do you feel like there is a wall between you & other people?

what the fuck is up with you curtis

I know where young Crut is comin' from, I do.

yes all the time but I don't start threads abt it I figured it's just the alienation of being part of that top 10% etc

I tend to deal with this by drinking - heavily - but then again it's a sunday night and I'm listening to cristoph de babalon cranked way loud so maybe I'm not the dude to talk to

if there is it would only be because i put it there. i don't think there is though

I'm on gchat son

eosj all OVER that money

I'm listening to cristoph de babalon cranked way loud

This is, of course, a very good thing!

Perhaps one of the sad things about getting old is that you start to realize that you aren't as different from everyone else as you used to think.

i don't feel this way but i don't necessarily think it's uncommon

you seem like the coolest dude though curtis...

if there is it's only because the state of california put it there.

I think I did to a large degree for much or probably most of my life, but in my old age I am more interested in interacting with other people just for the sake of getting to know them as human beings, as opposed to looking to them to confirm or disprove my sense of self in some way...I think that feeling at home in the world follows naturally from a sense of groundedness and humility that can be difficult to embody when you are younger, especially if you are "different" by virtue of being especially bright or sensitive or good-looking or self-aware or whatever.

It goes without saying that you are not going to be able to connect with everyone on the same level. Some people you can connect with very deeply and effortlessly-- those folks wind up being close friends...others you will likely never connect with in the same fashion, but the common bond of humanity is still there and worth investigating. I think it's good to sometimes experiment and deliberately engage with people that you'd normally be tempted to slag off as being dull or whatever. Often the results are surprising.

I felt a lot like that until my untreated depression was finally medicated. This is a serious response, btw, it only looks flippant.

I realised I had to stop rejecting the help and friendliness other people WERE offering me, or the suggestions they'd make that were eminently sensible, which I'd reject out of hand and sit in a fog of my own making. Its hard to break that habit though.

how common is this?

it is the single favorite theme of rock operas.

http://www.sptimesphotos.com/blogs/tampaarts/tommy.jpghttp://api.ning.com/files/8WiXkqOFMtlt6ayHRFgo7CTr8HYZ2IAYyxjXwL*OgRqJrvh7MpCLcSNJ7rhuipohMQZlOO41Pbeh6wus-AcfGcKky05j28P3/Pink_floyd_the_wall.jpg

I felt a lot like that until my untreated depression was finally medicated. This is a serious response, btw, it only looks flippant.

haw nah I've already been getting medication/treatment & it's working great - I just keep having these revelations like "damn wtf why have I been freaking about about dumb shit all my life? have I really been crazy all this time?"

I get this feeling a bit, in a mild form. Not an irreconcilable difference, but this big gap between me and other people that I want to bridge but can't work out how to do it. Thing is, I think most people have that feeling sometimes. Striving to bridge it is a good reason for being alive I think.

I think it's good to sometimes experiment and deliberately engage with people that you'd normally be tempted to slag off as being dull or whatever

I am those people. So, hell yeah I do feel like there's a wall.

I'm not under any illusion that I'm above any 10% line (though I'm all for the Cristoph de Babalon); as a teenager I thought being this much of a fuckup must be a sign of genius, but by now I'm pretty much resigned to the idea there's nothing clever or interesting about me, just this indefinable aura of extreme social awkwardness (oh, and being easily the least attractive person you've never seen) that keeps everyone away whether I mean to or not, and given that the rare occasions anyone's tried to get through it have surprised me to the point of forgetting how to form sentences I guess I do plan to keep it there, it's much less embarrassing.

I should not be this emo already on a Monday morning, right?

Curse you God, for making me this way.

yes all the time but I don't start threads abt it I figured it's just the alienation of being part of that top 10% etc

but you can understand that it can feel a bit less alienating when you find out lots of other people feel it too? It doesn't help you deal with it, like, but it's nice to feel a bit less freaky because of it.

So, er, yes. Me too.

i have a hard time relating to people, but i don't consider myself an outcast, mainly because i don't think people notice or care enough about me to cast me out of anything. i have my small group of friends and i'm cool not being seen as really cool or a role model or anything. i have a reputation for grim humor and being negative. kind of hurts me career-wise, but whatever. in my case i think it is cased by moving a lot as a kid, and having to deal with death and tragedy at a young age.

Yeah, I feel it, too. Even with the people I'm closest to. Felt that way as long as I can remember, my earliest memories being around a year and a half.

I'm guessing this is really common. And I'm guessing this is something that is at least partially projected. (A guess I base on nothing, really.)

like, do you have a lingering sense that you are an outcast, or that there's some sort of intangible but irreconcilable difference between you and the rest of humanity that means you can never truly belong? how common is this?

nah.

i think i've always felt a bit out of sync with my peers, but i tend not to worry too much about it these days. or at least i shove it into the back of my mind. and i certainly wouldn't say that i am irreconcilably different than the rest of humanity.

and yeah, i think it is extremely common (we're not all actually that special) and the wall can be your own product, though i don't really know how you break it down once it's up.
xpost

http://granitegrok.com/pix/Reagan%20at%20Brandenburg.jpg

yar it's a pretty common feeling. I'm not bothered about feeling like this (much) anymore - it was really bad a few years ago when i was around crutis' age... so heads up dude, might take a while but i think it'll eventually pass. i just realized how much I actually love being on my own, in my head, most of the time... even if i hate the feeling of loneliness or being somehow different from everybody. it's just a matter of perception anyway - i doubt i or anyone here is really all that different from the mob.

I'm even kind of an introvert on ilx and that prob says a lot about me considering how long i've been a poster here - I'm not shy, awkward or quiet, I just very rarely feel like exerting my presence in a crowd unless someone engages me... and so tend to think of myself as being on the other side of that wall. but now i know that the wall is there partly cause i built it, which is fine... i just gotta remember to make an effort to break it down occasionally. and it does take effort - i don't think it's easy for anybody once you've gotten in that habit of feeling constantly out of step with everybody else.

tompetty.mp3

http://api.ning.com/files/8WiXkqOFMtlt6ayHRFgo7CTr8HYZ2IAYyxjXwL*OgRqJrvh7MpCLcSNJ7rhuipohMQZlOO41Pbeh6wus-AcfGcKky05j28P3/Pink_floyd_the_wall.jpg

^^^

http://www.gotpetsonline.com/pictures-gallery/exotic-pictures-breeders-babies/wallaby-pictures-breeders-babies/pictures/wallaby-0014.jpg

anybody who makes a "do you feel there is a wallogina between you & other people" joke is a communist!

oh now you're just inviting it

curtis, i think you should not put too much thought into this because a lot of it - just a guess - is merely growing pains. you're in school, your relationships are changing, your friends are changing; you're just growing into your own skin, and this is a good thing.

YES

small (or major) consolation: I feel there is a wall between all other pairs of people; maybe the walls are okay.

I think it's good to sometimes experiment and deliberately engage with people that you'd normally be tempted to slag off as being dull or whatever

I have found that I get along best basically with anyone who is not like me. My best friends tend to be either was-very-much-a-frat-guy-in-college types or middle-age-women-still-using-AOL types. Culturally-aware, educated 20- and 30-somethings and I just never fucking get along, and I don't think it's because I carry and prejudice into it. I think it's usually a case of too much wall between the 2 of us (meaning most people like myself carry too much self-consciousness/self-loathing/despair).

Perhaps one of the sad things about getting old is that you start to realize that you aren't as different from everyone else as you used to think.

this is almost OTM except it is like totally the BEST thing about getting old.

Maybe the 'wall' thing is just that because we're based in an individualist society we find it hard to relate to people. OR we needed to have gone to grammar school and found better ways to articulate ourselves when feeling alienated instead of 'You talkin' to me punk?' or 'Go fuck yourselves San Diego' or summat

Dude, we're both young guys who listen to old OMD records. That means you're in my posse. YOU *BELONG* IN DA KING BOY P KREW, BRO!

Maybe the 'wall' thing is just that because we're based in an individualist society we find it hard to relate to people...

Also, I think taking one's self too seriously has something to do with it-- if you constantly think of your life as constituting some major "project" in which you have to perform for people or impress them or project a certain image, then it's not hard to fathom how a sense of there being a barrier between you and "the outside world" might result. Not that you shouldn't take yourself seriously on some level and live accordingly, but, in a culture that obsesses over measurements of achievement and status, I'm guessing that most people err on the side of over-seriousness as regards how they carry themselves through the day

there actually are a number of walls between me and other people, straight up.

hi curtis!! i feel this way.

but by now I'm pretty much resigned to the idea there's nothing clever or interesting about me, just this indefinable aura of extreme social awkwardness (oh, and being easily the least attractive person you've never seen)

I've never met you, but I suspect this is complete and utter bullshit

(what usually happens is i try and break the wall by talking)

post on banriquit's wall | my wall-to-wall with banriquit

everybody get a grip

n.b. i appreciate there are communication difficulties with some, even many people but honestly there ARE folx out there on yr wavelength, folx that you ought to be able to find, as a service to them as well as yourself, and to claim there's a "wall" surrounding you is not only self-defeating but selfish too.

n.b.II. i'm the sort of person who starts conversations w/ strangers on public transport so maybe this is insensitive and blasé

"MR CRUTIS TEAR DOWN THAT WALL"

http://www.reagan.utexas.edu/archives/photographs/large/c4237-6.jpg

to claim there's a "wall" surrounding you is not only self-defeating but selfish too.

I agree with that!

yeah curtis you heard me you're SELFISH, now go away and think about that a bit more ;-)

=)

i'm surprised you didn't start this dell

oh geez, haha

Nah, I agree with the selfish thing, though, because it's like holding back; not giving up the goods; denying people your gifts...light, bushel, etc...

for the record it amazes me how someone so good-looking, intelligent, funny, charismatic and generally lovely as TEH CRUT has all these crises of self-confidence. the reason i describe his attitude as selfish (as he himself has admitted) is because he has so much that is positive to give, and all this bullshit is hindering that process. buckle up, dude! this is just the start. p.s. i voted "go hang yrself" in teh 21st birthday poll. ;-)

er yeah dell just said everything i wrote

in my experience genuine human connection is sympathy for the inherent loneliness of life rather than any sort of exquisite demolition

http://scoopsnoodle.com/shambhalanyc/explosion.gif

Yes. It's called skin.

for the record it amazes me how someone so good-looking, intelligent, funny, charismatic and generally lovely as TEH CRUT has all these crises of self-confidence

it's hard to find someone similar to you when you're good-looking, intelligent, funny, charismatic AND generally lovely.

i should know.

and in my experience withdrawal in disgust is not the same as apathy

"We are all so curiously alone, but it’s important to keep making signals through the glass" - Updike

to claim there's a "wall" surrounding you is not only self-defeating but selfish too.

We conceded that the wall was most likely our own doing about five hours ago. You also missed the part where I say there are difficulties even with those on the same wavelength/who are closest to me. Also, people on public transports starting conversations with me is about the most unwelcome thing ever.

We conceded that the wall was most likely our own doing about five hours ago.

This is not the same as conceding that it is SELFISH. Also, yr clearly a sociopath who needs to get out more. ;-)

Still not sure how feeling a disconnect is selfish.

You're partially right, I don't need to quit this night job.

DO

Sure is hard finding those people who'd want the human connection denied by my selfishness though! Though I guess this thread should demonstrate that actually "they" are most of us and have not all given up and resorted to becoming total shut-ins, and the "got enough friends thanks" glow I get from most people I talk to is just a defensive wall itself, same as I'm probably hoping to put up.

(Well, it might be. Finding out how to let my own wall down and not bounce humiliatingly straight back off someone else's is all still a bit of a mystery though, a puzzle you get to see others solving apparently effortlessly with the same impenetrable groups or disinterested acquaintances and never find yourself any closer to knowing the moves.)

Feeling it and then (in)acting upon this feeling is selfish. Feeling a disconnect involves a prioritisation of the self, an isolation that places the self on an unscaleable plinth, that's pretty selfish if you're asking me. xposts

We all live within various communities and mediations of independent yet interacting thoughts and deeds, to isolate and privilege oneself apart from this network creates negative polarities, and also diminishes the strength of society, which is humanity's salvation AFAICT.

Jgo largely otm afaict

ILX rapidly losing any right it may have had to parody xkcd

AFAICT is never very far at all with LJ afaict

When I was younger, I always wanted there to be a wall, and there probably was. However, these days I've decided I don't really want there to be a wall, but it's still kinda there but it's crumbling.

It sounds incredibly cheesy, but I walk around through the day totally with that Bell Jar feeling that Sylvia Plath went on about.

Part of that might have more to do with the fact that I don't like to wear my glasses.

i don't know what the hell this thread is even about

yeah pretty much agree with JGO here

the correct spelling of "outcast" always looks wrong now

Hahah when I don't wear my glasses I might as well be the last woman on earth: I can't see faces until I'm inappropriately close, and it's a lot like that childhood thing where if you can't see them, they can't see you.

We all live within various communities and mediations of independent yet interacting thoughts and deeds, to isolate and privilege oneself apart from this network creates negative polarities, and also diminishes the strength of society, which is humanity's salvation AFAICT.

-- Just got offed, Monday, June 16, 2008 9:57 AM (44 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

Jgo largely otm afaict

-- dell, Monday, June 16, 2008 10:01 AM (40 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

AFAICT is never very far at all with LJ afaict

-- wanko ergo sum, Monday, June 16, 2008 10:15 AM (25 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

yeah pretty much agree with JGO here

-- Ste, Monday, June 16, 2008 10:32 AM (9 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

lol alienated internet weirdos more comfortable w/theory than experience

(i) curtis is one of the best liked people on this board, hands down.

(ii) ugh cuddlestein

i don't know what the hell this thread is even about

-- banriquit, Monday, June 16, 2008 9:32 AM (10 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

perhaps there is a wall in the way

AFAICT is never very far at all with LJ afaict

-- wanko ergo sum, Monday, 16 June 2008 14:15 (24 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

normally i'd get butthurt but i'm just gonna laugh at a crazy dude who thinks he's got me pegged despite coming from such riotously different cultural surrounds as to make this judgement a total pretence. this ain't the first time you've based yr bullshit psychological breakdown on a few throwaway posts. if we are to interact without a wall you gotta be receptive to fluctuation and discovery, no finite character assessment will be infinitely applicable.

jhoshea, what

people gettin mad butthurt recently

DG otm

lol alienated internet weirdos more comfortable w/theory than experience

wtf are you even talking about? Jgo, for one, by all accounts is a raging social butterfly

o i just thought it was funny on a thread abt alienation an abstracted statement got all otmed - tho maybe that one dude wasnt otming?

people think i'm a social butterfly but inside, i know

well people social butterfly it for a reason dont they

louis fyi: I KNOW

Hahah when I don't wear my glasses I might as well be the last woman on earth: I can't see faces until I'm inappropriately close, and it's a lot like that childhood thing where if you can't see them, they can't see you.

-- Laurel, Monday, June 16, 2008 9:34 AM (Monday, June 16, 2008 9:34 AM) Bookmark Link

Ha, it was also my secret weapon when I was in a band. The crowd just becomes this fuzzy smear.

I recently had to give a presentation at a company retreat. Unlike the clubs, the room was well-lit. Even still, my co-workers looked like mannequin dolls and I was able to get through it pretty well.

it's true but when you're walking down the hall at work w/out your glasses, i end up like not saying hi to people until i'm all up in their face

i'm about to otm in my pants right now.

oops, did i say that out loud?

i'm not a raging social butterfly, but in situations of social gathering i like to be open around people, be they friends or strangers. people i don't enjoy being around are those who project their own insecurities onto others in the form of needless one-upmanship, antagonism or frostiness. i've learnt to avoid them and hell, most other ppl are great fun to be around if you break the ice. i enjoy being in various social situations but i don't really seek them out, if that makes sense.

social butthurtfly

jekyll and hyde strikes again, hey?

it's true but when you're walking down the hall at work w/out your glasses, i end up like not saying hi to people until i'm all up in their face

-- Surmounter, Monday, June 16, 2008 9:54 AM (Monday, June 16, 2008 9:54 AM) Bookmark Link

But it solves that problem of when to say hi. With glasses on it's like ten feet do I say hi now? eight feet do I say hi now? six feet do I say hi now? ... etc.

But with glasses off, you can't make eye contact until you can make eye contact which is usually the right time to say HI DERE

2 Go to parties. You can’t even start to know what you may find on the envelope of serendipity. If you suffer from agora 5

it surprises me that you judge people like that louis

Sometimes i feel like there's a wall between me and other people but it's a wall that I know I've put up, for mutual defence, so I don't have to give too much away and other people don't have to get exposed to too much of me. Does that make sense? Like-- the more I feel out of step with other people, with how (i assume) I'm supposed to be thinking or behaving, the more i try to fill the space with friendly insincerity. It's supposed to be a bridge but it grows into a wall.

how old are you Curt1s ?

p.r. OTM

I'm 20

i feel like there is a partition between me and dan m.

so little curtis ;-)

ste otm.

In decades to come, you will find yourself wishing this wall were taller and sturdier.

and faster

and you'd wish you had a girl who looked good you'd call her

and you will wish the wall oozed money, but only on your side

The older I get the more I enjoy socializing. As a natural introvert, I had to develop strategies and masks to approach people. Now, generally, the mask is the face, so to speak.

A large part of mingling is to discover not so much how similar we all are, but how different you are from other people, yet enjoying it anyway.

differences are great

(mega xpost) Under the logical wizardry of 'feeling something then acting upon it=selfish', this umbrella of "prioritizing the self", just about every mundanely human action imaginable is technically selfish. The posit that feeling slightly out of step is selfish in any notable way is pretty much a ridiculous overstatement.
"Unscaleable plinth" might be overstating it *just a little*, too.

Anyhoo, I'll bee off ilx for at least a week; I'm basically just working and sleeping until we hit the road for Terrastock. Later, y'all!

Oh man, I all had this big talk with my dad about this on the phone Saturday night. Going on about how I was always "the weird kid," that I've always had difficulty making friends. "I never thought you were weird. You're not weird," he said, and I just cried and cried and cried. Then he started telling me friends were a very overrated thing in our society, etc etc, and realizing what a lonely guy my dad was, too...bittersweet stuff.

I don't think there's a 'wall' between me and anyone, just that I'm on a bit of a different wavelength than many people. And while there are many good people in the world, there aren't a lot of 'people of substance,' it seems. I like to think of myself as one and it's rare to find another who has the time & same sense of humor to really connect to. And that's kind of crappy, but it seems to be how things are. I'm just lucky I know the people I know and have a significant circle of awesome people I love, even though most don't live near me. New applicants for circle of awesomeness are always welcome, tho.

I had to run a bunch of errands yesterday, and I found myself genuinely enjoying the small talk I made with store employees as they helped me find something or rang up my purchases. For some reason, things like that have a way of making me feel good about humanity and my own place in the world, though when I was a kid I could never have imagined conducting myself with such ease with strangers. Also, let's hear it for Trader Joe's cashiers -- they've got to be trained in making conversation with customers, right? As long as they're not too chatty (there's one guy at the store I frequent who won't shut up about every single item in your cart), I like those mini-chats.

i'm used to being the weird kid but i'm also used to living in places where it's not hard to find the other weird kids.

i kind of disagree with your dad Abbot. for me, friends - or even just one good reliable friend - are hugely important.

sometimes i think i am weird but i frequently think other people are

Yeah, I completely disagree with him, too. It just made me sad to hear him say that. He's had a sad life.

xp

Hahah when I don't wear my glasses I might as well be the last woman on earth: I can't see faces until I'm inappropriately close, and it's a lot like that childhood thing where if you can't see them, they can't see you.

-- Laurel, Monday, June 16, 2008 9:34 AM (2 hours ago) Bookmark Link

i call this the "tiny universe."

> by now I'm pretty much resigned to the idea there's nothing clever or interesting about me

fwiw i've always enjoyed your posts here.

it surprises me that you judge people like that louis

- WHAT -

I had to run a bunch of errands yesterday, and I found myself genuinely enjoying the small talk I made with store employees as they helped me find something or rang up my purchases. For some reason, things like that have a way of making me feel good about humanity and my own place in the world

this is v otm. like i get really depressed when i have to go to wal-mart by myself, but chatting up the cashiers for 4-5 minutes is really satisfying and fulfilling in a way

seriously curtis what the fuck

It passes the time in a lovely and pleasant way if you are a cashier, to do this with customers.

lol it's okay louis i'm sure there's a reasonable explanation!

also yes i love chatting up clerks and stuff. humans are good.

if i ever judge people it is transient, i don't hold grudges and folx are always fluctuating in my estimation, just saying that prolonged social contact with people who are being inaccessible dicks is unpleasant

ramzi you would be the best person for a random chat. you've probably brightened so many days.

you should hear me on the phone at work!

jesus christ ilx is full of aspies and babies.

this is v otm. like i get really depressed when i have to go to wal-mart by myself, but chatting up the cashiers for 4-5 minutes is really satisfying and fulfilling in a way

As long as I'm not in line behind you.

i love chatting with strangers!

do you really chat with wal-mart cashiers for five minutes? like, five minutes??

the other day a stranger passerby girl said thank you to me for holding the door, and it was like just the right Thank You for me in that moment :)

do you really chat with wal-mart cashiers for five minutes? like, five minutes??

-- and what, Monday, June 16, 2008 1:53 PM (1 minute ago) Bookmark Link

i mean however long it takes to check out! 3 minutes? sometimes longer i think. i mean im not hanging around

i tend not to chat w/ those ppl cuz i feel like when i worked a register it was just like, get me through the day. minimal talk and general niceties are alright but unless shes real hot its not worth my time to get all up in people's business

outside of retail situations though im definitely pretty outgoing and open to meet people, i think its real weird when people are standoffish as a general rule

it was just like, get me through the day

when i work(ed) registers i always felt like small talk helped me get through the day

BIG SUR aka the day brightener

I feel like I'll never be part of society in the sense of being a grown-up contributing member. I think of myself as kind of a fuck-up, and also with the "being single" thing I feel like I'm not woven into the general fabric. I don't want to still be sending gifts to my friends and family who are committed to each other and building, I dunno, family capital, when I'm old and still alone. But...whatever.

But on an individual level I guess I feel about as close to people as I want to be at that moment?

see i don't -- i feel like i want to be closer to people, but that i have some hang-ups that can get in the way. which is frustrating

when I worked retail I would get anxious if I talked to a customer and a few others were in line. I tried to keep it brief.

Apparently it's a pretty common feeling. 25 years old here. Feels the same with me, it just doesn't seem like life's ever going to work out, like it's ever going to be "regular".

But then you spend time with your old friends, people who seem to have their shit together. What seems normal about them to you; home ownership, marriage or long-term relationships, the same steady friendships over a decade or two. Why are they there? Because they feel the same fucking way, and that's how they responded to those feelings.

If you're living in a city, and I'm sure most of the people on here do, that's another response, but more like ... a fighting response, like, "there's more to life and I'm going to find it". Of course there probably isn't, but eh.

oh yeah, I guess the problem is you get cut out of the loop after being out of it for so long, and it's basically impossible to get back in. Whoops.

As far as "people in public" goes, maybe being small-town helps give you the Chatty Kathy experience -- smiling at people in stores and friendly comments and son on are a no-brainer to me, esp in little neighborhood places. Also having just been in Nashville, I see where my mom gets it; listening to waitresses and other locals interact with each other made me feel well at home.

yah i think Nashville is where i got it from too! or it didn't hurt

sorry louis I completely misread yr post! that one sentence about ppl you don't like to engage with just jumped out at me

But I am 100% aware that putting on a public bitch-about-my-life display is selfish and attention-seeking -- believe me, I don't go around complaining all the time IRL about how sad I am like I do on ILX, that's why I do it on here, it's just my way of dealing w/shit and affirming that I'm not crazy/weird b/c you guys are my friends and give straight answers.

:-) <3

^^^

crut believe me you come off as probably one of the 2 or 3 least mopey people on this entire thread & on ilx as a whole (not that anyone comes off badly on this thread except for the lol emo dicks)

im just shocked that this has gone for 150 answers without anyone just up & saying THIS IS INCREDIBLY COMMON, esp among 18-22+ y/os

im not sure what to say directly, because the advice id give would be corny & cliche & im not really the authority anyone should be taking maturity advice from, obviously - but i hope youll realize or soon realize that what yr feeling is also corny & cliche - doesnt make it wrong in any way, just makes it common, & thisll hit you hard whenever you see the people you look up to or have ever looked up to (in any way) at their worst, which has happened to me quite a few times.

corny & cliche advice anyway: just try to find the proper balance in yr life + fight thru it & realize that itll get better, even if that might mean accepting things you dont want to accept right now, such as the fact that youre a loser by your own standards (again, thats not a knock, as i see it its something that the vast majority of the bright kids & the ambitious kids & the kids who peak in high school - ie pretty much everyone - all have to go through at one point or another)

lol emo

oh & also jhoshea & burt expressed what im trying to much much more concisely, in that as simple as it sounds i think most of us do in fact feel more or less the same things, we just develop different ways of dealing with them

xp lol xkcd wouldve been more up to date

lol deeznuts

There are people out there whose lives are filled with warmth and love and friendship and success, and I want them dead.

ladies and gentlemen

I need to spend less time on ILX, I think my conscience has started developing deeznuts' cadence

:D

wait what is my cadence?? that sounds awesome to me

btw DG did you just become the latest in a very long line of ilxors to completely misread a burt stanton joke as him being literal so you could conveniently zing him??

btw burt i dont think i know anyone like that

i feel like there's a wall between me and deeznuts

there's a firewall between me and the internet

dg i am confident we will get it sorted

can we find common ground in my quattro vs mach 3 poll perhaps

Nah, I know, I've never met anyone without anxiety or deep, dark quirks, and anecdotes always sound more glamorous than actually living the lives they come from.

Old friends seem to be the worst at this mythmaking: two old friends recently contacted me to catch up; "oh how nice" I thought while sipping on some chamomile and lemon tea over the lifestyles section of the Sunday paper. After the obligatory "and how are you?" I get a grocery list of fun and exciting accomplishments; totally making it big as a screenwriter in LA , and then an exgf regails me about boning some indie rockstar. Then right after saying all that they're back into into the darkness never to be heard from again. Old friends are motherfuckers.

i have a sister who has a million walls between herself and other people. she's never had a boyfriend. she has friends but they're not especially close. she has done an amazing, difficult job of getting through some of those walls though many of them are still there. in her case, the walls are largely there because of her inability to show her own vulnerabilities (an inability that's lessening somewhat, inch by inch). she just can't show people that she's uncertain, or confused, mainly because she's so desperately afraid that she actually IS uncertain or confused. even if she's not. if that makes any sense. in any case it's this funny boomerang of intention, where she wants to show the world her confidence, and tries plastering over her insecurities but ultimately it's the ability to reveal your insecurities without running from the room screaming that allows people to make a connection with you and empathize with you. it's hard for her to do that, so it's hard for anyone to feel close to her - even though they want to be!

was just in the shower and getting ready for work when i was reminded by a bottle of dr. bronner's magic soap that i called someone in this thread a logic wizard. just wanted to pop in and apologize for that, pretty pass-agg and childish on my part, sry.

I do think at least Louis' rant was a little on the insensitive side, if the wall Crut and others are speaking of is actually one they obviously want to tear down. It doesnt help when over confident twats scoff and say "oh you are silly just go out and TALK TO PEOPLE, no one need be alone!" like it is just that easy. That kind of paternalistic gentle scorn is, frankly, a great way to make shyer types become even more defensive and retreat into their shells.

Just sayin.

It is in a similar vein to telling a depressed person "just snap out of it lol".

(btw I did not mean to imply you direcly are an "overconfident twat" Louis, apols if it came across thus).

Or slapping a hysterical woman. (xpost)

Curt1s, I do believe you are me at age 20. I won't say anything gets easier, but you already know about the various anaesthetics and pacifiers -- internet, food, consciousness-modifying substances, pop culture.

Eh.

Definitely a wall between me and ILX. And it certainly is a great wall.

Everybody "here" builds the wall up higher or tears it down as needed.

I came to drinking much later than my peers. Discovering that stuff helped, let me tell you.

yeah it did wonders for you before you died in that bathtub

http://members.aol.com/n2thewoods/gifs/playbill.gif

i read this japanese story about people turning into snakes and shit

Perhaps one of the sad things about getting old is that you start to realize that you aren't as different from everyone else as you used to think.

My experience has in many ways been the opposite, actually.

yo croot

we young but gettin older, goin through some transitional shit, so it makes sense to be alienated. you not crazy, doggie. just a bro in his twenties. we all in this shit together tho.

also in case it hasn't been posted this is from counterfit xkcd

http://lolrider.com/images/whatup.gif

:D

loooooool

"Perhaps one of the sad things about getting old is that you start to realize that you aren't as different from everyone else as you used to think."

My experience has in many ways been the opposite, actually.

-- Charlie Rose Nylund

I don't understand. You're sad or you are different? Seriously, I want to know what you mean.

He's the bipolar opposite.

Well, Curtis, I can only do a ( how do you make the <<< do the uppy agreed thing? for other posts) and say that my impression of you was SO different from who you are. I guess I had never seen a picture of you, so SEEING you was really startling.

You handle yourself amazingly well, given the huge personality you are in this community. When I was your age...I would have been banned. So maybe this particular forum suits you, and the wall you feel is in the ye olde regular world.
You're also a student, and you're in a structure that IS a wall - you are being judged and graded.

You're really calm, insightful, funny and sweet online. I dare say those qualities exist offline as well.
I'm not going to talk down to your youth, because you are already way better at this shit than I am. The sweetness that you share, and your logical answers are so precious.

Would you like to know how I thought you looked before I saw your picture?

We might have to have a thread about it!

"Artist's Impressions Of Other ILXors Based On Character Rather Than Appearance"

lol aimurchie what did you think I looked like? (also please tell me you didn't go by the pic I just posted in wdyll last night b/c that's not actually me)

I did! I am like omg he's this very gothy guy!
So that was a joke picture? Here's ME being all sensitive. Well, whatever, you ARE super cool.

I still think it would be interesting to tell each other what do you think I look like, based only on user names.

Burt_ stanton, to me, is middle aged, sitting in a lazy boy, kinda an Archie Bunker tyoe.

Deeznuts - a cartoon character, kind of like road runner, but running TOWARDS stuff. (In a good way!)

Artist's Impressions Of Other ILXors Based On Character Rather Than Appearance

Well I don't have to imagine you, do I?

OMG - you're schilling your own thread on a thread! priceless!

yeah i am and you should do it even if you know what they look like. i want some kind of dorian gray shee-yit goin on here

Curtls - In my mind you are a man who has his own borad.

Do you feel like there is a wall between you and other people?

aimurchie is juno

BIG HOOS aka the steendriver is the engine driver of a Choo choo train.

Who's juno?

ref only makes sense if you've seen the movie, not suggesting you are a pregnant teenager

I'll accept that as sassy.

precisely

I don't understand. You're sad or you are different? Seriously, I want to know what you mean.

As I get older, I realize that I'm actually more different from most other people than I used to think I was -- or, maybe more accurately, that the number of people who are really on my wavelength, and who seem to relate to those parts of me I consider most important, is quite small. I can get on quite well with most people, and be a friend to many, but form a genuine two-way connection with very few. However, this makes me appreciate my closest friends all the more, while recognizing how few and far between such friends really are.

^^^ Yes.

x-post Your username is awesome.

I guess I have another perspective - because there IS a wall between me and other people in my daily work life. One person, who I adore, is slowly going into the realm of Alzheimers.That's a wall that I HAVE to breach. If I don't challenge that wall he will miss out on the wonderful things that are still here for him.

Oh thats so sad. I live in fear of that happening to me :(

One person, who I adore, is slowly going into the realm of Alzheimers.That's a wall that I HAVE to breach.

I've been through that. Dementia is very hard when it affects someone you love. I wish you luck, patience and strength dealing with it.

Thanks.I get paid to do it. It's my job.

Sorry Daniel Esq. That was very snarky. I'm in a bad mood today.

I DO feel as though there is an insurmountable wall between myself and the rest of humanity, but it doesn't have anything to do with "irreconcilable differences." That's the most frustrating thing about it. I know I can relate to them and they can relate to me, but there's still this very wide gulf. I don't know what it is. The best way I can approximate it in words is a communications gap, or rather, a gulf in the social geography. It is a very difficult thing to talk about. Why am I posting this?

hate to go all high school yearbook, but Kurt Vonnegut OTFM

"Many people need desperately to receive this message: 'I feel and think much as you do, care about many of the things you care about, although most people do not care about them. You are not alone.'"

reading through this thread, the more i thought about it, i realized that i don't have this feeling at all, and i don't think i ever did. however, almost all of my closest and tightest friends are very much this way, and have expressed similar sentiments to this thread at one time or another. in some way that might speak to the sort of permeable barrier this wall really is, and that the people on the other side of the wall that seem so different might be the workable turnkey of sorts. just musing here...

I have a wall between myself and other people to protect all my stuff.
I can tell that you criminals are constantly angling for my series one garbage pail kids (complete) or my electric tv.

x-post Your username is awesome.

-- ENBB, Wednesday, June 18, 2008 3:42 AM (20 hours ago) Bookmark Link

that's what i said!

i think "wall" is a very ambiguous term. but i do think lots of people feel "different", and wish they could get along with others in a more satisfying way.

" "

The question seems to be more: Is it so frightening to have the feeling that there's a wall between you and the rest of humanity?
I believe I understand what you're on about Curtis, having experienced life the very same way myself. But the thing that made me stop worrying about this was the notion that that very same wall makes me the individual I am. It's not just keeping you away from something, but is protective about you as well. I consider this to be a good thing. I don't want to play along with the rest most of the times. I'm happy enough just watching life and humanity roll through the times with me being in my self-chosen spot on the side line. In reality, I'm just as much a part of humanity as anyone, but I prefer to believe I'm watching it all happen from the side.

You talk about "you and the rest of humanity"? But what is humanity, other than the sum of every individual alive? It's odd how we don't reckon ourself to be a part of it, whereas on the other hand you, internets-Crutis, are part of 'my' image of humanity. Everyone of you is, except me. L'Humanité c'est les autres.
We all have that wall - for some it may be The Chinese wall, for others merely a curbstone. It's there, but it's nothing to be afraid of.

x-post Your username is awesome.

-- ENBB

that's what i said!

Awww, thanks to both of you!

hate to go all high school yearbook, but Kurt Vonnegut OTFM

"Many people need desperately to receive this message: 'I feel and think much as you do, care about many of the things you care about, although most people do not care about them. You are not alone.'"

otm, assuming everyone gets the irony

Yes, with other ILXors, lately.

A wall of singing human vaginas.

I feel it is a healthy and normal boundary.

Its a wall world after all.

i started feeling this the other day, walking down the street. something like, i want so much to connect with other people, but i can't always. because of certain ways that i am. it's a frustrating feeling! but overall i think i connect OK.

I think I may be paranoid schizophrenic sometimes due to my frequent delusions of grandeur, but then again being cognizant of the fact probably rules that out.

I dunno...alls I know is, the only time I actually feel relaxed is when I've finished my second beer (pilsner size)