Keeping Jenson Button Employed: It's cut-price Formula One 2009!

http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_edPdqFNxX40/R4coaqS4WVI/AAAAAAAAADw/R0b_58I_530/s400/ansa87711993108123040_big.jpg

Ciao, frieeends! It is I, Flav, welcoming you to QPRs rise to glories to the ILX thread for ze Eff One in two thouzand nine! First of alls my friends, I weep for ze loss of my fatta friend Dominic Passantino. My friend, he flew like Icarus, no? Maybe he should worn Benetton scarf? I have many of ze thingz in my Kenya mansions!

But my ILX friends I hoppa you can enjoy ze new season, no? We have a black man from Inglishesland and a mullet man from the Poland, no? We hava slicks back and my friend Bernie, he say thatta no recession in Abu Dhabi! Maybe I moor my bella boat there? She is beautiful, like my model girlfriends, no? We hava fun in the sun even when the RBS they call and ask where an old Scottzi man in the tartan pants is? What do I know, all I see is babes in the bikinis, no? We have many bikini, I have from Benetton!

Ciao,
Flaaaaaaav

PS: my frienda Bernie says thatta Ross Brawn, he have the brain with the brawn. In the Brawn GP! But friends, I ask you, does the Brawn have ze bikini babes? Or a moody Spaniard man? Ha!

you forgot to mention the new ultra-exciting reduced-mobility let's-have-some-overtaking car specifications!

Nice title. I don't know why I watch this sport.

for the laugh-a-line KBP posts tbh

2009 is the year of Kubicamania (unless McLaren are sandbagging and I'm sure they are), which is the reason why you want to stay watching.

Also: because if nobody watches, RBS are going to look pretty stupid.

God forbid. I'm hoping for a threeway Massa/Kubica/Alonso battle myself

but what I really want to see is more of this

lolllllllllll

rear wings on these new cars look absolutely terrible, the racing better be a good sight better to justify making the cars so ugly!

I'm not too offended by them, I've seen the 1974 Ferrari 312 B3 prototype which really puts things into perspective.

But that new Renault is even uglier than Max Mosley's ladies of the night.

YO DAWG WE HERD U LIKE FRONT WINGS SO WE GOT YOU A FERRARI WITH A SNOWPLOUGH

http://www.ultimatecarpage.com/images/large/2922/Ferrari-312-B3--Spazzaneve-_2.jpg

http://www.kidsplaystore.co.uk/ekmps/shops/kidsplaystore/images/tough_tire_trike.jpg

Apparently you can get rather short odds on Eddie Jordan being sacked from the BBC team by Silverstone for swearing. This information is from James Allen's blog, which is a new definition of kinda lol but mostly sad.

"we still drive cars"

good to know.

OK, so the World Drivers Championship is no longer going to be decided by points but by race wins. But we're still going to have points just in case both drivers have the same amount of wins. And because points are still going to decide 2nd to 20th. Or will it be decided by wins too? Or wins and then points? Or are we going to forget about that and have a catwalk showdown in Abu Dhabi which will see the triumphant return of David Coulthard as The Face of TAG Heuer? And they haven't mentioned the Constructors Championship yet. Maybe they'll get Ron and Flav to captain a Tug-o-War contest in a muddy Silverstone paddock.

Or the fact that deciding it on race wins makes it less likely that the Championship goes to a final race showdown which apparently television and sponsors like. But Blackshirt Max knows best, doesn't he?

All they really needed to do was make the points difference between a win and second place a bit larger. Say, I don't know, 4 points.

^is correct. The old 9-6-4-3-2-1 always seemed about right, I don't know why they changed it - and then acted all surprised when drivers stopped taking risks to gain an extra seventh-place finish.

that said, at least this ought to work for the benefit of exciting but unreliable drivers

New scoring system axed. Nine days 'til lights off - by my reckoning still enough time for three more madcap schemes to be announced, then scrapped.

the air of total-wtf unpredictability surrounding this year's championship will probably see me watch more F1 in a season than ever before

lol at Max bending over and taking the cane from FOTA.

Teams threatened to boycott Australian GP

Flav, Ron and FOTA are threatening to boycott the Australian GP unless Bernie writes them a check. Bernie's response to this is...somewhat animated.

"If they come in here with a gun and hold it to my head, they had better be sure they can f***ing pull the trigger," said the F1 supremo of Dennis and Briatore's threat. "And they should make sure it's got bullets in it because, if they miss, they better look out."

I should explain...you see, The Big E was the man behind the Great Train Robbery.

Allegedly.

In more important news, Robert Kubica has taken up ten-pin bowling.

Friday in Melbourne:

- Williams are quickest in practice; ROSBERG IS ON DIS TING NO HYPE
- Brawn were second and fourth fastest
- The stewards have declared those slight-dodgy diffusers legal, six of the top seven runners are using them, expect more bitching even if they are legal
- Lewis Hamilton kicks off the Championship defence with...the 18th quickest time in practice
- More FOA/FIA/FOTA bitching
- Apparently Beardo Branson is turning up today to sponsor Brawn

SEE YOU LATER TODAY FOR QUALIFYING

HEEEEERE'S BRANSON ON TELEVISION

"We've brought you The Rolling Stones, The Sex Pistols..."

In other words, it's now Virgin Brawn Mercedes or something.

OMG FLAAAV IS BEING INTERVIEWED ON TV

Australian television is so desperate for interview subjects before final practice that they're speaking to...Jenson Button's Dad.

Jenson Button is on pole, Barrichello is second. The world has officially come to an end. See you in the afterlife Paddock Club for champagne and canapes.

I love, it will be watching to see Ferrari and McClaren fanboys crying.

So...well, I still stand by the name of this thread.

Dumbarse Australian voiceover bloke: "Uh, that was the first Grand Prix won by a debut since 1954...which was by the March team...and they also had Mercedes power..."

I cannot even begin to tell you how wrong that statement is.

But OMG IT'S LEO SAYER

Nice synchronised juice-drinking from Barrichello and Button in the post-race interview.

Trulli gets a 25 second penalty for Safety Car antics, Hamilton is OMG THIRD!!11!1!!1!

have they won the anti-mclaren appeal yet?

so much for those sex points lolololololol: http://www.guardian.co.uk/sport/2009/apr/02/lewis-hamilton-disqualified-australian-grand-prix

so much for those six points lololololol: http://www.guardian.co.uk/sport/2009/apr/02/lewis-hamilton-disqualified-australian-grand-prix

Nelson laugh.

All manner of fucking lols in Malaysia.

getting out the paper towels!

Will be tuning in later for highlights of Kimi Raikkonen eating a Magnum.

What better way for the BBC to sum up all the excitement of F1 than with a mumbly indie cover of "Umbrella"? Maybe even outdoes acoustic foo Fighters last week, which is an achievement

Tune in next week as The Feeling tear thru "Three Wheels On My Wagon"

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/formula_1/article6037246.ece

http://i40.tinypic.com/b89rvd.jpg

THE EXCITEMENT THAT IS A MAN EATING AN ICE CREAM

Tune in next week when Robert Kubica eats a Cornetto!

I remember a picture from a few years ago when Schumacher was caught eating a raspberry and vanilla cone while wearing a Tyrolean hat and everyone was like "look at his stupid hat!"

Surely that last pic belongs in "Up the Arse Corner"

Anyway, the decision to run a Grand Prix in Malaysia at 5pm deserves one of Bernie's Gold Medals or something.

"I NEEEED A CLEAR VISIOR I CANNOT SEE!!"

"Felipe baby, calm down"

I am enjoying the exciting new character that is Mark Webber: Trade Unionist.

FORMULA ONE world champion Lewis Hamilton was prepared to walk away from the sport over the controversy surrounding his evidence to the Australian Grand Prix race stewards last week

I for one believe this without question

I don't. He's not anywhere near Raikkonen-level apathy yet.

RIP Big Man

Today must be the happiest that Max Mosely has ever been whilst not being spanked by a prostitute.

Oh, and in case you didn't hear, the diffusers were declared legal yesterday. We are dangerously closer to "World Drivers Champion Jenson Button" than ever before.

Flaaaaaaaaav has an opinion following the diffuser ruling:

“The championship is now between a pensioner and another who is a good guy but a paracarro (an Italian saying for being as slow as a mile-post on a roadside). I don’t know where credibility has ended up with all this.

“To make up the gap is impossible. In three or four grands prix, the title will be already decided.”

VETTEL on pole in China! Alonso starting second, Webber third, The Pensioner fourth and The Paracarro fifth.

I hope Raikkonen bought enough Magnums for everyone this time.

Huge bust up about who got the Magnum Intense.

Young Vettel wins the box of Magnums and the title of "The New Schumacher (but with a personality this time round)".

Offical weather predictions for the Bahrain Grand Prix: ideal weather for Magnums.

37 celsius jesus

Toyota says it's a good thing we bought the Glock.

Nice to see Ferrari score some points.

plucky underdogs ferrari

Four car pile-up on the first corner whilst Barrichello levels up by pressing his Knightrider power boost button!

Michael Schumacher says hello to the man of the hour, Jenson Button...

http://static.guim.co.uk/sys-images/Sport/Pix/pictures/2009/5/10/1241954598401/Jenson-Button-poses-with--001.jpg

the hand on the shoulder gives me the creeps

Mark Webber sums up how he got to third nicely there: 'Felipe fucked... sorry'

A 'blacked-up' spectator is seen at the Spanish Grand Prix over a year after Lewis Hamilton suffered racist abuse

Keep up the good work, Spain.

It's a shame that nobody found the time this weekend with a tasteless Son of Mosley death joke. Bernie or Raikkonen, the fun guys who like have fun they are, could at have least showed up on the grid with a large comedy needle full of fake smack and attempted to inject the Pussycat Doll with it.

Anyway, Sniff Petrol has a truth bomb for you all:

Grumpy, big eyebrows, erratic form, supported by grunting local morons. Alonso is the Spanish Mansell.

Time to dust off that Ferrari Indycar.

Martin Brundle mistakes Geri Halliwell for Bernie Ecclestone's daughter. Ah, the perils of live TV. Here's the artist formerly known as Ginger Spice's view: "I love fast cars. I'm a bit of a speed freak. I'm really proud of Jenson Button - he's had a bit of a journey."

Also George Lucas is in Monaco on the look-out for Magnums.

I'm still all about the pictures of the team principals meeting up on Flaaaaav's boat the other day trying to scheme up a plan to get rid of Max.

But I guess you casual viewers are more interested in P-Diddy hanging out on the grid. Fine. I would bother telling you my predictions for the Indy 500. (Hint: it's not Franchitti.)

It's going to be Scott Dixon because what the IRL needs is a boring New Zealander to win it two years in a row.

Surely it's going to be more exciting then Jenson doing laps up the Monte Carlo high street today. Can't someone light a fire under Red Bull's arse?

I wish that clever new medal scoring system had stuck

I wish they used John Watson's idea of using sprinklers to randomly wet the track during a Grand Prix.

Is it too early for a 2010 Formula One season thread yet? I'm terribly excited by the news that CAMPOS GRAND PRIX (some Spanish dude), US F1 GRAND PRIX (that annoying Peter Windsor and some dudes from Charlotte) and MANOR GRAND PRIX (GP2 dudes that are getting Simtek's Nick Wirth to build their car).

ALL POWERED BY COSWORTH ENGINES YESSSS

Gutted Prodrive didn't get in, they were quite bullish about their chances on Thursday.

Looking forward to the inaugural 2010 'Fuck You Bernie Cup' thread.

lol at all of this

Also looking forward to the BBC's big-budget coverage of next year's 17-race unbeaten championship whitewash by F1's biggest star, Giancarlo Fisichella.

And they said Williams would never have a chance at being World Champions again!

Wait, *two* Formula 1 championships next year! Twice the processional races!

Hopefully Sky will buy up the rights and we can have races on wet Tuesday nights in November, glamourous half-time cheerleaders, a remix of U2's "Beautiful Day" and Elton Welsby's tactics truck.

The almost illegal Elton Welsby!

Big shoutout to the Abu Dhabi crew who have built a $1.5 billion circuit and paid Bernie tens of millions to host what probably will be a glorified Formula Three race for the next ten years.

would be great if this mentalism sent people off to watch something entertaining like touring cars or that world GT championship they're planning next year

Hurrah! I'll finally be able to stop watching altogether

This is, frnkly, more disturbing than amusing:

From Sophie from Manchester, via text on 81111: "Johnny Herbert once told me which races he'd wee-ed in while we were eating breakfast in the Stewart Racing motor home. My dad was working there at the time and I'm not sure I really knew who Johnny was so I think I told him to stop grossing me out while I was eating! I was only 12..."

Jokes on her because Johnny Herbert almost NEVER FINISHED A RACE!!

Max Mosley is about to issue a statement so strap yourself in for some top quality lolz.

The FIA is to issue legal proceedings without delay against the Formula One Teams Association following their threat to begin a breakaway series.

It isn't a proper F1 debacle without the mandatory boring court hearing in Paris.

daniel merriweather post pavillion

hey I was going to use this. Username inspiration is rare for me, now I'm stuck with this one for a couple months more.

hopefully Williams will declare themselves the only team to not be taking on the voluntary budget cap for guaranteed champions in a title race of one hilarity. I would say that surely this will make the FIA smarten the fuck up and say "okay okay you win", but then it is the FIA.

And they should hold that race at Indianapolis, and then we can all be finished with formula one forever.

THIS FUCKIN' GUY: http://www.pitpass.com/fes_php/pitpass_news_item.php?fes_art_id=38242

At least it's only the FIA - in a parallel world it's the whole of Britain

It's good to know that Mosley has a lot of members supporting him.

Ouch, how did Button get out-qualified by NAKAJIMA? Who knew that Nakajima was still im F1?

*in

the British director doing a poor job on this coverage

Jesus, I hate Jake Humphries.

That is all.

Boo, hiss, etc

But it appears a resolution has not been found, with Mosley agreeing not to stand for re-election as part of the deal "now there is peace," he said.

Presumably the first "not" should "not" be a "not".

It's now a "now", not a "not".

That's a shame, I was looking forward to the Grand Prix returning to Adelaide in one series and Nico Rosberg as champion in the other series.

Of course, this is what Mosley is saying. I await a FOTA press release before we let the doves of peace head off.

I await a FOTA press release before we let chop the doves of peace head off.

Never in doubt

F1 is run like WWE now, right? Can we get KBP a srcript writer's jo,b because clearly what goes on off the track in more interesting than on?

Here's my pitch for the next Grand Prix: Jenson Button is found beaten up outside his motor home. David Coulthard comes out of retirement and wins it in the super fast Brawn GP car. But shock horror! Jenson turns up on the podium claiming that DC beat him over the head with a sack full of Red Bull cans and TAG Heuer watches!

And who's been whipping Max now? Bernie's beautiful daughters!

that is far to tamely credible.

wasn't that a Robbie Williams video?

Come on, I'm saving the good stuff for later in the season. Thinking about killing off Max at Monza, then get into an incest angle involving the Ecclestone girls in Singapore.

wasn't that a Robbie Williams video?

He was trying to use Jackie Stewart's likeness for some forgotten reason. Only problem was that JYS was better used in a George Harrison video about twenty-five years earlier.

F1 needs a Hardcore belt.

I'm thinking maybe...Luca di Montezemolo gets possessed by a vampire?

Maybe a German vampire? One with an inept brother?

Portal to another world opens in the tunnel on penultimate lap in Singapore. Season cancelled, all points annulled. Drivers reappear at full speed during inquest, held not in Paris courtroom but on track in Abu Dhabi and live on prime-time TV. It's a straight race for the line! 'I don't know how Bernie does it but we always seem to get a grandstand finish,' chuckles Martin Brundle.

Four words: BRING BACK OUR NIGE

I mean, if Hulk Hogan could do it...

So much for "peace in our time": http://www.pitpass.com/fes_php/pitpass_news_item.php?fes_art_id=38308

I love how we're so jaded towards Formula One that Bernie Ecclestone could come out and praise Hitler and nobody could be bothered commenting.

By the way, if you missed it, Bernie Ecclestone praised Hitler.

I put it on an old thread: Formula 1: Classic Or Dud?

Too jaded to search for the current thread! You wouldn't do that if Max Mosley was PM.

(You'd be too busy having an S&M session, as paid for by the government.)

For some reason, when it comes to formula one the praising Hitler doesn't seem that controversial or even particularly noteworthy. They're like Sepp Blatter or Hamas - you expect so little that they really have to raise the bar before you'd take notice.

I guess it isn't a huge jump from living under Hitler's regime to living under (Max) Mosley's regime.

Mark Webber gets his first ever pole, so I'll never hear the end of that.

Adrian Sutil enters a wormhole during qualifying:

http://newsimg.bbc.co.uk/media/images/46044000/jpg/_46044008_qualifying2.jpg

lolis hamilolton

lol couldn't keep Barrichello behind, you're useless Webber lol

Lewis actually led on merit for a few frames, which I think makes this McLaren's most successful race of the season

Rubens losing it big time, "that was a good show of how to lose a race"!

Webber wins! Yes, I'll never hear the end of this...!

I make that 12 of the current field are now race winners. When I started watching formula one, it was usually just Prost, Senna and one other.

Thankfully, D*m P*ssantino's Twitter puts motorsport deaths in the right perspective:

Henry Surtees RIP, heaven needed a guy who was the son of John Surtees and had no other distinguishing features.

I don't know what's more interesting: Jean Todt is Mad Max's appointed heir to the throne (as long as he beats some old Finnish or Swedish rallying bloke in the FIA elections, which I'm sure he will after Max bribes everyone) or Jean Todt is fucking Michelle Yeoh.

OK, it's not on the level of Flaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaav but Todt is still an ugly short Frenchman.

When the systems go down like this, they should post all of the drivers' qualifying times on the wall like gcse results

They have to reboot the Hungarian computer, Alonso takes pole (Flaaaaav must be using the old 3-litre Supertec engines, he's got a garage full of 'em) and Jenson drops the magic.

Too bad this qualifying session is going to be 100000x more exciting than the race will be.

The footage from the camera on Massa's car as he gets hit on the head and slams into the wall is creepy as fuck.

I wish I like Formula One more, because they have the most likeable pundits ever. Pre-race burble always about 100000 times better than the actual race.

Holy crap.

http://img.mtv3.fi/mn_kuvat/mtv3/urheilu/formulakuvat/kilpailut/2009/755343.jpg

(what his helmet and face looked like after getting hit by that spring)

Yikes.

http://static.guim.co.uk/sys-images/Guardian/Pix/pictures/2009/7/26/1248629538977/Lewis-Hamilton-celebrates-001.jpg

what a disaster for hamilton's hairline

He looks 50 in that picture. Also it looks like he's straining on the, er, white porcelain race car...

Schumacher is back!

Almost for a moment thought Kimi had run off to join the circus.

Finnish rallying, but yeah, that too. Also good riddance to BMW.

Which Schumacher?

Michael, driving for Ferrari.

pity Alonso is banned - it was fun watching him go out of his way to pull moves on Schumi those last couple of seasons

Schumacher calls off his comeback?

Ladies and Gentlemen, get ready for the triumphant Grand Prix comeback of...Marc Gene.

Schumacher's "comeback" is kinda sad but mostly lol, as compared to Our Nige's "comeback" in 1995 when his arse was too big to fit in the McLaren which was kinda lol but mostly sad.

^^the latter was all lol, i can assure you

unless you were the mclaren designer, presumably

For some reason, I don't think Ron Dennis has a little chuckle now and again thinking back about that incident.

Good to see Ferrari hitting the glorious heights of patching up its side with former Minardi drivers.

A big hand for Luca Badoer, The Prisoner of Maranello, he's just seen sunlight for the first time in over a decade!

I personally think it's great that Nelson Piquet Jr. doesn't have a drive but Luca Badoer does.

It's almost as funny as Jacques Villenueve driving in a third division Canadian NASCAR series.

HEY LADIES!

http://newsimg.bbc.co.uk/media/images/46249000/jpg/_46249034_lewis_smile766.jpg

OH MY GOD HE'S THE NEW TEO FABI

PS: Valencia is still a shit circuit.

haha teo fabi, you are diggin deep there

I think Nakajima might have a puncture.

Nakajima went fapfapfapfap.

Does anything about this sport make any sense?

Who knew that Giancarlo Fisichella was still in F1?

I'm not sure that he is. I'm starting to think that F1 has been cancelled and replaced by a random results generator.

I believe James Hunt is in with a chance of winning today's race, stay tuned.

Proof that any old loser can win a race.

Put your hands up for Giancarlo Fisichella, he just drove himself into a Ferrari at Monza.

You can start calling him the new Riccardo Patrese, kids!

Bit harsh on Luca Badoer, he wasn't even lapped.

I guess it wasn't his fault that someone told him that the GP was at Zolder this year.

http://images.planetf1.com/09/08/240/Luca-Badoer_2354249.jpg

Thankfully for Luca, Nelson Piquet Jr's attempt to get one over Flaaaaav is going to be the "kinda lol, mostly sad" story of the week: F1 launches Singapore race probe

RIP Luca Badoer, heaven needed a Forti driver.

http://www.independent.co.uk/multimedia/archive/00055/Flavio_Briatore_55789s.jpg

Ciao, friends! It is I, Flav! Look at me and ze bellas! We are having ze fun, no? Good times.

Notta so good times at my beautiful ship, ING Renault F1 Team! The Brazilian, he try to hurt! Thatta right, Nelson Piquet Junior, he is who is a slow is saying I, Flav, cheat! Thatta I cheat so Senor Grumpy canna win in Singapore, under ze lights! That make me molto angry!! Sure I cheat Americanos franchisees in Benetton stores! Sure I cheat with Darth Maul so he win ze 1994 Championship! Sure I and Bernie, we cheat with ze Mechanronoi engines! But I no cheat now!!

I get so steamed up so I ringa my molto friend, Eddie Jordan. I, Flav, I said to Eddie, I said, "Eddie, why do Piquet Junior lie? Is it because he is a slowa and has no bella babes? Tell me, my friend!" And he say, "blarneystonegobsite". What does thatta mean? I molto confused.

Oh well, the Renault may pull out (like I do, I a good Catholic boy like I tell my mudda) but thatta mean I can sail to where the sunshine, she pours, no? Spend my time with ze ladies and Eddie and my Benetton jackets. She is very casual but stylish.

Ciao,
Flaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaav

PS: my heart, it goes out to Lucca Badoer. Who knew that he would be ze worst driver for ze Ferrari since Ivan Capelli? For sure!

<a href="http://www.grandprix.com/ns/ns21798.html";>Supposed Piquet statement</a>

Loving 'Mr. Vargas further infirmed my father, Mr. Nelson Piquet, some time later'

Oops.

Link

Who would have thought that Nelson Piquet Jr. would be the dude that would kill off Formula 1?

I haven't been following this (other than Flav's post above of course) - what happens now?

The transcript of Nelson Jr's conversations with Flaaaav and Pat Symonds have been "leaked".

Renault are fronting up to the World Motor Sport Council on the 21st. If found guilty, they'll probably get the book thrown at them because Max is not the biggest Flav fan around. Oh, and it won't look good.

Here's the official confession: http://www.f1sa.com/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=17075&Itemid=219

I kind of respect them for managing to come up with an entirely new way to discredit the sport.

Could have used more prostitutes.

DEVELOPING NEWS:

- Renault and Flaaaaaav begin criminal proceedings against Nelson Piquet Junior and Nelson Piquet Senior.
- A bunch of UK journalists have a whip around for a going away present for Max...and it's a whip, ho ho.

Lewis Hamilton, the Arsenal of Formula 1.

Does this make Jenson Button the Manchester City of F1 then?

Probably mentioned it before but Jenson Button is clearly the Hull City of F1. His championship win will happen in exactly the same way as their Premiership survival, ie unexpected early season winning run followed by total hopelessness that is nearly matched by the hopelessness of all rivals.

OH HEY GUYS "LOTUS" IS BACK IN FORMULA ONE!!

OK, so it's just some Malaysian dudes using a Cosworth engine as deemed compulsory by Max. I'm sure it can't fail.

And some Swiss dudes have purchased Sauber in a more realistic effort.

Briatore: "Fucking hell ... my every fucking disgrace, fucking, he's not a driver."

RIP Flav, heaven QPR needed a permatan and dodgy Renault engines.

RIP Pat Symonds, heaven needed a soundbite from the engineering department.

RIP Fernando Alonso, heaven needed some eyebrows.

RIP Formula One, heaven needed evil rich European guys.

http://indianautosblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/04/max_mosley.jpg

YO FLAV I KNOW YOU JUST RESIGNED AND ALL AND IMMA LET YOU FINISH -- BUT RON DENNIS' RESIGNATION WAS THE BEST ONE THIS YEAR

YOU NELSON IMMA NOT LET YOU FINISH etc

Nico Rosberg on the brink of Grand Prix glory! Has any win ever tasted so sweet?

I was hoping that this would somehow give Massa the world championship, but sadly 'tis not to be.

This is great for anyone previously involved in F1 as every media organisation will be needing soundbite for next few days. They've already contacted "Doctor" Jonathon Palmer - can a special Mark Blundell column be next?

http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/motorsport/formula_one/8266090.stm

Suspended ban. FIA showing its mettle once again.

read that as suggested ban. too much ilx ffs.

tbh the fia can't really afford to go round expelling teams, especially when flav and his underling departure has given them a cast iron excuse not to.

Does Alonso get to keep the victory then? I've been imagining Nico Rosberg perched on the edge of his sofa all day, refreshing ceefax and with a bottle of irn bru on ice

Disqualifying Alonso would have meant Lewis Hamilton wouldn't have needed Glock going backwards for him in Brazil.

lol @ Bernie "Banned for life? You don't even get that for murder!"

Bernie knows all about setting up a hit.

Quality qualifying there - half the field unable to drive a circuit with no other cars in the way.

Now I'm wondering if Red Bull will just tell Webber to crash into Button as soon as possible during both the next two races. Job done.

Barrichello can assist by...er, being himself.

And how did Raikkonen get so high up the standings? I suspect he's bribing the guy who types them up with Magnums.

Jenson Button is employed.

that singing = all good will lost.

Bellowing WHEY AHH DUH CHAMPYUNS, MUH FRENZ hardly compares to the "One giant leap for mankind" speech.

much kudos on thread title

Presumably the team that wins next year's championship doesn't exist yet.

its a refreshing change from the usual teams that win it

Since Turkey, Jenson's scored a runner-up, three fifth places, a sixth, two sevenths and an eighth. It's as if Usain Bolt had started dancing after 40 metres.

And then won in a really average time.

The whole season was just like a football match where one team leads 6-0 at halftime already. The other team may score two or three times in the second half, but it doesn't matter anymore.

To further my post above, it's more like next year's winning team does currently exist, but first of all has to threaten to leave F1, go bust, get bought, change its name, get sold, sack a driver, change its name again, get bought, threaten to leave the sport again, hire two new drivers and bring in different cars.

It was like Aesop's fable of the hare and the tortoise, except that instead of going to sleep, the hare just walked the second half the race and beat the tortoise easily.

Or you could say it was like Oasis releasing a comeback single and clocking up big fanbase sales on Monday, while Calvin Harris's single sells fairly steadily during the rest of the week but doesn't get anywhere near number one.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/blogs/chrischarles/philbrownsing595.jpg

WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS, MUH FRENZ

I will go out and say that Jenson deserves his title even less than Mike Hawthorn did.

how did Hawthorn not deserve it? or Button?

Hawthorn didn't deserve it by not being Stirling Moss (but he wore a bow tie while racing, so all was forgiven).

Jenson Button doesn't deserve it because...he's Jenson Button but just lucky enough to have that Brawn diffuser stuck on the back of the car.

He's a perfectly worthwhile champion - he won twice as many races as anyone else - it's just that being a Formula One world champion isn't worth very much.

OK, well, I guess he's no Barrichello. He's a bit better than that.

Enough of the boring racing stuff, time for the real excitement: The FIA Presidental Election!!

Tremendous end to the season for the world champion, there.

can't get the phrase 'oobie doobie grand prix' out of my head

this track is hilariously excessive!

"The pit exit looks like your shopping centre car park" quickly got old.

Maybe it's me but I LIKE the older circuits that have interesting layouts rather than a grotty combination of Magny-Cours with a fancy pants hotel enveloping one of the corners.

Best new track this decade apart from Istanbul, but that isn't saying much.

Also: I was bored by the race despite the short dustoff between Australia's Mark Webber (TM) and World Champion Jenson Button (TM). And Killer Kamui Kobayashi!!

Post-season LOLz:

- Bridgestone is withdrawing at the end of next season! I doubt Michelin will step into the breach.
- Barrichello is joining Williams for reasons beyond me. Maybe being in a winning team was too much for Old Man Rubens.
- Still 18 seats to be confirmed!!

I suggets Bernie asks Kwik-Fit to supply tyres.

four hour pitstops featuring ten tea breaks and fifty fag breaks here we come.

(I'm not sure that Brawn were especially interested in keeping Rubens on, were they?)

Nah, I'm sure they wouldn't.

Expect Nico Rosberg to get that Brawn seat as part of the Mercedes deal.

BBC site's running a few retrospectives on this 'brilliant'/'incredible' season. Not the words I'd choose, it's been one of the dullest I can remember.

Heaven needed a Jarno Trulli.

Japanese automaker Toyota says it is pulling out of Formula One racing.

Toyota president Akio Toyoda said at a news conference Wednesday the company wants to focus on its core business.

Putting a bet on Timo Glock winning the 2010 championship for the Pepsi Raw Volkswagen Group China team.

Heaven needed a few billion wasted dollars.

Anyway, we're coming so much closer to the 1968-1980 la belle epoque it's not funny. Just with a few Mercedes engines mixed up un that sea of Cosworths.

German car giant Mercedes has bought the Brawn Formula 1 team in a move that is likely to see Jenson Button join McLaren as Lewis Hamilton's team-mate.

Mercedes will buy a controlling interest in Brawn, believed to be 75% but is expected to continue as McLaren's engine supplier.

Brawn, who won both world titles in their debut season in 2009, will be rebranded as the Mercedes GP team.

Nico Rosberg will be their lead driver, with Nick Heidfeld his likely partner.

Neither driver has yet been confirmed, but Rosberg, who drove for Williams in 2009 is widely known throughout F1 to have already signed for Brawn.

Button, who won the drivers' title this year, has been trying to secure a pay-rise from his £3.5m salary but it seems Mercedes is not interested in keeping him on.

lolololololll

Enjoy being Irvine to Hamilton's Schumacher, big man.

http://img.worldcarfans.com/2009/9/medium/314260288.jpg

Fangio, Moss...Heidfeld?

Wall-to-wall Brits v Krauts - next year's coverage is going to be insufferable.

Goodbye Ross Brawn, Hallo Ross Von Braun!

Eva Brawn

http://cache.gizmodo.com/assets/images/12/2008/04/MaxMosleyNazi2_gawker.flv.jpg

looool

Jenson Button is in employment. Kimi is not. Guess who's earning more?

I'm gonna say "Kimi".

he'll have an entire year to devote solely to falling off boats

I am all about Kimi's attitude - "can't get a good enough drive? Fuck it, I'll go rallying."

Don't worry, McLaren will come crawling back to our favourite alcoholic from Helsinki once they realised that they've employed Jenson Button.

Fittipaldi, Lauda, Prost, Senna, Hakkinen...Button?

RIP Donington, heaven needed a constuction site.

btw I never thought I'd ever see this headline in my lifetime: "Lotus considering Jarno Trulli"

Trulli & Kovalainen to "Lotus" then. I forgot that Kovalainen was still in F1, tbqh.

So, Richard Branson is funding Nick Wirth to build a car using CFD only in quite possibly his worst investment since Tubular Bells.

http://cdn.virginracing.com/1260895830/galleries/launch/03_launch_timo.jpg

Timo Glock...Rockist?

Beardy's jacket is worryingly tight there

Sorry about the bad news, Nick Heidfeld.

Alonso will be loving it now he'll have a decent car again - him repeatedly going out of his way to slap Schumi down in 2005 and 2006 was top watching

Hoping that Massa comes back strong and smashes Senor Grumpy.

Worst Schumacher-Mercedes Headline: "Mind The Benz"

Guess who just won in Shanghai

Bidding war brewing for next year's KBP thread title zing

oops. Maybe this one should be locked :-/