More than LOLs is all I never needed you to show, then you wouldn't have to say EXCELSIOR!, 'cause I'd already know

http://www.ravenimages.com/st-bu-rc-kr/bu/thumbnails/3700%20Sweety%20the%20Chick%20-%203D.jpg

why the hell am i barred?

PWNED

-- John Justen, Thursday, 23 August 2007 08:09 (8 hours ago) Bookmark Link

Before you ask, Tuomas, that means "Owned" in internet speak.

-- John Justen, Thursday, 23 August 2007 08:10 (8 hours ago) Bookmark Link

Before you ask, Tuomas, "Owned" means "Just Got Served" in internet speak.

-- John Justen, Thursday, 23 August 2007 08:11 (8 hours ago) Bookmark Link

Before you ask, Tuomas, "Just Got Served" means "You have been shown to have made an error and shamed accordingly" in American.

-- John Justen, Thursday, 23 August 2007 08:12 (8 hours ago) Bookmark Link

meh.

Let's leave tuomas alone and see how he evolves, shall we? After all, he's not retarded.

Expert testimony there.

what does retarded mean?

Advanced in opposite direction.

and yes, OTM, pooping at work should ALWAYS be a last resort and not part of your daily routine

-- cutty, Thursday, August 23, 2007 10:58 AM (47 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

keep your ipod on cutty

-- blueski, Thursday, August 23, 2007 10:58 AM (47 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

no ipod for nose

-- cutty, Thursday, August 23, 2007 11:00 AM (46 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

am0n do u know the uffie track "pop that glock" because if you do you know "top billin" just shitty

-- max, Thursday, August 23, 2007 11:46 AM (Thursday, August 23, 2007 11:46 AM) Bookmark Link

ban max for even bringing up "uffie"

-- Alex in Baltimore, Thursday, August 23, 2007 11:49 AM (Thursday, August 23, 2007 11:49 AM) Bookmark Link

uffie was created in a lab by shipley's life partner aaron 'dr yacub' lacrate

-- and what, Thursday, August 23, 2007 11:51 AM (Thursday, August 23, 2007 11:51 AM) Bookmark Link

I've seen occasional Chunkies in random convenience stores.

-- Hurting 2, Thursday, 23 August 2007 21:15 (1 hour ago) Bookmark Link

http://img259.imageshack.us/img259/690/1493781035lps1.jpg

-- sanskrit, Thursday, 23 August 2007 21:20 (1 hour ago) Bookmark Link

!!!

Who is that band?

chk chk chk

chk

http://washington.uwc.edu/depts/compsci/cps109f05/eatoe1740/images/hungry%20hippos.jpg

jeeze u guys are mean

you guys are absolute assholes, but the hippo cartoon made me lol

yah me too

I'm not too inclined to be nice to someone who called me walking abortion.

you make a good point

she didn't call you that as a symptom of being overweight.

Nope. Apparently, it was expression of disbelief at his not having yet drowned in his own vomit.

i think i see kate masonic boom

mcgriddles are a sign of the end of our roman empire

-- hstencil, Thursday, August 23, 2007 4:09 PM (1 hour ago) Bookmark Link

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Fine with me, I can't exactly eat an arms race.

-- Abbott, Thursday, August 23, 2007 4:40 PM (48 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

pic of "Indoor League" w/ Fred Trueman DVD

-- Dom Passantino, Friday, August 24, 2007 10:05 AM (9 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

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Customers Who Viewed This Item Also Viewed

* Chill Out ~ KLF

-- Dom Passantino, Friday, August 24, 2007 10:05 AM (9 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

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i believe it to be grim up north

-- mark s, Friday, August 24, 2007 10:10 AM (5 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

I wanted augur and ea just now and it said ea is not a word. it so is!

-- Grandpont Genie, Friday, 24 August 2007 15:42 (52 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

it's in the game

-- onimo, Friday, 24 August 2007 16:32 (2 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

From the Springsteen C/D thread:

I should note that, being American myself, the Cultural Gap thing is rather overrated as an explanation. ;-)

I will say, though, that I do lack a car and have never had one. That might serve as a better explanation. ;-)

-- Ned Raggett, Sunday, February 25, 2001 1:00 AM (6 years ago) Bookmark

Nah... I don't even have a driver's license and I love the man. Cars are my favorite place to listen to music though.

-- Patrick, Monday, February 26, 2001 1:00 AM (6 years ago) Bookmark Link

The Automobile as Stationary Listening Environment. How revolutionary.

I wish I wasn't misinterpreting.

-- Otis Wheeler, Monday, February 26, 2001 1:00 AM (6 years ago) Bookmark Link

Uh... I meant when *someone else* is driving, Otis.

-- Patrick, Monday, February 26, 2001 1:00 AM (6 years ago) Bookmark Link

Thank god, otherwise it sounds like something Thom Yorke would do.

-- Ally, Tuesday, February 27, 2001 1:00 AM (6 years ago) Bookmark Link

John Justen

Seconded.

LOU REED RIP:

CNN is reporting it was a strokes

-- brownie, Friday, August 24, 2007 5:45 PM (9 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

[Re: Pleasant Plains appreciating having the disability bar next to his work toilet]

I'm not wheelchair-bound, but it's nice to have the leverage.

-- Pleasant Plains, Thursday, August 23, 2007 11:43 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Link

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u old

-- Catsupppppppppppppp dude 茄蕃, Thursday, August 23, 2007 11:59 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Link

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u wait

-- Pleasant Plains, Friday, August 24, 2007 12:00 AM (23 hours ago) Bookmark Link

I wasn't nominating

?

that's right

I was just about to post "the complete lyrics of If You're Feeling Sinister if they were written by RJG," but after a while a had a Custos flashback and thought better of it.

"A word of caution, though: As with any social scientific study, it's important not to confuse correlation with causation."

That sentence, at the end of the article, is the 'and then I woke up' of pseudoscience.

-- moley, Friday, August 24, 2007 11:18 PM (41 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

courtesy of a friend in Japan:

http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1383/1220412884_8792aa3a9d.jpg?v=0

FUBUTT

Is Japan a particularly racist/xenophobic country?

The keyword for 2004 in the west was 'blog',

One of the great mysteries is why Dom Passanatino has a Wikipedia entry but why Robin Carmody doesn't.

-- King Boy Pato, Saturday, August 25, 2007 7:46 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Link

Because my fame extends beyond aspie rubes who jack off over uncut rushes of the second series of Three Of A Kind

-- Dom Passantino, Sunday, August 26, 2007 1:22 AM (22 hours ago) Bookmark Link

Bizzare Magazine and a couple of weeks freelancing for The Guardian doesn't really count, Dom.

-- King Boy Pato, Sunday, August 26, 2007 2:17 AM (21 hours ago) Bookmark Link

I've also written for Powerslam, Britain's second most read wrestling magazine

-- Dom Passantino, Sunday, August 26, 2007 2:25 AM (21 hours ago) Bookmark Link

I think Carmody's blog gets read more than Britain's second most read wrestling magazine.

-- King Boy Pato, Sunday, August 26, 2007 3:39 AM (20 hours ago) Bookmark Link

funny cos not true

books you own the title makes you chuckle too much over to ever read

Not sure where the most recent Cover Connection thread is.

ihttp://ec1.images-amazon.com/images/I/41GTK8464SL._SS500_.jpg
ihttp://www.amazon.com/gp/product/images/B000NQR8AQ/sr=1-2/qid=1188236834/ref=dp_image_0/104-4307769-6786313?ie=UTF8&n=5174&s=music&qid=1188236834&sr=1-2

-- asthmatic american, Monday, 27 August 2007 17:53 (9 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

one more try:

<img src=ihttp://ec1.images-amazon.com/images/I/41GTK8464SL._SS500_.jpg>
<img src=ihttp://www.amazon.com/gp/product/images/B000NQR8AQ/sr=1-2/qid=1188236834/ref=dp_image_0/104-4307769-6786313?ie=UTF8&n=5174&s=music&qid=1188236834&sr=1-2

-- asthmatic american, Monday, 27 August 2007 17:54 (8 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

For images, use:

-- Whiney G. Weingarten, Monday, 27 August 2007 17:59 (4 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

-- Whiney G. Weingarten, Monday, 27 August 2007 17:59 (3 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

-- Whiney G. Weingarten, Monday, 27 August 2007 17:59 (3 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

|
v

-- Whiney G. Weingarten, Monday, 27 August 2007 18:00 (2 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

one of the most awkward moments of my adolescence: mom gets the phone bill, sees 1-900 calls on there. she comes to me, absolutely fuming ("the talk" was given to me via a dr. james dobson book), and asks if i had been calling sex numbers. the truth was much worse: it was a phone number to get help on beating zelda. i was shamed.

-- Yanc3y (ystrickler), Tuesday, 2 December 2003 17:20 (3 years ago) Link

beating zelda

worst euphemism ever

^^^ already on excelsior thread, what can i say

Imagine if there were a 1-900 number where you could speak directly to Dobson, and Yanc3y's mom had made him call the number to get a personal lecture from Dobson on the evils of phone sex and masturbation.

It's a fucking awful walnut-varnish record.

The only interesting thing about it is that it breaks the as-then usual Beach Boys cover photo-literalism.

i.e. Beach Boys holding surfboards = songs about surfing
Beach Boys in cars = songs about cars

Why doesn't this record have songs called "Feeding Mammals USA", "Gnu City", "Zoo's Up" etc? It would be much better if it did.

-- PhilK, Sunday, August 26, 2007 7:35 PM (Yesterday

when kate h. dumped chris robinson, he just took another bonghit

-- gershy, Tuesday, 28 August 2007 12:48 (10 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

He might not even know she left him yet.

-- milo z, Tuesday, 28 August 2007 12:50 (9 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

you know, harvesting shit fumes is probably less destructive than scoring any other kind of drug. and there's plenty of product! how long till we've got armed shit cartels or, since it's not really illegal to collect shit, larger shit-mining operations. private industry: bringing you cleaner streets and a rad high.

-- strgn, Tuesday, August 28, 2007 4:46 AM (6 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

dude you just set up the premise for my upcoming dystopian science fiction novel, Shitstorm 2034

-- latebloomer, Tuesday, 28 August 2007 14:53 (5 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

Sorry I'm roffling too much today.

Tagline: In 2034, the shit hits the fan.

Obligatory styrofoam coffee cup, tattoo and, if my eyes don't deceive me, those are Diesel jeans. She probably picked that dude from a rack at Hipsters R Us.

-- nathalie, Monday, 27 August 2007 14:36 (Yesterday) Link

I used to be a little sponge, now I can't retain shit. Either alcohol (& other) abuse or all that painting/ stripping I did during high school/ college for extra $$ in places that could've been better ventilated.

-- will, Wednesday, August 29, 2007 1:34 PM (14 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

Those strip clubs really do get stuffy.

-- nabisco, Wednesday, August 29, 2007 1:40 PM (8 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

That'll cost you extra.

-- n/a, Wednesday, August 29, 2007 1:40 PM (8 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

No, it's true. They're gradually getting stupider as they get older.

-- nabisco, Wednesday, 29 August 2007 16:27 (2 hours ago) Link

Well, yes, a sandy beach can be pretty and make you think and feel things just by looking at it. And no I can't prove to you this isn't a giant Gnostic tautological machine simulation we're living in, or that anything we do with our lives means anything. Is that a reason to stop having conversations about things?

-- TOMBOT, Friday, December 30, 2005 4:27 PM (1 year ago) Bookmark Link

michael think of me as switzerland in this scenario

-- max, Tuesday, March 27, 2007 7:09 PM (5 months ago) Bookmark Link
thats how im known around campus anyway

-- max, Tuesday, March 27, 2007 7:13 PM (5 months ago) Bookmark Link
"there goes max," they say, "the switzerland of blowjobs"

-- max, Tuesday, March 27, 2007 7:13 PM (5 months ago) Bookmark Link

Quote:
...vote for our next President .... if there is a next one.

http://www.rr-bb.com/images/smilies/smile.gif For some reason this made my heart LEAP with excitement, celticmist!

We may not be here to endure the '08 election if the Lord comes for His bride soon! http://www.rr-bb.com/images/smilies/yeah.gif

-- and what, Thursday, 30 August 2007 13:58 (3 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

ned raggett vlogged

holy shit

OMG I totally cut the top off of this juice bottle and now it can store my colored pencils there, what do you guys think of my SWEET JUICE BOTTLE HACK.

-- elmo argonaut, Thursday, 30 August 2007 20:56 (Yesterday) Link

it's quite simple: all 5 midfielders have played at full-back at some point in their careers, so any of them could slip in at the back (and temporarily revert to 4-4-2) should any of the centre-backs (who are all massive aerial presences in both boxes) choose to go forward.

default roles are thus:

carson - goalie
ferdinand - sweeper
richards/terry - CB
a.cole - LWB
w'phlps - RWB
hargreaves - defensive midfielder, makalele-style
barry - LCM
gerrard - RCM
lampard/rooney - main/support strikers, alternating as and when they feel like it.

-- Just got offed, Friday, 31 August 2007 14:14 (10 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

this = football progress, objectively considered

-- That mong guy that's shit, Friday, 31 August 2007 14:15 (10 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

um lampard as a striker- you do know that if defenders were to notice him at international level, he would never score again?

-- darraghmac, Friday, 31 August 2007 14:16 (8 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

he has a great shot, a good finish, very good vision, good control, heading ability, and excellent movement. there's no way you can say that without at least having seen the experiment attempted.

-- Just got offed, Friday, 31 August 2007 14:20 (5 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

Louis - so your idea of progression = people tried it in the 90s, realised it was rubbish and didn't work, swiftly moved on?

-- Matt DC, Friday, 31 August 2007 14:20 (4 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

It's the Mansun of footballing formations!

-- Matt DC, Friday, 31 August 2007 14:21 (4 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

aw hell

-- That mong guy that's shit, Friday, 31 August 2007 14:22 (3 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

was this precise ideal of attacking centre-backs, a solid DM, a sweeper, adaptable midfielders with wing-backs outside and two interhangeable support/main strikers tried in the 90's? with all of those specifications?

-- Just got offed, Friday, 31 August 2007 14:22 (2 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

maybe we should have a player in some kind of moving chair, with a gun

-- That mong guy that's shit, Friday, 31 August 2007 14:23 (1 minute ago) Bookmark Link

Given that that is unlikely to happen, can I just put forward the 1-1-3-4-1-1 formation using two goalkeepers but one of them can only save with his feet?

They could make a rule that the one keeper who's allowed to use his hands remains indeterminate until one of them actually does, and he is then designated the Hand Goalkeeper role for the rest of the game. If the second goalkeeper uses his hands, he is not booked but must instead fight a duel with the opposing team's Shotgun Chair Knight inside the centre circle while play continues.

-- That mong guy that's shit, Friday, 31 August 2007 14:36 (7 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

# stupuid neighbours [Started by doom-e, last updated 2 minutes ago] 7 new answers

SWEET JUICE BOTTLE HACK
makes me laugh every time ahahaha

I'm working on a hack for that joke to make it funny

dif strokes

dif strokes, WANKO

dif hacks

dif wanks

dan it's like baseball except that there are only two bases that you run back and forth between - and if you don't feel like running, you DON'T HAVE TO! you just hit again (and again), and only run if you hit it really well

-- Tracer Hand, Friday, August 31, 2007 7:40 AM (Friday, August 31, 2007 7:40 AM) Bookmark Link

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the rest of the rules constitute an attempt to make this interesting

-- Tracer Hand, Friday, August 31, 2007 7:40 AM (Friday, August 31, 2007 7:40 AM) Bookmark Link

The best thing about cricket to me isn't the rules they make up as they go along, it's the scorecards they make up afterwards! In other sports you have results like "Roger Federer def. Amer Delic 6-2 6-3" or "Chelsea - Manchester City 2-2" or "Tyson Gay WINNAR". In cricket there is a big box explaining that "Worthamptonfield 6/2 for against 43 wickets, Everhamshire 23 all in. 32 unbowled legs, no outs and overs, runs for 57 minutes. 342 & 14. Mild drizzle at the Dogger Bank. Durham won."

-- anatol_merklich

haha yeah that's golden

Me three. I knew someone who liked CtD and All Hands best, and I'm still trying to figure out what links them - anyone know?

-- gabbneb (gabbneb), Monday, February 17, 2003 9:43 PM (Monday, February 17, 2003 9:43 PM) Bookmark Link

they're by the same band

-- James Blount (James Blount), Monday, February 17, 2003 9:46 PM (Monday, February 17, 2003 9:46 PM) Bookmark Link

for all i know this has been repped before but it's ancient and I'm roffling so hey:

Mark Morrison - Retun of the Mack....works its fucking magic!

Im drunk, I'm at a party with my wife, im groovin, and....I think im going to get lucky.

-- Chris V. (Chris V), Friday, November 15, 2002 9:31 PM (Friday, November 15, 2002 9:31 PM) Bookmark Link

Does "workin it white boy style" mean you're posting messages to an internet board type thing when you should be mackin yr wife? If so, that is BLINDING.

-- David R. (popshots75`), Saturday, November 16, 2002 4:28 AM (Saturday, November 16, 2002 4:28 AM) Bookmark Link

Yeah, I'm with David R. What, are you dancing around with your laptop?

-- Ned Raggett (Ned), Saturday, November 16, 2002 10:03 AM (Saturday, November 16, 2002 10:03 AM) Bookmark Link

No, I wasn't dancing around with my laptop...there was a pc in the room and yes im a nerd. I threw up and pretty much ruined the great time. ugh.

-- Chris V. (Chris V), Sunday, November 17, 2002 9:10 AM (Sunday, November 17, 2002 9:10 AM) Bookmark Link

return of the snack

-- jones (actual), Sunday, November 17, 2002 11:31 AM (Sunday, November 17, 2002 11:31 AM) Bookmark Link

I can't go into all the shockers right now, but I'll briefly hang my head and confess to having a) bowled a spell of 3-1-41-0, b) been the second dismissed batsman of a hat-trick TWICE, c) effected a 15-yard run-out with my left boot (okay, that was a highlight, and one that will never be topped), d) bowled a spell of 4-0-65-0, after my opening attack had reduced a frankly woeful line-up to 22-5, e) deliberately thrown the ball for four after dropping a catch (my nadir), f) run out my partner, who was innings top-scorer, and holed out to square-leg next ball, g) come out to face the last ball of a match we'd just lost, against an absolute joke-bowler, played a sweep to a donkey-dropper, missed, and been given lbw amidst riotous celebrations, and h) bowled the last over with 10 runs needed against tail-enders, and conceded all 10 after just three balls.

This is one of the funniest fucking things I've ever read. I feel like it's in Esperanto.

"Once I threw a wobbly for 5/0/i/2220 for after my first chugger caused a Pollyanna; imagine my face when the three tits went up on scoreboard! Lawks, what a shocker!"

-- HI DERE, Sunday, 2 September 2007 16:47 (2 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

From the songs about porn thread:

"ayo technology" - 50 cent feat. justin timberlake

"ayo - i'm tired of usin technology / i need you right in front of me"

-- Tracer Hand, Monday, 3 September 2007 03:07 (4 hours ago) Bookmark Link

ok, he could be talking about skype i guess

-- Tracer Hand, Monday, 3 September 2007 03:07 (4 hours ago) Bookmark Link

Computer Liebe

Also, how the hell does Cheerleader Dad Guy know that Sylar is going to attack his "daughter" at her Homecoming? Is he too a precog? WTF?

He got his powers from Heather Locklear's vagine, which he had access to on Dynasty.

-- Beth S. (Ex Leon), Tuesday, November 14, 2006 8:35 PM (9 months ago) Bookmark Link

that's what i'm gonna call 'em from now on

lol cricket.

American Psycho actually gets better with repeat viewings [Started by Nude Spock, last updated 7 minutes ago] 4 new answers

hi!

-- estela

------------------------------------------------------------------------

sorry if that was too effusive

-- estela

milk-fed, grant-sustained Iowa Writers' Workshop pussy who takes five years to pinch off some bloated, pretentious oh-so-postmodern opus aimed straight at the editors of The Believer.

I've met this guy - Jim Strawman! Nice fellow, gets a bad rap tho

-- J0hn D., Tuesday, 4 September 2007 12:31 (1 hour ago) Link

estela = http://www.achewood.com/rsrc/img/philippe_blog.gif

Forbidden Fruit = nice sex toy shop where they have demo models out, staffed by very progressive people who are not afraid to ask you what kinds of things you like to put in your butt.

-- patita, Tuesday, September 4, 2007 11:17 AM (5 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

Yes, it was me you poked. I have poked you back. I cannot finds teh_kit though.

-- aldo, Tuesday, September 4, 2007 11:17 AM (4 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

"my wife's been having an affair with some ethiopian food"

"injera?"

"i'll bloody well kill her!"

-- blueski, Tuesday, September 4, 2007 10:45 PM (5 minutes ago)

It funny 'cause it's true:

I wouldn't mind having a pellet or BB gun to discourage backyard critters these days.

-- Rock Hardy, Tuesday, September 4, 2007 9:18 PM (54 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

You know what really discourages them? When you tell lies and are mean.

-- Abbott, Tuesday, September 4, 2007 9:31 PM (41 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

No can do, I'm from the deep south. I'll be unfailingly gracious and polite right up to the point where I shoot the little squirrel in the head.

-- Rock Hardy, Tuesday, September 4, 2007 9:38 PM (34 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

bump, set, spike

Credit where due, I got that one from the missus.

:D

"The Great Gay Pumpkin always picks the most sincere gay sports bar to rise out of. He's just gotta pick this gay sports bar. He's just gotta! Look around. You can see that there's not a sign of hypocrisy anywhere. Nothing but sincerity reaching out as far as the eye can see."

-- The Yellow Kid, Tuesday, 4 September 2007 18:23 (Yesterday) Link

Is that from a Smashing Pumpkins thread?

Robyn should just change her name to Elizabeth 'Yummy' Bingham, drop the sense of humour, write weaker melodies and then she will be safe from the exterminhate!!! of the poptimist daleks.

-- fandango (fandango), Tuesday, 30 January 2007 13:38 (7 months ago) Bookmark Link

Nick on this thread:
100 Counter-Cultural Signifiers That Are So Ubiquotous/Played-Out/Subsumed By The Mainstream That They've Lost Their Resonance

It'll be fun the day Alex's kid comes home with blue hair and throws him into a rage. "Played out cultural signifiers? Not under my roof, young lady!" "Fuck you, dad!"

-- kenan, Wednesday, September 5, 2007 1:53 PM (2 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

Both of our moms were cool during the planning process....it was the eldest sister of Mrs. BLAM that was the pain in the ass. Upon choosing a date - a holiday weekend in the spring - she told us, in no uncertain terms, that we HAD to change the date b/c she was planning on being pregnant then.

This was a year and a half in advance of the wedding.

She has since moved twice, gotten two new jobs, and has been pregnant for approx. 0 minutes.

-- B.L.A.M., Wednesday, September 5, 2007 2:47 PM (Wednesday, September 5, 2007 2:47 PM) Bookmark Link

Today I came home from the supermarket and snapped the
radio on, and heard the opening of 'Wishing I Was Lucky'.
And I liked it - it must be my favourite of their
numbers; it has poise and dash; despite all the
gymnasium of the soul business, when those travelling
strings start to accompany Pellow halfway through an
early verse, they bear grace.

-- blueski, Friday, 31 August 2007 14:24 (6 days ago) Bookmark Link

"I was in the street with Hitchcock one day when a beautiful, well-dressed young woman walked by. After she passed, he turned to me and whispered: 'Wouldn't you just love to smear shit in her face?'"
-- Alba, Thursday, September 6, 2007 4:51 PM (54 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

"Actors should be treated like cattle. Women should be treated like toilets."
-- kenan, Thursday, September 6, 2007 5:33 PM (13 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

Here are the young men, a steak on their order
Here are the young men, well why not have beans?
A tray for the hors d'ouerves, complete without seasoning
The sorbet we've stuffed and not eaten our greens

-- PhilK, Sunday, 26 August 2007 09:01 (1 week ago) Bookmark Link

Mother I tried to eat veggie,
Really did the best that I can.
Tried all of the things made of tofu,
Never once ever touched ham.

But if you could just see the beauty,
Big Macs I could never describe,
Those fake meats a wayward distraction,
This is my one lucky prize.

Quarter-pounder.

-- Ned Raggett, Sunday, 26 August 2007 09:06 (1 week ago) Bookmark Link

i like that we really suck at this

-- mark s, Sunday, 26 August 2007 09:06 (1 week ago) Bookmark Link

I'm generally suspicious about accusations of pretension, and I think it sometimes says more about the accuser than the accused. But sometimes it's valid. Pretentious can just mean unearned showiness or ostentatiousness. It can also refer to something that seems affected, as if the artist is putting on airs or pretending to be an authority about something they are not. Some people want art to be honest, and pretention sounds like dishonesty mixed with vanity.

-- St3ve Go1db3rg, Thursday, September 6, 2007 4:51 PM

i know a guy that sounds like that

-- lfam, Thursday, September 6, 2007 5:26 PM

POST OF THE DAY.

I nominate this guy
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/manchester/6981558.stm

An 18-year-old burglar who vandalised a children's campsite building was caught because he wrote his name on a wall at the scene, a court has heard.

Peter Addison, of Heaton Mersey, Stockport, and his friend Mark Ridgeway of Poynton, Cheshire, smashed crockery and let off fire extinguishers.

Addison received a conditional discharge. Ridgeway, 18, must carry out 60 hours unpaid work.

Both pleaded guilty to burglary at Macclesfield Magistrates' Court.

Addison was ordered to pay £725 compensation and £20 costs. Ridgeway has to pay £20 costs.

Apart from writing his own name in black marker pen at the Toc H centre in Adlington, Cheshire, Addison also left his gang's name on the wall - The Adlington Massiv!.
http://newsimg.bbc.co.uk/media/images/44100000/jpg/_44100115_addison_men203i.jpg

The teenager vandalised a Garden Birds of Britain poster by adding "R Gay".

He then left a final message to the campsite owners - "thanks for the stay".

Police found him after entering his name in a computer system.

Inspector Gareth Woods, of Cheshire Police, said: "This crime is up there with the dumbest of all in the criminal league table.

"There are some pretty stupid criminals around, but to leave your own name at the scene of the crime takes the biscuit.

"The daftness of this lad certainly made our job a lot easier."

-- pfunkboy, 7. syyskuuta 2007 0:49 (11 hours ago) Bookmark Link

WHAT IF HE WAS FRAMED?!?!?

-- Alex in SF, 7. syyskuuta 2007 0:54 (11 hours ago) Bookmark Link

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This is the kind of thinking that's jailed so many innocent members of the Kilroy family.

-- nabisco, 7. syyskuuta 2007 0:58 (11 hours ago) Bookmark Link

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Her book is funny. "You have turned your pussy from a pleasure center into a cash machine."

-- roxymuzak, Thursday, 6 September 2007 22:13 (Yesterday) Bookmark Link

Jenna ATM

-- StanM, Friday, 7 September 2007 03:57 (5 hours ago) Bookmark Link

It would be Kula Shaker in cardigans with a glockenspiel.

-- Ed, Friday, September 7, 2007 11:12 AM (Friday, September 7, 2007 11:12 AM) Bookmark Link

worst cluedo solution ever

-- ^@^, Friday, September 7, 2007 11:12 AM (Friday, September 7, 2007 11:12 AM) Bookmark Link

I was considering excelsioring that; the question's been thankfully answered.

Oh I dunno. What's common sense? I wrote about it on my blog and someone called me a bastard. For my book I'm planning a chapter on a husband who drugs his wife and artificially inseminates her with other mens' sperm to order, then has the babies 'abducted' as toddlers as a cover for selling them.

-- Scik Mouthy, Wednesday, 13 June 2007 11:40 (2 months ago) Bookmark Link

wish he still posted

too busy writing his book

Researching it, like Pete Townshend.

I'm pretty sure Madeline was killed by Jews.

-- Dom Passantino, Friday, September 7, 2007 10:38 AM (3 hours ago) Bookmark Link

It was the post that had to be made.

xpost

I just hate it when people make personal snipes to other posters rather than just ignoring them.

-- Ms Misery, Friday, 7 September 2007 16:09 (1 minute ago) Bookmark Link

xpost

I just hate it when people make personal snipes to other posters rather than just ignoring them.

-- Ms Misery, Friday, 7 September 2007 16:09 (1 minute ago) Bookmark Link

-- Masonic Boom, Friday, 7 September 2007 17:10 (Friday, 7 September 2007 17:10) Bookmark Link

obviously

xpost

I just hate it when people make personal snipes to other posters rather than just ignoring them.

-- Ms Misery, Friday, 7 September 2007 16:09 (1 minute ago) Bookmark Link

-- Masonic Boom, Friday, September 7, 2007 4:10 PM (1 minute ago) Bookmark Link

HAHA XPOST

xpost

I just hate it when people make personal snipes to other posters rather than just ignoring them.

-- Ms Misery, Friday, 7 September 2007 16:09 (1 minute ago) Bookmark Link

-- Masonic Boom, Friday, 7 September 2007 16:10 (9 seconds ago) Bookmark Link

xxpost!

i was just abt to do that shit

me too

it's like a hall of mirrors

xpost

I just hate it when people make personal snipes to other posters rather than just ignoring them.

-- Ms Misery, Friday, 7 September 2007 16:09 (1 minute ago) Bookmark Link

-- Masonic Boom, Friday, 7 September 2007 16:10 (2 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

xpost

I just hate it when people make personal snipes to other posters rather than just ignoring them.

-- Ms Misery, Friday, 7 September 2007 16:09 (1 minute ago) Bookmark Link

-- Masonic Boom, Friday, 7 September 2007 17:10 (Friday, 7 September 2007 17:10) Bookmark Link

obviously

-- RJG, Friday, 7 September 2007 16:12 (1 minute ago) Bookmark Link

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

xpost

I just hate it when people make personal snipes to other posters rather than just ignoring them.

-- Ms Misery, Friday, 7 September 2007 16:09 (1 minute ago) Bookmark Link

-- Masonic Boom, Friday, September 7, 2007 4:10 PM (1 minute ago) Bookmark Link

-- ken c, Friday, 7 September 2007 16:12 (1 minute ago) Bookmark Link

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

HAHA XPOST

-- ken c, Friday, 7 September 2007 16:12 (1 minute ago) Bookmark Link

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

xpost

I just hate it when people make personal snipes to other posters rather than just ignoring them.

-- Ms Misery, Friday, 7 September 2007 16:09 (1 minute ago) Bookmark Link

-- Masonic Boom, Friday, 7 September 2007 16:10 (9 seconds ago) Bookmark Link

xxpost!

-- Tracer Hand, Friday, 7 September 2007 16:12 (1 minute ago) Bookmark Link

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

i was just abt to do that shit

-- max, Friday, 7 September 2007 16:12 (56 seconds ago) Bookmark Link

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

me too

-- RJG, Friday, 7 September 2007 16:13 (31 seconds ago) Bookmark Link

ugh

someone has to go ruin it

usually it's louis

doesn't xpost notifier work tho?

ignored for comic effect.

Susan Is An X-Poster Now

doesn't sense of humour work tho?

xxpost

Jokes, I got yr back on this one.

xxp

it wasn't THAT funny guys

it wasn't THAT funny guys

-- blueski, Friday, 7 September 2007 16:30 (44 seconds ago) Bookmark Link

xpost

The actual pwn LOL, only mildly. The rush of eleventeen people to post the same pwn, yes.

not quite LOL:

Haha. Why does a cloud of bad humour follow me everywhere I go?

(you don't have to answer that one) ;-)

-- Just got offed, Friday, 7 September 2007 17:37 (Friday, 7 September 2007 17:37) Bookmark Link

We don't need to.

-- kv_nol, Friday, 7 September 2007 17:38 (Friday, 7 September 2007 17:38) Bookmark Link

ethan, we're aware of your "anyone who likes any rock music has no right to criticize any rap music" platform.

-- Alex in Baltimore, Friday, September 7, 2007 12:13 PM

anyone who likes lily allen has no right to criticize run dmc

-- deej, Friday, September 7, 2007 12:15 PM

ok that I'll roll with.

-- Alex in Baltimore, Friday, September 7, 2007 12:16 PM

Then there are people who are more than happy to explain their tats whether you want to know or not: "I got this tattoo of Kermit holding a cross because I love KERMIT and I love JESUS."

My brother-in-law met a dude with a tattoo on his arm of Alan Thicke with a word balloon coming out of his mouth containing the phrase "FUCK OHIO". He said he got it because he loves Alan Thick and hates Ohio.

-- joygoat, Friday, September 7, 2007 3:14 PM (2 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

hahahaha

unrelated college greek story:

my friend's frat was right next door to a dorm that housed primarily freshmen girls. this dorm was lovingly nicknamed the Virgin Megastore by all in the frat.

-- gr8080, Friday, September 7, 2007 7:17 PM (3 hours ago) Bookmark Link

brilliant

http://www.youcatwalk.com/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2007/08/152_pontus.jpg
This says, "I've never been mugged, but I think I might rather enjoy it!"

-- Hurting 2, Friday, September 7, 2007 7:35 AM (Friday, September 7, 2007 7:35 AM) Bookmark Link

Drunk Jerks. Is there anything appealing about them? [Started by CaptainLorax, last updated 12 minutes ago]

I like men with western features and asian colouring.

-- Lara (Lara), Wednesday, February 19, 2003 8:50 AM (4 years ago)

Lara - hang out round the jaundice wing of your local hostipal.

-- Pete (Pete), Wednesday, February 19, 2003 8:51 AM (4 years ago)

I'm terrible at meeting people.
this guide would help me http://www.lifehack.org/articles/communication/how-not-to-suck-at-socializing-dos-donts.html

However, even if I did meet someone, what if they don't live up to my standards? I'm looking for a platonic relationship and because of that I can't meet just anyone.

Some might say the answer is to meet as many people as you can. That might be ok but I kinda like not having lots of friends.

So what I'm asking is, how should I go about finding that girl I like more than just sex?

-- CaptainLorax, Monday, September 10, 2007 2:02 AM (30 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

step 1: cut a hole in the box

-- Tracer Hand, Monday, September 10, 2007 2:05 AM (28 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

"box"

STOP THAT.

-- Trayce, Monday, 10 September 2007 15:15 (3 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

That's a terrible safe word, Trayce.

-- Abbott, Monday, 10 September 2007 15:15 (2 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

What's going on? I LOL'ed at least five times, catching up!

ADULT BABIES - CLASSIC OR DUD? (C/D)

Men healthily exploring the limits of their sexuality by paying hundreds of pounds to wear nappies, suck dummies, writhe around the carpet in proximity of heavily dominant women?

Or perhaps a sick menace, which should be prosecuted to the fullest extent under the law?

-- Carlos, Monday, 10 September 2007 11:35 (55 minutes ago) Link

Shouldn't this be on ILM?

-- emil.y, Monday, 10 September 2007 12:04 (26 minutes ago) Link

HA!

if there is a mod with a heart out there they will lock that thread right now, and it would be perfection.

but she's talking about you guys

(not me)

we can laugh at ourselves, can you?

i can laugh at you too, yes

united under one banner

the banner that bans

unrelated college greek story:

my friend's frat was right next door to a dorm that housed primarily freshmen girls. this dorm was lovingly nicknamed the Virgin Megastore by all in the frat.

-- gr8080, Friday, September 7, 2007 7:17 PM (3 hours ago) Bookmark Link

haha, that's what we used to call the catholic girls school down the road back when I was at secondary

i think i heard that joke in a pantomime in 1992

newnham college cambridge has been called that since before it was founded ffs

College Greek?

it's what the three wise men called the manger, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD

i think i heard that joke in a pantomime in 1992

http://www.sinderella2.co.uk/images/jimdavidson.jpg

"it's people like you and me that make Britain great, pal"

The roffles of tragedy:

---

A friend of mine moved into a similar situation for a few months while we were all living in Amsterdam and it was hilarious but sometimes tragic. Gay porn had taken over the place 100%--every cupboard and drawer was stuffed with pornographic magazines, sex toys and poppers, the whole house was done up in purple velvet curtains and zebra print armchairs in a late 90's gay baroque style. My friend had met the landlord by chance at a gay bar, was offered a place in the house but then didn't hear back from the guy for a few days. It turns out that the landlord didn't call back because he had to get a dildo surgically removed from his colon because it got stuck during a particularly heavy session and his stomach was all stitched up from the procedure. This guy booked "talent" for the live sex shows in the Red Light district and was a Belgian dude who looked like one of the nihilists in The Big Lebowski.
Two other guys lived in the house: One was a small-time ecstasy dealer who had a live-in girlfriend but for some reason pretended to be gay in front of his circle of acquaintances/customers because they were all gay and would not accept his heterosexuality. The other housemate who was a Romanian Michael Jackson impersonator who thought that Michael Jackson had direct knowledge of his activities and was competitive about it. There was also a poor, retarded Saint Bernard named "Baby" who had gotten into the dealer's stash and eaten a huge quantity of pills and was sadly brain damaged so he couldn't remember to go outside and pee. You had to stand in the back yard and coax him outside periodically. :(

-- saudade, Monday, September 10, 2007 8:02 AM (6 minutes ago)

That dog sounds like some people I used to know.

9:55 By staging the event at The Palms Casino in Las Vegas, the VMAs have showed not only a tremendous lack of creativity, but are essentially supporting the consumerist American ideal that they once defiantly rejected by proudly holding a carrot at length from their assumedly impressionable audience. When I was younger, it seemed like their message was, "fuck the carrot," but now they are decisively imploring, "you better get on that."

is this shit serious?

-- hstencil, Sunday, September 9, 2007 11:42 PM (Sunday, September 9, 2007 11:42 PM) Bookmark Link

[...]

there was this girl i knew tangentially and she was gonna enroll in the small private high school i went to but then this guy matt threated to give everyone copies of the pictures he took of her fucking a carrot if she did so she didnt. now she is the singer for the dr3sd3n d0lls. and that is my fucking a carrot story!

-- jhøshea, Monday, September 10, 2007 11:01 AM (Monday, September 10, 2007 11:01 AM) Bookmark Link

in all seriousness, though, i'm glad that somebody somewhere has the wisdom to see the media for what it is and the courage of their convictions to say as much.

-- ^@^, Monday, September 10, 2007 9:54 PM (1 minute ago) Bookmark Link

Noam Poppagesky

-- Dom Passantino, Monday, September 10, 2007 9:55 PM (1 second ago) Bookmark Link

UCI OUT OF MY UTERUS.

-- John Justen, Monday, September 10, 2007 4:15 PM (Monday, September 10, 2007 4:15 PM) Bookmark Link

Louis, you need an editor.

if there is a mod with a heart out there they will lock that thread right now, and it would be perfection.

-- Just got offed, Monday, September 10, 2007 8:39 AM (8 hours ago) Bookmark Link

srsly, less is more dude.

you have a point. i was going to query the validity of such persnickety behaviour on an excelsior thread, but in all honesty your new username is meritous of mad props, ergo i deem you excelsior-worthy. my editor at work-experience is giving me more or less the same advice as you are, anyway, so it's probably for the best that i take it. :D

"STFU ME" would have sufficed, LJ.

zing

i wouldve just written "persnickety"

Hee hee.

I was going going to explain why I didn't think an Akira reference should be mixed with a Robotech reference, but that would be the nerdiest shit I ever posted on the internet. Then you throw Voltron in there and I give up.

-- marmotwolof, Monday, September 10, 2007 5:44 PM (Monday, September 10, 2007 5:44 PM) Bookmark Link

and i was just coming here to post:

I just hope and pray that one day a drummer with a kit like that gets hit by lightning, and then some kind of Akira stuff happens where he actually morphs into the RoboTech-style MechaDrummer he was clearly dreaming of while setting up his 10th pedal.

-- nabisco, Monday, September 10, 2007 10:29 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Link

Of course both the Finnish and the English terms are male-defined, since you neither take the pussy into your mouth nor blow it like a trumpet.

-- Tuomas, Tuesday, September 11, 2007 12:54 PM (2 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

speak for yourself buddy

-- ^@^, 11. syyskuuta 2007 15:57 (2 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Well okay, but can you get a C minor out of it?

-- Tuomas, 11. syyskuuta 2007 15:58 (54 seconds ago) Bookmark Link

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

they call me snatchmo

-- ^@^, 11. syyskuuta 2007 15:59 (21 seconds ago) Bookmark Link

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

zing batacha!

Madeleine deserves the best, to be found finally, dead or alive-. If deceased, then she deserves a HUGE funeral service done by the Pope and broadcasted all over the world. This also on behalf of all the suffering or killed children in this world. The fund must be used for this. Her parents? Should have not even the right to watch the event at TV, let alone be present! PERIOD!

snatchmo ftw

call me when judd apatow reaches that level

I heard Britney Spears went into a restaurant and ate everything in the restaurant and they had to close the restaurant.

-- Dom Passantino, Tuesday, 11 September 2007 16:17 (4 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

otm otm otm! actually SAYING "it's britney, bitch" would have given her a free pass for whatever. having it come off a minidisc was like... it's not actually britney, bitch.

-- Tracer Hand, Tuesday, September 11, 2007 4:25 PM (8 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

peoplw who lost their virginity to a prostitute

james joyce
al goldstein
mussolini
tolstoy
thomas wolfe
jfk
david cross
napoleon
jerry lewis
david berkowitz
jean-jacques rousseau
h.g. wells

-- and what, Tuesday, September 11, 2007 12:27 PM (21 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

I would totally not want to be in a relationship with any of those people, I have to say.

-- horseshoe, Tuesday, September 11, 2007 12:28 PM (20 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

andwhat.xls more like

I am a former NFL superstar who suffered a career-ending injury in during my fourth season. Thanks to unemployment (the color commentating job for the CFL did not pan out), deep depression, and my egomaniacal nature, I have lost all my friends and my supermodel wife. I have turned to hookers, drugs, and gambling. I love the property I own in Miami -- the large garage, the adjacent beach house, the pool with three slides. However, thanks to my gambling and my vices, I have become very paranoid and very in debt and very gaunt. I have sold nearly all the belongings in my house, save for a mattress, a state-of-the-art stereo system, a fridge, and -- at last count -- 40 spoons. I am indebted to several people who have made threats on my life. I had enough money to drain my back account for iron bars over my doors and windows, but I fear tonight that those I am in trouble with will attempt to do bodily harm to me. I am looking out the window of my beach house and onto my drained pool. My 6'4, 100 lb. body is adorned only with a pair of sagging silk boxers, which were given to me by my wife on our first wedding anniversary. I am holding a revolver in my shaking, sweating right hand. (I am left- handed but I took up jai-alai in the off-seasons and screwed up my elbow.) "This Is What You Want This Is What You Get" by PiL is playing in the background. Either that or "Hard Habit to Break" by Chicago.

-- Andy K, Saturday, May 25, 2002 12:00 AM (5 years ago) Bookmark Link

Okay where the heck is that from.

http://www.think123.com/images/Jesus-Shepherd.jpg

-- ^@^, Tuesday, September 11, 2007 1:19 PM (Tuesday, September 11, 2007 1:19 PM) Bookmark Link

Now, now...Mary Magdalene just hung out with the wrong crowd. Jesus was the boyfriend that rescued her from that.

Paul, of course, was always giving him shit about this.

-- B.L.A.M., Tuesday, September 11, 2007 12:54 PM (2 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

Messiah Save-a-Ho

-- Ms Misery, Tuesday, September 11, 2007 12:55 PM (1 minute ago) Bookmark Link

Christ Save-a-Ho, surely

RAD HIPPIE JAMZ??

does Hooters deliver?

-- sexyDancer, Tuesday, September 11, 2007 10:55 PM (48 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

In my experience, no.

-- nickn, Tuesday, September 11, 2007 11:05 PM (39 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

anton corbijn to me yesterday: "you're from montreal? do you know the arcade fire?"

-- s1ocki, Sunday, 9 September 2007 06:43 (3 days ago) Bookmark Link

I hit [a scarily big spider] with a ruler and it just look at me like "what?"

-- Jarlrmai, Wednesday, September 12, 2007 10:15 AM (2 hours ago) Bookmark Link

Cute:

fyi guys my first issues of the atlantic and harper's came in today

-- BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Wednesday, September 12, 2007 2:11 AM (7 hours ago) Bookmark Link

ill subscription, BIG HOOS.

-- That one guy that hit it and quit it, Wednesday, September 12, 2007 10:03 AM (1 minute ago) Bookmark Link

where is Beth Parker now? Only she could possibly help me.

-- emilys., Wednesday, September 12, 2007 4:16 AM (3 hours ago)

I'm here! I brought my barbeque tongs and I'll have those balls out in no time!

-- Beth Parker, Wednesday, September 12, 2007 7:16 AM (10 minutes ago)

Words, Beth, I hope never to hear or read again.

-- Michael White, Wednesday, September 12, 2007 7:17 AM (9 minutes ago)

the pillsbury throwboy

-- jhøshea, Wednesday, September 12, 2007 11:20 AM (9 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

did not make it up ;_;

Also I just used the word "impolitic" in an email to that woman, and my boss called me on the phone completely incredulous that I would think anyone would know what it meant. She's also accused me of making up the word "especially" so I'm not v worried.

-- Laurel, Wednesday, September 12, 2007 4:33 PM (39 seconds ago) Bookmark Link

http://i61.photobucket.com/albums/h62/freshcrunkjuice/03/01/curtis2.jpg

-- Jordan Sargent, Friday, September 7, 2007 11:40 PM (Friday, September 7, 2007 11:40 PM) Bookmark Link

Could people please step up their production of funnies so we can fill this thread and move to a new one? I've had "More than Words" in my head for THREE WEEKS now, this has to end.

We're doing funnies all the time, but ILX has become a very tough crowd :-/

Could people please step up their production of funnies so we can fill this thread and move to a new one? I've had "More than Words" in my head for THREE WEEKS now, this has to end.

-- nabisco, Wednesday, 12 September 2007 17:33 (1 minute ago) Link

Saying I love you
Is not the SNAKE I want to hear from you
Its not that I want you
Not to say, but if you only knew
How easy it would be to show me how you feel
More than SNAKE is all you have to do to make it real
Then you wouldnt have to say that you love me
Cos Id already know

What would you do if my heart was torn in two
More than SNAKE to show you feel
That your love for me is real
What would you say if I took those SNAKE away
Then you couldnt make things new
Just by saying I love you

More than SNAKE

Now Ive tried to talk to you and make you understand
All you have to do is close your eyes
And just reach out your hands and touch me
Hold me close dont ever let me go
More than SNAKE is all I ever needed you to show
Then you wouldnt have to say that you love me
Cos Id already know

What would you do if my heart was torn in two
More than SNAKE to show you feel
That your love for me is real
What would you say if I took those SNAKE away
Then you couldnt make things new
Just by saying I love you

More than SNAKE

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Pope "This is almost as bad when all those priests turned out to be sex offenders, I turned off my phone for 3 days!!"

-- Ronan, Wednesday, September 12, 2007 10:26 AM (Yesterday) Bookmark Link

Could people please step up their production of funnies so we can fill this thread and move to a new one? I've had "More than Words" in my head for THREE WEEKS now, this has to end.

NABISCO IS NOT AFRAID TO ASK THE DIFFICULT QUESTIONS. I FOR ONE LIKE THE WAY THIS MAN THINKS.

I think it's his own fault for having listened to it enough times to get it stuck in his head.

"enough times to get it stuck in his head" = ONCE. You know I'm right people. They weren't called EXTREME for nothing. EXTREME AWESOMENESS. That's right. Dude's name was NUNO. You don't fuck with longhairs named NUNO. Okay you do but then they grow up to make songs that get stuck in your head. Who's laughing now? NUNO, that's who.

:)

Oh god damnit now the songs stuck in MY head.

i downloaded it off soulseek the day this excelsior title was sired

and i have a feeling that its appearance on my last.fm stream scared off the girl i was scheming at the time.

♩♭♯♫♪♬

Is there possibly a more sexist song than Rod Stewart's "Tonight's The Night"?

-- Geir Hongro, Thursday, September 13, 2007 12:45 AM (9 hours ago) Bookmark Link

Every song on the first Strangler's album. Except the one about rats.

Which is appallingly rodentist, btw.

-- PhilK, Thursday, September 13, 2007 12:47 AM (9 hours ago) Bookmark Link

why do people in the USA call their main course an entrée?

Because we want to, limey. Why do you spell curb with a "k"?

I voted for the pancetta-wrapped yellow-fin tuna.

-- Ms Misery, Thursday, 13 September 2007 13:46 (4 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

only when referring to the edge of a road.

-- Ed, Thursday, 13 September 2007 13:48 (2 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

I was being belligerent, not actually inquisitive.

-- Ms Misery, Thursday, 13 September 2007 13:49 (1 minute ago) Bookmark Link

I was being diarmingly, charmingly helpful as a way of being snide.

-- Ed, Thursday, 13 September 2007 13:49 (45 seconds ago) Bookmark Link

Run Fatboy Run is the no 1 film in the UK this week.

-- acrobat, Thursday, September 13, 2007 1:16 PM (56 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

srsly, it beat 'atonement'?! lol.

-- That one guy that hit it and quit it, Thursday, September 13, 2007 1:17 PM (55 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

Run Fatboy Run vs. Act Thingirl Act

-- Tom D., Thursday, September 13, 2007 1:18 PM (53 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

Pure jokes bruv

Fuck you guys, I'm going to eat pancakes.

-- n/a, Thursday, 13 September 2007 16:10 (4 minutes ago) Link

it's funny cause it's true.

problem is guys the next Excelsior thread is going to be called 'I'm the one who wants to LOL with you, deep inside I hope you EXCELSIOR too'

(SNAKE)

oh god

I still can't ever sit backwards on a chair without wanting to sing the beginning of that song.

I still can't ever sit backwards on a chair without wanting to sing the beginning of that song.

-- nabisco, Thursday, September 13, 2007 5:46 PM (3 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

I have no idea what song you all are talking about but I'm probably lucky.

HOLD ON, LITTLE MS MISERY

can we derail the thread from whiney's kanye-listening-to-daft-punk fan fiction to talk about the album again

-- and what, Thursday, September 13, 2007 6:24 PM

problem is guys the next Excelsior thread is going to be called 'I'm the one who wants to LOL with you, deep inside I hope you EXCELSIOR too'

-- blueski, Thursday, September 13, 2007 5:40 PM (1 hour ago) Bookmark Link

(SNAKE)

-- blueski, Thursday, September 13, 2007 5:40 PM (1 hour ago) Bookmark Link

^^^ otm

It looks like a pile of Oreos covered in jizz.

-- n/a, Thursday, September 13, 2007 2:59 PM (Thursday, September 13, 2007 2:59 PM) Bookmark Link

If it were actual jizz on Oreos, at least some people would stand a chance of genuinely enjoying it.

-- nabisco, Thursday, September 13, 2007 7:03 PM (5 seconds ago) Bookmark Link

are you talking about that dumb dessert pizza? cause otm

I was being diarmingly, charmingly helpful as a way of being snide.

-- Ed, Thursday, 13 September 2007

This is beautiful.

That is how I employ snideness 99% of the time! And I play it straightfaced, too. OH YAZ, OH FUCKIN YAZ, UPSTAIRS AT ERIC'S YAH YAH YAZ

Just out of curiosity, how unpalatable is Olive Garden's food? The worst restaurant of that ilk that I've ever eaten at was Applebee's.

-- dell, Friday, 14 September 2007 08:58 (5 hours ago) Bookmark Link

Automatic thread bump. This poll's results are now in.

-- ILX System, Friday, 14 September 2007 09:01 (5 hours ago) Bookmark Link

Olive Garden is perfectly fine. So is Applebee's, really, if they don't screw anything up.

-- nabisco, Friday, 14 September 2007 09:02 (5 hours ago) Bookmark Link

I just got xposted by a MACHINE

-- nabisco, Friday, 14 September 2007 09:02 (5 hours ago) Bookmark Link

from: jergins
to: The Lady Ms Lurex (lucylurex)

hey girl what's up you should come back to i rate everything it's funny now

-- jergïns, Friday, September 14, 2007 7:20 AM (8 hours ago) Bookmark Link

my blackberry-reading might slow me a hair, but i'm still faster than average

-- gabbneb, Friday, September 14, 2007 10:50 AM (7 minutes ago)

THE TRICK IS TO HOLD IT IN FRONT OF YOUR FACE

-- gabbneb, Friday, September 14, 2007 10:50 AM (6 minutes ago)

omg gabbneb is officially douchiest person in world how is it you don't actually live in dc

-- ghost rider, Friday, September 14, 2007 10:55 AM (1 minute ago)

I have also posted from MY NEW FREE IPHONE.

-- HI DERE, Friday, September 14, 2007 12:00 PM (2 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

did u pin the weave on britney in a myspace game or something?

-- the schef (adam schefter ha ha), Friday, September 14, 2007 12:01 PM (1 minute ago) Bookmark Link

this thread is killing me: READING + WALKING

Esp this:

those are your options??! jerk off or eat??

-- the schef (adam schefter ha ha), Friday, 14 September 2007 18:56 (Yesterday) Link

Welcome to the mystical world of men.

-- HI DERE, Friday, 14 September 2007 18:57 (Yesterday) Link

maybe you should walk around your neighborhood jerking off while eating an ice cream cone (plz to salt) by yourself and you can offend every single person on ilx.

-- the schef (adam schefter ha ha), Friday, 14 September 2007 18:57 (Yesterday) Link

HE ALREADY DOES

-- ghost rider, Friday, 14 September 2007 18:57 (Yesterday) Link

(hehe sorry Louis)

For the purposes of this poll, I think I'm going to judge the months by how much is sucks to be single in them.

WINTERMONTHS: I'm cold get under the blankets with me oh look makeouts.
SPRINGANDEARLYSUMMERMONTHS: Hurray look how we frollick theres a hill to roll down makeouts.
FALLMONTHS: Oh the spiced wine and the side of the family we like and the leaves and the secksy cardigans major makeouts.
AUGUSTMONTH: I am either too hot or feel trapped in my Air Conditioned Fortress. Makeouts? Eh.

August is the supreme winner.

-- en i see kay, Saturday, September 15, 2007 3:41 AM (1 hour ago)

(i lol ya all mo' than y'll ever kno, lol)

Oh for fucks sake!

Ex-fucking-scuse me? Whats your problem ANdrew?

-- Trayce (trayce), Friday, January 28, 2005 1:41 AM (2 years ago) Bookmark Link
you really got him with that AN

haha

without it he is just Drew.

-- Hari A$hur$t (Toaster), Friday, January 28, 2005 1:43 AM (2 years ago) Bookmark Link
its funny cuz it's drew.

-- Hari A$hur$t (Toaster), Friday, January 28, 2005 1:43 AM (2 years ago)

a

Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick to star as little metal horse and rider.

-- n/a, Tuesday, 7 August 2007 14:41 (1 month ago) Link

Christian Bale loses 50 pounds to play tiny thimble.

-- n/a, Tuesday, 7 August 2007 14:42 (1 month ago) Link

Brian Doyle Murray as the Monopoly Man.

-- n/a, Tuesday, 7 August 2007 14:42 (1 month ago) Link

OK, I'm done.

-- n/a, Tuesday, 7 August 2007 14:43 (1 month ago) Link

katie price to play the community chest

-- Just got offed, Tuesday, 7 August 2007 14:55 (1 month ago) Link

You are done too.

-- n/a, Tuesday, 7 August 2007 14:57

He said Bill Clinton was the best president he ever worked with. He also damned Bush. I almost cried when I found this out. He has truly done this nation a great, great service, for people will listen to him.

-- Bimble, Sunday, September 16, 2007 10:55 AM (Sunday, September 16, 2007 10:55 AM) Bookmark Link

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

After which they will wander off in search of porn and a jello shot, wake up with a filmy coating on their tongue and forget the whole thing happened.

-- Aimless, Sunday, September 16, 2007 1:19 PM (Sunday, September 16, 2007 1:19 PM) Bookmark Link

what is that from

OMG where is that one of mine from!?!

roxy: Greenspan, politely: "um, we could become really fucked if we don't do something about our deficits soon"

Poor innocent slugs:

something being slower != more sluggish. even by comparison.

-- blueski, Monday, September 17, 2007 6:16 PM (17 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

i mean sluggish for me is THE BAD KIND OF SLOW which none of this stuff is. perhaps i'm being unfairly biased against slugs. but what have they done for us lately?

-- blueski, Monday, September 17, 2007 6:18 PM (15 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

24 HOURS WITH THE KING OF SLUG

-- blueski, Monday, September 17, 2007 6:18 PM (14 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

But you keep thinking "sluggish" is a negative term here and it's not. ALL trip-hop is (was?) sluggish. So what? Much of it's still great!

-- Kevin John Bozelka, Monday, September 17, 2007 6:19 PM (14 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

It IS a negative term. It's always used in that sense. Why say 'sluggish' otherwise?

-- blueski, Monday, September 17, 2007 6:22 PM (11 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

To describe great Tricky records.

-- Kevin John Bozelka, Monday, September 17, 2007 6:32 PM (46 seconds ago) Bookmark Link

fyi: sluggish there meant overladen with bullshit, too much weight for the chassis n'shit, not slow per se.

uh huh:

Haha yeah I have NEVER heard 'sluggish' used in a positive way before now.

-- Matt DC, Monday, September 17, 2007 6:36 PM (15 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

poor slugs.

-- r|t|c, Monday, September 17, 2007 6:49 PM (2 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

^ ban

^dom

if only i had stayed in the thread i could have used my amateur music-listening skills to show how tricky (when he was good) wasn't sluggish. oh well.

READING + WALKING

Trayce yrs is from the thread where Hari got a DI tat.

Used to get all hot'n'heavy with "Last Exit To Brooklyn" until I realised they were all men. Then I had to settle for "Crash", which although deeply depraved at least featured some serious vulva. Alas, my fourteen year-old self didn't really want to see through the pornographic façade and onto the tortured psycho-sexual and social implications of the novels; he only desired graphic scenes of literary rumpy-pumpy, and dammit if Selby Jr's liberal abuse of grammar or Ballard's harrowing depiction of damaged sexuality were gonna stop him getting his rocks off.

-- Just got offed, Monday, September 17, 2007 8:42 PM (6 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

OH MY GOD YOU DID NOT JUST USE THE WORLD VULVA IN A POST, LOUIS!

-- the schef (adam schefter ha ha), Monday, September 17, 2007 8:42 PM (5 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

SERIOUS vulva

Suggesting the existence of ... frivolous vulva.

Frivolous Vulva demands the reintroduction of changeable user names.

The Unserious Vulvas

Yahoo Serious Vulva

walloffrivolousvulva.jpg

WHERE IS A SERIOUS VULVA WHO REALLY AIMS MARRIAGE?

Not laughing tilL it's a LOLPUSSZ shot captioned
SERIOUS VUVLA IS SERIOUS

Is the world ready for lolpussy, though?

READY AND WAITING

ihasaflavor.jpg to thread.

I can see some really wrong third world "i has a clitoris/nooooooooooooooooo they be takin' mah clitoris" jokes getting made here; tread lightly.

oh jesus

*backs slowly away from thread*

http://fleshbot.com/sex/teh-internets/you-can-has-lolpr0n-263382.php

^^nsfw i guess

LOL Company Shill^^^

gor blimey

marks be overstepped?

GAME, SET, MATCH: ME

defeat tastes like bad vulva

STOP, YOU

once again i regret making like two posts to ilx today

]defeat tastes like bad vulva

-- Just got offed, Monday, September 17, 2007 10:20 PM (2 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

okay code 10, shut it down, block the exits, and fire at will.

I keep reading that and hearing Bon Jovi's "Bad Medicine" in the back of my head.

THANKS A LOT DAN.

http://www1.istockphoto.com/file_thumbview_approve/59184/2/istockphoto_59184_atomic_bomb_mushroom_cloud_nuke.jpg

THE REST OF TODAY IS GOING TO BE V V AWESOME AND NOT IRRITATING WHATSOEVER.

Form like VULTRON.

That's what serios vulva do.

Wait, what is the plural of vulva?

vulvae?

vulvas

Yes, vulvae.

vultures

vulvateers

anybody want to start a betting pool for how long it takes Louis to work this information into his chat up the ladies routine?

8 minutes.

"my young lady, you look positively and indidsputably vulvacious this evening! I thought perhaps you might wish to accompany me to the theatre, after which we may indulge in some poppage, which I will live blog on the finest of internets."

you have a thing for him don't you

That would totally work on me. The first sentence, anyway.

LOL Louis Jagger, live bloggin' POPPAGE

THAT'S ENOUGH OF THAT WORD

WHAT WORD???

it will only be replaced with something worse.

i mean, it's dangerously close to frottage already, can we all live with ourselves if it ends in that?

I just read that speech aloud to myself, and it has...something.

http://fleshbot.com/photogallery/lolpr0n/1929674

VULVEETA

i'll just get vulvateen rabbit out of the way then.

I don't think you're ready for this jelly
I don't think you're ready for this jelly
I don't think you're ready for this
Cuz my body too vulvalicious for ya, babe

you guys are really stretching the vulva now

It's what I do best.

http://www.metallibrary.ru/bands/discographies/images/ulver/pictures/05_blood_inside.jpg

there is blood inside

judas priest, man

there is blood inside

-- Just got offed, Monday, September 17, 2007 10:18 PM (Yesterday)

YEAH WE GOT IT THE FIRST TIME.

Oh jesus you lot.

(Is this thread dead yet?)

god I hope so. And look at who you're talking to.

nu excelsior thread, the clarion call goes out to all parts of the land

just start a new excelsior thread, ok, this one has gone off the rails more than any has before. And into really (if you're pardon me) sticky territory.

http://i17.tinypic.com/4xv52yu.gif
-- StanM, Sunday, September 16, 2007 1:59 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Link

OK thats freaking creepy hahaha.

WHERE IS A SERIOUS VULVA WHO REALLY AIMS MARRIAGE?

-- That one guy that hit it and quit it, Monday, September 17, 2007 3:31 PM (6 hours ago) Bookmark Link

there is blood inside

-- Just got offed, Monday, September 17, 2007 5:18 PM (4 hours ago) Bookmark Link

^^^ for a second I thought this was from LIVE BLOGGIN POPPAGE

;_;

http://i11.photobucket.com/albums/a162/xsaribear456x/thebird.gif

(that was to curtis, if you couldn't tell)

I love that episode of FOTC :D

drench your clothes in olive (*very important*) oil and threaten to set yourself on fire if your demands aren't met

-- Heave Ho, Tuesday, September 18, 2007 10:33 AM (46 seconds ago) Bookmark Link

I dunno, if I was living in a foreign country, I wouldn't like someone to try to impress me through my nationality. I don't think all Italians care about stereotypically Italian things, just like I don't care for many stereotypically Finnish things. Something more personal which has to do with me and not my nationality would be much nicer.

-- Tuomas, Tuesday, 18 September 2007 10:54 (33 minutes ago) Link

*throws away Moomin cake*

-- blueski, Tuesday, 18 September 2007 10:55 (31 minutes ago) Link

I think it's pretty funny that Tuomas is the first to respond to the Pad vs Tampon poll.

But predictable surely?

funny completely unsurprising

xpost!

You're not wrong. Neither of you.

said in the same voice as the "no sweets! both of you" girl from the haribo ad.

I heard it more as Joe Gladwin

You're both wrong, it was supposed to be Arnold Brown. And why not?

cocaine + sex = classic
-- kenan, Monday, 7 May 2007 20:18 (4 months ago) Bookmark Link

-- DJ Mencap, Tuesday, September 18, 2007 1:22 PM (49 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

how did you find that?

-- blueski, Tuesday, September 18, 2007 1:27 PM (44 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

like finding seashells on the beach

-- latebloomer, Tuesday, September 18, 2007 1:35 PM (36 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

haha!

kate - lol u a crazy bitch
perpetua - omg fatty
$BRITISH - your understanding of how the public and private spheres should interact is craaaaazy! also, your taste in music blows! get some braces!

-- river wolf, Tuesday, September 18, 2007 4:16 PM (30 seconds ago) Bookmark Link

You walk beside her while reading some Shakespeare. Sway your arms around. Then you erupt in a cantata and end with:"Wanna fuck?"

-- nathalie, Tuesday, September 18, 2007 10:23 AM (4 hours ago)

"Sway your arms around" really did it.

Sting?

the generalising broad brush approach to Europeans on this thread frightens me.

-- Grandpont Genie, Wednesday, 19 September 2007 14:09 (Wednesday, 19 September 2007 14:09) Bookmark Link

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

That's Americans for you.

-- Tuomas, Wednesday, 19 September 2007 14:10 (Wednesday, 19 September 2007 14:10) Bookmark Link

guys remember the time i was hanging out in my bikini with jake gyllenhall and dan's college friend karl malden?

-- max, Wednesday, September 19, 2007 8:08 PM (1 minute ago) Bookmark Link

(you had to be there)

i don't think tuomas was joking there

Which just makes the generalising broad brush approach funnier, n'est-ce pas, cutty?

really that whole thread

"don't tase me, bro"

xpost to karl malden

tyra.gif

Hey, I like "All Eyez On Me" a lot so if there's one rapper I wouldn't have iced.... :)

-- Geir Hongro, Wednesday, 19 September 2007 23:30 (19 minutes ago) Link

------------------------------------------------------------------------

i'm fairly certain you stepped out of a time machine so please use it and save mah man 2pac ;_;

-- omar little, Wednesday, 19 September 2007 23:43 (5 minutes ago) Link

Metallica Shreds -- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ttaqVd0rOjA (crossposted by jordan from noise)

also

Eric Clapton shreds - http://youtube.com/watch?v=nCzUMjCykn8

Eddie Van Halen shreds - http://youtube.com/watch?v=CXbCt_1mrak

Slash shreds - http://youtube.com/watch?v=EEwIRZ9pLCM

Steve Vai shreds in Denver - http://youtube.com/watch?v=_s3Sk8o3xaU

Jake E. Lee shreds -- http://youtube.com/watch?v=Eqtk6kKTlDM&

-- Milton Parker, Thursday, September 20, 2007 3:00 AM (6 hours ago) Bookmark Link

blimey cutty, I hope you're right. that does make it funnier. hysterical even.

i can't believe i'm laughing at soccer jokes.

I think I'm going to bugger off for a while.

-- JoseM, Thursday, September 20, 2007 12:27 AM (8 hours ago) Bookmark Link

:-(

-- Didier Drogba, Thursday, September 20, 2007 12:28 AM (8 hours ago) Bookmark Link

LIke anyone would notice or care anyway.

-- JoseM, Thursday, September 20, 2007 12:30 AM (8 hours ago) Bookmark Link

-- Dom Passantino, Thursday, September 20, 2007 8:49 AM (2 hours ago) Bookmark Link

OMG that Geir 2Pac one!

i have it on good authority that starbucks is genetically engineering aggressive coffee beans. while docile beans normally live in harmony with the cordillera, angry coffee beans trees make the other plants sad.

-- vahid (vahid), Tuesday, 15 February 2005 03:01 (2 years ago) Link

the girls posted weren't actually hott

-- blueski, Thursday, September 20, 2007 7:16 AM (Thursday, September 20, 2007 7:16 AM) Bookmark Link

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

some parts were

-- StanM, Thursday, September 20, 2007 7:21 AM (Thursday, September 20, 2007 7:21 AM) Bookmark Link

This thread's the zing, whereby I'll catch the conscience of the King

-- dell, Thursday, September 20, 2007 10:34 AM (3 hours ago) Bookmark Link

HIGHBROW LULZ

almost kind of redundant to see a Surmounter post on an old thread full of Aja posts.

-- Alex in Baltimore, Thursday, September 20, 2007 7:46 AM (4 minutes ago)

wait what does that mean?

-- Surmounter, Thursday, September 20, 2007 7:47 AM (3 minutes ago)

Someone sent me those "shreds" videos a couple days ago - I nearly went into cardiac arrest at the Slash one

this was a lot of reading to go through just to learn that cutty and nabisco shave their pubes.

-- M@tt He1ges0n, Thursday, September 20, 2007 1:49 PM (1 minute ago) Bookmark Link

^^^ that was on the list of things Cutty and I DON'T have in common

illiterate slanderous bastard He1ges0n

I was just coming here to post that! lolololol

lol anarchy scrabble is where you don't wear deodorant and never smile

-- rrrobyn, Thursday, September 20, 2007 6:23 PM (36 seconds ago) Bookmark Link

not highschool, but...i go to a really tiny liberal arts college and there is this girl who was on bang bus and every time i talk to her it's awkward because i know what her asshole looks like now and she knows that i know what her asshole looks like. she is nice though?

-- britterbug, Friday, September 21, 2007 4:10 AM (Friday, September 21, 2007 4:10 AM) Bookmark Link

hahahaa what thread was that on?

that porn thread.

haha i see

make a "career" of it.

Do you use the quotes when masturbating to porn?

-- nathalie, Friday, September 21, 2007 2:36 PM (1 hour ago) Bookmark Link

no i only have two hands.

-- Jordan Sargent, Friday, September 21, 2007 2:51 PM (1 hour ago) Bookmark Link

I am working on a paper with dozens of Chinese and Japanese authors, and one of them is named "Y. I. Ohta" and it's cracking me up.

-- dan m, Friday, September 21, 2007 3:57 PM (13 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

wtf claire daines who died and made you gabbneb

-- ghost rider, Thursday, 20 September 2007 21:56 (Yesterday) Bookmark Link

from "marcel marceau RIP":

I'm speechless.

-- Dom Passantino, Sunday, September 23, 2007 1:06 PM

If you think that the rebel flag is rasist then look at your self. You don't know anything about history then. I fly the REBEL FLAG every day with pride and honor. I have never ment anyone more rasist than a BLACK. So all you white folks raise that flag with pride. The South Will Rise Again. So all you BLACKS take that to your monkey meetings and protest that like every other thing. So keep the WHITE RACE going and don't interbreed. WHITE/SOUTHERN POWER

-- Bubba Boy, Saturday, September 22, 2007 1:56 AM (Yesterday) Bookmark Link

See? Living proof that non-racist Americans fly the rebel flag!

-- Curt1s Stephens, Saturday, September 22, 2007 3:11 AM (Yesterday) Bookmark Link

Three years from now Bubba Boy is going to be here talking about how great the new Justin Timberlake single is and photoshopping cocks onto pictures of Ned.
I have seen it happen before.

-- Dan I., Sunday, September 23, 2007 11:13 PM (Sunday, September 23, 2007 11:13 PM) Bookmark Link

I was called a 'fucking moron' on a indieband listserv once and it hurt to the point that I unsubbed. Which is kind of ridiculous because it's the lol internets. But I kind of looked up to the offender blah blah mailing list hero whatever...

But I'm older now and no amount of abuse can drive me away.

Share your trauma please.

-- wanko ergo sum, Monday, September 24, 2007 9:41 AM (15 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

i called this loser a fucking moron once on an indieband listserv and the twink unsubbed. it was pretty great.

i'm sorry, what was your question?

-- chicago kevin, Monday, September 24, 2007 9:42 AM (13 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

NABISCO: ok but so let me note what i've been saying about meg white since 2000
NABISCO: EVERY GIRL IN MICHIGAN LOOKS LIKE THAT
GIRL: HA!
GIRL: really?
GIRL: pale? honkey?
GIRL: she's kinda cute
GIRL: you no like?
NABISCO: well every time i see her i just feel like i'm in grand rapids
FRIEND: gross
NABISCO: it's like some dutch guy had sex with dolls and then it rained for six years and now there are a million Meg Whites running around the woods being weird

-- nabisco, Monday, September 24, 2007 9:52 AM (1 minute ago)

He continues to teach graduate and PhD courses on a weekly basis? Interesting.

-- Eazy, Monday, September 24, 2007 2:25 PM (11 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

he's a huge John Updike fan.

-- Alfred, Lord Sotosyn, Monday, September 24, 2007 2:31 PM (5 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

also thinks Britney should be cut a little slack as a young single mom

-- Shakey Mo Collier, Monday, September 24, 2007 2:32 PM (4 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

(from the Ahmadinejad thread)

Fair play to the guy for giving it the old "finger in the mouth" routine, but that always makes me feel like I'm inspecting a racehorse for tooth decay.

-- Dom Passantino, Monday, September 24, 2007 12:48 PM

fingers in mouth is instinctive act of primal lust, not opportunity for some reflective lulz

-- Just got offed, Monday, September 24, 2007 12:50 PM

You probably shouldn't post to this thread.

-- Dom Passantino, Monday, September 24, 2007 12:51 PM (10 minutes ago)

jagger surprisingly otm

-- and what, Monday, September 24, 2007 12:56 PM (5 minutes ago)

whats next, passantino otm about rap music that isnt non phixion?

-- and what, Monday, September 24, 2007 12:57 PM (4 minutes ago)

You probably shouldn't post to this thread.

-- Dom Passantino, Monday, 24 September 2007 19:51 (7 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

-- Dom Passantino, Monday, September 24, 2007 12:58 PM (3 minutes ago)

if i need a sex tape from the burger king handicapped stall ill IM you

-- and what, Monday, September 24, 2007 1:00 PM (1 minute ago)

haha

S&D: Decepticon affiliated Rappers

it's like some dutch guy had sex with dolls and then it rained for six years and now there are a million Meg Whites running around the woods being weird

This is all kinds of awesome.

It's like, "omg, do you have a fucked-up accent from living too many places?! Here is my vagina."

-- roxymuzak, Tuesday, September 25, 2007 10:03 AM (16 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

:/

-- roxymuzak, Tuesday, September 25, 2007 10:04 AM (15 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

"Thass a noice vageen!"

-- Tuomas, Tuesday, September 25, 2007 10:05 AM (14 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

Oh, God, what have I done?

-- roxymuzak, Tuesday, September 25, 2007 10:05 AM (13 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

it was at my friends house, 12 years old. we watched his dad's not-so-secret stash of porn videos. dude couldn't hide anything for shit hahahaha (we'd also steal his condoms and and make water balloons out of 'em).

it was nice. good times.

-- Vas Djifrens, Tuesday, September 25, 2007 10:05 PM (31 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

------------------------------------------------------------------------

i soon discovered black metal and killed everyone, of course.

-- Vas Djifrens, Tuesday, September 25, 2007 10:05 PM (31 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

ragnarok is at hand! repent in darkness children of United crapstates of Poseurmerica! Nighspirit shall rape and eat your childrens bloods in your feed courts!

-- Vas Djifrens, Tuesday, May 15, 2007 10:01 PM (4 months ago) Bookmark Link

^^ fav vas djifrens post

YOUR TWIN

'vas djifrens is back!' 'i never left - i was only silent, like your weakling christian god!'

feed courts hahaha

from the "BREASTS OF MEG WHITE" thread on ILM

They're both so creepy looking.

-- Jody Beth Rosen (Jody Beth Rosen), Saturday, March 29, 2003 11:44 AM (4 years ago) Bookmark Link

Jack and Meg, I mean. Not the breasts.

-- Jody Beth Rosen (Jody Beth Rosen)

yeah, this is discussed a bit in this book i'm reading

-- kenan, Tuesday, September 25, 2007 1:06 PM (8 hours ago)

no it isn't

-- gabbneb, Tuesday, September 25, 2007 9:33 PM (8 minutes ago)

or, at least, depopulated future manhattan is not the same thing

-- gabbneb, Tuesday, September 25, 2007 9:35 PM (6 minutes ago)

gabbneb do you wear a tophat, monocle, and huge ass neck corset?

-- sanskrit, Tuesday, September 25, 2007 9:39 PM (2 minutes ago)

Nice work Gira

You know, you're having sex, you're pumping away, pumping,
pumping, climbing the slippery slope, about to reach the top, you can feel
it, you can feel it, feel it, here it comes, here it comes, then you decide
to stop it, STOP(!!!),you just refuse to release, you hold it in, hold it in
(!), you suck it all the way back inside you and it shapes itself into an
angry fist, and it stays there, tight and hard in the pit of your belly...
Then you get out of bed and immediately get into the cold, cold (!) shower.
That shower, the feeling of that shower, is how I wanted the album to sound.

-- Drooone, Monday, 2 July 2007 16:27 (2 months ago) Bookmark Link

There's a button on the mixing desk that does just that, luckily.

-- StanM, Monday, 2 July 2007 20:17 (2 months ago) Bookmark Link

That button must have one heck of a label on it!

"it's definitely not Madeline," her publicist said.

-- Jordan Sargent, Wednesday, September 26, 2007 9:05 AM (2 hours ago) Bookmark Link

Haha the phrase "just let me do it, it'll be quicker" is probably going to be the one to end my marriage.

-- ailsa, Wednesday, 26 September 2007 11:12 (47 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

tmi :P

-- onimo, Wednesday, 26 September 2007 11:12 (46 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

I don't get that, what doe "tmi" mean?

tuomas' missing information

"this might indicate"

actually yours was better

I still don't get it...

Too Much Information, Tuomas.

Ah, okay.

Too Much Inflammation

i'm surprised tuomas isn't familiar with that phrase already!

TMI is his default = of course he's not familiar with it!

ha ha!

i think this would be the right time for me to locate that picture where i'm drunkenly rubbing laurie metcalf's back

-- Andre Dawson (deangulberry), Monday, May 2, 2005 7:33 PM (2 years ago) Bookmark Link

"Play with your dick! It's fun!"

This is terrific. It should flash up every so often during porn movies, just as a reminder.

-- N., Friday, March 15, 2002 1:00 AM (5 years ago)

I kicked a duck on my 18th birthday. Not entirely on purpose, I was telling my friend, "They always run away when you get near enough. See?" Then I kicked it, expecting it would demonstrate my claim, but it didn't move and instead flew in a perfect Odie-style arc into the river.

-- Abbott, Wednesday, September 26, 2007 6:19 PM (Wednesday, September 26, 2007 6:19 PM) Bookmark Link

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"They never actually kick you when they get near enough. See?"

-- jhøshea, Wednesday, September 26, 2007 6:23 PM (Wednesday, September 26, 2007 6:23 PM) Bookmark Link

hahaha

ducks

you guys so crazy

From Is J. Alfred Prufrock insecure?

Can you cite evidence that suggests he sleeps around?

There is certainly evidence that he's anxious about growing old. (HINT: It's somewhere in the line that goes "I grow old, I grow old"

-- Hurting (Hurting), Monday, April 25, 2005 10:25 PM

Obviously the poem is not about mundane existence, as would be obvious to anyone who has read it. (I exclude non-sentients, because they are not anyone.) Do you really think the narrator has "wept and fasted, wept and prayed" over whether he's going to eat a peach (literally or figuratively)? How absurdly shallow you are. Go away, morons.

Mark Adkins
msadkin✧✧✧@ya✧✧✧.c✧✧

-- Mark Adkins, Wednesday, August 10, 2005 11:00 PM (2 years ago)

what exactly is the Mac "computing experience"? And what's the appeal of it?

I like the keyboards for typing on but other than that....

-- Upt0eleven, Wednesday, September 26, 2007 9:01 AM

You can do shit other than typing these days, like look at naked ladies and stuff.

-- Alba, Wednesday, September 26, 2007 9:06 AM

on macs, the ladies come in a variety of colors

-- Tracer Hand, Wednesday, September 26, 2007 9:11 AM

i could have said that differently

-- Tracer Hand, Wednesday, September 26, 2007 9:11 AM

Ah, Mark Adkins. That was a fun thread.

OK, that's enough messing around.

Here's THE answer:

Prufrock is such a power lover that his lay ends up "like a patient etherized upon a table" (notice the similie: like). He likes taking his women to "one night cheap hotels", because of all the sawdust. His manhood is so unbelievable that he often hears the question "what is it?", but he prefers to get down to fucking, "let us make our visit".

Prufrock is also quite prolific, and he's not averse to group sex and pissing action: "In the room the women come and go". In fact, the women consider him an artist, they are "Talking of Michelangelo".

I'll let you discuss this angle with your TA. I'm sure you'll manage to convince him/ her. Come back if you want more.

-- SRH (Skrik), Sunday, May 1, 2005 4:01 AM (2 years ago) Bookmark Link

it's amazing that o'reilly thinks that the average black person has the manners & restraint of homey d. clown, or something.

-- Eisbaer, Thursday, September 27, 2007 11:48 PM (3 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

no it's not

-- Jordan Sargent, Thursday, September 27, 2007 11:50 PM (2 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

I'm not really into fitness chicks.

-- Jordan, Friday, September 28, 2007 10:53 AM (Friday, September 28, 2007 10:53 AM) Bookmark Link

Although I want to meet a girl who would run/bike with me. I guess I want a fitness chick who doesn't look like a fitness chick?

-- Jordan, Friday, September 28, 2007 10:54 AM (Friday, September 28, 2007 10:54 AM) Bookmark Link

So basically...a chick.

-- Laurel, Friday, September 28, 2007 10:55 AM (Friday, September 28, 2007 10:55 AM) Bookmark Link

Haha, yes, except I tend to meet girls who do not really do fitnessy things beyond walking.

-- Jordan, Friday, September 28, 2007 10:57 AM (Friday, September 28, 2007 10:57 AM) Bookmark Link

well not a fat chick i suppose

-- cutty, Friday, September 28, 2007 10:57 AM (Friday, September 28, 2007 10:57 AM) Bookmark Link

basically you are saying no fat chicks

-- cutty, Friday, September 28, 2007 10:57 AM (Friday, September 28, 2007 10:57 AM) Bookmark Link

Man, I HATE walking.

-- Laurel, Friday, September 28, 2007 11:00 AM (Friday, September 28, 2007 11:00 AM) Bookmark Link

you should maybe read a book to pass the time

-- jhøshea, Friday, September 28, 2007 11:01 AM (Friday, September 28, 2007 11:01 AM) Bookmark Link

From the Stump: A Fierce Pancake thread:

Holy shit I just found a rubber band in my kitchen!!!

-- President Evil, Friday, September 28, 2007 9:54 AM (6 hours ago) Bookmark Link

There is nothing like a think girl with pretty feet..

i play with my girlfriend till she's hot and wet.. then i flip her over onto her stomach and i suck on her long pretty toes and i kiss her soles... she loves it!

sometimes, i rub my cock against her soles when we're on the couch and i spew my hot cum all over her toes..

-- derrick haltiwanger, Thursday, June 13, 2002 12:00 AM (5 years ago)

hey I'm a think girl! but that sounds gross.

-- maryann, Thursday, June 13, 2002 12:00 AM (5 years ago) Bookmark Link

At least he has the decency to spew hot cum. Imagine if it was cold.

-- Ally, Thursday, June 13, 2002 12:00 AM (5 years ago) Bookmark Link

Finally came up with a present for Mr. Jaq's 50th. Gave him 2 clues at lunch today: 1) it involves a 3rd party and 2) it will take about 3 months to complete.

Bwahahahahahaha!

-- Jaq, Friday, September 28, 2007 3:43 PM (Friday, September 28, 2007 3:43 PM) Bookmark Link

A total kitchen renovation!

-- Laurel, Friday, September 28, 2007 3:44 PM (Friday, September 28, 2007 3:44 PM) Bookmark Link

the last time i really got twee was about a year and a half ago. i blacked out and woke up in a sweater vest and a pair of ugly glasses

-- river wolf, Friday, September 28, 2007 1:18 PM (2 hours ago) Bookmark Link

l-r: o_O, cory doolittle

My mom is involved in a church where they all choose silly hats from a box before the service, and sing selections from musicals instead of hymns. I'm afraid to ask her what its called.

-- Jaq, Friday, September 28, 2007 5:20 PM (Friday, September 28, 2007 5:20 PM) Bookmark Link

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

high school theater

-- ghost rider, Friday, September 28, 2007 5:29 PM (Friday, September 28, 2007 5:29 PM) Bookmark Link

^ a victory

Amy Sedaris says to say you're having a hard time opening a jar. That would not explain the splashback foley, however.

-- Abbott, Thursday, 27 September 2007 17:25 (2 days ago) Link

"Splashback Foley" = criminally slept-on jam rock band

-- Jon Lewis, Thursday, 27 September 2007 17:26 (2 days ago) Link

trayce, this is a weird thing to say, but your chin looks particularly sexy in that photo :)

-- Rubyredd, Saturday, September 29, 2007 4:04 PM (4 hours ago) Bookmark Link

okay i was DRUNK.

i also scrawled 'property of J*****. no trespassing' on my stomach in eyeliner, with an arrow pointing in a certain direction, took photos and sent them to my lover. i also rolled out of bed 2 hours late for work today.

and trayce's chin DOES look sexy in that pic. i admire chins!!

Whoa, no girl has ever done that to me! Then again, I'm an anarchist and don't really believe in private property... ;)

With that attitude you'll never get laid! "I'm sorry I don't feel like I have the right to take ownership of your punani".

Yah dude. Anatomical imperialism = way sexay.

let me be ur Leopold II

Hahahahha :D

Wouldn't that mean the poor girl couldn't even use a vibrator?

Anyway, I'm not very possessive when it comes to punani. If a girl I'm seeing wants to let someone else enter it, that's okay as long as she doesn't fall in love with him or anything. Of course these two things usually go together, but in theory, if you can keep sex and romantic feelings separate, only the latter is worth being jealous over. It's like the old Finnish saying, "pussy doesn't wear out by using it".

Wow.

It's like the old Finnish saying, "pussy doesn't wear out by using it".

I can but presume that's the title of the Finnish Sayings Book.

Is there anything the Finnish can't do?

I've never understood those guys who feel totally uncomfortable if they find out their girlfriend has slept with, say, 40 guys before them. Who cares, it's not like the previous dudes have set traps there!

http://content.answers.com/main/content/wp/en/thumb/8/8c/250px-Mina_morska_typu_M_1908-39.jpg

If I found out my gf had slept with 40 guys before me, I'd definitely be worried that some of them might have set traps.

In fact, I'd be getting myself checked for traps.

finns say the darndest things

Tuomas desires a lady in the street but a freak in the sheets.

omgomg this thread has gone to AWESOMETOWN.

Who cares, it's not like the previous dudes have set traps there!

you down with HIV?
yeah, you know me...

Well, okay, those sort of traps... But what I meant is, some people seem to find just the idea that others have been there distracting, and I think that's totally too possessive.

Besides, you can have sex with 40 guys and still have it safe.

Great now I have "Do it Clean" stuck in my head.

What about 40 at the same time? Would you be cool with that, Mr. Free Thinker?

jeez, i didn't realise my lil' joek would lead to a discussion of venereal disease!

i just thought i was being funny, and the boy thought it was pretty hot/cute. said photo is now the desktop image on his home computer.

this could be funnier

yeah back to roffles please

"pussy doesn't wear out by using it".

this is like so not true.

I didn't mean to imply there's something wrong with what you did Rubyredd, I'd probably find it cute too, even if on a theoretical level I'm against privare property.

i want to find out what the punishments would be if one were caught trespassing that particular avenue.

a spanking

http://images.politico.com/global/new%20yorker%20cover.jpg

Tuomas is in the next stall.

foot tapping is the finnish code for, "I've run out of toilet paper here"

Tuomas has a wide stance.

you can't run out of toilet paper if you have never assumed ownership of any in the first place

There's something kind of depressing about this thread, like watching a slide-show of my summer vacation.

-- Fluffy Bear Hearts Rainbows, Friday, 14 September 2007 03:22 (2 weeks ago) Bookmark Link

this reminds me of the time my mostly-white quaker elementary school staged an "underground railroad" game during the school camping trip except that they didnt fully explain to us first graders that it was a game so we ended up pissing ourselves standing in a creek at 11PM in the dark while our gym teacher cracked a whip and yelled for us to stop hiding a hundred yards away.

-- max, Monday, October 1, 2007 2:12 PM (Monday, October 1, 2007 2:12 PM) Bookmark Link

christ!

http://swg.stratics.com/content/lore/personas/images/ackbar.gif

http://rexcurry.net/swastika-boy-scouts-shoes1910excelsior2.jpg

it says excelsior!

oh wait I get it - their equating abortion with the Holocaust and lynching. Because fetuses are an oppressed class of people that are the victims of social prejudices that have been building over centuries and violently metastasized in the current era.

right.

-- Shakey Mo Collier, Monday, October 1, 2007 10:19 PM (1 hour ago) Bookmark Link

Have you read the Protocols of the Elders of Zygote?

-- mulla atari, Monday, October 1, 2007 10:55 PM (25 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

A++

Yeah that's right up with Vision Creation Nissan in my book.

Earlier this summer I was on a trip to the seaside in my girlfriend's car when she started to explain the joys of the five-knuckle shuffle. For those unaware - as I was at the time - this is a system that allows you to mimic the furtive excitement of a hurried sexual encounter, a bit like having a BJ in the car.

-- NickB, Tuesday, 2 October 2007 09:00 (52 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

We were just approaching the seaside in my girlfriend's car when the iPod shuffle began to take hold. I remember saying something like "I'm unaware of this function, maybe you should drive," and suddenly there was a terribly random selection of songs all swooping and screeching around the interior, a bit like having a DJ in the car.

-- DJ Mencap, Tuesday, 2 October 2007 09:04 (48 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Earlier this summer I was on a trip to the seaside in my girlfriend's car when she started to explain the joys of the function on my Mac that reads out the latest Portsmouth FC news in a robotic voice. For those unaware - as I was at the time - this is a system that allows Harry Redknapp's latest antics to be "spoken" to you in an impersonal and slightly scary voice, a bit like having DJ Martian in the car.

-- Dom Passantino, Tuesday, 2 October 2007 09:39 (13 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

its weird how dom is actually funny these days

Fake Dom

Noodle Vague sockpuppet

Jagger made him up his game

it was neck and neck for a while there

Dom has always been funny!

I think there should be a term, oopstika, coined for this.

-- libcrypt, Tuesday, October 2, 2007 6:11 PM

I was thinking more of the ol' Hitler as reductio ad absurdum rhetorical move.

"What if Hitler was your neighbor, would you still be for gun control THEN?!?!1111"

"And I suppose if M.I.A. sampled Hitler you'd head-nod to that too?"

-- Jon Lewis, Wednesday, 3 October 2007 04:06 (4 hours ago) Bookmark Link

someone should devise a law banning that rhetorical move.

-- That one guy that hit it and quit it, Wednesday, 3 October 2007 04:44 (4 hours ago) Bookmark Link

Should we give the outspoken young Brit newbie a chance?

-- Just got offed, Tuesday, 2 October 2007 15:18 (8 hours ago) Link

WE'VE MADE THAT MISTAKE BEFORE

-- Noodle Vague, Tuesday, 2 October 2007 15:21

from street fashion thread

http://graphics8.nytimes.com/images/2007/09/12/style/tmagazine/16original-450.jpg

-- Virginia Plain, Wednesday, September 19, 2007 12:36 AM (2 weeks ago) Bookmark Link

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

well that's a look

-- rrrobyn, Wednesday, September 19, 2007 12:40 AM (2 weeks ago) Bookmark Link

Can two divas share a duet together without driving each other crazy?
J0hn Darn1elle and Momus recently proved that yes, two certified superstars can turn up on the same message board, the same stage, and even the same song without shorting out each other's star power.

Momus and Darn1elle rejoined forces recently to record the video for the song "Abortion Time!", in the same studio where the pair recorded their uptempo electronic pop hit.

"[Momus and I] hooked up one year at the trucker hat thread and argued," Darn1elle said of first meeting his collaborator. "I had the idea for the song, and he came to the Midwest, and we sat down together and bounced ideas off of each other. We wrote and recorded the song in a day and had fun hanging out for the next two days."

The jaunty "Abortion Time!" finds Momus and Darn1elle trading verses about the kooky hijinks that ensue when an abortion is scheduled.

The single is scheduled to arrive in stores on May 6th.

-- El Diablo Robotico (Nicole), Tuesday, April 27, 2004 1:02 AM (3 years ago) Bookmark Link

I've never seen anyone hold a fishing rod like that.

-- Tuomas, Wednesday, 3 October 2007 16:55 (9 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

i thought you were the open minded type

-- electricsound, Wednesday, 3 October 2007 17:02 (2 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

http://www.b3ta.cr3ation.co.uk/data/jpg/bjdc.jpg

-- aldo, Wednesday, October 3, 2007 12:46 PM (37 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

I logged in a few times since then, but all I get is a picture of a semen-covered penis embraced by a tarantula.

Anyway, thanks for posting.

-- DanielLacey, Wednesday, October 3, 2007 6:38 AM (1 hour ago) Bookmark Link

This Lacey guy = subject to the biggest collective volte-face in ILX history Y/N

Y. It's a bit sickening really how quickly Right-wing crew dropped to their knees in thanks...

So who is this guy?

Embarassing, I think would be a better description

xp

Nah, I found it a little bit 'eurgh' Dom, not embarrassing...

Ned, he does the F41thm0u53 cartoon.

laughing at his interactions with ilx and something awful =/= "dropped to their knees in thanks"

*googles* Hahah, okay. I can see why there'd be attention.

hasn't the sentiment on that thread always been that his politics are batshit and nasty, but that his art is several cuts above what else figures there?

pretty much.

http://www.faithmouse.com/cartoon712.jpg
Um, bipedal cats with disproportionately long left legs in the higher echelons of the clergy are psychic, and see into the dark, fetus-eating mind of His Holliness?

-- en i see kay, Monday, 2 July 2007 18:06 (Yesterday) Link

Um, bipedal cats with disproportionately long left legs in the higher echelons of the clergy are psychic, and see into the dark, fetus-eating mind of His Holliness?

http://www.faithmouse.com/disproportunate_not.gif

-- Dan Lacey, Tuesday, 3 July 2007 04:45 (16 hours ago) Link

I'm not in disagreement with that, I just thought it was amusing how the chorus of people pointing this out has got quieter and quieter since he stuck his head round the door

xpost to Stevie

*googles*

*types '*googles*'*

laughing at his interactions with ilx and something awful =/= "dropped to their knees in thanks"

-- bnw, Wednesday, 3 October 2007 16:26 (Wednesday, 3 October 2007 16:26)

I don't really think that captures how quickly the praise and things started. Have a re-read and see.

*hits enter*

i new a lad who shagged a girl on the school field aged 11. beat that, larry clark.

I doubt he'd even need prompting

-- DJ Mencap, Wednesday, October 3, 2007 5:09 PM (13 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

I'm not praising Lacey, I think that "semen-covered penis embraced by a tarantula" is a pretty great line.

Where is this big clusterfuck happening?

*scans eyes from left to right, thereby converting small shapes on screen into language*

batshit cartoonists!

Lacey's 'disproportionate' drawing zing is great

mark don't forget to permit transference of message from brain to internal muscles to accommodate sudden spasm and subsequent response to result in oral projection comprised of a monotone monosyllabic signal to be repeated in quick succession for an unfixed duration, as and when it is deemed appropriate.

Yeah.

My favourite recently discovered Scrabble word meaning is AMA:

a·ma [ah-mah]
–noun, plural a·mas, a·ma.
a Japanese diver, usually a woman, who tends underwater oyster beds used in the cultivation of pearls.

-- Alba, Wednesday, October 3, 2007 4:03 PM (Wednesday, October 3, 2007 4:03 PM) Bookmark Link

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I mean, that's lovely.

-- Alba, Wednesday, October 3, 2007 4:03 PM (Wednesday, October 3, 2007 4:03 PM) Bookmark Link

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Actually, it's probably less lovely in reality.

-- Alba, Wednesday, October 3, 2007 4:03 PM (Wednesday, October 3, 2007 4:03 PM) Bookmark Link

sleep, the haute bourgeoisie may think it crude, but most every aristocrat I've ever met was acutely four mouthed.

-- Michael White, Wednesday, October 3, 2007 11:00 AM (5 hours ago) Bookmark Link

They've got a lot to live down to, I suppose.

-- Laurel, Wednesday, October 3, 2007 11:06 AM (5 hours ago) Bookmark Link

no worries dude i have a shit beard right now, im just saying, cant you do like funky sideburns instead or something? anything to not look like a member of incubus?

-- max, Tuesday, October 2, 2007 4:31 AM (Tuesday, October 2, 2007 4:31 AM) Bookmark Link

"How about if I promise to suck you off?"

(2 seconds ago, office girl trying to get a bloke to go out with her tonight)

-- aldo, Wednesday, October 3, 2007 3:07 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Link

Um that's exactly the kind of phrase I want to hear in pretty much any scenario.

-- Mark C, Wednesday, October 3, 2007 3:13 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Link

Mark "All My Best Friends Are Crackheads" C

Irony is also irrelevant to cooking.

-- Dr Morbius, Thursday, October 4, 2007 10:46 AM (13 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

What, you never made a microwaved quesadilla knowing that you were above it?

-- Ned Raggett, Thursday, October 4, 2007 10:48 AM (11 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

i brush my teeth while peeing sometimes

-- cutty, Wednesday, October 3, 2007 7:08 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Link

do you ever pee in the sink for no reason

-- and what, Wednesday, October 3, 2007 7:20 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Link

what is this college

-- cutty, Wednesday, October 3, 2007 7:22 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Link

Christopher Reeve

-- Sara R-C, Friday, October 5, 2007 4:23 AM (12 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

sarah just so u know my mom went to prom with him

-- max, Friday, October 5, 2007 4:23 AM (11 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

...
xpost to max - WOW, how cool! I think my crush was due to a Superman poster that I had in my bedroom during grade school...

-- Sara R-C, Friday, October 5, 2007 4:30 AM (4 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

she said that he was sweet but sort of boring and she and her friends "used" him for his grandmother's beach house

-- max, Friday, October 5, 2007 4:32 AM (3 minutes ago) Bookmark

(On the 1st crush thread.)

I mean it says right there on wikipedia "For the Scottish artist and singer see Momus (artist)" like he's going to be doing tartan installations or something

-- Dan I., Monday, 9 April 2007 14:39 (5 months ago) Bookmark Link

OK look i know I excelsior silly things but "tartan installations" cracked me up.

is that not something you can get done with your hair?

Wot like tartan extensions? heh. Awesome!

(some gag I can't quite work out involving pleats and plaids)

nyeeeh you kids and yer fashion

guys I have an idea, let's document the utter miserable failure of the human race in the form of a comic

-- El Tomboto, Friday, 5 October 2007 07:35 (5 hours ago) Bookmark Link

we'll call it...Ziggy

-- latebloomer, Friday, 5 October 2007 07:41 (5 hours ago)

Hahaha

Edited for Roffles. Actually the entire ASK GOD thread is gold

God, why do I live in Hull?

-- Noodle Vague, Thursday, 4 October 2007 21:54 (Thursday, 4 October 2007 21:54) Bookmark Link

Dear God,

What happened to Purgatory, anyway? I thought you had a pretty good thing going there. Plus, now Dante looks like a douche.

-- John Justen, Thursday, 4 October 2007 21:58 (Thursday, 4 October 2007 21:58) Bookmark Link

God, why do I live in Hull?

MESCALINE

---------------

What happened to Purgatory, anyway? I thought you had a pretty good thing going there. Plus, now Dante looks like a douche.

ITS BEEN RELOCATED TO ENGLAND AND RENAMED "HULL"

-- GOD, Thursday, 4 October 2007 23:08 (Thursday, 4 October 2007 23:08)

I think I wet myself a little...

I loled at "taratan installations", too.

*tartan.

Blatant street-teamery like this is funny, it's the more proficient PR/band spammers, the ones nobody notices that bother me, and we must get a bit of it.

-- Pashmina, Friday, October 5, 2007 1:09 PM (2 hours ago) Bookmark Link

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Yeah, I could feel my tolerance for Killing Joke being slowly raised over the years

-- That mong guy that's shit, Friday, October 5, 2007 1:12 PM (2 hours ago) Bookmark Link

Just trying to share some playlists with like-minded listeners, that's all. The bashing is unnecessary.

-- listenthinkreact, Friday, 5 October 2007 19:44 (2 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

everybody Hz sometimes

-- river wolf, Friday, October 5, 2007 11:51 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Link

Shit you beat me to it.

Guilty lolz, but massive lolz nonetheless.

"He could see both of his testicles hanging on the outside of his body"

Holy shit, mine do this too :O

-- Mark C, Saturday, October 6, 2007 4:54 AM (Saturday, October 6, 2007 4:54 AM) Bookmark Link

oops is OTP!!

-- duane, Sunday, May 18, 2003 7:23 AM (4 years ago) Bookmark Link

yeah, you know me

-- oops (Oops), Sunday, May 18, 2003 7:23 AM

From the gay thread:

me and Jesse never ever agree on dudes. Jesse likes date rapists.
-- Jenny, Sunday, October 7, 2007 4:04 AM

hi, it's 3:30 am and i'm drunk on the internet posting abt porn

-- gff, Sunday, 7 October 2007 08:23 (Yesterday) Link

HI

-- BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Sunday, 7 October 2007 08:25 (Yesterday) Link

aw hell no

-- gff, Sunday, 7 October 2007 08:32 (Yesterday) Link

kane_clap.gif

hahahahahaha

It would be hilarious if Dawkins was the anit-christ.
Imagine how pissed off he'd be!

-- mei, Monday, October 8, 2007 2:46 PM (10 seconds ago) Bookmark Link

http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&rls=EGLC%2CEGLC%3A2007-20%2CEGLC%3Aen&q=Geir+Hongro+felching&btnG=Search

-- Noodle Vague, Monday, October 8, 2007 5:17 PM (Monday, October 8, 2007 5:17 PM) Bookmark Link

i had a friend who was a 'chick magnet,' she dressed in all black and attached fuzzy yellow fake 'chicks' to her shirt

-- deej, Monday, October 8, 2007 9:08 PM (12 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

very clever but it meant someone was asking what she was supposed to be every two seconds, thinking for a moment and then going "ohhhhhh, i get it."

-- deej, Monday, October 8, 2007 9:08 PM (12 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

Does she write a web comic?

-- Catsupppppppppppppp dude 茄蕃, Monday, October 8, 2007 9:11 PM (9 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

That is like when in eighth grade my mom told me to go as a "black-eyed pea." I did makeup like I got punched in the eye and wore a shirt I had pasted a big letter P to. had five people at the junior high Halloween dance ask if I was supposed to be "a lesbian."

See if you'd worn bicycle shorts with a big wet patch there'd've been no confusion.

Abbott, your life continues to be amazing!

I AM ACTUALLY LAUGHING AT ABBOTT.

(that was supposed to be a boring comment on how no one really lols at half these things, not on the unlikelihood of laughing at Abbott specifically)

I thought you were emphasizing laughing at versus laughing with

No, I think that is a bogus distinction.

No, I think that is a bogus distinction

hahahahahah!

(got you worried now, haven't i?)

ha.

Does she write a web comic?

-- Catsupppppppppppppp dude 茄蕃, Monday, October 8, 2007 9:11 PM (9 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

all-purpose zing

I bet I have excelsiored this before but eh whatever:

There should really be a chain of restaurants called either Hey Smell This or What The Fuck Were You Thinking, but I think I've talked about that before.

(..snip)

-- Tep (ktepi), Thursday, 2 December 2004 15:15 (2 years ago) Bookmark Link

breasts

-- ken c, Tuesday, 9 October 2007 11:10 (1 hour ago) Link

wait no the other way round

-- ken c, Tuesday, 9 October 2007 11:10 (1 hour ago) Link

"Dirty Dancing" would win if Jennifer Grey tore out someone's throat at a pivotal moment.

-- HI DERE, Tuesday, October 9, 2007 1:24 PM (32 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

Slightly edited for lulz:

i like it when the mongs cook up schemes.

-- estela, Wednesday, 10 October 2007 14:46 (2 hours ago) Bookmark Link

I read that as when we cock up schemes. And it still made sense.

-- Trayce, Wednesday, 10 October 2007 14:46 (2 hours ago) Bookmark Link

...

i am a bit shocked that trayce tried to put cock in my mouth.

-- estela, Wednesday, 10 October 2007 15:37 (2 hours ago) Bookmark Link

It's not delivery, it's Digiorno
orno
orno
O
O
O

-- nabisco, Wednesday, October 10, 2007 4:09 PM (Wednesday, October 10, 2007 4:09 PM) Bookmark Link

Is this song an important cultural touchstone? I feel like Tuomas here.

-- Abbott, Wednesday, October 10, 2007 8:15 PM (21 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

Shield the baby's eys, Abbot. Quick!

-- Michael White, Wednesday, October 10, 2007 8:16 PM (20 minutes ago)

http://a381.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/images01/40/l_f3d00e74985b6f9eca69a2e3a3a6a31c.jpg
-- chaki, Thursday, October 11, 2007 12:57 AM (2 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

Now that is marvellous. I'd buy if it the cover looked like that.

HAHAHAH!

includes a bonus disc

:D

Needs "Runaway Train" style video.

CALUM WADDELL: Trolling since 2003
NUDE SPOCK: Trolling since 2002
PHIL PATERSON: Trolling since 2004

-- Dom Passantino, Thursday, 11 October 2007 10:07 (16 minutes ago)

there was one set of footprints because ilx was carrying you

-- omar little, Thursday, October 11, 2007 4:12 PM Bookmark Link

What song was Abbott talking about?

"Strokin' Cribs" by G la Don ft. Kwandelle

Oh, but it is a cultural touchstone!

Some song about an umbrella that isn't the Hollies' "Bus Stop." I've been trying to hear it on the radio. No luck!

Is it from Mary Poppins?

Hmm, now that I think of it, I'm not sure if Mary Poppins ever sang about her umbrella. But it was a great umbrella!

See! My metaphor was accurate!

What metaphor?

SEE?

Oh, I now get it. I guess it was accurate, yes.

Though I hope I haven't turned into a mere metaphor for all you people to casually drop.