Greeting etiquette, one kiss or two

Lately I've noticed that no matter which option you pick when greeting a good friend whom you might kiss on the cheek to show your platonic polite liking for, inevitably you encounter someone who has chosen the other.

How do you get around this? I am sick of feeling like either a backward dyed in the wool one kissing Paddy or some just off the boat "I'm not Irish" European wanker. Assuming this is what two kiss/one kiss people think.

Do you always do two kisses? Do you always do one? Or none, none is an option too.

lol the Greek Cypriot side of my family

hate it when i try to make a dignified retreat after one only to flail like richard dreyfuss in jaws as i get dragged back under for another. PLS WIMMIN ONE IS ENOUGH.

http://strangemaps.wordpress.com/2007/12/02/210-french-kissing-map/

I saw this map on QI. It's good!

http://strangemaps.files.wordpress.com/2007/12/kissing-map1.jpg

No 5 kiss regions then?

I have a dutch friend who does 3. Or sometimes 2. Or 1. Or none. Greeting her is always a terrifying ordeal wonderful surprise.

move to the states, problem solved

how do people greet in the states? a hard spank to the rear followed by a steak?

http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_hCtXNDGAhxI/SB61V4XqdqI/AAAAAAAAARA/IMgfOFgwWDs/s400/556301623_0ff0c25c4f_m.jpg

A friendly blasting of handgun into the air.

i live in a french city so 2

1 in the states, i feel

yeah, definitely 1

NO KISS

that too

How do you do it? You pepper them with a blitzkrieg of kisses so any direction they could choose will be right!

just the one

huh

2 in Belarus, 1 in the caboose
2 in Angola, 1 in the hole-a
2 in Syria, 1 in the rear-ia
2 in the U.K., 1 in the poo-way

cannot compute "French Kissing" map

2 in Morocco, one in the grotto

looooool to abbott

ahah, I'm french and the map is pretty accurate I must say !
It's pretty difficult to know following where you are/where the people you kiss come from.
Most of the times, people just say how many they will do when they get confused.
Since I live in Paris it's only 2.
The thing I love is when I'm introduced to foreigners (girls since greeting kisses between guys - which I do - is a whole other topic) and they panic, sometimes even saying "no I don't do that, sorry" !

no, the only people who do greeting kisses in the states are gay men and the pretentious

And ILXors and everyone else I know? They can't ALL fall under "pretentious". Some of them are very nice.

the only people i know who do this are very and pretentious

very NICE and pretentious

everyone you know does this laurel?!

laurel knows me and i dont do this

There may be some exceptions -- it's true that I've met max two or three times and I can't remember if we cheek-kissed or not. But basically I think everyone else does it. If I let them. Some people, I stick with the handshake.

max just hits u with the full french snog then lasers ur brain so u forget it ever happened

well max, you do now. ypost

GET USED TO IT BUDDY

http://blogs.trb.com/sports/football/jets/blog/simpsons_handshake.jpg

how do people greet in the states? a hard spank to the rear followed by a steak?

― Local Garda, Tuesday, March 24, 2009 8:20 AM (4 hours ago)

http://loveforlife.com.au/files/handshake2.jpg

man i did the most embarrassing thing over the weekend. was in a loud bar and a friend introduced me to this polish girlfriend of hers. after we shook hands she asked me to repeat my name and leant forward to (i assume) hear me better, but i misunderstood and went straight in for the continental two kiss. she turned around to her friend and i heard her say "ok..." chandler from friends style.

ahah, the kind of awkward greeting kisses moments I like !

x-post see this is the kind of thing I started this thread for!

I am kind of surprised at people saying they never greet anyone with a kiss. If we have people over for dinner or like if I'm greeting a close female friend or whatever it would be sort of weird or maybe rude not to kiss them I think. That specific situation, couples I know whom I'm friends with or whatever, doing something like having a meal, it seems part of the whole "can I take your coat" etc greeting.

Not everyone but you know, some people are more comfortable with physical greetings than others.

well, you can have a physical greeting without the kisses : for instance, in sweden, it's a one arm hug (but without cheek contact).

sometimes i touch people's shoulder when saying goodbye. that's weird.

xp
^yes this i do. have never kissed or been kissed

by no means everybody in the uk, even middle-class girls (gwan let's make this a class thing) does it. but for those who do: just the one.

^^^ bro hug is good times

i kiss but i only do it when i'm in latin america/spain. Scotland needs no kisses.

1 kiss even

Only person I know in London who does this is Greek, and she does one kiss.

This thread cracks me up.

M.White method - double exchange of headwear, interspersed with elbow-knocking

everybody in the world occasionally greets somebody with a kiss, don't be stupid nrq, or make it a class thing. whether they do it often or all the time may be a matter for debate but seriously...

x-post why is everyone assuming this thread is "EVERYTIME YOU GREET SOMEONE AND HENCE HAVE TO KISS THEM, AS YOU DO EVERY SINGLE TIME, HOW MANY TIMES SHOULD YOU DO THIS" and not "when you are greeting someone you greet with a kiss, how many kisses do you do"

isn't the most important thing to avoid the appearance of hesitancy and nervousness? jump in with both feet and tongues and wrap your legs round em and it's just like that's how we do things where im from.

As I said upthread, guys greeting kisses is pretty common now in Paris (it wasn't like a decade ago, I think).
I do it with all my male friends.
Which make it kinda cold when I meet friends (male and female) and am introduced to some guys because I kiss all girls and all the guys EXCEPT the guys I don't know (who I shake hands with).
It's a bit discriminating.

everybody in the world occasionally greets somebody with a kiss, don't be stupid nrq, or make it a class thing. whether they do it often or all the time may be a matter for debate but seriously...

by 'does it' i mean 'does it habitually'.

I might add that the greeting kisses between male and female is less common in professional relationships than in friendly relationships in France. It still happens depending on the kind of job you work in.

everyone greets people with a kiss habitually. habitually does not have to mean often.

it kinda does.

1 done constantly or as a habit. 2 regular; usual.

Oh, ILXpaws.

no kissing
a handshake is the furthest I'm willing to go when it comes to random physical contact

I kiss all of my friends, men and women, twice as a greeting except for one American friend - we shake hands or bro-hug.

Let's focus on the important stuff, like the fact that Jordan can't believe anyone actually kisses anyone. Nor blueski, apparently, but I don't know what his deal is.

please let this not become another clusterfuck of manners btw, live and let fondle

― Stop relegating Hull you miserable gits! (country matters), Monday, 23 March 2009 18:32 (Yesterday) Bookmark

Some people, I stick with the handshake.

Surly peasant nod for me wherever possible.

This means of course that where greeting kisses seems to be happening I invariably botch it - once managing to plant a kiss on my girlfriend's best friend's lips while simultaneously jamming my forearm against her breasts.

My brother once, when saying goodbye to our mum at a train station, got confused and shook her hand.

That's probably taking things too far.

My brother once, when saying goodbye to our mum at a train station, got confused and shook her hand.

for some reason i really love this sentence

Nor blueski, apparently, but I don't know what his deal is

Nor the dozens of friends I have who never seem to do this. Perhaps we're all shy repressed unattractive shut-ins.Yaaaay.

When I'm out with friends, meeting people etc. I just judge who probably does this and who doesn't (and who doesn't seem to give a fuck either way) and respond accordingly.

no one i know does this

stevem you know plenty of people who kiss in greeting

and i know many more who generally don't

i would've thought most people are a bit selective about this, even among their friends

My mother-in-law has started kissing me on the lips; this is very disconcerting to me.

it amazes me that this is an issue for people. it's pretty easy to intuit whether to kiss and how many kisses. obviously there will be mix-ups and mistakes, at which point you both laugh it off b/c it's not even a big thing and the ice is broken.

ok dan's mother-in-law thing would be an issue

do have a gay friend who will do this with pretty much everyone including straight guys. ah faithful cheek bump...

Once I ran into a (gay male) coworker out at a club when he was very trashed and, when my wife and I got up to leave, he drunkenly kissed me full on the lips, then screamed in mortification.

I think I have v. kissable lips or something.

it amazes me that this is an issue for people. it's pretty easy to intuit whether to kiss and how many kisses. obviously there will be mix-ups and mistakes, at which point you both laugh it off b/c it's not even a big thing and the ice is broken.

^^^

I would never even greet a family member with a kiss or hug. Though, recently I have met friends who do the greet kiss thing, it's cool, I am getting over myself at last.

it's your strawberry and eldeflower lip balm Dan. irresistable.

huh, I shd probably change that before some well-meaning acquaintance gives me a cold sore

it amazes me that this is an issue for people. it's pretty easy to intuit whether to kiss and how many kisses. obviously there will be mix-ups and mistakes, at which point you both laugh it off b/c it's not even a big thing and the ice is broken.

CONGRATULATIONS NEUROSES FREE HUMANS

"as a habit" doesn't mean often necessarily. eg a huge amount of people kiss friends and relatives at certain occasions "as a habit" but not regularly. eg birthday/christmas/having dinner at a friend's/when you're drunk/high.

I'm surprised people think it's unusual to greet anyone with a kiss...it seems to happen all the time.

I could not function without my neuroses, or maybe I just wouldn't want to.

if someone kissed me on both cheeks as I did one kiss and tried to comfortably laugh it off I'd be thinking "looks like this perfect fucking person hasn't got any neuroses"

obviously if I did this I'd worry they thought the same about me.

looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooool

haha

Okay, if I ever meet any of you, or if I've already met you, the most you'll get is a handshake, or a vulcan V sign.

To be honest it's a really un-Midwestern thing, I think. People in my hometown and family give ridiculous bear-hugs that would be WAY too much for anyone in my other life in the city -- but KISSING, even on the cheek, is beyond the pale outside a romantic relationship.

Whereas here, cheek kissing is normal and hugs tend to be on the slightly distanced side and involve that light "butterfly" pat of the hand.

my parents are from rural Ireland and I know they'd greet friends with a kiss all the time, though their socialising tends to just involve going out for dinner with various diff friends. that's a scenario/situation where it feels almost formal and expected to kiss someone on the cheek. men probably wouldn't but they'd kiss each other's wives or gfs. doesn't everyone do this?

going back to the original topic I don't favour either one kiss or two, this is my problem, and as a result I waver from one to the other.

buy me a drink first

One for friends*, two for my parents.

* not all of them, and not every time. Depends on circumstances and whathaveyou.

To be honest it's a really un-Midwestern thing, I think. People in my hometown and family give ridiculous bear-hugs that would be WAY too much for anyone in my other life in the city -- but KISSING, even on the cheek, is beyond the pale outside a romantic relationship.

I agree with this -- if I tried to kiss anyone they would think I was some kind of psychopath.

lol i like how here in belgium it depends from region to region. in antwerp it will usually be three kisses but in my region two. also here in my region guys wont do this but in antwerp it's not uncommon for guys to kiss when greeting. stan, correct me if i am wrong. :-)

right, it's definitely not a midwest thing. no one i know in new york does it, but almost all of them are midwestern transplants, so.

my last awkward experience with this was when i said hey to a gay dude i know, and he went in for the double kiss. i'm afraid i came off like "eww don't touch me" but really i was just caught off guard because no one i know does this. also this was across a bar (he was bartending) so the mechanics were even more awkward.

Man I NEVER do this and I'm in the UK. Is this a London thing? I mean it might just be that in any group of friends I'm the one who doesn't get all physical-contact-ish and nobody else tries it with me, but I almost never see other people doing it either.

(Guess the other half's Irish relatives are a bit kissy, but only the older ones... and not the Northern Irish ones, I don't think. I never expect it and am therefore way too startled to count or reciprocate)

by no means everybody in the uk, even middle-class girls (gwan let's make this a class thing)

Yes, let's make this a class thing, because otherwise I might be the most middle-class of middle-class 20-something females, but now I have an excuse to think I might not be. Hooray!

how about kissing on the mouth as a way of greeting? we do it in belgium.

you do not

we do! mostly between rrrrreally good friends though.

almost all of them are midwestern transplants, so.

Oh, definitely. All of them except for everyone from anywhere besides the Midwest. Liiike the entire eastern seaboard. Or the South or Southwest or any of those b-school Long Islanders.

Sarkiness aside, I'd rather cheek/air-kiss someone I don't really know than bear-hug them. Hugs are far more touchy.

airkissing is the worst.

we do hug a lot here, it's true.

http://static.guim.co.uk/Guardian/lifeandstyle/gallery/2008/aug/05/socialkissing/straw1-1338.jpg

Wrong kiss.

http://static.guim.co.uk/Guardian/lifeandstyle/gallery/2008/aug/05/socialkissing/bruni1-8979.jpg

Awkward airkiss.

two kisses is a bit luvvie though isnt it. and unneccessary.

I flip between one and two pretty much on whim? it is kind of: hugs for my really close friends, double kiss or single kiss for friends seen socially, handshake for new people.

also sometimes you double-kiss someone and thereafter they... expect it?

I don't think two kisses is lovey/unnecessary really. Like it may sound that way but pretty non lovey/non pretentious people (whatever that means) often do two kisses and as a result I think there's uncertainty there.

The one people I know who do this are straight guys.

Nathalie OTM Re: Belgian cheeks , but joking Re: mouth.

it's all over the shop here, i have the same troubles as ronan. but i quite like a bit of awkwardness.

http://www.thelmagazine.com/lmag_blog/files/Images/AngelinaJolieKissesBrother.jpg

anyone who does this is either (1) old or (2) not american

back in high school every girl/boy greeting was a cheek kiss, now i never see it

you mean between like, 16-17 year olds even? that's so foreign to me, the only people i non-romantically kiss are relatives, and only female relatives! uncles and cousins get a handshake or a hug, depending on the situation. i'll fuck with my little bro by kissing him on the cheek or something but not ever in earnest

Yeah, where the fuck in North America do people do this outside Quebec and like specific NYC crowds? It still throws me whenever I visit Montreal and someone does this.

well yeah it was just a girl/boy thing, like in middle school and in high school. i think it was like a self-consciously wanna act 'mature' thing

i was actually greeted by my aunt's friend w/ a cheek kiss tonight. growing up, i kind of understood it to be polite to greet female family members (esp older ones) with a cheek kiss. in fact i remember being reprimanded on occasion for not doing so

Yeah, where the fuck in North America do people do this outside Quebec and like specific NYC crowds?

Wherever there's Latin Americans.

And I gotta say, I think the social kiss is a good invention, esp. w/ the opposite sex. Fills a niche between the businesslike handshake on the one hand and the hug on the other (which seems to imply a level of closeness and commitment that sometimes isn't actually there). .

I'll hug friends, goths are a touchy feely lot, but cheek kissing in my experience is strictly once-only and relegated firmly to relatives: grannies and aunties in particular.

I'd feel horribly awkward and weird if someone I didnt know well did some kind of frenchy 3-cheek kiss thing as it would be very unexpected.

Also wanky. Us australians don't hold truck with wankers.

And I gotta say, I think the social kiss is a good invention, esp. w/ the opposite sex. Fills a niche between the businesslike handshake on the one hand and the hug on the other (which seems to imply a level of closeness and commitment that sometimes isn't actually there). .

― collardio gelatinous, Tuesday, March 24, 2009 9:48 PM Bookmark

This is so bizarre to me. From where I stand, kissing (of any sort) is leagues more intimate than a hug.

I live in the northwest US and I've only seen greeting kisses in a few isolated incidents. What I have very rarely done or had done to me is a kiss on the temple, although that's always read to me more as a spontaneous display of affection than as an expected greeting. If I'm greeting someone, I'll either shake their hand or hug them.

Same here. I mean the hugs are just very breif light hugs, not like, lingering cuddles! And I feel a bit eww being kissed on the cheek if its a looming dribbly old relative haha. I'm terrible.

http://i445.photobucket.com/albums/qq180/bigpermie/image001.gif

Obama looks so awkward there.

looooool

Nathalie OTM Re: Belgian cheeks , but joking Re: mouth.

I'm so serious, dude, some, but I gotta admit mainly 15 yo girls, do this! Usually met with a slap on the face or an EW R U SERIOUS? hah There's def a kind of "cheekiness" involved. ;-)

okay cheek kissing often doesn't involve the contact of lips and cheek? basically it is a form of light hug, conveniently limited to 'the amount of time it would take to kiss you on the cheek' (whereas proper hugs with friends sometimes have that problem of not knowing how long the hug's meant to go on for).

Yeah, where the fuck in North America do people do this outside Quebec and like specific NYC crowds?

Wherever there's Latin Americans.

I think the answer is, "wherever there are Euros or Latin Americans in the wider culture to make it normal"! Cheek kissing is probably done in NYC more than it's NOT done -- it's not that only certain "crowds" do it, it's more like if the people you see socially are just your bros, you'd never do it, but everyone else does. In all groups besides your "no-homo" bros (and possibly professional colleagues), a quick cheek-press is recommended.

I must remember to cheek-kiss my waiter the next time I dine in NYC

From where I stand, kissing (of any sort) is leagues more intimate than a hug. I can totally see how this would be the case if I'd grown up in a non-kissing environment.

I think the answer is, "wherever there are Euros or Latin Americans in the wider culture to make it normal"! OTM.

I am more of a hugger than a cheek kisser, but on the offchance I've engaged with a kissy type I'll follow their lead. I used to feel uncomfortable with it but I don't know why. I'm definitely going to go for a sly cheek kiss next time I meet up with my mates.

This description of Belgium as someplace where 15-year-old girls greet people by kissing them on the mouth = someone from "To Catch a Predator" has clearly hacked Nath's account

PS In my experience Ethiopians tend toward 3

i posted this elsewhere drunkenly on sat night but then remembered i had this thread, its perfect home.

"tonight i was out at a friend's birthday and was chatting to this gf of a dude i vaguely know, met her sometime in march but couldn't remember this till she reminded me. anyway was a boozy night etc then when she was leaving she went to kiss me goodbye, and i went to do the two cheeks as i guess i would do the majority of the time, but she thought i was trying to kiss her, and reciprocated face to face...at which point i was totally shocked and was like "errr.....what..." then she was like "oh shit...sorry, i guess no harm in this...just a bit of fun...." and i was like "er yeah....erm...what"...so socially awkward, funniest shit ever, no worthwhile thing there on either of our parts but was the ultimate result of one kiss or two confusion..."

and pretty much everyone saw...

oh god

this thread all otm

never know what to expect: single kiss seems kind of industry standard

but you never know, it could be a hug

solve this problem by giving the ol' exploding fist-bump imo

this is really the kinda thing the EU ought to set standards for.

man the one time this happened to me it was with a group of cute, young female teachers from france and I was all "ohmigod they are initiating physical contact with me!" and kinda crumpled

ppl who think hugs are like a standard greeting disgust me really, kisses r comparatively ok

mtl custom is 2.

one kiss, if not a hug, and only for very close female friends when it's been a while, or the partners of close male friends.

this is how diseases spread

i dont like cheek kissing! even relatives.

lol irish, don't come home anytime soon, iirc elderly uncles are allowed a friendly grope accordign to tradition.

and pretty much everyone saw...

― I see what this is (Local Garda), Monday, May 31, 2010 1:00 PM (1 hour ago) Bookmark

lol. i love these kind of real life larry david moments

this is how diseases spread

― harbl, Monday, May 31, 2010 9:16 AM (18 minutes ago) Bookmark

this is how you build a healthy immune system imo.

yeah total larry david stuff...it was all her tho, not me!

Haha that's awesome.

This thread is an eye opener, since with everyone I know it's universal hugs, for any gender combo. I have two (close) female friends who will kiss me on the cheek during the hug, as well as one dude friend who does the same for women friends (but he's SCOTTISH). But other than that, strictly hugs.

when i met my cousin's best mate for a football match in london, he kissed me and my mate on the cheek, but he was pretty drunk so i dunno

if you hug me your likely to get knifed

Also, re: Larry David, kinda hard to believe nobody's brought up the "Kiss Hello" episode of Seinfeld. Love that scene with him and Wendie Malick where he sticks his head in the fridge to avoid it.

i went through a period of kissing all my female family members on the cheek for a while, just cos i thought they thought i wasnt affectionate enough. i think it just reminded me that i didnt do that for a good reason.

lol I was wondering if I had said anything about my MiL on this thread

Reading up thread a bit about 3 and zomg 5 kisses:

1 is fine, 2 is understandable but 3? I think if we were going to do 3 I would have to make it 4 just to round it out.

5 is outrageous, but I feel like I would need to bring it all the way to 6 so that we didn't have uneven cheek slobber.

This is a recurrent trauma for me - my gf is French and I'm a typically repressed Irishman when it comes to these things. Last year I attended a family wedding with people from different parts of France and halfway through the greetings I panicked and ran out of the venue. Girlfriend was not very impressed.

hahahaha really????? oh wow

i think i would find a way to "miss" the greetings too

Yeah, there were ~30 people I'd never met before and I was expected to intuit how many times to kiss each one and at some point I realised I'd made an error in not taking my glasses off before kissing and it was all too much.

haha - feel yr pain esp since kissing customs vary according to regions in France.

1 kiss

but on the butt

I pretty much go

female relative: hug
male relative: hug
female friend: hug
male friend: hug
female acquaintance: hug
male acquaintance: handshake

weird, I thought this thread was active

female relative: hug
male relative: hug
female friend: hug
male friend: hug
female acquaintance: hug
male acquaintance: handshake

Pretty much the same here, but I gotta note the horrible awkwardness in the transition between

male friend: hug
male acquaintance: handshake

At some point, the acquaintance is sorta becoming a friend, and you gotta take that extra step, but what if they're not ready? One time I got the feeling the other guy was thinking the same thing, and we both went for the hug but also vocally noted our unease about which stage we were in. And then next time I saw him he was handshaking again. :-/

I think this is why

male friend: fistbump
male acquaintance: fistbump

is honestly a good alternative scheme

cosign^ fuck hugging a male friend unless you'll never see each other again.

fistbump just mows through all stilted confusion

Tell me about this "fuck hugging"...

i had an acquaintance with not a small beard who dealt with this ambiguity by hugging EVERYONE hello and goodbye with beard action all in your neck. he was not well liked.

I don't really fist bumb anymore. I interact w/ professional types and it just wouldn't fly, plus it feels too much like teenage bro shit besides. On top of that, when you go for a simple fist bump and the bumpedd tries to do like four different motions is THEE most awkward. And fuck shaking hands with a close friend.

parents: kiss and hug
brother: handshake and hug
female relative: kiss, most times a hug too
male relative: handshake (uk side), kiss (italian side)
female friend: kiss into a hug
male friend: handshake into a hug
female acquaintance: sometimes a handshake, sometimes a kiss
male acquaintance: handshake

My mum's half-italian so I think some of the euro approach has percolated into this ie. I always kiss my dad at greeting which is not the standard for uk males (ime). All my italian relatives are enthusiastic both-cheek kissers, male or female, so I've no option there as basically get grabbed on sight.

ZS otm about that weird transitional period with male friends between a handshake and hug; the boyfriend of one of my wife's best friends has been off the scene for a while, but if we meet as a group then he's straight into the hugging which feels a bit "too soon, dude" to me as we're strictly on acquaintance level terms. Maybe one day he'll be in the handshakey-huggy inner circle, but not yet...

a friend of a friend i met kissed me on the neck as a departing gesture last night, v unusual.

Drunk?

Amorous?

Just bad aim?

THIS is what gets 170 replies here?

don't think drunk, possibly. it didn't seem by accident as it was quite low on my neck, could have been flirtatious, not sure. could be cultural differences, she is chinese.

That almost makes me miss kissing. Almost. Or necks. It's hard to tell this soon.

Next time you see her, LG, kiss her elbow.

This is the most local garda circa 09 thread ever

Does anyone ever go for a hug the first time they meet someone? This seems weird to me but IME is common among 40+ women, especially if they are someone's mother. Now granted if I just meet someone and we hit it off and it is clear we are prob gonna be pals/hang out again, a hug is fine when departing, but like "Hi, I'm Cynthia *HUG*" is a bit... idk, startling a bit.

yeah departure hugs and kisses are quite common, but a greeting hug would be weird.

This is the most local garda circa 09 thread ever

haha i didn't know i had a style...

handshake or head nod only. hugging and kissing as a greeting is fake and annoying.

idk man, the world is a big place

not at all, it's warm and frequently honest.

is fake

??

only posers hug

hugging and kissing is for your immediate family or partner. hugging/kissing friends and acquaintances is assuming a closeness you don't have. i'm in the US so this type of greeting here seems really fake, as in the closeness you're assuming by the super intimate greeting is not reflective on the type of relationship you have with that person. it also makes me think the person doing it is desperate to appear more european. i will only hug my immediate female relatives, handshakes for male relatives. kisses are for my wife. there's no reason to ever greet someone with a kiss on the cheek who isn't your relative.

these are just my opinions. other people have expressed theirs.

what if their cheek is made of irresistible candy

didn't you read that article about sugar? so dangerous.

(more seriously, you are assuming a gigantic amount re: the amount of closeness ppl feel towards some of their friends; esp. considering the dudes who were there for me when my brother died, withholding hugs from them feels faker than hugging)

lol at all but okay this: "the closeness you're assuming by the super intimate greeting is not reflective on the type of relationship you have with that person" makes me think you must not like any of your friends all that much?

also

it also makes me think the person doing it is desperate to appear more european.

uh just...what?

i do have close friends that i will hug upon greeting if it's been a long time since we last saw each other. i don't feel the need to hug/kiss a friend to prove to them how much i like them.

xp That's so arbitrary it kind of reminds me of when I had a boyfriend who called bad things "gay" and I told him to find another descriptive word for that and he choose "Turkish." Turkish? Ooooookay, but...you know what, just never mind.

you only have to abide by your rules though right? my preferences shouldn't really bother you.

Of course, I just think you're being weird.

brotherlovesdubhateshugging

i used to hug more often but now i've realized i don't enjoy it unless i'm really comfortable with that person. kissing never occurs to me, like at all. but i'm generally repressed and from a midwest-style don't-touch-me culture so i realize it's different for everyone. xp

when people kiss on the cheek here, in salt lake city, utah, it can look like a gambit to appear more cosmopolitan or "european" or whatever you want to call it. depends on the person and, uh, the projection.

xp exactly, i've been guilty of hugging to prove to someone how much i like them rather than letting my conversation/actions show it.

(I kind of get what you're saying, it just seems kind of... dunno, cold? Dogmatic? Basically I hug ppl who hug me and shake hands with ppl who shake my hand; the appearance isn't as important as completing the ritual.)

what's wrong with just saying hello? why must you prove how much you like the other person by a hug or kiss or a hug and a kiss or a hug and two kisses? just say hello. anything else seems weird to me. i don't push people away when they move in for a hug but i won't initiate it, unless it's a relative or close friend i haven't seen for a while.

haha you should do a Street Fighter-style uppercut on them when they swoop in, then chide them on letting their guard down

Because it's not proving anything, it's something I enjoy. Hugging is, at least; I don't care about cheek-kisses as anything more than a social gesture.

I think it's weird that you START judging this from a place where all physical show of affection is put on for someone else's benefit.

I think I said this on another thread but I really like to start social interactions with some sort of physical cue, whether it be touching the other person via hug or handshake, or some gesture/wave/physical acknowledgment; not doing so makes me feel unsettled.

I think that thread was pro-handshake in general and I am on that team, for introductions to new people.

yeah, i don't mind a physical cue at all!* i just probably won't initiate it. i used to feel like i had to do something and since i've realized i don't i'm generally more comfortable and able to connect when saying hello.

*except back/shoulder pats, which will immediately make me want to stab your eyes out.

http://www.whoateallthepies.tv/wp-content/uploads/2011/04/RVP.gif

O2O

Is the proper European cheek kiss just the simulacrum of a kiss, an air smooch very near the cheek, but not by any means on it? I feel like on the rare times I interact with European peoples their cheek kisses never actually touch my cheek, while I am so concentrating on getting it right that I overdue it and actually make contact.

Lol, Local Garda, she's probably wondering why you didn't reciprocate with a lower-neck kiss of your own. Everyone knows that's the custom in China.

i used to know this greasy & like, not handsome or charming at all ostensibly russian guy who would say "russians kiss three times" & do a three kiss greeting when he greeted girls & i always felt bad for them reluctantly complying

It's not a proper kiss on the cheek, Virginia. It's cheek to cheek + air kiss.

being kissed/kissing someone on the neck is my #1 fav kiss all time but if u were to do it consistently as a greeting u should be prepared for 99% of all ppl u greet to never speak to you again/slap u immediately

Ah, but that 1%!

:-)

In Holland it's three kisses, when meeting people you know and like (or dislike but unfortunately are tied to, ie. lol family). Cue uncomfortable "Do I go left-right-left or right-left-right" hilarity). The hug between male friends is more awkward; you just do it with some, and not with others. I kiss my brother and hug him too, but there's not a lot of kissing-on-greeting going on between males here, that's for sure.

Is it ever not an air kiss, like do a mother and son upon greeting do an air kiss too?

If it's just an air kiss, why are people getting so freaked out about it?

I saw Dr. Morbius kiss someone on the lips by way of greeting last night.

Air kisses are for the posh and annoying tbh