WHO WOULD WIN IN A FIGHT

The Hobbit

If he saw a bank, he'd rob it.

beck

LOL I should have put beck. and mario batali

Is this to be a fight involving all these dudes at once, like the great outdoor fight?

http://www.tmresimler.com/data/media/279/Gargamel_Resimleri.jpg

Is this to be a fight involving all these dudes at once, like the great outdoor fight?

― µ^µ (libcrypt), Thursday, January 1, 2009 10:08 PM (14 minutes ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

yes

darth vader ftw

u forgot goku

duh, sonic.

Batman if there's room to spread out, Hulk if it's close-quarters

(sorry, took the question too seriously)

I would play a Smash Brothers of this poll.

I think it depends mainly on two things. 1) environment, and 2) weapons. The Predator could kick just about anyone's backside in a jungle environment. Batman could do the same in a city. But then only if he had has gadgets. Which brings in the question of are weapons allowed? And what constitutes a weapon? Does the USS Enterprise count as a weapon? Because if it does, then Picard would be able to own everyone else on that list. "Nuke photon torpedo the site from orbit, it's the only way to be sure."

Picard gets a phaser but other than that his wits are his only weapons

Sonic the Hedgehog wouldn't win shit. Mario is too busy jumping on mushrooms, Xena is all porking that other bird all the time and Frankenstein is too busy creating emo humans to attack stuff.

I think that Picard should at least get a phaser rifle as that's his weapon of choice in the movies. The Hobbit is the real loose cannon. If Bilbo has the Ring, he's won. If he doesn't, he's toast. Gargamel, and Dracula are basically toast anyway.

Leaving Baggins out of the argument for a moment, I think it would have to be Vader that wins. Most of the others he'd just Force push through the nearest wall. The only ones who really have a chance are Batman, Wolverine, or Xena, but only if they can get up close. Adamantine claw, meet life support system... Picard has a chance at longer range, but effectively he has to take out Vader first, then deal with the others. Of course if everyone else realises that Vader is the main threat, and they all jump on him at the start of the fight, then I don't know what to suggest.

Even better than this:

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/6/6b/Mortal_Kombat_vs._DC_Universe_Coverart.png

(xpost) Although if Iron Man was in this as well, he would own everyone. Because he can fly.

Mario can fly.

I thought about that, actually. He can only fly when he has the wing cap or whatever it's called, so I don't think that really counts as regular equipment.

yeah does he get the bee suit

yes but he also gets the boing-oing suit

(xpost) the bee suit only allows Mario to hover, which I think would make him a bit of a sitting duck.

surely it must be Darth Vader. You do not want to mess with the Dark Side.

And I also have to say, re the "Mortal Kombat vs DC Universe" game, is that the only way a fight between Sub Zero and Superman would be anywhere near equal would be if Lois had given him a Zune 30 encrusted in Kryptonite for Christmas...

I would play a Smash Brothers of this poll.

― Abbott of the Trapezoid Monks (Abbott), Thursday, January 1, 2009 5:41 PM (1 hour ago)

^god yes

anyway, it'll come down to batman and darth vader. i think vader takes this

Are you kidding me? It's fucking RAMBO!

http://i43.tinypic.com/a13i9s.jpg

He would kill half of these people/characters/things in the first 20 seconds of the fight!

Huh? Rambo will be firing at Vader, but the bullets will be bouncing off Vader's gauntlet. Remember what happened at Bespin with Han? How could you forget so easily?! He was stuck in that carbonite for ages!

Although I have to agree that Rambo vs Dracula/Sonic/Mario/Rocky/Gargamel = Rocky win

If the fight lasted several days, Dracula could sneak around gaining recruits during the night.

Who's going to hurt Hulk?

Which Hulk though? If it's throw-tanks-around Hulk, then I see your point. TV series Hulk, meanwhile, would get owned by, let's see... Alien, probably Batman, Wolverine, and definitely Vader.

xpost
Darth Vader is included in the half of these people/characters/things that aren't killed in the first 20 seconds of the fight. I'm confident Rambo could find a way to take him down eventually though. I'm thinking these people are immediately shot and killed by Rambo:

Frankenstein
Dracula
Hellboy
Sonic the hedgehog
Super mario
The Hobbit
Xena
Jean-Luc Picard
Gargamel

(Rocky lives only because Rambo gets really freaked out when he looks at himself, and hesitates)

Frankenstein is too busy creating emo humans

Haw, well-put pedantry there.

Rambo couldn't do better than bronze medal in the high jump, so probably not him.

What If? Bruce Banner Was Bitten by Tomb of Dracula?

maybe it was 6:30 PM and Hulk was angry and annoyed because why was everyone always bothering Hulk, and Xena was wiping his forehead with a wet towel, and it was getting dark.

IMPORTANT - how many lives do Sonic and Mario get?

Not that it matters, I am plumping for Wolverine.

Is Adamantine resistant to light sabers the same way Cortis ore is?

http://img248.imageshack.us/img248/9638/prebat2sb8.jpg

http://images.darkhorse.com/covers/300/r/rvt1.jpg

http://www.adherents.com/lit/comics/image_cover/Archie_meets_Punisher.jpg

http://www.richiebits.com/comics/covers/BatmanJudgeDredd.jpg

http://ui27.gamespot.com/1466/skulls_2.jpg

http://www.richiebits.com/comics/covers/BatmanJudgeDredd.jpg

folx let's just be honest, this is a fatal two way between the alien and the predator

voted alien, think I shda gone pred

how in the shit do you calculate that either the alien or the predator have a chance against darth fucking vader

i think batman and picard would team up, because they would figure out that was the only way they could stand a chance against a sith lord
it is clear to me that this battle's victors will need on-the-feet cleverness and not so much the more primal attributes

wht does DV even do? light saber? bleurgh, pred wd take him out from long range in a one-on-one; alien wd fuck him up by stealth. either way that's moot, cos rambo wd take him out w/his AK before we even need these hypotheticals

besides, I don't like darth vader

oh hey! you didn't tell me DV ws a "sith lord"

clearly you don't know what a high midichlorian count provides

Picard and Batman at Tanagra

darth vader is lame. but so are all the choices.
xena vs. gargamel is my dream match though :p
this poll needs more booberella

anyway really you know who would own this shit in a hot minute
http://www.critical-hits.com/wp-content/uploads/2006/05/Kirby.jpg

wd love to think FUCK YOU IT'S BEE SUIT super mario cd prevail but sadly tht'd never happen

xena may be a sleeper here btw

well d'uh@tombot

how do the Cybermen fit into all this

http://images13.fotosik.pl/48/6792e0cdafa30e9b.jpg

wd pay-per-view

http://images2.ggl.com/images/akuma3.jpg Vs. http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3235/2767416400_51d9d95619.jpg

http://www.superherotv.com/gfx/covers/180_batman-hellboy1.JPG

What about the transformers and G I Joe vs COBRA and the Decepticons, only set in WWII?

http://www.seibertron.com/images/comic/14/005.jpg

or a fighting game based on Les Miserables?

this is a serious question and deserves a serious answer:

Alien - physically powerful and resilient but not cunning or equipped with many long-range options. also handicapped by the group setting he's capable of quickly taking out a few of the weaker players but barring any salient environmental factors i think he loses out to a more well-rounded opponent. odds 10:1

Predator - built for situations like this but amongst the physically weaker players. best bet is to hang back and use superior technology to end the greater threats from a distance and then use his hunting skills to trap the others. odds 5:1

Hulk - a tank. unable to hide he may suffer from being an obvious target and even superhuman healing abilities won't save him from being mauled by alien or hammered at by hellboy. and its an open question as to whether he will be able to use his keen sense to uncover invisible enemies. an outside chance at 8:1

Batman - a predator with worse weapons. anti-social tendencies preclude him from alinging with other human players, comparatively weak and not blessed with any supernatural powers his lose is as obvious as a bat signal. odds 25:1

Frankenstein - i'm assuming slox means the creature and not ol victor. fuck this shamboling emo creation either way ability to ignore non-emotional pain is a plus but this dude loses out on every category and seeing him lurch to victory would be a real "shock". generous odds at 50:1

you're giving it to pred? knew I shd've voted otherwise

I still like those odds on alien tho as you say environment and lighting condition is key; think we can assume this will take place in an arena, in full light which I think stymies the li'l guys chances somewhat : /

ya I meant frankenstein's monster but it's funnier to say frankenstein

Dracula - a real darkhorse champion. skilled, swift and supernaturally gifted drax can both evade physically stronger enemies by turning into a bat or mist and is strong enough to overpower any human combatants. all this added to regenerative abilities makes for a fierce competitor. sunlight is the big concern here and there is the chance of getting trapped by bloodcravings. odds 7:1

Hellboy - another strong player that could be done in by his obvious strength. with access to his gun and certain holy relics he possesses a credible threat to every combatant and he possess regenerative powers. downsides include a lack of speed and perhaps the patience to deal with less direct opponents. odds 6:1

Wolverine - strong defensive character with the best healing ability, psionic protection and incredible speed. hampered by the fact that he lacks any long-range kill options his only path to victory is avoiding direct confrontations as long as possible but will he be humble enough to do so? odds 12:1

Sonic the hedgehog - wtf he cant even swim and is retarded. probably gets sonned by gargamel odds at 70:1

Super mario - has the advantage of not being sonic. best sm is probably hammer bros. suit mario from smb3 decent defense, range and can get hit a couple of times before dying. still it aint a you this time, mario. 55:1

Frankenstein - i'm assuming slox means the creature and not ol victor. fuck this shamboling emo creation either way ability to ignore non-emotional pain is a plus but this dude loses out on every category and seeing him lurch to victory would be a real "shock". generous odds at 50:1

aaaaaahahahaha

Is Darth Vader gonna hafta forcechoke a bitch?

If Rambo and Rocky look each other in the eye the universe might implode!

The Hobbit - really the question here is how much power does the one ring have outside of middle earth. can the hulk pierce the invs cloak? can the predator? can the hobbit read the mind of an alien? i mean obv hobbit needs the ring otherwise dude is worse than sonic. very few of the combatants have strong psionic protection and they could theoretically be very vulnerable here but can the hobbitt effectively use these powers? important qns for our times but i dont have the answers. no odds given.

Xena - maybe she will get reincarnated as someone with better odds of winning this fight. like sonic. odds 99:1

Jean-Luc Picard - phasers set to pun. good long-range fighter needs other for cover but never underestimate leadership potential cpt. has a good chance of rallying less evil forces into a loose federation. but does he have it in him to betray his colleagues and emerge victorious? probably not. odds 50:1

Darth Vader - his strengths match well against many other players' weaknesses yet he's still physically weak and slow even with the force. and he is easier to kill. but considering his incredible ruthlessness and offensive capabilities have to say 5:1

Rambo - more of a spoiler than anything his only chance is start shooting and never stop. odds 70:1

this guy FTW

http://iprefertheobscureremix.files.wordpress.com/2008/01/mes50.jpg

"70:1"
http://i43.tinypic.com/a13i9s.jpg

I would gladly bet $2 on Rambo, win $140, and then buy everyone expensive drinks. You'll thank me (and Rambo) later.

Rocky - should have replaced this dude with balrog or m.bison imo. was going to consider the merits of fat, wiley rocky vs. fit but stupid o.g rocky but i'll leave such philosophical ruminations to aronofsky. odds 80:1

Gargamel - ahahaha thank you so for much for making this poll otherwise i wouldn't have read his wikipedia entry. "Gargamel is an eternal bungler" lol but he does fuck with magic and even a hobbit is bigger than a smurf. odds: before my time and the dude has suffered enough

Lamp for MVP

http://gigazine.jp/img/2006/12/08/batman_alien_predator/batman_deadend_Snap6.jpg

someone needs to photoshop this battle

only way Vader would't win this is if he's attacked from behind whilst simultaneously choking as many people in his sights as possible (presumably there is a limit on this), otherwise maybe the Hulk thru sheer size and brute strength (unless shot in the face arrrrgh)

i composed this poll on my phone while lying on the couch immobile with a NYE hangover

i am glad to see it has inspired such thoughtful debate

so i guess we're talking tv hulk, i don't think any of these bozos could scratch comic hulk unless picard has the enterprise. even grey hulk slapped wolverine around. in his own comic!

http://www.bamkapow.com/bk_images/2008/06/05/hulk-amazing-feats/Hulk-mountain-Secret-Wars-4.jpg

listen to reason

great job Lamp. based on your analysis vader seems to be the trap pick, but i already voted for him :(

it'd come down to hellboy and hulk

yah i don't really know hellboy's deal, prob can't die or something

The thing is, I feel like Vader beats Hulk, Hulk beats Wolverine, Wolverine beats Vader, so I'm stuck.

wolverine versus vader is the perfect matchup for this kind of argument - adamantium is indestructible, but lightsabers can cut thru anything!!!!! FUK!!! TIME PARADOX

Vader doesn't need to cut Wolverine because he can just kill him with his MIND.

yeah I'm trying to imagine the results if you parry wolverine's claws with a lightsaber and it's retarded

where's robocop

more like where's samus aran?

DREDD would win I think - in his absence voted Predator

Alien, Predator, Batman and oddly enough Xena would all win a 'home' match IMO

darth vader why because NIGGA CAN THROW PEOPLE WITHOUT TOUCHING THEM AND CHOKE THEM WITHOUT TOUCHING THEM THAT IS SOME GANGSTA SHIT

PLUS HE SWORD CUT PEOPLE IN HALF

the only guy vader would have a hard time with is superman, tbh

not that superman could beat him, but it might be a standoff

man all vader tangled with was scrubs and it took a sucker punch to take joe lieberman out after his own son whupped his ass. 6 movies i notice he didn't fuck with yoda get ouuuuta here with that dude

Predator sees all, turns invisible and shoots deadly projectiles, so Predator FTW

but then again, I didn't wikipedia to find out what the fuck a Hellboy was

Vader doesn't need to cut Wolverine because he can just kill him with his MIND.

― Millsner,

Magneto was throwing Wolverine around with his mind, so I can easily imagine Vader besting him.

before things got really started, the Hobbit could ask Rocky a riddle game.

Also, people keep mentioning the Predator, but he's a physically vulnerable character, at least in the videogames. His main defence is the invisibility cloak, which the Alien and Vader would both be able to see through. And the Predator doesn't move quickly. In the Predator movie, he gets fucked up when Dutch and the others start firing into the jungle, but that's at least 30 seconds after what's-his-name-with-the-minigun gets killed, so he can't have been moving very fast. And in the AVP movie there are several instances where a Pred gets owned by an Alien basically while the Pred is just standing there. Although to be fair, Aliens move damn quick.

I think Sonic The Hedgehog is being seriously underestimated here. As long as he can catch at least one ring after he gets hit, he's basically invincible. Unless there is some water around to drown him in.

Magneto wasn't throwing Wolverine around with his mind. He was using his metal-moving powers to move Wolverine's metal skeletal frame. AFAIK, Wolverine has defenses against mind control, and, due to the link between telekinesis and telepathy, that might extend to the Force. I went with Batman though. He's brilliant enough to turn all enemy combatant's weapons against themselves. Just look at Morrison-era JLA Batman. He had no problem facing off against Gods. His toolbelt is really a very minor ability compared to his inhumane ability to process information and plan.

Ie: I suspect Batman forges an alliance with Darth Vader against some of the more difficult battles. While Vader is destroying Wolverine (who clearly gets some good hits in on Vader before succumbing to the forth), Batman backstabs Vader and MOVES THE FUCK on. Victory.

Predator sees all, turns invisible and shoots deadly projectiles, so Predator FTW

― Whiney G. Weingarten, Friday, January 2, 2009 7:37 AM (3 hours ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

but then again, I didn't wikipedia to find out what the fuck a Hellboy was

― Whiney G. Weingarten, Friday, January 2, 2009 7:37 AM (3 hours ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

dont pretend you are somehow cooler than somebody who does know, you still voted in this poll and argued your choice, that makes you as nerdy as the rest of us

i like mordy's answer cuz i do think that brains & cunning is being seriously underestimated here

i could see batman & picard teaming up... definitely the two smartest guys in the room here

I'm not convinced that Rambo would shoot down Xena. He strikes me as the kind of guy who would never hit a lady.

Out of Batman, Wolverine & Vader here I'm going for Vader. Adamantium skeleton isn't much good if it's your windpipe being mindsqueezed.

I'm starting to think that maybe Batman might be able to take Vader. I'm not sure how - but Batman is smart. He'll find a way.

BTW I think there should be an accompanying all-lady thread "WHO WOULD WIN IN A CAT FIGHT?"

You guys are overrating Vader a bit here, I'm not sure if the force even works under these conditions.

given several weeks of planning, maybe batman could come up with something. if he swung into the middle of it unawares then i'm not convinced.

i can't think of any convincing reason why the force wouldn't work in this brawl.

I've not seen it, but didn't luke skywalker or hans solo kick vaders ass?

matt dc otm

luke skywalker did, but his midichlorian counts were off da chartz. he's not in this list, otherwise it'd be a cinch.

Batman and Vader would be the last ones standing, thus begins the battle of the VOICES OF DOOM.

Batman doesn't even have super powers ffs

Batman certainly does have the cunning to get within striking distance of Vader, but I think some people are seriously underestimating THE POWER OF THE FORCE here. Vader'd sense his presence pretty quickly, and once that happens, he's toast. Even with the batsuit Batman is just a normal schmuck who's in really good shape and knows some fighting moves.

i.e. I'd put good money on some random stormtrooper getting a lucky shot on his ass

These would be the same stormtroopers that get owned by Ewoks?

they'd own batman too

why are you all repping so hard for Darth Vader you sad cunts

xpost

furry assholes

Batman always has a plan for all contingencies. ESPECIALLY this one.

srs question: in this battle royale scenario, would these characters have access to all the movies/books/comic books/TV shows about each other, and have knowledge of all their strengths and weaknesses and backstories?

After Batman has allowed his fifth multiple personality to emerge so as to deal with the Vader threat...

Lightsaber vs. Utility Belt = one sad fucked up jedi

dude jedis are their own utility belts

I bet that the Alien and Predator are like the SW Expanded Universe Yuuzhan Vong and can't be seen in or affected by the Force, therefore PREDATOR PWNS VADER.

Bruce always packs a vial of midichlorian neutralizer. ALWAYS.

how would he even know what midichlorians are?

this thread is starting to hurt my head

new nominee: uncle pennybags

IRL right now Batman would be like "I'ma kick Bernard Madoff right in his ass! He thinks he can steal from me?"

The useless ingenuity of the human mind never ceases to amaze me.

Predator, btw.

I don't think it's fair to say Luke Skywalker "beat" Vader; sure he cut his (robot?) hand off or whatever but the fight wasn't ever really decided before Palpatine interfered with his force lightning.

Also I really think Xena is being underestimated here; she is a bad-ass with a sword, she's got that flying death razor frisbee thing, also aren't there like one or more gods pulling strings in her favor?

the prob with batman is he would be hesitant about killing pps which would be necessary w/some of these fools

hulk really being underrated here imo, someone suggested he would get mauled by an alien earlier - wtf! all kinds of artillery and warheads just bounce off him but some lil ass alien is gonna merc the hulk? plz

yeah i voted for the hulk on instinct the first time i looked at this thread

http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3235/2767416400_51d9d95619.jpg

^^ who / what is this?

that;s the dude from dead space

isaac clarke

oh i see, nerd stuff

he's pretty badass for a miner or whatever but yeah again, just a dude w/out superpowers; some tasty weapons mind bt tht's really it

oh i see, nerd stuff

not bad
http://images.google.com/images?q=%22who%20would%20win%20in%20a%20fight%22&ie=utf-8&oe=utf-8&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&client=firefox-a&um=1&sa=N&tab=wi

isaac would go down pretty fast unless there's no oxygen/gravity

also he'd probably get dicked over by xena somehow

yeah I agree : /

dont pretend you are somehow cooler than somebody who does know, you still voted in this poll and argued your choice, that makes you as nerdy as the rest of us

― s1ocki, Friday, January 2, 2009 6:11 AM (10 hours ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

Good point, but "dude who watches violent movies" is way cooler than "dude who knows third-tier characters in Marvel universe"

Also, I just watched Predator recently and it kind of sucks.

suggest ban

hellboys not a third tier character in the marvel universe dummy

suggest drown

Good point, but "dude who watches violent movies" is way cooler than "dude who knows third-tier characters in Marvel universe"

"dude who doesn't know anything about anything because he only pays attention to bad records" still the coolest of all amirite

seriously there have been not one but TWO violent movies about Hellboy so I have no idea how you thought that was a statement you could get away with here on the internet

they were pretty obscure though

I remember those movie posters now. Ok.

no one wins the argument of who is the least nerdy here so stop fronting. whoever wins this poll... we lose.

joeks bruv

game over, man

Where we're going, we don't need roads

given several weeks of planning, maybe batman could come up with something.

This is a good point. Looked through the list again, and it is obvious that Batman (well, Bruce somewhat assisted by Alfred) is the only one with the brains, money & network to set up this megafight in the first place*. So undoubtedly he'll be more than well-prepared.

*) Vader and Picard might qualify, but I fail to see any motivation why they would do so.

I feel like the gorilla and the grizzly bear are missing from this list

This is a good point. Looked through the list again, and it is obvious that Batman (well, Bruce somewhat assisted by Alfred) is the only one with the brains, money & network to set up this megafight in the first place*. So undoubtedly he'll be more than well-prepared.

*) Vader and Picard might qualify, but I fail to see any motivation why they would do so.

― anatol_merklich, Friday, 2 January 2009 23:40 (2 minutes ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

Rocky would know fight promoters.

hulk really being underrated here imo, someone suggested he would get mauled by an alien earlier - wtf! all kinds of artillery and warheads just bounce off him but some lil ass alien is gonna merc the hulk? plz

i was thinking more of movie hulk tbh forgotten that marvel hulk was basically unfuckwithable altho still aliens are damn fast i was thinking like tactical throat slashing maneouvers but would he just regenerate too quickly. can adamantium pierce the hulk's skin if like lasers and shit cannot man the more i think about the more the hulk is boss damn

altho he is still vulnerable to some mind control ish like even by the hobbit they could just make him not mad and he would be some weakass physics

last sentence is kinda on the luriqua tip, congratulations

?? idk what the means

only one of these characters is immortal, and hence invincible, because he inhabits a universe where no-one ever dies. and that character is gargamel.

i voted sonic though.

DOY

Predator or Alien or Darth Vader couldn't win because the bad guy never wins.

There's no way this showdown would end with evil triumphing.

last sentence is kinda on the luriqua tip, congratulations

― El Tomboto, Saturday, January 3, 2009 12:01 AM (10 minutes ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

?? idk what the means

― Lamp, Saturday, January 3, 2009 12:02 AM (9 minutes ago) Bookmark

LURIQUA BLOG

predators and aliens aren't evil they just do what they do just like people

also kind of like wolverine and the hulk in that respect actually

Rocky would know fight promoters.

True, true. But would Batman be represented by one in that crowd? Maybe Adrian has got something lurid on Alfred, forcing him into booking Batman on false pretenses of I dunno, trapping Mr Freeze or something? Where is that multispawning monster from early on in The Faerie Queen btw? Lurking, I bet. Gotta have a twist here.

Coming to think of it, Red Tornado probably set this up. Never know where you have that guy. "John Smith" hahaha.

can i also register my lol that Archie Meets The Punisher is real

I've spent half an hour on this thread and still haven't made my choice. I think people are seriously overestimating Vader, since I doubt he's capable of choking 16 characters at once. Remember how much time he spent on a single kill in the movies? Everyone's best chance of survival, I think, is to get the f%@k out of the way while Alien, Predator, and Hulk duke it out, and descend on the hapless survivors FTW.

Remember how much time he spent on a single kill in the movies?

yeah but in all those cases he was employing theatrics to prove a point. if he can pitch the entire contents of a cloud city janitor closet at luke I imagine he could collapse over a dozen non-jedi tracheas without breaking a sweat

There's no way this showdown would end with evil triumphing.

don't 2/3rds of the star wars films end with the Sith getting their way?

reckon a lot of these dudes are pretty big egoists (vader, wolverine, rambo/rocky, batman) who wd go straight for each other and the most threatening (pred, alien, hulk) - chances of mutual obliteration of these dudes rucking might mean a sleeper (xena, sonic) cd take it

it would definitely be awesome if sonic won

It doesn't matter who wins because Galactus will eventually show up and eat the whole planet, right?

theoretically he could just in around in circles really fast while everyone fought and then just jump on the head of the last man standing

I think he does have a shot at it.

if this is a single-elimination tournament (which it should be), it obv depends on the match-ups. someone should do a draw or something.

if it's just a big ruckus the hobbit would win due to cowardice, and running far far away while everyone else kills each other.

oh hey yeah lex raises an important point, is it just a fight fight or a tournament?

http://www.fullimpactmma.com/HTML/Large/Pic5.gif

I love that everyone has their own mental image of the proceedings

down that path lies gamefaqs

Ruckus vs tennis tournament: established really early on:

Is this to be a fight involving all these dudes at once, like the great outdoor fight?

― µ^µ (libcrypt), Thursday, January 1, 2009 10:08 PM (14 minutes ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

yes

― s1ocki, Thursday, January 1, 2009 11:23 PM (2 days ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

Sounds like a damn monster movie.

I thought it was implied upthread that it was just a big old hootenany in a field?

xp

thankig yous

xp yeah i'm imagining it taking place in like a grassy forest clearing, no real obstacles or things to hide behind in the fight area, and no spectators

oh then my vote would be for baggins, except it says i've already voted even though i don't remember clicking on this thread before. it must have been when i came home from NYE completely fucked. who knows what i voted for!

(baggins would still have time to run away as no one else would focus on him at the start (and he'd be invisible anyway))

i think if you leave the field of play you'd have to be disqualified. and then killed.

it could be like an outdoor area with buildings around and stuff for maximum tactics

vader could sense he was there

or xxp

If jabba hands' scenario was taking place, surely there'd also be rules against using weapons?

I mean, if we took this down to brass tacks, how many have experience in straight-up hand-to-hand combat? Batman, Hulk, Rocky...

i think if you leave the field of play you'd have to be disqualified. and then killed.

Unless you manage to get a majority vote to change the rules in the regular daily morning meeting of remaining participants of course.

You are all very persuasive, when thread moves fast I wobble here and there & stay on the fence. Will consider reasonable paypal offers for my unused vote.

i was thinking more of movie hulk tbh forgotten that marvel hulk was basically unfuckwithable altho still aliens are damn fast i was thinking like tactical throat slashing maneouvers but would he just regenerate too quickly.

that's the third time somebody regenerate man alien wouldn't even penetrate the hulks skin unless he uses some kind of super acid injector bite and he could hold it for like 10 minutes with hulk standing still(alien too dumb to tell vader to help him with that so nope) and then alien would probably die like a bee that used his stinger. anyway iirc hulk has some resistance to telepathy from being dumb himself although vader could probably figure out how to crack it if he could hang around long enough. and even then he would just be able to hold him still he probably can't bring enough 'force' to bear on hulk's throat to come close to choking him he would have to slice into hulk's neck with his saber slow like a welder and hope hulk doesn't snap out of it. this is after vader getting shredded by other people we're assuming are already dead. not happening.

There's no way this showdown would end with evil triumphing.

don't 2/3rds of the star wars films end with the Sith getting their way?

― El Tomboto, Friday, January 2, 2009 7:49 PM (1 hour ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

Yeah. But the whole thing ends on the side of good. Darth will certainly win a few rounds, but he eventually dies and Mario always returns for another game

how many lives would mario need is a damn good question

low three figures at least

I think mario shd at least get the option of a star at some pt here

if he gets a star, everyone is fucked

it could be like an outdoor area with buildings around and stuff for maximum tactics

― s1ocki, Friday, January 2, 2009 7:15 PM (41 minutes ago)

Batman for sure then.

lol at mental image of mario running into the hulk while the star music is playing and the hulk going "koopip," flipping upside down and falling off the earth

that would make a fun puzzle actually, make a huge mural of this fight frozen in time exactly .003 seconds after the bell rings except there's a mario star grinning somewhere in the picture Waldo-style, then give people two minutes to answer the thread question

we cd probably commission the donuts on heads guy to mock tht up?

ok actually if mario gets a star and sonic is still alive it actually really improves sonic's chances because I'm pretty sure he's the only participant who could outrun star mario, and presumably once the star wears off a great deal of the other competitors will have been eliminated as per Whiney above

do any of you guys have little debbies because I will trade you all these oreos for a little debbie

Batman would take a bracket, if we're doing it that way - he'd find a way to beat vader in the final. Actually, so might picard!

The thing with sonic is that all even with the rings and the running, eventually he's left against SOMEONE - I guess sonic has a gun now but rly who here is he going to beat with only two left?

Wife&I have an rather large internal wall we're gonna raze in a redecoration project within the end of january. You are welcome to stop by & make Tom's mural a reality ppl! We will take photos, and auction the debris off for charity.

(NB haven't cleared any of this with wife yet.)

THERE IS NO BRACKET
ALSO PICARD AND BATMAN ARE SMART WE KNOW

jeez

Haha.

Do you think hulk might just shrink really small if hit by star mario, kart style?

i just dont know what to believe anymore

When 3 are left it is not improbable 2 of them will get all "this is personal kid", kill each other simultaneously and leave the 3rd character laughing by default I think?

If Hulk got hit by star Mario he'd probably turn back into Bruce Banner, then if nobody makes him angry he's dead in no time.

Dracula is fucked if this takes place during the daytime.

Haha.

Do you think hulk might just shrink really small if hit by star mario, kart style?

― Gravel Puzzleworth, Friday, January 2, 2009 9:16 PM (23 minutes ago)

that's lightning. but a good question is does mario get access to his kart

If he does, then Batman should have access to the Batmobile.

tht's just silly

what next, HERE COMES A NEW CHALLENGER the death star?

TIE Advanced more like...

and even that would be a bit silly, because to even it up Batman would have to be in the Batwing.

I've taken it into serious contention and... Vader would look like winning, using the force to focus on the stronger fighters (Hulk would be hard to take down for example) while Sonic looks too easy to take on, is forgotten about, and runs incredibly fast at him in his back, knocking him over for someone to take him out, like when in WWE Battle Royales someone spends ages taking out the big motherfucker and someone just dropkicks them over the side before they get noticed.

Then Predator's just too awesome to be stopped. Predator win.

Voted Nate Dogg

fyi i will pit the winner against a whole new set of challengers for who would win 2

i find it hard to believe anybody is going to take the hulk in this one

the predator boosterism is absurd. where would you fools be if slocki had remembered DANNY GLOVER when he made this poll.

i think we should make this thread into 8 ILX fight club brackets and debate them all individually until a clear winner is established.

fyi i will pit the winner against a whole new set of challengers for who would win 2

― s1ocki, Saturday, January 3, 2009 2:42 PM (57 minutes ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

yussss, bracketed character battles

sephiroth vs. goku vs. master chief vs. hulk

now we can argue about seedings

vs. brett favre

when the fight is over and he is victorious, vader will come for those who voted against him

i've been thinking hard about this, here's how i'd break it down

alien - only useful when there's more than one, when there's swarms and eggs involved. a single alien by itself would be pretty short work for cpl hicks, let alone rambo

predator - okay the predator might be tough competition for rambo, rocky or xena. but cpt picard and batman have the predator beaten on brains and i doubt his weapons could scratch the supers on the list

hulk - let's see ... the marvel super heroes RPG gives the hulk unearthly strength and endurance. this means he can bench something like 500 tons, shrug off any weapons less powerful than, say, thor's hammer. also he can see enemies on the astral plane. so much for predator's energy beams, wolverine's claws, etc. darth vader's lightsaber, maybe?

batman - "dark knight returns" showed how batman could do well against enemies that have specific weaknesses, like superman vs kryptonite. i.e., he'd be smart enough to attack dracula with garlic and stakes. but what are hulks weaknesses? i think batman vs darth vader might be the most interesting match here, since they both have interesting tendencies to utilize their surroundings in fights.

frankenstein - are you for real?

dracula - dracula is tough but he has major weaknesses. half the people here could see him in astral form, the other half could kick his ass in a straight up fight. like the predator or the alien, his best bet is to run and hide and wait for people to track him down. except they'd just figure out where he is and blow up the building he's in or whatever.

hellboy - so obviously dracula and frankenstein are short work for hellboy, who eats those sorts of opponents for breakfast. he's not immune to conventional weapons but he's mildly superpowered, so he'd be toe-to-toe with predator, batman, etc for a while before inevitably grinding them down. he can pick up and throw things like cars, which is cool, except hulk can pick up and throw battleships if he wants. darth vader might be an even match for hellboy

wolverine - since he's from the "gritty realism" school of comics. adamantium claws and skeleton aside, he seems to get knocked out a lot in fights. i seem to recall wolverine vs punisher being something like an even fight, so he'd probably do okay against rambo, frankenstein, predator. but he's not as smart as picard or batman, who'd figure out a way to incapacitate him.

jean-luc picard - would beam out. or figure out a way to incapacitate everyone. or barter a peaceful solution. he's the smartest guy on the list by a country mile but i don't think he's got the fight in him. in fact, i bet his first move would probably be to talk his equals (the hulk, batman and possibly wolverine) into forming a team to demolish everyone else. then he would talk batman out of getting killed, and concede the fight to the hulk.

vader - vader is sort of the dark horse here, since we don't really know how strong his force powers are. i don't really follow any star wars shit but what i've seen seems to suggest that they keep making the force more and more powerful. but if we make the canon the first three movies, then i doubt darth really has access to stuff like force lightning or hurling tie fighters with the force. i doubt he even has particularly great sixth sense since he didn't really seem to know where luke was when they were dueling on bespin. his lightsaber is pretty impressive but i bet he'd have trouble fighting a rancor. a hulk is like a rancor except like 1000 times as strong and 1000 times as tough. and he's not huge or stupid ... i bet vader would try to fight something like a rancor by running circles around it and climbing up on it's head and decapitating it. but that's not going to work against the hulk, who can probably fight hand to hand as well as vader. i guess the lightsaber is another unknown. how bad would hulk get hurt if vader got a good hit on him? probably bad enough that i'd hope vader would be pretty softened up by the time he gets to hulk.

rambo - untested against anyone but cannon fodder. i can't see him lasting five seconds against anybody on this list except rocky, the predator (who sucks) and maybe batman or wolverine. but i doubt it. he's basically like an undisciplined, under-equipped version of the punisher, and we all know the punisher can only last against batman and wolverine via equipment and discipline.

rocky - smashed by frankenstein in the first round

xena - how the hell did xena get on this list? isn't that like buffy the vampire slayer vs predator? xena doesn't even really, fight, does she?

sonic, super mario, hobbit, gargamel - again, same as xena

your marvel RPG reference there proves your Reason to be >= Excellent

buff could totally take predator

actually i'd like to try this via elimination

round 1

Alien vs Gargamel - gargamel sets a trap for the alien. who figures a way out through animal cunning. he punches a stinger right through gargamel's chest and then eats his brains.

Predator vs Rocky - predator decides to forgo the weapons for an honorable fight. rocky finds himself fighting an enemy with the training and discipline of ivan drago, but who weighs like 200 lbs more (all muscle) and is like three feet taller. and has sharp claws on his hands, and on his feet, which he kicks with. rocky is dead. predator.

Hulk vs Rambo - rambo uses up all of his ammunition. hulk is not even scratched. hulk leaps right in front of rambo, gives him a two handed overhead piledriver punch. rambo is a wet pile of broken bones and mushy flesh. hulk.

Batman vs Darth Vader - batman tries to catch darth by surprise. he's smart enough to stay out of the way of darth's lightsaber. but darth starts flinging rocks and shit around with the force. batman gets bruised and runs away. draw.

Frankenstein vs Jean-Luc Picard - jean luc digs a pit full of spikes and covers it with leaves. frankenstein spots the trap and decides to go around. straight into a bog of quicksand. jean luc wins by brains.

Dracula vs Xena - xena has lots of experience fighting enemies from myth, so she's smart enough to figure out garlic and stakes. she fought medusa and won, right? xena.

Hellboy vs The Hobbit - the hobbit puts on his ring. hellboy uses his superior knowledge of the occult to trick the hobbit into becoming a servant of the ring. the ring steals the hobbit's soul. hellboy takes the ring from the hobbit, who is now his brainless zombie servant. hellboy.

Wolverine vs Super Mario - wolverine tries to fight super mario, but super mario is a two-dimensional cartoon who comically leaps over wolverine's head every time wolverine tries to attack him. wolverine commits suicide out of frustration (possibly tricked by mario into lunging off a cliff or something). super mario.

Sonic the hedgehog - runs up to super-speed so fast that he tears the fabric of space-time and ends up in a psychedelic cartoon dimension made of neon colored tubes. out of the fight.

round 2

alien vs super mario - super mario uses the same trick as when he fought wolverine, but this time it's probably even easier. alien tries to grab mario, mario jumps, alien runs off a ledge into a bottomless pit. maybe he grabs mario on the way down with his tail, maybe not. super mario.

hulk vs hellboy - hulk, for reasons explained upthread. that and i can't really imagine what hellboy could possibly do to beat hulk in a fight.

batman vs xena - both have brains, brawn and spirit, but batman has modern technology. this is actually sort of like elektra vs daredevil except now daredevil's not blind, has no feelings for the chick and has armor and effective ranged weapons too. he'd probably fight her for a bit, and then knock her out with sleeping capsules and leave her all tied up with a bat-rope. batman.

darth vader vs jean luc picard - picard has angst about stuff like his career, his mom, his failed relationships with women, data's death, being kidnapped by the borg etc. vader could probably use dark force mind powers to reduce picard to a sobbing wreck. "there are *three* lights!" vader.

round 3

super mario vs vader - super mario tries the same trick, except this time vader grabs mario with the force and pulls *him* into the path of a fire flower. and uses the force to glide to safety, cape flapping the wind. vader.

hulk vs batman - i bet batman could figure out ways to run away from the hulk indefinitely. hulk would probably get really tired of this. batman realizes the hulk is basically an ok guy, sort of like him in a lot of ways. they form an alliance.

round 4

hulk + batman vs vader - ???

did i make any mistakes here?

hey tom my reason is class 5000

no way does xena beat dracula

buff could totally take predator

― s1ocki, Saturday, January 3, 2009 11:50 PM (9 minutes ago) Bookmark

why not? she can beat any number of monsters from classical myth, and probably demigods too. especially because xena is sorta sexy. dracula, panting with lust, tries to seduce xena (i don't know which dracula you are picturing but i am picturing kinski from herzog's "nosferatu"). but xena is a lesbian! so she can't be seduced. and besides, she's stuffed her bra full of garlic. while kinski is reeling from the reek of garlic she leaps on him, pins his arms with her muscular thighs and drops a stake in his heart.

haha maybe i give the dude too much credit marvel drax was always getting dropped by retard mortals with gadgets its true but like a) regenerative healing powers b) mind control and c) vastly superior strength and agility. oh d) is can turn into mist too escape like he did van helsing

a) healing powers no good with stake in heart
b) doesn't work on lesbians, only straight victorian ladies and the dudes who love them
c) sure but not at hulk levels
d) half the dudes on the list can see astral forms (ie hulk, vader, hobbit with his ring, xena probably has some sort of trick)

anyway you are ignoring dracula's *nature*. he wouldn't try to fight xena the way he'd fight hulk or vader. she's a hot lady in leather!

garlic is a minor weakness if he can storm the vatican he can deal with some garlic. and if youre giving ppl prep stuff beyond their usual gear - in this case garlic, stakes, possibly religious icons - then drax has access to spells and rituals to shut down some of those weaknesses

really though i think he can avoid her long enough to find a good time to strike xena is much more vulnerable i just dont see her getting close enough to stake him. i dont think drax wins this but yr initial analysis requires xena getting in close enough to effectively stake him - any mishit and hell recover fast and drop her. nature thing is a good point dracula would probably want to turn her making it harder for him to just suck and drop + in the melee scenario leaving him open to predator/batman/picard type players.

hulk + batman vs vader - hulk and batman hunker down in an abandoned cathedral and wait for vader. vader tries to use the force to sneak right into their midst, but hulk can see astral forms and attacks him. except it's not really vader, it's an astral force illusion made of floating midichlorians in the air. hulk smashes into a flying buttress, and 10 tons of stonework falls on top of him. batman tries to use sleeping gas on the vader, who has good air filters on his suit. vader charges batman, who leaps up into the rafters. he grabs onto the candelabra and swings it down on vader, trapping him in a wrought-iron cage. vader cuts his way out with a lightsaber. batman throws a grenade into the incense brazier, filling the whole space with dense smoke. vader can't see batman now but he can sense him. he starts flinging wood pews around with the force out of frustration. batman sneaks up on him and hits him in the head with a huge iron cross, knocking off his helmet. vader, understandably pissed, turns around, lifts batman in the air and starts choking him. batman is smart enough not to waste time trying to grab darth's telekinetic hands (like those poor idiots in the movies) and pulls a knife from his boot, which he flings at vader's head. vader drops batman and grabs the knife with telekinesis, flinging it back at batman. the knife hits batman in the hand, pinning it to a stone pew. vader advances on batman with his lightsaber drawn. batman pulls the knife out with his remaining hand and as he does that vader cuts that arm off at the elbow with his lightsaber. batman falls to his knees. just as vader is about to decrapitate him, the hulk comes bursting out from under the stonework. vader turns around with a sigh to face the hulk. the hulk leaps at vader, who sidesteps and slashes the hulk through the middle with his lightsaber, samurai-style. the hulk is hurt, it's not like his guts are spilling out but he's losing blood, grabbing at his stomach, wincing in pain, etc. as vader advances on the hulk, batman jumps on his back from behind and grabs the lightsaber. darth reaches up with two hands and flips batman over, judo-style. batman goes flying into a pillar but he turns in the air and puts the lightsaber between himself and the pillar. the pillar cracks in half, breaking most of batman's ribs *and* the lightsaber. vader picks batman up with the force (still clutching the broken lightsaber) and throws him out the big stained glass window. he turns around and starts picking up huge pieces of stone and dropping them on hulk, who smashes them with his fists. but hulk is getting tired after the lightsaber hit, and finally vader picks up the ground hulk is standing on (akira-style) and throws the whole chunk of earth into a nearby volcano. hulk just manages to leap off (class 5000 leaping ability) and hang on to the edge of the volcano. as he climbs over, darth walks out of the cathedral and starts trudging up to the volcano. suddenly he hears a whine. he turns to see picard, piloting a jury-rigged predator ship (picard snapped out of it and started making repairs). batman, near-death, is riding shotgun. the pred ship smashes straight into vader, lifting him off his feet. vader is hanging onto the nose of the ship like tj-hooker. he starts uses the force to give picard a heart attack. batman grabs the controls and fires the retrojet thrusters just as they crest the volcano. the pred ship comes to an abrupt halt. picard and batman black out from the g-force. the ship hits and rock and begins to roll (good thing they're safety belted in). but darth is thrown from the wreckage towards the edge of the volcano. hulk leaps into the air, grabs vader like all "alley-oop", and SUPLEXES HIM INTO THE VOLCANO LAVA.

rad

best thread of 09 so far, keep it up fellas.

vahid's contributions turned this into a HoF thread - well done glorious goonsire

*points at vahid, nodding and smiling, mouthing something that can't be heard.. could be "you're the man"*

hulk vs hellboy would be the best fight of all these. its about how much damage you can take, cunning only matters when its your comic/show/movie and the writers have to think of a way for you to beat a superior opponent. that shit don't fly in the REAL WORLD.

applause. ok only thing is the whole Picard having family issues but vader not-- did you see any of the star wars movies???

Hulk v Hobbit would bre the most fun to watch because Bilbo is a slippery little motherfucker and its fun watching a big dude smash everything trying to get a little slippery motherfucker and also eventually he would squish the shit out of the hobbit and I bet he'd pop real good!

I mean dude fought an even less emotional enemy - the borg - and won

I mean

i dunno, s1ocki, star trek characters are awful susceptible to mind tricks. seems like every 1 in 4 episodes someone gets taken over by an alien entity, or develops amnesia, or is stuck in a alien holodeck fantasy world they can't tell from reality, or whatever. it's just something that happens all the time in star trek. whereas even though darth has his angst he really only has like one or two moments of wavering out-of-character throughout the original trilogy.

and when picard fought the borg, he got turned into a borg and it took him until the climax of the episode to fight back. and he was under sedation from beverly and data was using a neural link to jam the borg signal. so that's basically what i figured, that vader would use jedi mind tricks on picard (since picard deals more with mind tricks than hand-to-hand combat anyway) which picard would have a hard time fighting but would eventually overcome (just in time to save the day)

ya but in SW vader eventually gets it cuz he has an emo breakdown! just saying. also feel like picard might be a bit hardened to the mind tricks stuff precisely BECAUSE of previous exp

im glad SOME ppl here actually know something about hellboy -- for awhile it seemed like folks who didnt know who he was were severely underrating him -- he was my vote fwiw

tell me about hellboy and his magical hand

it looks like in my battle royal upthread i forgot about the predator after round 1. how about darth attempts to sway picard to the dark side, leading picard into a big hollow tree in a marsh where picard is confronted by a shadowy borg, whom he attacks with a lightsaber only to find out OH NO THE BORG IS LOCUTUS. so picard has a mental breakdown. vader leaves in disgust and on his way back to fight super mario he runs into the predator. the predator tries attacking vader from camouflage with spears and flying blades and shit that vader cuts apart w/ his lightsaber. then he tries his shoulder blaster, which vader deflects with the lightsaber. then he uses his rocket-propelled net to ensnare vader, which works, but when the predator jumps down for the killing blow, vader attacks him with force lightning. the predator is stunned long enough for vader to cut himself out of his ropes and cut off his arm (the one with the self-destruct on it). the predator limps away to die (since he's basically an alien bounty hunter, and as we saw from the SW movies it just takes one good hit with a lightsaber to kill an alien bounty hunter)

picard would win....the very forces of justice and righteousness are on his side. plus let's face it an army of godzillas could be about to murder picard ten seconds before the end of an episode and geordie would somehow reROUT the dilythium crystals to make a laser that "JUST MIGHT WORK" in time for the credits to roll

new poll for most intriguing matchup

I am giving vahid all my oreos just because

a+ single-elimination scenario work!

(i feel that so far there aren't enough arguments to do w/these characters' nature - even if they can do all sorts of shit to beat the opponents, would they? eg vahid's dracula/xena scenario.)

eg the mooted buffy/predator match-up - i'm not a buffy, er, buff so i can't be 100% sure, but she is generally unarmed, right? relying more on martial arts style moves? and the predator doesn't attack unarmed ladies.

then i doubt darth really has access to stuff like force lightning or hurling tie fighters with the force

Vader can't summon Force Lightning because his arms are cybernetic replacements. Also, mind tricks are a Jedi ability, not associated with the Sith. We never see Vader or Palpatine use mind tricks in the six movies.

moonship, that was great. you missed out predator though. he won the first round and then just got bored or something.

lex, buffy's rarely unarmed, be it crossbow or rocket launcher.

did i make any mistakes here?

wolverine suicide physically impossible. carry on.

and the predator doesn't attack unarmed ladies.

i am amazed that you know this

Vader can't summon Force Lightning because his arms are cybernetic replacements. Also, mind tricks are a Jedi ability, not associated with the Sith. We never see Vader or Palpatine use mind tricks in the six movies

but dude, he was raised a jedi and still is (was) a jedi, right?

At the point this fight takes place (assuming it's between TESB and ROTJ), he's a card carrying Sith. Also I get the impression that mind tricks require subtlety, something not associated with someone consumed by the Dark Side.

^^^ FFS I sound like such an SW nerd - for the record, I've only seen the six movies, I'm not one of these people who has read all the novels and seen every episode of Droids and Clone Wars...

haha you probably know more than I though...I've seen the six movies but i must have missed the part where if you're a sith you cant do mind tricks because you cant be both?

grown adults should be polishing their Brooks Brothers briefcases. lord knows when star wars or trek or whatever became acceptable.

I don't think it's ever explicitly stated, but Palpatine never uses mind tricks, despite his obvious Force skills. Neither does Count Dooku. It would clearly be advantageous for both of them to be able to mind trick people into doing things. On the other hand, Jedi are often shown mind tricking people - example: Kenobi casually dealing with the "death stick" guy like it ain't no thing. Also, Yoda states that the "Dark Side is easier", so Dark Side Force abilities (lightning, choke, throwing shit about the place) require less skill than Light Side abilities (which includes mind tricks). I have to point out here that I'm basing a bit of this on the distinction between Light and Dark Force skills made in the Jedi Academy series of videogames - but they are considered canon.

also mind tricks only work on the weak-willed. if you're a snaggletoothed flying wrinkly blue muppet slave owner with a quasi-eastern Meditteranean accent that shit don't fly.

Palpatine managed to hang around with multiple Jedi (including Yoda) for years without them twigging he was made of 100% PURE DARK SIDE - he must had some mind trickery going on there.

I was thinking Hellboy wasn't getting enough props here until I remembered the singer out of Bros almost killed him.

Hulk is an obvious front runner but you have to wonder about his stamina in a long fight. How long can anyone continue to get explosive power from that huge muscle mass before coming up short? I've been watching World's Strongest Man and those guys are lucky if they can keep going for 75 seconds. Picard would still be sipping his Earl Grey and hatching plans and Hulk would be gasping for breath.

powered by gamma radiation. madder hulk gets/stronger hulk gets. always much much faster than anyone expects.

my friend is telling me that Batman vs. Hulk is really the only question here

Batman has fought and won against Dracula, Aliens (yes, from the movies) and Predators (yes, from the movies) on numerous occasions. Including fighting both Aliens & Predators at the same time. I believe, Batman is considered by the Predator species to be "the Ultimate Hunter" and is honored as such in their culture.

Batman actually became Dracula for a time. And later on defeated various incarnations of himself in the arena of the Monarch between dimensions.

Hulk can not harmed. Never tires. Has no limit to his strength or power. To kill him you would need to annihilate his existence from space & time. Batman is the only one capable of thinking and fighting the Hulk on level of defeating him.

Both Batman & Hulk die in the conflict. Killing each other.

lolling @ batman being honored in predator culture

Batman is considered by the Predator species to be "the Ultimate Hunter" and is honored as such in their culture.Batman is considered by the Predator species to be "the Ultimate Hunter" and is honored as such in their culture.Batman is considered by the Predator species to be "the Ultimate Hunter" and is honored as such in their culture.Batman is considered by the Predator species to be "the Ultimate Hunter" and is honored as such in their culture.Batman is considered by the Predator species to be "the Ultimate Hunter" and is honored as such in their culture.Batman is considered by the Predator species to be "the Ultimate Hunter" and is honored as such in their culture.Batman is considered by the Predator species to be "the Ultimate Hunter" and is honored as such in their culture.Batman is considered by the Predator species to be "the Ultimate Hunter" and is honored as such in their culture.Batman is considered by the Predator species to be "the Ultimate Hunter" and is honored as such in their culture.Batman is considered by the Predator species to be "the Ultimate Hunter" and is honored as such in their culture.Batman is considered by the Predator species to be "the Ultimate Hunter" and is honored as such in their culture.Batman is considered by the Predator species to be "the Ultimate Hunter" and is honored as such in their culture.Batman is considered by the Predator species to be "the Ultimate Hunter" and is honored as such in their culture.Batman is considered by the Predator species to be "the Ultimate Hunter" and is honored as such in their culture.Batman is considered by the Predator species to be "the Ultimate Hunter" and is honored as such in their culture.Batman is considered by the Predator species to be "the Ultimate Hunter" and is honored as such in their culture.Batman is considered by the Predator species to be "the Ultimate Hunter" and is honored as such in their culture.Batman is considered by the Predator species to be "the Ultimate Hunter" and is honored as such in their culture.Batman is considered by the Predator species to be "the Ultimate Hunter" and is honored as such in their culture.Batman is considered by the Predator species to be "the Ultimate Hunter" and is honored as such in their culture.Batman is considered by the Predator species to be "the Ultimate Hunter" and is honored as such in their culture.Batman is considered by the Predator species to be "the Ultimate Hunter" and is honored as such in their culture.Batman is considered by the Predator species to be "the Ultimate Hunter" and is honored as such in their culture.Batman is considered by the Predator species to be "the Ultimate Hunter" and is honored as such in their culture.

that is really great

it's like that story of the buddhist master who hears some of jesus' sayings and is all like that was an enlightened dude

lol apparently hulk is basically undefeatable at this pt in his story

Hulk has withstood multiple nuclear force blasts to the face in a single encounter. Hulk can maintain his form indefinitely. He no longer reverts to Banner unless he decides to. As his rage increases Hulk's strength, toughness and speed increase exponentially. Hulk also has a healing & regeneration ability which also increases with his power to the point of instantaneous regeneration of major limbs and organs. Hulk also can geo-locate beings around world and has an innate sense of direction.

The Hulk also can adapt spontaneously by mutation to a given situation such as growing gills to breathe underwater, travel in space or see in absolute darkness (coupled with geo-location = very powerful), et cetera.

By default, a non-raging Hulk is as tough as adamantium. And able to lift a 100,000 tons with little effort. When raging there is no limit what so ever to the Hulk.

None at all.

And Bruce Banner is among the Marvel universes smartest men. The Hulk retains the intellect, skill, knowledge and mental capacity of the 3rd smartest man in the world.

The Hulk can not be defeated.

hulk basically destroyed the entire marvel universe last year

still think he could be TRICKED then into reverting to banner. that's I guess his weak spot - bein' banner.

http://www.comics.org/graphics/covers/2377/400/2377_4_27.jpg

hahahaha wtf I have been missing out by not reading hulk comics all my life
fuck that emo bitch parker and his emo space bitch brother norrin radd them suckas straight cryin in clubs next to a banner with gamma

tom you should def. read the PLANET HULK stuff from the last year, in which Bruce Banner is shot into space, having been decreed too much of a public safety risk to remain on earth.

ya and then he comes back and just rips apart the marvel superheroes

good rec ian
thanks cockface for ruining ian's rec

:(

sorry for giving away the story line of "world war hulk"

spoilers for infinite hulks

okay that was retarded, sorry

http://media.comicvine.com/uploads/0/7015/613758-super_strength_super.jpg

comics are fuckin ridiculous imo

tom you should def. read the PLANET HULK stuff from the last year, in which Bruce Banner is shot into space, having been decreed too much of a public safety risk to remain on earth.

― ian, Monday, January 5, 2009 4:05 AM (19 hours ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

is that collected into a book i can read

(xpost) now that's just stupid and unrealistic...

All Star Superman is indeed ridiculous.

RIDICULOUSLY AWESOME

^^^ OTM. All Star Superman is distilled goodness.

"that's the good news... the bad news is that I've failed the audition for Joseph & The Amazing Technicolour Dreamcoat..."

This could be the single most important poll in ILX history.

I sincerely hope that the tallied results are turned into a really bad CGI Youtube cartoon.

All Star Superman is OTT in the best possible way.

tom you should def. read the PLANET HULK stuff from the last year, in which Bruce Banner is shot into space, having been decreed too much of a public safety risk to remain on earth.

― ian, Monday, January 5, 2009 4:05 AM (19 hours ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

is that collected into a book i can read

― s1ocki, Monday, January 5, 2009 5:50 PM (4 hours ago)

It is, but I don't recommend shelling out your own $$ for it. As big crossover events go, I thought it was pretty crappy. I'd let your library do the buying.

The WWH miniseries itself

A couple of collected volumes of WWH issues of other series.

As big crossover events go, I thought it was pretty crappy

+1 and that's saying something

is all star superman the grant morrison one?

yeah

is both WWHULK and planet hulk crappy or just the former

http://i41.tinypic.com/2gtoikm.jpg

Planet Hulk was a lot of fun. So was WWH, but not as good as PH.

Planet Hulk fun. Make rogermexico laugh. WWH puny.

(Mostly because it turns a good Hulk story AND a great conceit - just how mad would Hulk get if he gained his heart's desire and it was torn away? and how strong would he be if he got that mad? - and turns it into a dumb crossover in which everyone acts out of character including Big Green.)

http://i43.tinypic.com/2wm00nq.jpg

apparently this is wendihulk, a combination of hulk and bigfoot

...named wendy?

now I've seen everything...

Yeah, Jeph Loeb is shitting all over the Marvel U. in this new Hulk series. There's a Red Hulk character now that they're actually calling "Rulk". WTF!

You have to remember, Jeph Loeb is functionally retarded.

It's mindboggling how he finds work.

http://i41.tinypic.com/2gtoikm.jpg

XD XD XD XD XD holy christ

he has a SWORD and he is flying through SPACE

HAVE to read this shit

ya thats pretty dope

where does WENDIHULK! live?

In a Wendi House?

what a team

Batman just killed DARKSEID yesterday. With a weapon he pulled from his utility belt.

None of these other chumps has a ghost of a chance.

giving batman a time travel bullet is kind of like giving mario a star. and it's just one bullet.

The difference is that Batman can turn anything into a Darkseid killing item. He plans far ahead, he executes his plans flawlessly, etc. Mario needs someone to put a star in a box for him, and then he can wreak havoc. Batman makes his own havoc.

haha I love how Mario's stars are placed into boxes for him BY some magical somebody but Batman's time travel bullet is just like a busted bicycle part he found and macgyvered. Almost but not quite as bad as the pred suck-ups

to be fair, Batman broke into a police headquarters, raided an evidence box, found the bullet, determined what it did, and used it successfully to kill the most powerful creature in the universe. Mario jumped in the air, hit a box with his head, and then moved his body through a jumping star.

batman and mario do share the interesting quality of pretty much always having to be the dude when their respective universes are about to eat it
the hobbit, picard and hellboy are the only others on this list that seem to fit that bill? and they all have a bunch of friends to help them out.

Mario has Luigi.

That's ridiculous.

"Batman has Robin" ner ner

I don't like these kind of Doritos, does anybody want them

toss em here

i have a feeling batman is going to take this pretty handily

just a gut feeling

As it should be.

to be fair, Batman broke into a police headquarters, raided an evidence box, found the bullet, determined what it did, and used it successfully to kill the most powerful creature in the universe. Mario jumped in the air, hit a box with his head, and then moved his body through a jumping star.

― Mordy, Thursday, January 15, 2009 7:31 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

lolol

im always gonna vote for brains i think

Brains?
http://www.bbc.co.uk/cult/anderson/thunderbirds/images/520_brains.jpg
Because he'll just drop a TB2 cargo pod on top of Batman's head. Actually, I have to keep reminding myself that these are all fictional characters and don't actually exist. Except Darth Vader.

and BTW Brains really looks like a prototype hipster there - awful haircut, spectacles with no lenses, bad taste in clothes, "ironic" bow tie.

Xena would kick all their asses. All she'd have to do is snap the hook on that chainmail bikini and pick'em all off before they get their jaws off the floor. ;D

Although you didn't include the true winner: Sue Richards.

> Xena would kick all their asses. All she'd have to do is snap the hook on that chainmail bikini and pick'em all off before they get their jaws off the floor.

Not very familiar with the Batman/Robin relationship, are you? To say nothing of homo Hobbits.

Even gay guys have eyes. ;D

So I recently watched Hellboy 2, and it occurred to me that that dude could probably kick all these other dudes asses pretty easily. I mean, he's fucking Satan, plus I think he could easily compensate for Darth Vader's telekinetic hyjinks & Predator's gadgets with sheer, overwhelming, brute force - not unlike how the aggro 'roid guys pretty easily dominate the Taekwondo dudes in UFC fights. He'd slap the bejeezus out of a goddam Hulk too. Hellboy. He is the one.

Hellboy gets his ass kicked a lot tho it seems

hellboy is not satan

Alien, Frankenstein, Dracula, Darth Vader and Gargamel never win. They exist to lose and get burned and have stakes put in them and shit. Furthermore, my experience indicates that Mario and Sonic have to lose a couple hundred times before they manage to win, so long shot at bast. Hobbit, Xena, Jean-Luc, Rocky and Rambo? Please, these are chumps. No cookie. (Unless Rocky is the flying squirrel, which = special case.) Fuck Hulk. Bloated moron. And fuck Wolverine a million times with whatever shit you already fucked Hulk with.

Which leaves Predator, Batman and Hellboy. Predator is just a generic instance of grodymouth space monster, not a specific dude with feelings and history and shit. So no chi, no significance, no reason for victory. Hellboy, on the other hand, is borderline chump, seems to enjoy losing and hobbling around squinty-face afterwards. Why not give him the chance to do what he does best?

That is, BATMAN BATMAN BATMAN!!!

Unless special case, in which case, Rocky the Flying Squirrel kicks Batman's Nazi ass to the moon and back.

Picard is pals with Q, who can fuck shit up for anybody.

Q is horrible geek, plus is not in this fight. Batman is friends with, like, Superman and the New Gods. Everybody gots friends, but Picard is still a chump.

Picard is not friends with that particular Q, by which I mean the one that appears in Star Trek most often. Q might become involved if he could get some entertainment out of it. The other members of the Continuum probably wouldn't lift a finger to help either way.

Hellboy, on the other hand, is borderline chump, seems to enjoy losing and hobbling around squinty-face afterwards. - See, that's just prolonged adolescent angst. When push comes to shove (and it often does), the guy can singlehandedly defeat skyscraper-sized mutant demons, and rip bank vault doors off their hinges and hurl them through concrete. Not to mention that Teh Dark Knight does his fair share of curmudgeonly brooding as well.

hellboy is not satan - Isn't he the son & rightful heir of Satan? That's pretty close to being Satan.

Hellboy is relative of Satan, which probably counts for something. And yes, he's always picking up chunks of castles with which to pulverize horrors, but that just means he's got it easy. I refuse the endorse the horror pounding antics of a phenomenally lucky dimwit, however endearing. I mean, shit, might as well put Goon in the list. Batman, see, Batman is the guy who wins. He has the specific job kicking the ass of the guy who should totally be able to kick his ass. That's like his magic power.

otm

xpost: Just go ahead and arrange the cage match. You know where my money will be.

went with wolverine, i have no idea why

Not really paying much attention to this thread, it comes down to Picard vs Batman for me, b/c with the vast majority of these guys, you just have very physical fighters who don't exactly have the most amount of wit. Even when you get to the level of the more strategic thinker(a middling level of Vader, Predator, Bruce Banner, and MAYBE Rambo but not really), the only two who could outwit the rest would be Batman and Picard.

Then it would go to the 40-yr-old with 8 million weapons on his belt, over the 60-yr-old with a phaser and a pleasing baritone, amirite

but picard is only mid-40s, isn't he? how old are most starfleet captains?

xxpost: Ah, but how expansive and well-equipped is the setting of this event? Will there be the time and the resources to devise a cunning stratagem, especially in the presence, on all sides, of impending deadly force? Are we talking Battle Royale or Bloodsport? Wits will only get you so far if you are staring down a gigantic, feral monster.

I need to get out more. There's no way I should be spending half an hour laughing like a drain at this shit on a Friday night.

Well that's the real trick now, innit. We have two groups of contestants, those who rely on gear:

Predator
Batman
Hellboy (sorta)
The Hobbit (sorta)
Jean-Luc Picard
Darth Vader
Rambo
Gargamel

and those use can use physical force:

Alien
Hulk
Frankenstein
Dracula
Hellboy (sorta)
Wolverine
Sonic the hedgehog
Super mario
The Hobbit (sorta)
Xena (sorta?)
Rocky

And it would all come down to the specifications of the contest. Do we allow them to have starships? Supply them all with stock/standard-issue imperial blasters or phaser rifles?

(xxxpost) Picard is supposedly 59 in the first episode of ST:TNG

xpost: I think Mario relies on gear, if hammer bros. suits, P wings, mushrooms & the like qualify as "gear." Actually, now that I think about it, given an invincibility star, Mario could just stroll right through the whole bunch and claim the prize. If I hadn't already voted, I'd go with Mario under these circumstances.

I think that Mario does rely on gear, his only real physical skill (that doesn't require a power up of any kind) is his jumping ability. Also I think that Bilbo more or less entirely relies on gear, specifically the Ring.

entrants should be limited to whatever items would come with their corresponding toy action figure

in which case vader still wins

We need a 2nd batch of contestants, to go against the victor of this one, NCAA-style.

Suggestions, some of which are taken from this thread: Kirby, Cybermen, Captain Crunch, Judge Dredd, Genghis Kahn, Khan Noonien Singh, Captain Power, a platoon of Nazi soldiers, a giant squid, Daleks, the Staypuft Marshmellow Man, the Prisoner, Alexander the Great, Ganon, M. Bison, Viktor Von Doom

So, what? Bilbo would just hide in a corner from everyone else? That ain't fightin'

oh and a zombie great whale

and Bruce Lee

All respects to Montalban, but Khan doesn't have the tactical experience to beat any of the strategic/tactical thinkers.

Rayden from Mortal Kombat!

KIRK
He won't break off now. If he
followed me this far he'll be back.
But from where...?

SPOCK
He's intelligent, but not experienced.
His pattern indicates two dimensional
thinking...

KIRK
Z minus ten thousand meters

To be fair, Khan's only prior experience of space combat was playing Blasteroids...

And that shot of Sulu controlling the Enterprise with a row of mixing desk faders is classic and needs to be used somewhere.

a giant squid

now if this was the Despair Squid from Red Dwarf, you might be onto something...

Predator is just a generic instance of grodymouth space monster, not a specific dude with feelings and history and shit.

voting for 'brains' v. not knowing what you're talking about

one of the more highly anticipated poll results in some time.

at least for me anyways

How about The Blob. Can The Blob be a contender? I'd like to see all these fancy heroes and villians try to go about thwarting each other with The Blob getting all up in their shit.

xp it's one of my birthday presents!

Yeah, I was going to say, even the first Predator movie grants it with a sort of nobility and inner life and most definitely feelings; it laughs as it blows itself up and Arnold sheds a tear at the end over its loss.

haha kingfish I already have a shortlist of round 2 contenders to fight the winner of this

if anyone tries to start a round 2 poll before me I will kill them

in a fight

Make sure to include The Blob.

purple blob or black/white blob?

I suggest Sayid Jarrah.

xpost - why not both?

One thing's bothering me : in the melee scenario, what would happen? Well, initially everyone would pair up with someone they think they could beat one-on-one. Knowing the qualities of each fighter as we do, who would choose who? This would have a massive impact on the result. If, say, Hulk and Hellboy duke it out from the off it clears the field for someone to have a pop at the winner (maybe even while they're fighting). Too many variables innit?

No, I mean sure, predator is a person , I won't deny that. But he's not a hero, or even a protagonist. Who killed predator's parents at a showing of Zorro? Where do we find his faithful manservant and loyal young love pump? Shit, dude, it's not even the same predator in all the movies, so you might as well say "a predator". His name isn't even capitalized, how the fuck is he supposed to beat Batman (note capitalization), or even a handicapable loser like Vader? Predator is cannon fodder, the more-or-less faceless rep of an all-too-defeatable species. It's like having "lion" in the contest, or "giant ape that isn't actually King Kong".

Hulk can not harmed. Never tires. Has no limit to his strength or power. To kill him you would need to annihilate his existence from space & time.

Think Hellboy could manage this.

any Predator or Yautja or whatever is still gonna be the 5th or 6th hottest combatant here on paper

His name isn't even capitalized, how the fuck is he supposed to beat Batman (note capitalization)

So that's e e cummings out of the running.

Automatic thread bump. This poll is closing tomorrow.

Hulk can not harmed. Never tires. Has no limit to his strength or power. To kill him you would need to annihilate his existence from space & time. Batman is the only one capable of thinking and fighting the Hulk on level of defeating him.

See, thing is, Hulk has been around long enough for retards to have though of all kinds of retarded shit to have him do. But none of that counts. Hulk is Bruce Banner until Bruce gets angry, then he becomes this insane, basically invulnerable monster until he calms back down. That it. He can't "see enemies on the (fucking) astral plane" or think properly in Hulk form or any of that geeked-out nonsense. He just Hulks around for a while and distresses the furniture until the mood passes, and then he has a nap. Everybody knows this, and everybody is right.

So all you have to do to take out the Hulk is to talk him down and then drop a brick Dr. Banner. Half the dudes in the list could accomplish the task.

..or any of that geeked-out nonsense.

rimshot

lol

But in Predator movies(and when you're playing the AvP games), it's always a lone predator(haven't seen the latest piece of franchise shit). So it's not just _a_ predator, but The Predator. Even in the first Dark Horse AvP comic, you had the chick and a lone predator dude taking on a horde of aliens, right?

in the avp movie several of them came as a team, they're just a_predators, for whatever the fuck that's worth

No, I mean sure, predator is a person , I won't deny that. But he's not a hero, or even a protagonist.

well we don't make predators the protagonists of our movies cause they kill us, it's established at least by the time avp came around that the earthly hunts (the hunts for Aliens at least) are quasi-religious rites of passage for presumably young predators so yeah, they probably got all kinds of hero tales and movies and wonder years and shit on the home planet. they're from an obviously authoritarian society and when we see them onscreen (on a mission) they're obv. all about business but they are individuals capable of thought and resourcefulness and even gallows humor as kingfish pointed out, and frankly i think you need to check your racial baggage at the door, which is becoming a theme with you...

j/k

anyways summarily ignoring people's canonical superpowers means you get to bet on adam west

'arbitrarily' excuse me

oh and a zombie great whale

― kingfish, Friday, January 16, 2009 2:56 PM

Stormwatch: Team Achilles to thread.

Automatic thread bump. This poll's results are now in.

Sonic the hedgehog 8

whatevs, some asthmatic guy in a cloak with telekinesis could take the hulk or hellboy, suuuuuure.

lol Gargamel

You can tell that some people simply aren't treating this poll with the seriousness it merits.

Do not underestimate the power of the Dark Side...

Now that is some straight up bullshit.

Sonic the hedgehog 8

― Socktor Duperman (k3vin k.), Saturday, January 17, 2009 7:04 PM (1 hour ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

lulz

wow nice to see only mongos voted here

9
8

weird fukkin results -- darth vader isnt even lol

Nice to see so many people voting, but Gargamel polling over twice as many votes as Picard? WTF?

Kirk woulda made a better showing, frankly.

this is really surprising!

i will put up poll #2 later today

Will Dick Dastardly be in it?

plz include "a Philadelphia Eagles fan"

;_;

Darth Vader probably couldn't even kill a smurf (neither could gargamel, but he got my vote)

Darth Vader lost every major fight he was in!

I HAVE THE HIGH GROUND

*cuts legs*

James Earl Jones, OTOH, would beat that ass

xena was robbed

in the end, I'm sure xena got what she wanted anyways
http://www.deankhsdelights.com/catalog/8a75_1_b_57_1.JPG

http://xenite.net/legacy01.jpg

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v307/xena1985/xena_and_gabrielle_subtext.jpg

ok i can't find round 2 but here you guys go

http://gamu-toys.info/sonota/sw/obama/DSC_4681.JPG

http://gamu-toys.info/sonota/sw/obama/DSC_4696.JPG

Amazing.

Props to Picard voters, the thinking person's choice.

paging Kant to thread

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dUSbId7Earc

If Troi was with Picard, she could tell him that she sensed the Hulk was "very angry".

Batman is considered by the Predator species to be "the Ultimate Hunter" and is honored as such in their culture.

ultimate hunter != best in a fight tho

yep

and even if it was 'who would win in a fight in the jungle' then i dunno has batman got rambo or even gargamel

or ewoks, for that matter