What else could go wrong for Gordon Brown in the next six months?

2. panned Glasto turn

3. Is photographed punching wee Jimmie Krankie.

4. Appoints Jay-Z as junior secretary for rural matters, decision roundly panned by NME

5. Makes Amanda Holden cry on Britain's Got Talent.

6. Secret M15 DNA testing reveals he is the clone child of Richard Nixon and Myra Hindley.

7. Opens tin of Heinz Cream of tomato Soup for his tea, only to find contents are past expiry date.

8. forgets suit on way to party conference speech and is forced to it in vest and pants

9. Another 12 exclusive interviews on GMTV

10. 2010 election theme tune written by Rick Witter

11. Schnuffel Bunny remix

12.Scotland unilaterally declares independence and refuses to let him back in, even for a quick cup of tea and some shortbread with his nan.

13. Absentmindedly shaves off sideburns while thinking about this morning's Balamory

14. Sonned in messageboard beef by a Lib Dem kid

15. Savagely satirical song about his economic policies set to the tune of Stranglers' hit "Golden Brown" on 2DTV

16. David Cameron earns stunning reviews for his guest spot on Gavin and Stacey

17. accidentally brushes the Queen's breasts with sweaty palm and is set upon by corgis

18. That Guido Fawkes dude wins Big Brother 2008

19. New Coldplay album features scathing attack on abolition of 10 per cent Income Tax band.

20. Free subscription to The Dandy revoked.

21. Nick Clegg refuses to pass on sloppy seconds

22. Mark Oaten agrees to pass on sloppy seconds

23. House of Commons canteen removes battered Mars Bars from menu

24. Secretly videoed singing "The Sash" during post-UEFA Cup Final piss-up.

25. Bryan Robson: "Raith Rovers are a club with a great infrastructure and I think we're going to go places together"

26. His stint as Doctor Who's companion earns him top place in the 'least sexy companion ever' poll on Outpost Gallifrey.

27. Robert Mugabe announces that he's a really top geezer.

28. Diary cock-up leads to him being forced to make agonisingly strained small talk with real human being for 5 interminable minutes.

29. Wind changes; jaw stays that way.

30. Is seen re-enacting cover of Oasis 'Cigarettes and Alcohol' cover with Alistair Darling.

31. Upon meeting Barrack Obama, insists on referring to him as 'dog', throwing gang signs and rolling up one trouser leg.

32. Reminds public of his achievements in government during in-depth interview on Ant and Dec's Saturday Night Takeaway.

30 Correction. Is seen re-enacting cover of Oasis 'Cigarettes and Alcohol' with Alistair Darling, Hazel Blears and Yvette Cooper.

33. In interview with New Statesman, declares his favourite Carry On... to be "Carry On Dick"

34. Newly unearthed CCTV footage from 1997 shows a suspiciously Brown-shaped figure cutting the break lines of Princess Diana's car.

35. Alan Johnson caught making the gun finger gesture behind him on Prime Minister's Question Time.

36. In an exclusive interview with the News of the World, Ian Huntley expresses his admiration for Brown's work throughout 10 years of government.

37. Fails to acquire Croatia shiny needed to complete Euro 2008 sticker album, Ed Balls has a swapsie but gives it to Jack Straw in exchange for Bosko Balaban.

38. Is described as "butthurt" by George Osborne, and when protests seems to back up the claim. "Butthurt Brown" becomes the new witty shorthand for the frustrated PM.

Just to show it's not all bad news, PM's car did not cause Jet crash.

39. David Cameron completes GTA IV "well quicker".

40. David Cameron gets NME cover where he is on some decks or something.

41. Lembit Opik defects to Labour.

42. Cheeky Girls application for new visa fails

43. Andrew Gilligan spearheads Evening Standard campaign against Brown based around the idea that his natural odour is revolting to the working class and that his DNA includes the controversial incompetence gene.

44. Frank Field defects to the Nazi Party

45. AIDS, AIDS, AIDS

46. Penis catches in fly zip, mad painful, Brown continues to wince throughout appearance on Newsnight, is soundly mocked by the nation.

I like to imagine the PM's spin guyz are checking back on this thread every few hours and taking notes.

47. PM's spin guyz check back on this thread every few hours and take notes.

48. Brown comes out with pre-emptive "in before bottler zing" in the Commons, Cameron doesn't dignify with response.

49. Late night party at entertainer's Michael Barrymore home. Broomstick. Face down in pool.

50. Remains as Prime Minister.

51. Appoints laxalt to cabinet as Economics Adviser

52. Noel Gallagher, Damon Allbran and that twat out of Razorlight threaten to leave the country if the Tories win the next election.

As a side note to all this: Labour mayoral candidate for London 2012. Labour will need someone who:

*is a known Labour supporter
*is a Londoner
*comes from earthy roots to contrast with Johnson
*is as media-friendly as Johnson
*has Facebook generation appeal
*has experience with managing large organisations.

Thus:

http://www.crashonline.org.uk/47/images/sugar.jpg

Or Roy Hodgson maybe?

Sugar might just actually be worth a punt?

Translation - appoints DJ Martian as strategic advisor.

Like Alan Sugar is going to continue supporting Labour once they look like losing an election.

He already did a "DAVID CAMERON - YOU'RE FIRED" interview for the Mirror, he can't change horses now.

53. Paul Weller, Jimi Somerville, Morrissey and the Frank Chickens organise a concert in support of Labour.

54. Tries to be cool by wearing a pair of Oakley snowboarder shades during Prime Minister's question time. Cameron points out that "Duuuuhh... everybody knows Wayfarers are back, yeah?"

55. Mrs David Cameron pregnant again. Webcam placed in womb. Mayor Johnson has images played 24 hours a day/ 7 days a week in Picadilly Circus.

56. The Marks and Spencer Gordy Range sells really badly.

57. Even Rory Bremner can't be bothered to make jokes about him anymore.

58. Shows up to PM Questions visibly drunk, gets into fist fight with Labour back bencher he mistakes for Cameron.

57. Even Rory Bremner can't be bothered to make jokes about him anymore.

59. Rory Bremner is actually funny for a change

60. http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v491/veer/Other/1191631704043.jpg

Good work, The Sun's subs:

"THE DARLING BUNGS OF MAY"

51. Appoints laxalt to cabinet as Economics Adviser

At least budgets would be shorter:

http://home.btconnect.com/rdi/frazer.jpg

61. He releases a record of him singing some well known Scottish songs, but is kept from the number one spot... by SCOOTER.

well known Scottish songs?

500 miles
Loch Lomond
flower of scotland
scotland the brave

er, that's it.

Tom D along to school me on how all 'english' folk song is actually scottish

Only the good ones

62. Small bird flies into his mouth during pause in economic policy speech; turns out to be an endangered woodlark.

mull of kintyre innit

I saw some of PMQs today and I couldn't see why BG should be particularly in trouble. But this kind of 'narrative' of disaster builds up and becomes self-fulfilling as everyone assumes it's true. That's good if it happens to your enemy, but it's a pity really, gets in the way of looking at what is good and bad about the two parties.

I am stating the obvious I suppose, but still think this is the main truth about the current UK political scene.

BG -- I mean: GB: Gordon Brown, and his government

Big Gordon

Bad Gordon

I am kind of with the Pinefox on this, and hope that after the next election the media is saying "and to think in May 2008 everyone thought it was all over for Gordon Brown", as he crushes the Tory snake under his heel.

I don't know about you, but the more I see him, the freakier I think his strange throat movement thing is.

63. The ill-advised appearence on "How to Look Good Naked" turns out to be even more ill-advised than first thought.

big brother + pig squealing + wine bottle up arse simulation

But this kind of 'narrative' of disaster builds up and becomes self-fulfilling as everyone assumes it's true. That's good if it happens to your enemy, but it's a pity really, gets in the way of looking at what is good and bad about the two parties.

At the same time, Blair and Brown owe a large proportion of their success to being able to manipulate this kind of narrative. In the early days of his Premiership Brown deliberately tried to force this narrative against Cameron, and was pretty successful at it for a while. I don't think he can really complain now it has turned against him.

What narrative are we talking about here? The main narrative seems to have been that Brown has staked his entire reputation this far on economic competence under his decade long tenure as chancellor. 'the good times' were down to his handling of the economy, and 'the bad times' came from some bad place (america!) and that the two things are unrelated.

But this is ludicrous, those 'good times' are directly responsible for the bad times as every credit contraction in history has followed an irresponsible credit expansion. the credit expansion that occurred entirely under Browns watch. Browns attempt to paint this as some bad thing thats come from america and he is the best man to deal with is just not credible, we're here because since 2001 Brown has led us here.

This narrative that is building up has been building up, correct, but its been building up since 2001. His attempts to dodge any culpability at all are pretty much on a par with Greenspans attempts to deny responsiblity

The irony of course is that the Tories can't really nail him on this because they would have done exactly the same thing

oh and

64. madame tussauds dont bother to make a waxwork of him

http://politicalbetting.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/05/cn-yobs.JPG

File alongside "English jobs for English people" and "The Conservatives oppose identity cards for foreign nationals"

We're getting into New Labour New Danger territory now.

65) attacked by flying radio-controlled penis

The irony of course is that the Tories can't really nail him on this because they would have done exactly the same thing

-- laxalt, Thursday, 15 May 2008 17:51 (5 days ago) Bookmark Link

um, and how would this stop them?

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/politics/plan-to-oust-brown-as-mps-claim-he-has-lost-support-830570.html

Alan Milburn is meant to have the largest genitals in parliament. Just throwing it out there.

68) Signs for Man City

69) Maddy found in basement of Number 10.

http://politicalbetting.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/05/eastbourne.JPG

http://lolrider.com/images/terry.jpg

lawl

http://www.independent.co.uk/opinion/commentators/jon-cruddas-were-talking-a-language-thats-failing-to-resonate-834601.html

Looks like a manifesto for a New New Labour, to me.

John Cruddas OTM. The problem is that NuLab has become very entrenched in the perception that what the British public wants is a Tory party with a more human face. They may have been right in that, but that's not going to help them now they're actually up against a Tory party with a real human face.

Anyway, they have built an electoral record on being selective in what they communicate and anything even vaguely redistributive is hushed up as if it were an evil sinful thing that would cause the country to angrily hurl them from office. I'm not sure the government would know how to communicate these things even if they tried. This unfortunately makes it very easy for David Cameron to simultaneously attack Brown from both the left and the right.

he needs to bring in some decent full-backs.

Perhaps he should start with a goalkeeper that doesn't keep fumbling the ball into his own net.

http://www.willhill.com/iibs/EN/buildcoupon.asp?couponchoice=PO2157203

Bookies now going short on both Ruth Kelly and Jacqui Smith to lose their seats at the next election.

70) browses ILX from no.10, clicks on this thread

Bookies now going short on both Ruth Kelly and Jacqui Smith to lose their seats at the next election

It's not all looking bad then.

Yeah, both of those easily in my top 10 least favourite cabinet ministers of the past decade. Opus Dei versus "everyone in my home constituency is a drunken mugger with kebab sauce stains on their shirt"

I'm making my kids go out and get drunk at night just to piss off Jacqui Smith.

I'd be pleased to see the back of both too, pls to arrange for Kelly to be found with copy of DaVinci code stuffed in face j/k government.

Noted by me, David Cameron separated at birth from this well-known oldskool actor:

http://lloydyweb.com/blog/_gfx/051210_cameron.jpg http://www.thegoldenyears.org/george_sanders.jpg

I wish DC would get as bored as GS.

Not before he's voiced Jungle Book 3: Shere Khan Cuts Fuel Duty, surely?

Not even appearing in a comic book will gave Gordon. Though, Jacqui Smith being a Skrull would be quite cool.

NV: hahahahahaha!

Uh I think Dispatches is already covering this topic.

http://politicalbetting.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/06/mori-view-of-gb.JPG

Who the fuck are the four percent at the top?

Guardian journalists?

Nondomfatcats?

42 days hawks

Sir Ian Blair, Abu Qatada, Bremner, Bird, Fortune, Dave Dee, Dozy Beaky, Mick and Tich

Seriously tho, what will Rory Bremner do if when Cameron is elected?

i was going to say "he was funnier when major was in power" but that's probably the default mid-90s nostalgia talking.

Has anyone managed to successfully impersonate Cameron yet? Apart from Nick Clegg?

wallogina.jpg

I'd imagine the 4% at the top are previously disaffected Labour voters who defected to the LibDems or elsewhere and are moving back due to a) fear of a Tory government and b) the LibDems being a bit crap under Clegg.

I'm a lot more likely to vote Labour now than I was a couple of years ago, but, yeah, it's fear of the Tories rather than anything to do with Brown.

Though I do kind of think we need a couple of decades in which power goes back and forth between the parties. Only one change of government in practically thirty years is a bit fucking unhealthy.

veritas need to come out of the political wilderness

Bremner was funnier when he did Bob Monkhouse and other light entertainers. Can't believe he's still doing John Cole and Bill McLaren. What next for cutting edge Rory? Dame May Whitty?

George Arliss

Profumo.

Lord Liverpool

Gordon Brown

I am already splitting my sides at the prospect of a hilarious Bremner-as-McLaren recasting of the Peterloo Massacre as an All Nations final.

He's not really still doing John Cole is he?

Yup.

Please stop doing the 'long list of crazy Tory slebs including Duffy and Fleet Foxes' gag, it's getting almost as old.

Please post relevant comments to the correct thread.

Labour 1/3 to lose their deposit at the Henley by-election, which would mean a 66% drop in their vote.

Finally, some good news for Brown!

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2228245/George-Sampson-says-David-Cameron-has-%27no-rhythm%27..html

^^BURNED BY A CHILD!
David Cameron's efforts to win over Britain's youth have suffered a blow after Britain's Got Talent winner George Sampson compared him with "an embarrassing uncle"
Wow, the Telegraph...words cannot describe
He bolstered his earnings by announcing his first major advertising deal - for a High Street bank account - last week.
Anyone else finding this kid highly suspect now? How old is he anyways?

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk_politics/7497903.stm

He also said that - unlike Heathcliff - he did not "generally" lose his temper.

Apparently Brown has broken five mobile phones by smashing them against the wall since becoming Prime Minister, I'm calling bullshit on this one.

What, when Cameron phones him up with the latest poll ratings/inflation figures/unemployment figures (delete as appropriate).

When Cameron phones him up and asks him "Is your refridgerator runnning? Well then you'd better go and chase it!"

http://cache.gawker.com/assets/resources/2007/10/cosby.jpg

"Hey, can I speak to Rhys Session? I'm sure there's a Rhys Session around here somewhere..."

Maybe if Brown got angry in public people may respect him rather more than the insincere 'nice' persona he's been trying to foster.

osborne already in with "dithering heights" zing, haw

wtf even possessed gord to say those words anyway?

That Tory Manifesto in full:

"Dither dither dither dithering dither ditherer dithering dithering dithering dithering dithering dither ditherer ditherer dithering dither dithering dither ditherer dither dithering dither ditherer ditherer ditherer ditherer ditherer ditherer. Dither."

You forgot "bottler"

Read an interesting theory once that Heathcliff was black. Looking forward to seeing Brown try to cash in on that one.

You also forgot "not Gordon."

It's been a while since anyone thought it necessary to post a comedy answer to the original question

70) Steve McClaren spotted at Labour Party Conference, in rain, under umbrella. Pledges full support for Gordon Brown.

who is steve mcclaren?

Twente Enschede's boss

Didn't know you were an FC Twente fan Lex

xpost

so he's too obscure to affect gordon brown's popularity one way or the other then

THEY SEE ME TROLLIN'
THEY HATIN'

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=18fUkRuKXYc

http://www.identicards.com/productcart/pc/catalog/images/videos/VF/Hi-Tech%20Trolling%20for%20Crappie-DVD250.jpg

http://tbn0.google.com/images?q=tbn:hPHaoZieLZPqXM:http://www.blogofhilarity.com/roomtone/heathcliff_Img.png

I keep misreading FC Twente as FC Twerp.

People generally like a loser, like Eddie the Eagle Edwards, so Gordon will probably win the next election. Maybe he should be in the Olympic team, and come last in the pole-vault or something, and we can fawn over him coz he's a plucky loser, albeit a little brooding.

Like Paul Gascoigne.

Didn't Gordon once punch someone for egging him?
I may be wrong on this one.

No, that was Prescott.

I knew it! Damn. Will Miliband really 'take over' after Brown? He's far too idealistic and he genuinely thinks that New Labour or whatever can be reformed and I know he's early 40's or something but to me he's like a baby (really cute tho!). He really has no idea.http://img.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2007/12_01/edMS0812_468x450.jpg
http://img.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2007/10_02/006GordonBrown_800x327.jpg <<<_--Is this angry Brown? He also does that thing where he pokes his eye when he is a bit mad.
Alastair Campbell is such a bitch.

That's a stage managed angry, I'm thinking more of a totally fucking ballistic, push Alistair Darling up against a wall by the neck and shout 'you fucking useless wanker, why are you fucking things up you badger headed cunt' type of anger.

^^I'd like to see this mentalist rage and maybe soundtrack it with the requiem for a dream OST which is what CH4 deemed apt to use when doing a montage about the current state of Zimbabwe.
I meant Jack Straw is such a bitch. Jesus Christ I'm really making some gaffes today.

And here's another gaffe.

Think most of New Labour's core voters agree with him that driving being reserved as a privilege of the wealthy is a price worth paying to make a futile Canute-like stab at staving off the collapse of the ecosystem save the planet.

The poor can just swim to Benidorm, they've only got themselves to blame.

The poor shouldn't take holidays abroad, they're wasting valuable air fuel that could be better used by important people commuting to their weekend place in Tuscany.

http://www.indybay.org/uploads/2006/04/24/april15.jpg

Qoute from Sky comments section:

"Another politicial who is totally out of touch. People do not use their cars just for fun, they use them for work. My Work will not move closer to my home no matter how nicely I ask it The man is a fool and an idiot"

lolled at this:

http://www.independent.co.uk/multimedia/archive/00038/cartoon160708_38640a.jpg

Garry Smyth
14:08:53 15 July 2008

This man is a hampton

well that's a new one

And people complain about the New Yorker Obama cover?

love the adverts on that sky news page

Get A Loan
Personal loans are a great way to finance your new car. Find the cheapest loan for you from over 400 products

Speaking of Obama covers...

Against: black fathers abandoning their children
For: black criminals shoring up their party's frontlines in order to fend off allegations of racism

Cameron is going to agree with every single thing Obama says for the next few months.

http://www.solarnavigator.net/embassies/embassies_images/david_cameron_speaking.jpg

"Why yes I do agree that the San Fernandez Podiums will take the Mega Bowl this year. And Mr Obama is right, they will win it early, and I have a suspicion that lead quartermaster Hernandez "H-Bomb" Makasaniowicz could hit some of the best home plays we've seen since the 74 season."

It's talk like that that wins elections.

US Democrats are very similar in position to the tripartite Liberal monoculture that passes for politics in this country.

^^ is that a Bradshaw paraphrase?

xpost?

"The Blues are gonna win, and they're gonna win early" is easily top 3 Bradshaw moments for me. Vs Eddie at Judgement Day 04 and raping Brian Christopher are the other two.

Lolz at; 'in a wide ranging interview with the Guardian'
BALLOCKS.
You know Stickman, in that picture; David Cameron's mouth looks a lot like a....
http://www.keeyool.com/donut2.jpg
But uhm, not at all as tasty

At least Brown has managed to avoid these gaffes. I've never heard of this guy, but he can't have resigned only for that - what's the real story here? Did he put the brown bin out on a blue bin day or something?

I've seen the awards ceremony thing. I suspect there's more to it than the guy just being a bit rubbish, probably *makes drinky-drinky motion*.

was there a thread for the awards ceremony gaffe? one of the most uncomfortable things i've seen on tv for a while...

I think he'd just had enough. And who can blame him. I rather like the idea of lighting up a cigar knowing it will end your political career, much better than doing a Butch Cassidy.

Any HYS fulminations yet about not being allowed to smoke a cigar in POLITICALLY CORRECT NANNY STATE WALES?

but surely arranging for somebody to be beaten up causes more health problems than walking into a pub with a lit cigar?

afternoon outrage

Okay who saw this one coming?

But Downing Street said there had been "no stickiness of any significance"

fail

Gordon Brown yesterday.

http://hybris.cms.henkel.com/medias/58344bc8e500001e.jpg

that cunt used to be in my year at university. He ended up the president of the Students' Union where, as I edited the student mag, he seemed to spend his entire year in office foisting his goddamn revolting political agenda on me.

not Brown.

22% swing!

22% swing!

i'm a pro-independence SNP voter (although not in yesterday's election -- i'm not glasgow east). but never for a second did i think labour wouldn't squeak this. actually, my prediction at 9pm yesterday when i left work was: "labour will win, slightly more comfortably than people think."

woah, fuck, was i wrong. and this is on what, 46% turnout or something?

it's been easy to say "ooh, brown's going to have to go if they can't hold this" ... crunch time now, though. will there be a delegation of men in slightly shabby suits?

42% turnout, radio 4's saying. still not bad considering it's the bank holiday week, etc.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Acts_of_Union_1707

RIP

will there be a delegation of men in slightly shabby suits?

Probably not - but instead a full-scale "re-branding" of Gordon and new policies to be launched at the Party Conference.

He's got a really grueling time ahead, with the re-negotiation of the 'Warwick Agreement' with the unions, with some frankly barking and antediluvian policies on the agenda.

If I were him, I'd be seriously depressed. How much negative press can one person take without it having a significant impact on their mental health?

The secret of surviving politics is knowing when to stop.

I can't believe they lost this. It's even more dismal than the figures suggest, because Labour had obviously the more impressive candidate. If Brown had shown a bit of leadership and actually bothered turning up and looking like he doesn't hold ordinary people in such contempt, Labour might have scraped another few hundred votes and retained the seat.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v165/noodle_vague/timeforsleep.jpg

Labour had obviously the more impressive candidate

er, whit? a third-, fourth- or even fifth-choice holyrood also-ran, drafted in at the last minute, who couldn't even get the facts straight about where she lives?

mason is a bit of a tit (his squirming awkwardness over the embryo-research and abortion question was embarrassing), and doesn't have the experience of curran ... but remind me what curran has actually achieved with that experience?

i'm astonished anybody could use "impressive" to describe her. wow.

It was "more impressive", actually

*sigh*.

yes, i can read. but you used the adjective "impressive" in a comparative construction to describe her.

linguistic quibbling aside: want to explain how she's "more impressive" than ... any of the other candidates on offer, really?

(i'm genuinely interested: my impression of her is of an appalling careerist. i'd put good money on her putting herself forward for labour leader at holyrood now.)

I meant: better speaker, tidier, more of a fighter. Giving a good first impression, basically - important when politics is a matter of soundbites and short appearances. Even the victory/concession speeches made her seem stronger than Mason.

OK, i'll grant that perception is subjective ... but i'm astonished you think that, ismael. the "first impression" she gave was of a candidate who'd been drafted in at the last minute to shore up a foundering local party. because, er, that's what she was! i can't remember who else was asked, but -- depending on which paper you read -- she was the third, fourth or fifth choice to fight the seat. sure, that's not her fault -- whoever ended up stepping up to the mark was going to suffer. but, with curran in particular (who'd been making noises about wanting wendy's old job only a couple of days before), it smacked of rank opportunism.

"soundbites" ... yes, "i've lived and worked in the east end all my life" (NB: that might not be the precise wording, but really -- i'm not wasting my time looking up a margaret curran lie just so i can be sure the words are in the right order) was a particularly notable one. i'm sure that won her huge public support.

"tidier" ... umm, i really don't know what you mean. she's certainly a more experienced political figure than mason, i'll grant you that. if i were him, i'd be terrified right now (although maybe the magnitude of the job that lies ahead hasn't quite sunk in yet) -- the sweet taste of victory will soon be replaced by the bitter taste of fear as he realises he's actually going to have to deliver here.

then again: labour voters across the UK -- not just scotland, not just glasgow -- are so inured to broken promises that perhaps expectations will be low enough for him to make a good impression. it's worked in the SNP's favour at holyrood, after all!

(or "erstwhile labour voters", i should say. makes no difference either way, i guess!)

Being the fourth or fifth choice candidate obviously screwed up any chances Labour had. What I don't understand is why didn't the sitting MP inform the party that he was going to leave 2 or 3 months prior to the by election, giving enough time to privately sound out candidates and avoid the politically incompetent mess of a selection process which followed.

If the electorate had thought that the candidate was someone who really wanted to do the job rather than some has been who was press ganged into standing the result may well have been substantially different.

http://img.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2007/07_01/cambellDM1007_468x358.jpg

Dear Gordon,

Admit it, you're fucked without me. You don't have the slightest clue how to campaign, or run an electoral machine, at all. Even that bald twat who ran the Tories when everyone in the country laughed at them is rated higher than you. You know you want me back. Come on, show me the money,

Yours,

Alistair.

the only way gordon stays in the leadership to the next election is because no one thinks the job is worth having right now and whoever wins after the massive election defeat which is surely coming will get to shape the party in their own image.

Also, by the looks of things have the field of competitition winnowed a little.

What I don't understand is why didn't the sitting MP inform the party that he was going to leave 2 or 3 months prior to the by election

errrr ... i don't think marshall necessarily planned to go, did he? his sudden and serious illness coincided -- astonishingly! -- with all manner of unsavoury allegations about his expenses. the row's still rattling on up here.

If the electorate had thought that the candidate was someone who really wanted to do the job rather than some has been who was press ganged into standing the result may well have been substantially different

yes, i think you're absolutely right. labour just looked utterly chaotic. and while dom's post above is amusing and warms my heart slightly, this doesn't mean glasgow east is suddenly packed with woad-smeared saltire-waving bravehearts.

a dear friend and some-time ILX0r messaged me this morning on facebook and said: "who would you vote for if you lived in england?"

i have no fucking idea. i really don't. and these are strange times for the SNP, upon which they need to capitalise -- right now, for instance, as a credible (and non-tory!) opposition, they're uniting (say) both socialist me and my wildly libertarian mate kevin.

did they win this election or did labour lose it? they put up an impressive fight. but i still think the latter's true. just.

the only way gordon stays in the leadership to the next election is because no one thinks the job is worth having right now and whoever wins after the massive election defeat which is surely coming will get to shape the party in their own image

yes. exactly: they get to sit in opposition, lick their wounds and re-group. as a general-election-winning force, i think labour is fucked -- barring a major unforeseen circumstance.

my prediction at 9pm yesterday when i left work was: "labour will win, slightly more comfortably than people think."

That was my prediction about 10 minutes before the result came in. I think they're done now - when you start losing the seats you'd normally count in the HOLD column before a box is ticked then the show's over.

I still see the SNP as a load of useless opportunistic wankers, mostly, but when you look at Glasgow East you have to say it's time someone else had a go. The Labour Party has been in charge of the country for 11 years and in charge of Glasgow East at just about every level since forever and the place is still fucked - so it's clear Labour isn't doing what it should for the people it claims to want to help the most.

^ I think this is a sentiment lots of people will share and it is why labour will get a drubbing at the next general. Labour have done a lot of good over the last 11 years (done some spectacularly despicable things too) and it is a pity that the opposition (and presumably next government), will probably undo a great deal of that. It is a shame that there isn't a credible party to the left of labour to scoop up seats like Glasgow East and to put the pressure on from the other side.

You really think the Tories will repeal the minimum wage laws?

the only way gordon stays in the leadership to the next election is because no one thinks the job is worth having right now and whoever wins after the massive election defeat which is surely coming will get to shape the party in their own image

Then again for a lot of Labour MPs - including some potential leaders - the difference between a moderate loss and a disastrous loss is the difference between having a job and not having one. Averting the latter would still be a worthwhile prize.

No, I don't think so, that has passed into the national consensus, but I can see school/NHS vouchers trundling over the horizon, and funding cuts for public services in the name of efficiency? Difficult to say, of course, as the Tories have no need to publish any policy. (Can also see the minimum wage not being raised over the lifetime of a conservative government, would be easy for them to forget to do).

xpost

funding cuts for public services in the name of efficiency

I don't think the Tories will reverse this policy.

^read my mind

Brown seeks to lift Labour mood: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk_politics/7524003.stm

Really hope he started off by shouting "PARTY OVER HERE"

I was watching Brown drone on BBC24 earlier. He must have repeated 'steering people through difficult times, these difficult times' at least half-a-dozen (difficult) times. I get the impression that he doesn't have a clue what he means by that, unless he can relate it to a global issue which is why the only specific problem he can identify is high petrol prices

I didn't think he could appear any more detached, but then the sound skipped to a two-second delay so that he looked like he'd been dubbed, and his fish mouth kept dropping open in the middle of sentences

He knows what he means, he is assuming the voters don't.

"Vote for me and I promise that GOLF SALE signs will be brandished in all cities in Britain."

Last few weeks have been pretty good for him I thought, with the agenda being set for a change, improved conditions for ex-servicemen/more thorough checks on doctors, shelving the 2p tax increase and positive images from the Middle East. If he can't hold on to a 'safe' seat like Glasgow East it's difficult to see how they can hold on to many seats.

The problem is he's not very good at communicating the above and thus has no chance against the FERAL YOUR TAXES KNIFE SO-CALLED organised mob.

Absolutely, that's why there's this disconnect between what people experience on a local level and what they believe is happening at a national level.

Added: Friday, 25 July, 2008, 12:16 GMT 13:16 UK

"our unelected dictator. Brown"
Ken Hall, Barrow in Furness, United Kingdom

Is your IQ less than 85?

Theresa Greene, Reading, Berks. (My IQ is 85!)

Think they missed the first syllable of "Ken Hall" there.

suffers devastating zing at the hands of Dom Passantino

another classic

Added: Friday, 25 July, 2008, 09:13 GMT 10:13 UK

A man has been fined for smoking while on his own, in his own van.

This is the madness of N Labour ( NEO Labour), and the government wonder why so many people are against them.

PC liberalists now run Labour and have infected our whole society by grabbing little Hitler-ite positions of power & forcing their socialist Nazi policies on us all.

I would rather be dictated to by a bunch of honest nutty Nazis than dictated to by pretentious/manipulative & deceitful socialist Nazis.

[SAVE_ME_SOMETHING]

Recommended by 35 people

Fake HYS comment.

if only

Added: Friday, 25 July, 2008, 07:49 GMT 08:49 UK

Heck it proves that even the Scots are sick of socialism and all the evil it represents...

lol

"I hope Scotland gets its independance... Im sick to death of paying taxes to keep those drunken scottish slobs in white lightening!
Jeff Neff, Anywhere"

He will have a lot of tattoos, own a pitbull or similar, have a pot belly, never held a job for more than 6 months, moan about the immigrants taking his jobs ( although those very same jobs he considers beneath him ), lives in a house with wheels and a member of some far right 'club'.

schussman whistler, somewhere

HYS seemed to be broadly in favour of music piracy last time i checked that thread, odd that

it's not stealing unless you knife someone in the process.

AND ARE A MEMBRE OF NU-LIAR-BORE

From that particular HYS thread:

"The rules are different now and as a musician who relies on CD sales for a living I'm aware that buyers will only pay for something that is immaculately presented.In my experience downloading free music is simply a way of checking out the music first, a little like home-taping in the past. It's positive, it gets people listening to music in a World which seems to have less and less time for this
pursuit.

Edward Ka-Spel, Brunssum"

Blimey! The Legendary Pink Dots live!

I get the impression that he doesn't have a clue what he means by that, unless he can relate it to a global issue which is why the only specific problem he can identify is high petrol prices

yes, i think you're right. i don't think brown has any empathy with people whatsoever: he can understand THE ISSUES in macroeconomic terms, but in terms of what people think and feel, how they react ... something's missing somewhere. "psychologically flawed", did someone say? i might have a long way to go with my psychological studies, but i don't think that comment was as funny -- or intended to be as funny -- as the media made out.

I didn't think he could appear any more detached, but then the sound skipped to a two-second delay so that he looked like he'd been dubbed, and his fish mouth kept dropping open in the middle of sentences

hahahah the poor, hapless bastard. really. i do feel genuinely sorry for him.

http://politicalbetting.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/07/gb-double-tired.JPG

Lookin' good

Piracy is one issue where HYS is always strikingly liberal by and large

yes, i think you're right. i don't think brown has any empathy with people whatsoever: he can understand THE ISSUES in macroeconomic terms, but in terms of what people think and feel, how they react ... something's missing somewhere.

hey someone else said something like that

tits. not good company to keep. but no, it was campbell -- or even blair? -- who came out with the original, wasn't it? few years back?

don't think so :D

blair denies calling brown psychologically flawed

blair: it wisnae me

shite, blair, you mendacious bastard: it was so you

i think we can safely assume that a) this was a fairly major story which for some reason you missed, DG; b) blair, by dint of his denials, almost certainly fucking did say it. (how can you tell when blair's lying? his lips move.)

the point here, though: i think he's probably right. our esteemed PM does not strike me as a man who has "normal" relationships with people (we can argue about "normal" until we're blue in the face, of course).

blair said he didn't, that's good enough for me

Des Browne, Scottish Secretary, on the by-election result this morning:

"And we need to do more of the sorts of things that we've been doing to respond to people to make them feel that there is a sense of fairness about the way in which we are dealing with the challenges that they are facing day to day."

[..]

"We need to build on what we have been doing - and we planned to do that in any event (!) "

Painful. Pure Father Ted stuff.

The first comment on that last 'psychologically flawed' link is OTM really. It's easy to forget now that Labour were on a rapid downward trajectory under Blair in the latter days of his Premiership, that they rallied under the novelty of a new Prime Minister and the Tories grammar school self-inflicted wound.

They would be in this mess, more or less, even with Blair in charge. It may not be as bad, but they would still be favourites to lose the election, I feel. The relationship between Blair and the public would have soured still more over the past year. But because the last 10 months or so have been all 'lol Mr Bean' this will be forgotten, and Blair will get away with it, give or take a Muslim country or two.

i don't think i'd disagree with any of that, matt -- although the perception is that the mess is greater, i think.

meanwhile: the incomparable ian bell's take on things in today's herald is probably the best piece of analysis anyone's going to write in the immediate aftermath. read it here; you won't be disappointed.

Maybe I'm risking a great rant from Grimly, but is the vote for the SNP all about independence or has Labour actually been bad for Scotland?

Apart from not making into independent that is?

it's got very little to do with independence, really: it's more about the SNP as viable (non-tory) opposition. seriously, read the bell piece i linked to -- it deals with that wonderfully.

i'm posting this from a taxi ... will try to come back later to witter more about the paradox of an effective SNP government at holyrood actually *diminishing* the electorate's desire for independence (not complicated to work out, mind).

I agree that Brown does not communicate very spontaneously on TV, but I don't extrapolate from that that he is abnormal, or whatever, in real life. My sense is that in private, talking to anyone one-to-one, he is quite warm, jovial, witty, easy - I think you can even guess that from some footage of him talking to people, and it is something that people have said about him for many years anyway - but that public speaking makes him into a somewhat different, more stilted character, and this is to his political detriment.

I am perhaps one of the few people left in this country who doesn't dislike Gordon Brown, and would still like him to succeed. There is characteristic sentimentality in this feeling, to be sure.

("opposition" in westminster terms, of course; ie "someone representing me in london who isn't one of those labour fuckers").

xpost to self

did any of you ever hear that David Cameron cycles a bike?

I heard he used to

too late :(

No, pinefox, you're not quite the only one. I want to see Brown succeed to because in England that is the only alternative to a tory landslide and while there may be nothing between tne parties on economics or foriegn policy, we already know that on things like gender equality, the minimum wage, abortion rights, the tories are the same old same old. And those things matter to me.

As I've sai before I've met him and person to person he is very different to his public persona. I've also seen him talk to a small audience and he was confident and funny and intelligent, none of which he seems to be able to get over on the wider stage.

He's surely doomed but i survived 18 years of the last tory government, in fact i had quite a lot of fun, because being in opposition is so much easier.

Sorry, a bit incoherent, am typing with one hand and trying to eat an ice cream woth the other.

"I've reported it online...but I'm not holding my breath."

wtf does this even mean? posted about it on facebook?

https://online.met.police.uk/

what a modern person he is

he likes the smiths too!

http://timesonline.typepad.com/politics/2008/07/how-obama-was-t.html

Barack Obama: "Jokes, bruv"

If Barack pals up with that cunt then he's a straight cunt too and fuck him and the horse on which he rode into town.

Srsly tho you pig-thick Nu Labour twats there's still time to introduce PR as the ultimate zero option. It's not like we're ever gonna have a socialist government so we might as well fix it so there's never a hundred-majority Tory one either.

That would actually be a stroke of genius. So don't hold your breath.

http://i35.tinypic.com/20ijc75.jpg
Brown's getting a bit of stick today for his holiday attire. I'm struggling to see what's wrong with it - not what I'd choose myself, but surely pretty harmless and just what you'd have expected a formal middle-aged man to wear for a walk round a park?

No 'Kiss me Quick' hat, clearly not a man of the people.

If he gets panned for this, I'm struggling to think what he *can* wear without attracting derision. He might as well go out dressed as The Riddler next

It's not like we're ever gonna have a socialist government so we might as well fix it so there's never a hundred-majority Tory one either.

Only a hundred? There's optimism for you!

ugh, 'I'm struggling to' in consecutive posts. If I was Brown, there'd be a massive zing coming my way for that gaffe

"Yes, it seems the Prime Minister is struggling to do a lot of things these days..."

HEAH! HEAH! HEAH! HEAH! HEAH! HEAH! HEAH! HEAH!

is offered a 90% pay cut and given only 2 hours to decide

If Barack pals up with that cunt then he's a straight cunt too and fuck him and the horse on which he rode into town.

how, pray, would you like the man likely to be the next US president to behave towards the man likely to be the next UK prime minister?

(nb obama is almost certainly to the right of cameron on most scales)

obama is almost certainly to the right of cameron on most scales

No he isn't

Yes, Hillary was the Democrat candidate to the right of Cameron, Obama just to the left of him.

I don't think Hillary is to the right of Cameron either, he is a right wing scumbag

If you read her manifesto for the campaign trail, she's only to the left of McCain on two things (health care was one, can't remember the other).

There are a lot of things that presidential candidates have to sign up to which would automatically be regarded as right-wing in the UK. Death penalty, for instance.

I was thinking more about invading Iran and tightening immigration, that she was more enthusiastic about than either McCain or Obama.

did cameron's shorts (see the cameron thread) achieve any better/worse reviews in the papers?

how, pray, would you like the man likely to be the next US president to behave towards the man likely to be the next UK prime minister?

-- lex pretend, Tuesday, 29 July 2008 15:46 (1 hour ago) Bookmark Link

Google "kinnock reagan talks"

If you read her manifesto for the campaign trail, she's only to the left of McCain on two things (health care was one, can't remember the other).

lol war

Must confess I haven't seen any reviews of Cameron's shorts, but Brown was advised to try wearing shorts on Richard & Judy just now. Cameron genuinely *could* turn up dressed as The Riddler and still get better reviews than Brown's clobber - see how his 'stolen bike' produced sympathy, instead of the 'Gordon the Softy' headlines that would follow big boys pinching Gordon's new BMX

nb obama is almost certainly to the right of cameron on most scales

uh, no. and neither is hillary.

Brown resigns on health grounds Autumn 2008.

Take it here boys:

Come anticipate the upcoming Labour leadership election with me

maybe brown can be transferred to the US on a swap deal +£40m +Paul Robinson, with obama

The centre of attention, back with a winner

And this from the Guardian website, imagine what it must be like on the Daily Mail comments...

DeckerJnr

Comment No. 1248682
August 1 10:17

How about nos 11-20?

11 - Build 3 huge prisons and fill them with anyone caught carrying a knife (automatic 5yr jail terms for each one)

12 - Sack all 'bin inspectors' and any other idiotic positions this government has dreamed up

13 - Stop employing people to spy on members of the public for utterly inane purposes:
http://www.guardian.co.uk/uk/2008/jul/25/smoking

14 - Remove at least half of the 1,000 laws that allow the government to access our homes (over 500 brought in since 1997)

15 - Bring petrol duty rates down to European levels (50% in the UK...25% in France)

16 - Forget about 'Global Warming' (or 'Climate Change' when if having a sh*t summer) and concentrate on real concerns. Only a few nutters believe this particular conspiracy theory - the rest of us know that it's just an excuse for higher taxes.

17 - Halt the retrospective road-tax policy. This is nothing more than blatant theft.

18 - Get rid of that racist, sexist lunatic Harriet Harman

19 - Have the balls to go out and meet your public. Look at Cameron - taking over town halls for Q & A's, connecting with people. Can you step to the street? I thought not.

20 - Do none of the above (which we know he will), face a hammering in virtually every constituency and crawl back into opposition with your decimated party.

There will be street parties when this lot finally go. Our liberties have suffered enough. Go away Brown and please God stay away.
Offensive? Unsuitable? Report this comment.

I was out last night with various people who work at the Treasury. One of the most fondly recounted stories from Brown's years as Chancellor was when his private secretary was called up to his office at one point late in the evening, because "we'll need someone to look at my computer". She got up there to find the keyboard was sitting, at an angle, in the middle of the screen from where Brown had smashed it through in a fit of fury.

That beats a few mobile phones hands down.

One story that particularly stuck in the prime minister's mind was that of the ill-fated expedition by Captain Scott. He recounts how Scott and his team failed to reach the South Pole before their rivals, then "ran out of food and died in the cold".

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk_politics/7547476.stm

73 or thereabouts. Friends of Roald Amundsen leak 1911 memo criticising Scott's decision to distance self from previously successful dog teams. Oates writes article for Manchester Guardian which fails to mention Scott, resigns from big tent.

Added: Monday, 11 August, 2008, 11:08 GMT 12:08 UK

My thoughts on a human rights bill are in a way very stupid and
I would not like to see it happen.

david ford, tunbridge wells kent, United Kingdom

Hey, he's honest.

that's why i felt it had to be saved!

http://www.newstatesman.com/uk-politics/2008/08/labour-government-hole-1990

^^^not bad

i thought Major only won in '92 because the alternative was a "Welsh ginge"

A bald Welsh ginge windbag to be precise

Insufficient numbers of voters wanted to elect the Libba Piddi and unseat Major's bank ripped Gibbermint. Not to mention "ALRIGHT! ALRIGHT!" at Sheffield.

http://bp3.blogger.com/_EQc_hLHXONE/RjZjgoB1IAI/AAAAAAAAAbM/M10S0d_75gA/s1600-h/pissed_off.jpg
Miliband's cut short his holiday and is flying back as we speak, due to Russia-Georgia stuff. He must have heard Lavrov calling for regime change earlier

i think Miliband just realised he doesn't find being on holiday much fun

Gordon Brown keeps hiring small children to kick over his sandcastles.

Brown has called for an end to hostilities in Georgia. Result!

Does anyone have a copy of the most recent Private Eye issue? The front cover was quiet LOLZ.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/scotland/scotland_politics/7557933.stm

Why does it seem to be only Labout MPs that are dropping off? I suspect Milliband (obv). And/Or battered snacks.

http://www.private-eye.co.uk/pictures/covers/full/1216_big.jpg

I haven't really been paying sufficient attention to the news but in the last couple of days it seems like Miliband's been far more visible than Brown over Georgia, in the British media at least. Is this a fair assessment? If so that's another fuckup, Blair would have been all over that shit.

To be fair, it would have been the Foreign Secretary's job alone under any PM other than Blair. Brown did make a typically risk-free intervention, calling for a ceasefire six hours after it had been announced.

The British press would probably have found some way of blaming Brown for the whole conflict if he'd got involved in any way

I caught a BBC interview with Des Browne the night after hostilities started and the interviewer patiently listened to Browne saying how tragic and serious it all was and how restraint should be exercised etc. then said something like "meanwhile the Prime Minister is at a book festival, how serious does he think the situation is."

Not quite the same level as this
http://ihatethisvacuum.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/02/bushreadingthepetgoat.jpg
but it still gives the impression he's not on the ball.

Downing Street has posted a bizarre 55-second video on YouTube dismissing the idea Jeremy Clarkson should become prime minister.

The joke video was condemned today as waste of taxpayers' money.

The 55-second clip was created after nearly 50,000 people signed a petition backing a call for the Top Gear presenter to be made PM.

Posted on Downing Street's YouTube site, it thanks everyone who signed the online petition, and says officials have "thought long and hard" about the suggestion.

http://www.metro.co.uk/news/article.html?in_article_id=273950&in_page_id=34

In what way is that 'bizarre'? It's not very funny but then neither is My Family which costs the taxpayer considerably more.

"While the British public is having to tighten its belts, the Government is spending taxpayers' money on a completely frivolous project," he said.

"This shows how detached the Labour Party has become from the concerns of the British people."

Surely instead of commenting on this video they should be spending their time addressing the concerns of the people?

A member of staff with a spare half hour? SACK THEM! NO ROOM FOR BALLAST IN THRUSTING THATCHERKID BROKEN FERAL BRITAIN

Minister set 'to quit' over Brown

Who's going to be first to kick the stool from under him? Article says it's a he, so probably Denham, Hoon or Woodward I would guess.

It's a minister, not a cabinet member. So none of those three, then.

My guess is "some dude who has ties to John Reid". Just a wild guess there, though.

Apparently it's Ben Bradshaw, Minister of State for Health Services.

Apparently.

wow, a real heavy-hitter then. bunch of idiots, these rebels.

Not even Bradshaw!

I give you David Cairns - Scottish Office minister...
http://www.scottishlabour.org.uk/images/uploads/200052/6c396c25-0215-cd24-3918-184a4057adc0.jpg

ha they needed 70 MPs, they got 12

Woah, tough guy (xp)

Actually, now Nick Robinson says he's not going either...
http://www.bbc.co.uk/blogs/nickrobinson/2008/09/going_going_but.html

Housing minister Caroline Flint was last night emerging as a possible stalking horse who could trigger a leadership challenge to Gordon Brown.

The usually loyal minister was named by several Labour sources as the perfect candidate to flush out other more heavyweight contenders from the Cabinet to topple the Prime Minister.

http://news.scotsman.com/politics/Will-housing-minister-ride-in.4494060.jp

What have Blairbabes got against Gordy?

'heavyweight contenders'

is there anyone out there who would rather vote for Straw or Jacqui Smith, or indeed (outside cabinet) Charles Clarke or Milburn, than vote for Brown? These people make him look superb.

exactly

LOL John Reid

is there anyone out there who would rather vote for Straw or Jacqui Smith, or indeed (outside cabinet) Charles Clarke or Milburn, than vote for Brown? These people make him look superb.

― the pinefox, Tuesday, 16 September 2008 11:29 (8 minutes ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

Straw yes, Milburn perhaps, the other two no.

Ben Bradshaw is my local MP.

Carrie Ben Bradshaw Layfield

I don't understand what they're doing. A leadership election would almost certainly have to mean a General Election, which Labour will lose. If Brown is ousted any incoming leader who doesn't call an election will be castigated and Labour will be even more unpopular.

Strategically, losing an election wouldn't be the worst thing, let the Tories deal with the recession etc, but that's hardly going to be in the mind of Labour MPs worried about losing their jobs.

But the more I think about it, the more I think we are witnessing the terminal decline of the Labour party, but that's another thread.

It's rats leaving a sinking ship isn't it? Any chance of a few Labour defections to the Tories? Would any of them go THAT far to save their own skins?

Anyone see that letter in Sat'day's Guardian from various prospective Liberal Democrat candidates stating that they were defecting to the Tories?

The Liberals are the party that's set to be annihilated in the next election, not Labour

ILE 1996: the more I think about it, the more I think we are witnessing the terminal decline of the Conservative party.

the difference is that the tories have just had to learn basic PR skills. they haven't had a really fundamental change in outlook in 30 years. labour had to junk loads of core commitments to get elected in 1997. the cameron lot don't actually vocalize what they intend to do in re locking up yobbos, etc, but they're definitely the party of the business man in his suit and tie.

i.e. vote Cameron because RAEF says it's the right thing.

And now he's gone.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk_politics/7618362.stm
So much for Nick Robinson's inside information.

he looks a bit like Gaunty

So apparently a MORI poll released tonight will show the following scores:

CON: 50
LAB: 24
LD: 12

Which, translated into seats, would mean the Tories having a majority of 314 seats at the next election. And Labour losing 216 of their seats.

Sorry, Tories should be on 52.

go tories!

http://politicalbetting.com/index.php/archives/2008/09/20/comres-has-the-tory-lead-down-to-12/

OH SHIT LABOUR REVIVAL IN FULL SWING

Or maybe it's an outlier

Good.

LibDems up a bit at expense of a bit off a massive Conservative lead makes no difference to anyone.

I'm trying to work out whether Brown being seen to act decisively and strongly will ultimately help him as the Tories come under more scrutiny, or whether he's just fucked whatever happens. I suspect it's the latter, I doubt the electorate is willing to give him any credit for anything at all these days.

Acting decisively and strongly throughout the financial crisis, I mean.

Srsly Brown could cure cancer tomorrow and nobody wd have a good word for him. I almost feel sorry for him. But then I remember he's Gordon Brown.

There was a piece in the Graun on Friday by Martin Kettle or someone arguing that the financial turmoil will at least stop Labour plotters from being too blatant at the Labour conference, because it just isn't the right time. Two days later David Miliband is on the front page of the Mirror giving a big 'MY VISION' type interview, I reckon if anything it will escalate if Brown gives a grim conference speech.

Miliband is fucked as well really, isn't he? It's either become New Labour's Michael Heseltine or New Labour's William Hague, which isn't much of a choice.

If he's REALLY lucky he gets to be New Labour's John Major for a bit.

Surely Brown is New Labour's John Major?

major lasted six and a half years and won an election with something like the highest tory vote ever (check this please subs) during a recession.

i don't think the problem now is brown, and the plotters are insane if they think the public will get behind a second unelected PM, especially when none of the possible candidates have anything going for them.

it's all-round about as grim as it gets, whoever wins the next election.

No, as grim as it gets is a 100 plus Tory majority and Miloliband as leader of the Opposition.

Surely Milibrand can't become leader until he's grown that mustache?

I cannot see Brown doing a great speech at conference, it's just not in him. I've seen 'live' and he can do good speeches, in that they are intelligent, articulate and even witty but they've all been out of the public eye to small-ish groups.

he can do good speeches, in that they are intelligent, articulate and even witty but they've all been out of the public eye to small-ish groups.

http://newsimg.bbc.co.uk/media/images/45036000/jpg/_45036045_gb_pa226b.jpg

Prescott's stand-up routine should be rofflicious this year.

leader of the opposition miliband facing down cameron -- may as well replace the commons with the oxford union and cut out the tedious and costly machinery of democracy.

Well at least Milibrand went to a comprehensive first. Ok, it's not much...

actually i just meant their lightweight, pointscoring steez rather than similar social background.

Can't stand Blears at the best of times, but anyway.

Cabinet minister Hazel Blears has attacked US vice-presidential candidate Sarah Palin as "horrendous".

Ms Blears, the Communities Secretary, suggested that the Republican running mate of John McCain had merely capitalised on people's distaste for regular politics.

Her comments appeared at odds with strenuous efforts by Downing Street to maintain neutrality on the US presidential elections. They also risk poisoning relations with the Republicans, who are still neck-and-neck with Democratic hopeful Barack Obama little more than a month before polling day.

Ms Blears was speaking to a fringe meeting at the Labour Party conference in Manchester when she remarked that politics was increasingly turning people off. "I just think there is so much anti-politics - not just in this country but around the world," she said.

"One of the reasons why Sarah Palin has been such a phenomenon is because she's anti-politics, anti-Washington. Her politics are horrendous, but actually she's struck a chord with people - 'I'm a maverick, I'm not part of those powerful people' - and people identified with that."

She said the word "horrendous", let's jump on it.

Surely Milibrand can't become leader until he's grown that mustache?

EXACTLY

Anyway, enjoy your future Conservative hell.

Where does Blears stand on anti-football?

1421: It's almost time for the pre-speech video. Sarah Brown is in the hall. At the lectern. What's going on? It looks like she is about to address the Labour conference.

1425: Mrs Brown is speaking again. She introduces him. Cue Stevie Wonder on the PA system. Everyone is on their feet.

Prescott was great on Newsnight - haven't seen anyone make Paxman erm and bumble quite like that before

Gordon is just a buffoon , he is so far up his own agenda it beggars belief , but of course "he is the best man for the job" and for "britain" . i think he is a watt

ian jempson, Revoloutionsville

memwatch is veering towards... ""britain""

*memewatch

Brown is so inempt and so lacking humility the mark of a true coward he has to get his wife to soften his monstous visage - if any other politician partnered with his wife on stage it would be fine but whatever Brown does is usless - thats just the way of the world he no longer culturaly fits or is relavant and monkey Milliband is no better

[sammon8], london, United Kingdom

Bumper crop of mongs today

Is someone going to do a worm watch on GB's speech today?

I was thinking the only way he could claw back votes would be to restore the pensions/wages link, then I walked past a telly showing BBC news and it had "Brown restores pension wage link" on screen.

No prescription charges for people with cancer.
Free webmonging for the poor.

He's hoovering up votes here...

If anything happens at all it'll be a small Brown bounce which disappears next week as soon as Cameron makes his speech.

We're going to have to actually pay attention to the Tory conference this year, aren't we? As opposed to just going 'lol Jerusalem'.

I'm looking forward to various Tories calling for tighter regulation of City of London institutions, state intervention to help failing banks and a cap on bonuses for high earners

a cap on bonuses for high earners
so not gonna happen

Cameron's just going to come on and mime guitar with a tennis racket to 20 minute standing ovation and widespread media approval

Cameron is going to tell the crowd how "Blackout" was clearly written specifically for Britney because it's much "darker" than anything Danja ever produced before.

Wayne Loftus as next chancellor

Brown didn't "do an Obama" then?

Caledonian fist bump

More like bump his fist into Milliband's face.

I wish he would

http://newsimg.bbc.co.uk/media/images/45044000/gif/_45044824_brown_tag_cloud_226.gif

Vote for the New World Fairness Party People!

where's "HOPE" EH? How am I meant to HAVE it if you don't SAY it?!

Fail.

need to do a fake one for Cameron

Please replace with BULLINGDON SMASH NHS COCAINE THATCHER DOGGING okthxbye.

I bet when he is "bigging himself up" over his mythical & delusional prowess as Chancellor, he neglects to mention some very big bills that future generations of taxpayers in Britain, some not even born yet, will have to deal with:

* Hundreds of millions of pounds committed to PFI projects.
* Uncosted & unfunded public sector pensions
* Northern Rock
* Massive overseas aid committment via the Department for International Development

He shouldn't be sacked, he should be prosecuted.

Righty Rightwing

Recommended by 156 people

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk_politics/7632778.stm

Things are looking up for old GB.

As I understand it Cameron's policy will be "Britain to doff its cap to high earners."

Harriet Harman over-egging the pudding a little here.

Date rape is kind of the perfect metaphor for the nu-Tories though.

How bizarre that Ruth Kelly leaving the cabinet is seen as 'overshadowing' this conference.

Tory Conference to be overshadowed by the news that David Blaine's head has exploded and Leslie Ash is joining Eastenders

what is it w/ r kelly and kids?

http://newsimg.bbc.co.uk/media/images/45050000/jpg/_45050194_45050072.jpg

Good to see how well Barbara Dickson and Elaine Paige have weathered the years.

That's 10% clawed back already. It's not over till the fat lady sings.

if the conservatives lose the next election, the look on everyone's face will be priceless

QUIVER IN YOUR SHOWADDYWADDY SHOES, MR BROWN.

Happens this is just up the road from me so I might go up there and kick a ball in their street.

Future of the Union and what to do about the Public Sector = Tory nightmares

Cameron's got a humdinger of a populist policy up his sleeve for the Tory conference speech, you can just tell.

Declare war on Scotland?

Cameron declaring war on Scotland, is this 1662 again?

we'll set aboot him. etc.

If only they'd elected Andy Cameron as leader...

or grannies' favourite cameron out of off of big brother.

or

http://i2.photobucket.com/albums/y32/stefaniafm/cameron.jpg

"Yabba dabba doo, we support the party in blue
And it's easy, easy"

Next Tory Conference: Cameron is introduced on stage by Steph, by means of hoovering the carpet before he comes on.

re alan ruck: actually, there is a slight resemblance ...

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/telegraph/multimedia/archive/00443/news-graphics-2007-_443970a.jpg

tits. i meant:

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/telegraph/multimedia/archive/00443/news-graphics-2007-_443970a.jpg

Who Cameron reminds me much more of:

http://cfs4.tistory.com/upload_control/download.blog?fhandle=YmxvZzE2MzEzNEBmczQudGlzdG9yeS5jb206L2F0dGFjaC8yLzE0MDAwMDAwMDIxNy5qcGc=

If only they'd elected Andy Cameron as leader...

That'd really shake them up...

office

Back to Ruth Kelly. How much of a cow is she to do this right after Brown's speech. It couldn't have waited until next week? She wants the tories to win so that they will (at the very least) reduce the 24 week limit on abortion.

Memo to all governments ever: never hire any Guardian writers, they're all wacko.

I'm threatening to leave the country if Madeleine Bunting becomes Prime Minister.

How much of a cow is she to do this right after Brown's speech

It's an outrage. I'm disgusted. Shocked. Outraged.

Stunned. Devastated. Shaken to my very core.

That party political broadcast last night gave new meaning to the term "gruelling."

I thought the Ruth Kelly 'bombshell' was leaked by Brown's people in a 3am graveyard press briefing, specifically so it wouldn't make the papers. If she'd been trying to be a cow, I doubt she would have done it this way

Opus D'oh, people.

Also David Cameron is him:

http://www.thegoldenyears.org/george_sanders.jpg

Poor George! What an insult!

That's 10% clawed back already. It's not over till the fat lady sings.

― Tom D is a rattly old puffin, who remembers ILX in the days when... (Tom D.), Thursday, 25 September 2008 11:20 (1 hour ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

As mentioned elsewhere, the last time a party experienced a precisely 7% bump during conference season was when IDS cut his "quiet man turning up the volume" speech.

http://content.answers.com/main/content/wp/en/thumb/9/9e/180px-Shere.jpg

AND THAAATS WHAAAT FRIENNNNNNDS ...

ARRRRRRRRRE FORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!

Also, looking at the history of the Leader of the Opposition, excluding Leaders of the Opposition that died/were murdered by Communists before they were going to get elected in (Gaitskill and Smith), all LotO for 62 years between Landsbury and Hague became Prime Minister.

um, no?

Foot, Kinnock, Hague,DunkSmith, etc?

xpost
What about Michael Foot and Neil Kinnock?

posting this just cos

http://newsimg.bbc.co.uk/media/images/45050000/jpg/_45050111_widdecombe_itv226.jpg

*insert poptimist girl group of your choice* getting desperate zing

That picture is amazing.

It's the all femme Stranglers tribute band.

From the Guardian:

LATEST: Peter Mandelson to return to government in cabinet reshuffle, reports say. More details soon ...

The nearest he could get to the folksy charm of Sarah Palin.

Brown needs to STEP AWAY FROM THE CRACK-PIPE QUICK SHARP

Leader of the Free World

The global financial crisis has been pretty good for him so far. Of course the renewed support will ebb away once Brits start really feeling it in their pockets, but if there was an election tomorrow, he might win.

DON'T CALL IT A COMEBACK, I BEEN HERE FOR YEARS

The Tories need a Sarah Palin, stat.

In order to make me laugh really hard, I mean.

Way ahead of you, son:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-418593/Restore-death-penalty-scrap-pound-says-Priti-Patel.html

I'd hit it.

How do you enact a "never do something" policy?

"Never scrap the pint"
"Never scrap Morris Dancing"
"Never scrap pissing rain on Bank Holidays"

Asked if she favoured hanging, the electric chair or some other method, Ms Patel said: "I haven't thought through all the details."

Yeaeh! We need someone to not think through all the details. Not like that Mr Cameron, who hasn;t thought through different details... (Bob, Catford)

clearly a doer not a thinker

This thread will self destruct in 5 days time.

What happens in 5 days?

6 months from start of thread. Clearly it'll be nothing but blue skies for him from now on.

Or then again, maybe not.

The global financial crisis has been pretty good for him so far. Of course the renewed support will ebb away once Brits start really feeling it in their pockets, but if there was an election tomorrow, he might win.

― Matt DC, Friday, October 10, 2008 5:30 PM (3 months ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

im thinking now is when the shine comes off.

Last couple of months surely? The Tories putting Ken Clarke back on the front bench could make a difference as well, but not as much as spiralling unemployment figures.

I'm coming to the conclusion that every government across Europe will probably be thrown out regardless of the ideological position of the opposition so maybe the UK govt are already in a position of trying to make things as impossible for David Cameron as they can.

I mean, the Tories pretend to disagree with NuLab all the time but you can tell by the constant disbelief, horror and panic that Cameron and Osbourne have been trading on lately that they're fucking worried about what they might inherit.

Ken Clarke's ability to keep quiet over europe makes his appointment a double edged sword. He is not known for his delicacy and tact.

And also no real idea how they would fix it, or do things differently. (xpost)

MattDC otm, the chances of Cameron getting voted in on a slim majority or as a coalition mean his tenure could be short if the economy doesn't start to pick up.

Do you think that Obama's victory will have any influence on voters? I could see many people taking inspiration from it and wanting to vote for change, but then you remember what the actual choices are and it's the same old tat on offer. Who's most likely to seize the moment and convince us that they have any sort of bold vision of the future?

I don't think a Tory majority would be slim. The electoral maps that were coming out before the revival showed England almost entirely blue. I can't see anything to win them back to labour.

Basically, now that experienced heads have taken their shot and failed, there's no reason to vote for Brown at all. He doesn't even have likeability in his favour

Last couple of months surely?

possibly, but the last five days do seem like the last throw. as to the next election, i still think it's in the balance. what is ken clarke doing, other than to be a more tv-friendly face than osborne, a kind of fake chancellor -- a bit like mandy i guess.

possibly we'll have more perspective on the last few months when the election happens, a clearer idea of exactly how fucked we are, but also of what the alternative was. the charge 'do-nothing party' still has legs.

Dunno, I think the first bailout worked, in that the banks didn't actually collapse, but people have short memories and that all could well be viewed as a failure by now not to mention by the next election. I can't see this one being even remotely popular.

The way British politicians relate to Obama is a big thing as well, particularly whether or not the govt decide to ape his policies.

But yeah, Clarke = Mandy totally.

Clarke is only Mandy at weekends.

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/politics/article5600271.ece

Killer blow by the Tories imo

Even that is bs though - Conservative Party officials were not immediately able to clarify whether the new government would release the cache of existing classified documents or simply introduce a more relaxed policy towards the publication of future discoveries or investigations.

He can basically say anything he likes about anything and he'll still win. Nobody cares what he stands for.

he could have some real fun with that

Refinery strikes spread across UK, ostensibly prompted by people taking Brown's bullshit slogans seriously - one protester called George urged the prime minister to take action: "All we want is for Gordon Brown to fulfil his promise. He said British jobs for British workers."

They'll be calling him on "no more boom and bust" next

http://www.guardian.co.uk/politics/2009/jan/30/british-jobs-british-workers

^^ interesting compendium. kudos to keith vaz and david cameron for keeping debate sane and measured.

Keith Vaz really is a character.

And by that I mean "dumb fat cunt"

GE expected to be called for May? Looking pretty likely now isn't it?

http://www.guardian.co.uk/politics/2009/jan/30/british-jobs-british-workers

So in order to argue with Brown, Cameron has to take the position "British jobs for French/Germans/Romanians/Poles/anyone else who wants one really..."

Should make for an interesting election. There'll be a load of lifelong Blues/Reds without the first fucking clue why they're still clinging on to a party that sounds like the other mob.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/politics/blog/2009/jan/29/gordon-brown-crying-over-heathrow

url: gordon-brown-crying-over-heathrow

article: gordon-brown-wasn't-crying-over-heathrow

http://newsimg.bbc.co.uk/media/images/45428000/jpg/_45428887_strike_fist282index_pa.jpg
Short, catchy, rabble-rousing slogan not short & catchy enough for roused rabble

That guy showing his commitment to British institutions having British owners and British workers by wearing a Man Utd hat.

altho his impersonation of Blakey from On The Buses more than makes up for this oversight

Meanwhile, the USA gets Obama.

Davos Phone Faux Pas: Who's calling Gordon Brown?

Refinery strikes spread across UK, ostensibly prompted by people taking Brown's bullshit slogans seriously - one protester called George urged the prime minister to take action: "All we want is for Gordon Brown to fulfil his promise. He said British jobs for British workers."

They'll be calling him on "no more boom and bust" next

People in Grimsby taking him seriously, note. They're not all that bright, some of them.

That guy showing his commitment to British institutions having British owners and British workers by wearing a Man Utd hat.

...manufactured in a sweatshop in China. And then he went home in his Japanese car. Etc.

So these numbskulls are going to bring down the government and then they'll get that great supporter of protectionism, trade unions and the minimum wage, David Cameron?

http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/51RYQQ5C4FL._SS500_.jpg

There'll be a load of lifelong Blues/Reds without the first fucking clue why they're still clinging on to a party that sounds like the other mob

That's better.

So these numbskulls are going to bring down the government and then they'll get that great supporter of protectionism, trade unions and the minimum wage, David Cameron?

Oh ffs.

This is Brown's fault for bandying around stupid, boneheaded, Daily Express-pandering quasi-racist slogans that have dragged him into the centre of an entirely corporate dispute he could have steered well clear of.

i don't think this is a racist* protest, tbh, and i don't think they're numbskulls for not wanting to be unemployed. it's not exactly a clear-cut scenario, and yeah maybe for the greater good of free-market capitalism they're going to have to go without, but imo demonizing people who have a legit beef is out of order.**

*eg rawnsley bringing discussion of the bnp into it: dog-whistle politics for observer readers.

**it doesn't seem to be racist at the moment im posting this anyway. or, if it is, it is racist that the eu excludes non-eu workers, etc -- to associate this kind of racism, if it such, with the bnp is messy.

I don't think it's racist, no, not in its intent. I don't blame guys for being hurt and bewildered at the prospect of losing their jobs, either. But what's happened to them is deeper than EU law, they could just as easily have had their jobs cut from under them by a tender from another UK company. And their employer is nominally French, anyway, inasmuch as nationality means anything with regard to lol Global Capitalism. That's the messed uppest thing about these kind of disputes now - we thrive on cheap foreign imports but most people still have this deep unconscious belief in the nation state despite all the evidence that it no longer exists. I guess it was probably always like this but you don't see so many Buy British stickers in the back of Austin Princesses anymore.

No I don't think this is a racist protest either and I agree with you about the dangers of demonising the protestors. But Labour politicians know full well what they're pandering to when they say things like "British jobs for British workers" without thinking of how that might come back to bite them arse later. It's not like you can claim later that there are nuances that are being misinterpreteed.

(Noodle Vague OTM)

most people still have this deep unconscious belief in the nation state despite all the evidence that it no longer exists.

yeah i feel you but there are still lots of ways in which the nation state is a big deal, acting independently of the eu, eg on fiscal questions. and the eu has not exactly been acting as one in 'solving the crisis'.

xpost

yeah GB shouldn't have said it because he couldn't have kept to it, but these protests would be happening anyway.

Whilst the state still nominally has the power to control a lot of policy there's a genuine terror of multinationals moving jobs elsewhere that means nobody's gonna be pulling any Maynard Keynes stuff any time soon, right?

Having read the Rawnsley piece I don't really see what's wrong with it, other than stupid phrases like "Adolf Hitler and his murderous Third Reich". He doesn't accuse the protestors or the unions of racism and it's difficult to tackle a subject like this without factoring in how the far right will try and make political capital out of it.

Much as I agree with free markets, globalisation, etc., inevitably that means that guys like these protestors are going to be the big losers, and it's just not right expect them to take a bullet so the rest of us can have porsches. The answer really would be to train these guys up so that they can compete on something other than being British. But then again, any society's going to have a stratum of people who can only aspire to being manual workers, so I guess there has to be some kind of dignified solution for them, though whether that's social protection, more blatant redistribution or just accepting that there has to be some degree of protectionism I don't know.

What's really, really wrong is Brown pretending that being British is enough, knowing that he doesn't believe it and had nothing to back it up if called out on it. It's cynical beyond belief and worse, stupid politics. For a guy who's lived politics his whole life and got this far, he really is useless.

I don't even think Brown was pretending that, it was some dumb throwaway bullshit conference soundbite that he was stupid enough to not think it'd be used as a stick to beat him with for the rest of his brief career.

"Adolf Hitler and his murderous Third Reich"

hahaha yes was gonna bring this up. rawno's piece isn't as bad as i made out, but i suppose my reaction to the prospect of the far right is quite flippant, or maybe too sanguine -- i've spent too many years reading left-wing blogs where they talked about the 'renewed threat of fascism' revealed by a bnp council victory. i don't think the bnp can make significant political capital out of this, just because i think they'll always be a marginal irritant.

having said that, if the bnp *is* able to make political gains based on this, the far left and the moderate tory right will both be revealed as sleeping on the job. i think the swp (who i take about as seriously as the bnp) have now called it as a racist strike; and the tories have even given up on rhetoric in favour of the british worker. surely that kind of thing was how they won union-member voters, even if the reality was that they didn't give a fuck.

Much as I agree with free markets, globalisation, etc., inevitably that means that guys like these protestors are going to be the big losers, and it's just not right expect them to take a bullet so the rest of us can have porsches. The answer really would be to train these guys up so that they can compete on something other than being British. But then again, any society's going to have a stratum of people who can only aspire to being manual workers, so I guess there has to be some kind of dignified solution for them, though whether that's social protection, more blatant redistribution or just accepting that there has to be some degree of protectionism I don't know.

im totally conflicted on this tbh. sneaking suspicion that in the end "the environment" and the ensuing wars for natural resouces (TM john gray) will render the "free movement of goods and labour", which was only ever partial anyway, a thing of the past.

btw these guys are not lowly "manual workers" as you seem to be implying!

Has anyone said "spectre of the Winter of Discontent" yet?

surely that kind of thing was how they won union-member voters, even if the reality was that they didn't give a fuck.

That and the fact that Gavin Laird or one of the other big union General Secs in the 80s pointed out that most of his members were making so much money that they weren't really feeling the class struggle any more.

I'm pro Free Markets on paper, but believing in that shit is like believing in Communism - doesn't exist, never has, never will.

Is this the beginning of the end? We all know to everything there is a season and all that; a time to be born, a time to die. Could it be that historians will look back on this month as a historic tipping-point in British politics, the moment when the Tories began their rebirth and Labour its remorseless decline? Is this the time when the ice starts silently to melt?

It's easy to write the script: Labour is rocked by union militancy; talk of another winter of discontent; the transport system in chaos; the Prime Minister returning from sunny climes, not exactly saying: 'Crisis, what crisis?' but announcing he's off again soon. And all the while, the sound of steady, deliberate steps towards the centre coming from the Tory party. An arrogant Government failing to deliver and a chastened Opposition which is listening at last. It's certainly been the Conservatives' week.

jackie ashley, observer

13 january 2002

I'm pro Free Markets on paper, but believing in that shit is like believing in Communism - doesn't exist, never has, never will.

To think that thought through properly, systems that approach to those ideals without reaching them are maybe as pernicious and unpleasant as government can get.

And yeah agreeing with mr bronson that increasingly scarce resources are gonna make government bigger and the Adam Smithers are gonna get increasingly isolated and obsolete.

What happened in January 2002 agan? I can't even remember.

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/rail-chaos-more-strikes-on-way-662605.html

So these numbskulls are going to bring down the government and then they'll get that great supporter of protectionism, trade unions and the minimum wage, David Cameron?

Oh ffs.

This is Brown's fault for bandying around stupid, boneheaded, Daily Express-pandering quasi-racist slogans that have dragged him into the centre of an entirely corporate dispute he could have steered well clear of.

Oh ffs.

I'm not saying it wasn't Browns fault (although he had some help from papers showing pix of Italian's supposedly putting 2 fingers up at British workers) but I am saying that this is a stupid, illogical strike which will not get them anything that they want and may only make matters worse for them. Also the whole thing reminds me of the dockers coming out to support Enoch all those years ago tbh, not a pleasant thought.

Yes this is exactly like supporting Enoch Powell, brilliant.

I dunno Ned, one of the reasons it's exasperating trying to argue with you is because you seem to view everything through a prism of whether or not the Labour Party will win the next election, as if there's no reason to protest or complain about anything at all because it will only undermine them and let the Tories get in. You said a similar thing about Ruth Kelly. It's pretty ironic seeing as if the Labour Party had expended as much effort over the past few years articulating positive reasons to vote for them as they have going "we are not the Tories" they might not be in such a mess now.

this is a stupid, illogical strike which will not get them anything that they want and may only make matters worse for them

Stupid? That's debatable. It's a point of view with which I can empathise, certainly. Illogical? Yes, within the context of global capitalism. But, umm, how many people do you know who base every decision about their job/future on the wider context of global capitalism? No matter how left-wing one might proclaim themself to be, people -- like you, like me -- ultimately want to look after number one.

Here's Ian Bell in Saturday's (Glasgow) Herald on the wider subject, considering protectionism in particular. It's an essay rather than an op-ed piece: don't go looking to it for a specific angle. But I do think it merits reading.

I didn't say it was EXACTLY like supporting Enoch Powell, I said it reminded me of it. I'd love that there wasn't a xenophobic element to these disputes but I think there is, sorry.

But I will not apologise for not wanting to see people like Cameron and Eric Pickles and William Hague and George Osbourne and Liam Fox and Michael Gove in power.

I know I sound like the worst type of nulab apologist and you could and probably will list a whole load of cnuts from the labour front benches but there it is.

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/politics/article5660771.ece

I mean, mitigating factors aside and all that, but Brown _has_ to be the most useless British Prime Minister of the past half century now.

wow this is lame

tell you what, we'll swap with you.

William Hague actually making/talking quite a lot of sense on the Andrew Marr Show last Sunday shock horror Conservative cult probe.

It's easy when you're not in power.

Hague's "save the pound" rhetoric was all about British jobs for British people.

http://www.independent.co.uk/opinion/commentators/john-rentoul/john-rentoul-only-johnson-can-hold-back-the-tories-1622330.html

70. Jack Tweed re-offends on his wedding night.

Fuck this scumbag, spineless Government.

Fuck overpromoted dinner ladies jumping about like electrocuted lab rats and imposing fascist policies because they're scared of the tabloids.

Fuck jumped up little wankers going where even Thatcher wouldn't because the Mail will slag them off and they might lose the election.

Well, they deserve to lose the election. To hell with all toy political parties who cower before Rebekah Wade, Paul Dacre, Max Clifford, as though they're running the country.

You might not be fans of the guy, but this Monbiot take down of Hazel Blears the other week was classic:

http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2009/feb/10/hazel-blears-george-monbiot

Oh, I read it, plus Blears' stolid counterattack in the letters pages - followed by a grr leave Our Hazel alone missive from, of all defenders, David Blunkett!

You really couldn't make it up.

Yeah, Blears response was a really lame 'well, you should come up and see my constituency sometime' and you could imagine her saying it too in her hideous kiss-arse way.

Well, Worzel would know all about her hideous kiss-arse way ALLEGEDLY...

Always pictured Harriet Harman in the Una Stubbs/Aunt Sally role myself.

the monbiot piece is pretty bullshit though because it is by definition true of any cabinet minister - if they had rebelled, they would have to resign because of collective responsibility. so the idea that he's dutifully trotted off to theyworkforyou.com to check her voting record is ridic, if he knew anything about politics he'd already know she wasn't a rebel.

this shouldn't stop you from regarding this government as shitty, though.

Well yeah, everyone knows that brave politicians die in boiling pots of shit, but he was partly just wanting to land her a kick in the pants for the "you don't get very far in politics without guts" line. She's a shitty minister in a faltering government, she stands for fuck all apart from fawning ineptitude.

yeah, it's not that he's not right, it just gets on my nerves that theyworkforyou.com becomes a bit like the political correspondent's equivalent of "google turns up 124,000 matches for x" in a trend piece.

"You ... announced a policy of pre-emptive nuclear war"

When did she/they do this, exactly?

http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2008/jan/22/nato.nuclear

^^^ closest thing i can find, but it's nato as a whole and not even adopted as policy yet.

It has to be said:

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/telegraph/multimedia/archive/00672/cameron-ivan-404_672639c.jpg

Probably, works both ways though with GB's loss being remembered and the opportunity to show a more gentle, empathetic side to him. By time of election there'll be so much other shit to deal with that Cameron's son won't even register.

Agree about GB being able to show a more, empathetic side, I was actually welling up during his speech at PMQs! Losing a child hasn't seem to change many people's opinion of Gordy however.

Has anybody been on television more in the last six months than:

http://www.johnmcfall.org.uk/upload/images/heads/john-mcfall-westminster-hall.jpg

http://newsimg.bbc.co.uk/media/images/44146000/jpg/_44146087_robert_peston_bbc203i.jpg

Neck and neck though!

Home Secretary Jacqui Smith’s political future was in jeopardy tonight after it was revealed that her husband used her Commons expenses allowance to pay to watch pornographic films.

Richard Timney, who works as Ms Smith’s Commons adviser, used part of the Minister’s second-homes allowance to pay for the blue movies he watched on a subscription television channel.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1165611/Blue-movies-expenses-How-Jacqui-Smiths-husband-watched-pornographic-movies--paid-taxpayer.html?ITO=1490

Do people still say "blue movies"? I guess they do in Dailymail-land.

Blueys = classic word.

HAHAHAHAHA NO WAY.

That is the sort of thing that should only happen on this thread.

I mean, I'm sure this only equates to about £20 of taxpayers money but still lolololol.

I'm more shocked that he watched Ocean's 13 a second time than 'blue' movies.

SMITH'S HUSBAND 'DID NOT UNDERSTAND' OCEAN'S 13 PLOT

Dude apparently doesn't know how to swipe free porn off the web so not being able to follow Ocean's 13 seems fair enough.

he just wanted more

I was concerned the titles in question wouldn't be reported but the Telegraph stepped up to the plate.

I mean, I'm sure this only equates to about £20 of taxpayers money but still lolololol

I would be willing to foot the bill personally just for the lolz.

Mr Smith will no doubt be webmailing you about that right now.

I was concerned the titles in question wouldn't be reported but the Telegraph stepped up to the plate.

"Raw Meat 3"? A quick Google Image search reveals that Jacqui has yet another thing to be worried about.

Yeah I noticed hahahaha

trying to think of pron version of Ocean's 13

Oceans Spurt Teen?

in an act of drunken lols a few weeks ago my flatmate (and I) bought some cornershop pr0n. it's quite possibly the saddest thing i've ever fastforwarded through but if i can source his address i'm gonna send him the dvd so he's not left without.

hopefully the plot will not be too complicated. maybe i should include a synopsis?

in an act of drunken lols a few weeks ago

Same excuse given by Mr Smith.

well, yeah. but only one of us was fool enough to submit the receipt... as expenses... oh... shit...

Not using Treasury money to save a building society in YOUR OWN CONSTITUENCY, when your bordering constituencies were lost in by-elections, could be seen as a risky measure.

Tsch. Fucking Dunfermline. Don't they realise that bailouts are for bankers, not crypto-socialist wishy washy No Logo 'work a day for world peace' fucking mutuals. They want Govt money, clowns should have demutualized when they had the chance.

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/politics/article6078542.ece

really feels like major-in-'96 now, only without sense of better things to come.

McBride goes on to suggest that the website should spread rumours that pictures exist of Osborne “posing in a bra, knickers and suspenders” and “with his face ‘blacked up’ ”.

lololol. i think u might have overcooked that one, damian.

tl;dr

“The e-mail accusations regarding myself are 100% not true. They are slanderous and therefore libellous.”

overcooking is contagious

Anything involving Derek Draper is inevitably a disaster as the guy is a complete publicity addict. He used to have a standard line of 'There's only 5 people who matter in British politics - and I know/have access to all of them". It wouldn't surprise me if it were to turn out that Draper himself leaked these e-mails in a kind of 'Hey I'm still important and close to the PM' way.

I thought he was completely cut off from No. 10. after numerous embarrassing episodes. If they were still using him, they got what they deserve.

he probably came back in with his made mandelson. there's a funny-ish (or at least possibly illuminating) anecdote on harrys place about the guy.

'mate'

http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a82/bobbysixer/mcbride-brown-460_1382765c.jpg

Two tired people in the last knackered days of the Brown government. Left to right: 35 years old, 58 years old.

why couldn't this have happened to alistair campbell

Truly this is a political scandal for the Web 2.0 generation. Considering it was this guy's job to play the media he seems to have an astonishing ignorance of how it actually works.

The assumption seems to be that none of this stuff actually exists, right? If it actually does this is a pretty big indicator that there's absolutely nothing the government can do to get the media onside at this juncture.

(x-post)

Because Alastair Campbell had some semblance of professionalism - at least, until towards the end of his role.

From what I've read, McBride just seems a kind of thug with a tendency to send boorish internet hardman/barry lasagneque text messages to journos. He should spend some of his newly found spare time here to refine his zing style.

Because obviously we have never known the Murdoch media to publish unfounded and libellous stories about people. Political ramifications aside this story shows how much power the traditional media still has when weighed up against people taking matters into their owns hands. If the NOTW had published something similar on equally flimsy evidence, that mud would have stuck.

McBride's never 35!

Good Lord, it checks out. Also suggests there'll be no end of journos queueing up to stick the boot in

Is this the same Paul Staines who once called Mark Oaten a paedophile? Because all queers are nonces, right?

GUIDO & MONKEY 19 JAN PODCAST - (02:33):

"Can you imagine if you were sitting at home watching Big Brother or something and Mark Oaten rings you up, saying 'Please, can I have your support?'. It's like... 'Yeah, just fuck off, and stay away from my kids.'"

"Is he the creepiest Lib-Dem candidate?"

"Yeah, I think he is. Yeah, he's definitely gay*."

"Wouldn't want him near school playground."

(jokes about pallid complexions and comb-overs, then a change of subject)

"Anyway... Leo."

"I don't think Mark Oaten has touched Leo."

The assumption seems to be that none of this stuff actually exists, right? If it actually does this is a pretty big indicator that there's absolutely nothing the government can do to get the media onside at this juncture.

― Matt DC, Sunday, April 12, 2009 2:24 PM (1 hour ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

exactly. the media doesn't care about playing nice. in (say) 1997–2005 they had to, just because that is how the world works, even for murdoch and black and dacre.

some of it is true, i'd have thought. but what kind of a fucking idiot do you have to be to think "minister's wife is emotionally unstable" (whatever that even means) is going to win the nation's heart.

but what kind of a fucking idiot

Guido Fawkes? Who is always harping on on Gordon Brown's mental problems - it was only a couple of days ago he said "The Prime Mentalist is an emotionally retarded weirdo."

The fact that this cock is now seen as cutting edge political criticism is one of the many depressing aspects of this whole thing. Why are the Left so shit at blogging is another.

but what kind of a fucking idiot

Guido Fawkes? Who is always harping on on Gordon Brown's mental problems - it was only a couple of days ago he said "The Prime Mentalist is an emotionally retarded weirdo."

ok, i know you're only doing your job on these threads with this but can you not see the difference between a) bnp-sympathizing alkie blogtard guido fawkes and b) a guy who works out of no. 10 and is paid for by you and me?

Yeah, one is taken seriously by the press and the other has just got the sack/resigned.

Anyway, you asked what kind of fucking idiot and I answered, I wasn't saying anything about McBride who we had already established us an idiot.

"I take full responsibility for what happens and that's why the person who was responsible went immediately."

errrr?

http://www.guardian.co.uk/politics/2009/apr/16/gordon-brown-says-sorry-for-email-smears

LOL

Where has this hideous Nadine Dorries person come from?

Afterwards, purely out of mischief, I text Damian McBride again with this line from Conan the Barbarian: ‘What is best in life? To crush your enemies, to see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentations of their women.’

weird guy

http://www.spectator.co.uk/the-magazine/features/3540431/a-bloggers-notebook.thtml

Life is good — yet nagging worries remain. I decide to destroy all computer hard drives just in case, and order new ones.

uh-huh

I predict that the Tory party will all catch swine flu from Lord Ashcroft and Clegg will still not win the next general election.

"I take full responsibility for what happens and that's why the person who was responsible went immediately."

errrr?

http://www.guardian.co.uk/politics/2009/apr/16/gordon-brown-says-sorry-for-email-smears

ian hislop highlighted this on HIGNFY on friday with typical venom ..

Cameron set for election landslide with seven more seats than Blair won 12 years ago.

The ComRes survey puts the Tories on 45 per cent (up five points on last month), Labour on 26 per cent (down two points), the Liberal Democrats on 17 per cent (down one point) and other parties 12 per cent (down two points). If repeated at a general election, the figures would give David Cameron an overall majority of 186.

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/politics/tories-increase-lead-to-19-per-cent-as--labour-suffer-in-wake-of-budget-1675182.html

That won't happen

Well, hopefully...

Nobody believes strongly enough in Cameron and the Tories for that to happen

it's another 13-14 months till an election. don't think labour will win but there's no point speculating beyond that.

Why does everyone hate the budget? Were they really expecting a big cheque or something?

they were expecting a big cut! the budget was based on the notion that in nine months the economy will be at and will continue at 3.5% growth. shyeah right. it was a dishonest budget.

Obama asks him to help invade Pakistan.

it will be the biggest victory margin since '97 which will probably be enough for many to refer to it as landslide

turnout also being highest since '97 obv

On the contrary, I'd expect the lowest turnout in history for the next election.

they were expecting a big cut! the budget was based on the notion that in nine months the economy will be at and will continue at 3.5% growth. shyeah right. it was a dishonest budget.

I'm assuming "they" is not the GBP?

they were expecting a big cut! the budget was based on the notion that in nine months the economy will be at and will continue at 3.5% growth. shyeah right. it was a dishonest budget.

― FREE DOM AND ETHAN (special guest stars mark bronson), Tuesday, 28 April 2009 12:41 (34 minutes ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

Were they really? Cuts in what exactly?
Actually the tories were already on 45% before the budget.

I don't think the man-in-the-street was expecting cuts

if the man in the street wasn't expecting cuts it's an indictment of the education system. try to explain how you get out of this situation without cuts? the interest on the amount the government is borrowing is going to be insane.

'cuts in what?' is the question darling should have addressed, but ducked, as it has been suggested, so that when the incoming tories impose cuts they can be blamed for it.

People don't need to be enthusiastic about Cameron, they just need to be enthusiastic about getting rid of Labour. It'll be a landslide, but maybe not a Blair-sized landslide.

The LibDems really, really dropped a bollock in their last leadership election didn't they?

People don't need to be enthusiastic about Cameron, they just need to be enthusiastic about getting rid of Labour. It'll be a landslide, but maybe not a Blair-sized landslide.

Maybe. I don't think that landslide victories happen just because one of the parties is utterly crap and unpopular, the other party has to be extremely popular or else capture the zeitgeist or whatever, don't see Cameron managing that any time soon.

97 was a lot about getting rid of the tories. i don't remember it that well but iirc tony blairs won it rather than the labour party, and their programme was fairly modest, eg 'stick to tory spending plans for the first two years', 'don't raise income tax', etc.

Not getting the same vibes as I was getting in '97, man

i don't remember it that well but iirc tony blairs won it rather than the labour party,

Actually a bit of a myth - for sure Kinnock cocked up the previous election but John Smith was pretty popular. When he died the Labour party was...oh about 20 points ahead in the polls.

Labour would have won the election under John Smith but it was Blair who secured a massive majority. Pretty sure the Tories post-92 were even less popular than Labour are now.

it's another 13-14 months till an election. don't think labour will win but there's no point speculating beyond that.

― FREE DOM AND ETHAN (special guest stars mark bronson), Tuesday, 28 April 2009 11:05 (3 hours ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

's about right

speculation pointless?