Schtop, dish FC Twente side ish not ready for the Championsh League or UEFA Cup 2008/09

portsmouth fc winning the uefa cup would trump everything

come on Midtjylland

(meta: but how are people gonna find this thread 20 years from now without 'UEFA Champions' in the title?)

I don't understand why you technical white boys who have wired eyeballs find this kind of talk funny. it's racist

(good meta point, I will modreq title change)

cozen, this might explain it:

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=F8oN58cyp2c

UEFA Championsh

raschisht

http://www.chelseapies.tv/jol%20crackpot.jpg

Patron saint of this thread.

Schtop, thish Keane/Torresh partnership ish not ready yet!

Resht in peash big man

eckshposht

hahaha i was going to post about mcclaren's awesome new accent!

portsmouth Queen of the South fc winning the uefa cup would trump everything

goign to betfair right now

I like to think this means Wenger gives interviews in broad cockney on French TV.

That youtube link is fucking fantastic. He sounds like Chris Morris' gush character from Jam.

"I knew I wash in truble ven the shpunk it jusht shtarted firing out like a fucking oil rig, yah, I think".

How must his wife feel about this?

That's brilliant - he looks totally chilled as well

Presumably Wenger just sounds really cockney to French people anyway "oyyy did nort see vee incident maayyyyyyt"

I'm not sure what just happened

Fascinated by the ridiculous double-bluff implications of Barry's apparent willingness to play against Hafnarfjordur tonight, like is this deliberately driving his value down or does it not matter that his value's been driven down if Alonso's value has already been driven down, or is he rightly giving up on Liverpool because he saw the Liege game or uh

Man City 0 FC Midtjylland 1 FT
Olsen 15

St Patricks have a v good chance of getting thru after 2-2 draw in Elfsborg

Hadjuk Split could dump La Coruna out in the 2nd leg

Lech Poznan thrashing Grasshoppers 6-0 may also count as a shock of sorts

St Patricks in "better than Hibs" non-shocker. Poor wee Queen of the South :-(

Oh I read thread title in the voice of Sean Connery. Slightly disappointed now.

wtf was mclaren thinking?

I don't think he was. I think he's fucking tapped. He's a broken man. His synapses have snapped. It's not even like picking up a slight Dutch accent on some pronunciations - it's an actual bad cliched impression of a Dutch person speaking English, I think.

I think he vaguely realises what he's doing at certain points and tries to rein it in. I have seen other people do similar things in foreign countries, though not in front of a TV audience, luckily for them.

He is subconsciously playing out the role that he's learned from watching foreign managers on TV. "I'm a foreign manager now, so I'll talk like that."

St Patricks in "better than Hibs" non-shocker. Poor wee Queen of the South :-(

Queen of the South in "better than Man City" shocker!

yeah, alba otm - I've done that myself sometimes

still doesn't explain "Arsenal! Champions League! Arsenal! Champions League!"

Yeah, the slipping into an accent I can understand, but... this is beyond that. It's like a bad impression. It's in vocal ticks that are really unnatural to a native speaker. 'And it is... Arsenal... I think... Arsenal, at home, the Emirates..." and the way he moves his hands. It's insane.

"I think we are not just, what you call, underdogs, but... mashiff underdogs". Insane.

I don't think he was. I think he's fucking tapped. He's a broken man. His synapses have snapped. It's not even like picking up a slight Dutch accent on some pronunciations - it's an actual bad cliched impression of a Dutch person speaking English, I think.

^^ I can vouch for this. It sounds ridiculous.

It's an actual bad cliched impression of a Dutch person speaking English, poorly, more like.

He's not even pronouncing FC Twente correctly - it's meant to be (roughly) "tuh-venter", isn't it, and he's saying "tenty"?

Yeah, poorly is the key; he's pausing over some words and phrases and altering his intonation as if it's not his native tongue and he's mentally checking the flow of his words before he speaks. He's insane. Totally cracked.

"Ja, the Arshenal... they made two goalsh? Sho, the boysh are shick ash parrotsh back there..."

He's insane. Totally cracked

Hey! I do something like this when I'm abroad - speak slow, simple sentences, latinate words, slight nod to the local accent. It gets MUCH better results than my normal voice. Not sure I'd feel the need to bother in Holland, right enough.

That said, McClaren does sound a bit demented. Some people take on local influences really quickly without realising it - Jan Molby might have sounded like Stephen Fry at first for all we know. We stopped to ask a local for directions to Ewood Park, and I was leaning out the passenger window while he was describing the route, apparently responding 'Rayytt, rayytt, rayytt' (i.e. 'OK. Right. I see.') in a really nasal voice. My companions were, how you shay, gutting themselves

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fnt9se7JCYQ

thread anthem

I think McLaren is trying to sound like Mourinho in parts in that interview. Just imagine Mourinho's voice saying those things, e.g. My players, they are...

By the way, anyone fancy having a conversation in McLarenese?

Eez very interesting, no?

By the way, blueski, just purely out of curiosity, why 'come on Midtjylland'?

i was going to add 'sorry Daniel' but thought you might not be reading. it's a fair cop.

Plucky underdogs playing team owned by crook fond of murdering and torturing people?

Yeah I'll be rooting for Pompey as well on Sunday.

i'm expecting Villa to murder and totrure City on Saturday but it's too obvious.

Brough will probably beat Spurs with a 90th minute Viduka penalty

Heh heh. This was my fear, you see, Tom and blueski, when the club sold out to Shinawatra; would City turn into one of the least liked teams in the country, and the embodiment of all that's wrong with modern-day football?

Haha yeah I can't wait for us to spend 89 minutes tapping it around beautifully and then go 1-0 down to a route-one hoof.

By the sounds of things (I didn't see the match), there was nothing 'plucky underdog' about the Danish team last night.

Heh heh. This was my fear, you see, Tom and blueski, when the club sold out to Shinawatra; would City turn into one of the least liked teams in the country, and the embodiment of all that's wrong with modern-day football?

-- Daniel Giraffe, Friday, 15 August 2008 14:12 (4 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

no, that's qpr. being tacky is worse than genocide you see.

Yeah, that Danish team were pretty good. The real plucky underdogs were of course the champions of Belgium, Standard Liege, a team I assume with very little experience of playing in Europe despite having done so for 50 years or so - I'm amazed they had the nerve to even walk out on the same pitch as Liverpool FC

I think he vaguely realises what he's doing at certain points and tries to rein it in. I have seen other people do similar things in foreign countries, though not in front of a TV audience, luckily for them.

i did that on stage in scotland once.. started talking in a very bad scottish accent and then was like OMG SHIT WTF I BE A FANNY and then stopped talking asap.

Might have expected a Lolverpool related bump from someone else by now.

i couldn't find the thread because of the shtupid title

liverpool are so bad, 4 games, awful in every single one.

long ago bad teams used to LOSE games :(

aldo you should learn to bide your time after Hibs vs Morton extra time lols last night

Is that Champion commentating? He makes Tyldsley seem like Stephen Fry.

ronan and onimo otm

Poor wee Queen of the South won't win the UEFA Cup 2008/9 :-(

Liverpool should've had a penalty.

well if they do go on to lose they can hold their heads high at having held the Belgian champions for so long

THE GLORY DAYS ARE BACK AT ANFIELD

Never in doubt.

liverpool are so bad, 4 games, awful in every single one

^

http://arsenalfcblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/06/gerard-houllier-1.jpg

they are real gems I assure you

Liverpool are gonna embark on the most morally repugnant unbeaten season in history

don't even have the decency to play badly and not win

Conspiracy rumours already that it was a ploy by Rofl to get a blank chequebook for the weekend.

Seriously, this is the Liverpool team you've all been waiting for. Dire, clueless and unbeatable. Goals galore in the last seven minutes of games - one for the kiddies, that (can you still get in through the turnstiles for free after half four?).

Villa will piss on us at the weekend if we play half that badly.

Villa are giving everyone a 2 goal handicap this season so you should be okay to scrape a 3-2 in the last minute.

confused as to whether Stevie G is injured for the Villa game as well as the two England qualifiers with this bout of hitherto concealed groin knack

in no doubt at all as to Liverpool's streak continuing on Sunday anyway

I opted to watch the Arsenal game, because although the result was a foregone conclusion it was a pleasure to watch a team playing with relative freedom and composure. I switched over to the Liverpool game for extra time and it was like distilled essence of neurosis. At least Peter Drury had the good grace to admit that it was "torture".

Standard Liege, by the way, must be absolutely kicking themselves given the chances they had over the two games.

At least Drury had the sense to drop most of that "playing Liverpool is like playing in the cup final for these players" / "they're not overawed playing against the likes of Steven Gerrard" stuff he was doing in the first leg.

i sooo hate ITV commentary.

They don't seem to believe anyone plays football seriously outside the Premiership, La Liga and Serie A

well, i think playing againsht one of the big teamsh, liverpool *bof!* wash good experienshe, for the boysh, at home, at the anfield, yesh

Psyched for the draw, kids?

Presented by Melanie Vinegar!

Who appears to be Gabby Logan in a wig.

Citeh crashin out here

Would have been so much better with Rangers AND Liverpool in the UEFA Cup

We've got it on at work. Ah, you can never go wrong with a montage of Peter Drury shouting people's names.

Ha ha, I keep forgetting Rangers not in Europe at all!

BALLACK

Tepid applause for the big man, there.

And now Petr Cech is being interviewed by CNN's Useless Plank.

I should know who this Chris de Burgh-looking man is, shouldn't I?

Bruno Conti?

ah they're drawing the top seeds first. i prefer it when they're drawn last.

Rivaldo's gone to some club in Uzbekistan, apparently. That is what I have learnt so far.

this isn't like the world cup where winner of grp A plays runner up of grp B does it? cos that could mean Chelsea v Inter which is obv going to happen at some stage yawn.

woah on the website it just wiped the initial Pot 1 allocations and is now repeating it.

why do they do it in this dumb order

Chelsea sweeping the board in best players in Europe ever here. WTF?

GET A BLOODY MOVE ON POT 3

UEFA feel sorry for them cos they lost

xp

Celtic v Man U again

Easy, we beat them before

Sick of the sight of Man Utd. Stop it!

At least it's not Barcelona!

they never get to play a London team

Also Villarreal. Use other teams please! Am almost convinced it will be Shakhtar fucking Donetsk again now.

i'm with the people who think this should just be knockout all the way thru now. sod groups.

steve otm

Anti-capitalist lunatic

ha ha there you go, mighty Kaunas conquerors AaB

Or Aalborg, who beat Kaunas who beat Rangers. New team we haven't played before! Whoo!

xpost

I'm pretty sure we have played them!

Nah, fuck a knock-out stage, I'd rather my three nights of nail-biting before getting knocked out by AC Milan/Barcelona, ta very much.

will Liverpool or Arsenal take the BATE?

Am very VERY surprised we didn't end up in Group C!

I can see Lolverpool getting knocked out in their group.

in full
Group A: CHELSEA, AS Roma, Bordeaux, Cluj
Group B: Inter, Werder, Panathinaikos, Anorthosis
Group C: Barcelona, Sporting, FC Basel, Shakhtar
Group D: LIVERPOOL, PSV, Marseille, Atletico
Group E: MAN UTD, Villarreal, CELTIC, Aalborg
Group F: Lyon, Bayern, Steaua, Fiorentina
Group G: ARSENAL, FC Porto, Fenerbahce, Dinamo Kiev
Group H: Real Madrid, Juventus, Zenit, Bate

Torres 97th minute winner against his old club will see them thru

Which is the "GROUP OF DEATH"? there always has to be one. Possibly Grp G?

I'm happy with that Celtic group

Cluj?? Anorthosis?? Bate?? who are these made-up teams?!

Yay Famagusta-Panathinaikos! and BATE-Zenit!

Cluj are the hot new thing in Romanian football; Anorthosis and BATE are the first-ever group stage reps for Cyprus and Belarus.

I'm pretty sure we have played them!

It was Aarhus we played. LOL Danish teams with two a's, eh?

Group H was heading for Group of Death until BATE was drawn. Liverpool might struggle. And maybe Arsenal?

Hopefully our fellow Glasgow-based chums' adventures in Manchester early next year won't pose any problems for our travelling support.

earlier THIS year.

City thru on pens

Sweet, we can really show them up yet again (xp)

Q. Where is Aarhus?
A. In the middle of Aarstreet

Goddamnit, 'we've' (PSV) got that fucking awfully boring Liverpool *again*. I'd much rather lose with big numbers against Barca or Real than Liverpool. And ofcourse we also got the best team of group 4, Atletico, as well. What a shite draw. On the upside though: making it through this group would be a miracle.

But I think Arsenal is in the real group of death though. That's a tough nut.

i will be following Cluj this year. i am concerned that they won; be sticking around for long, though. longer than Rangers, of course.

BATE

anyone else instantly think of Idiocracy when you saw this name?

with thudding inevitability, Everton vs Standard Liege

oh ffs

prediction: goals galore

1228: Litex Lovech (Bulgaria) v Aston Villa. Massive. Wonder what Martin O'Neill will make of that? Fletch, you know Fletch, says it sounds like dodgy underwear.

Fletch, you scamp! absolutely incorrigible.

Tottenham v Wisla Krakow. Oooh.

Motherwell vs a bunch of French Nancy Boys

Our intrepid heroes FC Twente may not make it to the next round to play another comedy tie against English opposition :(

Motherwell vs a bunch of French Nancy Boys

A guy in work is currently shouting at his wife on the phone as she's just booked flights to Nantes, which is 400-odd miles from Nancy.

Haha he just hung up and announced "I'm married to a fucking idiot!"

lol

Fletch, you scamp! absolutely incorrigible.

I am tempted to start a poll on Favourite BBC Sport Journalist, but I know I'd forget most of them. Well, that and everyone would vote for Mihir Bose, anyway.

My sources tell me that William Swygart believes that Mihir Bose is the favourite to win a Favourite BBC Sport Journalist poll.

first in with the Lol Scholes.

First in with IN THIS TIME OF GLOBAL UNCERTAINTY WHAT THE WORLD NEEDS IS AN ANIMATED GIF OF THAT SCHOLES HANDBALL.

I seriously don't think I've ever seen Paul Scholes jump that high, ever.

he had no right to win that

lol Roma

Barca looking slightly less shitty than they have the first two weeks of their season.

Cluj bitch, get out the way, get out the way, get get out the way

(SUB EDITORS: if it's pronounced "cludge" not "clooj", reword this)

I've just switched on, which out of the Chelsea and Liverpool games is best?

xp I think the "j" is silent, too bad.

The Cluj is in the name.

^bug fixed, identity revealed. Good work Keef :(

Joe Cole 'shopping fun: http://forum.football365.com/index.php?t=msg&th=121179&prevloaded=1&&start=0

http://i38.tinypic.com/o5q9g7.gif
http://i38.tinypic.com/10441ll.jpg
http://i36.tinypic.com/rw27up.jpg

+ lots lots more

http://i34.tinypic.com/2e1egwz.jpg

http://i37.tinypic.com/28v5bo9.jpg

Liverpool are gonna embark on the most morally repugnant unbeaten season in history

― MPx4A, Wednesday, 27 August 2008 21:35 (2 weeks ago) Bookmark

http://i37.tinypic.com/2hn408p.gif

http://www.new.facebook.com/l.php?u=http%3A%2F%2Fi291.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fll303%2Fdangerouslife%2Fjcole03.gif&h=252617c7187ab51fdfac8078ed52f55e

I got told off for laughing at Joe Cole falling over last week, then rewinding the telly to laugh at him some more :-(

Celtic's Champions League misadventures start in a couple of hours. I is SCARED! Of a team managed by Bruce Rioch! What is WRONG with me?

(answers of the "anyone seen a left back?" variety on a postcard)

Lee Naylor had a smashing 40 minutes or so on Saturday, relax :)

Rioch is the first Englishman (I know he represented Scotland at international level) to manage a Champions League group stage team since Bobby Robson, right?

Roy Hodgson, maybe?

I checked, Hodgson only took Viking and FC Copenhagen to the UEFA cup.

dark years in Champs League exile for Viking, those. he had Inter in the UEFA as well but that was back when they were finishing 6th every season i guess.

Robson has technically managed one more recently than Rioch.

Ah, I didn't read the thread and didn't realise Rioch was involved this time round.

Lee Naylor was OK! Now can someone remind Barry Robson that there is a whole goal he can shoot at instead of taking exactly the same penalty every single time :-(

(Google tells me Ray Harford was the only other Englishman to manage a team in the group stages, btw. Somehow the fact that he is now dead seems to have passed me by.)

Too bad Jozy didn't dress for Villareal today, I was waiting for my not-boyfriend's head to pop watching Saint Jozy go up against his beloved Man U.

Other than Robson, and Rioch if you want him back, that is. I like him being Scottish for the fact that that makes three out of the four managers in our group Scottish, which is surely a trivia question of the future as well. (Manuel Pellegrini of Villarreal being the odd one out)

xpost to myself

Manuel is actually one of the Arbroath Pellegrinis

There is one other Englishman to have managed in the Champions League - ladies and gents, the current Finnish manager, Mr Stuart Baxter...

LOL English managers as useless as English goalkeepers

Villa 1-0 down to Mr Lovech

Carlos Cuellar looking like a great big diddy against the might of Lene Lovich, which is nice.

Nigel Reo-Coker equalises after some comedy defending by our plucky Bulgarian chums.

ARRGGGH

Lene Lovich down to 9 men now as one of their defenders goes for the Carlos Cuellar school of defending. If in doubt, cheat your way out. Big red card right up yer arse, get tae fuck, etc etc.

Oh, and 2-1 to Villa off the resultant Gareth Barry penalty.

ah, so THAT'S where Wayne Routledge went

FC Benevolent Soccerball Chiefs kinda being outplayed by Comfortingly Brutal Orangeclads here

*9-man Comfortingly Brutal Orangeclads

FC Benevolent Soccerball Chiefs featured today in their Dynamo Completely Useless Without Hulking Gambian-Norwegian And Twinkle-Toed Assist-Generating Talisman guise today

today

also that was genuinely the worst set-piece routine I have ever seen

like, even worse than the ones where everybody runs over the ball and nobody strikes it

Worse than this?

I love you, Standard Liege

sorry, I mean I love you Hapless Martyrs to Liverpool's Morally Repugnant Unbeaten Season Utd

Lol Darren Bent again. Dude is on fire in the lamest possible way.

Dude won me a bet in the lamest way possible. Can't imagine what possessed me to make a selection that ended up with "waiting on Spurs" but it all worked out in the end.

Good day's football. Missed the Motherwell game but enjoyed most of what I caught of the others.

Watched the first half of the Motherwell game, thought they acquitted themselves OK, though reading the reports it seems they saved a penalty and could have played until Christmas without scoring. Still, c'mon teh Scottish coefficient and that...

(Did I mention that I bet against them?)

fuck the co-efficient ;) FUCK THE WELL!

urgh, way to ruin things even more

The Uefa Cup is to be renamed the Uefa Europa League from next season, with the competition set to be extended.
The new-look league will have 48 clubs in 12 groups of four, with teams playing each other home and away as opposed to just once as it stands now.
The top two in each group then join the eight third-placed Champions League clubs in a 32-club knock-out stage.
However, under the new format beaten cup finalists will no longer qualify for the competition.
Millwall and West Ham have both qualified as beaten FA Cup runners-up in recent years, but Uefa says this will no longer be the case, even if the winners have already qualified for the Champions League.
The competition will also have its TV rights sold centrally, in the same way as the Champions League, which should increase income to clubs.

"I am convinced the new format will give the Uefa Europa League a successful new impetus," said Uefa president Michel Platini.
"These changes will improve this historic competition, which is very important for Uefa and for European football as it gives more fans, players and clubs the thrill of European club football."
A statement on the Uefa website adds: "The new name and logo will help underline the tournament's special character and unique sporting appeal.
"Uefa's ambition in making these changes is to rejuvenate the competition in the light of the new European football landscape, which has shifted significantly with the continued success of the Champions League, so that the Uefa Europa League can establish itself as a major competition."

the denial of European football for cup winners seems v stupid - altho i am wondering when was the last time a cup winner (ie a team that did not also finish high enough in their league to qualify for the UEFA Cup that way) actually won the UEFA Cup or got to the last 4, if ever?

No, cup winners are OK as I read it, it's the defaulting to losing cup finalists if the winners are already in the Champions League that's being scrapped.

Yes, if the cup winners have already qualified the extra place will transfer to the league. No more plucky Gretnas or Queens of the South in UEFA.

oh i mis-read sorry. 32 club knockout for the champions league is maybe better too.

wait, i mis-read again ha ha

32 club knock-out is UEFA Cup - 24 group winners and runners-up plus 8 Champs League parachutists.

lol chelsea

fucking barcelona

and YAY CYPRUS even if it's actually YAY TURKEY

also not enough Hulk jokes last night imo

Famagusta are rapidly becoming a favourite team of mine, it's like Senegal beating France every week.

it's like some joke team who lost 6-1 to Spurs last season and had a WHL ballboy hurl a ball into their left-back's crotch are now having some sort of implausible last laugh

ballboy thing was frank lampard, wasn't it?

No Frank Lampard was the dead mother

in a shocking plot twist.

vass' wo' is awl abahht

Spurs are the new daytime TV

It's nice to see little Mark Owen getting a run out, I hope he is not tackled by Poles

And like daytime TV, you never quite believe how bad it is until you see it yourself. Good fucking lord.

even the text updates i'm getting are ugly and boring

We are, genuinely, the worst team in the Premiership right now, aren't we? It's not even a bad run of results, it's just dreadful football.

spurs > newcastle > stoke

we are definitely where we are on merit, unlike the two 5th place finishes.

1544: "Everyone seems to have forgotten that Spurs were the only London club to win a trophy last season." alexwilson82 on 606

Is this the same everyone that points out they've only won three league games since they won the league cup?

is this what we're reduced to? quoting comments from 606 and then replying to them HERE?

i go back downstairs and spurs score

top marks to 5 guy for getting campbell and bent confused

Is it Bobby Robson?

Really couldn't have picked a better time in history to discover the ability to watch football at work

Skorża out

that is the worst passage to the group stages of the Uefa Europa League that anyone has ever seen

they'll get to the final now, lose to Milan

http://www.whoateallthepies.tv/77560505.jpg
http://www.whoateallthepies.tv/david%20moyes%20hokey%20cokey.jpg
http://www.craftycostume.com/July%20In%20Memoriam.jpg

So Portsmouth are going on a European Tour...

They are many quality teams at this group stage.

At this stage there are no home and away fixtures with all the clubs, just 2 games at home and 2 away

best case scenario draw for Portsmouth, based on distance and relative strength of opposition: Benfica, Club Brugge, Rosenborg, Twente or NEC

best european football experience group, take 2 away trips from: Schalke 04 - nice big stadium - massive pompey away support, Paris Saint-Germain - easy to get to, Feyenoord - a trip to Rotterdam, Standard Liège - great atmosphere based on Everton and Liverpool games

worst case scenario draw for Portsmouth - this would be the group of death, this is so champions league standard: Milan, Ajax, Galatasaray, Standard Liège

worst case scenario draw for distance for Portsmouth: CSKA Moscow, Olympiacos, Slavia Prague, Metalist Kharkiv

and this would be the European red light district tour, take two away trips from these four: Hamburg, Ajax - Amsterdam, Slavia Prague, Standard Liege

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/UEFA_Cup_2008-09
The draw for the group stage of the 2008–09 UEFA Cup will be held at UEFA Headquarters in Nyon, Switzerland, at 12:00CET on 7 October 2008. The 40 teams in the draw will be divided into five pots based on their UEFA coefficients. The eight teams with the highest UEFA coefficient will be allocated to Pot 1, the next eight teams to Pot 2, and so on. One team from each pot will be drawn for each group, with the restriction that no team may be drawn with one from the same country.

Pot 1

* Flag of Italy Milan
* Flag of Spain Sevilla
* Flag of Spain Valencia
* Flag of Portugal Benfica
* Flag of Germany Schalke 04
* Flag of Russia CSKA Moscow
* Flag of England Tottenham Hotspur
* Flag of Germany Hamburg

Pot 2

* Flag of Germany Stuttgart
* Flag of the Netherlands Ajax
* Flag of Greece Olympiacos
* Flag of Spain Deportivo
* Flag of Belgium Club Brugge
* Flag of Russia Spartak Moscow
* Flag of France Paris Saint-Germain
* Flag of the Netherlands Heerenveen

Pot 3

* Flag of Norway Rosenborg
* Flag of Italy Udinese
* Flag of the Netherlands Feyenoord
* Flag of Portugal Braga
* Flag of the Czech Republic Slavia Prague
* Flag of England Manchester City
* Flag of Turkey Galatasaray
* Flag of Italy Sampdoria

Pot 4

* Flag of Germany Hertha BSC
* Flag of Serbia Partizan
* Flag of France Nancy
* Flag of England Portsmouth
* Flag of England Aston Villa
* Flag of Spain Racing Santander
* Flag of Denmark Copenhagen
* Flag of Croatia Dinamo Zagreb

Pot 5

* Flag of France Saint-Étienne
* Flag of Germany Wolfsburg
* Flag of Belgium Standard Liège
* Flag of the Netherlands Twente
* Flag of the Netherlands NEC
* Flag of Ukraine Metalist Kharkiv
* Flag of Poland Lech Poznań
* Flag of Slovakia Žilina

didn't know Liege boasted a red-light district worthy of the name

so you have sampled Amsterdam, Hamburg, Prague then?

You're slipping back into Mencap character. Er, no, I haven't exactly. Went to Amsterdam when I was 12, saw the red-light district, didn't really participate.

http://forums.battle-forum.com/hosted/mcclaud/quagmire-3865.jpg

Could Flag of England Aston Villa and Flag of England Tottenham Hotspur get drawn in the same group or nationalities separated?

I thought this was kind of funny -- Wisla fans mocking Tottenham fans

http://galeria.wislakrakow.com/20081002/norek/10.jpg

Pompey get Milan but will they get to play in the San Siro?

Disappointed by the lack of numbers in MŠK Žilina, but still nice

Jol vs O'Neill vs Van Basten = Group F to be bewildering series of 8-all draws

portsmouth fictures:

Oct 23: Braga (away) - a trip once again to northern portugal
Nov 27: AC Milan (home) - hosts to the mighty milan
Dec 4: Wolfsburg (away) - a trip to germany
Dec 17: Heerenveen (home) - hosts to the 5th best dutch team

Tell you what, this thread is going to be a treat when Pompey beat Milan at the San Siro.

Spurs on the other hand have a few tough fixtures and none of the glamour.

portsmouth not going to the San Siro

Yeah, quite a tough group considering Spurs were inexplicably a top seed

Villa's group is the hardest though probably? Slavia Prague and Free Shcoring Ousted Spursh Manager Revenge Shpree FC away. Good trips though.

well all fixtures are tough for Spurs right now (no zing intended) xp

uefa cup draw

Group A: Schalke 04, Paris St Germain, Manchester City, Racing Santander, FC Twente.

Group B: Benfica, Olympiakos, Galatasaray, Hertha Berlin, Metalist Kharkiv.

Group C: Sevilla, VfB Stuttgart, Sampdoria, Partizan Belgrade, Standard Liège.

Group D: Tottenham Hotspur, Spartak Moscow, Udinese, Dinamo Zagreb, NEC Nijmegen.

Group E: AC Milan, Heerenveen, SC Braga, Portsmouth, Vfl Wolfsburg.

Group F: Hamburg, Ajax, Slavia Prague, Aston Villa, MSK Zilina.

Group G: Valencia, Club Brugge, Rosenborg, FC Copenhagen, St Etienne.

Group H: CSKA Moscow, Deportivo La Coruna, Feyenoord, Nancy, Lech Poznan.

xp: we are deprived the spectacle of That Cunt With The Bell vs Nuanced Italian Police

does the uefa cup seem stronger this year?

also come january the 3rd place champions league clubs get shunted into the uefa cup, possibly celtic

i look forward to the man city, FC twente20 game just because i miss mcclaren's accent.

Schalke 04, Paris St Germain, Manchester City, Racing Santander, FC Twente.

MacClown in a simpleton soundbite English with added dutch accent: Schalke are a top german club very difficult opposition, Paris St Germain have a good European pedigree, I know Machester City and Mark Hughes well and they have signed the sensational Robinho for a English transfer record - this will be a tough match, Racing Santander - Spanish sides are tactically aware - I know only to well after being humiliated by Seville in the Uefa Cup final with Middlesbrough

Do you really know Mark Hughes well?

And did he really say that Paris St Germain was tough opposition?

hold it now Jibé...

didn't even realise they'd actually stayed up :/

didn't PSG nearly get relegated last season? are they cup winners?

Haha come on I wish they were better, at least I'd get to see good games at the Parc des Princes. Especially since I was in Lyon the last year, so you know, the difference is harsh.

xp
Yes saved from relegation with 10 minutes left during the final game of teh season. They won the League Cup

Two years in a row they've been nearly relegated actually.

Also, Baaderonixx, since you seem to be a fan of PSG, what do you think about their recruitment this summer?

I was initially quite excited by Giuly and to a lesser extent Makelele but right now I'm dreading another season in hell...

They will need to get rid of Le Guen at some point.

I dont know why they felt the need to spend so much in salary payment on aging players. I really like Giuly and Make but last week I read L'Equipe and felt kind of sad for PSG because both of them were injured and the way it read was like old people be too old to play anymore. I wish PSG would be back on top (and I say this even though I'm not a fan of theirs).

reminder of the group stage: top 3 go through to:

Knockout stage: (32 teams)

* 24 top-three finishers from the group stage
* 8 entries from UEFA Champions League group stage

xp

yeah - their best purchase this year by far has been Sessegnon but I guess they needed a couple of veterans for the "vestiaire"...

corrected grammar.

MacClown in a simpleton soundbite English with added dutch accent: Schalke... top german club *bof* very difficult opposition, Paris St Germain have good.. massive, European pedigree, I know Machester and Mark Hughes well and they have signed sensational Robinho for English transfer record *bof* - this will be tough match and will be good experience for the players, at home, the eastlands. Racing Santander - Spanish sides tactically aware - I know only to well after being, mm, what you call, humiliated by Seville *bof* in the Uefa Cup final with Middlesbrough

Volkswagen Arena - VfL Wolfsburg - 30,000 capacity stadium built in 2002
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:Wolfsburg_stadion.jpg

Estádio Municipal de Braga
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Est%C3%A1dio_AXA
with an all-seated capacity of 30,154, built in 2003 as the new home for local club SC Braga, and as a 2004 UEFA European Football Championship venue.

Battle of Britain pt 2445902 zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Celtic have no strikers. Marc Crosas is broken. We don't have a full-back that Strachan trusts. I am scared.

I think he trusts Mark Wilson, but not his knee, that's why he rested him for the ICT game. Not that it will matter. Crosas is arguably a bigger loss than either of the big strikers who were unlikely to see much of the ball anyway. I think we'll see McGeady on the right as Evra is out and Man U are likely to start with O'Shea - this might be Celtic's best hope of getting forward and creating anything for the strikers we don't actually have.

Any three from Tevez/Rooney/Ronaldo/Berbatov/Giggs/Nani up against whatever back four we cobble together is scary no matter how you spin it.

Let's see how much of a battering my continual sticking up for Lee Naylor and Gary Caldwell takes tonight...

I am scared.

I'm so glad it's on telly tonight so i don't have to go to the pub to watch it... also my usual London Celtic pub has just been closed down by the police!

Everyone knows those places are just fronts for terrist fund-raisers Tom.

Believe me I wouldn't be surprised, the two guys who ran it were well dodgy

Strachan's said in interviews that Mark Wilson is too short, and he played Loovens at right back because he's tall. I fear we might see this experiment again tonight.

(Loovens is a left-side centre-half, folks. Yes, we're experimenting against the European Champions. Go us!)

xpost - is that the place I was going to come and watch us winning the league with you the season before last?

is that the place I was going to come and watch us winning the league with you the season before last?

Ha ha, that's the one!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Offside_law

fuckers

surprise surprise at man utd getting a dodgy offside goal at old trafford

Do they get a lot of those?

offside goal again!

Then a goal that wasn't offside that wasn't given. Fuck this linesman.

he had 2-0 on his coupon

Apparently Fergie is now thinking about Everton.

Good player, this lad Rooney

last arsenal goal as good as itv's commentary was bloodcurdling

highest scoring CL night ever?

The Villareal score really was hockey match stuff. I'm looking forward to highlights.

so rude of Ferguson to continue chewing during the post-match interview

Poor performance tonight, the best we could have hoped for was scraping a 0-0 but the linesmen giving them a two goal start finished any hope of us getting anything.

Paul Hartley now behind a centre-half for a midfield berth in a 5 man midfield. If I was him I'd tell Gordon Strachan to shove it.

Looking at the other scores I might have been better switching over to hear someone jizz over Arsenal.

highest scoring CL night ever?

The Rider confirms it's a record-equalling (not surpassing) 36

I though Caldinho was pretty good in the midfield role.

One stinging shot and 142 misplaced passes doesn't earn you a faux Brazilian nickname IMO.

I was going to call him Gary Cafu but I thought that would be hard to decipher.

I'm usually the biggest Caldwell hater so interesting to be on the other side of the argument for once, thought he was decent tonight.

Brother texted me to ask if the linesman switched ends at half time. I think I prefer that to there being two blind men, tbh. Gutted doesn't even come close.

No idea what the hell Strachan thought he was doing there tonight - Old Trafford isn't the place to start experimenting with Caldwell (our best centre half by the length of several streets) out of position to allow the guy that gave me approx 40000 heart attacks vs the mighty, er, Aberdeen to get a game. Thought the idea of trying Robson at left-back earlier this season might have led him to realise that it might be a decent stopgap as soon as he realised we were as good as a man short with Naylor posted missing every single time they went forward - when I saw Hartley coming on I confidently predicted Robson going to leftback and Hartley coming on for Naylor, given that at least Robson looked up for it.

I am one of Gary Caldwell's biggest fans, but that is in his natural position of centre half. Fuck's sake, he's the most consistent one we've got - leave him there when you've already got a Paul Hartley to play the Paul Hartley role.

Naylor posted missing every single time they went forward

In his defence being up against Ronaldo, Rooney, Nani and Berbatov, sometimes all at once, wasn't the easiest of jobs. Caldwell wasn't awful in midfield, he was as good or as poor as Robson or Brown - the problem is his inclusion in midfield meant Loovens at CB. Dropping Loovens and starting with Caldwell at CB and Hartley in CM would have meant everyone doing a job they knew and were comfortable in.

ya look nobody's stopping united atm

That doesn't excuse Naylor not even being the guy they were up against - too many times it was left to McManus or Loovens or anyone else available to be the defence against their constant attacks down that side when Naylor was hanging around too far away to be counted as the outside left of our defence. You know I'm one of Naylor's main defenders against accusations of losing it, and even I couldn't stick up for him that much. I already said I'd have rather let Caldwell do what he's good at, and let Hartley do what he's good at, rather than expect Caldwell, for the first time ever since he's signed for Celtic, to do Hartley's job when Hartley could have been doing it himself.

Also, Scott McDonald is never the guy to play up front on his own.

(I realise we didn't have much in the way of options for strikers, btw)

Also, had Marc Crosas been fit, this Caldwell v Hartley argument would have been redundant (but, since he wasn't, I'm still firmly in favour of Hartley being that guy rather than Caldwell, much as I like him). 20-20 hindsight is the greatest gift to the armchair football fan.

I'm still basically more cross about the inept linesmen.

I was going to call him Gary Cafu but I thought that would be hard to decipher

Aye, comparing him to a decent right back would have thrown anyone. I actually thought he did OK in an unfamiliar role, but he shouldn't have been in an unfamiliar role, given that we had someone familiar with that role fit and on the bench.

I was in the pub and missed everything tonight but knew something was up from the text going "I knew Berbatov was classy but I didn't realise he could magically make himself invisible to linesmen".

celtic's away kit is awful

It makes us look like Brazil. Shame it doesn't make us play like Brazil.

Norwich. It makes you look like Norwich.

^^^this

needless to say, Celtic had the last la-

Milan going for that full on Real Madrid bloated Galactico vibe now

Jonathan Woodgate joins Milan in January

"Football today is about full stadiums and sponsors and superstars like Beckham fill them up. With him, Kaka and Ronaldinho, it will be a dream team," Galliani told the Italian newspaper Corriere della Sera.

Michael Owen joins Milan Reserves in January

Ban Milan

Jose Mourinho is pissing himself laughing right now.

Dom, which of the 2 main Rome clubs do you favour? Coz whichever way there's some great footy hooliganism opportunity g'wan down about now. Not that I'd encourage you to run with the Chelsea firm.

So has the BBC forgotten to turn up or what?

Yeah what's up with that?

And Louis I assume that the answer would be "not Lazio".

http://www.thesimpsons.pl/simpsons/files/hank_scorpio_105.gif
"No-one ever says Lazio"

so what's Spanish for "never in doubt"?

weird about the lack of BBC online coverage - they don't even have photos for the result headlines on the home page

I do hope "Cheesy" and "Kevvo" and "Fat Larry" and "Poopsy" are OK.

Apparently a wire got cut and bought both the news and sport websites to a halt for four hours. Good work all concerned.

Roma fans were loudest I've heard at the Bridge for years. Absolutely brilliant support, put to shame all English clubs. No aggro, either.

See also Celtic supporters outsinging Man Utd for 90 minutes on Tuesday. Also left Manchester the way they found it, which is nice.

's funny, all I could hear on my TV was "so fucking easy" - or was that irony?

I'm sure I heard "Are you Rangers in disguise?". Which was annoying but funny.

Hats off to Man Utd fans for having a (thoroughly deserved) go at us while managing to slag off Rangers at the same time

What were they singing that went "[something something], you're having a laugh"?

"Gordon Strachan"? I was joining in with that one... or, more likely, "Premiership"

"[something something], you're having a laugh"
Possibly a reference to Wayne Rooney goggling every time he danced around the space where Lee Naylor was supposed to be.

does he have an iphone or something?

oh i thought you said googling

"[something something], you're having a laugh"?

Mr Linesperson?

I think I meant to say giggling, or was it gargling?

I read that as "googling" too

Maybe he was searching for a half decent left back, as we didn't seem to have any on the field.

No aggro, either.

well they didn't bring their own police right?

Hard to think of a game less likely to have to have aggro at it than Man Utd v. Celtic, except maybe Linfield v. Rangers

Tottenham's next defeat begins some time after 6pm this evening, apparently. Alas I won't be able to watch.

Hard to think of a game less likely to have to have aggro at it than Man Utd v. Celtic, except maybe Linfield v. Rangers

http://kerrydalestreet.co.uk/topic/8029467/1/

think again, there was definitely trouble last time round.

haha

What were they singing last night btw? And you'll never get a job? Wasn't that the chant that the London clubs used to sing to those in the North? Apart from the fact that their probably isn't a great deal of difference in unemployment between Glasgow and Manchester, it just goes to show how much the Mancs have sold out, from being a proper club to being an ostentatious parody of something at the heart of a community. If anything marks the decline of football's soul, it's glitzy Manchester Utd.

With their debt as it is and the global financial crisis starting to hit everywhere, I hope they get it in the baws.

Aye, haven't heard that Glasgow just been voted the most glamorous city in the world... or sumthin'

Aye, haven't they heard that Glasgow just been voted the most glamorous city in the world... or sumthin'

that thing about never getting a job isn't that to "you'll never walk alone"? cos celtic folks sing it right? it wouldn't be the same (ostentatious) parody to sing it to manure (lol) fans (or any club in the north that isn't liverpool)??

what's the economic situation like in Enschede? Presumably pretty good if even mcclaren can get a job there...

that thing about never getting a job isn't that to "you'll never walk alone"? cos celtic folks sing it right?

Yes, I think that's right. I've never sung it and never will.

I've never sung it and never will.

not alone, anyway

Not a big Carousel fan Tom?

I'm a Rodgers & Hart man, you can keep yer Oscar Hammerstein's

When we beat Man U 1-0 the police had to close off the Gallowgate for a while before the match after trouble with Man U fans. My mate was in the Spirit and a bunch of Man U fans ran in and threw tables over and threw a few punches, they quickly realised how full of mental bams the Spirit is before a game and ran away quickly chased by said bams, and they then brawled in the middle of the street while my mate stood at the bar and finished his pint waiting for the police to come along and secure the outside.

bams?

Think the United firm likes to hang out with Hibs when they're in Scotland, hence the trouble with Celtic.

Sorry if I'm a bit Danny Dyer about this.

bams?

― Ant Attack |=| (Ste)

Aye, some bams drink in the Spirit. What with its ridiculously cheap drink prices etc. Dominic Diamond drinks in there before the European games as well.

Noun

Singular
bampot

Plural
bampots

bampot (plural bampots)

1. (Scotland, slang, pejorative) idiot; an objectionable and foolish person.

ah

ah right, sorry about that I do tend to use lol scottish slang a bit too loosely on teh internets.

That bit of Glasgow is bampot central, particularly on match day.

lol first google hit for spirit+glasgow+pub

http://www.aberdeen-music.com/forums/fudgenet/44628-attention-bands-dont-touch-spirit-bar-glasgow-you-might-get-killed-bam.html

You might get killed by a bam

Danger: Unexploded Bams

haha, it's not that bad but I can imagine an Aberdonian punk-rock band might not get the friendliest reception trying to play a gig while a match is on!

Several of the pubs round that way open at 8am. I used to work round the corner and can confirm that it is bampot central at all times of the day, most days of the week.

What's the difference between a bam and a ned?

(I'm willing to bet this is a joke, and that there's a semi-amusing punchline)

Anyone can be a bam, even you Louis!

Levels of mentalism. Neds are a bit more gallus (look it up!), bams are generally more unhinged.

(xpost, someone else can supply the punchline)

I imagine LJ to be as unbammish as they come.

http://www.puredeadgallus.com/ga1.gif

Ned = Barry Ferguson
Bam = Duncan Ferguson

Neds are generally skinny wee runts who can't fight but intimidate in packs. Bams are more willing to fly solo, even against a pack of neds.

Onimo, you'd be surprised just how angry I can get given the right combination of circumstances. And shit, if Millwall played at the Valley...

actual LOL

Anger in itself does not make you a bam, LJ. Think Begbie from Trainspotting.

O.

No offence Louis(!), but I was thinking more along the lines of the more general definition:

1. (Scotland, slang, pejorative) idiot; an objectionable and foolish person.

re: that quote onimo took from a celtic fan somewhere "What were they singing last night btw? And you'll never get a job? Wasn't that the chant that the London clubs used to sing to those in the North?...etc"

I think the Celtic supporter has missed the point a bit. It's got nothing to do with Mancunian opinions of Glasgow, it just that YNWA is (seen as) a Liverpool song. That's why they were booing every time Celtic were singing it. Same thing when they were singing something that sounded like Fields of Athenry. And 'Sign on, sign on,...' is what they sing whenever Liverpool come.

Same thing when they were singing something that sounded like Fields of Athenry.

That would be The Fields of Athenry? The well know Celtic song?

Oh right, you mean the Man Utd fans? I forgot the stupid Man Utd / Liverpool rivalry that makes Sky and Rupert Murdoch so much money every year

That would be The Fields of Athenry?

Ah, that'll be it!

We get "sign on, sign on, with hope in your hearts, but you'll never get a job" from fans in Scotland as well, usually those of an Edinburgh persuasion. The booing was noticeably louder when Celtic fans were singing The Fields of Athenry, I did say to pub companions at the time that it was probably because they associated it with Liverpool fans singing The Fields of Anfield Road.

Similarly, I've heard that when United went to Celtic the other season and sang "Hello, hello, we are the Busby boys..." it didn't go down to well because of its similarity to the Rangers song.

Lots of teams sing that song now in England, I've noticed

Hell, we sing it in New Jersey.

Always makes uncomfortable to hear that song

me uncomfortable that is

Rangers have been banned from singing their offensive version now, so have contrived to come up with another version designed solely to piss off Celtic fans.

xpost. It makes me more ragin' than uncomfortable since I assume they know what they're making allusion to.

Why am I talking about Rangers on a thread about European football?

Let's anticipate Spurs' latest European adventures instead, shall we?

thank fuck Five aren't doing the whole 3 games in 1 evening thing, last time they did I felt like a hollow waste of fucking oxygen afterwards

yes, there exists a surfeit of low-grade European football

xpost. Prediction: pain.

headline on BBC Football, 'Uefa Cup important stresses Ramos', reads funny

Udinese V Euthanasia

sirens.jpg

Rioch's been sacked by Aalborg

Galatasaray v Olympiacos could be a fun match

I lost the will to live halfway through Five's Day Of Second-Rate Football last time round. Might watch Spurs for roffles though.

nah we're all friends down in the east med now xpost

Yeah, there was something about that Everton game that just cried out "finish yourself"

This should be played in the Spurs dressing room, to remind them of the glory days:

I don't think there will ever be a Didier and David pop duo. And that is part of the problem.

Oh Tottenham.

O Tottnampaws

loooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooool you cdnt make it up

loltenham lolspur

they'd been fkn creaming over those hockey referees for 20 mins as well

lol there is an advertising hoarding with "DESPAR" behind Gomes. One letter missing there, I feel.

Spurs are the exact team as last season, but without strikers.

And without Martin Jol

That Lennon moment was exquisite.

Bolognese all over my t-shirt trying to stifle a lol.

Spaghetti Udinese

this match is over :(

Gareth Bale should play Robin in the next Batman film.

loving Five's O'Neill: Slight Return presenter

At half-time, Colin Murray looked like a wee boy dressed as an old man with someone else's oversized head stuck on top. It was most odd.

looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooool

that was probably the lamest red card ever

He deserved it, the idiot.

Haha, am running out of lolz now. Neil just asked me why I dislike Spurs so much, and I don't even dislike Spurs, it's just really inexplicably hilarious to see teams that are supposed to be good be totally rubbish (this does not apply to any team I actually support, OK).

Lame as in nothingy and avoidable, no doubt he deserved it.

Lee Young Po would never have done that.

I am quite enjoying this being a half-Chilean football jingoist.

lol scottish cafu

Aye that was rank.

lol welsh roberto carlos

Just switched on to see that Gareth Bale slice. Has it been like this all season match?

he's hit about 3 free kicks and 1 corner straight out for a goal kick

oh lol bale

This is really just embarrassing.

Bale, again!

lol gareth bale

I missed about 20 minutes of the game walking home in torrential rain but Bale has been completely awful in every way.

In a way the worst thing about Spurs right now is there's nothing in their style of football to endear them to the neutral or engender sympathy. Just clueless, petulant, fouling waste of oxygen after clueless, petulant, fouling waste of oxygen after clueless, petulant, fouling waste of oxygen

those would be the aforementioned 20 minutes in which spurs were good

Did Inler choose that shirt number himself?

Alan Hutton exerting an influence then?

xposts

as bad as Spurs are, hardly anyone seems to be able to beat them by more than one goal (jinx?)

lol at gareth bale

lol and goodnight

Well taken goal.

Ramos will be asking some serious questions of stevem in the dressing room later I'm sure

Gah! I was in the kitchen there - you could hear that coming from about twenty seconds before it went in

Champions League next season

saturday's winning lotter numbers ARE:

3, 17, 20, 40, 44, 268

shd have said 88 cos lol at inler

ramos has changed his name to sergio now, apparently.

wait is dom an udinese fan

Spurs are a big club, simple as.

ok now for some real football as FC Benevolent Yankee Englishtalent take on Total Faded Glory

Champions League next season

surely, Championship League next season

fuck me how small is pat nevin

I saw him at Tebay services. He was sitting on his own, eating some sort of curry. I felt strangely compelled to go and keep him company (but didn't). He looks like he needs mentoring

Van Basten: "I don't know if they take the game as seriously...as we do"

MPx4A, if you're reading this on your iPhone, may this be the spur for amusing acts of thuggery

Pat Nevin is very small, and doesn't mind drunken idiots chuntering on at him annoying when he's trying to listen to twee indie bollocks. Or, if he does, he's too polite to say.

He loves the 1st Sugarcubes album.

I saw him at Tebay services

Is Tebay the good independent services with all the wood all over the shop?

that was coming

It is. I was going to say "no, that's Westmorland", but google tells me they are the same place.

xpost, 1-0 Villa

I love those services.

Does Pat Nevin still drop Camera Obscura references into his punditry? I never heard either of these, but have been fairly reliably informed that he once gave his summary of a Scotland performance as "underachievers, please try harder", and wondered how some first division promotion candidates, possibly Gretna, would cope when they were "knee deep in the SPL". I would hate for these to be urban myth.

One of my friends told me about those references and I also hope that they're true.

I can see it being possible, he is major A++ Camera Obscura cheerleader.

wtf nicky shorey looking like international-class fullback

that wasn't coming

"Suarez, whoa-oh...who are ya, whoa-oh"

Man U fans a-singing and a-chomping on doner n' chips

nerveless from england's remembered man

those spurs interviewees (the centre-back pairing no less) sound nothing so much as broken men

oops didn't need that

Nevin also a massive fan of the Cocteau twins. Here he is playing MBV for Barry Horne.

He once did an interview with himself in the Chelsea programme.

I'm hoping it was in the David Byrne style

Ew.

Van Basten: "I don't know if they take the game as seriously...as we do"

MPx4A, if you're reading this on your iPhone, may this be the spur for amusing acts of thuggery

Haha, where did he say this? Underachieving forrin managers can say that as much as they want if it means they're gonna turn up and play aesthetically pleasing but completely unthreatening football

Apparently there were two or three Keep Right On banners in the Ajax section. Either some Blues fan on New Street was on some malign trickster god shit or those Ajax boys really like to do their research on winding opposition fans up

He said it on an interview with Five before the match! Anyway, how's the Midlands' favourite serial philanderer getting on with regards his knee?

not really heard anything yet, I assumed they stretchered him off on principle because he was timewasting, but sitting down the opposite end does tend to result in taking quite a casual view of various attempted murders etc. From the Holte End I initially thought Wilfred Bouma had stubbed his toe, and also that John Carew's blatant handball/hilariously scuffed shot against Man City was a goal of the season contender.

that was before I got new glasses though

Ha ok. Ajax's goal was an overhead kick btw. Also, can you confirm whether "Suarez, whoa-oh...who are ya, whoa-oh" was a thing or not?

Inter and Chelsea bringing plenty of lols tonight

and Barca

ref/asst ref giving dodgy penalty after getting one wrong earlier

that is the single most ridiculous penalty call I've ever seen, fucking ridiculous

that's some Juve shit right there

haha, OMG, that was amazingly wrong. lolz at Atletico taking the huff and booting the ball out straight from the retake though.

it was ludicrous but the handball was blatant beforehand so it evens out.

Liverpool back to being shit without Torres it seems. WTF is up with taking Keane off after 70 mins in every game.

that is the single most ridiculous penalty call I've ever seen, fucking ridiculous

― sonderangerbot, Tuesday, 4 November 2008 21:38

You don't watch much football, i take it?

What, you mean the two blatant handballs either way, the Liverpool ones which were described as "herioc" versus the Athletico one where the defender shapes away from the ball after Robbie Keane has failed to conrtol it and the chance has gone?

Or are we not talking about actual football, on the park, any more?

holy shit http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/northern_ireland/7709749.stm

WTF is up with taking Keane off after 70 mins in every game.

I reckon he's carrying a knock and it's not worth pushing him with Torres out as well. Although RK does not seem happy to lead the line. LFC are not getting their £20m worth out of him, regardless.

Never in doubt?

not quite the most ridiculous penalty call ever, but certainly a very bad one. Gerrard covering himself in glory again.

robbie keane, then. tbh i don't miss him at all, even though he was great alongside berbatov.

goal!

goal of the tournament

great goal

2055: GOAL Aab Aalborg 1-1 Villarreal
Jeppe Curth equalises for the Danish side. Do you know much about him?

No "Stevo", "Paulo" "Cheeso" or whatever your name is, I don't. You should though, because you're a fucking football journalist covering European competition.

I knew Stevo BITD, he was a nice dude and I like his casual turn of phrase by and large

ohhh ronaldo just kicked scott brown

Ref does nothing.

Never in doubt

That the ref would let Ronaldo go unpunished after kicking someone?

Yeah, that was a shocker.

What, you mean the two blatant handballs either way, the Liverpool ones which were described as "herioc" versus the Athletico one where the defender shapes away from the ball after Robbie Keane has failed to conrtol it and the chance has gone?

I think you just made up the "heroic" part plus the Athletico handball was way more clearcut than the ball spraying off Carragher's leg onto his arm. Who says the chance had gone, the guy used his hand to control the ball? In any case as far as I know the rules don't state you need a clearcut chance for a penalty to be given. If they did you could discount Carragher's too since he'd already blocked the pass.

Fuck a pitch invader harshing my Champions League buzz again :-(

Also Ryan Giggs, and Man Utd being way better than us for the second half, but considering they got to bring on Berbatov + Rooney and we got to bring on, er, Ben Hutchison (the poor man's Chris Killen, by the look of it) then a point against the European Champs wasn't a bad result. Was sitting next to two older Man Utd fans who swore they'd be back up for a SPL league game soon, never experienced an atmosphere like it.

Scott Brown, Mark Wilson and Scott McDonald were immense tonight. I'm relatively happy with that, considering our injury list - though a second half like the first, rather than what looked like settling for the one goal, might have been worth a go? We'd better have Samaras or Vennegoor of Hesselink back for the Aalborg game though...

The score board at half-time was showing stats - shots on/off target, etc and had possession 75% - 25% in Celtic's favour? Was that right enough, anyone watching on Sky?

the boy who ran on the pitch was right down in front of where I was, though I was row KK so quite far back. Stewards and polis did fuck all.

Stewards are a fucking joke, btw, there was mad overcrowding up our bit (about six people sitting on the stairs) and not a steward in sight. We had a wee problem I wanted to ask a steward about at the end of the game, and the lassie looked at me like I'd been scraped off her shoe and said "What is it with this place, I didn't have any hassle like this last night, there's no bother at Ibrox, it's always hassle at Parkhead" (note: this issue was not "hassle", it was after the game in an empty stadium and I was looking for something that had been lost during the mad jumping-about after the first goal and wondered if it had been handed in to anyone). I'm not sure if she was expecting sympathy for having to do stewarding (er, hello, it's your job, and it's my season ticket money that's paying it, and also, I'm STANDING HERE IN A FUCKING CELTIC SCARF WTF I AM NOT GOING TO AGREE WITH YOU THAT RANGERS FANS ARE BETTER THAN US), but she got a fucking scowl back and might find a wee letter of complaint going to her bosses.

I think you just made up the "heroic" part plus the Athletico handball was way more clearcut than the ball spraying off Carragher's leg onto his arm. Who says the chance had gone, the guy used his hand to control the ball? In any case as far as I know the rules don't state you need a clearcut chance for a penalty to be given. If they did you could discount Carragher's too since he'd already blocked the pass.

No, the ITV4 commentator said Carragher made a "heroic effort to do everything to stop the cross".

In both the Carragher and Mascherano incidents, a ball into the box was prevented by use of the arm. In the two Athletico incidents the ball was on the way out of the box (as with the Gerrard dive). A penalty is supposed to be denying a goal-scoring opportunity, which is pretty hard if the ball isn't getting any closer to the goal.

Really Ronan, for an Irishman you do a good impression of a paranoid Scouser. ;-)

Was sitting next to two older Man Utd fans who swore they'd be back up for a SPL league game soon, never experienced an atmosphere like it.

From my vantage point on my sofa it sounded much more lively than the other year.

The score board at half-time was showing stats - shots on/off target, etc and had possession 75% - 25% in Celtic's favour? Was that right enough, anyone watching on Sky?

It seems unlikely. Andy Gray kept banging on about United's overwhelming possession. The second half was particularly weird as United seemed to have about 95% of the ball while Celtic had a ten-man defence and yet United never really looked like scoring (until they did).

Andy Gray kept banging on about United's overwhelming possession

That well-known Celtic supporter

Quite. He also kept going on about how ropey Celtic's zonal defence was, seemingly oblivious to the fact that they were doing an effective job of keeping United out. For all United's possession, they didn't really test the keeper.

tested him once, to be fair.

the zonal thing was only about the corners wasn't it? i think united had about 3 shots on goal from corners including that one from berbatov that was cleared off the line.. (or maybe that was the zone that was being guarded..)

They barely had a shot on goal until Strachan lost his bottle

utd missed a few soft chances from corners in the first half, i thought.

Not that soft

i think i remember...

ferdinand had one that he couldnt' chest down/head
vidic had one that went wide
berbatov had one that he couldn't be bothered to put in the net cos it was too easy

In the first half? I watched this in a pub full of Irishman who were struggling to decide what team to support.

first two was first half

berbatov was second half

Aye, Berbatov didn't even come on until half time. That keeper looked dodgy as fuck at high balls, btw, but considering we had the cast of Snow White on there there were limited opportunities for punishing him (though Sheridan and Skippy were trying their best) - Paul Hartley's ineffective corners were a total waste of the best opportunities we had to test him, and I would rather have seen Barry Robson skelp in a couple of inswingers which he has put the shites up several defences with before. I think it might have been the second half before Artur Boruc had to touch the ball? Saying that, Foster must have been just about falling asleep by the end of the second half with the roles totally reversed in terms of going forward.

Irritating hearing various idiots deriding the SPL and Celtic as a result of being too pig ignorant and parochial to realise that Celtic only had half a team playing

in both the Carragher and Mascherano incidents, a ball into the box was prevented by use of the arm. In the two Athletico incidents the ball was on the way out of the box (as with the Gerrard dive). A penalty is supposed to be denying a goal-scoring opportunity, which is pretty hard if the ball isn't getting any closer to the goal.

Yeah cos every penalty is given as the ball is travelling towards goal, no penalty is ever given near the byline or on the edge of the box or just for a foul in the box when the player is going nowhere...seriously why even bother. The Athletico claims (which about one player shouted for) were both ball to hand at speed.

The Liverpool one was a defender sticking his hand out to control the ball. How you can tell that it was definitely going out of play is beyond me, the defender obviously didn't think so.

As for paranoid scouser, yeah I'm completely paranoid. I keep having this nightmare that there was a thread here a month ago calling Liverpool FC "cunts" over and over. Completely nuts I know!

haha, even the BBC was going with "Celtic have Samaras, VofH and Chris Killen missing" like Killen was even going to be within a mile of the bench if he was fit - as onimo pointed out, it was obviously written by someone with facts but no knowledge. Would have thought Crosas was a bigger miss, but hey-ho.

xpost the "denying a goal-scoring opportunity" thing is in the definition of a professional foul as a red card offence, not the reason for a free kick/penalty. A penalty is given if any free-kick-giving thing is committed within the penalty box. Handball has to be deliberate. (go to page 35 onwards of FIFA's rules http://www.fifa.com/mm/document/affederation/federation/81/42/36/lotg_en_55753.pdf if you care)

Having fans of other teams not liking your team is not really grounds for paranoia though, is it?

A penalty's just a foul in the box. Pundits are the only people who think it's for anything else

Except for when it's an indirect free-kick, obv.

Anyone see McClowns press conference? lolol

good stuff from huddlestone there. bent double, 2-0 35 mins in

I can't be the only one who read that and thought Huddlestone was producing good stuff and put them 2-0 up in 35 minutes while he was bent over double.

What was McClaren's press conference? More "dish ish, how you say, a tough tesht?" thing?

Bosko Balaban is playing against spurs!

the press conference was McClaren saying something like " a win is a win, a draw is a draw, a loss is a loss a result is a result". Sky News dude was almost pissing himself.

That sounds hilarious. Sky News Dude knows comedy all right.

I can't be the only one who read that and thought Huddlestone was producing good stuff and put them 2-0 up in 35 minutes while he was bent over double.

― ailsa, Thursday, 6 November 2008 20:45 (37 minutes ago) Bookmark

fair call!

Huddlestone didn't half just smash one in.

Pleat on Spurs: It works so well because it's a democracy with Harry as the dictator at the top.

Other pundit on Five live: Remember when Spurs finished 4th every year?

Uh no.

That Huddlestone shot was sweet, the Bentley corner that led to it possibly even more so.

I'm not going to get too excited about beating a team containing Bosko Balaban and Igor Biscan though.

How many Stoke/Hull/Sunderland/Middlesborough players would be household names in Zagreb, one wonders?

Rory Delap

when he gets his own animation in PRO EVO/FIFA then he's a star.

(i dunno, maybe this has happened already?)

Having fans of other teams not liking your team is not really grounds for paranoia though, is it?

What's paranoid about arguing a point I felt was right. Having people attack you even as they point out that the rules support your argument may be grounds for paranoia.

Ah, but you said you were paranoid about LJ's Liverpool thread, rather than aldo not knowing the rules of football. Paranoia about your paranoia is truly paranoid.

delap's long throw is actually quite long in pro evo

I never sincerely said I was paranoid. I am sick of arguing with you though.

sincerely sick of it or just facetiously?

is mcclaren interview on youtube yet? i want to see it!

http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/football/teams/c/celtic/7715713.stm

Manchester United could also face an investigation if match delegates mentioned alleged sectarian chanting by a section of their support at Wednesday's match.

whats that about?

At a guess, it could be the Busby Boys song. Fans letting the success of every other pointless complaint go to their heads

fuck off.

Why's that then?

cos he is homophobic and u r gay

the complaint may well not hold any water, I don't know either way, nor am I particularly interested in the matter, there are minorities of idiots in every support. What annoyed me was "the success of every other pointless complaint", because this is just RONG because:

a) A lot of the complaints about things we've had sung at us are justified and are not about a minority singing something, but of thousands.
b) Very rarely does anything/anything substantial come from these complaints.

Man Utd sang a song with a line "fuck the pope" which is what might have spurred complaints (which it probably didn't). It was a lot less obvious than Rangers singing the famine song (officially decreed racist by Strathclyde Police who have arrested, er, no-one for singing it, so at least the futility of the initial complaint got a concept of legality attached even if the powers that be have chosen not to act on it), and I think all complaints are "something's wrong, therefore anything else is" in nature, like those tits trying to get Jeremy Clarkson off the BBC because Russell Brand offended someone somewhere.

As in, Ismael Klata, the last "pointless complaint" made fuck all difference. The new difference now is that UEFA have jurisdiction over Champions League as opposed to any games where Rangers are involved.

Complaints make fuck all difference to the reports of the match observer, btw.

btw, Ronan, I was also taking the piss about the paranoia - FFS, it wasn't even me giving you, sorry, Liverpool, a hard time - I even went to the trouble of posting the rules about the award of penalties to back you up!!!! Cowboy up a bit, mate :-) I support a team who have a fucking book written about the paranoia about their fans!!! ( http://www.amazon.co.uk/Celtics-Paranoia-All-Mind-Tom-Campbell/dp/0954743105), but if you want to be sick of arguing with me rather than anyone who actually gives a real fuck, go right ahead.

fwiw, my annoyance at Liverpool goes back 20+ years when my wee glory-hunting brother was all about them. This will continue forever. He even texted me after that game the other night using the phrase "form is temporary, class is permanent", and he got a way fucking harder time off me for suggesting that a dodgy penalty four minutes into injury time was any sort of indicator of class...

Ha, dear God, I had been in the pub for seven hours when I typed that, and I have no memories of doing so!

"form is temporary, class is permanent"

^^^ truthbomb

No way, that phrase is total empty bollocks.

criticism of fat cheat rooney not really pouring out from all corners this morning, funny that. meanwhile, ronaldo is a bit of a villain for getting tackled above the knee.

i'm watching this online, so it may not be the itv4 commentary you guys have, but did the commentator just refer to one of the dutch lads as having 'chiselled features' and call him a 'big bruiser'?

hahahahahahahahahaha

no way

great defending from Milan there, "oh I'll just run away from him, then maybe the linesman will think it's offside"

Comedy bad luck for Inzaghi tonight

I called this one over a month ago, admittedly at the wrong stadium. Where is DJ Martian when you need him?

what a goal

Someone please stop Italian football now

ronaldinho's new "hippy chick" look v stylish.

Can the plucky minnows from Milan leave Fortress Fratton with a point?

In other news, Kaka has said he would be very happy to play for Man City.

Seriously, if it's a toss-up between that cunt with the bell and Berlusconi I'm going with the bell dude.

all from a free kick that never was

Actually, no, this is even funnier.

Ah, the romance of the UEFA Cup.

definitely was hoping for the equaliser......INZAGHI A LIKEABLE CHAP

What a game. If only they had a tournament to go with it

Armand Traore: not a good man to entrust a 1-1 draw with

Actually so far, unless Chelsea manage to limp out against Cluj, the UEFA Cup is pwning the Champions League. The CL never gets good until the knockout stages anyway.

Seriously, if it's a toss-up between that cunt with the bell and Berlusconi I'm going with the bell dude.

Point of information: the bell ringer was an old woman called Helen, who died a couple of years ago.

no surely poor Helen was drowned out by this twunt

http://d.yimg.com/eur.yimg.com/ng/sp/empics/20080517/16/3664013733-soccer-fa-cup-final-portsmouth-v-cardiff-city-wembley-stadium.jpg
http://d.yimg.com/eur.yimg.com/ng/sp/empics/20080517/16/3664013733-soccer-fa-cup-final-portsmouth-v-cardiff-city-wembley-stadium.jpg

I'm impressed that Tottenham Hotspur won a match tonight.

that's a confusing comment, pinefox? that we won the specific match tonight, or just because it was tonight, for some reason?

am loving the new-found spurs ability to protect a lead with little or no drama, btw.

http://newsimg.bbc.co.uk/media/images/45248000/jpg/_45248055_fi282.jpg

I'm just impressed, that Tottenham won a match.

http://ak.static.dailymotion.com/dyn/preview/320x240/4243427.jpg

botox inzaghi?

david james just made a mega-blunder

Face it - they weren't going to qualify anyway, were they?

correct, that late ac milan equalizer last week was so crushing, and losing 3 - 0 to braga was an awful start, tonight wolfsburg 3 v 2 pompey

pompey crash out, with one dead rubber to go at home against that dutch outfit Heerenveen who also have got nothing to play for

Platini wants to reduce the number of non-champions from countries such as England, Spain and Italy and increase the number of champions from the likes of Bulgaria, Slovakia and Latvia in the competition.

Big four's Champions League income from Uefa since 1992
Manchester United:
£226m
Arsenal:
£179m
Chelsea:
£145m
Liverpool:
£122m

A qualifying path will, therefore, be reserved solely for non-champions from the higher-ranked countries - and that could see England's fourth team pitted against the fourth team from Spain or Italy.
"We introduced this new format after discussions with the clubs but of course there will be losers," Uefa's general secretary David Taylor told BBC Sport.

Actually do like this idea altho will it really mean more cash for CSKA Sofia etc.?

That money hasn't come from UEFA as such though?

I'm guessing more money for English teams, because three of them will have to play qualifiers, so TV rights and gate money that they wouldn't have got from going straight into the group stages? And better teams lurking in the qualifying stages to knock the diddies out, no?

Dan Petrescu - doesn't look quite as much like David Duchovny these days.

Juande Ramos - doing the sort of promotion for Spanish football in England that Chris Coleman and Steve Finnan could only wish for. Suddenly, BBC seem all over La Liga when I've never known them to give a fuck before...

Pleat struggling a bit there.

Brazilian.. sorry, Argentinian... uh Uruguayan? All look same.

I'm guessing more money for English teams, because three of them will have to play qualifiers, so TV rights and gate money that they wouldn't have got from going straight into the group stages? And better teams lurking in the qualifying stages to knock the diddies out, no?

If I've understood it right, the top three from England would go directly into the group stages. Only the fourth-placed team would have to go into the qualifiers, but those qualifiers would be tougher than before.

1-1! TROUBLE! TROUBLE!

not if the italians help them out

italians helping them out then.

shame.

Gotta pay back chelsea for helping them out with money for lots of players in the 90s ;)

Just wait til Roma get knocked out by Chelsea later in the tourney.

liverpool score?

Riera just scored a beauty. 2-1 to liverpool now

lol @ jose's most rubbish signing at chelsea beating inter.

sky don't have coverage of this?

itv and itv4(liverpool game)
Sky digital probably have all the games but we just get the ordinary sky sports channels on virginmedia

nah, don't see it on sky digital. funy that- i wasn't aware of any 'exclusive rights' deal there.

"Urghyerguay"

ok wtf

[Removed Illegal Image]

WHO LET NGOG OUT

i could swear someone posted a pic a min ago
x-post

Sky don't have rights to Liverpool or Chelsea this season. Sky Sports Extra have all the rest on.

before ronan

now i'm a little freaked. ilx is taking over my pc.

ah cheers ailsa. watching chelsea on rte anyways.

http://i351.photobucket.com/albums/q443/danwms/ngog.jpg

this is the pic I meant to post

haha omngog

It's the way his Adam's apple looks like a tongue hanging out.

lovely finish. easy to see why we paid 20.1m for him. oh wait.

someone posted that pic before you ronan and their entire post disappeared.

I have been flicking between all games and have seen one single solitary goal thus far (Shakhtar's second), with all the action occurring in whatever games I'm not watching.

Message: 247410 from thread: Schtop, dish FC Twente side ish not ready for the Championsh League or UEFA Cup 2008/09 has been deleted.

http://www.rialtotheatre.com/images/content/mystery.gif

I thought maybe mods had banned that pic but obviously Ronan's is still there. Admin log doesn't say who removed it.

controversial david ndog mod ban

David Ngog is actually a Nude Spock sockpuppet.

Someone needs to get Boris Becker a new game. Ludo, maybe.

World of Warcraft

(Then again, one of us is watching Only Connect at the moment, and it's not the one that's won Wimbledon)

man Anorthosis got gipped - most points ever for a team winding up 4th?

Jol in

Chelsea v Juventus
Villarreal v Panathinaikos
Sporting Lisbon v Bayern Munich
Atletico Madrid v Porto
Lyon v Barcelona
Real Madrid v Liverpool
Arsenal v Roma
Inter Milan v Manchester United

oooooooh

Oh snap

Italy v The Premiership (I almost said England) FITE!

I suspect some ball tampering from Platini before this draw

"Arsenal v Barcelona please, it's meant to be with Cesc as Captain Fantastic!
Sam, pretending to work at Basingstoke Hospital, via text on 81111

all wearing a stolen white coat and diagnosing shit while going on about Cesc on the Internet

Predictions?

Juve
Villarreal
Bayern Munich
Atletico Madrid
Barcelona
Liverpool
Arsenal
Inter Milan

I predict that Aston Villa will draw Mentalist Carcrash or CSKA Moscow

Chelsea
Villarreal
Bayern Munich
Atletico Madrid
Barcelona
Real Madrid
Arsenal
Manchester United

Man City will be drawn against a team of plucky disabled Greek children after Nijmegen are thrown out of the tournament for not offering enough discounts in their online store

i.e. La Liga vs. Premiership again (yawn) (xp)

Best 2nd round draw in ages. Predictions -

Juventus
Panathinaikos
Bayern Munich
Atletico Madrid
Barcelona
Real Madrid
Arsenal
Inter Milan

Great draw. No stopping the English sides though:

Chelsea
Villareal
Bayern
Porto
Barcelona
Liverpool
Arsenal
Man Utd