X Factor 2007, painful showoffs, blah blah blah

This hasn't started already has it?

Yep, on right now. New American judge dude's look of horror at deranged contestants best thing thus far, though he's about to jack it and be replaced by Louis Walsh.

Ugh, brother and sister mentalists MUST GO.

Oh, hooray, we have the sob story (14 year old died on operating table last year, brought back to life to fulfil her dream of winning the X Factor)

Oh, and now we have the set-up to bring back Louis (lack of chemistry between Sharon and new judges, and a run of people at the same audition all not wishing to be judged by an American, despite having little problem with Australian Dannii)

Complete with Sharon talking to the camera on her own about how much she misses Louis and how she wants him back. With her hair looking a slightly different colour and style to all the other film of her from that week ;)

Yeah. Please quit it with the soap opera and just get on with the competition, also that 79 year old woman said she had won singing competitions, why did they ask her to tell a fact about her then judge her on bonkers instrument imitations without knowing that's what she was going to do (also voting her through, wtf?)

OK, girl with a dead dad who had X Factor applications in his belongings when he died "it's a sign! I have to do this for him!" etc etc.

(she's got a great voice, but STOP IT WITH THE HEARTSTRING BOLLOCKS)

Which they just happened to ask her about OH FUCK OFF ALREADY.

quite.

I know you guys secretly love moaning, but it's meant to be a soap opera, isn't it?

What, and we're not allowed to moan about soap operas?

No, by all means moan away, I just figure it's like criticising Can't Cook Won't Cook for being camp.

Leona Lewis really is amazing, isn't she? i love that single.

Yeah, I really like it too.

http://www.digitalspy.co.uk/xfactor/a78157/x-factor-singer-makes-suicide-attempt.html

I was very underwhelmed by Leona's single, but it sounds like it could be a grower.

Yeah it is, definitely.

brother and sister mentalists have not gone.

Yes, I noticed that. Though apparently Sharon has, which is good.

(but she'll be "convinced" to come back because the show's not the same without her yadda yadda)

The backstories on X Factor are less convincing than WWE.

That cyborg guy Rydian really makes my skin crawl.

He looks like you could shoot him in the chest repeatedly and he'd just keep coming at you.

He makes the show worth watching because he's so fucking weird.

"a source said he hadn't made any effort to bond with anyone else: 'He keeps going to the shed and has become a bit of a loner. All the others have bonded well.'"

making x-factor contestants sound like so much glue

He was good in Virtua Fighter, though:

http://www.virtuafighter.jp/vf4ps2/world/img/jacky/img_jac_main.jpg

http://scribble.com/uwi/br/brfaq/batty-black.jpg

http://content.answers.com/main/content/wp/en/5/56/Streetfighter_guile_illust.png

http://www.digitalspy.co.uk/xfactor/a79071/shamed-emily-withdraws-from-x-factor.html

Zombie Emily has been chucked off for happyslapping

She was crap anyway.

what song(s) did she sing recently?

Saturday Night's All Right For Fighting

Last week was I'm Not A Girl Not Yet A Woman

And they always dress her up like Jennifer Aniston in Office Space.

First week it was "I Knew You Were Waiting For Me [To Kick The Shit Out Of You]"

Also that means Sharon only has one act left - Alisha, who has been in the bottom two for two weeks running. So she'll probably be eliminated if she's in the bottom two again this week, leaving Sharon with no-one.

Alisha's the only reason to watch it. Not because she's good, because she's incredibly hot.

I'm sure if she did "milkshake" one week, a lot of people would be like "um, isn't she actually famous already?"

But Emily would have been better doing "I Hate You So Much Right Now"

Maybe Alisha will get some pity votes? And she is definitely the contestant who already looks the most like a star. Too bad all the songs she's been given have been terrible.

yeah i agree she's hot but she's be hotter if she toned down the make up a bit. she was totally over made up in the heats too. i really don't like her voice but they're all shite this year so she doesn't sound too bad relatively.

I want Alisha's dress.

jed otm re this year's quality. there's nothing to get upset or hot under the collar about. none can sing.

Rhydian should win, the rest are just massively inconsequential.

I think it's between Rhydian [big voice, different] and Beverley [big voice, conventional]. The question for me is who will be the third act in the final, and I think that'll be between Niki or Alisha.

That one guy from Futureproof is just frightening.

who, chucky?

I liked the one who looked like Will Young :(

I think Simon needs to tone down the campiness of Hope...their performance was much more Spice Girls than Girls Aloud, which is more the direction I assume they'd want to go for?

i think hope are extremely poor, the worst of a bad bunch. futureprroof were better. also, yeah, i thought all of them bar chucky were cute. all the male talent is gone from the competition since daniel went last week too... as i said i can't get too sad about any departure considering how poor most of them are. Rhydian last night was insane, magnificent, terrifying, deluded and, vocally, completely talentless. him to win.

Charlie Brooker described Andy's singing as having all the emotion of a graphic designer choosing a typeface from a drop-down menu. I think that applies to pretty much all of them.

if you had any real talent, you wouldn't go on one of these shows in the first place.

that rhydian fella is um...interesting i 'spose.

pc user, i agree with you for the most part but for the fact that Leona Lewis had and still has a whole lot of real talent. i think she's fantastic.

Simon Cowell was interviewed on Jonathan Ross's chat show last year and he was asked what he would do if a young Marilyn Manson [who was also a guest that week] turned up to an X Factor audition. Cowell's answer was that Manson wouldn't even audition, because he's too talented. Which reveals quite a bit about Cowell's thinking on the kind of acts they do get. Leona Lewis is a bit of an exception, but XF isn't about finding the next Elvis or even the next Robbie Williams.

Cowell's answer was that Manson wouldn't even audition, because he's too talented. Which reveals quite a bit about Cowell's thinking on the kind of acts they do getcomplete fucking cluelessness.

Leona being an exception:

I got the impression that there was a big buzz last year in the line of"hey, there's someone actually good on here!" from some serious people.

Never underestimate the working class white teenage lad with moderate good looks, dark hair, a regional accent, no discernable personality and no remarkable qualities whatsoever. I should have learned this from Shane Ward/Liam BB8/Anthony BB6.

I know the obvious expanation is teenage girls, but I was a teenage girl a couple of years ago and I still don't get it.

Although, lol @ the digital spy forums

Louis Walsh to fuck off with the "Scotland needs to vote for Leon" "Wales needs to vote for Rhydian" leading Simon to plead for England to vote for brother and sister mentalists. ARE THESE PEOPLE INSANE? Yes, I'm going to vote for bland boring average dude just because he was born in the same country as me...oh wait, no I'm not BECAUSE HE'S SHITE.

Rhydian will sell bucketloads more albums anyway, and Same Difference will do children's telly forever.

Also, Kylie's outfit when duetting with Leon = several different kinds of EEWWWWWWWW.

leon is rub. rhydian's got a long, long career ahead of him. the best man did not win, but leon will be a cross between g gates and s brookstein.

jeez.

As Shayne Ward's biggest fan on ILX, I must protest; he is miles and miles better than Leon.

And I think while Leon winning is a travesty, hopefully Rhydian will be freed up to become a theatre star, which really seems like the right fit for him.

I just googled to see Kylie's EWWWWW outfit and unearthed this gem of a youtube comment:

Gludaire (8 hours ago) Show Hide Marked as spam
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Anyone else noticed that Danni is the better looking sister? In fact I think she is one of the most beautiful women on the planet. And an arse like two wet plums in a brown paper bag.

this was the worst contest yet, surely. rhydian was terrible. leon -- rubbish more like.

Yeah, I'd picked Leon as the winner a while ago. Should have put some dosh on it really.

OK, controversy time:

THE JUDGES KNEW WHO WAS THE WINNER BEFORE THE ANNOUNCEMENT!

1) After Rhyd's last song, all the judges were very "well, you've been world class thanks for entertaining us, you've been wonderful and if this is the last time we're seeing you, you're a star for sure" to Rhydian's face going "ah thanks you guys, it's been a pleasure, um, hang on what do you mean? umm, WTF!!!???"

2) Simon's final comment on his song basically went "Well, Leon... um ahem oops RHYDIAN!!"

Oh, and it only just struck me, Leona to Leon... Hmmm...

Having said all that, Rhydian's duet with Car Alarm woman was hid, whereas Leon's w/ Kylie was exactly right.

OK, go.

I'm with Mark on the "the judges knew" thing - Simon's "Freudian slip" was odd, and the marked difference of their final comments to Rhydian considering the rest of the time they'd been on about how he was surely going to win because he was brilliant.

I would never EVER tire of slapping Louis Walsh, btw. What a horrible little man, and so ungracious.

Did anyone else think Simon could have tried to be just a little bit genuine when sending off Same Difference? He kept on saying, "they're just really nice kids" and "they are what they are." I mean, it 's obvious he didn't really think it was a shame for them not to win, but couldn't he have at least said something nice that sounded like he actually worked with them over a period of months? i.e. "no one worked harder to be here tonight than these guys" (actually true, I think).

The word is that Rhydian voters had difficulty getting anything other than an engaged tone when they tried to ring in and vote for him.

In truth it was always going to be Leon - a harmless, unremarkable, malleable teenage white boy who isn't going to frighten the grannies, will do as he's told and be forgotten after one album of listless cover versions which will go in at number one and be out of the charts and into the charity shops within a month.

Yeah, but he still sounded better next to Louis who couldn't actually find anything nice to say about them "you do what you do and obviously some people like it the cloth-eared idiots" = he did exactly the same to the McDonald Brothers last year and they were his band who got further than his beloved Eton Road.

xpost to G00blar

Same Difference have a future in kids telly, I'm sure of it. I can't believe they didn't make more of them, tbh, tailoring themselves to the kiddie market is a surefire way of making money because I would have thought that was the age band that's more likely to actually spend money and own physical copies of CDs and associated merchandising.

What a shame that ITV doesn't make kids' telly any more so that Same Difference could go on it.

Well they didn't win, so presumably their only remaining contractual obligation is the X Factor tour next year? Same for Rhydian.

Sam and Mark (it's bad when you can't even come second to Michelle McManus) got jobs with the BBC.

it's bad when you can't even come second to Michelle McManus
Oh wait one of them did, I had them as 3rd and 4th in my head.

When's Michelle McManus's triumphant chart return as gaypop friendly disco diva, anyway?

Given that Steve Brookstein's been making some pretty good records under the pseudonym of "Burial," I guess anything's possible.

See, here's the thing:

When Will Young beat GGates, the judges had already placed their troth w/ Gareth. So, after having basically treated as Second by his new boss, it didn't take too long for him to not want Simon's control.

Since then, there's been paranoia on Simon's part about setting his stall against the winner.

Witness: When the lads group and the girls group were 1-2 in favour of the girls, Simon had a vote to go. If he had voted the lads, he could have potentially lost them when it came to the tiebreaker i.e. the phone-in votes. That's why he *had* to vote for "Hope".

Also, why all through the final show, he was the same vaguely supportive commentator all the way. And the lack of "OK judges, who do you think is tonights winner" type question *after* all the performances.

After all, why piss on your own meal ticket?

(thread enz)

I can't quite see what long term profits he's going to establish from a succession of well scrubbed, docile lads who'll sell for a month or two and then vanish, apart from the fact that he'll save lots of money from not having to hire songwriters since they'll all be forced to do cover versions. But then I don't think he really gets the point of music.

Save money? With cover versions he has to pay the publishers. With "new songs" he can *be* the publisher and take his cut.

But these acts aren't going to make long term profits full stop, so Cowell may as well just focus on being a "media celebrity" and not waste any time/money trying to be a recording mogul. Or just live off those Il Divo coinages.

Or, more likely, his Westlife residuals.

I'd guess record sales aren't the most important moneyspinner in Cowell's portfolio. And you only need 12 months of sales out of some guy if you're going to replace him next year.

Sorry, yeah, what Dom said. The illusion of being a recording mogul props up all the other bullshit tho.

I read his autobiography, (it was a cheap paperback), it was shockingly wrong in some places, to the extent where I thought "he's either winning by dumb lick, or he's giving nothing away"

e.g. one point where he says he'd have signed any songwriter that came to him and offered "Sorry seems to be the hardest word" and/or "Yesterday", without noticing that neither of those songs were exactly early in the respective songwriter's careers.

Having just heard the single, all I can think is that Leon IS Pat Kane. They've also given him Shayne Ward's set from 'That's My Goal'. And his moves. It's weird just how uncertain his voice sounds - it's a bit more characterful than Shayne, certainly, but by hell the kid sounds nervous.

Yeah, Pat Kane, good call!

Will he withdraw his LAYYBOURGH!!!

Probably not allowed under Cowell's 19th century workhouse contract.

Next year I want to see Malcolm McLaren on the judging panel.

Should I be embarrassed to say that I want to take Cheryl Cole and wrap her up in a soft tortilla and just eat her up?

I suppose I'm embarrassed enough to not start a new thread.

I NEED A PICTURE.

of me eating Cheryl Cole in a tortilla?

(me too)

ANYWAY, I'm hooked already, which is way earlier than usual for me. Do the judges seem nicer this year? I'm really liking the addition of CC who seems, against all odds, to be sweeter and more person-like than the other three, easily.

I really enjoyed tonight's episode. They obviously re-edited the entire thing after all the bad publicity this week, not just getting rid of all the sob stories but screwing up the usual order everything happens in every week.

Oh whoa! I didn't hear about the lying dude!

Cheryl's gotta be the favorite now that she made the unprecedented decision to pick the three best contenders out of her six (it helps that her three are probably the best three of the bunch--save perhaps that punchable dude with the triangle face and the biceps--Austin, is it?).

I'm going to jump in and say that I think either Ruth will win, or one of the two girl groups. Everyone else is either boring (all the girls, most of the boys), has the stench of failure (Steve Brookstein II), or is, as you say, punchable (Austin - pull it together man, it's all over the street)

all the girls

RONG

That said, I have zero track record in predicting these things. I think all three of the (younger) girls are actually awesome, which may not translate into will actually win.

I don't think any of them really really stand out. There's not a Leona Lewis there, or even a Chico. This year it's really about which mentor is going to beat their contenders into shape, and I think it's going to be Louis. But it's not going to be that boy band, 4LS or FLR or whatever they're called. Walsh has already got they crossing their legs in sync (it was right at the end of tonight's show). He can't think far beyond Boyzone/Westlife, but with the girls he doesn't have his usual tricks to fall back on.

The girl/woman that sang "Take another piece of my heart" is the only one I'd actually want to hear more from.

The others range from Good to mediocre.

I haven't seen who went through. So, tell me plz.

I've not seen any of this current series nor do I wish to but enough of these dull proper songs. Dale played "Superman" by Black Lace yesterday; less of the sob stories and more shave, go for a walk, macho man and whatever the rest of the routine was.

Cheryl chose:

http://xfactor.itv.com/_uploads/images/imagelibrary/Judges%27%20Houses/081005_p_alexandra.jpg
Alexandra
http://xfactor.itv.com/_uploads/images/imagelibrary/Judges%27%20Houses/081005_p_diana.jpg
Diana
http://xfactor.itv.com/_uploads/images/imagelibrary/Judges%27%20Houses/081005_p_laura.jpg
Laura

Simon chose:

Scott

Austin

Eoghan

Dani chose:

Daniel

Rachel

Ruth

Louis chose:

Bad Lashes

Girlband

JLS

For a minute I thought that was Bat For Lashes!

I knew the album didn't sell that well, but what a comedown!

Dunno why those links didn't work..

http://xfactor.itv.com/_uploads/images/imagelibrary/Judges%27%20Houses/081003_scottjhportraits.jpg

Scott

http://xfactor.itv.com/_uploads/images/imagelibrary/Judges%27%20Houses/081003_austinjhportraits.jpg

Austin

http://xfactor.itv.com/_uploads/images/imagelibrary/Judges%27%20Houses/081003_eoghanjhportraits.jpg

Eoghan

Daniel

Rachel

Ruth

Bad Lashes

Girlband

JLS

3 images max per post, dude.

Keep goin...

Fair enough.

http://xfactor.itv.com/_uploads/images/imagelibrary/Judges%27%20Houses/081003_dannyjhbootcamps.jpg
Daniel

http://xfactor.itv.com/_uploads/images/imagelibrary/Judges%27%20Houses/081003_racheljhportrait2s.jpg
Rachel

http://xfactor.itv.com/_uploads/images/imagelibrary/Judges%27%20Houses/081003_ruthjhportraits.jpg
Ruth

http://xfactor.itv.com/_uploads/images/imagelibrary/Judges%27%20Houses/081005_p_BadLashes.jpg
Bad Lashes

http://xfactor.itv.com/_uploads/images/imagelibrary/Judges%27%20Houses/081005_p_girlband.jpg
Girlband

http://xfactor.itv.com/_uploads/images/imagelibrary/Judges%27%20Houses/081005_p_JLS.jpg
JLS

Alexandra ftw

apart from Alexandra (who will win, hopefully) Cheryl made some really terrible decisions. basically she chose Winehouse wannabes who are too celeb obsessed to realise you have to have it before you can fall apart. Diana is 17 but looks like a 35 year old who has just had a drunken shag in the bushes. Laura (19) looks like an 45 year old alky who still looks fairly well preserved for her age.

i reckon Louis' group is even worse, though. I'm guessing that Girl Band will be first out. and his next two groups will follow fairly rapidly behind. he might have had a chance had he picked, 4 instinct, the family group.

Mark G, Hannah, the one who sung "Take another piece of my heart" did not get through. probably the worst decision of all.

Yep, Hannah was far, far better than Diana or Laura.

Does anyone else think that Daniel looks a bit like Ricky Gervais? Maybe the choreographers could work that in and get him to do that dance.

Yeah, she was so good on that Dreamgirls song that I sort of wished that I was watching it with Surmounter.

xxxpost fair enough with the Winehouse comparisons, but both of those girls can flat-out SING. I was totally rooting for 4 instinct, but I can see the logic that their disastrous boot-camp performance shows a lack of readiness for the 'big time'.

p.s. that Hannah girl was awful.

I wish I remembered who were the scarce few from the auditions who made me go "ok they've actually got something"... I'm not sure that any of 'em are in this final lot. Sad dad certainly wasn't one of them.

Have we had sad Elvis impersonator yet?

More questions:

The group who sang "umbrella" like their nan just died.

The lad who sang "She's out of my life" that Simon described as a 'life changing performance"

Both out, right?

I take it the old Saw Doctor guy was shown the door before boot camp....

i don't think either of them can sing.

xxxxpost

It was Austin who sang "She's out of my life" (still in).

"Umbrella" I think was Desire, who are out.

Oh fuck he didn't cry at the end of it did he?

He's cried at the end of every one of his performances, iirc.

I really fucking hate Austin.

Hannah out?

Right, officially not interested.

Props to Hannah for striding straight past Dermot O'Leary with a muttered "Yeah, I'm fine", rather than collapsing into his arms for the statutory weepathon.

I thought Cowell was clamping down on weepathons, and specifically on Cheryl-originated weepathons, this series.

apparently cheryl's place on the show was originally intended for charlotte church.

Last night's show was basically an hour's worth of more or less uninterrupted weeping. If reality TV = emotional pornography, this was where the medium went gonzo. Skip the set-up, let's get to the cum shot!

Does anybody remember "Boys will be girls", a reality tv programme from a couple of years ago where they found 3 boys from failed boybands who were so desperate for fame they let the crew turn them into a girlband?

Austin does.

(xpost) Max Hardcore should be out of prison in time to do X Factor 2010...

I bet Austin tearfully recounts the whole 'ordeal' in about six weeks.

The stench of desperation is even higher this year.

Tonight, should you wish you can watch continuous X Factor content from 7:15 to 11:30.

At least an hour of that will be people crying.

I knew I recognised Austin, I had him down as being part of a boyband in a previous year.

really really overdoing the Old Spice theme

OK this girl needs to stop doing this start-the-song-in-Spanish thing.

Is it wrong to want to punch the Irish kid in the face?

No, although by now there's a long queue, with John Lennon at the front of it. Ono sued a filmmaker for using 15 seconds of "Imagine", she do something with that Eoleeurgh too.

(xpost) I thought they screwed up and put on a tape of the Eurovision cong contest

...which is a pity because Ruth was my favourite to win.

I don't care what he does to "Imagine" since it's a Top 5 worst songs ever written candidate. What's really depressingly predictable is that JLS, because they are waaaay the most talented guys on the show, will be lucky to last 4 weeks.

Well Eoleararagh has taken a bad song and made it badder

Me and my wife trying to figure out what we didn't like about Laura tonight--she says, "the problem is that she looks like Super Nanny."

Yeah JLS definitely do not deserve Louis (or this country, tbh).

Deserve to go home after tonight's perfs: Daniel, Scott, Bad Lashes.

I really think that Bad Lashes deserve to stick around for another week, because despite their tune free performance, they have something, a real personality, rather than the "sing in a fake American-ish accent" thing that most of the others are doing.
Maybe Yoko could punch Eoghan in the kidneys until his balls drop?

I guess I see that, but it's pretty clear that they have zero chance of going far in this competition.

For me, it has to be Austin to go. During his performance I caught myself thinking "I wish Sting were singing this instead". Which is a very very bad sign.

Only caught a bit of the JLS performance, the arrangement seemed pretty poor, a lot of dull unison singing. Mrs V confirmed that it wasn't v. good.

I thought it was a shitty song choice, but apart from the beginning, they showed that they're just miles ahead of most groups on these shows in terms of harmony singing.

I think their harmonies are great, and I love the Boyz II Men version of that song, I just wonder who's responsible for working up the arrangements and I suspect it mightn't be the band.

"With Every Heart Beat" was a terrible choice, I like the record but it isn't much of a song.

Yeah, but--in contrast with Scott, Austin, and Diana--Rachel actually made it work, I thought. I think she's smart enough to know that that narrative (she may not agree with her mentor, but she'll soldier on, keep her head up, give her all anyway) will keep her in for a while.

"a twist... it'll be really good" TRANSLATION "a twist... it'll be really shit"

Leon is either desperate for a piss or he's about to have an epileptic fit.

i actually really liked that song.

leon's

Yeah I was feeling it.

He looks like he's aged ten years.

Awful song choices tonight, for the most part. This household voted for JLS and Diana.

Awful and obvious choices. Eoghan particularly, as well as JLS. Although I think that this week it's going to be Girlband in the bottom two. They almost needed a Jarvis Cocker lookalike to come on stage and moon at them.
As for the others... ALEXANDRIA! IS! JUST! SHOUTING! BUT! THAT! IS! NOT! WHAT! SINGING! LIKE! WHITNEY! IS! ABOUT!
Austin is this year's Rhydian, except even more irritating.
And Rachel reminds me of Adeva, which is actually a good thing, my favourite performance of tonight.

Yeah, as bad as Scott and Daniel are/were, Girlband are in a class by themselves.

haha, that version of Billie Jean, OMGWTF x 1000000000000000

prediction: Girlband screw up the harmonies on "Don't Wanna Miss A Thing"

Well, OK, so they didn't...

They didn't a lot of things...

I don't like MJackson's stuff, but boy did I appreciate his talents after seeing all those people sing less well and dance insignificantly to his songs!

Having never watched X Factor before, I'm thoroughly enjoying it this year.

(xpost) same with Girls Aloud - their performance on Saturday was only average, but they still wiped the floor with Girlband and JLS.

The new Girls Aloud single now reminds me of the Polyphonic Spree. But not as promising (ahem) as that sounds.

Eoghan was pure eurgh and Ricky Gervais was like an uncalled for missing link between Val Doonican and Billy MacKenzie (if only) but they'll survive because of The Sympathy/Underdog Vote; Eoghan definitely, Ricky for another week or two at least.

Lot of hamming and stupid choices for covers and enough of these stupid 1975 "dance routines."

Generally Michael Jackson Week was a bad idea. How about a Gary Numan Week to make up for it?

Cowell not remembering the names of the contestants - is this deliberate?

My picks - Diana and Rachel but they both need better material.

I think he was genuinely embarassed: At first he bluffed a "excuse me" but later apologised properly, and made damn sure he referred to his (auto)/cue cards which he had obviously been ignoring, previously.

'Came out of character' as it were...

I definitely agreed with his "sorry Girlband, you were robbed, yr mentor was shit" assessment though.

He forgot Ruth's name last week because he was leering over her breasts, not sure about Rachel (although she was singing Dirty Diana so maybe that did it).

I don't get the Daniel=Ricky Gervais comparisons, he looks more like Jim Davidson.

Louis insisting on pronouncing Gervais as Gervay was annoying.

He giggles exactly like him as well...

I worry that JLS may be in trouble tonight.

(which is ridiculous, considering Daniel, Scott, and Eoghan are still in)

I think that Daniel and Laura will be in the bottom two this week. Also the judges will force another DEADLOCK ("It's DEADLOCK!!!" sayeth O'Leary, DUN DUN! go the drums) because no-one wants to be the bogeyman.

Yeah fuck the deadlock that's so LAME.

there's no way Laura will be in the bottom two.

after initially hating on Diana, i have to say i liked her the last two weeks but this week was contrived and irritating.

my top three were Alexandra (amazing performance), Rachel (about time but LOL she obviously HATES Danni) and Ruth. it's basically all about the women this year. Ruth is in the worst position because she has no regional support.

JLS were terrible. as bad as Daniel, and that's really saying something!

Yeah I know, but they're usually so good. I blame Louis. It's a really good year for women--I love Diana, Rachel, Laura, and Alexandra. Ruth was great great great tonight but has no future on this show.

i agree about ruth, sadly. she will survive this week though.

eyoughwan and austin both crepe the fck out of me.

At any given moment, if Austin is

• not performing, and
• conscious

I didn't think that Diana's performance was too bad. She's slowly moving towards an individual singing style and away from this Eva Cassidy/Dido template. At least she isn't trying to sound like Whitney. Seconded on this being a good year for the women - Laura and Alexandra would be up at the top in previous years, but they're put in the shade by Rachel and Ruth. I don't think lack of regional support will make any difference to Ruth's chances - it didn't seem to make a whole lot of difference to the Leon/Rhydian final last year.

Also, Austin looks more like he's about to start blubbing. Any worse and Dermot's going to have to lay out a hanky on his shoulder to stop his suit getting wet. And this is what Austin is like when he does well...

disgraceful

Are JLS the only male act who haven't cried onscreen yet?

Including Daniel's fake-blubbing (followed by being fine 3 seconds later), that is.

Utter pish

eh, Daniel was worse over all, but I can't say I was unhappy to see Scott go. I find him a lot more hateable.

Louis' crying outdid the lot of them. Daniel had a full team of wild horses pulling at the collective heartstrings there though, didn't he? He should maybe think about making something of his backstory though, in case anyone didn't know what it was.

Meanwhile Scott looked like he'd just been sentenced to break rocks in a convict labour camp.

He had the 'I ain't got a dead wife' blues. I thought he was gonna lash out, not start crying though.

Yeah, I thought he was going to start shouting and swearing...
Dermot: "Go on Scott, say something. Cheer up mate. Is there something you want to say?"
Scott: "Er, yeah... FUCK YOU ALL YOU MOTHERFUCKERS, ESPECIALLY YOU COWELL YOU SQUARE HEADED DICK SLOPPER!!!"

Walsh's blubbing actually seemed more like an attack of gas than anything else. This really is going to be the year that everyone on X Factor cries at the drop of a hat. I blame the presence of 90's new man O'Leary. You'd never get this happening with Kate-what's-her-face presenting, but then she is an android or some kind of emotionless alien. So everyone this year will cry, except eternal cynic Cowell and stone faced Dannii (note to self, never play poker against that woman).

Dermot: "Go on Scott, say something. Cheer up mate. Is there something you want to say?"
Scott: "No"

"Actually Yes.." (takes mic..)

was where I thought it was going to kick off....

Basically, when he saw he was bottom two with Daniel, his face was "That's it, I'm fucked"

So much for no more weepathon.

Maybe O'Leary ought to be replaced with someone a bit more hard headed and realistic, like Theo Paphitis. "No, Scott, your singing is less attractive to me. Than. A. Fort. Night's. Holiday. In. Afghanistan" and all that sort of thing.

I have no wish to have a go at Daniel in the sense that I have no wish to have a go at people who've been through the same thing as me but to me it looks like he's currently in the same state of ardent self-denial I was in circa 2003/4. And the constant note-missing/point-missing of his "Lady Is A Tramp" was somewhat annoying.

Rachel technically and emotionally the best this week, Diana the most individual of the voices but I'm not sure she was paying much attention to what she was actually singing ("Smile").

JLS - great suits, great choreography, atonal voices and not in a Lennox Berkeley way.

It was right that Scott went, though, twittering "That's Life" in the mode of someone who knows nothing about life, but clearly that's Louis' fault for picking the wrong song.

Also, a modest reality show proposal: ban all contestants named "Austin" 'cos the Strictly Come Dancing one is equally irritating.

I missed the main show, but saw the 'results' play out (So, scott next week to be the most miserable man ever to be number one at the same time?)

I did think of you when Daniel did his "This was" monologue prep, I would say it's more that time of "anything I do it doesn't matter" hopelessness. It's going to end up a couple years down the line where he has a fir to middling singing career he doesn't actually want anymore, reliving his lost partner for Cabaret audiences.

Didn't someone do this also, made an album of their dead husband/boyfriend's songs, produced by 2 of Steely Dan, album got nowhere, she then did her own songs and did rather better?

(xpost thankfully, not watching it, it doesn't apply)

Cowell's fault, not Louis', with Scott's song choice.

Scott looked utterly defeated as soon as he realised it was him and Daniel. I hope Daniel goes next week.

I would have actually liked Ruth to do (whatever it was she sang) in Spanish on Saturday, I think it could have been good.

I think Alexandra and Laura are the best of the women, but it's close; Rachel and Diane are both awesome too. Rachel needs consistency and discipline.

JLS looked very weak. I could see them going if they don't do something very good next week.

Austin can sing, and work a crowd, but by god every time he's on camera otherwise I want to slap him.

Eoghan or whatever is just the CBeebies version of Daniel O'Donnell, but no one will say anything bad about him because he's so ickle and sweet. Uergh. No range.

They're going to be doing a "ringtones" theme week shortly. Eoghan's doing "I may be small" by Sweety the chick.

(xxp)

As regards Daniel, what I hope is that he manages to find a new partner/wife as a result of doing this. That someone he never knew existed sees him on TV, or maybe even in cabaret a couple of years down the line, and connects with him in a way that no one else can. And he has children, so I suspect the day-to-day busy-ness of bringing them up will go some way towards alleviating the pain he evidently still feels.

I don't think he's going to win, and I suspect he probably will go next week unless JLS really do pull off an epic fail.

But, you know, good luck to him, whatever he does.

As long as he uses the love he has from his past to help build himself a future, he'll be OK. It'll take time but it will happen.

Who in god's name is voting for Daniel?

Leon Jackson's assault on superstardom continues as, er, he turns on the Christmas lights in Paisley in a fortnight.

Reality show contestants always do our lights (we've had local boy David Sneddon, Darius, Journey South, some Elvis impersonator from Star In Their Eyes, Michelle McManus and the McDonald Brothers the last few years). I wouldn't bet against Austin or Daniel next year, put it that way.

Not that I'm innocent of rather uncaring jibes against Daniel meself... but I was so annoyed when Louis and Simon laid into him again, and specifically when Simon said "this has gone on long enough". Fuck you, Cowell. You let him get this far, knowing he wasn't good enough, just for the ratings factor in his emotional back story. And now you're trying to have your cake and eat it, getting him to milk that story to the max while you try and jettison him in favour of the real talent. And all without a thought of how this is affecting the guy. At long last, have you left no sense of decency?

I completely agree, ledge.

Cowell's comments were a disgrace, and the general treatment of Daniel in the media has been disgraceful - "stop spoiling our fun, you miserable premature widower," "you're just using your wife's death as a crutch."

Sound familiar?

But no doubt Cowell's comments contributed to (as far as I understand) Daniel actually topping the viewers' poll on Saturday.

Diana, though, is the one potential genius in this pack - her "Call Me" sounded like Liz Frazer singing Blondie! - and I hope that she gets steered in a creative direction and not towards becoming the next Dido or Dolores Cranberry.

In a fair world Diana should win the contest, but the Mothers' Vote will probably ensure that Eeeeeeeeeeeoghan triumphs, and proves as costly a flop next year as LEON has done this.

Was in Derry and Coleraine last week, "Vote Eoghan" posters everywhere, he's got 3rd written all over him tho.

i've only watched youtube clips of this, who was the girl who tore up 'purple rain' in whatever week it was?

rachel's the one i'm most aware of and i think she's awesome, though have no idea what they'll do with her if she wins - i mean, can you imagine early mary j going through the x factor system??

Austin was never happy or smiley and there was always something vaguely threatening about him so of course he had to go. I suspect Laura will go the same way soon - the second best voice in the competition after Diana, but "doesn't LOOK like a Pop Star."

As far as Louisa "I want to see her dancing!" Walsh is concerned I think he needs to put in for a transfer to Strictly Come Dancing since he's clearly on the wrong programme.

I'm not sure Rachel is as good as she thinks she is - "No More Drama" is all about pauses, tension and release, and she missed that at several points, not to mention several key high notes.

JLS's arrangements have been shit and I'm not sure if it's a deliberate handicap or just the result of pop-ifying them.

I couldn't actually hear the rest of JLS behind the shaky-sounding lead singer on Saturday; they were drowned out by the music.

Then again, yet another Mariah Week next week (calm down Lex) - have they really run out of ideas?

yeah that's why i'm vaguely concerned for rachel, with the right material she's astonishing (her 'you know i'm no good' audition) but she does seem to have rather a narrow band of right material (at this point in time, which is fair enough).

MIMI! oh god, poor contestants, so much banana skin potential. please make JLS do 'touch my body'.

IF ONLY!!!

Our Hannah loves Laura but I hate her schtick, she's over-singing every week, if it's melisma-a-go-go next week she's gonna be horrible.

Awww Cute Choirboy's "Could It Be Magic?" sounded as though it had been cut and paste by an irked elephant.

God, he's going to damn well win, isn't he?

He just reminds me of Sweetie the Chick.

A career in ringtones beckons...

i like rachel but she is often shrill and doesn't really have much range. also, i think they really need to work on her diction. the song's not called "no More Drammur" and i don't think you can sing "fings" &c in a song like that unless that's what they're really going for (which they are not).

also i thought that when cowell said "this has gone on long enough" he was talking about the choreography and production numbers surrounding each track? they really are shocking this year. also, the choreographer guy seems to get them all to sing sitting down and you just can't sing properly reclining in a chaise or flat on your back. Diana's performance was definitely hampered by the choreographer having her sit throughout 90% of the song.

Why not just have no stupid choreography at all?

Why not just have the singers sing?

After all it's supposed to be a singing contest not Strictly Come Dancing.

http://img.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2007/10_01/victormeldrew0410_468x493.jpg

Friedman, as with Dannii, will be lucky to last until the end of this series.

The choreography for that Ricky Gervais-looking guy was some 1981 Hill's Angels shit this week.

My mum likes Daniel - says his looks remind her more of Matt Monro than Ger-Vay.

I'm pretty sure Mariah was appearing via hologram in the VTs tonight

strange that 4 out of the 7 'Mariah' songs sung tonight were songs made famous by other acts

I'm fed up of hearing "All By Myself" begin butchered by big singers. It's "if living is without you" not "living is with ow chew".

Anyone who sings "Endless Love" and "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" on the x factor probably deserves to go.

I agree that Mariah looked somewhat...ghostly on Saturday.

But the whole thing was tedious and I think pinpoints why the X-Factor is going down the toilet.

In a sense it's possible to sympathise with Simon; he's just trying to find another big bucks international act with talent and the pesky viewers whose premium 'phone line calls keep the whole engine moving insist on voting for sob stories instead. Clearly Daniel and Rachel should have been in the sing-off on Saturday and there should have been an embargo on personal information on all the contestants until the competition had been won (but whoops, I forgot...the press loves A Good Story).

But the malaise is greater than that.

Saturday's programme was boring beyond belief. Endless acres of dreary, oversung ballads, the aural equivalent of Royal Tournament calisthenics and about as riveting to watch.

There doesn't seem any sense of FUN in the show. No lightening up; it's all dark turgidity, Proper Singing with Soul Passion And Honesty. Like a soggy trudge through miles of unrelenting mud.

Despite the charity number one and the electric shock rejuvenation of Girls Aloud's career I'm wondering if this won't be the last series. Like Big Brother, it's pretty much run its course and run out of ideas.

Whether or not there will be another series really depends on the person who wins this year. If we get another Leon Jackson/Steve Brookstein/sub-Whitney shouter that everyone's forgotten about in six months, then it could very well be the last series, as for Cowell the end result won't be worth all the hassle.

Laura being booted out on Saturday doesn't help. She tried to do something different - sing and play piano at the same time - and for her trouble ended up in the bottom two. Which means now that the remaining contestants and their mentors will be playing it safe = boring tedious last few weeks for us as viewers.

JLS will become even more like Westlike, despite Cheryl's arguments. Eoghan will become even more styled to be "the nations' grannies' favourite". Alexandra will be trying to be even more like Whitney/Leona, but without the charm of either. Daniel will become even more like a Matt Munro impersonator. Rachel will continue with the shouty early 90's club diva act, rather than try and develop her voice, which a couple of weeks ago was what I was really hoping would happen, because I think she can be a different and more interesting performer compared to the usual Whitney/Mariah female singer. Same goes for Ruth, but Dannii looks like she's going to keep on banging away with the "singing in Spanish" thing, which is a great shame, because there's a lot more to Ruth than simply that. As for Diana, I hope she sings next week, as she's one of the more versatile singers left in the contest, but maybe her confidence has taken too much of a knock.

It really is depressing to watch everyone's individuality being slowly squeezed out of them because of outdated ideas about what will sell to the lowest common denominator internationally.

In retrospect it's startling that someone like Leona won but clearly she was going to be big no matter how she got into the business.

But look at what's happening with her, even - she finally gets a chance to do something she wants, cuts a record with Akon, and it goes in at number five.

Maybe Cowell is right - maybe the British public don't want anybody or anything that's different or individual in the slightest sense any more. Shows the rest of us up, too big for your boots, getting above your station, know your place, Dunkirk etc.

Just more and more of the same bland broth until Britain ends up as a poverty-ridden Third World state.

Well, it's because Simon is trying to sell to *everybody*, which does not equate to doing things 'different' or individual. The epublic 'en-masse' don't want that. Or, they do, as long as the different thing was done 5 years previously so's they can get used to it.

But, then again, if peoeple buy the 'nice safe' record, why would they want another one? Diminishing returns... At least, going in at 5 with Akon is a step back from the plate that keeps her at that (ironcally) safe performance level that could be maintained.

Like yer Will Young, concentrates on what he's doing, doesn't 'expect' to go top every time, stands a better chance of actually doing it long-term.

Il Divo, on the GMTV this morning. Is it just me or do they always sound like 4 bulldogs gargling?

I think Leona was a fluke, as far as X Factor was concerned. Simon was lucky to catch her at a certain point very early in her career, where she was already a great singer, but was young and didn't have much confidence. But someone like that is going to become famous anyway. There's a interview that John Peel gave in 1986 where he said "If people are any good, they're going to become public property eventually anyway, so all you can do is either accelerate or retard that process".
As for her single with Akon, I think that she really needs a boost of self confidence, so that she gets out there and puts herself across to the public. I mean, it's been two years since she won X Factor, but in interviews she can still scarcely believe it.

I actually think that the British public is crying out for someone different right now. It's just that on the one hand, managers like Walsh and Cowell won't take a risk. And on the other hand, new acts don't have the organisational ability to get noticed in the middle of a sea of "me too" MySpace bands that are all trying to sound like Roxy Music circa 1973.

I wish they did!

Agree about Il Divo and also with the five years for the public to get it thing; how else to explain Girls Aloud getting to number one with the worst and laziest album of their career?

Interesting that Cheryl should chew out Louis for doing the same sort of thing with JLS that Waterman did with One True Voice.

Cowell's been saying since right at the start of this series that he wanted someone "different". I think he's trying to fix it for Diana to win; I think the show is. Convenient that she was able to get a bye through this weekend's show, when Mariah-esque songs probably would have battered her in a way she couldn't cope with as well as she's coped with everything else.

So, hows about a Bjork themed week?

I think it's a shame that Diana wasn't able to sing. Her take on a Mariah song would have really shown off her individual voice. Or possibly been a total disaster, but it would have been a risk worth taking.

I think he's trying to fix it for Diana to win; I think the show is.

I'm nitpicking, but it's the same thing really - Cowell has the final say on every aspect of the show, as it's his production company. That's why he puts up with Louis and Cheryl's mouthiness each week, because ultimately he can veto any decision they make about the show.

So, if Daniel ends up singing "Rock Steady (the Deedle de dee song)" (Little and Large) on the Comedians theme show, I'll know why..

But on the other hand, I don't think he is fixing it for Diana to win, even though he easily could do so. However, he is fixing for Diana to have as much of a chance as possible, hence the bye this week. If Austin had been in the same position, he probably would have just been allowed to drop out. But with Diana, if her voice isn't back by next Saturday, and she drops out, he would probably even give her a bye through to next year's bootcamp stage.

Suddenly I'm rooting for Daniel to win.

I think that whether or not she wins Diana is memorable and the most likely to do well after the show, and if people like Leon and Shane and Eoghan fucking McLove keep winning these things then that's all the show will be remembered for. He'll keep her in just to have someone other than Leona to boast about.

Good, that few people have joined in the "hey, let's create a good sob story that an X-Factor contestant might use" 'joke', going into the old "lesbian moslem one legged dwarf" standby...

Though, I have to pick this one out for total irrelevance and...

One quick look at the history of Big Brother winners will demonstrate how important a perceived 'sob story' is to the reality-show-voting British public.

Regardless of whether contestants have chosen to define themselves by it, those watching and voting have almost always plumped for contestants they have defined by their underdog-like 'otherliness'.

See:

1. Craig Phillips (Scouse Brickie)
2. Brian Dowling (Gay)
3. Kate Lawler (Female)
4. Cameron Stout (Awkward Christian Mommy's Boy)
5. Nadia (Transsexual)
6. Anthony Hutton (Dancer / Model - least successful of all winners)
7. Pete Bennett (Tourettes)
8. Brian Belo (Braindead)

OK, so 'female' is a sob story or an otherworld thing? (to say nothing of what's that got to do with a singing competition, etc)

I imagine "female" would count as an otherworld thing or a sob story if, as I suspect is the case with "Django82," you'd never actually met any.

See, of all those BB winners, I'm struggling to see which won because of "sob story, or underdog-like 'otherliness'.

Pete was actually funny, and quite talented. Nadia was a bit strange I guess.

ach, who cares.

That column's horrid, and a bit out of date too, this year the public seems much more aware than normal of people trying to get by on sob stories. Ever since that adoption one that turned out to be fake the producers have given up on them too (well, the dead relative ones anyway, not the "I have to live a normal lower middle-class life" ones or the "I was too shite to get through last year" ones). Apart from the audition and when he sang in the bottom two that week I don't think he's even mentioned it (although how much he milked it on the occasions when he did mention it is still debatable, I think). And as someone upthread said, it's silly that he's the one getting all the blame for being a mediocre singer who got through on a sob story when it was the judges who put him in that position, and now they know the public won't buy it this year the judges are siding with them instead of him.

Anyway, Anthony, Brian and Craig (and Shane and Leon) probably won because their blandness made them more relatable (they're good, working class blokes, they like the ladies, they like a drink, don't read too many book or anything like that, not like those fancy singers who probably went to stage school). This way of voting annoys me more than the sob story stuff.

I think that maybe people are voting for Daniel because they want to see someone older win the competition. Steve Brookstein won, but that was practically a lifetime ago in music business terms. Andy Abraham came second to Shayne Ward. Leona was 19, so was Leon. So perhaps people voting for the three over 25s explains why they are still in the competition? Well I say "over 25s" - Rachel is 27 and Ruth is 26.

...meaning that Daniel is the oldest by a wide margin - 39, so he'd be more likely to be the pick of someone wanting to vote for someone older.

And I also disagree with that BB list upthread. Apart from Craig and Kate, the rest of those winners won in spite of their "sob story"/"otherworldliness". Even Anthony, who was roundly booed by the crowd when he went into the house.

Have no authority to comment on BB at all, but isn't the whole idea that the public is voting for said freakshow in spite freakiness? as in, 'let's give the weirdo a shot, fuck all those people who are "supposed to" win."

pls to ignore all punctuation above

I don't think that the public actually care about "sob stories" or voting for the underdog. As much as the tabloid press, and in some cases the show's producers themselves, would like to believe that they can mould public opinion, I don't think that's the case. Particularly in a talent competition, people will vote for the person who has a combination of 1) having a talent, and 2) actually tries hard.
(this theory is totally blown apart when considering John Sergeant on Strictly Come Dancing, but to some extent it doesn't apply because the contestants on that show are already famous)

The BB and X factor crowd change their minds so bloody often when it comes to stuff like that, it really depends what's fashionable that year. This year you had blind Mikey, who was pretty unpopular and overlooked for the first half of the series but came second after he turned out to be a pretty funny bloke. And I think the idea of who is "supposed to win" has changed, now everyone assumes the tv shows are getting us to root for the more unusual people, by filling the shows with those people, so they vote for the blander, more "normal", ones to rebel against that.

Also, I don't watch Strictly so I'm not sure what's going on with John Sergeant, but if the X Factor is anything to go by people occasionaly root fot the crap ones on purpose. Especially if the judges are criticising them harshly - see the McDonald Brothers from a couple of years back. Maybe half the reason is just to see how worked up the judges get next week when they're still there, and the other half is feeling a bit sorry for them for the criticism they get. The judges would be better off to damn them with faint praise.

I think that the difference is that with BB and Strictly, people are voting based on personality, rather than any kind of talent. With X Factor, most people are voting based on the talents of the performers. There might be small pockets of people who say "I'm going to vote for this guy because he's from my home town", or "I feel sorry for XYZ because they;ve had a hard time", or even "I'm gonna vote for Chico 'cause Simon hates him". But the majority of the votes will have been cast based on the quality of that week's performance. Although towards the latter stages there may be a growing number of people who vote for the same act every week because they've picked them and want them to win.

Also, I think that the whole "When I was growing up, this terrible thing happened blahblahblah" thing just bores most the audience. Especially in the last couple of weeks when the remaining contestants visit their home towns - I imagine that most of the audience is looking at their watches thinking "FFS, get on with it..."
It's like It's A Knockout - we don't care who is in the silly costumes, just make with the 8 foot tall comedy waiter custard pie fight!

There are two seas of voting, both exist at the same time.

1) The sea of identity: The person that seems most like them.
2) The sea of deservedness: They are funny, or can sing spectacularly, or whatever.

It depends on which factor works best for whichever contestant.

I mean, who was it who spread Daniel and Rachel's back stories?

Not Daniel and Rachel.

It was...the X-Factor's publicity people!

Because it gets the show refreshed publicity in the papers and the papers always love A Good Story.

So for Cowell to huff and puff "This has to stop now" is canting, since it's clear that his remaining contestant, Aww Wee Choirboy, is not getting through on the basis of vocal talent.

Surely the "I hate this contestant" is just as much "good storying" as owt else?

Last year's Bro/Sis act, that years "go away", still got their single out via Psy-cho...

Same Difference never found their Trevor Horn, did they?

But surely there's a third "sea of voting": block votes from parts of the UK that aren't England? I've always assumed that was how the Macdonald Brothers did so well... Rhydian benefitted from it last year... and it also helps to explain why Leon won, and why Eoghan will make this year's final. (Did you know that "Hero" is also Number One in Ireland?)

Of course, my theory falls apart the moment we stop to consider the Conway Sisters... but to be fair, they were crap.

Oh gawd did you have to remind me of the New Nolans?

The Block voting from regions is a manifestation of Sea 1.

Rhydian benefitted from Sea 2. I understand it, but I can't see it-ah.

Leon, a combination.

I don't get to watch Eeoghan that much, the kids want their Merlin about then.

It'll be interesting to see how well Rhydian's album does when it comes out in a couple of weeks.

Walsh stands by X Factor eviction

X Factor judge Louis Walsh has insisted he does not regret voting Laura White off Saturday's show, despite a huge wave of support from her fans.

Walsh, 56, had the final say after White and Ruth Lorenzo performed against one another in the sing-off.

I really don't get this: General uproar about Laura voted off, but no-one is saying Ruth should have gone instead.

And even George Osbourne managed to jump on the 'reinstate her' bandwagon, after 15 mins of setting out Tory tax cuts and give businesses £2,500 if they take eon an 'unemployed person'....

That's not how to spell "Eoghan."

What I do get:

Daniel would have been voted off the first show with no uproar had the producers of The X-Factor not decided to publicise his back story.

They set the parameters and then whine about unfairness.

Well.....

For what it's worth, in the end there's one winner. Wether Daniel comes third or 8th, it makes no odds really. Ruth/Laura, would they win? No. Although Ruth seems to have something, she's not best served by all these damn 'theme' weeks, probably.

As I understand, Aww Wee Choirboy has comfortably topped the voting figures every week thus far.

Uh oh, Aww Wee Choirboy shouldn't have sung for the squaddies...

Blimey, every post on the comments thread defend Eug, pretty much.

apart from:

i like cake now kick me
Posted by louise | 03.11.08, 09:53 GMT

Niche porn site spam is everywhere these days...

well, yr called snoball.....

I think regional voting is largely invented by people who don't want to be believe the national popularity of the MacDonald Brothers.

18 MacDonald Bros MacDonald Bros Album Apr 2007

See what y' mean.

JLS are basically screwed now, aren't they? They're too polite to tell Louis to shove his Westlife schtick.

Two underwhelming play-off performances but srsly if Gervais doesn't go now I'm kicking the telly up in the air.

He's gone. I'd forgotten that he had such badly bleached hair until they ran the best bits tape. But it was the right choice, and I think if Dannii had been asked for her vote it would have been four for four. Rachel has her bad moments, but when she pulls it out of the bag there is something different there. OK, so she only pulled it halfway out of the bag in the singoff.

I said to Mrs Vague I can't really believe that Daniel was one of the best 12 that auditioned, him being there has been a bit of a farce start to finish.

I can't believe that JLS haven't been in the bottom two yet. But next week it's Take That theme week, so I'm predicting a disaster for them.
Walsh (thinks) "If I were getting Westlife to perform a Take That song, how would I get them to sing? That's how I'll get JLS to do it!"

What do you think Louis has against harmonies? Other than only being used to managing bands barely capable of singing them.

I think that's basically it. He can't handle a group like JLS that do relatively complex harmony singing and passing the lead vocal around. ALl he can get a grip on is "one guy sings lead, the rest are back up", with the possible variation that a different member of the band sings lead for each verse. And they get up off their stools for the key change.

Obviously happy with the end result, especially with the judges not even going through the motions of 'making it close' after the sing-off. Some thoughts:

• JLS's medley was indeed awful, and entirely Louis's fault (or the fault of whatever lackey chooses the songs while Louis relaxes in his Irish mansion)
• Second week in a row in which I didn't absolutely hate Eoghan's perf. I still would like him off, 'cause I worry he's gonna win, but I think he's actually discovered how to sing a bit now.
• Yellow was probably the worst possible song choice for Diana; even if she had sung it 'well' it would not have suited her style of singing. Plus it's a shitty song.
• It may just be that one poor Diana performance, but I think my favorite at the moment is Alexandra. She may not be as unusual as Diana, but she's consistent and versatile, she can really sing, she's likeable, down to earth, and also seems 'grown up'.

The JLS fiasco was an embarrassment.

Every time I wonder why Girls Aloud don't do ANY harmony work in their songs I have to remember that Louis once managed them.

But in my view Daniel gave by far the better sing-off performance, and isn't (as Cowell visibly knew) the judges' final opinion supposed to be based on the sing-off performance alone?

So essentially Cowell got rid of Daniel for political reasons and you could see him humming and hawing about it in his mind.

Rachel will go next week, Diana the week after (too "weird" for the grannies), and then JLS if Louis hasn't scuppeded them up even more before then. Ruth will then go (again on the "too weird" card) and it'll be between Alexandra and Aww Wee Choirboy; performance-wise Alexandra will take him to the cleaners but the granny vote, the mummy vote and the paedo vote will combine to ensure that he wins.

Cynical? Moi?

correction: "scuppered"

I disagree completely about who won the sing-off.

(put that in the 'sentences I never thought I'd type' file)

How long has "merlin" got left? Week-wise?

?

Daniel's "Bridge Over Troubled Water" wasn't particularly good - and like most of the songs in the show ruined by the need to condense it into this stupid 2 1/2/three minute rule - but technically and emotionally it was better than Rachel who didn't appear to be listening to a single word of what she was singing as long as she could get all the Soul Passion And Honesty signifiers, grinning and arm waving in.

Yup. Rachel's version of One was absolutely fucking awful. One of the worst performances of the series so far.

Daniel was ready to go. Being in the final would make him either a Steve Brooksten type winner, or a 'loser'...

This way, he maintains audience goodwill as a base to move his actually not completely new singing career onto a new plane.

Rachel did perform a 'good enough' final performance, Daniel's was better, more relaxed, and 'beyond caring' but in a good way.

If Diana is OK from next weeke onwards, she could be the first artist Cowell takes on that he deems to be 'a worthy'

(Those indie bands, rock acts, and songwriters he labels as 'the worthies' being the stuff that isn't 'across the board' popular)

'good enough' as in 'that'll do'

And yet, apropos Coldplay's "Yellow": "I didn't like the song." Which implies he'd want to steer Diana in a Dido rather than a Cocteau direction.

Hmm, how many here that 'do not like' Coldplay, like Dido more?

Not entirely sure it does.

no.

I'd like to think she has some potential in the 'also writes songs' dept, as opposed to "people think I sound like Dolores Cran, so I went in for it" faix.

If Cowell signs her up she won't get to write any songs and Dido washes down more smoothly with the average X Factor viewer than Coldplay does.

Predicted market gap she'll fill: ethereal Adele.

Biggest potential pitfall: being the new Alex Parks.

Ouch.

Really, really fucking ouch.

very ouch indeed.

Mega-ouch fourthed.

Even more ouch - http://www.alexparks.com/

Not updated since 2005 - http://www.alex-parks.co.uk/

We will endevaour to keep you up to date on the progress of this Album and what is happening to Ms Alex Parks at this exciting stage in her career

3 Alex Parks Maybe That's What It Takes Single Nov 2003
5 Alex Parks Introduction Album Dec 2003 Notes
13 Alex Parks Cry Single Feb 2004
24 Alex Parks Honesty Album Nov 2005 Notes

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alex_Parks

To be fair, her second album was pretty awful, but the Fame Academy bunch were very definitely not the right hands to put her in.

So, Rachel did indeed go.

Diana "too weird for grannies"? Actually, now she's more smiling and happy, I can't imagine the grannies not loving her.

JLS are actually not as good as they should be. Or, as they think they are.

If O-en does indeed win, he's bound to be one of those "two big selling singles and one album, then goodbye" winners.

JLS are fucking awesome; that they given shitty arrangements has been mulled over up above.

I guess that's the same for a great many of the contestants.

One big selling single only, I think.

Ruth should get to be that woman who comes in to sing two-thirds of the way through a Meatloaf song.

The right decision this week - I was tired of Rachel, her constant forgetting of what songs she was supposed to be singing, her wavering concept of tonality (did anyone else note that the Dreamgirls song had to be taken down a whole octave to accommodate her voice?) and the fundamental applaud-me-for-breathing attitude that she's carried all the way through and was key in turning voters off her.

"Patience" was a stupid choice of song for Diana and she was lucky to avoid the relegation zone.

Aww Wee Choirboy massacring my favourite Take That song but no one's talking about the Sergeant sympathy factor here are they? Still topping the poll in terms of actual votes cast and I still think he's going to win and Cowell's going to have another costly headache.

The show is also being killed by these stupid themed weeks.

New Take That single distinctly underwhelming.

Same Difference - no difference from your average Steps B-side.

Rhydian - magnificent and remote; it'll be interesting to see if he manages to beat both GnR and the Killers to number one album next Sunday.

Eoghan's twattyness goes without saying.

For one sec I thought you described Rhydian's alb as "both GnR and the Killers" and got mad excited. OTM about magnificent remoteness tho.

And hell yes Rachel's "I CAN'T STAND MY JOB IF I DON'T WIN THIS SHIT I'LL DIE" was annoying.

JLS were much more interesting in the sing-off than in the regular performance, which I think is Louis' fault. I do not understand why no one seems to be able to see that Eoghan isn't very good.

I don't think they is voting for his tonsils dude

More for his fat potato face.

They sure do love their potatoes over there

Was in Derry and Coleraine last month and there was VOTE SPUDFACE posters everywhere

Has he eever worn anything other than that cardigan?

The News of the World have dubbed him "Eowok" as in the Ewoks Out Of Star Wars and I can see their point...

He's not going to be an attractive adult.

Getting a haircut is gonna up him several points.

Have to agree that it was Rachel's time to go. I'd run out of excuses to make for her sloppiness and lack of control. "And I'm Telling You..." was a great choice for the sing-off (though it would have been better if she could have remembered the title, as also happened last week), but JLS's sing-off played to all their strengths for once; a perfect choice (which I'm thinking might have been inspired by that Gareth Malone school choir series from a few months ago, as they used the same Ben E King/Sean Kingston medley). Louis doesn't seem to have a clue what to do with JLS, even though the screamingly obvious answer is: contemporary doo-wop with an R&B flavour. Way out of his area of knowledge.

Diana has had two Big Dud weeks in a row. Last week's ghastly rendition of "Yellow" should have been warning enough to steer away from "Patience", especially in the v.similar arrangement that it was given. "Smile" and "Call Me" feel like a very long time ago.

I liked what Alexandra did with "Relight My Fire"; not playing the obvious bog standard dance diva card throughout, but sitting within the melody with an interesting restraint.

As much as I can barely stand to look at him, Eoghan's last couple of weeks have been distressingly competent - but he did a pig of a job on "Never Forget", the massed ranks of backing singers handily covering for his lack of ability on the high notes (you could barely hear him).

Ruth was unmemorable this week, but still yards better than sodding "Angels". On a good week, I like her quite a lot.

Same Difference could clean up at Eurovision with a song like that, and I mean that as a compliment. Duff lyrics, but I found their performance impossible to dislike.

Rhydian was very impressive indeed, which came as a surprise and a relief. I might have to bag those review tix for next year after all.

Okay , i watched this for the first time ever on sunday, what an insane programme. Rachel's voice is awesome, Diana sounds like a dog that got its paw trapped in a door trying to sing like Alanis Morrissette, and the choirboy muppet will win, but how creepy is he? Rhydian performance was like a transmission from another, creepy, campy universe.

Same Difference were like Alphabeat in a Huxley-esque future.

Don't think Eoghan will win tbh.

Yeah I may have mentioned this upthread, but about three weeks ago Eoghan learned how to sing full-voice (instead of that begging-for-sympathy-little-boy's-voice) and it *has* been quite a bit better. He still seems a worse bet to be a pop star than Leon was/is.

Rhydian made me embarrassed to be watching the x factor.

xposts

also, i wanted to thump Louis throughout, and the programme made me feel much sympathy for Danni Minogue, which amazes me.

Pretty sure DDaannii wd fail a Voight-Kampff test.

These judges' spats are so dreary and orchestrated it's a wonder they think we still get taken in by them.

Do you get the feeling Diana's being protected? Huge arrangements which serve more than anything else to obscure her voice when presented with tricky material (see also Obligatory Gospel Choirs passim).

but SHE WAS SO FGULL OF RAGE SHE COULD BARELY TALK! so much DRAMA! i couldn't watch it regularly, it had me all a-tremble.

marcello, i thought EVERYONE was being protected - whenever there was an awkward note, the backing vocals seemed to swell up to drown out the lead vocal. the sound on that show is pretty bad.

I thought Diana was alright there!

Her practice w/ Take That went from "oh god!" to "Ah, now she's alright!" in two goes. The performance was less good than reh2, but hey.

At least she didn't have to do "Babe"...

xpost

Yeah, Alexandra sang pretty well but at times her vocal was near buried in the mix.

If the final ends up Eoghan vs JLS the ratings will be staggering*

*to reach two million

ok, what

"It's been leaked that the winner will record a cover of Leonard Cohen's single Hallelujah"

http://uk.tv.yahoo.com/blog/article/65159/

"It's been leaked that the winner will record a cover of Leonard Cohen's single worst ever song by a country fucking mile Hallelujah"

http://www.marieclaire.co.uk/news/celebrity/283538/x-factor-fury-as-winner-s-song-announced.html

remember, you read it first in marieclaire online.

Am praying that Diana doesn't win, also that this leak makes them choose a better song.

"The Partisan" ftw.

Big-band version of "The Old Man's Back Again" on the B-side.

Would buy. Esp if Eoghan did it.

"searching for my brother, halelalalalulalujah!"

Cue bombastic arrangement with strategically placed key change and gospel choir.

I guess it's an improvement on those stock "Start Of My Journey"/"I'm Gonna Win (This Fucking Contest)" songs we usually get.

We should all record it and issue it as SPOILERS!!!

(unless psy-cho has bought the COPYRIGHT!!")

Hence "The Old Man's Back Again":

"His mother called him Ivan... then she - DIEEEEED!!!" (cue confetti cannons going off, LCGC goes "WHOOOOAAAAA, THE OLD MAN HE IS BACK A-GAIN") "He's so back, he's sososososo back now!"

(Eva Cassidy to thread)

Holy Sisters of Mercy, Batman!

Well, we all know Leonard C's had his financial problems BUT...

(actually Cohen Week on X-Factor would be the greatest thing ever)

Ruth belting out: "OWOWOWOWWW AYAYAYOU-HOU'LL SEE YOUR WOMAN-AH HANGIN' UP-SYEEDE DOWWWWWNNNNN OOH MY SOUL ETC"

was going to post a pic of O-en supposedly singing "Suzanne takes you down..." but it does seem that the maxfunnies seem to only involve o-en, so am out.http://news.bbc.co.uk/nol/shared/spl/hi/quiz/07/12/18/144654/media/bannatyne_bbc6639.jpg

JLS doing "First We Take Manhattan" would be some next-level shit.

all staring at Louis while singing "They sentenced me to 20 years of BOREDOM!!"

I was thinking 'Jazz Police' for them. x-post

O-en a safe bet for "give me crack and anal sex", with a cheeky wink towards Louis, surely?

I was going to google that to check which LenCo song that could be, then thought to myself...

The Future, isn't it?

For some people it's the future, and for some people it's the past.

Eoghan...
two words: Keith Chegwin

I'm not usually her biggest fan, but whoa, Ruth's "Always" was honest-to-god GREAT. She just killed it.

Lol at Eoghan saying "I knew it was a hard song, so I gave it my all, and showed emotion at the end." Probably the exact advice he was given by his handler before he hit the stage.

Britney clearly miming here.

FFS she can't even lip sync properly. Dubbed crowd screams. Louis nodding his head. Bleuggh...

snoball, you loved it enough to notice that :)

also, you thought it wa awsome!

"I wanna be in the semi final!!! waaaaaahh!!!"

Simon and Eoghan have got that "father and son at parent's evening" look

"I know your son burnt down the science lab, but we can't prove it, so he gets let off"

bollocks. ruth was so great.

i just saw one of the chapman brothers in the audience.

I think that either Eoghan or JLS should have gone. Anyway, out of who's left, I hope Diana wins, because of the four she's the most interesting. It could have been JLS, but it's too late for them now to reject Walsh's Westlife template masterplan.

i caught up w/a few recent x factor performances last night, and wtf, the british public should be banned from judging anything ever again. why does this country hate people who are actually good at stuff so much??

rachel was prob my favourite but it's for the best that she went - she's far too much of a rough diamond to thrive as the x factor winner. even in the song choices it was clear no one had any idea what to do with her. i mean can you imagine early MJB, or even keyshia cole, being nurtured in that environment. hopefully someone will pick her up though.

alexandra would make a really good anono-house diva!! um that's not as backhanded a compliment as it seems. she's easily the best left. dunno why people are comparing her to leona, her voice is totally different...a bit toni braxton.

they should be making jls do new jack swing and r&b classics, not trying to make them the new westlife :(

ruth's 'purple rain' was one of the best things i've ever seen on x factor, she's such a powerhouse. she could have a great career singing the shit out of jim steinman or diane warren powerballads (and there's a bit of a gap in the market there, too). i actually get really angry when i think about people voting for eoghan or diana (new dolores o'riordan!!) above her.

these themed weeks have really hampered the contestants...

Eoghan scuppered by Britney week, but his second song was his own (reall Simon's) fault. sub-Same Difference routine with hundreds of theatre school kids? No thanks. And he still has that dead cat on his head. The thing is, in the pre-performance interviews he seems a lot more grown up than 16, so I wonder why Simon is pushing this "granny appeal" image? As he is at the moment, if he wins, I'll kick in my TV. Get him to sing "Long Haired Lover From Liverpool" so we can end this.

I hope that Ruth is going to be this year's Rhydian, ie, didn't win but is still successful, without being stuck in the restrictive Syco system.

As for theme weeks, JLS would own this competition if Louis would let them do their own thing. I think they could put a unique twist on other artist's songs. But that would be so far from Westlife that he'd never allow it.

eoghan is scuppered by being complete shit. i can't believe he's still in, this is the kind of thing which makes me really hate the public.

dunno why people are comparing her to leona, her voice is totally different...a bit toni braxton.

simply put, it's because she's a black female. of course she is completely different to Leona in personality as well as voice. Alexandra straight off is an amazingly charismatic performer. Leona is slowly finding her own way into the performance side.

if she gets managed well and taken to the right markets Ruth will be the biggest of the lot of them what with the huge global Spanish market. she should have sung in Spanish a bit more on the show. i was hoping every week she would do Llorando/Crying in a Rebbekah Del Rio style.

The little boy who sang Sometimes, that was the only good bit of the night. Britney was pretty disappointing.

The little boy who sang Sometimes, that was the only good bit of the night.

this is almost as mental as when you refused to believe that kanye west had had a massive impact on 00s hip-hop

the room of people i was in CHEERED, everything else was pretty boring. Also, you are completely insane.

Also I can't deal with this alexandra one, the only comparison i can make with leona lewis isn't black girl it's both good singers but not really that compelling. Still that diana one needs to be booted off next and stop making that boy band into neutred puppies. And why does only the creepy little one sing?

also, i was probably hoping that modern rap music was at least groovy enough to not be taking its cues from Kanye.

and the spanish woman sang like a bar singer, and not a very good one.

Britney was fantastic.

Superficial, plastic, unashamedly miming even the act of miming, evidently with no idea what country she was in let alone which show she was on ("awesome," "AWESOME!"), not doing the token ten minute "mentoring" of each contestant - and she was brilliant; exactly what the show deserved. Such seamless, smiling contempt; rising above the dross, the thing of the programme with such balletic ease.

I can't understand the whinges about her miming since EVERY contestant was miming (see Alexandra's "Toxic" in particular). At least her artificiality was authentic.

Ruth out - all three of Dannii's acts out in three consecutive weeks, thus relieving her of all her active X-Factor responsibilities; how convenient.

However, I did have the feeling that she'd be the one to go. If one is going to be picky I would have pointed to her being a little too shouty towards the end and that there was a little too much straining for effect, something of an air of "already won."

Of course she shouldn't have gone and Eowok's "performance" would have disgraced a community centre in Thirsk in February 1974 but he's obviously inviolable.

The granny/racist/p43do alliance of voters will probably see the end of Alexandra next week, followed by JLS being the first to go in the final three, so we'll be left with conveniently romantically linked Donny and Marie.

I got proper Aaliyah visions during Alexandra doing Toxic.

I mostly missed it this week: "every contestant was miming" ?

Alexandra's Toxic was terrible it was so limp and lifeless and I sincerely doubt she would have mimed to that vocal performance.

My problem with Britney was that she had no "balletic ease". The reason I was so disappointed was because of how limp she was, not the loose precision of a pro (which Miley Cyrus had in spades) but instead a flashback of the VMAs, she seemed fatigued, like she was doing her best but really wanted a nap.

Also, that is a major slur on Aaliyah.

Her face was totally blank and she seemed so overwhelmed by that horrible shiny coat they put her in, so stiff underneath it.

That Diana one is the truly rubbish one, like Alexandra has a good voice and her second song showed that she does have great control and the potential to become an expressive performer. Not like that awful squeaky talking-with-some-vocal-tics nonsense that she pulls out week after week.

Kid/Alexandra
Boyband

Diana

what the hell is good about eoghan?

i thought alexandra's 'toxic' was fine but as i said earlier i don't think glorified karaoke to a limited pool of songs is allowing any of the contestants to showcase their individual abilities all that well.

also, britney has always mimed forever, so i don't get the whingers either.

Diana's "Everybody Hurts" was probably the most truthful performance on Saturday. But really it needs to be Cocteau Twins Week so she can sing "Sugar Hiccup" etc.

OK, so what of the winner getting to sing "hallelujah" as their victory single?

(shame you can't do mid-thread polls..)

1) Sacriledge - (whoever wins)
2) Well, at least it's better than the usual 'My Moment is now" bobbins SCowell earnfest
3) A decent song number one at christmas? Hray.
4) Hate that song as much as..

Actually, I'll kick that one off on ILM...

"Hallelujah" as it will work out:

GENERAL
First verse only followed by three repeats of the chorus. The third repeat will be an octave higher than the previous two, accompanied by a light show display.

EOWOK
Gospel choir and kiddies' choir present throughout to ensure that we can't actually hear his voice.

ALEXANDRA
Gospel choir for last chorus. Lots of "soulful" melismatics which have nothing to do with the actual song.

JLS
Lots of "soulful" melismatics which have nothing to do with the actual song, mostly sung by the lead singer whose presence on ITV2's Fun Song Factory has nothing to do with the fact that they have got this far. Gospel choir for last chorus.

DIANA
Basically as Liz Frazer would do it. She will sit on the edge of a cot or a park bench while singing it. Robin Guthrie and Simon Raymonde for last chorus.

The leaked news was wrong. They're actually going to do 'Halleluwah' instead.

hyuk!

In fact they'll be doing the Happy Mondays "Hallelujah."

"Hallelujah, hallelujah, from Diana William Vickers."

They could bring back Daniel for a guest appearance as Bez.

Oh shit, there should definitely be a show called the Bez Factor.

The other reason why Eowok will win:

Cowell has bee in bonnet about what happened with Happyslapping Emily last year and has point to prove about We Can Put Kids In X-Factor & They Can Behave Themselves No Really I Want To Set An Example even though his body language on Saturday confirmed that he knows he has lumbered himself with Daniel Junior.

What to make of "PregTest" scandal then?

Maybe Britney left it there?

Am I the only one who thinks that Hallelujah is

a)a brilliant song to pick for the sort of faux-holy triumphalism that usually characterizes the winner's song

and

b) not surprising or newly 'demeaning' at all given the song's place in recent culture as catch-all signifier of faux-holy significance?

aahhhh....

(actually, I'm assuming this was midweek: NOW story, found in house, etc)

xpost, clearly.

"Remember when I moved in you" now reinterpreted to mean Jesus when he walked amongst the people of this earth, presumably.

Bob Harris should have popped up at the end of the Miley Cyrus bit to sneer "mock rock."

Well, I was going to say, it's just a longer version of "Oh, darling Grace I love your face I've seen you in you nightie When the moonlight flits Across your tits, oh jesus christ almighty" as per the second world war song, more recently interepreted by Derek and Clive.

Argh, that "oh jesus christ almighty"'s just reminded me of "Save The Whale" by Nik Kershaw.

Thankfully, never heard it.

Just caught Diana's performance summary and can only assume she was in pain during the Dido number.

JLS still going down tho, I guess. Fucking Great British public bollocks.

OH MY EFFING GOD THEY THROUGH DIE SPUDFACE DIE

Ach well, can't have everything. Must've been the comedy Dido yelping that did for her.

louis believed every word of it

Eoghan, Diana, terrible song choices. Diana especially, I think the Dido number really did for her. JLS, awful first song, they were so out of time with each other on the chorus of "Umbrella". TBH no-one really thought that Alexandra wouldn't be in the final.

sure, she was fucking terrible but dsl girl didn't deserve to lose to the shit fucking irish cunt.

Christ love don't do the Dido again.

Well done The Great British Public btw. Never doubted y'all for a second.

Spent 5 minutes consoling my daughter.

I feel sorry for Diana though. Illness mid way through. Unimaginative song choices, staid arrangements, safe vocal interpretations. Having to play second fiddle to Rachel, then Ruth, then Alexandra.
And now, possibly the last time most people will see her perform, she has to go out as a Dido tribute act.

I actually like Dido. I just think Diana was the girlie Eoghan.

At least Louis fulfilled one of his fantasies by having four young men jump on top of him...

I think Diana has a lot more potential than Eoghan right now. It just got squandered, and probably not by her personally. I hate Eoghan's voice, the songs he sings, and his "Oliver!" shtick, but as a person he seems alright, certainly a lot older than his 16 years. JLS, like Diana, just a lot of wasted potential. But they were damned from the moment Louis was picked as their mentor. Alexandra, probable winner, but the Toni Braxton song, oh what a surprise... ZZZZZZZZ

So, who's gonna sing "Hal" now?

Diana should be on 4AD really.

Wasted on a show whose producer prattles on about "relevant" every week and clearly hasn't the faintest idea what's relevant since it doesn't apply to either Avril or Dido in 2008 (has he seen the sales figures for the new Dido album?).

Eggnog will win for reasons previously stated and Cowell might have to revise his views about "song for finalists to sing."

Next week, Alexandra is duetting with Beyonce, which is going to show up A's generic voice. Eog "duets" with Boyzone, which will be like a pub brawl. And JLS "duet" with Take That, which will be like a train wreck.

To be fair, O-en could be the best singer he could be, and yet "hal" would still be completely wrong for him.

JLS would make a decent performance of it, but it would still be a performance.

Alexandra? Does she have the restraint to do it?

I guess the last two will both do the song, so...

Merlin will probably beat it in the ratings.

The "duets" thing is a complete waste of time.

All Cowell needs to do is hold onions underneath the eyes of all the finalists and see which one cries the best because that's what most voters base their votes upon.

In other news, JLS (or, more properly, useless theatre security) cause a riot in Croydon.

Naah, after the emotionfest of the end of the last results show (did o-en misunderstand? Diana's not getting shipped off to Mars for five years or owt), they'll all be there.

In other news, JLS undergo a handy (underline this bit in blue, subs..) publicity senario...

oh and insert that missing 'c' thx.

O-en ought to duet with Diana, if he duets with anyone. They could do that song from that 80s film about the little mouse with the big hat.

Well, indeed ("scubs"?)...

Alexandra is an efficient singer with no discernible personality.

E-on belongs in Peter Webster's Talent Contest on Blackpool Central Pier.

JLS might be good but Louisa won't let them be anything but Westlife With "Attitude." That mass monotone ensemble singing (see also Girls Aloud) - personally, I blame the Black and White Minstrels for starting it.

(Over the weekend I tracked down all three Minstrels number one albums - put it this way, if you add the cost of Saturday's Guardian, I would still have had change out of two pounds - and they ALL sound like the bloody X Factor. With added Jolson input, obv...)

How clear are you in yr albums trail now?

Oh, and I managed to see 'BBraden's interview films, we gottem! five show last night. Not as bad as previous? (did not see previous)

JLS to be singing "O, dem golden slippers" for the final win push net week

Yes, I watched this week's episode of the Braden thing and it was definitely better (though we still could have done without being reminded of the function of the programme every three minutes). Pity they couldn't get Sean Connery 2008 but on the average Five budget they were never really going to.

Simon Dee looked as though he were patiently waiting for death.

Next possible album SOS is The Best Of Ball, Barber And Bilk (1962, on the ever reliable Pye Golden Guinea label) but I'll try and find that on my out of central London travels next weekend. After that I think it's all fairly plain sailing until the K-Tel/Arcade/Ronco era starts (and I'm already picking those up for 10p apiece wherever I can find them).

shall keep half an eye.

Ball, Barber and Bilk now found, I'm happy to say, but thanks for continuing to look out!

'triff.

The latest duets rumour...

Egg/Boyzone
JLS/Rihanna
Alexandra/Westlife

Because, new album or no new album, we couldn't go an entire series without Westlife popping up. After the Mariah week this year turned into "songs Mariah has covered" week I'm a bit worried about the possibility of a Westlife week next year.

After the Mariah week this year turned into "songs Mariah has covered" week

yeah that was weird. mariah's got dozens of standards across a variety of styles, but they were all ignored in favour of the slushy covers which maybe comprise 1% of what mimi's all about.

Simon Cowell says he is "very embarrassed" that the contracts signed by this year's X Factor contestants were leaked to the Mirror newspaper.

The 80-page document, which is enforceable "anywhere in the world or the solar system" was signed by all 12 finalists before the live shows began.

It includes a clause that prevents them from saying anything "unduly negative, critical or derogatory" about Cowell.

"I didn't put that in there," the music mogul said. "Very embarrassing."

"I wasn't aware that one of the clauses said you can't be horrible about me," he added.

"It's probably the most useless clause in the history of contracts, because everybody does talk horrible about me.

"And do you know what? I don't care. It sounds ridiculously hypocritical of me to slate most people who come on the show and then to go: 'And, by the way, you've got to be nice about Simon'."

right, someone put pdf link here VVVVV

I'm a bit worried about the possibility of a Westlife week next year

"Songs Westlife have all (very nearly) simultaneously stood up from a row of stools to when the key change happened"

If Westlife were in a pub, sitting at a table, and one of their own songs came on the jukebox, would they stand up at the key change, Pavlov-style?

plz no more "Ain't That A Kick In The Head" plz

(xpost) I don't know about that, but they play a mean game of Musical Chairs.

Watching this in full for first time ever. Have seen bits and bobs previously.

Jesus, Eoghan made an utter dog's dinner of "I Wish It Could Be Christmas". Tactfully, no judges tell him what they thought of the performance...

Fairfield Halls!

The judges don't have any say on who wins this week, so none of them is going to risk being the bogeyman/woman for nothing. Louis is laying it on with a trowel this week. JLS sing two lines of "Last Christmas" and the camera strategically cuts to Walsh and his "ready to blub" face.

JLS in completely different league to Holy Sprog. Judges tactfully avoid telling them that either.

Talking of "in a different league", it's Alexandra...
So f-ing obvious that she's going to win.

"Literally"

Yeah, think they might possibly be suggesting they'd kind of like her to win just a tiny bit like.

I'm also calling foul here - she's had a longer VT, with "bigger" events in it, and a more elaborate stage set.

I didn't think the VT was that outlandish, tbh - the fecking stage set, though...

Then again, she can perhaps sing just a bit.

Unfortunately, being a good singer is not all about holding high notes and going "pee-e-e-e-e-e-e-a-a-a-a-a-a-c-e--e-e-e" instead of "peace". I can see all of the three finalists being where Leon is now.

Legendary showman Ronan Keating! And some other dudes!

And for the second time tonight, Eoghan is completely and utterly drowning.

Handily for him, he doesn't have to sing the second half of the song. Eoghan and Dermot are the sixth and seventh members of Boyzone. Seriously though, that was a bad idea, as it showed up the weaknesses in Eoghan's voice. The alternative would have been a duet with a solo artist, but that would probably have not been much better, and probably worse than Leon/Kylie last year.

Oh fuck. Flying Without Wings. I smell curtains.

OH FUCK.

STOP IT YOU TOSSERS.

Westlife sounding rough as shit. This could work in JLS's favour.

JESUS CHRIST MARK STOP FUCKING SHOUTING.

I've got this feeling - I've got this horrible feeling - they're trying to push Aston for a solo career.

Alexandra's performance gets to stand on its own after the break. (STOP CONSPIRACISING)

(xpost) I think that actually might be a good thing. Either a) the others have been stuck singing backing vocals because Louis is being stupid, or b) they've been singing backing vocals because only Aston can sing lead.

And meanwhile, fuck a NatWest MoneySense StudlyCaps AdvisorTron. They've never offered me advice - probably because I have no money. But how about "try not to spend more money that you earn"?

Leaning A. It's what he did with Boyzone, it's what he did with Westlife. One could argue he tried doing it with th'Alahd, too, but then things changed a bit...

And Alexandra gets Beyonce.

And Alexandra is crying.

big singing, no communication of anything

She's won, though.

oh and now it's the "let's laugh at deluded people" segment.
But remember finalists, your contract includes a clause that says you can't be mean about Simon Bowell.

Keep in mind, folks, that the only difference between those auditionees and you is that they thought they might have a chance. And possibly they didn't own a tape recorder and therefore had never heard their own singing voice.

There is no way these people weren't hired to provide comedy value.

Can I get in on this?

Simon is still reeling from the Beyonce duet. JUST SO YOU KNOW.

(xpost) sure, go ahead.

Why pick this Eoghan thing to go with. I'm all about Alexandra now btw, u win lex.

ST PATRICK'S COLLEGE oh thank God I'm only one-eighth Irish.

This is staggeringly shit.

Oh and Simon, you're SUPPOSED TO BE INTRODUCING YOUR BOY!
Eoghan drowning again. Although I have to admire his professionalism. He knows that he's come third. I'd have just left the studio by now.

This is such a poor commiseration speech.

soz Eoghan, u ain't gud enuf!

He should've just texted him.

Eoghan speech carefully designed to position himself to do "High School Stage Britannia Musical" kind of stuff.

WAKE UP LOUIS!

"Aston, that song shows off your vocal range" uh-oh...

haha sung your socks off!

They're not even pretending to not be pushing Aston anymore. And I think Aston might have just noticed.

I think the singer is really creepy looking.

Jeff Brazier being jostled by overenthusiastic JLS fans is nearly as funny as all the "we love you Eoghan" screamy Beatlemania girls.

oh the magic of TV - there must be two dozen people there and they make it look like thousands! Mostly by the expedient of JB jumping up and down going "woooaaahh!!!"

who is Jeff Brazier?

He used to go out with Jade Goody, didn't he? Or something.

I don't think he even knows himself...
meanwhile, that mid 70's Tina Turner hair is distracting

Bloke who made Jade Goody a mother.
xpost

poor guy.

apply for X Factor 2009 so that Cowell can own your arse worldwide and throughout the solar system!

pretty great that it took about ten rejects before anyone noticed they were a bar ahead. And even then I think they just got lucky. Without that it would've just been tiresome, but that was incompetence at its finest.

Alexandra wins by five million votes, obv., although JLS seemed better to me tonight than they have before. Eoghan to wonder why he got fewer votes than there are people in his family, surely.

Ah, but you see, now that everyone in Northern Ireland hasn't got Christine Bleakley to vote for, they all get to vote for Eoghan instead.

damn, Saturday night TV is rubbish in the UK - best thing seems to be a newly colourised episode of Dad's Army

that is why i am watching breakdancing videos on youtube

It's lucky that Girls Aloud aren't contestants on X Factor, because they would have been voted off weeks ago.

ALAN HANSEN WANTS YOU TO EAT PRAWNS

You can tell it's near Christmas because there's a new Lee Evans DVD out.

...and a SASH! album that sounds the same as all his other albums

why does everything these days have to be advertised with SO! MUCH! HYPE!

Are you complaining that the Clubland advert was a bit loud?

http://www.adliterate.com/archives/VW_ThinkSmall.jpg

I'm complaining that everything these days is advertised as being like the second coming.

Does Beyonce have a portable wind machine that she takes around everywhere with her? I don't think I've ever seen her perform without looking like she's in a wind tunnel.

She's nothing without Dave Arch And His Fantastic Orchestra.

But she has proper rock chicks being all rockin' and that. They've got dreadlocks and everything, in case you didn't realise how rockin' these chicks are.

That is the cheapest Les Paul copy I've ever seen...

If Michael Underwood has any sense, he'll have got out of that hall before they announce Eoghan is third and a riot kicks off...

"could be the Christmas #1" - O'Leary you know nothing about the music industry and advance orders...

Now it's "let's see who ruins Hallelujah least".

I smell key change.

And a gospel choir!

it was OK up until this point...

Does this song actually have lyrics anymore? I honestly can't tell.

surprisingly they sung the "shoot someone" verse

I can confidently predict that Alexandra will introduce several extraneous vowels and syllables into the word Hallelujah at least twice.

Aston is starting to fancy this solo lark.

Also, he was kind of inaudible at the start.

Halalalallalalalaleee-eee-ee-eeeee-lu-oo-oo-oooo-oo-jah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah

Remarkably restrained thus far. The wibbling can't be far off.

overthrew ya-aa-aa-aa-aa-aa-aa

Oh God STOP IT. MAKE IT GO AWAY.

This feels like a far right rally directed by Riefenstahl

Odd - BBC's already got a report up on Eoghan finishing third, but nothing on Strictly...

Pretending it didn't happen, and they didn't cock up?

Simon Bates advertises the Mail on Sunday? Whoever would have thought it?

I'm quite pleased with myself for getting this far without a WHAT THE HELL IS ALEXANDRA WEARING comment. But I can't hold back any more. She's wearing a fucking gold lamé blanket held on with gaffer tape.

I'm still distracted by her hair...

I never want to hear her version of Hallelujah ever again, so might have to throw my telly and radio out of the window.

Alexandra is determined to throw ALL of her dignity away tonight, right?

And Alexandra has won. She can't form any words at this moment in time.

She is actually unwell, I think.

it's like she's NEVER SEEN A CD BEFORE and this one has her face on it and THAT'S BLOWING HER MIND

She can sing and cry at the same time, nearly! That's a talent right there.

...oh, maybe not.

Last chance for the twelve finalists to get their mugs on TV...
This is what they call "cognitive dissonance" - it looks like something big is happening, but really not much is happening.

Well hopefully I never have to hear anything about this ever again.

Cowell thanks everyone from the bottom of his wallet...

who will join me in applying to enter this yr???

There's a interview that John Peel gave in 1986 where he said "If people are any good, they're going to become public property eventually anyway, so all you can do is either accelerate or retard that process". The problem with X Factor is that it gives an enormous boost to people's careers, that most of them then can't follow through with because they've been put in a position where the expectations are much higher than what they can achieve in a reasonable amount of time. What goes up slowly comes down slowly, because a foundation is built underneath it. But this is the opposite.

Cheryl's breasts are making a break for freedom on ITV2 just now.

This was playing - silently - on every pub that had tellys this evening. I thought theat the Ewok had won at first, but a number of girls squealing later on told me the girl won it.

Shock X Factor voting patterns revealed

Sun Dec 14 12:05AM by TV Editor

Now that Alexandra has been crowned this year's X Factor champion, ITV has revealed the voting results for each week of the show - and it's a shocker.

The votes reveal that Eoghan Quigg, who finished third last night, won six out of the ten weekly live shows while Alexandra had won only one of the weekly heats before last night.

During the first four shows Eoghan had won comfortably with over 20% of all votes cast while Alexandra had trailed behind many of the other acts with less than 10%.

However, Alexandra's popularity had grown so much over the past few weeks that she triumphed in last night's final vote with a comfortable 58% of all votes cast.

Here is how the final 12 scored in each of the weekly votes...

Show 1
Eoghan Quigg 21.19%
Scott Bruton 19.48%
Laura White 16.99%
Diana Vickers 7.35%
Daniel Evans 7.21%
Alexandra Burke 7.20%
JLS 5.03%
Rachel Hylton 4.77%
Austin Drage 3.63%
Ruth Lorenzo 3.47%
Girlband 2.17%
Bad Lashes 1.51% (Deadlock)

Show 2
Eoghan Quigg 26.77%
Diana Vickers 16.24%
JLS 9.21%
Laura White 8.99%
Austin Drage 8.98%
Daniel Evans 8.23%
Alexandra Burke 7.15%
Rachel Hylton 5.01%
Scott Bruton 4.17%
Ruth Lorenzo 2.95%
Girlband 2.30% (Deadlock)

Show 3
Eoghan Quigg 20.73%
Diana Vickers 15.13%
Rachel Hylton 12.21%
JLS 10.81%
Ruth Lorenzo 8.93%
Alexandra Burke 8.83%
Laura White 7.53%
Austin Drage 6.22%
Daniel Evans 5.94%
Scott Bruton 3.67% (Judges)

Show 4
Eoghan Quigg 19.81%
JLS 17.00%
Diana Vickers 15.24%
Daniel Evans 10.83%
Ruth Lorenzo 10.25%
Alexandra Burke 8.82%
Laura White 7.38%
Austin Drage 6.86% (Judges)
Rachel Hylton 3.81%

Show 5
Eoghan Quigg 27.39%
Alexandra Burke 18.35%
Daniel Evans 13.77%
JLS 13.26%
Rachel Hylton 10.39%
Laura White 9.90% (Judges)
Ruth Lorenzo 6.94%

Show 6
Diana Vickers 31.30%
Eoghan Quigg 19.56%
Ruth Lorenzo 13.91%
Alexandra Burke 13.31%
JLS 9.91%
Daniel Evans 7.53% (Judges)
Rachel Hylton 4.48%

Show 7
Eoghan Quigg 31.79%
Diana Vickers 18.94%
Ruth Lorenzo 16.07%
Alexandra Burke 14.97%
JLS 11.75%
Rachel Hylton 6.48% (Judges)

Show 8
Alexandra Burke 24.53%
JLS 24.34%
Eoghan Quigg 19.58%
Diana Vickers 16.32%
Ruth Lorenzo 15.23% (Public)

Show 9
JLS 35.03%
Alexandra Burke 31.04%
Eoghan Quigg 21.14%
Diana Vickers 12.79% (Public)

Show 10 (Final) – At vote freeze
Alexandra Burke 44.02%
JLS 30.65%
Eoghan Quigg 25.33%

Show 10 (Final) – Final Result
Alexandra Burke 58.34%
JLS 41.66%

so glad tht little freak didn't win

too crepey

with his bubble face

http://www.lepconnie.com/pics/starwars/swi62c.jpg

interesting that Burke polled mostly midtable until the final weeks

her constant blubbing has softened me up - the Beyonce bit was awes

yeah, we were welling up at her all night

hadn't watched more than a moment of this this year but the blubbing was v OTT and seemed v v put-on and was v v v annoying and v much put me off her. having not seen the earlier stages she seems quite boring and mediocre but far and away the best of the final three and the only one that makes any kind of sense singing hallelujah too but only because the others were much more annoying and weird

her signing the fourth the fifth the minor fall the major lift was well rubbish though

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

"but you don't really care for music, do you" LOL THE IRONING HAHA DO YOU SEE COWELL, DO YOU?

cannot believe that this appears nowhere on this thread:

JACK THE LAD SWING

JACK THE LAD SWING

JACK THE LAD SWING

JACK THE LAD SWING

so i didn't watch a single minute of this season, but i'm watching some clips on youtube and i rather like diana's voice. i can see how she could be irritating if you had to see her week after week, i guess. and from what i heard the fact that "hallelujah" was the coronation song must have made people resent her as being the chosen one?

anyway, well done, wish i had watched this season instead of last season.

I was pleased to see the right singer winning.

The British public had a gradual onset attack of common sense and realised that Cabbage Patch Choirboy wasn't going to get anywhere.

It was interesting looking through his previous clips and he would actually have been better sticking to just singing songs rather than being shoehorned into all this High School Musical nonsense.

But Alexandra was the right choice - much more personality and real talent than Leona, and unlike Leona's catastrophic misreading of Snow Patrol she was able to grasp and inhabit "Hallelujah"; unlike JLS, she seemed to be actually listening to and interpreting what she was singing.

It will be nice that Laughing Lenny finally gets a number one single in the UK.

Beyonce's "Boy" - totally dynamic and brilliant, sung through the fourth wall as though it were her last testament.

She just keeps getting better and better.

Saw bits (was having a company do), but saw that O-en's "I wish it could be" was just "I have no idea what to actually do with him, please don't make him win" Simon. He looked visibly relieved on the third place exit.

Saw bits of the duet, Alexandras looked the only 'meeting of peers/equals' as opposed to "arr sing along with us lads", but as I say, saw only bits so maybe that's not right.

Yeah, the only winner that makes sense. JLS will do OK, posibly. O-en straight to panto.

hey I agree with everything Marcello said!

beyonce and alexandra facing each other and hollering "MORE THAN!" "MORE THAN!" was incredible. beyonce, generally, was incredible.

i quite liked alexandra's 'hallelujah', extraneous melismania and all, though the overegged arrangement drowned it by the end. really weird seeing it positioned as a xmas hymn thing.

But Alexandra was the right choice - much more personality and real talent than Leona, and unlike Leona's catastrophic misreading of Snow Patrol she was able to grasp and inhabit "Hallelujah"

yeah i'm still v much pro-leona but to date she has ONE good song - a modern-day classic of course, but still just the one. though to be fair i don't think anyone could have made 'run' compelling, it's such a poorly crafted piece of sludge.

hoping alexandra is given good material - don't think she'll be able to carry subpar songs - and that rachel and ruth are picked up by people who know what to do with them. hope i never have to see eoghan's face again.

you will, every time you peel a potato...

hahah!

Unfortunately the Credit Crunch has probably put paid to our ever hearing of any of the other finalists again, except maybe JLS.

The thing about Leona's "Run" - apart from it being a daft idea to begin with - is that she doesn't even bother with the last two verses which actually contain the tag to the song (if you can call it that; it's such a sloppily written song that I'm doing it undue justice) so it just becomes bland sub-"You'll Never Walk Alone"/Frog Chorus "togetherness."

beyonce and alexandra facing each other and hollering "MORE THAN!" "MORE THAN!" was incredible.

i can't stop watching this one youtube, then when that part comes i skip right back to see it again.

it's absolutely amazing the way beyonce slinks on stage and puts her arm around alexandra then casually lifts the mike to BELT out her first line. the whole performance is my TV highlight of the year. alex has had virtually no voice training and, although she's no beyonce, obviously, she holds her own easily. she's going to be great with the right songs and the right coaching.

i think Lewis and Burke should hook up for Brandy/Monica style shock and awe at some point

it's absolutely amazing the way beyonce slinks on stage and puts her arm around alexandra then casually lifts the mike to BELT out her first line

so OTM

also beyonce's "SING IT, GIRL!" <3

<3