2008 Australian Open Tennis

Hi Fred! I am happy you have started this thread. I have never EVER seen LLLLEYYYTON play as pitifully as he did against Guccione. It was embarrassing.

:( at Marat losing to A-Hole.

I will be glued to the TV unless I accidentally get a new job.

(yes, more embarrassing than actually being Lleyton Hewitt, I mean it)

I look forward to attempting to watch as many matches as I can on US TV :) Which sadly may not be too many.

Gooch has just beaten Stepanek in three and is into the final of the Sydney International. His form is nearly as good as this time last year. Hopefully it can last slightly longer into next week this time.

BOLD PREDICTION: "Our" Lleyton will a) complain about the great injustices placed upon him and b) bow out in the third round.

I HAD A TICKET TO THE MEN'S FINAL AND GAVE IT AWAY.

Lleyton won't do shit. I'm sick of his whining and sick of his obsession with women's mags. He can get fucked. Federer will win everything* anyway.

* yes that includes women's and doubles and youth finals

bec will be photographed wearing new jewellery and looking anxious and new idea will call her a WAG.

Meanwhile Philippoussis will bring his current 16yo starlet and make it to the second step outside before losing to some kid eating ice cream.

Sorry to be so cynical about this but srsly tennis has become incredibly dispiriting, especially for Australians. And the British.

i'm rooting for keith urban

"Sorry to be so cynical about this but srsly tennis has become incredibly dispiriting, especially for Australians. And the British."

You aint whistlin' dixie. The fact that Markipoo's withdrawal merited a headline at all, makes no further comment necessary. And as for Alicia Molik, much and all as she's a lovely lady and she has shown guts and dedication well beyond the call of duty in her attempt to come back, the fact that she remains the female FOAT, just as before her illness, is grimmer than grim.

The male FOAT (or, with Bernard Tomic, half thereof), Bryden 'Calvin' Klein, beat Open 4th seed Nikolai Davydenko at Kooyong two days ago in better news, which would have been even better still if BK had actually needed to raise a racquet in anger. Unfortunately, the Grim Reaper had merely skived off, withdrawing in anticipation of heat exhaustion on seeing the forecast of 41 celsius.

Blargh.

Is it because the kids are playing AFL now?

Sorry to be so cynical about this but srsly tennis has become incredibly dispiriting, especially for Australians. And the British.

Well, this Brit was never much of a one for face-painting or flag-waving so the fortunes of Our Boys and Our Girls never mean much to me. I remember getting moderately excited when John Lloyd outlasted Eliot Telscher at Wimbledon a few years ago but quite happy when Leconte sorted out Mr Chrissie in the next round. Henman, Shenman. Rusedski, Rushemdski.

However, Andy Murray I like. And I think he's the real deal - a first-row contender from the (born in the) mid-'80s pack to sweep up once Rodge goes into inevitable decline. He'll win a couple of Slams down the line. (And cross court).

Hmmm, that's a problam Aus tennis has always had. Nathan Buckley was an outstanding junior tennis player, likewise Gavin Brown, Andy Phillips of Carlton, Jeff Hogg who played for Richmond and Fitzroy, Brett Stephens who at least returned to tennis as a coach, doubtless there's others also.

And what are the girls playing instead of tennis?

And welcome aboard Mike J.

Hi guys, I'm also reporting for duty (though I never actually post except about Maria Elena Camerin). Go the Australian Open!

is davenport playing??

I think she's only skipping the French.

sweet

whoah, davenport named her kid jagger?

"I, seriously, was like the Lindsay Lohan of tennis"

Whose quote was that - Hewitt's?

Starts tomorrow.

http://www.australianopen.com/en_AU/index.html

Chewitt already whining.

Serena christens Rod Laver Arena at 11am with a match against unknown local Jarmila Gajdesova. Not much later Henin will follow. It is to be hoped this is not the only time Mila ever plays on RLA.

On Voda, no 3 seed Jelena Jankovic and her Austrian opponent, Tamira (only name reported in the Age so dunno whether it's her first or last) will kick the dust off the new paint job for Sandshoe Face and somebody very promisingly called Lukas Dlough. The FOAT, Bryden Klein, kicks off MCA against Paul Coupe de Ville, with comeback mama Lindsey Davenport to follow against Italian Sara Errani. The Grim Reaper is on next against Michel Llodra, if the weather isn't too hot....

Also on the bill today: Gasquet, Nadal, Molik, Moya, Mesmo, Sharapova, Batty Patty Schnyder, and, as the spruiker of those '20 SuperFab Hits' compilations from the 60s always finished, 'Manny Moore!'

I'm assuming it's Tamira Paszek (spelling), a really good junior by reputation tho I've never seen her play.

Klein 3-0 incl two service breaks down. Start as you mean to continue and all that....

Klein now 3-2 down and has not lost a point since last post. He's quick and rangy and a clean hitter.

Wierd Al Jankovic in early bother v Paszek: a break down and a point away from another.

omg elevenis liveblog

xpost: And now a set down, 6-2. Much nettage from Jankovic, but also some nice winners from Paszek.

Coupe de Ville has set point. Robredo a set down v the Russian Bear, Mischa Zverev. Schuttler about to take first set v Arnie Clements (combined age: about 83).

Niemenen first into third set, v Dancevic. Paul-Henri Mathiue (pronounced 'mature' but can't use obv nick 'Victor' this time cos that's the name of the bloke he's playing) also 6-1 plus break on Hanescu.

Coupe de Ville has chassis problems. He's flat on his back, trainers working on one hip, ref speaking to him a tad sternly it seems.

Game to resume.

oh my GOD I wish I had Merde TV right about now. This Serena Williams game is fucking fucking terrible and boring.

Niemenen

There's no way to pronounce this name that doesn't make one sound like a robot.

de Ville breaks Klein game 1 of second set. This kid Klein can play but (unsurprisingly) lacks the smarts and the concentration.

Robredo 5-1 up the khyber in the second.

Serena first into Round 2. Only used the towel courtside to fulfil promotional obligs. Pre-game she didn't seem as bloody-minded as last year (cracking jokes with the 7 talking-heads) but she wasn't playing any better at this stage of the tournament either.

Dancin' Frankie pulls one back v Nemo. Mardy Fish and Dudi Sela both two sets up. Paszek mhas made a good start in decider v Wierd Al with an early break,

Okay, it's a typical Australian Open thread - I've bitched about the Australian media, and Adam has commented on the pronunciation of Neimenen's name. And Serena Williams has won.

Right on track.

I won't say that word that has racist connotations in the US but not in Australia, because now I know it has racist connotations in the US.

Calvin Klein has broken back to 3-3 in the second.

Henin and Nakamura are away. Henin already has a break point.

Half of what you're saying sounds like euphemisms.

Henin and Nakamura are away. Henin already has a break point.

Tommy Robredo looking good for 'first seed out' sweeps, Zverev has broken in the third.

Klein holds with difficulty to go 5-4 up.

Many tasty cross-court backhands from Paszek!

Wow at Paszek! She looks cool as a cucumber - taking the ball early and getting HEAPS of power. And point construction skills too.

AMAZING match point saved!

Tamira will get another shot at serving for the match....

I wish I knew how to do small text on this place as I want to say something inappropriate.

oh no, I was thinking "losing serve when the match is about to be yours indicates eep eep eep chokey chokey mc choke choke" but I didn't think at 40/15 on the second time it might happen.

Okay, this is ridiculous. Jankovic cannot buy a decent point on serve - Paszek will try a third time. And then maybe a fourth, fifth, sixth.. etc. But you get the idea that if she misses, then doesn't break, she's toast.

'Choke' is a word I used very sparingly, I suppose that's because it's too often used by noisy cretins.

Well it's not what's really happening, because the tennis is of too high a quality.

Okay, you guys, that was AMAZING. Paszek got it back to deuce on Jankovic's serve with the SWEETEST down the line backhand EVAH, then gritted out two quick points to get ANOTHER chance.

And is now down 00-40.

wtf?

wtf indeed! 13 out of 17 games broken or something this set?

Paszek is being handled by a trainer. The angle the camera is on is showing that perhaps the only thing more developed in Tamira's game is her, well, rackular area. Girl is shapely and hot.

Jankovic was being massaged before too.

MERDE TV?

The pay TV channel owned by Rupert Merde-och, y'know?

Anyway, Paszek at 9-8 after a training time-out thingy. THIS WILL BE YOUR TIME, TAMIRA.

except not. I fear that most of my four-times-a-year assault of the statscock is going to be like this. 9-9.

Tamira is in pain. But it didn't stop her doing an adorable little twirl after hitting a teh AWESOME shot.

Two holds in a row. It's getting more dramatic than watchable now.

Jelena wins 12-10. Epic-ish.

And now, yay, Roddick's on. I love Roddick, he's such an interesting player to watch. Such a versatile game.

Wait, let's try that again without irony, shall we?

Mischa v Robredo is turning into an epic: Tommy coming back to 2-2, and now serving to stay in the match - a match some idiot called over two hours ago plus!

Ah yes - Twinkle Toes Roddick. The most elegant player ever to grace the game.

Breeder will now serve FOR the match.

And now the Definitely Scottish Andy Murray has gone down a set to Agnost.

Jessica Moore from Perth, who last year spent more time waiting for her taxi from the airport than playing, has done something distinctly un-Australian: she won. It was her first win in a Grand Slam, after losing first up here and Flushing Meadow last year. Her rating going in was 376.

Her opponent was one Julie Ditty from the USA. I did not make that up. Ms Ditty has hovered in and out of the top 100 over the last 12 months, so this was a damned good effort.

Casey Delinquent a set down to Italian(?) Karen Knapp. Murray takes third set 6-0. Shara has first break on Kos-Tosic.

On early shifts today and tomorrow at work, so... back.

Scots interest in the men's singles is OVAH - Wee Jimmie Baker out in four sets to Ivo Karlovic, Wee Andy Murray lasts the same amount of time against JW Tsonga. Andy's the first seed out of the men's draw, btw.

Incidentally, who in the hell is Gilles Simon? I mean, I know I've been off these threads for a bit, but the feller is somehow 28th seed and I have never, ever heard of him before, I'm pretty much certain...

Actually, two blokeyseeds down - Chela's just been seen off by Giggedy-Giggedy Lopez. Aw-right.

ON COURT NOW: Nikky Davvy Denky two sets up on Llodratron; Youzhnix set-and-break up on France's singing milkman, Mat Montcourt; Casey Dellacqua is 5-5 on Andy Knapp; former Hottest Thing In Teh Tennisses Don Young is two sets to one down and struggling to hold serve against thoroughly unheralded German Mike Berrer; all-German, all-lady clash between The Kloeser and Schruffy-Doo sees SK 6-1 4-3 up; SPAM WAR and JP Brzezicki are going for an epic, two sets apiece and with serve in the fifth; 'arry Levy's looking like going two sets down to Sepptic; not only is Nicolas Mahut being taken to a fifth set by Jose Acasuso, his profile pic makes him look like a claymation figure who's been slammed against a window; Flavia Flav leads 5-4 against Minka Cibulkova in the decider of theirs, but it's going with serve thus far; and Alex Falla leads Kev Anderson 4-2 in the fourth set of theirs, but is two sets to one down.

Casey Delinquent and Kernapp (as even the bloody ground announcer calls her FFS!) reprising Jelena-Tamira this morning, a set each with the receiver about 10-4 up in the decider.

Now CD has two match points....EDIT one...TFFT. Dellaqua wins 8-6.

Simon is 23 and French, and his best slam showing was making the third round here two years ago.

Chela out? Enough to make you want to spit....

Sweet Gene Korolev 7-5 3-0 up on slack-jawed Spaniard Marcel Granollers-Pujol, Aggie Calleri takes the first off Rounda Horna. Gas Quest is having this much trouble with Aussie Nick Lindahl: none. Flav and Russian Dave both safely through.

Donald Duck and Yogi Berrer in third-set tiebreaker in Disney v Hanna-Barbera Challenge. Fabulous Phil Kohlschreib well in control v Karanusic.

Potter Warburg about to finish off 'Thick-as-a' Brzezicki.

Donaldus bows out in four. Warburg and Seppo both march on.

Go Alicia! (the patriot in me speaks)

Canapes 3-0 up and looking a class above ATM.

Agnostic, I saw tennis test.
Sure Magyar rum deled Murray game?
Rust, sets in net.
"Was ici!" -- Tsonga

Very clever indeed AM.

The AM on court looking a bit smarter now also - back on serve at 2-3.

3-all at last. One break, one short hold, one long hold each.

Good first set to Molik. Great last service game and just torched the Kipper in the tie-breaker.

I jacked it in and changed channels at 4-all. At that stage, whichever player reached a level of consistent mediocrity first had the set in the bag.

I seem to recall Molik losing to this lass a few years ago. Or beating her a lot more easily than this. I don't like her outfit, but, you know, yay Alicia anyway. I still love you.

She beat the same girl at the same stage 12 months ago.

Agree re the outfit. That color always gives me appalling flashbacks of Carlton's M&M jumper years ago.

Alicia's just kicked it up a gear - she's looking great.

And AM rolls her in two. The longer the game went, the better she looked.

And she was luminous in the interview. Of course, as Fred pointed out last year, her coach is the sister-in-law of the interviewer....

What the fuck? Sam Kekovich lamb ads? I HATE LAMB.

I didn't use to, but now that Sam K is on their case I might have to start thinking about it.

Three locals into round 2, one epic match already, AND no Jim C doing the post-match? This Oz Open is massively better than last year, before we're done with day 1.

Alas, Jim C. is in the commentary chair now. Ugh.

I like the look of Nadal's opponent. He's lean and tall and his hair is not unlike how I wear mine.

the only thing more developed in Tamira's game is her, well, rackular area.

Holy mother of god:

http://i7.tinypic.com/54j8404.jpg

Todd Woodbridge and Jim Courier, who in 1995 I think played one of the best matches I ever did see, or maybe it was earlier, or something, are plugging the new American TV imports again.

STOP IT.

What the hell is Nadal wearing? He looks like a pukestain on legs.

I used to see people dressed like that scoping for pot on the way to City Beach down in Wollongong. Freaky.

Nadal saved a set point. So right, now you'd assume he'll stop faffing around in the tie-breaker. 7-2?

I'll say 7-4. Nadal.

Split the diff in the end - 7-3.

Moya serving to stay in v Koubek. And not very convincingly.

Court coverage is always an important part of the gane but acc to the website Baumer and Tenesugarn are going beyond the call - playing on both Court 10 and Court 13, at once.

And Moya can pack his bags.

Nadal still frigging about, down a break in set 2.

Is it too late for me to say "lol Andy Murray"?

It's never too late! Nadal won easily in the end.

Early day 2 Djoko is giving Benny Becker a walloping, the Coathanger is a set up v Vania King, and the Shockjock, Alun Jones, is a set 1 break ahead of Alberto Montanes.

Noticed we're Lexless so far this year....

Krajicek apparently has a left-wrist injury rendering her backhand nonexistent, and is being, sorry, has been, duly hamm0red by Mpaperfolding. Other girl being hamm0red = Gisela Dulko, by Danish 2006 Wimbledon girls' champion Caro Wozniacki (1-6 and again).

Les baguelles dished out so far: Đoković (to call him by his name) vs Benny & Verdasco vs Ascione.

(I believe the Lex may have Properly Quit this place, but not sure.)

The juniors are definitely stepping it up. What I think is really U & K, and in the absence of Lex and Mike bringing THE REAL KNOWLEDGE is that the latest bunch of girlz aren't just brainless big hitters, they're really tactically clever - tho for reasons unknown I've noticed this is particularly noteworthy in the girls who have Eastern European ancestry which Paszek (who if not for physical fatigue in the third would have toppled Jankovic) and Wozniacki do despite them being from Austria and Denmark , see also Martina Hingis (FROWNY FACE, I STILL LOVE YOU MARTINA). And of course, the Rad Wanksta! At any rate, I am delighted to see immaculate point construction skills on display as well as really fine touch, drop shots and things like that that please the tennis rockists!

(Sharapova is too American to fit into this tidy picture and Vaidisova, while not THAT tactically clever, has shown a very EE work ethic and I think is a dead cert to be the next woman to win her first slam)

Lol at Becker. I left after the bagel to pop out and get bread and post a letter and I come back and he's lost another set to Hottovic.

Trivia before bed: When Ô, le Magicien plays his first ball vs Will John Isner later today, he will have appeared in 62 Grand Slam events, thus surpassing Agassi's record.

He is also apparently the professional player ever with the greatest number of lost matches.

singles matches, to be precise.

Some other things are happening. Alun (Jones) Is A Spaniard Killer, up two sets to love against Montanes. Former Lex favourite Marta Domachowska might bagel. Tipsy McStagger looking good. Breadstick Hantuchova nearly home. The Formerly Hot But Now Not Really David Nalbandian is playing. Well done, Silver Dave. ALIZE CORNET is winning too over Clarissa Fernandez Explains It All. Meilen Tu is beating Kirilenko, who is probably wearing something expensive yet hideous.

The Australian Open website has people posting things, like one from a Lindsay Davenport fan hoping she beats Sharapova. Um, yeah, right, I'm quite sure that's going to happen (not that I wouldn't be pleased).

The Formerly Hot But Now Not Really David Nalbandian

wtf?

His hair has gone through a number of stages of unacceptability since 2002.

I was hoping to make some kind of Alize/Alizee reference, but it's just not going to work is it? Alizee has a song called Fifty Sixty, which is a bit like tennis as scored by retards. Perhaps Alize Cornet could sing it changing the lyrics to "Thirty Forty".

Awful TV-segment on Channel 7: quizzing the newly naturalised Anastasia Rodionova on whether she likes vegemite, meat pies and beer. No, never had one, and 'yes' but not with any conviction.

Good to see Channel Brucie still not afraid to tackle the hard issues....

Hyung-Taik Lee, or however you spell it is pwning Guccione now. "Stole" the tie-breaker apparently (no, he WON it, commentary cunts, all of whom have priapisms over Gooch) and now up a break.

GOOD!

(rant mode ON)]The fact that Gooch is on the scene at the time he is - a time when all Oz is looking for the next Rafter (and looking even more urgently for the slightest escuse to give the current Hewitt the big A), and the crayon-crunchers are jumping on anybody that looks like he might move in that direction - is surely not his fault. No, I don't think he's the next Federer either and I don't even think he's the best flamehead since Jim Courier, but he should find his own level without duchessing from the idiot media, or the bagging he gets from some punters, almost in retaliation - which is really just playing the idiot media's game anyway (rant mode OFF)

Joe Siriani (who I always thought was a guitarist) is currently beating Tipsy with two chords. Former finalist Baghdatis is two sets up on former winner Tommy Jo Hansson. AgRad might double-bagel Savchuk. Gerd Muller is a set up on Pauline 'Wilton' Parmenter.

SvetaKuz has just seen off one potential unseeded floating nuisance in Dechy.

Siriani shocked to find he was playing Eric Clapton after all - now in 5-0 worth of doggy-doos in set 5.

Gooch still looking a class below. The bloke he's playing is ten years older and smarter and playing the tennis of his life and ranked about 50 spots higher, so the jaw-droppage rate at this result might be a tad overcooked.

My "GOOD" comes as much from thinking he's not very good and also from the fact that while not very good Australians are in the draw, they will dominate the TV coverage (like the Britishers' attitute to Henman) while GOOD watchable matches get NO coverage. The first few days of AO coverage are always unbearable with the dud Aussies, plus bloody crap matches with Roddick, Serena etc.

Jose Ferrer a set and a break up deep into set 2 on Roger Vaseline. Hewitt wins first set 6-0 in about 45 seconds. The other bloke doing much better in set 2 - wins on serve to level second set at 1-1.

Peter Luczak 5-0 up on Mario Zabaletta at MCA. Hewitt lost a bit of edge mid-set, was broken and even passed up a challenge on a howler of a call (complacent?) but will still win set 2 unless he does something absolutely ridiculous.

Upon reflection, Lleyton Hewitt really is the ugliest tennis player I've ever seen. I've never really noted this before because up until about 2006 I still kind of admired his play, but now, even though he's winning, his opponent's shite, so I don't care.

(He won 6-0, 6-3, 6-0 by the way)

You may recall the night Sammy the Stoat lost last year (first Thursday from memory) and there in the ABC radio commentary box was the ever-loyal Nicole Pratt who didn't refer to her as anything except Sam all night and never acknowledged that 'Sam' was likely to lose - until she had lost.

We now have the same thing in reverse - 'Pratty' is looking thoroughly ordinary v Petrova but Sam in the MerdeTV box is doing her best to bump up her chances.

Darcies looked well out of his depth, but it is unusual for Hewitt to lay waste to an opponent like that no matter how crapola he is. Next up he has Denis Istemin, not a hay-fever pill but an Uzbek player ranked 216. Then comes either Safin or Baghdatis, most likely...

Oh, and Djokovic's Sharapova impersonation, shown on Centre, is NOWHERE NEAR as good as Dmitry Tursunov's.

Alun Jones is quite a nice looking young chap.

Denis the Menace's R1 opponent, incidentally, was one Lukas Lacko. A name I'm sorry I missed and hope he comes back.

"Alun Jones is quite a nice looking young chap."

Isn't it odd how two blokes can share the same name (almost) but absolutely no other characteristics?

Luczak in a bit of trouble in second set tiebreaker.

Cake (Marianne Bertoli) wins set 1 in a tiebreaker but yet to establish a real edge v Sofie Arvidssen, Sweden's only brunette besides Agnetha of ABBA. (Why can't we see this, Rupert?)

Oh, I forgot how ugly Luczak is.

Arvidssen was a seed some years ago. She's not very good, Cake should be pwning her!

Luczak has a break-back point....which he took. I missed it. Bugger.

Looch looks too much like Hewitt to be anything except ugly.

The bits of Looch which don't look like Hewitt DO look like accident-prone, lazy, generally not-much-chop Queensland and occasional Oz cricketer Shane Watson. Given the choice I'd take Hewitt.

So OTM.

Zabaletta's name looks a bit like zabaione, the Italian dessert, which the Argenitians aparently call "Sambayón". In the absence of a good nickname for him, I am going to use this. DESSERT VS ENERGY DRINK FITE.

Sambayón was lucky to get that break earlier as there was a v. dodgy line call on a serve.

Looch broke for 5 but is blowing his chance to serve for the set.

NOW he has a set point. Overall he's playing this set very well.

The opposite of your mouth to God's ears, Fred. Can you please jinx awful players by predicting their wins _slightly_ prematurely? (I will pay you)

I'd assume Luka will win now.

I've been doing that as an amateur for longer than I can remember. Only yesterday I called a photo-finish between Jelena and Tommy Robredo for 'first seed out' and they both won.

Then there's the times like with Joe the Guitar Hero earlier when I just plain didn't read the scoreboard properly. Tnat wasn't a first either.

Looch has Zabba in trouble on serve already in set 4.

Zab just did an accidental McEnroe, and is looking increasingly hot and bothered. And Looch got his break at the second attempt.

Mario is cactus. And he knows it. And doesn't care. Otherwise he would have at least challenged that last point of the last game, which looked six inches out, right in front of his toes.

FRIDA WAS THE BRUNETTE IN ABBA. THIS DISTINCTION IS U+K

Good point Al.

Turn my back for five minutes and what happens???

Looch, 4-zip when I went out, gets broken once and then serves for the match and is taken to deuce, but prevails - just. Another break would have levelled the set and made the decider a lottery.

Safin quickly 4-0 up on Deadly Ernest Gulbis.

NOWNOWNOWNOW: Blakey's a set up on Mass-U; Marat is steamrollering The Fastest Milkman In The West Of Riga; first-round perennial Camille Pin is a set down to minor Romanian Monica Niculescu; Jurgen Melzer (facially the spit of Jimmy Somerville) looks like he's about to do for Van 'Eck; Ossie Hernandez is on the cusp of a 2-1 set lead over Ivo The Minor; Fabrice Santoro is two sets to the good on John Isner, but has just gone down a break in the third (I finish work at 3 - will this match still be going by then? I have my suspicions); Radical Stepladder set up on Our Cousin Vinny; VRP firmly in control over Ladybert; and Tata Garbin's just accounted for Dani With Two I's.

Seeds out thus far: Ivan Ljubicic, who really did used to be in the world's top three, went out whimpering in four sets to thoroughly unknown Dutchman Nobby Haase; Cilic BANG straight-setted Alma-Gro; Little Miss Marat fell in three to Grand Slam debutante Sabine Lisicki; St Agnes the Savvy was excommunicated by Ekaterina Makarova; Castanets clickety-clicks Safarova; and, in comfortably the biggest shock of the lot, the Cake was ruined by Sofia The Swedish Aphid.

Instamatic Camerin running away with it against Christy Wheeler; Na-Na-Na-Na Li bruleeing Bremond.

Someone left a Cake out in the rain :(

Venus looks really great!

WTF with the Venus ass-cam super-slo-mo???!

Christ! My eyes!!!

She reminds me a bit of Aretha Franklin in the Blues Brothers.

Did you notice at the toss - she towered over both her opponent and ref.

YanZi has two break points and Venus has served five faults on the trot. (Saved them and has game point)

Yan is hitting the ball low and flat. She is also, yes, right, one half of the arse-waggling Chinese doubles pairs that won a Slam over Black and Stubbs, wasn't it? So Venus won't have a monopoly on assal area movemebt.

(Hey, imagine a game between Serena and Zina Garrison Jackson in her prime)

Rosalind Russell, who nearly beat Hewitt last year, locked in battle with an Italian called (I kid you not) Fognini.

Safin has beaten Deadly Ernest.

Vince the Bloody Shovel will serve for the match v Stepanek if the match doesn't end sooner. In contrast to day 1, today has been carnage for the seeds.

If her daughter looks a million dollars, I'd rate Mrs W at about 32 cents. She looked an absolute nightmare in the shot I just saw.

"Vince the Bloody Shovel will serve for the match v Stepanek if the match doesn't end sooner. In contrast to day 1, today has been carnage for the seeds."

Once again Nerk fails Reading The Scoreboard 101. Vince won the fourth to go to 2-2.

Okay, only Venus Williams could be involved in a scoreline like this. From 0-2 to 5-2 to 5-5. Yan is hitting the ball nice and flat at the moment which was working for her at the start of the second.

Federer : still learning the rules.

Federer : still learning the rules.

Let me guess: arguing over what happens after a won Hawkeye challenge?

i love how ferderer sometimes starts out vaguely shaky, and everyone wonders what's going on, and then he always ends up pummelling whichever insignificant insect he is playing. He's been in vague trouble on both his serves so far but is up 3-0 anyway.

Another day, another dollar. And it's Casey Delinquent vs Batty Patty, the Batshit Insane Swiss Goddess. Surely Patty's not mad enough to lose this.

I should mention that in her outfit and the way she's done her hair, Patty not only looks nice in a washed-out way, she looks incredibly young.

Casey has dropped serve to 3-5 but now has two break-back points.

Meanwhile in Merde-land, Coupe de Ville is playing Victor Mature in a game of incandescent dullness.

LOL at general incompetence.

Hah, Dellacqua won a set. This is outrageously funny, even for a fruit loop like the Juice Bar.

Delinquent looked headed for reform school about 20 minutes ago when Batty Patty was generally monstering her - but I just come back in time to see her take the second set. BP must have barely won a game in the meantime.

Casey has brought out some big accurate groundstrokes. Particularly the lefty forehand, she's going down the line well with it, an d she's not trying too get into angle battles much as Patty will win those.

Oh look what just happened, an angle rally.

Potter Warburg's stocks sinking v Tsonga. In the Court 6 snoozathon Mature is a set don but 4-0 up in the second.

Henin was made to fight like hell for the second set v poutschka, but prevailed. The second set took 23 minutes. Henin's on-court time for her first three sets would have only just matched that,

Casey just blew three break points at 5-5.

I have recently become a big fan of tennis. Unfortunately, there is no way to watch a majority of these matches in America. I am taking suggestions for who my favorite men's/women's players should be.

Batty Patty and Casey tied at 6-6 in set #3. Go Patty.

Casey serving for the match - I can't watch this....besides, all morning she's done best when I haven't been paying attention.

Really, if you have developed a love of the game, you cannot go past Justine Henin. Her game is breathtaking to watch and because she usually wins you get to see a lot of her. You might prefer nutcases. Around these parts, the Russians are quite popular, they're almost all insane. If you like pluck, you might enjoy Marion "Cake" Bartoli, who has sadly lost - she's great fun. Mark (whither Markelby?) goes for Italiennes for ethnic pride, and likewise, I love the evil Agnieszka Radwanska. Sania Mirza is a great outsider to cheer for, too.

For the fellas, Rodge always worth watching. Djokovic likewise plays some stunning stuff. Dmitry Tursunov is great fun. Marit Safin, when he plays, is amazing in every sense of the word. For the OTHER kind of watching, I heartily recommend Tomas Berdych. And most of the French guys. Ahem ahem. Despite mentioning him not being hot anymore, I really like David Nalbandian's game to watch as well. We generally approve of Andy Murray.

(AND good to have you aboard)

Almost all of us love Patty Schnyder for being completely batshit insane, but she just lost.

x-post!

I like Djokovic, but only because my friends and I call him Djoker, and during his matches cannot resist constantly going "Love that Djoker", which I always find funny.

Here's a brief summary of the top 30 lay-deez. This is MY OPINION, and not the general ILX hivemind:

Justine Henin: fantastic to watch, everyone hates her, seldom plays a bad game. Reliable entertainment. Basically everything a tennis purist could want.
Svetlana Kuznetsova: Less than attractive but has a voice like a sexy Russian newsreader, and latterly, has great hair. A bit of a mental lightweight and sometimes sprays balls everywhere but a likeable underdog as far as World No.2s go.
Ana Ivanovic: I think she's cute and bubbly and gutsy. Thumbs up.
Jelena Jankovic: Has always struck me as being a bit cranky and bitter. Not a fan, really.
Maria Sharapova: In a massive bout of INDIE I liked her until she became famous.
Anna Chakvetadze: Unlucky girl - got burgled last year in a horrific sounding incident. I think her ranking flatters her a fair bit but it's been a while since I saw her last.
Serena Williams: Her arrogance is a bit much to take, her silly outfits are a bit much and while she can play some stunning stuff she's just as likely to be unwatchable.
Venus Williams: As above but her outfits in the last few years have been GREAT, she has gorgeous legs and is hilarious. I used to dislike her but now I've come around and think she's brilliant.
Daniela Hantuchova: LOL. Referred to as the Breadstick because she's like, completely stick-thin. Wears outfits that show off her nipples, which is good for her. Queen of 7-5 third sets.
Marion Bartoli: ALLEZ CAKE! She's adorable! Most surprising grand slam finalist ever, but her semi against Henin to get there when I saw a reply nearly made me die with excitement.
Elena Dementieva: I renounced my Dementieva fandom some time ago, but I'll always have the memories. My former favourite player - awful serve but inventive strategist with great power off both wings.. sigh.
Nicole Vaidisova: Kind of like Sharapova-lite. Awesome forehand, working on other parts of her game but pretty much tactically vacant at the moment. I think she'll win a Slam soon though.
Tatiana Golovin: She's French. She's Russian. Lex rates her, but I've seen her lose to NICOLE PRATT but I guess she's done big things in the last 6 months, but she's nothing on the top couple. May streak into the top 6 one day but no further. Looks good in hotpants.
Nadia Petrova: Complete mental weakling who has the game to be ranked about 10 higher but seems to blow it so often that it's suspicious.
Patty Schnyder: Once dedicated a tournament win to her dead cat. LOVE HER LOVE HER LOVE HER.
Dinara Safina: Gets mad points for being related to Marit Safin, but she really can't move a lick.
Shahar Pe'er: Likeable gritty player. Has never struck me as having any big weapons but a reliable prospect to not embarrass you if you say you like her.
Amelie Mauresmo: Enormous lesbonaut and former emotional midget who crashes out at the later stages of slams or when facing a Williams. Gorgeous backhand, though. Can laugh at herself. When she finally got her Grand Slam final win, only a bitter cunt wouldn't have smiled with her.
Agnez Szavay: Has jumped up so quickly I don't know what to say.
Sybile Bammer: Highest-ranked mum on the tour, and seems to be getting better with age. She was hopeless a few years ago and now she really is very solid. Don't find her that exciting to watch though.
Alona Bondarenko: She's awesome! I love the upcoming Slavonic girls so much. Will be top 10 soon.
Vera Zvonareva: Hasn't done much lately. Named "Vinegar Tits" or Bepa. Complete head case, known to cry and break down at intense points. And sometimes not intense points. Loveable fruitcake.
Lucie Safarova: Hits the ball really hard, really strong, exciting game to watch. And is dating Tomas Berdych until I steal him from her.
Francesca Schiavone: Really stylish, impressive game, great fun to watch for the most part but tends to flag when playing strong opposition, or even people close to her ranking.
Victoria Azarenka: See Alona Bondarenko, much the same applies!
Maria Kirilenko: Overrated Russian known for wearing Stella McCartney dresses and generally getting in a few rounds before putting up no resistance to one of the big girls.
Katarina Srebotnik: Consistent, steady baseliner. To be honest, about as interesting as watching paint dry to me.
Agnieszka Radwanska: EVIL A-RAD! Polish girl, former Junior Champion who is, to me, as close as we have to the next Martina Hingis. EVIL point construction skills. Lobs, drop-shots and moves
opponents around with rare skill. If she'd been around 10 years earlier, she'd have a Slam in her immediate future.
Virginie Razzano: Wears nice sunglasses and is plucky and gutsy. Like.
Na Li: Really aggressive, full-bore groundstrokes make her fantastic to watch when she's on, but it can be painful when she gets nervous. Very supportable.

And now, Nadal waxing someone - having slightly more difficulty holding his serve than breaking. 6-0 4-2, and, um, it's a bit boring.

Hi Greg.

I'm responsible for most of the nicknames (hopefully they aren't too obscure). Ed and I are both from Australia so we are in a constant state of lament that unlike the Good Old Days when 14 of the last 16 in any major would be Australian, these days we can't do any better than Lleyton the Llimited, in terms of both game and personality. A bit like Pat Cssh, we rooted for him in major finals out of a sense of duty as much as with any enthusiasm. One difference was Pat sees himself as a bit of a mover and shaker, so his arrogance is a bit more calculated whereas Lleyton is just a not-too-bright media puppet with inadequate social skills. And we both seem to be in love with Alicia Molik but if she ever reaches the top 30 again we'll be amazed.

Melbourne is my home town so I'll be at the venue on Friday.

If the Nadal-Ayrton Serra goes the way we expect that will stave off the Commentators Nightmare match (involving any two of Ferrer, Berrer and Serra) one more tournament. Mind you, a doubles match involving those three and either Federer or Fererro might even be worse.

I've given it away and I've been listening to the cricket for the last 20 mins.

No question Lleyton is unlikeable, but when the best American players are Andy Roddick (the most hateable player on the tour), James Blake (either a choker or actually bad), and the Williams sisters (hateable)...well it makes it tough to root for the hometown stars. I still root for them out of misplaced patriotic pride. USA! USA! USA!

I don't understand any of the nicknames, but one of the old threads has a helpful guide.

Just ask and we shall translate. Also: if Lex comes back and WBS contributes, we shall have a Poptimist majority.

Victor Mature finally put Coupedeville back in the crackerjack box. And crackers is what Paul went after the match, as he tried to volley his gear bag into Frankston. Meanwhile the Nadal game grinds on and on....

NEARLY OVER which means that Vaidisova vs Molik is on soon.

Alicia has no chance really but... still hoping.

Nadal won. Yay.

I know his game is meant to be so intense and physical but he's so bloody SLOW that I always zone out watching him, esp against a lesser light like Ayrton, or Fabulous Phil Kohlschreib last year.

This morning Molik was rated a better show than Dellaqua by the ABC team, and the gap in rankings is about half what the Grand Canyon between Casey and BP was, and apparently Vaid is prone to off-days...your hope is not without basis.

It's not looking good so far :(

Oh look, it's Radek Stepanek, who is dating Vaidisova. I can only assume he is in possesion of an enormous cock because he's SO UGLY and how on earth did he get to bed Hingis and now Vaidisova?

edwardo's WTA rundown = brill+! Thanks.

Youngster To Watch Not Of Eastern European Origin = possibly the French-Iranian they call CaravaneZerai, who has eliminated 13th seed Golovin in three.

Haha now *there*'s a matching double team: Dr Ivo & J Isner!

Very possibly one to watch but Golovin has all the mental resolve of a baguette. As mentioned on a previous thread, nearly all those lay-deez are a bit weak mentally with the exception of Justine, Maria and Serena.

Would do an overview of the fellaz but I don't follow them as interestedly beyond a few of my favourites.

Maria's in fine form tonight. Her squeals are ringing around RLA.

OK, will the real Davenport stand up? This is getting ugly. 5-0!

Edwardo: superb hit parade rundown of the gals, thanks for that.

I wondered how we'd managed to get so far into a Slam thread without mention of Potito Starace but now I see he's not playing. We could still talk about him, I suppose.

Wasn't he pinged for betting on matches last year, Potito?

Yep, see rolling 2008 thread.

Lindsay just saved three break points. They were good too.

And then she lost her serve anyway.

Oh Lindsaypaws.

How depressing. Only one game possibly from being over, therefore, only one game separates me from being in front of a TV with Andy Roddick on it.

$harapova wins 6-1, 6-3. Dave didn't serve well enough. Commentators are going on about how well Maria played but this really wasn't a marquee performance from Lindsay either.

I'm not watching Andy Roddick. TV IS GOING OFF.

That was pretty great from Sharper - she had the most to lose and played accordingly. Good show.

Yeah, Roddick suXor. :( And Courier calling. Ugh.

Bloody Courier was nearly as embarrassing tonight as last year doing the post-match thing with Sharapova. Why Maria didn't ram her racquet down his throat, Lord only knows. I notice she called him 'Jimmy' at one point. God I hope he hated that.

Also notice Shara's pre-serve routine has a heavy Jonny Wilkinson influence.

Ed, that was a great breakdown on the ladies? I guess instamatic hasn't broken into the top 30, then. Who's the other Venetian? Tatiana Garbin? I like her too, by default.

I think Bandy may be my favourite male player.

I turned on the BBC Sport Player 11 minutes ago and Berrer/Roddick are still in the same game - Berrer serving to stay in the match at 3-5 in the 3rd. Pandy is getting quite frustrated, which is funny cos he could just dump a couple of returns in the net here, have a nice sit-down and then wrap things up with four unreturnables.

He doesn't have a very difficult draw, does he?

Yay Mardy Fish won. That's the American I don't feel dirty rooting for.

Actually I take that back. I don't feel guilty rooting for James Blake, he's just boring and always loses.

Well hel-LO Ms Pin.

Srsly this is the best woman's match I've seen in ages. Camille is absolutely going for it!

pin is giving Serena the needle

Ana Ivanovic talks tennis :

http://www.theage.com.au/news/australianopen2008/ana-ivanovic-on-crowd-strife/2008/01/16/1200419886585.html

"I have received some very unusual autograph requests in the past — one guy asked me to sign his stomach and another his boxer shorts! I was a little bit embarrassed to do it, but thought "why not?" I drew the line at the US Open last year when a guy asked me to sign his forehead. I felt bad for him — I did not want him walking around with a sign on his head! Our lives at tournaments can be quite regimental, so it's fun when something different happens — within reason, of course!"

Hi dere, my tennis watching was just rudely interrupted and I've just come in to see Kuznetsova moving Pironkova, whose first name I know but can't spell, around like a fiend. What's happened so far?

Not much. But Agnieszka the Rad Wanksta is playing and I can't see it. But Fererer vs Santoro is on and might be about the best one-sided match you could hope for.

i think Federererer is sleepwalking

Well that was easy, then. Oh great, LLLLLLLEYTON is on. If you go back to previous tennis threads, you will find me (and sometimes Fred) the only people even vaguely sympathetic to him. Me? No longer.

What's he done this time?

i automatically like any player coached by Roche

Oh, nothing, I'm just bored of his tinny game. How can you beef up your serve to that extent and turn it from a solid shot into a real liability? He just failed to serve out the match at 5-3 and promptly lost the third set 5-7. FEH.

Again I note that Istemin is also a hay-fever tablet. In other words, it is meant to sort out irritating little organisms that get right up your nose.

I fear Luczak has fallen into the standard Nalbandian trap. It is a well-know fact that Nailbags can't win a match unless he loses the firat set.

I am SO PSYCHED for Bombs Over Baghdad vs Marit Larsen.

Some other things happened. Blake's begun (I was going to do a top-30 fellaz round up in which I was going to describe Blake as far more boring than he seems). Mohammed Na Li up a set up in Instamatic (sorry Mark). Vince Bloody Shovela serving to stay in it. TV showed one of those god-awful segments in which he rapped, thinking we haven't seen it 600 times before. We have. Marta Domachoke-ska up a set but down a break against Aphidsson, ditto Half-Decent Lee vs a presumably half-awake Fernando Gonzalez, gradually rousing. Chewy Hewy proved to be a relatively effective anti-Istomin, winning 6-1 in the fourth.

Channel 7 commentary booth features Tracy Austin AND Nicole Bradtke. Someone give me a reason to not mute my TV or kill myself.

(This is for the game between Ana In The Van [Ana Ivanovic] vs Tax Breaks [Tatiana Garbin], home viewers)

Ana Ivanovic...that's an outfit right there. She plays tennis too.

Fashion watch: A lighter shade of blue than the courts suits Ana well. She looks adorable.

XPOST REALLY

Tax Broken! Oh, some other results. Dmitry Tursunov lost to Sam Querrey. Boo. Cilic BANG (love this name) dissolved Alka Meltzer. Little Berdych won in straight, as did Midnight Tokovich. OUR SANIA won in three! Petrified Nadia and The Rad Wanksta are through as well, as did Tipsy McStagger.

in the time it took me to write this, Blake went from a break down to parity. And I type quickly.

Van up 5-0! And Garbin is not really that bad - ranked #40 and once beat Justine Henin. Shovela vs Unheralded German Denis Gremelmayr looks like it might go on for ages - 7-6 in the fifth. Na Li aobut to finish off Camerin.

And it's a bagel for Ana! She gets it on an error due to a massive forehand, but she got the break point with some fab net play. Oh Ana!

Up 4-0, Ana drops her serve. Tax gets one of the breaks back. Except not really because out of five tries, she's yet to hold her own serve.

Annie Johnson misses her double bagel. Haggis blew a triple same distance from home in a game last year.

Just turned over to see Blake try a couple of party tricks on Rosalind Russell. The Inspector still looks like Shaft, and like an A-grade dickhead (possibly literally) with that bloody tractor tyre covering his 8-ball head and serving no useful function that I can see.

Okay, Marat, you know I love you, but.. lime green?

They both look dreadful....

It's pretty clear why Baghdatis used to have that facial hair a few years ago even though it aged him. It hid his relentless ug-ness.

First set to Baggy. Seriously, other than Marat, the only player who would even think of wearing green and black would be.. well, if not Serena Williams, then Bethany Mattek. And they'd look awful too.

Meggsie O'Shaughnassy would come under suspicion. I have no recall of Ms Mattek.

This is turning into the match of the tournament thus far.

Bagh breaks Safin and will serve for the set. Marat flings the racquet.

Bags is winning most of these long rallies and takes the set. Once again Safin expresses his displeasure.

And now it's Safin who has the first break in the third. Channel 7 promo stuff - sorry, it's great she's in the third round, but you cannot make Casey Dellacqua exciting.

Marat, please change your shirt. On camera.

Casey Dellacqua makes me want to smoke crack. To paraphrase Beck.

Lleyton Hewitt more leik Lameass Hewitt!

ZING!!

Worthy of Passantino, man.

And just like that Safin's won two pretty routine sets. I know you have stamina, Marat. But if you don't win the fifth, why go home? Take a plane up to Sydney and see the sights. And me. Oh go on.

Passantino would have been like "^^^ serve and volley game" or some shit.

I thought you want a classic Buttez-zing on Lleyton, by the way? I did drive through his old hood in West Lakes tonight actually.

I was hoping for some profanity too!

BBC Player stream is running slow (every rally is in slo-mo and the replays...well, the replays actually stop time) but I only check it occasionally (and with the sound off), so I don't know whether that means they're miles behind (Baggy 3-1 up in 5th?) or that it jerks forward to "live" every now and again.

Not far behind. It's 4-2, nearly 5-2.

Relaunched it in VLC and it was fine. Well done, Baggy.

Update: I haven't watched any matches yet so can't really pick out any favorite players. But, based on interviews and hot pix, Sania Mirza and Ana Ivanovic seem promising.

<i>But Federer vs Santoro is on and might be about the best one-sided match you could hope for.</i>

Heheh, Fabrice seems to agree:

"I served quite good. I was moving well. I was fit physically. I was hitting the ball well. And I won three games."

So many of the games in the women's matches I've seen are being broken! Has it now become the case that unless you have a Williams-esque serve, you actually have an advantage receiving?

Greg: Good choices! Sania's had a bad last year and a bit but she has a terrific forehand and is a bona fide socio-cultural MOVEMENT (Indian Muslim, hated by religious authorities because of her (great) dress sense). And Ivanovic is awesome.

Women's serves aren't fast enough to win on power and most of them don't place them well either. Justine Henin, who's playing now, does place them rather well, which is why she's just eked out a 7-5 vs Schiavone, no doubt to your slight dissatisfaction. Has been a good set though.

Mark: I've looked quite a bit into WTA match stats for evenly matched "lower-level" matches (ie say outside the top 5 to 10), and found that the probability for serve win is often just above 50%. Looking at three-setters in the first quarter of the AO first round, for example, we find

Ani vs Kerber: 53% vs 54% served points won
Bammer vs Tanasugarn: 59-53
Hsieh vs Zakopalova: 51-50
Cohen-Aloro vs Golovin: 59-67 <-not really evenly matched
Voracova vs Peer: 49-58 <-nor this
Davenport vs Errani: 58-54

So while it's generally > 50%, breaks aren't very unlikely at all.

(The reason I looked at three-setters only is that v many of the 1st-round two-setters are very unevenly matched, so one player wins >> 50% no matter who serves.)

58% for Davenport, no wonder she didn't run away with that one, and no wonder she got pwned by $harapova!

We finally get to watch a match in America! Jankovic/Razzano.

And early on, Razzano looks outclassed. Maybe she can pull it together.

They switched to Azarenka/Williams. Edward wasn't kidding about Azarenka. This has been a great match to watch.

I'd like to watch Azarenka/Williams a LOT! But, Razzanomatazz played BRILLIANTLY to sneak the second set. Holding her serve a lot more confidently and making good inroads on Jankovic's. EXCITING.

Jankovic just got pinged for coaching.

Meanwhile, the official site is giving me the shits with that "My Australian Open" window bit where you can put in 5 players you want to "follow", it keeps jumping up and down. This might be a Firefox problem but ffs.

The Demented Diva is on and I DO NOT CARE. SEE! I AM OVER YOU ELENA.

Serena wins 6-3, 6-4. An impressive performance from Serena. Now I am debating whether I should stay up to watch whatever they are gonna show next (Dementieva/Peer, I assume) or whether I should go to bed. Hmm.

After the coaching thing, Jankovic really fired up and Razzano lost her way. From looking like a break was just around the corner to go up 2-0 she didn't win another game. But Jelena's gonna be in trouble if she shows inconsistency like that against one of the top 10.

Dementieva's winning so either Peer is playing very badly or it's a really good match.

But of course, Channel 7 thinks we'd rather watch an Andy Roddick press conference. FFS!

I should say though, Azarenka had her chances and blew a few key points. She played well though and it seems the holes in her games can be patched up pretty easily.

Of course, the same was true of Elena Dementieva.

Who just BAGELLED Peer to win 6-2 6-0. Wow, maybe she's onto something. Not that I can ever watch her until she gets into the later rounds because she's not as popular as ANDY RODDICK PRESS CONFERENCES.

They're showing Nadal losing to Gilles Simon, which is interesting only for the fact that Nadal is about 6000km behind the baseline and Simon is just inside it lots of the time.

And now, in an interruption to the above mentioned programming, they're now showing Nadal beating Simon.

Casey's doing OK so far!

Also, nickname competition alluded to on this page:
http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2008/writers/jon_wertheim/01/16/aussie.bag/1.html

ENTER!

I AM A JINX

wtf Dellacqua up 3-1 in the third

Casey Dellaqua won the second v Mesmo and is a break up in the third.

On The Sot Report pending. Suffice it to say I saw a marvellous day's tennis, everything last year's first Friday wasn't.

On The Spot even.

She's lost the break and in danger of going down one herself.

OMG WTF Mauresmo's last shot

Oh, amazing pass from Dellacqua to save the second. EXCITEMENT. This is so much a better match than I predicted.

ZOMG BEST STAB VOLLEY EVER from Mauresmo. Even at a bit below her best she has some magic in her. Her reach is really paying dividents here. But one loose game and she'll lose. I am kind of getting on this probably short-lived bandwagon!

And her serve is really loose here. 40/15 to match point down.....

HOLY FUCKING SHIT.

Dellacqua wins 3-6 6-4 6-4. The last shot was an absolute treasurer. It looked like it was going out. But it landed beautifully in. Australians are going to see THAT shot replayed a LOT of times.

It's a pity that, to some extent, Mauresmo's crapness on serve (viz the Wimbledon final last year when I saw her serve as well as anyone ever has) gifted lots to her. But all credit to stepping up and taking the chance. One senses that many other players rated in the 70s would have flubbed it.

KC KC KC KC KC KC KC KC KC KC KC KC KC KC KC KC KC KC KC KC KC KC KC KC KC KC KC KC KC KC KC KC KC KC KC KC KC KC KC KC KC KC KC KC KC KC KC KC KC KC KC KC KC KC KC KC KC KC KC KC KC KC KC KC KC KC KC KC KC KC KC KC

Shame it was such a hopelessly weak-arsed effort from Mesmo in the end but still a GREAT RESULT!!!! Wierd Al struggled to look particularly frightening much of the time against the new-look two-eyed La Razz this afternoon and is supposedly carrying a niggle or two, so anything could happen.

Now, could we cap the night with a RODDICK LOSS? My housemate likes Andy Roddick and couldn't believe it when I said I wanted him to lose to Kohl Eyeliner Pencil.

And now, at 10.10 pm Australian Eastern Daylight Saving Time, Sandshoe Face and Kohlssclau will walk onto Laver and play. Roddick is Roddick and Fabulous Phil, as we saw v Nadal last year, is as boring as batshit and not specially good. There is still a fair crowd in (either that or the cameras aren't game to show the empty bits) but how many will stick this out to the end is anybody's guess.

I know IORSWGAF but with zero weather interruptions so far and not much in the offing, do we really need to be starting matches this late in the evening? It's not as though either of them have a plane to catch or anything....

IORSWGAF?

Kohlsschlau is wearing the same ugly lime green Safin was wearing. Bad omen. Looks hideous, again.

It's Only....and with that clue you can prob guess the rest.

I really can't.

Ah wait. It's only Roddick so who gives..

Oh great, banter in the commentary box between Courier and, is it Roger Rasheed? Wanker. They're talking about whether the US slang "money" as an adjective for something good is understood in Australia.

Of course it is, you wankers. Given that we're watching you, it means we have televisions.

These days Courier is a tossbag in the same league as Rex Hunt or Kerry 'Skull' O'Keeffe. When he jumped in the Yarra after winning in 1993 he really should have given more serious consideration to staying down.

I always hated him! His stupid red hair. His stupid way he always beat Stefan Edberg. How he picked at his racket between points INCESSANTLY.

If we're going to have people from foreign commentating, I would vastly prefer that we have Martina Navratilova back.

Coleslaw's backhand has had some terrific moments. Hopefully leading to a break soon.

GLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE RIGHT ON CUE.

First set to the Chancellor! C'mon!

McEnroe wouldn't be too bad either. But he was a naughty boy and bagged Desperate Housewives, so Channel Brucie gave him the bums rush to show their big boys were just as big as Kerry I and Rupert's bog boys.

"....Kerry I and Rupert's bog boys."

Typo but even if I could edit it out afterwords I wouldn't.

The incessant plugging of Dirty Sexy Money is giving me the shits too.

Speaking of crap TV shows, something about Fab Phil reminds me of Jerry Seinfeld - besides the 'boring as batshit' attribute referred to upthread.

Horse-shaped face, right?

Yes it is facial. Same hairline too.

Shane Rob the Slob hasn't come over this time or he could be Kramer.

Extremely improbably hold from Kohlschreiber there, he really turned it on. His outfit is hideous. Let's see if he can break.

Why do we all hate Roddick? Is it just his smug fratboy appearance and over-reliance on the power game? Or is it something else? (Apologies if this has been treaded before on previous threads)

Also should be mentioned that Mardy Fish lost. Sobs.

It's a bit of both. Some ILX tennis nuts find him quite amusing off the court and that his persona is basically likeable, I will concede this might be possible, but his game is so brutish, one-dimensional and dull to watch, except when he's being eaten alive by Federer. There's no excitement as there are seldom any good rallies.

All that said, some pretty amazing clutch serving from him there at 5-6.

Large bits of my dislike are further inflamed by the assumption of all commentators that people watching want him to win.

Oh, fuck off. Set point down, not-quite-perfect drop-shot, then... PERFECT LOB.

That lob was amazing. OMG a return winner off Roddick's first serve with the tiebreaker 9-9, and he wins the service point to take the tiebreaker. He's playing great.

The return winner was absolutely fantastic. Great anticipation and GUTS GUT GUTS. Ooh, chance here to bury the fratboy.

Roddick: SO RUDE. A ball was called out, Coleslaw challenged it, but Roddick was so confident he walked to his chair. When there was a challenge, it was shown that it was in. Roddick didn't take it well and is claiming that "one foot from the ball" he could see it. Even Jim Courier says he's wrong here.

The crowd are totally hating Roddick!

Ah fucksticks.

I love Roddick's "that's not fair" look everytime Kohlschreiber hits a drop shot or other short balls. he's really using the whole court, varying direction and depth in a way that's just alien to one-speed Roddick.

WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT? I can't explain what just happened, it was insane and stupid.

Well now you have to at least try to explain! I'm at work and can't watch the match.

Okay, right, match point to Kohl, Roddick hits a well-placed shot just at the baseline, and Kohl hits a lob over Roddick's head, but then CHALLENGES and is allowed to go through with it. Naughty umpire. I don't know fi the lob would have gone in as I went WTF and stopped looking.

you're not allowed to challenge if you make a paly on a ball.

Poor Kohl, looks like he just mentally lost it for a moment then? At least at this point he seems more likely to break Roddick's serve than the other way around.

Lex is online but NOT ON THIS THREAD. BAD LEX.

dfgkdzf;gkdsfgkdaf;gkd;gd;gjkd;gjd;!

GLEE! SQUEE! JUMPING UP AND DOWN IN SHEER UNSTOPPABLE BLISS.

8-6! Ausgezeichnet!

Roddick SULKED off court.

Jim bloody Courier, let the man get some sleep!

Haa! Well done the Coalwriter!

Amazin' - I missed the whole thing!

One for that tennis player photo thread:

http://www.latimes.com/media/photo/2008-01/34808369.jpg

yay I r watching Aga for first time evar! I quite like Svetlana as well, but to avoid headache & internal conflict I placed small BET on teh Rad.

No such luck for me. Stuck watching Kirilenko vs ChkChkChk. BORING.

This is as good a time as any to remind all y'all about the Facebook fan club for Aggie.

Even though she's the higher ranked player, Anna !!! has the same "Um, am I supposed to be here?" look on her face at the moment often displayed by Nicola Roberts.

Look on face dept: Aga has only one, is that correct? Must say Sveta's varies more engagingly in face of slings and arrows.

Count your lucky stars, all we have here is a repeat of the Roddick match I already saw. Still, it will be sweet to relive the moment he goes down.

Pretty much yes. xpost!

How's the match so far, though?

Chakvetadze is playing the better shots here but it's not showing on the scoreboard yet. Kirilenko is showing no understanding of courr positioning at the moment.

I joined the Aga group and also joined an Ana Ivanovic group while I was at it.

Do my eyes deceive me? Is my evil Polish goddess serving fot the first set? I don't know whether to squee or swoon.

OMG they just re-played that crosscourt backhand winner of Kohl on the first point of the last game vs. Roddick. Still a thing of beauty

That game was all poetry, that final game. Three ludicrously great shots.

So. Hewitt vs Baghdatis tonight. How many games with the Ball of Hate win? By BOH I'm referring to Hewitt, not Baghdatis and his ill-advised anti-Turkish carry-on.

Sveta <3 suddenly changed from ALL BLACK to RED TOP just to CONFUSE ME! Go evil pole!

From the Aga Wikipedia: "She has two pet rats named Flippy and Floppy." Best pets ever.

Why do you call her Evil A-Rad? I assume there's some joke there.

AGBOT THROUGH :) :( :) :(

Because she's fiendish and unrelenting and likes to make opponents run around and suffer. There's a Youtube of her tormenting someone in a Hingis-like fashion, or was. (I think it was Tamarine Tanasugarn).

Hurrah for A-Rad anyway. Now, The Boring James Blake against Sophie, the Man With The Big Pants (Sebastian Grosjean, really).

The umpire @ Chaki vs Kirsch is the real actual bot anyway, judging from voice. Damn.

Lenk is through and will get crushed by anyone playing remotely well. Boring match by two of the least interesting seeds. !!! hit ridiculous number of bad shots and is clearly not all there mentally.

Gro-Jo haz set + match

I mean set + break sorry wine

set + 2 x brakings! France is really ruling this thing isn't it, apart from it won't win? Tsonga for presidetn!

It also should be mentioned that Tsonga is really hot, though not quite as hot as Gasquet or Monfils.

TAKE THAT OVERRATED AMERICAN TENNIS. Blake, I mean, I can at least understand people who get behind Roddick (ooh er missus) but Blake is so fundamentally dull and never does anything remotely of interest that people caring at all surprises me. And the way he wears that headband thing over his bald noggin when he looks FAR better with hair, I don't understand it. People with fundamentally dull on-court personas can be good but ffs..

ok ok i may be mumbling into void here, but what Gro-Jo does to Blaek here right now is more than occasionally magnificent!

xpost aha no void :D

Tsonga = slightly hidden secret bcz injured for most of but not all of any of last 2-3 seasons do I remember correctly?

He was a good junior and had a kind of slow ascent into seniors. Not sure if I'd ever heard of him before 07 but he popped up in some notable matches at a couple of last year's slams.

A confusing bagel!

I would like to watch this but TV here is showing, er, not live tennis, but.... replays and ads and segments. FFS.

Gonzalez is wearing that fucking lime green colour as well! He also mashed a racket good.

This is probably obvious, but the reason I chose Ana Ivanovic as a likely favorite player is that video of her on Youtube dancing around and singing to "Upside Down".

WTF Blake turning around here. It would be more impressive if it were against a better player than Grosjean.

Ah, nuts. Blake won easily in the end. Cilic beating Fernandez, but a) not as easily as I would have imagined, and b) I bet commentators are going to call this a shock. IT IS NOT.

Some other things are happening. Ana in the Van is leading Dr Robotnik, and Fedge and Janko Tennis Raver are looking tie-breaky at present. Tipsy is wearing cute glasses. He's an educated man, y'know?

HOLY SHIT! Tipsaveric wins first set 7-6 with BEST SHOT SINCE THE LAST TIME I SAID THAT.

Okay, I totally thought that if you amde a play on a ball, you couldn't challenge the call on it? Either I was wrong, or the umpires here take no notice of it.

yoooooooo

federer still losing

Except now not - 1 set each and Fed up a break. Reckon he'll skip away with it.

fun while it lasted

Zomg, Tipsaveric BROKE BACK

Hard name to type.

Fuck you Channel 7 for showing HEARTBEAT (!!!) right now.

his tattoos are what now? i wasn't paying attention to what they were saying. they said dostoyevsky?

woah

There's something from Dostoyevsky on it. And some symbols that refer to his family as well.

um if fed loses this set he loses or does other dude need 4?

this match is way more fun than i expected.

"Other dude" needs to win 3 sets, so it'd be over in 4 yeah.

sorry i'm not typing out long russian last names at 3 in the morning

serbian. part of the serbian tennis factory.

Janko would, I am wildly theorising here, be a lot less offended at being called a Russian than Novak Djokovic would. I don't know why I think that.

It is also a FACT that the convoluted ILX Tennis Thread Nicknames are easier to remember than the average Russian/Serbian name is to spell, so GO TIPSY MCSTAGGER!

he is the beard of belgrade.

And he's serving for the third set, by gum. There might be fireworks in Beograd tonight.

haha ok some of these shots roger's blown, wtf. rattled.

where would this rank in the cannon of tennis upsets?

hard to say in the canon. but definitely would mark something for federer.

meanwhile they cut to shots of djokovic stomping through his match.

Fairly high. Federer had some losses at the end of last year but they were to players who were high or who had BEEN high ranked, and there really was nothing to play for. Janko may be "on the up" but Federer doesn't lose to people NOT called Nadal in Grand Slams.. lately.

tennis broadcasters are getting pretty good with the serbian names.

is the crowd behind tipsa??

as an impartial viewer i'm really rooting for fed

some serbian flags in the crowd, i think mostly people wanna see a good match. federer losing makes it a good match, but it'll also be a good match if he comes back, so the crowd mostly wants to keep it going.

It's hard to root against Federer. He's too damn good. But Tipsy's a good sport and has lots of local supporters, not just from the ex-Yugoslav types who are everywhere in Australia, but also the people that saw him take Hewitt to 5 some years ago and respect him for that.

fed is so cool and awesome

cool= "cool under pressure"

Other point of note: Tipsarevic is GREAT on challenging line calls. Fed is awful.

i think federer sees himself as above that stuff. he's just poured disdain on it. but he's maybe gonna get more familiar with the concept.

Yeah, he's made it pretty clear in interviews and such that he hates it. And his experiences with it in the last few slams certainly ain't gonna change his opinion.

The official site's scoreboard has gone nuts and is showing last night's score!

On another note, LOL at COurier's pronunciation of "Kooyong".

Federer cruising through the fourth. Two breaks.

jesus. that point was crazy.

what a serve

alright fuck this reporter

Someone is going to be wishing there were fifth-set tiebreakers shortly.

this is so epic

Fed has the break. You know, this is a shame!

10-8. Surely they're not going to play Hewitt/Baggy after Williams/Mirza.

OK, here is the 2008 version of What Fred Did On His Holidays:

The day started on the right note when I scored a car park, visible from the gate and 200 yards away tops, ten minutes before start time. I was not massively impressed to find that this year you couldn't get into Voda on a guest pass either, but all I could do was hope like bejeesus the weather held out. Be interesting to see if they hold that policy for next year. Talkback callers were full of it (in a sense besides the usual for that phrase in that sentence) all week and it generally went down like a lead balloon.

First cab off the rank at Margaret Court Arena was Vaidisova v Boom Crash Sugiyami. Vaids never looked particularly awesome and her supposedly fragile temperament surfaced very early in proceedings, and if she can't hold her temper at 11.15am after three games, two of which she had won, you have to worry what might happen if she copped a dodgy call against Henin or a Williams next Saturday afternoon, when it might 20 degrees hotter literally and about a thousand figuratively. Sugi could never be faulted for effort, as usual, but a full Vaids meltdown was always needed to change the result and although it was never completely off the list of possibilities it never arrived.

Then, still at Maggie's, Guilliermo Garcia Lopez, like Andy Murray before him, ran headlong into a brick wall called Tsonga. Jo-Wilf is a seriously large unit and has a powerful game which GGL never caught up with. A trainer call half-way through set 2 annoyed the crowd but did not arrest momentum. Having uprooted the ninth seed, Agnost is a dangerous presence in the draw and is playing excellent tennis.

Caught the middle set of Wierd Al v the new-look, spectacle-devoid Virginie Razzano, the one which La Razz won and looked to be on a roll but it came to nothing after Janka belatedly slipped a gear. 'Connies' in that set ran JJ from corner to corner and made her look fairly glacial. The new women's FOAT gets her next and JJ can't afford to sleepwalk through a set again or she could share Mesmo's fate.

I was then left with a decision: Team Williams in doubles v the second seeds (V&S surprisingly locked out of the room when the numbers were handed out) on Court 2, or camp myself in Court 3 and watch Victor Mature play unseeded (but must have been close) Czech leftie Stefan Koubek while waiting for the Molik-Mirza all-star all-gorgeous doubles team to follow them on. I chose Paul-Henry v Steve and witnessed a classic.

PHM annoyed me intensely in the middle stages of the match, esp in the third set whan he was getting creamed and going 2-1 down. He was turning his back on the ball far too often and pulling up a step too early, and seemed to decalre the set a bust well before it was obvious to the crowd. Meanwhile, Koubek was playing his best tennis of the match in this time, his leftiness seemed to be unsettling Paul-Henry and he had an awkward-looking but devastatingly effective, a half-metre airborne two-handed short-arm jab of a forehand with not mush abckswing and almost no follow-through which left Mature floundering.

Then PHM, doubtless rested from not wasting energy chasing unlikely winners, picked up his game and his service, and his extra reach and speed became crucial. He was still calling points early but now it was his own winners, which can look arrogant (possibly because it often is) but it was Koubek who was caught short when a still-live ball caught him flat-footed mid-court while his mind was somewhere near Camberwell.
Both played brilliant passing shots, and won their share of 20-30 shot rallies, and while neither's serve looked absolutely invincible break points were relatively few and far between.

The last set was like the last five minutes of one of the early (and one of the few good) Rocky movies where they were slugging it out from memory. When it reached 6-6 my call for the last-set scoreline was 12-10 but Victor Mature broke to 7-6 at about the 10th attempt and, albeit not without a last-minute alarm or two, served it out.

Whoever gets PHM next has no excuse for running out of gas.

After that epic, the middle set of Molik-Merza was a massive anticlimax. They had moved it to Court 2, which I had found out about by accident, and under the dodgy floodlights the dynamic duomuddled their way to a second-set loss after winning the first before I arrived and breaking early in the second. With the weather closing in, nobody seemed too concerned when it was called off at 1-1 in the third, and some followed Mardy Waters Fish to Voda while others (such as myself) went home and watched Casey send Mesmo likewise.

Classic line from the guy next to me during PHM_Koubek, after Mature smashed an overhead so hard into the court that it bounced over the stand into the stratosphere in the general direction of the Yarra:

'Get bloody Courier to go fetch it!'

I can't believe it. It's 9.30 and they are going to play BOTH scheduled matches.

Also, great reportage Fred!

Much as I wuv Sania, I can't see her beating Williams. The latter is too quick, the former has never impressed with speed. But who can say. You never know which Venus Williams is going to turn up.

I go through phases where I can almost like both Serena and Venus, but I'm afraid one sight of their frightful mother always puts my best efforts at naught. HorrorScene really should come with a PG rating.

Sania's backhand has really improved!

Availed her not a whit in the breaker.

Our Sania out in straights after failing to serve the first set out. Baggy/Chewy looking like being one-set-all shortly. It's also very uninteresting, esp compared to the fireworks of Fed/Tips and Dick/Pencil.

Hah, grossly inappropriate music played over the end of the commercial break as the camera hones in on Hewitt: "Bury Me Deep In Love".

Lleyton REALLY should have just got an audible obscenity code violation there. Stuff him, he loses his serve to love when serving for a set, the only thing he should be yelling at is himself.

THERE ARE NO WORDS FOR THE CHOKE THAT IS GOING ON HERE. Baghdatis is bobbling but Hewitt, 5-1 up in the fourth, couldn't put him away. Hewitt is the male Hantuchova.

At the moment, If eel like reposting Lex's amazing post after that Hantuchova loss, changing the names only, because it all holds. I'll just keep the best sentence, as plagiarism is not my thing.

Lleyton Hewitt, you are a retard, and also really bad at tennis.

How do you lose a set from 5-1 up when your opponent doesn't even look like hs's trying due to being hobbled? How do you go from 4-3 on serve in the tie-break AGAINST SOMEONE WHO CAN HARDLY MOVE to losing it? Really, just give up, you're a disgrace.

wtf are they STILL PLAYING??? Isn't it 4 in the morning or something over there?

Yes, it is.

Fed/Pants went very overtime, and then they insisted on playing the women's match, and apparently the players were asked if they wanted to still go on at 11.30 or whenever.

I reckon both players thought they'd win in 3.

Haha that's great actually. Must be quite special atmosphere there. Do they have beer? (Not the players obv)

They'd have run out by now.

man, i barely made it through that federer match. was falling asleep between every point at the end, waking up when the crowd cheered. finally ended around 5:15 a.m. my time. now they're reshowing it and we have it on in the office. i feel like i've been watching this match for 12 hours.

that video of her on Youtube dancing around and singing to "Upside Down

There is a song called Upside Down that's not by the Mary Chain, isn't there :/

POSTOWAĆ!

Postowac!

It's "Upside Down" by Diana Ross, sorry.

Watching a replay of the Federer match now. It's amazing how off he looks. I haven't seen him look this rusty in a grand slam match in a while.

Anyway Hewitt won. Juan Carolos Ferrero who looks very fit but no longer has that sweet, boyish angel-face he had a few years ago, made mincemeat of Nalbuphine and now.... oh yes, after two players who aren't as hot as they used to be, Gasquet and Tsonga. Thank you God, thankyou schedules, thankyou drawmakers for giving me porn on a Sunday afternoon. Now, hopefully whoever wins they will lez up. On camera.

Agnost is in a nice conservative blue and white shirt. He looks nice. Gasquet, still wearing his hat backwards, is wearing an ORANGE SHIRT and WHITE SHORTS. This should not be allowed.

US coverage is starting, we get Justine's match, which looks like it's gonna be over in a few minutes.

Nieminen has got out of a small city of jails free and is up 2-1 in sets at 3-2* in the 4th. Lisicki and pretty soon Hsieh out to Wozniacki and Henin, leaving Marta D as sole surviving qualifier, with surprise win over LiNa.

I am glad Marta is doing so well, I gotta cheer for my Polish girls, but.. last year, this woman lost to an out-of-retirement-but-why BRENDA SCHULZ McCARTHY. Brenda bloody Shultz McCarthy!

Marta Domachowska's record in professional finals is really remarkable (0-6 singles, 0-4 doubles)

Gasquet is showing his complete mental hopelessness, going down a break and Tsonga will serve for the second set. Shame, my view of the totty will be short-lived. Other things Gasquet is being hopeless at: getting the ball in, court positioning, forehands, serving, fashion sense....

The US coverage keeps switching to matches that are nearly over! It's Kohl/Nieminen now. I watched a set of this match earlier and Kohl looked so much worse than he did vs. Roddick.

OK that's it Nieminen takes it in 4 sets, Kohl is out.

zomg what is it with French boys and their chokiness? Tsonga just capitulated on serve and now it's a breaker. He who chokes last chokes loudest, I guess.

And, just as the Gasquet/Tsonga match is heating up, with Gasquet taking set @2 in a tiebreak, coverage switches to Dementieva/Sharapova. Actually, this should be an interesting match.

Oh god, I have horrible memories of Diva going down to Maz at Wimbledon one year - absolutely one of the WORST matches I have ever seen, and one of the reasons I renounced my ED fandom. Anyway, not only was it a TERRIBLE match, I also was experimenting with the download match feature off the official site and I meant to download something else but wasted 300Mb of my bandwidth downloading the terrible match. AWFUL.

Bet it's not even close - there's a mental block there.

When the best thing the broadcaster can say about your serve is "Well, actually, Dementieva hasn't double faulted too much this tournament", you know it may be a problem.

"Elena is serving better."

Yeah, serving better than me but probably nobody else.

And just like that, Sharapova is up 4-1. But there was a great rally in the one game that Dementieva won.

DEMENTIEVA HELD SERVE. LOL.

If Dick Enberg mentions how yesterday was the best day in Australian Open history again I will be forced to put the TV on mute.

BTW, Dementieva did not hold serve, she broke Sharapova's return.

It so wasn't. Federer/Tipsarevic was thrilling, sure. But the Baghadatis/Hewitt match was garbage, pure and simple. Dramatic, but still appalling. Then again, I'll take bland wanking over how good yesterday was over the following that Australians have to endure if we don't mute:

1. TRACY bloody AUSTIN. Piss off!
2. Jim Courier, especially his awful courtside interviews.
3. Roger Rasheed, daring to talk about on-court tactics when the man doesn't know anything about them. This is the man who was working with Lleyton when he went from being a top-ish player to a complete also-ran with no game plan whatsoever!
4. Constant talk about the Davis Cup, suggestions that players serve and volley, and asexual man love for James Blake.

The only good commentator on here is Todd Woodbridge.

(lol, I knew it was too good to be true x-post)

But we in America do have doddering old Bud Collins and his wistful love for the serve-and-volley days.

Hey, ever feel sorry for Benjamin Becker? No? Me neither, even though he has the same surname as Boris and will never live up to his namesake. But that's nothing. Spare a thought for Czech doubles player Gabriela Navratilova! She might have had more luck paired with the retired Martina (they're not related), but I guess against Davenport/Hantuchova it would be academic anyway.

Well, Dementieva got blown off the court, just like Edward predicted: 6-2, 6-0

It was a prediction made with the benefit of precedent. She played dreadfully. Sharapova will lose to Henin, anyway, as Dementieva would have too.

Weird Jel Jankovic got fined $2000 for her relatively mild outburst at the umpire who pinged her for getting coaching from her mum, which it probably wasn't anyway. But Roddick's ludicrous tirade only got $500! Preposterous.

I hope Llllllleyton got fined a few for his f-bombs last night.

Tsonga is looking really great tonight. Surely this will bring him up to the top 30 at least? Top 20?

It'll boost him a fair bit because he went out in the first round last year so isn't defending much. A few people just ahead of him ain't done nothin' so I reckon Top 30 certainly. Not top 20 unless there's at least another round in it.

Gasquet is certainly slightly impaired mobility-wise. But I think it would matter not a whit.

Jim Courier giving some fine advice on being an unsportsmanlike fuckwit right now. A drop of rain fell. Courier suggested, that, with the game all but lost, Gasquet should call for the trainer or otherwise delay the game so hopefully a rain delay will save him.

Hearing shit like that makes it so easy to remember why I abhorred Courier so much - he was such a staller and took more time between points than any other player of his time.

Courier at it again after Nadal won tonight - asking Rafa about five minutes worth of bone-head questions about computer games and fantasising about being Roger Federer - somebody, ANYBODY, even you Lleyton, I will sign up as lifelime president of your fan club if you'd just find a spare tennis racquet and stuff it down Courier's festering gob, preferably live to air....

PHM is a BIG GURL and I bet he wasn't even that injured when he retired. I saw more immobility and ten times more heart from Baghdatis last night.

Casey put up an OK fight but her serve is such a weakness and her forehand so erratic that even her backhand, which was superb, couldn't save her. She was competitive in nearly each game before the last couple but Jankovic was strong on the big points, even though she was a bit iffy on the small ones.

I'd think Cilic has a decent chance against Blake to make the quarterfinals . Tsonga/Youzhny is an interesting quarterfinal matchup. Let's see how far those young unseededs can go.

Cilic will beat Blake. Absolutely.

Odds on a betting site I use sometimes for tomorrow's games:

Juan Carlos Ferrero 2.40
David Ferrer 1.55

I reckon JCF must be right to "upset" the higher-seeded Ferrer, who I really can't say I'm that impressed by. Angelface was ominous last round.

Novak Djokovic 1.26
Lleyton Hewitt 3.75

Tempted to say that it's free money, but it's a poor investment on return. Djokovic is really more likely to drop dead than lose properly.

James Blake 1.68
Marian Cilic 2.15

Fools! Cilic is going to win this!

Roger Federer 1.08
Tomas Berdych 7.50

Unbackable odds for Roger! And I don't think this is the lay-down misere the odds indicate. Rog was a bit off form against Tipsarevic and Berdych has given him trouble in the past. And, as I never get tired of saying, though everyone else does, Berdych is way hotter.

I resolved to quit gambling this year and whittled my online balance down to TEN MEASLY DOLLARS. But I'm gonna have one last harmless hurrah and put $2 on JCF, Djokovic and $3 on Cilic and Berdych. Ordinarily there would be some zeroes involved but this last time, it's for fun. Any winnings will go towards a much-needed trip to Ikea this week.

Screw that, actually. If Berdych wins I'll only make $15! No wai! So I've gone with a multi-bet, so that if Berdych wins (I think a lot more likely than 13-2), I'll collect $200 assuming Cilic beats Blake (pretty likely) and Djokovic takes out Hewitt (certain). Papa needs a new chest of drawers and a clothes rack!

Heh, watch me being contrarian...

I'm actually on Blake here, if for nothing else than for winning when I'd had a couple of £s on him at odds=50 when he looked to be murdererded by Grosjean. (First time ever, I read somewhere, he's come back from 0-2 down?)

Also small on Hewitt -- no I don't think (or hope) he'll win, but 5.4 seemed decent to me. Expect to lose, fine with that.

Plus a silly couple of pounds on Caro against Ana @ about 9.5, just for added interest in watching.

Had a good few days with the AO (thank you J-Tso!), so watch me crash & burn now. ;)

Alright, back again, Ivanovic vs. Woz. Ivanovic breaks Woz on the first game of the match.

Ana is now up 4-1 and has been displaying some outstanding footwork and shot making.

Yep. Top-5 players probably still too tall an order for young Wozza.

Woz has been playing much better as the match goes on, she's just making too many errors.

Each player was trying to out-choke the other with Woz serving up 5-4 in the 2nd set. Ivanovic has played terrible this set.

Petrova looking GOOD against a-rad!

That is, until I posted that...

We get Williams-Domachowska here, and what do you know Domachowska just broke Williams' serve. She's up 2-1 and serving in the first set.

Wow, that's a bloody surprise - POLISH PRIDE - because, look, Aggie got the break back in the second. I am marginally impressed with the pronunciation of Domachowska's name by pinhead Australian commentators who struggle with anything Eastern European normally.

Come on anatol, you should have known that if anybody was capable of blowing this match it would be Petrova.

Hahaha yes, hence more surprise in the 1st post than in the 2nd! :p

Even as an Ivanovic fan, it was kinda sad to see Woz go out the way she did. If she can play a whole match like she played the first 9 games of the 2nd set though, she'll have plenty more opportunities in her future.

Petrova holds serve - just - to go to 5-4. Maria Kiritekanawalenko has broken the Coathanger (that's Hantuchova) first up.

eh-oh Nadia now gesticulating, slapping thigh and talking to herself

RADWANSKA WON THE SECOND SET!

And good on her. You shouldn't beat Kuznetsova and then lose to Petrova in straight sets.

What a completely PATHETIC set losing return miss from Petrova there

There was a short TV segment on before showing a reporter talking to Agnieszka and Urszula. I don't think U said a single word through the whole thing. She just sat there.

If this keeps up, Radwanska will not only be a quarter-finalist, but likely a semi-finalist - she'll beat Kirilenko SURELY, who is completepy pwning the Breadstick.

Ag-Rad breaks again at strt of the third.

The Petrova brains-trust might consider now as a tactically sound moment for Nadia to STOP CARRYING ON LIKE A BLOODY PORK CHOP OVER BUGGER-ALL THAT MATTERS, AND FFS FOCUS!!!!!!

Meanwhile Annie Johnson is fronting the meeja. Once again the Henin Effect is seen: the stupider the question, the thicker the accent in response.

Oh, I don't think Petrova HAS a brains-trust. She might have a trust, but there's no brains in it. More than a brains trust, she needs a sanity trust, anyway.

I was just wondering how much radical brain surgery can be performed within the time limit, and what a drop in the bucket that is compared with how much is needed.

Meanwhile, Domachowska is still playing extremely well against Venus Williams. I mean, Venus is going to win anyways but it's still impressive.

Petrova needs nothing as much as a damned good foot in the arse.

Where does this rank in the canon of Petrova chokes, assuming Aggie can pull this out? I mean, it's pretty impressive, even by her standards.

I want to watch Venus-Marta, but grrr for some reason that particular stream doesn't work on betfair video. I phear that means Fed-Berd is down the drain as well, since it's on the same court.

Wow, what's that, eight games in a row for Rudvunska? This isn't that big a choke, Radwanska was expected to win by most I think. Her biggest chokes came when she was ranked in the top 10 playing other top 10 players.

Yeah AR was fav beforehand, but dude, 6-1 3-0...

Yeah, 6-1 3-0, but dude, it's Nadia Petrova.

Seriously, this is a midrange Chokey McChoke Choke for Pet. She has all the mental resolve and togetherness of pudding.

Haha well yes you said it in the rundown upthread... :)

Well done by Agnieszka anyway!

Results 1 - 10 of about 2,340 for "nadia petrova" choke. (0.19 seconds)

Usefully, the first of which is this (NB haven't read it yet)
http://www.wtaworld.com/showthread.php?t=329650

On the plus side for the female Nads, it could be worse:

Results 1 - 10 of about 4,110 for "amelie mauresmo" choke. (0.20 seconds)

Is anybody watching the Hantuchova match? Is Kirilenko looking really good or Hantuchova just playing like crap?

Dome vs Vene is actually really good, isn't it? Marta saved a match point and broke Williams to get back to 4-5. Also, she looks nice in blue, if not as nice as Annavan.

Without watching the Tuch/Kiri match, I think it's safe to assume Daniela is playing really really crap because this is what she does in this stage of slams against players she could probably beat - she goes eep eep eep eep and folds.

OK Venus wins, but it was a great match. Good job, Marta.

The Coathanger is coming back into it - up 30-0 on Dame Kiri's serve at 3-3.

Venus has just beaten Domachowska 6-4 6-4. Last week she looked like Aretha. Now she has retro'ed even further and could be one of the Supremes. There is a strong hint of the beehive now - not Marj Simpson in negative just yet, but heading that way.

ZOMG, Radwanska lost only FOUR points in the third set.

Blake's on! Dani serving for the second. I do really have a soft spot for Hantuchova even though I always worry that she's going to snap in two and would like her to win.

Surprised NoIdea cobbled together that many....

And from the "Edward is a complete muppet" division, Cilic blew a break point early on and is now down one himself.

The angle you watch tennis from on the TV is extremely boring as you can't see how hard the ball's really moving, but man, the ball looks like it moves REALLY fast when Berdych belts it.

Aw crumbs, US TV insists on showing the Blake-Cilic match rather than the Federer-Berdych match. I guess that means I can go to bed early, at least.

The 'Hanger breaks first game set 3. Doubt if Dame Kiri is all that fat but I can definitely hear singing....

Blake off to a flyer v Marin Cilic, and Tommy Bird so far keeping pace well with Rodge.

Well if you're gonna sink, you may as well go to the bottom. Ho, maybe Hewitt will beat Djokovic too!

Well, then, women's semi finals.

Henin vs Sharapova
Jankovic vs Serena
Venus vs Ivanovic
Hantuchova* vs Radwanska [not quite there yet but looks like it]

I am jinxing/tipping Henin, Serena, Ivanovic and Radwanska to win.

ZOMG Berdych! A BREAK! That was pretty cool. For once, TV is showing the match I actually wanna see too. And to think I was gonna head out for a burger.

Dodgy commentary: "Federer is already thinking about how he's trying to spread Berdych out.". Him and me both.

You are WRONG Edward. Mary Carillo already called the guaranteed Venus win because Ana Ivanovic does not "have the desire to win". Silly of you to forget how much Ana enjoys losing in grand slam events.

Oh my! Cilic absolutely blows a routine overhand to give Blake a break in the second set. He's now serving for the set.

Reminds me of that episode of Futurama with Leela and her kung-fu master Phnog the fly. "YOU DO NOT HAVE WILL OF WARRIOR!".

This Fed/Berdych match is great, btw.

Marin Cilic, you are a twit.

Commentators need a lesson pronouncing players' names. Seriously.

Yeah, so far, I've heard the following:

bair-DEESH
BURR-dich
bur-DITCH

Courier is at least consistent in that he ALWAYS says bair-ditch.

Okay, this tie-breaker has been a bit embarrassing.

That's two horribly botched drop shots at the worst possible times for Berdych this match!

Berdych's two lost set points, one on his serve, one on Fed's... the errors were pretty awful.

Frustrating - Berdych has the weapons to win a set at least but he really went to pieces there. Poor shot selection, too.

Well Blake officially won.

Two days ago was the day for exciting five set matches and today is the day for hideous chokes (Petrova, Kirilenko, and now Berdych).

A new pronunciation! Bur-DEECH

And just on the brink of complete capitulation here.

Hewitt already has a double fault and his first serve % is currently 9 per cent (one out of 11).

Apart from that, as Josh Eagle assures us, he's doing well.

hewitt breaks the first time it's looked a vague possibility.

Now comes the hard part....

Some good shotmaking. I suppose it's a shame that his serve is so vulnerable, he'll have a hard time consolidating breaks due to his immense fruitcake-ism.

And look, from being a break up, Lleyton loses it to love to lose the first set 7-5. GOOD. And my stars, we've had to deal with former fitness coach Roger Rasheed pissing about stuff he clearly knows nothing about, and now we have Darren cunting Cahill saying he is playing well.

NO HE IS NOT HE CAN BARELY PLACE A SERVE.

Someone please kill Courier. For pity's sake.

Hewitt breaks, most likely far too early for it means he now has to hold five times on the trot and that would be a career record.

LOL. I am watching it, posting on ILX and sharing insights with two other people on MSN about the match (my TV sits right above my monitor) and BOTH of them said exactly that, Fred.

Oh, Darren Cahill, what insights do you have? Yes, that's right, Lleyton should go INTO THE NET MORE.

If I had invented a "Fuckwit Commentator Drinking Game" before tonight, I would be blind by now.

I live 6km away, I want to teach them how THE FUCK to pronounce Djokovic.

Oh my god, Djokovic's younger brother who was playing in the boy's singles today: TOTAL HOTNESS.

I don't care what you heathens say, Jim Courier is still A+ and awesome.

Haha, Lleyton still sucks.

Jim Courier is Lleyton Hewitt in 10 years.

NO. No, you can't say that. Lleyton could never shill Channel 7 programmes for the upcoming year like Jim.

Hewitt's having a tantrum already. AND HE LOST THE BREAK HAW HAW HAW

Djoko breaks back and holds, not that his serve's any more reliable a conveyance than Hewitt's.

Pato, Jim Courier is an A-grade, five-star, 24-carat turd of the first order. He is rapidly becoming an even bigger clot that Pat Cash, which I did not think possible. Next!!!!

I still stand by my comments. Jim is a cool dude.

Okay, I'm starting an Australian Open TV Coverage drinking game rules:

Take a drink every time:

1. It is suggested that a player should go into the net more often
2. The Davis Cup's importance and signifigance is overstated
3. Jim Courier makes uncomfortable segue in promoting "Dirty Sexy Money" or "Lost"
4. Eastern European player's name is bodged badly

Please contribute.

Lleyton 40-0 on serve. How many deuces, folks?

Djoko two sets up. Goodnight Lleyton.

Really, he's done a lot better than I'd have thought. Djokovic is better on every stroke, makes fewer errors, serves faster, has better composure and reacts more quickly.

He did better than I expected to still be playing in week 2 at all.

But in the circs Djoko has shown nothing for Federer to worry about. He should be doing this game far easier.

Jim Courier, when talking about families of tennis players, just said the Blacks were from New Zealand.

'Hey Jim, try overplaying that 'I'm-a-total-ignoramus' act. You might develop a personality cult of punters who twig that you can't possibly be as thick as you sound.'

Djoko about to serve for the match. Not that I'm still on the case. I've been watching the EPLhighlights for the last half hour.

Hah! Hewitt broke with some actual good shots and will probably get broken to lose now.

Agree with Fred that Fed won't be quaking in his boots based on that performance.

And goodbye that's all she wrote....6-3 in the last. Again Hewitt failed to follow up a break.

How does the schedule work from here on out? Men's and women's quarterfinals today and tomorrow then what? A day off before semifinals?

Take a drink every time:

1. It is suggested that a player should go into the net more often
2. The Davis Cup's importance and signifigance is overstated
3. Jim Courier makes uncomfortable segue in promoting "Dirty Sexy Money" or "Lost"
4. Eastern European player's name is bodged badly

Please contribute.

-- edwardo, Monday, 21 January 2008 21:26 (Yesterday) Bookmark Link

I suggest removing 4 lest you want your stomach pumped after 12 minutes.

The problem with 4 is that I've heard the Eastern European names pronounced so many different way I don't even know what is correct. We also, by the way, get #2 constantly from the American announcers.

THERE'S a surprise.

Well sure, you guys just won the thing for the first time in 6000 years.

Who guys?

The US, re #2 point.

Ohhhhhhhhhh, okay. No wonder they're harping.

Does anybody here follow the miscellaneous grand slam events (Doubles, Juniors, Legends, Wheelchair, etc.), or is it just mens & womens singles all the way? Personally I just follow singles. That's enough of a time investment as is.

Pretty much, though I like to keep an eye out for the last couple in the girls singles and watch them if they're on. Most of the time, they will become top players. Boys - less so. A look at some junior Slam winners throws up a lot of people who did NOTHING - most of the girls do better.

Doubles I'll watch if a player I like is playing but not otherwise. The legends event I couldn't give a flying fuck about but it keeps some of these superannuated turds out of commentary booths I suppose.

Serena vs Jankovic is on. Serena once again looks awful (ffs Serena, advice for you now: have Venus pick your clothes from now on). Bizarre start to the match - Serena broke within 13 seconds, then Jankovic broke back to love, then held to love, then broke again. It's nervy on both sides, which one wouldn't have expected.

Some years ago we discovered that green was not Rene's colour. Nor is hot purple.

What the hell is Serena injured or just not even trying?

Commentators are speculating some kind of thigh injury.

OH GEE OH NO THAT IS RATHER A SHAME. HOPEFULLY SHE IS JUST FINE AND GOES ON TO MAKE WOMEN'S TENNIS BORING AGAIN WIN THE TOURNAMENT.

Fine or not, Jankovic has won the first set in pretty convincing fashion. From 0-2 to 6-3. Methinks Serena is toast.

GO WEIRD AL GO

I'll make all the commentators pronounce your name correctly if you just win this match, promise

To be fair, the monstrosities inflicted upon Jelena's name are nothing compared to the massacring they give to Agnieszka Radwanska (it's Ahg-neesh-ka not Ag-nee-yes-ka ffs). Strictly speaking, nearly everyone puts the emphasis on the wrong syllable of Sharapova too (should be on the second, not the third) but.. yeah.

^^^ Fucking exactly. That's like pronouncing Davidson as 'day-vuhd-SUN' i.e. gormless.

Serena's body language here is something to behold. She is standing in a really downcast way to receive serve and is looking really crabby after she loses a point. But she's just broken back, so maybe she'll be happier now.

Serena can barely walk.

Which possibly explains why Janka keeps servivg straight at her kneecaps and looking surprised when Serena just whangs the ball back psst her. This should be over but aint.

Janka's not exactly burning the plexi either. This whole match is being played in ridiculous slow motion, like a single 45rpm at LP speed.

Weird Jel's tactics are eerily Hantuchova-esque, i.e. you have a barely mobile Williams sister on the other side of the net and it doesn't occur to you to deliberately move her around.

Oooh, Serena just got a warning for racquet abuse.

Serena drops, bounces racquet on terrain, racquet handle nearly takes her eye out.

Given the above, was the warning really necessary?

Well, it's not like Serena or Jankovic are exactly Venus Williams or Justine in terms of retrieval skills anyways.

The way you're describing this it sounds like an evil android is shorting out and going haywire.

One of this pair is supposedly the third best player at this tournament and the other won it last year.

Nobody watching who didn't know that already would possiblry believe it.

A dual injury timeout here. This match has been tough to watch, but if both players are injured there's not much they can do I guess. Whoever wins this is gonna get slaughtered by Justine or Maria if they don't heal up.

This match is dire.

Jankovic is serving for it, and I really do get the impression that, across the net, Jankovic still is seeing Serena Williams, the multiple slam winner, rather then some hobbling bird who she should be pwning. She might lose her serve here ffs.

Jankovic breaks to win the match. She broke Serena 7 times this match. Serena broke her 4 times. That's 11 breaks vs only 8 holds.

I just came.

Seriously this has renewed my interest in the women's tournament.

There's still Venus, though Adam. (though I like Venus)

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH GOD

So far Justine's been more Henman than Henin.

The rigid way Sharapova moves her arms when walking makes me think she really is a robot.

The way she goes into a trance and does that little squat just before she serves makes me wonder if she's Jonny Wilkinson in drag.

It looks like Justine Henin but it really isn't. Her serve placement is off, and she's hiting balls right into Sharapova's best hitting area. If Maria were 7 inches shorter, these plays might be working. Curious lack of acuity here.

Hey, maybe she needs to go into the net more. Seriously.

Henin's slowly working her way in and is winning most longer rallies, but still looks very unconvincing.

Has a break-back point. Maybe this set isn't quite over after all....

She got it.

Oh Justine. To see your backhand applied as the weapon it is, not these little piss-weak floaty things. Maria is terrible at the net and is spending a fair bit of time there but Justine's groundstrokes are well below par tonight.

Oh boy, the commentators are talking about grunts.

COME BACK BIG JIM, ALL IS FORGIVEN

Zonga goes 6-5 up leaving Youzhny to serve to force the set into a tiebreaker.

UPDATE: Zonga passes Youz from somewhere near Prahran to break and win the set - shot of the tournament?

Youz is in trouble, starting to make mistakes. Down three break points.

Strictly speaking, nearly everyone puts the emphasis on the wrong syllable of Sharapova too (should be on the second, not the third) but.. yeah.

I guess you should blame teh Official WTA Website for that as much as the commentators:

"MARIA SHARAPOVA (RUS)

pronounced: shah-rah-POH-vuh"

ZOMGa bagel!

Winning % on 1st Serve: 33 of 37 = 89 %

Daamn.

I think that's more down to the fact that Maria has Americanised as many people with Slav names do when they move to English-speaking countries. Kuznetsova, Dementieva etc all have the emphasis on the second syllable.

True. What is correct for Petrova, btw?

Oh, back-up from an unexpected source, Maria's wikipedia article gives the Russian pronunciation with the emphasis on the second. I'm guessing the WTA site uses what the player or other person in the player's camp says is acceptable.

The emphasis on Nadia's name is on the "tro".

My guess would be PETrova.

Also presumably by the same rules: TSCHAIkovsky, PAVlova, SchosTAKovich, KourNIKova, JesAULenko, etc

Youz serving to stay on court at 5-6 in the third.

TSONGA.

Can he trouble Nadal I wonder?

You'd think he could, but I've thought lots of things and been wrong, so I'm going to say NO.

Last few women's matches have all been really shit.

OK it's A-Rad time. This will be the first A-Rad match I have watched. Hantuchova is up one break as I write this, 4-1 in the first set.

OMG the Tennis Channel announcers pronounce Jelena Jankovic's name correctly!

This game is really good. Some fiendishly great play from Radwanska, but.. who'd have thunk it, really fantastic, accurate, tactical tennis from Hantuchova!

Wow, a well played match of women's tennis late into a grand slam, who would have guessed?

US announcers are suggesting that a change in rackets last year has elevated Hantuchova's game to a new level.

Hantuchova wins 6-4, 6-2, looking extremely impressive throughout the match.

In start contrast, Van/Vene is more competitive scoreline wise, given that Ana has just won a tie-break to go a set up, the quality of the tennis here is much weaker. The flubbed backhand on the set point from Williams was a mite embarrassing.

Ivanovic's shotmaking has been crappy, but her retrieval has been good. She won the first set in a tiebreak and is now serving down 3-2 in set #2

Venus is apparently injured as well.

The quality of play is improving. Some great rallies in the second set here.

Yeah, it's a bit better, but.. um, you get the feeling neither played a third as well as Hantuchova did. Um, could Hantuchova be a grand-smal finalist?

If Djok manages to win this game vs. Ferrer then he will have made (at least) the semifinals in 4 majors in succession. Add that to Federer making the semifinals in all 4 and Nadal making semis in 3 of 4 and that would leave only 5 slots left apart from those 3. Pretty amazing. (Actually, I have no idea how this compares to other historical periods.)

It's a new level of dominance as far as the last 15-20 years goes.

Zomg the UMPIRE made a vaguely amusing comment about a crying baby.

Now that I think of it, Davydenko's made 2 semifinals himself in that time, so there will have only been 7 different semifinalists in the last 4 grand slams, regardless of who wins the Djoker/Ferrer match.

Crazy good play from Djokovic today. Very impressive.

Jose starting to compete about two and a half sets too late but now Djoko has another chance to serve for the match.

Great match sealing point there for Novak. I'm glad the match is finally over so I can go to bed. If the Federer-Blake match is competitive somehow I'm gonna be so mad. Stupid work.

BTW Blake is the only non-European still in either singles tournament.

I HAVE BEEN WRONG ABOUT EVERYTHING SO FAR.

But Blake/Federer won't be competitive. The more it's talked up, the harder the smackdown. I'd be surprised if Blake wins more than 10 games to be honest. The top 3 seem to be light years ahead of everyone else. I mean, Ferrer is now a fixture in the top 10 and though he did fight a bit, the scoreline still says lopsided.

Now, Fed/Djokovic, that'll be pretty good, surprised if it doesn't at least go to 4.

BLOODY HELL. Jim Courier and Roger Rasheed commentating. I hate these two SO MUCH. I do not think I can deal with the asexual man love for Blake.

Okay, when he's not wearing the headband and is dressed nicely Blake is worthy of some sexual man love but NOW IS NOT ONE OF THOSE TIMES, and Rog will squash him.

The Fed is destroying him right now.

Not so fast - Blake hit some sizzlign running shorts to break back. And then, er, got in trouble on his own serve again.

Back at parity 2-2. Blake hitting some good shots, Fed not quite as devastating, this masked by the fact that his first service game had three aces. He'll settle shortly.

OK, Blake's got he party tricks out in the 6th game. This might be closer than first thought....

Both players are hitting some tasty shots - Blake hit a ripper of an overhead last game, and Rog hit an even better one here.

Ah, now I remember why I don't like Blake - that crestfallen "ugh, life's not fair" look when he misses a shot.

Okay, it's a tie-break. People, if you see this on replay, watch the point at 1-2. I nearly died of swooning.

The one at 2-2- was pretty gret too.

Okay, Blake's impreesive today, and would have won that second set against anyone not named Federer. But you do kind of get the feeling that Federer could play a lot better - esp. on his backhand. Blake has nowhere to go from here.

The tiebreaker had some outstanding shot-making from both players but it looks like it decided the game. Blake is still flailing away but there's an inevitability about it all now.

Fed 5-1 in the last. Come on Jimbo, at least make him serve it out.

Blake back to 5-4...

All over. Now Rodge gets to be Jim C's straight man.

A treat without which the match must scarcely have been worth the winning.

And now, THE BRYAN TWINS ARE ON. And they're losing, to Bhupati and Knowles, who know a thing or two about doubles and don't act like a pair of frat-boy fucktards. WIN!

Every quarterfinal singles match, for both men and women, was decided in straight sets.

Oh god, the Bryans might win. Mark Knowles CANNOT SERVE tonight :( :( :(

Dani vs Ana tomorrow will be one for the Kleenex, in a few senses of the term.

PHEW! BRYAN TWINS DENIED. I can sleep easy now.

Dani vs Ana tomorrow will be one for the Kleenex, in a few senses of the term

That's quite some compliment coming from a musical gentleman.

Hey, with this slam in a British-unfriendly time zone, and with no Lex, very little you, Mike and WBS, someone has to fulfil the quotas of smut, indie references, knowledge and queer girl-lust!

And we appreciate it! My problem is I'm hopeless with the nicknames and even if I do give one a go, someone else has either got there first or done a funnier one.

It's late in the tournament but I'd still like to float 'the Hardy Boys' for the Bryans.

I'd like to drown The Hardy Boys.

Sharapova/Jankovic on right now (no nicknames sorry I'm rub at that sort of stuff). Sharapova is up 3-0 in the first set despite a few double faults.

Question: Are Jelena Jankovic's and Elena Dementieva's first names pronounced the same way (when pronounced correctly)

Happily, I'm recording the Dani vs Ana match today for my own private....uh...viewing "pleasure". Later.

Jankovic is about to get bageled, trying to play an overly defensive game against Maria, who is on top of her game. Come on Jel, take some chances!

Elena = "yeh-leh-nuh". The "Y" before a leading "E" is assumed in Russian, as tennis commentators shoulda known since the days of Kafelnikov. I'm not completely 100% on the varying vowels but I'm pretty sure that it's not Yeh-LAY-nuh for Jankovic as is constantly said and is something extremely close to yeh-leh-nuh.

Jankovic's lack of serving power is really hurting her here. I mean, even Casey Dellacqua hit her hard on her second ball, what's ShaRAPova going to do?

Whoops, Jankovic won a game in the first set after all. Good for her.

I actually checked the WTA website and it has YELL-e-nuh for both.

Some quick calculations with the ratings, unless I'm wrong, reveal that Ana Ivanovic will take over the new world #2, unless Jankovic outlasts her. Of course, Henin is like double everybody else anyways.