C/D - Cleaning your disgusting ass partner because you're having a rare guest over

I have stained underwear hanging over my closets, my bathroom sink is caked in an inch of soap scum, and it looks like the dust bunnies are taping an episode of the Grind

haha I need to quit drugs. partner = apartment. delete thread!

ass partner?

whoa is your partner a vegetable?

xp :(

omg best thread title of 2009, at least

"rare guest"

I wish we still had categories because this should totally go under "Freudian slips".

LOL

THIS THREAD WILL NEVER BE DELETED EVER EVER EVER

John Waters is now pissed he can't use this thread title as a line in his next movie

Cleaning your disgusting ass, partner, because you're having a rare guest over

"Cleaning your disgusting ass, partner because you're having a rare guest over"

http://blogs.cisco.com/gov_img/john%20wayne.jpg

I immed pictured burt w/ a gardenhose pointed at his ass partner

'gardenhose'

Okay "totes" was one thing but we're saying "immed" now?

abortr

bringin' ROFLs here

why do your underwear have stains? you should try wiping your butt IMO

Haha that just led me to back up and notice THE GRIND

Is there an Eric Nies dustbunny?

it looks like the dust bunnies are taping an episode of the Grind

hidden major lol

nies is on that new vh1 show about teen idols

Does he wear a shirt in it?

He's 40 now, so yes.

yeah he looks pretty much the same, except longer hair and kinda going bald

this is what hipsters call slummin' it

I always knew he would go bald. There are certain people where they just look like they will have a bald face.

If not a disgusting ass partner.

C/D - Cleaning your disgusting ass partner because you're having a rare guest over easy

Nicole, your posts about baldness and dogs that weigh less than 30 pounds are eventually going to make me feel bad

Just sing that song to your dog to feel better.

BTW Burt maybe if you just put on a sweater when your guest arrives, it will make up for the dirtbaggy apartment

burt if you put on some jeans maybe they will be distracted by your package--?!?!?

lol xp

http://ephemerist.files.wordpress.com/2008/03/nies1.jpg

thread title made me think of burt washing some manchild in the tub while a gentleman in a tuxedo knocked sharply at the door

congratulations on having a guest

second one since I signed the lease in June 2008

Put on a sweater and the Vampire Weekend record and just be all like "it took my decorator ages to pick out this soap scum"

And then, if this is a romantic visit and it goes well, when you drop your pants you have to say "ladies and gentlemen, BURT STANTON"

http://www.geocities.com/don_homer.rm/Sven.jpg

burt is your guest one of your many female law student admirers

pay a hardcore band to hang out at your place and tell your guest it's a squat

MY COLLECTION OF RARE... AND GRINDING... DUST BUNNNEEEEEZ....... VIOLATED!

why the hell are you leaving stained underpants hanging on your closet...? like not any part of that makes any sense. the rest of it does, but that part. i mean, just think about this:

1) if the underpants are dirty, why would you put them back in the closet?
2) who puts even clean underpants in the closet anyway?

what is this!!!

yes it is max. and the reason no one visits me is I live nowhere near public transport. Also I smell weird.

schef, it's because his roommate painted the stained underwear like easter eggs

also if you have such problems with your underpants just buy black ones.

the stained underwear got there during a bout of Cabin Fever, where I was trying to see how many pair I could throw on there. 300 pairs and counting.

will you liveblog your date pls

if nothing else i encourage you to post a rundown of the date on i love cricket

twittdate

it's like how girls have a collection of red underpants, for their periods -- buy black or brown underpants, so you don't have to wash them ever and can just continue displaying them proudly in the closet.

It's not really a date, it's just going to some trust fundy party in Broklyn Heights. I will make various notes of culture clash!

the reason no one visits me is I live nowhere near public transport. also i like to fart and act crazy.

xp

http://api.ning.com/files/tcyVcdpQGHcXQND4cfKbXU5R07f6NsTYeSQx1H*OnEY6CgKULIu4QSqFOziXwVEb-FYrCdSj71BsBavsS*QfNEVf59*hMkF4/staind.jpg

when she comes over tell her you're burt_stanton, from the Internet

To be fair, schef, some of us have drawers or shelves in our closets.

Also I think burt prides himself on being the kind of guy who is awesome and living on the edge and just never knows when he's going to have time to do boring whitebread stuff like washing his underwear, so he's gotta hang onto the dirty ones just in case things get bad and he has to re-use the freshest-smelling pair.

burt you should buy some flowers, chicks love that shit

why doesn't he just wash them? or do what i do: buy more

maybe he means Staind underwear, because he is a fan of Staind.

xp goddammit dan

Burt, just give her a tour of the apartment and go "that's soap scum, because I don't have a trust fund like some people" and "those are dust bunnies, because I don't have a trust fund or listen to Vampire Weekend like some people" and "those are dirty underwear, because that's how they do it in Philly and Berlin where all the cool bands move these days"

buy more ass partners?

I don't have to do shit

i have a daet tonight and a dirty apartment. no plans to combine the two, but you never know!

nabisco is on fire on this thread i gotta say

burt_stanton where do you live

jordan if i were you i wouldnt not be on this thread bragging about my similarities to burt_stanton

lol, i wouldnt be

never forget the grinding dust bunnies ;_;

burt_dag style

max otm, plants can also be nice in a less obvious way

from the GIS for "crusty":

http://beinart.org/artists/jon-beinart/gallery/crusty-toddlerpede.jpg

buy black or brown underpants, so you don't have to wash them ever and can just continue displaying them proudly in the closet.

It sounds like burt needs some of these:

http://cache.net-a-porter.com/images/products/35512/35512_in_m.jpg

He can use it as a getting-to-know-you game. What's a stain, and what's part of the pattern? Where does Dolce & Gabbana end, and Burt begin? The fun never ends!

quote Quentin Crisp, "After 5 years the dust doesn't get any worse"

at least i don't have any dirty underwear hanging on things. i can blame any dirtiness on the cats that like to puke and act crazy.

well done elmo!

I don't have to do shit

― burt_stanton, Friday, January 23, 2009 5:08 PM (1 minute ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

Yes you do, Burt, it's biologically unavoidable -- denying it is how you wind up with your underwear like that

Wait, unless your ass partner does the shitting for you?

now i am trying to imagine simon rex as a dust bunny

nabisco that took things too far

Wait, unless your ass partner does the shitting for you?

Well, presumably they take turns until the seal breaks.

http://www.animalgift.org/atf/cf/%7B55F52B47-7B8C-4337-A5A9-2F3550FF3D11%7D/SEAL-INSIDEMAIN-V02.JPG

good strategy for tonight--answer the door naked, then just snag a pair of dirty underwear from the closet

I actually have clotheslines running throughout my apartment where I like to hang my dirty underwear, and at night I get stoned, turn up some Einsturzende Neubauten, turn off the lights, and it's like I'm dancing under a sky of shit

burt when you have a lady friend over what sort of music do you listen to

I am just keeping it real, Stanton-style

nabisco shat the shark right dere

I actually have clotheslines running throughout my apartment where I like to hang my dirty underwear, and at night I get stoned, turn up some Einsturzende Neubauten, turn off the lights, and it's like I'm dancing under a sky of shit I actually have clotheslines running throughout my apartment where I like to hang my dirty underwear, and at night I get stoned, turn up some Einsturzende Neubauten, turn off the lights, and it's like I'm dancing under a sky of shit I actually have clotheslines running throughout my apartment where I like to hang my dirty underwear, and at night I get stoned, turn up some Einsturzende Neubauten, turn off the lights, and it's like I'm dancing under a sky of shit I actually have clotheslines running throughout my apartment where I like to hang my dirty underwear, and at night I get stoned, turn up some Einsturzende Neubauten, turn off the lights, and it's like I'm dancing under a sky of shit I actually have clotheslines running throughout my apartment where I like to hang my dirty underwear, and at night I get stoned, turn up some Einsturzende Neubauten, turn off the lights, and it's like I'm dancing under a sky of shit I actually have clotheslines running throughout my apartment where I like to hang my dirty underwear, and at night I get stoned, turn up some Einsturzende Neubauten, turn off the lights, and it's like I'm dancing under a sky of shit I actually have clotheslines running throughout my apartment where I like to hang my dirty underwear, and at night I get stoned, turn up some Einsturzende Neubauten, turn off the lights, and it's like I'm dancing under a sky of shit I actually have clotheslines running throughout my apartment where I like to hang my dirty underwear, and at night I get stoned, turn up some Einsturzende Neubauten, turn off the lights, and it's like I'm dancing under a sky of shit I actually have clotheslines running throughout my apartment where I like to hang my dirty underwear, and at night I get stoned, turn up some Einsturzende Neubauten, turn off the lights, and it's like I'm dancing under a sky of shit I actually have clotheslines running throughout my apartment where I like to hang my dirty underwear, and at night I get stoned, turn up some Einsturzende Neubauten, turn off the lights, and it's like I'm dancing under a sky of shit I actually have clotheslines running throughout my apartment where I like to hang my dirty underwear, and at night I get stoned, turn up some Einsturzende Neubauten, turn off the lights, and it's like I'm dancing under a sky of shit I actually have clotheslines running throughout my apartment where I like to hang my dirty underwear, and at night I get stoned, turn up some Einsturzende Neubauten, turn off the lights, and it's like I'm dancing under a sky of shit

I actually have clotheslines running throughout my apartment where I like to hang my dirty underwear, and at night I get stoned, turn up some Einsturzende Neubauten, turn off the lights, and it's like I'm dancing under a sky of shit

― burt_stanton, Friday, January 23, 2009 5:12 PM (53 seconds ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

serious lols at this

burt when you have a lady friend over what sort of music do you listen to

Whatever it is, they dance cheek to cheek.

xpost -- That's for damn sure.

We Are All mADE OF sHIt

Whatever it is, they dance cheek to cheek

all the more reason to clean your disgusting ass

when i have lady friends over i let them have a say in the music FYI

oh, so madonna then

WAAADEOFHI?

Meltdown's a-coming, folks.

boxer_stanton or brief_stanton??

It's like we're getting Gear's couch story from the perspective of the emo trucker hat guy.

boxers for casual Friday, briefs for maximum package

also how in the hell is this a C/D thread, at all

burt my music question remains unanswered

burt can i come to the party

MAXIMUM PACKAGE

luftmensch unmentionables

I dunno, Elmo, cleaning for guests is probably a good thing (classic), but it kinda sucks to have to do (dud), so it's pretty up in the air, much like burt's unmentionables

haha xpost! i was gonna say "dainties" but it's burt

ugh you know women can see thru guys who think briefs of manscaping give them "maximum package" fyi

I never, ever torture my friends with my music.

I can totally imagine the day Bruce Stanton came in from chopping firewood, sat his young son on his knee and said "one thing you need to know in life, kid, is that Stantons ain't dainty"

his dad's name is not bruce

thanks bruce, for answering my question

however, his mom's name is Bruce

Maybe I'll throw on the Telescopes or Spacemen 3 if it's just chillin illin

poo-gazer bands

this is a thread of wonder

unmenschionables

i pledge to bump this thread every day forever

dancing under a sky of shit

alternative title for the new U2 album...

I will say it is very magnanimous of you to share your ass partner with your guests, kudos.

Thanks, man. I needed that.

btw classic obv

hey barry_ please keep us updated on what happens with yr chick tonight--i suspect most of ilx will be anxious to know how your evening went

;)

all of you <3

We've already "hooked up", but we're both better as friends. sorry. womp womp.

thats just the ass partner talking, isnt it

what does she look like

okay okay okay but if something more happens tonight, i think it's safe to say that we all wanna know how it went--like if she takes a look at yr crusty drawers, throws on a Einsturzende Neubauten 12 inch on the ol' record player and says TAKE ME NOW BRUCE SIMPSON. . . .

skinny, lots of tattoos. typical shit.

womp womp all night long

what what (in the ass partner)

sucks to your ass partner

"skinny, lots of tattoos. typical shit."

hahaha Burt you rule: you are like a man who lives in a refrigerator in Nigeria thinking his neighbors are weird for not feeling cold

does she like vampire weekend

Does anyone even remember Vampire Weekend? I was right! They were the 2008 version of the Strokes.

good luck miasma

burt are you a "couch painter"?

lol nabisco your refrigerator simile sounds like one of your father's stories.

nabisco made me laugh but this:

"skinny, lots of tattoos. typical shit."

is not really an acceptable way to describe someone who's deigned to sleep with you.

We never have nor never will sleep together. She's bringing other people to this thing. It was about having guests over, not a girl

what was "it" about -- hanging the dirty underwear?

'Twas the night before St. Sales day, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse burt
Dirty undies hung over the closets without care
In hopes that 'skinny, lots of tattoos' soon would be there...

'Twas the night before St. Sales day, when all through the house yurt

buttyurt

So that's what's all over the underwear - buttyurt.

I have stained underwear hanging over my closets
I have stained underwear hanging over my closets
I have stained underwear hanging over my closets
I have stained underwear hanging over my closets
I have stained underwear hanging over my closets
I have stained underwear hanging over my closets
I have stained underwear hanging over my closets
I have stained underwear hanging over my closets
I have stained underwear hanging over my closets
I have stained underwear hanging over my closets

I think I know how the underwear became stained btw

also nice use of closet as metaphor there

quote Quentin Crisp, "After 5 years the dirt doesn't get any worse"

This, my friends, is actually a lie. My former housemate and I tried.

Apart from the LOLs this thread is providing me, I do feel sorry for the chick. Seems like a poor "friendship" for her to have to maintain. But I guess desperate times call for desperate measures.

I have stained underwear hanging over my closets

^^ I only just realized closets is PLURAL

like it's not just his clothes closets with dirty underwear hanging over them, it's also the coat closet and the pantry and stuff

the laundry of damocles

http://www.mobilehomestead.com/nomadics/rollinghomes/rolling/rollpics/yurt.jpg

xxp one closet belongs to him, the other belongs to his disgusting etc etc

inside that tent lies the "dr feelgood" video

"laundry of damocles" = yet another gold star for estela

So I wonder how Burt's holding up.

He needs to just pick himself up by his jockstraps.

In the words of Redd Foxx, you got to wash your ass.

"And I'm not talking about your whole ass, I'm talking about your asshole."

nabisco dropping the OTM bomb.

I doubt ILX will top this thread in 2009.

the day was totally lacking some lulz until this golden thread dropped into our laps.

and out of our pants

want to announce my crush on burt_staton. thank you.

has crush.

has anyone met burt stanton yet?

this thread!

cleaning your disgusting ass partner's stained undies because you're having a rare guest over?

we should have a fap, where everyone buys burt_stanton one beer.
captain lorax be the flash-drive dj.

hahahaha

would attend.

or maybe burt_stanton is luna?

who soiled these panties
hanging from closet
door knobs

ass partner
alive

tire marks
burning rubber
in the air

captain lorax be the flash-drive dj.
oh shit lolllll

If he's not too busy being eaten out by Hoosteen of course.

aaaaaaaaand we're back on topic

This thread keeps giving.

no one has made any hamburger jokes yet????

http://www.oviedocandor.com/fireman_water_hose_lg_nwm.gif

Grown up parties are like a memorial service for broken dreams

always party with people no more than ten yrs older than you. after that, it's likely to become bizarro.

http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=%22ass+partner%22&btnG=Google+Search&aq=f&oq=

1: fap
1: burt_stanton
1: everyone brings 1 pair of new undies for burt

hammmburgers

we should have a fap, where everyone buys burt_stanton one beer.
captain lorax be the flash-drive dj.

― ian, Saturday, January 24, 2009 12:55 AM (7 hours ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

ian homie u r a genius lets make this happen

srsly! tho its prob best if burt just invites us all to his next law school party

you don't want to go. these peoples apartments will make you feel like you live in some kind-of halfway house efficiency. 90% of the night is tooth pulling "conversation" (what do u do where do u live whre did u go to school), but the 10% fun is better than sitting in your apartment with your hand on your dick.

I'll have to give it to 32 year old still-a-bartender-but-maybe-i'll-get-more-serious-with-my-graphic-design-maybe-i'll-buy-a-silk-screen-machine-thing-and-make-t-shirts hipster parties: weed, music, shitty apartments, and stupid ass conversation.

yah but if all of us come itll be a lot more like that - also captain lorax on the wheels of data

no reason why we cant have our hands on our dicks at a law school party

Good idea, ice cream. Let's have a night that would make Harold Pinter proud.

max's suggestion is perfectly in line with my vision of the night of horrors

As you can tell, I'm really thrilled with my career decision here and with my colleagues. I'm a real person, though... I'll post an actual picture in that wdyll thing.

burt youve posted like six pictures in wdyll and then you take them down immediately

got too many emails for girls wanting to date him, probably.

no underwear in the sky no credibility

http://images.barnesandnoble.com/images/14530000/14531874.JPG

so when are we all having this party?

C/D - Cleaning your disgusting ass partner because you're having a rare guest over

ass partner

))<>((

i am confused and that assmoticon is broken

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Me_and_you_and_everyone_we_know

let this serve as a grand memorial

Was there ever a party with burt_stanton? Reading old threads and his constant anxiety over his appearance makes me want to see pictures of the guy. Such a tease!

If he's not too busy being eaten out by Hoosteen of course.

― Too Into Dancing to Argue (ENBB), Saturday, January 24, 2009 6:27 AM (2 months ago) Bookmark

this takes that joke to a whole other level

Roxy - this thread!

woah life/board synergy. taking out months' worth of empty liquor bottles - the neighbors will think I'm an insane boozehound.

hread title made me think of burt washing some manchild in the tub while a gentleman in a tuxedo knocked sharply at the door

― the bull of the seven combats (rent), Friday, January 23, 2009 4:59 PM (2 years ago)

i think the manchild would be a midget that represents a repressed aspect of burt's psyche

we should have a fap, where everyone buys burt_stanton one beer.
captain lorax be the flash-drive dj.

― ian, Saturday, 24 January 2009 05:55 (6 years ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

clean your disgusting ass, partner

company's coming

Burt Stanton, Esq.: Cleaning your disgusting ass partner because you're having a rare client over

http://assets.nydailynews.com/polopoly_fs/1.1226904!/img/httpImage/image.jpg_gen/derivatives/landscape_635/article-klugman3-1224.jpg

best ilx titular typo? you decide

were Burt Stanton and Bill Magill the same guy?

i like this thread title

just imagine how insulted you'd be if your partner told you they needed to scrub you down because guests were coming over.

uh

xp ask a booty cleaner

for lack of a hyphen dignity was lost

the ass partner as i imagine him

Burt

Is ads partner like a timeshare or sumfin.