CUBA FUCKING GOODING JR

god i hate this man

Have you ever just wanted to reach into a movie screen and shake somebody...? This is how I feel every time I see CGJ.

i couldn't make it through RAT RACE

Radio (2003) .... Radio <--------SRSLY WTF WERE U THINKING??????????

Meryl Streep, all is forgiven

good polling

worst actress ever

boat trip v. snow dogs is what this comes down to, basically

Come on guys, Land Before Time XIII was dope.

I had no idea he was on MacGyver so much. Maybe that's where he went wrong?

I thought about making this a poll but figured that would distract people from the true purpose: talking tons of shit about the stupid movies CGJ has done.

http://www.hollywoodjesus.com/movie/radio/Radio1.jpg

PREPARE FOR PUNCHINGS

The Land Before Time XIII: The Wisdom of Friends

luv subtitle.

"Amen" .... Kenny (1 episode, 1988)
- Thelma's Handyman (1988) TV episode .... Kenny

lolololololololololololololololol

What Dreams May Come (1998) .... Albert Lewis

I think I watched ten minutes of this sack of shit...?

I can't believe you made it through 10 minutes.

Pearl Harbor (2001) .... Petty Officer Doris Miller

WAIT DID I MISS THE TRANSVESTITE SUB-PLOT?

http://www.boxofficeprophets.com/bigpicture/images/cubagoodingjr.jpg

I'M WEARING YOUR UNDERWEAR!!!

for awhile i was confused about his post-oscar decline, but looking at that whole list it's pretty clear he's always been all about making shit movies, including the one for which he won the oscar

my dad knows the real Radio

Coming to America (1988) .... Boy Getting Haircut

career peak

He needs lips, hips, and tits like Angelina.

http://www.graceprgroup.com/images/events/enclave_cuba_gooding_3_15_07/cuba_01.jpg

http://www.muppetcentral.com/news/2006/121506_gooding.jpg

there is just something about him that makes me .... really uncomfortable.

http://www.orlandosentinel.com/media/photo/2007-08/31703712.jpg

that is the worst----Daddy Day Camp^^^^ (not that I've seen it, the trailer just blew so hard)

i don't know, i saw a little of Boat Trip on TV and it was pretty legendarily awful

http://www.latinoreview.com/films_2003/sonypictures/radio/images/radio-2.jpg

And who played Cuba's dad in Snow Dogs? JAMES COBURN.

http://www.thebestgossip.com/uploaded_images/CUBA_GOODING_JR_GOSSIP_88-763165.jpg

My God, together in the same room.

I can't believe you made it through 10 minutes.

I can't believe Dan watched it at all!

http://www.variety.com/graphics/photos/reviewr/rratrace.jpg

http://www.azcentral.com/ent/movies/pics/0807daddydaycamp-autosized258.jpg

he'll forever get as pass in my book for being a really good tipper and being incredibly cool when a clumsy barback (not me) spilled cranberry juice on the bar, some of which ended up on him and his date.

his movies are entirely unforgivable. Though to be fair I've really only seen maybe three.

I saw Men Of Honor on a plane on the same trip where I saw Pay It Forward. Pure torture.

going on the premise that Jerry Maguire sucked (I personally have nothing against it, but whatever), what is his most defensible movie/performance? is he good in Boyz n the Hood?

JERRY MAGURIRE RULEZ DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH A HUMAN HEAD WAYS FULEZ!!!

so aaaaanyway those new lol-homo underwear commercials w/michael jordan wtf?

someone needs to start the Jonathan Lipnicki thread

http://www.adrants.com/images/gooding_jordan.jpg

like there were the super gay jodan/bacon commercials but it seemed like hanes wasnt really understanding - now these blatant gay joeks wtf?

MJ's one great regret is that Space Jam didn't lead to more film work, and that he was never offered a role in Boat Trip.

I wish I could remember why I watched any of "What Dreams May Come". I'm guessing my wife was pissed with me or something.

once a co-worker tried to tell me how great "Radio" was. I didn't really know how to respond to that.

PUNCHING

i watched all of rat race. at the end, smashmouth plays "all star" at a big concert and cuba gooding jr. breakdances

SPOILER ALERT

I can never rely on you to keep a movie secret again.

For shame.

Rat Race is one of my father in law's all time favorite movies, so I remember seeing that part and least some other parts of that movie.

One of his other favorite movies? Battlefield Earth.

My bedroom was right next to the TV room in our family's house. One night I heard this repetitive jingling and music over and over outside my room. My sister had been watching a DVD of Snow Dogs. It had ended and she was asleep on the couch. I got up to turn the TV off, and the moment I did, she tore up from sleep and started shouting "I WAS WATCHING SNOW DOGS!!! WHY DO YOU HATE EVERYTHING I WATCH, YOU JERK?!?!?!"

So Snow Dogs can inspire some violent passions in people.

HEY NOW
YOU'RE AN ALLSTAR
GET YOUR GAME ON
GO ... PLAY

AND ALL THAT GLITTERS IS GOLD
ONLY SHOOTING STARS BREAK THE MOLD

Yeah, I think Shrek came out that year and also ended with a Smash Mouth dance montage.

Those were dark times.

How many movies use "All Star"? I can think of at least three off the top of my head.

The last ten or so posts together = the doorway to Bedlam.

In "Rat Race" he is trying to distract someone or something, I don't remember, but he's in a public restroom and making up this epic fib about someone giving birth right before then. "And..the mucus! So much cervical mucus." That's right, he had a monologue about cervical mucus.

it's no joke
i'd like to buyyyy the world a toke

i watched all of rat race. at the end, smashmouth plays "all star" at a big concert and cuba gooding jr. breakdances

Damn! Guess I will have to Netflix again.

"Rat Race" also has John Lovitz destroying Hitler's car by accident, and introduced me to the term "prairie dogging" (where you have to shit and can feel it trying to poke out intermittently. !!!!!!!!!). This is why Lovitz pulls off the road, leading to wacky pratfalls about Hitler's car.

OMG why did i ever fall asleep during that movie

I think I saw 20 minutes of "Rat Race", too.

I am now through the doorway and being manhandled by Bedlam's attendants.

I cheered the part of "Men of Honor" when he lost his leg.

Joh Lovits and daughter:

Bev Pear: Your daughter has to go to the bathroom!
Randy Pear: All right, all right, Jason, look in the back for an empty jar.
Bev Pear: A jar? Girls don't pee in jars.
Randy Pear: Oh, right. Sorry. Jason, we're gonna need a jar and a funnel.

I mostly remember Whoopi Goldberg stealing a car.

Randy Pear: Jason, where did you get that?
Jason Pear: I found it under the seat.
Randy Pear: Give it to me. You can't play that.
Jason Pear: Why not?
Randy Pear: Because it's Hitler's harmonica. You can't play Hitler's harmonica.
Jason Pear: You're driving his car!
Randy Pear: Yes, but I'm not touching it with my mouth. I'm not sucking on the dashboard. I'm not getting his germs!

Kimberly Pear: (Kimberly needs to go to the bathroom) Dad, I'm prairie dogging it!
Randy Pear: What the hell does that mean?
Jason Pear: You know, like when a prairie dog sticks his head in and out of the ground.
Randy Pear: Oh.
(Five seconds later}
Bev Pear: Ugh!
Randy Pear: Ohh, god, I do not wanna picture that!

the first twenty minutes were just so bad there's no way i dreamed the rest of the movie would be so awesome and/or feature hitler's harmonica

I remember CGJr. ends up on a bus full of drag queens dressed as Lucille Ball? any something about Kathy Bates somehow tricking Whoopi into driving off a cliff? also Rowan Atkinson.

wait why is this movie sounding awesome now

Yes!!! Cuba here: "I am not a bus driver! I do not work for the bus company! All right? I... I needed a ride to New Mexico, so I stole this uniform! See this jacket? This is not my jacket! Remember Marty, the bus driver? Huh? This is his shirt! I stole it! And these pants, you think I'd wear these pants? These aren't my pants! These are Marty's pants. I stole them. I am not a bus driver! "

It is one epic monologue

I seriously wish I could find his long monologue about cervical mucus.

oh man rat race is so awesome

Everything you ever wanted to know about Rat Race (and more):

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rat_Race_(film)

A potentially relevant thread:

Taking Sides: Smash Mouth concert in "Rat Race" vs. Sugar Ray jam in "Scooby Doo"

There was some other old thread on this movie, I think. But I fear the results.

I must now escape Bedlam. Lunch calls. GET OUT GET OUT!

The Lucille Balls mutiny when they find out he hijacked their bus driver. There is a "comedy Asian" Lucille drag man who is all "ah so you store oul bus drivah!"

Owen comes across a small bus station and tricks one of the bus drivers into giving him his driver uniform and hat (saying his wife needs it because she is having a baby). However, the bus is full of Lucille Ball look-alikes on the way to an I Love Lucy convention. After a number of events on the bus (including a run in with a transgender Lucy), the bus gets a flat tire and then flips over. Owen runs away from them after they learn that he is not a bus driver and finds a horse to take him the rest of the way to Silver City. In a deleted scene, Owen is saved when a bus of Ricky Ricardo look-alikes pulls up and the Lucy crowd goes over to them.

While searching for the interstate, they meet an insane woman (Kathy Bates) who is selling squirrels. When they persistently refuse to buy one, the Squirrel Lady gives them directions that, instead of leading them to the interstate, sends them through a group of signs saying "you" "should" "have" "bought" "a" "SQUIRREL" and off a cliff to a pile of cars and skeletons of the other people who did not buy squirrels. After wandering in the desert, they steal a rocket car set to break the land speed record and when it runs out of fuel, they are mistakenly placed on a bus bound for a mental hospital that happens to pass by their destination.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IFk6reshaKI&

Where's that "final scenes" youtube thread?

The film grossed $55.8 million at the US box office.

wtf America

It seems as though there aren't any "Rat Race" fan sites.

Whoopi Goldberg appears to have severe ataxia through most of the film.

my secret shame: I paid money to see Rat Race in the theaters. I blame my female friend who I wanted to bone.

She probably knew and was making you do stupid shit like paying to see "Rat Race" for kicks.

yes, it was an elaborate torture device. But man, Seth Green sure was funny in it

a group of signs saying "you" "should" "have" "bought" "a" "SQUIRREL"

I wish this was real.

"After a string of comedies that were mostly disliked by critics, Gooding vowed to never appear in another comedy, saying he "thought people wanted me to make them laugh, but I was wrong on so many levels. I try to take all my energy and take it into comedy, and that's when I'm terrible".[4] Since that statement in March 2006, Gooding appeared in two comedy films in 2007: Norbit and Daddy Day Camp."

Hey sometimes you make an exception

Errors

The setting and timing also features some inaccuracies. Immediately after Vera and Merrill first meet, Merrill receives a phone call where she states that some merchandise must ship immediately to get in stores by Mothers' Day. Since Mothers' Day in the USA always falls in mid-May, we should conclude that this film takes place in April (or possibly early May). Yet this is inconsistent with the fact that Owen had refereed an NFL game just one week earlier, since the Super Bowl occurs at the first week of February, and pre-season play does not start up until August. There is also a theory that the period might have taken place in February, given Las Vegas' usual weather climate.

"a theory" implies that there is more than one

I was wrong on so many levels

Truer words have never been spoken.

Depends on the kind of laughter.

I paid money to see Rat Race in the theaters, and it entertained me.

Untitled Gehenna Project

lololololol "I'm never doing another comedy again! Wait, did you say Eddie Murphy?"

"The only way you're going to see me in a comedy is if A) Eddie Murphy turns the part down, or B) Eddie Murphy himself plays a fat woman in it."

"...I think we can work with that."

(Did Morbs pay to see and enjoy Norbit?)

noize ppl know who wrote Rat Race, right?

yes.

xp: no.

(Jon Lovitz basically IS Breckman in Rat Race)

Who would pay to enjoy Norbit?

xpost i have not seen it but it has shot way up the list this afternoon

http://www.boxofficemojo.com/movies/?id=norbit.htm

"Domestic Total Gross: $95,673,607"

That's how many people paid to see it; I'm talking about paying to enjoy it.

(IOW, lol @ ur grammar)

I am fully fine with the idea that everyone paid to hate it.

On a certain level, I do have to say that I am much more okay with people spending money on a horrible Eddie Murphy movie than I am with people spending money on a horrible CGJ movie.

http://img.tesco.com/pi/entertainment/DVD/LF/519753_DV_L_F.jpg

For some reason, I never saw this version of the poster.

Quick, some one find the Polish version.

http://www.polishposter.com/images/1318.jpg

Naw, I'm fucking with you all.

Flipping cable channels late one night, confronted with sex scene between Helen Mirren & CGJ (CGJ 'sexily' stripping for Mirren), didn't know whether to laugh or cry (love Mirren, you see), cringed, couldn't bear it & had to switch away... Can't find a clip, but see circa 2:48 ff. in this "Sexyback video":

http://youtube.com/watch?v=2vmUvF-N7Mg

(OK this movie... Joseph Gordon-Levitt is in it?! Plus: Stephen Dorff! Macy Gray! Mo'nique! Wow.)

Radio (2003) .... Radio <--------SRSLY WTF WERE U THINKING??????????

-- HI DERE, Thursday, January 31, 2008 12:07 PM (5 hours ago) Bookmark Link

Its about a retard who likes football, right? Decent premise for a film if you ask me.

RADIO: THE BO JACKSON OVERDRIVE STORY

Quick, some one find the Polish version.

first thing that went through my head

I was going to have a 'magical retard' movie marathon, but I have been putting it off bcz, fuck, I'd have to watch Radio.

I mean like "The Eight Day" and "Rain Man" are pretty decent movies, and "Riding the Bus with my Sister" looks hilarious. BUT I don't know that I could handle CGJ riding around town in a shopping card like the world's most gleeful and oblivious hobo.

For your consideration, Abbott:
Rosie O'Donnell Playing a Retarded Person on Hallmark TV Movie

Ha, there's even some Radio chatter in that thread:

http://www.sptimes.com/2003/10/27/photos/FLO_3_ex27radio_171949_102.jpg

Wonder if Radio liked mustard with those french-fried potaters.

Benny and Joon is magical retardific, isn't it?

Don't forget I Am Sam

Was Leo D magical in Eating Gilbert Grape?

"CBS Schoolbreak Special" .... Paul (1 episode, 1988)
- No Means No (1988) TV episode .... Paul

lol

i don't see how actually wearing some other dude's underwear is supposed to be more suspect than him being solicitous of your groinal comfort enough to
buy you comfy shorts and present them in a wicker gift basket with bows and a little note. the first instance is i was out of drawers so i grabbed what was laying around and the second is stop thinking about my crotch.

multi x-post

he was good in boyz n the hood

epitaph

"Riding the Bus with my Sister" looks hilarious

It is.

I think I might actually like Rosie O'Donnell less than Cuba Gooding Jr.

She is completely awful. I don't know why people liked her on the View -- just because she's liberal doesn't mean she's not an ignorant, uninformed bully.

Lil Jon loves Radio.

It seems as though there aren't any "Rat Race" fan sites.

Proof that America sometimes comes to its senses.

i don't know, i saw a little of Boat Trip on TV and it was pretty legendarily awful

Based on this recap that might be an understatement.

LOL

Suddenly, an Ansari supporter jumped onstage and grabbed the mike. It was Cuba Gooding Jr. "Hey, hey, yo! Cuba Gooding!" said Cuba Gooding Jr. "Shut the fuck up! Shut the fuck up! We got Aziz here, motherfucker. He's trying to make us laugh with his cock out, motherfucker. Shut up and let him do his shit."

Ansari smiled, and replied, calmly. "I really don't care that much, Cuba Gooding Jr., but thank you very much."

holy shit it gets funnier from there

Cuba Gooding, Jr. obv has had a full career as a movie and tv actor, as proved by the long list of credits at the top of this thread. For every actor as successful as Gooding, there are at least 5,000 who struggle and fail to reach his eminence. After all, we knew who he is, just from reading his name in the thread title. So what if he isn't Laurence Olivier. btw, he's black.

http://pixel.nymag.com/imgs/daily/vulture/2012/01/22/22_aziz.o.jpg/a_560x375.jpg

w0rryw0rt
Last night, I was flipping channels after the Giants' game and I came across Jerry Maguire, with the wonderful Cuba Gooding Jr. Now, I come to Vulture and what do I find? More Cuba Gooding Jr. goodies.

Best 12 hours ever!

http://gawker.com/5988918/cuba-gooding-jr-introduced-himself-as-dick-mcwilly-at-a-party-told-a-lady-hed-had-sex-with-a-leprechaun

(thank u based Raggett)

ok lol

that explains snow dogs, he was making movies for beer money

Happy to help.

Much funnier than what Mel Gibson would have said.

it's true that "*grabs woman by the throat* I DESERVE TO BE BLOWN IN THE JACUZZI" isn't really an amusing opening gambit when kicking game