which characteristic you really can't stand in other people?

sense of entitlement

chaki 100% OTM

though everyone does it

Sense of entitlement covers it, I think - small things like getting up from a restaurant table and not pushing your chair in, or making a huge mess and leaving it, or driving down a closed/merging lane until the very last possible second and cutting someone off, etc..

hypocrisy and thinking the world revolves around them.

selflessness

squeamishness abouut cinematic violence.

and the inability to spell the word "about."

also, fondness for Garrison Keillor.

I could go on and on. There are so many things I can't stand about other people.

People who don't like dogs are no good.

adamrl, she's looking at you.

people who don't like cats. actually, no, i don't mind if people "don't like" cats. people who actively hate cats and feel the need to mention that every five minutes, fuck them.

No! Don't fuck them! They must be BRED OUT of the population.

People (alway guys) who frisbee their credit cards across the counter at the cashier, or snap it loudly onto the counter with their thumbs.
Also, old ladies who take a really long time counting out exact change should be euthanised.
And women who leave their grocery carts parked slantwise in the middle of the aisle, blocking all traffic.
Kill them all.

people HATE entitlement - i totally understand but it's weird it's not something i think about, or notice right away.

for me it's definitely DELUSIONAL SELF-WORTH. u know, the ppl who clearly think they're the cream of the crop, but really they're the crap of creation. b/c i can deal with cockiness, as long as u have something to be cocky about. it's those ppl who think they're just SO COOOOOOOOOOOL and just aren't, that drive me crazy.

sorry i think the caps kick in after a cocktail.

Give us some specifics of these coolmeisters.

you must direct your hate like a laser.

As Holden Caulfield would say, Phoniness.

Is this where we start naming ILXors by name? I thought about it, but maybe I better not. (xpost)

hypersensitive p.c. types. which is just the long way to say hypocrites.

when people dont stop freaking talking, especially about themselves
there are too many people that do not understand the value of shutting the fuck up

people that enjoy the band 'the mars volta'

people who lack any degree of introspection (although i also dislike introspection when it's taken to the level of narcissism).

i love their first album, suck my dick.

xpost

people who get defensive about the music they like

juuuuuuuuuuuuuust kidding

mostly

people that judge others based on a band they like.

Overabundant self-importance.

willful stupidity

People who lie because they're too wussy to face anything difficult. Give me painful honesty over "nice" deception any day, thanks. Least then you know where you stand.

overabundant self importance seconded

coolmeisters: the gay boyz at the trendy bar, the bouncers there and the imagemonster in general.

Image - i hate when ppl are so vain they can barely see anything else. Cuz at the end of it the image is probably the least intriguing part.

shallowness. But I define that in so many different ways, it's not really helpful. But I know it when I see it. Lack of character, lack of intellect, lack of trying. Those all bug me a whole lot. Sometimes I meet people who have all three problems, which make overlooking any one of them so much harder.

Otherwise, you know... it's easy to see some of myself in any of those characteristics.

The way you can see some of yourself in George Costanza or Homer Simpson.

People who go out of their way to find something objectionable about others.

complainers!

hearing john say "overabundant self-importance" makes me think of the soul asylum guy

"uhh, do you need some strings or something?"

Hate in folks who have no concept of their own flaws.

complainers otm

also people who are extremely picky about things that matter very little

also people who aren't picky at all about things that matter a lot

folks who have no concept of their own flaws.

an adjunct to that: people who will never ever take a hint. And have such a disposition that you can tell they never WILL take a hint. Or change. Or try to.

hearing john say "overabundant self-importance" makes me think of the soul asylum guy

"uhh, do you need some strings or something?"

-- the sir weeze, Tuesday, August 7, 2007 2:18 AM (15 minutes ago)

GREAT MOMENTS IN SURLY CUSTOMER SERVICE - GUITAR SHOP EDITION.

people who aren't picky at all about things that matter a lot

I dunno... music matters a lot to me, and movies, but to deal with most people, you have to throw that out the window. That can't bug you A LOT or you'll be bothered by pretty much everyone.

If I were perfect, in my own estimation, the flaws of others would never bother me. I mean, in the end, that annoyance hurts only the annoyee, not the thistle in the panties. I'm not, of course, so plenty of things others do bug me.

xpost Unless you mean life-or-death matters, which I just don't talk about with coworkers or casual acquaintances.

those people that give you the runaround when you ask your opinion, and then when you give yours are all "OMG TOTALLY, me too!!!!" and who just agree with you about everything

Me too!

groan

(plz notice I also excelsiored that exchange.)

'over-abundant self-importance' and 'over-inflated self worth' etc. - aren't these really the same thing as a sense of entitlement, or manifest themselves in largely the same way at least?

who said they didn't?

People who don't like dogs are no good.

Hey!

Funny, I can't hang much with people who DO like dogs. At least, not people who like them enough to own one over 10 lbs. It just never fails... you got a mid-to-large sized dog, you're off my love list.

kenan otm

well that settles it, I'm hunting down a chocolate lab puppy tomorrow

that'll be cool with me for about 6 months. :)

ok, so... people who live in the city but insist on having big-ass dogs. Stupid or so stupid they should be shot?

I hate these yuppie animal-abusing cocksuckers so much. You do not live in Lincoln Park and buy a Rottweiler, I don't care how sweet they are. Your sense of entitlement has become so overgrown that now you're abusing an animal without even realizing it.

Forget putting down the animal when it inevitably gets sick. Shoot the owner, give the dog to me. I know people who like dogs, at least. It'll live better than is it stays all day in your tiny-ass expensive-ass well-appointed apartment.

And also, fuck you.

Maybe that should go on the Micheal Vick thread.

People who go out of their way to find something objectionable about others.

OTM. Misanthropy in general.

hypersensitive p.c. types. which is just the long way to say hypocrites.

-- wanko ergo sum, Monday, August 6, 2007 8:27 PM (3 hours ago)

Muddled thinking

One thing that drives me crazy is when I'm talking to someone and I know exactly what they are going to say well before they say it. Sometimes conversations are so predictably mundane that I wish that I coudl just skip it all together.

This happens to me mostly in conversations about "art" topics like music, movies, or books. I know that I'm a big snob when it comes to these topics, but it is very painful to me to have to take it down to a level that is ridiculously basic and semi-retarded. I find myself steering away from these topics with most folks even though these are the things that most interest me.

I'm not really sure; I haven't met enough people that I can't stand (knock on wood)

I think most of the people I have problems with are just people who don't like me for whatever reason (usually these are very serious nerdy types) and then I feel the need to reciprocate their dickishness

alternate answer that I feel horribly guilty about typing even though it's kinda true: being my mom

hahaha entire answer =P altoh i dunno sometimes i kinda like it when people are like a mom to me. maybe that's because my mom's crazy.

oh no I just meant that I can't stand my mom (sometimes). she is capable of getting on my nerves worse than anyone else I've ever encountered.

oooh right moms i can understand ; )

I can't stand people who are overly judgmental or dismissive. When someone asks me what I thought of something (like a movie, for example), and I happened not to like it, I'll try to be diplomatic and say something like "maybe it's not my cup of tea" in case the other person really liked it. But I'm amazed at how many people don't concern themselves with this and will just spout off about how much they hated something.

I think I dislike this because it shuts down the potential for useful dialogue. I'll happily engage in a spirited debate about art or politics, but when you approach the subject right off the bat with either vitriol or withering disdain, I find it really frustrating and a barrier to further conversation.

Lacking a sense of adventure or willingness to try new things, particularly with regards to food.

Religious fundamentalism, though most of this comes down to not liking people who assume that their beliefs are the right way and everyone should live by them.

Sexist, high-fiving guy-ness.

Complainers can be okay - if you're spirited and logical about what you're complaining about. Just plain old whining is shitty to me.

I can't stand people who are condascending and assume they know better than you do. I have this friend who always feels the need to explain things to me that I ALREADY KNOW ABOUT. It's very annoying.

asserting your own beliefs/attitudes/behaviours with no regard for other peoples

Liars. Especially those people who won't tell you the truth (especially if it involves saying "yes" or "no" to something) because they don't want to seem like a bad person for saying no, and therefore don't say anything. And the more general lack of truthfulness and lack of trustworthyness.

People who refuse to think about the consequences of their actions. I suppose this goes along with both intellectual shallowness and selfishness.

Though, I suppose, reading the lists of what other people have been saying, what you hate in other people says so much about yourself, we might as well be posting lists of our own worst sins as much as other people's.

(ILX really functions as a convex focusing mirror for our own faults.)

No sense of humour

The characteristics that annoy me more than anything else are:

1. Revelling in their own ignorance
2. Demanding 100% forgiveness and understanding of all their flaws from people, when they are unable to extend that understanding to other people.
3. Inability to forgive and holding excessive grudges way past their sell-by date.
4. Melodrama.
5. Near religious belief in their right to say exactly what they want wherever they want as loudly as they want without a thought for anyone listening.

i should've put 'asserting your own beliefs/attitudes/behaviours at the expense of mine'

Liars. Especially those people who won't tell you the truth (especially if it involves saying "yes" or "no" to something) because they don't want to seem like a bad person for saying no, and therefore don't say anything.

YES TOTALLY.

i should've put 'asserting your own beliefs/attitudes/behaviours at the expense of mine'

Well you'd have been FUCKING WRONG to do so.

I have worked hard to try and be honest with people even when I know what horrible fallout it might bring. I mean I'm not talking tactless uneccesary honesty, just being upfront!

Matt, you're a mind reader, especially on point number two. I would also like to add:

Practitioners of emotional blackmail.

(Actually I don't really mean #4 at all, I am melodramatic all the time, mostly for comic effect. I think I mean inability to distinguish between real life situations and melodrama, or just not caring about making that distinction)

Best melodrama evah!

Well I would certainly add melodrama to the list tho, of course, this is as much about what we hate in ourselves as well as others, surely?

3. Inability to forgive and holding excessive grudges way past their sell-by date.

this is quite hard to stop doing but it's only really a problem if you have mutual friends (not that i have real idea of grudge sell-by dates tho)

I know, Trayce, it drives me INSANE. It's like some people do everything simply for the *appearance* of *looking* like a nice person, regardless of what they are actually doing behind it all.

It's like they're afraid of actually telling the truth - not for fear of hurting someone, but for fear of looking like a "not nice" person. And then end up causing utter chaos and much worse problems in the long run.

6. Bad facial hair.

tho, of course, this is as much about what we hate in ourselves as well as others, surely?

I don't think there's a single person on this thread who isn't a bit guilty of this! (myself included, before anyone jumps on me.)

I really dislike people who take some observation about themself/one or two other people and extrapolate it as some universal truth to try and prove a point about how they are right. I really dislike people who contribute nothing to conversations but feel the need to try to contribute anyway when they really would be better served just shutting up and not displaying their ignorance about the subject at hand. I also really dislike people who try to wheedle out some sympathy when floundering to gain ground any other way.

I really dislike people who contribute nothing to conversations but feel the need to try to contribute anyway when they really would be better served just shutting up and not displaying their ignorance about the subject at hand.

There speaks a pub quizzer, amirite?

i think that only annoys me when it's on the internet.

matt, it's like you can see inside me

In the inverse Ailsa, what I hate about myself is my bizarre penchant for taking what someone's talking about and making it about me. Well, not that bad, but I tend to say something like "oh I know what you mean, once I also did X"... I'm just trying to sympathise but I end up looking like I'm railroading the topic :( A guy I liked once said "its always a pissing contest with you isnt it?" and since then I have been massively selfconcious about it.

not knowing its/it's.

Another characteristic I dislike in people is sort of branching off from what Kate said - ie fear of confrontation until it's too late. People who just will not use the pressure valve of talking through (usually quite minor, niggly) problems and let the resentment build up until there's an almighty explosion. Both in the workplace and in shared houses and stuff.

Of course, there's a fine line between not doing this and moaning all the time and I'm still not quite sure where that is.

Trayce OTM - I'm conscious of doing that sometimes as well - in the same way I mean to empathise/establish common ground etc by saying "oh I did X too" but then become self-conscious about appearing to be one-upping them. No-one's ever called me out on it as far as I remember though so I'm probably just being paranoid because I've read others' complaints about people doing it.

xposts

See, I just did it there. "Trayce I know exactly what you mean because I DO IT TOO!" ;)

Tom D, got it in one! (though also annoying on internet, yes)

Trayce, introversion like that's OK by me, it's when people go "oh I like pink socks therefore all girls like pink socks" or whatever that I get all cross. Saying "oh, do you, I like pink socks too" is fine, as long as you don't sit there and go "I like pink socks, you like pink socks, all girls/goths-in-denial/Australians/people ever therefore like pink socks" or whatever. It's a ridiculous method of arguing.

I also really dislike people who don't listen to me then try to tell me what I've said to them and get it all wrong then slate me for saying something I didn't actually say in the first place. Though I only know one person who does that, but it's really REALLY annoying.

but if I came across other people who did it, it would sure as hell be annoying (she says, trying not to generalise)

How has this not broken out into ILX META-FITE yet? :D

I don't hold grudges, myself, but if there's one characteristic that's gonna make me dislike you for a good long while, it's vacuousness. Listening to people prattle about the most incredibly unexciting shit with the most incredibly unexciting vocal deliveries is like being trapped in Sartre's mind for the rest of eternity, although I appreciate that my intolerance probably makes me the sort of arrogant shit 90% of this thread is railing against (seriously, though, by 'vacuousness' I mean 'people who talk about nothing other than student politics, rowing, exam results, or the like, whilst holding no interest in the big wonderful world out there', which I think counts as vacuous in anyone's book). I also hate it when people playing on the same sports teams as me visibly can't give a shit.

Trayce please tell me you like pink socks

people who claim to be misanthropes really, really piss me off. attention coffeehouse-dwellers of the world: claiming to hate everybody does not make you ambrose bierce.

Trayce please tell me you like pink socks

Hahah funnily I used to! I had a bizarre obsession with pink when I was about 14. I wanted a "thing"

Then I discovered goth.

sense of entitlement

So this asshole comes storming up to the counter in our local starbucks - because right he's already been served so no waiting in line for him - everyone else can wait while his monumental problem is sorted - and says "can you do something about this?" in such a sneering tone that my first response (had I been the person behind the counter) would have been to pour it over his head. And she was so patient and polite and says "Certainly, what would you like?" and he's still being a twat "Just anything" he says. So she's still polite, looks in cup, sees it's an Americano (I think) and asks would like another with less water, or more water or another shot? All in the most natural way, no trouble at all. And he says "Ohhhhh, whatever" - and stands back waiting for the woman to use her psychic powers to work out just what he wanted.

I mean what was the point? What was he trying to prove? How did he think he would be more likely to get what he wanted by treating this perfectly decent human being in this way?

People who lose their temper and shout at others in a work environment.

People who keep going on and on that you have something to hide because you don't discuss your private life, or what you did at the weekend, at work.

People who fidget loudly, pen tappers, finger drummers, loose-change janglers - these kind of people seem to want to force themselves into your head by constantly making themselves known.

And the tuneless whistlers, normally old men.

I am the most intolerant person I know, I seem to think I have a right to choose what I hear. I should buy a bubble.

People with loud voices

Well, that's me and Mister Monkey out of the friend running for Rumpie and Tom. I'm loud and he's a fidget.

people who don't like cats. actually, no, i don't mind if people "don't like" cats. people who actively hate cats and feel the need to mention that every five minutes, fuck them.

Absolutely. I'm all round suspicious of people who don't like animals, though. Equally, I'm suspicious of people who put their animals before their kids.

Bob Six, have we worked in the same office at any point, or are there more of these types of people around than I feared?

wow, i didn't think it will get so many "new answers"...

People who can't stand characteristics in other people. :-P

Obsequiousness. Desperation.

Inability to realise that's not a fault when I do something, just when someone else does.

Misanthropy rules! So many bad qualities, so little time to enumerate them!
I hold grudges forever.

Also on my hate list: the women who wear filmy wafty swimsuit cover-ups into the grocery store. Also muumuus, caftans, dashikis or any variant of alcoholic hausfrau togs. Or worse, swimsuits with NO cover-up. They wouldn't do that in Larchmont of West Hartford or wherever the fuck they come from, so why do they think they can do it here? Do they think this is one big fucking SPA?
People completely filthy from work in the grocery store, they're okay. I'm one of them.

when people dont stop freaking talking, especially about themselves

Bad listening skills, too. Trying to converse with bad listeners, especially ones who can't stop talking about themselves, is such a frustrating experience for me. Listening is a hard thing to do and I'm not always as good as I could be at doing it, but I can't stand talking to people who don't know how to have a two-way conversation.

These are people who completely ignore what you say but still continue to talk to you so that they can have a platform for their monologues. It's unbelievable how many people are like this.

Excuse me, I wasn't listening.
SUV owners who don't know how to back out of a parking space. I'm trying to not be such a hater-of-my-sister-woman here, but face it, these are all women. I am way harsher on my own kind. Mainly because so many women think that they occupy some sort of moral high ground. Like if women ruled the world it would all be peace and love and massages in the menstrual hut.
Bitches.

At least men KNOW that they are worthless pieces of shit.

i seriously don't know what 'sense of entitlement' means ...? i hear people using it all the time as a complaint, usually about people who are class-wise / race-wise / age-wise something different than the complainant and are behaving in a borderline-obnoxious or snobby way.

fwiw my answer is 'people who take offense not when they actually feel offended, but when they recognize an opportunity to pretend offense'

You do not live in Lincoln Park and buy a Rottweiler, I don't care how sweet they are. Your sense of entitlement has become so overgrown that now you're abusing an animal without even realizing it.

I would say people who buy animals period, no matter where they live. But if these big city dwellers with big dogs adopted them from a shelter I would cut them slack. Sure that dog would be better off with more space but at least they are alive.

I also greatly dislike anyone who has no regard for the feelings of animals.

Also, people who assume they know and understand people based on a few interactions. People always have a story you don't know and don't understand. You are not god and you don't have to right to judge people or pronounce their worth based on your limited knowledge.

On the flipside, my inclination to always give people the benefit of the doubt has cost me sometimes. But I figure it's a good quality and I won't abandon it just b/c a few people do turn out to be assholes.

How do you "pretend to be offended"? Is that like when you "pretend to like" certain music (i.e. pop or indie or whatever is age or gender inappropriate for you?)

Another: when instead of laughing, these totally aloof people just say, in a completely flat and dead way, "That's so funny", "Oh my god that's hilarious." If something was actually funny, you'd laugh, right? I'm surprised this hasn't been said, I'm sure I've heard many people complain about this.

"OMG that's so wrily amusing!"

I also greatly dislike anyone who has no regard for the feelings of animals.

Yea this one really bothers me too. I can't say I dislike the people who disregard animal suffering because that would include many, many people I love (my whole family and many friends for that matter), but that quality definitely bothers me.

Especially when people who absolutely love their pet/cats/dogs (and could never imagine slaughtering such pets for food) but somehow completely fail to generalize that respect/appreciation/value to other animals. I just have a hard time getting it.

remy's is a good one

im going to go with champions of the underdog

I can't stand people who are overly judgmental or dismissive. When someone asks me what I thought of something (like a movie, for example), and I happened not to like it, I'll try to be diplomatic and say something like "maybe it's not my cup of tea" in case the other person really liked it. But I'm amazed at how many people don't concern themselves with this and will just spout off about how much they hated something.

I think I dislike this because it shuts down the potential for useful dialogue. I'll happily engage in a spirited debate about art or politics, but when you approach the subject right off the bat with either vitriol or withering disdain, I find it really frustrating and a barrier to further conversation.

-- jaymc, Tuesday, August 7, 2007 5:26 AM (9 hours ago) Bookmark Link

uGH YES! i have this one friend who always seems to think she owes it to herself to BE SO BLUNT ABOUT HER OPINIONS, that you end up feeling like you can't possibly have a strong opinion of your own. if i were to tell her i liked a movie she didn't like she'd be like "really i fucking HATED it, here are the 10 reasons why."

it's like, okay, did i ask you for all the history? no, i was more interested in sharing perspectives, not validating your personal reaction.

How do you "pretend to be offended"?

I think it's obvious passive-aggressive bullshit and when people do this. For instance, I used to work with a woman who would get a few beers in her and swear like a sailor. And even without the beers would talk about how much she loved Tarantino movies. Just adored But one afternoon when a mutual co-worker of ours spilled hot coffee on her hand and said 'shit' , the sweary, Tarantino-loving coworker put on a big act of being a blushing Southern belle with a 'why, that language is totally inappropriate - I think you should apologize for your nasty behavior immMEDiately' schtick.

Also, my friend's aunt (knowing my friend is gay) put up a folding map over her eyes when she saw a guy give his boyfriend a peck on the cheek because she finds 'homosexuals' very 'disgusting and licentious' but continued to peek at them out of the corner of her eye all afternoon.

See also: people who regularly watch Catch-A-Predator shows to feel good about themselves, people who sign petitions re. movies they haven't seen, etc.

How do you "pretend to be offended"? Is that like when you "pretend to like" certain music (i.e. pop or indie or whatever is age or gender inappropriate for you?)

It's more when you recognise that someone has said something a bit out of place, and you aren't actually offended by it but you pretend to be as a control thing. I think. I've certainly seen people do that.

Like if, for example, you were hanging around with your brother's girlfriend and your brother, and your brother's girlfriend was in a shitty mood, so when your brother accidentally called her by your name, she pretended to be offended by his inability to tell the difference between his sister and his girlfriend, just so she could make him a bit more miserable than he already was.

people who regularly watch Catch-A-Predator shows to feel good about themselves

How do you imagine this show makes people feel good about themselves? Not being dickish, just truly want to hear your reasoning.

At least, not people who like them enough to own one over 10 lbs.

what does this mean?? under 10lbs they arent really dogs?

The 'Now we're safer that the bastard is behind bars -- serves him right!' attitude is part and parcel of the [german word that means 'pleasure in others' misery that i'm aphasia-ing] that makes me want to scream.

ok, so... people who live in the city but insist on having big-ass dogs. Stupid or so stupid they should be shot?

I hate these yuppie animal-abusing cocksuckers so much. You do not live in Lincoln Park and buy a Rottweiler, I don't care how sweet they are. Your sense of entitlement has become so overgrown that now you're abusing an animal without even realizing it.

Forget putting down the animal when it inevitably gets sick. Shoot the owner, give the dog to me. I know people who like dogs, at least. It'll live better than is it stays all day in your tiny-ass expensive-ass well-appointed apartment.

And also, fuck you.

-- kenan, Monday, August 6, 2007 10:14 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Link

this is so retarded its blowing my mind

We have two big dogs. We are definitely "dog people". Which means we must have a big truck which always smells of dogs and there's dog hair everywhere. We are serious. People with small dogs are merely hobbyists.

xpost

"'Now we're safer that the bastard is behind bars -- serves him right!' "

Although my reaction is not so extreme (partly b/c I know this is a small dent and not making the majority of children any safer) as a victim of child sexual abuse these shows are, not necessarily enjoyable, but comforting and gratifying to me.

And yes, it most definitely serves them right.

schadenfreude

xpost

OK, Remy, thanks for explaining it, that makes more sense to me now.

I think that would probably drive me insane, too - goes along with that 'not tell the truth because it makes you *look* like a "nice person"' thing.

Did it ever occur to you that people withhold "truth" (by which I am thinking you mean they're actual opinions) b/c it does no good to share them other than to satisfy their own ego/guilt? Actions aren't always about what you look like. Some people actual have concern for other people's feelings.

Forget putting down the animal when it inevitably gets sick. Shoot the owner, give the dog to me. I know people who like dogs, at least. It'll live better than is it stays all day in your tiny-ass expensive-ass well-appointed apartment.

And also, fuck you.
-- kenan, Monday, August 6, 2007 10:14 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Link

this is so retarded its blowing my mind
-- sunny successor, Tuesday, August 7, 2007 2:49 PM (33 seconds ago) Bookmark Link

hmm I don't see why -- all it's saying is "Keeping a big dog in a small, urban space when big dogs actually require a lot of space to run around and be healthy in fact causes some harm to those dogs. So don't do it."

Perhaps it's the fuck you and shoot the owner bit.

haha yea maybe

ms misery, i think masonic boom is making the point that it's people who AREN'T doing it (withholding their truthful opinions) out of concern for others welfare/feelings, but rather to maintain a veneer of shallow nice-ness or civility, that annoy her.

People who don't clean the bars off and put the weights away at the gym. I think this is related to the "sense of entitlement" thing above.

thank you -- schadenfreude it is i meant.

moreover, i just find it difficult to get off watching weak or unsane or mentally weird people be 'served justice' by a tv host and squad of cops no matter what they've done. COPS is often the same way -- watching a junkie get busted or a hooker get set up and thrown to the pavement makes me hate the set-up more than the perp. There's no charity to it, no understanding. They don't make any effort to help the person -- only punish them.

okay HUGE ONE: ppl who find joy in criticizing others.

this has to be in my top 3.

out of concern for others welfare/feelings, but rather to maintain a veneer of shallow nice-ness or civility, that annoy her.

This seems a hard thing to determine. Hypocrisy, yes is transparent and annoying. Talking behind someone's back when you're nice to their face, yes. Those are concrete and annoying. But I guess I can't fathom how you can truly understand someone's motives. (And why civility is necessarily such a bad thing. In certain situations it is best to withhold your own negative opinions. If it truly does no good, fixes no problems, it isn't worth your energy or concern.)

weak or unsane or mentally weird people be 'served justice' by a tv host and squad of cops no matter what they've done

It is very true that our penal system does next to nothing to help these people. However this does not mean they shouldn't be stopped. Having sexually explicit conversations with minors, molesting or attempting to is a heinous crime and they do need to be removed from society. (there is a whole thread on TCAP somewhere else so maybe we shouldn't get too far into this.)

People who don't clean the bars off and put the weights away at the gym. I think this is related to the "sense of entitlement" thing above.

Oooh! The gym! What about the theatrical grunters in the weight room!
Not that I've been to a gym in years, but I REMEMBER.

Oh, my real number one is:

Lack of (psychic) charity. Horrible selfish and self-protective conservative personal politics that're justified as intellectual positions. Instances:

1) My consulate general cousin who calls everybody abt. how there's a direct correlation b/w people in psychotherapy and global warming and it doesn't exist b/c only crazy people think it's true ergo if you believe you're nuts.

2) Middle-class white-collar people from the midwest who complain about border rights and mexicans coming into the country taking 'their' jobs.

3) J., my Jewish friend who finds all Catholics 'scary' and won't talk to them or hang out with them them because 'they make (her) feel uncomfortable'

4) 'Secular humanist' types who bully anybody of any faith or admitted agnosticism with nasty and condescending arguments about the illogic and magicality of their beliefs, their unprovability, and the worthlessness of any sort of religiously-inflected moral tenants. It's fine to think what you want, but don't subjugate ALL BELIEF IN THE UNIVERSE into a subset of your pseudo-academic 'logical' schema of 'unworthy stuff'. P.S. This also works in reverse [religious zealots condescending to the academic 'elites'].

And the people who allow their children to go TOTALLY APESHIT in the gym pool!

Overbreeders. "I know there's a global population crisis, but my genes are so special, my five snotnose brats will HEAL THE WORLD."

man, i can totally understand having 20 kids. they fucking rock.

Oh, my real number one is:

Lack of (psychic) charity. Horrible selfish and self-protective conservative personal politics that're justified as intellectual positions.

This is so, so OTM, and those instances you listed are, too. I'd add to that the fear of gay marriage and homophobia in general -- I don't understand why these are masked as intellectual positions when they are in fact such stupid and silly personal prejudices.

Trayce otm way upthread. disingenuity in general is what really bothers me about humans.

i have this one friend who always seems to think she owes it to herself to BE SO BLUNT ABOUT HER OPINIONS

I don't know if this is your experience, Surmounter, but it has occurred to me that some people's opinionatedness are sometimes borne out of insecurity. Like if they just put up this wall where they can't be challenged, then they never will be. I try to remember this before I go around just thinking someone's a huge asshole, but it's sad because I feel like I'd be able to have a more meaningful relationship with them if only they'd be more vulnerable, admit to their faults and blind spots, be comfortable with ambivalence, etc.

xp - #2 is justifiable fear being misplaced. Middle-class white-collar people SHOULD be worried as fuck about the economy tanking and losing their comfortable middle-class jobs. They're reachable and will listen if you want to talk about the real causes - they blame immigrants because everyone else blames immigrants, and they hear about the Mexicans on TV.

(all vs. working-class people for whom illegal immigration actually does narrow job availability and quash wages)

Everything irritates me. That's why I drink.

frustrated old people.annoying though sometimes understood

Like if women ruled the world it would all be peace and love and massages in the menstrual hut. Bitches.

Except Beth. Beth doesn't irritate me, but I'd have a drink with her anyway.

Forget putting down the animal when it inevitably gets sick. Shoot the owner, give the dog to me. I know people who like dogs, at least. It'll live better than is it stays all day in your tiny-ass expensive-ass well-appointed apartment.

You don't know what they do with the dog. They maybe walk their dog for an hour every day? Play with it? I mean, shit, some people have big ass houses but only go out once a week with their dogs.

remy otfm

Laurel, we should definitely have a drink.

All this talk of drinking is making me thirsty

people in the city who walk their rottweilers >>>> suburbanites or people in the country who leave their dogs outside all the time (w/ a doghouse or open garage - not talking cruelty), never let them indoors, etc..

But I'm amazed at how many people don't concern themselves with this and will just spout off about how much they hated something.

Oh man, I very very often prefer people to have, and STATE, their opinions up front. Obv being overwhelmingly negative is a lose/lose, you can only have strong opinions about so many things in this world, but I'd rather hear 'em and know where we're starting from, than both be pussyfooting around in some attempt not to offend/impose/etc. This of course will come as no surprise to anyone.

people who always want to "agree to disagree"

Actually, scratch all of that.

People who don't get their round in.

People who don't get their round in.

Aye, that's me.

:-(((((((((((((((((

but I'd rather hear 'em and know where we're starting from, than both be pussyfooting around in some attempt not to offend/impose/etc.

I guess there's value in that, I just don't like the antagonistic dynamic it creates. Also, there's a difference between being meek in one's opinions versus being diplomatic.

yes it has been my experience that people with very loud, self-righteous opinions are insecure, jay, but also, who isn't insecure? but yes, that is my perception as well. it really frustrates me.

laurel, i'm all for not pussyfooting around opinions, but there is osmething to be said for having a good ear as well, and being considerate in a conversation. it doesn't do any good to keep talking about how much you hate something if ur fellow conversationalist clearly liked it a lot. you can say u hated it but there's a give and take that some ppl look at as just a TAKE. they TAKE all the conversation time to spout off about how strongly THEY reacted to this thing.

ugh i'm getting heated.

hmm I don't see why -- all it's saying is "Keeping a big dog in a small, urban space when big dogs actually require a lot of space to run around and be healthy in fact causes some harm to those dogs. So don't do it."

-- Mark Clemente, Tuesday, August 7, 2007 9:54 AM (20 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

ok. well, its a total myth that big dogs need to run around 24/7. the two dogs ive lived with over the past 10 years both easily exceed 100lbs (a bull mastiff and a great dane)and both are the laziest mfs you could ever meet. they like walks like any dog but if they have to go outside for anything else you can see that look on their face like 'are you really going to make me get out bed??' and they both average 20+ hours sleep a day too. both of these dogs have large yards which rarely get used for more than poops and pees. dogs are so much more about being your friend and playing than wanting to run through fields all day long. yeah, there are breeds of dog, big and small, that need a yard. duh. anyway, owning a big dog in a city = sense of entitlement/animal abuse and you might as well be running dog fights is pretty fucking insulting besides being incredibly stupid but what the hell else am i supposed to expect from a kenan post?

but also, who isn't insecure?

Haha, true, it's probably my own insecurity that's partially why I'm so bothered by other people's blunt opinions, like I feel like it's a judgment against me.

I always get mad at my husband, because we'll see some movie together and both love it—walk out of the theater in a magic cloud of bliss—and then the first person he talks to that didn't like the movie, he'll just CAVE, just to agree with that person, totally violating the MAGIC ROMANTIC BOND we had forged over our shared love of said movie.

NYT Article On The Burden Of Being A Millionare In The Silicon Valley

(xxpost I'm sure a lot of people think I'm too touchy.)

But it doesn't have to be antagonistic! All depends on how you look at it, once you can section off the air of "conflict" into a place where it's not real conflict at all, you can put it aside and not feel any stress from it. Anyway, not the point of thread, soz.

Anyway, people who are all quiet and meek an' shit are a lot of fucking work to be around, b/c you keep stepping on their toes all the time w/o meaning to but they don't stand up and claim anything for themselves, and feeling like the bad guy all the fucking time is less fun than you might think. It ruins friendships and frankly I just can't be arsed anymore. :D

Beth: Keel-hauling is too good for him, obv.

i MAKE myself not do that. if i love a really corny movie, and someone says they think it's the stupidest thing ever, i force myself to not cave in and instead say something positive/intelligent about it.

right jay, i think we're on the same page u and me ; )

i think, laurel, the point is less about opinions than it is about self-absorption. like some people are self-absorbed to the point that they think conversation time is best utilized to dissect the ins and outs of THEIR PERSPECTIVE first and foremost.

Admitting you love the scorned movie makes the world a safer place. Otherwise, fascism.

Everything irritates me. That's why I drink.

Drinking also solves this for me. But it's making me gain too much weight. Try some Klonpin. I love it.

xxpost

I don't worry about people stepping on my toes b/c I can definitely hold my own when needed. But conflict really stresses me out so I usually avoid it. I didn't used to be this way but I am now. It is an issue of my own mental well-being more than conceding to other's feelings.

Would it be better or worse if he were a contrarian, always wanting to defend, at length, the scorned movie?

so true. The First Wives Club is my favorite movie ever. There (that was hard!).

oooh see i make myself not do that too - b/c that's just delving into my own insecurities. it's like why would i need to defend it THAT much? u don't like, u don't like it!

I want to read the Olivia Goldsmith book. The Bestseller was so great. Not to sidetrack.

From our hatreds.

oooh i know i can't believe i never got the book!

I HATE PEOPLE WHO STEAL THE BIKES OF OTHERS. HATE, DO YOU HEAR ME? HATE.

That is one of the lowest. You gotta make your bike super ugly.

that is awful. did we already do prejudice? cuz i hate that.

but also, who isn't insecure?

Don't project, some people are very confident (and sadly like to shove that in your face).

Not knowing how to cook. Followed further down by not knowing how to clean a house. Or repair a puncture / change a tire. Or write a thankyou letter. In other words, basic life skills.

point taken.

...

point re: confidence taken that is

Ha, you should probably never meet me, paulhw. I'm no good at basic life skills.

I read above post as "not knowing how to puncture a tire."

basic life skill

laurel, did your bike get stolen? :(

No, Tracer's did! Anger and sadness.

so low

Changing a tyre is a basic life skill? I guess that's me and Larry David fucked then.

how/why is writing a thank you letter a 'basic life skill'?

cue trombone
(xp)

xxpost That and knowing all about shoes. (hahahaha Laurel, I am just kidding!)

Not knowing how to cook. Followed further down by not knowing how to clean a house. Or repair a puncture / change a tire. Or write a thankyou letter. In other words, basic life skills.

-- paulhw, Tuesday, August 7, 2007 3:54 PM (13 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

what if you know HOW to write a thank you note but are just too LAZY to actually DO it?

"not knowing how to puncture a tire.

haha, me too. Helpful though when you hatin'.

same with cleaning i guess. i have no fucking idea how to change a tire though that is what AAA is for i thought.

i guess paulhw and i can't be friends.

I can change a tire, but prefer not to.

I just did a spot of house cleaning so Paulhw wouldn't hate me.

he sounds a bit uptight anyways, i'm probably better off.

I hate the way the tire-changing gear and the spare are stowed in really hard-to-get-to compartments in the car. I always have the back of my stationwagon crammed with gear, and to get out the spare I have to take everything out and lift up the floor panel. Grrr!

i can't stand that characteristic in cars

The bolt holding my spare tire has been rounded off completely and is impossible to take off with normal tools. So my idea of 'changing a tire' is running the flat one to Discount Tire for free repair.

i think my answer to this is, i am willing to put up with most people's personality flaws if they will put up with mine.

I distrust anyone who says Henry James is "boring."

To return briefly to tire-changing—I hate the designer of the donut spare! WTF, you ungenerous car manufacturers!

The Golden Bowl is somewhat hard going. I loved a lot of the earlier books.

people who are older than, oh let's say 27 or so, who are still massively consumed with the status of their perceived hipness. It was annoying before, but really. You are old. Stop it.

ok i really cant stand people who call 27 "old"

I think they're kind of cute.

The great thing about age is... IT WILL GET YOU, TOO, IN THE END!!!

hey I'm 31.

lol 27 is so young! hip is annoying at any age.

ummm... oh the Golden Bowl - that was a ridiculous movie. they took the meaning of Metaphor to a new level. it was always like "::gasp::! the Golden Bowl, it has CRACKED!"

I am a curmudgeonly son of a bitch though.

Not knowing how to cook.

this is me. i'm a bachelor. fuck off.

cooking hyper-snobs really annoy me actually - and dissuade me from bothering to try cooking for myself sometimes.
once i managed to make poutine with chicken and peas (it was delicious) and i caught static from some of my friends for not doing the gravy from scratch and cutting my own fries. like what the hell - i didn't raise and slaughter the chicken either but as soon as i did the gravy and fries myself i know this is what they'd throw in my face next. fuck a cooking snob!

i know i'm a total 3 step meal person. i don't feel great about it but i certainly hope people can stand it

i love cooking when i have time, but yeah, i'm very amateurish at it. i won't cook with my sister cos she YELLS at me for the inefficient way i chop things. do it yourself then! i don't like when she does that, but i still love her.

Amy's cream of mushroom soup straight out of the can with a slosh of Marsala makes a yummy and elegant gravy.

My husband can never eat plain roast chicken. He always has to tart it up, hence the emergency gravy knowledge.

yeah I get a lot of tongue-clucking and eye-rolling when I try to help with the cooking.

people who think it's okay to TUG ON THE BACK OF MY PANTS to get my attention while i'm serving another table.

ok. well, its a total myth that big dogs need to run around 24/7. the two dogs ive lived with over the past 10 years both easily exceed 100lbs (a bull mastiff and a great dane)and both are the laziest mfs you could ever meet. they like walks like any dog but if they have to go outside for anything else you can see that look on their face like 'are you really going to make me get out bed??' and they both average 20+ hours sleep a day too. both of these dogs have large yards which rarely get used for more than poops and pees. dogs are so much more about being your friend and playing than wanting to run through fields all day long. yeah, there are breeds of dog, big and small, that need a yard. duh. anyway, owning a big dog in a city = sense of entitlement/animal abuse and you might as well be running dog fights is pretty fucking insulting besides being incredibly stupid but what the hell else am i supposed to expect from a kenan post?

You make a good point, and I take it back.

I do think people should not be allowed to have children in the city, though.

hahahaha!

being too much like me

people who think it's okay to TUG ON THE BACK OF MY PANTS to get my attention while i'm serving another table.

What the fuck???? That call for "accidentally" spilling whatever beverage you have in your hand all over them because you wheel around so quickly.

calls.

i would enjoy witnessing this 'tug and spill' scenario at an eatery

I accidentally did that once - had a drink tray that had some spilled water on it, spun around to see who was poking me for attention, dumped a little bit of the water on a woman's head.

Bitch whined and moaned until the whole table was comped.

I used to share a house with a cooking snob, she used to make me feel really crap for not being able to cook. But that's because we went out for a couple of months and she dumped me. And I had really low self-esteem at the time so anything I wasn't very good at made me feel like shit, especially if she was giving me a hard time about it. Now I am free to not know how to cook and not care about it! Hurrah.

xposts

Buttered toast is one of the most divine foods on earth and one that even you can master, Colonel.

please stay in city kenan thX!

that is one of the most divine things, and i always kick myself for not being more of a toast person. i love toast so much.

if it's a later in the day toast, i like toasted jewish ry or the like with butter. the salty is fun.

i usually (because this happens more than you'd think) turn around very deliberately and say very slowly (while looking them right in the eye) "i'll be with you when i've finished looking after these people". and then i finish with the table i'm already at, walk off and piss about for 10mins.

but what is so so so awesome about these people is that, while you'd think they must be in a dire hurry to get to a freakin' loved one's deathbed by the way they're acting, when i actually go to the table and say "are you ready to order?", this is the typical response:

(looking at menu)"ummm... i'll have... ummm... ohh... hmmm... what are you having?... hmmm [repeat for 5mins]"

i mean, seriously, WTF?!

ok, that's my petty rant for the night.

people whose immaturity is directly, obviously traceable to the fact they did not have to financially support themselves in an way until they were 25.

*in any way

I'm sorry but who the fuck thinks it's okay to put their hands on someone in the service industry in order to get their attention in any way? If I was at a table of people and one of them did that, I would be SO mortified.

tell me about it. the behaviour of humans while in public places being served by fellow humans never ceases to amaze me.

someone also whistled at me to get my attention the other night. i was in a bad mood so i actually said "excuse me?" in a really rude tone and she did look slightly embarrassed.

I would kick their asses for you.

(I wouldn't. But I wish I would.)

People who ask "Where are you from?" and then act like I'm obviously bullshitting them when I say "Canada" or "Ottawa." This is marginally better than people who congratulate me on my excellent English.

Hypocrisy of the double-standard or dish-it-out-but-can't-take-it varieties.

Being pedantic and condescending when you clearly don't know what you're talking about or even have above-average knowledge.

Shutting down valid points/questions with pointless sarcasm/stupid beside-the-point jokes.

thanks accentmonkey :)
the intention is much appreciated. i know i said that was my one petty rant, but there are two types of people who annoy me:
those who think that because i'm a waitress i must be doing a Phd in astrophysics, and the waitressing is a side gig.
and
those who think that because i'm a waitress i must be brainless and i can't get a better job.

the truth of the matter is that i'm working my way through a degree AND i can't get a better job ;).

OTM about buttered toast

only thing better is peanut butter toast

*tiger woods fist pump*

Better again is toast with peanut butter, little bit of honey, and slices of banana. Yum yum yum.

yes that is killer. creamy heaven.

xp

whoa, i MUST try that

Judgmentalism.

I would kick their asses for you.

(I wouldn't. But I wish I would.)

Mrs. Monkey, let's go rampaging in Amst. and beat the shit out of rude cafe customers! It'll be fun! I bet we could get the whole FA gang in on it.

can't go wrong with toast and nutella either. hell toast and marshmellows and chocolate syrup.

toast and EVERYTHIIIIING

Toast is a pretty good delivery method for whatever, I must say.

toasted bagels

we need a Toasted thread

feel free

"Toast is a pretty good delivery method for whatever, I must say."

I totally agree with this

<I>People who ask "Where are you from?" and then act like I'm obviously bullshitting them when I say "Canada" or "Ottawa." This is marginally better than people who congratulate me on my excellent English.</I>

I always get "WOW ARE YOU SURE YOU ARENT ENGLISH?" It's a nice compliment but after 5345834867 times of hearing that fucking question, I am really tempted to give a snide remark. :-( Mr Nixed says I am being way too critical. :-(

It's not that great of a compliment considering that English is my first language by far.

"Toast is a pretty good delivery method for whatever, I must say."

Coal? Steel scrap? I'd use a train instead.

*slaps knee*

(I'll add that people are often quite unambiguous about what they mean, e.g. "You speak excellent English. Most Indian students have an accent and put their words in the wrong order. You even say 'like!'")

-a lack of empathy

-somebody who benefits from certain systems but refutes any benefits and actively denies those benefits to others

-when somebody's ideology is so strong is overriders empiricism

On the flipside, my inclination to always give people the benefit of the doubt has cost me sometimes. But I figure it's a good quality and I won't abandon it just b/c a few people do turn out to be assholes.

this is a thing worth holding on to.

-somebody who benefits from certain systems but refutes any benefits and actively denies those benefits to others

Could you elaborate on this?

The American public education system, for one.

I getcha.

-when somebody's ideology is so strong is overriders empiricism

word.

(I'll add that people are often quite unambiguous about what they mean, e.g. "You speak excellent English. Most Indian students have an accent and put their words in the wrong order. You even say 'like!'")

my favorite iteration of this was when a woman, at the end of a truly amazing whirlwind of assumptions about what my ethnic background might be (and a sense of complete entitlement to the information) finished with, "You speak really well English!" I sort of still think I made that up in my head.

Boy, for something that goes on a horses foot, you make real excellent points.

uh

lol

lol

* People who DERAIL threads with their ridic laughing.

-nihilism masked as hipster contrarianism/snark
-hipster contrarianism
-authoritarianism

ism ism ism ism ism ism jism ism zism ism

zionism

actually, original Zionism was fairly liberal

(that's not a genuinely loathed characteristic, just a continuation of kingfish's ismism)

It's not that great of a compliment considering that English is my first language by far.

I know. :-( People just being stupid. I once had an American in our shop who was astounded we ate with fork and knife. This was in the previous century but still. ;-)

... I also get extremely irritated when Japanese people assume my mom (who talks Japanese and lives in Tokyo) is Japanese and refuse to believe otherwise. Even when they are looking at me, blonde hair and blue eyes.

ummm people who take things too seriously/personally

that wasn't directed at anyone, BTW

inspecificity

posting on two lines when it could have all been said in one

but that's also not directed at anyone in particular

ur like all META 2day arentcha =P

What does META mean?

Maine Transit Authority

self-referential was the meaning i was going for, like overly aware

People who feign ignorance.

What the fuck are you talking about? For a fucking Asian food item you sure don't make sense to me.

Swearing.

One word sentences!

Exclamation marks.

Clever retorts

Inability to let a subject drop.

Vague foodstuff that always has to have the last word.

http://special.lib.gla.ac.uk/images/exhibitions/month/Hepburn12_152.jpg

!~

Oh is dat a Tristram?

I have when people are way overly familiar, even when required by their jobs to act that way (ie Applebee's waitresses).

I agree, to a lesser extent; too much friendliness(or friendliness without casualness) from strangers automatically puts me on my guard.

sorry to hear that my dearest comrade

Abbot, Kingfish, avoid the South.

I plan on living on Mount Grouchy someday.

Not so much that, but more of a forced perkiness & corporate politeness of someone, like say in the aforementioned Applebee's, that makes me not like them so much, or at least be heavily guarded.

xp

hell, i got plenty of it in huge companies filled with office ladies and at the local franchise restaurants.

xp again, i live in portland, home of casual drunks

seriously, the south - see, i grew up in Nashville so i kind of love that. the friendly from the start thing. i mean i know when it's a load of crap too.

aaah, right - see the forced thing is different from the south thing. that's not always forced. some ppl genuinely enjoy being that friendly with you. i love watching ppl's reactions who aren't used to it, they have this deadpan discomfort look that is priceless.

I plan on living on Mount Grouchy someday.

my lodge has QUADRUPLED in value in the 5 years i've lived there

I suspect people from the north might not be able to easily tell the difference from the forced and the genuine. At least in the beginning.

Well, OTOH I like when people are all "say hello to friends you know and everyone you meet," but when a banker or telemarketer or teacher, authority, etc., is calling you by a short version of your first name off the bat, that's scary.

I think the worst was a waitress at Chili's who actually SAT DOWN NEXT TO ME in my booth to show me the drink menu. "But I'll have to card you, you look so young!" Uh, I was 22, why are you acting like you are flirting with an old man? And keep your distance!

Re: the corporate friendliness - at Cold Stone Creamery or someplace like that they had to sing this stupid song if they got a tip. I would not tip because I felt the humiliation was not worth the quarter.

other fun bits:

-disingeniousness, cluelessness, and projection
-a total lack of the ability for introspection or self-reflection
-those who enable or commit acts of evil in the name of worshipping my God

Oh i have no problem with congeniality and polite greetings-in-passing, if you will("how ya doin'" or "evenin'" as you pass them) is just fine and makes things better.

I found a handmade sign on the ground today that said "It is a Karmic Boon to Kill Heretics!" by the DMV.

omg see if a waitress had the nerve to SIT down next to me and go over the drinks i would absolutely love her. i just love big personalities that way. i find a lot of ppl i am REALLY close with, tho, don't love big personalities. i do.

I think it's because people at those restaurants have drink quotas to meet, not "big personalities." ie my mom was the most placid person in the world except when she was putting on her dog-and-pony waitress act in the name of "gotta meet my dessert quota" when working at Applebee's.

here's what i CAN'T stand: the waitress who barely speaks to you, looks in the other direction, eyes half rolled, while ur wondering what to drink and huffs away with ur order. that makes me livid.

Maybe that lady's feet were really hurting.

hahaha right... i can see how that would rub u the wrong way.

if she worked that hard for her dessert quota tho i'd give her a smile.

Do Americans care too much about waiters?
I guess it's the whole tipping culture thingy.

lol honestly the image of a mom putting on a dog-and-pony waitress act for dessert just cracked me the eff up

i care a lot about customer service - i'm in a customer servie field and i'm a damn good customer service representative. i have my standards :-)

I just want my waiter to take my order and then leave a pitcher of water at my table so they don't have to worry about refilling (I ask them to do this bcz I am Thirsty Girl), then bring my check quickly. Good service that is considerate and polite, basically. Not like try to be my special time love way.

the check thing kills me. it's like i'm full, i wanna leave!!!

Sometimes a waitress's solicitude is the only love we get.

That is one bittersweet statement.

Well, it's true! So a waitress's genuine warmth is important! It's nurture!
I love Southern friendly/chattiness. Coastal New England crusty indifference is crap.

the check thing kills me. it's like i'm full, i wanna leave!!!

Or, I'd like to decide when I leave, not leave it up to the whims of the waitstaff.

Abbott OTM. I do not want the waiter to be my buddy. I do not want the manager to stop by unannounced to see how the day is going (yo, fucko, we were talking now - now scoot). I just want my food and drinks. Doesn't even have to be fast or completely correct - close is good.
You be cordial but uninvolved, I do the same, I'll leave you 25%, we all go home happy.

God, you guys are COLD. I may be full of hate, but I'm full of love, too. Perhaps I'm, I don't know. Insane?

Or just operatic.

at the risk of inciting the wrath of Remy:
being overly Christian

I don't like people with Jesus bumper stickers and t-shirts and who genuinely believe that one day God is going to come back and battle the Antichrist and everything. They creep me out. I don't like being around them.

sames.

"I'm a bigot, I know, but for the left."

Sometimes a waitress's solicitude is the only love we get.

this is amazing. thank you Beth!

I like when cars/SUVs have those big bumper stickers that say "IN CASE OF RAPTURE, CAR'S YOURS!" I think it is the only way I'll get a nice car someday.

to all the waiter-love haters: sometimes the reverse is also true - i just want to come take your damn order, smile and leave you to it, but goddamnit if some people want to give you their WHOLE life story and all their problems and tragedies. dude, i'll be your therapist, but i want a goddamn THERAPIST'S WAGE so i'll be sure to add $100 to your bill, k??

Oh no kidding, this is also why I wouldn't be a hairstylist.

don't get me wrong, i'm good at my job - really good (i.e. i know when and when not to be friendly with ppl) - but sometimes i wish i could wear headphones at work.

hairstylists can be so much fun - i just found a regular, Rose, and last time i went, it was right out of a show, talkin to the other ladies about their bla bla bla. actually it was mostly about tennis, french cup final, but this one older woman was complaining about her walk to the pharmacy.

Ruby when i get a really good waitress i tip and smile big!!

i mean, waitER...

I overtip as a rule. It's not much more out of my pocket and if everyone did it waiting on tables would actually provide a comfortable living wage, as it should. It's the highest-stress work out there, and waiters shouldn't have to have some annoying roommate in order to make the rent.

i <3 beth and surmounter. i need more customers like you.

and america needs more waitresses like me...

milo, i hate that i've get the rep of being the crypto-religion-defender on the board: i'm (embarrassedly) an ex-religion-basher myself, and now a committed agnostic with a thin skin for the type of BS behavior i usta pull. a few years ago i was very invested in arguing from an existentialist-naturalist perspective about the primacy and immediacy of empirical experience and the observable world, the social controls of religion and the historical efficacy of imposing magical beliefs - blah, blah, blah - until i realized i was occasionally prostelytizing intolerance of thought. but i've never meant to imply that i don't think there's merit in many of those arguments, just sometimes in the application of those arguments to demean other people.

fwiw i totally agree with you on in-your-face christianity being one of the most irritating things ever. especially in traffic jams. nothing like being stuck on the 405 for two hours behind a guy with a bumper sticker that says 'love your fellow man' and 'jesus saves' and thinking that if jesus were so good he'd get me out of the fucking pollution right now, and back home to my dog.

and america needs more waitresses like me...

Amen, sister.

CRUNCHY ALMOND BUTTER on toast pwns all.

As to the thread question ... um, stupidity? Snobbishness? Dogmatism? Self-absorption? Gang mentality? Emotional excess in a learned-helplessness, look-at-me style? (I am guilty of all of these at times.) If I narrow it down any more than that I'll be here all night, fizzing with hatred. Fascinating answers, though.

oooh the last one is baaaaad

CRINCHY almond butter sounds ridICULOUS

if jesus were so good he'd get me out of the fucking pollution right now, and back home to my dog.

Hmmmmm, that sounds like you sort of have a feeling of entitlement.

wow this thread is making me realize i am pretty much perfect! :) :) YAY!!!

but really, what i hate is when people decide they want to say something insightful with the stem of their eyewear posed inquisitively near/in their mouth - GRODEY, ugh!!!

No particular order:

1) Men who seem to think they're onstage at a comedy club and think that every single comment, question, or observation that occurs within earshot needs a comeback, remark, or putdown.
Don't get me wrong: I love good comedy, but I'm sure even Bill Hicks knew when to shut up and let others carry the conversation. Hanging out with a Jerry Seinfeld wannabe is fucking exhausting.

2) People who genuinely believe that their taste in music, art, or movies makes them more intelligent than the general populace.

3) Fanboys who complain bitterly that their favorite comic book wasn't properly adapted for the big screen. Spiderman and the like aren't made for hardcore comics fans, they're made for people who like to go to the movies, and and no amount of whining about "story arcs" and "multiple universes" is going to change that.

i don't like it when people take pride in never regretting anything; some things in life are regrettable. also, claiming that it is better to regret something you have done, than something you haven't, doesn't recognise that some things are best not done because the cost (to self and/or others) is too high.

i don't like it when people take pride in never regretting anything; some things in life are regrettable. also, claiming that it is better to regret something you have done, than something you haven't, doesn't recognise that some things are best not done because the cost (to self and/or others) is too high.

-- estela, Tuesday, August 7, 2007 11:59 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Link

Agreed. Regret is part of being human. So are foresight and hindsight.

conformity, i don't like.

it bugs me when people (usually youngish girls, by which I mean under 30) feign a carefree, uninhibited manner and do things like start to do the hoky-poky when they know a boy is watching -- or just that anybody is watching. Acting in a way that says, "look at me; i'm cute" and you can tell that the person is watching themselves and wanting to be watched. Like many things that bug me, I think I used to do this.

I am bugged by those who talk and act as if they care the most about "tolerance" but think that primetime TV-watchers are brainwashed idiots and that basically everybody who doesn't mirror their habits are idiots. They have clearly defined ideas about high and low art/culture but would never confess to being snobs. Whatever they read or watch has to have a social message or lesson. These are the people who talk about how bad racism and inequality are and then make comments like, "you should just hire a Brazilian and pay them nothing to do that paintwork for you."

I am bugged by those who resent everyone else for what they have.

People who think that things are the most important, well, things, bug me. You know those people who have to have the very best set of knives even though they don't really cook or who care very very much about watches or sunglasses, who seem to fill their lives with a pursuit for products.

I don't hate any of the above, they just bug me.

I really dislike anyone in the service industry, be they a builder, plumber, waiter, taxi driver, delivery person, or anyone else who tells me outright lies about a) how much the thing they're serving me with is going to cost or b) how long it's going to take. I'm not a moron. I'd much rather somebody said "it will cost €8000 and take a month, because one of my guys is on holidays and I've got another job on at the moment, so I can't start till I finish that" than say "it'll cost €2000 and be done in a week", but then actually cost €8000 and take a month. Just like if someone loses my order or just fucks it up, I'd rather they just apologised and put it right than made up some fake kitchen fire or something.

accentmonkey v v otm!

i don't like it when people take pride in never regretting anything; some things in life are regrettable. also, claiming that it is better to regret something you have done, than something you haven't, doesn't recognise that some things are best not done because the cost (to self and/or others) is too high.

-- estela, Tuesday, August 7, 2007 11:59 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Link

Agreed. Regret is part of being human. So are foresight and hindsight.

-- Tantrum The Cat, Wednesday, August 8, 2007 4:35 AM (7 hours ago) Bookmark Link

I don't like this either. I actually have a sort of distrust for people who are cocksure of their own goodness or rightness in general.

This may be because I know I spend time feeling guilty or feeling as though I could be a better person or regretting things, but nonetheless it bugs me when others never seem to do this.

I also really don't like people who are really cock sure of weird personal prejudices. I have a friend who, if you're relating an anecdote about somebody, would say "where (in Dublin) are they from" and when you said he'd be like "ah right" and nod to himself as if that explained it.

With people like this I sort of think "what box do I go into?" since presumably some sort of prefab exists for everybody's behaviour.

It's a little like psycho-analysing people or something, like "he's from this background therefore he behaves this way" but it seems really narrow and shitty to me. I don't know if others do this but it's a trait that bugs me hugely!

i spend a lot of time feeling guilty as well, what is that about?

doesn't recognise that some things are best not done because the cost (to self and/or others) is too high.

Is this the same as regret though?

Regret: 1. to feel sorrow or remorse for (an act, fault, disappointment, etc.): He no sooner spoke than he regretted it.
2. to think of with a sense of loss

I've done plenty of things in hindsight I wish I wouldn't have. But I think regret's a useless emotion. It's like worrying about something out of your control. I look at past mistakes as lessons to be learned and move on, hopefully not to repeat them.

(when those mistakes truly hurt others, then that would be a different story)

Men who seem to think they're onstage at a comedy club and think that every single comment, question, or observation that occurs within earshot needs a comeback, remark, or putdown.

Ack, so OTM. Worse when they actually cut you off (even if you're talking to someone else) just so they can make their stupid comments.

regret is one thing, guilt and shame are another
xpost

i mean, i regret but in a 'how can i learn from that and not do something similarly ugh', as sam's said above

People who try to elicit sympathy/praise at every possible opportunity.

Overly critical people who feel like it is somehow their moral right or even duty to constantly offer unsolicited "advice" to people they may or may not even know. (And usually this advice says a great deal more about their own experiences, state of mind and faults that it ever does the person being criticised.)

But I think regret's a useless emotion. It's like worrying about something out of your control.

I think I disagree with this, but I'm not sure we're talking about the same thing. I agree that it's a waste to worry about things that are completely out of one's control, but what if it's something that would have been in my control if I'd been paying better attention? It's my experience that there are very few things that affect me personally that are completely out of my control. This makes me a control freak and a nitpicker, but I generally don't have to worry about regret, cause, at least, I took care of my end of things.

I guess that leads me to another answer to the thread question: holy fools who wander blindly through life and leave it to the anal-retentives like me to take care of the details.

For "blindly," read "blithely" if you prefer.

what if it's something that would have been in my control if I'd been paying better attention?

But again, this is in the past and you're worrying cannot change those outcomes. The best you can do is figure how you could have handled the situation better and try to apply that to the future rather than use your mental energy revisiting past mistakes.

But you have to revisit the past mistakes, at least a little bit, to understand how you could have handled the situation better! I'm not talking about wailing and hair shirts, just a pragmatic assessment as a route to improvement.

Ronan I remember you starting a thread about people who justify/explain shitty behavior by saying "well that's just how I am, I really am sorry if it ruffles any feathers".. I couldn't find it though.

I'm not talking about wailing and hair shirts, just a pragmatic assessment as a route to improvement.

I agree. It's the wailing and hairshirts I'm objecting to. ;)

people who justify/explain shitty behavior by saying "well that's just how I am, I really am sorry if it ruffles any feathers"

When I'm God, it'll be the bottom of the ocean for them.

(I'm not a hardcore comics fan but Spiderman sucked.)

"it'll cost €2000 and be done in a week", but then actually cost €8000 and take a month

Thing is, the "builders rip you off" thing is so prevalent that he has to tell you the first bit to get the job. If he told you it would cost €8000 and take a month he'd figure that you'd think he meant it would cost €32000 and take 4 months and would give the job to the lying €2000/week bastard.

My shortlist:

- lack of consideration for others, in anything
- people who don't listen and/or talk all over the top of what I'm saying
- people who think they're making arguments by repeating some shite they read in a newspaper editorial
- snobbery
- deviousness (though I'm kind of in awe of how some people pull it off - like actually being proper Bad Guys With Plans instead of muddling along)
- disingenuousness (sp?)

xpost over the top of Onimo's head: I did have a great builder once who, when I rang him, asked me who had recommended him, what job he had done for them, and how much they told me he had charged, so he could remember what their circumstances were and let me know if mine would be in any way different.

He also gave me the list of all the materials he would need and told me to order them myself, using his supplier (it wasn't that big a job) so that I wouldn't complain when I got the final bill, and so he wouldn't have to spend his time on the phone chasing supplies when he could be finishing off another job somewhere else. All I had to do was call him when the supplies arrived and he came and did the job. Bish bosh.

it bugs me when people (usually youngish girls, by which I mean under 30) feign a carefree, uninhibited manner and do things like start to do the hoky-poky when they know a boy is watching -- or just that anybody is watching. Acting in a way that says, "look at me; i'm cute" and you can tell that the person is watching themselves and wanting to be watched. Like many things that bug me, I think I used to do this.

Agh, agh, so OTM. It makes me grind my teeth now.

The main characteristic I hate in other people is lack of self-awareness, either physically e.g. they are always walking into me/knocking something over, or just saying something that is actually complete rubbish - people saying words for the sake of saying them, rather than to convey a specific meaning (see also: any commercial ever).

And people that don't pay attention. Like they're driving past a big sign that tells them where to park, and you can SEE that they haven't seen it and then they start a big conversation about where to park and it's just a big predictable waste of time.

ok i just thought of one:
people who carry giant golf umbrellas on city streets need to be rounded up and shot. no excuse for this!

Overeagerness

HI DOES PARK AND 45TH LOOK LIKE A GOLF COURSE TO YOU, U FUCK? NO? HEY ME NEITHER. xp

I've thought of another one. People who think and talk really slooooooowly, so you constantly have to slow down to their pace and you can't say anything too sharp or quick-witted because they won't pick up on it - this is esp. irritating to me as my brain is constanly racing along @ 900 mph thinking of inter-connections, puns, funnies etc. This isn't the same as being stupid. It's often found in people who smoke too much dope, in my experience. I met two people like this last night... Jesus, it's irritating.

OTM. I have a friend like this, he is a smart and funny guy but conversation with him is like pulling teeth.

You'll appreciate this Ailsa, I met the two guys in question last night at a pub quiz - you can imagine - this one guy was still talking about what size Mada-friggin-gascar is when the rest of us are ten questions further on...

"OK, so it's uh.... say 500... no... yeah 500 miles... is it square miles or uh... kilomotres... it's ummmmmm... say, 500 miles long... and uhhhhhhhhhh, what shape is it again it's ummmmmmmmm, sort of, ummmmmmmm.... sort of uhhhhhh... tear shaped isn't it... so it's 500 by..."

"OK, teams, hand your answer sheets in now..."

"...say, 200... 200 miles... so that's ummmmmmmmmm..."

OMG SYMPATHY!

humorlessness

People who like showing off how smart they are. A second relaed thing is when they think the measure of intelligence of having (or being in the process of attempting to get) a PhD, and have just never questioned this, and look down on people who have other plans.

oh yes - someone just claiming matter-of-factly they're good at this one thing ALL the time. how about actually demonstrating it instead of just celebrating it?

emotion.

pettiness, stubborness, general mean-ness of spirit.

jadedness, constant negativity. it's perfectly human to have dislikes and bad moods, but i know some people who have trouble seeing the bright side of ANYTHING. i guess i just don't understand people who have this hollow gaping maw where their sense of optimism and gratitude for the good things should be.

rolling complaints thread 2007 =)

this hollow gaping maw where their sense of optimism and gratitude for the good things should be.

It's often been stamped out, beaten out, set on fire, trampled and generally destroyed for most of their lifetime.

mine has nine lives, i think.

i also get frustrated with people who make excuses for their own inertia w/r/t giving a shit about the environment -- global warming is a real thing, and we're all contributing to it, so take some initiative and do your damn part. and stop being glib and condescending about people who actually do make the effort (even if it's relatively superficial).

A sense that life "isn't fair" and that's why you can't achieve anything in life.

nosiness. tightwad behaviour. laziness in an office context. lack of self awareness.

kneejerk dismissal of (potentially awesome) things one isn't familiar with, usually due to insecurity

You know it's not even a trait I dislike, but I am going to admit here that the very cool make me nervous, nervous in a way where I do something stupid like talk about an earlier shart accident, something debasing.

i stand by what i said in 2007.

A sense that life "isn't fair" and that's why you can't achieve anything in life.

this this this. nothing less appealing in a person than a tight & bitter focus on the things that have screwed them over (health problems, bad parenting, evildoers, relationship woes, whatever).

tends to go hand-in-hand with get bent's "jadedness, constant negativity."