meeting up with exes - c or d

I'd stick to neutral ground until it's clear you're both on the same page.

It depends on the ex. I would say in general the longer you've been apart the better. A few months ago my boyfriend and I met up with my ex-husband for drinks. It was great all around. (we've been divorced for about 7 or 8 years).

I personally wouldn't (and don't) meet up with exes.

I did this last week in SF, it was OK. Although we weren't together too long, and it was over 15 years ago.

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There are a couple I definitely wouldn't. Unless it was to mace them.

http://shadowmage.plinkomedia.com/images/Admiral-Ackbar-trap.jpg

god i hope not.

I've been chatting with an ex via facebook, and we're going to meet up for the first time in eight years at some point, but there've been subtle hints in her correspondance that she wants to maybe get back together ('I've had dreams about you since you got back in touch', a few slipped-in double entendres etc). I dunno, maybe it's just my ego making shit up. Anyway, I'd really like to see her, but I can't imagine the prospect of getting back with her will seem anything but faintly weird.

am a bit nervous now. sure it will be fine though.

You are going to get laid.

no i dont think so. she really just wants to be friends. i think.

I really don't want to make you any more nervous, but this is definitely a big dud in my experience.

On the positive side: you can probably handle it if it turns out not to be just a friendly get-together. It's not really the end of the world.

well i would still have 'relations' TBH. as long as thats ALL and nothing else, ie not perceived as leading to more. wouldnt do it if its gonna fuck with her head though. or mine.

That's a tortuous, thorny path, dude. Avoid.

Worst case scenario, things get weird and you get out. Best case, good times had by all.

The only thing to worry about is yourself-- if weirdness occurs, can you take yourself out of the situation? I wouldn't sweat it too much though.

dud if a) You are still attracted to the person and/or b) you are dating someone else

well, if A AND B, that sux, but if only B not so bad. if only A then proceed w/ caution.

a few months ago, i was supposed to have lunch with ex i haven't seen in 2-3 years, and he stood me up! guess it's good to know he's still the same asshole after all these years.

I've only done this once, and it was about 3 years after we split. It was fine and enjoyable, save for the awkward bit when she got a phonecall from her then-fiancé and lied to him about where she was and who she was with. The look of mild panic on her face said a lot about the guy, but I wasn't about to get into anything serious with her. Light conversation is best.

I've always had fun with my exes, with one exception. Once you've been that close to someone, it's hard not to have some kind of greater sympathy for them, even if you shouldn't be together.

it's not a problem for me, i'm going out to socal in a month to spend a week with an ex. she's still probably my best friend, no one knows me as well as she does. how difficult/awkward these types of meetings are pretty much depend on how long you were together + how recently you split coupled with the circumstances surrounding the breakup.

Maybe not in this case but in most other instances Jordan is correct.

Yeah, I dunno about this, I favor the cutting-out-of-life strategy. I am only still in touch with one ex, and he is the best friend of my life. Probably telling that that's the only rel'ship that I/we have simply outgrown and ended peaceably.

eh, there are ex's that i simply WOULDN'T want to see ever again but for the most part i'm a pretty good judge of character. there's no reason for me to cut someone out of my life simply because we're not sleeping together anymore. there has to be a compelling reason for me to kiss them off for good. like the crazy racist chick.

there has to be a compelling reason for me to kiss them off for good.

The reason is usually this for me: "You are not my girlfriend anymore, you no longer get to make me crazy."

I have ex-girlfriends that I am friendly with. Someone has to REALLY hurt me bad (or make me COMPLETELY nuts) before I cut them completely out of my life, and that's not usually been the case in my relationships.

Haha, it's not so much the "not sleeping together" as much as "doesn't love me best anymore".

like laurel, i am in touch with an ex and he is the best friend of my life, so it can be a good thing. (it was unexpectedly awkward when i met his current girlfriend though.) another cut me out of his life and then i saw him again recently and it was awkward and unpleasant. so, good luck, i hope it is best friends and not unpleasantness that results.

i am in touch with an ex and he is the best friend of my life, so it can be a good thing. (it was unexpectedly awkward when i met his current girlfriend though.)

yes, the only bad part about going to san diego is that the only person i am actually capable of murdering with my bear hands (and relishing it while doing it) also lives there. it's like the one warning i put in every trip "if i run into san diego kevin you know i'll kill him, right?" because i swear, i would. kill him. dead.

my bear hands? maybe my bare hands too.

It would be cooler if you had bear hands.

Do you guys call each other "Chicago Kevin" and "San Diego Kevin"?

i'm not going to discuss it but that was how i became 'chicago kevin' after years of being just 'kevin'. i took ownership of the slur to try to reduce it's impact.

oh and we don't call each other anything because, like i said, the next time i see that dude he's a fucking dead man.

http://www.zebench.com/public/zeBench/Drole/the_right_to_bear_arms.jpg
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http://www.bustedtees.com/bt/images/BT-secondamendment-gallery-835.jpg

DAMMIT YOU BEAT ME

When I was in high school they had some stupid anti-drug skit performance group whose best joke was that they were going to do something with their "bear hands" and they had fake bear hands on. Now that I think about it this was right before I first dabbled in the druggy arts, huh.

xposts

ya but yours is bigger :(

This is a huge dud, I know from a terrible experience. There is carnage (mostly mine) still strewn all over the place. The problem was I was (and still am) in love with her.

I have a "San Diego Kevin" too except he doesn't live in San Diego and his name's not Kevin.

Is he "Boston Will"?

I don't have anyone that I want to kill. Perhaps I should set about this.

I have a couple. But I also have restraint. So they live. . .for today.

There may be people that want to kill me. But I haven't asked and they didn't say.

I'm not gum name him here, I don't think. It's irrelevant anyway :) anyway he crossed me like 5 years ago and I want to go all western film on his ass. Hopefully it'll never happen.

Having a Hitlist-C or D.

dud if you are boring about it
classic if you cross people off then put on lipstick

This feels like the Kids in the Hall Sketch where the Cincinnati Kid shows up in to Toronto to try and beat down the Toronto Kid.

ha ha hha - i thought of that sketch too but figured no one would know wtf i was on about!

no i dont think so. she really just wants to be friends. i think.

Okay, but just remember, I told you so.

I hope there's a Chicago Kid.

Wait, actually I have a friend named Kid who lives in Chicago now??!

I've always been friends with my exes, at least since 19 when I broke up with a girl who liked to start fistfights with me. I say "classic".

i amn't sure that there even is a classic anymore. this is so dud it's like a black hole dud.

Jordan, is this your friend?

http://www.thekoala.org/back_html/kid-n-play.jpg

No. :(

this reminds me, an exboyf of mine called me last night and said: 'hey! im gonna be in denver... in 2 or 3 years" - i kinda laughed.

meeting up with my one and only ex would be a grave mistake, because we only split up two days ago.

it would be kramer vs kramer all over again

ive never seen kramer vs kramer

my 'ex' is moving back from new york in 2 weeks, we appear to be friends of some sort i dunno. theres only one real problem that i can see, shes really really hot

Mandee, that's awesome. It's like when people tell me they're going to Bear Lake or St. George Utah etc. and ask if they can come stay with me. "I'm 700 miles away." "Oh, maybe we'll stop by and see you anyway!" er...okay

I hate even thinking about my exes. out of 3, only one's been truly terrible, but even the guy I broke up with 6 years ago will try and contact me in 18 months and a bunch of Beetle Bailey swears surround my head; just a reflex.

I seem to have fallen into a best friends thing with the guy I just broke up with. But we lived together 4 years, still love each other as friends, and dont want to lose any of that - our relationship just changed I guess. Its weird, I'm not used to having this, its like a bonus round. It hasnt been smooth sailing though, there's been months of pain and tears and walking out slamming doors and whatnot. Its settled now tho.

There arent many other exes I'd ever meet let alone want to. And the opp never even arises anyway.

Actually my first bf I'd love to meet again, have drinks with, catch up. Its been like, 17 years.

I never want to run into my first bf; I wouldn't pee on him if he were on fire.

The rest of them I'm fine with seeing, however, because they are mostly cool.

hahaha my exes wouldn't CROSS THE STREET to piss on me if I was on fire.

I ran into one in the park across the street where I work, where I usually spend my lunch hour. Turns out she just got a job on the street opposite, which means she will also likely be in the park for her lunch hour. It's one thing to see an ex in passing, or meet up on common ground, but this means possible continual contact, and the daily thought that I may see her on my lunch hour, when I am trying to de-stress from work. Not really a good thing.

i still see my ex pretty regularly except a) i'm kind of better friends w/ his roommate at this point and b) lately i've wanted to strangle him (my ex)

There was this time awhile ago when I used to drive a cab. One night, it's raining and there's this fare on the side of the street wearing a soaked evening dress. She gets in the cab, says what address she wants to go to, and we take off. Something seemed kind of familiar about her, and I guess she realized it too, especially after seeing my name on the card. Turns out we had dated back in high school, but split up after she decided to become an actress.

Anyway, she way overtipped me which was cool since that meant I was able to take some time off the next day and play catch with my boy.

Rework that into a song, PP.

My first-ever girlfriend just found me on Facebook. She's married, has a little boy, and has been living in the UK these last few years. Which means that I have TWO exes in England now!!!

okay, its dud.

it was weirdly nice seeing her actually, had a great dinner, good relaxed convo, really nice catching up with each other. talking about 'juicy' stuff, ie who we had been seeing was initally a bit funny/awkward but ended up being a bit sad (prob cos neither of us is seeing anyone at the moment) and from there the evening ended up kinda being like we were a couple again, if only for one night, but *not*, as we didnt do any touching/kissing etc which we would have done (despite major impulses to do it it didnt feel like the right thing to do as it would bring up all sorts of stuff) so it was like living out the night as we sort of *were*, but entirely platonically (which at times made me wonder if i did the right thing in splitting up, which i didnt really need. not that ive changed my mind but still). its nice in a way, that we still have something there worth preserving on some level, but i woke up this morning slightly down about it all. so im saying dud cos it took me back a bit to somewhere i didnt want to go. phone convo is one thing, seeing them is something else entirely. dont keep in contact with any other girls ive been out with before. i do still care for my ex but, or maybe cos of that, not sure its worth starting now.

i really love being friends w/ exes because its such a weird and unique relationship. titchy is right abt those feelings, spending time with them is like looking at old photographs or something--total nostalgia, bittersweetness, an ounce of regret--but i sort of relish that sentiment.

actually its like going back to your high school, i think. almost exactly. (at least, if you have a good relationship with them and its been a while since you broke up--otherwise its like going to high school parties the year after you graduate)

so it was like living out the night as we sort of *were*, but entirely platonically .

Ach, I so totally know what you mean by this. It would feel weird, cause itd be like "well this is like every other ordinary evening together we always did instead of madly shagging/going out dancing/doing something crazy".

Sometimes I feel like I dont act on impulse and do the things I really want to enough in my life. Anyway, thats another story.

a friend said to me yesterday that he doesn't think anyone acts on impulse too little, we all need to take more risks, and he admires people who take big risks and lose because at least they tried. i think that sounds nice but i disagree, risk itself is not automatically worth all consequences.

i think it depends on the kind of friendship you had with the person while you were together: a lot people think they have a friendship with their current partner, when in actual fact they don't. i'm only friends with one ex, and that's because although he was sometimes a wanker, he was a genuinely good guy, and by the time we split we had a really sound friendship. 5 years on and we're still best mates - shit, he just offered to lend me thousands of dollars to go visit my new love!

but as much as i want him to be happy, and even though i have zero physical attraction to him, i'll still be a little bummed when he meets his next gf, 'cos i won't be his favourite girl anymore. i like being #1. in the whole time we've been split up, we've only lived in the same city for a brief time, so i've never actually had to hang out with him and another gf. don't know how i'd feel about that.

actually its like going back to your high school, i think. almost exactly. (at least, if you have a good relationship with them and its been a while since you broke up--otherwise its like going to high school parties the year after you graduate)

-- max, Saturday, June 9, 2007 12:18 PM (8 hours ago) Bookmark Link

OTM

"a lot people think they have a friendship with their current partner, when in actual fact they don't."

OTM

Well I'm never going back to my old school.

don't know how i'd feel about that.

Am I the only one who finds this immensely liberating, somehow?

which part? hanging out with the ex and their new partner?

That they're happy ...

of course i want him to be happy. but when i see him, we always have this really affectionate friendship, which obviously won't fly with a new gf (understandably). so it would be strange for me to hang out with him and see him that way with someone else. even tho' i have no sexual feelings for him. but even with same-sex friends, whom you've hung with a lot while you're both single - it kinda feels weird when they join coupledom and you become third wheel. actually, during this ramble i decided that i'd be ok seeing him with a new girl, so long as i was with my guy, 'cos then i wouldn't have the third wheel thing going on...

It's better, of course, when you really like the new partner, too! I am lucky that way. :) Plus you have your love, admiration, of the same person in common -- and your annoyances, of course. Bonding material left and right.

good lord no matter how much of a great friend my ex gf's were at the time I couldn't even consider even for a moment spending another evening with any of them now. uh.

I'm sure they feel the same way.

people be torturing themselves

One of my first high school boyfriends found my on myspace and was quite adamant about seeing me again (just to catch up, nothing else stated). He was a large force in finally driving me off MySpazz for good.

Today the Anderson Cooper show is dedicated to exes and tying it in with the movie "What's Your Number". Are there really going to be women out there who will take the movie to heart and think "The One" is an ex in their past? EEK! I pass on the past....didn't even keep photos or even wedding rings. It always felt great to move on.

didn't even keep photos or even wedding rings. It always felt great to move on.

As in plural wedding rings? It must have really felt good to move on.

"Life after death is as unlikely as sex after marriage." -- Madeline Kahn in the movie Clue

still bewildered by this concept tbh

kinda feel like this is more of a guy thing

guy thinking back: 'she was hot!'

woman thinking back: 'he was an asshole!'

(apologies for being all heteronormative of course)

"he was an asshole, but he was hot"

^ Not a gender-specific retrospective sentiment.

there's usual about a 5 yr grace period before my exes will even talk to me.

ya me too, it's called 'the relationship'

bah-dum-tsh!

Married and divorced twice.

I have an ex or two I'd talk to. None that are really close friends. Maybe one that I'd hook up with again if I had the chance, but we're living different lives.

I have one ex I consider so heinous that I kind of had a falling out with my sister after finding out she was associating with her!

Really no point in meeting up with exes now that Facebook is around.

"Wonder whatever happened to so-and-so?"
*checks Facebook*
"Oh, banjo lessons. I see."
*thanks past self for dodging bullet.*

one of my exes is one of my best friends, and a lovelier human being i doubt i will ever meet.

the prospect of meeting up with any of the rest of them has a decided "don't look in the ark, marian" feeling, though.

Wait you're friends with exes on facebook or they're dumb enough to have their entire page be public?!?

Hahaha, I agree with PP: morbid curiosity is easily satisfied with FB.

It is one thing to be a friend with an ex. Lots of people are friends (keyword) with their exes. It is going back to the exes bin and trying to dig out a "The One" per the premise of the film. Silly.

One woman featured on the show, from Austin,TX, just seemed particularly pathetic and delusional to me. Her ex-boyfriend was brought on and was pretty much...uh don't want to go there. The whole thing gave Cooper's show a touch of Springer. Enough to make me cringe.

ohman, i haven't even been married once!
a friend of mine was hanging out with a mutual acquaintance who has been married a couple of times and got engaged again recently. my friend, upon hearing the news said, "stop marrying people!! maybe just live together, yknow?!" lol but whatcha gonna do.

i don't hang out with any of my exes really but am still acquaintance-like friends with a few
lollll "don't look in the ark, marian"

every. single. ex. I've ever had has been married this year, facebook is not yr friend ppl

my fondness for exes is kind of inversely proportional to how much of a shit i gave about them when we were dating

truthbomb

it also helps if you've long since given up on the idea of another human being as a vector for fulfillment or even contentment

heh, depends on whether you're still seeing them, tbf

c sharp and strongo otm

i just did this today (awkward meeting for coffee--his idea) and it was actually totally fine. totally awkward, but fine. we are just friends and i have no interest in dating him again. it ended with him offering me contract work, so i will maybe get some money out of this? which partly makes up for the misery he put me through eight months ago, i guess!

When I was 28 I met this vintage store owner who was into the rockabilly scene and she was five years older than me. We'd talk and she mentioned she was on her 4th husband (thanks to FB found out they divorced awhile ago and she has yet another significant other)! I thought that was so ...mmmmm I don't want to say cool (because I didn't think it was cool) but maybe glamorous only because I thought she was glamorous. All her friends had been married more than once and twice and weren't even 30 yet. Something about that scene maybe?

I never thought I'd marry more than once in my life and that was perfectly fine with me. I initiated the first divorce. The second time I thought was IT and even sold over half of my worldly (and more necessary) possessions since I had this new life going and why have two of everything. Five years later he initiated it and I never saw it coming.

I have a male friend who has been married SIX times and asked him after his 6th divorce why he kept marrying women and he said he wanted to be part of a very old couple who had a romantic story to tell and had been married 40 years. That was his magic number. He didn't want to live with someone for 15-20 years, marry her, then celebrate a 20th anniversary when they had been together 40 years. Um...to each his own. But it was a sweet sentiment and he is not jaded.

None of my exes seem much fun so I don't seek them out. Friends with one night stands and two weekers though.

Oh God. Sometimes this works, sometimes it doesn't. I have had 3 major relationships and I'm friends with all three of them. Maybe it's just 2. One was sort of weird. Anyway - those friendships haven't always been easy and some ridiculous things have happened along the way but I dated those people for a reason and value their presence in my life. My first ever boyfriend now has two babies. Weird. I might see him for dinner for the first time in over 10 years next month which would be trippy but awesome.

I was with someone nearly two years, lived together eight months, was engaged for about... a month. My friend just got divorced after 25 years. A coworker friend has been married three times and is 38 and divorced.

I don't know what's worse -- the compulsion to marry, or people who obviously have no intention of breaking up after over five years, live together, aren't students, and don't get married because... they don't want to be "trapped"?

I've had two relationships lasted > 6 years. Haven't got married because meh marriage, am quite happy to consider myself 'trapped' tho

My best friend recently met up with her ex for brunch. She said he had been calling to get together for several weeks and wanted to tell her about his travels: Argentina, French Riviera. So she shows up and said all he wanted to talk about was all the women he screwed. She wondered what he was doing since she hasn't had feelings for him. He broke up with her once, came back then they both came to a mutual agreement and broke up two years ago. Even left me wondering what was the point of that.

Meeting up with exes is a highly civilised thing to do, and I'm a civilised sort of fellow (ask any of my exes). It can be irksome, though, when you discover that an ex-partner's standards have slipped.

A year ago I had dinner with my first wife. She suggested the canteen of a nearby furniture store, but I got her to agree to La Tour d'Argent by promising to pay. During the meal I couldn't help noticing that she was picking her nose and storing the boogers on the underside of the tablecloth, just where it hung down into her lap. Mounting disgust made me summon the courage to challenge her directly. In my civilised way, of course.

"Excuse me, would you like to borrow a handkerchief? Here, I have a silk one. It's monographed, look, on the corner, with our - well, with my - name. No need to return it."

But she refused. A more direct approach, then.

"Look, I'm a little concerned, Margaret. I couldn't help noticing that you've been picking your nose throughout our conversation, and storing the... contents... behind the tablecloth."

Well, imagine my relief. Margaret explained everything. Turns out she's been appointed head of concept development at Ikea's Stockholm design lab. She's working on a new range of organic chairs, and snot is a big inspiration, in terms of its colour, form, and sheer comfort factor. She always was a bright spark.

As we rose to leave, Margaret rolled up the tablecloth and stuffed it into her bag. "Can't let this fall into the hands of the competition!"

"Quite. You really are a bright spark!"

The maître d got the head waiter to add the tablecloth to my bill.

I'm sitting deep in one of my ex-wife's nasal chairs as I write this. It's a comfy ol' booger.

i am on good terms with all my exes and i would not have it any other way.

Grampsy: Wow....that is cool! Had no idea that snot could play such a huge roll in design.

grampsy is like an even worse garrison keillor

― hot sauce delivery device (mh)

he sounds like he is perpetually massaging his own balls

― INSANE CLOWN FOSSE (Adrian Langston), Friday, June 2, 2006

Only been in one long term relationship and she is still one of my closest friends, probably my closest really.