BEST MOVIE EVER

it's Road House. two words. get it right.

fuck i didn't pick over the top

I put in a moderation request to change it, chaki. Thanks for pointing it out!

paint dont hurt.

The Warriors

Well, I know which among those is the best dance ever.

The Running Man?

YES>

Out of these I have seen only Labyrinth & the Warriors and both are just okay.

“Hey, I think you might like Hard Target, check it out.”

Dude, those movies rule! One has David Bowie's package and the other has some of the most quotable lines ever.

I'm fairly sure I'm the only one who's seen Gunhed, but I thought people on here would have seen more of these movies.

And Hard Target is an interesting one where the first half is one of the worst movies ever (with the exception of Jean-Claude Van Damme's reveal on the docks) and the second half is one of the best movies ever.

I am a real square who pretty much watches musicals and documentaries, and not representative of the board at large.

Musicals are cool, but prohibited from BEST MOVIE EVER status by not having Sylvester Stallone.

I'm glad I finally saw The Warriors so I could come correct to this

I get the feeling that one is going to sweep this.

If only Xanadu had been included.

I've only seen two of these: the first one (as a kid) and the last one (in college). I've never even heard of eight of them (#2-#5, #8-#11).

Oh wait, I have seen Heathers too and it's pretty okay, but it is either not mean enough or too mean, somewhere in between that kills the funny for me, plus swatches wtf are not inherently funny.

Airheads has Adam Sandler, yes? That could be pretty good.

Crank: Jason Statham has been injected with a deadly poison that slows his heart down, and he has to keep his adrenaline levels up so he can go kick the ass of the guy who did it to him before he dies.

Gunhed: Toho post-apocalyptic live-action giant robot movie that broke my friend's brain.

Over-The-Top: Sylvester Stallone has to win an arm wrestling tournament to get custody of his son.

Hard Target: Jean-Claude Van Damme IS the Most Dangerous Game.

The Running Man: Arnold Schwarzenegger plays a wrongfully convicted criminal who must compete in a deadly game to take down an evil futuristic post-apocalyptic government and the guy who used to host Family Feud but killed himself. With Mick Fleetwood playing himself as the head of the rebellion!

Road House: Patrick Swayze is a Zen bouncer who has to beat up a bunch of guys.

The Warriors: a gang in late 1970s New York has to make it from the Bronx back to their home turf in Coney Island with every other gang in the city and the police after them.

Reanimator: "Adaptation" of HP Lovecraft's "Herbert West: Reanimator." Features an infamous scene in which a disembodied head, well, does things to a naked coed...

I remember liking Hard Target, I think. That's the John Woo-directed one set on the Bayou, right?

Gunhed is kind of totally fucking amazing

Crank is no Transporter. Where's Banlieue 13?

Obv Wrong Bet, Kick Boxer, Blood Sport >>> Hard Target.

(although transporter lacks amy smart getting boned in public)

this is the wikipedia plot summary for Gunhed. I had forgotten what great heights to which the human race could soar:

In the year 2038, a group of scavengers enter the complex of the renegade Kyron-5 in search of precious element Texmexium. Death befalls each one until only the mechanic Brooklyn is left. He meets a stranded Texas Air Ranger and two children living in the rubble. They must destroy Kyron-5 in order to escape and to save humanity from its wrath. Brooklyn discovers a GUNHED (Gun UNit Heavy Elimination Device) combat robot and restores it. Meanwhile, Babe has been transformed into a bio-droid and is seeking out Sergeant Nim and the Texmexium she stole. In order to save her and destroy Kyron-5, Brooklyn must overcome his fear of cockpits and pilot the GUNHED all the way to the top of the tower. On the way, he faces the combined defenses of the complex.

Bloodsport >> Kickboxer

OK USA!

Crank

Bloodsport would've gotten my vote.

pretty sure the answer to this question is THE BURBS, guys.

it should be The Warriors in a walk but this is an excellent list of options tbh

CHAKI OTFM

wait, you've never heard of The Warriors, j?

crank was sort of fun but too stupid even in the context of the other films. i'll go with 'the warriors', 'hard target' a distant second. 'bloodsport' is awesome.

Labyrinth will probably win, since it crosses demographics into 'people who don't normally watch films that rule'.

(shamefully i still haven't seen the warriors, though this thread bumped it up on the ol' queue ;_;)

Torn between "Re-Animator" and "Bound," but I don't think "Bound" really belongs on this list, so I went for "Re-Animator." Yeah, sue me, I'm trying to pick movies that are actually good.

Reanimator: "Adaptation" of HP Lovecraft's "Herbert West: Reanimator." Features an infamous scene in which a disembodied head, well, does things to a naked coed...

oh fuck all that, it's hilarious. And dryer than an egyptian tomb.

Why did they even make a porn of it then?

don't look at me.

wait, you've never heard of The Warriors, j?

No, should I have?

yes.

Not necessarily, but it is sort of one of the best movies of the '70s. Of course, I also get weird when someone tells me they haven't heard of The Parallax View.

Even Jeff Healy can see that Road House is the best on the list btw.

Uh where is Arthur 2: On the Rocks?

Road House is a brilliant piece of dadaism that doesn't know it.

wait, you've never heard of The Warriors, j?

No, should I have?

-- jaymc, Wednesday, January 16, 2008 2:53 AM (4 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

rap samples

Labyrinth. Partly for introducing me to Bowie. I'm a hude Bowie fan now, but I'll always primarily think of him as the Goblin King.

kenan that is a pretty boring thing to say about road house.

I've heard of (but not seen) The Parallax View.

Jeff, when are we doing the film festival of these? I'll MC.

Based on Jeff's helpful synopses of these films, I'd have expected Big Trouble in Little China to be on this list.

Since Big Trouble in Little China and The Blood of Heroes were both obviously jobbed, I voted for Road House.

kenan that is a pretty boring thing to say about road house.

granted. I can do better. How about something more superlative, like: Road House is one of the most wtf movies I have ever seen.

DAMN! I knew I forgot an obvious movie (Big Trouble). It's totally sitting on my DVD shelf, too. And it was a tossup between Hard Target and Blood Sport, but the combination of Lance Henriksen, Arnold Vosloo, and Wilford Brimley as Uncle Douvee clinched it for Hard Target.

Ned: whenever works, I have 11 of these on DVD!

Also, big x-Post to Tom: THAT's what Gunhed is about?!

Ned: whenever works, I have 11 of these on DVD!

We have a plan.

(Bonus points if you can guess which ones I don't have)

You've already given away that one of them is Gunhed!

Not for lack of trying! Also, it was a toss up as well between Crank and Transporter 2 (clearly the superior Transporter), but Crank won out for sheer WTF factor.

Also for the fact that they're making a sequel called Crank 2: High-Voltage, in which a bad guy steals Jason Statham's heart because it's basically unstoppable and replaces it with an electric heart so Statham has to keep shocking himself to stay alive while he tries to get his heart back.

Warriors without a doubt, Roadhouse can go fuck itself seriously

Didn't Stallone break a dude's arm clean off in Over the Top? If so, I will vote for it...if not, then WARRIORS COME OUT TO PLAYEEAY.

The Baseball Furies! They're like if Casey Joesn from TMNT was a mime...and there were 20 of him.

The only scene in Road House I remember is Swayze spotting an enemy's foot spike thingie and whispering "right boot" to his buddy, and then a little glint of light just appears on the death spike. *ting!*

a few faves but had to go with Reanimator.

Warriors is a bit overrated.

No, it's not.

Re: Over the Top, I think he breaks a guys arm but not clean off. He does, however, drive his semi truck into Robert Loggia's mansion.

And Ned, I misunderstood what you meant -- I have actually seen Gunhed twice, I just hadn't been able to piece together what the hell it's actually about. Let's just say that it leaves a lot open to interpretation by dint of not making a lick of sense.

Roadhouse

http://www.quickstopentertainment.com/wp-content/uploads/2006/07/roadpain.jpg

http://img5.allocine.fr/acmedia/medias/nmedia/18/36/08/66/18451013.jpg

http://media.monstersandcritics.com/articles/1165877/article_images/conairpic1.jpg

Weird Science hasn't aged well.

it was pretty crap even for its time, especially the second half.

It hasn't. I watched it the other night, and it's really bizarre. Still, I tried to have a variety of movies in the list, and that one seem to fit in well. It does have a Killing Joke song in it for Alex in NYC!

http://youtube.com/watch?v=fruhcwOZfGw

friend: Yeah, I've seen this
friend: It's rad
friend: And pretty awful
me: Which pretty much sums up hard target

It does have a Killing Joke song in it for Alex in NYC!

Just like Showgirls!

The Showgirls song is actually pretty damn good! It was actually my first exposure to Killing Joke, as weird as that sounds. I have, of course, expanded my collection since then.

The Warriors. I don't get the Road House love at all.

In the absence of The Princess Bride, it has to be Con Air.

Btw if I was going to pick a Jean Claude Van Damme works with Hong Kong auteur director both Maximum Risk and Double Team are MUCH MUCH MUCH BETTER than Hard Target. Double Team even has Dennis Rodman in it!

Heathers and Reanimator are the only other good movies on this list actually. Long Kiss Goodnight and Bound have their moments too, I guess.

Long Kiss Goodnight has a line in it that made me lol for about 20 minutes the first time I saw it.

In absence of Total Recall and/or Hudson Hawk/The Fifth Element, LABYRINTH.

Nathan: Alice, please. Your dog, Alice. It and my appetite are mutually exclusive.
Alice: Well, what's wrong with the dog?
Nathan: Simple. He's been licking his asshole for the last three straight hours. I submit to you that there is nothing there worth more than an hour's attention. I should think that whatever he is attempting to dislodge is either gone for good, or there to stay. Wouldn't you agree?

Good old Shane Black.

One of my favorite writers, no doubt.

And the Jean-Claude Van Damme hierarchy is this:

1. Bloodsport
2. Hard Target
3. Street Fighter
4. Double Impact
5. Universal Soldier

all these movies kinda suck except for Reanimator, which is fantastic. Heathers is okay too I guess tho I haven't seen it since high school

Okay clearly you haven't seen Maximum Risk or Double Team. The Quest is also better than all but Bloodsport on that list.

Mitch: You're telling me that you're gonna fake some terrorist thing, just to scare some money out of Congress?
Leland Perkins: Well, unfortunately, Mr. Hennessey, I have no idea how to fake killing 4,000 people - so we're just gonna have to do it for real. Blame it on the Muslims, naturally. Then I get my funding.

OHMIGOD LOOSE CHANGE PRESCIENCE!

Uni Soldier is better than Street Fighter and Dub Imp

ALso: Kick Boxer, Cyborg.

How come The Last Boy Scout isn't on this list? That was my favourite film ever when I was 19.

The Last Boy Scout has the BEST SCRIPT EVER, but they, ahem, fumbled the execution. Anyway, I didn't make the list. It was the Institute for Films That Totally Rule.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v441/drunkenmonkey23/110812916_l.gif

HOW ARE THERE NO BRUCE WILLIS MOVIES ON THIS LIST?

Well, as I understand it, the Institute is currently compiling another list, so you never know what might show up on that one...

2008. The future has never looked more dangerous

http://i92.photobucket.com/albums/l26/halfwildhalfchild/SplitSecond.jpg

"He's seen the future ...Now he has to kill it." - needs meme status?

i saw that in the theatre

But he'll need bigger guns!

i never understood the origin of the creature in that flick.

<posts in character>

http://ia.imdb.com/media/imdb/01/I/61/37/35m.jpg

I went to add it to my Netflix queue, but it's out of print! It sounds amazing, though.

these are all great. the long kiss goodnight isn't getting enough love though. what a fucking beautiful movie. i would hate to be so obvious as to pick warriors, but, jeez, it's the warriors.

OTHER SWAYZE MOVIES THAT ARE AS GOOD AS OR BETTER THAN ROAD HOUSE: RED FUCKING DAWN, POINT FUCKING BREAK, YOUNG FUCKING BLOOD, UNCOMMON FUCKING VALOUR, OUT FUCKING SIDERS, STEEL FUCKING DAWN, NEXT OF FUCKING KIN.

Ghost is pretty rad, too.

actually, if red dawn had been up there i would have voted for it. WOLVERINES!!!!!!!!!

so badass

http://www.lovefilm.com/lovefilm/images/products/1/63861-large.jpg

i never understood the origin of the creature in that flick.

<posts in character>

-- latebloomer, Thursday, January 17, 2008 12:37 AM (17 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

i think it's Venom?

next of kin is dope. love liam neeson in this one.

next of kin sucks. black dog is awesome. swayze trucker battle with meatloaf as bad guy. scott, road house is as good as point break and steel dawn. not as good as red dawn.

Steel Dawn? How many dawn movies did dude make?

HELLO, REDNECKS INVADE CITY WITH CROSSBOWS AND DESTROY MAFIA!!! what's not to like about Next Of Kin?

ben stiller as mafioso!

^reason 2 enjoy

someone should totally remake next of kin. battle royale in the cemetery should be much bigger and more epic though.

"road house is as good as point break and steel dawn. not as good as red dawn."

i'm with you here though.

I've never actually seen Red Dawn.

I'm not sure if seeing it would ruin the mystique.

next of kin is just real tedious and boring. it should be good but its too talky and too much time is spent with the bros "on a mission."

"I've never actually seen Red Dawn."

DUDE!

DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUDE!

http://meekmok.com/muaddib/images/blog/wolverines.jpg

totally don't remember this poster but it rules

http://www.racingunion.org/Data/binary/red_dawn_ver3.jpg

OK, OK, I've bumped it into the top 10 on my Netflix queue.

"Did you hear? Jeff has never seen Red Dawn. Let's kill him."

http://img5.allocine.fr/acmedia/medias/nmedia/18/36/07/78/18450585.jpg

http://lonelymachines.org/red_dawn/red_dawn22.png

That poster makes Red Dawn look better than it is.

u.k. poster is sweet too

http://www.ukquad.com/reddawn.jpg

iwillnotfeedthealexinsfordoctormorbstroll

HAHA

the original poster was hot. gotta give it props.

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/f/f0/Red_dawn.jpg

The dialogue for Long Kiss Goodnight makes it sound a lot funnier than I remember it being. All I remember was great Geena Davis double gun action. I wonder if it's even on DVD. Such a box office bomb.

The Long Kiss Goodnight is on DVD. I know this because I have it. And it's a pretty interesting story -- the script is phenomenal, was voted "best I'm produced screenplay in Hollywood" for several years in a row before it was made, and then when it was made it was, as is the case with a lot of Shane Black movies, it was botched.

(Unproduced, not I'm produced)

DON'T EVEN START WITH ME!

http://myweb.tiscali.co.uk/pigasuspress/photos/geenadavis.jpg

And I don't need to see Red Dawn anymore, Scott, you've posted half the movie in this thread!

Wow, that post about Long Kiss Goodnight was botched about as badly as the movie...

"as is the case with a lot of Shane Black movies, it was botched."

no way. genius. i saw it twice at the local cinemateque. so very beautiful.

no you do need red dawn in your life. every growing boy and girl does.

Red Dawn is like the Outsiders only instead of fighting rich kids they are fighting faceless russians. And Ralph Macchio isn't in it.

It wasn't bad. But it could have been a lot better. Of course, that just adds to the charm, which is why it's one of the voting options.

It's safe to say that any movie directed by Rene Harlin was botched in some way.

OTM

Of course it was directed by Renny Harlin so. . .

Compared to Cutthroat Island and Driven, Long Kiss Goodnight looks like a masterpiece.

What about Toy Soldiers? I'm sure I saw it,, can't remember it at all tho?

lol Sean Astin

He does the voiceovers for Meerkat Manor on Animal Planet. All I can think about is him searching for One-Eyed Willie.

toy soldiers is OKAY.

as a child I think I was slightly gay for Sean Astin and his inhaler

Anyone who actually believes one of the movies listed is the Best Ever is likely to go apeshit for this trailer.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=feELmdZUrTs&e

Yes, that looks good. Loved Dog Soldiers and The Descent.

ok so this 'doomsday' basically = 28 days later + escape from new york + road warrior?

+ Tony Hopkins and Mal Mcdowell chewing scenery and spitting it out.

That sounds awesome! Anyway, even I don't genuinely believe that any one of those movies is the best movie ever. The criteria for inclusion in this poll basically consisted of films where I've said "BEST MOVIE EVER!" after viewing said film.

ugh I loved the Descent but that trailer looked like dogshit.

gunhed sounds awesome, though.

WOLVERINES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

given your criteria and the results, you really need to see this movie:
http://dreamers.com/indices/imagenes/peliculas.684.IMAGEN1.jpg

Where in my criteria does it say "must star Rutger Hauer and take place in a post-apocalyptic future"? I mean, OK, post-apocalyptic certainly helps, but there is a decided lack of Rutger Hauer in the voting options.

Yeah but he's still awesome

nyone who actually believes one of the movies listed is the Best Ever is likely to go apeshit for this trailer.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=feELmdZUrTs&e

rong

Yeah, I agree with chaki (surprisingly). Looks pretty reheated.

Automatic thread bump. This poll is closing tomorrow.

Automatic thread bump. This poll's results are now in.

No surprise at The Warriors, a bit surprised at how much of a spread there was, though. Looks like a lot of lurker votes.

BEST POSTER EVER

Jeff Treppel 2371864
any other poster 0

*takes a bow*

j/k

WHY IS THE STONED AGE NOT LISTED HERE??

Oh, I know you are. But it's so much more fun to take nasty, sarcastic comments at face value and feel good about yourself than take them as they're meant and feel bad. Now you are on record as saying that I am the best poster ever. Thanks!

I MEAN, COME ON

http://content.answers.com/main/content/wp/en/thumb/0/01/200px-StonedAgePoster.jpg

Stoner comedy ranks pretty high up there in my list of movie sub genres that I despise.

And yet you liked Airheads. . .

Airheads has the whole rock 'n roll thing going for it, which cancels out the stoner stuff. I mean, Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure is also kind of stoner comedy, but it isn't about how funny smoking weed is.

Bill & Ted should probably have been on this list?

Yeah, it really should have. I'm thinking of compiling a sequel list based on peoples' suggestions in the thread above. Would you (non-Ethan) guys be up for that?

u madd

WELL, TBH, i'D BE UP FOR MOAR rUTGER

Nominate one, Walter.

Heathers and Labyrinth are so much better than The Warriors.

Airheads deserved better.

may need to re-evaluate on Con Air re quotes

"One girl, I drove through three states wearing her head as a hat."

Warriors wins and the world makes a little more sense again.

But how did Roadhouse get *any* votes ?

Titties.

Monster truck.

Ben Gazzara.

Oh, and Patrick Swayze as 'Zen bouncer'.

"Cy..."

"...onara!"

(explosion)

Con Air got my vote, it's like the perfect storm of awesomely bad.

So I finally saw Red Dawn! And man, despite seeming to have a lot of criteria to qualify as BEST MOVIE EVER, it is a joyless, miserable ordeal. Not to mention the fact that, although they obviously didn't intend it at the time, the parallels to Iraq make it uncomfortable to watch now. Dud.

Snakes On A Plane!

-- Dom Passantino, Thursday, 14 February 2008 14:06 (2 days ago) Link

I was really hoping Snakes on a Plane would be the BEST MOVIE EVER, and it's pretty awesome for a while, but it kind of loses it in the third act when the snakes vanish. It was a lot of fun to see in the theater with my drunken friends, though.

Hey guys... SNAKES ON A PLANE!

-- Dom Passantino, Monday, 4 February 2008 10:12 (1 week ago) Link

I watched Gunhed again this week. Never realized it was an Alan Smithee movie. Just like Dune! Alan Smithee is great.

Nathan: Alice, please. Your dog, Alice. It and my appetite are mutually exclusive.
Alice: Well, what's wrong with the dog?
Nathan: Simple. He's been licking his asshole for the last three straight hours. I submit to you that there is nothing there worth more than an hour's attention. I should think that whatever he is attempting to dislodge is either gone for good, or there to stay. Wouldn't you agree?

― nate woolls, Wednesday, January 16, 2008 6:58 PM (3 years ago) Bookmark

sitting here watching this movie and laughing my head off at that line while my wife rolls here eyes

This poll was correct.