know right from wrong, and why it doesn't bother them to kill strangers, their classmates, and themselves. Probably, if we think about it long and hard enough, we can figure it out. I think it has a great deal to do with 'WE REAP WHAT WE SOW.'
Funny how simple it is for people to trash God and then wonder why the world's going to hell Funny how we believe what the newspapers say, but question what the Bible says. Funny how you can send 'jokes' through e-mail and they spread like wildfire but when you start sending messages regarding the Lord, people think twice about sharing. Funny how lewd, crude, vulgar and obscene articles pass freely through cyberspace, but public discussion of God is suppressed in the school and workplace.
Are you laughing yet?
Funny how when you forward this message, you will not send it to many on your address list because you're not sure what they believe, or what they will think of you for sending it.
Funny how we can be more worried about what other people think of us than what God thinks of us. Pass it on if you think it has merit. If not then just discard it... no one will know you did. But, if you discard this thought process, don't sit back and complain about what bad shape the world is in.
My Best Regards, Honestly and respectfully,
Ben Stein

turkey=healthy, pussified, liberal substitute for red meat.

whoa xpost

Racist Insight ............. Funny but true I have been wondering about why Whites are racists, and no other race is.
Proud to be White, Michael Richards makes his point..
Michael Richards better known as Kramer from TVs Seinfeld does make a good point.
This was his defense speech in court after making racial comments in his comedy act. He makes some very interesting points...
Someone finally said it... How many are actually paying attention to this? There are African Americans, Mexican Americans, Asian Americans, Arab Americans, etc. And then there are just Ameri-
cans. You pass me on the street and sneer in my direction. You call me 'White boy,' 'Cracker,' 'Honkey,' 'Whitey,' 'Caveman' ... and that's OK.
But when I call you, Nigger, Kike, Towel head, Sand-nigger, Camel Jockey, Beaner, Gook, or Chink ... You call me a racist. You say that whites commit a lot of violence against you... so why are the ghettos the most dangerous places to live?
You have the United Negro College Fund. You have Martin Luther King Day. You have Black History Month. You have Cesar Chavez Day You have Yom Hashoah. You have Ma'uled Al-Nabi. You have the NAACP You have BET... If we had WET (White Entertainment Television), we'd be racists. If we had a White Pride Day, you would call us racists. If we had White History Month, we'd be racists.
If we had any organization for only whites to 'advance' OUR , lives we'd be racists.
We have a Hispanic Chamber of Commerce, a Black Chamber of Commerce, and then we just have the plain Chamber of Commerce.
Wonder who pays for that??
A white woman could not be in the Miss Black American pageant, but any color can be in the Miss America pageant.
If we had a college fund that only gave white students scholarships ..... You know we'd be racists.
There are over 60 openly proclaimed Black Colleges in the US.
Yet if there were 'White colleges' That would be a racist college.
In the Million Man March, you believed that you were marching for your race and rights. If we marched for our race and rights, you would call us racists.
You are proud to be black, brown, yellow and orange, and you're not afraid to announce it. But when we announce our white pride, you call us racists.
You rob us, carjack us, and shoot at us. But, when a white police officer shoots a black gang member or beats up a black drug-dealer running from the law and posing a threat to society, you call him a racist.
I am proud... But you call me a racist.
Why is it that only whites can be racists??
There is nothing improper about this e-mail. Let's see which of you are proud enough to send it on. I sadly don't think many will. That's why we have lost most of OUR RIGHTS in this country. We won't stand up for ourselves!
BE PROUD TO BE WHITE!
It's not a crime yet .. but getting real close!
-Michael richards

Then Dr. Benjamin Spock said we shouldn't spank our children when they misbehave because their little personalities would be warped and we might damage their self-esteem (Dr Spock's son committed suicide).

how did he deliver this line? was there a pause before the parenthetical to indicate that it was between parentheses?

I will not be frowned upon or be looked down upon or be made to keep silent because I have these beliefs and opinions. I thought this country allowed me that right. I will not conform or compromise just to keep from hurting somebody's feelings. I'm neither angry nor disenfranchised, no matter how desperately the mainstream media would like the world to believe otherwise.

^_^

This was his defense speech in court after making racial comments in his comedy act.

So in the first version of the omg edgy rant - "My heroes are Abraham Lincoln, Orson Well s, Ronald Reagan and whoever canceled Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman."

Orson Welles? Is there a Republican reason for liking Orson Welles that I don't know about?

he was the one who cancelled dr quinn

I have decided that there is no reason to read this once you hit the line where Jet Magazine and BET are being called out as sources of discrimination.

this actually made me think it was written by Aaron McGruder for a minute.

http://unrepentantoldhippie.files.wordpress.com/2009/01/wingnuttery-racism.png

i guess i see chicken as a more pussy meat where turkey is more all american, family thanksgiving and mash potatoes and gravy type thang

I know a lot of black people, and not a single one of them was born in Africa,
I know a lot of black people, and not a single one of them was born in Africa,
I know a lot of black people, and not a single one of them was born in Africa,
I know a lot of black people, and not a single one of them was born in Africa,
I know a lot of black people, and not a single one of them was born in Africa,
I know a lot of black people, and not a single one of them was born in Africa,
I know a lot of black people, and not a single one of them was born in Africa,
I know a lot of black people, and not a single one of them was born in Africa,
I know a lot of black people, and not a single one of them was born in Africa,
I know a lot of black people, and not a single one of them was born in Africa,
I know a lot of black people, and not a single one of them was born in Africa,
I know a lot of black people, and not a single one of them was born in Africa,

but turkey bacon is a pussification of bacon.

xpost except obama

yeah i guess. he just mentions turkey twice which i thought was sorta o_O

no dude fuck turkey seriously

low in fat = anti-american

I'm probably just in a pissy sleep-deprived mood but I am not finding any of this shit funny.

i'm gonna fucking punch the first turkey i see

okay actually that is funny, nvr mind

I eat a lot of bacon, and not a single one of the slices was born in Turkey.

A young woman was about to finish her first year of college. Like so many others her age, she considered herself to be a very liberal Democrat, and was very much in favor of the redistribution of wealth. She was deeply ashamed that her father was a rather staunch Republican, a feeling she openly expressed. Based on the lectures that she had participated in, and the occasional chat with a professor, she felt that her father had for years harbored an evil, selfish desire to keep what he thought should be his. One day she was challenging her father on his opposition to higher taxes on the rich and the addition of more government welfare programs. The self-professed objectivity proclaimed by her professors had to be the truth and she indicated so to her father. He responded by asking how she was doing in school. Taken aback, she answered rather haughtily that she had a 4.0 GPA, and let him know that it was tough to maintain, insisting that she was taking a very difficult course load and was constantly studying, which left her no time to go out and party like other people she knew. She didn't even have time for a boyfriend, and didn't really have many college friends because she spent all her time studying.

Her father listened and then asked, "How is your friend Audrey doing?"

She replied, "Audrey is barely getting by. All she takes are easy classes, she never studies, and she barely has a 2.0 GPA. She is so popular on campus; college for her is a blast. She's always invited to all the parties, and lots of times she doesn't even show up for classes because she's too hung over."

Her wise father asked his daughter, "Why don't you go to the Dean's office and ask him to deduct a 1.0 off your GPA and give it to your friend who only has a 2.0. That way you will both have a 3.0 GPA and certainly that would be a fair and equal distribution of GPA." The daughter, visibly shocked by her father's suggestion, angrily fired back, "That wouldn't be fair! I have worked really hard for my grades! I've invested a lot of time, and a lot of hard work! Audrey has done next to nothing toward her degree. She played while I worked my tail off!"

The father slowly smiled, winked and said gently, "Barack Obama is a Muslim."

OBAMA'S 50 LIES (and COUNTING)

1.)" Selma Got Me Born " - LIAR, your parents felt safe enough to get married and have you in 1961 -
Selma had no effect on your birth, as Selma was in 1965.
2.) Father Was A Goat Herder - LIAR, he was a privileged, well educated youth,
who went on to work with the Kenyan Government.
3.) Father Was A Proud Freedom Fighter - LIAR, he was part of one of the most
corrupt and violent governments Kenya has ever had.
4.) My Family Has Strong Ties To African Freedom - LIAR, your cousin Raila Odinga
has created mass violence in attempting to overturn a legitimate election in 2007, in
Kenya. It is the first widespread violence in Decades.
5.) My Grandmother Has Always Been A Christian - LIAR, she does her daily " Salat "
prayers at 5 a.m. according to her own interviews. Not to mention, Christianity
wouldn’t allow her to have been 'one' of 14 wives to 1 man.
6.) My Name is African; Swahili - LIAR, your Name is Muslim Arabic and ‘Baraka’ ( from
which Barack came ) means ‘blessed’ in that language . Hussein is also Muslim, and so is
OBAMA .
7.) I Never Practiced Islam - LIAR, you practiced it daily at school, where you
were Registered as a MUSLIM and kept that Faith for 31 years, until your wife made you
change, so You could run for Office.
8.) My School In Indonesia Was Christian - LIAR, you were Registered as MUSLIM
there, and got in trouble in Koranic Studies for 'making faces' ( check your own book ).
9.) I Was Fluent In Indonesian - LIAR, not One teacher says, You could speak that
Language.
10.) Because I Lived In Indonesia, I Have More Foreign Experience - LIAR, You
were There from the ages of 6 to 10, and couldn’t even speak the language.
What did you learn, how to study the Koran and watch Cartoons ?
11.) I Am Stronger On Foreign Affairs - LIAR, except for Africa (big surprise ) and
the Middle East ( bigger surprise ), you have never been Anywhere else on the planet and have NO Experience with Our closest Allies .
12.) I Blame My Early Drug Use On Ethnic Confusion - LIAR, you were quite content
in High School to be "Barry" Obama, no mention of KENYA and no mention of ' struggle to
Identify ' - your classmates said You were just fine.
13.) An EBONY Magazine Article Moved Me To Run For Office - LIAR, Ebony has yet to find the
Article you mention in your Book . It doesn’t, and Never did , exist .
14.) A LIFE Magazine Article Changed My Outlook On Life - LIAR, Life has yet to
find the Article you mention in your Book. It doesn’t, and never did, exist.
15.) I Won’t Run On A National Ticket In ‘08 - LIAR, here you are, despite
saying, "live" on TV, that You would Not have enough Experience by then, and You are all
about, having: 'Experience First' .
16.) Present Votes Are Common In Illinois - LIAR, they are common for YOU, but
not many others have 130 " NO VOTES " .
17.) Oops, I Mis-voted - LIAR, only when caught by Church groups and democrats,
did you beg to change your mis-vote.
18.) I Was A Professor Of Law - LIAR, you were a " senior lecturer ", ON LEAVE .
19.) I Was A Constitutional Lawyer - LIAR, you were a "senior lecturer" ON LEAVE !
20.) Without Me, There Would Be No Ethics Bill - LIAR, You didn’t Write it,
Introduce it, Change it, nor Create it!
21.) The Ethics Bill Was Hard To Pass - LIAR, it took just 14 days from Start to
Finish .
22.) I Wrote A Tough Nuclear Bill - LIAR, your Bill was Rejected by Your own
Party for its pandering and LACK of all Regulation - mainly because of your Nuclear
Donor, EXELON from which, DAVID AXELROD came .
23.) I Have Released My State Records - LIAR, as of March 2008, State Bills You
sponsored or voted for, have Yet to be released, exposing all the " special-interests pork "
hidden, within .
24.) I Took On The Asbestos Altgeld Gardens mess - LIAR, you were Part of a large
group of people who 'remedied' Altgeld Gardens. You failed to mention Anyone else but
Yourself in your books.
25.) My Economics Bill Will Help America - LIAR, your 111 economic policies were
just combined into a Proposal which Lost 99 - 0 , and even YOU voted AGAINST Your own bill.
26.) I Have Been A Bold Leader In Illinois - LIAR, even your own Supporters claim
to have "not seen" BOLD action, on Your part.
27.) I Passed 26 Of My Own Bills In One Year - LIAR, they were Not YOUR Bills,
but rather handed ' to ' You after their creation by a fellow Senator, to assist You in a
Future bid for higher Office.
28.) No One Contacted Canada About N.A.F.T.A. - LIAR, the Canadian Government issued
the names and " a Memo of " the CONVERSATION, Your Campaign had with Them .
29.) I Am Tough On Terrorism - LIAR, you missed the Iran Resolution Vote on
Terrorism and your good friend ALI ABUNIMAH supports the Destruction of Israel.
30.) I Am Not Acting As President, Yet - LIAR, after the N.A.F.T.A. Memo, a dead
terrorist in the F.A.R.C. in Colombia, was found with a letter stating how You and he, were
working Together on getting F.A.R.C. recognized Officially.
31.) I Didn’t Run Ads In Florida - LIAR, you allowed National ads to run 8-12
times per Day, for TWO weeks - and you still : Lost .
32.) I Won Michigan - LIAR, No You Didn’t.
33.) I won Nevada - LIAR, NO You did NOT.
34.) I Want All Votes To Count - LIAR, you said: " let the Delegates decide ".
35.) I Want Americans To Decide - LIAR, you prefer Caucuses that Limit the Vote,
Confuse the voters, Force a Public vote, and only operate during Small 'windows' of time .
36.) I passed 900 Bills in the State Senate - LIAR, you passed 26 ; most of which
you didn’t write Yourself.
37.) My Campaign Was Extorted By A Friend - LIAR, that friend is threatening to
sue if you Do Not stop Saying this. ( Obama 'has' stopped saying this. )
38.) I Believe In Fairness, Not Tactics - LIAR, you used "Tactics" to eliminate
Alice PALMER from running against you.
39.) I Don’t Take P.A.C. Money - LIAR, you take loads of it.
40.) I don’t 'have' Lobbysists - LIAR, you have over 47 Lobbysists, and counting.
41.) My Campaign Had Nothing To Do With The 1984 Advertisement - LIAR, your own campaign
worker made the ad' on his Apple "I-BOOK" in one afternoon !
42.) My Campaign Never Took Over MySpace - LIAR, Tom who started MySpace issued
a Warning about this advertising, to MySpace clients.
43.) I Inspire People With My Words - LIAR, you inspire people with OTHER
people’s Words (big surprise)
44.) I Have Passed Bills In The U. S. Senate - LIAR, you have passed "A BILL", in the U. S. Senate - for Africa, which shows YOUR priorities.

5.) My Grandmother Has Always Been A Christian - LIAR, she does her daily " Salat "
prayers at 5 a.m. according to her own interviews. Not to mention, Christianity
wouldn’t allow her to have been 'one' of 14 wives to 1 man.

We had flutes and trombones around the house. For my siblings and me, music was important to give us some balance. If it weren't for music, our entire social life, our avocations, all would have had to do with sports.

Everything I've ever needed to know I learned through sports.

Bored, anonymous, pathetic bloggers who lie annoy me.

I'll tell you, yesterday the Anchorage Daily News, they called again to ask — double-, triple-, quadruple-check — who is Trig's real mom. And I said, Come on, are you kidding me? We're gonna answer this? Do you not believe me or my doctor? And they said, No, it's been quite cryptic the way that my son's birth has been discussed. And I thought, Okay, more indication of continued problems in the world of journalism.

You have to let it go. Even hard news sources, credible news sources — the comment about, you can see Russia from Alaska. You can! You can see Russia from Alaska. Something like that — a factual statement that was taken out of context and mocked — what you have to do is let that go.

I would think we all tear up during the national anthem at the beginning of a baseball game, don't we? That's an alikeness between Alaskans and New Yorkers.

If I were giving advice to myself back on the day my candidacy was announced, I'd say, Tell the campaign that you'll be callin' some of the shots. Don't just assume that they know you well enough to make all your decisions for ya. Let them know that you're the CEO of a state, you're forty-four years old, you've got a lot of great life experience that can be put to good use as a candidate.

Maybe it's like when someone says, "I love you, you're perfect the way y'are, now let me change you." And I'm sure Senator McCain had to struggle with some of that, maybe early on in his campaign.

I'd been a fan of SNL for decades, and I have a lot of respect for the present talent. I knew it would be a good thing to be a part of. And also, of course, to let Americans know that I can laugh at myself, too.

My favorite place in Alaska is on a cold winter day in my own house, with fat snowflakes falling. In my nice warm home.

I eat, therefore I hunt. I want to fill my freezer with good, clean, healthy protein for my kids. That's what I was raised on. It is abundant and it is available here in Alaska, with caribou and moose and different game and lots of very, very healthy and delicious wild Alaskan seafood. That's what we eat. So that's why I hunt and why I fish.

A courageous person is anyone who loses a child and can still get out of bed in the morning.

This is what I've been telling Bristol, before she gets married, is, Bristol, there are definitely gonna be tough parts in marriage. You have to look at those tough times and remember that you have essentially a business contract with this person. You've signed an agreement: You're going to be together. And you look at it that way as you work through the tough times, because I guarantee the better time is there on the other side. That's how we've looked at it.

Fleece, lots of fleece, and skinny white-chocolate mochas. That's the best way to stay warm.

I know He hears me when I just call out to Him, which I do a lot. Oh, yes, I pray. I talk to God every day. I've put my life, so I put my day, into God's hands, and I just ask for guidance and wisdom and grace to get through one situation after another.

The secret to chili is you gotta have good mooseburger in there. I don't know if you can get moose commercially in New York. You'd have to come up here and visit me in my home, and I'll prepare it for ya.

Carmex. I'm addicted to Carmex. I don't go anywhere without Carmex.

The first place was an ice-cream store called Ferina's, in Wasilla. In a fishing village called Dillingham, I worked waitin' tables at a bar. Serving people, you learn patience. When someone's mad at you 'cause you're not serving them in the manner that they want to be served, and you've gotta be tempered and graceful.

Two meanings in Bristol's name: I worked at the Bristol Inn, and Todd grew up in Bristol Bay. But also, Bristol, Connecticut, is the home of ESPN. And when I was in high school, my desire was to be a sportscaster. ESPN was just kicking off, just getting off the ground, and I thought that's what I was going to do in life, is be one of the first woman sportscasters. Until I learned that you'd have to move to Bristol, Connecticut. It was far away. So instead, I had a daughter and named her Bristol.

Hot? If only people could see me as I come in from a run early in the morning without a trough full of makeup on, I think that they'd have a different opinion.

After a long day, if the weather's good, I like to take a long, hot run to unwind. Otherwise, lately, I take a bath with Trig, and I answer e-mails, and then we all fall asleep in my big bed while we listen to Piper read her Junie B. Jones books out loud. She's learning to read and she'll read for hours on end. It's idyllic. It's amazing.

She should marry turkey-hating guy, they seem to have a lot in common.

10.) Because I Lived In Indonesia, I Have More Foreign Experience - LIAR, You
were There from the ages of 6 to 10, and couldn’t even speak the language.
What did you learn, how to study the Koran and watch Cartoons?

omg omg omg

The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building

his house and laying up supplies for the winter.

The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances and

plays the summer away.

Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conferenc e and

demands to know why the ant should be warm and well fed while others

are cold and starving.

CBS, NBC, PBS, CNN, and ABC show up to provide pictures of the

shivering grasshopper next to a video of the ant in his comfortable

home with a table filled with food.

America is stunned by the sharp contrast.

How can this be, that in a country of such wealth, this poor

grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?

Kermit the Frog appears on Oprah with the grasshopper and everybody

cries when they sing, "It's Not Easy Being Green."

Jesse Jackson stages a demonstration in front of the ant's house

where the news stations film the group singing, "We shall overcome."

Jesse then has the group kneel down to pray t! o God for the

grasshopper's sake.

Nancy Pelosi, John Kerry & Harry Reid exclaim in an interview with

Larry King that the ant has gotten rich off the back of the

grasshopper, and both call for an immediate tax hike on the ant to

make him pay his fair share.

Finally, the EEOC drafts the Economic Equity and Anti-Grasshopper Act

retroactive to the beginning of the summer! The ant is fined for

failing to hire a proportionate number of green bugs and, having

nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by

the government.

Hillary gets her old law firm to represent the grasshopper in a

defamation suit against the ant, and the case is tried before a panel

of federal judges that Bill Clinton appointed from a list of single-
parent welfare recipients.

The ant loses the case.

The story ends as we see the grasshopper finishing up the last bits

of the ant's food while the government house he is in, which just

happens to be the ant's old house, crumbles around him because he

doesn't maintain it.

The ant has disappeared in the snow.

The grasshopper is found dead in a drug related incident and the

house, now abandoned, is taken over by a gang of spiders who

terrorize the once peaceful neighborhood.

MORAL OF THE STORY: Be careful how you vote in 2008

As I said on another thread I can be a pretty uptight, stressed out kind of guy, but seriously how do these people get through the day without exploding?

they smoke a lot of weed

no wait--

CAN MUSLIMS BE GOOD AMERICANS?

This is very interesting and we all need to read it from start to Finish and send it on to anyone who will read it. Maybe this is why our American Muslims are so quiet and not speaking out about any atrocities. Can a good Muslim be a good American? This question was forwarded to a friend who worked in Saudi Arabia for 20 years. The following is his reply:

Theologically - no. . . . Because his allegiance is to Allah, The moon God of Arabia .

Religiously - no. . . . Because no other religion is accepted by His Allah except Islam (Quran, 2:256)(Koran)

Scripturally - no. . . Because his allegiance is to the five Pillars of Islam and the Quran.

Geographically - no . . . Because his allegiance is to Mecca , to which he turns in prayer five times a day.

Socially - no. . . Because his allegiance to Islam forbids him to make friends with Christians or Jews ..

Politically - no. . . Because he must submit to the mullahs (spiritual leaders), who teach annihilation of Israel and destruction of America , the great Satan.

Domestically - no. . . Because he is instructed to marry four Women and beat and scourge his wife when she disobeys him (Quran 4:34)

Intellectually - no. . . Because he cannot accept the American Constitution since it is based on Biblical principles and he believes the Bible to be corrupt.

Philosophically - no. . . . Because Islam, Muhammad, and the Quran does not allow freedom of religion and expression. Democracy and Islam cannot co-exist. Every Muslim government is either dictatorial or autocratic.

Spiritually - no. . . . Because when we declare 'one nation under God,' the Christian's God is loving and kind, while Allah is NEVER referred to as Heavenly father, nor is he ever called love in The Quran's 99 excellent names.

Therefore, after much study and deliberation....
Perhaps we should be very suspicious of ALL MUSLIMS in this country. - - - They obviously cannot be both 'good' Muslims and good Americans.

Call it what you wish it's still the truth. You had better believe it. The more who understand this, the better it will be for our country and our future. The religious war is bigger than we know or understand. . ...

And Barack Hussein Obama, a Muslim, wants to be our President? You have GOT to be kidding! Wake up America !

Obama even says if he wins the election, he will be sworn in on the Quran---not a Bible!

Footnote: He was sworn in on the Quran for his current office and he refuses to pledge allegiance to the United States or put his hand over his heart when the National Anthem is played! The Muslims have said they will destroy us from within. Hello! Having a Muslim president would seem to fit the bill! Will you trust this man with our national secrets?
THE MARINES WANT THIS TO ROLL ALL OVER THE U.S.

Please don't delete this until you send
It on, Let's send it around the world.

FRIENDS ARE BORN, NOT MADE

This is a poem being sent from a Marine
To his Dad. For those who take the time
To read it, you'll see a letter from him to
His dad at the bottom. It makes you truly
Thankful for not only the Marines, but
ALL of our troops.

THE MARINE

We all came together,
Both young and old
To fight for our freedom,
To stand and be bold.

In the midst of all evil,
We stand our ground,
And we protect our country
From all terror around.

Peace and not war,
Is what some people say.
But I'll give my life,
So you can live the American way.

I give you the right
<>To talk of your peace.
To stand in your groups,
And protest in our streets.

But still I fight on,
I don't bitch, I don't whine.
I'm just one of the people
Who is doing your time.

I'm harder than nails,
Stronger than any machine.
I'm the immortal soldier,
I'm a U.S. MARINE!

So stand in my shoes,
And leave from your home.
Fight for the people who hate you,
With the protests they 've shown.
Fight for the stranger,
Fight for the young.
So they all may have,
The greatest freedom you've won

Fight for the sick,
Fight for the poor
Fight for the cripple,
Who lives next door.

But when your time comes,
Do what I've done.
For if you stand up for freedom,
You'll stand when the fight's done

By: Corporal Aaron M. Gilbert, US Marine Corps
USS SAIPAN, PERSIAN GULF

lol what does it mean exactly to be a good american 'scripturally'

-----begin forward-----

THIS IS GREAT - IF ONLY IT WAS THIS SIMPLE...

WOULDN'T IT BE GREAT TO TURN ON THE TV AND HEAR ANY U.S. PRESIDENT, DEMOCRAT OR REPUBLICAN GIVE THE FOLLOWING SPEECH?

'My Fellow Americans: As you all know, the defeat of the Iraq regime has been completed.

Since congress does not want to spend any more money on this war, our mission in Iraq is complete.

This morning I gave the order for a complete removal of all American forces from Iraq. This action will be complete within 30 days. It is now time to begin the reckoning.

Before me, I have two lists. One list contains the names of countries which have stood by our side during the Iraq conflict. This list is short . The United Kingdom , Spain , Bulgaria , Australia , and Poland are some of the countries listed there.

The other list contains every one not on the first list. Most of the world's nations are on that list. My press secretary will be distributing copies of both lists later this evening.

Let me start by saying that effective immediately, foreign aid to those nations on List 2 ceases immediately and indefinitely. The money saved during the first year alone will pretty much pay for the costs of the Iraqi war. THEN EVERY YEAR THERE AFTER IT'll GO TO OUR SOCIAL SECURITY SYSTEM SO IT WONT GO BROKE IN 20 YEARS.

The American people are no longer going to pour money into third world Hell holes and watch those government leaders grow fat on corruption.

Need help with a famine? Wrestling with an epidemic? Call France

In the future, together with Congress, I will work to redirect this money toward solving the vexing social problems we still have at home. On that note, a word to terrorist organizations. Screw with us and we will hunt you down and eliminate you and all your friends from the face of the earth.

Thirsting for a gutsy country to terrorize? Try France or maybe China

I am ordering the immediate severing of diplomatic relations with France , Germany , and Russia . Thanks for all your help, comrades. We are retiring from NATO as well. Bonne chance, mes amies, Gl?ck meine Freunde, y?a?a mo? ?py?b?.

I have instructed the Mayor of New York City to begin towing the many UN diplomatic vehicles located in Manhattan with more than two unpaid parking tickets to sites where those vehicles will be stripped, shredded and crushed. I don't care about whatever treaty pertains to this. You creeps have tens of thousands of unpaid tickets. Pay those tickets tomorrow or watch your precious Benzes, Beamers and limos be turned over to some of the finest chop shops in the world. I love New York

A special note to our neighbors. Canada is on List 2. Since we are likely to be seeing a lot more of each other, you folks might want to try not ticking us off for a change.

Mexico is also on List 2 its president and his entire corrupt government really need an attitude adjustment. I will have a couple extra thousand tanks and infantry divisions sitting around. Guess where I am going to put'em?

Yep, border security.

Oh, by the way, the United States is abrogating the NAFTA treaty - starting now.

We are tired of the one-way highway. Immediately, we'll be drilling for oil in Alaska- which will take care of this country's oil needs for decades to come. If you're an environmentalist who opposes this decision, I refer you to List 2 above: pick a country and move there.

It is time for America to focus on its own welfare and its own citizens. Some will accuse us of isolationism. I answer them by saying, 'darn tootin'.

Nearly a century of trying to help folks live a decent life around the world has only earned us the undying enmity of just about everyone on the planet. It is time to eliminate hunger in America .. It is time to eliminate homelessness in America . To the nations on List 1, a final thought. Thank you guys. We owe you and we won't forget.

To the nations on List 2, a final thought: You might want to learn to speak Arabic.

God bless America .. Thank you and good night.'

If you can read this, thank a teacher. If you are reading this in English, thank a soldier.

Geographically - no

Call it what you wish it's still the truth.

srybuttru

"WE REAP WHAT WE SOW"

The Budweiser Story

(not a joke)

This is TRUE!

How Budweiser handled those who laughed at those

who died on the 11th of September,
2001...

Thought you might like to know what happened

in a little town north of Bakersfield , California .

After you finish reading this,

please forward this story on to others

so that our nation and people around the world

will know about those who laughed

when they found out about the tragic events

in New York , Pennsylvania , and the Pentagon.

On September 11th,

A Budweiser employee was making a delivery

to a convenience store in a California town

named McFarland.

He knew of the tragedy that had occurred

in New York when he entered the business

to find the two Arabs, who owned the business, whooping and hollering to show their approval

and support of this treacherous attack.

The Budweiser employee went to his truck,

called the President of Budweiser and told him

of the very upsetting event!

He didn't feel he could be in that store with those

people. The President of Budweiser asked him,

"Do you think you could go in there long enough

to pull every Budweiser product and item

our beverage company sells there?

We'll never deliver to them again."

The employee walked in,

proceeded to pull every single product his

beverage company provided and left

with an incredible grin on his face.

He told them never to bother to call for

a delivery again.

Budweiser happens to be the beer of choice

for that community.

Just letting you know how Kern County

handled this situation. And Now

The Rest Of The Story:

It seems that the Bud driver and the Pepsi man

are neighbors. Bud called Pepsi and told him.

Pepsi called his boss who told him to

pull all Pepsi products as well!!!

That would include Frito Lay, etc.

Furthermore, word spread and

all vendors followed suit! At last report,

the store was closed indefinitely.

Good old American

Passive-Aggressive A$$ Whoopin!

Pass this along, America needs to know

that we're all working together!

If you can read this.

Thank a teacher...

If you are reading it in English....

THANK A SOLDIER!!!

If you do not send this

you have no soul !!!!

Actually I'm pretty sure Robin Williams wrote that.

I'm harder than nails,
Stronger than any machine.
I'm the immortal soldier,
I'm WOLVERINE!

If you do not send this

you have no soul !!!!

Good old American

Passive-Aggressive A$$ Whoopin!

wha-?

I'm harder than nails,
Stronger than any machine.
I'm the immortal soldier,
I'm WOLVERINE!

― crackers is biters (M@tt He1ges0n), Thursday, February 5, 2009 3:01 PM (3 minutes ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

lmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmao

president budweiser / delivery man '12

That would include Frito Lay, etc.

What is with the weird-ass Rod McKean line breaks in these?

i wonder how many times this ^^^ bud story has been printed in church newsletters

If you are reading it in English....

THANK A SOLDIER!!!

My parents weren't soldiers!

guys i think the nazis would totally let us speak english.

but if there weren't U.S. American soldiers fighting for the English language then we would all be speaking some type of German-Farsi pigdin by now

That actually sounds like a badass language.

Not that I'm not all http://imagecache2.allposters.com/images/pic/SIGN/10052~God-Bless-America-Posters.jpg and shit, be cool.

ws

Sorry my grandpa who was in WW2 and served under Patton who he hated and then went back to America and died in a nuclear fallout.

thx for all the English

all the Kentucky English that means I talk like a hick 60 years on.

uh

what?

church

Is the Budweiser story supposed to be an epic poem?

A comedian shows a side you don't hear from a lot:

Ok guys. Something is wrong here. I am sorry but after hearing they want to sing the National Anthem in Spanish - enough is enough.

Nowhere did they sing it in Italian, Polish, Irish (Celtic), German or any other language because of immigration. It was written by Francis Scott Key and should be sung word for word the way it was written. The news broadcasts even gave the translation -- not even close. Sorry if this offends anyone but this is MY COUNTRY

IF IT IS YOUR COUNTRY SPEAK UP -- please pass this along.

I am not against immigration -- just come through like everyone else. Get a sponsor; have a place to lay your head; have a job; pay your taxes, live by the rules AND LEARN THE LANGUAGE as all other immigrants have in the past -- and GOD BLESS AMERICA!

PART OF THE PROBLEM

Think about this: If you don't want to forward this for fear of offending someone -- YOU'RE PART OF THE PROBLEM!

It is Time for America to Speak up If you agree -- pass this along, if you don't agree --- delete it!

- Adam Sandler

My parents weren't soldiers!

But did they have soul?

The Budweiser employee went to his truck,

called the President of Budweiser and told him

of the very upsetting event!

lololololololololololololololololol

http://hillbilly-willy.blogspot.com/2007/04/maxine-on-immigration.html

LET'S ALL KEEP THIS GOING!!

Yes, we must send this over and over, again and again, until the whole world has read it and we take action on this..

Keep this going around the globe.....read it and forward every time you receive it. We can't give up on this issue.
Paul Harvey and Prayer

Paul Harvey says:

I don't believe in Santa Claus, but I'm not going to sue somebody for singing a Ho-Ho-Ho song in December. I don't agree with Darwin, but I didn't go out and hire a lawyer when my high school teacher taught his theory of evolution.

Life, liberty or your pursuit of happiness will not be endangered because someone says a 30-second prayer before a football game.

So what's the big deal? It's not like somebody is up there reading the entire book of Acts. They're just talking to a God they believe in and asking him to grant safety to the players on the field and the fans going home from the game.

But it's a Christian prayer, some will argue.

Yes, and this is the United States of America, a country founded on Christian principles. According to our very own phone book, Christian churches outnumber all others better than 200-to-1. So what would you Expect Somebody chanting Hare Krishna?

If I went to a football game n Jerusalem, I would expect to hear a Jewish prayer.

If I went to a soccer game in Baghdad, I would expect to hear a Muslim prayer.

If I went to a ping pong match in China, I would expect to hear someone pray to Buddha.

And I wouldn't be offended.
It wouldn't bother me one bit.
When in Rome.

But what about the atheists? is another argument.

What about them?

Nobody is asking them to be baptized. We're not going to pass the collection plate.. Just humor us for 30 seconds. If that's asking too much, bring a Walkman or a pair of ear plugs. Go to the bathroom. Visit the concession stand.
Call your lawyer!

Unfortunately, one or two will make that call. One or two will tell thousands what they can and cannot do. I don't think a short prayer at a football game is going to shake the world's foundations.

Christians are just sick and tired of turning the other cheek while our courts strip us of all our rights. Our parents and grandparents taught us to pray before eating; to pray before we go to sleep.

Our Bible tells us to pray without ceasing. Now a handful of people and their lawyers are telling us to cease praying.

God, help us.

And if that last sentence offends you, well .. just sue me.

The silent majority has been silent too long.. It's time we let that one or two who scream loud enough to be heard that the vast majority don't care what they want. It is time the majority rules! It's time we tell them, you don't have to pray; you don't have to say the pledge of allegiance; you don't have to believe in God or attend services that honor Him. That is your right, and we will honor your right.. But by golly, you are no longer going to take our rights away. We are fighting back . .. and we WILL WIN!

God bless us one and all ... especially those who denounce Him. God bless America, despite all her faults. She is still the greatest nation of all.

God bless our servicemen who are fighting to protect our right to pray and worship God.

May 2006 be the year the silent majority is heard and we put God back as the foundation of our families and institutions.

Keep looking up.

If you agree with this, please pass it on.. If not delete it.

And the young man who stole that candy bar turned out to be....God.

On to page 2.

http://www.forums.gracebiblestudy.net/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=205

Texas Red(Who am I?) said...
My Chicano Literature class has been discussing this very thing in the last few weeks. It is interesting being the only white girl...my views are not exactly welcomed, even in West Texas.
10:16 AM

goole are u insinuating adam sandler didn't really write that?

haha~~

http://www.snopes.com/politics/immigration/pellgrant.asp

and what did you throw adam sandler on there yourself?

lol xp

If I went to a football game n Jerusalem, I would expect to hear a Jewish prayer.

If I went to a soccer game in Baghdad, I would expect to hear a Muslim prayer.

If I went to a ping pong match in China, I would expect to hear someone pray to Buddha.

lol @ the choice of sports here

Jerusalem had an outstanding class of commitments yesterday (Ranked No. 43 by Rivals.com) and I totally expect their football team to kick ass next season, Jew prayers or no Jew prayers.

AND GET THE HECK OUT OF DODGE!!!!

10-4 WILLY

what is it with conservative alarmists and exclamation points?

Here's some Chinese ping-pong players making some prayers to Buddha.

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/3/34/ChinaTibet.jpg/300px-ChinaTibet.jpg

I would expect to hear someone pray to Buddha I would expect to hear someone pray to Buddha I would expect to hear someone pray to Buddha I would expect to hear someone pray to Buddha I would expect to hear someone pray to Buddha I would expect to hear someone pray to Buddha I would expect to hear someone pray to Buddha I would expect to hear someone pray to Buddha I would expect to hear someone pray to Buddha I would expect to hear someone pray to Buddha I would expect to hear someone pray to Buddha I would expect to hear someone pray to Buddha I would expect to hear someone pray to Buddha

If I went to a ping pong ching-chong match in China - racist subtext exposed!

If I went to a ping pong match in China, I would expect to hear someone pray to Buddha.

lol @ having no fucking idea.

i would also expect to have some general tso's chicken and see a bunch of dudes with small dicks

lol chop suey morelike

xpost oh how I roffled

You are aware, probably, that Barack Obama lost his bearings recently and said that he was going to campaign in all 57 states. You heard this? And everybody chalked it up to, “Well, he’s tired.”

Barack Obama says he’s gonna go out and campaign in 57 states, he was just tired, you know, it’s been such a long campaign, he’s been so many places, he probably thinks there are 57 states. Well, I have here a printout from a website called the International Humanist and Ethical Union. And here is how the second paragraph of an article on that website begins. “Every year from 1999 to 2005 the organization of the Islamic conference representing the 57 Islamic states presented a resolution to the United Nations commission on human rights called combating.” And the title of the piece here is, “How the Islamic states dominate the UN human rights council,” and there are 57 of them.

Obama said he’s going to campaign in 57 states, and it turns out that there are 57 Islamic states. There are 57 Islamic states. So did Obama just lose his bearings, or was this a more telling slip, ladies and gentlemen?

http://www.whatsit.com/imagesm/Heinz57.gif

ALLAHU AKBAR

reading, posting on, & keeping up with this thread has been going from lolsworthy to depressing at a brisk pace. It is easy to mock, but coming from a family of (mostly) otherwise reasonable, educated conservatives who forward this shit around & smugly high-five each other, it amazes me how much of it is actually taken seriously.

It does get depressing fast.

they used to cc me, but stopped doing so, once the lengthy rants began.

every MC in every 57 states i get psycho KILLA norman bates

My Obama jams my party's like damn i get in the office then i dinnt daaaaaaaaah

"It is Time for America to Speak up If you agree -- pass this along, if you don't agree --- delete it!

- Adam Sandler"

It's true that Sandler is a Republican but I can't believe the star of Spanglish would write such a thing. This sounds like an orchestrated smear campaign from his rival, Carrot Top. Where did you find this?

It should cost money to send email.

These rantings make a lot more sense if you imagine Brett Noel hammering them out