Dear X, blah blah blah. Love, Z

Message Bookmarked

Bookmark Removed

Dear Gabbneb,

I am trying to be nice on the internets and stuff, but no one in DC except street dogs and ex-carnies drinks Foggy Bottom beer.

Just sayin'.

Love

Mr. Que

― Mr. Que, Thursday, 29 March 2007 16:11 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Cat I Live With

Why are you always hiding in the corner of the guest room? You always make that weird noise after we go to bed like you're crashing into the wall. Over and over and over. And then I go in there, and you're standing on the bed looking really really guilty. Are you a drug runner? If so, please cut us in on the profits.

Love

The Tall Man Who Feeds You Every Morning

― Mr. Que, Thursday, 29 March 2007 16:13 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Cold That Has Been Bothering Me Off and On for Three Weeks:

JUST DIE GODDAMMIT

Love

Your Impatient Host Organism

― Ned Raggett, Thursday, 29 March 2007 16:15 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Chocolate

You rule, but I feel a bit sick now. Could you stop making me eat you?

Love

Fatso

― Noodle Vague, Thursday, 29 March 2007 16:16 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Roommates,

Please consider having sex less loudly.

Love & Kisses,
Max

― max, Thursday, 29 March 2007 16:17 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Instructors:

Many of you know the concept of deadlines and I thank you. Some do not. Y U BRAKE HART.

Love
That Guy That Sends Out the Reminders Each Quarter

― Ned Raggett, Thursday, 29 March 2007 16:20 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Max,

Would it bother you less if we let you watch?

Love,

Your roomates

― Matt DC, Thursday, 29 March 2007 16:21 (eighteen years ago)

well if he's in the same room already...

― blueski, Thursday, 29 March 2007 16:22 (eighteen years ago)

Dear ILX,

Although your interest in my roommates' sexual activity is touching, I'd rather not think about it anymore. I regret making the original letter public.

Thank you for understanding,
Max

― max, Thursday, 29 March 2007 16:23 (eighteen years ago)

I regret making the original letter public

Fixed.

― Ned Raggett, Thursday, 29 March 2007 16:24 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Lady Wearing Too Much Makeup in my Client's Office,

Just because I'm wearing jeans and an expression of casual disengagement does not mean I'm a temp. I wield great power over your department's techincal workings, am on a first name basis with your director and most likely make more money than you. Oh yeah, and by the looks of it I'm twenty years younger. So take your condenscion back to your little cube and let me enjoy my coffee in peace while I wait for my meeting.

xox,
Me

― Ms Misery, Thursday, 29 March 2007 16:25 (eighteen years ago)

pubtic?

― and what, Thursday, 29 March 2007 16:26 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Dad

Two days is plenty of time to go round fucking Disneyland. I am not infringing your grandchildren's human rights by not staying for a week.

Love

Yr son

― Noodle Vague, Thursday, 29 March 2007 16:26 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Marketing Department

Maybe it would help if you stopped smoking CRACK when briefing the new reports that you would like, because I can't make head nor tail of what you're on about.

Love,
MI Department

― Masonic Boom, Thursday, 29 March 2007 16:26 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Spring in D.C.

You're the nun's tits. Really. Thanks for being there for me.

Love

Me

― Mr. Que, Thursday, 29 March 2007 16:27 (eighteen years ago)

Dear mr. kitty

your small, feline version of snoring is pretty hilarious.

thanks,
the poo-cleanin' dude

― TOMBOT, Thursday, 29 March 2007 16:27 (eighteen years ago)

Dear floors

please become magically clean and free of all that grot

thanks,
lazy

― stet, Thursday, 29 March 2007 16:30 (eighteen years ago)

Stet writing the note I write every week.

― Ms Misery, Thursday, 29 March 2007 16:30 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Dad,

Sorry I haven't called in a while, but you know. To answer your question, no, I am not now, nor have I ever been dating anyone "famous."

love,

the son you kinda regret but now live vicariously through

― ghost rider, Thursday, 29 March 2007 16:36 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Dad

Two days is plenty of time to go round fucking Disneyland. I am not infringing your grandchildren's human rights by not staying for a week.

Love

Yr son

OTM OTM OTM

Also see:

Dear Parent,

Please refrain from pouting and writing passive-aggressive e-mails to other family members just because you were not invited to our house for the 22nd day in a row just so you could hold the baby as she tried to sleep while my wife and I sit in the corner waiting for you to stop telling us what we're doing wrong.

Lovingly (serious about that,)

Your oldest son.

― Pleasant Plains, Thursday, 29 March 2007 16:38 (eighteen years ago)

dear coffee,

please sprout legs, run down the street, and come to me.

xoxo,
me

― jessie monster, Thursday, 29 March 2007 16:45 (eighteen years ago)

dear mom,

seriously, i am not going to keep e-mailing you because you don't get half of my e-mails (and don't bother to check your hyper-sensitive spam folder when i inform you i've sent you pictures or links to pictures and it was probably spammed out) and when you DO get them, you ignore what i say to ramble incoherently. srsly, the painkillers thing isn't quite working out anymore.

sincerely yrs,
the person who stole some of yr painkillers

― the schef (adam schefter ha ha), Thursday, 29 March 2007 17:00 (eighteen years ago)

dear long, long, long term female buddies of which i only have two,

ok stop it with the ridiculous quiz/horoscope/heartwarming story forwards. i have bad enough luck already, stop wishing me 15 years MORE bad luck because i don't want to embarass myself forwarding around fake horoscopes that say things like "Taurus - The Tramp!!" in them. you are both older than me by many years and really shouldn't be doing this kind of thing like a bunch of myspace 12 year olds.

still love you guys anyway,
a-zay

― the schef (adam schefter ha ha), Thursday, 29 March 2007 17:07 (eighteen years ago)

ps the whole starting to refer to yrself as "j-lol" thing is weird and i dunno how i feel about it.

― the schef (adam schefter ha ha), Thursday, 29 March 2007 17:07 (eighteen years ago)

Dear neighbor,

It's one thing to steal my paper all week, but to go through on Sunday and cherry-pick just the book review, magazine, and news recap and then leave me to collect and throw away the useless husk of all the sections nobody wants is just plain sociopathic.

Also I know damn well you're the girl on the other side of my wall who had the loud hour-long 4am conversation with Amazon customer service, because before you moved in next door my paper was doing just fine. Please note that the wall is thin and you are loud and obnoxious, so I heard you screaming at that poor tech support guy about your computer, and I hear at least a quarter of your orgasms, and I know you're just masturbating because as soon as you're done you get up and start yelling stuff to your roommate.

Also I've hated you since the day you come over to tell me you were having a party and instead of saying "let us know if it gets too loud" like a normal person you just said "it's going to be loud, like REALLY loud," like I was supposed to be impressed or something when you played "Don't Cha" six times at a row at incredible volume before descending into whatever dozen-strong Persian singalong session you descended into over there. (Incidentally, your friends were cool and pretty and good company in the elevator but you are none of those things.)

Worst,
Your neighbor who knows everything about you because you are SO LOUD and I KNOW you're stealing my paper

― nabisco, Thursday, 29 March 2007 17:22 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Nabisco,

You make me laugh which means that you're pretty awesome. Your neighbor, on the other hand, sounds like an ass.

~ E

― ENBB, Thursday, 29 March 2007 17:32 (eighteen years ago)

You always make that weird noise after we go to bed like you're crashing into the wall. Over and over and over. And then I go in there, and you're standing on the bed looking really really guilty.

OTM!

― Jordan, Thursday, 29 March 2007 17:34 (eighteen years ago)

I think the kitty might be chasing car lights on the wall.

― Ms Misery, Thursday, 29 March 2007 17:45 (eighteen years ago)

dear today:

you're jam-packed with stuff. can i have a FEW more hours to get it done?

― get bent, Thursday, 29 March 2007 17:48 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Get Bent,

Skip the articles, I think that's how most people manage it.

Best,
Nabisco

― nabisco, Thursday, 29 March 2007 17:50 (eighteen years ago)

haha nabisco i just printed those out

― get bent, Thursday, 29 March 2007 17:52 (eighteen years ago)

Dear kitty,

Why u so crazy all the time? Maybe try watching tv or sleeping?

Love,
Jordan

― Jordan, Thursday, 29 March 2007 17:53 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Everyone,

Drop it with the paternalistic micromanagement.

This is just how we roll.

~~Love~~ Fond indifference,

Cats

― nabisco, Thursday, 29 March 2007 17:57 (eighteen years ago)

dear depresso self,

how the fuck did you turn so boring and shiftless that you're in a position to do whatever the fuck you want with your days while still getting paid and the best answer you can come up with is uh basically nothing i guess i dunno

GAH AT LEAST GO DRINKING AT ONE IN THE AFTERNOON OR GET YOUR TAXES DONE
DIPSHIT

no blood diamonds for you,

three years ago self

― TOMBOT, Thursday, 29 March 2007 17:59 (eighteen years ago)

Dear TOMBOT,

At least on a conversational level, you are like the total opposite of "boring." You have a great sense of humor, and you know how to drink beer. That's enough for me.

Best,

Mr. Que

P.S. Actually,scratch that whole conversational thing. Dude, you are not boring!

― Mr. Que, Thursday, 29 March 2007 18:08 (eighteen years ago)

no blood diamonds for you

Are you planning on getting a grill Tom?

― Ms Misery, Thursday, 29 March 2007 18:10 (eighteen years ago)

what am I doing here in at home in my underwear at 2pm in the afternoon on a beautiful spring day then

GAH LEAVING HOUSE OK BYE

― TOMBOT, Thursday, 29 March 2007 18:10 (eighteen years ago)

Dear TOMBOT,

I am suck inside at work. Please leave your house and get blitzed

best wishes

FB

― Fluffy Bear Hearts Rainbows, Thursday, 29 March 2007 18:17 (eighteen years ago)

Dear FB,

Please tell me that was intentional.

Love,
Not Dan, But Representing Him At Present

― Ned Raggett, Thursday, 29 March 2007 18:18 (eighteen years ago)

"fond indifference" OTM

― Mr. Que, Thursday, 29 March 2007 18:18 (eighteen years ago)

I really am a terrible employee.

― Fluffy Bear Hearts Rainbows, Thursday, 29 March 2007 18:19 (eighteen years ago)

Dear my life,

You're dragging me down, dude. Needs to stop. Don't you have better things to do than pulling me out of my happy place?

Also, I need a week/month/decade off soon, can you accommodate somehow?

Love,
Curtis

― Curt1s Stephens, Thursday, 29 March 2007 18:27 (eighteen years ago)

Dear small book and snack store down the hall from where i work,

So you've finally had one of those coming/going motion beepers installed over yr always open door. Good for you. What isn't is that it's beep is so loud i can hear it quite clearly down the hall, behind a closed door and with music going. Yeah, it's annoying. and I don't even work in the place. The next time those that do piss me off, I'm gonna station myself in yr doorway with headphones on and do the Ringwald skip in and out of the store till either the beeper blows or somebody breaks it. You the store are really too small and have too many employees to really need such a device anyway.

I'm just sayn'.

Love,
C.G-M.

― C. Grisso/McCain, Thursday, 29 March 2007 18:46 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Weirdos,

WTF with putting a Size 8 shoe and a Size 11 shoe together in a Size 10 package and then selling it to me?

I mean, it's okay, I was lazy when I was in college, too, but how does this even happen?

Curiously,

― nabisco, Thursday, 29 March 2007 20:36 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Williamshasidburg,

I know I come to you all the time for my basic times of drinking with friends, but this weekend you are going to SUCK IT UP because the fun is where I live. Happy Pesach.

― Laurel, Thursday, 29 March 2007 20:38 (eighteen years ago)

Dear people working in that slice of bureaucracy who are going to read my grant application,

Please understand we can't afford to hire a fucking grantwriter. I realise my application doesn't look that slick, but I'm putting it together between jobs for free because I really really want to have a new radio station here and I would hope that if you're going to give anybody lots of money to buy radio broadcasting equipment that you would give us the money to buy radio broadcasting equipment. Don't be fooled and think that because we live on Martha's Vineyard that gold coins drop out of our butts. Because it's so fucking expensive to live here and most of the people who live here year round work in the service industry, many of the people here are below the state poverty average. It's reallyreally hard to get the year round people to donate the money we need. Please you give it to us so we can get our station going. We promise not to suck.

Thanks,

― Maria :D, Thursday, 29 March 2007 20:51 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Professor who works in the building where I am an administrative assistant,

I have been working here for almost 9 months and probably 40% of my time on the clock is spent doing odd jobs for you; specifically, sending me to the library to do things that are impossible and illegal (like checking 40 books out at once), so that I can get yelled at by the astonishingly rude library staff (who apparently don't understand that I am following orders) and, later, by you (I would never, of course, assume that you might understand that I didn't do the job you asked because you're not allowed to take out 40 books, not because I'm lazy or somehow incompetent).

So, given that, is it that hard for you to remember my name?

Love,
Max (that's Max, M-A-X, not "student")

― max, Thursday, 29 March 2007 21:06 (eighteen years ago)

Dear boys,

STOP BEING SO CUTE IN THE SPRINGTIME. I ALREADY HAVE TOO MANY CRUSHES.

Fond regards and flirty eyes,
Kate

― Masonic Boom, Friday, 30 March 2007 11:34 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Jim'll,

Please could you fix it for us to eat popcorn and drink coke on a roller-coaster.

Yours sincerely,

The 2nd Westward Ho! Scout Troop.

― peteR, Friday, 30 March 2007 11:59 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Hangover,

I hate you.

Yours in emnity,

Sober Kv_nol.

― kv_nol, Friday, 30 March 2007 12:01 (eighteen years ago)

Dear people from other companies who shar this office building with me,
You are wankers. You, the people who started the whole labelling-your-WHOLECOMPANY'S-milk-in-the-fridge thing, you are wankers.
Before we had one or two bottles of milk in the fridge. We didn't run out. I used to buy more than I used. But hey, it's milk, IT'S UNDER 50P A PINT.
Now due to the lamers who started writing the name of their company on the side of the milk bottle, the fridge is crammed with bottle of milk, most partially used with about an inch of cheese in the bottom. Due to the lack of storage space you have been storing milk bottles on their sides meaning the milk leaks and the whole fridge now smells of sour milk.
Guess who cleaned the fridge last time it got unbearable? Me. Guess who has stopped buying milk and is deliberately and meanly drinking the milk with a name on the side.
Just remember you started it and now I hate you,
A.

― Anna, Friday, 30 March 2007 12:06 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Workday,

JUST END ALREADY, END NOW SO I CAN GET TO THE WEEKEND FUN SINGING TIME

xoxoxo,
Dan

― HI DERE, Friday, 30 March 2007 12:13 (eighteen years ago)

Dear HI DERE.

You are OTM. Have a cookie.

Yours,

Me.

― kv_nol, Friday, 30 March 2007 12:15 (eighteen years ago)

dear dan and kvnol,
it is friday night here already!
xxestela

― estela, Friday, 30 March 2007 12:19 (eighteen years ago)

Dear my typing ability,

Where have you gone? Please come back, I miss you.

A.

― Anna, Friday, 30 March 2007 12:26 (eighteen years ago)

Dear this thread

You have given me more amusing and lovely insights into ilXors than possibly any other thread in history.

Thanks!

Love C4

― CharlieNo4, Friday, 30 March 2007 12:27 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Black Snake Moan director,

Don't you think you could have put some pants (or shorts!) and a longer tshirt on Christina Ricci in that movie? I mean she still could have been slutty and her tits would have been prominent but a little less flesh and a little less rib would have made your movie that less creepy. And that much better.

Thx,
Kind of disgusted

― Ms Misery, Friday, 30 March 2007 13:08 (eighteen years ago)

Dear ex-wife of the guy who lives one floor below me,

I'm usually hesitant to give parenting advice since I don't have kids, but I don't think it's a good idea to yell in front of your two young children that your ex-husband "better not come around lookin' for no more pussy no more."

Love,
The guy who can still hear you two arguing from a floor away, even while wearing headphones

― Brent, Friday, 30 March 2007 13:27 (eighteen years ago)

she's right though. ex-sex can be a real dud.

― Ms Misery, Friday, 30 March 2007 13:28 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Ned

I like that you said ". Y U BRAKE HART."

love
teh_kit

― g-kit, Friday, 30 March 2007 13:32 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Mister Monkey,

Please don't get zombie infected and come home and kill me.

Yours,

Monkey.

― accentmonkey, Friday, 30 March 2007 14:14 (eighteen years ago)

Dear G-Kit

Thank you.

Love
Wonderful Me

― Ned Raggett, Friday, 30 March 2007 14:15 (eighteen years ago)

Dear everyone in America,

Please watch 30 Rock so that it does not get cancelled and I can continue watching it. My vote does not count in this.

Cheers,

AM

― accentmonkey, Friday, 30 March 2007 14:15 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Friday Off Due to State Workers Holiday In Lieu of Easter:

You are a fine fine creation of the law. Don't ever change. I think I will have a relaxed breakfast now.

Love
A Smuggo

― Ned Raggett, Friday, 30 March 2007 14:16 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Ned,

Why the hell are you up so early on your day off???

Love,
ghost rider

― ghost rider, Friday, 30 March 2007 14:17 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Points of View,

Why oh why oh why....

Lots of love,

PeteR.

― peteR, Friday, 30 March 2007 14:18 (eighteen years ago)

dear jergins,

i miss you.

love,
lxy

― lxy, Friday, 30 March 2007 17:55 (eighteen years ago)

Dear fudge brownies w/the crust on the bottom,

I don't think we're good for each other, and I think we should stop seeing each other. Please make an effort not to flaunt your deliciousness during the workday.

Blood diamonds,
Jordan

― Jordan, Friday, 30 March 2007 18:05 (eighteen years ago)

Dear ghost rider,

Being conditioned to wake up regularly at 5:30 am for my job kinda means that I'm usually up and scrounging for tea or something by 7 am even on my days off. Why I don't try and break this habit = itisamystery.gif, but I thank you for your concern.

Love
Ned

― Ned Raggett, Friday, 30 March 2007 18:12 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Pot,

Thanks for everything. Self-medicating with you may cost me my intelligence, drive and trim figure, but you've saved me untold thousands in perscription anti-depressants and therapy bills.

Love,
Your Friend,
Max

― max, Friday, 30 March 2007 18:17 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Spelling,

Y U HATE ME

Love,
Max

P.S. "Prescription."

― max, Friday, 30 March 2007 18:18 (eighteen years ago)

dear max,

sorry for being a jerk to you yesterday. jfk, bro.

blood diamonds,
zr

― pretzel walrus, Friday, 30 March 2007 18:21 (eighteen years ago)

Dear zr,

When were you a jerk to me?

xoxo

Max

― max, Friday, 30 March 2007 18:23 (eighteen years ago)

(i don't want to ruin the flow of this thread but i propose that all ILX posts start being constructed in terms of "dear X, love Z")

― max, Friday, 30 March 2007 18:24 (eighteen years ago)

oh on the penn. music thread, but wvs!

― pretzel walrus, Friday, 30 March 2007 18:24 (eighteen years ago)

Oh jeez well

Dear Bro,

Sorry I said your family sucks. I have a natural antipathy toward Pennsylvania, but that's hardly an excuse. I'm sure your family isn't Amish/stupid/ugly.

w fond affection,
max

― max, Friday, 30 March 2007 18:26 (eighteen years ago)

dear max,

don't sweat it! i was in a terrible mood yesterday and you know, way overreacted. and no, my family isn't amish. sometimes they send me emails like this:

ZACK
HAY I HOPE THIS IS YOU! I THINCK I GOT YOUR EMAIL RIGHT.
I AM STILL TRYING TO PUT SHIT TOGETHER TO SEND YOU.
I AM A LITTLE COMP STUPID BUT I AM LEARNING.
FIRST I HAVE TO LEARN TO SPELL TO.
WE BEEN WORKING ON SOME GOOD BLUEGRASS STUFF YOU HAVE TO HEAR IT.
SOME OF IT GOOD SOME YOU WILL L.O.L. BUT IF YOU AND YOUR BAND GET GOOD THAT YOU THINK YOU CAN PLAY OUT I KNOW A LOT OF PEOPLE IN SCRANTON TO GET YOU A SHOW OUT HERE.MAY NOT PAY MUCH PUT THE EXPOSER WILL BE GOOD. HEY AGAIN IF THIS IS YOU EMAIL ME BACK AND LET ME KNOW. ITS LATE NOW 3:45 A.M. I JUST GOT BACK FROM FISHING AND I REMEMBERED I HAD YOUR E MAIL SO I AM WRITEING. EMAIL EMAIL ME BACK AND LET ME KNOW ITS YOU.
TELL MOM & DAD

& SIS I SAID HI!
MIKE

they're good folks.

live long, love strong,
zr

― pretzel walrus, Friday, 30 March 2007 18:32 (eighteen years ago)

Dear ILX,

I know you sometimes hate me, but I love you and I'm glad you're there,

Love,

Rumps

― rumpie, Friday, 30 March 2007 18:34 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Max,

Good idea about every post on ILX being formatted like this.

Love

Mr. Que

― Mr. Que, Friday, 30 March 2007 18:43 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Upstairs Neighbors Who Stole my Storage Space,

So, yeah, I know it was you guys who stole my storage closet downstairs. Because, you see, my evaporative cooler was sittin' pretty down there and then one day I went downstairs and there was a padlock on the closet door. Yeah, and you had just moved in a few weeks prior. My deductive skills are stellar. Anyway, I seriously hate you people. You are a trashy, ex-meth addict looking couple who both seem to have no jobs, because if I am ever home on weekdays, there you are, sprawled out on the sidewalk smoking Winston lights. Also, I don't know if you know this, but since you live above me, I hear your every move. Girl of trashy couple, I hear you sobbing hysterically like a fucking mental patient at least three times a week. Both of you, you wake me up with your three hour-long fucking sessions almost every other night. Seriously, it stirs me from my slumber and I am probably the deepest sleeper I know of. It's really gross when you have parties and your disgusting friends come over. I bet your apartment smells like bong water.

Peace out,
Mandee

― homosexual II, Friday, 30 March 2007 18:50 (eighteen years ago)

Dear downstairs neighbor who comes very loudly every morning at 7am plus or minus a minute so consistently than I have given you the nickname O.A.C. (Orgasm Alarm Clark) and talk about you on the internets:

Please take a morning off.

Respectively,
Sarah McLusky a.k.a. Apartment 1

― KitCat, Friday, 30 March 2007 19:00 (eighteen years ago)

DAER INTERNET

STOP HAVING ME EVERYWHERE

YR PAL

ERROR

― 404 Error: Page Not Found, Friday, 30 March 2007 19:06 (eighteen years ago)

geez, this thread makes me glad I live in a house and never have to hear strangers' orgasms

― Ms Misery, Friday, 30 March 2007 19:10 (eighteen years ago)

Dear My Various Apartment Neighbors Over These Past Five Years:

Given the various stories reported above, thank you all for being polite and discreet.

Love,
The Guy in K105

― Ned Raggett, Friday, 30 March 2007 19:11 (eighteen years ago)

dear 114

will you come visit me in 7263 soon

love 600

― 600, Friday, 30 March 2007 19:17 (eighteen years ago)

dear ilx,

hey, when nu-ilx crashes, would you mind not going to the sandbox? dc was trying to plan happy hour over there and then everything went down ;_;

thanks!

love,
ghost rider, who isn't sure if he'll be able to post this without getting an error message or if it'll end up a triple post or something

― ghost rider, Friday, 30 March 2007 20:10 (eighteen years ago)

Dear ghost rider,

Fear not, it's all part of THEE CODE UPGRADE!

Love,
One of the Secret Team Behind It All

― Ned Raggett, Friday, 30 March 2007 20:15 (eighteen years ago)

It's not a secret any more then is it!

― Keith, Friday, 30 March 2007 20:16 (eighteen years ago)

dudes,

check out the --.

I did that,

Me

― TOMBOT, Friday, 30 March 2007 20:17 (eighteen years ago)

It's not a secret any more then is it!

Minor details.

― Ned Raggett, Friday, 30 March 2007 20:18 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Sandboxers,

Whatever the hell happened there has scrambled the DB. Yay for old ILX code. I've had to take it down before it did much more damage. I'll try and repair it and then transplant it over here or summat.

Yrs,
Stet

― stet, Friday, 30 March 2007 20:18 (eighteen years ago)

dear stet,

oh, ok. does this mean sandbox is dead now?

love,
alex

ps maybe this was discussed before but couldn't this "convert" button just be made automatic???
pps thanks for listening to our bitching and changing shit

― ghost rider, Friday, 30 March 2007 20:20 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Secret Team Behind It All,

You're doing a good job, brohomulons!

Love in Jesus,
Max

― max, Friday, 30 March 2007 20:23 (eighteen years ago)

Dear ghost rider,

The sandbox will move from ilx.thehold.net, aye. And if I can fix up the DB, we'll probably use it here on 8090 to test new code on. Or I'll put up an archive of the pages or summat. I'll need to see what's wrong with it first.

Cheers,
Stet

― stet, Friday, 30 March 2007 20:24 (eighteen years ago)

dear ned,

i think you missed ghost rider's point with your reply to him regarding code upgrades here.

sincerely,
ally

― the schef (adam schefter ha ha), Friday, 30 March 2007 20:26 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Ally,

Oh, probably.

Yours,
Ned

― Ned Raggett, Friday, 30 March 2007 20:28 (eighteen years ago)

600,

8080

love will

― Will M., Friday, 30 March 2007 20:34 (eighteen years ago)

Dear loud neighbor I was bitching at before,

After your friend came into your room at 1:45 last night, and you went "oh OMG Sheree!" in that loud voice, I distinctly heard two people say "Music Sounds Better with You." But then you played some other really annoying song. If I'm going to be awake listening to your music, please don't tease me by mentioning (but not playing) songs I'd actually enjoy hearing!

Worst,
Me Again

― nabisco, Friday, 30 March 2007 20:38 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Secret Coding Team,

Xpost warning is grebt.

LUB
hoosteen

― BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Friday, 30 March 2007 20:46 (eighteen years ago)

Dear guy next door whose name I know but am not going to post on the Internets,

It's funny that when your wife is home later than you from work, you play your Thin Lizzy or Horslips incredibly loudly until she gets in. It's funny, but only because I like you.

Regards,

Trish

― accentmonkey, Friday, 30 March 2007 21:08 (eighteen years ago)

dear puppy,

earlier, straight after your short dream about being sir harry: mortal enemy of the pomeranian, you snored. yes you did, i taped it.

xxestela

― estela, Friday, 30 March 2007 21:27 (eighteen years ago)

Dear new boss,

I gather from my former boss that you lost one testicle in a motorcyle accident as a teenager. You do not need to keep feeling for the other one to make sure it's there.

Love

Nervous newly promoted employee

― ljubljana, Friday, 30 March 2007 21:50 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Landlord Who Lives Above Me,

Thanks for getting and English Mastiff puppy that's already clocking 100 pounds. The barking is really cute too.

Plz have another karaoke party soon, where you and your boyfriends get drunk and sing showtunes.

Thx,
molly

― molly mummenschanz, Friday, 30 March 2007 22:41 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Gyros,

I love you but why must you be so sloppy and impossible to cook at home?

Yours always,
Mme. Stainedshirt

― Abbott, Friday, 30 March 2007 22:44 (eighteen years ago)

Dear jokes featuring human testicles,

Thank you for being the only good part of eighth grade to stay with me. You never cease to cheer.

Fondly,
Abbott

― Abbott, Friday, 30 March 2007 22:47 (eighteen years ago)

Dear university (!) students whose essays i'm marking,

It's called a dictionary - they are even on the internet now, so it is not hard to look up words you don't actually know the meaning of, yet insist on using. Also, there are these things called paragraphs. And transitions between paragraphs. You know, which are meant to provide structure to your argument.

ugh,
robyn's patience

― rrrobyn, Friday, 30 March 2007 22:55 (eighteen years ago)

dear self,
have a drink.
okay,
robyn

― rrrobyn, Friday, 30 March 2007 22:56 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Trout,

Why are you so curvy and difficult to brush sauces onto?

love
da hoos

― BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Friday, 30 March 2007 22:58 (eighteen years ago)

Trout no need the sauces!

― Abbott, Friday, 30 March 2007 22:59 (eighteen years ago)

Dear ILX-

This thread looks like it was fun. Sorry

― g®▲Ðұ, Friday, 30 March 2007 23:01 (eighteen years ago)

OOPS

― g®▲Ðұ, Friday, 30 March 2007 23:02 (eighteen years ago)

Dear ILX-

This thread looks like it was fun. Sorry I missed it. I was busy going to boring meetings and getting bad news over the phone from an auto mechanic.

Best,

Grady

― g®▲Ðұ, Friday, 30 March 2007 23:03 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Roommates,

SERIOUSLY, when you're cleaning up (and you deserve a whole 'nother letter abt. the totally WTF move of cleaning up for the first time, like, EVER), and you see that I've left shit on the table, the PROPER THING TO DO is LEAVE IT THERE FOR ME TO DEAL WITH. That way I don't have to spend TWENTY MINUTES going through the goddamn garbage to find my things. You fucks.

Sincerely,
Max

― max, Friday, 30 March 2007 23:03 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Dan,

BUY BOOZE ON THE WAY HOME TO MAKE UP FOR ENDLESS MEETINGS/CRISES

xoxoxo,

Dan

― HI DERE, Friday, 30 March 2007 23:04 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Abbott,

You are right, but it's this delectable spicy white cheese mustardy sauce. I have leftovers, I will send it through the mails for yr taste buds.

love,

hoosteen

― BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Friday, 30 March 2007 23:06 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Dan,

I second Dan's advice

Love,
The Guy Having Some Sake with Dinner

― Ned Raggett, Friday, 30 March 2007 23:06 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Grady-

Do what Dan is doing.

-Grady

― g®▲Ðұ, Friday, 30 March 2007 23:07 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Hoos,

That sounds pretty damn yumms. Did you catch or purchase your trout?

Inquiring minds want to know,
Abbott

Dear Trout,

If you were injured and had a cast, I would sign it like this:

"Can I eat you?
-Abbott"

With you until your last meal,
Abbott

― Abbott, Friday, 30 March 2007 23:09 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Keith's CSS,

This particular thread looks pretty cool with your stylesheet installed. Each post looks like an index card used on the old "Late Night" version of "Viewer Mail" with David Letterman.

Not a competition, only an exhibition.

P. Plains

― Pleasant Plains, Friday, 30 March 2007 23:09 (eighteen years ago)

dear grady,

that reunion photo of you and your cheery alert little dog is gorgeous, he has impressive ears.

xxestela

― estela, Friday, 30 March 2007 23:11 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Estela-

Its a she, but thanks. She has those ears because she's mostly Basenji. I made the mistake of taking her to the beach that weekend, requiring a bath when we got home. I didnt realize the flea treatment she got before flying out here required her to go without baths for a week in order to work. Now she has fleas.

Love,

Grady

― g®▲Ðұ, Friday, 30 March 2007 23:15 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Abbott,

I did not catch my trout as I don't live near any fishable bodies of water. But it is pretty damn yums, outta this cookbook that the girlfriend bought me. Lotsa great recipes, including the saucy trout.

saucily,

da hoos

― BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Friday, 30 March 2007 23:20 (eighteen years ago)

Dear planet,

Fuck you for being so damn huge.

no love,
Trayce

― Trayce, Friday, 30 March 2007 23:29 (eighteen years ago)

Dear P. Plains,

Where can I get that CSS style sheet? Also, is there a compendium thread of stylesheets somewhere that people have written for nu-ILX?

In a neighboring state,

― Rock Hardy, Friday, 30 March 2007 23:31 (eighteen years ago)

Dear estela and grady,

Bezenji's are pretty sweet, my friend has one that she adopted in Togo. He is scared of men, tho, because dudes used to chase him because they wanted to have him as their dinner.

True story,

rw

― river wolf, Friday, 30 March 2007 23:31 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Trayce,

If Pangaea were still real, I could take the train and go eat a Breakfast of Warriors with you.

Yours in sorrow of big planet,
Abbott

― Abbott, Friday, 30 March 2007 23:32 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Rock Hardy,

Go to the "More" button at the top of this page. Click on "Preferences". Then go to "Change Style...". From there, you will see the two, count 'em TWO, css formats currently available to ILXors right now.

From the land of yellow cars and scratchy eyes,

P. Plains

― Pleasant Plains, Friday, 30 March 2007 23:38 (eighteen years ago)

dear money,

i'd like some more of you. also, i'd like to stop spending so much of you so that i might HAVE more of you.

kisses,
get bent

― get bent, Friday, 30 March 2007 23:38 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Money,

You have always been a vexation to me although I manage you well. You caused me, as a child, to make this joke at your expense:

Q. Why is money green?
A. Because it makes you SICK!

Please understand my mixed feelings for you.

Signed,
Abbott

― Abbott, Friday, 30 March 2007 23:42 (eighteen years ago)

jbr, ironically, otm

― rrrobyn, Friday, 30 March 2007 23:49 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Abbott,

That sounds grand. I'll save a roo steak in the freezer for your visit :D

l,
Trayce

― Trayce, Friday, 30 March 2007 23:50 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Records,

Me and money are tight. You know I don't get to see him that often. Why you always gotta be so demanding? Why you gotta make me choose? It's not fair, dudes! You're worse than my parents! Can't you and money coexist in my house?

love,
hoosteen

― BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Friday, 30 March 2007 23:51 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Money,

I don't believe we've met, but I hear good things about you. Perhaps someday you and I might get together?

No pressure,
Max

― max, Saturday, 31 March 2007 00:00 (eighteen years ago)

Dear White 1990 Toyota Corolla-

I am ready to end my relationships with you for good. You are the only kind of car I have ever owned, twice infact. But after this weekend, I hope I never have to set foot inside one of you ever again.

We've had a good run. Thanks for the memories.

-Grady

― g®▲Ðұ, Saturday, 31 March 2007 01:02 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Douchebag Coworker

Leaving a Rubbermaid container of spaghetti and mystery meat in the microwave over night is rather disgusting.

yours,
tr

― tokyo rosemary, Saturday, 31 March 2007 23:40 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Anna upthread,
Please purchase strong-color lipstick and swill directly out of your office-mate's milk bottle, leaving lipstick prints all over mouth of bottle.
xoxo,
Beth

― Beth Parker, Sunday, 1 April 2007 01:33 (eighteen years ago)

Dear world,

You may be too big, but thank you for the perfect things you contain. They make me very very very happy.

muchloves,
Trayce

― Trayce, Sunday, 1 April 2007 01:45 (eighteen years ago)

dear touchy ilxors,

don't overreact to my innocent jokes that you misinterpret.

love
hoosteen

― BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Sunday, 1 April 2007 01:58 (eighteen years ago)

Dear my ass -

Please get out from under me more often.

love,
Austin

― Oilyrags, Sunday, 1 April 2007 02:12 (eighteen years ago)

dear touchy ilxors,

don't overreact to ~~my innocent jokes that you misinterpret~~ everything.

― modestmickey, Sunday, 1 April 2007 02:15 (eighteen years ago)

dear DADGAD tuning,
i know it is kinda cheating but i love you and u r v pretty.
xo
robyn

― rrrobyn, Sunday, 1 April 2007 15:12 (eighteen years ago)

Dear sinuses,

What the fuck is your problem today?

Gushingly,
RH

― Rock Hardy, Sunday, 1 April 2007 15:47 (eighteen years ago)

Dear housemates,

GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE! GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT!!!!!!

Best regards,

AM

― accentmonkey, Sunday, 1 April 2007 17:35 (eighteen years ago)

Dear The Gym

Stop being there and making me feel like I have to go visit you some more when really I just want to put my feet up with a glass of wine and watch Coronation Street.

love
A x

― ailsa, Sunday, 1 April 2007 17:40 (eighteen years ago)

DEER ALL THIS BEERS IN BKLYN,

I love you for the way you make me think it's okay to dance like an idiot for hours, talk freely to people I've just met on the sidewalk, and crash onto a total stranger's lap in a tour van containing like 23 very hollering people on the way to somewhere else where there is more of you. And you know what?: It IS okay. Some days I need you to help me remember, so thanks for being there.

Your appreciative friend,
Laurel

PS: See you tonight around 8pm, dude!

― Laurel, Sunday, 1 April 2007 17:55 (eighteen years ago)

Dear my work laptop,

Thankyou for not breaking when I just stepped on you. I don't use that Windows key anyway, so I won't miss that. Sorry about leaving that big dent in the keyboard though.

Mark

― Colonel Poo, Sunday, 1 April 2007 18:03 (eighteen years ago)

dear "clan macgregor 100% scotch whiskey,"

u crazy, man. u crazy.

til death,
max

― max, Sunday, 1 April 2007 18:07 (eighteen years ago)

dear saturday,

shit was blood diamonds!!! :D

c u in fiji,
ally

― the schef (adam schefter ha ha), Sunday, 1 April 2007 18:33 (eighteen years ago)

Dear shoes,

Please be better-fitting, newer, more comfortable for long walks, and free.

Yers truly,
Fatso

Dear sun,

Please stop burning me when I go outside.

respectfully,
Mr. Pasty

― Oilyrags, Sunday, 1 April 2007 18:41 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Curtis,

You've given up on the opportunity of a lifetime and destroyed the lives of everyone you've ever loved in the process. I hope you're fucking happy. But you've made your damn decision. If you don't stop regretting this eventually, I'm going to have to break your knees. Thx.

Love,
Curtis

― Curt1s Stephens, Sunday, 1 April 2007 18:55 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Sardo's in Burbank:

Thank you for being a very good host for karaoke nonsense and for providing an appreciative crowd for my Kenny Rogers rendition. Too kind of you.

Yours,
The Guy Who Was Not Going to Dare to Try Def Leppard Even After All That Gin

― Ned Raggett, Sunday, 1 April 2007 18:56 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Dude That Just Robbed Me At Work,

Passing your concealed handgun license across the desk with a note that said "give me the cash drawer" was a clever way to make sure I knew about your weapon without having to brandish it in the lobby. You may not have actually had a gun, but our policy of only keeping $400 in the drawer (and our handbook which directs us to hand over the drawer without incident when being robbed) means you didn't make off with much anyway. I was going to spend this afternoon listening to Mingus and downloading Season 4 of The Wire with some beerz, but now I've got to spend it filling out police reports. But hey, you didn't wave a gun in my face or anything, which is better than I can say for the last time I got robbed. So thanks for that at least.

love,

hoosteen

― BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Sunday, 1 April 2007 19:08 (eighteen years ago)

now I've got to spend it filling out ~~police~~incident reports & talking to police

― BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Sunday, 1 April 2007 19:09 (eighteen years ago)

The robber handed you a piece of identification?! Not too clever.

― Rock Hardy, Sunday, 1 April 2007 19:15 (eighteen years ago)

Indeed.

― BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Sunday, 1 April 2007 19:16 (eighteen years ago)

Now I'm off to go fill shit out.

― BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Sunday, 1 April 2007 19:16 (eighteen years ago)

Nice day for all today i see hoosteen

― Jibe, Sunday, 1 April 2007 19:28 (eighteen years ago)

Dear dude that punched me in the face for no reason,

I thought it was nice of you that you tried to help me and my friends make a group of ten guys who were looking for a fight go away, but why did you punch me just after? Thanks for the 2 hours i spent at the hospital this morning, thanks for the appointment to the dentist that i'll have to make tomorrow, thanks for making it impossible to eat. Also, thanks for the useless complaint i'll have to hand over to the police tomorrow.

Love,
Jibe

― Jibe, Sunday, 1 April 2007 19:32 (eighteen years ago)

dear [debt collectors, other debt collectors, repo men, cousins who remember i owe them $$, sallie mae, verizon, wamu, electric company, gas company, ladwp, netflix, kaiser permenente, insurance co., directtv, visa, chase bank, toyota, landlord, et. al.,]

honestly, i'd pay you if i could.

i really would.

how hard is it to understand that i'm totally broke?

i'm not gonna live outta the corolla for another two months so i can pay you some punitive back fees. not yet, anyway. you really need to fucking stop harassing me. i'm getting an ulcer, and experience anxiety attacks every time the phone rings. i can't pay the rent, i'm ever-depressed re. $$$, and doubt i will be able to make it to september without knocking over a texaco.

love

me

― remy bean, Sunday, 1 April 2007 19:36 (eighteen years ago)

Dear elderly neighbours in my block,

Sorry for arriving home with two friends at 4am yesterday morning and drunkenly shouting from my balcony "I LOVE HAVING TWO BALLS IN MY MOUTH" whilst eating leftover meatballs. What is it about alcohol that leads me to believe I am a comedian? I do apologise for disturbing your slumber and I will try not to let it happen again.

Yours sincerely
Not Really a Dirty Bitch

P.S. - With a 4 day long weekend on the horizon I can't promise there won't be hijinks, but I will at least lower the volume this time.

― Hard like armour, Monday, 2 April 2007 00:47 (eighteen years ago)

Dear remy,

I really hope you will manage ok. I wish I could wire you some money or something and help out. Youre a lovely guy and I hate to see friends on hard times :(

love
Trayce

― Trayce, Monday, 2 April 2007 00:51 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Remy,

We don't know each other, but ditto Trayce's sentiment. Sorry I didn't read your post more closely and posted such a flippant letter after yours. Best of luck with fending of those f*cking vultures.

Yours
HLA

― Hard like armour, Monday, 2 April 2007 01:10 (eighteen years ago)

dear remy,

do you really need direct tv and netflix?

love, me

― jeff, Monday, 2 April 2007 01:33 (eighteen years ago)

dear jeff,

no. but i have outstanding bills to pay to those companies.

:(

remy.

― remy bean, Monday, 2 April 2007 02:20 (eighteen years ago)

dear remy,

can you join a debt consolidation service so you'll only get ONE harrassing phone call a month?

-g.b.

― get bent, Monday, 2 April 2007 02:27 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Hoos -

Goddamn, I woulda thought your joint wasn't full of that kind of bullshit. That seems more the specialty of the place up the block. Anyway, good to hear you're doing ok.

PS - Got a portable? I can probably save you a lot of downloading trouble.

― Oilyrags, Monday, 2 April 2007 02:33 (eighteen years ago)

Dear friends,

I don't know what came over me yesterday, but I hope you were more drunk than I was and therefore can't really remember. Let's pretend nothing happened. I'll start!

-Me

― Maria, Monday, 2 April 2007 02:47 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Curtis

I also hope you're gonna be ok. Everything in its right place :)

love
Trayce

― Trayce, Monday, 2 April 2007 02:49 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Me,

YOU ARE A FUCKING AWESOME SINGER.

xoxoxo,
Your Gigantic Fuckoff Ego

― HI DERE, Monday, 2 April 2007 03:31 (eighteen years ago)

Dear YSI,

FUCK YOU, IT'S MY OWN SONG, UPLOAD IT

xoxoxo,
FUCK YOU

― HI DERE, Monday, 2 April 2007 13:30 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Morrissey,

I have just spent a lot of money buying tickets to see you this June. Please do me a favor and be more like when I saw you at Central Park in 1996 and less like when I saw you at the Hammerstein Ballroom three months later when you threw a strop, stormed off stage and pretty much ruined the whole show. I've waited 11 long years to see you again and it would break my heart if you wind up being disappointing. You don't want that now, do you? Good, I'm glad we're in agreement here.

Kisses,

E

― ENBB, Monday, 2 April 2007 14:24 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Morrissey,

Hi, it's me again! I just realized that the aforementioned two shows were probably in 1997 not 1996. Sorry for any confusion my error my have caused you.

Yours,

E

― ENBB, Monday, 2 April 2007 14:28 (eighteen years ago)

Dear cookies-

Please stop hanging out on top of the microwave where I can see you and smell you, all warmed up, every time I go in the kitchen to get a coffee or whatever.

Thanks,
Big Fattie Kate

― Masonic Boom, Monday, 2 April 2007 14:36 (eighteen years ago)

Dear life where I have to sit in this gay ass office and be nice to people I don't like to make money to pay for things I don't really want or need instead of living out on the farm building cool structures and stuff with my son and grandma,

Fuck you.

Yr pal,

"Case Of The Mondays"

― nickalicious, Monday, 2 April 2007 14:38 (eighteen years ago)

Dear College,

Thank you for letting me fulfill my "formal methods of reasoning" requirement by taking a class called "Women in Mathematics." Seriously. The last thing I wanted to do was take Calculus, or, God forbid, Kinesiology.

Thanks again,
Max

P.S. I'm gonna miss you when I graduate.

― max, Monday, 2 April 2007 15:12 (eighteen years ago)

Dear JetBlue,

If you're going to delay a flight by 3.5 hours, could you at least be up front about it, rather than incrementally delaying it by another 15 minutes every...15 minutes, killing your passengers by inches? Also, if you're going to break my wheely suitcase, could you do it in a more spectacular manner? It's useless to me now anyway; at least I could feel like it had gone down valiantly if it bore the marks of a struggle. There's something subtly demeaning about the way it looks pristine but the handle comes off if you try to pull it anywhere.

I prefer watching tv AT HOME,
horseshoe

― horseshoe, Monday, 2 April 2007 15:15 (eighteen years ago)

dear horseshoe,

in my experience jetblue has had great customer service -- last time i flew with them there was a long delay and they offered everyone a $50 voucher toward their next flight. i'm sure if you call them and you don't sound too douchey they'll find some way to make it up to you.

― get bent, Monday, 2 April 2007 15:32 (eighteen years ago)

Dear lady from two buildings down,

How many handsignals for "I am in the midst of a conversation with someone over the phone right now, give me one fucking second" do I have to make before I find one that you understand?

Love,

Badass Customer Service Representative

― nickalicious, Monday, 2 April 2007 15:44 (eighteen years ago)

Dear get bent,

That's good to know. I was too tired when I finally got my baggage to talk to anyone about it, but I will call them.

thank you!
horseshoe

Dear JetBlue,

In the interest of fairness, things I enjoyed about flying you for the first time:

1) Terra Blue chips and the way your flight attendants didn't even blink when I asked for approximately 1000 extra bags.

2) free wireless in the terminal (though that may be JFK's largesse)

3) TV (who am I trying to kid)

grudgingly,
horseshoe

― horseshoe, Monday, 2 April 2007 15:52 (eighteen years ago)

i like the gps maps, but i think all airlines have those now.

― get bent, Monday, 2 April 2007 15:58 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Women's Fashion Industry,

Please stop with the retro 70s clothing and shoes. Also, please make women's clothing sizes make as much sense as men's sizes do. And while you're at it, please make some bras for people who have in-between cup sizes.

Thank you for your consideration,
Sara R-C

― Sara R-C, Monday, 2 April 2007 16:04 (eighteen years ago)

Dear My Lungs,

Please stop denying oxygen whenever I have a chest cold. And while you're at it, can you stop making those whistling noises when I'm trying to sleep at night, they're quite disturbing.

Ta very much
Jason.

― Stone Monkey, Monday, 2 April 2007 16:59 (eighteen years ago)

Dear ILX,

It's really useful you singing these paeans with your real first names, cos I'm only just realising how many of you I don't know. I was convinced Jason was a girl.

Thanks again,
Mark

― Mark C, Monday, 2 April 2007 17:04 (eighteen years ago)

Dear lady using a yard implement the likes of which I've never seen before which looked like a circular saw on the end of a broomhandle to do lord only knows what to that space between the driveway and sidewalk which seemed to be accomplishing nothing but making a horrible, horrible metal-on-concrete grinding noise,

WTF is wrong with you.

Love,

Concerned pedestrian

― nickalicious, Monday, 2 April 2007 17:08 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Pudding and Trouble,
I know you are kitties, and that plants seem like litterboxes. But they aren't. Please stop pooping in the houseplants. I know it takes gymnastics to do so, as I have tried to place them strategically out of bounds for you poop-with-fur types to refrain from this behaviour. I appreciate that you have met all of the challenges, and plead with you to stop.
I rescued you from a drowning fate a mere nine months ago. I control the crunchies. The power is really mine, in some ways.
I love you, but...

― aimurchie, Monday, 2 April 2007 17:29 (eighteen years ago)

Dear My Future,

AHHH!! ARGHKLJLASADASDMJKNCSDOWEIHRWHJTKJDAKLJSDHDURHFDS!!!!!

This is an accurate summation of my thoughts re: you. Please send a chill pill back in time. Or all the answers to the GRE.

UH,
Jessie

― jessie monster, Monday, 2 April 2007 17:32 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Mark C,

I think you're thinking of Surfer Stone Rosalita, who is a girl.

Cheers,

jaymc

― jaymc, Monday, 2 April 2007 18:14 (eighteen years ago)

Dear YSI,

THANKS!

xoxoxo,
Dan

― HI DERE, Monday, 2 April 2007 18:34 (eighteen years ago)

Dear $700 That Will Soon Be Going Towards Fixing My Brakes and Front Axle,

I hardly knew thee.

Bittersweetly,
Max

― max, Monday, 2 April 2007 18:38 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Sara R-C.

One of the major bra manufacturers (Maidenform maybe?) has in-between cups sizes, but only up to C, I think. I've seen them in Kohl's and Target.

Yours,
tr

Dearest local Italian restaurants,

Is the Godfather theme really the most appropriate song to be playing?

tr

― tokyo rosemary, Monday, 2 April 2007 18:39 (eighteen years ago)

dear all italian-american restaurants and still-extant mid-century steakhouses:

enough with the sinatra. no disrespect to the chairman of the board, and i understand that people associate him with a particular "lifestyle" that you're hoping to emulate/evoke, but... let it go already. it's played out.

love,
girl from brooklyn who was tired of the "mafia" meme even before goodfellas came out

― get bent, Monday, 2 April 2007 18:51 (eighteen years ago)

Dear tokyo rosemary,

Thank you for your kind help; that sounds like it might work. I will go shopping as soon as I can!

Yours,
-Sara R-C

― Sara R-C, Monday, 2 April 2007 18:55 (eighteen years ago)

dear sara r-c,

i think the aforementioned bras are called 'just my size'. not sure who makes them, but they should be googlable.

julia

― JuliaA, Monday, 2 April 2007 19:08 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Julia,

Thanks for the additional information!

Also, my daughter shares your name.

Sincerely,
Sara R-C

― Sara R-C, Monday, 2 April 2007 19:09 (eighteen years ago)

Dear ladies of ILX,

Please take it to the ~~webcam~~ bra size thread.

xoxoxo,
Dan

― HI DERE, Monday, 2 April 2007 19:10 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Dan,

I never knew you had such delicate sensibilities. Or whatever.

xo,
Sara R-C

― Sara R-C, Monday, 2 April 2007 19:13 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Sara (and Dan??)

I am wearing a half size bra now! I was wrong, it was Playtex.

yrs,
tr

― tokyo rosemary, Monday, 2 April 2007 19:17 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Tokyo Rosemary,

Thanks again.

Perhaps I can get Dan to babysit for me while I go shopping.

-Sara R-C

― Sara R-C, Monday, 2 April 2007 19:19 (eighteen years ago)

Dear bra talk,

THANK YOU FOR SAVING MONDAY

xoxoxo,
Dan

― HI DERE, Monday, 2 April 2007 19:20 (eighteen years ago)

Dear ILX ladiez,

have you guys tried racerback bras? THEY ARE AWESOME.

luv,
me

― jessie monster, Monday, 2 April 2007 19:20 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Dan,

Sure, first you're offended, then you get into it... I know your type all too well.

xo anyway,
Sara R-C

Dear Jessie Monster,

I think I have something similar to a racerback in two different colors. I like them!

luv,
Sara R-C

― Sara R-C, Monday, 2 April 2007 19:24 (eighteen years ago)

Dear former employer,
While I was working for you this summer you told me that you had worked out a distribution system that would preclude taxation, giving me the impression that I was working under the table. Out of nowhere, after months without any communication from you, I recieved a 1099 form that had, of course, been CCed to the IRS. I do not mind paying taxes on this income, but because of the system I thought we had agreed upon this summer, I did not make the necessary deductions while I was being payed. I am currently in no position to afford these taxes. Furthermore,it's pretty callow that you never contacted me to explain what happened, relying instead on the impersonal injunction of the 1099.

Fuck you,

Colin

― C0L1N B..., Monday, 2 April 2007 19:49 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Just My Size,
Thank you for giving my boobs support and uplift. I never liked those underwires.
Free to be, with love, Alison

― aimurchie, Monday, 2 April 2007 20:43 (eighteen years ago)

Dear underwires,

You should be hands.

Love,

Boobs

― nickalicious, Monday, 2 April 2007 20:44 (eighteen years ago)

dear vinyl siding institute,

thank you for sending me this package. your "america sides with vinyl" slogan is most amusing. i wonder what it could be! i almost don't want to open it.

― get bent, Monday, 2 April 2007 21:04 (eighteen years ago)

dear <i>radio city</i>,

you are all i want to listen to when it's nice out. should i put you on again? srsly?

so much love,
alex

― ghost rider, Monday, 2 April 2007 21:11 (eighteen years ago)

dear html button,

i'm never, ever going to press you, but i will continue using html.

yours,
alex

― ghost rider, Monday, 2 April 2007 21:11 (eighteen years ago)

dear jbr and r/z,

you are both 100% otm regarding the musical selections of such restaurants and the played-out-ness of such.

yrs in agreement,
ally

― the schef (adam schefter ha ha), Monday, 2 April 2007 21:17 (eighteen years ago)

dear alex "matey matey" longcat,

1) why are you questioning this, you should definitely put it on again
2) FOR THE LOVE OF CHRIST just use the bbcode!! it'll be better for everyone, once we all admit that button is a sham and a lie.

sincerely yrs,
ally

― the schef (adam schefter ha ha), Monday, 2 April 2007 21:20 (eighteen years ago)

dear muzak overlords,

I'd really grown tired of "Light Classical" and welcomed the change to Motown & Neo-Soul. I lived with "Light Classical" for a year and expected the Motown to last at least as long. TWO DAYS and then you give me this James Blunt bullshit?? What the fuck, Muzak overlords?

what the fuck.
justin

― BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Monday, 2 April 2007 21:21 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Hawaii Weather-

Love you, man.

-Grady

― g®▲Ðұ, Monday, 2 April 2007 21:23 (eighteen years ago)

Dear first day of spring quarter:

You have been surprisingly tolerable. The Depeche reissues have helped.

Yours,
The Guy with Another Hour and a Half to Go

― Ned Raggett, Monday, 2 April 2007 21:27 (eighteen years ago)

dear ally,

a) don't worry, i'm on top of it.
b) fuck you no retreat no surrender

yrs etc,
a.m.m.l.

― ghost rider, Monday, 2 April 2007 21:28 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Justin,

Find out where they're hiding the muzak remote control if you work in a small office. I co-opted it and figured out all the controls and had FREE REIGN when el jeffe wasn't around. They have many many stations, one of which was all Hawaiian slide guitar shit. And no one else knew the codes so I HAD THE POWER. This is somthing to consider.

Yours hopefully,
An Abbott

― Abbott, Monday, 2 April 2007 21:30 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Carlos Zambrano-

Everyone has bad days. Shake it off. I know you'll be great next week.

-Grady

― g®▲Ðұ, Monday, 2 April 2007 21:32 (eighteen years ago)

nickalicious otm re: bras.

Dear my normally nice boss,

I have no idea what caused you to completely flip out on me during our staff meeting. Did you not notice the intern sitting next to me? Could he not have been a better target for you ill-wrought wrath?

I'm not sure what your deal is but you better have a well-crafted apology for me this morning if you don't want my current, minimally-acceptable levels of productivity to go spiraling down fast.

And dude, I bought you breakfast tacos this morning. wtf?

xo
That bitch you work with

― Ms Misery, Monday, 2 April 2007 21:33 (eighteen years ago)

dear ms misery,

mmm breakfast tacos. will you buy me some too?

xo,
get bent, feeling crappy today and trying to think of an excuse to blow off my evening classes

― get bent, Monday, 2 April 2007 21:41 (eighteen years ago)

Dear ENBB,

What show(s) are you planning on attending? There was major strop-throwing circa 2004 at Radio City Music Hall, but other than that it was fairly smooth sailing.

Good luck,

Mary

― Virginia Plain, Monday, 2 April 2007 21:44 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Ms Misery,

Sorry your boss is a douche. Where did you get the tacos from? Next time spike his with doom and habanero.

scandalously,
hoosteen

Dear Da Abbott,

They have many many stations, one of which was all Hawaiian slide guitar shit.

Holy shit that sounds incredible. I should go hijack this bitch.

hijackily,
da hoos

― BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Monday, 2 April 2007 21:54 (eighteen years ago)

dear ny yanquis--

all this money you spend and your outfielders throw the ball like feverish toddlers? good thing they can hit, i guess.

go mets
-m.

― mookieproof, Monday, 2 April 2007 21:58 (eighteen years ago)

Dear skin,

STOP CRAWLING AT THE THOUGHT OF FUNGUSHANDS.JPG

xoxoxo,

Dan

― HI DERE, Monday, 2 April 2007 22:00 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Ms. M,

I know it's just because you started your post with bra-talk, but I read "boss" as "boobs," resulting in the following:

Dear my normally nice BOOBS: I have no idea what caused you to completely flip out on me during our staff meeting. Did you not notice the intern sitting next to me? Could he not have been a better target for you ill-wrought wrath? I'm not sure what your deal is but you better have a well-crafted apology for me this morning.

And man was I wondering what happened during that meeting.

Best,
n

― nabisco, Monday, 2 April 2007 22:01 (eighteen years ago)

Dear nabisco,

LOL breakfast tacos for boobs!

xoxoxo,
Dan

― HI DERE, Monday, 2 April 2007 22:03 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Dan,

Fungus hands are completely harmless and do not hurt you or even him so much. Why so freaked over this when you just seemed to be bemused by tubgirl?

Curiously,
From your reader of medical texts,
Abbott

― Abbott, Monday, 2 April 2007 22:07 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Nabisco-

I read it the exact same way. I am glad you spoke up first though.

-Grady

― g®▲Ðұ, Monday, 2 April 2007 22:07 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Kentucky weather,

You make all the sneezing worth it. T-minus 10 minutes to glorious first mow of 07.

Like a good neighbor,

Nickalicious is there.

― nickalicious, Monday, 2 April 2007 22:08 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Abbot,

I have had 6+ years to get used to tubgirl. I have had 6+ days to get used to fungushands. Both are fundamentally GROSS NO.

xoxoxo,

Dan

― HI DERE, Monday, 2 April 2007 22:10 (eighteen years ago)

Dear ILX,

Dan OTM re: fungushands

skincrawlily,

hoos
(man using my real name is too weird for some reason)

― BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Monday, 2 April 2007 22:13 (eighteen years ago)

Dear BHakaTS,

Justin??? That fits on a license plate or a custom -800 number.

Surprised in good spirit,
Abbott

Dearest Dan +all,

I am starting to doubt my...something...as fungushands phased me not one whit, and I was eating a Cup o' Noodles at the time. Someone please reassure me I am not going to be posting on guro chan or somthing soon. FWIW I found tubgirl revolting.

Semi-apologetically,
Abbott

― Abbott, Monday, 2 April 2007 22:28 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Abbott,

tubgirl is grosser to me than fungushands, too. I think maybe because the latter just looks kind of fake, like made-up hands for a monster movie?

reassuringly,
horseshoe

― horseshoe, Monday, 2 April 2007 22:32 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Abbott and Horsehoe,

I am pleased to see that you too are less skeeved out by fungushands than some. It must be fingernail issues.

Yours,
The Guy What Always Trims His Fingernails and Thus Suffers No Angst

― Ned Raggett, Monday, 2 April 2007 22:34 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Dan,

I am with you on tub girl v. fungushands. I saw that picture last week and then again today and I'm still completely skeeved out. Actually, I'm itching all over right now. I think it's the worst thing I've ever seen. The only other thing that might be on the same level is the guy with the maggots in his brain. *shudders*

~ ENBB

Dear Mary,

I got tickets to the Boston show on June 26th. I am so ridiculously excited. Are you planning on going to any?

Excitedly,

Erica

― ENBB, Monday, 2 April 2007 22:42 (eighteen years ago)

Dear ILX,

Whoops, now you know my actual name.

Yours,

Well . . . Erica

― ENBB, Monday, 2 April 2007 22:43 (eighteen years ago)

Dear ILX,

I forgot to catch my bus home from work because I was too busy pressing F5 on you. Now I won't leave the office until after dark.

Fuck you,
Will

― Will M., Monday, 2 April 2007 23:03 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Erica,

I've got tix for B'more and I guess I'll go to Wolf Trap and I may combine a visit to SF with the Oakland show but I'm trying not to be so addicted but I'm not sure it's working.

Have fun! (and maybe try Southhapmton as well?)

XO,

M.

― Virginia Plain, Monday, 2 April 2007 23:08 (eighteen years ago)

Dear ENNB-

I saw Morrissey about three years ago and he fucked up "Late Night Maudlin Street" real bad. Like he was just pulling random lines from the song all over the place. It was still a pretty fun show. I remember "Meat is Murder" being really good. Be prepared: he's a lot more frumpy than he was ten years ago.

-Grady

― g®▲Ðұ, Monday, 2 April 2007 23:15 (eighteen years ago)

Dear accentmonkey,

Thanks for the postcard, it arrived yesterday and nicely counteracted the electricity bill. Yes, it was freaky because one of my favourite movies is Girl With A Pearl Earring, so the Johannes Vermeer card was excitingly synchronistic.

Somehow I missed your birthday (I'll blame it on skipping messages, not my airheadedness), so watch your mail for something more than a postcard.

Cheers
HLA

― Hard like armour, Monday, 2 April 2007 23:35 (eighteen years ago)

dear chaki:

your story on the AA thread about how your intervention came from three guys that buy drugs from you made me shoot dr. pepper out of my nose. i think there was some coming from my right eye too. it was awesome.

love

hoosteen

― BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 00:53 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Ozzie Smith,

You are my favorite baseball player. I like you because you're 155 pounds, you do backflips, and you never hit homeruns. Years later, I will discover that you're actually kind of an asshole, in a strange way that I can never seem to convey to others.

Sincerely,
ten-year-old me

― Z S, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 01:01 (eighteen years ago)

Dear ringsting

Both as a newly coined word and a physical sensation, I love you dearly. I expect this may be more than many people here care to know about either of us, however.

tingling,
Austin

― Oilyrags, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 01:15 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Hoosteen-

You probably have a very sticky/messy keyboard.

-Grady

― g®▲Ðұ, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 01:18 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Austin,

Thank you for helping to broaden my vocabulary this evening.

ENBB

Dear Internet,

Thank you for existing and teaching me wonderful things such as the meaning of words like, "ringsting".

E

― ENBB, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 01:18 (eighteen years ago)

Dear laundry -

Although I appreciate the effort you've taken to be doable within the confines of my residence, and without the hoarding of quarters with which to pay for your execution, I am still dissatisfied with the amount of actual carrying, tending, and folding you require. If you were to find some way to remain clean and ready to wear at all times, you would have my eternal gratitude.

cordially,
Austin

― Oilyrags, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 01:18 (eighteen years ago)

Dearest Google,

stick to awesome search engine action and leave the April Fool's Day hijinks to us,

Love

Mark.

― Drooone, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 01:22 (eighteen years ago)

Dear doghair -

Stay on the wretched curs if you know what's good for both of us. Springtime be damned.

Don't underestimate my wrath,
-Austin

― Oilyrags, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 01:27 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Wm.,

Why are you so scared of me? Every two months it's the same old panic attack. GET A GRIP, PLEASE. Pick up the phone, make the calls you have to make; send the emails you need to send. Do your work.

Love,
Your Job

― Rock Hardy, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 01:29 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Pharoah Monch

Your line "Still get it poppin' without Artist and Repetoire/Cause Monch is a Monarch only minus the A&R" is totally fucking blowing my mind.

One Love,
Austin

― Oilyrags, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 01:50 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Rock,

I so empathise. I do the same every day, staring at my phone wishing I never had to call another horrible angry customer to tell them crap that makes them yell :( I cant deal with it, I'm too wussy.

solidarity,
Trayce

― Trayce, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 01:55 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Depeche Mode,

It IS good being the best band ever or closest to it, is it not? Not that you said that but I will, so. Plz to keep releasing more great records.

Yers,
The Guy Taking a Break from the Documentaries on the Reissues to Get a Drink

― Ned Raggett, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 02:15 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Austin (the dude, not the city),

Thanks again for the CD. I have been bumping OK pretty much nonstop, except when I'm at work and have to hear James Blunt.

awesomely,

hoosteen

― BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 02:19 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Trayce,

Thanks for the kind words. I don't even have to tell people things they don't want to hear, I'm just a big phone-phobic weiner. Hang in there, reverse-empathy is in effect.

bests,

― Rock Hardy, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 02:21 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Hoos -

Walk Into the Sun, my man!

I'm saying, yo!
Austin

― Oilyrags, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 02:23 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Dan,

EURGHGHGHGGG WHY DID YOU HAVE TO REMIND ME!!!!?????

not-so-fondly,
tr

― tokyo rosemary, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 02:49 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Neighbors.
Spring is here, and in a few short weeks the mowing-of-lawns season will be upon us.
Would it be possible for everyone to mow at the same time? because, y'know, every Saturday and Sunday you all get very busy with your mowers, but not at the same time.
Is it a competition? as soon as you hear the call of another mower you MUST mow?
I would be happy to stand in the middle of the street and announce "Gentlemen, start your mowers!" if you were willing to be synchronized.
10 a.m. is good for me.
Thanks,

― aimurchie, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 03:15 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Abbot,

"I was eating a Cup o' Noodles at the time" HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

xoxoxo,

Dan

― HI DERE, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 03:18 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Dad,

Please stop breaking into "I Just Called To Say I Love You" when I ask why you've called. It's kind of weird. But I love you anyway.

yr son

― BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 03:42 (eighteen years ago)

Dear physiology book,

Why are your chapters so long and detailed? Don't you know I want to do other stuff right now? Seriously, back off.

Distantly,
Sara R-C

― Sara R-C, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 03:47 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Apoptygma Bezerk,

Aw yeah, you really know how to hit me right in my little heart.

wooo
Trayce

― Trayce, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 03:49 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Mutant Sounds,

You really are a goddamn delight.

Yers,
A Downloader

Dear Trayce,

Yes, they are astounding etc. etc.

Signed,
One Who Suffers in Silence For a While

― Ned Raggett, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 03:51 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Ozzie Smith,

In eleven years of working in sports radio, you are the only person I've ever asked for an autograph from. And you were gracious in doing so and even asked your agent if he had a better pen than the one I provided. That baseball currently sits in a glass case at my father's house, next to the two ticket stubs from the first game we went to together in 1982.

But you are kind of an asshole, from what I hear. That's okay. They say the same thing about me.

P. Plains

― Pleasant Plains, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 03:55 (eighteen years ago)

Dear John Locke,

You are a dumb racist fuck. Stop with the 'tabula rasa' bullshit; stop with the rationality bullshit; stop telling people that the Indians live in caves and have no civilization. Thanks for 300 years of libertarian idiots. Your only saving grace is that you're not Adam Smith.

Fondly,
Max

― max, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 03:56 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Max,

You are pretty much otm.

continentally,

hoosteen

― BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 04:00 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Tony Abbott

How come Australia has the worst indigenous health record in the world?

Also, I'm ashamed I went to the same school as you, ya smug fuck.

Yours in christ,

Mark.

― Drooone, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 04:04 (eighteen years ago)

dear attractive women in my neighborhood:

why do 9 tenths of you be pushin strollers?

xo
ij

― ian, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 04:06 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Max,

I think you'd be in a better position to critique Locke and Smith if you attempted a sympathetic reading of them. I find it helpful when reading philosophy/theory/political thought to suspend critique/allow myself to be convinced just for the period of time in which I'm reading. When you're done, of course, release your inner critic; it'll totally be sharper from really inhabiting the argument before judging it. John Locke may have been racist but he wasn't dumb.

Unsolicitedly,
horseshoe

― horseshoe, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 04:06 (eighteen years ago)

P.S. One unexpected delight of reading Adam Smith is how emo he is, viz. Theory of Moral Sentiments.

― horseshoe, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 04:09 (eighteen years ago)

Dear america,

Srsly, should I come and visit you? Who will open their arms and welcome teh Trayce?

yrs
me.

― Trayce, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 04:15 (eighteen years ago)

Dear X,

blah blah blah.

Love,

Z

― nickalicious, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 04:52 (eighteen years ago)

Dear horseshoe:

I initially read that as "One unexpected delight of reading Adam Smith is how homo he is," which gave me pause.

Yours,
A Walking Freudian Slip

Dear Trayce,

Just visit fer Chrissakes!

Yers,
Ned

― Ned Raggett, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 04:54 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Trayce,

Were you in my neck of America I would not just provide you crashage and meals/good times, I will also promise Wii dibs and the green bowl hits.

Yr pal,

RiNickulous

Dear ELP,

You are so what the doctor ordered right now.

Yr fan,

Emerson, Nick, And Palmer

― nickalicious, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 04:56 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Rain The Kitty Cat,

Why U meow so loud, I'm right here? Okay so you want out BFD.

Yr pal,

Guy who fills food bowl and opens door to outside

― nickalicious, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 05:03 (eighteen years ago)

Dear everybody in my god damned life,

Please stop being dismissive and nasty to me. I really am trying very hard to do the best I can.

Sincerely,

Matt C.

P.S. to cats: stop fucking pissing all over the house, esp. my favorite compact discs. What the fuck, you hate Funkadelic and Pizzicato Five? Assholes.

― Dimension 5ive, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 05:10 (eighteen years ago)

Dear horshoe,

Thanks for the tip. I promise you, I am generally a v. sympathetic reader! But as much as I want to intellectually commune with Mr. Locke in a meeting of philosophical souls, nearly every paragraph makes me want to barf. In any event, my essay is nearly done, and soon I can put the Second Treatise on Government away and stop irritating my roommates with my tsk-tsk noises.

Thank you anyway,
Max

― max, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 05:16 (eighteen years ago)

dear brazil,

it's really real, i will be visiting you in june! i just bought my plane tix and tomorrow i'm going to the consulate to get my visa. steaks and feijoada and caipirinhas and beaches and mountains and soccer and samba and bossa and css and mutantes and baile funk and and and... oh yeah i guess i am there for "work."

yrs,
a fan

― get bent, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 05:21 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Max,

That's cool. Thanks for not being irritated by my schoolmarmishness! Also, if you have finished that Locke paper in one night, I am suitably impressed. Any tips on how to do that would be greatly appreciated. I can't seem to pull that shit off anymore. I write at a rate of roughly 50 words/day these days.

Jealously,
horseshoe

― horseshoe, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 05:22 (eighteen years ago)

Dear get bent,

NO I'M NOT JEALOUS well anyway I can't complain, at least I've visited South America. Still, one day.

Yours
Someone Who Really Needs to Rob a Bank So I Can Visit Everywhere

― Ned Raggett, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 05:23 (eighteen years ago)

Dear horshoe,

Coffee and Lebanese food.

Pita-ingly (GET IT),
Max

//

Dear Ned,

If you choose a bank, I will rob it with you.

In crime,
Max

― max, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 05:26 (eighteen years ago)

Dear upstairs roommate,

I wish you wouldn't keep starting your music at 1 AM on weeknights, as the bass speaker is right over my ceiling and even though I can't hear the melody at all, the changing beats keep me awake. I appreciate how nice you are about turning it down when I ask, but it makes me feel like such an asshole to ask at all that I feel like I have to lose some serious sleep and try stuffing tissues into my ears before I'm justified in asking. So, um, why do you start it at this hour at ALL, when I keep asking you to turn it down? Neither of us ends up happy! Anyway I am going to go on a hunt for my earplugs now and try to get to sleep, but if that doesn't work out, I guess we'll be speaking soon.

-the one downstairs who hates fun

― Maria, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 05:27 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Ned,

Mutant Sounds is a godsend but Rapidshare is not. I cannot complain due to the goods offered. i also love their linkthru blogs Invisible Record Archives & FM Shades. My mind can barely handle all the goodness. Does your, Ned, feel the same way?

Someday we found it, the weirfblog connection,
The Nedders,
The Rekkids,
and Me (abbott)

― Abbott, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 05:27 (eighteen years ago)

Dear part in Vision Creation Newsum with the cowbell on the upbeat and the bongo riff and the echoing chimey electric piano or whatever,

You are the best!

Love,

Stoked dude

― nickalicious, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 05:28 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Maria,

Do you live below me? If so you live in a 3 ft crawlspace and that is creepy, come upstairs and eat some nachos you weirdo.

Love,

Guy listening to music loud at 1 am

― nickalicious, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 05:29 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Max

Too kind of you. We need to choose one with relaxed guards and no sense of worry over loss of money, though.

Yours
A Co-conspirator

Dear Abbott,

Can't respond, downloading. I somewhat kid, but this tells you to what extent how I handle it all, to the point of paying in for more downloads. This said, I think you, get bent, and, well, everyone that they should at least download this one, not least for the cover:

http://bp0.blogger.com/_7St4jD20p0o/RfQtvL8CPzI/AAAAAAAACnY/L1qa0zG9z9A/s400/kali+bahlu.jpg

Roxor,
The Obsessive

Dear Nickalicious,

I hope you got this download, since I'm thinking about it.

Yours,
Somebody Who Can't Believe I Actually Got to See Them Touring That Album

― Ned Raggett, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 05:31 (eighteen years ago)

i already have a few tracks from that kali bahlu thing. they've shown up on various psych/outsider comps.

― get bent, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 05:33 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Ned,

You fucking ultimate bro.

Loving you,

Nick

― nickalicious, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 05:34 (eighteen years ago)

Guy listening to loud music at 1 AM,

Luckily I live in much better lodgings than a crawlspace, so I think not, but thanks for the invitation, enjoy the nachos! :)

Maria

― Maria, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 05:34 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Nickalicious,

I do try

Yers,
The Passer-On of Good Links

― Ned Raggett, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 05:38 (eighteen years ago)

Dear chick from the Heartless Bastards,

I don't know what you look like, but you've got the sexiest voice in the history of sexiness.
wanna grab a decafskinnysoyalatte with me some time?

peace peace
M

― Drooone, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 05:52 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Sock,
Your holiness disturbs me. I have another like you. If I put you in the laundry basket, and wash you, will you resurrect by Sunday?
I have faith.
Love, sake

― aimurchie, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 07:32 (eighteen years ago)

dear carlos zambrano,

i laughed in your fucking face today. not literally but on tv. i got right up in front of it when it showed a closeup of you and i just fucking laughed & laughed & god it felt good.
and to abott, or abbott, i think its one of those & im not sure which but please dont be offended- yes i am still madly in love you, even though you have now only replied to 2 of the 37 emails i have sent you & neither of them were anything but questions. dont worry i dont hold it against you. :D & remember if you dont bother with that upcoming marriage thats supposedly in the works you dont have to bother with a divorce later. :D. really. think about that, please.

all my best to both of you from your pal, [hehe not carlos's obv cuz i wd not like 2 have sex with you!!!! DUH]

deeznuts

― deeznuts, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 07:44 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Pussywillow,
Thank you for being weird and soft and a plant.
Love, pussywillow✧✧✧@pussywi✧✧✧.c✧✧

― aimurchie, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 07:54 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Rumpie,

we don't hate you, we just tease you sometimes because we like you.

Love,
StanM

― StanM, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 07:56 (eighteen years ago)

Dear thread,

yuo rulorz.

Love,
StanM

― StanM, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 07:56 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Winter,
You seem to have missed your bus. Perhaps I could drive you to the airport.
Not Love Any More,
Beth

― Beth Parker, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 11:35 (eighteen years ago)

Dear bits of skin next to my thumbnail,

You are tasteless and chewy, and you hurt, so why must I eat you? Why?

Yrs with ugly thumbs, you bastards,
Mark

― Mark C, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 11:45 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Hangover,

I hate you.

Yours in emnity,

Sober Kv_nol.

-- kv_nol, Friday, 30 March 2007 13:01 (3 days ago)

Dear Hangover,

Your identical twin is currently visiting me. Please tell him to bugger off.

Yours sitting at a desk and hating humanity,

kv_nol

― kv_nol, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 11:47 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Lunch,

Plz to be leaping up and presenting yourself in the living room

Love,
Hungry girl who is too lazy to get off the sofa

― Zora, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 12:15 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Lunch

I don't care how you get here, just get here if you can.

Love

~~Oleta Adams~~blueskizzles

― blueski, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 12:19 (eighteen years ago)

Dear me of last night,

Plz not to be such a frackin' pussbasket emo kid. Man up, stoicize, etc.

I should kick yr ass,

Nu-Matt C.

― Dimension 5ive, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 12:47 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Burger King,

I love you because you cure hangovers. I hate you because you cause cute animals to die.*

Yours trapped in a post Sophies Choice well-fed guilty glow,

me

*Amongst other v v bad things (not least of which your chicken things are disgusting!).

― kv_nol, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 13:42 (eighteen years ago)

dear tourist who banged me in the knee that i already banged this morning trying to climb over something,

really? that was necessary? it wasn't bad enough that you were being an obnoxious in the way fattey tourist with your milk-fed children of the corn? you HAD to also straight out level me?

yrs in go fuck yourself,
ally

― the schef (adam schefter ha ha), Tuesday, 3 April 2007 13:57 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Consigna Bus System,

I get that you guys only have a couple of the "nice" buses set aside for us round-the-way dudes who have to ride for near two hours. I also understand that if, by some horrible coincidence, both "nice" buses break down on the same day, I'll be forced to take a Mustard Bus all 70 miles. I am sympathetic. But really. It takes a month to fix the nice buses?

You make me a pampered motherfucker in this rolling spa with wireless internet and chairs stuffed with Benjamins and shit, and then you switch out the WheelieHomeAwayFromHome for THIS shit? Where I can't even read the labels on my cassettes without getting carsick? Y'all some bitches, Cosigna Bus System.

love,

hoosteen

― BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 14:39 (eighteen years ago)

Dear girl across from me in Panera,

Sorry if my staring creeped you out. You look like my ex-girlfriend. Exactly like my ex-girlfriend.

Creepily,

Guy with salad and corny fantasy novel

― nickalicious, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 17:16 (eighteen years ago)

dear ian-

a few of those hot stroller pushers could be professional nannies, which means they'd get evenings free and have plenty of disposable income.

-Grady

― g®▲Ðұ, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 19:08 (eighteen years ago)

dear b0b@ 10c@ proprietor:

honestly, i didn't mind that you had to take a few extra minutes to do whatever you had to do to get the frozen yogurt machine working. no hurry. but thanks for upgrading my small to a medium at no extra charge! your pinkberry-knockoff yogurt is always a special treat.

-a happy customer

― get bent, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 20:29 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Weather,

Please warm the hell up. It's April.

Love,
Sara R-C

― Sara R-C, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 20:32 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Lithesome Lass,

I have decided to forego too harsh a criticism of the espadrille wedges; I can see that fashion trends pull you in like a moth to a flame and my aversion may stem from having seen too many of these on frumpy women in the 70's though they look serviceable on you, but the ballon skirt hemmed that far above your knee? You're lucky to be so ravishing but I promise you that someday you'll look back and realize that your lovely legs, though embellished by those high heels, are also covered in something that makes you look like you have poopy pants diapers on. Are you sure that's the look for you?

Your faithful but inquisitive servant,

M

― Michael White, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 20:32 (eighteen years ago)

aka yes those jeans do make you look fat

― nickalicious, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 20:37 (eighteen years ago)

er, poop-laden

― nickalicious, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 20:38 (eighteen years ago)

dear south african fake editor twit,

1) stop referring to yourself as an "editor" here. you work in the advertising department. editorial is going to be really pissed if they catch wind of this.

2) was it really necessary to start screaming and wailing, to imitate a baby? you couldn't have just, like, chatted about that shit like a normal person? you aren't in the cone of silence when you're in i4n's office. in fact, it appears to be the cone of amplification as far as i can tell.

sincerely yours,
the redheaded chick who basically never speaks to you at all

― the schef (adam schefter ha ha), Tuesday, 3 April 2007 21:31 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Ethiopian adoption officials, foster care workers, and bureaucrats,

Come on, y'all, git-r-dun. It's time.

Amesegënallô,

Matt C.

― Dimension 5ive, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 21:34 (eighteen years ago)

Dear brain,

Thanks for the amazing dream last night. I *really* enjoyed that one.

yrs refreshed (but still with bedhair)
Trayce

― Trayce, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 21:44 (eighteen years ago)

Dear girl I've had a crush on for way too long,

it doesn't help when I actually *like* your new boyfriend and his friends and the music he makes and the way you're happy together.

But anyway, I shouldn't be so stupid, I suppose.

Unrequited,
StanM

Dear StanM,
don't be so stupid and let the fuck go.
She's just not the one for you, fatty.

love,
StanM

― StanM, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 21:48 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Trish

Stop looking at Gordon Ramsay's stupid programme and go to fucking BED!

Seriously,

Trish

― accentmonkey, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 22:07 (eighteen years ago)

The F Word?

― Michael White, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 22:09 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Michael,

No, Kitchen Nightmares, the one where he helps peoople turn their restaurants around. I've been looking at him fry chicken for an hour now. I am hungry.

Yours in batter,

Trish

― accentmonkey, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 22:11 (eighteen years ago)

Trish!

Your postcard is on my fridge. Thanks!

Cheers
KL

― Hard like armour, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 22:20 (eighteen years ago)

DEAR SNOW:

HI, IT IS APRIL.

SUCK A DICK.

LOVE,

GFF

― gff, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 22:57 (eighteen years ago)

Dear ILX,
I miss you. I only have dial-up now at my new office. But I kind of don't miss you too, I'm getting so much done! But I miss you.
Love,
md

Dear Self,
See how many fewer hours you can spend working if you don't go on ILX all day?
Love,
Self

― Maria :D, Wednesday, 4 April 2007 00:27 (eighteen years ago)

Dear v i n e yard dot net
hurry up and install highspeed near my office so I can go on ILX during the day.
Thanks,
Incurable

― Maria :D, Wednesday, 4 April 2007 00:28 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Trayce,

Stop listening to This Mortal Coil and Red House Painters when you're in this mood. You're trying to work here, not blubber at your desk you big idiot.

kick yo ass,
Me.

― Trayce, Wednesday, 4 April 2007 02:10 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Emerald City,

How I have missed you this past month. LA is sunny, true, but it doesn't have your special charms. Please be green tomorrow. Can you maybe keep the mountain out, right around 5? Because that would be awesome.

love,

poor wandering one

― Jaq, Wednesday, 4 April 2007 03:02 (eighteen years ago)

Dear snow,

Fuck what that guy up there said--you did great work today.

Shredly yours,

an otter

Dear Ethiopian musicians,

Stay cool.

Best best,

a happy listener

― river wolf, Wednesday, 4 April 2007 03:20 (eighteen years ago)

ps also ned is a treat for boredoms links

― river wolf, Wednesday, 4 April 2007 03:24 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Trayce,

No fucking kidding, eh. I have found the worst & biggest rekkid mistake of awl IS to listen to Billie Holliday after a breakup. Even if it wasn't like that abusive or malignant a relationship, she'll sing "he beats me too" and I get drawn into this other world where it's "maybe that could happen" grows into "TELL IT, BILLIE! WE'LL SHOW THAT WIFEBEATING FCUKER!"

Sharing for no reason,
Indulger in music of sads,
Yours in opposite hemisphere,
etc.,
kindly,

Abbott

― Abbott, Wednesday, 4 April 2007 03:50 (eighteen years ago)

There are lots of girls on this thread I would like to listen to music with, but Abbott is the only one I want to listen to Billie Holliday with.

― Oilyrags, Wednesday, 4 April 2007 03:52 (eighteen years ago)

MOST IMPORTANT OF ALL MISSIVES:

Dearity Dearest Jaq,

I am so sorry I haven't thanked you for all the wonderful kitchen tools. They are a godsend. I can actually make meals now! I made creme brulees and everything. I haven't even thank you yet and that makes me the world's biggest jerkwad, which does not effect your status as world's kindest mailer of practical, elegant, wonderful things.

I got my tax refunds today & I'll totally buy you a Sonic card.

Both humbly and gratefully

Procrastinabbott

― Abbott, Wednesday, 4 April 2007 03:54 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Oliyrags,

Your levity makes me feel better more than Billie Holliday makes me feel worst.

Red beans & ricely,
Abbott

― Abbott, Wednesday, 4 April 2007 03:55 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Abbott -

Aw, that's sweet! I'm really more of an Ella guy, myself, because she's so sunshiney and uplifting and sweet and I have enough gloom and oppressive weight and bitterness in my psyche already.

Chicken with green chili saucily,
Austin

― Oilyrags, Wednesday, 4 April 2007 04:42 (eighteen years ago)

Dear river wolf,

I am glad to have shared the love.

Yers,
The Link Guy Again

Dear Abbott,

Kitchen tools from Jaq! Why, that's better than gold. :-)

Yours,
A Somewhat Cook

― Ned Raggett, Wednesday, 4 April 2007 04:56 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Hard Like Armour,

It was my pleasure. I am glad you like your card.

Trish

― accentmonkey, Wednesday, 4 April 2007 06:55 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Trayce,

I hope you feel better soon. Try listening to rubbish, works for me sometimes.

Kv

― kv_nol, Wednesday, 4 April 2007 08:36 (eighteen years ago)

Dear StanM,

try not so suggest Garbage after kv_nol's last post, because it's not actually very funny.

StanM

― StanM, Wednesday, 4 April 2007 08:42 (eighteen years ago)

(damn!)

― StanM, Wednesday, 4 April 2007 08:42 (eighteen years ago)

dear durnk,

stop i rak to mch

lovemax

― max, Wednesday, 4 April 2007 08:45 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Stan,

Hahah!

heh,
Trayce

― Trayce, Wednesday, 4 April 2007 10:26 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Max,

That's nice, dear.

Love,

durnk.

― accentmonkey, Wednesday, 4 April 2007 12:11 (eighteen years ago)

Dear drunkenrn ilxors

yey
me

― Trayce, Wednesday, 4 April 2007 12:33 (eighteen years ago)

Dear beloved college,

Your bookstore hours are ridiculous for a school that has a lot of weekend and evening students. It's really causing trouble for a lot of people. Would it be that hard to stay open until 5:30 pm, or even 5 pm?

Love,
Sara R-C

P.S. Your profs seem to be uniformly awesome.

― Sara R-C, Wednesday, 4 April 2007 13:10 (eighteen years ago)

Dear people I will be having an interview with tomorrow,

Please take me into your school. I've messed up enough interview already, worked hard for this one, so please be cool and pick me. I promise you I will be as good as possible during the 2-3 years i'll spend there

Love
Jibe

― Jibe, Wednesday, 4 April 2007 13:14 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Jibe,

Good luck with your interview!

Sincerely,
Sara R-C

― Sara R-C, Wednesday, 4 April 2007 13:19 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Abbott,

You're so welcome! I meant to put a note in there - that weird little black thing, with all the parts? It's a corkscrew. And it is too awesome that you used the blowtorch!

Hooray for ILX-style freecycling :)

yr friend in patisserie,

Jaq

― Jaq, Wednesday, 4 April 2007 13:43 (eighteen years ago)

DEAREST SNOW:

yeah no srsly. confine yourself to ski hills or whatever. allow the rest of us to commute without scraping our cars and later to frolic in some fucking springtime, ok?

best,

gff

― gff, Wednesday, 4 April 2007 13:46 (eighteen years ago)

dear philadelphia:
why the fuck you so schizo in spring?
love
t

ALSO:
dear parents:
why did you not settle someplace warm, exciting, or both?
love
your son

― the table is the table, Wednesday, 4 April 2007 15:31 (eighteen years ago)

Dear blues,

Don't you know that I have ended our friendship? Please go away before I kick you in the balls.

xo
MsMisery-only-in-name

― Ms Misery, Wednesday, 4 April 2007 15:41 (eighteen years ago)

dear drunk max,

learn to cut yourself off after six drinks, you utter fucking asshole.

yrs,
hungover max

― max, Wednesday, 4 April 2007 18:54 (eighteen years ago)

Dear sick leave & annual leave,

You are the only good things about being employed full time. Thank youz for being youz.

Love

M

― Drooone, Wednesday, 4 April 2007 22:12 (eighteen years ago)

Dear impending five-day weekend,

Impend quicker, damn you.

In anticipation
Lex

― lex pretend, Wednesday, 4 April 2007 22:23 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Lex,

I hear you. TONIGHT WE DRINK!

Bottoms up
HLA

― Hard like armour, Wednesday, 4 April 2007 22:27 (eighteen years ago)

Dear 2.5 day weekend,

I will love and cherish you like you were five days. Eagerly yours,

Jordan

― Jordan, Wednesday, 4 April 2007 22:33 (eighteen years ago)

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v296/WilliamCrump63/2007Azaleas2.jpg http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v296/WilliamCrump63/2007Azaleas1.jpg

Dear Record Low Temperatures Forecast for This Weekend,

Please don't hurt us!

Love,
Rock Hardy's Azaleas

― Rock Hardy, Wednesday, 4 April 2007 22:45 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Rock Hardy's Azaleas,

Pleaze don't hurt me.

yours,
Aaron

― wanko ergo sum, Wednesday, 4 April 2007 22:52 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Dad,

Thanks for playing me Dave Brubeck and Coltrane and B.B. King when I was a kid. I can't remember a time when I didn't love jazz or blues, and how many 20 year olds can say that?

with headphones,

justin

p.s. i forgive you for the clapton & david sanborn
p.p.s. i know they were really for mom anyway

― BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Wednesday, 4 April 2007 22:59 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Rock,

It must be kind of cool to live in a place where even the most casual photo snapshot looks like a William Eggleston picture.

From the other side of the ditch,
P. Plains

― Pleasant Plains, Wednesday, 4 April 2007 23:32 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Aforementioned Neighbors Upstairs Who Stole My Storage Space,

Did you have to pick today, my day off, to pound at the floor with a hammer for 12 consecutive hours?

Yours, fuming,
Mandee

― homosexual II, Wednesday, 4 April 2007 23:51 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Aforementioned Neighbors Upstairs Who Stole My Storage Space,

For right now I will just drown out your pounding by blasting The Last Unicorm soundtrack. And someday I will get my revenge by poking at the ceiling with a broomstick, and/or throwing a plugged-in toaster at you while you take a bath.

Yup,
Mandee

― homosexual II, Wednesday, 4 April 2007 23:53 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Clock:

I have been watching you faithfully all freakin' day, and would it really be so much to ask that you hurry the next half hour up a little so I can blow this popsicle stand and go home and have many beers?

Yours watching the minute hand,

luna

― luna, Thursday, 5 April 2007 00:00 (eighteen years ago)

Dear luna,

If I worked near you I would come and kidnap you and go for beers with you right now - fuck work.

But we gonna have beers soon anyway, you better believe it.

kisses,
Trayce

― Trayce, Thursday, 5 April 2007 00:02 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Irritating Boss:

The day would not have seemed quite so long had you not called me every thiry seven seconds to see what I'm doing now. I'm working on the giant pile of stuff you left on my desk yesterday while I was off (sneaky bitch! you know I'd never stand for this were I in the office) and it would really mean a lot to me if you could put your cell phone down for five minutes to give me room to breathe. Also, perhaps - and this is just one of those wacky ideas I have sometimes - perhaps if you stop calling me every thirty seven seconds, I might be able to GET SOME OF THIS SHIT DONE, YOU FUCKING LUNATIC!

Yours until I win the lottery or at least find a better job,

luna

― luna, Thursday, 5 April 2007 00:03 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Trayce,

There is little I would enjoy more than that. Bring on the beers and the dancing boys!

Love,

luna

― luna, Thursday, 5 April 2007 00:09 (eighteen years ago)

Dear hungry stomach,

Patience. I'm pondering what to cook.

Yours
Your owner

― Ned Raggett, Thursday, 5 April 2007 00:12 (eighteen years ago)

Dear P. Plains,

It is, pretty much. I'm starting to fall in love with this house, even the run-down parts and the skwerls in the attic. And the flowers are just krazy kool every spring.

Ankle deep in the little muddy,
RH

― Rock Hardy, Thursday, 5 April 2007 00:37 (eighteen years ago)

Dear life,

Kindly stop spinning out of control. I am not good at anything except sitting here dumbstruck and watching it all happen, so you're kinda on your own.

Love,
Curtis

― Curt1s Stephens, Thursday, 5 April 2007 01:53 (eighteen years ago)

Dear slight funk I am in,

You'll pass. Eventually you'll return but I don't worry about it much, I know people who have it far worse.

Yers
Ned

― Ned Raggett, Thursday, 5 April 2007 01:58 (eighteen years ago)

Dear... someone.

Sorry.

sigh,
Trayce the stupid idiot.

― Trayce, Thursday, 5 April 2007 02:37 (eighteen years ago)

dear jerry's records in pittsburgh,
please yield many disco-funk and house classics for me tomorrow, or else i would have come to this town for nothing.

love,
the table

― the table is the table, Thursday, 5 April 2007 02:38 (eighteen years ago)

Dear universe,

Thanks, babe. Luv ya.

Matt C.

― Dimension 5ive, Thursday, 5 April 2007 02:52 (eighteen years ago)

dear literature review due tomorrow for group project: can you please write yourself while i take a nap?

xoxo,
gb

― get bent, Thursday, 5 April 2007 02:53 (eighteen years ago)

dear the pastrami sandwiches and matzoh ball soup at langer's: you are the sunshine of my life.

― get bent, Thursday, 5 April 2007 02:57 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Lost Thread,
I have to distract myself for at least one half hour before i read you.
Thinking of you fondly,

― aimurchie, Thursday, 5 April 2007 03:12 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Professors,
Thank you for getting so behind on the syllabus that you change it all around so I only have one exam and one paper this week. Because I watched LOST instead of studying. I can write a paper about LOST if you want! No? Well, thanks!
Sincerely,

― aimurchie, Thursday, 5 April 2007 03:17 (eighteen years ago)

dear ilm,

I remember like 6 months ago reading comments on ILE saying things like "I used to spend all my time on ILM, but it's too mean/douchey/hipster/snobby now," and further things to that effect. I remember thinking "I will never forsake the glorious haven of angry nerdery that is ILM!" Yet to my surprise, these days ILM is more like a pitstop on my way to checking ILE threads. Sorry dudes.

rolling snap 4ever,

da hoostery of hoosboxin

― BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Thursday, 5 April 2007 03:19 (eighteen years ago)

(I had two exams and two papers before the switcheroo.)

Dear Macy's Gift Card,
Thank you for allowing me to spend just under $100.00 on Origins skin care products. i have $6.73 left.
i am feeling very glamorous.
Please come back on my birthday and next Christmas, as i love you.
xxxooo,
Much Love,

― aimurchie, Thursday, 5 April 2007 03:27 (eighteen years ago)

dear life,

seriously?

thanks,
ally

― the schef (adam schefter ha ha), Thursday, 5 April 2007 03:37 (eighteen years ago)

dear everyone i know, more or less,

cheer up! please! wish i could help you all more, but really all i can offer is an apartment full of booze and old movies.

love,
-alex

― ghost rider, Thursday, 5 April 2007 03:45 (eighteen years ago)

Can't...reach........DC.....from chair....ugh collapse

― Laurel, Thursday, 5 April 2007 03:46 (eighteen years ago)

;_;

― ghost rider, Thursday, 5 April 2007 03:49 (eighteen years ago)

dear alex,

booze and movies are all a dude needs! wish i was dere.

love,
hoosteen

― BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Thursday, 5 April 2007 03:50 (eighteen years ago)

dear austin (the dude),

I may be about to come into a 12 inch of WC & The Maad Circle's Ain't A Damn Thing Changed. Would you be interested in a tape and/or a CD copy?

on the down low,

hoosteen

― BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Thursday, 5 April 2007 04:53 (eighteen years ago)

Dear ghost rider,

Youse a good man, you is. Fret not, all's good.

Yers
The Guy Happy He's Finally Got Some Reviews Finished

― Ned Raggett, Thursday, 5 April 2007 05:06 (eighteen years ago)

Dear TV in reception area I am stuck manning,

Hey! Quit it with the gorgeous cooking show! Its is droolworthy and I have not had any lunch! AAARH WHY MUST YOU TORTURE ME.

starvingly,
me

― Trayce, Thursday, 5 April 2007 06:07 (eighteen years ago)

Dear staring down the barrel of a 5 day weekend,

Yyyeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeoooowwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

M

― Drooone, Thursday, 5 April 2007 06:11 (eighteen years ago)

You get tuesday off? Bastard!

― Trayce, Thursday, 5 April 2007 06:18 (eighteen years ago)

Dear job interviews

You suck. Just go and ask someone I've worked with before if I'm any good at what I do, rather than asking me. It'd be a lot easier, and a lot more truthful, all round.

Yours nervously,
A x

― ailsa, Thursday, 5 April 2007 07:03 (eighteen years ago)

Dear World,

Stop being so lovely and fun looking in the sun when I've got to sit in my office for the next few hours!

Yours hoping the weekend will stay nice and allow me to have picnics and shit.

K

PS. Also plz to get Ailsa that job so she can buy beerz and ting on the 21st!

― kv_nol, Thursday, 5 April 2007 08:16 (eighteen years ago)

Dear girl next to me on the 149 into work whose headphones were turned up so loud that I COULD HEAR THE "MUSIC" DISTORTING,

What the fucking fuck? Are you really so deaf that you may as well strap a fucking speaker to each ear? Plz to be aware that you pissed me off so much that I got off four stops early and WALKED. Also plz to get some shure IEMs and a decent taste in music, you inconsiderate retard.

Love and hugs,

Pete.

― peteR, Thursday, 5 April 2007 08:44 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Ailsa,
Good luck! Interviews are necessary evils.
-Maria

Dear ILX,
It is 4:48 AM by my clock. I am not usually up at this hour, but I've been inefficient with my paper writing and am staying up all night. And ILX seems quite a bit more active than it usually is when I'm awake!
-Maria

― Maria, Thursday, 5 April 2007 08:48 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Housemates,

It's nice that you're going away for a week on holidays, but did you have to take your holidays two days early so you can hang around at home noisily reminding each other to be quiet because I AM TRYING TO FUCKING WORK, BECAUSE I FUCKING WORK FROM HOME, REMEMBER?????

Also, how many fucking clothes do you have? You bought eight bags of new tops and new skirts for going on this stupid holiday, and you've still managed to turn the washing machine on FOUR TIMES in the last 24 hours.

Man, I am going to enjoy the week that you are away.

Love,

AM

― accentmonkey, Thursday, 5 April 2007 09:14 (eighteen years ago)

Dear beach,

Thanks for being so huge and deserted at 8.30 this morning so that me and my dogs could play ball all over you and run around and never have another soul come near us for over an hour while the sun shone and the geese flew by in formation. You rule.

All my love,

― accentmonkey, Thursday, 5 April 2007 09:16 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Trish,

Is it time to lose some friends and reclaim a home?

Hugglez,
Rock

------

Dear Atlanta Braves,

You're coming onto me, aren't you? You're totally hitting on me. After I totally said we couldn't be together anymore. Don't think I don't know what you're doing.

Cordially,

― Rock Hardy, Thursday, 5 April 2007 13:56 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Rock Hardy's Azaleas,

I love you. Be mine? I know that you don't like our puny British soil but seriously? Can't you make an exception for my garden?

Please?
Kate

― Masonic Boom, Thursday, 5 April 2007 13:59 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Thursday morning,

Hmm. Where DID all this work come from?

Yers
Him What Has Three Piles Of Papers on His Desk

― Ned Raggett, Thursday, 5 April 2007 14:00 (eighteen years ago)

dear red line,

why you no longer working this week? what's up with that?

just curious,
ally

― the schef (adam schefter ha ha), Thursday, 5 April 2007 14:01 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Dallas Mavericks,

It's almost time! You're going to make it all the way this year, I know it.

Dreaming of you,
S

― Ms Misery, Thursday, 5 April 2007 14:04 (eighteen years ago)

Dear "Reel" by Jawbox,

You are a sweet jam. I'm going to listen to you a couple more times in a row.

Love,
Brent

― Brent, Thursday, 5 April 2007 14:28 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Man of Steen

I do have some fondness for them MAAD Circle dudes (Curb Serving=genius) even though WC totally bit Mikah-9's style on that one Westside connection single. Hell yeah, bring it on.

Buh-dunh, Buh-dunh, Make the Speakers Pop,
Austin

― Oilyrags, Thursday, 5 April 2007 14:59 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Dizzee Rascal,

I kinda like yr new single. This surprises me.

love,

its HOOS steenaz

― BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Thursday, 5 April 2007 15:03 (eighteen years ago)

dear these pictures of golden retrievers,

thank you for redeeming my crappy morning. i'm still going to go back to bed, but i will do so with images of happy drooling dogs in my head.

squeee,
gb

― get bent, Thursday, 5 April 2007 15:42 (eighteen years ago)

Dear weekend headache,

I know you're usually there as soon as I have a day off, but can we please skip this one long weekend for once please? I just think this routine of ours is getting tired and I think we need some time alone - I'm not seeing any other ailments behind your back, don't worry.

hopeful,
StanM

― StanM, Thursday, 5 April 2007 16:01 (eighteen years ago)

Dear co-worker who has been out sick for two weeks causing me to have to give up my week of vacation:

If I didn't like you before, I really don't like you now. I'm glad you're okay and everything, but I still sort of hate you.

You suck,

luna

― luna, Thursday, 5 April 2007 16:17 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Luna,

Form a band with that letter as the lyrics to your first single = instant fame. Trust me.

Yours,
Not an A&R Person By Any Stretch of the Imagination But Anyway

― Ned Raggett, Thursday, 5 April 2007 16:19 (eighteen years ago)

Dear long weekend

HI DERE

love
someone who can't be arsed working right now

― ailsa, Thursday, 5 April 2007 16:21 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Long Weekend -

You do not exist. Which is fine with me, since I'm still paid by the hour. Also, I am not religious and if I was I wouldn't be Christian.

Love,
someone who can't be arsed taking a skinny paycheck right now

― Oilyrags, Thursday, 5 April 2007 16:26 (eighteen years ago)

ha, I'm hourly paid too, but I'd forego a couple of hours pay for some quality time in teh sunshine (read: in a beer garden).

Following on from above sports theme:

Dear Celtic

Enough with the not-winning-the-league thing already. It was OK dropping points during my holiday so I wouldn't miss the title party, but it's kind of getting beyond a joke now.

love
someone not relishing biting nails for 90 minutes against Motherwell on Saturday

― ailsa, Thursday, 5 April 2007 16:30 (eighteen years ago)

dear everyone i know, more or less,

cheer up! please! wish i could help you all more, but really all i can offer is an apartment full of booze and old movies.

love,
-alex

Dear Alex,

are you me?

Love,
Emily

― emil.y, Thursday, 5 April 2007 16:30 (eighteen years ago)

Dear pub,

I'm at yr bar, drinking all yr beer.

Love,

Mark.

― Colonel Poo, Thursday, 5 April 2007 16:34 (eighteen years ago)

Dear another pub

Get the Guinness taps ready for action, I'm coming right at ya.

love
A x

― ailsa, Thursday, 5 April 2007 16:35 (eighteen years ago)

Dear West Indies Cricket Team,

― Stone Monkey, Thursday, 5 April 2007 16:42 (eighteen years ago)

they're dying from the suspense.

― Ms Misery, Thursday, 5 April 2007 16:49 (eighteen years ago)

Dear West Indies Cricket Team,

Do you recall those days long ago, when I was young, when there was nothing that could compare to you? Do you remember the time when the world bowed at your feet?
Well? Do you?

So is it too much to ask for you to win just one single, lousy, fucking One Day match against some fairly mediocre opposition?

Hope this finds you well.

Jason

ps. I don't mind you losing to the Aussies, as they're one of the best teams in the world (Well I do, as no one wants to lose to that lot). But could you try not to lose to England - they won't shut up about it for the next 30 years, you know what they're like...

― Stone Monkey, Thursday, 5 April 2007 16:52 (eighteen years ago)

Sorry about that, my eyes were tearing up as I typed...

― Stone Monkey, Thursday, 5 April 2007 16:53 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Laptop,

Why is your battery all fucked up? I need the musics you carry.

growling,

hoos is why i'm steen

― BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Thursday, 5 April 2007 18:00 (eighteen years ago)

Dear weird woman who knocked over her chair and then somehow dragged the tablecloth off the table at what used to be a Vietnamese restaurant and I didn't notice it wasn't anymore until I got inside and opened up the menu and found out it had magically become a whole different Asian-fusion place,

It's one thing to order dumplings and ask for some sauce that "always" comes with them, but if they come with some sauce that's not what you wanted, and then you ask again and they bring two other sauces that are not what you wanted, maybe it's time to fucking give it up and quit asking and just deal with what they're serving you. I mean, I was happy when you finally got the sauce you wanted, if only because you finally shut the hell up and stopped spending all the time where they were in the back sauce-hunting talking out loud as if there were someone with you and going "hahaha it's just one of those days" or "hahaha let's see what this one tastes like." But seriously, if you strike out on the sauce three times in a row, just give it a rest and maybe try something different, you know?

Hate,
Dude who kept turning around because he couldn't figure out who you were talking to and thought maybe you were trying to get him involved in your ridiculous sauce-jerkery.

P.S. When trying to describe your sauce of choice to people who don't speak English as a native language, saying "it's got more of a kick to it" is totally unhelpful. Stick to color, viscosity, basic flavorings, and either "more spicy" or "less spicy." Jerk.

― nabisco, Thursday, 5 April 2007 18:56 (eighteen years ago)

Dear ILX,

I would just like to clarify that the woman addressed above did not mean that the dumplings "always" came with this sauce at the restaurant in question. She meant they "always" came with that sauce ... in other places she'd ordered dumplings, or across the entire Asian continent, or some such bullshit.

Also sorry for primarily using this thread for workaday "don't you just hate traffic" type bitching.

Love,
n.s.

― nabisco, Thursday, 5 April 2007 19:46 (eighteen years ago)

Dear nabisco-

Thanks for writing the longest post on this thread. It would be kind of embarrasing if someone else beat you to it.

A fan,

Grady

― g®▲Ðұ, Thursday, 5 April 2007 19:54 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Solipsistic Idiot Americans Who, When Trying to Communicate With Non-English Speaking People, Use Distinctly American Idioms, Colloquialisms and Phraseology, As if That's Going to Work,

You are a pet peeve. And nabisco OTM.

Je t'embrasse,
Aaron

― wanko ergo sum, Thursday, 5 April 2007 21:35 (eighteen years ago)

To be honest, even among native speakers, "more of a kick" is only really useful to differentiate between varieties of the same sauce (BBQ and mustard, mostly), and not so much to describe different sauces. Like if you wanted hot mustard and someone gave you BBQ, saying "more of a kick" would not help.

― nabisco, Thursday, 5 April 2007 21:53 (eighteen years ago)

Dear beer,

I'm really enjoying you but i sense your death to be soon. Anyways, thanks for making a good day even better, i'd never have thought the interview would have gone nicely, but it did, and i had totally forgotten that results for another exam came in today and i made it. So, dear beer, with this i'm off to finish you, but fret not, for your sister/cousin/whatever is next up

On the way to drunkenly,
Jibe

― Jibe, Thursday, 5 April 2007 22:23 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Jibe,

Got yr back.

XOXOX

rw

― river wolf, Thursday, 5 April 2007 22:38 (eighteen years ago)

Dear My Room,

Something smells like garlic in here. Raw garlic, too, not the cooked stuff. I don't really mind this so much, as I find garlic to be one of the more alluring and delicious scents available to us as humans (yes, I am aware that as a bedroom you are not actually human.) Nevertheless, I find the presence of this odor rather perplexing, and even upsetting since I don't bring food in here and can't really imagine how else to account for it. I mean, the smell is so strong its as if someone was mincing or crushing raw cloves of the stuff and left it. Now, while it's true that the mountains of clutter could possibly conceal a substantial pile of the stuff in any number of places, it is durn close to inconceivable that anyone would prank me in such a way. So, like, what gives?

Olfactorily,
Austin

― Oilyrags, Thursday, 5 April 2007 23:03 (eighteen years ago)

Dear me,

you aredrunk, way to go!!!!!!!!!!! now, why not go out and buy some hummus or shit like that, uor hrungry!!

Loveb
me

― Jibe, Thursday, 5 April 2007 23:14 (eighteen years ago)

― river wolf, Thursday, 5 April 2007 23:15 (eighteen years ago)

Dear me,

Its good friday and you didn't buy any hot cross buns or easter eggs? Woman, get one organised some time why dont you.

hungrily,
Trayce

― Trayce, Thursday, 5 April 2007 23:20 (eighteen years ago)

dear( river wolkf

i hope tou are feelingh frunk too!! thxw for coverning me!!

frunkenly yours

jibe

― Jibe, Thursday, 5 April 2007 23:21 (eighteen years ago)

dear spelling

you are shiiiiiiiiiiiiiittttttte

love me,

― Jibe, Thursday, 5 April 2007 23:21 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Michael Shermer,

I am listening to the audiobook for your 1997 _Why People Believe Weird Things_. The book is good for the most part, covering UFO abductions, creationism, holocaust deniers, etc, but WTF is up with you suddenly changing gear and going on about Ayn Rand for several minutes? I know you're libertarian n' shit, but jeez.

Love,

j

― kingfish, Thursday, 5 April 2007 23:31 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Season 4 of the Wire,

I'm not really sure why it took Bittorrent like a week to download you despite having like a billion seeders, but fuck it: you're here on the lappy and I'm mad amped.

love

when you hoos through the garden
you better steen your back

― BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Friday, 6 April 2007 03:01 (eighteen years ago)

Dear New Water Heater and Water Softener,

You are both as expensive as gold-plated intestinal parasites but welcome to our home. I will test your heating and softening abilities like a mofo tomorrow morning.

Sincerely,

Dimension 5tinky.

― Dimension 5ive, Friday, 6 April 2007 03:26 (eighteen years ago)

Dear me,

When you go out and get pissed after work yesterday, please don't leave your wife's parcel somewhere on public transport. This won't go down well.

Love,

Me.

― Colonel Poo, Friday, 6 April 2007 03:45 (eighteen years ago)

Dear excellent salad I made,

Ah, thank you. That plus a phone call encouraging a friend in need of some advice has balanced my spirits very well. Now for some music.

Yours
A Contented Soul

― Ned Raggett, Friday, 6 April 2007 03:48 (eighteen years ago)

Dear ethanol,

MARRY ME

love,
Austin

― Oilyrags, Friday, 6 April 2007 03:50 (eighteen years ago)

Dear girlfriend,

seriously. seriously? be serious. are you serious? fine.

fuck all y'all bitches

hoos

― BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Friday, 6 April 2007 04:17 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Self,

Stop being such a damn perfectionist about grades. Seriously, it's pointless.

-Sara

― Sara R-C, Friday, 6 April 2007 04:41 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Sara R-C -
it really is pointless. So stop it.
Love, your grades

― aimurchie, Friday, 6 April 2007 05:47 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Self,

Sara's Grades are wise.

love
you

― BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Friday, 6 April 2007 05:53 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Sara R-C,
You are studying and working hard.
That's what is important.
Love,
your books and grades

― aimurchie, Friday, 6 April 2007 06:14 (eighteen years ago)

durnk,

hic.

-durnk

― get bent, Friday, 6 April 2007 06:40 (eighteen years ago)

hic otm

― JW, Friday, 6 April 2007 06:46 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Good Friday,

Not being allowed to buy beer on you is a pain in the hoop. How better to drown our sorrows regarding the death of Our Lord? I bet the Apostles got fucking hammered when He croaked. Why may not His people also get gee-eyed?

Yours in Christ,

AM

― accentmonkey, Friday, 6 April 2007 07:09 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Accent Monkey -
They were all drunk at the Last Supper, and Jesus is the git who turned the water into wine so fuck that noise about NOT selling booze!
I tried to get tickets to "Jesus Christ Superstar", with Ted Neely AND Corey Glover. but even the cheap seats are $42.00.
No resurrection for me, i guess.
Ham on Sunday, for sure.
I might be bitter and read "The Gospel of Judas" Sunday morning.
Yours in for Christ's Sake,

― aimurchie, Friday, 6 April 2007 07:30 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Accent Monkey,
Wow, it is Good Friday? I should stop being so crazy-feeling and wound up and be sad, shouldn't I?
-forgetful me!

― Maria, Friday, 6 April 2007 07:34 (eighteen years ago)

Dear April 2007,
Are you the only April that has a Good Friday followed by Friday the 13th?
Just wondering.

― aimurchie, Friday, 6 April 2007 07:42 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Guy Who Throws Local Paper at My Hotel's window at 4am,

Yeah, you better drive off fast.

-Sarah

― mercurialblonde, Friday, 6 April 2007 08:17 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Good Friday,

Booze has been bought and sits in fridge so why am I at my desk surfing ILX when I could be home getting to know you better beside a river with visitors.

Yours,

Sad Panda.

― kv_nol, Friday, 6 April 2007 08:33 (eighteen years ago)

Dear weekend headache,

you probably missed my request yesterday, didn't you? Please read it now.

Thanks,
StanM

― StanM, Friday, 6 April 2007 08:59 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Sleep,
Remind me right now that I am not in Ireland.
Thanks,

― aimurchie, Friday, 6 April 2007 09:17 (eighteen years ago)

Dear anyone who's reading,
I don't really know what to do with myself! Yesterday I got a fellowship to go abroad and hang out with boats for a year in 3 countries, with the stipulation that I can't go home. I am having very extreme moods of great excitement and absolute terror. A year's a fucking long time to not see your family. But this isn't something I can let pass me by, either, and it's a proposal I put an incredible amount of thought into and got really excited about, so I accepted on the spot. But maybe the fact that I am having such strong negative as well as positive feelings means I don't have the confidence and strength to successfully finish out the year...um, I dunno how to finish out this letter, but my roommates aren't home for me to talk their ears off so why not post to ilx?
-Maria

― Maria, Friday, 6 April 2007 14:29 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Maria,

Take it. Go.

xo,
S

― Ms Misery, Friday, 6 April 2007 14:32 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Maria,

What Ms. M said.

Yers
Ned

― Ned Raggett, Friday, 6 April 2007 14:35 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Brane,

WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU? SETTLE, SON

xoxoxo
Dan

― HI DERE, Friday, 6 April 2007 14:54 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Boss,

Thanks for letting me off an hour and a half early.

K

Dear Colleague,

Thanks for the lift home.

K

Dear GTA,

Poppa's comin'!

K

― kv_nol, Friday, 6 April 2007 15:00 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Maria,

Off with you! Absolutely yes, you should do this. The year will fly by.

And when you are old, you will never get bitter and say, either aloud or to yourself, "I'm sure my life would have been so much better had I only done that". You will, however, probably get misty-eyed and tell rollicking sea-faring tales to all and sundry.

seriously,
Jaq, who always jumps in with both feet.

― Jaq, Friday, 6 April 2007 15:01 (eighteen years ago)

Dear John J.,

While I'm glad you will have your car back, I will miss having you come with me to my library in the morning. I like having my disheveled and groggy boyfriend with me at work; it's fun. But mostly I like watching my young students look at you with that endearing "who the fuck is that dude?" expression on their faces.

Also, I like knowing that other people talk at NPR in the morning.

Sincerely yours,
your newly axed chauffer

― Caledonia, Friday, 6 April 2007 15:40 (eighteen years ago)

Dear airmurchie and BIG HOOS,

Thank you for your kind thoughts about my grades. I might even study this weekend now.

Love,
-Sara R-C

― Sara R-C, Friday, 6 April 2007 15:59 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Beerz,

I am glad I bought and put you in the fridge on Wednesday. You are so frosty and make the sun that much better. Also plz to delay houseguest so I can truly enjoy not interacting with anyone but you. You have the power, I believe in you.

Yours meltingly,

K

― kv_nol, Friday, 6 April 2007 16:02 (eighteen years ago)

maria,

go, seriously. opportunities like this do NOT come along every day, and in my experience there's usually a way to work around whatever sacrifice you have to make to do it.

-gb

― get bent, Friday, 6 April 2007 16:12 (eighteen years ago)

Hopefully...
Dear Boat,
I am stepping on board.
Love, Maria

P.S. You could be the only truly rolling ilxor!
Posting from the middle of the ocean would be a coup!
Also, I want pictures of the boat.

― aimurchie, Friday, 6 April 2007 19:18 (eighteen years ago)

Dear NYC,

You are totally the only city I've ever lived in where a person can up and leave a restaurant because it's taking too long and the staff will just be like "whew, thanks for lightening the load! coffee's on us!"

Best,
Guy who keeps posting letters about his restaurant experiences

― nabisco, Friday, 6 April 2007 19:20 (eighteen years ago)

P.S. That means they'd forgotten to put in my order, doesn't it.

― nabisco, Friday, 6 April 2007 19:21 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Maria,

Like everyone else, I think you should go. Just go!

Seriously,
Sara R-C

― Sara R-C, Friday, 6 April 2007 19:21 (eighteen years ago)

Dear ILX,

Happy Easter weekend.

Go eat lots of chocolate bunnies.

-Love,
Sara R-C

― Sara R-C, Friday, 6 April 2007 20:59 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Sarah

OK!

http://img181.imageshack.us/img181/7178/pic19895tp6.jpg

love,
Puppyface

― Oilyrags, Friday, 6 April 2007 21:23 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Oilyrags,

HARDCORE

xoxoxo,
Dan

― HI DERE, Friday, 6 April 2007 21:29 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Oilyrags,

I truly hope you will not be responsible for my Easter dinner on Sunday.

Sincerely,

Sara R-C

― Sara R-C, Friday, 6 April 2007 21:32 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Oilys,

OMG

srsly,

hoosteen

― BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Friday, 6 April 2007 21:36 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Oilyrags,

I could dig up Sara's address for nefarious catering purposes if you come up with the correct price.

xoxoxo,
Dan

― HI DERE, Friday, 6 April 2007 21:38 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Dan,

I will not be here on Sunday, so Oilyrags would just be catering to the cats. They'd probably like it.

xo,
Sara R-C

― Sara R-C, Friday, 6 April 2007 21:41 (eighteen years ago)

Dear exam,

go write yourself.

cordially,
matt

― Gukbe, Friday, 6 April 2007 21:42 (eighteen years ago)

Dear shit,

You're crazy. Crazy!

Crushing under your weight,
Abbott

p.s. You are metaphorical

― Abbott, Friday, 6 April 2007 21:49 (eighteen years ago)

dear ilxors with high thresholds for blood 'n' guts:

http://www.whatjeffkilled.com/

have fun,
gb

― get bent, Friday, 6 April 2007 21:52 (eighteen years ago)

Dear my eyes,

I know it's been 6 months since you've worn contacts, but please SUCK IT UP and quit being crybabies. It's only because it's sunny out; tomorrow you will be naked orbs once more.

squintingly,
me

― Jaq, Friday, 6 April 2007 22:18 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Jaq,

The idea of eyes "sucking it up" is the weirdest mental image of the day.

slightly disturbed,

hoosteen

― BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Friday, 6 April 2007 22:42 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Bent -

Whoa! I haven't been to whatjeffkilled in AGES. I like the shot on this page with the bees drinking the decapitated bunnyheadjuices.

http://www.whatjeffkilled.com/112006.html

I wonder if Dan B. knows about this photos?

carnivorously,
Austin

― Oilyrags, Friday, 6 April 2007 23:21 (eighteen years ago)

Dear kitty,

I do love you, honestly I do, but JESUS GOD HOW CAN ONE SMALL CAT MAKE SUCH A LARGE HORRIBLE SMELL!? :(

gaggingly,
yr Humble Servant Trayce

― Trayce, Friday, 6 April 2007 23:43 (eighteen years ago)

Dear weekend,

Ah very good. That took long enough.

Yours
A Somewhat Relaxed Person Needing a Good Eggplant Recipe

― Ned Raggett, Friday, 6 April 2007 23:50 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Ned,

My eggplant/mushroom chili recipe is here somewhere. Highly recommended, works as a hearty main dish or a dip, keeps for a long time and gets spicier after a few days in the fridge.

Aubergine, monsieur. May your pamplemousse be ever juicy.

culinarily,
Jaq

― Jaq, Saturday, 7 April 2007 00:11 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Jaq,

Sounds lovely! I think I'll be doing something more basic tonight, but I'll keep that in mind for the future.

Yours
A Friend

― Ned Raggett, Saturday, 7 April 2007 00:13 (eighteen years ago)

Dear entire industry* I have chosen to work in-

Some days I hate evry single fucking one of you. Perhaps this is a sign that while you afford me a decent paycheck, I should begin laying the groundwork to get into a new career in the near future.

-g

PS- some days you're OK.

*this means all co-workers, colleagues, clients, vendors, competitors, and partner companies.

― g®▲Ðұ, Saturday, 7 April 2007 01:59 (eighteen years ago)

dear weekend,

lookout you, here i come.

-debbie deb

― get bent, Saturday, 7 April 2007 02:14 (eighteen years ago)

Dear 2pm beer drinkin,

why you haunt me at 9pm?

love,
tipsy

― Ms Misery, Saturday, 7 April 2007 02:19 (eighteen years ago)

Dear MizM,

Oohhh I know what you mean, ow.

yrs,
Already having a drink at lunchtime, oy.

― Trayce, Saturday, 7 April 2007 02:25 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Oilyrags,
That photo is intimidating and disgusting and awesome.
-Maria

Dear ILX,
Thank you for the affirmations - I know I should go but it's nice to have people confirm so I don't wonder if I'm crazy! And I won't actually be voyaging around the world on a boat, unfortunately, but I'll be traveling around on land checking out really old boats (specifically Greek and Viking ones!), hopefully working on maintaining replicas and taking whatever actual sailing opportunities I can find. Should be good times.
-Maria

― Maria, Saturday, 7 April 2007 05:55 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Maria,

All sounds even better. And think of it this way -- whatever else can be said about the Net and modern tech, it makes keeping in contact with folks when you're far away much easier. Give it a shot and have a blast.

Yers
One of Your ILX Enablers, I Guess

― Ned Raggett, Saturday, 7 April 2007 05:58 (eighteen years ago)

Dear brain,

Fuck you.

-Lingbert

― Oink Administrator, Saturday, 7 April 2007 06:42 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Maria,

Holy fucking shit, that sounds like the greatest experience all in the whole world. If there is anything, anything at all, that I can do to help you to make this thing happen (like lend you my home as a staging post so your family can come as far as Ireland and visit you, and you can visit them here also), just so I know someone, no matter how vaguely, who is having this experience, please let me know immediately.

Yours enthusiastically,

― accentmonkey, Saturday, 7 April 2007 07:55 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Maria,

Go, take me, I would make a good cabin boy.

Yrs

Ed

― Ed, Saturday, 7 April 2007 08:06 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Maria,

Surely you could find room for lots of us, right?

Wishfully thinking,
Sara R-C

― Sara R-C, Saturday, 7 April 2007 15:08 (eighteen years ago)

Dear horrible estate kids

Please stop hurling lumps of masonry around outside (and at) my workplace, so I don't have to go out and confront you about it. Innit?

Regards,
Matt #2

― Matt #2, Saturday, 7 April 2007 15:18 (eighteen years ago)

I think they've gone.

― Matt #2, Saturday, 7 April 2007 15:26 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Matt,

For my benefit, could you explain the meaning of "innit"? I have a rather intuitive, contextual grasp of it, but I couldn't explain it to anyone!

innit?

da hoos

― BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Saturday, 7 April 2007 17:41 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Hoos,

innit = how Londoners (and Björk) pronounce "isn't it"

Dutchophonic (so I'm just guessing too, but I think I'm right) greetings,
StanM

― StanM, Saturday, 7 April 2007 17:50 (eighteen years ago)

Dear, darling Hoos

"Innit" is a word Londoners place at the end of a sentence to clarify their statement, and make sure the listener has understood fully. London teenagers place it at the end of EVERY sentence, except for when they end a sentence with "knoworrimean?".

Hope that helps
Matt #2

― Matt #2, Saturday, 7 April 2007 17:56 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Mr. Que

I am revoltingly envious of you for getting to experience Spring in D.C. I miss it and want to come back for a long long time but unfortunately your government makes it difficult.

Can you please find an appropriate location to post some pictures of this year's spring in D.C. While I appreciate they will not be huegly dissimilar in nature to mine from last year I still want a taste of this year's blossoms.

Reagrds

Nick

― Uptoeleven, Saturday, 7 April 2007 18:00 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Vladimir Guerrero:

Keep it up, dawg.

Your fan,

Matt C.

― Dimension 5ive, Saturday, 7 April 2007 18:11 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Beerfest,

Thnx for all the beer.

Best,

rw

― river wolf, Saturday, 7 April 2007 18:24 (eighteen years ago)

Dear All
(X-cept those underage, sorry!)
,

Love & Kisses

t''t

― t**t, Saturday, 7 April 2007 18:53 (eighteen years ago)

dearest allergies,

you used to pwn me every fall when i lived in a different climate, but i moved and it's spring and you're here. thank you for making my eyeballs feel like they're being marinated in tobasco sauce.

missed you,
m

― strgn, Saturday, 7 April 2007 23:33 (eighteen years ago)

tabasco

― strgn, Saturday, 7 April 2007 23:34 (eighteen years ago)

Dear people in the car while I'm driving,

please stop second guessing my actions, I'm still learning.

Love,
James.

― james, Saturday, 7 April 2007 23:49 (eighteen years ago)

Dear British weather,

Stop fucking around and make your bloody mind up.

Ta,

M.

― Colonel Poo, Sunday, 8 April 2007 00:03 (eighteen years ago)

Dear hornytoads -

You used to be all over the place in this town, now I can't remember the last time I saw one of you guys chillin' out on a warm rock, waiting for a bug to get close enough to gobble up. What happened? I miss you.

Love,
Austin

― Oilyrags, Sunday, 8 April 2007 00:23 (eighteen years ago)

PS: "At least four species also have the ability to squirt an aimed stream of blood from the corners of the eyes for a distance of up to 3 feet."

That is totally amazing!

― Oilyrags, Sunday, 8 April 2007 00:25 (eighteen years ago)

PPS you are byootiful

― Oilyrags, Sunday, 8 April 2007 00:33 (eighteen years ago)

Dear cider,

You are evil. Ow. My head.

yrs in pain,
Hungover

― Trayce, Sunday, 8 April 2007 02:02 (eighteen years ago)

Dear risotto,

You tasted great!

Love,
A Happy Cook

Dear Newport Beach PD,

It's frickin' DR. BRONNER'S SOAP. You gonna bust Trader Joe's now? Jesus H.

Yours,
Free Don Bolles

― Ned Raggett, Sunday, 8 April 2007 02:06 (eighteen years ago)

Dear blood sugar levels,

Quit it with the afternoon crash. My hands are shaking and I hate what it does to my silly miserable mind.

fucked off,
me.

― Trayce, Sunday, 8 April 2007 06:32 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Easter,

I LOVE you! You are a great holiday and you make me think of spring and fearlessness and gratitude and love for things I feel but don't even fully understand. Plus your music can be pretty good, and you gave me a chance meeting with a very fun person today.
Now please send me friends to eat my fresh bread, I'm afraid they'll spend the whole day in the library or art studio!

Love,
Happy convert

― Maria, Sunday, 8 April 2007 15:52 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Me,

Get dressed and the #(*$& out of your apartment. This is what happened yesterday, only today you have to meet your boyfriend's parents in a couple hours. Prepare thyself! Drink coffee! Jump rope! DO SOMETHING!

ah crap,
Me

― Andi Mags, Sunday, 8 April 2007 17:07 (eighteen years ago)

dear me,
WHY DON'T YOU HAVE ANYTHING NICE TO WEAR??? It's all metallica and twisted sister t-shirts, you putz!

auuugh,
me

― Andi Mags, Sunday, 8 April 2007 17:31 (eighteen years ago)

Dear God

Same to you, fucknuts.

H

― That one guy that quit, Sunday, 8 April 2007 17:35 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Uploaders of dud torrents

You're on my list too btw.

H

― That one guy that quit, Sunday, 8 April 2007 17:37 (eighteen years ago)

dear girlfriend's parents,

y'all are all right. despite having some things to do today i'll gladly preempt them to spend some time with you guys.

love,

hoosteen

― BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Sunday, 8 April 2007 17:41 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Easter,

Who are you kidding.

Bored,
Max

― max, Sunday, 8 April 2007 19:26 (eighteen years ago)

Dear red wine

I love you. Please stop making me drink you though.

A x

― ailsa, Sunday, 8 April 2007 23:39 (eighteen years ago)

Ha!

Likewise.

― Keith, Sunday, 8 April 2007 23:40 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Grindhouse,

Yeah, you're good. I wouldn't say all-time GREAT but you were good and I only spent matinee prices anyway. Shoulda been one trailer about a goofy summer camp sex comedy, though.

Yours
A Satisfied Moviegoer

― Ned Raggett, Sunday, 8 April 2007 23:42 (eighteen years ago)

Dear my ex-flatmate

Stop being on teh telly as a pop star. It's weird.

love
A x

similarly:

dear friend of my husband

stop being a crushworthy telly person. It's weird as well.

love

A x

p.s. I don't think he knows I think you're crushworthy. let's keep it like that in case I meet you. less embarrassing all round.

― ailsa, Monday, 9 April 2007 00:01 (eighteen years ago)

dear easter sunday,

hi. you don't know me; i'm jewish. i just wanted to say that i did fuck-all today, and enjoyed every minute of it, and tonight i am going to drink vodka tonics and do yoga, in no particular order.

jesus was way cool,
gb

― get bent, Monday, 9 April 2007 00:56 (eighteen years ago)

Dear me,

Stop moping. You're an idiot and you made an error of judgement. Get over it already. Write some music or something.

still kickin' yo ass,
Trayce

― Trayce, Monday, 9 April 2007 01:05 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Ailsa,

You can't throw that kind of thing up there without some clues. What people are you talking about?

Yours,

― accentmonkey, Monday, 9 April 2007 12:21 (eighteen years ago)

Dear accentmonkey

#1 = current #1 band in the charts (not one of the main two guys)
#2 = I think I've mentioned WHO he is before, haven't I?

yours unsubtley
A x

― ailsa, Monday, 9 April 2007 12:26 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Ailsa,

Connected!

― accentmonkey, Monday, 9 April 2007 12:38 (eighteen years ago)

dear brain,

stop with the embarrassing replays on a continuous loop, please. seriously, let's just move on and forget about it, ok?

thanks,
rest of the body

― chicago kevin, Monday, 9 April 2007 13:16 (eighteen years ago)

kevin,
my sympathies.
-maria

college,
can you just give me a diploma now, please? do i really have to do this for another six weeks?
-booored

― Maria, Monday, 9 April 2007 14:39 (eighteen years ago)

Dear my pops,

Sorry I had to hand you your ass last night on the phone when you tried once again to tear down my entire life. I am an adult, I've accomplished a lot more than you ever did, you can stop trying to make me feel like shit now. I'm over it.

Peace,

Me with a big smile on my face.

― Dimension 5ive, Monday, 9 April 2007 14:48 (eighteen years ago)

Dear HI DERE,

Who if any of the people in this story...

Imagine, if you will, a winter party filled with drunken high school kids. Things being what they are in Hastings, a guy I will call Chuck decided that the perfect time to show off the brand new truck that his parents bought him. He and his best friend, whom I will call Gene, arrived at the party and were a big hit. Everyone was admiring Chuck's truck, including a girl I will call Harriet. Now, Harriet and Gene had had some level of attraction before, but had never done anything about it. At this party, however, there was the right level of booze to make them both feel that they needed to take their relationship to the next level. They both disappeared after a while, but there was so much booze and carousing going on that no one noticed they were gone until Gene wandered into the kitchen. He looked HORRIBLE; everyone thought he'd been beaten up or had fallen head-first into something. He had a drunken grin and his face and wouldn't tell people what had happened to him, but he had blood all over his face and shirt. No one could figure out what had happened until Eve staggered in the front door, hair all askew and buttoning up her jeans. Chuck stared at her, then at Gene, who was looking at Eve all goofily. Chuck then made a remarkable intuitive leap, grabbed Gene by the shoulders and began shaking him. "TELL ME YOU DIDN'T GO DOWN ON HER IN MY TRUCK!" he shouted. Gene could only giggle. No amount of cleaning could get Eve's menstrual smell out of the upholstery, which meant that Chuck was forced to spend the next two months driving around with his windows down. This wouldn't normally be that big of a deal, but this party happened in early January.
The next day, Gene was extraordinarily pleased with himself until he looked in the mirror.

-- Dang Perry

...post on ILX now?

Love,

Eve's menstrual smell

― nickalicious, Monday, 9 April 2007 14:52 (eighteen years ago)

did harriet turn into eve or are these two totally different women?

― Maria, Monday, 9 April 2007 14:58 (eighteen years ago)

Dear boyfriend's parents,

You were very nice and obviously still incredibly in love with each other. That gives me great hope for the future. Your son is teh ossum.

YAY,
Andi

― Andi Mags, Monday, 9 April 2007 15:04 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Maria,

Harriet totally turned into Eve. Dang continuity...

cheers,
another reader of said hilariously bizarro story

― Andi Mags, Monday, 9 April 2007 15:09 (eighteen years ago)

I think Eve must've been her real name. poor girl.

― Ms Misery, Monday, 9 April 2007 17:05 (eighteen years ago)

Names changed to protect the innocent. Then changed back, cause why the hell not?

― Oilyrags, Monday, 9 April 2007 17:14 (eighteen years ago)

'cause Dan forgot.

― Ms Misery, Monday, 9 April 2007 17:15 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Sam, Austin, Andi, Maria, Nickalicious and also Dan,

I can only tell you that I never met anyone named "Harriet" or "Eve" in the town we grew up in. Also, I have no idea who Dan is talking about, so my assumption is that it happened Dan's senior year.

Love,
a Hastings ex-pat

― Sara R-C, Monday, 9 April 2007 17:21 (eighteen years ago)

Hahaha Dear Ms. M,

Poor girl? It sounds like Harriet totally got the best deal in the whole story!

― nabisco, Monday, 9 April 2007 17:50 (eighteen years ago)

dear face,

why u braek out all time? you had perfect skin all through your twenties but now it's like you're 13 again. pls advise.

-me

― get bent, Monday, 9 April 2007 18:33 (eighteen years ago)

Dear ILE,

Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha no one in that story posts here! Sadly. (Same is true of the "I think I got a boner" story parties.)

xoxoxo,
Dan

― HI DERE, Monday, 9 April 2007 18:56 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Trayce,

Thanks for having just enough presence of mind not to attempt posting while high off yr tree last night. A wise move all round.

phew,
self.

― Trayce, Monday, 9 April 2007 21:48 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Parents of ILX,

Please only post pictures of your unbearably cute offspring in the parenting thread. That way I can decide when I want to look at them. Their adorable faces are just feeding my cluckiness which is very bad as I'm nowhere near ready to have baby, despite the fact that my uterus seems to think otherwise.

ps - I want to hug all these ILX babies!!

I thank you in advance.

Best,

Erica

― ENBB, Tuesday, 10 April 2007 14:42 (eighteen years ago)

Dear ILE

http://img229.imageshack.us/img229/7119/howdoileusers7zz.jpg

love,
teh_kit

― g-kit, Tuesday, 10 April 2007 14:45 (eighteen years ago)

dear spring,

it was so good to see you for those 4 days 3 weeks ago, you really should come back and stay a little longer. everyone's been asking about you and you are really and truly missed. it would be nice to see you again and maybe hang out at the lake or go to the zoo or even just hang around the park or something. maybe grab a beer at a beer garden. so please, won't you come back?

consider it, please.

longingly,
the city of chicago

― chicago kevin, Tuesday, 10 April 2007 14:45 (eighteen years ago)

Dear late night arguments, Spin Magazine, shitty danishes & awful coffee,

fuck all y'all.

love,

hoosteen

holy shit xpost

― BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Tuesday, 10 April 2007 14:46 (eighteen years ago)

p.s. hey fog fuck you too

― BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Tuesday, 10 April 2007 14:46 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Erica,

Perhaps you could babysit for my adorable children. You could hug them if you wanted to. But I'd be forced to remind you that they behave better for strangers than for their parents...

Love,
Sara R-C

― Sara R-C, Tuesday, 10 April 2007 14:47 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Sara,

I you lived closer I would totally babysit for them! See, that would be ideal because they'd be nice to me and I could give them back to you at the end of the night and then sleep in the next day. Perfect! Hmph. I have to find some new friends, the kind who have kids.

~ E

― ENBB, Tuesday, 10 April 2007 14:52 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Erica,

Please move closer! I'm relying on local college kids here...

-Sara

― Sara R-C, Tuesday, 10 April 2007 14:57 (eighteen years ago)

dear my new pad

you are SO FUCKING LUSH and I could just sit in you all day. oh wait, that's right, I CAN!

in anticipation of good times
lex xxxxxxxxx

― lex pretend, Tuesday, 10 April 2007 18:35 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Philip Roth,

What is up with the awful crow metaphor/symbolism in The Human Stain? You are a much better writer than this.

Sadly,

Mr. Que

― Mr. Que, Tuesday, 10 April 2007 18:42 (eighteen years ago)

dear future kevin

get some rest tonight, it'll be for the best.

please,
present kevin

― chicago kevin, Tuesday, 10 April 2007 18:48 (eighteen years ago)

Dear dude(s) who sit outside my neighbor's house and beep their fucking car horns for like 10 minutes until my neighbor comes out:

They have invented cell phones. Please buy one before I shoot out your windshield with a BB gun.

Love and kisses,
Me

― n/a, Tuesday, 10 April 2007 18:48 (eighteen years ago)

dear job interview today at 3:30 pm,

I am really nervous for you, why? i dont know.

bye,
mandee

― homosexual II, Tuesday, 10 April 2007 18:53 (eighteen years ago)

nick, was it just my imagination or was the russian orthodox church tolling the bell every hour for twenty four fucking hours on easter? i was walking home at 4 a.m. and the goddamn bells started ringing! it scared the shit out of me then i was paranoid because why would they be ringing the bells at 4 a.m.?

― chicago kevin, Tuesday, 10 April 2007 18:53 (eighteen years ago)

Dear mandee -

Good luck at your interview. I'm sure you'll do great!

-Sara R-C

― Sara R-C, Tuesday, 10 April 2007 18:55 (eighteen years ago)

Hmm I didn't notice it.

― n/a, Tuesday, 10 April 2007 18:55 (eighteen years ago)

scared the absolute shit out of me.

― chicago kevin, Tuesday, 10 April 2007 18:57 (eighteen years ago)

Dear my colleagues,

After 4 days off I was really dreading going to work, but when I got there, I realised how cool you all are,. Thanks for that!

Love,
Mark

p.s. not Nicholas, he smells

― Mark C, Tuesday, 10 April 2007 19:18 (eighteen years ago)

dear internets,

there's something i very much need to look at for a report that i have to turn in yesterday. stop making the page time out!!!

feh,
not amused

― get bent, Tuesday, 10 April 2007 19:46 (eighteen years ago)

dear chicago kevin-

where is your favorite place to enjoy a springtime beer outdoors in chicago?

i always enjoyed having a berghoff dark at moody's on broadway, followed by a bike ride home.

-grady

― g®▲Ðұ, Tuesday, 10 April 2007 19:56 (eighteen years ago)

favorite? not sure how to rate a favorite. tuman's is my local because it's 3 blocks away. it's nice becaue it has western exposure and there's a lot of foot traffic to people watch. as far as beer gardens go, happy village on wolcott is good. i tend to stay in my neighborhood when i'm drinking.

― chicago kevin, Tuesday, 10 April 2007 20:02 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Kevin,

Don't break thread protocal!

-Pedant

― Ms Misery, Tuesday, 10 April 2007 20:03 (eighteen years ago)

dear misery,

please overlook my misstep and accept my appology.

;_;

kevin

― chicago kevin, Tuesday, 10 April 2007 20:08 (eighteen years ago)

dear today,

fucking end!!!

thank you,
ally

― the schef (adam schefter ha ha), Tuesday, 10 April 2007 20:24 (eighteen years ago)

Undersigned by

-Austin

― Oilyrags, Tuesday, 10 April 2007 20:36 (eighteen years ago)

cosignatory

da hoos

― BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Tuesday, 10 April 2007 20:55 (eighteen years ago)

Agreed, motion fourthed, etc.

Yers
Ned

― Ned Raggett, Tuesday, 10 April 2007 20:57 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Housemates.

Turn off the TV. Turn it off, now. It does not need to be on whenever you are both home and awake. Yes, I am aware that there are plenty of people who leave it on even if they are absent and asleep. I don't fucking care. The TV is on all the goddamn time and it's driving me crazy. You watch shows and movies you've seen before. Sometimes dozens of times before. It's fucking insane and you are fucking insane to do it. You don't even concentrate on it, so it can't be a source of that much pleasure for you. You keep it on when you're doing other things, such as cooking or cleaning or writing email. You turn the sound off and let it run while you talk on the phone. If I try to talk to you, you don't hear what I'm saying because the fucking TV is in your eyes and ears. I admit, that part of my disapproval stems from the fact that I sometimes find myself unable to watch what I want, but that still amounts to maybe five hours a week compared to the easy ten or twelve a day that you must let roll over you. It's wrong, it's unhealthy, and its just plain rude.

TURN OFF THE FUCKING TV, IF NOT ME FOR THE HEALTH OF YOUR OWN BODY AND MIND, SHUT THE GODDAMN THING DOWN, RIGHT NOW!

love,
Austin

― Oilyrags, Wednesday, 11 April 2007 04:06 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Austin,

Live alone ASAP. Trust me. Eases the soul.

Yers
One Who Made Such a Step

― Ned Raggett, Wednesday, 11 April 2007 04:07 (eighteen years ago)

Dear upstairs roommate who plays loud music late on school nights,

You're doing it again. You're lucky I didn't finish my homework yet, but when I do, I'm going to have to come up there and ask you to turn it down. There is no way my earplugs can drown this out, I can hear my ceiling/your floor vibrating.

-kind of annoyed

Dear Austin,

My sympathies. You should unplug the TV, hide the remote, and see how long it takes them to figure it out.

-Maria

― Maria, Wednesday, 11 April 2007 04:15 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Ned -

As soon as $$$ allow, trust me.

Dear Maria -

I'd never hear the end of it. You know that, right?

Love,
Austin

― Oilyrags, Wednesday, 11 April 2007 04:17 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Austin,

Do you live with my former college roommate? She did that with the tv. She also had an insane fixation on aerosol air fresheners, which, by the way, smell horrible. She ground her teeth in her sleep, too.

Sincerely,
A Person with a Memory for That Kind of Thing

― Sara R-C, Wednesday, 11 April 2007 04:20 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Austin's housemates,

Learn to appreciate music, you twits. It is far preferable listening to music than TV while cooking or cleaning or writing email.

Take a leaf out of Austin's book and watch TV in discerning moderation.

Truly
HLA

― Hard like armour, Wednesday, 11 April 2007 04:27 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Sara,

Sadly, I think a fixation bordering on addictive to the tube is not at all a rare trait in these United States. I think rather that it is a pandemic that probably currently affects a majority of citizens and residents. May William Paley have mercy on our souls.

Regards,
The guy who feels like a hypocrite now since he's on the web and listening to records so much.

PS - BUT IT'S NOT THE SAME AT ALL, DAMNIT!

― Oilyrags, Wednesday, 11 April 2007 04:28 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Austin -

Here's the part I don't get - if they are not watching the tv, why is it still on?! It was very hard to study through that (I'm still complaining 15 years later...).

Also, don't feel hypocritical; when you are on the Web you are actually USING it, and when you are listening to music, you're likely paying some attention to it. (Also, music makes good background noise, unlike things with TALKING and PLOTS.)

Good luck changing the situation!

-Sara R-C

― Sara R-C, Wednesday, 11 April 2007 04:34 (eighteen years ago)

HLA,

Really they should listen to anyone with a handle like that.

-Maria

― Maria, Wednesday, 11 April 2007 04:38 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Sara -

That is the part I don't get, too. Well, one of several parts.

sleepily,
mr. testy

― Oilyrags, Wednesday, 11 April 2007 04:45 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Maria,

Don't tell Austin's housemates, but in context it came from:

And when you come to cover me
With your kisses hard like armour

So, not all that tough really.

Meekly,
HLA

― Hard like armour, Wednesday, 11 April 2007 04:50 (eighteen years ago)

dear me,

ur dumm. if you'd turned in your part of the project when you were supposed to you could have gone to see tom hayden leading an anti-sweatshop rally on campus today.

dumbass.

― get bent, Wednesday, 11 April 2007 06:02 (eighteen years ago)

dear drunks,

i asked this in chat, but would you say that chilled vodka + no vermouth qualifies as an extra dry martini? one site says an extra dry martini is 3-5 drops vermouth, and i was taught that many bartenders pretend to pour the vermouth into the shaker glass as a ceremonial thing while holding their thumb over the pourer all the while.

just curious,
get bent

― get bent, Wednesday, 11 April 2007 06:13 (eighteen years ago)

this is assuming that olive/lemon/etc are to be added later as garnishes.

― get bent, Wednesday, 11 April 2007 06:15 (eighteen years ago)

Dear UK,

Who the hell are Katie and Pete?

love,
bewildered American reality TV watcher

― Ms Misery, Wednesday, 11 April 2007 15:58 (eighteen years ago)

Dear bewildered American reality TV watcher

They are our revenge for Ruby Wax

love,
the UK

― ailsa, Wednesday, 11 April 2007 16:00 (eighteen years ago)

P.S. glamour model and long-forgotten-but-sadly-re-remembered pop star.

― ailsa, Wednesday, 11 April 2007 16:01 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Alisa,

I don't think most Americans will know who Ruby Wax is!! I'd never seen or heard of here until I moved to the UK. I don't think she has ever had a career in the US and if she has, it passed me by!

E

― ENBB, Wednesday, 11 April 2007 16:17 (eighteen years ago)

Dear ENBB,

I do. But I never heard dick about "katie and pete" until the E! channel was telling me they were the most exciting newlyweds EVAH. Me: ???

sticking to thread format faithfully,
S

― Ms Misery, Wednesday, 11 April 2007 16:21 (eighteen years ago)

Dear My Interview this morning:

You seemed to go really well! Wouldn't it be lovely if you got me hired for real and off the temp treadmill?

Expectantly,
That guy who is no longer as uncomforatable now that he has loosened his tie and undone his top button.

― Oilyrags, Wednesday, 11 April 2007 16:24 (eighteen years ago)

Dear MM,

Katie and Pete are ridiculous. I'm not big on reality television but I may actually have to watch that at least once just to see how horrible it is! If you want to learn more, I belive she wrote a book about herself. I'm sure it's brilliant. ;-)

~ E

― ENBB, Wednesday, 11 April 2007 16:26 (eighteen years ago)

Dear ENBB,

I only know Ruby Wax from BBC America.

Cordially,

M

― Michael White, Wednesday, 11 April 2007 16:31 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Women who might find me in some way attractive,

Could you come out of hiding please?

Ta

J

ps. And pass a message on to the guys who do find me attractive, It's flattering, but no thanks, I do actually only fancy girls.

― Stone Monkey, Wednesday, 11 April 2007 16:51 (eighteen years ago)

dear girl from the bus,

you are v. cute. that one time our bus broke down and all 50 of us were stranded by the highway sucked, but it did give me the opportunity to comment on our situation. it was an innocent comment about the bus thing that (i'm suddenly worried) might sound like a pickup attempt! it was not. not that, if i was single, i wouldn't try to pick you up! but it was innocent.

bumblingly,

hoosteen

― BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Wednesday, 11 April 2007 21:26 (eighteen years ago)

Dear America

I understand that you don't give one rat's ass about Ruby Wax. It is understandable, but we now have to suffer her instead. Please accept that we are now doing the same to you with Katie and Pete. It's only fair.

love
teh Britishes

― ailsa, Wednesday, 11 April 2007 21:30 (eighteen years ago)

dear people,

who the fuck are "katie and pete"?

thx,
ally

― the schef (adam schefter ha ha), Wednesday, 11 April 2007 21:34 (eighteen years ago)

dear people ally just addressed,

is it like a skinamax version of pete and pete?

please say yes,
ktr

― chicago kevin, Wednesday, 11 April 2007 21:37 (eighteen years ago)

oh man what are you doing!

― the schef (adam schefter ha ha), Wednesday, 11 April 2007 21:38 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Ally,

Thank you for not knowing who "Katie and Pete" are. I was worried that I was the only one.

Relieved,
Sara

― Sara R-C, Wednesday, 11 April 2007 21:40 (eighteen years ago)

dear people,

should i feel weird that i know who katie and pete are? :-(

i feel so left out.

-ian riese-moraine

― get bent, Wednesday, 11 April 2007 21:42 (eighteen years ago)

Dear you lot

Stop making refer to them as Katie and Pete anyway. They are Jordan and Peter. And you're welcome to them.

love
ailsa

― ailsa, Wednesday, 11 April 2007 21:48 (eighteen years ago)

dear everyone,

ok who the hell are jordan and peter?

thx in advance,
ally

― the schef (adam schefter ha ha), Wednesday, 11 April 2007 21:48 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Ally

I explained already! Please keep up. They are a glamour model and a should-have-been-long-forgotten bad pop star.

Yours helpfully
ailsa

― ailsa, Wednesday, 11 April 2007 21:50 (eighteen years ago)

Dear all of you,

Australia apologises for Peter by the way. We didn't want him.

kisses,
Trayce

― Trayce, Wednesday, 11 April 2007 21:52 (eighteen years ago)

Dear UK

Pete Doherty and Kate Moss, right?

P. Plains

― Pleasant Plains, Wednesday, 11 April 2007 21:54 (eighteen years ago)

Dear curious people

Here is a video of Katie/Jordan singing. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AiZ__Ic2Qmc

You don't have to thank me.

love
ailsa

P.S. Pleasant Plains, no. Even worse. Or better. Depends on your outlook in respect of underachieving celebs, I guess

― ailsa, Wednesday, 11 April 2007 21:58 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Wednesday:

You suck.

Love,

luna

― luna, Wednesday, 11 April 2007 22:09 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Partners:

This move was your stupid idea, not mine, stop trying to make me do everything because if you keep it up at the pace you've already set, I will have all your crap moved to Nepal and I will find myself another job wot pays more.

Fuckers.

luna

― luna, Wednesday, 11 April 2007 22:10 (eighteen years ago)

Fuckers!

Stop fuckin' with Luna!
Like, now.

Huh,

t'

― t**t, Wednesday, 11 April 2007 22:21 (eighteen years ago)

Dear week,

Look, I know you're a bit shorter than normal, but you're not short enough dammit.

Love,

FP

― Forest Pines, Thursday, 12 April 2007 09:08 (eighteen years ago)

Dear essay,

please write thyself.

Fanks,

-miss e kawasaki-

― emil.y, Thursday, 12 April 2007 12:09 (eighteen years ago)

Dear All Parties Interested in Learning More about Katie/Jordan and Peter,

This pretty much sums it all up:

http://www.boreme.com/media/yr2005/jordan-andre-1.jpg

Also, just so everyone is clear on what a "glamour" model is, because I certainly wasn't since we don't use that term here, it basically means topless.

― ENBB, Thursday, 12 April 2007 13:28 (eighteen years ago)

dear next 32 hours,

please disappear in the blink of an eye because i could really use the weekend about now. nothing personal mind you, i just need to not go to work for a couple of days.

see what you can do.

thanks,
ktr

― chicago kevin, Thursday, 12 April 2007 13:33 (eighteen years ago)

Dear everyone I confused,

Here's the show I was referencing.

Love,
Someone who watches way too much television

― Ms Misery, Thursday, 12 April 2007 13:40 (eighteen years ago)

dear spring,

i think u r v v pretty

kisses,
c.

― c sharp major, Thursday, 12 April 2007 16:01 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Robbo Ranx,

How do you and your selections kick SO much ass?

love,

hoosteen

― BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Thursday, 12 April 2007 16:04 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Sociology of Pop Culture Professor,

Sorry I was lazy and cannibalized an old essay about Ice Cube for your class. I realized on the bus this morning that I totally could have pulled several pages worth of textual analysis out of "Idioteque," and now regret not doing so instead. I might write the Idioteque paper this summer just for fun, if that makes you feel any better.

love,

da hoos

― BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Thursday, 12 April 2007 16:07 (eighteen years ago)

Dear pulled barbecue chicken,

As much as I have enjoyed eating you, after spilling barbecue sauce on my clothes twice this week I admit that you are an impractical choice for lunch at work. Farewell, until we can meet again.

Love,
Brent

― Brent, Thursday, 12 April 2007 17:01 (eighteen years ago)

Dear bank account,

Why have you grown so small? You used to be so big and meaty, and now you are small and puny. This could pose a problem in the upcoming months. Please attempt to recover in a self-sufficient manner.

Dear lunch menu at T1ll3tt dining hall,

Baby I want you so bad right now I can taste it. Alas, by the time I am freed from work, you will be gone; it could be days, weeks before you re-appear in your full form: chicken patty, barbecue riblets sandwich (on only the freshest of rolls!), and delicious grilled-cheese. I crave thee, T1ll3tt lunch.

Steve.

― Stevie D, Thursday, 12 April 2007 17:25 (eighteen years ago)

Dear the search function -

You suck! All I want is the Office thread, and I can't find you by searching Office, Carrell, Michael Scott, etc.. Kindly begin working.

frustrated,
A

― Oilyrags, Friday, 13 April 2007 02:10 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Oilyrags,

Have you tried Direct ILX Search?

Luv
A Low-Key Ueberlord

― Ned Raggett, Friday, 13 April 2007 02:20 (eighteen years ago)

Dear mentally ill person in my family,

I love you, and know you're suffering much more than I am, but I am so angry that for an entire year, other members of my family have been unable to visit me because you are in a constant state of crisis. I really got excited this time, thinking it was going to happen for the first time, just to get an e-mail cancellation less than a day in advance because of your most recent emergency. And I know I will get over the disappointment without having a breakdown or contemplating suicide, so what do I, lucky lucky me, even have to complain about in a relative sense...but frankly my first reaction wasn't sympathy, it was to be angry at how selfish you are to ruin this AGAIN. I will pray for more patience for myself because I know intellectually that it's not your fault, but I wish you would also recognize intellectually that everyone else does make sacrifices for you and not just assume we're perfectly calm, happy, and lucky because we don't have diagnosed mental illnesses so nothing that happens to us can hurt.

-Angry relation

― Maria, Friday, 13 April 2007 02:21 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Nedric

I have now, you wise and lovely man.

gratefully yours,
the schmuck who never even saw the "Direct ILX Search" link until now

― Oilyrags, Friday, 13 April 2007 02:26 (eighteen years ago)

Dear ILX,

I'm going away now. Thankyou for a really enjoyable month of working-my-notice-by-posting-stuff-and-doing-three-fifths-of-fuck-all-else. I'd make this less final, but I don't even know whether I'll have access to teh internet in my new job, let alone the time to post.

So, thankyou, all of you. It's been lovely.

Take care,

peteR xx.

― peteR, Friday, 13 April 2007 13:28 (eighteen years ago)

Dear peteR,

Good luck with your new job!

yours,
ILx

― Ms Misery, Friday, 13 April 2007 13:33 (eighteen years ago)

dear university,

why to make me stay up til 5 doing this stupid works.

why to make me catch 7 oclock bus.

why.

love

hoostizzle

― BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Tuesday, 17 April 2007 09:45 (eighteen years ago)

dear past week,

thank you for having been so amazingly great. Skiing under the sun + getting positive results from my school interview really made me my ... week. I won't have to worry anymore about having stopped going to uni.

Love,
Jibe

― Jibe, Tuesday, 17 April 2007 13:15 (eighteen years ago)

dear tuesday afternoon meeting-

you were pretty boring until we got to the Japanese company's dinner this weekend which will feature a curry-eating contest on stage with seven contestants. veering from normal boring meeting topics for 15 minutes to come up with a contingency plan in the event of single or multiple on-stage vomiting episode made my afternoon.

see you friday afternoon,

-g

― g®▲Ðұ, Wednesday, 18 April 2007 00:59 (eighteen years ago)

Dear ILX,

Hi, I am going away for awhile. There are things I can't be around here. I'll be back some time.

Bye.
Trayce

― Trayce, Wednesday, 18 April 2007 15:27 (eighteen years ago)

:( bye trayce

― Ms Misery, Wednesday, 18 April 2007 15:29 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Trayce,

That's too bad. Come back soon.

― accentmonkey, Wednesday, 18 April 2007 15:30 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Flatmate what ran off with my girlfriend,

I like you - but you better watch it and not pull any funny business. Let us know when you're moving out.

Keep it real

Grozart

― the next grozart, Wednesday, 18 April 2007 15:31 (eighteen years ago)

bye trayce!

― the next grozart, Wednesday, 18 April 2007 15:31 (eighteen years ago)

WAHT
bye trayce, don't be gone long ;_;

― g-kit, Wednesday, 18 April 2007 15:41 (eighteen years ago)

dear me,

stop being too unmotivated to go to class. this is seriously ridiculous.

if they paid me for class I'd probably show up,
me

― jessie monster, Wednesday, 18 April 2007 15:42 (eighteen years ago)

dear weird colleague

don't touch me. not even a "friendly" "matey" pat on the shoulder. just. don't. do. it.

no love
lex

― lex pretend, Wednesday, 18 April 2007 15:56 (eighteen years ago)

Dear allergies,

Fuck you.

yrs sincrly etc,

Jaq

― Jaq, Wednesday, 18 April 2007 16:31 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Trayce,

Ha, I tried that once.

P. Pains

― Pleasant Plains, Wednesday, 18 April 2007 17:34 (eighteen years ago)

dear h&m,

your sizing system is mysterious to me. a size 4 in one button down shirt should not be BIGGER than a size 8 in a very similar but slightly different style shirt.

thank you,
ally

dear ally,

please stop walking into stores and picking up hundreds of carbon copies of things you already own and then being genuinely and honestly surprised every morning when you open your closet and are faced with several pairs of identical black boots and an army of black, red and/or white blouses and hoodies. at best, this behavior is really dumb; at worst, this is some kind of insane ocd fixation that probably requires therapy.

thank you,
yourself

― the schef (adam schefter ha ha), Wednesday, 18 April 2007 17:41 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Ally,

There is nothing wrong with owning clothing only in shades of red, white, and black. I am personally completely sure of this because have you seen my shelves lately? Yeah. Try a new hem length, instead.

All my love,

― Laurel, Wednesday, 18 April 2007 17:50 (eighteen years ago)

dear laurel,

i can wear my business miniskirts anywhere i like, stop trying to stop me!

xo,
ally

― the schef (adam schefter ha ha), Wednesday, 18 April 2007 17:50 (eighteen years ago)

Dearest Allyzay,

I'm just saying that if THE CIRCULATOR's insurance company finds out that you dropped your wallet in the street in front of that bus, no adjuster in the world is going to raise their rates.

May 12 is blood diamonds,

― Laurel, Wednesday, 18 April 2007 17:54 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Ally,

I heart the concept of "business miniskirt."

Love,
Sara

― Sara R-C, Wednesday, 18 April 2007 17:54 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Circulator,

It is time for you.

Love

Washington D.C.

― Mr. Que, Wednesday, 18 April 2007 17:55 (eighteen years ago)

dear everyone,

i am wearing a sensible length skirt today because i didn't want to put on tights and the weather is cold. ;_;

i'm sorry,
ally

― the schef (adam schefter ha ha), Wednesday, 18 April 2007 18:06 (eighteen years ago)

dear ally,

we don't care

with love,
most of everyone

― modestmickey, Wednesday, 18 April 2007 18:09 (eighteen years ago)

dear mickey,

basically everyone hates you? fuck off? a whole pile of us don't understand why you weren't just banned already?

sincerely,
ally

― the schef (adam schefter ha ha), Wednesday, 18 April 2007 18:11 (eighteen years ago)

dear mickey,

take your narc ass somewhere else

love

everyone else

― Mr. Que, Wednesday, 18 April 2007 18:12 (eighteen years ago)

dear both you assholes,

do you just copy and paste that or retype it every time?

love you guys,
mickey

― modestmickey, Wednesday, 18 April 2007 18:12 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Mickey,

Shouldn't you be baking yourself a birthday cake right about now?

P. Pains

― Pleasant Plains, Wednesday, 18 April 2007 18:13 (eighteen years ago)

Shania hates mayo all right, and she can't eat chicken salad, thats no joke. We gave it to her once, she threw up in the limo - the lady hates chicken salad. So I bring out a bunch of tuna fish sandwiches - she still doesn't believe me - I say, Shania, I'm allergic to mayo - which, by the way, is a lie. Shania still doesn't believe me so I eat two of the sandwiches in front of her to prove it. So she eats one and a half sandwiches, one and a half sandwiches... before she realizes, its chicken salad.

― the schef (adam schefter ha ha), Wednesday, 18 April 2007 18:14 (eighteen years ago)

dear thread,

bwah hah hah hah hah

love,

me

― Dimension 5ive, Wednesday, 18 April 2007 18:14 (eighteen years ago)

Dear PP,

i don't get what that means. spell it out or think up a better zing.

anxiously awaiting the next attempt, hugs and kisses,
mickey

― modestmickey, Wednesday, 18 April 2007 18:19 (eighteen years ago)

dear everyone except mickey,

he clearly gets off on this. let's break the cycle.

grossed out,
horseshoe

― horseshoe, Wednesday, 18 April 2007 18:19 (eighteen years ago)

Isn't it funny how you used to be in the nut house and now I'm in jail?

― the schef (adam schefter ha ha), Wednesday, 18 April 2007 18:21 (eighteen years ago)

dEAR mICKEY,

Dammit, now I'm getting you confused with Wrinklepaws.

Signed,
Forest Pine-- I MEAN PLEASANT PLAINS, SHIT.

― Pleasant Plains, Wednesday, 18 April 2007 18:36 (eighteen years ago)

http://z.about.com/d/horror/1/0/H/6/Mickey-Rourke72A.jpg

― ghost rider, Wednesday, 18 April 2007 18:36 (eighteen years ago)

DAER ALL YOU FUCKERS,

Miniskirts.

That is all,

― Laurel, Wednesday, 18 April 2007 18:41 (eighteen years ago)

dear bronchitis,

stop making me sound like a 60-year-old chain smoker.

love,
JUST SOMEONE THAT WANTS HER NORMAL VOICE BACK

― get bent, Wednesday, 18 April 2007 21:10 (eighteen years ago)

dear Trayce,

we miss you already.

Love,
ILX

― StanM, Wednesday, 18 April 2007 21:12 (eighteen years ago)

indeed.

― Curt1s Stephens, Wednesday, 18 April 2007 21:13 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Pad Thai,

It's been great, but I'm leaving you for chicken satay. Sorry.

Love,
Max

― max, Wednesday, 18 April 2007 21:24 (eighteen years ago)

dear dude,

don't do it.

sternly,
kevin

― chicago kevin, Wednesday, 18 April 2007 21:36 (eighteen years ago)

Dear the pee-pee poll thread-

The fact that you have over 500 posts in only a few hours makes me very, very sad.

forking the stream-
Austin

― Oilyrags, Wednesday, 18 April 2007 23:15 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Oilyrags,

Have you read the thread? IT'S GENIUS

xoxoxo,
Dan

― HI DERE, Wednesday, 18 April 2007 23:39 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Oilyrags and Dan -

That thread has given me something new to contemplate during next week's renal lab. Therefore... classic.

xo,
Sara

― Sara R-C, Wednesday, 18 April 2007 23:55 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Oilyrags,

Don't cross the streams! Nooooo

ghostbustin,

da hoos

― BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Thursday, 19 April 2007 00:07 (eighteen years ago)

Ayo, Hoos

You ever take advantage of the Fine Arts Library? They got some hot shit over there.

flossin' eyepatch and parrot,
-Austin

― Oilyrags, Thursday, 19 April 2007 00:20 (eighteen years ago)

Oilys,

I have naught. I'll have to doodat. Are you going to the Joe McPhee show at Victory Grill next week?

expectant,

hoostisizzlerizzle

― BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Thursday, 19 April 2007 03:26 (eighteen years ago)

dear indian food,

You light up my life
You give me hope
To carry on
You light up my days
and fill my nights with song

fondly,
debby "get bent" boone

― get bent, Thursday, 19 April 2007 04:01 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Hoos,

Do you live in Austin too?

xo
MsMiz on Campus

― Ms Misery, Thursday, 19 April 2007 13:57 (eighteen years ago)

dear dude,

good job.

hopeful,
ktr

― chicago kevin, Thursday, 19 April 2007 13:58 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Les Mis,

I do indeed!

adverbly,

hoosteen

― BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Thursday, 19 April 2007 15:15 (eighteen years ago)

Dear anyone with a valid UTID or TexShare card,

Here's what you do:

1 Go here: http://utdirect.utexas.edu/lib/utnetcat/kword.html

2 Change "All formats of material" to "CD" or "DVD"

3 in the mixed keyword line enter a musician or movie or TV show you want.

4 Hit Search.

5 Go nuts!

I'm saying - there's a few monster box sets that they won't let you take out of the library, but I'm sure you can figure out how to circumvent that little restriction.

― Oilyrags, Thursday, 19 April 2007 15:46 (eighteen years ago)

I never ever go to the libraries. lazy.

― Ms Misery, Thursday, 19 April 2007 15:47 (eighteen years ago)

Oh yeah -

Love,
Austin

― Oilyrags, Thursday, 19 April 2007 15:48 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Austin (the dude),

Thanks for saving my thread style faux pax by wrapping my post into yours.

Love,
MsM

― Ms Misery, Thursday, 19 April 2007 15:49 (eighteen years ago)

dear times new viking,

dude you guys are awes, but if im like listening to the jesus lizard on itunes, and you come up next on party shuffle, like my ears explode.

tongue,
pete

― 69, Friday, 20 April 2007 16:13 (eighteen years ago)

dear 69,

the river city tan lines do that to me too.

best,
ktr

― chicago kevin, Friday, 20 April 2007 16:14 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Pete:

I totally dig where you are coming from on that note.

love,
Nick

― n/a, Friday, 20 April 2007 16:28 (eighteen years ago)

dear nick,

you DIG, YOURSELF?

n'est pas?
pete

― 69, Friday, 20 April 2007 16:43 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Pete, esq.,

no

Sincerely
Nick, esq.

― n/a, Friday, 20 April 2007 16:50 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Yin Yang Twins,

Please stop saying "Tig 'Ol Bitties."

love,

hoosteen

― BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Sunday, 22 April 2007 23:04 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Comedians in general,

If I catch you doing that joke about heroin/crack being "very more-ish" ever again I shall personally report you to the patents offices.

Lots of love

The Next Grozart

― the next grozart, Sunday, 22 April 2007 23:56 (eighteen years ago)

dear trayce-
thank you for not leaving ILX. Did you know adam ant has a MySpace, and are you attending Antfest 2007?
I am not, much to my dismay. I do enjoy getting messages from Mr. Goddard.
Can I send you an ant-centric postcard?
Antmusic for Antpeople, yup. -Alison

― aimurchie, Sunday, 22 April 2007 23:58 (eighteen years ago)

Dear BIG HOOS,

Hey wats up its Westley Woods AKA TRip-Wu, latest and gratest sensation...
i got a beats for mix if anyone wants it, it is called "i like the bitches with tig ol bitties" and is some good bass beats and goes like
I like the bitcheds with tig ol' bitties,
tig ol' bitties, tig ol' bitties
I like the bitcheds with tig ol' bitties,
tig ol' bitties, tig ol' bitties
I like the bitches cuz they got the titties
an i like the titties cuz they on the bitches
I like the bitches cuz they got the titties
an i like the titties cuz they on the bitches
it is 8 mins long and it is really good! plz e-mail me if u want it

peace,
trip wu

-- trip wu nigga!!!!! (westleywoo), Monday, July 31, 2006 9:44 PM (8 months ago)

Luv,
Crts

― Curt1s Stephens, Monday, 23 April 2007 00:01 (eighteen years ago)

Dear ALison,

Thx, and thx to other people who said they miss me. I'm still only barely here but you know I can't stay away. Its nice to know people care ;_;

shaking my fist at ilx,
Trayce

― Trayce, Monday, 23 April 2007 00:19 (eighteen years ago)

PS yeah send me a postcard :D

― Trayce, Monday, 23 April 2007 00:24 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Curtis,

Awesome.

love,

HOOS

― BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Monday, 23 April 2007 01:22 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Superchunk,

Fucking just put out a new record, and stop covering Destiny's Child and singing with cartoons.

Thanx

MW

― Mr. Que, Thursday, 26 April 2007 13:51 (eighteen years ago)

dear big hipped, pouty lipped girls on the western bus today,

i don't know where the three of you came from but i hope to see you again some other time when i'm not hungover and have shaved. especially the two of you who got off at the western blue line stop with me. and you? the one with the "ATLANTA USA" patch on your bag and wearing the service jacket? you are really hot.

see you around,
ktr

― chicago kevin, Thursday, 26 April 2007 14:11 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Herbie Hancock,

Why you gotta fuck with the bar lines, man?? I'm trying to COUNT the bars and you're FUCKIN with em! This damn paper about your tune is due in like 3 hours and you're making shit more difficult for me. FUCK YOU HERB!

holla,

da hoos

― BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Thursday, 26 April 2007 15:25 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Mr. Que,

Please to YSI Superchunk covering Destiny's Child! That sounds awesome!

Love,

Jaymc

― jaymc, Thursday, 26 April 2007 15:28 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Jaymc,

I don't have it yet, but I will let you know. The comp was mentioned on Pitchfork today.

Best,

Mr. Que

― Mr. Que, Thursday, 26 April 2007 15:29 (eighteen years ago)

dear kevin,

what the fuck were you thinking coming home without any cigarettes last night? you know there's no where to get them once you're at work.

what the fuck dude, really, what the fuck? get it together motherfucker.

seriously,
ktr

― chicago kevin, Thursday, 26 April 2007 15:38 (eighteen years ago)

Dear giganto lump on my wrist:

BE PREPARED TO BE HIT WITH A CAN OF WHOOP-ASS TOMORROW!!!

NO OFFENSE, DUDE, BUT I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN!

Love and cold hard surgical steel,
Kate

― Masonic Boom, Thursday, 26 April 2007 17:12 (eighteen years ago)

Dear slow library morning,

Can't I be back on vacation up north? Though without the cold and allergy attacks this time.

Much thanks,
Ned

― Ned Raggett, Thursday, 26 April 2007 17:14 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Big Hoos,

Just make it up, no one will know the difference. Herbie doesn't remember that shit and most everyone else is dead.

Love,

Jordan

PS if Ron Carter is yr professor than you are in trouble kthxbye

― Jordan, Thursday, 26 April 2007 17:27 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Buy-It-Nower,
Somehow Ebay didn't require immediate payment for the Polaroid. Two invoices later and you still haven't paid. Fuck you, pay me.

Love,
Milo

― milo z, Thursday, 26 April 2007 21:05 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Jordan-

Are you referring to the famous Bassist or the professor at NIU?

-Grady

― g®▲Ðұ, Thursday, 26 April 2007 21:15 (eighteen years ago)

Dear almost-lumpless Kate:

good luck & see you back here soon!

StanM

― StanM, Thursday, 26 April 2007 21:49 (eighteen years ago)

Dear new daybed,

I am looking forward to your imminent delivery tomorrow. I eagerly await lounging upon you in the sunshine with the Sunday paper. I will also be pleased to make the acquaintance of your friend the bookshelf/wine rack, which I think is the greatest combination of furniture ever.

Leisurely,
HLA

― Hard like armour, Friday, 27 April 2007 06:31 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Slint,

Your songs *hurt*.

love
Trayce

― Trayce, Friday, 27 April 2007 07:02 (eighteen years ago)

Dear random mentalist who assaulted me on Tuesday leaving open wounds that mean I cannot have my operation today...

YOU FUCKING COW!!! I WISH I'D CALLED THE COPS AND PRESSED CHARGES!!!

THEY CANCELLED MY OPERATION BECAUSE OF YOU!!!

I hope you rot in hell,
Kate

― Masonic Boom, Friday, 27 April 2007 10:26 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Friday 27 April,

Won't you just hurry up and end soon? Please?

Love,

braveclub

― braveclub, Friday, 27 April 2007 11:40 (eighteen years ago)

Dear video from a news station that I can't convert for web,

I hate you.

balls,
MsM

Dear Me,

For waiting until the last minute to try and convert this video only to discover you can't, I hate you.

balls to you too,
MsM

― Ms Misery, Friday, 27 April 2007 13:53 (eighteen years ago)

dear big hipped, pouty lipped girls on the western bus yesterday,

none of you went to work today?

hopeful,
ktr

― chicago kevin, Friday, 27 April 2007 13:55 (eighteen years ago)

dear big hipped, pouty lipped girls on Kevin's western bus yesterday,

please also to visit my bus from time to time

loads of love

grozart.

― the next grozart, Friday, 27 April 2007 14:11 (eighteen years ago)

dear virtually everyone who lives in dc,

wow you are awful, awful people.

thanks,
ally

― the schef (adam schefter ha ha), Friday, 27 April 2007 14:18 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Kevin,

Maybe the big-hipped girls were just visitin' or cuttin' school?

-MsM

― Ms Misery, Friday, 27 April 2007 14:20 (eighteen years ago)

they weren't together, and at least one of them had a 30 day cta pass so i'm guessing she was from here. the older, hottest one may have been visiting though.

― chicago kevin, Friday, 27 April 2007 14:26 (eighteen years ago)

Dear parasitic space aliens

Please givf back my frend, I saw him first and you don't really need him,

TIA

Me

― Zora, Monday, 30 April 2007 14:32 (eighteen years ago)

Dear sinus/chest infection,

No, really, you can go now. Joke's over.

Yours,
Your Impatient Host

― Ned Raggett, Monday, 30 April 2007 14:33 (eighteen years ago)

dear randy moss,

i don't care if you pull a five-star nutty at some point during the season. just show up on sundays.

best,
pats fans nationwide

― chicago kevin, Monday, 30 April 2007 14:38 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Sacred Ground Thread,

I don't really have time to make a clusterfuck photo tribute for you today, so thanks in advance for continuing to chill out.

Huggles,
JJ

― John Justen, Monday, 30 April 2007 18:35 (eighteen years ago)

dear waterbug in my kitchen,

my, you're big. i didn't know i had a roommate!

― get bent, Wednesday, 9 May 2007 23:25 (eighteen years ago)

Dear life,

Please, lemme work this shit out as cleanly and easily as possible. I know this is a big huge thing but I have to do it. Gimme some courage.

love
Trayce

― Trayce, Thursday, 10 May 2007 03:15 (eighteen years ago)

Dear tomatoes,

Sorry I've been underwatering you. I'm new at this. I'll do better.

Get in my belly,
Wm.

― Rock Hardy, Thursday, 10 May 2007 03:18 (eighteen years ago)

daerest margherita pizza,

are you enjoying yourself there, in my stomach? I am going to regret eating you as lunch, you son of a bitch.

love, h

― haitch, Thursday, 10 May 2007 04:38 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Clients,
I'm busy now. Contact me when I'm not.
Thanks, m

― Maria :D, Thursday, 10 May 2007 04:50 (eighteen years ago)

Dear radio volunteers,
Got a good idea? Just do it! Lose your need or an authority figure, please.
Thanks,
the management

― Maria :D, Thursday, 10 May 2007 04:51 (eighteen years ago)

for

― Maria :D, Thursday, 10 May 2007 04:51 (eighteen years ago)

dear shoelaces,

seriously, since when have double knots not been enough?

onward,
a.

― anhell*ca, Tuesday, 15 May 2007 23:31 (eighteen years ago)

dear universe

why are you being so damn good to me all of a sudden? what do you want? please tell me so i can try and fix it, because otherwise i feel like i have a fall coming. you know i do my best basically all the time, right?

love, emsk

― emsk, Tuesday, 15 May 2007 23:58 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Ex,

Thanks for coming over for dinner last night and bringing wine. It makes me happy that we can be friends.

Always
Krust xx

P.S. - I'll leave $20 in your letterbox for S3an's wrestling rink present.

― Hard like armour, Wednesday, 16 May 2007 00:02 (eighteen years ago)

shoelace post otm

― Curt1s Stephens, Wednesday, 16 May 2007 00:17 (eighteen years ago)

Dear woman in car with "Jesus is the answer" bumper stickers all over the rear,

I appreciate your concern about your suddenly empty car causing an accident, but it's unlikely that the Rapture is ever going to happen, much less when you are commuting, so please stop driving so damn slowly.

Blasphemously yours,
Jeff

― Jeff Treppel, Wednesday, 16 May 2007 00:19 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Louis Jagger-

Welcome back. We knew you wouldn't be able to keep away.

Love,

Grady

― g®▲Ðұ, Wednesday, 16 May 2007 00:58 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Yeast that turned these grapes to wine,

Thanks for that. Seriously. Well done.

Love,

Jaq

― Jaq, Wednesday, 16 May 2007 03:38 (eighteen years ago)

Dear LJ,

Learn what is right to post and think before hitting submit. Also try to limit yourself. Please.

Dreading the next attention whore moment,

K

― kv_nol, Wednesday, 16 May 2007 09:47 (eighteen years ago)

Also:

Dear Dom and JW,

You must be so happy that you ILCrushboy is back. Have 'fun'.

Already bored,

K

― kv_nol, Wednesday, 16 May 2007 09:54 (eighteen years ago)

Dear trees,
Thank you so much for leafing in a multicolored green display of life. I never understand how green you are until you show me every hue.
Also, thank you LILACS!!!
I only have you for a few weeks, but you, LILACS, are the rockstars of the flowering budding scenty springtime world.
I love you.
-A

― aimurchie, Wednesday, 16 May 2007 12:42 (eighteen years ago)

Dear packed lunches,

you are so great now I have a lunch cube! Who knew all you needed was some compartments and a bit of inspiration! I have had four of my five a day in one go AND there's a goat cheese Babybel for backup. LUNCH! YESH!

Love me!!

also:

Dear babybel,

THANK YOU for bringing the goat cheese flavour to the UK thank you thank you thank you I love you!

Love me!!

Also:

Dear slight twinge in ankle as I was finishing my run,

Don't Try It.

Hearts!
Sarah

― Sarah, Wednesday, 16 May 2007 12:50 (eighteen years ago)

dear bus crush,

thank you so much for grabbing my hand instead of the door handle while i was opening the bus door this morning, that made my morning. plus the way you put your head down then peered up and sheepishly said "sorry", while it didn't appear spontaneous and i'm sure you've done it before, well, it still had the desired effect. which is to say major boners. maybe tomorrow the inbound train won't be pulling in and you won't have to run down the ramp.

best,
ktr

― chicago kevin, Wednesday, 16 May 2007 13:16 (eighteen years ago)

dear ilx

POLAR BEARS

love
teh_kit

― g-kit, Wednesday, 16 May 2007 13:20 (eighteen years ago)

Dear KTR,

I have been thinking about trackstands since you told me what they were! I don't have a bike, so how pointless is THAT!

Love, Sarah

― Sarah, Wednesday, 16 May 2007 13:29 (eighteen years ago)

dear sarah,

glad i could be of service. if it's any consolation, most of my thoughts are pointless.

love,
ktr

― chicago kevin, Wednesday, 16 May 2007 13:31 (eighteen years ago)

Dear tummy,

you've had your five a day already! whilst this means we COULD have some beer later, we don't actually HAVE to, and let's face it, the skin on our face up there is bad enough, so perhaps we should just hang on til Friday huh?

Love, "the little grey cells"

― Sarah, Wednesday, 16 May 2007 13:33 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Sarah,

Thanks for alerting me to the existence of goats' cheese Babybels. I will now start hassling my local supermarket to stock them.

Yours *sincerely*,

― accentmonkey, Wednesday, 16 May 2007 13:43 (eighteen years ago)

dear pregnancy test:
thank you for showing a negative.
You are the only exam that I like to fail.

― aimurchie, Wednesday, 16 May 2007 19:47 (eighteen years ago)

dear me,

you look GREAT today. dumb luck, don't get too used to it.

― get bent, Wednesday, 16 May 2007 20:29 (eighteen years ago)

Dear 'Cindy Salad' from Jerry's Famous Deli:

I love you. Your raspberry, apple, bleu cheese & carmelized pecans rock and you have fuckin' made my day. Thank you for being actual good food from Jerry's and not something that tastes like bad.

Your newest fan,

luna

― luna, Wednesday, 16 May 2007 20:51 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Chicago Kevin-

If we were on old code, "it still had the desired effect. which is to say major boners" would be a contender for a temporary display name.

-Grady

― g®▲Ðұ, Wednesday, 16 May 2007 22:36 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Me,

Don't be stupid. You know you shouldn't believe some people. You know what happened last time.

Only trying to save you from yourself,
FP

― Forest Pines, Thursday, 17 May 2007 08:10 (eighteen years ago)

Dear people who walk up and down my street at ungodly hours of the morning,

How would you like it if I came round YOUR house and stood in front of your bedroom windows nattering loudly about absolutely nothing for ages on end?

Sleepily,
Kate

― Masonic Boom, Thursday, 17 May 2007 09:23 (eighteen years ago)

dearest financial times website

fucking work already. you're as bad as myspazz.

lex

― lex pretend, Friday, 18 May 2007 11:15 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Universe,

You're fucking with me when you know I'm already on the edge. Come on, that's not cool.

Love,

― Dimension 5ive, Monday, 21 May 2007 20:35 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Dimension 5ive,

Welcome to my life.

regrets,
A

― Oilyrags, Monday, 21 May 2007 20:39 (eighteen years ago)

dear universe
ah, i GET it! you'll have me fuck it up all by myself, only without me even knowing i'm doing it. good move - unexpected move. like being in the truman show! what next? c'mon, i'll blind myself with some forks. it'll be very.
big snogs
emsk

― emsk, Tuesday, 22 May 2007 01:18 (eighteen years ago)

Dear emsk,

Ow, I feel that pain. I am rather tired of shooting myself in my foot :(

comiz,
Trayce

― Trayce, Tuesday, 22 May 2007 06:41 (eighteen years ago)

dear trayce

lately your posts are cryptic. sometimes i try to guess things.

xxestela

― estela, Tuesday, 22 May 2007 07:02 (eighteen years ago)

dear estela,

You're not the first person to say that to me lately :) Its ok. Goin' thru a breakup I'm handling a bit badly (like theres a way to get these things right, pfft), getting into something new with someone, crazy crazy wack craziness in my life right now.

But overall, crazy awesome.
yay,
Trayce

― Trayce, Tuesday, 22 May 2007 07:44 (eighteen years ago)

dear usps,

...

"love,"
jbr

― get bent, Tuesday, 29 May 2007 19:39 (eighteen years ago)

dear zucchini,

you are the best of all possible vegetables. not counting herbs, aromatics, etc, which are a whole different kind of awesome. i love you in stir-frys, stews, casseroles, and baked goods. i admire your vibrant color and your cross-cultural appeal.

keep up the good work!

-jbr

― get bent, Tuesday, 29 May 2007 20:04 (eighteen years ago)

p.s. you are also great grilled or roasted! preferably on a veggie panini with lots of cheese.

― get bent, Tuesday, 29 May 2007 20:06 (eighteen years ago)

Dear my life,

OK, this shit isn't funny anymore. Cut it out already, god.

no love
Me

― Trayce, Wednesday, 30 May 2007 05:51 (eighteen years ago)

dear ladypants,
sorry i was mean in that e-mail. try not to take everything so personally though okay. i did thank you a bzillion times so stop telling people you feel unappreciated. you said you didn't want to do the artwork so don't feel toe-stubbed if we don't ask you to do the artwork. if you're off the project, you're off it - stop sending me messages about how you would have done it differently if you were still doing it. put up or shut up (but i shouldn't have been mean).
k thanks,
m

dear self,
don't worry, none of it's all that important, really.
love,
self

― Maria :D, Wednesday, 30 May 2007 05:59 (eighteen years ago)

dear trayce,

????? good luck.

xxestela

dear maria :d,

i think you are very nice and funny, don't worry about a dumb old email.

xxestela

― estela, Wednesday, 30 May 2007 06:03 (eighteen years ago)

dear xxestela
i heart you
xxoo
maria

― Maria :D, Wednesday, 30 May 2007 06:09 (eighteen years ago)

dear maria :d
:)
xxestela

― estela, Wednesday, 30 May 2007 06:18 (eighteen years ago)

two weeks pass...

Dear regular and irregular ILX people,

You don't know me but I have a crush on you. Some of you, anyway. Ok, one of you. I hope you are a boy.

Love,
Craven

― craven, Monday, 18 June 2007 00:27 (eighteen years ago)

Dear This Thread,

I have missed you. I hope to resume our regular visits soon.

LUV
da hoos

― BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Monday, 18 June 2007 00:30 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Craven,

Thanks, I'm flattered! I'm more of a decrepit old man than a boy, but you can't win 'em all.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v296/WilliamCrump63/slaphead.jpg

Breast wishes,
RH

― Rock Hardy, Monday, 18 June 2007 00:52 (eighteen years ago)

Dear ILX,

Thanks for entertaining me during so many odd and dull moments.

Love,
Sara R-C

― Sara R-C, Monday, 18 June 2007 01:07 (eighteen years ago)

Dear 20th century,

Nice try.

Love,

Z S

― Z S, Monday, 18 June 2007 03:39 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Next Two Weeks,

BRING IT ON.

Peace,

Me.

― Dimension 5ive, Monday, 18 June 2007 03:43 (eighteen years ago)

dear rio:

i will miss you.

http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1185/565627144_0e7d2e5ba7.jpg

-os jodes

― get bent, Monday, 18 June 2007 19:25 (eighteen years ago)

Dear someone I know,

Everything is too hard.

I hate this.

l,
me.

― Trayce, Monday, 18 June 2007 22:09 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Trayce,

Things do get better; chin up.

Love,
ILX

― G00blar, Monday, 18 June 2007 23:58 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Professor,

Why would you give us this enormous, all-encompassing prompt that covers two movies and their prose counterparts and asks us to analyze them from two different theoretical perspectives, taking into consideration how the process of adaptation works WITHIN THE CONFINES OF A SINGLE PAGE?

waht,
hoos

― BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Tuesday, 19 June 2007 00:03 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Hoos,

Because I like to see you suffer.

Love,
Professor X

― milo z, Tuesday, 19 June 2007 00:05 (eighteen years ago)

Dear workmate,

You have a fucking annoying cackly old lady laugh. In the mood I am in today, be careful I dont punch you.

knives,
Trayce

― Trayce, Tuesday, 19 June 2007 00:34 (eighteen years ago)

Dear academic year:

You have ended. Thanks! *falls asleep for three months*

Yours
Ned

― Ned Raggett, Tuesday, 19 June 2007 00:36 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Hoos,

That assignment sounds bizarre. Consider submitting on microfiche.

xo,
Sara

― Sara R-C, Tuesday, 19 June 2007 00:37 (eighteen years ago)

one month passes...

Dear Kari Byron on Mythbusters,

I saw Mythbusters for the first time in a year or so, at my parents house, and I popped a boner so hard I couldn't stand, and hoped my mom didn't notice. You are the greatest possible addition to Mythbusters. You make me go "guh....."
http://saturn5.com/darwin/beef/images/kari/14-kari_byron-globe.jpg
http://i44.photobucket.com/albums/f24/haysoos/744xf.jpg

Please teach me science. guh...

Love,

Z S

― Z S, Friday, 3 August 2007 04:09 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Joni Mitchell,

To be fair, the lack of a parking facility made paradise completely inaccessible to many Americans with disabilities, and exorbitant fees for private parking put an undue burden on working-class visitors.

Love,
nabisco

― nabisco, Friday, 3 August 2007 04:33 (eighteen years ago)

dear nabisco,

cars aren't free; why should parking be free? paradise should have a variety of transit options so the disabled and working-class won't have to be car-dependent (and won't have to park). and the healthy and wealthy can pay for whatever space their gas-guzzlers take up.

love,
don shoup

― get bent, Friday, 3 August 2007 05:21 (eighteen years ago)

dear guys,

in paradise, there are no classes.

love,
karl m.

― max, Friday, 3 August 2007 05:23 (eighteen years ago)

karl max?

― get bent, Friday, 3 August 2007 05:25 (eighteen years ago)

(i will shut up and direct nabisco to this book)

― get bent, Friday, 3 August 2007 05:28 (eighteen years ago)

dear nabisco,

don't rag on joni for stuff she wrote in the 60s. she's only really worth anything from 1971-76.

love,

jaymc

― jaymc, Friday, 3 August 2007 05:30 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Pippin,

I hope I wasn't wrong when I decided I'd found you.

yrs cryptically,
Trayce

― Trayce, Friday, 3 August 2007 07:26 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Me,

Get the fuck over it already.

Irritatedly,

― marianna lcl, Friday, 3 August 2007 07:44 (eighteen years ago)

Dear face,

stop itching. I know I forgot to shave you this morning. I couldn't get out of bed. I'll do it when I get home after work tonight, ok?

so stop it.

thanks,
StanM

― StanM, Friday, 3 August 2007 07:57 (eighteen years ago)

dear booze,

you're awesome. i love you, especially when you're free.

best,
ktr

― chicago kevin, Friday, 3 August 2007 07:59 (eighteen years ago)

dear dean ge

STFU already, you've been ranting for hours

love,
ILM

― marmotwolof, Friday, 3 August 2007 08:02 (eighteen years ago)

Dear guy who jogged past me last night,

I only noticed just as you passed but you look nearly exactly like my longest-standing futile crush (a little leaner and more stubbly, but then it's been a while) except I didn't feel like I'd been punched in the stomach like whenever I unexpectedly see him. I don't know if this means that a) you are not him, b) you are him and I'm over you, or c) I am a fool not to have got in a stare at yr bare legs. The fact that I am still wondering about it 30 hours later suggests the answer is not b).

Please come round in shorts to advise.

Hopelessly,
R
P.S. bring ID

― a passing spacecadet, Friday, 3 August 2007 09:50 (eighteen years ago)

Dear boyfriend Spacecadet, Esq.,

I do not think this stuffs really no.

Throat-clearingly,
R L-F von Spacecadet

Dear weekend,

So near, but you are not quite here yet. Why not? Surely you aren't waiting for me to have done the thing I meant to this week instead of the jumble of minor tasklets and ILX-watching I seem to have put it off with?

Seriously, hurry up, we'll be awesome, you and me, we can crack a few drinks and listen to about 0.1% of the music I've acquired this week and not had time to yet. Also, maybe you could stay longer this time?

Cheers,
R Hans-Konrad von Federhallklang, Raumkadett

― a passing spacecadet, Friday, 3 August 2007 09:52 (eighteen years ago)

dear this thread.

i love you. please don't leave us again.

love charlie no4

― CharlieNo4, Friday, 3 August 2007 10:08 (eighteen years ago)

Dear sun,

DIAL IT DOWN, JERK

Oh yeah, it's all fun and games when you're here, but then you go off to see Asian people and I'm left lying in front of the fan at 4:30 a.m. pouring bottled water over myself and STILL being too hot to sleep.

Your faithless dependent,
nabisco

― nabisco, Friday, 3 August 2007 18:35 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Sun,

That goes double for me. Asshole.

Luna

― luna, Friday, 3 August 2007 19:58 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Sun,

If you want to spare luna and nabisco and come up and visit anytime apart from your desultory 11:30 to 2:30 or so visits here in SF, I'd be awfully grateful.

Yours in heliolatry,

― Michael White, Friday, 3 August 2007 20:14 (eighteen years ago)

Dear sun,

Throw a little our way while you're travelling, whydontcha?

Love,

The people on the small rainy island.

― accentmonkey, Friday, 3 August 2007 20:15 (eighteen years ago)

dear uh fuckit too hot out
buh
r

― rrrobyn, Friday, 3 August 2007 21:20 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Sun-

Fuck Yeah.

-G

― gr8080, Saturday, 4 August 2007 02:02 (eighteen years ago)

Dear you lot,

Send me some of the sun, my heater is crappy and I am cold ;_;

yrs w/goosebumps,
Trayce

― Trayce, Saturday, 4 August 2007 02:03 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Alberto Gonzales,

Please get impeached already.

lub
hoos

p.s. HI MISTER OREILLY

― BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Saturday, 4 August 2007 02:16 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Sprint Customer Service-

http://twistedspine.org/blog/media/fuck-you-small.jpg

Yours,

Guy who just passed the two hour mark on his third call with you today.

― gr8080, Saturday, 4 August 2007 02:20 (eighteen years ago)

Dear ilx
are you all brits?
love my pants

― CaptainLorax, Saturday, 4 August 2007 06:01 (eighteen years ago)

Good morning captain,

No, I'm not.

L,
An Mongrel.

― Trayce, Saturday, 4 August 2007 06:15 (eighteen years ago)

Dear sun,

Dude you rule.

Love
Me

― Ned Raggett, Saturday, 4 August 2007 06:19 (eighteen years ago)

dear pizza shop,

hurry up and open, i'm getting peckish.

yr boy,

― haitch, Saturday, 4 August 2007 07:30 (eighteen years ago)

Dear family party I'm going to this afternoon,

The relatives I like better show up to you, or I am going to have to do some creative thinking to leave you early.

Yours in trepidation,

― accentmonkey, Saturday, 4 August 2007 10:56 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Ken,

It's getting a bit embarrassing that I take you to poker games and you win them all. All of them. Perhaps it's time to let someone else have the glory?

Yrs,
4th place

― Mark C, Saturday, 4 August 2007 11:38 (eighteen years ago)

Dear ILX,

Sorry for all the lurking. I think UR great and will start posting stuff more.

Love
Sharon

― VegemiteGrrrl, Saturday, 4 August 2007 23:10 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Right-Wing Coworker,

Please stop trying to act like you're impartial when you bring up politics. Don't say "I don't really follow this stuff" or "You know, I don't really lean either way, but Hilary Clinton..."

Your facade isn't fooling anyone, especially when you put both lobby TVs on Fox News all day except for "Glenn Beck Time," who you "just watch cause he's funny."

LUB YA
hoos

― BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Saturday, 4 August 2007 23:22 (eighteen years ago)

Dear massage lady,

I see u to ease away my pregga aches, not for lectures on what i have or have not done throughout the week with the stupid dvd and brush thing u gave me. Stop talking, just massage,

thanks,
the pregnant one.

― milko, Sunday, 5 August 2007 02:09 (eighteen years ago)

dear housemates,

thank you for hanging my huge pile of washing up the other day. that was pretty nice, considering i haven't done any housework in about a million years, and i hog our single interwebs connection whenever i'm home.

you guys are the awesomest. i'm sorry i'm never around anymore.

love,
J

p.s. plz don't ever move out and leave me there. i could never replace you guys!

― Rubyredd, Sunday, 5 August 2007 02:15 (eighteen years ago)

Dear stupid summer subletter shitheads,

Look, I know this isn't your house. But you're living here right now, so please try to pull your own weight. There is absolutely no reason that a roll of toilet paper should only last two days for four people (one of whom is never here), and there is no reason that the disgusting silverware in the bottom of the sink has been there since June. Thanks to you guys, we (that is, I and my housemates after you leave in a month) have flies and ants all over the kitchen. I spend 3 hours cleaning the damn thing, and it's a wreck again days later. I'd talk to you guys about it, but we seem to be on good terms and I hate being confrontational.

Love,
Steve

― Stevie D, Sunday, 5 August 2007 02:42 (eighteen years ago)

that makes me love my housemates even more. i think i shall buy them presents.

― Rubyredd, Sunday, 5 August 2007 02:49 (eighteen years ago)

nooooooo!!!

― Stevie D, Sunday, 5 August 2007 02:51 (eighteen years ago)

why not?!?!?

― Rubyredd, Sunday, 5 August 2007 02:55 (eighteen years ago)

because help me fix my housemates!!

― Stevie D, Sunday, 5 August 2007 02:56 (eighteen years ago)

ok...

but i don't know how!!

― Rubyredd, Sunday, 5 August 2007 02:59 (eighteen years ago)

i'm going outside to smoke a filthy cigarette and when i come back, i will have a solution.

(but don't hold your breath)

― Rubyredd, Sunday, 5 August 2007 03:00 (eighteen years ago)

Why are your cigarettes dirty?

― BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Sunday, 5 August 2007 03:02 (eighteen years ago)

Dear ILX -

Why so slow?

-Austin

― Oilyrags, Sunday, 5 August 2007 03:05 (eighteen years ago)

xpost cuz they be giving me hacking cough and cancer.

― Rubyredd, Sunday, 5 August 2007 03:06 (eighteen years ago)

dear cigs,

i hope you didn't hear me calling you filthy. i love you.

love,
J

― Rubyredd, Sunday, 5 August 2007 03:07 (eighteen years ago)

stevie d:

possible approach: "would you guys be keen to have a day where we do a bit of a mad clean-up of this place then go out for drinks or something?"

short term solution only, i know, but gets the place clean for awhile, and avoids confrontation/blame-laying.

― Rubyredd, Sunday, 5 August 2007 03:16 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Ben & Jerry's Chubby Hubby,

I love you so much. I am so ecstatic that the Dutch Deli & Grocery carries you, because I have not seen you for a very, very long time. You make bad things better.

Love,
Steve

― Stevie D, Sunday, 5 August 2007 03:18 (eighteen years ago)

what is CHUBBY HUBBY???

― Rubyredd, Sunday, 5 August 2007 03:19 (eighteen years ago)

OMG THE BEST!!!!

http://www.benandjerrys.com/assets/images/our_products/packaging/old/7684010012.gif
Fudge-Covered Peanut Butter-Filled Pretzels in Vanilla Malt Ice Cream Rippled with Fudge & Peanut Butter

― Stevie D, Sunday, 5 August 2007 03:24 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Universe,

Thank you.

Serious wuv,
Lulu

― Laurel, Sunday, 5 August 2007 04:11 (eighteen years ago)

xpost holy shit, that sounds amazing!

we don't get no ben & jerry's here :(

― Rubyredd, Sunday, 5 August 2007 04:15 (eighteen years ago)

Oh no!! where is "here"?

― Stevie D, Sunday, 5 August 2007 04:18 (eighteen years ago)

new zealand

― Rubyredd, Sunday, 5 August 2007 04:20 (eighteen years ago)

i'm not really a sheep fuxxor, though.

― Rubyredd, Sunday, 5 August 2007 04:20 (eighteen years ago)

so THAT's what the sheepfux0rz threads are!!

― Stevie D, Sunday, 5 August 2007 04:26 (eighteen years ago)

Yeah its us aussies and noo zullanders talkin crap :)

― Trayce, Sunday, 5 August 2007 04:29 (eighteen years ago)

are there kiwis on that thread?? i thought it was all aussies cuz the kiwis had gone missing!

i've been missing out :(

― Rubyredd, Sunday, 5 August 2007 04:31 (eighteen years ago)

one month passes...

Dear Coffee Shop Worker,

If I ask for a large latte that doesn't mean I want two inches of extra foam.

luv,

oni
xx

― onimo, Friday, 14 September 2007 09:06 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Air Canada Captain,

Please, please, please draw on all your years of experience and distinguished service to make sure that you get her there safely. I am knawing fingernails until I get that phone call. Please inform cabin crew to ignore tetchiness, as she really hates flying. Champagne will most probably help with this. I am thinking that you should handle touchdown yourself, rather than delegate to the first officer.

Respectfully,

Dr. C

― Dr.C, Friday, 14 September 2007 10:51 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Spiders,

You do your thing and I'll do mine.

Love,

Jarl.

― Jarlrmai, Friday, 14 September 2007 12:12 (eighteen years ago)

Dear woman in the green car pulling out of Ninth Avenue,

The time to pull out is when I'm static and letting you turn right in front of me, not once I've started moving again because you appear not to be taking advantage of the space I've left you.

Love,

aldo

― aldo, Tuesday, 18 September 2007 08:26 (eighteen years ago)

dear cuet boys of london,
WHY ALL AT ONCE??
love, emsk

― emsk, Wednesday, 19 September 2007 08:50 (eighteen years ago)

Dear lovely new friend,

Stop being so amazing. I'm not supposed to be getting a crush on you. Argh. I'm no good at this.

xxx
T

― Trayce, Wednesday, 19 September 2007 08:51 (eighteen years ago)

Dear BBC Breakfast News team,

I'm 38 years old, not 6. Please stop fucking talking like that. In fact, dear BBC News team, just quit or something.

Noodle

― Noodle Vague, Wednesday, 19 September 2007 08:55 (eighteen years ago)

Dear ILX,

lol get a mac

― DG, Wednesday, 19 September 2007 10:03 (eighteen years ago)

xpost-It's really only Sian that I find like that.

― aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa, Wednesday, 19 September 2007 10:40 (eighteen years ago)

It's pretty much the BBC's entire news output except for Radio 4 which is a text-in show for Mail and Telegraph readers to moan about scum most of the time.

― Noodle Vague, Wednesday, 19 September 2007 11:22 (eighteen years ago)

oh come on, any answers is hilarious - text-in show for mail and telegraph readers to voluntarily reveal their own scumminess to the rest of the country.

― emsk, Wednesday, 19 September 2007 11:33 (eighteen years ago)

That wuz my point.

― Noodle Vague, Wednesday, 19 September 2007 11:35 (eighteen years ago)

But I don't find it hilarious, it just makes me v.v.v. sad. So I just lissen to Radio 3 all the time.

― Noodle Vague, Wednesday, 19 September 2007 11:36 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Beloved College,

Plz get your financial aid information distributed. Classes have been going on for 4 weeks. Some of us are feeling a bit stressed out by this situation.

Love,
Sara

― Sara R-C, Monday, 1 October 2007 23:52 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Headache,

Die.

Love,
A Sufferer

― Ned Raggett, Monday, 1 October 2007 23:54 (eighteen years ago)

Dear lost friend,

I really am sorry. If I could, I'd fix all this somehow. I kinda miss you.

love,
T

― Trayce, Tuesday, 2 October 2007 00:31 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Scott,
I like that.
Love,
m

― Maria :D, Tuesday, 2 October 2007 05:33 (eighteen years ago)

Deer flatmate,

thanx for buying own beer finally

luv

― W4LTER, Tuesday, 2 October 2007 05:35 (eighteen years ago)

dear clieent who just abused me for no reason on the phone,
fuk u, u fucking cunt.

― W4LTER, Tuesday, 2 October 2007 05:50 (eighteen years ago)

dear employer who scheduled me for saturday night,

lol.

― Jordan Sargent, Tuesday, 2 October 2007 05:55 (eighteen years ago)

dear bbc2,

*i* will decide whether thursdays are funny

cheers
andy

― koogs, Thursday, 4 October 2007 08:29 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Amazon and other internet retailers,

STOP TEMPTING ME WITH SHINY THINGS WHEN I AM HUNGOVER, FEELING SELF INDULGENT AND FINALLY HAVE CREDIT CARD UNDER CONTROL! YOU ARE THE DEVIL!!

All the best,

― kv_nol, Thursday, 4 October 2007 08:47 (eighteen years ago)

dear blogging conglomerate who shall remain unnamed,

i would like it a bunch if you hired me as a contributing editor for one of your blogs. please do it so i can scale back my 9-5 to saner hours. plus i would like getting paid for blogging.

luv u guise

hoos

― BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Thursday, 4 October 2007 23:54 (eighteen years ago)

dear bbc2,

*i* will decide whether thursdays are funny

cheers
andy

OTM, they build it up so much by branding their schedules. this did not happen ten years ago. why has the BBC become so dumb i blame Jane Root and others.

― blueski, Thursday, 4 October 2007 23:59 (eighteen years ago)

dear serotonin,

i wish i didn't need you to survive.

luv,

― get bent, Friday, 5 October 2007 00:23 (eighteen years ago)

Dear wonderful old friend and soon to be housemate,

I think I love you. But thats ok. I think we deserve it for a change.

yrs in anticipation

smitten.

― Trayce, Friday, 5 October 2007 01:43 (eighteen years ago)

good times FINALLY for trayce!!

WAHOOOOO!!!

― Rubyredd, Friday, 5 October 2007 03:51 (eighteen years ago)

Indeed! :)

― Trayce, Friday, 5 October 2007 04:04 (eighteen years ago)

dear brakenbury residents association

please stop pinning your laminated A4 slices of nimbyism to the trees in our road - you make the place look uglier than a new building ever would.

love
andy

― koogs, Saturday, 13 October 2007 09:09 (eighteen years ago)

dear jboss, firefox and outlook

you can't ALL use port 1099 for whatever it is you want to do. please be more sensible.

andy

― koogs, Saturday, 13 October 2007 10:15 (eighteen years ago)

Dear God

Fuck you, wanker

Noodle

― Noodle Vague, Saturday, 13 October 2007 10:52 (eighteen years ago)

Dear Girl in Pink Shorts,

When it becomes necessary to pull on your shorts to remove them from within your vajay, it is time to upgrade to more comfortable shorts.

love,

hoos

― BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Monday, 15 October 2007 18:47 (eighteen years ago)

one month passes...

Dear Girl Who is My Relief at Work,

You were supposed to be here at 7 am. It is now 8:30. What the fuck. I want to go home. I need sleep, I have errands to run, I've gotta move shit out of my apartment. There are things I need to be doing right now (first and foremost SLEEPING) and none of them involve waiting on you to shake off your hangover. In the future please be more mindful of the effect your decisions have on your coworkers. Luv ya!

Hoos

― BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Sunday, 25 November 2007 14:28 (seventeen years ago)

Dear Left Brain,

We're not going to get anywhere giving each other the silent treatment. Whaddya say we call up Corpus Callosum, pop open a few O'Douls and do some homework?

I miss you. I need you.

Love,

Right Brain

― Z S, Sunday, 25 November 2007 18:47 (seventeen years ago)

three weeks pass...

daer crazy last minute christmas mom,

yes, i know i had that guitar 6 months ago. now i dont. perhaps calling earlier than today would have been smart if you needed to get it for christmas. yelling at me will not help.

xoxo john

ps you are stupid.

― John Justen, Saturday, 22 December 2007 21:07 (seventeen years ago)

three months pass...

Dear St. K,

Please cancel classes for today because I don't really want to drive in a dangerous snow storm.

Love,
S

― Sara R-C, Monday, 31 March 2008 16:45 (seventeen years ago)

Dear Silver Fox,

I have a highly inappropriate crush on you. You make coming to work pleasurable and you are the reason why people ask me how I can be so cheerful on a Monday morning.

~~Do me~~ See you in the tea room.

xxx

― Hard like armour, Monday, 31 March 2008 21:06 (seventeen years ago)

Dear verse melody to "Sour Girl",

Get out of my head, I feel like a madman! I wish I had never voted for you.

Love,

Z (S)

― Z S, Monday, 31 March 2008 21:12 (seventeen years ago)

dear stupid retard rock,

you make my day that much more bearable. keep on keeping on.

thanks,
ktr

― chicago kevin, Monday, 31 March 2008 21:12 (seventeen years ago)

dear torta al pastor,

thinking of you. meet me tonight? you know where.

xoxo,

― Jordan, Monday, 31 March 2008 21:14 (seventeen years ago)

Dear nose,

what is your major malfunction?

thx in advance,
gbnb

― gabbneb, Monday, 31 March 2008 21:16 (seventeen years ago)

Dear Radio One

STFU!!!!!

Love,

Jarl.

― Jarlrmai, Monday, 31 March 2008 21:29 (seventeen years ago)

Dear Silver Fox,

I just heard your dulcet tones in the corridor. You thrill me.

K xxx

― Hard like armour, Monday, 31 March 2008 21:45 (seventeen years ago)

Dear Rain the Cat,

I just let you in 5 minutes ago stfu.

Love,

Guy with food who can open the back door

― nickalicious, Monday, 31 March 2008 22:20 (seventeen years ago)

Dear Dear X, blah blah blah. Love, Z thread,

I just realized I posted almost the exact same thing on you 11 months ago. Please accept my apologies.

Love,

nickalicious

― nickalicious, Monday, 31 March 2008 22:24 (seventeen years ago)

dear cat

wtf @ u

w/the 3 am yowling

what is yr deal homes

luv

hoos

― BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Tuesday, 1 April 2008 02:05 (seventeen years ago)

six years pass...

dear stomach,

"grrrwwwwwwaaaaaaaawwwwwllllSQQQUAARRRrrgggglllllffffffzzzz-zzz/z///zzz-z-z-fffsssshhhhburgleBURGLEBURGLEBURGLE..................BLORP"

this is a direct quote from you, during every meeting i ever have. i eat a normal breakfast. i don't understand why you do this to me. i understand that i drink a cup of coffee or three in the morning but you should be used to this by now. please change your behavior or i will replace you with a biotech-stomach whenever it is invented and is cheap enough for me to purchase.

love,

mind/body

― Karl Malone, Wednesday, 22 October 2014 22:05 (eleven years ago)

can i just interrupt you for a second

― the ﬁnal twilight of all evaluative standpoints (nakhchivan), Wednesday, 22 October 2014 22:52 (eleven years ago)

Are you selling biotech?

― Karl Malone, Wednesday, 22 October 2014 22:55 (eleven years ago)

no i just remembered the other day that i insulted you in an argument in a boards of canada thread last year and i felt a momentary sense of unease and embarassment that i had got involved in an intemperate argument in a thread about boards of canada, of all things

― the ﬁnal twilight of all evaluative standpoints (nakhchivan), Wednesday, 22 October 2014 23:05 (eleven years ago)

Dear In C by Terry Riley,

I am really tired of your 50th Anniversary. Can't wait for it to be over.

Love, concert attendee

― sarahell, Wednesday, 22 October 2014 23:35 (eleven years ago)

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