C/D: Listening to the same music as your crush in an attempt to be 'closer' to them

nightmare. crush on someone whose music doesn't suck?

I think this is probably always classic - even if you don't like it you end up coming up with these amazingly complicated justifications and nuances and by the end of the inevitably doomed crush-period (in which you will have spoken to the crush about twice if lucky) the music will be twisted around your soul like thorns HURRAH! I think it's fascinating the reasons you can come up with under strong motivation (ie HOTTTT BOYS/GURLS).

(ESP if it is the new Crzy Phr0g nim nim)

I just crushed one someone and think about the crush while I listen to music I want to introduce her too omg that is the twee-est thing I've ever said

also, why can't i type: "one" = "on" and "too" = "to"

this bullshit is the reason i have owned, in the past, cds by dave matthews band, earth crisis, and various college a cappella groups.

never again.

^^^ haha nice. yea it's kind of dud, even though we've all done it.

last.fm has made all these much easier/more complex/more public

sometimes this is awesome!

sometimes this is terrible and stupid.

^^reposting that to every thread btw

The thrill of SUPER compatible! Then the deflation of:

"You like artists such as Belle & Sebastian and David Bowie"

... is that all?

But I spent HOURS listening to carefully crafted mixes JUST FOR THEM!! Will they not even REALISE??

this bullshit is the reason i have owned, in the past, cds by dave matthews band, earth crisis, and various college a cappella groups.

She sounds like a catch

This is super classic if they have good taste! I spent the whole summer listening to garage and northern soul and DIY pop that I love, so it worked out perfectly.

xpost

oh snap. but that's kind of the thing, home much does someone's music taste matter?

home = how

The Cure are fantastic, you loon!

They are at least fantastic when lovelorn.

Music taste does matter, to me -- I dated someone who thought that all pop and soft music and things other than, say, Hum, Ween, and Mike Patton projects were "for girls" and would make fun of me for playing anything remotely twee. Maybe he was kidding but it really got to me, his assumption that music tastes were nec gendered. So...maybe I shd just resolve not to date the small-minded, haha.

"Oh god they're listening to Barry White - does that mean they are getting it ON whilst I'm just sitting at my computer by myself in my pants refreshing their last.fm chart oh god oh god oh god"

(sorry to have strayed from the topic but the horror is becoming hugely crisp!!)

No jokes, this is my ex's Facebook favourite music:

NINA SIMONE, TRACY CHAPMAN, AMY WINEHOUSE, ERYKAH BADU, JILL SCOTT, SKUNK ANANSIE, Skin, India Arie, Angie Stone, Sting, Aretha Franklin, Dinah Washington, Stevie Wonder, Ella Fitzgerald, En Vogue, Alanis Morissette, Basement Jaxx, The Delfonics, Whitney Houston, Eva Cassidy, Eagle-Eye Cherry, Fatboy Slim, Garbage, Lauryn Hill, Goldfrapp, Missy Elliott, Tweet, Macy Gray, Mary J, Blige, Paul Weller, The Puppini Sisters, Sade, Roberta Flack, Sheryl Crow.

I didn't even try.

thatsracist.jpg

seems okay, on the whole.

xpost

Yeah, but 1) The Puppini Sisters, 2) it is about as violently opposed to my own taste as such things can possibly get.

(not that I didn't passively listen to it when round hers; I'll admit it was decent background shag music)

The Puppini Sisters are playing near here soon, they look quite intruiging.

What kind of mentalist gives a fuck about what music their crush listens to?

...in the "oh, s/he listens to X, no way I'd touch that!" sense, I mean.

Not in the "I made you a mix cd that I think you'll like!" sense, which makes total sense.

Speak for yourself, Chris, I'm never dating another Mike Patton fan. I cannot ABIDE that stuff.

if someone my age has the same music taste as me I'll fall for them instantly

i could never date someone with the same taste as i

was that directed at lj? xp

i might be going to a show for... beirut? this weekend. who are they even? i don't even know. thanks, crush-music-thing

This is super classic if they have good taste!

otm, or even tolerable taste. Interesting taste is fine, too. Even weird. If they listen to nothing but Lithuanian wedding songs, I can handle that, as long as we don't live together.

HOWEVER Dave Matthews Band is right out. I refuse to negotiate about insipid MOR taste. It's the worst.

i think i did this once when i was 13.

people make past mistakes with music and sometimes stick with them out of nostalgia or sentimentality y/n?

Sorry, did you say something? I had the Bluetones turned up too loudly to hear you.

She likes Le Tigre too, who I love, but I draw the line at Madonna. I mean, come on, Madonna!?!?!?

louis, you're insane! i would kill to meet a (hott) woman who loved badu. stevie, angie, nina and lauryn, and who might be impressed by my corrinne bailey rae platinum disk. as it is, i have a tendency to date indie girls who either a) hate stevie wonder (i know, insane), b) call modern R&B 'chav music', or c) declare that they aren't into 'anything urban'. it is always doomed...

I like the Cure and Madonna

yeah i was gonna say i like madonna but i doubt my crush does

casting my mind back a long way, conjoin this thread + "i am 'inexplicably' mean to my crush, what could it mean?" and you have my old steez: being mean about crush's music.

Being open to what they like = classic

Being expected to like everything they do and with the same enthusiasm = dud

I first encountered Dave at school
A bootleg tape got passed around
I couldn't say I liked it
but it had a real distinctive sound
This was around the time he first broke
Dave Matthews' music filled the air
It was the crimson on the hilltop
It was the acorns in my hair
It was the acorns in my hair
It was the acorns in my hair

When the lights go down
and the crowd goes wild
And he steps on the stage
and he puts on his guitar
And the band's already playing
as he steps up to the mic
That's when you hear Dave's voice
and there's no mistaking it

I had a hard time making friends
until this girl just down the hall
asked me to come into her single
she had Dave's poster on her wall
When we were talking on her bed
she accidentally touched my hand
I was so happy that I lied
and said I liked Dave Matthews Band

And the crowd goes wild again
cause they recognize the song
Outside the leaves are falling
its November in Vermont
When you own all his albums
and you've memorized the words
its kind of weird to look on stage
and think Oh my God that's really Dave
Oh my God that's really Dave
Oh my God that's really Dave

This is so classic! Except when you're dating that guy who only likes classical music. I mean, I do too, and so I learn to appreciate new stuff there, but HE doesn't want any of your new fangled electric music, no thank you!

I guess my point is it's classic when you both share music, rather than one person imposing their tastes on the other.

There is no point in trying this if you don't like the music. That said, I did make some regrettable purchases in the past for this reason, which is how I reached my current conclusion. (regrettable purchase: having to buy all that weed to make his Led Zeppelin tolerable)

<i>"I like the Cure and Madonna

-- Curt1s Stephens, Thursday, 27 September 2007 20:09 (7 minutes ago) Bookmark Link" </i>

Hands off!

She's mine!!!

"Oh god they're listening to Barry White - does that mean they are getting it ON whilst I'm just sitting at my computer by myself in my pants refreshing their last.fm chart oh god oh god oh god"

HAHAHAH Sarah are you my doppelganger?!

Thankfully, current crush doesnt even USE lastfm.

But I spent HOURS listening to carefully crafted mixes JUST FOR THEM!! Will they not even REALISE??
hahahah. Or in pre-internet days "will they hear it in the background as I answer the phone" like some kind of demented Sean Hughes

I found using last.fm as a kind of musical communication a really sweet thing. It appealed to my sappy sensibilities. I miss doing it. Sigh.

thatsracist.jpg

-- gabbneb, Thursday, September 27, 2007 4:27 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Link

it's a GIF

-- s1ocki, Thursday, September 27, 2007 8:07 PM (Thursday, September 27, 2007 8:07 PM) Bookmark Link

no, see, there's also a jpg. and there's no ".gif" meme.

^$#^!#&^@&$%

OK that some srs level of meme pedantry.

http://img169.imageshack.us/img169/2762/chesrsbzns6js.jpg

louis, you're insane! i would kill to meet a (hott) woman who loved badu. stevie, angie, nina and lauryn, and who might be impressed by my corrinne bailey rae platinum disk. as it is, i have a tendency to date indie girls who either a) hate stevie wonder (i know, insane), b) call modern R&B 'chav music', or c) declare that they aren't into 'anything urban'. it is always doomed...

The trouble was that her taste was so gruesomely one-dimensional. It didn't help that she placed a premium on lyrics and singing rather than the actual music. Every decent rock/pop band I'd name as an example of my own taste, she'd dismiss as too loud or too abrasive or whatever. Add in the fact that I'm by no means a big fan of soul/R'n'B, and you've got yourself an irrevocable chasm. If she'd liked (the pick of) those acts alongside a variety of other stuff, I'd be more understanding. As it is, her concessions to rock music, Paul Weller, Garbage and Sting, are more than a little depressing from my point of view.

Or in pre-internet days "will they hear it in the background as I answer the phone" like some kind of demented Sean Hughes

HANG ON, JUST GOT TO TURN DOWN THE JAZZ

Clearly, it's better to have completely different musical taste from your partner, so when you break up you won't have that "we used to love the same songs" problem that suddenly erases your ability to listen to half your music collection.

I did once have a partner who hated one of my favourite bands. When we split up we stayed as housemates - so I took great delight in playing songs she hated, loudly, when she brought men home.

Hey, memories are to be treasured, right? :p

Seriously, though, I can't see how mutual adoration of a piece of music would debar you from being able to listen to it without icy stabs of regret lancing your chest, should the relationship end. Maybe I'm yet to experience this, but I can't imagine it being THAT much of a problem. Plus, I don't WANT a partner with a completely different taste; considering how much of my life is spent listening to, commenting on, seeing music, it would be a headache in excelsis.

Both Classic and DUd

Maria is right. It's nice to be able to share music but I want a nice balance of compatibilities and differences.

My last girlfriend liked music in the same way as me, and thus had a really varied collection. Although there were a fair few overlaps, because she grew up on the other side of the world we were able to introduce each other to all kinds of new stuff. I utterly adore the mix disc she made me but the downside is that it makes I un peu sad.

A previous girlfriend had an incredibly one-dimensional taste in music and the cd she made me is the epitome of indie blandness. Although at the time there were a lot of commonalities - cos I was going through a bland indie period - I now feel highly superior in terms of taste. Also she = cunt.

This thread seems to have derailled.

It's not about people you're in a relationship with, who you already are close to, but about a desperate, maybe feeble attempt, to do anything to feel closer to the person you're crushing on but not with.

:-(

That's rather specific.

I spose I'll try and open myself up to liking the stuff that they like - music or whatever - perhaps in order to further justify the idea that we should be together. But i don't think I like myself for that kinda behaviour.

I guess that qualifies.

Who doesn't like Madonna? Srsly, too many people on this thread are the freaky music fascists who the other half of the thread would never date.

Having said that, if she loved the Levellers I would have one hell of an internal struggle.

B-b-but surely she will realise that your diffident mealy-mouthed patently insincere attempts to "appreciate" the Levellers are in fact a declaration of undying love??

Madonna produced by William Orbit = classic, Madonna otherwise = ambivalent. I can't hate her.

Music fascists? Residing in the open egalitarian non-judgemental world of the internet? Surely not.

Fucking Soup Dragons.

It'd be very ungallant of me to talk about any music my gf listens to that I don't like, but luckily there's very little of it. I did struggle quite a lot with Klaus Nomi I guess.

As it is, her concessions to rock music, Paul Weller, Garbage and Sting, are more than a little depressing from my point of view.

http://m.assetbar.com/uuacpVk92.gif

fair comment!

Stevie ftw (xpost)

ps i totally get what yer saying, louis. i used to date a girl whose favourite song is 'wonderful tonight' by clapton.

This thread veers dangerously close to John Cusack's-epiphany-at-the-end-of-High-Fidelity-ness.

Listening to the same music as your crush to be close to her = a bit like Ashley Judd in Kiss the Girls, or one of those movies where the detective gets "into the mind" of the serial killer. "If I only I understood why she likes Dave Matthews, we could get an insight into the killer's motives..."

My feeling is that the older you get, the less you give a damn about your loved one's or even your friends' different tastes in music. It's OK when you're 17, and venturing into Hornby-autism when you're 35.

I had never expected Japanese Noise to play such a big part in my life.

Going out/hanging out with someone is probably the best way to appreciate different stuff but it shouldn't be a big effort or some project.

a desperate, maybe feeble attempt, to do anything to feel closer to the person you're crushing on but not with.

Have some dignity people.

That ship has sailed (up the west coast, through villages and towns...)

omg finally got around to facebook-stalking the crush and her music tastes are pretty excellent

such as.......

i did this once. I actually bought an Arrested Development disc (which ought to give you an idea of how long ago this was).

Suffice to say, it didn't really work. Still have the disc, though.

actually on second look, it's kinda mediocre but there are a couple of gems. i am really un-tempted to post them because i BRIEFLY mentioned "ilx" in a conversation the other day when i was like "so on this messageboard" and she was like "which" and i was like "ilx" and she shrugged

Good thing, otherwise she's never going to guess that you might be Will M.

I'm Will M!

That's not the point

the point is i've been all "I have a crush" but given no hints as to who it is

UNTIL I MADE THE POST ABOVE O FUK

dere Will M's future gf, he is very erudite and nice and he knows football and online scrabble tactics. he has my solemn endorsement.

Music taste does matter, to me -- I dated someone who thought that all pop and soft music and things other than, say, Hum, Ween, and Mike Patton projects were "for girls" and would make fun of me for playing anything remotely twee. Maybe he was kidding but it really got to me, his assumption that music tastes were nec gendered. So...maybe I shd just resolve not to date the small-minded, haha.

Was he making fun of you for being female or for liking music "below yr age"? Because if it's the former, there's some serious cognitive dissonance going on. Or maybe he was just gay.

NEVER ban louis

The former, I think. There were a lot of problems involving gender identity in that rel'ship.

He was totally immune to cognitive dissonance, that was one of the biggest problems. Logic not his strong point.

that sounds like a way better reason to not date someone, a lack of logic is the most excruciating thing since root canals

I like to think of Ween and Mr Bungle as all part of the Stupid Package.

This is also the person that argued for about half an hour that lesbians who like butch partners should just date men, since obv what they're looking for isn't a female person. And then brought it up again and again for a few months afterward.

You cannot conscionably say that about Mr. Bungle without expecting severe reprisals.

Don't you have a social engagement/photo op to ooze off to?

Considering I haven't posted once to the WDYLL thread this month, that's fairly rich. If by 'social engagement' you mean 'home, when work finishes in fifteen minutes', however, I doff my cap at your perspicacity.

Mr. Bungle is awful. Ween is good to know some words to, so you and your friends can sing along to "Bananas and Blow" or whatever, but it's not home listening, really. (With some exceptions -- there are Ween songs that I lurve.)

Ween are overrated, they're not even the best band that rhymes with -een

Dud, more of a dud when you already like the same music as each other.

Dud, more of a dud when you already like the same music as each other.

-- mr x, Friday, September 28, 2007 12:57 PM (2 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

ORRRR when they're listening to music you WAY got over, like, years ago

ACtually, I've just remembered a certain someone buying some Leonard Cohen CDs on sale because I'd been listening to him once or twice when she came over. They went on to eBay not too long after :)

Look at me, socially engaging in a partyzone for one.

Dignity os for schmucks.

'is'

classic. it can lead to unexpected digressions. eg with the nf, i downloaded a shitload of stuff he's into and was trying to listen to and understand and get it and some of it was stuff i loved anyway and some of it was kind of meh and some of it i was finding quite hard going - not that it was too difficult, that it was too stupid. and then you're like "WAHT, this is gash, why ru listening to this u big doof?" and it kind of knocks their pedestal awry and you're able to take the piss out of them gently for it and it makes things easy and dislodges that awkwardness. it is ace atm cos we both love a lot of the same music and then there's some of each other's bands that the other absolutely hates and will *never* come around to and we both get that, so there's a bit of pisstaking but we tend to not waste time trying to convince the other to stop liking stuff they like, more trying to convince the other to like stuff they don't.

I have several people I admire and care about greatly to thank in recent months/years for some of the music I now love, regardless of wether they're still in my life, so that makes me really pleased.

I dont think I'd go as far as forcibly listening to something I didnt like though. Guy I hang with right now is into metal. I've happily told him it isnt my thing in the least.

On Saturday night I was listening to music _with_ my crush at the local metal disco, so it's all good.

I've just remembered that I bought Screamadelica when I was 15 off the back of a recommendation from a girl I liked. I thought it was pure wank at the time and didn't touch it for three years when I had an epiphany, fell in love wid it and listened to nothing else for six months.

think this one might be due for a re-airing now that ilxors skew so old, miserable, and married

I've done this but I can't fake enthusiasm for something I don't genuinely like. I'll listen w/ them and if it doesn't gel I'll just be honest and say it's not my thing, but that I'm still interested in sharing in things they like.

last two relationships had better overlaps in music/movie tastes though which made that easier. harder when like yr into Cannibal Corpse and you're dating someone who wants to listen to Shania Twain or something

in some cases though I've actually gotten into musicians that weren't in my wheelhouse cuz of this so y'know...it's kinda cool when you add new things to connect on.

i like dexys midnight runners because of this phenomenon!

ever had the opposite happen, where a bad relationship caused you to take it out on the musician(s) you shared together? I now hate much euro power metal for that reason (sorry Kamelot).

I tried to get into Ray LaMontaigne because a girl I was dating loved him but that dude is boring as hell.

also i listened to the free design while making out, when i would rather have not (listened to the free design)

I recently put up with 10 minutes of mansplaining about Fugazi for the sake of a crush. (Not sure I would put up with listening to Fugazi for the sake of a crush, mind you.)

xpost aw come on, kites are fun

I have a Los Campesinos album somewhere around here which I will blame on this.

i used to do this stuff when i was younger, now i don't feel much of an inclination unless we share tastes or there's some deep connection shit going on. i remember one girlfriend i had she'd actually "steal" the music i introduced her to if she liked it and then she'd act like she introduced it to me or that she liked it in some superior way to me. and if i played something for her and she didn't like she'd take a giant dump all over it, you know, make it personal against me or something. and i dated her for 3 years. those were some good times.

"(Not sure I would put up with listening to Fugazi for the sake of a crush, mind you.)"
Lol! it would have to be a Valentino-esque crush to listen to that worthless fucking crap as a superficial gate to touchy touchies with someone.

Yeah, there were... coruscating levels of hottness involved. (But unfortunately touchy touchies were never on the menu, haha as if.)

A crush of the seen-constantly-around-town recently spoke to me for the first time (to ask what I was reading), then proceeded to Garden-State me.

*seen-constantly-around-town variety

^ test of character

Lol @ Garden-state-me

Who the hell was mansplaining to me about Fugazi in 2014?!?! (Was it Daniel Kessler hahaha?)

The worst thing I have listened to recently for the sake of a crush was probably Ton Steine Scherben. Why all those terrible blues-rock guitar solos. Why.

I need to crush on new people as a way of exploring more things, I am very bored right now.

the last time I did this it was Mahavishnu Orchestra -- (narc of small differences maybe, but not my thing) -- though we did have a laugh a while later when I told him that at one point I had thought John McLaughlin from the M.O. was the same person as the crusty conservative political pundit John McLaughlin of the McLaughlin Group, and thought he must be a very interesting person to have fronted a jazz fusion band in his youth.

My wife listens to AOR, classic rock, and metalcore these days. When we met, we had our differences but were united by a mutual love for billboard pop (on my part, this was entirely due to ILM exposure). For my Earlier this year we had an attempt at listening to each other's playlists as a way of getting closer. Didn't go so good, and now I own a record by Asia.

Neubauten just released a newer live version of Sehnsucht where Blixa (still currently at 'punch myself in the face' levels of crush) very deliberately sings the untranslateable punning German part of the lyrics in English, going into a chant of "addicted to desire, addicted to desire" which is very much where I'm at regarding crushes. Crushes are a huge source of energy - (I no longer believe they are the only source of energy, but I don't think B does, either any more) - but they are also an addiction. Addictions can both sap and feed one's energy.

OMG I'm so sorry, I didn't realise this was ILE. I thought it was ILM.

(Never mind, I was just going through old bookmarks and maybe this is one I should remove.)