Holding hands

more likely to catch a cold than kissing.

No, it's not. It is affectionate.

It's nice.

Weird questions, ILX.

http://heimhardt.com/images/guitar/relic-strat.jpg

http://content8.flixster.com/movie/63/26/07/6326074_det.jpg

holding hands is a pretty egalitarian guesture! one holding another by the wrist, or arm, or neck -- not as much.

(xxpost) those relic guitars are fecking stupid - the "wear'n'tear" on them is so blatantly fake (oops thread hijack sorry sorry sorry)

Why not, it wasn't really going anywhere.

http://hoboken411.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/06/crazy-cabbie-caveman-dragging-woman-by-hair-in-hoboken.jpg

"not going anywhere" is kind of the whole point of holding hands?

can i tell my octupus/beatles-song joke now?

intimacy can be a pleasure of itself, of a cozy mammalian nature. i don't think ownership really has much to do with it, in my experience.

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/9/9f/Hands_Across_America_Philadelphia.jpg/800px-Hands_Across_America_Philadelphia.jpg

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/3/39/WishYouWereHere-300.jpg
Who's owning who?

I don't really like holding hands, but it kind of goes along with my not liking to be touched thing. If someone wants to do the whole "we are walking together in a romantic way" thing, I'd much rather hook elbows or something.

I had an ex that used to really go overboard, that he would not let me walk down the street without kind of clamping himself around me so that I could not walk at my natural speed. When I tried to explain that I didn't like it, he actually said, apparently joking "It's so you can't RUN AWAY my dear."

The whole not wanting to be touched thing is something I have to force sympathy, because I just can't even begin to relate.

touching is hard for people. i like it but it does make me very nervous sometimes. it's hard to be that trusting w someone.

What's so hard to understand about not wanting someone in your personal space?

It's one of those things where you make exceptions in certain situations with people with whom one shares a certain intimacy. But in general... no. Get away.

x-post

Once I ran into a bunch of former coworkers out drinking and all the girls ran up and gave me hugs, all but one, who was very bashful about not liking physical contact. And obviously I was very understanding about it, I just don't get it. IF that's making any sort of sense. I'm on the other side of the fence and way out in center field on this one.

I think you're taking it the wrong way, xp

some ppl have anxiety about intimacy, is this new?

No. It's not. I just don't relate, personally.

rabies isnt judging it, hes just saying he cant relate to it

it's a big thing. some people don't feel comfortable getting really close to someone else. lots of reasons

some ppl have anxiety about intimacy, is this new?

Indeed, ppl who don't are the weird ones

On reflection the relic guitars were the better diversion.

Oh where's this spiraling... (marcello otm)

lol prefaded jeans amirite

In my last house everyone else would be hugging and draping themselves over each other all the time. I felt kind of left out even though I wasn't sure what I'd have felt about being included, but I would probably never put my paws on someone as just friends (I'll respond, if awkwardly, to "hug now" gesture, but wouldn't presume to initiate; I get hesitant when I have to tap someone's shoulder to get their attention), and if you try it with me I flinch and get nervous a bit just from surprise, so nobody ever tried.

(rendered inappropriate by xposts, but sod it)

you can prefer not to hold hands, but come ON, keep your reasons personal -- just admit you have a hard time being touched but why try to tell me it's some evolutionary vestige of caveman survival breeding tactics

i am pretty much the biggest cuddlemonster ever unleashed on this earth so i, too, have trouble understanding the aversion to contact

hand holding is jr high nervousness - arm in arm has dignity

lol imagining 50-ft-tall elmo bringing cuddle havoc to all major cities.

ha, ppl be projecting their issues all OVER this one

The last sentence is uncomfortable ejaculatory

The problem is, cuddlemonsters and the touchy feely brigade are forever forcing their intimacy on others without it even dawning on them that others might not like it. I've learned to deal with it, and can hug aquaintances back without cringing visibly - but hey, that doesn't mean I have to like it.

I mean, I swear to god, some people must take those "influence people" courses which stress making physical contact like they think sticking their paw on your shoulder or arm is going to bring you round to their side when it would just creep me out and think they had no concept of personal space!

I meant to say that I'd probably/maybe like to get used to these cuddle monster pile-ups. Of course that's just me and there are people with real aversions out there who don't feel like that at all. And from friends only and not coworkers or salesmen going for business course diagram #37 of the "personal touch" or "friendly advice".

In the old house it was just kind of like "whoa, how did this suddenly start for everyone else, and what signals have I been making or not making to be left out?" Like some kind of fascinating game had started without me that everyone else automatically knew how to play. Hell, I feel like that in bars often enough just watching people manage to start conversations, form groups, etc.

But in projecting issues style I'm just talking about friends. I mostly like holding hands down the street with the other half but it gets awkward to walk (very different heights and walking speeds, have to keep splitting up to make room for other people etc).

I HATE HATE HATE couples walking down the street - usually really S L O W L Y hand in hand and refuse to move aside or budge out of the way so the entire sodding world going about their business has to step out of their way so they can have their moment of couple-intimacy. ARGH.

I usually say "excuse me".

i just break through like red rover

In England you never ever say excuse me, except when someone treads on *YOUR* foot. You just fume in indignant silence!

"some blonde and fat redhead, sittin in a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-*PUNCH*"

holding hands people - how do you deal with sweaty palms, should such occasions occur?

Hmm. I don't really sweat much, I don't know.

elmo otm

Let go briefly, wipe hand on pants leg, take other hand again. Are we all so low functioning that something so elementary as "holding hands" requires a fucking instruction manual now?

Link elbows instead. They don't sweat as much. And if they do, there's clothes to protect you.

I like hugging. I think I am the only girl to express this sentiment thus far so I thought it important to say.

huggin's tyte

hands down the back of each other's jeans pockets = only way to go.

also, do you hold hands all the time? or only when you are suddenly overcome by OMGILOVEYOU sensations?

will otm! i was going to say hand on bum way better

old people playing grabass in the grocery store I work in, DUD or GAHHHHHH

but waht about sweaty bums? :/

lick dry

Oh my, sort of the woman who ate the spider to catch the fly here. Your gal can lead you by the dick, but WHAT THEN

i happen to really really love the feeling of my boyfriend holding my hand in his lap while i drive. kinda sappy but so great.

i am overcome with OMGLOVEYOU feelings quite frequently!

aw hugs!

^ loves hugging

These OMG feelings sound suspicious. Are you sure there isn't some kind of medication you can take to control them?

Or is it the medication that's inducing them?

why don't you shut up, bitter lady.

my seven year old son hold hands with his buddy; I find this a genuinely sweet, open example of brotherly love. It makes me a little sad that societal mores will shame him out of it soon.

second grade, etc.

why don't you shut up, bitter lady

aw no hugs!

no she'll hate that

Hey! I didn't like being touched or grabbed or manhandled in teh name of affection when I was young and not-bitter!

My mum tells me that even as a very small child in nursery school, I would protest against hugging with "DON'T SQUEEEEEEEZE ME!!!!" aged about 5!

http://i267.photobucket.com/albums/ii317/RabitesAngelatin/hughughughug.jpg

i'm a lover not a hater

elmo all the way otm in this thread

I'm one of those people who doesn't really like being touched (my friends used to ask me if I had been abused as a child, because I would flinch so much from even the slightest motion in my direction), is really awkward about returning hugs, etc., but I'm pretty physically open with my girlfriend. sometimes hand-holding, sometimes arms around each others waists (can't really do arm-in-arm, though, since there's almost a foot of height difference). like someone said upthread, it's just a matter of trusting someone enough to let down my natural neuroses about these things and be more intimate with them.

also, we're both very fast walkers, so no worries on that front.

Rubyredd OTM!

I also get overcome with OMGILOVEYOU moments and that is when we reach for each others' hand but I think my arms are too long or something because I can't find a good, comfortable way to hold anyone's hand. Instead I throw a freakishly long arm around his waist, he around mine, and off we stroll the sidewalks to annoy the likes of Kate! ;)

http://i38.tinypic.com/sxf70l.gif

not really into it, though i do enjoy many other forms of physical contact

i'm completely clingy, but this time it's working in my favour, since my bf digs it. we always hold hands, or i'll hang onto one of his belt loops. i like being attached to him. and elmo: i also hold my bf's hand in my lap when he's driving *^_^*

What a boring life you must lead in order to get thrills out of annoying people like me. :-P

holding hands is ok , but makes me feel I should grow out my fringe and wear a dufflecoat.

and find a pile of leaves to kick

This is no time for a Kula Shaker revival.

i am pretty much the biggest cuddlemonster ever unleashed on this earth so i, too, have trouble understanding the aversion to contact

-- elmo argonaut, Thursday, August 28, 2008 11:00 AM (51 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

i dunno babe you're gonna have to fight me for the throne of the cuddleslut queen

Masonic Boom finding something to get bent outta shape over around every turn...

So, erm, expressing an opinion contrary to hivemind consensus = getting bent out of shape?

Ooops, I had this thread wrong all along. I thought it was a classic or dud. I didn't actually realise that opinions of "dud" would be considered invalid.

Never mind, I'll get me coat.

add me to the pile-up on cuddlestein mountain

Nothing boring about my life, sweetie. xp

Yeah that's what happened, xxp

NB: i like cuddling but it is exclusively limited to my boyfriend, certain pets, and very close friends. i don't want anyone to get the impression that i am one of those cuddle-party attendees.

Hugs, holding hands, linked elbows, hand on bum or waist, hands 'round waist from behind with chin on shoulder, any and all sappy acts of intimacy = classic.

i had a phase of inappropriate hugging during high school tho, but i think i'm pretty good at judging when physical contact is or is not appropriate now

hands 'round waist from behind with chin on shoulderhead

height difference you see.

second that, elmo (minus hs phase)

elmo, your bad rap extended to all of us :( xposts

oh come on, you had your share of PDA in high school too jonny

Inappropriate Hugging = forthcoming Kimya Dawson CD

And now this thread is all people going "yay cuddles!" and I feel like I've had some kind of smackdown and am standing in a corner feeling even more isolated and excluded and misunderstood.

Way to go, friendly cuddlepersons. Not so cuddly after all I guess.

want a cuddle?

poor kate. so alone. what do you expect after repeatedly and vociferously hating on cuddles?

btw, this is not a c/d thread, it's about what holding hands means.

sometimes it can mean "squee!"
sometimes it can mean that the hand-holders are modest and moral, too pure for kissing.

sometimes a mother will hold her child's hand while crossing the street.

sometimes it can mean that the handholders are too randy to get a room!

in many places its completely cool for 2 dudes to hold hands even if they are not homo

I think they'd be holding something besides hands in that case.

xpost

holding hands can signify partnership and interdependence.

it is nearly always appropriate to hold a person's hand, when they are on their deathbed, or are speaking their last words after while being shot in the army.

We hold hands pretty much all of the time, not just OMGILOVEYOUMUSTGRASPYOUNOW moments, though I guess that is there but just in less urgent, more underlying form. Having thought about it while reading the thread, I think there may also be a *bzzt, we are unified conjoined hivemind* thing about it - the sharing of individual personal space creating a combined personal space...

Also, holding hands is ok , but makes me feel I should grow out my fringe and wear a dufflecoat may have something to do with it.

With regard to general friend cuddles, I'm not keen, but whereas I used to shrink back due to social awkwardness, I seem to have developed a preemptive cuddle attack due to social awkwardness. No! You will not hug me and make me feel weird! I shall hug you first! RAAARRGH!

sometimes people hold hands when one or more of them are scared!

Oh elmo, it makes me so happy that you are a big cuddlemonster!!

I have a big aversion to being HUGGED by people I've talked to, and met, for all of eight minutes. I get it, love love love. What's wrong with a handshake? OTOH, if you've known someone more formally a long time, the first time you hug is an AMAZING gateway of mutually expressed happytime affection.

I love holding hands! It is my v favorite! A sweet initial gesture. If it is a potential beau, same again: you've just walked side-by-side for weeks, and THEN when you hold hands for the first time, it's magic.

A movie that perfectly expresses the dearness of holding hands:

http://images.rottentomatoes.com/images/features/wall_e/wall-e_3.jpg

I've never wanted to HOLD HANDS at any point in my life as much as I did after seeing Wall•E.

This is no time for a Kula Shaker revival.

Hoho! Not so, my dear Marcello. You just made me rock Tattva!

Acinta beda beda Abbott

yay!

The first time I ate dinner with a non-Mormon family, they held hands during the pre-meal prayer. Mormon prayer method: fold arms, close eyes, bow head. So I was holding the hand of this dad I'd met for maybe the fifth time...it was kind of sweet, though. Like, egalitarian. I could understand why they did it.

sometimes, hands of different skin pigmentations are shown holding each other to promote racial unity & understanding! now that is really something

I remember feeling very, very awkward as a somewhat awkward teenager the first time I was in France and girls I'd only just been introduced to did the cheek kissing thing. I got over it rather quickly, though.

I dig in Japan how they bow at each other. Eventually you start walking around like a bobble-headed pigeon, nodding and moving your back every time you interact with someone. So awesome! I could get behind a mass American movement of this behavior.

Bonus: no touching the unfamiliar!

Somehow this thread prompted me to rock Danielle Dax's PARIAH (after Tattva, natch).

Man, someone got out of control with Video Toaster on that one. :/

MAN, I wish they had Dianielle Dax songs for karaoke.

n-e-waiz..right. Holding hands!!!

I love holdin' hands with my boy walking down the street. We dont do it 94/7 or anything, but it is always so reassuring and sweet when he'll reach out and clasp my fingers in his.

I'm a bit "eek personal space HI GET AWAY" with strangers, but I am quite touch/cuddle with a partner. To be blunt, I think an intimate relationship without touching (be it a partner or your child) is one that is stunted and unhappy. It is human to be touched by others.