MOST INEXPLICABLE CASTING CHOICE FOR THE LIVE-ACTION G.I. JOE MOVIE

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http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1046173/fullcredits#cast
lol 2009

Poll Results

OptionVotes
Joseph Gordon-Levitt ... Cobra Commander 10
Sienna Miller ... The Baroness 4
Jonathan Pryce ... U.S. President 4
Marlon Wayans ... Ripcord 4
Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje ... Heavy Duty 1
Dennis Quaid ... General Hawk 1
Saïd Taghmaoui ... Breaker 0
Arnold Vosloo ... Zartan 0
Ray Park ... Snake Eyes 0
Channing Tatum ... Duke 0
Christopher Eccleston ... Destro 0
Rachel Nichols ... Shana 'Scarlett' O'Hara 0
Byung-hun Lee ... Storm Shadow0


HI DERE, Monday, 24 March 2008 22:13 (eighteen years ago)

Joseph Gordon-Levitt ... Cobra Commander

UH

Alfred, Lord Sotosyn, Monday, 24 March 2008 22:14 (eighteen years ago)

one step closer to my Dogme '95 My Little Pony film becoming a reality!

latebloomer, Monday, 24 March 2008 22:16 (eighteen years ago)

ALWAYS VOTE WAYANS RULE INVOKED

John Justen, Monday, 24 March 2008 22:16 (eighteen years ago)

is cobra commander going to wear that mask or the helmet?

latebloomer, Monday, 24 March 2008 22:18 (eighteen years ago)

The ALWAYS VOTE WAYANS rule is facing some really stiff competition from Cobra Commander.

HI DERE, Monday, 24 March 2008 22:25 (eighteen years ago)

Also it's not like it's Shawn Wayans!

HI DERE, Monday, 24 March 2008 22:26 (eighteen years ago)

Christopher Eccleston ... Destro
Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje ... Heavy Duty

I think these 2 are great!

nickalicious, Monday, 24 March 2008 22:31 (eighteen years ago)

http://home-1.worldonline.nl/~hcdeboer/images/shay&joe.jpg
COBRALALALALALALALALALA

nickalicious, Monday, 24 March 2008 22:32 (eighteen years ago)

Jonathan Pryce ... U.S. President

Last time I checked, Pryce was a Brit, so it's not like he's the most obvious choice.

Alex in NYC, Monday, 24 March 2008 22:32 (eighteen years ago)

This movie is an ORIGIN STORY.

nickalicious, Monday, 24 March 2008 22:34 (eighteen years ago)

Which characters are we most disappointed are left out? GUNG HO and SERPENTOR for me.

nickalicious, Monday, 24 March 2008 22:34 (eighteen years ago)

What was the Indian's name that came with the EAGLE?

nickalicious, Monday, 24 March 2008 22:35 (eighteen years ago)

the joseph gordon-leavitt choice is at least somewhat explicable in that he's not a terrible actor, something that one would hopefully consider when casting any movie. thus i went WAYANS

n/a, Monday, 24 March 2008 22:42 (eighteen years ago)

lol ilxors forgive a lot when titties are invovled (HI DERE SIENNA MILLER)

HI DERE, Monday, 24 March 2008 22:43 (eighteen years ago)

not sure this thread merited an all-caps thread title, btw

n/a, Monday, 24 March 2008 22:44 (eighteen years ago)

???

If this thread doesn't merit all-caps, no thread does!

HI DERE, Monday, 24 March 2008 22:44 (eighteen years ago)

http://msnbcmedia3.msn.com/j/msnbc/Components/Photos/061102/061102_eko_new_vertical.widec.jpg
WHO WANTS A BODY MASSAGE?

nickalicious, Monday, 24 March 2008 22:47 (eighteen years ago)

i hope they include sgt. slaughter somehow

latebloomer, Monday, 24 March 2008 22:51 (eighteen years ago)

apparently, this chick will be Scarlett:

http://img444.imageshack.us/img444/8212/scarlettvu0.jpg

kingfish, Tuesday, 25 March 2008 02:05 (eighteen years ago)

cobra commander had a ponytail in the comic book iirc which is wtf enough without contemplating that they cast someone cause his hair is long enough for a ponytail.

tremendoid, Tuesday, 25 March 2008 03:44 (eighteen years ago)

nickalicious FTW, i need to back and re-watch all those PSAs

jon /via/ chi 2.0, Tuesday, 25 March 2008 04:58 (eighteen years ago)

I don't really know any of these actors besides Marlon Wayans and Christopher Eccleston... Are the really all that bad?

cobra commander had a ponytail in the comic book iirc

Wasn't that his son? They never even showed CC's face for the time I read the comic.

Tuomas, Tuesday, 25 March 2008 06:58 (eighteen years ago)

Holy shit, Joseph Gordon-Levitt is the kid from 3rd Rock from the Sun? I always though Cobra Commander was supposed to be like in his 40s. He had an adult son in the comic.

Tuomas, Tuesday, 25 March 2008 07:00 (eighteen years ago)

I mean, maybe this guy is a good actor, but he'd be much better choice for the role of CC's son... If I remember correctly, he was this sort rockist rebel type of dude, he even rebelled against his dad and COBRA, and joined the good guys.

Tuomas, Tuesday, 25 March 2008 07:04 (eighteen years ago)

Eccleston!! <3

It's Wayans vs Sienna Miller.

Roz, Tuesday, 25 March 2008 07:58 (eighteen years ago)

no way the movie can live up to these though

http://youtube.com/watch?v=GJ-ckU_D1fg
http://youtube.com/watch?v=cO8lHGXWMzo

latebloomer, Tuesday, 25 March 2008 08:02 (eighteen years ago)

cobra commander had a ponytail in the comic book iirc which is wtf enough without contemplating that they cast someone cause his hair is long enough for a ponytail.

uhhh...

http://weblogs.variety.com/photos/uncategorized/2007/03/21/joseph_2.jpg

Roz, Tuesday, 25 March 2008 08:08 (eighteen years ago)

g.i. joe babies!

GOTT PUNCH II HAWKWINDZ, Tuesday, 25 March 2008 08:38 (eighteen years ago)

i hope it still has supergay showtunes theme song opener

rrrobyn, Tuesday, 25 March 2008 17:52 (eighteen years ago)

The only criteria for playing Cobra Commander is coming up with a sufficiently cool vocie.

I'm hoping for Emile Hirsch as Sgt. Slaughter

Chris L, Tuesday, 25 March 2008 18:03 (eighteen years ago)

YO JOE! OMG I forgot that.

nickalicious, Tuesday, 25 March 2008 18:05 (eighteen years ago)

http://www.accesshollywood.com/article/8868/g-i-joe-live-action-movie-details-revealed/

By Jesse Spero

LOS ANGELES, Calif. --

Hot on the heels of the success of "Transformers," Paramount is bringing yet another 1980's toy to the big screen, but instead of otherworldly shape-shifting robots, get ready for a real American hero!

"G.I Joe" is currently in production and set for a summer 2009 release, but fans are already getting a sneak peak at some of the action.

Paramount has released two photos of the fan-favorite character Snake Eyes, played by Ray Park, of Darth Maul "Star Wars" fame. Snake Eyes holds an impressive title according to "G.I. Joe" director Stephen Sommers.

"He's the world's greatest ninja, but he's also next-generation. He's not afraid to use a sword one second, and a split-second later he's pulling out his Glock," Sommers told USA Today. "His chief nemesis is arguably the world's other great ninja, Storm Shadow. The two grew up together, were blood brothers and now are mortal enemies."

Access Hollywood caught up with Channing Tatum while promoting the Iraq war drama "Stop-Loss." Channing, who plays G.I. Joe's leader, Duke, admitted he was apprehensive about stepping into another war film, but says "G.I. Joe" is not your typical combat filled movie.

"'G.I. Joe' is now a war film," Channing told Access. "I was afraid it was going to be a real war film, and actually it's nothing like that-- it's 'X-Men' with 'Mission Impossible.'"

As for "G.I. Joe" sticking with its comic book and cartoon roots, Channing couldn't agree more, saying, it’s a comic book "to the tenth degree."

(CLICK HERE to see the cast of 'G.I Joe')

Channing's co-stars, Dennis Quaid and Sienna Miller, are also pumped to dive into this summer blockbuster.

"'G.I. Joe" goes back to when I was a kid, and I thought it would be a lot of fun to be a part of this," Dennis Quaid, who will play Commander Hawk, told Access. "It's a huge popcorn action movie, and a little bit of a cartoon in a sense. The way it's going to be done… it's going to be really exciting."

Access wasn't only talking to the good guys. Sienna Miller, who will portray the diabolical lady of Cobra, The Baroness, revealed the lengths she's going to in order to nail her iconic character.

"[The film] requires a lot of physical training," Sienna told Access. "I have a black wig, guns, and leather… it's all very fantastic!"

Sienna admitted to Access that getting the part of the Baroness down took hard work, even a little homework.

"I've got a rubber gun at home that looks so real. I'm learning how to spin it. I've had it in my car while driving, and I'm terrified I might be pulled over because it looks like a proper gun," Sienna added.

(CLICK HERE to see Dennis Quaid & Sienna Miller talk "G.I. Joe.")

Rounding out the all-American heroes cast is Rachel Nichols from "Alias," playing Scarlett (cross-bow included), Marlon Wayans as paratrooper Ripcord, Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje from "Lost," as Heavy Duty, and Said Taghmaoui of "Vantage Point" fame as Breaker.

On the Cobra side of the fight, Byung-Hun Lee will play Storm Shadow, Snake Eyes ninja nemesis, Arnold Vosloo from "The Mummy" will play the chameleon-like Zartan, Christopher Eccleston will play the evil chromed-domed Destro, and Joseph Gordon-Levitt from "Stop-Loss" has been cast as the leader of the evil Corba army, Cobra Commander.

The film is reportedly an origins story. It could explain why Destro has a chromed head and why Snake Eyes doesn't speak, among other outlandish details of "G.I. Joe" that the cartoon never explained.

"For people who know nothing about it, it'll make sense," Sommers told USA Today. "And to people who love this stuff, it'll show where they all came from."

As for the famous "G.I. Joe" catch phrase --"Now I know, and knowing is half the battle" — which was used in the PSA's that followed the 1980's cartoons, popping up in the 2009 film, a rep from Paramount told Access, "You’ll have to wait and see!"

latebloomer, Wednesday, 26 March 2008 01:52 (eighteen years ago)

ha those old PSA's are actually funnier on their own than the re-edited versions

<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_KXCD5BQiM4";>DON'T HIDE IN A FRIDGE</A>

latebloomer, Wednesday, 26 March 2008 01:55 (eighteen years ago)

DON'T HIDE IN A FRIDGE

DON'T TALK TO STRANGE DOGS

latebloomer, Wednesday, 26 March 2008 01:58 (eighteen years ago)

and of course it just isn't the 80's without

DON'T TALK TO STRANGERS

latebloomer, Wednesday, 26 March 2008 02:01 (eighteen years ago)

okay, why with the 'don't hide in the fridge?' ? There was a Punky Brewster about that, too ... was this, like, an endemic cause of kiddy-death in the mid '80s? Kids getting stuck in kitchen appliances? I do not understand.

remy bean, Wednesday, 26 March 2008 02:02 (eighteen years ago)

lol @ runaway kid's cap

DON'T RUN AWAY FROM HOME

latebloomer, Wednesday, 26 March 2008 02:05 (eighteen years ago)

ok this is weird

latebloomer, Wednesday, 26 March 2008 02:09 (eighteen years ago)

i dunno, marlon wayans was the best part of norbit

cutty, Wednesday, 26 March 2008 02:09 (eighteen years ago)

lol roz keeping apprised of jgl's hair situation

tuomas i only read gi joe in the late 80's cc's son was a young teen at the time. they showed cc with a ponytail when he went on the lam with destro but it could have been part of his disguise. they had an origin story where he basically created a multilevel marketing co. that became cobra and i think he had a ponytail at some point in the retelling but i'm fuzzy on that

tremendoid, Wednesday, 26 March 2008 02:26 (eighteen years ago)

in the animated movie didn't they reveal him as a member of Cobra-La or whatever the ancient society of snake people was called

latebloomer, Wednesday, 26 March 2008 02:33 (eighteen years ago)

Wasn't Cobra based on Amway essentially?

Catsupppppppppppppp dude 茄蕃, Wednesday, 26 March 2008 03:44 (eighteen years ago)

akinnuoye-agbaje is a legend. adebisi is one of the greatest tv characters of all time.

electricsound, Wednesday, 26 March 2008 03:48 (eighteen years ago)

COBRALALALALALALALALALA

You misremember your GI Joe, nickalicious! Cobra Commander never ululated, that was all that creepy genetic amalgamation Serpentor.

Leee, Wednesday, 26 March 2008 04:05 (eighteen years ago)

Goddddd, those GI Joe PSA re-edits bring back such great memories of fucking around at work in the '04. It's all about the one with the dog and the guy going "Help computer," and all that.

Doctor Casino, Wednesday, 26 March 2008 04:10 (eighteen years ago)

okay, why with the 'don't hide in the fridge?' ? There was a Punky Brewster about that, too ... was this, like, an endemic cause of kiddy-death in the mid '80s? Kids getting stuck in kitchen appliances? I do not understand.

I totally remember that Punky Brewster! Anyway, to answer yer question: http://www.straightdope.com/columns/050304.html

Leee, Wednesday, 26 March 2008 04:24 (eighteen years ago)

Jonathan Pryce ... U.S. President

for so many reasons

Autumn Almanac, Wednesday, 26 March 2008 05:33 (eighteen years ago)

was rachel nichols the babysitter in the amityville remake?

darraghmac, Wednesday, 26 March 2008 05:41 (eighteen years ago)

Automatic thread bump. This poll is closing tomorrow.

ILX System, Tuesday, 8 April 2008 23:01 (eighteen years ago)

Automatic thread bump. This poll's results are now in.

ILX System, Wednesday, 9 April 2008 23:01 (eighteen years ago)

three months pass...

http://l.yimg.com/img.movies.yahoo.com/ymv/us/img/flickr/25/75/002478272575.jpg

I'll probably see it just to see how Eccleston pulls it off

kingfish, Thursday, 7 August 2008 08:00 (seventeen years ago)

Gonna be even goofier with the mask! I can't wait.

Nhex, Thursday, 7 August 2008 08:47 (seventeen years ago)

Jesus good fuck what.

Scik Mouthy, Thursday, 7 August 2008 09:14 (seventeen years ago)

so he's not gonna be silver-domed?

latebloomer, Thursday, 7 August 2008 10:37 (seventeen years ago)

omg

blueski, Thursday, 7 August 2008 10:52 (seventeen years ago)

ten months pass...

pretty excited to see this d/l a countdown clock for my iphone. wonder what kind of action figures ppl my age will dream up movies for when were in our 30s

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_ohFLSFGr5I&feature=related

stone phillips i love u because u r my dad (Lamp), Monday, 15 June 2009 02:13 (sixteen years ago)

one month passes...

http://www.aintitcool.com/node/41702

Advance reviews! There are massive spoilers here that I have skipped over but I lolled at this opening in the second review:

Like most people my age, I am 33

suddenly, everything was dark and smelly (HI DERE), Wednesday, 15 July 2009 16:15 (sixteen years ago)

I have no idea how Cobra Commander won this poll -- he has no face! For all we know Gordon-Levitt's head will only be seen in some kind of "young Cobra Commander and why he wears a mask" backstory and from then on he'll just be a good actor shrieking from behind a metal faceplate.

I am more disturbed by the casting of a skinny guy as Destro, cause in my memory Destro was big and had a head that looked more like Michael Clarke Duncan's.

nabisco, Wednesday, 15 July 2009 16:33 (sixteen years ago)

Also I can't remember this character's name and maybe I'm just missing him on the full cast list, but it would appear that there is none of that campy piratical Cobra dude who (in my memory) sounded like half Australian and half Cockney and said "bleedin'" all the time.

nabisco, Wednesday, 15 July 2009 16:36 (sixteen years ago)

colonel bludd

goole, Wednesday, 15 July 2009 16:37 (sixteen years ago)

MAJOR Bludd

nabisco, Wednesday, 15 July 2009 16:38 (sixteen years ago)

That dude ruled

nabisco, Wednesday, 15 July 2009 16:38 (sixteen years ago)

http://i142.photobucket.com/albums/r117/robster001/Majorbludd.gif

suddenly, everything was dark and smelly (HI DERE), Wednesday, 15 July 2009 16:39 (sixteen years ago)

I feel like he was sort of the Boba Fett of G.I. Joe

nabisco, Wednesday, 15 July 2009 16:40 (sixteen years ago)

umm I mean apart from Cobra Commander's facemask

nabisco, Wednesday, 15 July 2009 16:41 (sixteen years ago)

Destro also wore a pimp ass medallion that hung down in his man cleavage.
many xposts

Trip Maker, Wednesday, 15 July 2009 16:43 (sixteen years ago)

JGL might be ok imo, i mean isn't cobra commander a sneering howling sissy?

little pomegranate, king of the lily (elmo argonaut), Wednesday, 15 July 2009 16:44 (sixteen years ago)

nabs i really hate that i am going to engage in this discussion but snake eyes is clearly the boba fett of g.i. joe

goole, Wednesday, 15 July 2009 16:45 (sixteen years ago)

as someone who truly, sincerely loved 80s gi joe to the exclusion of transformers, ninja turtles, or any of that bullshit, i am both terrified and obligated to see this movie.

north sea jazz dit weekend (call all destroyer), Wednesday, 15 July 2009 16:49 (sixteen years ago)

Snake Eyes is Spock -- you can tell because they both got trapped in contaminated rooms behind glass doors and "died"

haha I dunno, I guess the Bludd/Fett connection would be that they're both mercenaries who work for the bad guys but seem kinda cool either way. except Bludd talks too much and isn't that bright, whereas Fett is a cool customer

btw this conversation somehow just led to my editing a Wikipedia page about Snidely Whiplash -- wtf has happened to my life

nabisco, Wednesday, 15 July 2009 16:49 (sixteen years ago)

lol post that on fmylife.com

suddenly, everything was dark and smelly (HI DERE), Wednesday, 15 July 2009 16:54 (sixteen years ago)

wasn't there an Aussie GI Joe guy...? mustache, hat with the brim bent on one side...? driving me crazy that I can't remember this lolz

Bizarro Morbius (Shakey Mo Collier), Wednesday, 15 July 2009 17:10 (sixteen years ago)

Recondo, I think

nabisco, Wednesday, 15 July 2009 17:15 (sixteen years ago)

NB looking over the character list, I feel like you could very easily assemble a Village People / G.I. Joe crossover franchise:

http://www.joeheadquarters.com/charpics/gungho.jpg
http://www.joeheadquarters.com/charpics/shipwreck.jpg
http://www.joeheadquarters.com/charpics/spirit.jpg

nabisco, Wednesday, 15 July 2009 17:17 (sixteen years ago)

my first thought was this guy but i don't think he was supposed to be an aussie:

http://images2.wikia.nocookie.net/gijoe/images/thumb/a/af/Recondo_RAH.jpg/250px-Recondo_RAH.jpg

north sea jazz dit weekend (call all destroyer), Wednesday, 15 July 2009 17:18 (sixteen years ago)

Recondo
Personal information

File Name
Daniel M. LeClaire

Gender
Male

Birthplace
Wheaton, Wisconsin

north sea jazz dit weekend (call all destroyer), Wednesday, 15 July 2009 17:19 (sixteen years ago)

my brain has just called up the fact that lady jaye went to bryn mawr

goole, Wednesday, 15 July 2009 17:28 (sixteen years ago)

Recondo first appears in Battle Action Force as an Australian who is recruited along Flash and Ripcord in Action Force (G.I. Joe's British name) under the command of Duke.

but I think that's talking about comic books

nabisco, Wednesday, 15 July 2009 17:30 (sixteen years ago)

^^ Hugh Jackman cameo

nabisco, Wednesday, 15 July 2009 17:30 (sixteen years ago)

whoa recondo origin story multiverse controversy!

north sea jazz dit weekend (call all destroyer), Wednesday, 15 July 2009 17:31 (sixteen years ago)

they loved the thing where the g.i. joe temperature/climate specialty guys grew up in like the opposite climate of the one they specialized in.

north sea jazz dit weekend (call all destroyer), Wednesday, 15 July 2009 17:32 (sixteen years ago)

Recondo? Isn't that just Wild Bill with his sunglasses off? And a stitch to hold up one side of his brim?

Buncha crap, that Recondo.

EZ Snappin, Wednesday, 15 July 2009 17:33 (sixteen years ago)

he looks a little like wild bill but come on recondo is a dude.

north sea jazz dit weekend (call all destroyer), Wednesday, 15 July 2009 17:34 (sixteen years ago)

Destro was bigger than any of the other figures - I remember him not fitting into the Cobra helicopter without the blade hitting his head.

I also loved GI Joe and never gave a shit about Transformers, He-Man, Ninja Turtles or anything else except Star Wars but I have absolutely no interest in ever seeing this even though I probably will at some point.

joygoat, Wednesday, 15 July 2009 17:48 (sixteen years ago)

This film is going to be great.

(bracket name) (jel --), Wednesday, 15 July 2009 18:16 (sixteen years ago)

three weeks pass...

Cosign. This will be the greatest film ever.

Sickamous (Scik Mouthy), Wednesday, 5 August 2009 08:43 (sixteen years ago)

Is no one excited by this?

Sickamous (Scik Mouthy), Wednesday, 5 August 2009 15:29 (sixteen years ago)

I can neither confirm nor deny that.

El Tomboto, Wednesday, 5 August 2009 17:50 (sixteen years ago)

why does everyone who posts here like garbage? this is a gi joe movie. it will be crap. duh.

galumphing lummox (bug), Wednesday, 5 August 2009 18:01 (sixteen years ago)

What will make it crap? Bad acting? Bad effects? Bad plot? Why is the subject matter automatically cause for scorn?

I am over wieght and I have angelical quilities (HI DERE), Wednesday, 5 August 2009 18:04 (sixteen years ago)

because it's based on toys.

galumphing lummox (bug), Wednesday, 5 August 2009 18:05 (sixteen years ago)

zing!

Alex in SF, Wednesday, 5 August 2009 18:06 (sixteen years ago)

The first "Pirates of the Caribbean" movie was based on a theme-park ride and that turned out pretty well!

I am over wieght and I have angelical quilities (HI DERE), Wednesday, 5 August 2009 18:06 (sixteen years ago)

the best thing about this movie will be the Armond White review

girlish in the worst sense of that term (Shakey Mo Collier), Wednesday, 5 August 2009 18:06 (sixteen years ago)

lol no it didn't
xpost

galumphing lummox (bug), Wednesday, 5 August 2009 18:06 (sixteen years ago)

xp Ohmigod I am so eager for that now.

Alex in SF, Wednesday, 5 August 2009 18:07 (sixteen years ago)

Pirates of the Caribbean was more of a branding thing, its not like the ride invented pirates. Pirate stories/movies are great and there is a long history of them.

girlish in the worst sense of that term (Shakey Mo Collier), Wednesday, 5 August 2009 18:12 (sixteen years ago)

like, the film Pirates of the Caribbean could exist completely independently of the ride - apart from a handful of throwaway visual gags, it doesn't rely on the ride to provide any characters, narrative, etc. You can't say the same of stuff like Transformers or GI Joe or Care Bears or whatever, which exist exclusively as specific products.

girlish in the worst sense of that term (Shakey Mo Collier), Wednesday, 5 August 2009 18:14 (sixteen years ago)

I plan on getting drunk & seeing this & Transformers 2 on the same day as some sort of masochistic mourning ritual celebrating the further exploitation of already-exploitative elements of my childhood.

ex-juggalist (Pillbox), Wednesday, 5 August 2009 18:16 (sixteen years ago)

RIP

chip dumstorf, Wednesday, 5 August 2009 18:20 (sixteen years ago)

my expectations being so low that I will consider it worth the price of admission if they can just do a halfway decent job w/ Snake Eyes (& for the explosions as well, naturally).

ex-juggalist (Pillbox), Wednesday, 5 August 2009 18:23 (sixteen years ago)

I'm not very religious but a sobering bible quote seems in order for some of you:

When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.

1 Corinthians 13:11

chip dumstorf, Wednesday, 5 August 2009 18:23 (sixteen years ago)

What's next, a movie based on Popples?

chip dumstorf, Wednesday, 5 August 2009 18:25 (sixteen years ago)

this is what's next

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LLnoLmCqT30

girlish in the worst sense of that term (Shakey Mo Collier), Wednesday, 5 August 2009 18:26 (sixteen years ago)

you know what else is based on toys, is the song "Get Back Home" from Cabbage Patch Dreams, and that is a sweet song if you ask me

nabisco, Wednesday, 5 August 2009 18:26 (sixteen years ago)

Actually, I blew most of my GI Joe dudes up with firecrackers before I had a chance to become a man and put them away.

ex-juggalist (Pillbox), Wednesday, 5 August 2009 18:26 (sixteen years ago)

well the sensible thing to do is re-buy them and put them away. then you'll truly be a man!

chip dumstorf, Wednesday, 5 August 2009 18:29 (sixteen years ago)

buy them from e-bay though, the greedy toy companies DO NOT deserve your money

chip dumstorf, Wednesday, 5 August 2009 18:30 (sixteen years ago)

;-)

chip dumstorf, Wednesday, 5 August 2009 18:30 (sixteen years ago)

actually a laser tag movie would be sweet.

chip dumstorf, Wednesday, 5 August 2009 18:32 (sixteen years ago)

"When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.

1 Corinthians 13:11"

I hate these cynical nostalgia merchants as much as anyone, but if a pyrotechnic GI Joe movie somehow leads to more secularism, yooooo JOE!

Philip Nunez, Wednesday, 5 August 2009 18:32 (sixteen years ago)

thing is, judging by the ads, this film has approximately nothing at all to do with G.I. Joe

nabisco, Wednesday, 5 August 2009 18:34 (sixteen years ago)

Hey, sometimes religion has nuggets of wisdom in it.

I like to call it "wisdumb".

chip dumstorf, Wednesday, 5 August 2009 18:35 (sixteen years ago)

When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things and became an insufferable blowhard who pretended to be interested in the maintenance of my lawn.

1 Corinthians 13:11

Keep your wolf in your wolf pants (Deric W. Haircare), Wednesday, 5 August 2009 18:37 (sixteen years ago)

I'm looking forward to the hilarious backstory/explanation they come up with for Destro's solid-metal head encasement & how it might be advantageous, or even practical, in times of battle.

ex-juggalist (Pillbox), Wednesday, 5 August 2009 18:37 (sixteen years ago)

thing is, judging by the ads, this film has approximately nothing at all to do with G.I. Joe

?

girlish in the worst sense of that term (Shakey Mo Collier), Wednesday, 5 August 2009 18:38 (sixteen years ago)

maybe I'm seeing the wrong TV ads, but if they didn't say "G.I. Joe" at the end, I would have no idea whatsoever that they were in any way intended to have anything to do with G.I. Joe. I know they have to update things and make them all fresh and sexy, but the ads look more like refugees from The Fast and the Furious have started up some kind of covert international spy group / leather importing service

nabisco, Wednesday, 5 August 2009 18:51 (sixteen years ago)

"refugees from The Fast and the Furious have started up some kind of covert international spy group / leather importing service"

That does kind of sum up 80s-era GI Joe frankly. They never seemed like any branch of the US military.

Philip Nunez, Wednesday, 5 August 2009 18:53 (sixteen years ago)

Only way I'll see this is if it's in Japanese with no English subtitles. Then I'll leave after the trailers.

Elvis Telecom, Wednesday, 5 August 2009 18:54 (sixteen years ago)

they had navy guys and army guys and village people guys...they pretty much had the whole military covered

latebloomer, Wednesday, 5 August 2009 18:55 (sixteen years ago)

x-post

latebloomer, Wednesday, 5 August 2009 18:55 (sixteen years ago)

I strenuously disagree! For one thing they were still put together as the sort of beefy midcentury types who'd have been chomping on cigars if they hadn't been for children. For another, they had plenty of giant pitched militaristic battles with Cobra! I mean, there was no spy stuff happening during the whole race for all the stuff needed to create Serpentor, it was like red/blue laser crossfire across half the Pacific.

nabisco, Wednesday, 5 August 2009 18:56 (sixteen years ago)

Did their chain of command ever go past Flint? The whole thing smacked of some weird blackwater oceans-11 type operation.

Philip Nunez, Wednesday, 5 August 2009 18:59 (sixteen years ago)

(Also these people in the commercial do not seem to me to have ANYTHING useful to say about fire safety or downed power lines)

nabisco, Wednesday, 5 August 2009 18:59 (sixteen years ago)

i remember aircraft carriers and that sorta thing

omar little, Wednesday, 5 August 2009 18:59 (sixteen years ago)

http://images.yuku.com/image/pjpeg/fb036f533ba020ffa7bf55eab526b0f8974277ef.jpg

latebloomer, Wednesday, 5 August 2009 19:00 (sixteen years ago)

Did their chain of command ever go past Flint?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/G.I._Joe_Team#Chain_of_Command

I am over wieght and I have angelical quilities (HI DERE), Wednesday, 5 August 2009 19:01 (sixteen years ago)

nb by "Flint" you mean "Hawk," who is apparently played by Dennis Quaid in the movie -- a still of him in costume actually reassures me that possibly it's just a matter of ads making this look over-conventional, and possibly the film itself still retains some of the proper flava

nabisco, Wednesday, 5 August 2009 19:02 (sixteen years ago)

damn, g.i. joe had the lamest characters

omar little, Wednesday, 5 August 2009 19:03 (sixteen years ago)

"quick kick"

latebloomer, Wednesday, 5 August 2009 19:04 (sixteen years ago)

Did their chain of command ever go past Flint?

"Arise, Serpentor, Arise!" made the chain of command abundantly clear.

I'm more interested in finding out which mask Joseph Gordon-Levitt wears as Cobra Commander: the sick-sick helmet or the scully thing with eyeholes.

Anatomy of a Morbius (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Wednesday, 5 August 2009 19:04 (sixteen years ago)

ILXORS AS GI JOE CHARACTERS

latebloomer, Wednesday, 5 August 2009 19:06 (sixteen years ago)

wait I just checked the cast list, how did Joseph Gordon-Leavitt go from Cobra Commander to "The Doctor"? And why is that part not being played by Christopher Ecclestone</nerdjoke>?

I am over wieght and I have angelical quilities (HI DERE), Wednesday, 5 August 2009 19:07 (sixteen years ago)

I dunno Nabisco there are a handful of instantly recognizable characters in the ad/trailer - most notably Stormshadow and Snake Eyes (ie, the white ninja and the black ninja)

girlish in the worst sense of that term (Shakey Mo Collier), Wednesday, 5 August 2009 19:08 (sixteen years ago)

Was there ever an episode where conventional US military had direct control over GI JOe? Like did Reagan ever phone up and say "Well, boys, I have a little mess with the contras that could use your expertise"

Philip Nunez, Wednesday, 5 August 2009 19:09 (sixteen years ago)

Had we all realized/remembered who Channing Tatum was when I started this poll, I am certain he would have walked it.

I am over wieght and I have angelical quilities (HI DERE), Wednesday, 5 August 2009 19:10 (sixteen years ago)

wait I just checked the cast list, how did Joseph Gordon-Leavitt go from Cobra Commander to "The Doctor"?

I think this is supposed to be sort of an origin story (hence "Rise of Cobra"), so maybe Cobra Commander isn't Cobra commander until later in the movie?

latebloomer, Wednesday, 5 August 2009 19:12 (sixteen years ago)

I always assumed G.I. Joe was like an independent military branch specifically dedicated to anti-Cobra activity. (Haha so I suppose if this film is about "the rise of Cobra," it might make more sense for them to still be covert and small-time and awaiting the Pentagon funding rampup that comes with increased Cobra threats.)

xpost - Dan that one was the MOST explicable to me -- dude totally looks like Duke!

nabisco, Wednesday, 5 August 2009 19:12 (sixteen years ago)

The G.I. Joe team is composed primarily of US Army personnel but is supplemented by representatives from other branches of the United States Armed Forces, namely the Marine Corps, the Air Force and the Navy. Members are called from the best of their recruits. Each member brings to the team their own specialty.

latebloomer, Wednesday, 5 August 2009 19:13 (sixteen years ago)

Dan that one was the MOST explicable to me -- dude totally looks like Duke!

But he's like six years old and has the gravitas of a tarsir. I don't know, maybe I am remembering Duke with way more authority/experience than he actually had...

I am over wieght and I have angelical quilities (HI DERE), Wednesday, 5 August 2009 19:14 (sixteen years ago)

Looking forward to congressional oversight committee mayhem! Senator Slaughter, you have the floor!

Philip Nunez, Wednesday, 5 August 2009 19:15 (sixteen years ago)

This currently has a 91% FRESH rating on rottentomatoes!(albeit with only 12 non-"Top" reviews...)

Spencer Chow, Wednesday, 5 August 2009 19:15 (sixteen years ago)

"gravitas of a tarpir"??
http://my.execpc.com/~ehannan/tarpir.gif

Philip Nunez, Wednesday, 5 August 2009 19:16 (sixteen years ago)

"but is supplemented by representatives from other branches of the United States Armed Forces"

where is the US Ninja Squad?

Philip Nunez, Wednesday, 5 August 2009 19:17 (sixteen years ago)

yeah I think of basically all the core GI Joe dudes as being way more adult and authoritative than they were possibly going to turn out in this movie -- but I guess if it's a young-Joe origin-story kind of thing, Tatum works okay

nabisco, Wednesday, 5 August 2009 19:19 (sixteen years ago)

btw I am totally in love with Siena Miller in these promos

I am over wieght and I have angelical quilities (HI DERE), Wednesday, 5 August 2009 19:20 (sixteen years ago)

my primary fear is that this poll will repeat in two years and be won by Vern Troyer as Orco

nabisco, Wednesday, 5 August 2009 19:25 (sixteen years ago)

hahahahaha

latebloomer, Wednesday, 5 August 2009 19:26 (sixteen years ago)

lol

I am over wieght and I have angelical quilities (HI DERE), Wednesday, 5 August 2009 19:26 (sixteen years ago)

Isn't Vern going to be Snarf?

EZ Snappin, Wednesday, 5 August 2009 19:58 (sixteen years ago)

thoughts:

i never watched g.i. joe because im not old and i had parents who loved me ~ dont care about the cartoon or other ppl's yearning for time unfettered by economic malaise and global uncertainty ~ 1985.

pretty sure based upon commercials i have seen that some chick and a gay dude knock over the eiffel tower (sp?) w/ a laser and channing tatum is shirtless itm while dennis quaid or maybe a sobered up randy quaid i cant really tell gives the stuffy brass what for ~~~~ also pretty sure at least sixteen things blow up thats a near perfect explosion to time a chick is in the previews with a shirt on ratio

fuck you, as always, if u disagree

Echt jetzt? COOL Ich bin berühmt als Threadstarter ;) (Lamp), Wednesday, 5 August 2009 20:01 (sixteen years ago)

time unfettered by economic malaise and global uncertainty ~ 1985.

megalolz

girlish in the worst sense of that term (Shakey Mo Collier), Wednesday, 5 August 2009 20:09 (sixteen years ago)

whoever backed this movie missed out on $$$ of cross-merchandising

http://www.toplessrobot.com/deadbumble.jpg

Philip Nunez, Wednesday, 5 August 2009 20:20 (sixteen years ago)

megalolz

― girlish in the worst sense of that term (Shakey Mo Collier)

for serious. there were never times unfettered by economic malaise and global uncertainty, just times when you were unaware of such things. which is probably what lamp meant in the first place.

galumphing lummox (bug), Thursday, 6 August 2009 03:09 (sixteen years ago)

I think it's time to start reposting the Fensler PSAs

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cTehdxIj0ZQ

I am over wieght and I have angelical quilities (HI DERE), Thursday, 6 August 2009 18:34 (sixteen years ago)

stop all the downloadin'

ex-juggalist (Pillbox), Thursday, 6 August 2009 18:35 (sixteen years ago)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=42-1Mjj3pcg&feature=related

I am over wieght and I have angelical quilities (HI DERE), Thursday, 6 August 2009 18:35 (sixteen years ago)

I still own those G.I. Joe-Transformers comix.

(xxxpost)

Anatomy of a Morbius (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Thursday, 6 August 2009 18:38 (sixteen years ago)

This is one of my favorites. The part with the girl is awesome!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AIICLDgZFNU&feature=related

I am over wieght and I have angelical quilities (HI DERE), Thursday, 6 August 2009 18:39 (sixteen years ago)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sSMdGCWRLhQ&feature=related

I am over wieght and I have angelical quilities (HI DERE), Thursday, 6 August 2009 18:54 (sixteen years ago)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N4OPr_QxoFg&feature=related

I am over wieght and I have angelical quilities (HI DERE), Thursday, 6 August 2009 19:06 (sixteen years ago)

~~~ best one ~~~~

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TNwxv6TgsuU&feature=PlayList&p=9271A5DF041C6A97&index=25

stayin golder than ponyboy (Lamp), Thursday, 6 August 2009 19:18 (sixteen years ago)

tbh hi dere i think we need to poll these

stayin golder than ponyboy (Lamp), Thursday, 6 August 2009 19:19 (sixteen years ago)

down to 36% ROTTEN now...

Spencer Chow, Saturday, 8 August 2009 00:13 (sixteen years ago)

This was a ridiculous pile of shit, but I gotta say that JGL brought his A-game anyway - he seems to be the only person onscreen having any fun.

Great lol value too - lots of SPLIT-SECOND FLASHBACKS, from Sienna Miller and Channing Tatum rolling about in a sun-dappled paradise to adorable tykes wailing on each other w/ swords.

Simon H., Saturday, 8 August 2009 01:00 (sixteen years ago)

Dumb and fun. Set your expectations low and smoke out hard. Four of us found it stupid and highly entertaining.

Lots of explosions and battles, lots to laugh at. The worst parts were the Marlon Wayans jokes and the attempt at romantic subplots.

Otherwise, good vs evil superhero army destructo mayhem ridiculous giant city under the polar ice cap lasers bombs nanotechnology destroy eiffel tower and super super super hot Scarlet.

Nate Carson, Saturday, 8 August 2009 02:38 (sixteen years ago)

I loved this but I must admit to having been quite purposefully drunk.

derrrick, Sunday, 9 August 2009 09:08 (sixteen years ago)

Armond weighs in

Obama Death Panel (Shakey Mo Collier), Tuesday, 11 August 2009 19:27 (sixteen years ago)

oh i just know there's gonna be gold in there....

wishes to be referred under the pseudonym of kronos (call all destroyer), Tuesday, 11 August 2009 19:43 (sixteen years ago)

This Eiffel Tower image also recalls the postmodern epigraph that closes Godard’s In Praise of Love : “I will go to my grave with more visions than man has previously ever known.” The trashy secret of G.I. Joe is its ironic capitalizing on the fact that awesome, dread-filled visions don’t necessarily destroy childhood innocence.

ARMOND U NEVER LET ME DOWN

wishes to be referred under the pseudonym of kronos (call all destroyer), Tuesday, 11 August 2009 19:46 (sixteen years ago)

As for acting, operatives Tatum and Wayans look great in their special Accelerator suits

I think this pretty much says it all.

it's like i have a couple worked up vadges under my arms (HI DERE), Tuesday, 11 August 2009 19:47 (sixteen years ago)

complete list of other films armond cites in this review:

iron man
star trek
harry potter 6 ("and the half-blooded chintz"--good one dude!)
the mummy
transformers 2
wanted
3:10 to yuma
drag me to hell
transporter 3
torque (those last two are "superior pop art")
the laura (sic) croft films
thunderbirds
the hurt locker ("now overrated")
united 93
cloverfield
mars attacks
in praise of love

wishes to be referred under the pseudonym of kronos (call all destroyer), Tuesday, 11 August 2009 19:50 (sixteen years ago)

this was quite entertaining (albeit retarded) until the end

if i have a child i will name it satan (latebloomer), Tuesday, 11 August 2009 21:26 (sixteen years ago)

latebloomer OTM, although I'm curious as to what his breaking point was and if it was the same as mine

it's like i have a couple worked up vadges under my arms (HI DERE), Thursday, 13 August 2009 16:04 (sixteen years ago)

I really enjoyed this!

Spencer Chow, Friday, 14 August 2009 18:40 (sixteen years ago)

It was definitely better than "Transformers 2" and "Terminator Salvation", not that that is particularly difficult to achieve.

Channing Tatum is really not an actor, though.

it's like i have a couple worked up vadges under my arms (HI DERE), Friday, 14 August 2009 18:46 (sixteen years ago)

1. There are three important things to the Baroness: i. catsuit, ii. glasses, iii. accent. The accent, believe it or not, is the most important one.

2. Karolina Kurkova as Cover Girl? META!

3. Rachel Nichols is more stacked than I remembered.

4. Why the eff did they use that stupid baritone voice for Cobra Commander? Even after he put on that stupid mask? No ski mask? No hood?

5. Duke was always the most boring Joe.

6. Too much Stormshadow and Snake Eyes. These guys are supposed to be stealth mofos, but when you have them carrying out tasks better suited for grunts, they lose their cachet.

Leee, Monday, 17 August 2009 00:16 (sixteen years ago)

latebloomer OTM, although I'm curious as to what his breaking point was and if it was the same as mine

*SPOILER*when they made Baroness a mind control victim instead of an unrepentant baddie*SPOILER*

if i have a child i will name it satan (latebloomer), Monday, 17 August 2009 00:21 (sixteen years ago)

hahaha

I was relatively okay with that, considering the stage they set, but when they had the faceoff with Cobra Commander and CC said "you're taking me in with what army?" and Duke said "THIS ONE" and all the other Joes magically appeared from NOWHERE I was like "okay movie, I have this left testicle I'd like for you to slobber on right... now"

it's like i have a couple worked up vadges under my arms (HI DERE), Monday, 17 August 2009 03:28 (sixteen years ago)

All you can do is laugh. If they made Baroness as hot as Scarlet and cut Marlon Wayans entirely, this would actually be a pretty good film.

Nate Carson, Monday, 17 August 2009 09:50 (sixteen years ago)

er Baroness was about a bazillion times hotter than Scarlet, who I think may have had a goat or a pony somewhere in her ancestry

it's like i have a couple worked up vadges under my arms (HI DERE), Monday, 17 August 2009 13:13 (sixteen years ago)

this turned out to be pretty gay

jveggra va pbqr (Lamp), Monday, 17 August 2009 20:11 (sixteen years ago)

I'm with Nate, though I didn't find Marlon Wayans to be as horrible as he'd been made out to be.

Leee, Monday, 17 August 2009 23:29 (sixteen years ago)

It's not that Marlon failed to do his job as an actor. It's that he was given such an obvious and obnoxious role.

Nate Carson, Tuesday, 18 August 2009 01:03 (sixteen years ago)

And I grew up on a goat farm so maybe that's why I found Scarlet so hot?

Nate Carson, Tuesday, 18 August 2009 01:03 (sixteen years ago)

Marlon often does a good job in movies that don't involve his brother Shawn and he was fine here, but Channing Tatum was so ridiculously awful that he made Marlon come across like Master Thespian.

nate dogg is a feeling (HI DERE), Tuesday, 18 August 2009 13:31 (sixteen years ago)

eleven years pass...

The third G.I. Joe movie is a prequel and it's called Snake Eyes. Wouldn't Snake Eyes imply it was the second movie?

wasdnuos (abanana), Sunday, 25 July 2021 04:12 (four years ago)

Snake Eyes is a GI Joe character

burnt hombre (stevie), Sunday, 25 July 2021 16:30 (four years ago)

Snake Eyes vs Storm Shadow fite!

calstars, Sunday, 25 July 2021 17:29 (four years ago)


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