C/D: Sashaying into work 45 minutes late with a coffee in one hand and a delicious breakfast sandwich in the other?

hahahahahahaha i do this too often

classic for sure.

even more classic: being bitchy to anyone who's bitchy to you first, for being late

You're supposed to also say, "I can't believe you guys started without me!"

classic! i do this quite a bit

I know a temp who does this and he's been there for 2 years.

If you can 'sashay' it, it's automatically classic.

I like to stroll in at about 12, buying my lunch on the way, and then when I get to the front desk gesture towards it and say "fuckin ell, I'm ready for this, it's been a long day"

I am a temp

nice

I guess that is my way of covertly expressing that I feel no loyalty or shame

you are all fired. or fried.

the novelty of this really wears off after the third year

also, what is this arriving w/ yr breakfast at work? If I didn't eat a full meal at home I'd never be able to reach the door.

i am never late for work and i never sashay

i have no idea how i make it to midday without breakfast most days

i LOVe eating breakfast at work. i HATE eating it at home cuz i never have anything to look forward to when i get there. but there are like 20 threads for this

If I didn't eat a full meal at home I'd never be able to reach the door.

also, add coffee to this sentence

and replace "reach the door" with "put on pants"

lol

there's an image. The morning nude McMuffin ritual. Sexay.

There's breakfast at home,

there's breakfast on the way to work.

What's the problem?

I used to not eat any breakfast, and then nurse a Coke until lunch. I would be about to pass out by noon or so. I think I put a real strain on my system doing that...it was pretty unwise in retrospect.

I'd have to get up at four in the morning to enjoy a piping-hot American breakfast.

lol i do this all the time.

i have a bagel occasionally. I'm rarely in work on time.

Classic.

If you're the only one with keys, and your coworker has to wait an hour for your sorry ass in below freezing weather, DUD DUD DUD.

I kind of hate when people eat breakfast at work (where I have to see it, not in the break room/janitor's closet/walk-in safe, whathaveyou). The worst was this guy who always ate the world's most expensive shit right at his desk. He had five rolls of sushi for breakfast one day, right in front of everyone. I was expecting him to eat a whole seven course meal at his desk sometime. Yuppie douche, all teasing starving girl.

Flexitime at my workplace makes this entirely allowable (untiil 10am) and therefore no fun. Also I am driven by idiotic work ethic so wouldn't do it anyway.

Sushi sometimes isn't any more expensive than some shop-bought breakfast sandwich, so not too crazy for the occasional splash-out. Mind you, the cheapest sushi tastes like tinned tuna (try Tesco's sushi, or rather don't) so not much point.

I spend too much on food on the run due to same idiotic work ethic. :-(

i sashay if i'm early

No, this was like from the nicest sushi place in town, and it was an entire fucking platter.

I wouldn't have sushi in a red state.

some of the staunchest republicans in southern california are azns

Conspicuous consumption at work on an ongoing basis = dud. Your guy at work should be sentenced to Tesco's sushi.

He should be sentenced to eating his own shriveled scrot.

I would find it hard to sashay without a handbag.

On an applied Satanism website (yes, I know), I once read the theory that having food at your desk makes you seem herbivorous to your colleagues, as herbivores graze constantly in public; and, therefore, you are better off disappearing somewhere for lunch like a carnivore. This will make your colleagues fear and respect you more. I even tried that for a while. But, in the end, eating lunch at my desk prevailed over evil. I cannot beat the feeling, 'You suckers are paying me for this'. That feeling is unbeatable.

herbivores eat at their desk, carnivores have a sit-down at Quiznos. Yeah, I can see how carnivores are much more intimidating.

besides, wtf carnivores do not disappear with their food any more than any other animal.

http://www.imagesofanthropology.com/images/Lions_eating_a_zebra_Masai_Mara_Kenya.jpg

not exactly keeping it on the dl

Those lions aren't at their desk, though.

eat raw zebra at your desk

haha
but eating lunch at yr desk does look weak
and yet a late ordered-in dinner looks somehow focused and determined
(i do neither)

It looks especially weak if your lunch is an overripe banana and a pudding cup and a ziplock bag full of cheetos.

(nb I do not eat those things)

I used to eat lunch at my desk cos our office didnt have a break room you could sit down in. And downstairs was a busy touristy food court, even worse.

I'm not going to go out and sit down somewhere to eat lunch by myself. That's just as lame and weak as eating at your desk. If I have to eat alone, I might as well pretend to be working while I do it.

Maybe that's it, herbivores graze in solitude, carnivores all gather round in packs.

I wonder what your coworkers would think if you started exhibiting scavenger behavior, like our ancestry, just all roll up on some other bunch of dudes who just started eating lunch and steal whatever you can while they're busy chewing.

cause that is some balls-out alpha shit, make 'em chase you and then the rest of the clan gets all the leftovers. I'd be scared of that.

school cafeteria bully behaviour!

but really funny if you do it right

i mean, not in a bullying way

like, your office is having the catered holiday bullshit, and everybody's pretending to mingle with little glasses of chump punch and a napkin or a plastic plate with some cake or cookies on it or whatever, just wander up to your boss and be all "hey" then start taking his cookies right off his plate and eating them while you stare the motherfucker right in the eye

i do this. kind of. 45 minutes late is enough to make me feel paranoid walking in; 20-30 is the sweet spot.

Hahaha I do that all the time. If scavenging food is pure and real to you, it is too to others. They have to have plenty of food though.

You can get away with many things if you have a pure spirit while doing it. This is how I got away with once acting out for my boss how she sucked Donny Osmond's cock, and another time how I wakled away clean after kneading her ass vigorously as she was bent over refilling the copy machine tray. Yes, a startled reaction was made, but that was a harmless consequence.

There is nothing more satisfying than kneading the ass of your female boss or manager when they bend over. God, it is so fucking hilarious, and if you are a young woman who is their daughter's age, they just have stupor of reaction.

I did this to my mom-in-law when I first met her and so she thought I was a pervert forever.

ahahaha whoa

i've only worked at my workplace for 2 and a half months so i'm gonna hold off on the ass-kneading until at least july

I'm not going to go out and sit down somewhere to eat lunch by myself. That's just as lame and weak as eating at your desk.

Unless you're eating something spicy, smelly or otherwise grotesque that makes everyone else back off. At least once a week I'll go eat at a Tandoori place and come back smelling like the Jackson Heights stop on the 7 train.

I think I love you Abbott :D

Besides, it's payback for listening to the whining of the others in my office who complain about the lack of vegetarian/vegan restaurants nearby but go to Taco Bell anyway.

I have to get out of the office. I can't eat at my desk.

call me jaded but BIG FUCKING DUD. too many co-workers used to fucking show up at work, log in, log back out, and go get breakfast while everybody else had to do their work for the next 15 minutes.

if my lazy ass can show up on time, so can yours!

amazing ass-kneading anecdote

slept in, went to M&S to buy some clothes and get lunch, arrive at 12.15 with nobody else in my department in the office ha ha

I would say 'dud,' nothing screams "I'm a lazy, over-priviledged, entitled douche" anymore than this attitude. Especially the sashaying part.

hey i may be lazy but...wait were the other things again?

(too lazy to even type all the words)

I can't eat at work, I avoid it at all costs. My boss assumes that as long as you are in the office, you're available to answer his questions and do work. Food in front of you means nothing. So, in order to guarantee a peaceful lunch, I have to leave the office.

Did you try kneading his ass yet? Apparently, that helps.

Have to agree with "dud" for everyone else, "classic" for you. Actually, the more I think about it, just "dud." If you work somewhere where your presence actually matters (I'm thinking restaurant) it fucks up the whole day for you AND everybody else. If you work somewhere where your presence doesn't matter (oh, my copy services days), it reminds the boss that you're expendable and reminds you that you spend your day making no difference at all to anybody.

Still a blast to do every once in a blue moon, especially if it means you just got laid or something like that.

In my office we announce this by sending an email at 9:45 saying 'Working from Home' in the subject line. Coming in with coffe without calling in advance to take orders is a no no.

i fear dr casino is correct :(

I sauntered into work 20 minutes late today with a bacon egg and cheese sandwich in hand

i'm gonna propose "working from home" any day now

Only works if 90 procent of your colleagues come in on time.

Me? As I run my parents' shop and I feel insecure, I rarely come in late. That said, managing a shop and having two kids? I have been late quite a few times these past couple of weeks. I feel like shit cause of that. :-(

I'm not going to go out and sit down somewhere to eat lunch by myself. That's just as lame and weak as eating at your desk.

Lame? I think eating by yourself is showing you don't give a shit what others think of you.

The great thing about oatmeal for breakfast is that no one at work has to see you eat it.

I say classic. It says "I know that I have to be here, but damnit if you're going to dictate any more of that than absolutely necessary."

That said, I am ALWAYS the first person at the office. Always. The reasons abound, but the main three, right now, are:

- Mornings are the only time I can study without interruption, and
- Getting on the road at 6 as opposed to 6:30 or 7 means a full hour less commuting time
- I always have a jump on the day's work, meaning that my (occasionally) psycho boss can't show up and demand an update/report without me being able to INSTANTLY go "Here."

Getting there late always feels like I've started behind.

Then your bosses have you right where they want you.

At work?

At a disadvantage.

my boss totally sashays, but in a manly way, often with coffee

It's not a disadvantage, it's how one gets ahead in life. Do more than is required.

i haven't the hips to sashay. it's a major problem. can i stride in instead?

ITS NOON AND I AM LEAVING FOR WORK NOW FUCK YEA

it's ten past five and i'm going home in the dark. scurrying.

It's not a disadvantage, it's how one gets ahead in life. Do more than is required.

Exactly.

And so what if they have me where they want me? I'm where I want to be - earning a fucking paycheck, and working towards a bigger one.

The whole "Fuck the man" theme of workplace politics has never made any sense to me. You work, you get paid. You get paid, you get to do/buy/save more than if you didn't.

For the most part, I've never worked in a place where I HAD to be somewhere earlier than I was able to get there normally. The flip side of this, however, is that I tend to get pretty adamant about leaving around dinner time. Any extra time spent unnecessarily at work in the evenings is abhorrent to me.

?

Getting there late always feels like I've started behind.

Then your bosses have you right where they want you.

At a disadvantage.

But that's okay, you and dally are probably too busy working to read ILX properly! Which is better for you, on the whole.

i have no idea how i make it to midday without breakfast most days

i know, i have to work on empty stomach for a whole hour before lunch.

Of COURSE my boss has me at a "disadvantage"...he pays my paycheck which helps to support my family's life. Ergo, he gets to call some shots.

Such is the life of a young lawyer - employment, or, if you wanna be a dick about it, servitude.

Well, no, really I was saying that when you come in late you're ALREADY at a disadvantage, because even if your boss's expectations when HE sashays in are unfair (as you described), yr still subject to 'em. So we're not disagreeing at all.

Anyway I never get here til 9.30 so who gives a shit.

Right on. Now I getcha. And we do totally agree.

I didn't mean to adopt the "Life sucks. Work Hard. Earn a paycheck. Hope to die solvent." tone.

I want the "Family Matters" theme -- featuring FAKE ROD STEWART -- to play whenever I saunter into work 2 hours with a sandwich.

Today's sashay: 2.5 hours.

My last job I was working from home just as ed describes - and I really *was* working from home and sometimes getting way more done than I would in the office - and I just effectively got fired, because I'd had "way too much sick leave and kept coming in at 10am all the time"/

80% of the "sick leave" was me working from home, and ALL of the 9-10am starts were just the time I started my shift, and I was still working a full day and then some.

Great company that it decides what you looked like you were(n't) doing without actually you know, like, TALKING to you about it and just making you resign instead. Shithole.

9:30 = ideal time to get to work

i got in at 8:55 this morning. my boss seemed impressed!

9:30 = ideal time to get to work

This is basically what time I arrive, +/- 15 minutes, every day.

and the lady that they hired for the position that should have been mine is wearing a stupid christmas vest with ugly dangly crap all over it. i'm gonna go steal more stuff from people's harry & david fruit baskets now.

2pm motherfaxers

Ask her if her ugly-ass sweater came with her MBA or if she was just lucky.

9:24 - arrived at work. No worries, since I worked late last night on something that's not even my job.

10:05 - It's still me time. ILX, web comics, and chat. I can't for certain say when me time will end. It's Friday, after all.

she got her mba the year i was BORN

"breakfast sandwich" is a weird fucking concept.

weird and fucking delicious concept

Breakfats sandwich is BEST (Bacon, Egg, Sausage, Tomato)

deelishus carcinogens!

no tomatoes in the morning, thanks

tomatoes on breakfast sandwiches are important to me.

noooooooooooooooo. too squishy

North of the watford gap the tomatoes are often from a can and very squishy

tomatoes mixed with the egg (whether fried or scrambled) - awes

bacon,egg,cheese and tomato on a freakin flagel this morning. i want to take nap now

the best thing at Corner Bakery is the Commuter, which is a bacon-egg-tomato-cheese sandwich on a super-buttery croissant. Heaven.

you know what rules on a breakfast sandwich? bruschetta. mmm. with proscuitto and egg.

or AS a breakfast sandwich i mean

oh that reminds me! girl friends mom is coming in from spain this weekend with a leg of Jamón ibérico stashed in her baggage

make sure she DOES NOT DECLARE IT!

she's a pro. does this about three times a year

schmoov

Getting there late always feels like I've started behind.

Then your bosses have you right where they want you.

At a disadvantage.

-- Laurel, Wednesday, December 12, 2007 12:14 PM (2 days ago) Bookmark Link

Where do you work where your bosses want you at a disadvantage?

ketchup is morning-time tomatoes

I think all corporate bosses do on some level, because all corporations do on some level, because really they don't care about people to begin with. If they can leverage you into staying in a dead-end job so they don't have to hire and train anyone else to do it and they also don't have to promote you, of course they'll do it.

Laurel pretty much OTM, and when I'm not feeling so generous with my assumption of good intentions, I suspect that my entire "feeling of job security" is based on that.

i wish i were sashaying right now

while leaving office

last time i had a breakfast sandwich was in march after rehearsal evening of friends' wedding. tim horton's insane-o bisquit and sausage sandwich. was kinda hungover/tired. ate two.

we all ate two. have not eaten one since. or two since.

1.5 hrs today sup
jw must be the king of this

Ten AM motherfuckers.

jw must be the king of this

the IT department and the art department are co-monarchs

It's JW's fault, though.

today suckkkkkkkkkkkkkks

BOY DOES IT EVER

Fuuuuuuck.

What is anyone doing after work? Are we doing anything?

Fuck it, I'm soul nighting on Grand St.

i am probably going to sleep at 10 pm

this day is kind of difficult in general.
i mean i just spent 10 minutes doubting my ability to calculate area.
because someone from a company whose business it is is to yknow make stuff that is of certain sizes of actual measurements none of which are even as complicated as volume gave me wrong quote for a thing.
cold medication hardly making a dent in me.

i think this is the first time i've complained abt work/workplace on ilx. i feel closer to you all.

maybe not all of you

Sounds gross, rrob. Doubting self is unpleasant, you need professional confidence!

Today I had to deliver bad work news abt something that, while not precisely my fault, was ultimately my responsibility to keep track of...while not slipping on the other million things. So other people didn't do their jobs and I didn't catch them but HEY the buck stops here, right??

Sigh.

off-topic: I recently asked Dr. Math why it is that different shapes with the same perimeter have different areas. His answer was vague. The proof is basically calculus, and Dr. Math does not do calculus. :(

So, er, I was trying to imagine how this sashaying into work business looks and I found this competition video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uy9BkQqgBnM

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/d/df/3Sphere-wireframenew.png

this is srsly only about the sq ft of a roughly 2' x 2' poster haha
i should totally call her and ask what extra dimension this poster is going to include and how i will be able to detect it without a particle collider

she will not get that
btw

If I were to answer my own question more clearly than Dr. Math did, I would say to imagine a chess board, and then remove one of the squares in the corner. The measurement of the perimeter stays the same, but the area is smaller. The more angles, the smaller the area. The maximum area you can have is inside a circle.

So nyah.

rrrobyn that wld be badass, you are badass, sorry you are having a bad work day.

Kenan, who is this doctor and can he tell me how derivative I am bcz I've always been curious. That is a calc type question, yes?

Dr. Math! He's for kids, really. Apparently he resides at Drexel University, the official Ugliest College Campus in America. So yeah, my question was a tad beyond him.

kenan what how do you remove a part of something when it is already a part of that something if that something is 2-dimensional?

folding

can he tell me how derivative I am bcz I've always been curious

you are the function of f'(x), just like God intended.

kenan what how do you remove a part of something when it is already a part of that something if that something is 2-dimensional?

metaphor.

i am having a v literal fri afternoon i guess

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hamilton%E2%80%93Perelman_solution_of_the_Poincar%C3%A9_conjecture

I have been enjoying reading this waiting for my goddamn queries to return results. one of my colleagues is hogging the box, like 4 of the top 6 entries in top have his name on them

okay so folding in half, for example, a thing which is 5' x 5' halves its surface area. i get this. as long at the folded thing is 2-d. ok.

i'm not sure if i can deal with that sphere right now :/

IT golden boy for an art school holla. I didn't go to work

an hour and a half late with a DELICIOUS bacon, egg, and tomato on whole wheat toast

guys, my work has recently implemented a new time-clock that has a HAND-SCAN THING because apparently there was a problem with people punching each other in etc.

the creepy thing is that it gives you a SCORE based on your hand-scan, and i am becoming increasingly superstitious that this score has some direct co-relation to how shitty my day is going to be.

eversion of a sphere:

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-6626464599825291409&pr=goog-sl

My old radio station tried to install fingerprint scanners on the fucking studios and back door, as opposed to our little electromagnetic thingamajigs. The program director and I refused to submit our prints, so we kept on with the doo-dad's.

FIGHT THE POWER.

just do a fingerprint on a piece of paper and give it to your colleagues to stamp

the time-clock here doesn't actually scan your prints, it just does some wierd hand-geometry type recognition.

that is f'ed up

Hand geometry.

Hand scan, lovely:

"You will meet your true love next wednesday, also you have been late 2 times this week and need to make up 1 hour by Friday."

How Elmo clocks in:

http://i.pbase.com/v3/90/78990/1/46661541.Checkyourlovemeter.jpg

My voice is my passport. Verify me.

http://i18.ebayimg.com/03/i/000/82/35/788a_1_sbl.JPG

^^^ this is the thing

HANDPUNCH

No way I'm sticking my hand in that.

http://groups.physics.umn.edu/mmc/personnel/pete/Travel_pics/Pete_and_Amanda_in_Italy%5BJul-Aug_2003%5D/august%2001%202003/large/lg_04%20Mouth%20of%20Truth%2001.jpg

i do this nearly everyday, but that's because no one cares at all what time i get into work. i told them last tuesday that lol i am in a car driving to a different state, brb in a week and they just said yeah whatever.

i also make less than $300/wk

hopefully i'll be starting new work next week, where they/i actually give a shit

oh God elmo my college installed those things for the cafeterias. they were fucking obnoxious. i could never exactly guess what the score was for, it pulled up random numbers every time but it always let me by no matter how high or how low my score was.

cannot believe the guy in the break room -- about 28-30, ski hat, glasses -- who pours himself a bowl of COCOA KRISPIES every morning. Must be in IT.

lol

i don't do this anymore--if i actually go to the office i'm there by 8 at the latest.

but i go to the office about 1 day per week

TS: sashaying into work 45 minutes late with a coffee in one hand and a delicious breakfast sandwich in the other vs. sashaying into work right on time and leaving five minutes later to go get coffee and a delicious breakfast sandwich.

i love this thread title so much

it's pretty flexible where i work but i have been finding it difficult to show up any earlier than 10am lately, this really started when i got my own office tbh

I feel like when you're five minutes late, you don't get the coffee and the breakfast sandwich, but when you're thirty minutes late, might as well.

At minute forty five, you might as well just roll in on a skateboard, too.

c/d: reading this thread title and deciding you want a breakfast sandwich at 2:17 p.m.

man alive otm

it's pretty flexible where i work but i have been finding it difficult to show up any earlier than 10am lately, this really started when i got my own office tbh

― marcos, Monday, January 12, 2015 1:05 PM (3 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

lol academia

since fall I've been the one getting the toddler ready and taking her to preschool in the morning, so just getting to work anywhere near on time has become quite a challenging feat, and I've been skipping the coffee/sandwich on account of that.

There are so many mental/physical tasks and sub-tasks involved it's unreal.

breakfast is the only decent thing most places offer

this is totally classic, haha

getting landed with a necessary 8am task has kinda been the only thing that has ever got me eating regular breakfast tbh but you can't get a delicious breakfast sandwich at 8 so its usually a cinnamon bagel or w/e nb no sashay but sometimes I pull a stagey tap move out of the lift if I think nobody's looking

i do this sashaying thing at least once a week except i hate breakfast sandwiches. they don't pay me enough and i go to work on sundays often bc i can't concentrate enough to get all my work done while everyone else is at work so it's their fault.

yeah, the noise is what makes it really annoying for me. i've found wearing headphones kind of ameliorates it though

I got written up last year for showing up three minutes late for work.

We get penalised (ie say bye bye bonuses) if we're more than 5-10 mins late on the reg.

All this casually rocking up an hour late BS is unfair, u fuckers.

i'm always here half an hour before everybody else and i'm too fat for breakfast sandwiches so i don't really belong here

One thing I loathe with a raging passion: the 2 ladies in my office who make porrige every morning in a bowl, sit at their desk, and spend 10 minutes making stirring/clinking/slurping sounds as they slop it about then eat it.

i dont know why but it makes me want to kill.

this is the best

though i admittedly sashay pretty quickly to avoid being seen by superiors

the world is bending to my will