Who are all these bright, thrusting young executive types? Oh hang on, I have got the wrong side on! THE APPRENTICE (UK) 2009 thread.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/nol/shared/spl/hi/pop_ups/08/entertainment_enl_1237286503/img/1.jpg

guy to left of suralan: this facial expression

girl next to him: People Who Smirk

profiles here:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/apprentice/candidates.shtml

Right, quick/dirty winners/losers summary, based on kneejerk impression and their one-line profile coming up.

Actually, last years newspaper cutting version had a bit more info. Might wait.

Ah hell:

Plonkers: Phillip

This yr's curly redhead: Paula

RuffDiamond: James Mc

Overcome great obstacles worked way up look possible winner: Lorraine

(Not that I'm nailing my guesses here, just slotting them into the trad archetypes)

no talent this year then.

Another po-faced bunch who take themselves to seriously and have no idea that what they're saying is hilarious...

If I don't go far down this route I shall go far down another route.

Wha?

I think that business is the backbone to this world. Without companies buying and selling there wouldn't be any economy.

Daaaaaaahhmm Skippy!

Business is the new rock 'n' roll and I'm Elvis Presley

^^^ odds are that he'll be found dead on the toilet during Week 3...

Business is about a simple formula. Make more than you spend.

Daaaaaaaaaaahhmmm Skippy Mk II

Ben looks like the actor from the UK version of "Queer As Folk". And who calls their child, or possibly themselves, Rocky? I'm betting that "Eye Of The Tiger" and/or "I Can Make You A Man" gets played at least once during the series.

Ben Clarke: bellend

Ben looks like the actor from the UK version of "Queer As Folk".

<wire spoiler>And we know what a mess he made of running Baltimore</wire spoiler>

rebellious stockbroker who considers himself to be ruthless and money-obsessed.
yeah, that'll show all those other stockbrokers, they really hate money.

Does Hugh Hefner prefer making money to sex?

Cricket fanatic Anita is a qualified lawyer and self-confessed perfectionist. Anita hopes, one day, to complete a chick-lit novel and launch a new business providing emotional, psychological and spiritual therapy.

i'm guessing she means finish writing one, but you never know.

Rocky is this year's youngest candidate and already earns more than the salary on offer from Sir Alan. He left school at 16 to pursue a football career with Middlesbrough United but was soon diagnosed with arthritis making it impossible to continue. A year later, Rocky decided to start up a lucrative sandwich business which now includes 15 shops across the North East of England.

OK, meet this year's "If win, will quit" early exitbod fire-ee.

Ben Clarke: bellend

This is my pick for a) an early bath, and b) being roundly despised by the public for being a yuppie wanker. "with what he describes as a raw hunger to make as much money as possible" - not a good look in downturn Britain. Even Sralan has the sense to be billed as "a millionaire" on this year's Comic Relief Apprentice, rather than "blah blah personal fortune worth £800 million".

RuffDiamond: James Mc

I sort of disagree with this - maybe he'll turn out that way, but his profile makes him out to be an idiot:

Family man James describes himself as a 'schmoozer' who people feel comfortable around. So he's never seen the famous clip where AlSug says "I hate schmoozers"? Guarantee that this will get picked up on the first time he's in the boardroom on the losing team.

would love to have been the brains behind The A-Team. WTF?!

Does he mean Stephen J. Cannell or George Peppard?

http://www.bbc.co.uk/apprentice/images/_uploads/images/candidates/paulajones_large.jpg

would smash

There's always one that our Amber identifies with, until the contestant proves to be totally barking. Paula may be better than last years nutter (We saw her in Brighton once, stopping traffic to ask directions and giving the edriver a nice big kiss as thanks!)

Check the trailer on the website - SAS walks into a trashed boardroom to the strains of ABBA's "The Winner Takes It All". Even more so that last year, this looks like it's going to be a rack-'em-up-smack-'em-down series.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/apprentice/images/_uploads/images/candidates/paulajones_large.jpg
http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_R9K3ReRlin8/SRr82z8_9ZI/AAAAAAAAAR4/CZVJjnICxxQ/s400/debra_messing400.jpg

Lookout:

Born in Staffordshire, Kate is confident and resilient with what she describes as an ability to develop and sustain business relationships at all levels. The indie music fan lists cooking, snowboarding and gym workouts as passions she pursues with relentless enthusiasm. Although she regrets not applying to Oxbridge, Kate continues to be a highly motivated and ambitious professional with an educated opinion on most issues. She admires the ballsy approach to business of Sex & The City's Samantha.

She says: "My CV speaks for itself. I've always excelled academically and I have really achieved within a corporate environment across sales, marketing and a number of different aspects of business."

http://www.bbc.co.uk/apprentice/images/_uploads/images/candidates/katewalsh_large.jpg
http://i5.photobucket.com/albums/y161/MarkGrout/indie.jpg

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/entertainment/7948783.stm

oh.

The women's team is called Ignite.

The men's team is called Empire.

They sound like Lynx fragrances...

"Dudes, attract the ladies by dousing yourself in the chemical stench of new Empire and Ignite!"
Neither of which would appeal to SAS as I suspect that he's a Brut man

Actually, if the women had called their team "Foundation", I could have made a lame Asimov joke...

Yasmina looks like Wednesday Addams! Especially in the group photo!

I want her to win.

I haven't read ANY of the blurbs so as not to gain preconceptions. Bring it on!

Actually they all come across as equally awful.

Argh, I want to kill them all already.

Empire: it's 'distinctly British'

haha, OMG, £100 to clean a car?! Are you MENTAL?

carbon copy of last year's "we'll clean a pillowcase for a fiver" nonsense.

carbon copy of last year's "we'll clean a pillowcase for a fiver" nonsense.

ya beat me to it. £300. ha.

Seriously, do NONE of these thrusting young execs have a car? Or eyes?

The cars are actually worse than before they started!

A squint at the opening montage seemed to yield no Howard. And the programme thus far suggests that there's a reason for that.

(i.e. he fired)

RONG!

theer will be blood.

Oh.

Well, I think Mona and Kate are being set up as adversaries, but both definitely appeared in t'montage... Guessing: pulled up on costing, the lawyer gets it.

Anita? She's got a really odd range of facial expressions which I could see myself being entertained by.

Montage is setting up the assumption that Debra Must Go. I don't think she will though.

Hmmm, Mona blames Debra for managing a crap team, but still brings Anita back on Debra's recommendation? you wot?

Yawn.

These tasks always fall to bits because everyone is trying to be chief; so when one of them does what's she's told, even though it's barking, she gets shot. Hm.

Is Carol Vorderman being paid a bonus every time she says "obviously"?

Anita's evidently watched some tapes of herself before going on You're Fired, where she seems smiley and happy and aware of the fact that perma-glum is not a good look on her.

"My gut feeling is telling me something" Alan always says this! I reckon there's a little man inside operating the exo-skeleton.

Also, please business people stop giving 110% and just like do some thinking or something.

Only caught the end but managed to hear some twat saying "turnover is validating, profit is salivating".

I think that was Philip, something like "turnover is vanity, profit is sanity"?

Philip = estate agent who looks like some kind of cross between Cameron from Ferris Bueller and John Terry.

Also, twat.

also, that not even vaguely posh guy that said "i talk posh and i look posh"?

The women's team is called Ignite.

― William Bloody Swygart, Wednesday, 25 March 2009 17:18 (Yesterday) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

Does anybody remember that slogan "Lesbians Ignite" from the seventies?

(What am I saying, of course you don't!)

I think that was Philip, something like "turnover is vanity, profit is sanity"?

It was Ben, wasn't it? And, umm, rhyming daftness or not, it's a reasonable enough summation. (Validating/salivating would, of course, deserve a pummelling.) Ben, incidentally, looks ever so slightly like Duncan from Blue. Howard looks ever so slightly like Robbie Williams. Anita looked like a potato with a tiny mouth on it. Poor Anita.

Ignite is a desperately bad name. "What, so your cleaning services/sandwiches/children's toys/etc spontaneously combust?"

Philip strikes me as probably OK beneath all the bluster. Curly red-haired woman strikes me as a fucking imbecile (was it her suggested "dry cleaning" as an idea). As always, I reserve the right to be completely wrong about all of this.

Cameron from Ferris Bueller

Yes! Mrs F was delighted when she worked this out halfway through.

I didn't hear "dry cleaning" but did hear "how about people cleaning?"

Also: this thread is going to suffer without Passantino on it. But ...

http://ichlugebullets.wordpress.com/2009/03/25/ilb-liveblogs-the-apprentice/

Also, Yasmina = Dexter's sister from the TV show.

no talent this year then.

No, but there is again a disproportionate number of men with strikingly blue eyes.

may as well capitalise on my comedy mishearing

the blue eyes thing is some sort of lens filter or something, it must be.

a friend of mine writes a funny (imo) column on this television programme here

He needs to fix that first sentence.

Not bad tho, I liked the Easter Island jibe.

No, but there is again a disproportionate number of men with strikingly blue eyes contact lenses.

also Dear Alan Sugar, Bernie Taupin wrote Candle in the Wind.

and Elton never did actually know all the words

1. Fannies, the lot of them.

2. Except the Irish guy, who I like a lot.

Am just watching this, having missed it due to football. "Blinis, I've heard of them" - OH FUCKING SHUT UP YOU ARE A MORON.

Heard of them, maybe; seen one? I don't think any of the girls had.

I was slightly surprised by the outcome but I'll keep quiet if you're still watching ;)

bellinis and canopies OH SHUT UP YOU ARE MORONS etc etc

(aye, should stop reading this thread, shouldn't I, will save up venting until end of programme)

seriously, jesus, aren't some of these people IN CATERING?

Hopefully not any more.

Ha, Alan Sugar can't pronounce resumé properly. Twat.

Glad Rocky went, tbh, though Howard seems way too nervous to be the sort of thrusting confident type that succeeds at this shit.

Next week's task looks a belter.

also, in absence of passantino, I have google-stalked James to a Celtic supporters club. Go me. (there was a reason for this, and I am 95% convinced he's the guy in the white shirt)

http://www.96soccer.de/images/05-06/celtic.jpg

however, "he couldn't pour shit out of a boot if the instructions were on the heel" = Ben ftw

Ha, Alan Sugar can't pronounce resumé properly. Twat.
also, sammiches

Right:

What happened to teams getting their arse kicked for being crap, regardless of whether they won or not?

Getting the cheapest, lowest quality stuff in utter paranoia about going over budget? and doing 'well enough' to get enough percent of their agreed deal (i.e. not delivering what was agreed)?

Is this a business model now?

(fwiw, I had a clue about the winner last night: The girls captain is local to here, and the local paper was publishing 'support' banner pics. Guessed they probably wouldn't if she was being eliminated early.

blimey, quiet day or wot?

Surely that's all Amstrad ever did anyway? But yeah, he has given them crap about that in the past.

Can't really complain about the results last night, although if Rocky had taken Philip into the boardroom things might've been different. Didn't he completely screw up the pitch for the carwashing as well? 'Don't offer to clean inside. Don't offer to clean inside.' "Hi, we can definitely do inside and out." Don't like him, partly cos he looks like Miles from This Life. Don't like Ben, partly cos he looks like Tommy Carcetti from the Wire, mainly 'cos he seems to be an absolute twat. Bursting out laughing at James's (admittedly awful) line about 'tasting success in his spit', when he is the prick who said 'making money is better than sex'.
The girls - when Kate the indie fan was making her pitch ('blinis? I've heard of them') at first I thought she was playing some sort of game where she'd decided to purposefully lose the task, then lay into Yasmina in the boardroom, having noticed that she's clearly going to do quite well on this programme. But no, she actually seemed to be clueless. After the first week I was suspecting her and Debra were going to form some sort of bitch-fest tag team, and if Debra's team leader next week then it might happen.

Is it just my ears need cleaning, or are most of the girls from the midlands?

Mark have you ever eaten at the Fondue Pot in Caversham?

I can safely say, no. And I think I'd have remembered.

I'm not having the Bruschetta, anyway.

Fondue, is it? That explains a lot.

Yeah. She missed a trick by not suggesting that for the sandwiches. Well, not fondue because that might cause another "health and safety incident" but just giving customers ingredients and letting them make their own sandwiches.

Also guys - we in London are aware there are Olympics coming in 3 years time, and have been for the past 4 years. We are not really that excited at the idea of 'Olympic themed sandwiches' or 'Olympic themed podgy men'. I also thought you'd need some sort of permit to walk up and down the South Bank ripping off tourists, but presumably you can get away with it if you pretend to be doing performance art.

when he is the prick who said 'making money is better than sex'

Shit. Was that him said that? Oh: fuck him, then. I'll go back to hating them all.

This James guy is waaaaaaay too annoying/weird. He needs to go away.

Something that looked like a "shoeshine buffer" as Trevor Nelson just said, or a UFO/Frisbee from the other team. Let's face it, neither group was going to come up with the next Bullworker.
And James needs to go, blubbing through the boardroom like a schoolboy, then back to bullying the others when he didn't get fired.

For Alan Sugar -- the man who unleashed the Amstrad E-Mailer on the world -- to accuse any product of being below-par is a bit pot-and-kettle. Still, Maj didn't appear to give much of a fuck, so good on him.

James really is a total, total tool ... but you do wonder (again) how much input the production team have here. Keeping Maj: fun, japes, laughs. Keeping James: bitterness, resentment and the prospect of man-tears. Hmph.

Braces kid is a right fanny

This place is deserted!

omg that guy phillip is such a prick. he's not even an entertaining baddie like katie or an amusing chump like sophocles. he's just a cunt.

oh no no i meant ben! the irish guy. phillip is... possibly ok.

Phillip seems OK, but if you were to stand him next to normal people instead of this bunch of twazzers...

By the way, watching this while having the Apprentice voting thingy on the laptop brings a whole new dimension to the show. It's like having a bitch-o-meter in you rliving room, and awesome for it. The swing away from Nuural and towards Paula in the final few moments in the boardroom was breathtaking.

The decision was harsh, but it had to be Paula that goes. SPanking all your cash on sandlewood oil is schoolboy. Ben may well be a cunt, but he really didn't have much to do with the major cock-up.

ben is a wee fanny

Paula seemed a really nice person on the Adrian Chiles review programme.

yes she did.

xpost, Yeah, but surely as someone who a) is put part in charge of numbers and b) has a vested interest in how well his team does would maybe think to take some initiative and have another look at the calculations? Ben is a twat. Not happy with the decision to fire Paula, because having genuinely nice, creative people in the boardroom seems rare (although Lucinda made it awfully far last year). I did like her enough that I stuck around to watch the You're Fired! interview thing afterwards, which was actually quite funny, but I do get the feeling she'd be too much of a softie to make it to the end and is probably better suited to something less corporate-y than this.

I still thought this episode was among the most entertaining I've seen, even if I didn't like the outcome. The last couple tasks have been really good, and next week's task looks like it'll be a good one.

Also LOLed both times they showed the clip of the guys in the car

Ben: I got a scholarship to Sandhurst.
Philip: ...did you go?
Ben: ...no.

phillip's a fanny too, why ws he picking a fight for nothing?

last week ben ws going on about how built he is but in the shower scene this week, he had visible man boobs and a slight pot

He (Ben) seems like a deeply insecure neurotic person.

The swing away from Nuural

I think that whichever PM has Nuural on their team next week effectively has a free pass in the boardroom. Let him take a back seat, then if the team fails, bring him into the boardroom and he gets fired.

...which is a shame, because he seems alright, just not really cut out for managing people.

he looks posh and talks posh.

Noorul was knuckle-bitingly feeble; that was the worst win ever. (However: I have done him the favour of checking how to spell his name, as opposed to just making it up; this took me all of half a second.)

I don't get the Paula love. She was ap-Paula-ing (ker-boom, tish). The way she turned on Yasmina and Ben the second the sandalwood cockup was revealed was incredibly telling: one of those arseholes who can't ever take responsibility for anything. I know they're all in it to fuck each other over in the end, but that was playground stuff; it seemed to take her a while before she could accept that she was in any way to blame there. And to ultimately try to excuse it by saying "I'm shit with numbers" ... yeh, that's really impressive on a business-based gameshow, you cock-end.

Ben, though. Wow. The one I was wrong about, or what? Before he went into the boardroom, I thought "this is unfair"; after he'd finished speaking I was hoping he'd get canned as well just for lulz. The lad needs to learn to STFU or he's screwed.

Yasmina acquitted herself well, I thought. Even the "ho well, had to stab Paula in the front" stuff was pragmatically honest, and I'm totally with her about the mistake thing: everyone fucks up, but it's how you deal with it that matters. I'm predicting Yasmina and Debra as definites for the final four; Philip a distinct possibility ... not sure who the fuck else is likely to make it, though. Ben probably has the chops for it but he's going to piss Alan Sugar off first.

he looks posh and talks poish

Fixed.

Ben - regardless of ability, he's going to annoy Sralan and get canned.

Howard - will be made PM and crack up under pressure.

James - ^^^ the same

Kate - she looks competent, but I don't think she has the attention to detail aspect. From the look on her face when Nick Hewer pointed out that they'd screwed up the costing this week, it was obviously a complete surprise to her. I'm expecting some kind of costing/pricing foul up that will get her fired.

Lorraine/Mona/Noorul - some lame negotiation/disastrous sales pitch is going to do for them.

That leaves:

Kimberly - Badger-like qualities but a bit too gobby ("you want balls I'll give you balls!!! rararRARARarar!!!")

Debra - has been too backstabby from the beginning, which SAS doesn't like.

Philip - I like how his general blokeiness balances out the metrosexual thing (I missed half of the bit with the eyeliner and the Beckham remark). Second place though.

Yasmina - I think that she's going to be the winner.

Kimberly strikes me as all mouth and no trousers. I think she'll be undone the second she actually needs to *do* something, as opposed to tool around on the margins.

I'd forgotten Howard even existed. Bet he manages to hold on in there for a surprisingly long time.

Paula's a loss because it she's one of the few who have ever appeared competent, apart from the money thing. Ben, the fanny, gambled on hanging back and not doing what he was asked and it paid off, just.

This is really going to be the year where SAS says "haven't seen you do much you're PM this week" even more. Noorul/Ben/Howard/Mona I think are all in line for this.

one of the few who have ever appeared competent

I must have been making a cup of tea during that particular nanosecond. When?

Having good product/brand ideas, having a team work well together - James kept his mouth shut more than usual, except when complaining about crabs, not completely losing her head when scale of fuck-up emerged.

Not sure I agree with Nick's assertion that they would've won if only they'd used the cheaper oil - they could completely have fucked up the pricing, or not pushed the 'luxury' aspect of the product as hard.

Yeah, they only made the money they did because they pushed up the prices following their mistake. Noorul's team actually did really well considering both he and the product were terrible.

I also strongly suspect that the shot of Noorul as PM, umming and ahhing and saying nothing while everyone else shot each other worried or confused glances, was largely an editing room construct.

But then, had Paula's team not used the Fancywood, would their product have been as attractive? I don't think their prices were even that extravagant — still cheaper than the same thing at, say, Lush, or another specialty bath shop, I reckon.

Also, I'm really baffled at how Nooral's team managed to sell so much bubble bath. Such a strange choice of product, I thought, because it's not really practical to use often, unlike soap or shower gel... although I guess they managed to sell them off 3/£1 so maybe other Londoners just really like bubble bath.

I must have been making a cup of tea during that particular nanosecond. When?
They seemed to edit a lot of it out, but in the boardroom she was claiming that she was behind pretty much everything to do with the product/naming/marketing, and nobody disagreed. And their product was far better than melty honey shite, as was their stand, packaging and branding. The other lot had super-70s gold lametta, ffs.

Meh. Yeh, OK, I'm probably being unfair on her. But ...

Noorul's team actually did really well considering both he and the product were terrible

... yes, absolutely. Which leads me to think: maybe the soap industry is just a really, really fucking easy one to blag your way through with minimal expertise. I have a feeling that's more to do with it :)

Tyler Durden to thread...

HAHAHAH. Oh, man, I hadn't thought of that. What I wouldn't give to see Ben punching himself in the face.

Ben as Jack, Philip as Tyler, Nick Hewer as Jack's boss (those facial expressions), SAS as Lou (owner of the bar)

Ben: If you could fight any celebrity, who would you fight?
Philip: Alive or dead?
Ben: Doesn't matter. Who'd be tough?
Philip: Rufus Hound. You?
Ben: Chiles. I'd fight Adrian Chiles.

Philip: Did you know if you mixed equal parts of honey and some other stuff, you can make a really crap bubble bath?

Ben (narrating): "I felt sorry for guys packed into gyms, trying to look like how Calvin Klein or Tommy Hilfiger said they should. When all they needed was a DeathBox(tm)..."

Ben: "Is that what a man looks like?"
Philip: "Turnover is vanity, profit is sanity."

Have just watched this, OMG nuclear holocaust centred on Ben in minus 10 seconds. Fuck's sake, what a total fucking tool. His non-sacking reminded me totally of the continual inexplicable failure to get shot of Sophocles last year. That Sandhurst thing is the greatest thing I've seen on the telly this year.

I have worryingly come round to backing Phil ftw.

I like Philip. He was panicky in the last ep and went into asshole mode as a result but I'd like to see him stick around, if only because he's shown more personality than almost anyone else there (aside from Ben, but Ben has just shown himself to be a horrible little troll). Would like to see how he'd do as project manager.

Worried that Philip might go. Has Noorul said anything yet? Amusingly, from his pre-show blurb on the website: "I am not all talk".

You don't say...actually, I'm right, he doesn't say. Anything.

Kimberley must go (so it will be, like, Howard or someone)

Noorul pretty much absent from this episode - I keep forgetting which team he's on. Kimberly's team seem likely to fail this task, and most of the reasons why they'll fail have been her fault.
BTW is anyone else playing the Predictor game on the website?

Pantsman advert was surprisingly decent, despite everything else about it stinking to high heaven.

Like "contains 1 of your 3 a day" - fuck's sake, it's FIVE a day, do none of you people eat?

(actually, I watched the catering task, so it might be that they don't)

Sralan is pissed off isn't he!

oh, Kimberly to go, definately

Think Lorraine's going to be "the one that got away" on the Adrian Chiles show?

I think it's more likely to be Philip who gets away

All he's really done is have a shit idea. They didn't have to go with it, he went for it wholeheartedly when it was agreed to go with it.

Did he just say "get back to the panthouse"? That's Freudian...

Maybe the "panthouse" is Pantsman's secret base?

Other half is calling the final as Kate, James and Debra. He might not be far wrong, though I suspect Howard might actually do something soon and prove to be the sort of Simon Ambrose type that SrAlan really likes.

Howard seems a bit Tim-Nice-But-Dim. I think it's going to be Yasmina and James in the final three, and either Kate or Debra.

SirAlan needs to rewatch the Wizard Of Oz.

It's true - he must think TWoO is this no-closure fable about high hopes being dashed. In his version, Dorothy plus needy team kill the witch (against all the odds) and find out there is no ultimate reward, just a small, fraudulent man.

hands up if you like philip

sugban working its way to you^^^^ folx btw

In his version, Dorothy plus needy team kill the witch (against all the odds) and find out there is no ultimate reward, just a small, fraudulent man.

Gold star for Tim.

Surprised no-one here has said "Phil should have gone", not because I think he should have, but it seemed he was the most likely to have.

Certainly, at this stage, it's still about the "rid off the non-contributord" rather than the 'get rid of crap ideasmen', so her failure to bring back one of the rub twosome rather than Lorraine cost her.

Phil's worst moment was the 'I cannot believe you have brought me in here!' rant (as opposed to all the other rants), he should have been proud to have had the chance to state his case.

Lost a lotta respect for Phil there. But then I didn't have much respect for him two weeks ago, that's the kind of rollercoaster ride this show takes you on.

philip shd def have gone, it's crazy he didn't

he's basically a child and a boor

and a horrible cunt

Philip this time, pls

Plzzzzzzzz

SINCE WHEN IS CAMBERWELL THE EAST END?

At least if he doesn't go Ben will

Nah, Noorul will go for DOOWIN NAFFIN

Ben's got nothing to say when he's not on attack

Attacking Nick, there's a great plan

I want Debra to go, even though Ben is making a really good case as to why he should be fired.

Bollocks. My bloodlust is unsated

"Whoever employs him better get a receipt" - f***in' hell, something to put on the CV there...

(xpost) I'm actually quite happy to watch Ben stumble around talking out of his arse about Sandhurst, etc., for another couple of weeks.

Also, nice to see James rip into Ben back at the penthouse. Note also the past tense use of "shit" - dude isn't as "village idiot" as he looks

How long does it usually take for something to go on the iplayer?

SINCE WHEN IS CAMBERWELL THE EAST END?

My only guess is since someone in production got confused over the market being on East Street.

I think I'm coming around to James. I would like to see more of him. He can't actually as bumbling and weird as he's edited to seem.

a hoy hoy: it can be overnight sometimes, especially on the iPhone version

I like James. Debra can go fuck off. I'd have fired her right there and then for the petulant "yeah" when SrAlan told her to stop attacking Nick.

Basically am just watching this for lolz and cringing and lovely London aerial photography.

Oh, I like Yasmina as well. She seems sensible and nice, which obviously means she's going to go batshit and murder Howard next week or something.

Surprised at how quick this was put online, i've just watched it! Loved how fucking mental the boardroom was.

"'Grafter', ok, I'll write that down. What Else?"

The silence when suralan asked why it went wrong was both unbearable and brilliant.

Ben's plaintiff headshaking when SrAlan asked him not to speak wa

+s also both unbearable and brilliant.

PM as a verb, argh

hit the north

Week 7 and they still don't have a clue

I thought that the sleeping bag was a bit crap even before the price

Howard failed to either a) research the sleeping bag market at all, or b) possess any kind of bullshitting skills whatsoever

"Ignite Pet Accessories" WTF?!?

"why don't you tell us about panstman?" IIIIIIIIIICCCCCCCCCE BURN

fuck off philip you cunt

Ben finally beginning to grasp the concept of keeping his mouth shut.

Lorraine's product pitches are so cringe-inducing and patronising (but also really funny to watch).

"It's a cat playhouse... for CATS!"

NO SHIT

"we'll sell twenty thousand!"

Er, no...
Also, Ruby Wax on BBC2's after match analysis show - this is going to be a carve up

Kate may well be annoyed that Lorraine bought up her and Philip shagging, but those two were too busy pissing around to do any work, and Lorraine was well within her rights.

Ah Philip you nob end, you should have kept your mouth shut and let Lorraine talk herself out of the door instead of digging a hole and throwing yourself into it

Ha, that was so much bollocks. James now the only one left I don't want to catapult into orbit. Lorraine's "I hope they aren't being distracted by Kate's beauty" - jealous much? She does seem to be the Dewberry type that SrAlan loves, but that's the reason I can't see her winning.

Next week's looks toe-curlingly horrible. Howard rebrands Margate as a cheap Brighton for teh gayz. Rofflez must surely ensue.

I liked Yasmina for taking the piss out of Larraine. I always like it when they appear like people, tho. Thank fuck Philip finally went.

Ruby Wax being great

Philip finally admitting that Lorraine was right to point out that he was so *loved up* that he did nowt on that last task.

Where I come from we'd probably call that an "excuse for not being very good". I'm v pleased he's gone.

I still haven't forgiven Yasmina for her unpleasant control freakery when she was PM for the catering task, and for the disgusting attitude she displayed towards the actual food.

Ah Philip you nob end, you should have kept your mouth shut and let Lorraine talk herself out of the door instead of digging a hole and throwing yourself into it

OTM. That's two weeks running guys have thrown themselves on their swords when keeping their gobs shut wd probly have produced different outcomes.

I loved watching Ben's face in the boardroom this week - his Must. Keep. Mouth. Shut. expressions were great.

Yasmina is fairly vile (this week blaming her failure to sell cat houses on people in the North being too poor) but she is strangely hot too.

this week blaming her failure to sell cat houses on people in the North being too poor

i missed most of the follow up show, but did anyone pick that particular bombshell up as i too did drop jaw face at that point.

Still waiting for "Sandhurst" to turn out to be the name of a private nursery or sump'n.

xxp Kinda hot but lumpy + wd stab you in the eyes for 10 bob

To be fair to Yas, I did think she meant it in the context of people being too skint in the time of recession to buy luxury items like cat-fun-boxes, and was more saying it was a bad choice of product in the end.

I didn't hear it that way. It was more like "Gah, what is this weird place where they're too tight to buy a few cat boxes? Oh yeah, this is 'the North' isn't it - I've heard people are all poor up here".

"Is it gender specific?"

"Oh, I think boy cats and girl cats would both like playing with this cat fire engine".

Despite this and the poor people incident, I like Yasmina. Hope James wins though.

Plonkers: Phillip
This yr's curly redhead: Paula
RuffDiamond: James Mc
Overcome great obstacles worked way up look possible winner: Lorraine

― Mark G, Tuesday, 17 March 2009 11:34 (1 month ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

Hmm... not far off so far!

one thing that has me puzzled and has yet to be really answered (as far as i can tell)
when these folks go off and make deals in shops etc, is it for the cameras only and the shop keepers are just playing for show, or does Sir Sugar honour the deals and provide the crappy goods at the price dealt ?

Well, I guess he probably has to.

I pondered that in relation to the 'crummy rug' sale of last week. AlSug sends the heavies round to go "Here's yr £50, we're having that rug back!"

James in 'best comment' re Marg&Nick waiting at the services "They look like they're doing a drugs deal!"

provide the crappy goods - yes he does! I think that there was an incident last series where one team sold a large quantity of something at below cost price, and AlSug was fuming because he'd still have to deliver the goods even though he stood to lose money hand over fist.

it's the one time you sense his ire is real.

(OK, one of the times. the other(s) being when he feels disrespektd)

unique moment, and truly the 'I'm now in the hole as deep as possible, I'll dig some more anyroad'

Phillip to SrAl: "I cannae do anything right with youse! I cannae! I win the task and yr like nim nim nim nim, I shurup this week and yr like nim nim nim"

Clearly, Phillip's been married too long to Sir Alan.

I have a feeling that Lorraine is going to pull a similar trick next week. There was already that preview clip of her going off on someone she was pitching to (presumably from Margate council). It would be nice to think that she might reign in the gobbiness after seeing where it got Philip, but awareness (particularly self awareness) is not the strong suite of any of the competitors this year.

the cat house/plane/whatever was an absolutely terrible idea but how would that even last more than 5 minutes? the actual act of the cat trying to get into it would have destroyed it.

i wish we could have seen all of the products though. they all looked fairly rub to be honest.

when these folks go off and make deals in shops etc, is it for the cameras only and the shop keepers are just playing for show, or does Sir Sugar honour the deals and provide the crappy goods at the price dealt ?

I get confused about this too. Can I really go into a John Lewis and buy the Body Rocker? Wouldn't it have had to go through some safety testing procedures, for a start?

this week blaming her failure to sell cat houses on people in the North being too poor
Oh, I missed that, and I'd forgotten the "just shove any old shite on the bread" food task. Don't think there's anybody here I clearly want to win now. Don't like James, but I can't remember why.

however, "he couldn't pour shit out of a boot if the instructions were on the heel" = Ben ftw

I was just listening to a Richard Pryor album and he says the same thing, but replaces shit with piss.

yeaeh, piss would be easier.

I have a feeling that Lorraine is going to pull a similar trick next week. There was already that preview clip of her going off on someone she was pitching to (presumably from Margate council). It would be nice to think that she might reign in the gobbiness after seeing where it got Philip, but awareness (particularly self awareness) is not the strong suite of any of the competitors this year

Mrs Fiendish tells me she (Lorraine, not Mrs Fiendish) gets drunk and makes a tit of herself. If she survives another week, I'm calling shenanigans on the part of the production team.

I missed Yasmina's north-of-England comment but -- being a professional northerner an' all -- I find it very funny. Still my choice to win, with James an increasingly fanciable alternative.

Oddly, I had a cursory Google for the products last night when we were watching ... the sleeping bag (which I think I was aware of anyway), the lead (which I really liked!) and -- yes! -- the fucking cat boxes are all easily obtainable. Interestingly, not one of the official websites had "AS SEEN ON THE APPRENTICE" on them.

The cat boxes appear to be produced by a company called Suck UK.

I couldn't find the bike bag, though. And I'm *convinced* it'd make you fall off when you went round corners.

Can I really go into a John Lewis and buy the Body Rocker? Wouldn't it have had to go through some safety testing procedures, for a start?

This is exactly what I thought ... surely you can't just rush something like that to market without -- say -- the BSI or somebody having a look? Googling for it gives you a sponsored ad for some fitness-equipment company but that seems to be a neat con -- "find similar fitness accessories". But that doesn't mean the thing won't eventually see the light of day, I guess.

Right, I really don't want to devote any more time to thinking about that, ever.

The cat boxes appear to be produced by a company called Suck UK.

Yeah, I saw that on the front of the 'fire engine'. Big clue, apprentices?

The body rocker didn't even exist: the only one they had was a prototype. Surely they just cancelled the contract, if it wasn't all staged in the first place.

I liked Lorraine to begin with, as she didn't seem to join in the bitching and whining of the first few episodes. Also she seemed to actually consider the brief, unlike most of the others. She's seems to be believing her own hype a bit too much now, and her biggest problem is that although she might mean well, she doesn't interact with the others particularly tactfully and I don't think her sulky face will last much longer. She did herself no favours answering that 'slow burner' question either - surely she should have said that it meant she actually considered the task before jumping in with the first thing that springs to mind (downfall of many of the others)?
They really chose some crap products - the cat playhouse? Presumably they are for lazy people to make lolcats and nothing else?

Getting fed up with the 'cut to blank faces for prolonged silence' editing. Also, that the viewers only get a vague idea of what the task involves - we don't know what they are and aren't allowed to do (e.g. were they allowed to research who the two companies were that Surallan had booked pitches for?) One thing I am appreciating a lot this series is that Surallan is actually talking/engaging/arguing with them like a real, vaguely logical person. In previous series it's all been "you say you're clever, but I bet you're not feeling so clever now" etc etc with some lame punnage to justify why he's firing someone. This time he actually seems to be picking up on points and finishing a train of thought which makes some sense rather than going off on tangents.

Not getting the Kate-love, she looks like an All Saint.

Interestingly, not one of the official websites had "AS SEEN ON THE APPRENTICE" on them.

thats cos the cat box thing was probably a post-beer, i've got a good idea joke which was never meant to be taken seriously.

Presumably they are for lazy people to make lolcats and nothing else?

"INVISIBLE FIRE ENJIN!! Oh Wai"

Kate is the type of 'something in marketing' woman boring MOR shirts-and-shoes guys think is HOT. Simple.

The sleeping-bag romper suits have been around for a while. I seem to remember posting a picture of one to a Glastonbury thread once. I was impressed with Mona selling lots to that wee camping shop.

The men this year have been rather disappointing, in both looks and performance. I can't see any of them winning.

Not getting the Kate-love, she looks like an All Saint.

Dressed as a hotel receptionist.

I was quite impressed with Mona's selling skills, but I keep forgetting she exists (have just watched You're Fired, which has reminded me again).

Speculation from previews:

The "don't worry, no kissing" clip and Siralan saying something like "why bother without going the whole way" and " it doesn't say anything" makes me think gay Margate is going to lose. They gave away Pantsman losing somewhat by sticking the Harry Enfield line in the preview.

Harry Enfield line?

AlSug saying "it looks like a sketch from the Harry Enfield show"

ah, I vaguely remember that, I think because it was drowned out by me saying "it looks like a sketch from the Fast Show"

"Stand there, look like you're dancing . . . and gay."

Looks like another week where the winning team wins not because they're any good, but because they're less crap than the losing team.

"Less licking, we're not doing a porno."

"More sea less Margate."

This episode is gold.

Feel sorry for the graphic designer. Oh and OMG does Debra's leaflet look shite...

their posters are seriously cringetastic. how long was the slogan?

Actually I think Debra deliberately f'ed up the poster/leaflet design BUT AlSug is going to see through it.

it looks like it was made with fucking Letraset

why did she deliberately fuck it up? she going to get a sacking, surely

I think it was some kind of "subtly balls it up but then blame the PM for lack of direction/leadership" thing. Contestants on previous years have tried the same tactic, but it never works because Nick and Margaret are just too observant.

duh, of course I mean "blame the others for not doing enough"

...because Debra was PM, not that it was obvious during the task, I kept thinking it was Howard in charge

I've decided I quite like James, I hope he doesn't go.

FFS I hate Debra - I don't think I could stand being in a room with her for a minute, never mind working with her or, deity forbid, for her

so am guessing there's no You're Fired! show tonight because they couldn't find anything to say about Mona.

Debra's got to fucking go. "I though he'd go before Mona"

On BBC2, a dull panel for a dull candidate

ah, not in Scotland.

Don't think Mona is cool with Teh Gays tbh.

Er, You're Fired was on in Scotland. And we watched it. Despite what the BBC's official listings said -- feeding into digiboxes everywhere -- Horizon wasn't some Portillo-tastic 90-minute special. (At least one Scottish paper managed to get this right ... not that I can personally take any credit, but hey :)

it looks like it was made with fucking Letraset

You and I have seen some shocking fucking design in our time but wow, that took the biscuit, eh? Mind you, also cretinous was Yasmina's "there's no space for the words" moan ... fire up Photoshop and bosh some more sky on the top then, you dick! What did you want: tiny little fucking unusable images of ants?

I'm a designer by accident rather than, umm, design but fuck me, you watch stuff like that and you realise how craptacular some folk really are. And the thing is: given that it seems to have been Debra who was pretty much single-handedly responsible for fucking up the poster and the leaflet, and that everyone seemed to agree that it was the poster and the leaflets that cost them the task, why the fuck wasn't she fired? FWIW, I thought the image of the two hands was fantastic and could have worked awesomely; Debra (and Howard? But probably mainly Debra) chucked it away.

Because the overriding rule of survival is: Bring in a dull one.

Don't think Mona is cool with Teh Gays tbh.

That was screaming obvious all the way through. Thought the You're Fired panel were a bit easy on her on that front.

I thought Kate and Howard held their bits of their tasks together spectacularly well considering the bollocks put in front of them to work with. I keep forgetting to hate Ben now, which is a bit wrong, but he's doing what Claire did last year after a bolshy and annoying start.

I also like James as I've said all along, but am not convinced he can actually do anything except be a top bloke (see also Simon last year). His face when he didn't get the tootling-around-in-cars prize was great.

I don't understand how people who have surely seen advertisements in their lifetimes could create anything as atrocious as those posters. Did they actually think what they produced was... good? I don't remember any of them showing any remorse over their dire posters and pamphlets in the boardroom, unless it was just edited that way.

Haha. I have spent many an evening trying to make posters for people who've asked for a whole bloody thesis to be included on there... luckily I know the main culprit is an avid Apprentice fac so maybe next time I can drop hints about Margate....
I just loved that Margate resident woman who just looked shellshocked at the whole thing, trying to express that it was "just.... awful"...

I wonder if their graphic designers were able to offer guidance or if it was just up to the teams to tell the designers what to put where. I can't imagine the designers had much input otherwise gay Margate's posters wouldn't've happened.

http://i.thisis.co.uk/274201/binaries/THEM110509APPRENTICE-12.jpg

it's just so bad!

like it really looks like someone's elementary school project on sexual diversity in Margate/Britain or something, not a professional advertising campaign created by adults to rebrand an entire city! obv I am having trouble getting over this.

It's not even that.

It's like an advert for one cheap and crummy restaurant, who forgot to put the name of the restaurant on the advert.

"Only five minutes walk from this cinema ... enjoy a delicious meal in comfortable surroundings"

exactly that, yes.

Those posters are almost the point where the argument for radical subjectivity in aesthetics breaks down.

Some of my poor, misguided, aesthetically challenged friends thought the rainbow uk logo was actually not bad. Until they saw the 'Manchester, London, Brighton, MARGATE!!' detail.

There was a news story tonight about how Blackpool were doing a 'rebranding' exercise, about trying to make it look chic by making it 'french style'. To attract French tourists that may be travelling back from Edinburgh...

Bit daft, but not a bad idea for Margate.

There was a news story tonight about how Blackpool were doing a 'rebranding' exercise, about trying to make it look chic by making it 'french style'

Funnily enough, I've just been ranting about this elsewhere. It is mind-bogglingly shit.

Today, the 'pick things to sell at a baby fair' one.

Is it too early to say "hmm, possibly a bit late to try to sell them inflatable birthing pools?"

This is the task that every year is a shambles without fail. And yet it's the one that's the most straightforward: no tearing back and forth across London, no cold calling or hard sells to stone faced shopkeepers. Just pick two products, and stand there while potential customers mill around you. But both teams balls it up every single time.

Hugh Dennis about to rip the piss out of this week's fired candidate on BBC2.

I also like James as I've said all along, but am not convinced he can actually do anything except be a top bloke (see also Simon last year)

Remind me who this was?

James was the PM of the losing team this week.

Nick and Margaret's faces when he left Debra in again were great.

Had to be for ratings.

Having said that, Ben's reply to "Why should I not fire you" was pure nonsense, the type that's coherant, clearly comprehensible, and easy to dispute. Whereas James was coherant, clearly comprehensible and indisputable. Did Debra say owt?

She didn't asked that, she had to defend her attitude. He didn't buy it, but kept her. Gah.

http://newsimg.bbc.co.uk/media/images/45801000/jpg/_45801592_007354322-1.jpghttp://newsimg.bbc.co.uk/media/images/45801000/jpg/_45801592_007354322-1.jpghttp://newsimg.bbc.co.uk/media/images/45801000/jpg/_45801592_007354322-1.jpg

The Adrian Chiles 'You're Fired' is beginning to irritate me.

Two tossers in a row - Phil and Ben - have been on doing some fairly obvious running repairs to their image ("I'm Mr Nice now - that wasn't really what I was like") and the panel just seems to lap it up. It could do with more element of challenge.

And if you're going to act like a tosser, you should have the courage of your convictions and carry it through/own that behaviour after eviction.

Yeah, but that's the environment. (also, the economy)

Act like nothing's your falt, it was them, and convince them what you say is true, you get to not get fired.

In a real boadroom, you would be taking responsibility for your mistakes, describing how this/that person performed within the project, and projecting future developments. You'd have the arena where you don't have to be a tosser.

The only similarity is that you'd get fired for lousy performance or plain lying.

Alba, Simon was the army bloke last year (unless you were asking about James)

We've been denied the chance to see Ben do the interview week, specifically that guy from Viglen asking about Sandhurst. As a consolation, there's the possibility of Chris Moyles lookalike arguing with Debra (assuming she doesn't get fired next week).

Oh yes - the army guy. How soon I forget.

Wasn't there an Earls Court task a year or two ago, at the wedding show, and another team went for the high-price "we have to sell only one to win" tactic? Did they make it or not?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Apprentice_(UK_series_four)#Week_8

Don't remember the specifics, but it looks like the tactic paid off here.

Yeah, they sold one (or two?) very late in the day to swing it round to them.

Also the other team made a couple of crap product selections - cheap dresses and those Kipling style cupcakes.

noticed today in the independent - ad advert for birmingham(!) picturing two men with their arms around each other superimposed on to a photo of the selfridges building.

strapline: "birmingham, a great place to come out."

Finally got round to actually watching last week's episode. Man, James is my favourite person on telly right now. Still failing to see the point of Yasmina, but I do like Kate, and next week's telly task looks made for her, Howard and James (so one of them bound to get fired, natch).

TV shopping channel task this week. "This is one of my favourite tasks" sayeth SurAl - although he doesn't give the real reason, which is that it's so funny watching the teams screw up. Literally in the case of Simon two years ago.

It is disruptive to say that Kate isn't the prettiest person that ever was

Kate is easily impressed by hideous metalised jackets and toy guitars.
Also o_O at Lorraine still banging on about Kate's appearance, especially when the only people on the team are herself, Kate, and Howard, who's gay.

Poor <SPOILER>, about to get sonned by Rufus Hound...

'put a leash on people who spunk money up the wall'

next week will be awesome

Interview week always is, as it's got the highest density of criticism>response>interviewer's reaction. It's like an hour long one-on-one boardroom with five mini AlSug's.

I half thought Kate's strop over being told she wasn't the best presenter out of the three might have been enough to get her fired.

(xpost) lolling so hard that I had to keep pausing the clip

Haha me too!
Re Kate - I thought I'd misheard and Lorraine had just called her mum a slag or something. The mask slips! I can't forget "I've heard of blinis" so I kind of hope she goes or at least gets a proper pisstaking for that.

Man, James just keeps bringing the lolz. I love him.

I skipped to the end of this thread to try and avoid spoilers just to complain. Bloody hell BBC, every other week it's made it on to the iplayer after about half an hour. I've come to expect certain standards here!

Also, can't dislike Howard for dressing as one of Kraftwerk. This "you're too methodical, too organised, I don't need that" thing is total bollocks recruitment-by-telly, isn't it? Everyone needs a Howard as opposed to a Debra.

omg mega lolz at cassetteboy.

Didn't get the logic about Howard & the recession at all. Surely if international finance had had more "steady eddies" and fewer egomaniacal risk-takers we wouldn't have a recession in the first place.

I like the archetypal nature of the Kate vs Lorraine animosity: the pretty, smiley girl who's used to getting her own way vs the prickly, plain one who's had to fight every step of the way. It's like class war, only with looks.

I haven't watched a second of the current series and find it extremely liberating not to have done so. The comments above suggest I've missed nothing and indeed the messages that the programme is sending out continue to be pretty vile.

Previous years - lie about your past and your qualifications and you'll get the job.

This year - be "methodical" and "organised" and get fired.

Never mind that this will implant entirely wrong ideas in the heads of impressionable viewers and that risk takers are the last thing this world needs right now - since of course The Apprentice has nothing to do with business and everything to do with "characters" who'll get ratings if they stay on because of course it's a GOOD STORY and that's all people seem to want.

Personally I can vouch that the world of business needs far fewer "characters" and far more grey, boring bastards with no lives who will nevertheless put their heads down and do their job competently.

Personally I can vouch that the world of business needs far fewer "characters" and far more grey, boring bastards with no lives who will nevertheless put their heads down and do their job competently.

― Dingbod Kesterson, Thursday, 28 May 2009 09:00 (14 minutes ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

I think we're all agreed about this one.

Although, specifically, they should have gone with the dinosaur and not with the 'guitar' which is in every branch of "Harpers Bazarr" right now. (Although it was a christmas store item, our Alice has one, um, when did they film this?)

Hawkins bazarr, I mean. Sorry, been feeling groovy.

didn't they do this in the same "shopping channel" in peterborough that they always use (i guess, as with siralan, it's cheap and available)?

omg so glad i didn't watch the cassetteboy clip at work.

Finally got round to watching the cassetteboy clip. Class.

Didn't get the logic about Howard & the recession at all. Surely if international finance had had more "steady eddies" and fewer egomaniacal risk-takers we wouldn't have a recession in the first place.

I suppose the logic cis that now all in in this mess, stumbling around shell-shocked, it's a perfect time for risk-taking entrepreneurs to make a killing.

Everybody's aware the final has moved to a week on Sunday now, yes?

It's so that it doesn't clash with England playing against Andorra in a World Cup qualifier.

Hoping Debra will get the Viglen beard bloke in a headlock.

Did anyone else see the review show of the final five that was just on? Prodigy's "Smack My Bitch Up" played during the intro to Debra's segment.

slaaaaaaaag

This is the week where the mean people meet the even meaner people. Especially that Claude what's-his-name.

Lorraine has just developed an Irish accent at the start of her interview with Karren, and now that she's been accusing of McQueening her CV, she is serious cat with serious accent again.

I am shocked at how Scottish Debra's parents are, and how cute she was as a child. I can only assume she was switched accidentally at some point.

If that Claude guy even interviewed me, he'd just spontaneously combust with rage.

James' comment about stopping people spunking money up the wall challenged. Katie Hopkins back in the day had "stealing someone's husband" as her proudest achievement, and it wasn't even mentioned until the boardroom later on.

This is my least favourite bit of the show, tbh.

I don't like it particularly because it gives the false impression that "to succeed in business you have to be a wanker, and your boss is an even bigger wanker, and their boss (AMS par example) is in turn an even bigger bigger wanker"

I say this every year, but if anyone treated me in a supposedly professional situation the way SrAlan's monkeys treat that lot then I'd be taking it up with, er, someone.

James has had the best reaction to their petty goading so far (in that he hasn't reacting with excessive toadying).

I want James to win - he's had his faults earlier, especially on in the series, but he seems the most human of the five. For similar reasons, Lorraine in the final. The other three are either too slick with no substance underneath (Kate), nice on the surface but a load of potential problems underneath (Yasmina), or just horribly arrogant and bullying (Debra).

That's pretty much my view as well.

It'll be Kate and Yasmina in the final though.

Claude getting hardsonned by SrAlan here...

I keep going on about Claude, but he's toadying personified with AlSug/Margaret/Nick, and a bully with anyone who he views as subordinate. ViglenDude comes across the best, but his opinions seem to be ignored (obviously Lee McQ CV being the big example of this from last year).

Yasmina's inability to work out her accounts relatively glossed over in the summary back to SrAlan, considering she also fucked up the costing on the perfume task. Would YOU want her in charge of your, er, whatever they're in charge of?

James has given up already

I think that probably the most likely explanation for that is that someone else does the accounts. She didn't even know that the profit/loss figures for the restaurant were a publicly available document.

I heart James. Celtic fan, comedian, all round decent non-cockfarming blokey.

He's totally out first.

She's the CFO! xp

SrAlan using "difficult times(tm)" as an excuse to be a wanker. I'll never by an Amstrad product again. Oh wait...

We've had to pause it because someone's just phoned us. I'm out of here until the end of the show now, because you'll spoiler while I'm catching up!

exactly boss Viglen, woofuckinghoo

boss of Viglen

Siralan looked like he was misting up there

"mainframe computer"? WTF? oh yeah, this is Amstrad...

yasmina seems to the the one with the bad/absent personality and robotic demeanour rather than kate, no?

Both as bad as each other. Worst final ever. (we have caught up now, and am marvelling at Jo Brand wearing a ball of wool on her head on You're Fired)

yasmina seems to be another michelle dewberry tbh. i think kate will walk this.

I still can't remember if Kate has ever actually DONE anything (this may be down to my shocking memory rather than her ineptitude) but Yasmina's really impressed me. Kate will win, but I'd quite like to go to Yasmina's restaurant.

It has a fairly crap website though.

http://www.myalacarte.co.uk/

jed, really? I had Kate pegged as Dewberry 2.0 from about five minutes in.

based on her food in the catering task i certainly wouldn't.

xpost

yes ailsa, it took me a bit longer than 5 minutes tho ;)

I'm exaggerating slightly (I think it took me a week or so). Also, Yasmina is so not a Dewberry, or have I misunderstood you?

oh no i misunderstood you. i think yasmina's the dewberry.

It has a fairly crap website though.

http://www.myalacarte.co.uk/

The sperm racing for the top of the page are quite amusing. But not something I'd usually associate with food.

im choosing kate for the superficial reason that yasmina has the surliest expression out of all of them and when she smiles it's a snarl. also she was a HORROR to people on her catering task, as well as serving up nasty cheap shit to people - i know it's about profit but that's nonsense, she should have been kicked out for that alone.

b-b-but the job's with Alan Sugar. Serving up cheap nasty shit for profit = WIN.

James' "which ugly sister are you?" to jo brand was a bit o_0, even though it was an response to an on the face of it fairly mean comment.

It was o_O, but I think it was just an off the cuff remark that came out badly. I guess that he felt the need to present himself as "James the Joker" even more, and it was just the first thing that came into his head.

yeah i guess. god forbid i should ever be put on the spot in front of a tv audience.

The great thing about James was he had no option than to be honest about what he thought the whole time - if he tried to lie I have no idea what contortions his face would make.

Not a massive Kate fan but not really getting the 'no substance' thing. She does a good job, and people in business ARE boring, right? (Still, someone should have shown them the clip from the QVC task where Lorraine suggested she might not be the best thing ever to hit TV - after trying to emphasise her 'unflappability'.)

what was interesting (maybe) was the way they all got pulled through the wringer in the interviews but how some of them pretended it went ok and others admitted to it being horrible.

but, yes, odd how the people who nearly win get less of a spotlight (ie 10 minutes with chiles*) than the outright failures.

(* who will forever be "a toby jug full of piss" after newswipe)

hah, 'Enterprise Czar'

rofflez next year when everyone has to refer to him as "Lord Sir Alan"

actually if Brown makes him him a baron, contestants will have to call him "Baron Sir Alan" while keeping a straight face. That alone could be the first week's task.

Except Barons get addressed as "Lord".

Well I really don't know anything about it all. I did think that it would be funny to sing "Baron Sir Alan" to the tune of "Harold The Barrel" by Genesis.

aaaaargh LORD SUGAR. Gross.

It was weird hearing him talk about it on the radio this morning. It just sounds like the boardroom spiel gone wrong.

Saw him on BBC Breakfast this morning being interviewed live from his house in Essex. He sounded as unprepared as some of the candidates.
Also, if he's "Lord Sugar" now they can use the Imperial March from Star Wars instead of whatever it is that's currently used on The Apprentice during the London flyovers.

Plz to say Brown finished the announcement by grinning awkwardly and saying that he was a bit disappointed that Lord Sugar fired Howard instead of Lorraine in Week 10.

james looks so much like deke from the professor layton game

http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_qozgm0W_-kE/R9n0bSHAVGI/AAAAAAAAFlQ/pPYyDMM8dMU/s320/Deke.gif

"Why I Fired Them" is on BBC1 now.

AlSug: (while justifying firing James) "whoever wins this has to perform from day one" - er, that's not what an apprentice is...

This Enterprise Czar thing very worrying, the guy comes across as an illiterate buffoon who takes himself far too seriously. On Room 101 last night he came over very poorly, is this Gordon pulling a 'celeb' in for credibility? As far as I can see it he's an loud-mouthed opportunist that has sold crap computers, dabbled in football and and then managed to get in on the right set top box contract? Surely one of those Dragons Den types would be better fit (if it needed to be someone populist anyway.)

Seems Margaret is packing it after this year...

She's going back to university to finish her PhD full time.
http://www.digitalspy.co.uk/theapprentice/a158546/margaret-mountford-quits-the-apprentice.html

Its on

I always love the way that the final two always pick people for their team who then deliberately try and screw up their PM.

It's a mercy they don't get the total chumps back.

AlSug's lost so much weight he looks like a Shar Pei..

Choosing Philip and Lorraine both? Mental.

^^^ was going to say
Also, Ben is still obsessed with sex.

Is Phil still carrying a torch for Kate? Could he sabotage Yasmina?

(also yeah, Phil + Lorraine = mentalism)

I don't think so - Phil looks like he's going to focus on the task (for once or possibly the first time)

scrub that, Yasmina just shot down Phil's Pantsman idea

There are no chocolates for men ... I wonder why that is?

If she turns her idea round now that speaks well of her. Dump the idea.

Urgh, Lorraine suddenly went Irish again.

OK, I'll call it now... Yasmina's team lose focus and make a dreadful half-arsed concept & presentation. Kate's team lose track of costs and their product is deemed too expensive.

There is little that tempts me less than the idea of a strawberry and basil chocolate.

Except the idea of Philip as choreographer, obviously.

the interior of Liberace's garden shed there...

There is literally no way Yasmina is going to win this, is there?

Not when siralan tries her chocolates there isn't.

Oh God, interpretative dance to Electric Six. That'll impress SrAlan.

God, Yasmina's right about her presentations skills (or lack thereof), isn't she? I'm biting my knuckles just looking at her.

lol at lorraine backing Yasmina to win then adding "they'd both be good winners" in case her Cassandra act falters if she backs the wrong horse.

yeh, lolled at that. You wouldn't want to be back-to-back with her in a fight.

I'd be happy never to hear the word "acumen" ever again

Has there ever been a TEAM called Acumen? There so should be.

2 tasks involving food and twice it all looks glastly. How anyone would trust her restuarent after this, I'll never know.

my god

she won

SrAlan saves the good folk of Reading from shite food. Good on him.

(xxxpost) there should be a team called Bloody Shambles, so that SAS can say "Bloody Shambles, you've been a bloody shambles!"

How did she do that?

Maybe AlSug has a department that sells cheap sandwiches called Amsarnie?

Yasmina - I think that she's going to be the winner.

― snoball, Thursday, 16 April 2009

Well done you.

Based just on that task she totally deserved to win, only thing that let her down was having to choose the flavours in an hour. As they said, with a little more time they could have nailed the concept. Kate did nail her concept but wouldn't have got any sales.

(xpost) ta very much, but I've flipped over to watch BB eviction #1...

Also in (what they showed us of) the boardroom she shined, kate was all just 'I wanna be a directorrrrr!!!"

To be fair, Sug did give Yasmina something to argue against when he started talking about her restaurant.

Yasmina looks like Wednesday Addams! Especially in the group photo!

I want her to win.

― Orin Boyd (jel --), Wednesday, March 25, 2009 7:51 PM (2 months ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

Should've trusted my gut instinct.

Aye, I thought Yasmina did well in the boardroom tonight, Kate's unflappability and general sussedness let her down massively. xpost

Ruby Wax is making me feel sorry for Philip. There's cruel-but-funny and there's totally fucking mean.

OMG YASMINA WHAT ARE YOU WEARING? WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

OK so what did Wax say? Tea being made...

Ach, just congratulating Kate on shagging-then-dumping, asking Kate what she ever saw in him etc. The kind of thing we're all thinking, but without actually saying it over and over again right in front of his face.

I didn't realise I could loathe Ruby Wax more than I did already.

The comment to Margaret -- "Are you pregnant?" -- was shockingly stupid, too. The woman is not and never has been funny and I really do wish she'd fuck off.

Mind, she's made Jonathan Ross look almost bearable, which these days is going some.

Yasmina's been my crush of shame all series.

Woo, SrAlan, "so called" credit crunch, well noticed.

That'll stand him in good stead in the new job.

i think i prefer, you're fired to the show itself

Aye, employing people who can't count, people who lie on their CV - that's the man to lead us out of the "so called" credit crunch. yay.

xpost

I would have called the chocolates "Shockolat". I was yelling this at my telly last night, but they didn't take any notice of me.

Also : Kate's top lip seems to have a life of its own.

I would have called the chocolates "Shockolat"

... which, interestingly, was also one of the many rejected suggestions by Ben for Kate's team, no?

Yasmina didn't seem to get picked up on her bullshit about "we've had positive feedback from everyone - especially for the strawberry and basil!", when one guy practically threw it up.

... which, interestingly, was also one of the many rejected suggestions by Ben for Kate's team, no?

Oh, was it? I didn't watch the whole of last night's programme so must have missed that bit! I've gone off the name a bit now I know Ben though of it too!

Ben also suggested "69" as a name for the chocolates!

Thing is, Shockolat would have been an A++ name for Yasmina's ... and a fucking terrible one for Kate's. Pretty much everything Ben says is horseshit ... I guess he figures that if he talks enough, there might be the odd nugget of almost-sense in there.

Also: yeh, Y's bare-faced lying about the chocolates was a bit O_o. Even if there was tonnes of positive feedback that we just didn't get to see (which I doubt), the fact remains that a heap of folk -- including, umm, Yasmina and Howard -- were deeply unconvinced.

Again, though: the more I see of how Alan Sugar operates, the more that Amstrad PC2286 I had in the late 1980s makes sense.

Thing is I think it was actually James who came up with that and Yasmina told him it sounded terrible.

Summary: Every fired apprentice left saying a variation on "It's been a pleasure/thank you for the opportunity/etc"

Just needed one dude to go "Internet Phones" then leg it.

Wasn't Yasmina largely responsible for the sandlewood/cedarwood balls-up?

Thing is I think it was actually James who came up with that and Yasmina told him it sounded terrible

Oh, really? Wow, I could have sworn it was Ben. Ah well: ignore me.

Doesn't stop Ben being a penis, mind.

When he was in the car saying "I've got an idea" (but before he said "69") and he was scribbling on a pad I was half expecting him to suggest that the box should look like a giant penis or something.

Which would be fitting, given that he looks li ... oh, it's not even worth it.

is this the first time someone so nakedly unpleasant (cf. "i am ruthless.." "i'll trample anyone to get where i want to be.." happily serving up dirtcheap nasty crap in two food tasks) has won? even when the winners have been totally undeserved like that dopey lee mcqueen guy, they've at least had some humanity, yasmina is someone i'd go out of my way NOT to do business with. and in part 2 of my 'contestants who resemble fictional characters' she looks like:
http://www.virginmedia.com/images/SnowWhite.jpg

and i know most of the contestants come out with that kind of crap at the start but none said it with as much conviction - and KEPT saying it right to the end - as yasmina.

would love to have heard the trufax about her business accounts - mean interviewer guy said her profit was far from the 4% she claimed, but never gave specifics

I got the impression from some other numbers mentioned at the time, the profit was closer to 3.5%

happily serving up dirtcheap nasty crap in two food tasks
is it a surprise that this endeared her to lord amstrad? She made a 200% margin on them and his eyes lit up.

Good old email marketing....

Hi Mark,
Suffering withdrawal from The Apprentice? It's not all over yet. Welcome to LateRooms.com's Apprentice. We've selected 14 hotels out of a potential 22, 000. We've judged them on budget, character, originality and value for money. And we can assure you they're the best of the best - it's up to you to pick the winner.

so near to a massive promotional injection : coco electrik

Wasn't Yasmina largely responsible for the sandlewood/cedarwood balls-up?

Yes, yes she was.

It was James who came up with Shockolat for Yasmina's team, yes. We were hooting too much at Ben's continued obsession with sex to pay much attention to anything else about the whole naming concepts though. Dude's totally one of these guys who talks about sex all the time because he's not actually getting any. Kate's "I'm not going into a room full of professionals to talk about 69s" was an extremely reasonable response, tbh. I'd have just punched him.

I swear that every brainstorming session on that series started with Ben saying "let's go down a sexual route..."

Something that might have 'dun it it' for Debra.

According to Private Eye, there was a suspicious number of buyers for the 'wacky scarf' thing on that 'shopping channel' task, it turned out to be Debra's parents who had been secretly called by Debra herself....

Yeah, that broke at the time. She was reprimanded by the production team for phoning her parents, but not penalised. The follow-up investigation found about three minutes of calls to Ideal World from her parents' home number. Based on that, it's hard to see how it could have generated enough to win that task though (although, yes, ringing round, other people etc).

If you recall, that week was possibly Debra's best - she had been coming in for stick every other week but came out of the shopping channel task with glowing reports from SAS. Ultimately, what dun for Debra was Debra.

Her 'psychic' skills were mocked on the Apprentice. But Lorraine Tighe's instinct saved her daughter from meningitis

‘Theo came back just after midnight and I stirred slightly, but then at 4am I was woken by a dreadful, low-pitched moan.

‘The noise struck fear into my heart. I jumped out of bed and ran into Alexia’s room. She was awake but making this terrible noise - it sounded like an animal in distress. As I picked her up, I felt her burning up with a high temperature.

‘Instinctively, I knew something was very wrong.

Yeah, er, not exactly psychic...

Jeremy Hunt.

Right, let's just ponder that name for a bit.

In the letter to Sir Michael Lyons, who is chairman of the BBC's governing body, Mr Hunt said: "Rather than set my mind at ease, the justifications for allowing Sir Alan to take up his government role given by the director general actually makes things worse.

"Having therefore now exhausted the complaints procedure with the BBC, I would now like to make a number of official complaints to the BBC Trust about a breach of editorial guidelines."

He added: "I honestly believe that having a prominent member of the government fronting a programme about the same set of issues his position relates to, is a direct breach of the much needed political independence of the BBC."

'Unpaid post'

On Thursday, Mr Hunt called Sir Alan's role "totally incompatible" with BBC rules and "an outrageous piece of media management".

"Slipping this letter out when the media is focused on MPs' expenses is simply staggering," said Mr Hunt, adding that the BBC director general's justifications for retaining Sir Alan were "riddled with inconsistencies".

etc.

Coup de grace:

MP Jeremy Hunt ready to defend his expenses - News - getsurrey
SOUTH West Surrey MP Jeremy Hunt has come under fire from constituents for claiming £37000 over three years for a second home in Farnham.
www.getsurrey.co.uk/.../2051301_mp_jeremy_hunt_ready_to_defend_his_expenses - Cached - Similar -

Enjoy your last year as an MP, fucker...

Just a heads up for next series. It's looking highly likely that my friend and old housemate H3l3n is going to be a contestant. She has been on The Great Pretender with Chris Tarrant, is a professional Charlotte Church lookalike (was featured in one of the national goss rags, like Heat or Closer or something), set up a mini version of "The Apprentice" in our university, and is somehow able to get a first class degree on top of her media career.

If she gets on I'll probably regail you with blurry photos of the two of us in the backs of taxis, or amusing (hopefully non-libellous) anecdotes. Come on H3l3n!

So anyways, we're travelling up the M1 for the second half of the Christmas break, Boxing day, stop off at Tibby for a Starbucks, and who should be in front of us in the queue?

Well, someone wasn't sure.

I sent the kids to get us a table, and myself and wife bring over the drinks/snacks. The couple are at the next table along.

At which point, a lady (who had already sent her husband to 'look' subtly at them), went up to them and ask "I know you from somewhere, don't I?"

To which Philip says "Yes, the Apprentice". To which the lady says "oh. What's that then?"

Eventually, she clicks on and gives them best wishes, and goes back.

"I guess that happens a lot" we say, and we have a friendly chat for a bit before leaving them to their drinks and NOTW.

So Sralan doesn't have all the losing contestants executed and turned into Soylent Greeen then?

Ach, just congratulating Kate on shagging-then-dumping, asking Kate what she ever saw in him etc. The kind of thing we're all thinking, but without actually saying it over and over again right in front of his face.

― ailsa, Sunday, 7 June 2009 21:37 (6 months ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

I should point out that it was Kate that was with him, I was trying to be suttl.

(they are showing another series (5, 2006) of US apprentice quietly two episodes at a time starting tomorrow at midnight. series 4 only finished airing a month ago)