Weddings: Classic or Dud?

I am an advocate for self marriage!, pagan ritual style with challices of port and silly head gear and raucous rounds of karaoke and stupid dancing and getting tattoos and devoting your life to your best possible options and being overtly fantastic to yourself. I havent done it no.

I have been a bridesmaid twice now, one aged 8 in a pink & white dress and once aged 26 in a fantastic silk sari. I like weddings and am always overwhelmed with sappiness & start crying at how lovely the bride looks.

at my grandmas last wedding, the inlaws wouldn't talk to my family. we weren't middel class enough.

What is the proper thing to wear to a wedding?

What am I to do though? And my shoes are rainbow striped, which makes trying to match them up completely pointless.

(The best wedding I ever went to was a Cambodian Buddhist wedding. I was a guest of honour! The father of the bride chose me as his first dance partner! It was sponsored by Alain Delon cigarettes! We had a cake fight!)

The Dan Perry line of formal wear.

Most celebrities have sponsored wedding these days, don't they?

Actually, also, when my great-grandmother was striken with some probably made up disease, they brought in a midget and that cured her. My family has some weird obsession with midgets.

I'd think hanging out with P.Diddy would also be on the cards Nick.

If you can find a nice cocktail dress or a non-gaudy formal dress (that is NOWHERE NEAR white), you should be golden.

Wraps actually work very well with short dresses; they continue the fun look of the dress while adding the necessary arm coverage.

Ushers generally seat people attending the wedding. Depending on the wedding party they also act as groomsmen, meaning that you're at the groom's beck and call until you get to the church and are largely responsible for making sure the groom has eaten, showered, dressed, shaved, shown up, etc, and isn't freaking out. You may also get to walk a grandmother down the aisle.

A friend of mine considered this while going through the whole wedding process ordeal and the stress of "we can't even afford the flowers!!" etc. There are bunches of companies that will pay for part/most of various expenses in return for displaying their logo and so forth.

That would be lovely - and perhaps pressing a wrap into my hands if I get tired? N. should be an usher at all weddings if this level of service can be guaranteed. (I don't think he should wear a dress though, his knees aren't what they were).

(Actually we DO need to start the planning at some point I suppose. I don't want a Joyce Grenfell style 10 year engagement.)

No you won't.

The Missionary Position

I fear I will always be immature. It just seems to get worse as I get older.

Hah Nicole, I FEEL YOUR PAIN.

My dear sweet Dan, and Nicole as well -- is that you feel yourself getting more immature or is it that everyone around gets more 'mature' while you retain yer youthful ways? :-)

Those would be for a Richard Gere wedding.

Ah, never mind, you are getting more immature. ;-)

"STOP -

- HAMMER TIME"

Ned, I was going to answer this but my response would have brought down the humorous tone of this thread.

Continue the discussion of hammer pants!

I bet you're allowed Haribo instead of flowers in Vegas.

(oh god)

U+K britney spears mics for Pete and Al

My god, it's a team for the ages! Will they be doing the October thing too? ;-)

That said, the best wedding I've ever heard about was Teeny's 'herself, Mr. Teeny and two friends' arrangement.

I have been a little surprised at how the marriage changed our relationship, but the changes have all been positive.

WHY IS NED AT WEDDING WITH LORE, EVIL CYBERNETIC BEING?

Marriage has not changed us at all. Hence why I am posting to ILE and listening to music and he is watching Stargate in the other room.

This wasn't at my wedding, this was 10 years ago when I was a slutty dipsomaniac!

-- adam... (adamr...), November 9th, 2004 1:37 PM. (nordicskilla) (later)

a party = downtown berkeley?

Hahah -- for a second I was VERY confused.

Me = Kranky

Most of the weddings I've been to were super duds. The worst was my cousin's wedding. The couple is super right wing christian conservative. The ceremony included such lovely things as the explanation that only men can have a relationship with god - it is the woman's just solely to support her husband in HIS relationship with god.

That would be the perfect time for *cough*BULLSHIT!*cough*.

the priest who did our ceremony said a few things that we didn't really believe in, I can't even remember what they were now, but I guess they raised some eyebrows in our friend's uber feminist wife (who is a bitch). Now, rather than giving us the benefit of the doubt that we obviously barely knew this priest, and obviously hadn't written his off the cuff remarks (which, as far as I remember, really were pretty tame), the first thing she said to my wife after the ceremony was "How could you stand it?" I thought this was pretty rude.

So, you know, wedding ceremonies aren't about you. And sometimes they aren't even about the couple; they're about the couple's family and compromise. So best to keep your bullshits to yourself at least the day of.

the anger.

I have to admit I was not being serious upthread...

http://www.identifont.com/samples/microsoft/Webdings.gif

English people (Madchen and the Carsmiles) waltzing to Flower of Scotland (I have video evidence of this).

blimey, i had no idea i was being taped...

i LOVE weddings, this is because i am a BIG SOPPY FULE. i haven't been to any dreadful ones, even the happy-clappy ones were good. the recent one for my oldest mate ever did have a FUCKING APPALLING DJ though, and made me realise that although being a top notch wedding dj is, indeed, a finely honed skill, any idiot with an idea of how to work a crowd/of contemporary pop music could do better than this guy...

whaaaaaa?

I hope you aren't implying I am a bitch. I am a feminist though, and those sorts of beliefs disgust me. The pastor also talked about how Eve led to the ruin of mankind. It wasn't very romantic. I didn't tell my cousin or his new wife that though. I suppose I should just be happy for them.

but overall i like weddings--it's fun to get all dressed up and drink too much and eat fancy food and see friends all glowingy happyish about being together. i made the mistake of agreeing to play violin at a friend's wedding once and was very conflicted because i wanted to watch the processional and was feeling all sentimental because she was my first friend to get married....but i had to play too. but wedding music tends to be really easy stuff luckily, hard to fuck up, so it went fine anyway.

Yeah, this is the big lesson I learned from my own wedding. We still had a lovely time, but I was so angry with myself for not checking the dj out more thoroughly before hiring him.

We did that! There wasn't a dance floor/much room unfortunately, but we made up 7 or 8 cds, and stuck them in the cd player. They ended up on random, so even though we'd picked them all it was still a surprise whatever song came on.

Our wedding was very enjoyable! Though looking at the videos both families insisted on taking Chris looks petrified, it's quite amusing!

One of my few regrets is that no-one had the video on for the speeches (the best man was the only proper speech, both my dad and chris only said a few words) and I can't remember for the life of me what any of them said.

we did a wedding last week actually and the couple (who were friends of friend) sent us a list of 70 songs they wanted to hear, which made life SOSOSOSOSOSOSOSO much easier...

I would be so mad if someone put down my wedding, especially on the day of...

love a good wedding! first time a close friend has got married was this weekend just gone. had an amazing time, it was in the south west of ireland and i spent three nights there, with a huge number of really good friends. practically sweating guinness right now i am so hungover. there was a traditional irish sing song type thing last night for a few hours, which was great, then myself and a friend stood up solemnly and sang "i feel like chicken tonight, like sicin anocht", the noted irish ballad. also managed to get the entire pub (including the groom's mum and dad") raucously singing "I LIKE TO MOVE IT MOVE IT" and then randomly "sweat" by inner circle!!!

downside of weddings=feeling old, feeling single.

I didn't know where else to post this but holllllllllllly christ

http://gawker.com/5948725/reasons-why-you-cannot-be-a-bridesmaid?post=53208120

This is the full text of the email in question

To m lovely Bridesmaid: [Names removed to protect the brideslaves]
As you all know I picked 10 wonderful ladies to stand by my side, share and make happen my special day to Jake. Each of you individually have a reason and a special place in my heart of why I picked you to be a bridesmaid. We have set our date for Saturday, August 31, 2013 in Vail, Colorado. That seems far away but it really isn't, the earlier the planning the better. You may have already knew that my wonderful sister L— will be the Maid of Honor, she's in charge under me. Also my lovely mom will be a big help as well. L— has a big role in throwing me a bridal shower and bachelorette party, of course all of you guys do but at the end of the day shes the go to person and makes it happen.
You all have a big roll in this wedding, so before we continue I'm going to be setting some ground rules and its very important you read and think about everything through before you accept this honor to be a bridesmaid. If you guys email anything I would also like you to put L— in the CC. Not all the bridesmaid need to be CC'd unless its coming from me or L—, if it something everyone needs to see then well do it. We set the date to August 31, 2013 if that's a problem we need to know NOW. Also by the end of the week we will be setting dates for the engagement party, bridal show and bachelorette party.
Our wedding party is really the most important people at the wedding besides my self and Jake so we want every single one of our bridesmaid and grooms at our parties, I have 10 not 8 where two couldn't make it so if you already know you cant make one of the parties then we have to find someone else, not to be harsh in the slightest it would sadden me and of course you'll still be invited to our wedding, engagement ect. But it's different if your not in the wedding party and couldn't make it. We'll give everyone well advance dates for the parties and it will always fall on a weekend. The wedding as I stated will be in Vail the engagement party will either be in NY or CT and the bachelorette party will be in Vegas, cliche yeaa but I've never been.
A few girls live out of town so if there is going to be a problem with coming to either one then I need to know now because after this week I don't want to be surprised. I would like everyone to send me any dates they are going away or planning to go away after February so if your going away in January I don't care. I want any dates from February to the day of our wedding in August, that way we know not to plan something when your away. But after this week the dates are set in stone. Also if money is tight and you cant afford to contribute to say the bachelorette party or wont be able to afford a dress etc then L— and Myself don't have time to deal with that, I'm sorry. This includes flights as well, everyone knows the states where the parties are going to be held so if you wont be able to afford a flight then that means you cant make a party which ultimately means I cant have you as a bridesmaid. Obviously we'll get the best deals and were not gonna books flights for $1000 and shit that's why were doing this in advance, that goes for bridesmaids dresses as well everything will be affordable but if you think by affordable its going to be a $25 forever 21 dress then your going to the wrong wedding.
If your out of state though don't think you have to fly in for all fittings, that we will work with you, find stores in your town, get measurements..you don't have to worry about that. Also if you accept this honor another thing is that you need to be available, I'm not going to harass you with wedding stuff every hour of everyday but if its something important and it takes you a week even 2-3 days to get back to me seeeee ya! I don't have time to wait around for responses, everyone has their phone on them, it shouldn't take you more than a day to get back to me, even if your out of the country, check your email!
Furthermore, Ever since I could remember I have dreamed about this day all my life. I want to share it with the people that are most important to me. You only get one time to plan your dream wedding and I couldn't pick a more amazing group of girls to make that dream come true! So please, what's stated above think about it all and by Wednesday I need to know if everyone is 100% in, and what I have asked about sending me dates if your gonna be away between Feb-Aug ill need that on Wednesday. If you don't think you'll be able to attend one party but can make the rest of them I'm sorry but I'll have to take you out as a bridesmaid and put you as a guest. If you want to get back to me before Wednesday, that's fine. Really think about everything I've said. This is really going to be the most epic wedding ever so I hope you girls can share this special day with us!
Love,

You all have a big roll in this wedding,

http://www.printeresting.org/wp-content/uploads/2010/08/Summer_Giant-Roll-of-BFK-Paper.jpg

http://www.badaxefumc.org/men/cinrollg.jpg

I hope I don't offend anyone by saying this, but I don't think I will ever shake the feeling that demanding that ANYONE do ANYTHING for your wedding, other than your immediate family, other than just showing up if possible, is a gigantic asshole.

Ever since I could remember I have dreamed about this day all my life.

so sad and yet so typical

I hope I don't offend anyone by saying this, but I don't think I will ever shake the feeling that demanding that ANYONE do ANYTHING for your wedding, other than your immediate family, other than just showing up if possible, is a gigantic asshole.

I was going to give you the gasface but then I read that email. Holy shit.

Expecting to HAVE a bridal party at all of any kind after sending an email like that is just lol

"Yeah no sorry I can't make it" x # of people in your bridal party by EOD

"You are all the dearest and most special people in my life, and if you do one thing to make my special day one iota less than what I imagined, I will cut you off like a planter's wart and cast you into the rabble who merely make up my audience and not my favored retinue."

What's that? Oh you can't afford to fly to Vale and New York and Vegas? YOU ARE DEAD TO ME. But please be a guest at the wedding! Kisses!"

Ultimately it's Jake I feel sorry for.

Generally speaking, if I try very hard to be sympathetic, there's a way to say what she's saying in a very short and much more polite, less insane email

I mean, she's just doing the verbal equivalent of spinning wildly out of control here...and when it's freaking FEB and you're not marrying til Aug, that is kind of a bad sign

but I think big weddings are designed as some kind of trap to make people crazy - all you gotta do is lean into it and VOOP off to crazytown

you can have a big wedding and not be insane -- but no-one ever talks about THOSE weddings

It also makes me somewhat resentful that someone can be (I'm assuming) rich and still have such a poor grasp of the English language

my coworker said the exact same thing

honestly it doesn't surprise me in the least

I have a friend who finds great jewelry on the ground at all the outdoor weddings he attends. No one ever claims it.

wow! that's a good racket

Seems like weddings are getting way more tv, blog, Pinterest, general website attention than ever... Why?

the best thing about my 1 1/2 year marriage was the wedding. we had an open bar and an avante guard indiejazzband

on the other hand i dj weddings, some are awesome, some are complete shitshows. last nights was pretty bad, i mean there's drunk and then there's DRUNK

bridezillas are the fucking worst.

Argh, best friend from growing up is doing a destination wedding. I think it might be to avoid having some of the bride's racist/antisemitic relatives come. But it's at an expensive resort hotel in Mexico and it's on fucking memorial day weekend, so the flights are ridiculous too. I think when you add up the cost of our plane tickets + the resort + my wife having to take at least one unpaid vacation day (resort has a 3 night minimum stay) we'd be looking at $3500 minimum for the weekend. BTW the hotel charges you $100 per day to attend wedding events if you stay somewhere else!

I feel like it's the right thing to do to go, but I honestly don't know if I can do this right now.

my feeling around destination weddings is that if you can't make it, it's kind of the couple's fault for picking such a hard to reach place.

If your friend asked you for $3500 to help finance a life-saving liver transplant operation, you'd be justified to feel bad in refusing, but this is $3500 to attend a really big, rather self-indulgent party. Give the couple a very nice gift and a heartfelt card congratulating them and I'm sure there'd be no lingering hard feelings.

seriously, as you point out it's absurdly expensive to attend just about any non-local wedding, the hosts should be grateful that anyone comes. i don't think there should ever be an expectation apart that anyone except immediate family will jump on plane to go anywhere to see you get married

ugh, my grammar sucks, i think you get the point though

Ok thx, that makes me feel better. His family and my family were very close growing up, although we've kind of fallen out of touch in recent years. He was in the "almost family" category for me. Of course, I can't imagine my own brother setting up a wedding without doing it in a way that made sure I could attend.

My best friend got married in Mexico. My wife and I were invited, even for me to be a part of the wedding, but with the full understanding of "It's in Mexico, we won't be offended if you don't participate in this ridiculous plot of ours."

yeah if your friend is any kind of decent person he knew that this type of ceremony would result in a lot of declines, and he's not going to he upset. send a card, and plan some time in the future to take the happy couple out and do some celebrating.

Would anyone care to offer a defense of "child-free weddings"?

Not really. But we just didn't have space/couldn't afford to have a lot of kids along, outside babes-in-arms and immediate family. I did find it a bit sad. It didn't really feel like what weddings are in my head.

That I can understand. This is a family included (no exceptions) situation however, and I'm a bit baffled by it.

no defence cos I love kids but maybe a defence ito its their wedding

they're going to have sex in the church while everyone solemnly applauds

it's a freemason thing

I took my infant (not quite babe in arms) son to a wedding of a really close friend, was hoping to spend time with other friends I never see and are moving abroad etc - managed to spend a couple of 20-min chunks doing that and the rest attending to a teething baby then leaving early. tbf he was fine in the ceremony but they are a huge demand on time.

Right - I'd say a decent side-effect of not generally being able to have kids there was that parents felt they had a really excellent, guilt-free pretext for a babysitter or handing kids to the relatives, and could have a night going for it.

though it amped up the 'oh christ I hope everyone's having a good time' thing, since I was worrying about people paying for babysitters.

My wife's cousin just got engaged over the summer. We got a holiday letter from her aunt mentioning that the wedding is in summer of 2025. It's not exactly a save the date, but it's the month and year of the wedding, so ... close enough, imo. I don't have any really young friends, but my wife tells me this is normal these days, essentially announcing the wedding years in advance. So ... is it? Is it a trend? Why? Is it required, because bookings/weekends are so competitive that you have to snag a place years in advance?