FUCK QUIZNOS

you forgot "motley crue special"

tissue paper wrapped in cardboard is the most accurate

agh I did forget "Motley Crue special"

i went w/ total ass bcuz i've used this description too many times re: QUIZNOS' SUBS.

where's the option for "I've never even thought about eating there."???

those commercials are total classics tho u_u

where's the option for "I've never even thought about eating there."???

That is equivalent to "your mom on a hot day".

HERE AT QUIZNOS WE TOAST OUR GARBAGE SO YOUR GARBAGE IS ALWAYS HOT.

:D

kudos, fake Jordan

where's the option for "I've never even thought about eating there."???

That is equivalent to "your mom on a hot day".

-- HI DERE, Friday, November 2, 2007 6:26 PM (19 seconds ago)

Well, at least for most people.

I mean, Ian R-M is probably still posting here somewhere.

http://g-equity.com/pix/quiznos.jpg

(ASIDE: Does everyone know what an "Alabama Hot Pocket" is?)

Don't despair,
just because it's Quiznos.
Children, they're
all so gay at Quznos.
All the children on the street
hope they get something good to eat.
But for me it's not so great.
Fuck Quiznos!
Fuck Quiznos!
Fuck Quiznos!
Fuck Quiznos!
Fuck Quiznos!
Fuck Quiznos!
Fuck Quiznos!
Fuck Quiznos!
Fuck Quiznos!
Fuck Quiznos!

(ASIDE: Does everyone know what an "Alabama Hot Pocket" is?)

NO. DO TELL

it's the opposite of an altoids blowjob.

wtf you guys. do you think Subway is better?

1. alabama hot pocket 1405 up, 277 down

the art of seperating the vagina lips and taking a shat inside (and possibly having sex with it afterwards)

Shanya decided her vagina needed some lube so her boyfriend performed an alabama hot pocket.

by SWC Feb 4, 2005 email it
permalink: del.icio.us
Send to a friend
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2. alabama hot pocket 391 up, 117 down

The Alabama Hot Pocket is a special fetish maneuver that roughly involves taking a shit into a woman's vagina, typically followed up by a good ole fuckin'. The term "Alabama" originated from a lesser known, but crucial additional practice that involves "Porky Piggin'" the female who has recieved the Hot Pocket. In Alabama, you see, good old redneck boys, when bored, would fuck pig troughs or large, wet piles of mud. To properly perform the Porky Piggin' follow-up procedure, one must take a massive shit onto the vagina WITHOUT spreading the lips. This creates a core that enters the woman, and then dregs that explode out all over her. By randomly stabbing with the cock, one will successfully Porky Piggin' the girl... repeating, naturally, the action that would normally be associated with screwing a pile of mud or animal trough.

Yeah boy, I gave her a good ole Alabama Hot Pocket. What? No shit I Porky Piggin'd that shit.

tags dirty sanchez cleveland steamer snowballing donkey punch the angry pirate
by Vlorg Orlando, FL Aug 18, 2006 email it
3. Alabama Hot Pocket 120 up, 63 down

When a man excretes fecal matter into a female's vagina.

"What's that smell?"

"Claire's brother just gave her an Alabama Hot Pocket."

tags alabama hot pocket hawt fecal matter feces vagina
by Dmitri B Arizona Dec 1, 2006 email it

Our Quizno's got closed down for not paying their sales tax.

Jimmy Johns is better

xpost oh my

"porky piggin'"

"Porky Piggin'd" as a verb phrase continues to be very o_O

(xpost HA)

2 girls 1 hot pocket

tags alabama hot pocket hawt fecal matter feces vagina

I like Quizno's.

I need to go kill myself now to relieve the psychic agony of knowing what an Alabama hot pocket is. Thanks.

how many "shit on women" terms are there on urbandictionary? it seems like half the database is comprised of that. lol 13 yo boys

I almost broke up with urbandictionary.com over "Alabama Hot Pocket".

1. hot lunch 792 up, 216 down

the act of shitting in clingfilm stretched over someones open mouth then fucking the mouth and at the point of ejaculation bursting through the clingfilm giving the recipiant a mouthful of shit and spunk

got any food wrap dear ?i fancy giving a hot lunch

cut it out

i'll stop now.

lol britishers "Fancy some faeces?"

quizno's is for assholes

yeah I'm actually going to delete those posts unless dan wants to have the thread marked nsfw

people dry heaving at their desk probably not so great

YAAAAOOOOOOWWWWSPACEPUG.jpg to all of this ick

Aw.

u_u

No pictures = no deletion, in my book. It's just words (about people eating poop)!

quizno's tastes like tubgirl looks

Quiznos tastes like nachoe cheese?

ftr i had no idea what an Alabama Hot Pocket was until i looked it up on urbandictionary 5 minutes ago.

how many "shit on women" terms are there on urbandictionary? it seems like half the database is comprised of that. lol 13 yo boys

-- El Tomboto, Friday, November 2, 2007 2:34 PM (2 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

wait do you really think that little dudes just starting to go through puberty are most of the people who are into hardcore scat and making up colorful terminology for it?

How Long Has It Been Since... well, YOU know... had an Alabama Hot Pocket

I have to say this thread is turning out way better than I expected it to!

Quiznos? More like Fuck Nos!

http://images.andale.com/f2/127/123/7937774/1087439789662_ssscat_cat_counter_logo.jpg

In college my friends and I used to try to make up the most outlandish sexual perversions possible - I'm sure some of these are just the product of that same kind of stoned loserdom. I hope they are, anyway.

1. quizno's combo meal 563 up 77 down

the act of putting lettuce on a piece of shit, toasting the shit, eating it, and washing it down with a cupful of warm piss

564 up

ohhhhohohoh i got a headrush from laughing up there

their raspberry chipotle sauce is like semen mixed with a period, with a dash of chlamydia

It costs way more than anything in the world should, this sandwiches.

565 up

I can't believe I almost broke up with urbandictionary.com, look at this shit:

1. Alligator Fuckhouse 1093 up, 92 down

A daring sexual maneuver: Mid-coitus, one person bites the neck of the other, locks their arms and legs down and goes into a deathroll, all while maintaining insertion. Like downshifting a car!

Sally: "Last night Johnny surprised me with an Alligator Fuckhouse, and I came for an hour and a half! I think the bite might have left a scar though..."

tags alligator fuck house alligator deathroll death roll 40 year-old virgin gator sexual maneuver
by Alligator Fuckmaster Baltimore, MD Apr 9, 2006 email it

2. alligator fuckhouse 24 up, 377 down

An orgy involving the exclusive use of French Ticklers. The ridges on the French Ticklers, represent the roughness of an Alligator's back. And the fuckhouse is, well, the orgy part.

Suit up with your French Ticklers, 'cause we're having an Alligator Fuckhouse up in here!

tags french tickler french tickler condom fuck
by FreddyBumpkins NYC Aug 17, 2006 email it

3. alligator fuckhouse 155 up, 511 down

The act known as the Alligator Fuckhouse consists of placing the female lying down on her side, opening her legs like the powerful jaws of the mighty crocodile, and imitating the couragous tamer of these fearsome beasts.... ramming your entire head into her vagina.

Kevin: "I wore her like a hat last night!"
Andy: "Sounds like an alligator fuckhouse to me."

tags sexual positions vulgar acts random idiocy too much time warped world perception
by Fusion Chamberlain Ohio Sep 12, 2006 email it

4. alligator fuckhouse 189 up, 546 down

The state of having completed the following tasks successfully:
1) For your birthday, you demand of your girlfriend that she make for you all the foods that she hates, but you love, and she complies.
2) You bring overself to climax in front of her, and thus ejaculate on all the food.
3) You demand that she consumes all the food.
3a) If she is unable to eat all of the food in one sitting, she must save it in Tupperware(tm) and it eat it later.

note: if your girlfriend consumes the entire meal, you are required by law to ask her to marry you.

Man #1: It was a total alligator fuckhouse
man #2: I'll be damned.... when is the wedding?

yeah like 12 bucks for a foot-long chunk of tumor. fuck these guys.

oh shit, someone change my strikethroughs to underlines plz!

by Alligator Fuckmaster Baltimore, MD Apr 9, 2006 email it

I know this guy, he works at the Subway by the courthouse.

No one (besides Alex and me) cares that there are four completely divergent definitions for "alligator fuckhouse"??? ;_;

set the record straight, dude

it's not worth discussing, everyone knows that #1 is the best and most accurate definition (#4 is a close second)

http://www.starwars.com/community/event/celebration/img/celebrationmacinnes.jpg
STAY ON TOPIC

alligator fuckhouse sounds like a croc to me!11!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

one of the bush girls worked at the quizos in my town

why you would work at a quiznos in NJ where we have REAL sandwiches is beyond me

Srsly what is the appeal of Quiznos? I don't get it at all.

another reason:

http://alonac.wordpress.com/2007/03/16/when-life-gives-you-lemons-eat-quiznos/

i am ignoring all references to alligators and Alabama in this thread, here on out.

max you're from Princeton what do you think of Hoagie Haven?

i've worked at really good mom n pop sub places and would like to think i know the good from the bad, but i don't see what all the hate for Quiznos is about. i don't know of any national chain that does better subs, and even a lot of non-chains don't do toasted subs, which i love. if you point me towards somewhere else that makes a turkey bacon guacamole sub, i'll check it out.

I used to think it was great until one day I got some roast beef that was way past its day, and I haven't been back for years. (xpost to self)

Tom, that's just mean!

"Sorry your home imploded, have a shitty sandwich."

xpost: turkey bacon guacamole??? wtf dude

Quiznos: The CPK of subs

and classic italian sub, regular size which is comparable to any number of giant cheeseburgers sold at half the price you'd care to name

i like turkey ranch and swiss on rosemary bread

"I would like a prosciutto, havarti and venison sub, please. Extra fig paste."

every time I've ever dared go to quizno's the only redeeming feature of the expedition has been the free hot peppers. every sandwich I've ever had there has been a soggy godawful mess. Subway has many of its own faults but serving you greasy warm shit for $10+ isn't one of them.

yeah the hot peppers are cool. i've never had Quizno's roast beef, though, i agree that those have never looked too appetizing.

Um, hot peppers are free pretty much anywhere; how is this a distinguishing mark for Quiznos?

do they have a pepper bar at Subway? it's been a while since i've been to one.

stupid question but how do you dudes feel about fast food burger joints?

dan, don't doubt the turkey bacon avocado matchup. not at quizno's, if you like, but it's a winner.

Subway is never great, but it's at least guaranteed not to make you weep out of humiliation at what you've just bitten into.

"how i feel about" and "do i eat at" are different questions, al

POTBELLY IS OKAY

Their peppers are behind the counter with the rest of the fixins but you can have them put on basically as much as you want.

I guess I can't get excited about a pepper bar if I have to put the peppars on a piece of shit.

potbelly is okay!

stupid question but how do you dudes feel about fast food burger joints?

McDonald's Angus > BK's grilled chicken sandwich > Wendy's burgers > Whopper > McDonald's grilled chicken sandwich > McDonald's other burgers

Those are the only three you really see with regularity around here.

You know, I never really thought about it but I'm realizing I'm not a huge fan of burgers.

Quizno's is no more expensive than Subway around here.

There are better boutique-y sandwich chains sure (Jimmy John's, Which Wich, Firehouse Subs, Potbelly's, Panera Bread, Atlanta Bread Company), but compared to its primary competitor (ie Subway), Quizno's is fantastic.

Panera > Potbelly's > Firehouse > Atlanta Bread > Which Wich > JJ's > Quizno's >>>>>>>>>>>>Subway

ok Hurting but where would Quizno's rank in there? worst than most McDonald's? and i mean don't take into account that one is pricier, i'm just talking on a tasty/nasty scale.

i think subway is all right. don't get any of the weird hot meats and load it up with vegetables, how hard is that to fuck up

xp the tasty/nasty scale loops back on itself as a certain point

cf the chicken mcnugget

Quiznos is worse than trash-picked McDonald's.

carl's jr is worse than all this shit

HOT MEATS

This is like arguing with my wife about Wendy's hamburgers, which I am convinced taste like they were slow-heated between the asscheeks of sweaty Shaolin monks.

hi ya!

There's both a Subway and Quizno's nearby work. at some point, I've had to go to one or the other. My experience and cost:

Quizno's:
* The italian something or other minus the chicken, the closest thing they had to a vegetarian option. Woman at counter looks at me funny. Pauses. rings up order. "$9.78 please". The price on the board was $6.something. I asked. How can that be the price? "We charge if you want to make a sandwich vegetarian." Nothing else was open since it was late night on a weekend, and i was working overtime. I accepted. I got the sandwich. It was cardboard bread with tasteless melted cheese, dilute italian dressing, way too many red onions, and lots of other things in there that looked like vegetables but didn't have any flavor.

I went the Subway next time. They have the Vegi-maxx, they asked if I wanted everything. they never made a mistake. I ordered a foot long since I needed to have two meals lined up. Total price: $7.54 or something like that.

Score.

Subway: 500,00000,00000000000^googol
Quizno's: minus infinity

(Subway also happens to be the most awesome sprawling fast food franchise in the world in my not so humble opinion mainly because the Vegi-Maxx is so fucking awesome so yeah there's a bias.)

i like wendy's too.

http://forums.egullet.org/uploads/1151976305/gallery_23992_2151_90047.jpg

UGH WENDY'S (they have the best chicken sandwiches tho, that spicy one is boss)

you know who kind of sucks? blimpies.

Togo's is ass.

i like togos.

There's a problem when you make everything inside the super dense wheat roll also taste like the wheat roll. Yet there are people who swear by Togo's. I don't get it.

POTBELLYS RULES ALL OF THESE JOINTS

http://www.wawa.com/foodchoices/images/specsand_07.gif

they are in my pants

Schlotsky's is even worse

Togo's is ass.

i MaKe ThE SaNdWiChEs WhIlE tHe MaStEr Is AwAy

Schlotsky's "jalapeno cheese bread" is just one big Jalapeno flavored Dorito soaked in water than made to go stale.

TS:Quizno's vs Subway
TS ||| Quizno's vs Subway vs Togo's

maybe canadian quizno's is different, but their vegetarian sandwich with some mayo on it is kind of delicious. a shitload of fake guaco, YES PLZ

seriously I have never had a bad potbelly's and the process is such that they manage to never fuck your fixins up while moving faster and staying cheaper than practically all the competition

downside: very limited menu.

blimpies do tend to suck hard
I have not been to a schlotszky's in forever

i am intrigued by this Potbelly's place, seems there's one only 20 minutes away from my apartment, i'll have to check it out sometime.

potbellys are not on west coast tommers

Schlotsky's "jalapeno cheese bread" is just one big Jalapeno flavored Dorito soaked in water than made to go stale.

TS: this^^^ vs the Domino's Oreo Pizza

there's this chicken wrap joint in l.a. called california chicken cafe which makes their wraps rock-tight. i hate that place.

oh dude i love that place

I'm surrounded by bahn mi options everywhere at work now that I've ventured a bit out more for lunch, so good times. :D

Viga is some tastiness if you stick to the right wraps (basically, avoid all the cold ones). Their pizza slices are huge, too.

Every Quizno's I've had has been good, except when I once tried the clam chowder. And there is a CPK in Dallas that is(was) unfailingly excellent, especially the salads.

Schlotzky's is throw-up on a bun.

the chicken is good and the avocado and jack cheese wrap kinda rules. also they got awesome hot sauce. the only sucky thing is eating in the high school cafeteria type seating.

xpost to omar

I've never eaten a Quizno's sub. Do you guys have Penn Stations?

i'm down w/ccc's non-wrap stuff, actually

cpk's salads rule. dan doesnt like burgers.

i think i got sick of it because i worked near there and every day they'd bring wraps in for lunch.

World Wraps doesn't suck nearly as much as I thought it would, even though everything about the design of the place screams "EEEE MORE OF THEE DULL"

omar if you are ever in the valley you gotta try a wrap at this little hole in the wall stand behind a newsstand on van nuys blvd called pita kitchen. it is amaaaaaazing. for realz.

forgot a good one - Baker Bros. American Deli is yummp.

Potbelly's method of making it is good, but I like Which Wich better - you walk in mark everything you want on a sandwich wrapper and hand it over. No talking to lackeys at all.

yummo, not yummp

I think the only sandwich chain which has earned my stamp of approval is Jimmy Johns.

Do you guys have Rebecca's or have they only been inflicted on Boston? They're fucking terrible.

before i moved to sf i went to the first JERSEY MIKE's in la and it was AWESOMO

i have been to pita kitchen! that was realllllly good

Dan, your Rebecca's for Washington state's Shari's

Shari's.. hmm, imagine Denny's if no one cooked there but the manager on duty.

Rebecca's: Imagine overpriced yuppie sandwiches stuffed with every ingredient under the sun except "discernable flavor".

http://www.sharis.com/

SAY NO TO FURRIES AND CLOWNS FOR KID MENUS

everything at Shari's tastes like crayons, if the crayons lacked flavor.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shari%27s

I take it back. BLAME OREGON!

http://www.sharis.com/homepage/images/kids.jpg

Okay Shari's looks more like Bickford's than Rebecca's. Bickford's is some seriously unnforgivable bullshit.

CLOWN DOG MUST DIE

I think clown dog knows thise, you can see the terror/fatalistc acceptence in his eyes.

I have no idea what Quiznos tastes like and never will

gabbneb: that means you vote "your mom on a hot day", as I told Que.

From the Shari's wiki:

<i>In 2001 a Salem, Oregon location tied for best late night meal as judged by the Statesman Journal,[2] and in 2005 came in second for best midnight meal.</i>

AND THEYRE GETTING WORSE

http://www.panerabread.com/ - they're basically the Starbucks of sammiches.

TOMBOT IF YOU ARE STILL READING THIS THREAD, PLEASE BAN THE DOUCHEBAG ON THE JAMES WATSON THREAD (dethkiller)

i will never get back the four minutes I spent on this thread

On the plus side, you now know what an Alabama Hot Pocket is.

UGH WENDY'S (they have the best chicken sandwiches tho, that spicy one is boss)

-- HI DERE, Friday, 2 November 2007 19:41 (1 hour ago) Link

^^^omg this is so true. also oreo pizza is honestly the most disgusting food i've had this year. the definition of ppl running out of good ideas.

I kind of need to go to a Shari's now just to see if it's really that bad. I've seen them all over but figured they probably weren't really good, but now I need to know how bad they actually are.

I'm thinking "hot garbage" is going to win this. It seems the most accurate to me.

yeah, i put that one.

that was my vote

i am not voting. i enjoy quiznos.

I'm totally going to go get a chicken carbonara sub as Quizno's sometime soon because of this thread. You guys have totally failed to convince me that this place is any worse than 90% of other places where you pay an unsanitary stranger behind a counter to make a big greasy sub. I thought this was America, people.

(xpost right fucking on chaki!)

what they said

but kudos to J0rdan nonetheless

can i film you guys eating quizno's, then post it on youtube, then trick friends into watching it, film them watching it, then lol as they retch, then post that on youtube, then we can move this thread to the comments boxes for the video?

o spongmonkeys

i miss tim at kfc dot edu ;_;

if the unsanitary stranger serves boar's head coldcuts on a big roll for three dollars even and i can pick up a pack of rough rider condoms at the same time then i'm down

You don't even want to know how much Quiznos costs in the UK.

i heard you can get a syrup and mash sandwich on dutch crunch bread for 59 winks

quizno's tastes like slime drenched in more slime. i think subway has gotten slightly better/less scary over the years, but i only ever order the turkey or the subway club or the chicken teriyaki.

haven't been to a california chicken cafe yet, but rock island wraps was good the couple of times i went there. i like their "greek" wrap.

i had quizno's the other day because i needed something fast - it wasn't terrible

I don't get this Subway is better thing. In California at least, Quizno's is better than Subway in every way, I don't see how this is even debatable! The meat is better, the cheese is better, the toasting is WAY better, the veggies are about the same, the sauces are better, the design of the restaurants is so much better, better beverage options and it goes on. I think Subway is *slightly* cheaper, but it should be *much* cheaper.

yes, subway is way grosser

i agree with spencer chow

With a name like chow, how could he be wrong?

I've had Quiznos once -- it was foul -- but I'm witholding judgment because of small sample size.

With a name like chow, how could he be wrong?

^^ false logic

with a name like johnson, he's gotta be hung

http://www.datehole.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/08/bj-snowmobiles.JPG

ian "normous" johnson

-- haitch, Tuesday, April 17, 2007 1:12 AM

here quiznos is a dump. I guess it depends who's running the franchise or whatever but in my experience, there is no meat in quiznos, even if you get something like "ham" or whatever it's just diced cubes.

at least in subway the meat is visible and the vegetables are fresh. quiznos is really acidic and nasty.

"even the Dairy Queens be nice in Caley... FO - NYAAAAAH"

dairy queens are great everywhere.

it would appear though that the moral of this story is that you get what you pay for in CA, unless you're talking about the water, which has its own special aftertaste.

Mr. Que and I hunkered over 18 inches of pig-based Subway goodness last night and it was definitely better than hot garbage. Plus I got my footlong for like $6.50 with a drink. Quizno's can eat shit.

(Subway was close to the theater showing blade runner and we were short on time)

Automatic thread bump. This poll is closing tomorrow.

total ass ftw.

I heard that there is a Quiznos opening somewhere in the world every 7 minutes. I saw it on a franchise leaflet. Could this be true?

Whenever I see this thread revived, I think of Tim Dog singing it.

LOL!

There are two Quiznos restaurants within lunch driving distance of work. One is staffed by incompetent dullards, the other is competent! Pretty good sandwiches, although they retooled the menu recently and I have no idea what they still have.

Also, what's up with what seems to be a challenge to come up with more beef sandwiches? They have some cheesesteak thing, a peppercorn beef one, and a beef brisket (wtf) one now. All of which feature some combination of no veggies by default, or just some sauteed onions and mushrooms.

Automatic thread bump. This poll's results are now in.

NUMBER ONE

Thanks to this thread not only do I and several IRL friends now know what an Alabama Hot Pocket is, but it is a featured reference in our new ode to STDs "Teabaggin' (The Fire)". Thanks, I guess, ILX. For that.

I had a Quizno's Chicken Carbonara today. The bread was well-toasted, the bacon crispy, the chicken flavorful and the mozzarella was ok. $6.50ish with tax.

total ass 1

how???

you voted for it?

YES.

Also, what's up with what seems to be a challenge to come up with more beef sandwiches?

do u haet america

I'm just happy someone else voted for "your mom on a hot day"!

I had a Quizno's Chicken Carbonara today. The bread was well-toasted, the bacon crispy, the chicken flavorful and the mozzarella was ok. $6.50ish with tax.

-- milo z, Thursday, November 8, 2007 7:21 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Link

omg i came to this thread to post almost the exact same thing!

and I forgot to mention one of my favorite things about Quizno's in this thread, i love the brand of chips they stock (can't remember the name?), it's pretty much the only sandwich place that serves chips as a side where i don't feel ripped off about not being able to get fries or something else.

The only time I ever bought a quizno, I threw it out of the car window a minute later without even taking a bite. AND I was starving.

OMG I had a Quizno's this weekend - the turkey club torpedo. I ate half and it was nasty. Left it sitting on the table and the dog ate it. He threw it up half an hour later. Never again.

i like that classic italian torpedo or whatever. lots of oil and vinegar. roast beef is okay. i liked that chicken one with cilantro and peppers. i like that you can fill a plastic cup with pickles.

i think the problem you guys are having is with the smushy ones with creamy white sauce that saturates the bread and has kind of a sour milk flavor like cheap jarred alfredo sauce. it's like a papery plate of frozen pasta dumped over soft white bread.

The day I made the error of randomly popping in there and ordering a cheesesteak was the worst time I've ever spent with food, including the many times I have mistakenly ingested moldy blueberries or spoiled milk.