The Rolling "Living with a Gay Porn Photographer" Thread

Anecdote #1: We go out to the burbs to hang with a mutual friend, one of these guys in tow, and as we're heading back, roommate gets a call from one of his other models who lives out there. So we swing around to get him, and they come back to the apartment, do a shit ton of X, and I spend a good 30 minutes trying to get Trust Fund Model No. 2 to stop making attempts to touch my penis before finally kicking them out of my room.

please follow through with this.

wow

I've got these guys staying on the couch every damn day

A haunting sense of deja vu is emerging.

A+ thread already

you're nothing without pics

TFM2, on the way back into town, had a long bitch sesh about how he got arrested for having an ounce of weed in his car, "but they can't search your glove box just because you have a suspended license. My mother pays good money for my lawyer. That shit is getting dismissed".

Oh, so, the guy staying on the couch right now I've seen pictures of him having sex. Didn't want to, but it turns out since my old laptop has Photoshop and I wasn't using it, roomie decided to edit the photos on my computer.

I take it outside, hoping to read the news with some tea in the backyard, open it up, and am ambushed.

xpost to elan:

Man, if he wouldn't sue me...

Okay, so, after typing that, I left my room to get a snack, and I saw fuzzy handcuffs on the living room table, the bedroom door closed, and flashes coming from under it.

So, I'm going to the bar now. Updates later, as news happens!

you gotta get out of this place

I see great things ahead for this thread :D

and I spend a good 30 minutes trying to get Trust Fund Model No. 2 to stop making attempts to touch my penis before finally kicking them out of my room.

So bad

Key fact missing from current account: are you gay as well?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=noWm_IKq5oI

I get the impression no, milo heh.

Well, he's clearly not interested, and that's what matters.

When you find yourself in the thick of it
Help yourself to a bit of what is all around you
Silly girl

Or not.

There's a rose
In a fisted glove
And the eagle flies,
Flies with the dove
So if you can't be with the one you love,
Love the one you're with
Love the one you're with

there's a comedic difference in not-interested and not-gay when it comes to Trust Fund Penis Play.

There's probably some fun wordplay on the "rolling" in the thread title and the massive dose of X, but it's not something I can make happen at moment.

Rolling gay porn photography subject....

That's pretty much it. Not so clever.

O god, I never realized that song was saying "rose in a fisted glove." That's really creepy.

^

This thread has top ten potential.

Yeah Abbott same! I am having mighty unpleasant "fist + thorns" associations MAKE THEM STOP.

"Fist the one you're with!"

OK you, into the penalty box.

"box"

The word "fisted" is a big part of it for me. You know, the internet has spoiled a lot of innocent things for me. Most anything I see on tv makes me think what fetish site that screen cap will end up on. "There's one for the stiletto heels getting stuck in mud sites." "Oh, that's ending up with the sneezing porn." "Furries, furries, furries...who can really argue for intelligent design when I know what you're pondering while watching this cartoon?"

"box"

STOP THAT.

That's a terrible safe word, Trayce.

xxpost

The main website seems dead, but, this introductory page addresses that phenomenon:

Nothing is safe around fisting.

"Fisted" was an innocent word for you? I think even before I saw that Robert Mapplethorpe photo (before the internet!) it had certain...er...connotations.

ooops - xpost

Haha, I guess there was never any tiny hint of innocence surrounding fisting.

(Because the rectum is surrounding fisting, and that little thing, it knows more than it should.)

Given that the Leather Nun thread kicked in over on ILM, it is hard to refrain from posting the lyrics to "F.F.A."

Rectum? You brought 'em!

Wow, this thread's blossoming

Gold!

Ok, got home to find all three of them (being Model Who Has Been Sleeping On Couch Since I Moved In, Model Who Has Been Moving Between Roommate's Bedroom And The Couch For Three Days, and Roommate) sitting in the living room, inexplicably all wearing shorts (?) (!)... (?) and watching Season Two of Extras, which Roommate has seen at least 10 times in my presence alone.

Not knowing how to interpret this, I retreat into my room.

Oh, and no, I'm not gay, though I'm often mistaken as such, and aside from that seem to fit perfectly the template of what Roommate's Internet Porn Masters are looking for (skinny, shaggy hair, look about three years younger than I am, mildly feminine facial features, etc.).

you gotta get out of this place

Are you mad? No way! This is why we stick around on ILE. Sorry, Nick, but this too GREBT! I'd pay money (muchj like a porn site) to have you regale about these incidents. :-)

full disclosure: i have slept on Ned's couch.

nick can you post links to your roomie's work?

I'm not sure if we need visual stimulation. Sometimes words are enough (or rather more/better than the pics), right?

Nathalie OTM.

His artsy shit (which I actually really like, though I suspect it's much more interesting if you know how he does it and are really interested in that sort of thing), or his porn?

I can on both accounts, but really, really don't want him googling this shit one day.

Webmail me if you're that curious.

Y'know, I can perfectly envision his talent but that would kind of ruin the incidents described here. I'd prefer to think that he's a bumbling fool with mediocre talent, it's sort of funnier.

It's the revelation that Extras is the numbver one comedy of choice for gay internet porn actors to relax to after a hard days fisting that's making the thread for me, so far.

Man, if he wouldn't sue me...

Um, I think if he takes your laptop and puts photos on it without telling you, he can't really complain if those photos accidentally end up on the Internet.

A+ thread already

-- deej, Monday, 10 September 2007 03:14 (5 hours ago) Bookmark Link

Definitely a thread with promise. Looking forward to more updates.

Just read the full thread title. Sadly won't be opening this at work anymore :(

I think you might be able to provide us with a link to the website? Rot13? Leet? Whisper it?

yah except i dont really want to look at gay porn. you should post one of the establishing shots where everyone is just hanging out giving each other the eye.

whatever mows yr lawn, jhøshea

I'd say stick it out until something really awful or shocking happens and don't keep anything too valuable in the place.

A friend of mine moved into a similar situation for a few months while we were all living in Amsterdam and it was hilarious but sometimes tragic. Gay porn had taken over the place 100%--every cupboard and drawer was stuffed with pornographic magazines, sex toys and poppers, the whole house was done up in purple velvet curtains and zebra print armchairs in a late 90's gay baroque style. My friend had met the landlord by chance at a gay bar, was offered a place in the house but then didn't hear back from the guy for a few days. It turns out that the landlord didn't call back because he had to get a dildo surgically removed from his colon because it got stuck during a particularly heavy session and his stomach was all stitched up from the procedure. This guy booked "talent" for the live sex shows in the Red Light district and was a Belgian dude who looked like one of the nihilists in The Big Lebowski.
Two other guys lived in the house: One was a small-time ecstasy dealer who had a live-in girlfriend but for some reason pretended to be gay in front of his circle of acquaintances/customers because they were all gay and would not accept his heterosexuality. The other housemate who was a Romanian Michael Jackson impersonator who thought that Michael Jackson had direct knowledge of his activities and was competitive about it. There was also a poor, retarded Saint Bernard named "Baby" who had gotten into the dealer's stash and eaten a huge quantity of pills and was sadly brain damaged so he couldn't remember to go outside and pee. You had to stand in the back yard and coax him outside periodically. :(

OMG

Wow.

Um...you ARE pitching this as a movie or novel idea somewhere, I hope.

Naw, there's really no coherent narrative. Although somehow the whole situation ended up with the ecstasy dealer's secret heterosexual lifestyle girlfriend living in MY walk-in hall closet with her sister and garbage bags of her stuff and we had to throw it all out on the street and change the locks to get rid of her.
And so I learned that crazy is contagious.

Sounds like a Dutch Richard Curtis film.

nah. Give it a uber-euro-hip soundtrack and let Grag Araki direct.

uh, after en's descrip of himself, i'd be happy if he just posted his OWN pictures

Naw, there's really no coherent narrative

Sitcom city, y'all.

uh, after en's descrip of himself, i'd be happy if he just posted his OWN pictures

He posted on a WDYLL thread a long time ago. Like maybe last year. I'd say more, but I don't want to seem crepey.

saudade, WAU!!!

The moral of that story is use something with a flared base if you use le buttsecks toy.

The couch is gone.

I jocularly ask if the couch is dead (his couch, so I'm not gonna get uppity), and he just says "yup, I uh, put it out to uh... die" and slips into his room.

No further explanation.

OK waht!

Another coach anally corrupted for the entertainment of ILX. WILL THE MADNESS NEVER END?

No matter how hard you scrub, the santorum just won't come out.

The moral of that story is use something with a flared base if you use le buttsecks toy.

That's exactly what they told the poor bastard when he went to the hospital to have that shit taken out of his intestines or wherever it had gotten to.

I guess sex accidents happen all the time--be careful out there folks.

It might be in his room.

I did just hear one of the models say "my job here is done!"

(I may need to start changing this shit around a bit, because at this point, these are exactly the kinds of things I would make up for a thread like this. I mean, a couch for god's sake.)

Another coach anally corrupted

http://www.buygay.com/images/products/DVD_QUARTERBACK_SACK_m.jpg

Hahaha.

"secret heterosexual lifestyle girlfriend"

hah, brilliant

The couch is in his room, with lights set up.

Never sitting on it again.

At least not without one of those Naked Gun full body condoms.

Another coach anally corrupted for the entertainment of ILX

You know, man, when I was a young man in high school
you believe in or not I wanted to play football for the coach
And all those older guys
they said he was mean and cruel, but you know
wanted to play football for the coach
They said I was to little too light weight to play line-backer
so I say I'm playing right-end
wanted to play football for the coach
'Cause, you know some day, man
you gotta stand up straight unless you're gonna fall
then you're gone to die
And the straightest dude
I ever knew was standing right for me all the time
So I had to play football for the coach
and I wanted to play football for the coach

GUYS CONSIDER THIS POOR COUCH'S LFE
IT IS BETTER THAT IT FINALLY WENT TO THE UH...DIE

I should mention that since Nick and I have been lurking/sporadically posting on ILX since high school, I'm sure he'd have no problem holding a Chi-FAP in this apartment. It could be the Behind the Green Door of FAPs!

Or the Eyes Wide Shut, at least.

Okay, this is really silly and stupid, but I was very bad at flirting when I was a teenager. There was a classmate in high school to whom I was PAINFULLY attracted, and being next to him was like hugging a van der graaf generator. But I had no idea how I could get close to him without being "dirty." My solution was to lay down on a couch and say, "Hey, look at me! I'm the couch!"...pause..."I'm the couch! Come sit on me!" He was just as awkward as I was and I think he viewed it as I did: the best available compromise. So he sat on the lumbar region of my spine while I felt pained and tried to breathe normally. Still, very exciting! We were touching! Then his friend came down the stairs (he'd just popped by after school) and asked who he was sitting on. "Oh, this is the couch."

BRING IT ON, SMORRIS.

Also, Abbott... awwww.

OH MY GOD HAVE THREAD WORLD AND COUCH WORLD COLLIDED?

LOOKING HERE GLASS THROUGH WE'RE PEOPLE THE!

I CAN ALMOST TASTE THE MARABOU FEATHERS!

I wish there was a remake of Xanadu with the contents of this thread.

and being next to him was like hugging a van der graaf generator

Abbott you are awesome can I pls marry you :D

I wish there was a remake of Xanadu with the contents of this thread.

A COUCH!
THAT NOBODY DARED SIT ON!

I vow to make this happen.

Until I get bored.

Or forget.

xpost

Trayce OTM.

Oh, and here's the picture Roommate took of me (15 second exposure!):

http://a774.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/images01/115/l_c67a0e692afa1c139a057bcc4b732ded.jpg

And nath, don't let the bit of talent fool you, he's still pretty bumbling.

What the...do you live in a Michel Gondry film set or something?

HOLY SHIT IS THAT WHERE YOU LIVE?

You are a dreamy guy, I can see why a complete dimbulb would skip the YEARS OF ANXIOUS TREMBLECRUSH to skip right to the inappropriate nubrubbing.

Man, if your roomie is a worse spotlight hog than that bamboo, then I'm truly sorry.

I wish there was a remake of Xanadu with the contents of this thread.

I've seen Nick in roller skates, and let me tell you, it's magic.

Nothing can stand in his way?

You've posted that pic before havent you Nick? Its great (and u r cuet)

Ned: I would if these fucking kids would let me keep it clean.

s.: You're fucking right it is, especially if it's my birthday and I think for a few minutes I've been dosed with something.

Abbott: OMG so many syllables that end in "B".

Trayce: Yeah, on the WDYLL a few months back.

I thnk I am going to call all gropes "nubrubbing" from now on.

Abbot, yr story is CUUUET.

Reminds me of so much prepube stuff from my own life.

They're going on the road for a few days, and the seemingly permanent fixture on the couch (which had better as fuck be staying in his damn room) isn't coming back.

Awesome news for me, bad news for the thread.

I'll totally tell you about how much fun I have cleaning the living room, though.

THEY'RE MOVING THE COUCH BACK BEFORE THEY LEAVE.

SWEET.

Also arguing about straightening their hair.

hose that couch down with bleach

down that bleach with a hose (on the couch)

I keep reading this as a thread about a Stones song I've never heard.

Alright, someone MOST CERTAINLY, without a SHADOW OF A DOUBT, trimmed their pubes on the toilet today.

I'm going out now. To fume.

Last week he came home with Couch dude, and gave him a ride to the train station.

I took this as a good sign, that he had made enough porn to keep him paid for a little while and would go back to taking pretty pictures in the desert and working on finding some gallery space.

Then last night I came home and Couch dude was back. This morning, I go to the bathroom to find a Summer's Eve douche next to the sink.

Get a job in a meat-packing factory (no pun intended) and take YOUR work home with you.

Oh, so they brought back a present? Thoughtful!

Inevitable point at which it gets a bit too real:

I was making dinner while they were watching Sarah Silverman's Jesus is Magic, which was bringing the laffs, apparently, until it gets to the part where she sings a song the chorus of which is "Do you ever take drugs so that you can have sex without crying?"

Dead silence.

:o

To be fair, though, does anyone have sex without crying?

It's too bad your room mate isn't a really popular gay director, like Ken Burns. Maybe then he'd spend all of his time going over microfilms really slowly and booking violinists to come in and play while Garrison Keillor reads letters.

Ken Burns is on the Daily Show right now.

And for my third post in a row, I have to say that after a quick search on Ken Burns, it turns out he's not gay. I don't know why I thought that.

http://kscakes.com.nyud.net:8080/LolCats/Uploads/Saved/ken-burns-is-straight.jpg

photo by: ?
capped and submitted by: kenburnsistotallynotgay

never forget 9/11

Hey, for some reason this image reminded me of this thread:

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v233/owangotang/UltimateWarrior.gif

Hmm.

You're not a kind man, are you?

No. Not kind at all.

(or woman)

Oddly enough, I wasn't even thinking about the gay part when posting that picture...

That's the Warrior one, not the Ken Burns...

Oh hey you're John. I'm coming down this weekend. Anything doin'?

On the Roommate issue, he came into my room last night, sat down on my bed, and very ominously asked me about my religious beliefs.

Thankfully he just wanted to bitch about the bible to someone, but I was scared for a second.

Wouldn't it be great if he launched into a diatribe about Hinduism? Just out of nowhere?

You'd be living with a gay Hindu pornographer. Through in a Navy SEAL and you've got a bad movie, terrible sitcom or a brilliant reality show.

I don't know, give me a call, maybe we can get Steve and listen to some music or something.

Dude, we should get DRUKQS and listen to the copy of Ambient 4 On Land I got last weekend with the 3rd speaker thing going on. It'll be like high school, but even nerdier.

some people have all the luck

Tho I could just be saying that because I don't own any real furniture.

I'll talk to you on email, nick, I don't want to threadjack.

And Eric, I can't hear you over the sound of all these chairs that I own...

Updates?

Actually, I put down a deposit on a one bedroom yesterday, moving at the end of January. He wants me to help him find a subletter. I don't think I'll really do that.

Noooooo....do not end the lulz!

SUFFER FOR OUR ENTERTAINMENT

too funny.

I hate when you are in a shit position and when you leave the position you are sort of expected to find someone to fill your place. "No, I don't know anyone else you can hire to do graphic design for $6 an hour with no benefits who is a woman because you hate men."

What's new?

photo by: ?
capped and submitted by: kenburnsistotallynotgay

-- luna, Friday, September 28, 2007 8:41 PM (3 months ago) Bookmark Link

never forget 9/11

-- HI DERE, Friday, September 28, 2007 8:47 PM (3 months ago) Bookmark Link

if only we knew

My God. This thread: The merriment. The roffles.