where does this rate on the asshole scale?

i remember the golden days before facebook where people still punched each other

I'd put some fear in the motherfucker.

10/10

if you knew what i looked like you would know i'm probably not in the best position to be punching people.

pistolwhip him

glass his face

motherfearfucker

Okay, what now?

Get meaner friends. xxp hahahaha

although i guess i have rage in my corner so maybe i could take him. i didn't consider violence, sadly.

make him fuck a cougar

doesn't he have to show up to steal the tips? everybody at your job knows who he is, right?

http://www.amazon.com/Louisville-Slugger-Adult-Wood-Baseball/dp/B000LAO4VK/ref=pd_bbs_1?ie=UTF8&s=sporting-goods&qid=1196283432&sr=8-1

nothing succeeds like overcorrection

call him homosexual in a hotel lobby where you work

uh Tom, dude quit

dope all his ramen with laxatives

I keep meaning to buy a baseball bat for home defense

No, dope all his laxatives with ramen!

*HINT* you don't have to be physically imposing to poison a dudes food *HINT*

hahahaha xxxpost

I recommend face-stabbing

would trashing his bike or something be out of the question?

I need a bat because sometimes I use my oven and this makes the cast iron pans too hot

GENTLEMEN WE HAVE ARRIVED AT A CONCENSUS, POISON IS THE ONLY WAY FORWARD

A trained bat that could move hot pans for you would be pretty sweet.

hahahaha why do kidney punches and knees to the genitals seem totally appropriate but when you bring up trashing his bike my immediate reflexive response is "huh that might be a bit cruel"

tombot what are you on about with the bats

bike fuck up seems too mild. get a bunch of your friends take a bunch of steroids and then track him down and beat him

I am not at all kidding that beatdown is called for. stealing tips = wronger than wrongiest wrong

YOU OUGHT TO SMASH HIS FACE IN

I think we need to determine the range and subdivisions of the asshole scale before we can really answer this question.

i kind of want to smash his face in. he's a really smug kinda guy too. stealing tips is so wrong. shakey otm.

YEAH BUT HE'S BIGGER 'AN YOU, INNT HE.

Somewhere, in a dark basement, Shakey Mo adds another name to the death gloat list.

he's v. tall but skinny. a redwood to my... idk smalled but equally as skinny tree.

so he's a smug fuck on top of it, not just some dumb shaggy loser you could feel sorry for? smash his face in AND fuck up his bike

xp Elm?

Birch?

poplar

cut his achilles tendons like that one dude on Oz

you're in Texas, right?

We're pretty much the Wild Wild West right now in terms of shooting people 'cuz they done you wrong. Just drop a pocket knife next to his body or something.

i'm in missouri. wild wild midwest i guess.

bonsai duh

You should punch him on Facebook using X Me.

Get the boys together and kick his ass.

wait fuck his bike and then smash his face

he probably already spent the money on drugs. but, if you insist I suggest you get all your boys together and call him up and meet him outside a sports bar.

If he ripped your share of the tips off, he must have ripped off some other guy/s' share as well, right? Gang up on the fucker, issue beatdown.

Look, dudes, faces heal, but bikes need to be fixed. Fuck him up moderately but leave the bike alone. Or just steal it, I guess.

I think that was my apprehension re: bike too

STEAL THE BIKE IS A GREAT IDEA.

i wish he didn't live on campus so i could just egg his house and be done with it.

Cut him in the jugular and bleed him dry

well actually i guess his bike is worth more than $40.

If you fuck up the bike you're just ruining a possibly good set of wheels and contributing to the landfill problem. Take it and strip it for parts or if you don't fear he'll narc on you, just re-sell it.

yeah I mean the bike didn't hurt anybody

Paint his bike pink and put streamers and a basket on it.

steal bikechain, administer whipping

PEE ON HIM

and then sell it for $40. or a 40 oz.

xx-post

so not an xpost

shakey mo i'm trying NOT to commit a felony but thanks.

pee on him while he rides the bike with streamers in his hair

and you tube it

eat his brain

-- Shakey Mo Collier, Wednesday, November 28, 2007 3:18 PM (1 minute ago) Bookmark Link

take brick, smash into head

-- Shakey Mo Collier, Wednesday, November 28, 2007 3:18 PM (1 minute ago) Bookmark Link

Steal the bike and find a way to resell it to him. Then cut him.

^^^these types of things i will NOT do xxpost

What, you were okay with "glass him in the face" but not "smash brick into head"??

http://blogs.kansascity.com/photos/uncategorized/meiwes.jpg

Shakey Mo, before that unfortunate incident in Germany.

you need to look at this less as personal revenge and more as vigilantism. he didn't just steal YOUR tips, he stole EVERYONE'S tip. STREET JUSTICE, JORDAN, DO IT!!!! MAKE HIM TASTE THE FUCKING CURB!!!!!

mad xpost there

you should ignore the $40 and move on.

stab him with the bike

http://img135.imageshack.us/img135/1723/prince1ge8.jpg

http://content.ytmnd.com/content/9/e/7/9e7c33fa3120207b5657f7189b563859.jpg

does he have a gf you can steal

They say revenge, it is a dish, best served cold

Yeah I have dental issues of my own, I can't behind the the curb-tasting. The idea of damaging the enamel really freaks me out.

you are too soft Laurel. this dude needs to be FUCKED UP

I have no idea who that is Dan

Steal the bike, it fucked up this Italian guy good and proper when it happened to him.

I'm not convinced that the manager didn't take the tips.

http://www.basilrathbone.net/films/holmes.jpg

Please, there are plenty of options for soft-tissue damage.

POISON PEE, PEE IN HIS FOOD, RIDE BIKE OFF INTO SUNSET

break into his room and take a dump on the carpet

HOW DOES HE POISION HIS OWN PEEES

Does he live in a dorm? Can you get in & out quickly without being seen? How about propping up a trash can full of water (add piss or bleach if desired) against his door, knock, run.

introduce him to ilx

well the manager also stoled money but not actually our tips.

THE PLOT THICKENS

How did the guy manage to jack all the tips out of a jar and walk out without ANYONE noticing? Is he Jason Bourne or something?

quite an outfit you work for jordan

maybe u should get in on the racket? fuck

POISON MANAGER, MAKE HIM PEE IN THIEFS FOOD, KARMA RESTORED, FREE BIKE!

nah the money gets collected and put into a "safe" (lol) where he then stole all the money. im not sure how they found out it was him.

you need to quit your job first, this is shady. do you work for S_ub Sh0-P???

manager scapegoating former employee...?

photoshop his head onto the body of a "gimp" and post it on the internet

^^ i'd want to really know the story of the theft and who found it all out and how

and then yes piss on his bike or whatever

I don't, this is getting more complicated than I have the energy for. Just tell me who I'm supposed to hate, okay?

KILL ALL OF THE EMPLOYEES ITS THE ONLY WAY TO BE SURE

the game's afoot in this den of thieves

i dont work there anymore. they fired the thief manager and then all the old workers (me + like 4 or 5 other ppl) because the restaurant was losing money and they wanted a "fresh start". i went there today to pick up my last check and tip money. i worked at Mo3's on 9th st33t.

the only was this could be worse would be if someone stole the $$ from the SWEAR JAR

I SAID THE STORE WAS LOSING MONEY BECAUSE THE MANAGER WAS STEALING FROM YOU to no avail. i was going to quit anyway because they outlawed the free employee burrito program.

BURN DOWN STORE, BUNNY HOP STOLEN BIKE OVER MASS GRAVE

PDF ME A BURRITO

MOVE ON

^^ business logic lol there jordan

jordan pls link to this guys myspace/facebook so we can ask him what he did with the money

no this type of dick move shouldn't go w/o some type of consequence.

give him a motley crue burrito special

"C'mon pookie, let's burn this motherfucker down!"

max beats me to the punch

Humiliate him in public in front of his friends and point blank ask for the money back.

ex lax mole burrito!

Then humilate him in public. If you time it right, the dude'll end up permanently damaged.

rape allegation

Humiliate him in public in front of his friends and point blank ask for the money back.

-- Mark C, Wednesday, November 28, 2007 3:41 PM (1 minute ago) Bookmark Link

this actually seems like the most plausible solution for me.

make him engage ethan on a rap thread

please do not ignore plausibility of "PEE IN FOOD"

What darkness lurks in the hearts of men!

wait 5 years and then ruin his life and send him a note saying why

J0n Williams is the cruelest ILXor.

public confrontation definitely involves you rolling up with whatever crew you can gather and shaking him down for the money

make him fear (tombot is wise)

go on myspace, create a really hot girl for him to fall in love with, lead him on for a few months and then CRUSH HIM

WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG??

wait we still need to answer the original question.

is the asshole scale logarithmic?

how can you be sure it was him really? maybe he's just a stooge for your dick-ish seeming previous bosses.

or linear?

is the asshole scale 1-10?

Guys, I think we broke it.

like 10 on the asshole scale would be the fake myspace suicide parents right?

maybe he was told it was YOU whom stole the tips! maybe he's already got your bike and his dick whipped out!

xpost - that's a 12.

a 0 would be like the alligator in florida that ate the murderer in the middle of the police chase.

wait we still need to answer the original question.

-- John Justen, Wednesday, November 28, 2007 9:48 PM (1 minute ago)

10/10

-- Lingbert, Wednesday, November 28, 2007 8:56 PM (53 minutes ago)

my hunch is that everone was stealing from the tip jar and we've been had

xpost: so this is like a 7 or an 8

ILXsystem+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++thisguy+++++++pipecock

xpost OIC

Wait, is the tip money counted before it goes in the safe or whatever? I.e., do they know much he stole? Cause if there's a number, then ... they owe you the tips either way. The BUSINESS got robbed, not you. Securing your pay from theft is their job, straight up until the money goes into your pocket. What they're pulling is the equivalent of calling the electric company and going "sorry, I had money for the bill set aside, but I lost it, so I guess you'll just have to look for it yourself."

I.e., they owe you $XXX -- the fact that an employee stole money from them is totally unrelated to that debt

That's weird it is not illegal in your state for management to handle your tips before giving them to you. Tips should be for YOUR service and not everyone in the establishment.

the whole damn system is to blame

this is no place for reasonable advice, nabisco.
xposts

http://www.motherjones.com/news/update/2007/04/stanford_living_wage1_275.jpg

like seriously, if someone leaves you 10 bucks because you whored it up while making a latte, then you should should get that money and not have it split with your less deserving coworkers.

they were taking a "when we get the money back we will give you your tips" stance, but that is kinda bs.

slander everyone.

libel, too.

i didn't invent the system, and have much more important things to deal w/ in my life than trying to organize an upheaval of my bullshit chain store job's tip system. i actually don't even work there anymore so i don't really give a fuck. but it was good money when ppl weren't stealing it.

j0rdan you should hire nabisco to sit down with the guy in a room somewhere and give him a stern but patient talking-to

look i just want to see someone get curbed or have his myspace pissed on or his bike raped or something, jeez

im down for anything that leads to the potential starvation of jordan sargent

call in the dept of health on an anonymous tip to the restaurant after planting mouse carcas in the cheese

gff otm

guys bike rape is not a joking matter

tailpipe.jpg

xpost That's TOTAL fucking B.S. -- THEY got robbed, not you. Part of holding onto your money for two weeks is taking responsibility for safeguarding it; if they don't want to run that risk, they should be divvying up tips nightly. (Sorry to be all stern and serious, but it's just SUCH bullshit, and I'd say far more assholish than the typical dude-steals-stuff part!)

(Also, if they don't count the tip money nightly, they should, because if it's only counted out every two weeks, god knows how many times people have just been skimming off a day or two's worth before it's divided up.)

note to que, you are needed here: What bikes do we lust over?

Celui qui recherche la vengeance devrait se souvenir de creuser deux tombes

TAUNT HIM IN AN UNFAMILIAR LANGUAGE

wait, do we even know if he owns a bike?

Corruption is government intrusion into market efficiencies in the form of regulation ... We have laws against it precisely so we can get away with it. Corruption is our protection. Corruption keeps us safe and warm. Corruption is why you and I are prancing around in here instead of fighting over scraps of meat out in the street. Corruption is why we win.

OMG OMG I wd be so confused right here but my roommate just rented that movie.

I think your management was more of an asshole than the guy who supposedly took the money.

yeah he owns a bike, used to ride it to work.

owner was an asshole. he lives in a different city and used to send real illiterate emails to our manager in the way only someone from j0plin, missouri could. i tried to obtain one to post on here, but never happened.

does he have a facebook?

or a bike?

or eat food?

You could videotape his bike in vulnerable moments and send him YouTube links with an ominous pitch-shifted voice-over that's all like "we could kill it at any moment," but the problem is that any dude who works in a place for one month and steals out weeks worth of collected tips = no way he still has that money, he stole it for a reason

and the reason was love :(

Love of coke, strippers, or paying back rent to avoid eviction?

i think he's just a dick. we all could have stolen the money if we wanted to, but we were all pretty good friends, respected each other, etc. i think the motive was "wow here is this money i will steal it" more than "i need some cash".

stop going on about it and do something, pussy.

can i just hire you to crush him for me?

http://comicsmedia.ign.com/comics/image/article/685/685662/sandman-20060203043140336.jpgFlint I'm not a bad person. I've just had bad luck.

I have no idea who that is Dan

That's the cannibal from Germany who put out a personal ad requesting a hot man he could kill and eat. I posted it because of the "eat his brains" post. I would have explained this sooner but one of my coworkers actually wanted me to work.

hire jw to fuck up his blog

hire heave ho

dude the "eat his brains" post was a fake if that wasn't totally fucking obvious

apparently it wasn't

OK, speaking of Robocop, who can be the first to dig up that Marisa thread where she was on about DVDs and technology and someone posted as Robocop and she was all like "I'm sorry to hear about your disability??"

haha

Um, I don't think the veracity of that post has any bearing on its validity for further riffing.

IOW, u mad

This thread me want a burrito.

I'm with the consensus way upthread. Your hand in my pocket=you get hurt, BAD. Size has nothing to do with it. It is all about the willingness to cause damage. A minibat is an excellent starting point. Also, since as I understand it, this guy stole from all your coworkers as well, you can easily get numbers on your side. If he gets away with this, he'll do it again, that's a promise. Fucking him up is a public service.

Tase him bro

God, god, god, fucking internends aplhpa shit!

If he gets away with this, he'll do it again, that's a promise.

RMELLLERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

oops that was supposed to say 'embezzlers.'

google bomb his ass - we can take care of that right here - 1st result: "this guy steals tips" ok

Embezzler
Repeat offender
J0rdan S. our defended
Never surrender
Always believe in your soul
you've got the power to KNOW!

jharblohsdfh somebody already said "hire heave ho"

ha

heave ha ha

find his phone number, call him up and say you're from a radio station, and tell him that he's won a prize (like an xbox 360 or something) and tell him to pick it up he has to drive to a specified location (like the local Pizza Hut).

Ask him what car he'll be driving and right after you get off of the phone, call the police and report that vehicle stolen in the immediate area near the local Pizza Hut.

http://www.morethings.com/fan/south_park/photo_gallery/eric-cartman-110.jpg

^^^will never be topped, this is greek tragedy shit right here

nah nah nah nah nah nah, you ate your parents....

scott is really not cool

hire heave ho

No need to hire, i'm willing to cyberstalk the dude 4 free

This thread: "I kick Norah Jone's ass and she just won several grammys. She can barely sing or play the piano. Either can any of the them compared to me. I now perform for only fifty thousand dollars, because we
quotes that Robocop exchange from somewhere else.

Put him in a Hyundai and push it gently into a tree