Official Ashes Cricket Thread 2009: England Vs Australia

http://www.cricketnews.com.au/images/the-ashes-urn1.jpg
Wednesday, 08 July 2009
npower Test Match Series
England v Australia, Cardiff, 11:00
Thursday, 16 July 2009
npower Test Match Series
England v Australia, Lord's, 11:00
Thursday, 30 July 2009
npower Test Match Series
England v Australia, Edgbaston, 11:00
Friday, 07 August 2009
npower Test Match Series
England v Australia, Headingley Carnegie, 11:00
Thursday, 20 August 2009
npower Test Match Series
England v Australia, The Brit Oval, 11:00

Rumours are Michael Vaughan has missed out on the 16 man training squad but Harmison & Panesar are to get a recall. Though Rashid is thought to be really pushing Panesar as he went to *a proper school™
Simon Jones is out for the season so he wont feature in the later tests as had been hoped. Pietersen is struggling with his injury and he has to do a course of pain management over the summer to get through the series. Who knows if Flintoff will make it through any of the series nevermind the whole thing, but he's unlikely to be 100% fit for an entire series but fingers crossed anyway.

The Aussie squad is

Ricky Ponting (captain)
Michael Clarke (vice-captain)
Stuart Clark
Brad Haddin
Nathan Hauritz
Ben Hilfenhaus
Phillip Hughes
Michael Hussey
Mitchell Johnson
Simon Katich
Brett Lee
Graham Manou
Andrew McDonald
Marcus North
Peter Siddle
Shane Watson

* As noted by the ultimate cricket authority known as l0u1s jagg3r

So will England confound expectations and regain the Ashes or will Ponting's men win 5-0 again?

Now is the time for talk, action begins on July 8th *
Roll on Cardiff!!
http://www.theashescricketlive.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/05/cardiffground.jpg

* English weather permitting.

No more McGrath but I'm posting this anyway in honour of King Boy Pato
http://www.cartoonstock.com/newscartoons/cartoonists/bgr/lowres/bgrn677l.jpg

I was trying to think up a suitable title before starting this thread (swithering between 'Australia won't be on dis ting' and 'Amjid Khan played on') but you beat me to it. I'm feeling a comfortable England win, oddly.

What does the English weather have to do with Cardiff?

'Amjid Khan played on'

Nice.

Nice work pfunkboy!

Causes for English optimism: Australia have a dodgy few players in their batting line up (Katich I don't rate, Hussey has had a terrible run recently, Clarke wasn't much good in English conditions last time), and their bowling attack without a spinner effectively, and is pretty green.

On the other hand: Phil Hughes.

A lot depends on KP IMO. If he can get 600 runs for the series, England should win it.

He wont be fully fit so I don't think he will.

What's with the wednesday start btw? Doesn't seem right.

I'm guessing it's so there's 3 free rest days between test matches?

yeah, that's the reason, and the Lords Thursday start is sacrosanct. Won't be a great start to the series if it's a bowler's wicket and the first test is over before the weekend

Or if it pisses down and is abandoned without a ball being bowled!

I'm terrified of Phil Hughes and Mitchell Johnson. And I think Peter Siddle is going to be more than an irritant. And then I start worrying that the people who haven't necessarily been in form - Mike Hussey particularly - are suddenly going to hit a streak of runs. And Brett Lee, although people have been talking him down, did reasonably well in the IPL, if I remember right.

I'm not at all sure that our bowling attack is all it's (recently) been cracked up to be. I'm with Justin Langer when he says if England think they're going to spin Australia out of the Ashes, despite the way Cardiff played recently, they're on the completely wrong track, and yet...

And yet I can't help feeling that we've got a better than decent chance. Broad's going to have to prove that he's the bowler that everyone thinks he is, but that I'm not quite sure he is yet, Swann's going to have to continue his excellent figures and keep his chipper mentality, Bopara's got to make sure his batting is an unflustered and sweet as it clearly can be, and not get out after some nice looking shots.

If we're relying on Pietersen and Flintoff we're fucked, but surely there's going to be a couple of moments where their contribution could be crucial - series winning or losing. It'd be nice to see Strauss playing as he did in the Caribbean.

At the moment it feels 50/50, and I'm really excited.

FREE-NIL
WERE GONNA WIN FREE-NIL
WERE GONNA WIN FREE-NIL
WERE GONNA WIN FREE-NIL

I was trying to think up a suitable title before starting this thread

Suggest "Two Bald Men Fighting Over a Comb"

http://www.news.com.au/common/imagedata/0,,6682463,00.gif

If KP dies, you might as well give up. I mean, an England XI made of up entirely English cricketers?

Though Rashid is thought to be really pushing Panesar as he went to *a proper school™

yes, the school of leg-spin

Also, KBP, we've got plenty of others. Captain and wicketkeeper f'rinstance.

http://www.cricinfo.com/engvaus2009/content/current/story/410177.html

Leaving out Harmison is a mistake. Much as he is a complete c*nt, he is bowling well again and I reckon the Aussies would rather face Onions than him. I'm not sure I'd play him at Cardiff, but but but he should be in the squad i) as a pace option for bouncier pitches later in the series, and ii) because there no chance that Flintoff, Sidebottom and Anderson will remain injury-free for the whole series. I know they can call someone up later, but i'd get him involved now. Bresnan shouldn't be there IMO.

Harmison ahead of Bresnan every fucking time

Bresnan shouldn't be there, no. Plenty of bowlers around the country doing better than him (although he can plainly bat a bit too).

Harmison is an irritating and crotchety case. He's been doing very well of late, but a) with plenty of help from the other end, usually Onions, and b) on largely helpful pitches. He had a good spell at Edgbaston the other day (later trumped by Onions), but he *always* flunks it at the highest level nowadays, and is as wet as a flannel, so I'm comfortable with that decision. Well, comfortable if we're not taking Bresnan into account.

O look Chris Tremlett took 4 against Gloucs remember him?

Where's Ian Blackwell lolz

This squad isn't final fwiw

lol @ watto

http://www.foxsports.com.au/story/0,,25673432-5009880,00.html

this guy suuuux

jesus, is he ever not injured

his gf is a pretty amazing sports news presenter tho

Oh hai...

http://www.cricketfizz.com/cricketblog/wp-content/uploads/2008/02/shane.jpg

lol u can see how he got "stiffness" lol

so much for stiffness

hodge in, i say

^^

Call up Sandri, he has Hughes' number!

yes what this england team needs is another born and raised south african who has spent 3 months in england

Was joking, but thanks. If its any consolation, Luke Wright has just got Ponting.

what this england team needs is a low-rent shane watson

what this england team needed/needs - jones,flintoff/vaughan etc fit for the last four years/KP 100% fully fit.

Vaughan is not needed.

I'm actually suddenly quite confident about the Ashes.

Vaughan may be needed if anyone picks up an injury though.

If vaughan hadnt been injured for years and lost form he would have been needed. and yes, hes cover for bopara or cook if they get injured. Shah can fuck off.

Ian Blackwell should be first batting reserve.

:D

He'd certainly bulk up the batting line-up.

lol and Rob Key amirite amirite lol fatty amirite

amirite

should be more gentleman of the larger persuasion in the England team IMO

bring back Ian Austin!

robert croft amiriiiite

blee and hauritzzz batted well then

as did that CHEAT haddin

you sure showed sussex

^__^

7/349 off 90 overs, day 1 of a 4 day tour match. Not actually much wrong with that.

Flintoff watch: 93 off 41 balls in a 20-20 match this evening.

hauritz fails against county team, not rly surprising imo >:O

Pessimistic baot 1st test

Know what you mean wilter. Our consistent inability over the last few years to take 20 wickets keeps on popping up in my head, especially when I saw Australia's lower order helping to put on a decent score when the top order have collapsed. Such an old story against England. And - Mitchell Johnson.

Madness to leave out Harmison. In another sense I wonder about the effect his return would have on the dressing room, given his past antics. I guess the decision has been made that the more unpleasant aspects of the recent past must be absolutely broken with.

We'll see how that holds if England lose that first match.

Michael Vaughan retires for good. Know there was no hope. Part of me is still upset that he was never able to make a comeback:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/cricket/counties/yorkshire/8122839.stm

Yeah, despite him being the most succesful England captain in history, he never truly fulfilled his batting potential. Will always remember those incredible centuries he made in the 02/03 Ashes series though.

Although Flintoff once cured a hangover for me with the sheer exuberance of his batting, Vaughan was always my favourite batsman - immensely frustrating, as you say Neil, that he never continued the brilliance of that Ashes series.

Those last couple of years were awful. I did think that he and Trescothick would get much closer to Graham Gooch's runs total.

My favourite Vaughan century is probably 150-ish score he made in the 2005 series (his only big score then).

"successful", "England captain"

I think my favourite one in recent years would be that chanceless 124 he made against India at Trent Bridge, which if it had continued could well have been match and series saving - England were on 287-3 at the time, having conceded a dreadful first innings deficit.

Then the ball came off his thigh pad and dobbled onto the stumps.

That was his only good post-2005 innings! And yeah, being slaughtered in his prime was always kinda apt. Preferred Trescothick as a batsman any day.

He's gonna be a dullsville commentator. Not the great cricketing mind of our times. Fortunately, Shane Warne's also in the box, and he is.

We're stuck with the Sky Sports krew for SBS commentary. So glad that Warney is in the box telling it like it is with references to pizza. Oh, and Stuart MacGill is on the SBS team introducing the coverage. Hopefully with a glass of shiraz in hand.

hahaha! stuey glwyndyrgryffin hautecouture macgill, love 'im

between those two and kerry o'keeffe, aussie legspinners be doin' wonders for the services of entertaining, intelligent* cricket chat

*less so in kerry's case but c'mon the dude is hysterical

^^ <3 o'keeffe

so Blee in, Hauritz out then

http://www.foxsports.com.au/story/0,,25726594-5009880,00.html

A few Lions batsmen had a duty to make Hauritz look good there, and they failed consummately. Clark it is, then

no hauritz prob no watson n_n!

rip bulls, you were a good state

haha. hay Louis it's pretty sweet how all this international cricket stars are gonna play in the Aus domestic 20 20!?

Are they roping in forriners for the first time? I know you get a Younis Khan here and a er I can't think of anyone else there in the Pura Cup, but full-scale foreign invasion for the KFC? Groovy.

(It IS the KFC, right?)

Gayle and Malinga for a start i think

They'll do. Bulls getting anyone good?

Right, I'm totally psyched for this now.

good luck england

we'll need it

Here you go then: Lee out. I'm gutted about this. I was watching the excellent Channel 5 2005 retrospective earlier - he was heroic and most of all I want to see the two teams at their best. Hope he's back for Lord's.

: (

super shitty news re Lee

esp if it means hauritz back in

hauritz will be in >:|

english batsmen will find ways of self-destructing against hauritz

hah hopefully. fuk he's rubbish tho

you watch him and it's just like, do something!!!

warne has already claimed he's a better bowler than graeme swann

i <3 warne and his ways :D

McGrath predicting 5-0 to Australia. Him and his challops!

pretty O_o article from roebuck here http://www.smh.com.au/articles/2009/07/07/1246732332169.html

More than is sensible and much more than their opponents, English cricket measures itself by results in Ashes series. It is an odd obsession that tells of respect, fear and regret. Contests between these countries are part civil war, part family argument and part neighbourly joust. And England has an exceptional ability to delude itself, about its standing. Hereabouts, everyone speaks fondly about 2005 and ignores the rest. Victories are celebrated, defeats quickly forgotten, or else explained away.

8==D~~

i guess he's always O_o

yes, england is a country famed for optimism

lol i just remembered this:

In 1999, while working as a commentator abroad, Roebuck met three young cricketers, all aged 19, and offered to coach them, inviting them to live at his home in England. He warned them beforehand that he would use corporal punishment if they failed to obey his "house rules". He caned all three boys on their buttocks at different times for misbehaviour and in 2001 was given a suspended jail sentence after pleading guilty to three charges of common assault. He told the court, "Obviously I misjudged the mood and that was my mistake and my responsibility and I accept that."

that is always a good thing to remember

Strauss wins the toss. England to bat first. Wicket looks good apparently.

can't wait. first day of an ashes series. my birthday. come on england

Back in 2005 I was still a student and got to spend the whole glorious summer in front of the TV in my underpants, beer and snacks close to hand. Now I'm having to furtively follow TMS at work, whilst trying to look busy. *sigh*

^^ I know how it feels, late night excursions sitting in front of the telly with crisps are restricted to Friday/Saturday only.

The day you graduate is easily the worst day in any Cricket fan's life.

Here we go.

How bad was that shot. Almost as bad as this bowling attack. Cook will be kicking himself.

l0u1s jagg3r, you may begin self-loathing...oh wait, you already have. Anyway, England just lost a wicket!

Batting first and losing on this wicket will take some work.

Any self-respecting batsman would have left that well alone. Still, bloody good catch from Mr. Coleslaw there.

Batting first and losing on this wicket will take some work.

If anyone can do it, then...

We have the men for the job.

Intent on not taking the game to the Aussies

Nothing wrong with taking it steady first morning of the series, I reckon.

Peter Siddle's bowling isn't exactly inspiring confidence on our end.

compared to that first ball of Johnson's he looks a champ

Bopara should've gone then.

Oh it's okay Strauss made it up to them.

Take back what I said about the wicket.

And Mitchell Johnson

mitchell takes a while to hit his range but when he does yr fucked

Oh good Collingwood's here to steady the ship.

Right, come on. Let's have some proper batting.

Not a bad knock fae these two.

Yeah I need to be sarcy about Collingwood more often.

You were being sarcy? 0_o

Some limp cricket from Aus too.

He shut the Aussies up last time when they were mouthing off about his MBE by getting a double ton.

Ponting is very negative when KP is in. They get defensive and just hope to get him out, as long as they stop him scoring quickly they're happy. Hopefully KP can remain patient and not do anything silly.
The Aussies only need 1 wkt and England could collapse so I don't get why they aren't targeting KP. I bet if Lee was playing they wouldn't be so negative.

xxpost

Yeah I just don't get on with him at all. Can't argue with this afternoon's performance so far tho.

The Aussies took 3 wickets in the 1st session, England 1 wicket away from being in real trouble and they employ a defensive field after lunch. Very strange.
3rd session today could be pivotal.

I just hope England don't give any wickets away as they're prone to.

Tying up Pietersen until he gets frustrated is as good a way as any of getting him out imo. They seem to be scoring steadily enough tho.

xpost Kerr are you familiar with the phrase Kiss of Death?

you just gave it.
aussies 1 wkt away now from getting Eng out cheap. When was the last time Fred made a 50 for England nevermind a ton.

coulda been worse if Clarke had taken that chance mind you.

Dude you really need to get some optimism or this series is gonna be long and brutal.

fucking hell KP you prick

worst shot ever

time to find out...

xxxxp

KP is a fucking idiot playing that shot.

"The ball was drifting further away from him - it wasn't an off-spinner. Hauritz doesn't look like he could bowl my mum out then he gets the best batsman out. Well, he got himself out the dozy so-and-so."
Sir Geoffrey Boycott on TMS

1706 - 249-5 As you can imagine, Sir Boycs is going berserk on TMS. If Boycott was at the crease for a thousand years, he still wouldn't play that shot Pietersen just played.

"He's got too much class and too many shots to be playing stupid shots like that. The more you see it, the worse it gets..." Ian Chappell on TMS

It must be hard not to swear while commentating when someone gets out like that. Hats off to Sir Geoffrey.

boycott cut and paste commentator word kit:

rhubarb - celery - mother - grandmother - eyes closed - stick

sky sports pitch cam awesomely nerdy, especially in hd.

the lovely jane just back in from work with some flowers and moet for my birthday. time to crack in. cheers all!

50 for Prior. Well played, him and fred dig us out of a bit of a self-inflicted hole.

Absolutely fantastic atmosphere btw

Shit. Freddie out. Day probably swung to Australia now.

Prior out. Despite pontings negative tactics, they've worked out very well for him. England 7 down and the aussies cock-a-hoop.

Would probably have taken 350 at the start of today tbf

not 7 down on that pitch with no centuries. We've gifted wickets too. Aussies not having to work for their wickets, England have let them off the hook every time.

you offer the aussies 6 wkts at the start of the day and they woulda bit your hand off, and they've got 7. If they bowl England out for under 350, they know that A) theyre not batting to save the match B) if they bat well they can position themselves to get a big 1st innings lead.

There really should have been a couple of centuries in that innings but Swann and Broad are capable of putting on a decent partnership, Siddle and Hauritz look pretty useless imo.

definitely honours even. england may get 370 which they would have taken at start of day one. our bowling attack is more effective and they bat second.

flintoff's aggression totally changed the feel of the day.

Would have taken this at the start of the day no question, wickets thrown away notwithstanding.

at 5 down things were looking great, the game was starting to get away from the Aussies. Must make 400 min to put pressure on or its a wasted opportunity.

Our bowling attack might look better but A) they gotta perform B) Australia's batsmen are probably better and wont throw wickets away like ours did.

We should make 400 I think. Sending Anderson in seems an odd move though, he'll really slow things down tomorrow morning.

haha only if he doesn't get out and bats through the session. Not very likely, eh?

Im not sure about getting 400. Broad and Swann would have to get us there. Get one of them out and the other could run out of partners.

so its certainly no done deal.

don't see why "no centuries" matters to what run total you'd take at the start of the day.

well, if it had been 336-5 with KP or Colly making a century it wouldve been a big difference. Why do you think the Aussies are so delighted? They know they havent been batted out of the game after losing the toss on a flat pitch. And I dont think they fear Monty or Swann.

right, of course having lost two less wickets makes a difference, i'm just saying runs is runs and i'd have taken 336 for 7, regardless of whether two guys got 150 or every player got 40 or whatever.

no centuries is not a concern per se

Not sure the Aussies are "delighted" anyway. Delighted at Hauritz getting a wicket, maybe.

imo no centuries is a bit of a concern given the amount of starts

exactly

especially as England have a history of failing to make centuries in recent years.
Centuries win matches.

Innings totals win matches.

Perhaps the number of scores above thirty and yet no centuries suggests that England should be in a better position overnight than they find themselves and that the Aussies could pile on with a big first innings lead.

On the other hand, maybe it shows that it is a difficult pitch to be 'in' on - although the self-inflicted manner of KP's dismissal does not support this proposal.

I tend to agree that it is the innings total that really matters. Centuries and catches might win matches, but only insofar as they means runs and wickets for the team.

I think I'd rather get a decent total via everyone contributing, than a decent total from a couple of centuries plus a handful in the teens, but it's not clear-cut.

how baout longarse partnerships win watches then?

but yeah I only watched teh first session, our bowlers suckkkkk

when 2 aussies make big hundreds and score 550 lets see what people think then

totes looking forward to Hughes copping bouncers too

That was amazing when Ravi got hit in the throat last night. He didn't flinch!

I dont think anything bothers Ravi.

jesus, we score over 300 without being bowled out on the first day, after a poor start. there's a chance to set a first innings total close to 380 on a strange bastard pitch. and still people want to say england are in a bad position. get real.

when 2 aussies make big hundreds and score 550 lets see what people think then

― pfunkboy (Herman G. Neuname), Wednesday, July 8, 2009 10:21 PM (1 minute ago) Bookmark

if i were you i wouldn't watch any more.

i think the consensus is that it's even stevens atm, wahtever

With KP looking so good and not looking like getting out, ponting setting a negative field to him, so not even trying to get him out, a big score was on. Missed opportunity for England.

i'm with the consensus, wilter, and looking forward to a good day's cricket tomorrow. my issue was with herman's negativity.

yepp it's going to be ace

With KP looking so good and not looking like getting out, ponting setting a negative field to him, so not even trying to get him out, a big score was on. Missed opportunity for Englan

none of the england batters looked like getting out but they got out cos of bad shots. that's cricket. ponting's negativity suggests he has little faith in his bowlers. i know which team i have more faith in.

it's going to be ace

agreed, bring it on

don't mind negative herman

I still can't believe they made Stuart MacGill the HOST of the Australian coverage.

Especially with THAT tie!

Greg Matthews: "Hilfenhaus could be a Poor Man's Terry Alderman."

Who are these useless men on the pitch? Oh, wait...

their ties yesterday were terrible too

Hey Australia, here's a protip: try to get rid of the tail, not let them score some more runs.

enjoying the SBS team and their ridic ties, would take mcgill over human sedative brendon droolian anytime

shite

This is the worst Australian bowling attack ever, bloody useless.

lol

I'd like to think Merv Hughes is somewhere kicking a dog right now.

hilfenhaus nearly cried when he didn't get the lbw decision.

i'm sure mcgrath is still adamant it'll be australia 5-0 xp

Swann's county coach, Mick Newell, once said that "Swann doesn't bat, he hits fours".

This awesome strategy of "bowling pathetically towards the batsmen and hopefully the ball might get caught if they don't slog us for six" is why Ponting is number one and the best and should be captain forever.

lol 10 an over

How did we not get 600 against this attack?

Maybe we still will...

"Hilfenhaus" is German for "absolutely useless rubbish", by the way.

big lols @ hauritz tonite

we needed krejza!!
always been a fan of that fucking guy!!

Brett Lee being pumped full of industrial-strength cortisone/ket cocktail as we speak.

Warne/McGrath back from retirement next match.

This is weird situation, our batting should be better than this attack on paper but it's prone to underachievement.

However the Aussie batting is still pretty good, so our bowlers have to do well to bowl them out twice.

Bring back Trevor Chappell, at the very least it'll bring the run rate down.

How many first class 50s has Monty Panesar got btw?

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

However the Aussie batting is still pretty good, so our bowlers have to do well to bowl them out twice.

Draw on the cards, esp. if it rains at some point

Anderson should have just pointed to his wicket and said "bit tired of this batting caper, can someone *please* take my wicket?"

MONTY IS BATTING - NEXT!!!

test average = 5

About to go up dramatically.

top first class score is 39

never in doubt

This beer advertisement just went on for OVER two minutes.

Apparently, Australians like beer.

About to go up dramatically.

― Bo'para Selecta! (Noodle Vague), Thursday, July 9, 2009 9:00 PM (1 minute ago) Bookmark

OTMest statement ever

ALMOST four!!

who knew!

haha

Panesar has shown signs of potential but is not yet a confident batsman, averaging about seven runs per innings. His best international innings was against Sri Lanka at Trent Bridge in 2006, when Panesar scored 26 off 28 balls by employing the sweep shot, including a swept six off Muttiah Muralitharan albeit in a losing cause. In the 2006 Perth, Ashes Test Match, Panesar scored an unbeaten 16 runs, putting on the biggest partnership of the innings with fellow bowler Steve Harmison.

"Hilfenhaus" is German for "absolutely useless rubbish", by the way.

Well he has got "Help!" in his name

This is just the traditional Aussie ploy to ramp up the price when they back themselves for the series next Monday, right?

"Help, I am absolutely useless rubbish. Why am I wearing a Baggy Green? WHY?"

this morning i was slightly miffed an English commentator called Australia's attack laughable...........................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

We need Monty to get his highest test score here.

This is just the traditional Aussie ploy to ramp up the price when they back themselves for the series next Monday, right?

Dunno, but I'll put $10 down the pub this weekend anyway.

Was it the time before last you were over here and lost the first test, the price went to about 7/1 for the series then you took it comfortably about 3-1?

This is the one to tell the grandkids, when Hauritz bowled to Monty...wait, what?

SWASHBUCKLING!!

he won't play again this series (hopefully?)

btw not to take away from those various awes shots today :)

who called it laughable? was it boycott?

Okay, Johnson coming in to put an end to this madness.

Or maybe not.

ha cant remember it was in a "summary of englishes press overnight" article xxp

who called it laughable? was it boycott?

Phil Tufnell

^joke

phil dominator tuffnell

Look at that turn..

Phil Tufnell in mouthing off like Phil Tufnell shocker.

no ball lols

massive lol

Whoa! Slow down, Monty!

Bad call double lol

AT BLOODY LAST

Okay, let's hope Jimmy hasn't worn himself out batting.

lol stuck on 47 swann lol

"Monty Dismissal Leaves Graeme Up the Swanny"

ERE WE GO PHIL HUGHES

Stuart MacGill is a good host but he'd be much better if they broke out the wine.

Michael Holding should just present every show on TV.

going to be an exciting half hour before lunch

Only if Holding can present with Willey.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ xxp

The presenter's Holding, the commentator's Willey

^ ITV's football coverage

lol Gerald Sinstadt

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L3nLp0EwodI

reminder^^^^^^^^^^

seriously? this is why the site new answers is dead? this?

anderson got the yips already?!

what xpost

FOUR LEG BYES, THIS IS THE STUFF THAT LEGENDS ARE MADE OF!!

It's Barmy Harmison all over again!

yorker or chin ball required to hughes

Broad did well second half of that over.

Attempted murder with a cricket ball worked against the old Bradman (xp)

lol

Don't think it was a great idea for Hughes to keep the strike, Broad's bowling a good line to him now.

Hush mah mouth.

yoo yoo yooo

(long way togo)

Decent enough session!

Yeah. Wd avoid bowling Anderson too much to Hughes, you really need to bowl a tight line to the guy and that's not exactly Jimmy's forte.

WHERE THE CHIN MUSOC

I have even less desire to drink VB, if such a thing were possible.

get freddie pumped over lunch

I expect to have "A Clockwork Orange" reaction to the VB label by the end of The Ashes.

lovely first ball

the f factor

missed the wicket, but 63-1

could use a wicket here

john howard on TMS now. lovely chap.

even he says "oh look, ..."

I think we're seeing the pattern of this Ashes played out here.

lots of big totals because the Aussies bowling is bad, but their batting is great.

I just want to repost this every summer

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fyc22i1hVbk

I will never tire of watching that. I saw it happen live and I nearly woke my folks up with my laughing.

where's LJ with his Monty abuse btw? is he joining in on the hate on 606?

lots of big totals because the Aussies bowling is bad, but their batting is great.

And this pitch is deader than Jacko's brain

our spinners should be making the difference here.

Flintoff really is a class act, must be hard for Strauss to resist the temptation to bowl him into the ground.

the difference so far is that the aussies arent gifting wickets like england did. I really hope this doesn't turn out to be a missed opportunity for us.

I hope they don't get 650 and then Hauritz bowls us out

ugh

this pair could only be more comfortable if they were playing in otter skin flannels.

I can't see where a wicket is gonna come from. Gonna be pissed off if 2 of the aussie top 3 make centuries after all of ours failed on a flat pitch against the weakest aussie attack in 20 years.

Relax, freddie will come back and get both these guys before close of play

Who do you think he is, Peter Siddle?

swann and monty are as threatening as geoffrey howe at the moment.

I've got a day off tomorrow entirely earmarked for watching this - I'm counting on it not being just two set batsmen, accumulating

I wouldn't put money on it... or on Cardiff ever hosting another Ashes test

our spinners selectors should be making the difference here.

should have gone with onions instead of panesar. some decent wicket to wicket bowling. if hilfenhaus could do it and take wickets no reason why onions wouldn't.

the fact the pitch is a f*cking road doesn't help. clear that a lot of careless shots yesterday helped the aussies out. cook, pietersen. strauss, colly.

you shouldve listened to me

yup, this is how we should have batted yesterday

jesus wept, this thread. where is lj?

we were in agreement yesterday. the 336 was a good total given the wickets we'd lost. just that none of our top 4 did what these two are doing.

no WE weren't.

LOL England "You know what, I think we could beat these Aussies after all"

ffs

game still poised mind, who knows what the 2nd new ball will do!!!

!

Louis what did you think of Swann and Panesar's bowling today?

swann was ok, a few too many full 'uns for my liking and he also let ponting cut a few times, unlucky not to get katich lbw

panesar for fuck's fucking fuck fuck's sake fuck

(from what i saw)

lol balanced as ever

... like the Australian bowling attack

hahaha ok well panesar wasn't THAT bad and i thought he'd do well, but his bowling was just so lifeless...nothing MUCH wrong with where he was pitching it

tbf the pitch looked lifeless

and it's not like swann bowled any better

hauritz made it look anything but lifeless in the morning session!

swann looked more likely to a) go for 4 and b) take a wicket

well maybe Hauritz is just a better bowler than swann and panesar?

let's just see how tomorrow pans out before we stick our necks out like that :P

tomorrow you will be pining for the days of Ashley Giles!

At least Swann is as good a batsmen as Giles!!

well maybe Hauritz is just a better bowler than swann and panesar?

Then England might as well give up and go away and do something else over the summer

tomorrow i will be using the words "adil" and "rashid" quite a lot

also tom d otm

but they'll pull a finger out tomorrow i reckon

well maybe Hauritz is just a better bowler than swann and panesar?

Then England might as well give up and go away and do something else over the summer

im hoping they dont collapse like they did in Australia.

im not convinced rashid would've done any better.

its not like our top spin bowler swann did anything.

we just have to face it, the Aussies have better batsmen who don't give easy wickets away, while ours do, so the aussie bowlers dont have to be bowling well to get us out.
so if we want to compete we have to mae sure we dont gift wickets for the rest of the series.

if our batsmen applied themselves like the Aussies do, we could be making them toil in the field. It's what we should've done yesterday. Now it's England who could be batting to save the match unless something amazing happens tomorrow morning.

we just have to face it, the Aussies have better batsmen who don't give easy wickets away, while ours do

That's about the size of it.

i fear you are both correct

Better watch it Louis, some people might call us negative..

still, as long as our bowlers dont let them get 600 and our batsmen learn their lessons and the pitch doesn't crumble, we should still get a draw.
I think hoping for a collapse by Aussie batsmen is a waste of time though.
I shall say it again, yesterday was a wasted opportunity, we have handed the initiative to the Aussies.

I think only Fred can wrestle it back tomorrow. We gotta keep him fit.

swann and panesar to suddenly and ridiculously rip thru australia, heard it here first

think you're right about the relative stickabilities of our batsmen tho

we need a new Thorpe! (i had hoped Cook would be that but after several centuries he joined the make a start and get out stupidly club)

still, it could be worse, we could be 1-0 down, but this was a great chance to make a statement and put the aussies under pressure. (and put to bed the fact that englands batsmen cant make centuries)
KP aside, I dont think the Aussies fear any of our batsmen.

Would you?

Nope.

Of course if we can get them out for under 450, then who knows what might happen in the last 2 days with this pitch. But we dont wanna be 100+ behind after the first innings if the pitch is gonna crumble.

we need a new Thorpe! (i had hoped Cook would be that

Strauss is a sort of deadly dull Thorpe

Strauss is a better player when he is more positive (though he is as prone as anyone to gift his wicket )

^^^thorpe was a great batsman yeah

this match will be a draw imo

Yeah thinking high-ish scoring draw as well, you never know with England though...

What can we expect from Australia tomorrow, assuming England don't rip through them in the morning? Do they just plod on these days, or are they still types who might try to turn the screw and aim for a 200+ lead and a declaration with twenty minutes left to play?

Today's Highlight
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h_PBq_B2NSo

i was too browbeaten by that point to even raise more than the glimmer of a smile

i hope the last two days are not the shape of things to come

it's cool we'll fall into a heap tonight

COME ON AUSSIE COME ON (COME ON!!)

If *Ponting* can score centuries, England is in the shit.

Sensible tie for Stuart MacGill tonight. Damien Martyn must be thinking, "I'm getting paid just to sit here for a few weeks?"

Breakthrough for England at last!

big hour now lads cmon

anderson looks happier today...

Bollocks, MR. COLESLAW is large and in charge now. Er, yeah.

at least our women are pwn'n

Huh, we're still ahead of you in the fried chicken, watery lager and legside glances stakes.

if i'm allowed one cricketing WS, that WS is katherine brunt fwiw

OK, get a girlfriend or something. Otherwise you're just going to ruin this thread.

Let's get back on topic: does Mr. Coleslaw really need to wear all that zinc in CARDIFF??

slip slap slop

Slip Slop Slap is the correct method, according to a regimented childhood propaganda campaign against the sun (not The Sun).

Later they tried "Slip Slop Slap Wrap" but that was just STUPID.

a dude's gotta work on his bronze

click and gone

GREAT TANNAGE, "MIKE"

Seriously, DROP HUSSEY. Dude has no right to be at Lord's.

can't find a jpg of 'spilt coleslaw' or 'coleslaw accident'

why called mr coleslaw?

Oh goody, it's Mr. Bingle. I'll hate him al over again until he makes the inevitable half-century.

why called mr coleslaw?

I WANTED COLESLAW

Apparently, "the English women are on top" in 'The Other Ashes'.

Which has me confused because I thought I was already watching the English women.

zing!

Old jokes are always the best jokes.

Much like Flintoff, really.

Monty runs like a girl, and Cook like an old woman.

Monty looks like a bearded Kate Bush.

ok what

^^ public school racism

By the way, Day One of the West Indies 7th XI vs Bangladesh in Kingston (allegedly, it is a Test match) was rained out, in case you were wondering.

Ponting gets 150. Great, they'll show that bloody Valvoline advertisement again at lunch.

they got a few overs in but it was rained out in spirit

peter siddle is a fearsomely ugly man

LOOK AT THAT FIELDING!!

XD

Wait, what happened there??

nice shot punter

well bowled monty, always loved ya

WHY DON'T YOU TAKE THE STUMPS OUT YOURSELF, WALK DOWN THE PITCH AND PLACE THEM IN MONTY'S HANDS YOU STUPID USELESS BASTARD??

siddle comes from taralgon, s'how they breed them down there

Game on now, this is what was needed.

So, which great batsman is coming in to keep the Australian ship afloat...Marcus North? Oh, we're fucked.

haddin/johnson axis of devastation awaits :-/

also we've brought broad back to bowl intelligently and go for loads of runs

"intelligently"

he's a clever lad you know

and he leaks runs like an OAP on a phall diet

Must have swallowed some prune juice if that last order was anything to go by.

over, even

Australian team WAG watch

http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2467/3706258327_d971e51520.jpg

At least four of them are called "Shazza".

What about the one without the glasses on?

siddle's bird?

Quite possibly, she looks like a Gippsland girl!!

Don't think I'm going to make it past lunch again, I'm dead tired and got chores tomorrow morning. But I will be up for most of tomorrow's play, I think.

i will probably relocate to the pub for session 2 tbh

Might listen to a bit of session 2 in bed via TMS webstreaming to get me to sleep, maybe.

the dulcet strains of henry blofeld describing mitchell johnson hitting every ball for a one-bounce four

That sounds like an idea, I should go to a backpackers pub tomorrow night to abuse the English cricket fans and steal their girlfriends.

^^^always logs the old country locations of his pom conquests

Trying to get away from northerners, I need a challenge.

london would impress me

Let's not get too carried away, they're a bit too cosmopolitan to fall for my sudaustralien nice guy charm that works a treat on lonely northern girls.

hence the challenge, dear boy

i expect results

You know what? I'll probably end up picking up a girl from Norwich.

"i'm goin' inbred today, skip"

Never had a chick with two heads, to be honest.

This is all very "what if TMS was hosted by Louis & KBP", by the way.

Nothing too extraordinary, it'd be a bit like classic Blofeld/O'Keeffe except with more public school zings

Replace pigeons with loose northern girls and cakes with KFC, and that's about it.

I'd like to think of myself as more an English Jim Maxwell tbh

Maybe they'll put us on Fanzone.

Speaking of commentators, I wish someone would tape and cork Botham. He has been seriously reducing my enjoyment of this sporting contest.

He's bloody useless is what he is. Emptily pompous.

This is all very "what if TMS was hosted by Louis & KBP", by the way.

― Gay Dada (King Boy Pato), Friday, July 10, 2009 1:08 PM (1 hour ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

can i just say this would be incredible

btw oxford just got rinsed

and my friend was playing, i actually went there to see the 2nd day, hence why i wasn't online throughout the first day of this Test

he bowled 21 overs of canny medium for 20 runs in the first knock and took a spectacular return catch roughly 5 seconds before i entered the ground (i saw a fielder celebrate but not the act itself)

you suck

nah joeks

:D

australia to be 120+ in front at close of play with 4 wickets left. if no rain tomorrow, england to struggle to hold on.

the ladies seem to have taken the foot off the throat too

I leave you alone with the cricket for three hours and what happens?

...umm... nothing

the ladies seem to have taken the foot off the throat too

don't think the men have been anywhere near the aussie throats sadly.

reflecting on how insipid england seem in the field. no edge or intensity. the crowd only ever lift when freddie bowls. strauss's captaincy seems to come up slightly short in terms of leadership.

this was the nightmare made real

was always gonna hinge on our bowlers vs their batsmen; aus bowling at england would always be a finely-balanced contest with the occasional run-spurt

and our bowlers have come up woefully short

What was that they were singing? It sounded like '99 red balloons' for a moment.

rain stops play

agreed country matters. flintoff looks a shadow of his better self, anderson only seems happy with a new ball, and broad has been very poor. and then two spinners when neither is bowling well. would onions have been better (cf. hilfenhaus bowling wicket to wicket did pretty well in our first innings).

colly looked more threatening than swannee or penisar just then

Yup. Still, this one looks to be very drawable and then it's a case of somebody locking the bowlers in a small airtight room and screaming at them until Thursday morning.

And slapping them with a boundary rope

fwiw if I was Ponting I'd declare sooner rather than later. Like, before the end of play today.

The rain has probably put paid to that, plus they haven't looked particularly like cracking on. I'd like to see Clarke try to the bowling apart now, see what happens

Clarke strangled down leg side!

http://static.guim.co.uk/sys-images/Sport/Pix/pictures/2009/7/10/1247239160301/A-frustrated-Andrew-Flint-001.jpg

^^^Needs Arshavin

there'll be no play tomorrow most likely - both Ireland and Wales entirely underwater according to the forecast

Apparently, the reason why you haven't heard Warney on Sky Sports yet is because he's doing too good a job playing poker in Vegas and has made the finals there.

Watching the morning session on TV, audio from TMS on the web.

Someone has sent in "the cake to end all cakes"!

Laced with swine flu?

It is shaped like a cricket field with incredible details, with Blowers in the commentary box!

Aus gonna get what, 150 in front before it pisses down all afternoon?

That seems to be the plan, could be more if Broad keeps bowling like this.

"They all Twitter, they're all at it!"

Jim Maxwell is more interested in North's batting.

BLOKE IN AN ADELAIDE CROWS JUMPER SPOTTED

Perth 0 Wolves 1 btw.

Perth Glory is a dreadful team. You notice that nobody has played Adelaide United? At least Fulham is playing Melbourne Victory tonight, I think.

Help, who let Chappelli in the TMS box this series?

I watched Perth Glory win the league in 2000, but then for some stupid reason they didn't win as there were play-offs which they lost the final of, stupid bloody system.

Ever since the NSL became the A-League, Perth Glory for some reason, turned to absolute shit and has remained absolute shit. It's one of the great mysteries of Australian soccer.

Boycott's suggestion for England: "Go to th' pictures! It'll make more sense!"

xpost

2000 mile bus trip every away game not help?

Miss Boycs badly.

Shouldn't Australia be cracking on a bit more?

2000 mile bus trip every away game not help?

West Coast Eagles won the Aussie Rules premiership just a few years ago before the team decided that taking drugs/leaving for Melbourne was better than the long road trips.

Shouldn't Australia be cracking on a bit more?

Yes.

"Don't anyone e-mail me tellin' me y'learn!"

I feel like Ponting's already decided this one's gonna be a draw. It doesn't look very overcast down there at the moment tho.

I feel like we are ambling towards a draw but I don't think it shall rain.

Well, not before lunch anyway.

Yay! Just heard Boycs on TMS standing up for Test cricket surprise surprise.

TBH our Hannah can turn the ball more than Monty Twatting Panesar.

"Struggle!"

http://www.channel4.com/news/articles/uk/aboriginal+cricket+team+tours+england/3231257

These guys were on the radio yesterday with Gillespie. Good effort imo.

They do look awfully white, through.

England sucks the colour out of people.

No, Australian cricket does a much better job of doing that,

Wd love to take a hammer to that cunt with the trumpet. They actually interviewed the fucker on Sky yesterday.

Especially if he plays the Flintstones theme again. I hate to Carmodise, but old American television theme tunes is the last thing needed in Ashes tests.

The worst thing that Sky is doing, through, it cutting to a shot of Atherton ("The 3rd Man!"), Hussain and Botham sitting around like stunned mullets every 20 minutes.

Nasser Hussain is a terrible human being.

"Characteristics required to be England captain."

am about to go and play some cricket of my own, enough of this roobish

Someone is getting bowled out for a golden duck, then.

THE RICHARD CHEE QUEE ADMIRATION SOCIETY IS IN CARDIFF!!

Hello, time for the new ball.

LJ was right yesterday, Ponting shd declare and get after us. There's no way Aus can lose this now.

Yeah, but there's a way that we can not win this and Ponting is going for it in his usual style.

I'd feel more confident if we were north (ha ha) of 600, through. We might get there soon enough actually.

I think given that it rained, there was a case for leaving it until an 80-run lead, but yeah England should be batting right now

They won't leave North stranded on 90-something not out, no way.

Well, if we're batting like that, might as well stick around to lunch.

Nah I was gonna say they'll let the guy get his 100. Cd probably score 400 against this attack given time.

Well, North has got that century. Good job, son!

Three centuries in one innings. And to think the idiots on Sky were blabbing on about how nobody would score a century in this test...

Why are they bothering with the third umpire? That was a waste of time.

Half-century for Haddin then.

Y'know, I rag on Monty all the time but Swann has been just as fucking shit in this game.

^^ real talk, Monty has out-performed Swann in this match

Lunch time!

This is great, this is the only weekend I'll ever seem to have with the entire house to myself and I can sit around watching cricket. Brilliant, no way am I going out into the cold tonight.

England are gonna have to bat 4 sessions to draw this.

It's my daughter's school fair and the sun's blazing out here, I'm gonna miss this afternoon I reckon.

I wonder if Harmison has stopped laughing his tits off since Thursday.

England is going to have to bring back The 1914-18 Show and dig in the trenches for the duration if they're going to save this match and get the draw.

Geez this match reminds me of that match when the only chance of England getting a wicket is the ball flicking Paul Jarvis's finger and hitting the stumps for a run-out.

TMS is reporting on The Women's Ashes and it is quite interesting. SBS has, of course, gone back to The MacGill & Matthews Comedy Hour.

Shd just bowl Collingwood until the inevitable declaration c. 3.15.

It reminds me of this match:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/1989_Ashes_series#First_Test:_England_v_Australia_.288-13_June_1989.29

I can actually remembering cheering when Gladstone Small made 50 in the final test of the '89 series!!

Anyway, I think England can get a draw, there's no one to fear in the Aussie bowling attack to be honest.

lol I remember that innings. Warwickshire hero!

Siddle will be the one to fear imo

England can get a draw. Ought to. It's not the Aussie attack that worries me.

I might be a bit too young to remember Gladstone Small, but wasn't he your bloke with no neck?

Yeah. Gladstone Smallneck. We used to hunch our shoulders up and try to copy his action.

Saw him in Primrose Hill a couple of months ago.

I loved Gladstone Small

everyones slagging off monty, but hes still taken 1 more wicket than Graeme "Ashley Giles" Swann.

What's happened to all this rain then?

Gone missing, like Warney. Unlike Warney, who's in Vegas, the rain is spending the day in Ireland.

3 Aussie centuries now to england 0

If I were in television production, I'd be soundtracking all Australian batting highlights this series to REM's "Stand" because "NOW FACE NORTH!"

and to everyone who disagreed with me up above , centuries lead to big innings totals that win matches.

Who do you think you are, Boycs?

I'm right, and was all along, that's what I am.

Haddin is batting rather well, isn't he?

herman, you and my dad (who, when he talks about sport, makes my life far, far less enjoyable), would get along really well.

Siiiiix! Haddin seems to be in a hurry to get that century, maybe he knows something we don't.

lol caek yeah my dad's never happier then when he's moaning about England either

Second Aussie Rules jumper of the day spotted, this time it was a Hawthorn jumper.

Saw a dude with a look of Chopper Read earlier.

Not surprised to hear that.

It's like a Twenty20 match has broken out.

Speculating on how many overs England will last?

This is the part of Test cricket I truly love. When Australia starts humiliating England. North and Haddin are just openly mocking the bowling "attack" now.

Six!!

shittest bowling attack ever. Swann and Broad will only retain their places due to their batting.

you can bet monty wont be seen again

Collingwood, you're still useless. Thanks for coming out!

I'm going to start a petition to rename Collingwood to "Useless Bastard".

Useless Bastard MBE

FOUR Aussie centuries.

Useless Bastard MBE

^^ great title if anyone wants to write a book on the 2006-07 England side

There's the century for Haddin. Time to declare, Ricky?

Six! Maybe not!

HE ALMOST KILLED A MAN

jesus, we score over 300 without being bowled out on the first day, after a poor start. there's a chance to set a first innings total close to 380 on a strange bastard pitch. and still people want to say england are in a bad position. get real.

when 2 4 aussies make big hundreds and score 5650 lets see what people think then

The alternative to Useless Bastard is Ian 'I'm the new Graeme Hick/Ramprakash' Bell so we're fucked

Even Louis the eternal optimist has fucked off out to avoid watching it, now I am worried :O)

Wait, why shouldn't we be watching this? This is great!

I pray for a big long arse partnership by Strauss and Cook then Ravi to come out and get century. We need a couple of centuries in the 2nd innings. Lets hope its by 2 of our 1st 3 batsmen.

http://images.uulyrics.com/cover/p/phil-collins/album-but-seriously.jpg

"Calm down, it's a single, Jim!"

I'm praying for a good knock by Louis today myself, get some new blood in the selectors' minds for Lord's

Haddin sails too close to the wind, gets caught by Bopara, causes Ponting to finally declare.

6-674, Australia leads by 239. England could very well be fucked.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v165/noodle_vague/angrycustomer.jpg

xpost.

Yes, totally fucked I'd say. How on earth are England batting last on a turning pitch having fielded two spinners AND won the toss?
Don't answer that. Excellent solid batting by Australia, wickets thrown away by the English and an English attack that doesn't look like it could take twenty wickets in five years, let alone five days.

Was saving that for Alex in NYC shitstorm but fuck it the occasion feels right.

How many sessions do you think Australia will need to win, KBP?
Any English optimists out there?

We ought to be able to bat 4 and a half sessions on this wicket. All over by tomorrow lunch I reckon.

I reckon we could bowl England out by this time tomorrow, weather permitting, then it might take about a session or two to grab the needed runs.

I am less optimistic because I am acutely aware that the Australian bowling attack is a bit shit.

Never underestimate our proud tradition of bottling it.

Yes, I am anticipating this.

Ponting gives a speech on the ground, whatever that means.

But English batsmen do collapse under pressure even against the West Indies and have a habit of gifting wickets and not scoring centuries.
But the pitch should be ok and it's not like we're facing shane warne and glenn mcgrath.
So on this pitch England should save the game but we've seen it all before too often.

of course we wouldn't be in this position if our batsmen hadn't thrown their wickets away on a flat pitch on the first day.

"Yet again England produce another incompetent display. Flower and Strauss are a recipe for mediocrity. An absolute disgrace."
Disgusted England fan, via text on 81111

England IS a recipe for mediocrity.

Boycs is back in the box, thank heavens.

The collapse begins!

"That's out and I'll tell you why. I won't even look at th' what you call it, on the TV..."

Another wicket! England is fucked!

am watching TDF - dubious call?

No, you've made the right choice. I'm the only one enjoying this. Tea break!

Rain is falling, covers are coming on. Boycs has been going off about "th' floodlights" for the last ten minutes.

1535 - WICKET Bopara lbw b Hilfenhaus 1, Eng 15-2 OH MY GOD IT'S AN ABSOLUTE DISASTER BOPARA IS OUT!! I'm not joking, that is a terrible, terrible decision - Hilfenhaus bowls a straight one, Bopara misses it but it's way too high, you can't possibly give that - but Billy Doctrove, who has refused to acknowledge the lbw law for the last four days, finally gives one. Wrongly. Rubbish. Heaven help us all.

1537 - Eng 18-2 Sorry, but I'm still seething - how in this world Umpire Doctrove can give that after some of the ones he's turned down in this match is astonishing.

TEA

1541 - Eng 20-2 Johnson to Pietersen, it's unbelievably tense now. Last over before tea and KP stretches for one outside off stump, didn't need to do that. Let's be honest, England's mess is of their own making, but Doctrove's decision is a body blow they could well have done without.

Rain has stopped play for now, which is merely a postponement of England's collapse.

yeah, rain never saves england so you can be sure there's plenty of time for them tomorrow to be bowled out. 1 session could be enough sadly. Fight you fuckers.

It's a bit disconcerting the way Richie Benaud keeps breaking the fourth wall when he should be talking to Mark Nicholas

loooooooooooool at that jpg

Hope you played better than those feckless playboys who represent our once proud nation today, dude.

he's keeping quiet about it

Here is why the Aussies are better at cricket
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Golden_Gaytime
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/f/f7/Golden_gaytime_box.jpg/450px-Golden_gaytime_box.jpg
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Pq8TFptKR4

ha! they are amazing tho

Hi Andrew Strauss are you the captain of England's cricket team?
No, thought not, who is?

Andy Flower?

He's the minute taker

hopefully strauss will make a captains century tomorrow with an ex captains century by KP. If one of them goes in the 1st session then we're fucked.

http://whatsashasays.files.wordpress.com/2009/04/clueless_movie_poster.jpg

hopefully strauss will make a captains century tomorrow with an ex captains century by KP. If one of them goes in the 1st session then we're fucked.

cricket doesn't come into it: only the rain can save england from defeat now.

heh now who is negative! (noone is gonna argue with you)

its so annoyingly predictable England collapsing. Even against the WI. Strauss has to lead from the front like gooch and athers does. Hes actually done it before so im hoping he might. but the problem is, who will replace him? KP? no chance, his ego got us into the mess of changing captain.

Swann has been our worst bowler this match along with broad, but i dont think anyone will be dropped on the basis of one match. Onions (or maybe harmison) will come in for Monty, but swann will stay in because he's ashley giles and broad will stay in as he can bat too.
Selectors wouldnt have the guts to drop swann for rashid, and im not sure the guy is ready to be sent in at the deep-end anyway.

as for batting, Bell is the next best and his record against the Aussies is poor and we dont need another player lacking in confidence. Shah can get tae fuck we need more bopara's and pietersens and theyre in short supply.

heh now who is negative! (noone is gonna argue with you)

we were always in agreement: england is england.

mind you, if the batsmen we have played responsibly we would not lose this match.

the only way to get confidence back is to finish tomorrow 300-2 or 3. Rain will just mean 4-0 series win. A good fight back will make the aussies think they cant bowl us out either. Look at the stick their bowlers got on the 1st day from the press and aussie supporters.

anyone who gets out tomorrow playing a rash shot should be dropped, no matter who it is.

england team should be made to watch the highlights i'm seeing now. rolling out the century red carpet to your opponents is not the done thing. sadly messrs strauss, cook, flintoff etc think it's ok to give that impression.

PLEASE AUSTRALIAN FRIENDS HAVE THIS MATCH

the australian bowling attack gets 5 out of 10 from me, but I can't see a heap of centrally contracted players realising that. they seem to think they are still actually facing warne and mcgrath. completely embararrasing, no wonder kbp and the others are enjoying themselves.

Strauss must lead from the front. Captains have to.

Agreed. But he can't and won't.

I'd love England to bat out the draw but I'm not sure they realise this is a flat pitch in terms of batting.

Despite watching Australia's players demonstrate this to them with fucking bells on for two days....

I do think Strauss and KP are capable of batting to tea and beyond with colly to see the rest of the day out, but if an early wicket goes then all out for 50 is on.
ie if 1 wicket goes colly and co will follow quickly.

If England bat out the day I'll buy you a pint,

you're only saying that as you know I don't drink!!

If England bat out the day, I'll buy you a cask...

***~~~WARNEY WATCH~~~***

Warney bombed out of the World Series of Poker due to a bad beat. This means he won't be winning $10 million anytime soon but it could mean that he'll turn up for Sky Sports at Lord's.

Rodney Hogg sez: it's not gonna rain and he doesn't know how long it'll take for Australia to win.

SHOUTOUT TO THE DOG ON THE TUCKERBOX IN GUNDAGAI

Time for a captain's knock.

Bowled him!

That's what a bat's for Kev...

KP being indecisive somehow made Hilfenhaus look like the greatest swing bowler ever there.

Yup.
Nasser: "Collingwood, the man for a crisis" *gulp*

Leave the rubbish then Kev. LOL

"Collingwood, the man for a crisis. Just like, er, Neville Chamberlain."

More bad decision-making: I've taken this dog for an extra-long walk, expecting to have plenty of time to get home before the dénouement.

So glad I made the decision to mute the TV and listen to TMS again. Watching a mute Botham/Hussain/Atherton while listening to Blowers and Chappelli reinforces this.

4-46! Hauritz strikes!

Can the English last until lunch? LOL

Shoutout to the sellout crowd at Sophia Gardens, this one could be over before tea.

Can the English last until lunch? LOL

They're due on the golf course at 1.30

Boycott in not understanding why modern cricketers are unable to bat slowly as he did shocker.

"Th' batsmen are playin' like tweerps!"

Maxwell and Boycott is a brilliantly surreal meeting of the minds.

Boycs is in rare form this morning, going off about coaching staff.

Prior gone with a rather daft shot. They're making Hauritz look like Warne today.

Make a game of it Limeys!!

Are you Englanders having a sleep in this morning?...

Pathetic.

Clarke is bowling, so they're obviously treating England like a joke.

They are a joke. An utter disgrace. There's no fight apart from with Colly. KP never seems to hang around in these situations. And our spin bowlers are a joke. 5-0 written all over this series?

Prior at 6? you're having a laugh. Monty and swann bowlers? you're having a laugh.
Swann, I repeat is Ashley Giles, only in the team for his batting. He is the worst bowler in this match since monty at least got a wicket. But theyre the 2 worst spinners in the match. fucking useless. Might as well bring in Rashid to replace them. He cant be any worse.

I really hope freddie and Colly can put up a fight and hang around but it's not likely to avoid defeat is it?

I suppose fred has been in semi decent form with the bat lately that we might have a chance but chances are colly will make a fighting 50 and get out and fred will be out for a 30. But if they can both bat til the end of the day, they will be heroes for life.

Are you Englanders having a sleep in this morning?...

no, still here, feeling the misery

Monty should never play for England again imo, he still has no variety and still isn't setting his own fields, Rashid is a pretty good batsman and should probably come in for Swann. Are Anderson and Broad really a better bet than Onions, Harmison or even Sidebottom? If the ball doesn't swing then Anderson is useless and Broad has been going for runs ever since he's been in the test team, he'll be a great all rounder in the future though. There is no real alternative to Bell as far as the batting is concerned which is depressing.

England need to get over their hard on for 2005 too.

it's a shocking team performance. no unity, no drive, no spirit. inexperienced captain in the process of being found out. and i wonder with KP, whether is heart is really in it knowing it could have been him as captain. he seems to operate in a team of his own.

And bat KP at number 3 for fucks sake

There is no real alternative to Bell as far as the batting is concerned which is depressing.

do we have any decent 20-year olds hanging around the county circuit we could throw in a la phil hughes? we can't go to bell/shah/solanki etc.

they'll be ringing up graeme hick next

I am perpetually amused as to how 2006/07 has been whitewashed from England's collective memory. That hasn't helped.

England has already lost the psychological battle. Unless they can turn it around in the first couple of days at Lord's, they will have no chance.

Are we set for Collingwood and Flintoff's centuries to save this match?

Swann wont be dropped because he can bat. He might even contribute to a draw today, you never know. But he needs to learn to bowl. Taking wickets against the WI means nothing. Broad might get a reprieve because he can bat too. But bowlers should be taking wickets and should be in the team for that, not batting. If England are brave they will drop both (along with monty)

My guess is an extra batsmen will be brought in with Prior at 7 and fred at 8.

so bell and onions in seems most likely.

yes, it's all 'let's remember 2005' and 'now there's no warne/mcgrath/gilchrist'.

Strauss
Cook
Bopara
Pietersen
Collingwood
Bell
Prior
Flintoff
Swann
Onions
Anderson

My guess is an extra batsmen will be brought in with Prior at 7 and fred at 8.

That would be high-risk. Four front-line bowlers and Fred have taken only 6 wickets in this match. I'd just swap Panesar for Onions. Need to not over-bowl Fred.

Plus Australia have more than enough previous with Bell

I dont see any point in having Swann in the team, we wont bowl anyone out with him. Im fed up with having an Ashley Giles in the team just for batting. Be brave and get Rashid in. He wont be any less effective.

reverse swinging a touch now. We're fucked. Lots of LBW's or Bowled for sure.

TMS are more interested in Twitter at this point.

This would've been a lot worse if Brett Lee was fit, at least Fred has a chance to get some batting practice

tbf they havent missed Lee

am perpetually amused as to how 2006/07 has been whitewashed from England's collective memory

― Gay Dada (King Boy Pato), Sunday, July 12, 2009 12:37 PM (19 minutes ago)