how do u go about getting laid?

I ring up your mom.

u must have a PHONE CARD then cuz she lives overseas

...

i expect an answer from you wanko

I do have a phone card. And plenty of "frequent flier" miles.

wanko wanks it okay xp

Surm, you're very cute -- there's no reason you couldn't give some guy a chubb.

SEAFOOD AND DRUGS

http://i26.tinypic.com/ipnwx4.jpg

well that's one way of doin it

what's a chubb? does that mean a hardon or something?

I DON'T GET LAID :(

Most of the coke users I've met are shellfish...

the first time I got laid I was on coke

white powder, clam chowder, same difference

and the sex was awful

that sucks

makes you awful crabby on the comedown

latebloomer, this is not the "write additional lyrics to white lines thread"

Bass!

as in the fish

the cloverfield monster was DRUGS

Something like a phenomenon, turn your haddock to come along

Simple formula for getting laid:

1. Try to get laid.
2. If 1. fails, lower standards.
3. Return to 1.

yup sounds right to me

You have to create opportunities where you can subtly talk to someone without it feeling like you're chatting them up!

This means thinking of 'approach scenarios' rather than just chat-up lines. Create a situation where you can start a conversation and be adventurous in the way you go about it. It doesn't have to be in a bar, party or club, supermarkets are also ideal places to meet people.

Make sure you're looking good; prepare yourself as if you are going out (dress accordingly, even if it's only a supermarket you still want to look the business).

Choose a trolley rather than a basket as this offers you more mobility. Scrutinise the trolleys and baskets of fellow shoppers - when you notice the frozen meal for one or a lone bottle of chardonnay make your approach.

The wine section is always a good choice. Ice breakers you could use are: "Excuse me, sorry to interrupt but I'm cooking pasta tonight and only usually drink white wine - my guests are all into red, can you recommend something?" or "Excuse me (again 'sorry to interrupt' shows good manners, another attractive quality) I wonder if you can help me, I know nothing about white wine could you recommend something to go with salmon steaks?".

Now you have instigated the conversation, the wheels are in motion!

YOU BETTA SAVE SOME OF DAT TOIKEY FOR ME

http://www.nydailynews.com/blogs/ilovetowatch/images/mystery.jpg

You have to create opportunities where you can subtly talk to someone without it feeling like you're chatting them up!

This means thinking of 'approach scenarios' rather than just chat-up lines. Create a situation where you can start a conversation and be adventurous in the way you go about it. It doesn't have to be in a bar, party or club, supermarkets are also ideal places to meet people.

Make sure you're looking good; prepare yourself as if you are going out (dress accordingly, even if it's only a supermarket you still want to look the business).

Choose a trolley rather than a basket as this offers you more mobility. Scrutinise the trolleys and baskets of fellow shoppers - when you notice the frozen meal for one or a lone bottle of chardonnay make your approach.

The wine section is always a good choice. Ice breakers you could use are: "Excuse me, sorry to interrupt but I'm cooking pasta tonight and only usually drink white wine - my guests are all into red, can you recommend something?" or "Excuse me (again 'sorry to interrupt' shows good manners, another attractive quality) I wonder if you can help me, I know nothing about white wine could you recommend something to go with salmon steaks?".

Now you have instigated the conversation, the wheels are in motion!

-- Mystery, Sunday, February 3, 2008 2:46 AM (8 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

http://www.bbc.co.uk/relationships/singles_and_dating/techniques_chattingup.shtml

"Choose a trolley rather than a basket as this offers you more mobility. Scrutinise the trolleys and baskets of fellow shoppers - when you notice the frozen meal for one or a lone bottle of chardonnay make your approach."

http://bp1.blogger.com/_5p3ywQwfWjI/Rs0TQbU9YjI/AAAAAAAAB1M/nWNgz-0W7XU/s400/220px-ted-bundy-4-tm.jpg

"lone bottle of chardonnay" = single?

http://content.answers.com/main/content/wp/en/0/0c/Phil_Collins_EasyLover.jpg

hold her hand, and tell her shes pretty. that u wanna make sweet love, not fuck her. that should(nt) work. if it does....thats your girl

NEVER SAY "MAKE SWEET LOVE" TO ANYONE EVER

or try to follow through on ^

http://blog.wired.com/photos/uncategorized/2007/05/31/happy_monopoly.gif

^^^^ be this guy

gotta be like adam beales and make it known.

Toikey for me
Save all your toikey for me

I heard a song on the Urban Lounge show, college radio, yesterday. I think it was called 'Joy'.

The lyrics we're something like 'love is timeless.. something something kindness.. it only takes a moment to show you care'. Anyways, it sounded like a good rnb song, it made me think about taking initiative on stupid little moments just to show you care. I bet that goes a long way.

Then there is Boomhower's approach he was teaching Bobby Hill at the shoe store. Talk up every girl until one of them actually is flattered. This would work at a bar, and maybe even internet flirt sites.

Basically, initiative is the best thing, it's the only way to meet people. Now, if only I would let myself meet strangers once in a while.

As with the well-known recipe for roasted suckling pig, the first line of which is "First, obtain a suckling pig...", the only trick is finding someone who wants to give you a lay. After that, you can coast.

"Talk up every girl until one of them actually is flattered. This would work at a bar..."

I think if a girl sees you going around chatting up half the club she's going to be less than impressed.

Don't let her see.

If you want to have plenty of unsatisfying casual sex with people who lie about their age and weight, I would certainly suggest Manhunt.

Is that why it got banned in the UK?

http://arianeb.com/dategame.htm

yeah it was hurting the business for Tiger Tiger xpost

This thread has not lived up to its potential.

Well, libcrypt kind of said it all. If all you want is to get some, come hell or highwater, then just drop your standards massively, put yourself out there, and ta-da, laid.

That guy that grady posted ("Mystery," I guess) has the worst goatee I've ever seen.

Surmounter, you are something else.

the real trick is getting the other person to lower her/his standards enough.

i would suggest wearing a "fucking the sadness away" t-shirt semi-ironically when you're out for the night. you can be all "lol the post-modern condition" and stuff but it gets the truth up in their subconscious like george's "Ca-STAN-Za!" gambit. i don't think this is necessarily a good idea but it's an idea i'd like to see someone else attempt.

you're something else too Abbott :-)

If you are a guy it's good to have a lot of female friends, cuz:

a) Because they might introduce you to their mates.

b) Because you don't look like a complete sad bastard who only socialises with other fellas.

c) They can give you advice.

d) They might end up going out with you themselves.

^ rong

manhunt, btw, is so incestuous in new york! i've already encountered 2 really weird "oh, you hooked up with him" situations from manhunt.

^ rong

-- Catsupppppppppppppp dude 茄蕃, Sunday, 3 February 2008

Worked for me. And I needed all the help I could get, lol.

If you are a guy it's good to have a lot of female friends, cuz:

a) Because they might introduce you to their mates.

b) Because you don't look like a complete sad bastard who only socialises with other fellas.

c) They can give you advice.

d) They might end up going out with you themselves.

-- Bodrick III, Sunday, 3 February 2008 23:52 (Yesterday) Link

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

^ rong

-- Catsupppppppppppppp dude 茄蕃, Sunday, 3 February 2008 23:53 (Yesterday) Link

^^^^ OTM (re rong)

Guess you are hanging around with the wrong girls, then.

manhunt, btw, is so incestuous in new york! i've already encountered 2 really weird "oh, you hooked up with him" situations from manhunt.

This is what the entire gay scene is like in Portland.

d) They might end up going out with you themselves.

^^Also: crepey.

start band

d) They might end up going out with you themselves.

^^Also: crepey.

-- Choose Leif, Monday, 4 February 2008

103. Stating that another poster's comment's are "creepy".

Not saying you should plan it that way. Just that if it happens, it happens. You've never been friends with a partner before you started going out?

start band

-- will, Monday, February 4, 2008 1:12 AM (9 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

hahaha depends on what kind of band, doesn't it

I doubt being in Dream Theater gets you much action

hahaha depends on what kind of band,

hell, depends on what kind of lady/ dude/ lady-dude yr looking for

I hate to to crib from that friends jr. sit com (tho actually funnier imho) w/ doogie howser, but put on a suit. On the rare occasions I;ve had to wear one to work and then run errands (e.g. grocery) I get 10x more smile and or eyebrow-raises.

ok maybe more like 3X

also:
1. shower
2. be funny
3. obfuscate availability (girls want a wanted man)

*hiccup*

1. shower

*please* do this. I cant believe how many men dont seem to get it when they reek.

(I've met women who have shocking BO as well mind you. Speed/coke seems to be a big part of it).

Will yr advices are all OTM for both women & men and easily done (if not a suit than at least some dressy clothes). The best advice I ever heard really on attracting people was "keep yourself and your house clean and well groomed." Just doing the former worked for me!

speed BO seems to up the impression of uncleanliness by x1000

xpost

Well I think speed use in general has a lot of unappetizing facets.

Be from a different country.

don't be a grumpy, anxiety ridden crank

oh snap:-(

yeah :/

http://www.bostonblueyes.com/blog/bouquet.gif

"I hope you saved some turkey for me"

I nearly said Turnkey there, lol nerds.

i can't stop thinking about this guy

Having meat for brains works for most guys - it shows they lack issues many intellectuals create in their minds.

don't be a grumpy, anxiety ridden crank
-- electricsound, Monday, February 4, 2008 2:02 AM (2 months ago) Bookmark Link OTM

Question: Which 'jerk' qualities are the most attractive?

i wish i knew that, but as a vaguely ironic twist to my post there an ex of mine seems to totally go for grumpy anxiety ridden cranks (with or without alcohol problems)

Things guys do.

www.fastseduction.com

srsly

there was a really long thread once about neil strauss's book "the game" but all i can find is this one -

"Dating is for tools" -Neil Strauss' "The Game": classic or dud?

i use this obv
OMG HI DERE KEN C

i think my favorite tip on that thread about "the game" was to carry around one (1x) BAG of LINT in your POCKET, approach your quarry from behind, and PLANT some LINT on her shirt -- so that you can pick it off!!

(the kind of girls i usually go for would say "what do you, expect a tip?")

ONE SHOULD NOT GO ABOUT DOING THIS
GET A MORALS, MORANS

who needs morals when you've got a bag of lint

Ans: I drink with the noize bored and watch movies at home. I'm not sure yet but I don't think it's working...?

yeah, i've been trying to the 'watch movies at home' stratagem as well.

Well, that actually works if you're in a relationship. But I'm guessing the question is not that basic.

Well I'm Eazy E the one they're talkin about
Nigga tried to roll the dice and just crapped out
Police tried to roll, so it's time to go
I creeped away real slow and jumped in the six-fo'
Wit the "Diamond in the back, sun-roof top"
Diggin the scene with the gangsta lean
Cause I'm the E, I don't slang or bang
I just smoke motherfuckers like it ain't no thang
And all you bitches, you know I'm talkin to you
"We want to fuck you Eazy!" I want to fuck you too

Man, that is so you.

Ok, so, just to keep score, we have on the board:

Stay home and watch movies with people you already know you are not going to sleep with
Smoke motherfuckers
Plant lint on the shirt of the object of your desire

We can do better than this, ppl.

Work the box office at your local fringe theater company.

It's easy to lose perspective on the issue, I think. Don't lose sight of the basics, that's important.

(Depends on your goals, though. Like that quote from Citizen Kane that I like so much: "There's no trick to making a lot of money if all you want to do is make a lot of money.")

i shoot my dick off on a bitch or just use the pussy

i'm married, so there's not much need to go out scoring.

right, like i said -- you can stay in and score! Yay!

I'd like you to know that I have successfully resisted posting a "how do u go without getting laid?' parody thread.

You're welcome.

That's okay, my answer would be the same!

I think that's actually a good thread idea, myself.

you're wrong

don't tempt me to prove I'm not, son. er, moderator, sir.

Esp. when the proper parody is 'how do u go about getting plaid?'

xpost

How do u go about getting flayed

how do you go about getting paid

how do you go about getting made

http://www.bubbygram.com/performers/joepesci.jpg

how do you go about getting maid

how do u go about getting spayed?

http://k53.pbase.com/u42/laurent_laveder/large/34316930.DCP_6576.jpg

Are people really wondering or is this some kind of joke? I’m sure all it comes down to is asking or getting asked. I never ever chat girls up, but I always seem to manage getting some. I don’t go out looking for it as I’m sure that the whole desperation thing shows.

No way, dude, the only think chixors dig more than desperation is neediness! Maybe a hangup on your ex or mom, too.

1. Go to iTunes.
2. Search for "James".

No way, dude, the only think chixors dig more than desperation is neediness! Maybe a hangup on your ex or mom, too.

Ha, i'll try this for an evening, see where it gets me.

ok so let's say, the person you want to lay is like cuter than you. what do you do? should you try your luck or is it just a bad idea?

aren't you taken?

open relations

anyway, it's only a real problem if they know they're cuter than you

...

you mean like if they're cocky?

and since i am not very cute, i have nothing else to say

how do you know if you're cute? what are you?

I see mismatched couples constantly, might as well go for it.

that's true, the mismatched. i guess you're right

yeah word? being straight y'know EVERYBODY you want to get laid with is usually cuter than you unless you are in some kind of tundra of super loneliness

i just sometimes i feel like GUILTY, you know if i think someone is really pretty and i'm not sure i'm on that level.

lol tom

then you better be funny, or smart, or something besides less cute

So, tell me; what do you do when the person with whom you hope to start a relationship is way out of your league?

you know what 'open relations' is a euphemism for?

expanded polystyrene foam.

you certainly are earnest, dunno if that works

fuck, just do what you want to do. if they want stay in bed and feel shitty while you're walking home giving yourself a big thumbs up that's their problem.

haaaaaaaaaa

i just sometimes i feel like GUILTY, you know if i think someone is really pretty and i'm not sure i'm on that level.

that is perhaps the most pointless reason for feeling "guilty" that I have ever heard

http://therecshow.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/11/14853__rudolph_l.jpg
I'B CUTE!!!!!1!!1!

pointless guilt is a big thing for me. somehow it's more fun when there's no reasoning behind it.

that is cute!

ja seriously don't feel guilty, feel accomplished!

Oh just go for it. You have nothing to lose and you may end up surprised. You're probably being silly anyway.

you're right, you're right. OK. lol this is my cue to commence my summer of slutdom.

thanks for that extra push, guys!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H76TrhZkuzE

Nice - have fun, be safe, etc.

I am convinced that open relationships only truly ever work out for gay men, btw. I'm sure there are straight couples out there for whom it does work but I've not met any personally.

i know, i think so.

this guy wants me to come over now but it's like 1am and i don't wanna be all walkin around brooklyn. i mean i don't exactly give off the tough look.

Hmmmm. I don't blame you to be honest. Raincheck?

depends where in brooklyn... i've walked around much later than 1!

dude, if i can stagger around brooklyn at 4 a.m. drunk off my ass and coked out of my brain while thinking it it would be reasonable to walk to laguardia with my luggage you can make a booty call.

brooklyn ain't as hard as you, surmounter

you bastard

imo open relationships just end up like expanded polystyrene foam -- you never know hoos hoos is hoos

lols. well he lives on bedford and greene, and i'd be going from like fulton and atlantic, you know that area

mookie you just made me chuckle

Hmmmm - they may all have a point!

and he says he just got tested

get in a cab you . . . guy

i know E, it's not awful logic

oh geez

i think you'll be ok.

i don't get open relationships

I dunno maybe I'm just territorial/clingy but I don't want the person i'm seeing to be fucking somebody else at the same time wtf kind of relationship is that

an open one

sry.

yeah i'm with brainwasher on this one.

like, if you love your man why would you want to sleep with someone else? i'm curious, not passing judgement

especially knowing how trifling gay guys can be... just be safe if you're going to do that

how do you go about getting paid

-- Jordan, Tuesday, April 15, 2008 5:31 PM (1 month ago) Bookmark Link

I don't know what's better
Getting laid or getting paid
All I know is that when I'm getting one
The other's getting away

--Kanye

oh judgment shmudgment i don't care. um, b/c i guess it's a separate thing. sex, love. i can find sex at 1am in the morning, like any night. not love.

i know, the safe is the biggest issue.

Me to Kanye: That's because you haven't figured out which one you prefer. Your value system is immature yet. Chill, son.

yeah but if you've got love why not just have sex with the guy you love? or is he just a bad fuck?

i feel like sex with someone you love is going to be 10000x times better, though, so why fuck around w/ lesser sex?

eh, i guess it's the whole sex/pizza thing.

lol xpost

haha no, no, he certainly isn't.

cuz i'm bored! he's beautiful but familiar.

see, i don't know, i think stranger sex is incredibly wonderful. it's like the whole sweet sex/wild sex thing

sex and pizza??

unfamiliar vs someone-you-love

sex is like pizza. even when it's not great it's still good, etc...

i dunno... i feel like stranger sex can be fun, but the best sexing i've had has always been after i've been with someone a while and we really know what we're doing/how to make it awesome/are connecting, etc.

eh, i guess it's the whole sex/pizza thing.

I have had bad pizza. Also bad "pizza" wink wink. Sex with someone you don't love is bad, but the bottom of the barrel is sex with someone you don't even much like or want to be around. I have never had sex sex with someone I loathe, but that sounds a notch up, because at least there's some kind of passionate feeling involved.

wait so you've never had a really amazing one-night stand?

I am jealous in insidious ways, which, among other factors, leads me to believe an open relationship would be terrible for yours truly.

when you want yr partner to totally get off just because then that's cool

wait so you've never had a really amazing one-night stand?

Actually no, because if it was really amazing, I called her. The next day, probably -- if it was amazing, it was because we were into each other and it was obvious and who gives a flip if it was a bit unplanned?

ie just because you actually care about them

oh noes!

xp well if your man is boring you then maybe you need to ditch him? or at least try to spice up the relationship? like, I dunno maybe I just have this idea of the *perfect relationship* where we're committed and in love and there's no need to fuck outside of the relationship, but if he's boring you maybe you guys should just be friends?

has he been with other people as well or are you the one that was like OPEN RELATIONSHIP PLZ ?

haha dude's in a cab while we're discussing his sex life on the internet

CHEERS

good job sur, wtg!!!

i think we're good together -- i don't see it as a huge thing.

i really don't expect to find one person i want to be in love with and fuck for the rest of my life. i know it's happened, but i don't demand it.

lol GUYS i'm setting it up i'm not in the cab yet!

well you are taking long enough!
learn from my last weekend mistake of putting it off too long and then person being asleep!!!

haaaaa k

i really don't expect to find one person i want to be in love with and fuck for the rest of my life.

I desperately want this :(

Anyway have fun, don't forget the lube lolz

me too! but i try to keep that quiet because then i fall into sad single girldom and that's just not cool.

1) put their hands on your ass
2) there is no 2

I dunno, I'm sure I heard you need to put your penis somewhere at some point.

if only we could work out where.....and when.

and why

oh louis, you can't argue with your lizard brain, plz stop trying, it's so exhausting to watch.

hey kenan i hear there's this big new subculture, maybe you should try it out

JERRY: I don't get this. I go out with this girl three times, she doesn't want to shake my hand - why's she kissing you?

KRAMER (realizing): Because I snubbed her. You see? Women, they like that! Yes! I understand women. The snub is good, they love the snub!

GEORGE: No they don't. I tried that once. I snubbed for a year. Nothing. Every woman I saw, I snubbed. You never saw people so pleased.

I am jealous in insidious ways, which, among other factors, leads me to believe an open relationship would be terrible for yours truly.

omg me too. I couldn't imagine a situation in which I could handle that. Even something really mutual like...well, once I was with a girl who wanted to bring another girl into the bedroom. In a way I was all for it, it's pleasant enough for fantasy, but I knew if it ever came down to gametime I would have probably backed out for anticipation of that sneaking jealousy.
Never found anyone we trusted or who we thought might be into it, then it ended between us.

pointless guilt is a big thing for me. somehow it's more fun when there's no reasoning behind it.

I'm married and happy so don't take this as any kinda creepfest but this is the sort of talk that makes catholic J0hn crush out completely

I get really jealous, too. Open relationship would not work.

Also, sex with someone you don't particularly like can be great - the part that sucks is when they start talking to you afterward.

^^^partly why I avoid one nighters

^ u should sneak out in the morning

haha you're so right homosexual. once that happened and i had to tell him to just leave.

john, i heard the first love song you wrote for your wife the other day. it was dear.

Once I started seeing this girl I had been working with for about a year and we only ever spent one night together. I realized I could never actually date her the one night when one of my roomates walked in on us making out on the couch at about 3:30 am. As he passed by shirtless and on his way to the bathroom he muttered, "Fornicators". As he was shutting the bathroom door I said, "Defecator". I then had to explain to her what both defecate and fornicate meant. ;_;

oh dear.

^ u should sneak out in the morning

-- Catsupppppppppppppp dude 茄蕃, Thursday, June 12, 2008 9:59 AM (8 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

sucks when ninja skills suffer greatly from hangover and you get rolled up trying to make your escape

belt buckle clink / house key jingle ;_;

i think there was a friends episode about that
xpost

i wanna get laid

belt buckle clink / house key jingle ;_;

-- Catsupppppppppppppp dude 茄蕃, Thursday, June 12, 2008 2:18 PM (3 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

awesome

On the couch with woman I just had sex with. Watching telly she casually mentions that she is in a relationship. Seconds later, on comes a commercial for those mobile phone/cell phone text things, "txt your name to 13 0555 to see if your lover is a cheater".

The moral is that casual sex can lead to amusing results.

unlike your posts

^^was amused by this pato post

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v236/njsouthall/image001.gif

that looks a lot of effort and pain just to get laid

holy jeez

that looks a lot of effort and pain just to get laid

man gotta do what a man gotta go. lol chav machismo contests.

i hope it got him laid, at least

or was he trying to make a glory hole?

http://www.bikudo.com/photo_stock/90051.jpg

That would be a terribly risky glory hole.

maybe that's what it takes in this day and age? maybe not trying that is where we're going wrong?

i just snapped my leg in this awesome concrete wall and there is a hot nurse waiting for me in my bed so i'll say this.

http://awooga.org/images/8p5vw9j2fo673ofkfx3.gif

YES

^ u should sneak out in the morning

unless you're at your place, then you have to quietly will them to sneak out.

although sneaking out of your own place would be pretty funny.

hahaha

breakfast arrangements with other people facilitate this practise. kinda.

trying your luck with people way cuter than you is totally classic because so many people underestimate their own attractiveness. mwahaha.

pointless guilt is a big thing for me. somehow it's more fun when there's no reasoning behind it.

I'm married and happy so don't take this as any kinda creepfest but this is the sort of talk that makes catholic J0hn crush out completely

-- J0hn D., Thursday, 12 June 2008 12:58 (1 hour ago) Link

Me too! I am hot for existential torturedness in a religious context. (For some reason it just annoys me outside that.)

jim you are a genius. thank you

I thought J0hn was saying the opposite.

Kinda bugs me in any context, but I have no religion, so... :\

Though I wish I did...if I thought I had even one thing about life even halfway figured out that'd be excellent.

haha who says religion means having one thing about life even halfway figured out? i think it just makes things more complicated.

oh sorry guys i am getting all religiously excited on the getting laid thread! what i mean is definitely hit on people more attractive than you.

also, liking nerds = high success rates!

http://forums.xkcd.com/ http://ganjataz.com/smileys/01-grayball/images/wave.gif

unless you're at your place, then you have to quietly will them to sneak out.

-- Jordan, Thursday, 12 June 2008 15:52 (12 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

although sneaking out of your own place would be pretty funny.

-- Jordan, Thursday, 12 June 2008 15:53 (11 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

Know a dude who drunkenly brought home a horror recently, in the morning he waited for her to go to the toilet, locked his bedroom door and went back to sleep. smoooove

no Maria was right, I am pro-guilt because it scratches that mind/body itch that the catechism puts in us

last time I was in Ames where I used to live I couldn't sleep and I went for a walk past the college kids' apts @ 6 a.m. and saw an ISU girl doing the unmistakable "walking home before he wakes up" walk, I felt like "ooh sorry to be awake, I know were hoping to do this before anybody was up"

haha who says religion means having one thing about life even halfway figured out? i think it just makes things more complicated.

-- Maria, Thursday, June 12, 2008 10:07 AM (6 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

o yea. at least, y'know, that's how it would be for me hypothetically. I suppose I was thinking of all the people in my church growing up who just never questioned It All yet still managed to scoff like, 'oh ho ho you foolish nonbelievers'. Sounds like a vacation.

I think I'm just tired of being all
http://www1.istockphoto.com/file_thumbview_approve/1239117/2/istockphoto_1239117_scientist_shrug_on_gray_gradient.jpg
all the time.

I think growing up never questioning religion is what leads to people suddenly getting a doubt at age 18 or 20, having no idea how to deal with it, and deciding religion is a crock. I'm jealous of the few people I know who were raised religious in families that actually discussed doubts and questions seriously, I think they have a lot stronger foundation.

And if you are that cutely confused, it's okay.

i must be the least spiritually deep person on the planet because i dont think ive given the question of god or existence or whatever a 2nd thought since i was like 14

in my defense tho i was really tord up about it before that xp

Yeah, my immediate family never had any sort of talks like that, Maria. I had an older cousin (really felt more like an aunt) who was religious but whose husband was not. They had family talks at the table and such, which was a dynamic I was sorta envious of. I actually had a girlfriend for a while who was quite religious and I was like "coooooool!!", but she moved away so I never got to see how that was going to pan out.

Sorry this fun, lewd thread got derailed into all this stuffy religious talk.

how do u go about getting saved?

get molested by a clergy member

worth at least 2 hail marys

http://z.about.com/h/gp/sbinfocanada.gif

Sonic Youth tickets might get you some action.

ive actually only had one proper one-night stand and it was pretty terrible. he also lived really fucking far away from my house so he had to give me a ride home the next morning. i knew it wasn't a successful night when he dropped me off three blocks from my house and I had to walk home in the snow.

aww i'm sorry! i would have cried all afternoon. i'm sensitive to sex.

what an ass, another three blocks wouldn't have killed him.

You don't know that!

haha cap'n save-a-bro

More like cap'n-make-a-joke

not enough cooks...

manhunt, btw, is so incestuous in new york! i've already encountered 2 really weird "oh, you hooked up with him" situations from manhunt.

hm i should try this manhunt?

my roommate & his gf met off a vegan chat room. not sure which one would be more embarassing to tell friends. manhunt or vegan chat room

vegan chat room!

definitely.

which is more embarrassing, vegan chat room or ilx?

can we have like a hierarchy of embarrassing places to get laid from?

we need to do a bracket tournament.

i think the internet in general is kind of embarrassing. not that it's bad, it certainly makes as much if not more sense than random chance! but there is some social stigma left.

i would estimate that 80% of my friends met their SOs on the internet...eh

i will still need to think up a lie when i introduce my bf to my mom this summer. she thinks everyone on the internet is a pervert.

yeah for me I think the person who gets laid is kinda within his/her rights to be "whatever dude" to the dude who's hatin' on how he got there

"You got laid by going to a human pony party???????"
"whatever dude, I got laid"

what is a human pony party pls describe w/out using pictures

is it like this? a woman parties with a pony, kills pony, slices off head, falls asleep?

http://www.jameshyman.com/blog/archives/horsehead.jpg

no...no, i don't think so.

Sadly, it is like this: http://www.thehumanequine.com/the1.html

This is only one of many reasons why HBO's "Real Sex" was an awful, awful thing.

i'm kinda done with the idea of meeting someone online or just by random chance, friend of a friend is like the only way it seems to work out (for me).

"You got laid by going to a human pony party???????"
"whatever dude, I got laid"

I knew Dan would feel me

glad the party worked out for you guyz

they just did this on bones, too.

is that the next big thing then? great.

getting laid off the internet is only cool if a) yall met on some internet thing that is about actual shared interests not a dating site and b) you live within 10 miles of each other & didnt travel just to tap it

traveling just to tap it should be pitied, not derided. star-crossed love!

a) yall met on some internet thing that is about actual shared interests not a dating site a

which of these is ilx

OMG that episode of Real Sex!

i will still need to think up a lie when i introduce my bf to my mom this summer. she thinks everyone on the internet is a pervert.

My parents still do not know that L and I met on the internet because they think the same so I lied at first and never had the heart to tell them I lied. At our wedding we had to tell some of the guests to keep the whole meeting on the internet thing on the dl esp the best man who'd intended to roast L about that in his speech.

getting laid off the internet is only cool if a) yall met on some internet thing that is about actual shared interests not a dating site and b) you live within 10 miles of each other & didnt travel just to tap it

Did not meet on dating site but he traveled thousands of miles. Maybe B doesn't count if you end up married.

"You hooked up on a splosh outing?????????"
"whatever dude, I got laid"

im willing to change that & to an "or" but no better

btw - they think we met in a bar while he was here on vacation cause you know, picking up foreign strangers in bars is much better. ha.

i really can't imagine meeting a future spouse at a bar.

i think we clearly share an interest in talking about how we all get laid. or how LJ doesn't, y'know.

xxxxxx-post

(not meant mean-spiritedly but he does like to share)

me either! or the internet! which leads me to believe i will never get married. whatever happened to meeting people at school? this seems next to impossible for me (undergrad w/ lots of gays, grad school w/ 6 other girls and 1 dude i'm not remotely interested in).

xpost

"You flew to the Philippines and bought eight-year-olds?????????????"
"whatever dude, I got laid"

I know some people who have basically ordered a date on the web long-distance and had it go very, very poorly when they arrived.

Don't they still have bars out there in the world?

mega x-post apparently meeting people in bars was already dissed while I was waiting to hit post

LOL.

hah yeah i know teresa. i am pessimistic. (i also have plans to go out of my way to travel to see a guy i met sort of through shared interests...i don't see marriage, or even serious relationship potential, and yet surprisingly enough i don't actually care.)

xpost!

"...THAT IS A SIAMESE CAT."
"whatever dude, I got laid"

sorry that doesn't top the philippines one

yeah, I know ;_;

i hope maria realizes she sounds like a total maneater on this thread

To be honest, I'm still stuck on

last time I was in Ames where I used to live I couldn't sleep and I went for a walk past the college kids' apts @ 6 a.m. and saw an ISU girl doing the unmistakable "walking home before he wakes up" walk, I felt like "ooh sorry to be awake, I know were hoping to do this before anybody was up"

-- J0hn D.,

..since I spent four years at that school often pondering the question being debated here

b) you live within 10 miles of each other & didnt travel just to tap it

err, didnt you move to london for.... ... ..

I met my gf of 2+ years at a bar, but it's OK because it was a jazz club, not just some random bar on the corner.

xp for Mark S?

walks of shame are happening everywhere, all the time. you may not be able to identify them as easily as by a college dorm, but they are all around us.

license revoked walk of shame is easiest to pick up on imo

thats not supposed to be some kind of pun btw

b) you live within 10 miles of each other & didnt travel just to tap it

err, didnt you move to london for.... ... ..

-- phil-two, Thursday, June 12, 2008 3:56 PM (39 seconds ago) Bookmark Link

skidmore??

lol xp

changed to "or" because technically i visited london bcz of offer to stay free with mark s not to tap anything

My freshman year in college I had to do the walk of same in a silver dress while holding my heels and walking barefoot. I arrived at my dorm to find a HS tour group of about 30 kids with their parents right out front and had to sneak past them while staring at the ground. I wanted to die. oy.

i'm a fan of the work of shame (walk of shame straight to work).

I met my gf of 2+ years at a bar, but it's OK because it was a jazz club, not just some random bar on the corner.

let the xls show that this was at my band's gig

True!

walks of shame are happening everywhere, all the time. you may not be able to identify them as easily as by a college dorm, but they are all around us.

why are doods ashamed of getting laid? i have a tendency to strut when it happens to me. this is distinctly not a shameful walk.

I did the "work of shame" once. I stopped in a Walgreen's for a travel toothbrush-and-toothpaste kit before getting on the bus to downtown.

lolol sry enbb but that is awesome

why are doods ashamed of getting laid? i have a tendency to strut when it happens to me. this is distinctly not a shameful walk.

-- Upt0eleven, Thursday, June 12, 2008 4:01 PM (52 seconds ago) Bookmark Link

stride of pride : D

why are doods ashamed of getting laid? i have a tendency to strut when it happens to me. this is distinctly not a shameful walk.

-- Upt0eleven, Thursday, June 12, 2008 4:01 PM (1 minute ago) Bookmark Link

well the walk sux if you havent showered and feel gross and its hot out or w/e but yea, no shame xD

My friend's ex-coworker used to pride himself on the work of shame, but being an alcoholic who prides himself on going to pick-up bars is probably commonplace in the entry-level white collar world

DN - Yeah, even at the time as embarrassing as it was I knew it was funny. You could see the horror/fear on those parents' faces. I felt like shouting - Not a whore - I stayed at my new boyfriend's place stop staring!!

why are doods ashamed of getting laid? i have a tendency to strut when it happens to me. this is distinctly not a shameful walk.

WALKING DOWN THE STREET WHEN I JUST GOT LAID, AND THE CHICKS CAN TELL / OH YEAH, THE CHICKS CAN TELL

and now the sun's coming up
I'm riding with lady luck
freeway cars and trucks
stars beginning to fade
and I lead the parade

That's how to do it.

i hope maria realizes she sounds like a total maneater on this thread

-- deeznuts, Thursday, June 12, 2008 7:53 PM (18 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

eek very far from the truth! i am just bored and posting heavily.

i've always called it the walk of victory.

i've had some great ones. walking home commando, puking in the intersection of damen & division at like 1:30 in the afternoon on a thursday, walking down division in january without a coat at 7 in the morning, passing another dude walking in the opposite direction also jacketless who wanted to hi-five me...

the walk of aaw yeah

xpost . . .i hope you high fived him!

whatever dude, you got laid xps

haha the jacketless wintertime walk! xxp

Wait, what happened to your jacket? You weren't wearing one the night before?

my friend had a jacketless wintertime walk of SHAME because he and this girl ended up going back to her place ... where after making out for a second, she made him watch videos of her brother's comedy routines for an hour!! he left @ 5am and got no ass. his jacket was in our other friend's car. this was in February. good times

i gave the lo-five. it was cold so i had my hands jammed in my pockets. by the time i figured out what he was doing i had enough time to put out a hand but not raise it.

that was that brief time where i was drinking a lot of champagne this winter? that ended on my birthday?

my upstairs neighbor's had people over earlier that night i wound up leaving my jacket there. i had a lot of champagne.

sorry for the apostrophe.

totally random high fives are at least as awesome & memorable as any possible bout of random drunken sexx

/challop + n/h

high fives DURING drunken sex are the best tho

my only tail so far this year was obtain at an organised uni-wide charity blind date. sure i landed the talkative athletic nympho. anyway yeah having done the dirty i made a walk of triumph at only 1 am, with plenty of other blind dates still wandering around wondering what to do next. aw yeah. sadly i don't have much to compare it to.

ok sur you just broke my mind :D

surmounter has been to at least 1 more orgies than deeznuts

this thread is dangerous or ilicit activities thread bait supreme

anyway yeah having done the dirty i made a walk of triumph at only 1 am

I don't know if you'd want to act that triumphant if you're already leaving at 1am

he left @ 5am and got no ass.

I kinda wants this engraved on my headstone

high fives DURING drunken sex are the best tho

Eiffel Tower.

There needs to be a phrase for what Deej described -- staying up 'til dawn thinking things were going to happen and that's it.

haha mh

blueballed sufficiently covers it eazy.

I'm just saying that talkative, athletic nympho isn't that talkative, athletic, or much of a nympho unless the date started at 5pm or something

lonely guy just thinkin baout things

sure i landed the talkative athletic nymphos.

i want this to be engraved on my headstone

maybe she had to get up for crew at 4

There's blueballed, but there's also chatting with someone who gets too drunk, preoccupied, distracted, or tired to go anywhere at all...

isn't 1 am like 4 am in englande?

well we met at 8.30 and were back at hers by 11, i call that fairly successful

then after two vigorous hours she announced that she had rowing at like 8 the next morning and couldn't sleep with someone else in her bed so plz 2 depart ;_;

hahaha it was crew! i called it! 8 is not that early though.

or else read during my eulogy, which i hope one day will read in full as:

"Sure he landed the talkative athletic nymphos. But he also gave a lot of his riches to the poor. May he Rest In Peace."

yeah it's normally like 6, so glad i never got suckered in to teh boatz club

altho mah current crush/probable gf is something of a rower herself, weird that

it's gotta be the thighs dude

then after two vigorous hours

ok ban louis jagger

it's the constant shouting of "STROKE! STROKE!"

hahaha! i was waiting for the first overstepping of the mark. always gonna happen this way.

ok so i have a thing set up for the weekend. he writes for travel guides

two vigorous hours

Did you have a strapping tonic afterward?

Actually I met an ex-crush (and current friend) outside college and played her Derek and Clive sketches until she felt more sober. Didn't feel like trying anything on.

constitutional of shame

"stride of pride" is AWESOME

Back when I didn't have a day job, one of my best friends was exiting the subway station to go to work as I was entering it at 11am or so. He took one look at me with my night-out make-up still on and my scarf tied high to hide the marks on my neck and steered me right into a Starbucks and said "I think you have something to tell me" while laughing into his coffee. Funny coincidences.

still trying to figure out "jacketless"

are you guys trading jackets for sex in chicago?

cute Laurel =)

Jacketless is when you go out on a warm night, and then you're heading home mid-morning after a cold snap.

mine i left at the first stop of the evening, his i have no idea. maybe he had to make like a coyote only instead of gnawing off his own leg to escape a trap he sacrificed his coat.

my friend left his in our other friend's car when we went to the club so he wouldnt have to use the coat check.

Actually I met an ex-crush (and current friend) outside college and played her Derek and Clive sketches until she felt more sober.

good grief.

haha, she loved it! she's more foulmouthed than they are, unbelievably

is it against the kinder gentler policy to post this

http://www.johntp.com/wp-content/uploads/stopposting.jpg

John, twice before you've addressed me "Louis," and then left a blank. I'm beginning to suspect there's a recurrent JPG I'm missing out on. Could you at least post a link or something so I can see what it is?

Ah, Page Info does the trick: http://www.johntp.com/wp-content/uploads/stopposting.jpg

Classy.

"Stride of pride"

I remember taking the metro home early one morning very obviously wearing the clothes from the night before, my shirttails out, my tie undone, my hair unkempt, with the most fatuous and irrepressible grin on my face. Some of the other passengers looked at me, shall we say, askance and as I inadvertantly smelled my finger while itching my nose all I could think was that I couldn't have cared one whit less what they thought.

a true gentleman never sniffs and gloats

Who dares call me a gentleman?!

a man of vigor

johntp's birthday is tomorrow

lets quash the controversy & wish johntp a happy birthday

My name is JohnTP and I am a 24 year old Indian, born on 13 June 1983 in Trivandrum city, Kerala and studied in an Indian school in Jeddah, Saudi Arabia. After school I did Bachelor of Science in Information Technology (BSc IT).

he did bachelor of science in information technology (BSc IT)

congratulations johntp

Are you trying to get johntp laid for his b-day, deeze?

stop posting, start fucking

^^^^^yes

but just before you fuck start posting lots on ilx while your hot chick wait for you in your bed

liveblog or it doesn't happen

I'm gonna give you a FOOL PROOF line that (nearly) ALWAYS works; this line is beyond gold, its not even fucking platinum baby!

"I have a suicide note here, if you go home with me tonight I destroy it. If you don't it will be found taped to my corpse tomorrow morning. My life is in your hands"

Use it wisely my friend, wisely.

I'm gonna give you a FOOL PROOF line that (nearly) ALWAYS works

"i'm a very wealthy man."

i'm an ELEGANT man.... do you like jewels? I have many jewels.

chicago kevin quit stealing my style

i think veronaintheclub is the ACTUAL stickman from the hilarious 'xkcd' comics

I have a suicide note here, if you go home with me tonight I destroy it. If you don't it will be found taped to my corpse tomorrow morning. My life is in your hands

Dorothy Parker: "Mr. Coolidge, I've made a bet against a fellow who said it was impossible to get more than two words out of you."

Calvin Coolidge: "You lose."

"You taped yourself pissing on a 14-year-old girl???"
"whatever dude, I got laid"

WHAT YOU DO IS YOU GET OFF OF AN AIRPLANE IN HAWAII

OK so i was at this guy's house. great conversation, i sounded smart BLA BLA BLA. next thing ya know this is what i get: ooh sorry, i should have cancelled earlier -- i just got some bad news about my mom. i don't wanna talk about it but i'm not up for anything.

uh, i didn't come over to talk about arthur russell. that's like, what ilx is for. thx.

At what point do you start feeling like you're using people as masturbatory aids?

Note implication that the aforementioned fleshlight is on ILX.

boo to him, Surmounter :(

I do not get that story, rephrase for the hard of comprehending.

ohh i guess he received word of something bad happening to his mom that day. which isn't really the point, i just wish he could have warned me earlier. maybe he just thought i was hideous?

Did you meet him online?

mhmm

Maybe something bad happened to his mother and he wasn't thinking very clearly, or just didn't want to be alone for the half an hour (or whatever) that you talked. But you're probably right, it was probably about you.

so suck an egg Laurel. i said i would have appreciated a warning. and to be honest, i'm through trying to be civil to you. thanks!

yay ilx!

xoxoxoxo <3

So you met an dude from the internet for the purposes of sex and he bowed out of it and you're mad at LAUREL??!?!?! Go suck an egg

towga

i'm not mad at her, i'm revolted by her. different.

Shoot, whatever. You're having late-night stranger meet-ups with people from the internet who want NSA sex, I guess it's pretty much all about self-gratification and not, like, other people and their problems. My bad.

Haha xp.

lol haha

i'm so happy you're so unhappy

maybe complain to the owner of the website that the participants are not following through

Honestly, I'm guessing his mom is fine and he's just letting you down easy because you're a pushy/ugly/weird creep

good call dan. laurel wanna teach me how to killfile? you're good at it

ooh here we go! thanks cats, real nice.

this is a great website

this is a great website

― max, Thursday, October 9, 2008 11:02 AM (49 seconds ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

this is a great website

― max, Thursday, October 9, 2008 11:02 AM (49 seconds ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

― original dixieland jaas band (Curt1s Stephens), Thursday, October 9, 2008 4:03 PM (2 seconds ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

this is a great website

― max, Thursday, October 9, 2008 11:02 AM (49 seconds ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

― original dixieland jaas band (Curt1s Stephens), Thursday, October 9, 2008 4:03 PM (2 seconds ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

― 100 tons of hardrofl beyond zings (Just got offed), Thursday, October 9, 2008 12:04 PM (37 seconds ago) Bookmark

Shoot, whatever. You're having late-night stranger meet-ups with people from the internet who want NSA sex, I guess it's pretty much all about self-gratification and not, like, other people and their problems. My bad.

Haha xp.

― Vampire romances depend on me (Laurel), Thursday, October 9, 2008 11:59 AM (8 minutes ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

actually, to a large extent, this is true.

Wait did he talk to you face to face for a while and then suddenly mention that some unidentified bad thing had happened to his mum and you needed to stop talking there and then? Sounds like an excuse to me.

yeah whatever. i'm over it. i was just ranting, it's not making or breaking my week.

I'd just like to step in and say I met someone online for sex, and three years later we live together and own a dog. All online hookups are not dirty, ugly things! :(

If he did do what Matt DC said, that's kinda weird. But if you were all cool & chilling and talking and maybe moved in a little closer and he came up with it then, it could be that he did really just want someone to talk to to keep his mind off his problems and then the "move" reminded him of how fucked up he's feeling.

surmounter you should start a blog.

you know what made or broke my week? Top Model was not on TV in my area last night. It was replaced by the vile Monk and I suspect will be for the rest of the season. Suck an egg, Monk.

which is fine. but the thing to do is let the person know you just want to talk that night.

it's just weird cuz you'd think that if you had just met someone for the first time you could just be like "uh you know what i don't wanna do you actually sorry" instead of making up some lame-ass excuse

"uh you know what i don't wanna dress up like lindsey lohan while you blow me, sorry my mom's sick"

that's kind of funny

Surmounter demands that people know exactly how they're going to feel in advance, no matter what their situation, and if they aren't going to meet his needs, to please let him know in advance so he doesn't have to deal with them.

you're wrong. i was venting. do you do that? i seem to remember you doing that once or twice. also, as someone who i consider a friend on this board, i'm disappointed that you would make that observation.

yeah I don't think that's a fair observation - I don't know the whole story but if this person is a booty call, does it not stand to reason that you would tell a person "I don't feel like sex tonight"? I don't think that's unreasonable.

plus 99% of ILX is stuff no one needs to know but the poster, but everyone needs to whittle away their boring office jobs somehow!

tmi.

(j/k)

you should invite him to ilx where people can talk about their mother's on a multitude of dedicated threads and no-one expects sex.

hang in there, surmounter. maybe the next guy's mom will already be dead.

suck eggs, the lot of you.

the hen died. it's just not gonna happen.

Surm: You had nothing to vent about! You had a great conversation and probably cheered up or distracted someone who was in a bad place! If he had put out, the sex probably would have been terrible, so you dodged a bullet on that, and maybe someday he'll actually want to do it. OK, you got some blueballs, but it's not as if you don't hook up all the freaking time; they'll pass. But it sounds like you're venting not just because of the blueballs but because you made a somewhat human connection with someone, but you were only doing that to get off, and since you didn't get off, he wasted your time. You were faking any interest in him in order to have sex with him. I dunno, that strikes me as kinda horrible?

Oh ffs, surmounter. Step off.

i didn't come over to talk about arthur russell

you know, I don't have anybody to talk about arthur russell with. You don't miss your water, etc.

You just want to go bang, is that it? ;)

News flash gay man learns about sexual frustration film at 11.

tbh if something happened to my mom today the last thing i'd do would be to stick to that evening's plans with someone from the internet, though i guess people are different.

That's true, too, and as an excuse it does seem a little extreme. "I'm not in the mood. I have rectal cancer today, and I'm wearing diapers." Whoa, a headache would have sufficed there.

But it sounds like you're venting not just because of the blueballs but because you made a somewhat human connection with someone, but you were only doing that to get off, and since you didn't get off, he wasted your time. You were faking any interest in him in order to have sex with him. I dunno, that strikes me as kinda horrible?

― Casuistry, Thursday, October 9, 2008 1:44 PM (12 minutes ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

wow. i'm really surprised this is what you think of me. i'm not sure what to say, except that i hope you get to know me better in the future.

PSAs lead me to believe you can say no to sex, no matter how far things have gone so far with the person, or how much they talked about noted musician Arthur Russell.

What if they talk about Bertrand Russell?

It depends if they spot the typo on the recent cover of "A History of Western Philosophy". If they didn't, then I am not going for it no matter how cute she is.

http://graphics8.nytimes.com/images/2005/10/04/arts/Russell_184.jpg

It's like that bit in The Firm, where they've bugged his house and have been listening to his deepest hopes and fears, and they plant a girl on the beach to say All The Right Things. "Bertrand Russell? Look, I'm sorry, but I should tell you right now... we will be having sex later."

Sorry, I watched half that movie on cable a couple weeks ago. :(

or groundhog's day

heh... right. Where he offers to read her Baudelaire. Because wow, what a sex god.

PSAs lead me to believe you can say no to sex, no matter how far things have gone so far with the person, or how much they talked about noted musician Arthur Russell.

― mh, Thursday, 9 October 2008 18:02 (15 minutes ago) Permalink

true, true. xcept i don't know what PSA is

allow me to reintroduce myself...

http://www.shef.ac.uk/politics/psa.gif

wow. i'm really surprised this is what you think of me. i'm not sure what to say, except that i hope you get to know me better in the future.

All I know of you is how you represent yourself here. We've been over this before. That's all I could possibly know of you. And in the past you've said you deliberately misrepresent yourself here (i.e., leave out what you think are the boring bits, which you talk with other offline people about). So if you think people are taking this out of context (a context you decided not to provide), and thus misunderstanding you, then you have no reason to be defensive now: This is what you wanted.

And I'm not going to go any further out of my way to "get to know you": Aren't you the most frequent poster on ILX? Something like that -- I don't know where the statscock hides these days, if it still exists. I feel like I know "you" (the "you" you present here) well enough.

OK.

The Surmounter & I

i would like to clarify, though, Casuistry, that i don't deliberately misrepresent myself on ILX. i don't remember how i phrased it in the past, but what i meant was that i don't talk about everything in my life, or everything about certain experiences. i think other people have been able to evaluate my posts fairly, and in a way i agree with.

but yeah, i'm definitely pretty honest on here. i like and respect a lot of ILXors, and i think honesty goes along with that.

man i dunno who this causistry dude is but hes being a dick

All I know of you is how you represent yourself here. We've been over this before. That's all I could possibly know of you. And in the past you've said you deliberately misrepresent yourself here (i.e., leave out what you think are the boring bits, which you talk with other offline people about). So if you think people are taking this out of context (a context you decided not to provide), and thus misunderstanding you, then you have no reason to be defensive now: This is what you wanted.

And I'm not going to go any further out of my way to "get to know you": Aren't you the most frequent poster on ILX? Something like that -- I don't know where the statscock hides these days, if it still exists. I feel like I know "you" (the "you" you present here) well enough.

Whoa. I'm going to save this for repasting in other contexts.

http://www.alice-in-wonderland.net/alicepic/disney-movie/cheshire-cat-11.jpg

Poor Surm. I thought the original complaint was pretty fucking innocuous, but hey that's trust on the internet for you.

and what: Yes, I am. Normally I try not to be so judge-y, but I'm having a cranky week, and Surm's post there pushed a lot of my buttons at once.

I'm not sure how a thread entitled 'how do u go about getting laid?' turned into such a butthurt sand vag fest but I think I basically get where Sur is coming from.

New poll: Rate ILX on the quality of the hookups.

do we count the ones that didn't actually occur IRL?

I'm surprised it took so long for a thread entitled "how d u go about getting laid?" to turn into such a butthurt sand veg feset!

Actually, Dan, you're right. What am I talking about?

http://www.k12.hi.us/~ktakemot/scarleta.gif

you can dish, Surmounter - it's Casuitry who's mom is sick, isn't it?

omg stop

;)

My mom in fact is sick, but heavens, no.

i'm sorry to hear that -- i hope everything is alright.

New poll: Rate ILX on the quality of the hookups.

Oh no. No you won't.

That seems like a bad idea, somehow.

what have I missed? who was a dick? who showed it?

Well, I will try to help us get back to the matter at hand.

I bend over in the street and see what falls in.

What this thread needs is more dick, less dickhead.

You guys both need to be less cranky-pants with each other quick because you're both two of my favourite ilxors AND I COULDN'T BEAR IT IF YOU DIDN'T GET ALONG. Also Alfred, don't be so clever.

I'm a really good dancer and I say one enigmatic thing.

It doesn't need to make sense, it just needs to sound profound to another drunk person.

<3

(Surm: It's not all right, but it's also not exactly news, nor the reason why I'm cranky. Thanks.)

fuck ikr what about me WHAT ABOUT ME

I imagine if you're a woman getting laid is infinitely easier than if you're a man.

xpost fuck you, too.

Oh damnit, joke ruined. That doesn't wprk as an xpost.

Honestly if you're a girl I think the categoric answer is "look drunk and act available". Whether you feel good about that method once you sober up is your own Points to Ponder.

Adam Bruneau that was an interesting insight

I have a couple of female friends (straight) who are very attractive and by all rights should have all the male attention they could want, but they are perpetually in a dry spell. They either don't meet men, or they can't seem to steer things toward sex. And that's just my current female friends.

having standards will do that

Once someone told me maybe a reason I was "in a dry spell" for over half of college was that "I kind of thought maybe you were gay, maybe that scared guys off." That surprised me! He couldn't tell me *why*, I think maybe it had to do with being shy at the time when it came to flirting but not, say, arguing about politics.

xpost haha i think the "lower them" advice was upthread

Adam Bruneau that was an interesting insight

― Matt P, Thursday, October 9, 2008 3:32 PM (58 minutes ago) Bookmark

I blame society!

that's always the easy way out!

I basically think now, if I'm single for a while, then it's time to go do some exercise or read a book or basically stop thinking about it. Once you start thinking "oh fuck I'm single" things are bad.

Of course if I did what I rationally reasoned I needed to do I wouldn't be sitting on this RED COUCH drinking from a WHITE CUP.

once you start feeling happy being single it is very liberating

as long as its not denial

and that's inevitably when you meet the dude of your dreams and don't get to be single anymore :(

RIP my awesome period of indulgent singledom 07/01/2003-11/21/2003

Sometimes that period goes on too long.

i'm happy being single now but i think i've forgotten what it's like to be in a relationship

what do you mean "unless it's denial"?

What it is about BEING SINGLE and/or LIVING ALONE that is so ABSOLUTELY FANTASTIC!

I'M SO HAPPY I'M GOING TO FUCKING CRY

Woman, 105, links her age to walking - and no sex

Surely a quick one now wouldn't hurt?

well you're welcome to her

I fear she might die before I could get there.

adds to the thrill tho

http://img.metro.co.uk/i/pix/2008/10/oldvirginSW_450x350.jpg

Hello boys.

"I imagine there is a lot of hassle involved..."

of course, at 105 you can't have sex and walk after, so it's a clear choice.

massage after a shower is a good way to get laid, but getting them to the shower stage is, i'll admit, the tricky part.

Remind me never to give you a job in a nursing home.

Yeah dude, they have stairlifts now.

uh, i should point out that those were two separate statements.

It's just attention whoring. I bet she had loads of sex about 85 years ago, but nobody's going do prove her wrong, are they?

(Or maybe she just forgot?)

Oh God, the ignominy! Imagine being so senile you don't remember fucking!

How (in practical terms) is that different from being so drunk you don't remember fucking?

I have never been that drunk (and trust me, I've been rather drunk in my time).

when you're that old. . . who cares???

I certainly will.

I suppose I'd care if age causes penile brittleness; being old and incontinent is embarrassing enough without having to howl about how you don't know how you broke your dick.

take it to TMI, grandpa!

The wine section is always a good choice. Ice breakers you could use are: "Excuse me, sorry to interrupt but I'm cooking pasta tonight and only usually drink white wine - my guests are all into red, can you recommend something?" or "Excuse me (again 'sorry to interrupt' shows good manners, another attractive quality) I wonder if you can help me, I know nothing about white wine could you recommend something to go with salmon steaks?".

Now you have instigated the conversation, the wheels are in motion!

-- Mystery, Sunday, February 3, 2008 2:46 AM (8 minutes ago)

If the answer happens to involve the words "fava" and "Chianti", consider the possibility of letting it go at that and spending the night alone

I HOPE YOU SAVED SOME TURKEY FOR ME

lol I forgot about the saving turkey line

The wine section is always a good choice. Ice breakers you could use are: "Excuse me, sorry to interrupt but I'm cooking pasta tonight and I'm hung like a horse - my guests are a bunch of prudes, you want some action?" or "Excuse me (again 'sorry to interrupt' shows good manners, another attractive quality) I wonder if you can help me, I'm going to burst any minute here, I don't think anybody'll see us over behind the Toad Hollow display. Whaddaya say?"

Now you have instigated the conversation, the wheels are in motion!

fixed

I was off a couple Thursday nights ago, and went to the gay bar about 1 a.m., where within an hour two men (one particularly attractive) pretty much walked up to me and stuck their tongues in my mouth. No actual sex ensued, but it could have.

So, timing for maximum drunkenness and demand (late weeknights) works with the fags.

At what point do you start feeling like you're using people as masturbatory aids?

They're top of that line, some of them.

i don't!

:^(