Holding doors open for other people

I hold doors open for everybody, but I've never been accused of being sexist for holding a door open for a woman, ever - does this actually happen or is it just an "political correctness gone mad" myth?

This never actually happens.

people who don't hold doors are assholes

man idk i try and hold the door whenever i can, i think its pretty insulting when someone lets a door swing into your face instead of just holding it back as they walk through

Holding doors for anyone is nice, fullstop.

we've discussed this so so many times but yes holding doors open for anyone is just good for everyone.

Best just let the door smash into their face on the off chance that they find the door being held open is a sign of patriarchal oppression.

how about giving up yer seat on public transport for the ladiez?

I swear this "women don't like doors being held for them" thing was just invented by insecure men who wanted to find an excuse to feel threatened by feminism.

how about giving up yer seat on public transport for the ladiez?

Oh no, that just won't do. In fact if there's a pregnant woman sitting down or an OAP, best to ask them to stand. They will feel empowered by doing so and will feel happier that they've eased the burden on an obviously hard working alpha male.

In fact as an act of public spiritedness and out of concern for their health, suggest that they walk rather than using public transport.

When the door is held open for you, not interrupting your conversation to say 'thank you' or even acknowledge the holder - classic or unbelievably fucking annoying?

(this happens to me a lot)

am i the only guy who sometimes gets almost annoyed by peoples 'over-politeness' e.g. guy ahead of you or arriving at same time as you actually lets you pass first. i get this with motorists too tho, just don't want to seem like a mad man.

Judging distances is important. If you hold the door open for someone who is too far away from the door, they have to speed up their walk, while you stand there like a lemon waiting for them to reach you - bad news all round.

don't think its overpolite to let somebody go first if you arrive at the same time. however, more than one "no,you" is criminal.

haha i love being an onlooker to that whole distance problem, always the person starts jogging and i know they're thinking "OH FOR FUCKS SAKE"

in our company now all our doors are left open, and close automatically if the fire alarm sounds. So nobody needs to be polite anymore here, hurrah!

Living in London, one that particularly gets my goat is people thanking drivers for stopping at pedestrian crossings - they're supposed to stop, don't thank them for obeying the law, don't encourage the bastards!

At crossings i feel despair when a driver feels the need to slam on their brakes to almost cause the car behind him to crash for me. i wave 'thanks' anyway

i always like to thank cars for stopping at pedestrian crossings, makes me feel superior somehow.

actually the wave is to say "look I'm still here in the middle of the road. don't go until I've stopped waving"

Never thank them, and walk as slowly and nonchalantly as possible

I wouldn't normally see that being female should get me a seat on the bus or anything else in particular but this week I have done my knee in so I was thinking bad thoughts about the guy who took the first seat to be freed ahead of me and two other women standing (all of us got on before him). Not as many bad thoughts as I was thinking about the guy I ended up propped up next to, who was reading "Teach Yourself Christianity". Err, no real reason for the bad thoughts, just WTF at book choice.

I like "no, you"-ing as I am a terrible faffer and permanently confused and it gives me precious extra seconds to work out what the hell I'm supposed to be doing, even if it's as simple as "walk forward. show ticket. sit."

(xpost, I thank cyclists for stopping because hardly any of them do and I'd like more of them to, but I don't imagine me speaking inaudibly to them is much incentive)

my friend always makes me laugh when he's driving and somebody gives him the right of way, he makes the fake hand-gun sign with his fingers and winks at them.

at zebra crossings do you a) wait politely at the side of the road hoping someone will stop for you, or b) step out and risk it on the basis that they probably don't want to hit you?

b) of course

xxpost likewise the you-da-man point is a great way of paying tribute in situations like that

yeah b

If a), you deserve a slap

wait patiently, as most often in our village they're speeding through not looking anyway.

I imagine it's mostly tourists who do this in London, so they're exempt from criticism

i remember my first visit to london as a teenager, my dad lived there and i went to visit him, and i crossed the road by a)not using a crossing, and b)weaving in and out of moving cars. My dad went crazy telling me off and said "you're in the city now son!"

and then i threw a tin of beans at a fleeing criminal

still do a) all the time wherever possible, crossings are for no-imagination lamers. b)... maybe not.

apparently no-one in france does the friendly "thanks for waitin" driver wave.

Hull has the world's most courteous drivers. So here, standing by the side of the crossing works fine.

any other cities I tend to employ the step and hope model, usually followed by weaving in and out of moving cars.

i think my sincere 'thanks to driver for letting me pass' gesture comes off too much like 'yeah that's right bitch you will wait' but no matter.

Are they're different rules for pedestrian crossings in different countries/ places though? At a zebra crossing, which are much more common in London than anywhere else in the UK as far as I can tell, the driver HAS to stop, so thanking them for doing so is pointless, you may as well thank them for stopping at a red light

My favourite comedy tube rudeness moment: I was on a tube carriage in Putney one morning which had one empty seat. The doors opened and a middle-aged guy in a shirt and tie practically sprinted in and took it. A couple of seconds later a gasping pregnant woman struggled up the step and waddled over to stand by the pole. About half the carriage spontaneously jumped up to offer her their seat - obviously not including the guy who'd just entered

People not thanking me for holding a door open for them is about my number 1 bugbear. Makes me want to kill.

I do accidentally thank people at red lights sometimes!

But yeah, I'll hold a door open for a woman, a man, a black, a gay, a Jew, an asian, a muslim, a Frenchman, whatever. But never a student.

But, even though they might be legally obliged to stop, they have stopped for you and I think that's worthy of a least a nod of thanks.

No it isn't. I have decided not to kill you, please thank me.

Pressing the button for the green man *before* looking to see if there's any traffic coming. Grrr.

Tom it's not like a huge hand gesture, just a slight raise of the hand a few inches up, and then gently down. if you're in a good mood perhaps even a little eye contact and a friendly nod, nothing drastic tho don't scare them off.

i just know that if i don't thank them they'll be all "OH DON'T MENTION IT MUTHAFUCKER" in their cars.

But why do it at all though?

because it provides a smidgen of human contact in this otherwise desolate world?

I gesture thanks to drivers who let me pass at bits of road that give priority to drivers in my direction (which there are a few of in my area). I guess technically they ought to be stopping, but it seems like a small effort for a bit of pleasantness.

i guess its just something i've done since a kid, i first came across these crossing in Isle Of Man, me and my sister thought it was magical. we came from a quiet countryside dwelling where they didn't exist. Now i live in a much busier village that has two of the crossings, everyone else i see does it too so i don't feel like society's misfit phew.

Pressing the button for the green man

as if any of these buttons work

but i guess in london where people fucking hate any kind of human stranger contact, it's to be expected that nobody thanks anyone.

What you have to remember is that the Kray Twins held doors open for other people. Threw them through plate glass windows thereafter, admittedly, but at least they only ever threw their own.

also, next time the driver comes to a zebra crossing, he'll slow down in the hope of being able to stop for someone who might wave at him. Thas someone might turn out to be a small child he would otherwise have mercilessly run down. that child will go on to be a scientist who discovers the universal string theory and the global thermostat. your wave has consequences my friend.

And they always paid the shop owner for the replacement window. You don't get THESE kinds of manners in today's feral cracked knife Broken Brown Britain.

I always nod at cars that have stopped when I cross at a pelican or zebra crossing, too. Again, it';s just a little bit more niceness in the world.

but i guess in london where people fucking hate any kind of human stranger contact, it's to be expected that nobody thanks anyone.

Thank you for obeying the law and not mowing me down?

You wouldn't have this problem if Nanny State Britain got rid of all zebra crossings and traffic lights with their SOCIALIST RED STOP SIGNS which were built out of envy.

I realise that, for some reason or other, drivers think they don't need to follow laws if it doesn't suit them but even so...

Tom just because somebody is meant to do something doesn't mean they shouldn't be thanked for it!!! If you've told someone at work to write a report for you, and they complete it on time, do you just say nothing? When you've paid for a drink and the barperson hands it to you, do you stay silent?

as if any of these buttons work

But they do work at pelican crossings. Admittedly, they work with about a five minute delay, just as the first car to appear for ages reaches the crossing and you've long scarpered, and just before that old lady reaches the crossing, condemning her to spend five minutes of her short remaining life waiting there and cursing you for WHAT YOU'VE DONE

Not if it's the wrong one (xp).

The door holding event horizon, when they are too far to just walk through the door unless you stand like a lemon but not holding it would mean that it shuts in their face just as they reach it.

WHAT THEN?

hold the door, accept lemon fate.

"I'm not a fucking unpaid doorman and this isn't the fucking Savoy Hotel" is then what.

Tom just because somebody is meant to do something doesn't mean they shouldn't be thanked for it!!! If you've told someone at work to write a report for you, and they complete it on time, do you just say nothing? When you've paid for a drink and the barperson hands it to you, do you stay silent?

I'm talking legal obligations here. It's the LAW to stop at a zebra crossing, reason being that 11 stone of flesh and blood and bone moving at 2.3mph is unlikely to come out on top in any confrontation with 1 ton of steel and plastic and rubber moving at 30+ mph. I don't think ordering a drink at a bar entails quite the same dangers - tho maybe in some pubs it does.

Technically, you should stop if someone is waiting to cross. You must stop if someone is already on the crossing.

Do you thank the driver when you get off the bus? Everybody does here, but can well imagine that not happening in London.

Yep. You might be squashed and smashed into Bosch-ite jigsaw puzzles of mauled bone and serrated flesh but at least you will die prematurely and painfully in the knowledge that you were RIGHT! (xp)

Yes we're all inhuman monsters in London, we hate everyone, esp. ourselves

A bit difficult to thank the driver when you're at the back of a bendy.

Yep. You might be squashed and smashed into Bosch-ite jigsaw puzzles of mauled bone and serrated flesh but at least you will die prematurely and painfully in the knowledge that you were RIGHT!

What better way to go!

Or being hurtled downstairs due to the tFl clause which states that all bus drivers must demonstrate inadequate brake control when approaching bus stops (xp).

Technically, you should stop if someone is waiting to cross. You must stop if someone is already on the crossing.

Remember - the law is on your posthumous side!

Oh yeah, and on South London zebra crossings you run the additional risk of being shot for "disrespecting" the driver's "ride."

Do you thank the driver when you get off the bus? Everybody does here, but can well imagine that not happening in London

Yes, you might have to shout a bit for the driver to hear you

xp I thought it was all knifing round your way?

Thankfully south of the river is not "round my way" any more.

ORLY? Pretty sure you'd fail your driving test if you didn't stop for someone waiting to cross.

"should" meaning do it unless you have very good reason not to.

people who don't offer their seats to people who obv need it really annoy me. once i was standing on this absolutely hideously packed bus, and this tiny frail old eastern european lady w/walking stick hobbled on, stood pretty much in front of a suited man's seat, and he just...looked straight ahead and did nothing! this other lady and i kind of looked at each other in horror and then we stared at him pointedly until he felt SHAMED enough to offer the little old lady his seat.

Living in London, one that particularly gets my goat is people thanking drivers for stopping at pedestrian crossings - they're supposed to stop, don't thank them for obeying the law, don't encourage the bastards!

i always do this, i didn't know it was the law :(

On the other hand, I once tried to give up my seat to an ancient and doddering old gent who told me "how fucking old do you think I am? I'm fitter than you are"

Don't like people on buses playing the sympathy card and standing there like a cigar store Indian expecting me to read their minds. You probably had to stand on trams in Budapest for 80 years, deal with it.

okay, and what about those douche bags in NYC who start to cross when the white man is flashing. those fuckers be asking to get run down.

Can be difficult, some ladies in particular can feel insulted that you think they look old enough to need a seat

That'll teach them not to be white supremacists (xp).

Don't like people on buses playing the sympathy card and standing there like a cigar store Indian expecting me to read their minds. You probably had to stand on trams in Budapest for 80 years, deal with it.

oh that's kind of annoying too but the little old lady i was talking about wasn't doing this at all

i know you had to make the point that the guy was being a dick but you could've offered the woman your seat (unless you were actually far away) no?

Living in London, one that particularly gets my goat is people thanking drivers for stopping at pedestrian crossings - they're supposed to stop, don't thank them for obeying the law, don't encourage the bastards!

-- Tom D., Thursday, 28 August 2008 09:49 (1 hour ago) Link

stopping at zebra crossings is becoming more and more of a rarity. i don't thank people for stopping, but i do give a 'wanker' gesture to those drivers who don't stop.

i was standing too steve! xp

Yeah, if you're talking about someone who's obviously in need of a seat then I've never really seen people steadfastly sitting there and refusing to give up their seats on the bus.

Total bad manners: holding the bus up for ten minutes because you want the driver to let you out the front even though the exit door is clearly marked EXIT and is wide open because you're obviously the fucking Queen of the Netherlands and deserve special treatment.

lex i missed that detail my bad

stopping at zebra crossings is becoming more and more of a rarity. i don't thank people for stopping, but i do give a 'wanker' gesture to those drivers who don't stop.

This is my whole point, I don't thank people because I don't like to encourage drivers in the (increasingly popular it seems) belief that stopping is optional and that I should be obliged to them for doing so and that, basically, a pedestrian crossing is nothing more than just some pretty stripes on the road

It isn't?

News just in: pedestrian crossings in London now "just some pretty stripes on the road." Boris had a meeting about it this morning.

So I'm doing it for everyone - the disposessed, the voiceless, the downtrodden!!!!!

i take it plans to pedestrianise Oxford St completely are off now then

Yes. They're now considering demolishing Oxford Street to make way for the 2012 Olympics Real Tennis complex.

OK, when was the last time that anyone *ever* got upset at you for offering them a seat?

Seriously.

The only time people ever refuse, it's along the lines of "Oh no, dearie, I'm just getting off at the next stop."

What is this myth that people will get angry at you for doing nice things for them? I think it's just justification of selfishness.

(That said, I would probably knife a pregnant 80 year old on crutches to get a seat on the morning Thameslink.)

You fruity Europeans. Women like that shit. They also like when you let them order first. If you don't, they think you're some fruitcake.

xp kate see above for sweary old man story

What if you don't like fruitcake?

What is this myth that people will get angry at you for doing nice things for them

i only seen it once, a guy was told in a very shirty manner "i'm quite capable" when he held a door open for a gurl. This was in school though lol.

fear of some hypothetical old person/woman mistaken for being pregnant* snapping at you is a really lame excuse not to proffer your seat to anyone who you think might need/appreciate it. they'll look like the dick in that situation, you know?

*also i think their annoyance would be kinda justified, no one wants to be thought of as old or fat, though actually making a big deal of it in this situation is stupid

I refused to give a pregnant 15 year old my seat on the bus once, because I thought she was taking the piss about being pregnant

I later realised she was pregnant but thought I might as well lie in the Dick bed that I had made for myself

A woman at work (in her 50s) told us a story about how someone offered her a seat for the first time a few weeks ago. She was really quite annoyed, and told them that she was "Fine standing up, thank you."

So its not entirely mythical.

Testing kits should be made mandatory on all buses for spot checks.

I later realised she was pregnant

when a child popped out?

xpost

A woman at work (in her 50s) told us a story about how someone offered her a seat for the first time a few weeks ago. She was really quite annoyed, and told them that she was "Fine standing up, thank you."

shit man that guy must've gone straight home and killed himself

did she say why she was annoyed ?

her bulge was bigger than I had realised, and her subsequent conversations were all along sort of "stupid fackin' clinic telling me aaahhhh to raise maaahhh baby" lines

her friends were all taking the piss out of her for being a whinger after she asked for my seat anyway

that is a strange crosspost.

Ultimate would be offering yr seat to a pregnant woman who it turns out is actually just fat

I think she was annoyed because it means people think she looks old.

I wouldn't want someone to offer me their seat, and I don't see why that would change until standing became difficult for me for one reason or another.

shit man that guy must've gone straight home and killed himself

Hmm I think you have to hear the tone she used rather than the words themselves. Kind of doesn't work on the internet.

i'm imagining it in a Judy Dench 'M' style

Ha! I remembered the best example of someone being annoyed at chivalry. Friend of mine on train, sitting on fold-down seat by the door. Woman with pram gets on, he gets up and offers her the seat. She looks at the seat, then at him, and (genuinely angry) says: "Oh yeah, fucking great, give me the crap seat.". She then takes the seat anyway

what was he meant to do, get up and pull someone out of one of the "better" seats?

If someone gets angry at an act of kindness, honestly, the dickhood is on them. Why let them ruin everything for the people who do appreciate such acts of kindness?

On the buses/trains I use the "crap seat" is the only one with enough room for a pram anyway.

i twisted my ankle once and i was on the bus and i was on the seat that used to be "give up for elderly etc" but they changed the wording to "priority for those less able to stand" and when an old lady got on the bus i was like YEAH! TWISTED ANKLE, YEAH! IN YOUR FACE. to her

Self-inflected ankle-twist people should not take preference over the elderly

Inflected! LOL.

next you'll be saying that fat people are their own fault!!!!!!

Ha ha, after I had my operation on my wrist, I used to sit in the seats with my MASSIVE BANDAGED PAW out and on top of my bag so everyone could see it.

And then some smartarse would say something like "you don't stand with your arms" and I would say "Yeah, but you can't hang on to the strap with your toes!"

you don't hang on to the strap/pole with both hands though?

Man, everyone (EVERYONE) holds doors open for one another here! Every entrance or exit involves practically fighting over who gets to hold the door open.

Not sexist. Only beautiful and sweet.

I sign (ASL) 'thank you' to drivers who let me cross the street. Not too many seem to know what it means, other than a friendly gesture, but the few times people have signed back 'YOU'RE WELCOME' have made my fucking day every time.

Ive had a few ppl offer me a seat in recent times, which I then realised was the mistaken pregnancy thing ;_;

I have a weird sway back that makes my stomach stick out! Also I has beer gut.

guy holds door open for two pretty women; I happen to be approaching the same door right at the same time so I walk in too & he gives me this really grumpy look

Tell him next time he should work at his slamming the door in someone's face to underline what a genitalia he is technique.

I really shouldn't slander genitalia like that. Compliment him on his kidney stone impersonation.

I just thought it was hilarious tbh!

I'm intrigued by how having to walk across a car park as a pedestrian fits with this type of etiquette. Is it only good manners not to back a car into a space occupied by a pedestrian walking, or out of a stationary parking position into somebody. Or is it just very bad driving, or are rehearsals for Death Race 2000 ongoing. Seems that giving some people a car means they think they have automatic right of way.

As to bus seats, the fold up type seem to be there on the local ones to allow wheeled users a place to park. That's prams and wheelchairs. So people stand from them when a pram or wheelchair gets on the bus.