Seinfeld: "Whaaaat's the deeeeeeeeal with rape?"

smooth move

http://img.auctiva.com/imgdata/0/1/8/0/6/5/webimg/52706232_o.jpg

Michael Richards will leap to his defense.

I hope Seinfeld doesn't book a room at HOOS's hotel anytime soon.

What's the first thing Jerry Seinfeld does after getting laid?

He wipes the pepper spray from his eyes.

BIG SEIN aka the rapejoker

"we get accused of not having a sense of humor"

NO, RLY?

the hotel hoos

anybody who understands joeks would know this is not a joek about how rape is not so bad

Since when is Seinfeld a "usually family-friendly comic" anyway? I mean he's not exactly Andrew Dice Clay, but we're talking about the guy who introduced jokes about masturbation, serial killers, white supremacists and referring to a high-strung chef as "the soup nazi" to prime time TV.

haha I just remembered the time he hosted Saturday Night Live and did a sketch about Jerry from the show going to prison in OZ:

Jerry Seinfeld: You think you can hold out longer than me?

Prisoner #97P904, Ryan O'Reily: I know I can hold out longer than you!

Prisoner #92S110, Vern Schillinger: Care to make it interesting?

Prisoner #97P904, Ryan O'Reily: A carton smokes?

Prisoner #95H522, Augustus Hill: I want in, too.

Jerry Seinfeld: You're all on. { shakes pinkies with everyone } Whoever goes the longest without committing male rape wins the Contest.

All: { throwing up their pinkies } Yeaaaaaaahh!

I love it when celebrities I don't really like stick their feet in their mouths.

uh i think he mightve been joking that bee-rape is rare

It's the most violent crime a person can live through.

Doesn't this kinda ... depend?

yah

(PS yeah this is kind of a bad joke-area to even get into, but the thrust seems to be "the bee-rape problem is not that big" as opposed to "rape is not bad.")

still prolly shouldn't have been said, someone having been raped in the audience prolly doesn't need to hear the word rape/think about rape at a comedy show

funny thing is you ever notice bee-rape is not that bad i mean who cares about bees raping each other am i right kinda makes you think

maybe bee rape is the reason they're all dissapearing

Can we please have this discussion every single time someone on ILX posts ugonnagetraped.jpg?

Do bees even have sex? Don't they just squirt stuff on eggs?

Ha, have we moved past the part of the thread where we're all "bad Seinfeld!" and into the part where we make our own bee-rape jokes for 60 posts? Consistency ahoy.

Usually, a female bee mates with several male bees in midair, gathering all of the sperm she will need in her lifetime -- a few months for a solitary bee, or up to five years for a honeybee. Mating typically happens at a collective mating site, although scientists have not yet discovered how male bees choose a site. In some species, including honeybees, the males die shortly after mating because they leave their endophallus in the female's body, fatally injuring themselves in the process. In other species, males can mate with multiple females. Since females use sperm from several males to fertilize their eggs, this gives the male bees a better chance to father young.

nabisco obeerapetm

*trying not to google "endophallus"*

The weird thing is that "A little rape, but it's not that bad" was probably supposed to mean "there's not actually that much rape" as opposed to "they rape each other, but it's OK, rape isn't so bad."

endophallus!

it's a scientology thing, show some respect and deference

cant wait to see people compare this to michael richards, as if seinfeld angrily singled out a woman from the audience to scream "FIFTY YEARS AGO YOU WOULDVE BEEN HANGING UPSIDE DOWN WITH MY DICK IN YOUR ASS!!!" instead of a pretty basic woody allen-style thwarted expectations joke which only works if you agree that rape is, you know, bad

FIFTY YEARS AGO FIVE HOURS AGO

seinfeld doing shouty misogynist sam kinison stand-up would be pretty funny tho

except plz nobody post what they think it would sound like, k?

I hate to say it, but Kinison's straight-up misogynist schtick was actually way less creepy than his whole "I love women so much and intensely and they always break my heart and that's why I am this way" schtick, which was way too realistically "I'm hiding in the bushes and cutting myself I LOVE YOU" for comfort.

you may also enjoy this bit

* On the starvation in Ethiopia.

You want to help world hunger? Stop sending them food. Don't send them another bite, send them U-Hauls. Send them a guy that says, "You know, we've been coming here giving you food for about 35 years now and we were driving through the desert, and we realized there wouldn't BE world hunger if you people would live where the FOOD IS! YOU LIVE IN A DESERT!! UNDERSTAND THAT? YOU LIVE IN A FUCKING DESERT!! NOTHING GROWS HERE! NOTHING'S GONNA GROW HERE! Come here, you see this? This is sand. You know what it's gonna be 100 years from now? IT'S GONNA BE SAND!! YOU LIVE IN A FUCKING DESERT! We have deserts in America, we just don't live in them, assholes!"

He is clearly talking about the Sudan.

those assholes with their non-arable land. when will they learn? listen to the comedian.

yeah ethiopia is actually very green, while sudan is sandy

people have lived in the sustainable environs of the desert longer than they have lived in the unsustainable environs of suburban US

^^^ i imagine you standing up and saying this in the middle of a kinison set, to great effect

heheh I like Kinison a lot actually

He's dead, you know.

I was actively scared of him as a child.

xpost so I killed him

# nebraska judge orders the word "rape" cannot be used in rape trial [Started by BIG HOOS aka the steendriver
# Seinfeld: "Whaaaat's the deeeeeeeeal with rape?" [Started by BIG HOOS aka the steendriver

Are we going to get a daily BIG HOOS aka the steendriver rape thread?

This reminds me of this time in 7th grade where this kid Josh in my science class asked to leave the room, and Ms. Beattie asked why, and he said he was had a personal issue and needed to go to the bathroom, and Ms. Beattie asked what the problem was, and he said it was personal, and they went on and on, back and forth, for like three minutes, until finally I said "duh, he's getting his period." Ms. Beattie sent me to the principal's office, claiming this joke was insulting to women, and so I had to spent the next hour trying to convince the principal that the joke was totally funny and not at all insulting to women.

Except with less bees, and less offensive, and way funnier.

(It's worth noting that Josh was totally and transparently lying about having any kind of personal issue at all, which was why Ms. Beattie was hassling him about it in the first place.)

Sam Kinison fell asleep inside Jessica Hahn (the one lasting memory of some Howard Stern book I read when I was 12)

nabisco your teacher sounds like an ass

I was sent to the principal's office in 4th grade for saying "breast development"

"FIFTY YEARS AGO YOU WOULDVE BEEN HANGING UPSIDE DOWN WITH MY DICK IN YOUR ASS!!!"

http://www.graphicartgallery.com.au/ARTWORK/KURT-Detachable_Penis_thumb.jpg

i think we can all agree that rape is not funny.

are there situations, however, in which rapists can be funny?

Maybe if they're hung upside down with a dick in their ass.

http://shopping.animazing.com/gallery/wb/Pepe.jpg

porky pig raping elmer fudd

anybody who understands joeks would know this is not a joek about how rape is not so bad

why did I have a feeling you'd wanna argue that this joke is really not such a bad thing

(Que: Ms. Beattie was an odd, prim, scary lady, but she makes 100% lovable sense in the context of a black woman born during a segregated era who learned science, never married, became a school teacher, and wound up in a small town, teaching in a school that had a "fun" day where students could buy one another as book-carrying servants, and up until the early 80s shoe-polished one another's faces for said purpose -- she was as well known for refusing to teach on that day as she was for saying "questions, comments, or concerns?" in a crackly schoolmarmish voice. She was weird and funny and I made her life difficult by doing stuff like deliberately saying "orgasm" instead of "organism" while reading out loud from the textbook, but I have total respect for her as a tough, awesome lady. She is played by Thandie Newton in my imaginary biopic.)

That's pretty hot for a teacher.

this joke is not such a bad thing.

why did I have a feeling you'd wanna argue that this joke is really not such a bad thing

wait when did ethan become humansuit

Seinfeld (7:00) - Kramer hosts his own version of The Merv Griffin Show, while Jerry drugs his girlfriend so he can play with her toys. Rerun.

Thandie Newton is like 60 by the time they even start production on my biopic.

Aha! Context is key!

And I guess I meant the joke is funny, and sort of to be expected from a(dare-I-say?) sassy 7th grader, but now that I have some perspective on her, yeah okay. It just seemed a little harsh to send you to the office.

Teachers be runnin' out of patience.

The weird thing is that "A little rape, but it's not that bad" was probably supposed to mean "there's not actually that much rape" as opposed to "they rape each other, but it's OK, rape isn't so bad."

yeah this is correct, right, so the whole joke is: "Bees have a perfect society - since the rape problem is fairly small, the society can still be called perfect, 'cause it's just a small rape problem." That's kind of offensive, unless you agree that a perfect society could still include a little rape every now and then. To compare it to Richards's obviously I-got-demons outburst is silly, but to say "ok he didn't say rape wasn't bad, so it's not offensive" is either missing the point or misdirection

but what do I know, I'm a humorless feminist

It's not a bad joke because its offensive or about rape or anything - its a bad joke because it doesn't make a lot of sense and didn't make me laugh.

john_d otm.

well, the last part anyway.

ah shit where does that Elmer Fudd raping Porky Pig bit come from... Carlin?

yeah

you're right d-mac, a small rape problem, that there is fuckin' riot! what is wrong with me, I gotta learn to lighten up about stuff, it's not like he made a racist quip or anything

no, you're right. throwaway quips are very very important. especially about bees.

Wait! You're both right! It's a delicious whipped topping AND a floor wax!

Can we joke, at all, about potentially offensive topics, J0hn?

like your right to make jokes about bee rape is seriously in danger from the pc police

xpost

You can do whatever you like but that doesn't mean someone won't protest.

PC Bee gone mad

milo did I call for a restriction of speech somewhere?

"you found something offensive! you are restricting my right to free speech, you PC FASCIST!"

I just think it was a dumb joke, that doesn't entirely make sense, and isn't funny, and is maybe a touch offensive, I see all that. I also don't think it's that big of a deal.

^^^^^^ what he said

i'm not sure jerry seinfeld meant to offend you, john. i'm also not sure that he should self-regulate to void the possibility every time he opens his mouth in public.

seriously, it really was just a throwaway comment about bees and a comedian who isn't that funny saying something a bit dodgy..

yeah this is correct, right, so the whole joke is: "Bees have a perfect society - since the rape problem is fairly small, the society can still be called perfect, 'cause it's just a small rape problem." That's kind of offensive, unless you agree that a perfect society could still include a little rape every now and then. To compare it to Richards's obviously I-got-demons outburst is silly, but to say "ok he didn't say rape wasn't bad, so it's not offensive" is either missing the point or misdirection

but what do I know, I'm a humorless feminist

-- J0hn D., Friday, June 22, 2007 8:09 PM

I didn't say it wasn't at all offensive, just that there are 2 ways to read the line, and the slightly less offensive way was how it looked to me (although I'd probably have to hear his intonation to be sure).

JEEZ JOHN LEAVE POOR JERRY SEINFELD ALONE!!!1

(although I'd probably have to hear his intonation to be sure).

this is funny b/c the one thing I am sure about re: all this is that I know in my head exactly how Jerry Seinfeld said this line

(well, I am also sure about rape jokes incl. this one being offensive obv.)

Guys, I'm glad we all agree it's not possible that the dude was satirizing people who might say of non-bee societies, "A little (X), but it's not that bad." I mean it wasn't like he was casually dismissing inhuman behavior while extolling a highly industrious, pragmatic society. I'm sure he would agree that what's important is that bees make the trains run on time.

i have no problem with bee rape. just for teh record.

i don't like the thought of bee rape.

milo did I call for a restriction of speech somewhere?

But as you find the joke offensive and seem to feel it is worth condemning, it then follows that all potentially offensive humor should be condemned, no?

when i was like 3-5 yrs old, i was singing the Kibbles 'n Bits song in the kitchen. But i had a lisp, so it came out sounding like Kibbles 'n Bitch. I got into a lot of trouble that day.

We've yet to hear from any bees on this subject.

Milo, that's a ridiculous jump.

I just think it was a dumb joke, that doesn't entirely make sense, and isn't funny, and is maybe a touch offensive, I see all that. I also don't think it's that big of a deal.

no it's actually not that big a deal, that's the strawman that's coming into play here - shortly E or d-mac will say I went off about it or something, maybe. On the continuum of offensive shit, this isn't really much worse than farting at a funeral or whatever - it's an off-color joke (where does the phrase "off-color" come from, anybody?) that gets its humor from minimizing the societal impact of an occasional rape, which isn't the same thing as saying "rape isn't bad," but does minimize something that's pretty horrible. It is somewhat offensive, anyhow, and not in any particularly instructive way as far as I can see, which is usually what redeems/drives good offensive humor - that, or a taboo is being broached, which most people will concede is often a good thing to do; that most taboos are worth interrogating. I don't see the latter proposition at work here though, and as always, I'm frustrated by how quickly dude on ilx will circle the wagons on stuff like this - rape isn't lynching, obviously, because it isn't murder, but I don't think it's somehow less horrific than a dude getting beat up for the color of his skin, which is also a subject I think I'd avoid joking about, even I were using bees as a comic foil.

x-post umm milo you might read your original post

I got kicked out of a pool when I was 10 because I was playing Marco Polo and started making up nonsense words with the "-o" suffix and one of them was "dildo." I had no idea why the lifeguard lady was so mad. (xpost)

um, yeah, J0hn, not a damn thing suggesting you wanted to put Jerry in a gulag.

"Can we joke, at all, about potentially offensive topics, J0hn?"

We've yet to hear from any bees on this subject.

On the next Dateline

Guys, I'm glad we all agree it's not possible that the dude was satirizing people who might say of non-bee societies, "A little (X), but it's not that bad." I mean it wasn't like he was casually dismissing inhuman behavior while extolling a highly industrious, pragmatic society. I'm sure he would agree that what's important is that bees make the trains run on time.

-- gabbneb, Friday, June 22, 2007 8:26 PM (5 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

gabbneb... otm?

you're equating a bee joke with the word rape in it to racial beatings.

this joke is really not worth getting worked up about. but it isn't a joke about rape. it's not minimising the effect of rape in societies. nobody has been raped because of this joke. nobody advocates rape.

it's just a bee joke with the word rape in it.

"Can we joke, at all, about potentially offensive topics, J0hn?"

= "You seem to be saying that we can't joke about these things" - "can't" is a pretty loaded operator there m

did something happen beyond rape awareness organizations scolding dude for a somewhat tacky bee joke with the word rape in it while promoting a kids movie, did i miss the calls for dvd steamrolling

nobody's really getting "worked up" d-mac though again that's always a good way to avoid addressing anything so keep up the good work!

a film for children

according to whom?

When Katzenberg asked Seinfeld, "Why bees?" the comic replied that he has long been impressed by their "organizational society."

i'm not getting worked up about it john, and i don't think you are. i think the rest of the post addressed my thoughts on it.

but I don't think it's somehow less horrific than a dude getting beat up for the color of his skin, which is also a subject I think I'd avoid joking about, even I were using bees as a comic foil.

Mad TV has built a successful TV series around this hasn't it

this thread has jumped the bee

Did anyone who wasn't looking to be offended think "can" meant anything other than "is it acceptable"? There is no implication of anything related to restricting speeech or stopping jokes by force or anything else.

you're equating a bee joke with the word rape in it to racial beatings.

am I really! I thought I was equating a bee joke that references a human phenomenon to a posited bee joke referencing another human phenomenon

And the question still stands: is there such a thing as acceptable or benign offensive humor?

people looking to be offended.

where's that five words on what's wrong with the world thread?

Umm actually the FORMAT of the joke makes sense to me: e.g., it would be funny if he said "Bees have a perfect society. There's a little bit of a meth problem, but they're getting that under control."

The sole problem here is that instead of picking a safe human problem to comically juxtapose onto "bee society" -- you know, like "hivelessness" -- he for some reason grabbed from the pile of totally unfunny human issues that tend to kill jokes dead, because people's response to them is serious and uncomfortable and visceral enough that no little half-funny drollery makes it worth it.

benign offensive

I think by definition these two words cannot be used together.

you're equating a bee joke with the word rape in it to racial beatings.

am I really! I thought I was equating a bee joke that references a human phenomenon to a posited bee joke referencing another human phenomenon

no more than jerry seinfeld was minimising the effects of rape in society then, john, surely?

(PS meth problems and homelessness are serious and unfunny too, but not in a visceral enough way that we can't chuckle over imagining bees dealing with them.)

i really wanna see a hard boiled drama about bees dealing meth and the tragic effects.

And the question still stands: is there such a thing as acceptable or benign offensive humor?

well I think I addressed this above - humor's worthwhile if it's getting at something, and as I say it's generally conceding that taboos are worth breaking just for the sake of it. There are also things that are, y'know, offensive and without value, a category into which this cosmically unimportant remark fits neatly

xpost dmac that's my fucking point: the latter would be unfunny, and eveybody on this thread would think so - it'd cross the sort of line that good taste suggests we not cross, and with reason I think. This also is not funny, and for the same reason - some shit's just kinda not funny because it's still a big problem that affects people and their families daily

double x-post I will underwrite the bees-on-meth cop drama

I think that's next season on The Wire

bee ethnic cleansing = not funny
bee alcoholism = funny

bee abortion = not funny
bee consumer debt = funny

and this is totally unfair but per our current societal standards:
bee rape = not funny
bee prison rape = funny

bee woody allen- not funny.

Tuomas bee masturbating in front of a baby bee = funny

I would find the bee abortion bit funny.

ew. Begging to differ.

bee arthur = funny

bee abortion made me lol, the tables have turned on me (xpost holla)

bees do rape each other, incl. male-to-male

john, i don't think humour always has to be worthy in order to be funny. sometimes things make you laugh that you wouldn't like to think too hard about if you analysed it.

but analysis of jokes = complete dud.

xpost, not you, sam

a be abortion might be funny, depending on the background music.

To me, J0hn, you're turning 'offensiveness' and humor into primarily ideological concerns by assigning value to the offensive material you want to like and refusing to when something strikes you as 'wrong.'

abortion can be funny if you tell a funny joke about it, i can see that. Even a satirical bit about bees ethnically cleansing each other could be funny. Rape is just, like, wayyyyyyy up high on the list of things you can't joke about.

its not like dodgy stuff with no redeeming value never makes me laugh but i dont tend to step up to defend it

People aren't making jokes unfunny by analyzing them. They find them unfunny, and then when someone asks why, they have to analyze them to explain. It's not like John would hear this joke, sit back to process it, and then come up with the judgment that it's terrible -- that response comes just as quickly as a laugh.

now i'm trying to think of other issues that would never be funny, other than rape.

I think I can do without AIDS jokes

The point at which offensive humor gets a stop sign from me is when it's pointedly setting out to hurt someone or creating an atmosphere in which people can be hurt (or encourage people to hurt others). (Emotionally, psychologically, verbally hurt, of course).

This, in no way, meets that kind of criteria. No one walks away from that particular Seinfeld gag thinking human rape isn't such a big deal or that it's acceptable to ridicule victims or anything else.

first offensive joke I remember being told on the playground: what do you call Magic Johnson in a wheelchair? Roll-AIDS.

This, in no way, meets that kind of criteria. No one walks away from that particular Seinfeld gag thinking human rape isn't such a big deal or that it's acceptable to ridicule victims or anything else.

Dude, this is up to the individual, just like humor.

bees do rape each other, incl. male-to-male

right, he didn't arbitrarily make it a rape joke

I guess I mean is that some people find the joke a big deal and that should not be surprising.

wtf at this thread

It's always up to the individual. There are people offended continually by South Park, but by and large we've all come to accept their jokes - including ones potentially far more horrifying than this - as being made in a non-threatening comedy atmosphere, right?

what exactly is non-threatening offensive humor?

"Migger, The Magic Nigger"

its not like dodgy stuff with no redeeming value never makes me laugh but i dont tend to step up to defend it

yeah this is true - I mean, I've laughed at plenty of jokes that I found horrifying, that's one of the functions of humor: messing around with your sense of propriety, drawing laughter from you on subjects you take seriously and care about. It's just kinda weird when dudes are like "oh these people for whom rape is necessarily a daily concern, what dull-humored ppl amirite?"

dan what on earth are you talking about

xxxpost

That's totally up to each person! I'm sure many, many people refuse to watch southpark b/c the comedy is threatening to them.

Big Gay Al?
Bill Hicks talking about wanting to see George Bush's head rolling down the street?
Chris Rock joking about prison rape ("tossed salad man")?

That's totally up to each person! I'm sure many, many people refuse to watch southpark b/c the comedy is threatening to them.

I'm more interested in responding to it in the old 'reasonable man' way - what do I think the average person is going to take away?

There's always going to be a segment that finds something offensive to their personal morality or whatever.

Exactly. So why are you trying to argue that J0hn shouldn't find this offensive?

dan what on earth are you talking about

I am talking about one of the funniest Chris Rock Show sketches ever as a sardonic response to max's question. I chose to do this because I think Jerry's joke rides very heavily on sardonic humor; you are not meant to come away from the joke thinking that rape isn't that bad, you are meant to come away from it shocked at his going there in that particular context and thinking about how rape is still a problem.

dan, i think you are giving that joke WAY too much credit

I never said that J0hn shouldn't find this offensive or that he should find it funny.

I've never realized I'm supposed to be shocked by Seinfeld.

dan, i think you are giving that joke WAY too much credit

why? you think you're smarter/cleverer than jerry seinfeld?

To put it another way, this is totally a Bob Sagat move.

I mean, J0hn's the one making accusations about ILBros of "circling the wagons" to defend a guy who's making a joke that we should all horribly be offended by. I'm responding to his stance on what I and everyone else should clearly find offensive.

http://www.trentarthur.info/chaplin.jpg

It's the end of the day finally for most of us in the US. I think we should all close our browsers and go imbibe in the alcoholic beverage of our choice. And not think about, talk about or joke about rape or pollenating insects for the rest of the day.

lolz rape amirite

man, this thread

hay guyz he's talking about bee rape, not person-rape

U GONNA GET RAPED.jpg

http://www.energiseforlife.com/images/blogimages/bumblebee.jpg

and now I see that Alex in Baltimore beat me to it.

ILBros

who would moderate?

anthony easton?

fake morbs?

http://snltranscripts.jt.org/90/pics/90mkillers2.jpg

right, he didn't arbitrarily make it a rape joke

-- gabbneb, Friday, 22 June 2007 20:56 (53 minutes ago) Link

Indeed. Joke: list off things that are plagues on human society that bees don't have to deal with, realize that one of those things is incorrect because it is also a "problem" that bees have, brush off the matter of its inclusion with cognitive dissonance

I think it's still a pretty lame joke & rape isn't funny, except for that Dick Cheney/GWB "you gonna get raped" .jpg (but that's because I am a complex individual obv.)

(and obv the punchline is that said cognitive dissonance is being applied to a matter which IS very serious, it is making a molehill out of a mountain, etc)

One of my least favorite show moments ever - the time the singer of a band I was playing in made an impromptu rape joke on stage. It actually wasn't meant to be a *rape joke* per se - it was supposed to be a joke about how the town we lived in was unsafe, but it came out as a rape joke and was even less funny than this Seinfeld bit.

I'm here all night to explain the obvious, just letting you know

xpost

is bee rape really even comparable to human rape? I mean bees don't have issues of agency and privacy and morality and consent all that. They're, y'know, bees.

<i>now i'm trying to think of other issues that would never be funny, other than rape.</i>

Child abuse? AIDS?

(xpost Me too.)

yes Shakey but still the point is that out of that list rape is the one you could make the best case for in terms of occurring in the bee kingdom

er, you know what I mean

must...resist...obvious...rachel...ray...joke

I mean, J0hn's the one making accusations about ILBros of "circling the wagons" to defend a guy

true

who's making a joke that we should all horribly be offended by

false

you don't think we should be offended by the joke?

"That's kind of offensive, unless you agree that a perfect society could still include a little rape every now and then."

HE'S TALKING ABOUT BEES

It could have been worse: he could have worked Colony Collapse Disorder in there somehow.

i think dan is the closest to being otm here. theres a pretty massive difference b/w a joke "getting its humor from minimizing rape" & "minimizing rape".

Yes.

after reading this thread, this dude creeps me out
http://www.iatriaskinandbody.com/images/Burts_Bees_Hand_Salve.jpg

U GONNA GET BURT RAPED

is bee rape really even comparable to human rape? I mean bees don't have issues of agency and privacy and morality and consent all that. They're, y'know, bees.

I've said this before somewhere, but have you ever been unfortunate to witness cat sex? It's kind of rape, but it confounds all human definitions of rape. A female cat in heat, who clearly is... ahem... asking for it, still has to be overpowered, subdued, and bitten hard on the neck before the male can mate with her, and she still shrieks like she's being killed the whole time. There is no human analog for this.

and yet without it, there is no small cat.

Why is there even discussion about this? It's the simpliest thing ever. That joke isn't remotely offensive.. unless you lack sense of humor. No sense of humor = you will be offended, because you don't get how it's a joke because all you see is the word "rape" and you get a gut reaction telling you to be offended. Rape obviously is a bad thing, but every shitty thing in this world deserves to be laughed at at some point or another.

you don't get how it's a joke because all you see is the word "rape" and you get a gut reaction telling you to be offended

well, duh, of course we are, but we're going in circles. The word "rape" is not just a word, it's v v loaded. What people are objecting to, if they are objecting at all, is that Seinfeld was clueless enough to not realize just how loaded the word "rape" is, that it's kind of one of the worst things in the world. It's like he said, "Ok, there have been a few Holocausts, but not many." Which he would not have said, because he already understand how loaded "Holocaust" is. "Rape" eluded him, and that's what people are bitching about. He should know better.

as I made some margin notes in my ilx journal this evening i thought to myself what that bee rape thread needs is a cat sex tangent

actually on the train home bee abortions popped into my head for some reason and i lol'ed again so this thread was all worth it

man

i cant stand tori amos

Weird how humans fear the pain of birth, but cats are totally cool with that. They'll squirt out 10 kittens on your doorstep and not make a noise. Having sex, though, is something they can't tolerate at all without being held down.

Weird animals.

http://www.umanitoba.ca/outreach/cm/vol9/no10/weirdnature.jpg

I've said this before somewhere, but have you ever been unfortunate to witness cat sex?

Ducks have it worse. Bastard drakes hold the ducks head under the water while they do the deed.

man i hate tori amos

i can almost guarantee she will write a song about how jerry seinfeld is an awful person for her next album

xpost For all their strange behaviors during sex sometimes, mammals have evolved the most practical body shapes for getting sperm inside of a female. Turtles have sex, too, but they're barely evolved beyond putting sperm on eggs that were laid in water. Once they moved onto land, they had bigger problems to adapt to. So turtle sex is still bleeding hilarious.

Jerry Seinfeld bombs with pro-rape crowd

nice

what race from star trek said it was uncomfortably painful to procreate?

not tribbles

nice

-- BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Saturday, June 23, 2007 6:44 AM (1 minute ago) Bookmark Link

That Gawker thing is weird. They obviously wanted to slap Radar down but this seems considerably more unpleasant than the Seinfeld 'bit'.

Is this kind of thing going to happen every time a new season of Seinfeld comes out on DVD? Just as well there's only one more season to go.

What's Julia Louis Dreyfus going to say next year?

My vote: something about Hillary Clinton being "dykey".

mallard ducks actually commit indiscriminate rape on both males and females, often in gangs, and often upon corpses. i don't get 'em.

Procedure of preparation of dry exserted inner sac of penis for permanent storage

Oleg E.Berlov

Dipl. entomologist from Irkutsk, Siberia

Over 85 research publications, most on Carabidae.
Photographs of all Holotypes from my collection.
My own method inflating the endophallus.

http://www.geocities.com/RainForest/Jungle/2834/ober.jpg

Picture of the maximally inflated endophallus.

http://www.biologie.uni-hamburg.de/b-online/ibc99/koning/phallus.gif

ew

First, a note on the use of the word rape. I do not mean to trivialize human rape and certainly an individual human rape is far worse than an individual honeybee rape, but as a cultural phenomenon, they are equally evil and, in fact, flow from the same source.

First, the head and thorax of the drone are crushed.

http://www.vegetus.org/honey/drone.jpg

This causes the abdominal muscles to contract and turn part of the drone inside out (partial eversion of the endophallus).

http://www.vegetus.org/honey/dr.jpg

The rest of the body is then crushed to turn the endophallus fully inside out.
The semen from many drones is collected and combined.

http://www.vegetus.org/honey/abc.jpg

The semen is injected.

http://www.vegetus.org/honey/in.jpg

mmmmmmmm

dude quit it

This essay explains why most vegans do not eat honey. It also attempts to convince all vegans not to eat honey. If you are unfamiliar with veganism, please read Why Vegan.

i dont think bee plumbing shots were ever a part of my imaginative spectrum until now

wait wait

http://www.biologie.uni-hamburg.de/b-online/ibc99/koning/phallus.gif

The "clasper" is that little bulb thing, and not the giant Quato arm hanging off of the whole disgusting apparatus?

This essay explains why most vegans do not eat honey. It also attempts to convince all vegans not to eat honey. If you are unfamiliar with veganism, please read Why Vegan.

ok NO NO NO wait. I assumed you were kidding through that whole thing, maybe at the most trying to gross us out *a little*. But that's an insect, and I squash 'em myself when they're bugging me. Not as methodically, but whatever, I have no feelings for them, they're pretty darn plentiful, and their colonies are built for numbers, not individual specialty.

"as a cultural phenomenon, they are equally evil and, in fact, flow from the same source." --- See, I TOTALLY thought that was a joke. I really did.

moonbat journey to crazyland

i did not personally author this essay against bee rape, kenan

i just wanted to point out that it's in especially poor taste for jerry to make this joke because there are people out there losing sleep over the dirty work of dudes like oleg e.berlov

hey, scorpion porn!

xxpost ok, so you are kidding.

I'm sorry, you scared me a LOT.

wow.

http://perso.orange.fr/eycb/scorpions/Images/Anciennes%20photos%20mois/AncPhotodumoisDecembre04.jpg

"His stinger trembled."

^this thread

Once being stung and receiving venom the female becomes drugged and no longer wishes to kill her mate. This behaviour is know as the sexual sting and brings about the sexual dimorphism of the males extremely long tail. She then becomes easy for the male to control, and control is exactly what is needed for a successful sperm transfer.

The male grips the female's pedipalps with his and starts to drag her about the place with the female offering resistance to his movement. The resistance is not unlike that of a tug of war. The female simply doesn't like to move very much, similar to moving a stubborn mule. The male gives the female the cheliceral kiss where he locks his mouthparts onto hers. This behaviour keeps the male's body in perfect alignment with the female's which as we shall see is of utmost importance.

The male continues to drag the female around until he locates a suitable surface on which he can deposit his spermatophore. The spermatophore is the container that houses the sperm and is placed onto a rock from the male's genital opening.

When the male is happy with the surface conditions the spermatophore is released from his genital opening and carefully placed onto the substrate below. The very sticky foot of the spermatophore adheres to the rock and remains upright. The male with his body now strongly arched must very precisely pull the female in a direct straight line so her body and genital opening are directly over the spermatophore. The female's genital operculum or plate is at 90 degrees to her body allowing the genital opening to be exposed at a maximum. With the spermatophore at the correct position the female lowers her body allowing the portion of the spermatophore containing sperm to enter her body. The sperm are released, the female raises her body from the spermatophore and without hesitation the pair quickly break apart, the transfer of the all-important genetic information completed

this is like an NC-17 rating for a movie.

This thread would have supplied me with new usernames for months back in old-ilx.

Sea hares are simultaneous hermaphrodites that cross-fertilize by copulation. When two, or sometimes several, individuals copulate, each participant donates and receives sperm to and from another individual, but not necessarily the same individual.

http://sanctuaries.noaa.gov/science/itf/images/seaharetrainHickerson.jpg

Numerous black sea hares (Aplysia morio) approximately 25cm in length were observed free-swimming and creating “trains” of mating animals.

Sea hares know how to party.

awesome

it sorta amazes me that people choose careers in fields other than science

I've said this before somewhere, but have you ever been unfortunate to witness cat sex? It's kind of rape, but it confounds all human definitions of rape. A female cat in heat, who clearly is... ahem... asking for it, still has to be overpowered, subdued, and bitten hard on the neck before the male can mate with her, and she still shrieks like she's being killed the whole time. There is no human analog for this.

----uh speak for yrself

it sorta amazes me that people choose careers in fields other than science

These people are farmers?

YO!

you're right d-mac, a small rape problem, that there is fuckin' riot! what is wrong with me, I gotta learn to lighten up about stuff, it's not like he made a racist quip or anything

no, he made a rapist quip

fortunately he has a rapist wit

Jol out

should i have gone with raper wit

i hate seinfeld. i shoulda just gone with the flow here.

Two beekeepers strike up a conversation at a convention.
First beekeeper says, so Bob, how many bees do you have? Bob answers, 'oh, 100,000'.
The first beekeeper continues, 'and how many hives?' Bob replies, '100 hives. you know, 1000 bees per hive. How about you mate, how many bees do you have?' The first beekeeper says '1 million.'
Bob is amazed. '1 million bees! that's incredible! How many hives do you have then?' First beekeeper replies, 'just one.' Nigel is shocked once more, ''1 million bees in just one hive! Isn't that kind of cruel?
And the first beekeeper says, 'Fuck em, they're only bees.'

^ trivialising something important here