Why do men so often say to one another: "How are you, sir?" (or the like) in a jesting tone of voice?

I know the thread title reads like I am a robot, but I really just don't get it.

dunno, but really don't think its a male bonding thing.

what the hell are you talking about, bro

This dude I met the other day did this incessantly, like it was his "thing." I don't get it. I totally know what you mean by people thinking it's clever. No, it's just stupid.

Like sir on EVERYTHING, not just "how are you."

Well I guess another question would be how widespread is this? Do other people notice this? Is it an American thing, an East Coast thing, a Philadelphia thing?

x-posts

what do you normally say instead?

I think I do this, but it's not really in a jesting tone of voice. Like, if I see someone I know at a party or something, I'll nod and say, "Mr. _______, good to see you, sir."

i've never heard a person do this thing in my entire life

It's fun, sir.

(Though yeah, in a jesting tone of voice?)

Men in not actually meaning what they say shockah.

crisis of masculinity

maybe most people are too busy to come up with a different way of greeting everytime they see somebody.

It's to avoid giving off the impression they want interpersonal investments.

This only reminds me of the kids in the Ice Storm, who do this.

I guess there's an element of role-playing involved, like we're pretending we're middle-aged businessmen meeting each other over a three-martini lunch, but it's said fairly straight-faced.

"Mr. Cohen, always a pleasure."

Also, men are just worse at pretending to really be interested in how other people are doing.

Huh?
I wish I knew dudes who said this.
They sound comical.

I guess I do get it to the extent I recognize it as a mock formality thing, but I don't get why some people act like it's clever, nor do I get why it's so popular.

What do I say instead? "Sir" doesn't fill a spot that I see as needing to be filled, so I say nothing. Hello. Good morning. I'm here. Or I might include a persons name.

(ignoring x-posts)

Pretending to be olde-timey.

I always do this and now feel like an asshole.

I must confess I am one such fellow. I find it respectful and dashing to do so. Indeed, I make a point of it, sir!

For what it's worth, I hate it when people try to tart up otherwise depressing conversation with ersatz snarky attitude. I don't need my life filled with wannabe talking heads from VH1 "I Love This Decade" specials.

Also, men are just worse at pretending to really be interested in how other people are doing.

so true!

I'm more repelled when men assume I like sports. It irritates so much that sometimes I wanna shout, "No, dipshit. Sports are for fags and women."

Do they rock on their heels as they say it?
Sorry but I'm not really getting it.

I'm more repelled when men assume I like sports. It irritates so much that sometimes I wanna shout, "No, dipshit. Sports are for fags and women."

Poor Morbius :(

people like to act goofy. it makes conversation fun, or at least it seems to sometime, and it defuses social tension. you guys ARE all robots.

plz murder everybody who does 'i said GOOD DAY SIR!'

ARE sports for fags and women?

people like to act goofy. it makes conversation fun, or at least it seems to sometime, and it defuses social tension. you guys ARE all robots.

-- s1ocki, Wednesday, 1 August 2007 16:05 (2 minutes ago) Link

plz murder everybody who does 'i said GOOD DAY SIR!'

Unless you're this woman:

http://www.carnali.com/images/stories/Tootsie.jpg

people like to act goofy. it makes conversation fun, or at least it seems to sometime, and it defuses social tension. you guys ARE all robot

there's nothing goofy about most of the options offered here.

Pretty tiresome archness and whimsy to fill what would otherwise be silence between the dull, with none of the wit of Woodhouse. Pretty sure it's a solely British problem.

There was an episode of Real Ale Bores in which one of the bores called the barman a "stout yeoman of the bar", which I'm always reminded of when I hear people talking like this. Sometimes it's not that annoying though and is just like talking about the weather.

plz murder everybody who does 'i said GOOD DAY SIR!'

-- and what, Wednesday, August 1, 2007 11:08 AM (4 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

as in quoting jon stewart?

not that it's an excuse

ppl say dumb stuff to fill dead air or try to be amusing all the time.

We used to use slang when we thought it was cool, now for a bit contrast we try to be overly formal for a laugh.

Also it gets boring if we greet the same way every time.

Anyway fuck the greeting fascists, this is how Nazi Germany started.

i say how are you, mein herr!

I say, "Hail thee fellow and Well Met!" in a comedy British accent and the women love it.

'women'

shemales

otm :'-/

Who are you calling shemale?

What do I say instead? "Sir" doesn't fill a spot that I see as needing to be filled, so I say nothing. Hello. Good morning. I'm here. Or I might include a persons name.

you say "I'm here." they say "How are you, Sir."

live and let live.

I don't ordinarily say "I'm here" in place of "Hello," just when I am taking over the reference desk.

There was an episode of Real Ale Bores in which one of the bores called the barman a "stout yeoman of the bar"

waht is Real Ale Bores? you mean those Coogan/Marber characters?

EVENIN', SQUOIRE!

http://content.answers.com/main/content/wp/en/e/e0/Nudge_nudge_2.jpg

One of my colleagues does this.
I'm hailed with a hearty "Mr P0w3ll!"
To which I reply with an equally hearty "Mr Crudd0s!"

At that point we switch into our normal registers and start swearing at each other.

"M'am, we reserve the right to refuse service to anyone. My bartender, myself, and my general manager will not tolerate your hate speech on our property. We have not and will not charge you a cent and you're free to take your business elsewhere. I'd rather not call the police, but if you insist on continuing to disturb our guests I will. Please leave."

waht is Real Ale Bores? you mean those Coogan/Marber characters?

Ah, I meant Real Ale Twats, the Viz strip. The Guardian says, 'There is an occasional cartoon strip in Viz called "The Real Ale Twats", which mocks the people who use the sub-Hilaire Belloc language of the hearty and carry instruments for measuring specific gravity'.

I would say this, sometimes. I think it's just respectful/polite which is mildly amusing if you know the person well enough not to call them sir. Although more common might be "Mr.....".

I think it's actually like something I'd say to someone I knew quite well but hadn't seen in a while, or knew well from socialising with or meeting in clubs rather than friends I see every second day.

I did this a lot as a child but it was in imitation of those two Terry Toon mice who were overly polite, I forget their names.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Goofy_Gophers

there's that episode of COOGAN'S RUN where the 2 geeky quiz students refer to each other as 'stout yeoman of the bar' and that's what all this reminds me of.

Oh jesus, Terry Toons mice, Looney Tunes gophers...same thing, right?

I call everyone "hey you."

I call people Mr (a lot) and Sir (occasionally) on the internet, sometimes with friends because the longwinded overformality amuses me in a sub-Stephen-Fry manner, sometimes with people I'm not sure I know well enough for first names or who have such ridiculous internet names that I don't want to type "hi SnugglyHat4582" without trying to hide it with obviously over-twee goofiness.

Don't recall doing it out loud, but I've never consciously thought "this is 'funny' on the internet but out loud it would just be ALL WRONG" so maybe I do. I wd still rock the sub-Fry verbosity schtick out loud if only I could ever think/speak fast and clearly enough not to be left gawping blankly and dribbling by the time the other person gave up on the conversation.

I think it's actually like something I'd say to someone I knew quite well but hadn't seen in a while, or knew well from socialising with or meeting in clubs rather than friends I see every second day.

Yep, this occurred to me as well.

I hear a lot of people say "THANK YOU, SIR" in this weird of voice that I'm sure started off as some kind of mockery

Haha, like when I'd call my coworkers USTEEEEEDDDD.

funny voices do you talk in them!

yeah s1ocki right otm. why is this so hard to comprehend? people who are bothered by this need to relax and maybe get out more. though i have to admit i am a little skeezed out by jaymc's middle-aged gentleman version with last names and everything. uh too far.

What? No way. It's not like it's this whole tut-tut-cheerio nonsense, it's still said casually.

how is this not an amateurist thread?

xpost - yeah but i don't know how you could say 'mr. cohen, always a pleasure' casually and with a straight face. if i said this to a friend i would say it with light irony but then i would just come across as annoying/weird i think. i guess you have be there.

i say 'sir' sometimes because i like to think it can either lighten up a greeting with a wink or show respect for someone without getting too heavy about it.

to be there.

I think there's light irony.

Having been on the receiving end of jaymc's greeting, I will confirm it is not said without irony.

Ha, until now I never thought of it as this weird, idiosyncratic thing I did.

There are a lot of goofy lines people say and the fact that it's just blatant stupidity is kind of what's funny about it if you're not all tense. I suppose it's a good gauge for the other guy. If he says "How are you, sir?" and you don't answer "Quite well, my good man, and you?" and you don't both break out into a hilarious round of "quite, quite" nodding and smirking, then he knows you're not feeling very fun.

I don't really mind the sir thing. I may even do it myself from time to time.

However, on a similar note, I am annoyed when people address me as "Mr Nick".

I call everyone sir, waiters, cafeteria attendants etc.

he's probably a huge marcie fan

you sir are a gentleman and a scholar.

t/s: doing this or caring about people who do this?

http://artfiles.art.com/images/-/Gene-Wilder---Willy-Wonka-the-Chocolate-Factory-Photograph-C10103080.jpeg

"YOU LOSE! GOOD DAY SIR!"

As Heave Ho implies, it's a mark of true respect for men who are doing something for you.

As for calling your friends 'Sir', there is a difference between accents which must be factored in - you must imagine how it sounds with an Australian accent - more like a bouncer than an English gentleman. When my best friend rings I always say 'Mr S - how are you today sir?' And he always says, simply, 'Mr Moley'. It feels real good done in an Australian accent, try it and see for yourself. How can I describe the feeling? It's like you're plotting somethng devious. Which we often are.

Polish yor knob, guvna? On yer bike, squire.

i've never heard a person do this thing in my entire life

-- the schef (adam schefter ha ha), Wednesday, August 1, 2007 3:53 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Link

I have a tendency to say "Thank you, sir!" to men if they are doing me a service like bagging my groceries or pumping gas.

I sometimes greet my female friends by saying "Hello, Ladies," which is sort of the same deal.

I always say, 'Hello, ma'am' and kiss their hand. I do not consider this pretentious. On the contrary, they are always charmed by the gesture.

Damned straight. You should also throw your jacket down over any mud puddles they need to cross.

TS:
Office Brian from Fast Show vs Eric Idle

It's a jaunty and interesting way to communicate - I took to greeting gents I haven't seen for ages with either "How are you Mr X" or "Good morning squire".

It amuses me to appear "olde worldey" but also amuses people to be greeted like that. But also - doesn't every man secretly want to be addressed as "Sir", "Mr X" or "Squire" ?

I have used this when I can't remember names, or when "honey" isn't an option.

how are you sweet xls?

john are you hott? and twee? is all i'm asking. i'll move str8 to chicago to hit that.

This is just a comic book guy / SCA nerd thing, it's not that complicated. My friend that I used to play AD&D with says shit like this all the time and it's just part of his personality, not annoying or anything.

Most Scottish barbers seem to talk like this. Doesn't bother me in the slightest, has always been more of a concern to find a shop where football wasn't the default topic.

Landlord, a flagon of your finest foaming mead, forsooth!!

My dad calls other men "sir" a lot in polite convo or say at the dinner table, but he's kind of a formal guy. He, like Beth, also uses "ladies" and would never EVER refer to a group of female humans as "women". Ladies. Please.

lots of dudes do this, myself included sometimes. it's an expression of affection in a tone that is jokingly formal because you're both dudes, or because some formality might be required when you haven't seen someone in a while, etc.

using 'sir' in an actually formal/polite/southern way is totally different

Landlord, a flagon of your finest foaming mead, forsooth!!

-- the pinefox, Wednesday, 23 July 2008 12:04

own up louis, you do this don't you

you know what, i do this a lot. it is a term of endearment, like let's be guys together. i don't know, i like it.

Sir Mounter

also if you're meeting someone you're friendly with, but the context is formal

this is the most earnestly-answered ilx thread i have ever read.

i do two variations on this "sir" thing: one is to call out "so long gentlemen" or the like when taking leave of a group of recently-met guys; another is to address friends by the formal version of their name (e.g. William) when mostly they go by the informal (e.g. Bill), but only upon meeting and departing. i'm not sure this practice is defensible.

Laurel, what do you think of Kingsley Amis's preferred alternative to 'Ladies': 'Females'?

guys secretly want to be fancy

they act like they don't, but they do

This is just a comic book guy / SCA nerd thing, it's not that complicated. My friend that I used to play AD&D with says shit like this all the time and it's just part of his personality, not annoying or anything.

Case closed.

K Amis preferred "females"? To be frank/racist, the only time I've heard "female" for "woman" is from the mostly BWI population in my old neighborhood -- I think it's used by people who aren't sure they're being respectful enough, and for whom "woman" has too many hmm...sexual connotations? There seems to be some idea that "female", being scientific or something, is closer to neutral. Either that or it's been picked up from police reports.

Oddly enough I find it kind of...animal. Animalistic? You get my gist. Not human.

no idea about the jesting tone of voice thing, but yeah, I call people sir all the time but it's because I'm from the South and this is pretty normal male speech there, with no jest unless you feel silly doing it.

overanalysis here that would put seinfeld to shame

my best friend growing up was from the South. if he didn't respond to his mom/dad calling his name with ma'am?/sir?, they'd call again (this time with an angry undercurrent) until he did.

Same here, it was "yes, ma'am" and "no, sir" or you didn't leave the confrontation until you answered correctly.

Sometimes I feel like my entire childhood was a 94/7 battle of wills. :D

Reframing acts of politeness or signs of respect as heavy-handed irony is overrated. I prefer not to do so.

I still find it mind-boggling that people actually do this.

haha you imagine guys dressed up in like ancient equestrian garb greeting each other and talking about winning the heart of the fair princess or something

well, i will admit i've gotten really into typing "yessir" in IM conversations

i don't really know what this means

Steve Coogan nails this whole phenomenon in "Saxondale".

you gotta see his earlier stuff

how are you sweet xls?

― strgn, Wednesday, July 23, 2008 4:46 AM (7 months ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

john are you hott? and twee? is all i'm asking. i'll move str8 to chicago to hit that.

― strgn, Wednesday, July 23, 2008 4:47 AM (7 months ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

uh lol

I have a co-worker who does this, btw.

mostly BWI population in my old neighborhood

BWI? (I'm assuming you don't mean the airport.)

This is kind of like Ethan's thread (whose title I can't remember) about irony as a mode of expression, or whatever you want to say it was about, exactly.

I had a friend in high school who really enjoyed saying things like "evening, ladies" or "morning, sir," or "slow down there, tiger" in just about the tone I assume this is about.

Oh, British West Indies?

A lot of people seem to do this at the moment (sometimes 'miss' for girls as well). It's just become a thing people say, perfectly harmless.

Also, talking a bit like people in the olden days is definitely fun.

I do it. It usually involves a 'sir' or 'mr. XXXX.' sometimes I give a casual salute as well. I don't know why I do it, but I feel no need to stop. It's vaguely amusing to me and perhaps to others. It's good to be jovial.

I think you all are lying and no one does this outside of Jon Stewart on The Daily Show

We're grown men aware of the performative nature of acting like "grown men," and so it's funny.

I stopped "acting like" a grown man when I finally grew up.

When butch women do this, it's doubly performative and doubly funny.

It's like the open handshake that proves that you aren't holding a shank: a greeting is meant to diffuse tension and to entertain, and this mode takes care of that.

I hope I'm never so grown-up that I stop acting like a 'grown-up.'

This is kind of off topic, but I despise the fist touching thing. So awkward and potentially painful.

I like this habit.

I also like calling girls "big guy" and "tiger"

ewww, sorry jaymc. thank god i quit drinking...

They want you to think they work in a call center in Bangalore.

I am guilty of this. I think maybe some are thinking of it as being all tarted up w/ accent and gesticulations or whatever but I pretty much give it a straight reading. Not really jesting. Also I think a lot of people regret so many rituals of respect are shot that maybe this is a way of slipping it in w/ minimal irony?

Re: fist-bump...I resorted to this at the last second the other night in order to fend off awkward "soul" handshake guy gave me last time (WHICH I HATE), even though I approached with "regular handshake" at what I thought was an unavoidable angle...still, he basically squatted in order to do the other thing, ugh

I think maybe some are thinking of it as being all tarted up w/ accent and gesticulations or whatever but I pretty much give it a straight reading. Not really jesting.

Exactly.

... waht

a squatting "soul-handshake"...?

I feel my world crumbling around me as I type

A friend of mine was doing fist bumps 10 years ago, i.e. long before it became a recognized "thing" among people I know (i'm white btw), and he'd always say, as he extended his fist, "punch it in." Within this context, it was kind of fun.

a squatting "soul-handshake"...?

How similar is this to...

I was one of maybe a half-dozen black kids in my middle school. One year there, I won a spelling bee. So, as these things usually go, the principal had me come up so he could give me a certificate or whatever it was one got for winning spelling bees. And, as is usually the case, he shook my hand as he gave it to me. Except: instead of shaking my hand like a normal person, he tried to give me some sort of slappy jive-turkey handshake, with lots of funky hand-flipping and all that.

― nabisco (nabisco), Monday, March 3, 2003 12:21 AM (6 years ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

xpost ha yeah, like he had to basically get down super-low to avoid normal-human handshake. vv. gross

people above otm, it's not sarcasm or a irony. I'd also often say "Mr Murphy!" (assuming this was friend's generic Irish name.) and nod in acknowledgement or whatever.

I think I picked this habit up from my Dad to be honest. It's not male bonding but maybe it's funny to be formal with your friends with a touch of a joke about the fact you're at a party and it's 4am or whatever so clearly this formality is not deserved.

so it was like a combination soulshake/drop it like it's hot...?

what happened? i am confused

Bianca it's the same thing I think, except instead of black-white the deal is he's about ten years older than me, and maybe thinks he needs to SPICE IT UP a little...?

You are more or less imagining it accurately

that is fucking ABSURD

I KNOW...how much do you have to HATE normal handshaking in order to fucking get way down and give me your hep-shake, weirdo

hence fist-bump

I may start doing this in a business context.

sort of similar to how a lot of the dudes above me whom i work with call me and others by real name but the two black dudes are known as, "hey man" (complete w/an "i'm down with the kids" inflection, even though both are around my age)

also another guy i work with always announces his presence by going, "helloooo ladies!"

Formal Colonial Manners + Thug Hug = Best of Both Worlds

Hahaha WTF -- I should note that the main error with that quoted story of mine is that I don't think I won the spelling bee, I was runner-up! I don't know if I said "won" because I was confusing it with the geography bee, because the story was simpler that way, or because I wanted to sound like a good speller.

(Also the estimate of 6 black students in that school sounds really high to me right now -- I can only think of three)

what happened when you got third place at the grammar rodeo?

I think people should only greet each other with variations of Minnie Pearl's "HowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwDEE!"

Just as swing dancing followed grunge, mock-formality follows the dressed-down years of Wazzup.