BRING BACK CALUM!!!!!

you all forgot emma bunton

guardian employ metnalist shocker

http://www.ofb.net/~epstein/sl/bananaman.jpg

ilikewherethisthreadisgoing.jpg

Should've called the thread "ILXors Made Bad".

Julian Brazier was our MP when I was at university, pretty much the stereotypical batty old out-of-touch rural Tory MP. He hit an Italian cyclist with his car and killed him.

Anyone who remembers the mid-1980s, and picked up the Sunday Times or the Daily Mail over the past few days, might have been feeling an odd sense of deja vu.

The "video nasty", that old British chestnut, was being regurgitated for the umpteenth time and deemed suitable front cover fodder for both newspapers.

honestly, could this lede be any more clumsily written? pick one tense!

Julian Brazier MP = Erwin James amirite?

This entry was tagged with the following keywords: tortureporn censorship copycatviolence sawseries hostel eliroth quentintarantino

nickywire

I wonder what Controversial Colin makes of this

BLAH BLAH SOME BIRD FROM HOLLYOAKS BLAH BLAH POOR ICKLE BUNNY RABBITS BLAH BLAH I'VE GOT A REAL GIRLFRIEND ME HONEST

This is actually quite a good article

Yeah, I liked the hollyoaks reference.

Priorities anyone? It seems as if it is not scary movie buffs that are the ones who have a problem differentiating between fantasy and reality.

PRIORITIES MUCH?

tbh i think he made a strong case for banning 'hostel'.

i still remember the day we met
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v323/kenjuggle/kencal.jpg?t=1201788365

He looks older in your pic, ken.

Balder, too.

calum is very pear shaped in ken's pic

It would be kind of hilarious if they gave him the next Beyonce album to review, instead of Lex.

As long as they gave the Sleeper Best of to Lex in exchange.

You left out "music & video" from that post

PS ken c what the heck is going on in that photo?

Ill-advised Blur tribute act.

oh

my

GOD!!!!!

What is going on in that photo is this: Calum posted that as proof that he had met someone or other in the film industry that no one gave a shit about anyway, and everyone loled that he was just kind of sneaking intot he side of the picture in that bizarre position. Then Ken photoshopped himself into the other side of the photo in a similar position. This is, like, ancient history now, which is weird.

L-R: Allbran, Coxcomb, Ginger, James

blur reunion, u mean

I think that is what he is implying, yes.

that is what i was implying he was impying, geddit ;- )

why is coxon looking so chummy with ginger? i thought he hated everyone

why am i asking this question?

Probably still laughing at Alex James' performance on Question Time (xp)

huhuh "private member's bill"

what thread did the pic originally appear on?

BRING BACK BLUR!!!!! thread?

GROOO (Get Rid of Only One): Blur

omgxpost

NO YOU TYKES i wanted to read calum's contextual braggin' re:posting to the pix to ILX

First Bizarre, then The Guardian: surely C-Man's next stop is Sight and Sound?

They really will let anyone write for the Guardian, I guess.

or WCW Slamdown xp

Who is that in the pic? Dom Joly and Paul Daniels?

looks like kenan

JimAnthony
Comment No. 897304
January 29 13:27

^^^I know this dude.

That's all I got.

Is he a big Anticon dork?

Hahaha, how do you know him?

http://img266.imageshack.us/img266/585/calumtk3.jpg

He lived in Cardiff for a few years

xpost someone just add Rick Santorum and have done with it

And Tom Cruise.

And Kitson.

^^^^^ Sadly, he will be the next C-man.

non-white kenan!

The points he makes in the article seem perfectly reasonable to me. I'd never even heard of this film, TBH.

I like Ken C's photograph! It's funny.

He doesn't make much of a point about anything, tho. Fair enough it's only a blog post lol.

Well, there is some sort of a point about this brainless publicity-hound backbencher banging on about some rubbish old exploitation movie when there's a fucking WAR ON, I mean I know it's pointing out the obvious really, but it's true!

I thought the guy with the shades in Ken's pic was Anthony Hopkins!

I sometimes pick up this really horrible magazine called "DVD World," which is half-filled with pretty interesting, in-depth articles on exploitation film (and then half-filled with really grim, grade Z pictorials of erstwhile scream queens topless). It usually comes packaged with a DVD which is invariably unwatchable (one recent one was, literally, a terrible DVD transfer of a VHS rip of an edited version of a porno movie of Scheherazade).

Anyway, yeah - Calum has a column in there, and it's pretty decent (if you're into sleaze).

I think all these guys could probably lay off the "transgressive" schtick now seeing as how there are so many magazines/tv shows/Ph.Ds devoted to schlock.

Which guys?

these ones (gestures vaguely)

Because we need someone to calumniate? Is the current stock running low?

make no mistake kids. this is an exclusive club.

http://blogs.guardian.co.uk/travelog/2008/02/skins_blog.html

Hmm.

So let me get this right: Writing for a national newspaper is something that all rightminded people want to do, and it's a really bad thing if this is not earned, somehow, by having crafted a writing style or technique and having a large body of work behind you.

A bit like getting a record contract? That sort of thing?

http://i60.photobucket.com/albums/h21/Funkguerilla/ackbar.gif

I sip the Dom P, watchin Gandhi til I'm charged
Then writin in my book of rhymes, all the words pass the margin
To hold the mic I'm throbbin, mechanical movement
Understandable smooth shit that murderers move wit
The thief's theme, play me at night, they won't act right
The fiend of hip-hop has got me stuck like a crack pipe
The mind activation, react like I'm facin time like
'Pappy' Mason with pens I'm embracin
Wipe the sweat off my dome, spit the phlegm on the streets
Suede Timb's on my feets, makes my cypher, complete
Whether crusin in a Sikh's cab, or Montero Jeep
I can't call it, the beats make me fallin asleep
I keep fallin, but never fallin six feet deep
I'm out for presidents to represent me (Say what?)
I'm out for presidents to represent me (Say what?)
I'm out for dead presidents to represent me

frogman otm

Hmm, I take your point.

Here we all are, some of us have been here for a while. Some of us have recogniseable writing styles to the point of "don't need to see the name at the end, yo ujust know who it is", and some are not. Some proact, some react. And some go wee wee wee all the way home.

We create threads, and engage in discourse. Or, indeed, in discos. Some may well just skip straight to the snogging.

But no-one would claim that a well written point or interesting perspective on a well worn subject, posted here, would result in some elevation of status, or recognition in the outside media world.

This may actually be a good thing. What happens on ILX, stays on ILX. Like a group holiday in Tenerife, or being on tour with The Who.

It's like that, you know it's like that
I got it hemmed, now you never get the mic back
When I attack, there ain't an army that could strike back
So I react never calmly on a hype track
I set it off with my own rhyme
Cause I'm as ill as a convict who kills for phone time
I'm max like cassettes, I flex like sex
In ya, stereo sets, Nas'll catch wreck
I used to hustle - now all I do is relax and strive
When I was young I was a fan of the Jackson 5
I drop jewels, wear jewels, hope to never run it
With more kicks than a baby in a mother's stomach
Nasty Nas has to rise cause I'm wise
This is exercise 'til the microphone dies
Back in eighty-three I was an MC sparkin
But I was too scared to grab the mics in the parks and
kick my little raps cause I thought niggaz wouldn't understand
And now in every jam I'm the fuckin man
I rap in front of more niggaz than in the slave ships
I used to watch "C.H.I.P.S." now I load glock clips
I got to have it, I miss Mr. Magic
Versatile, my style switches like a faggot
But not bisexual, I'm an intellectual
Of rap, I'm a professional and that's no question, yo
These are the lyrics of the man, you can't near it, understand
Cause in the streets, I'm well known like the number man
Am I in place wit the bass and format
Explore rap, and tell me Nas ain't all that
And next time I rhyme, I be foul
Whenever I freestyle I see trial niggaz say I'm wild
I hate a rhymebiter's rhyme
Stay tuned, Nas, soon the real rap comes at halftime

yr ipos is a bit loud there.

What happens on ILX, stays on ILX.

Unless it gets put in a book.

ah, but it never happened.

Now I am older and wiser, and the 'book' was an abomination in the eyes of Barney the Dinosaur...

It would be like publishing a book containing water.

Are you "high" right now?

mark what the hell are you talking about.

^^^

Pssh, talk figuratively, and everyone gets all 'lol acid' etc...

You can't even engage in discos these days without being ridiculed

what?

Anyroad, the point being:

This dude is going on his travels, and may or may not get his writings published in a newspaper.

In some sort of 'representation' of the youth of today, A national newspaper looks to see who knows a 'young person', and to save time, picks a relative of someone they know.

This could entertain, or it could be deathly dull.

Who really gives one?

mark did you actually read beyond the first paragraph of the link i posted?

haha, ok, so you did and you still don't see how that's remotely an issue?

Reading all of that blog would be like reading a blog made out of water

It ain't hard to tell, I excel, then prevail
The mic is contacted, I attract clientele
My mic check is life or death, breathin a sniper's breath
I exhale the yellow smoke of buddha through righteous steps
Deep like The Shinin', sparkle like a diamond
Sneak a uzi on the island in my army jacket linin
Hit the Earth like a comet, invasion
Nas is like the Afrocentric Asian, half-man, half-amazin
Cause in my physical, I can express through song
Delete stress like Motrin, then extend strong
I drank Moet with Medusa, give her shotguns in hell
From the spliff that I lift and inhale, it ain't hard to tell

Anyroad, the point being:

This dude is going on his travels, and may or may not get his writings published in a newspaper.

In some sort of 'representation' of the youth of today, A national newspaper looks to see who knows a 'young person', and to save time, picks a relative of someone they know.

This could entertain, or it could be deathly dull.

Who really gives one?

-- Mark G, Friday, February 15, 2008 12:12 PM (2 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

embittered internet music hacks and hardmen bloggers duh.

ummm, remotely yes.

There are loads of disgruntled people posting comments after that article. They may well have a point.

xpost and seeing as I am neither, my default position is "whatever"

(I know you know this)

In some sort of 'representation' of the youth of today, A national newspaper looks to see who knows a 'young person', and to save time, picks a relative of someone they know.

This is another reason why we have f*r*l youth. Job opportunities denied in a pseudo-meritocratic society where, as it has ALWAYS been, it's down to who your parents are, what school you went to and whom you bathroom floored at college.

yeah all those commenters are music critics and hardman bloggers, rrrrright!

Mmm, possibly. But in this current world where the media is much enlarged, there's a good chance that any given person who wants to become a writer is related to someone who is already one.

The alaternative? I found this:

I remember applying for about 17 diffent jobs at the Guardian, from making the tea, to wiping the spittle off Peter Preston's creamy white buttocks and was turned down each and every time for being too white, too petit-bourgeoisie and not anti-american enough.

Leaving his opinions aside, his writing style is, "I think I'm funny, but more to the point, I speak the uncomfortable truth"

yeah all those commenters are music critics and hardman bloggers, rrrrright!

-- ^@^, Friday, February 15, 2008 12:22 PM (2 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

i kid i kid. i do think most guardian comment-boxers probably have some ambitions, though.

in this current world where the media is much enlarged, there's a good chance that any given person who wants to become a writer is related to someone who is already one

i would love for you to explain this logic.

OK, I never thought about being a 'writer', I don't know anyone who is.

Someone who might decide they could be, sees or knows someone who makes a go of it.

Can i stop now?

yes please!

ta.

yeah all those commenters are music critics and hardman bloggers, rrrrright!

wonder how many of them work in the media (how else would they have heard of nathan barley?)

why, from the smash-hit television series of course.

Dom do you take requests? I would like to hear "The World is Yours"

http://blogs.guardian.co.uk/film/2008/04/edinburgh_film_festival.html

calum otm, but also offtm.

edinburgh film festival in itself is a poor draw -- not really much better than cambridge, say. part of the suckitude is that it's too big, so loads of films are shown in the multiplex, which is not very festival-y; part of it is it's too small, and doesn't get any impressive first showings. this year it has 'the edge of love', which is released generally about a day later. sooooo either it should go back to its militant art-cinema/avant-garde roots (only problem: neither of these things exist) or it should MERGE WITH THE TELEVISION FESTIVAL!!!1!

otherwise all the brit festivals are these lame 'see it a month before everyone else' focus-group marketing tings.

LOL@ commnets slamming Calz for "soho-centric", "london-centric". I'm about 99% the guy actually lives in either edinburgh or glasgow.

yea, one way or another c-man is one of the least soho-centric film hacks out there.

There are a bunch of Calum threads on ILX where the C-Man grumbles that he can't write for the big guys because they're too London-centric to notice a poor old Scot. (I assume some occasional Guardian blog-writing hasn't brought him down to London, but maybe he already moved there for some other reason, no idea.)

I know nothing about films or Edinburgh but I see the festival has a screening of an independent movie I'd like to see and have no idea how to find out about other UK screenings of.

if the film has a distributor, it will get play (in london) eventually: that or it'll crop up on dvd. a small minority of films play edinburgh without a distributor.

Thanks, NRQ. I'll hold out for a DVD, I guess. It might well be terrible, but still, it might help the soundtrack guy get paid.

WTF? this story is at least six months old. wake the fuck up, dude.

(maybe a good bit longer, actually. certainly, i remember our arts mob getting vv exercised about it and firing off articles/blogs etc.

difference is, of course, people actually read the guardian.)

Well no, these days they mostly look at the pictures. The Guardian isn't too interested in people who can read.

just posted this link by accident on the watercooler - anyway, scroll down to the bottom of this page

http://thedarksideofplagiarism.com/

are you reading, ithappens!!!???

You Have Been Yellow Carded By a Moderator: meta stalker bullshit is still against the rules. thanks.

http://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Calum_Waddell&diff=249318645&oldid=249285448

(Added photograph supplied by subject of entry, to replace previous image)

Actor:
The Raven (2006) (V) .... Priest #2

Crikey

It must pain you, to see things like that Dom.

Yeah. I mean, _that_ fringe.

That's not really what I meant. He looks OK, I think, though?

omg can we change the picture to this one
http://img266.imageshack.us/img266/585/calumtk3.jpg

He looks a little like a New Romantic version of Mickey Pearce

http://www.bbc.co.uk/comedy/onlyfools/uncovered/images/mickey_id.gif

xp

Well, I've seen worse looks.

(x-post OMG Ken)

weird that this kid who was a ridiculous troll on ILX for years is now a published author, albeit a mediocre one.

Weird or perversely appropriate?

TBF he was a mediocre troll.

what makes an exceptional troll?

What book/article did he publish?

Jack Hill: The Exploitation and Blaxploitation Master, Film by Film, by c-man. McFarland & Company, 2008

mcfarland is a bargain-basement press that will publish stuff other publishers have passed on. some of their titles are decent, some are informative but amateurish.

awesome--ILX automatically converts dude's name into "c-man"

is that true c-man

ha ha amazing!!

c-man [.]

cum waddle

c-man

fantastic!

even with his middle name?
Calum c-man

hahaha fantastic

c-man facial

calum c-man stains

ha ha

c-man woman-hater

c r waddell ator

oh shit

this is like the best bit of code ever written.

DUMPLINGS!

this thread is full of hilarity! i think c-man was publishing things in fangoria back in the day right?? or some similar horror mag?

I think that must Calum's second book already, there was another book mentioned on ILX a couple of years ago.

Ah yes, here it is.

http://images.smarter.com/300x300x15/1/02/10663602.jpg

It look interesting.

remember when calum was the "controversial poster"? and everyone would get mad at him and there would be huge threads about banning him? and now no one ever thinks about the guy. weird

eg
The Calum Deletion Request Thread

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Calum_Waddell

i'll be damned

oh that's already on here

i just watched a documentary on grindhouse and he was writ large in the final producer credits. K did not understand the signifigance of this however.

Ignorance is bliss obv.

STARmeter:
Down 19% in popularity this week. See why on IMDbPro

is Calum retro yet

Calum is certainly retro by now.

Let’s bring him back.

FP